May 8, 2025 • 21 mins
Being neurodiversity affirming doesn’t mean avoiding challenge. It doesn’t mean staying where you are, only doing what’s easy or comfortable. We can do hard things. We can learn new stuff, try new stuff, stretch ourselves – and we absolutely should. The key is doing the right hard things, for the right reasons, with the right support, at the right time. That’s how growth happens without stress, burnout, or disconnection from who we really are.
“You get to define what the hard thing is in any one moment. If it feels hard, it is hard. That’s a valid, real experience.” - Adina Levy
In this crossover episode with my Differently Aligned Podcast, I share:
• Why doing hard things is not at odds with a neurodiversity affirming approach
• My powerful framework to help neurodivergent folks of all ages to take on the right hard things with less stress and more support
• Examples of how my framework looks for an Autistic boy learning to read, and for an ADHDer business owner working on changing up her chaotic non-systems.
LINKS & MORE SUPPORT
• FREE WEBINAR: Build your Business without Burnout – for neurodivergent business owners, live on 16th June 2025 – https://ndbusiness.co/free-webinar-business-without-burnout/
• Neurodivergent Business Collective – my membership for neurodivergent service-based business owners – https://ndbusiness.co/neurodivergent-business-collective/
• New webinar for Allied Health Practice Owners (including and especially for sole traders!) - Diversifying Revenue Streams – webinar on innovative business models – https://playlearnchat.com/webinar-diversifying-revenue-streams/
• Blog post + visual model of my “You can do hard things” framework –
https://playlearnchat.com/podcast-56
Podcast Link: https://pod.link/1625478932
Website: www.playlearnchat.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/play.learn.chat
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/play.learn.chat
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Welcome to the ExploringNeurodiversity Podcast for adults
who support Neurodivergent children.
Whether you're an allied healthprofessional, medical professional,
education professional or aparent of a Neurodivergent
child, you are welcome here.
This podcast is recorded on the Aboriginallands of the Gadigal and Bidjigal people.
I acknowledge the traditional ownerselders past and present, and I extend
(00:28):
my acknowledgement to any Aboriginalfirst nations people listening in.
I'm Adina from Play.
Learn.
Chat.
I'm an autistic ADHDer, a speechtherapist, professional educator
speaker, and I also supportNeurodivergent Business owners in
my other business, neurodivergentBusiness Coaching and Consulting.
I'm obsessed with creating a world whenNeurodivergent people are understood,
(00:48):
embraced, supported, and celebrated.
A world where we Neurodivergentpeople can understand ourselves and
thrive in a life aligned with ourindividual strengths, wants and needs.
On the Exploring NeurodiversityPodcast, you'll get my
perspectives and conversationswith my Neurodivergent friends.
All about how adults can best supportNeurodivergent children in our lives.
(01:08):
I bring a NeurodiversityAffirming approach and indeed a
human affirming approach to thesupport that we all provide for
Neurodivergent kids in our lives.
Let's dive in.
This podcast episode is a crossoverbetween my two podcasts, exploring
neurodiversity and differently aligned.
So you're gonna hear me talkabout all of the things that I
share in both of my businesses.
(01:30):
I love to talk about neurodiversityaffirming practice, how it applies
to supporting Neurodivergentchildren to feel supported, secure.
Connected, seen and understoodby the grownups around them.
And that is the Exploring NeurodiversityPodcast with my business, Play learn Chat.
In my other business.
(01:51):
Differently Aligned podcast is whereI share my neurodiversity affirming
approach to running business asa neurodivergent business owner.
Which is aligned with mybusiness, neurodivergent,
business coaching and consulting.
So wherever you're listening tothis, thank you for being here.
And if you happen to have a crossoverinterest in the other area, go to the
(02:14):
link in show notes and you'll be able tofind my podcast, the other one that you're
not listening to right now, and go over,check it out, subscribe and follow along.
Now, the reason I've chosen todo a crossover, even if it might
not seem completely obvious, why,is because at the core of what I
share, it's all the same messages.
It's all the same ideas, just appliedin different ways, whether we're
(02:36):
talking about children, adults.
Business owners, neurodiversityaffirming approaches are all about
understanding what the true experienceis for an individual, believing that
that individual's experience is true forthem, and finding ways to support that
individual, or if you are that individual,finding ways to support yourself that
(02:59):
are aligned with the truest versionof you, not necessarily following a
path that is normal expected standard.
This episode is in response to a fewmessages that have come to me wondering
how anybody grows or learns or developsif we are being neurodiversity affirming.
I think it's such a myth.
