November 11, 2024 • 24 mins
With the end of the year coming in fast, many of us are experiencing a lot of change at the moment. For my family, this is a house move, and my daughter starting school soon. We’re all about saying “yes” as much as possible, to help us feel okay and connected during this busy and potentially tricky time.
In this episode, I share the 5 types of “yes” that you can consider, to support neurodivergent kids and adults, and anyone at all of course, through change:
- Sensory Yes
- Activity Yes
- Control Yes
- Relationship Yes
- Flexibility Yes
Listen in to hear examples of what these kinds of "yes" can look like, to support yourself, your family, or a kid in your world through a time of flux.
I shared 2 exciting things coming up!
- Black Friday Deals Week - Get on the waitlist now and get an extra 10% off everything! Deals run 25th - 29th November 2024
https://playlearnchat.com/deals-week/
- My upcoming Your Streamlined Practice live Workshop - limited to just 11 spots and running, in person in Sydney on Friday 10th & 17th January 2025. More info on the Deals Week page! Doors will be open for this on Wednesday 27th November (with earlybird pricing AND extra 10% off if you're on the Black Friday waitlist!)
Podcast Link: https://pod.link/1625478932
Website: www.playlearnchat.com
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/play.learn.chat
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Welcome to the ExploringNeurodiversity Podcast for adults
who support Neurodivergent children.
Whether you're an allied healthprofessional, medical professional,
education professional or aparent of a Neurodivergent
child, you are welcome here.
This podcast is recorded on the Aboriginallands of the Gadigal and Bidjigal people.
I acknowledge the traditional ownerselders past and present, and I extend
(00:28):
my acknowledgement to any Aboriginalfirst nations people listening in.
I'm Adina from Play.
Learn.
Chat.
I'm an autistic ADHDer, a speechtherapist, professional educator
speaker, and I also supportNeurodivergent Business owners in
my other business, neurodivergentBusiness Coaching and Consulting.
I'm obsessed with creating a world whenNeurodivergent people are understood,
(00:49):
embraced, supported, and celebrated.
A world where we Neurodivergentpeople can understand ourselves and
thrive in a life aligned with ourindividual strengths, wants and needs.
On the Exploring NeurodiversityPodcast, you'll get my
perspectives and conversationswith my Neurodivergent friends.
All about how adults can best supportNeurodivergent children in our lives.
(01:09):
I bring a NeurodiversityAffirming approach and indeed a
human affirming approach to thesupport that we all provide for
Neurodivergent kids in our lives.
Let's dive in.
Like many people at thispointy end of the year.
I'm sure my family is goingthrough a lot of change right now.
The big things going on for usis getting my daughter ready to
start school in February next year.
(01:30):
She's been going to her orientationvisits at school, getting her uniform,
all kinds of things that go onwith preparing for starting school.
The other big change is moving house.
In three days is our, I call itthe truck day, the big move day.
And I'm kind of looking forwardto it mainly for that to be over.
You know, once all that stuff is inthe new place, then we can take more
(01:50):
time to unpack and sort it all out.
I would like that to be behind us.
Anyway, I sent an email yesterday,sharing lots of different ways
that we are keeping ourselves okay.
Regulated and kind of feeling preparedand connected as well during this
potentially tricky time of change.
And a few people shared messages withme and commented and replied around
(02:13):
the, one of the ideas, particularly,Which is this idea of saying more yes.
In times of big change.
So I thought that would be ahelpful thing to dive into more, to
share what exactly it looks like.
In our family, but to give you somemore ideas about what does yes.
Look like, or what does more yes.
Look like so that youcan think about this.
Whether you're supporting a Neurodivergentchild in your home, whether you're
(02:36):
supporting a Neurodivergent childthat you work with professionally,
and you're working with a family tohelp them through times of change.
And also you may well be in your, adivergent adult or even just an adult, a
human with feelings, emotions, needs, andsome of these ideas might help you when
you're working through Potentially tricky.
Complicated.
Flux situations yourself.
(02:58):
So there's five main areas that I'mthinking about seeing lots more, yes.
To, and within each one, I'm going toshare what that might look like for kids
and what that might look like for adults.
The five main areas
I going to call them sensory.
Yes.
Relationship?
Yes.
Activity.
Yes.
Control.
Yes.
(03:18):
And flexibility.
Yes.
Now, let me just get clearon why this is so important.
When there's a lot of change anduncertainty happening, some people
cope better with it than others.
Autistic folks, myself includedcan seriously struggle with change.
There is so much uncertainty.
There is so much adjustment.
There's so much negotiation compromise.
(03:41):
Changing routine.
All of those things thatcan help us feel regulated.
Calm supported and secure.
So much of that goes out the window.
So if you know that yourself orsomebody that you're supporting really
struggles with change and relies on.
routine and certainty.
To feel.
Good safe, supported.
(04:02):
Then this is especially importantfor you or for that child.
A lot of these ideas areabout reducing demands.
Reducing expectations.
And getting very preemptive.
About sensory supports emotional supports.
Basically, we're trying to build ina really nice buffer of feeling good.
So that when things get tricky,We've got more reserves to
(04:24):
be able to cope with them.
When it comes to sensory.
Yes.
This is thinking about howto get yourself or a child.
That you support?
In a really good sensory space.
Feeling regulated feeling.
Comfortable as often as possible.
Now, of course we want thisthroughout life all the time.
Absolutely.
But at this time, it's so muchmore important to be on top of it.
(04:46):
For a kid during this time of flux, whatit might look like is a lot more safe
foods, a lot more of those favorite foods.
It.
May not be the time to push.
Too much or offered too muchof unfamiliar new foods.
It's probably not a learning time.
As in learning, trying new food time.
There's still no harm in keepingother options available, but at
(05:08):
the same time, it's okay for youto take a break from expanding a
child's food palette at that time.
Getting really preemptive about helpingthat child get regulated in their body.
It might be about.
Intentionally bringingin more movement time.
It might be about offeringmore deep pressure.
It might be ensuring that theauditory and visual environment
(05:29):
around them is closer to theirpreferred way as often as possible.
And for adults, what this reallylooks like is acknowledging,
valuing, and prioritizing gettingyourself into a good sensory space.
Don't dismiss the need to lookafter your sensory regulation.
Don't put it aside andfeel that it's not urgent.
(05:49):
Taking a moment to look after whatyou need, your body, Your brain.
is always going to pay off.
You feeling more regulated isthen going to enable you to be.
More useful, more supportive.
More connected to the people around you.
For me right now, it's about takingan extra five minutes to set up my
office space before diving into work.
Even though I have reduced work time.
(06:11):
And even though all my work feelsreally essential and urgent.
I'm getting really clear that prioritizinggetting my sensory space sorted.
Is gonna pay off.
It'll help me feel more focusedand regulated while I am working.
And really just give me a littlebit more delight in my life.
So I actually went digging aroundthrough my random objects to
find what I'm holding right now,which is this beautiful squishy.
(06:34):
I can squish it and you don'thear it on the microphone.
And it's like liquid andinside it and glitter.
Now for me, looking at glitter,looking at shiny things, looking at
colorful things, matching colors isreally, really a sensory delight.
It's a glimmer for me.
So I know who that I knew thattoday I needed this squishy.
It's one of my favorites.
(06:55):
I did once pop one of them, I thinkwhile I was presenting a webinar.
So I have to be a bit careful with it.
I don't want it to pop and.
But also the more I squish it,I can kind of see through the
liquid and the glitter gets shiny.
I'm looking at it now,it's making me very happy.
I could keep talking about it,but I just want you to know that.
This is fine.
You are allowed.
And in fact you need it, whatever itis that brings your sensory system.
(07:19):
Regulation and joy.
Please go and make the time to do it.
When it comes to relationship yeses.
For kids.
Again, a lot of it is aboutbeing really preemptive.
You, uh, probably going to be verydistracted or, you know, the grownup
in this child's life might be verydistracted with the busy changes and
organizing things that are going on.
(07:40):
But calling out the fact that your child.
May need more connection than ever.
They may need more presencethan ever in that time.
Keeping that front of mind, and thisis not to guilt anyone fulfilling busy.
Like there are definitely times thatI need to do things rather than be
there with my kids, but at the moment,I'm making sure that as soon as
I've got capacity, I'm prioritizingdoing something with the kids.
(08:03):
Something that they love spendingmore time, snuggling, spending
more time doing games together.
Getting really, really conscious.
That they are probably going to needmore connection than usual at that time.
So try to offer it ahead of time.
Rather than.
Doing it reactively where it canoften come out in what may look like
challenging behaviors from the child,but it's really, they're better
for seeking connection and support.
(08:25):
Part of this relationship stuff, dependingon the child that you're supporting and.
Their language ability andwhere they're at with talking
and thinking about emotions.
But a big part of it can beabout sharing your own emotions.
Talking about feelings thatyou're experiencing can
be really, really helpful.
And this can be in the formof a low demand conversation.
You're not necessarily asking thechild to share their own feelings.
(08:47):
That can be a tricky thingto do, but they're welcome to
you're opening the door for that.
But really what you're doing isoffering this human side of yourself.
Sharing how you're feeling about thechanges, sharing that it can be unsettling
or what you're feeling excited about,what you're feeling worried about.
It's incredibly validating for childrento hear that grownups have emotions and
they work through them and process them.
(09:08):
And you can be modeling that,that you don't have it all sorted.
That you're challenging that you'refeeling challenged at the moment and
what you're doing to help yourself.
For the relationship?
Yes.
When it comes to adults, also takinga moment to connect with family and
friends where you can absolutely,but also be really, really clear with
people about your limits at the moment.
(09:28):
So just recognize your capacity, recognizeyour ability to have catch-ups to have
phone calls, to check in with people.
And again, you can preempt this time,this phase of life and let people know,
look, I'm just super busy right now.
Things are really full on.
I'm only just managing everything.
How about we get in touch in a couple ofweeks when I've settled in a bit more.
So you can say the same here, preemptingthings, letting people know your
(09:52):
boundaries, letting people know yourlimits, but of course that first has to
stem from you understanding your limits.
And I hope that by listening tothis conversation, You will already
be forming a bit of an idea about.
What you need to think throughwhen you are in a challenging
time with lots of change.
Yeah.
When it comes to activity yeses.
For children.
What I mean by activity, this islike, what do children want to do?
(10:15):
What are the activitiesthat they want to do?
It's always generally a good ideafor adults to follow the lead of
children in play or in the kindsof things that kids want to do.
It's not always possible.
And as kids grow up there generallyis more and more structure around
their lives and around their time andaround what they can or what they're
expected to do at any particular time.
(10:36):
These times of big change of all times.
Some of the most important times todial up the following your child's lead.
So in my family recently, this was mydaughter wanting to build a cubby house.
And the, well, we call it the baby office.
basically the cubby housewas a blanket from the baby
change table over to the chair.
(10:57):
Pretty inconvenient because thetimetable is kind of useful for
us and not absolutely essential atthis stage, but still very useful.
And having it out of action whilethe cubby house was in play,
that was tricky, but we got very,very intentional about our yes.
So the first reaction to, can webuild a Comey house over here?
(11:19):
Is no can't do that becausewe need the change table.
Or no, we can't do that because it's abit weird or it might get in the way.