It's such a misconception thatneurodiversity affirming approaches
(03:22):
just mean being permissive, going alongwith exactly whatever a neurodivergent
individual wants, and never doinganything hard or progressing or
stretching outside comfort zones.
I mean, comfort zones itself isa really interesting concept but.
This is the deep misconception.
A neurodiversity affirming approachdoesn't assume that neurodivergent people
(03:43):
are just going to stay wherever they are.
doing comfortable things,whatever seems easy.
That is not it.
We can do hard things.
We can learn new stuff.
We can teach the children in ourlives new stuff, we can try new
stuff, we can stretch ourselves
and we absolutely should.
That's the experience of life.
But the biggest key here is in the title,and I'm gonna say it over and over, is
(04:07):
you can do the right hard things withthe right support at the right time.
I've got a visual model forthis that I have linked in my
blog post about this episode.
So in the show notes, you're gonna finda link to my website and that is gonna
have the visual, but I'm gonna talkyou through it and then give you some
examples about how this doing hard thingsmodel applies to children, to adults,
(04:32):
and to neurodivergent business owners.
So mostly it's amazing.
It's wonderful.
It's important in life to do thingsthat you enjoy, to do things that
feel good, to do things that feelright and comfortable and safe.
And sometimes it's important todo hard things for good reasons.
Now, good reasons is a real big catchallphrase, but the idea there is that
(04:55):
these good reasons could be things likesafety, long-term wellbeing, meeting
long-term goals that you, yourself orthe individual you're supporting has
things that will generally helpthat person Longer term in life.
Sometimes good things are about.
Keeping connected to people around youin a negotiation, the dance of social
interactions where sometimes we haveconflicting needs or conflicting comforts
(05:19):
and therefore sometimes just, sometimeswe might need to do hard things for us for
the good reason of helping somebody else.
There are lots of good reasons,and I'm not here to spell them out
for you because it's very contextbased and it's very personal.
What are the good reasonsfor doing hard things?
I'm kind of imagine it withcapital letters, like a hard thing.
You know, again, that's a catchall phrase.
(05:40):
Whatever this hard thing is.
It varies moment by moment,by context, by perception.
Something that was an easy thingyesterday might be a hard thing today.
It doesn't only mean new things.
Whenever it's decided that it's a goodidea to do this hard thing, you need
to make sure that it's done with theright support and at the right time.
(06:02):
I will make this concrete.
We're going into examples in a moment.
But let me tell you the six aspects thatI recommend looking at to make it as
easy as possible to do the hard thing.
Firstly, it's really important tofocus on the big and small motivations.
Understand what are the good reasonsbehind doing the hard thing, and
(06:23):
sometimes adding small motivationscan be really, really helpful.
For some grownups, it's simplyputting a checkbox on a to-do list.
For some kids, it can be a tokenreinforcer, like grabbing a sticker.
Very, very individualized.
Ideally the motivation is intrinsic.
It's within that person.
They are personally drivento get the outcome that that
(06:43):
hard thing will lead them to.
But sometimes we do also need tobuild in small motivators that are
aligned with what a person truly wants.
It helps them get over the linefor those extra little bits of
motivation that are lacking.
And importantly, they'renot used manipulatively.
Ideally, these small motivationsare self-driven by the person
(07:06):
who is doing the hard thing.
My little example today is I reallywanted to get Facebook ads up and
running, and I wanted to paint my nails.
The hard thing was all the piecesthat go into getting my Facebook
ads up, I'm pretty good at it.
I've done it a lot of times andit's still kind of hard, so I did
it and then I painted my nails.
Hooray.
As a grownup, I get todecide that for myself.
(07:27):
What other little and big motivatorsthat I put in place to help
myself get excited or be ready andinterested in doing the hard thing.
Another way to make it as easy as possibleis to pick your ideal attention time.
This takes a lot of experimenting.
You're not always gonna get it right.
But there might be some generalpatterns about when you or when
(07:47):
the child has the best possibleattention for that kind of hard thing.
Another way to make it as easyas possible is to have maximum
support for sensory needs.
So making sure that there is sensoryregulation and sensory comfort when
attempting to do the hard thing.
And equally, having maximum emotionalregulation is super important too.
(08:08):
There might be a day where you plan to dothat big hard thing, but then something
made your emotions go really way off.
You just know that it'sa really tricky day.
You're feeling triggered, you're feelingfrustrated already before, anything
hard has even happened, and that mightbe a great reason to delay doing the
hard thing to another day, or at leastto prioritize emotional regulation
(08:31):
before diving into the hard thing.
Getting help from other people isanother really, really important
way to make it as easy as possible.