But what I'm encouraging you todo through this whole process and,
you know, anytime in life, butabsolutely in times of big change is
to think really, really carefully.
About saying no.
So before you say no, catch yourself,And check in absolutely consciously.
(11:43):
Is there a yes.
Is there a version of yes.
Is there a way that you can turn it into?
Yes.
Is it actually fine?
And you can work around whatthat other situation is, even
if it's a little bit odd.
So for a day and a half, we actuallyused the floor as a changed mat.
And that was completely fine, youknow, a little bit less usual,
(12:03):
a little bit more coordinationto be done, but it worked fine.
And the result was my daughter hadthis amazing cubby house that she built
and used for about a day and a half.
She filled it full of her favorite things.
It was a little safe space for her.
And it gave her this absolute joy that shehad this idea, this creative idea, and it
was out of the usual and we allowed it.
(12:23):
That was really, really valuable to her.
I could tell.
With the activity.
Yes.
For adults, it's kindof almost a no in a way.
Now what I'm saying, thissounds contradictory.
Let me clarify that.
In these times of being changed.
So especially here thinkingabout moving house.
Get really, really clear on what isactually most important for your like,
(12:44):
have to do tasks, whether that's withinyour work or your personal life or
tasks related to this actual change.
So in this case, moving house, Isthere anything that you think is
necessary, but actually can be.
Deleted hand it off to someoneelse or paused for later.
Probably there's probablya lot of those things.
(13:04):
So get really conscious anddeliberate on the things that you
actually are expecting of yourself.
So therefore the activities thatyou end up saying yes to what
you're doing with your time.
Yeah.
I really consciously both the very, veryimportant things, but also you need to
give yes space to some joyful activities.
(13:25):
They might feel random.
They might feel a non-urgentand that's kind of the point.
You absolutely need to give yourself evenlittle moments of calm and fun and joy.
So for me, this is doing my nails today.
I very much value doing my nails.
I do them about once a week.
It's something I'm going to take afew minutes to do today because it
keeps me happy throughout the week.
(13:47):
And right now I'm looking at my chipnails and that does not make me happy.
How first nails work withmoving and packing boxes.
Don't ask me, ask meat the end of the week.
But I want you to know.
That this idea of yes, is alsoabout allowing yourself things
that are moments of joy, momentsof calm, moments of happy for you.
(14:07):
Having those is going to spur youon through the tricky, boring, dull
things that you don't really want todo, but you actually do have to do.
Turning to control.
Yes.
Sorry.
In these times of change.
There is often a massive loss of control.
Now, some people arecompletely fine with this.
I understand that that's thetruth, but I don't empathize
(14:31):
with it because I that's not me.
Um, what I'll say is if you haveno issues with losing control,
Um, You can skip this part.
Maybe.
You can go forward, but.
But I will share here.
This is very, very important for me.
And I know many Neurodivergent andespecially many autistic people
will relate to this as well.
(14:51):
How we can do a control.
Yes.
For children.
Is preempting the fact that theyare going to lose some control.
So in the case of moving house for mydaughter, this is losing control over
knowing where all her things are and beingable to access all of her favorite toys.
You know, the exact moment thatan idea pops into her head.
So I've preempted that andcreated a don't pack me box.
(15:15):
We've literally written thaton the outside of the box.
And we went around together findingher favorite books, her favorite
toys, her favorite dress ups.
It's not a huge box.
It fits in one of thoseIkea Calex squares.
So it's like, Maybe 35centimeters across, And that.
process was very empowering for her.
It helped us frame the discussion ofunderstanding that not everything will
(15:35):
be available as we start to pack up otherthings, but she had that control ahead
of time knowing that the actual favoritethings were going to be in that box.
She knew what was in there.
She got to choose what was in there.
Um, side note is I'mdoing the same for myself.
And the whole family knowsthat that is a sacred box.
It's not going in the moving van.
It's going to be traveling in thecar with me to the new place so
(15:55):
that it's going to be kept verysafe and available at all times.
Sorry control.
Yes, for adults.
Like I said, I'm going to be makingmy own don't pack me books as well.
And the other thing for me, that'sbeen incredibly helpful is basically
project managing this whole thing.
And this whole move, all of thesedifferent pieces that we needed to do
(16:16):
and put into place and organize and plan.
For me, my sense of control comesfrom knowing that there is a plan.
And it doesn't mean that everything hasto happen immediately, but I need to know
that this is going to happen on this day.
That's going to happen on that day.
So having it very, very clear,having a written out that helps me
personalize this for you, obviously.
(16:36):
But get very conscious.
What helps you feel in controlof a complicated situation?
It might be doing whatI've done in this case.
I use notion.
Which has an app.
Um, to basically project manageour family life right now.
You could list it out on paper.
You could talk it out with a friend.
You can brain dump.
You can write down on paper, likewrite on a bunch of post-it notes.
(16:57):
Speaking to a voice note, whateverworks for you to help you feel that all
of the scope of what you need to do.
All of the ideas that tasks, all thethings you need to be across in managing.
Get them out of your head andput them in a form that helps you
feel that this is under control.
And try to share thatload with somebody else.
My husband doesn't havethat same need for control.
(17:20):
He has a nice calm way of sort ofjust pacing through tasks and figuring
them out as they go, which doesn'tsuit my style, but that is his style.
So we had many conversationsto get very conscious about.
How each of us.
on our own would manage this move.
And in the process of thoseconversations, we were able to.
Figure out a way that'sgoing to work for both of us.
So basically I'm in controlof the notion board and every
(17:42):
few days we have a discussion.
And we just do project updates, butI'm the one doing the updates and
we're just talking out what's next.
What's coming up.
Any things that we've done for this big.
We'll call it the move project.
So, so much of that.
It's about self knowledge andcommunication with somebody
else to recognize we havedifferent ways of doing things.
And find a way that is going to match.
(18:03):
What everybody needs.
All of those conversations, all theeffort put into doing what each of us
needs and recognizing what each of usneeds that is always going to pay off.
Our last kind of yes that I'll besharing about is a flexibility.
Yes.
So.
Whether it comes from thechild themselves, or whether it
comes from the circumstances.
(18:24):
Getting flexible with routinesis super important at this time.
And this can be a bit tricky when itcomes to somebody needing routine to
feel in control, to feel supported.
The bigger part of the flexibility.
Yes.
For kids is kind of letting themchoose parts of the routine.
That might change.
It could even be fun and novel.
Can they ate dessert in the bathtub?
(18:46):
I don't know, maybe.
Can you actually take away?
Parts of the routine temporarily.
Can they just have a bath every two days?
If you normally have oneevery day, probably, maybe.
Get very conscious againabout what is essential.
And is there anotherway that it could look.
Following the child's lead.
If they have an idea.
For how else that routine could go.
And sometimes it dropping demands,dropping expectations, doing less in
(19:09):
that routine could be really useful.
This flows on to a flexibility.
Yes.
For adults as well.
So it is this idea of justletting go of your regular
life, your regular expectations.
Around life routines, meal times.
Cleaning.
Recognize that it is a blip in time.
Your family will move through thatchange and things will settle.
(19:31):
There's no guilt to be associatedwith making things easier for you.
Great from microwave meals.
Go for takeaway meals.
Here in Sydney.
I don't know if it's anywhereelse in Australia, but we have the
dinner ladies, which is amazing.
They basically provide frozenmeals that are really, really good.
They're like, Home cook style.
And to me, that sort of a middle groundbetween like home cooking and takeaway.
(19:53):
the cost a little bit, but generallynot as much as takeaway and the
quality is amazing and it doestake a little bit of prep, but
most of the meals, very, very easy.
So, yeah, I mean, I'm sure aroundthe world, there's lots of different
meal delivery type options.
So think about, can you turn on any ofthose options just for those few weeks
of change and make that easier for you?
Essentially question everythingyou think you should do and check
(20:15):
in, is it absolutely necessary?
Can you do it in easier way?
Can you drop it for nowor do it less often?
Now you can probably hear, this islike a therapy session for myself.
I'm working through all of theseat the moment and getting really,
really conscious what is a yes.
And if I'm going to say a no, if I'm goingto put up a boundary, I'm getting super
considered super intentional about it.
(20:36):
To make sure that.
Life is as easy as possiblewhile life is hard.
Whatever we can control whatever we canshift whatever expectations we can reduce
that is only going to pay off to make thisgeneral phase of life a little bit easier.
So you might want to save thispodcast episode and listen back
to it when you or your family isgoing through a time of change.
(20:58):
If you are supporting Neurodivergentfamilies, you might share this podcast
link with them and also help them towork through some of these ideas and
what that might look like, individualizeit for them and their family.
I hope that this has been useful for you.
It's certainly been useful for me.
Now the one thing I will sharebefore I head offline is that.
In about two weeks time, I'll be runningmy biggest promotion of the year.
(21:22):
So if you're listening as thispodcast, episode comes out, live.
You'll be able to hop on the wait listfor my black Friday week of deals.
This is going to be the biggest andneuro-diversity affirming practice
professional development sale of the year.
I do have other things pop upacross the year, but I'm doing
a whole week of deals where.
Extra special things are availablefor an extra special dollar value.
(21:46):
One each day over black Friday week.
So that's the 25th of Novemberto the 29th of November, 2024.
Yep.
If you're listening beyond that time, youcould head over to the link in the show
notes anyway, and check it out and youcan get on the wait list to find out when
I run a similar things in the future.
If you're listening before the25th of November, head over
(22:07):
to the link in the show notes.
It's playlearnchat.com/deals-
week that's deals weekwith a line between it.
And if you're doing the waitlist,you are going to get an extra 10% of
everything that is on offer at that week.
I can't wait to share it with you.
I'm brewing up.
A few surprises, a few amazing offers.
(22:27):
And one thing is very, very limited,which is a January live workshop.
There's only going to be 11spots and it's in-person.
At my office space in Sydney, it'sa workshop I'm running over two days
called Your Streamlined Practice andit's for allied health professionals.
Who are able to get to Sydney on the10th and the 17th of January, 2025.
(22:50):
We're getting very specific.
It's very live in action.
Two day workshop.
As we work through various aspects ofrunning your private practice business.
It's a small group, like Isaid, only 11 people can enroll.
So you get in the moment, feedback,support guidance, and there's also
further support with two monthlymeetings on zoom after the live sessions,
(23:12):
just to make sure that you can keepthat momentum going and keep getting
support and feedback along the way.
It's very personalized, very deep in action.
And my big aim is to help.
Allied health, private practice owners.
Shape up your businesses to ensure thatthey are as streamlined as possible.
Both for you.
The practice owner for any team members,if you have them and especially for
(23:33):
your clients, so that the clientexperience is streamlined smooth,
they're getting great communicationin a way that suits their brains.
So we're meeting at theintersection of neuro-diversity.
If I'm being practice and streamliningand automating these, all of my
deep, deep, exciting interests,and I help you understand how they
fit together through that workshop.
And implement it.
it is.
Action.
(23:53):
Action.
I kind of wish it was next week.
I am so excited anyway.
I'm going to leave that there.
What I was about to say is that thatworkshop is already at early bird pricing
during the black Friday week sale.
And if you do get on the wait list, youwill get an extra 10% off that workshop.