Maybe that's learning from otherpeople, getting examples from other
people, having tutoring, having anassistant, having a support person,
having a coach, a therapist,family member, friend.
There's just so many ways this canlook, but use the people in your world.
(08:54):
To help you do the hard thing.
And finally, using all your supporttools and systems possible to help
you do the hard thing is so important.
If it crosses your mind that this certainthing might help, just do the thing, put
that thing in place or get comfortable or.
Get the right music happening,whatever it is that you can think of
(09:15):
that will help you do the hard thing,just a little bit easier, do that.
There's no shame inmaking hard things easy.
It's a brilliant life hack, and it's thekey to actually growing in a sustainable
way without heading down a path of stressand burnout and exhaustion and self-doubt
when we try to do things that are way toohard for us in that particular moment.
(09:36):
So let me talk you through some examplesto make this a little bit concrete.
Now, a lot of the audience, especiallyon my Exploring Neurodiversity podcast.
are, professionals who supportneurodivergent children, there are
also many parents listening, or peoplewho work with children in different
capacities or care for children.
So we are gonna talk about supportingan autistic child who's learning to
(09:58):
read at school and how this idea ofdoing the right hard things with the
right motivation at the right time,with the right supports, it's fine
because you can make it as easy aspossible to get the hard thing done.
So we're talking about Mason, age six.
He's in year one, and he really,really struggled throughout
kindergarten to learn to read.
(10:18):
His kindergarten teacher
insisted on pushing his reading forward.
Even when he was getting upset,frustrated, and disheartened
because he wasn't getting thesame progress that his peers were.
He was becoming more and more awareof his difficulty in shutting down
and his teacher continued to persistbecause she felt that she had to get
him to a particular reading level.
But the pushing continued.
To push Mason further and furtheraway from wanting to read.
(10:41):
However, here's themotivation, here's the reason.
First of all, literacy is generallywhere it's available, seen as a good
thing for everyone to have, in asmuch as they can possibly do with
the right supports in their life.
Literacy helps us keepconnected with the world.
It opens up so many opportunities.
(11:01):
I am not gonna keep selling thevalue of it, but I am gonna say
literacy is not available to everyoneand it looks different to everyone
anyway.
Mason also loves animals, and he'sgot such a deep curiosity and he
wants to learn more about animals.
He started choosing library booksand books at home about animals.
And he's getting curious and bringingthem to the grownups around him for
(11:22):
them to read more to him, which hehadn't done most of kindergarten.
So on his own, he started to recognizethat he wants to learn to read so that he
can get the information from these books.
This idea of making it as easy as possiblefor Mason, it looks like this Mason and
the grownups around him are reminding himof his interest and allowing him to pursue
reading around his interest of animals.
(11:44):
They're supporting his idealattention time by doing reading
time early in the morning.
Pretty much when Mason wakes up 'causehe is very alert and very on when he
wakes up fresh, they're not trying to doreading in the evening because he gets
easily frustrated at that time and that'sa pattern that they know day after day.
Mason's family and teachers aregiving maximum support for his sensory
(12:04):
needs before diving into reading.
So he's helped create a readingcorner at home and at school, and
he is had that agency and that
support from the people around him tobuild a space that feels great to him.
On the note of emotional regulation.
His parents and teachers understandthat he can easily get into frustration
and when he does, that might be readingtime shut down for the rest of that day.
(12:28):
So they're proceeding gently.
And that's working.
Letting Mason lead.
The reading time is working'cause he wants to do it.
He's moving forward, he's asking todo it, but it can't always be hard
for him when things are too hard,when he is getting too frustrated,
when he is too tired 'cause hehasn't slept well the night before.
The grownups around him helpedby reading to him without any
(12:49):
shame, without any judgment.
It's just on offer so that he can accessthe information he's curious about in
those books without him having to feelthat he's forced to do the hard thing on
a day where everything feels too hard.
I hope that is a clear demonstrationof some of the ways that these aspects
of making things as easy as possibleto do the hard thing can pay off.
(13:11):
Mason, can progress in his reading.
He is progressing in his reading.
It's in the right way at theright time with the right support.
And now let's flip it to an adult.
We are gonna say that this adultis a business owner an ADHDer
Lois, who recognizes that herwork is completely chaotic.
Lois is a graphic designer andshe absolutely loves her work.
(13:35):
She's really energized by her designwork and absolutely avoids all admin.
She avoids invoicing.
She avoids spreadsheets.
I mean, personally, I lovethem, but this is Lois.
She avoids any of the business parts ofbusiness and just wants to do the work.