If you managed to get a spot, like Isaid, there's only 11 spots available.
head to the link in the show notes.
(24:14):
If you're curious to find outwhat is available all night,
black Friday deals week.
And how you can levelup your neuro-diversity
affirming practice for 2025.
Thank you so much for sharingthis space and time with me.
Thank you for being open tolearning and unlearning and to
listening to the perspectives andexperiences of Neurodivergent folks.
If you found this episode helpful,please share it with a friend, share a
(24:36):
screenshot on Instagram, pop a five starrating and a review in your favorite app.
And join me on Instagram and Facebook.
I'm @play.Learn.chat.
Have a spectacular day!
Welcome to the ExploringNeurodiversity Podcast for adults
who support Neurodivergent children.
Whether you're an allied healthprofessional, medical professional,
education professional or aparent of a Neurodivergent
child, you are welcome here.
This podcast is recorded on the Aboriginallands of the Gadigal and Bidjigal people.
I acknowledge the traditional ownerselders past and present, and I extend
(00:28):
my acknowledgement to any Aboriginalfirst nations people listening in.
I'm Adina from Play.
Learn.
Chat.
I'm an autistic ADHDer, a speechtherapist, professional educator
speaker, and I also supportNeurodivergent Business owners in
my other business, neurodivergentBusiness Coaching and Consulting.
I'm obsessed with creating a world whenNeurodivergent people are understood,
(00:49):
embraced, supported, and celebrated.
A world where we Neurodivergentpeople can understand ourselves and
thrive in a life aligned with ourindividual strengths, wants and needs.
On the Exploring NeurodiversityPodcast, you'll get my
perspectives and conversationswith my Neurodivergent friends.
All about how adults can best supportNeurodivergent children in our lives.
(01:09):
I bring a NeurodiversityAffirming approach and indeed a
human affirming approach to thesupport that we all provide for
Neurodivergent kids in our lives.
Let's dive in.
Like many people at thispointy end of the year.
I'm sure my family is goingthrough a lot of change right now.
The big things going on for usis getting my daughter ready to
start school in February next year.
(01:30):
She's been going to her orientationvisits at school, getting her uniform,
all kinds of things that go onwith preparing for starting school.
The other big change is moving house.
In three days is our, I call itthe truck day, the big move day.
And I'm kind of looking forwardto it mainly for that to be over.
You know, once all that stuff is inthe new place, then we can take more
(01:50):
time to unpack and sort it all out.
I would like that to be behind us.
Anyway, I sent an email yesterday,sharing lots of different ways
that we are keeping ourselves okay.
Regulated and kind of feeling preparedand connected as well during this
potentially tricky time of change.
And a few people shared messages withme and commented and replied around
(02:13):
the, one of the ideas, particularly,Which is this idea of saying more yes.
In times of big change.
So I thought that would be ahelpful thing to dive into more, to
share what exactly it looks like.
In our family, but to give you somemore ideas about what does yes.
Look like, or what does more yes.
Look like so that youcan think about this.
Whether you're supporting a Neurodivergentchild in your home, whether you're
(02:36):
supporting a Neurodivergent childthat you work with professionally,
and you're working with a family tohelp them through times of change.
And also you may well be in your, adivergent adult or even just an adult, a
human with feelings, emotions, needs, andsome of these ideas might help you when
you're working through Potentially tricky.
Complicated.
Flux situations yourself.
(02:58):
So there's five main areas that I'mthinking about seeing lots more, yes.
To, and within each one, I'm going toshare what that might look like for kids
and what that might look like for adults.
The five main areas
I going to call them sensory.
Yes.
Relationship?
Yes.
Activity.
Yes.
Control.
Yes.
(03:18):
And flexibility.
Yes.
Now, let me just get clearon why this is so important.
When there's a lot of change anduncertainty happening, some people
cope better with it than others.
Autistic folks, myself includedcan seriously struggle with change.
There is so much uncertainty.
There is so much adjustment.
There's so much negotiation compromise.
(03:41):
Changing routine.
All of those things thatcan help us feel regulated.
Calm supported and secure.
So much of that goes out the window.
So if you know that yourself orsomebody that you're supporting really
struggles with change and relies on.
routine and certainty.
To feel.
Good safe, supported.
(04:02):
Then this is especially importantfor you or for that child.
A lot of these ideas areabout reducing demands.
Reducing expectations.
And getting very preemptive.
About sensory supports emotional supports.
Basically, we're trying to build ina really nice buffer of feeling good.
So that when things get tricky,We've got more reserves to
(04:24):
be able to cope with them.
When it comes to sensory.
Yes.
This is thinking about howto get yourself or a child.
That you support?
In a really good sensory space.
Feeling regulated feeling.
Comfortable as often as possible.
Now, of course we want thisthroughout life all the time.
Absolutely.
But at this time, it's so muchmore important to be on top of it.
(04:46):
For a kid during this time of flux, whatit might look like is a lot more safe
foods, a lot more of those favorite foods.
It.
May not be the time to push.
Too much or offered too muchof unfamiliar new foods.
It's probably not a learning time.
As in learning, trying new food time.
There's still no harm in keepingother options available, but at
(05:08):
the same time, it's okay for youto take a break from expanding a
child's food palette at that time.
Getting really preemptive about helpingthat child get regulated in their body.
It might be about.
Intentionally bringingin more movement time.
It might be about offeringmore deep pressure.
It might be ensuring that theauditory and visual environment
(05:29):
around them is closer to theirpreferred way as often as possible.
And for adults, what this reallylooks like is acknowledging,
valuing, and prioritizing gettingyourself into a good sensory space.
Don't dismiss the need to lookafter your sensory regulation.
Don't put it aside andfeel that it's not urgent.
(05:49):
Taking a moment to look after whatyou need, your body, Your brain.
is always going to pay off.
You feeling more regulated isthen going to enable you to be.
More useful, more supportive.
More connected to the people around you.
For me right now, it's about takingan extra five minutes to set up my
office space before diving into work.
Even though I have reduced work time.
(06:11):
And even though all my work feelsreally essential and urgent.
I'm getting really clear that prioritizinggetting my sensory space sorted.
Is gonna pay off.
It'll help me feel more focusedand regulated while I am working.
And really just give me a littlebit more delight in my life.
So I actually went digging aroundthrough my random objects to
find what I'm holding right now,which is this beautiful squishy.
(06:34):
I can squish it and you don'thear it on the microphone.
And it's like liquid andinside it and glitter.
Now for me, looking at glitter,looking at shiny things, looking at
colorful things, matching colors isreally, really a sensory delight.
It's a glimmer for me.
So I know who that I knew thattoday I needed this squishy.
It's one of my favorites.
(06:55):
I did once pop one of them, I thinkwhile I was presenting a webinar.
So I have to be a bit careful with it.
I don't want it to pop and.
But also the more I squish it,I can kind of see through the
liquid and the glitter gets shiny.
I'm looking at it now,it's making me very happy.
I could keep talking about it,but I just want you to know that.
This is fine.
You are allowed.
And in fact you need it, whatever itis that brings your sensory system.
(07:19):
Regulation and joy.
Please go and make the time to do it.
When it comes to relationship yeses.
For kids.
Again, a lot of it is aboutbeing really preemptive.
You, uh, probably going to be verydistracted or, you know, the grownup
in this child's life might be verydistracted with the busy changes and
organizing things that are going on.
(07:40):
But calling out the fact that your child.
May need more connection than ever.
They may need more presencethan ever in that time.
Keeping that front of mind, and thisis not to guilt anyone fulfilling busy.
Like there are definitely times thatI need to do things rather than be
there with my kids, but at the moment,I'm making sure that as soon as
I've got capacity, I'm prioritizingdoing something with the kids.
(08:03):
Something that they love spendingmore time, snuggling, spending
more time doing games together.
Getting really, really conscious.
That they are probably going to needmore connection than usual at that time.
So try to offer it ahead of time.
Rather than.
Doing it reactively where it canoften come out in what may look like
challenging behaviors from the child,but it's really, they're better
for seeking connection and support.
(08:25):
Part of this relationship stuff, dependingon the child that you're supporting and.
Their language ability andwhere they're at with talking
and thinking about emotions.
But a big part of it can beabout sharing your own emotions.
Talking about feelings thatyou're experiencing can
be really, really helpful.
And this can be in the formof a low demand conversation.
You're not necessarily asking thechild to share their own feelings.
(08:47):
That can be a tricky thingto do, but they're welcome to
you're opening the door for that.
But really what you're doing isoffering this human side of yourself.
Sharing how you're feeling about thechanges, sharing that it can be unsettling
or what you're feeling excited about,what you're feeling worried about.
It's incredibly validating for childrento hear that grownups have emotions and
they work through them and process them.
(09:08):
And you can be modeling that,that you don't have it all sorted.
That you're challenging that you'refeeling challenged at the moment and
what you're doing to help yourself.
For the relationship?
Yes.
When it comes to adults, also takinga moment to connect with family and
friends where you can absolutely,but also be really, really clear with
people about your limits at the moment.
(09:28):
So just recognize your capacity, recognizeyour ability to have catch-ups to have
phone calls, to check in with people.
And again, you can preempt this time,this phase of life and let people know,
look, I'm just super busy right now.
Things are really full on.
I'm only just managing everything.
How about we get in touch in a couple ofweeks when I've settled in a bit more.
So you can say the same here, preemptingthings, letting people know your
(09:52):
boundaries, letting people know yourlimits, but of course that first has to
stem from you understanding your limits.
And I hope that by listening tothis conversation, You will already
be forming a bit of an idea about.
What you need to think throughwhen you are in a challenging
time with lots of change.
Yeah.
When it comes to activity yeses.
For children.
What I mean by activity, this islike, what do children want to do?
(10:15):
What are the activitiesthat they want to do?
It's always generally a good ideafor adults to follow the lead of
children in play or in the kindsof things that kids want to do.
It's not always possible.
And as kids grow up there generallyis more and more structure around
their lives and around their time andaround what they can or what they're
expected to do at any particular time.
(10:36):
These times of big change of all times.
Some of the most important times todial up the following your child's lead.
So in my family recently, this was mydaughter wanting to build a cubby house.
And the, well, we call it the baby office.
basically the cubby housewas a blanket from the baby
change table over to the chair.
(10:57):
Pretty inconvenient because thetimetable is kind of useful for
us and not absolutely essential atthis stage, but still very useful.
And having it out of action whilethe cubby house was in play,
that was tricky, but we got very,very intentional about our yes.
So the first reaction to, can webuild a Comey house over here?
(11:19):
Is no can't do that becausewe need the change table.
Or no, we can't do that because it's abit weird or it might get in the way.
But what I'm encouraging you todo through this whole process and,
you know, anytime in life, butabsolutely in times of big change is
to think really, really carefully.
About saying no.
So before you say no, catch yourself,And check in absolutely consciously.
(11:43):
Is there a yes.
Is there a version of yes.
Is there a way that you can turn it into?
Yes.
Is it actually fine?
And you can work around whatthat other situation is, even
if it's a little bit odd.
So for a day and a half, we actuallyused the floor as a changed mat.
And that was completely fine, youknow, a little bit less usual,
(12:03):
a little bit more coordinationto be done, but it worked fine.
And the result was my daughter hadthis amazing cubby house that she built
and used for about a day and a half.
She filled it full of her favorite things.
It was a little safe space for her.
And it gave her this absolute joy that shehad this idea, this creative idea, and it
was out of the usual and we allowed it.
(12:23):
That was really, really valuable to her.
I could tell.
With the activity.
Yes.
For adults, it's kindof almost a no in a way.
Now what I'm saying, thissounds contradictory.
Let me clarify that.
In these times of being changed.
So especially here thinkingabout moving house.
Get really, really clear on what isactually most important for your like,
(12:44):
have to do tasks, whether that's withinyour work or your personal life or
tasks related to this actual change.
So in this case, moving house, Isthere anything that you think is
necessary, but actually can be.
Deleted hand it off to someoneelse or paused for later.
Probably there's probablya lot of those things.
(13:04):
So get really conscious anddeliberate on the things that you
actually are expecting of yourself.
So therefore the activities thatyou end up saying yes to what
you're doing with your time.
Yeah.
I really consciously both the very, veryimportant things, but also you need to
give yes space to some joyful activities.
(13:25):
They might feel random.
They might feel a non-urgentand that's kind of the point.
You absolutely need to give yourself evenlittle moments of calm and fun and joy.
So for me, this is doing my nails today.
I very much value doing my nails.
I do them about once a week.
It's something I'm going to take afew minutes to do today because it
keeps me happy throughout the week.
(13:47):
And right now I'm looking at my chipnails and that does not make me happy.
How first nails work withmoving and packing boxes.
Don't ask me, ask meat the end of the week.
But I want you to know.
That this idea of yes, is alsoabout allowing yourself things
that are moments of joy, momentsof calm, moments of happy for you.
(14:07):
Having those is going to spur youon through the tricky, boring, dull
things that you don't really want todo, but you actually do have to do.
Turning to control.
Yes.
Sorry.
In these times of change.
There is often a massive loss of control.
Now, some people arecompletely fine with this.
I understand that that's thetruth, but I don't empathize
(14:31):
with it because I that's not me.
Um, what I'll say is if you haveno issues with losing control,
Um, You can skip this part.
Maybe.
You can go forward, but.
But I will share here.
This is very, very important for me.
And I know many Neurodivergent andespecially many autistic people
will relate to this as well.
(14:51):
How we can do a control.
Yes.
For children.
Is preempting the fact that theyare going to lose some control.
So in the case of moving house for mydaughter, this is losing control over
knowing where all her things are and beingable to access all of her favorite toys.
You know, the exact moment thatan idea pops into her head.
So I've preempted that andcreated a don't pack me box.
(15:15):
We've literally written thaton the outside of the box.
And we went around together findingher favorite books, her favorite
toys, her favorite dress ups.
It's not a huge box.
It fits in one of thoseIkea Calex squares.
So it's like, Maybe 35centimeters across, And that.
process was very empowering for her.
It helped us frame the discussion ofunderstanding that not everything will
(15:35):
be available as we start to pack up otherthings, but she had that control ahead
of time knowing that the actual favoritethings were going to be in that box.
She knew what was in there.
She got to choose what was in there.
Um, side note is I'mdoing the same for myself.
And the whole family knowsthat that is a sacred box.
It's not going in the moving van.
It's going to be traveling in thecar with me to the new place so
(15:55):
that it's going to be kept verysafe and available at all times.
Sorry control.
Yes, for adults.
Like I said, I'm going to be makingmy own don't pack me books as well.
And the other thing for me, that'sbeen incredibly helpful is basically
project managing this whole thing.
And this whole move, all of thesedifferent pieces that we needed to do
(16:16):
and put into place and organize and plan.
For me, my sense of control comesfrom knowing that there is a plan.
And it doesn't mean that everything hasto happen immediately, but I need to know
that this is going to happen on this day.
That's going to happen on that day.
So having it very, very clear,having a written out that helps me
personalize this for you, obviously.
(16:36):
But get very conscious.
What helps you feel in controlof a complicated situation?
It might be doing whatI've done in this case.
I use notion.
Which has an app.
Um, to basically project manageour family life right now.
You could list it out on paper.
You could talk it out with a friend.
You can brain dump.
You can write down on paper, likewrite on a bunch of post-it notes.
(16:57):
Speaking to a voice note, whateverworks for you to help you feel that all
of the scope of what you need to do.
All of the ideas that tasks, all thethings you need to be across in managing.
Get them out of your head andput them in a form that helps you
feel that this is under control.
And try to share thatload with somebody else.
My husband doesn't havethat same need for control.
(17:20):
He has a nice calm way of sort ofjust pacing through tasks and figuring
them out as they go, which doesn'tsuit my style, but that is his style.
So we had many conversationsto get very conscious about.
How each of us.
on our own would manage this move.
And in the process of thoseconversations, we were able to.
Figure out a way that'sgoing to work for both of us.
So basically I'm in controlof the notion board and every
(17:42):
few days we have a discussion.
And we just do project updates, butI'm the one doing the updates and
we're just talking out what's next.
What's coming up.
Any things that we've done for this big.
We'll call it the move project.
So, so much of that.
It's about self knowledge andcommunication with somebody
else to recognize we havedifferent ways of doing things.
And find a way that is going to match.
(18:03):
What everybody needs.
All of those conversations, all theeffort put into doing what each of us
needs and recognizing what each of usneeds that is always going to pay off.
Our last kind of yes that I'll besharing about is a flexibility.
Yes.
So.
Whether it comes from thechild themselves, or whether it
comes from the circumstances.
(18:24):
Getting flexible with routinesis super important at this time.
And this can be a bit tricky when itcomes to somebody needing routine to
feel in control, to feel supported.
The bigger part of the flexibility.
Yes.
For kids is kind of letting themchoose parts of the routine.
That might change.
It could even be fun and novel.
Can they ate dessert in the bathtub?
(18:46):
I don't know, maybe.
Can you actually take away?
Parts of the routine temporarily.
Can they just have a bath every two days?
If you normally have oneevery day, probably, maybe.
Get very conscious againabout what is essential.
And is there anotherway that it could look.
Following the child's lead.
If they have an idea.
For how else that routine could go.
And sometimes it dropping demands,dropping expectations, doing less in
(19:09):
that routine could be really useful.
This flows on to a flexibility.
Yes.
For adults as well.
So it is this idea of justletting go of your regular
life, your regular expectations.
Around life routines, meal times.
Cleaning.
Recognize that it is a blip in time.
Your family will move through thatchange and things will settle.
(19:31):
There's no guilt to be associatedwith making things easier for you.
Great from microwave meals.
Go for takeaway meals.
Here in Sydney.
I don't know if it's anywhereelse in Australia, but we have the
dinner ladies, which is amazing.
They basically provide frozenmeals that are really, really good.
They're like, Home cook style.
And to me, that sort of a middle groundbetween like home cooking and takeaway.
(19:53):
the cost a little bit, but generallynot as much as takeaway and the
quality is amazing and it doestake a little bit of prep, but
most of the meals, very, very easy.
So, yeah, I mean, I'm sure aroundthe world, there's lots of different
meal delivery type options.
So think about, can you turn on any ofthose options just for those few weeks
of change and make that easier for you?
Essentially question everythingyou think you should do and check
(20:15):
in, is it absolutely necessary?
Can you do it in easier way?
Can you drop it for nowor do it less often?
Now you can probably hear, this islike a therapy session for myself.
I'm working through all of theseat the moment and getting really,
really conscious what is a yes.
And if I'm going to say a no, if I'm goingto put up a boundary, I'm getting super
considered super intentional about it.
(20:36):
To make sure that.
Life is as easy as possiblewhile life is hard.
Whatever we can control whatever we canshift whatever expectations we can reduce
that is only going to pay off to make thisgeneral phase of life a little bit easier.
So you might want to save thispodcast episode and listen back
to it when you or your family isgoing through a time of change.
(20:58):
If you are supporting Neurodivergentfamilies, you might share this podcast
link with them and also help them towork through some of these ideas and
what that might look like, individualizeit for them and their family.
I hope that this has been useful for you.
It's certainly been useful for me.
Now the one thing I will sharebefore I head offline is that.
In about two weeks time, I'll be runningmy biggest promotion of the year.
(21:22):
So if you're listening as thispodcast, episode comes out, live.
You'll be able to hop on the wait listfor my black Friday week of deals.
This is going to be the biggest andneuro-diversity affirming practice
professional development sale of the year.
I do have other things pop upacross the year, but I'm doing
a whole week of deals where.
Extra special things are availablefor an extra special dollar value.
(21:46):
One each day over black Friday week.
So that's the 25th of Novemberto the 29th of November, 2024.
Yep.
If you're listening beyond that time, youcould head over to the link in the show
notes anyway, and check it out and youcan get on the wait list to find out when
I run a similar things in the future.
If you're listening before the25th of November, head over
(22:07):
to the link in the show notes.
It's playlearnchat.com/deals-
week that's deals weekwith a line between it.
And if you're doing the waitlist,you are going to get an extra 10% of
everything that is on offer at that week.
I can't wait to share it with you.
I'm brewing up.
A few surprises, a few amazing offers.
(22:27):
And one thing is very, very limited,which is a January live workshop.
There's only going to be 11spots and it's in-person.
At my office space in Sydney, it'sa workshop I'm running over two days
called Your Streamlined Practice andit's for allied health professionals.
Who are able to get to Sydney on the10th and the 17th of January, 2025.
(22:50):
We're getting very specific.
It's very live in action.
Two day workshop.
As we work through various aspects ofrunning your private practice business.
It's a small group, like Isaid, only 11 people can enroll.
So you get in the moment, feedback,support guidance, and there's also
further support with two monthlymeetings on zoom after the live sessions,
(23:12):
just to make sure that you can keepthat momentum going and keep getting
support and feedback along the way.
It's very personalized, very deep in action.
And my big aim is to help.
Allied health, private practice owners.
Shape up your businesses to ensure thatthey are as streamlined as possible.
Both for you.
The practice owner for any team members,if you have them and especially for
(23:33):
your clients, so that the clientexperience is streamlined smooth,
they're getting great communicationin a way that suits their brains.
So we're meeting at theintersection of neuro-diversity.
If I'm being practice and streamliningand automating these, all of my
deep, deep, exciting interests,and I help you understand how they
fit together through that workshop.
And implement it.
it is.
Action.
(23:53):
Action.
I kind of wish it was next week.
I am so excited anyway.
I'm going to leave that there.
What I was about to say is that thatworkshop is already at early bird pricing
during the black Friday week sale.
And if you do get on the wait list, youwill get an extra 10% off that workshop.
If you managed to get a spot, like Isaid, there's only 11 spots available.
head to the link in the show notes.
(24:14):
If you're curious to find outwhat is available all night,
black Friday deals week.
And how you can levelup your neuro-diversity
affirming practice for 2025.
Thank you so much for sharingthis space and time with me.
Thank you for being open tolearning and unlearning and to
listening to the perspectives andexperiences of Neurodivergent folks.
If you found this episode helpful,please share it with a friend, share a
(24:36):
screenshot on Instagram, pop a five starrating and a review in your favorite app.
And join me on Instagram and Facebook.
I'm @play.Learn.chat.
Have a spectacular day!
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