Lois recognized that she needed aproject management system, and she
(13:55):
settled on one she's ready to implement.
It looks pretty enough.
She's keen, she's got the rightidea about the hard thing that she
wants to do because she recognizesthat that hard thing of learning
this project management app and.
Using it day to day, gettinginto these habits and patterns.
This is hard for her.
She's never done it by default.
(14:17):
She's never stuck with a listfor more than five minutes,
but she just knows that it's time totame all of the load of stuff that's
in her brain, and obviously alwaysgetting forgotten and left behind,
and the guilt associated with that.
And the missed business opportunities.
She knows it's time to tame it and put itinto an app and make some sense of it all.
(14:37):
So she's got the idea.
It's a good thing for her to do that she'sdecided, but it's not her usual groove,
so it is gonna be really, really hard.
Lois is gonna make it aseasy as possible for herself.
She is going to focus on thosebig and small motivations by
writing on a post-it note.
Exactly what the outcome will be.
When I learn to use clickup, I willtake all the junk outta my brain.
(15:02):
I won't forget so much stuff,and I'll make more money.
That's so cool.
Right in front of her, she's gonnapick her ideal attention time.
Lois commits to
watching.
Step-by-step videos from anotherneurodivergent business owner that she
has seen a little bit on YouTube anddecides that the how-to videos are gonna
work for her, but she picks a particularmid-morning time and a particular favorite
(15:25):
cafe to go to and watch these videos.
Lois is gonna set up maximum supportfor her sensory needs to be able
to be ready to do the hard thing.
She's gonna have her favorite coffeein her favorite environment with noise
cancelling headphones, so she doesn't hearall the coffee making going on around her.
She's gonna wear her comfiest, mostbright sparkly clothes to feel kind
(15:45):
of joyful, fun, and comfortablewhile she's doing this hard thing.
Lois is also going to have a little peptalk with herself before each of these
sessions where she's trying to learn thenew thing to remind herself that it is
hard and it might feel like slow going andit might feel like she wants to run away
and do anything else, but every littlestep forward is gonna be an improvement.
(16:07):
That's part of her emotional regulation.
She's gonna be supporting herself tobe okay as she's moving through the
steps of learning something reallynew and different for her, and on a
day where the kids were quite wildthat morning and she turns up at the
cafe and she's feeling completelydysregulated and absolutely distracted.
(16:27):
And a client has sent her a grumpy emailor she's not quite sure if it's grumpy,
but it feels that way a little bit.
She's feeling just completely off.
She decides that is not aday to do the hard thing.
She puts that aside to another day.
The hard thing can wait.
Lois also decides to gethelp from other people.
By working with a business coachand a community where she can chat
back and forth and get supportalong the way from expert people.
(16:50):
Even just watching that YouTubevideo tutorial is a way of
getting help from other people.
You know, watching people who've gonebefore you to see how it can be done.
It is a brilliant way where you don'thave to learn it all from scratch.
So.
I really hope that these two examples,while they seem quite different,
it's the same framework applied tothese ideas of doing hard things, but
(17:12):
with the right reasons and with theright support and at the right time.
I'd love you to reflect on yourown experience, whether you're
neurodivergent or not, your ownpersonal experience of learning
something hard or doing something hard.
Maybe it's facing atricky conversation or.
Writing a report that seems -particularlycomplex for you or turning up at
a meeting where you need to be areally strong advocate for somebody.
(17:35):
It can be physical challenges.
Maybe it's, you know, running amarathon and training for that.
Maybe it's.
Simply getting up off thecouch to put the washing away.
You get to define what the hardthing is in any one moment.
If it feels hard, it is hard.
That's a valid, real experience.
Nothing is too big or small to be deemed ahard thing, but I hope that this framework
(17:56):
of doing the right hard things with theright reasons, at the right time, with
the right support is useful for youand for the people that you support.
Now I wanna share two ways thatI can help you do hard things and
I can be part of that support.
I'll be sharing one from each ofmy businesses and all the links
that will take you to where youneed to go are in the show notes.
(18:19):
Firstly, if you are a neurodivergentservice based business owner, you are
invited to my upcoming free webinar.
It's on the 19th of May, 2025 ifyou're listening after the fact.
You'll still be able to go to the linkin the show notes and go and check
out what else I have available for youthat other ways that I can support you
as a neurodivergent business owner.
But anyway, on the 19th of May, I'mrunning a free webinar called Shift
(18:42):
Your Business from Burnout to Boundless,and I am so, so excited to be sharing
Neurodivergent friendly ways that youcan build your business so that it is
far away from burnout land and in adirection that really makes you feel.
That you are in your elementdoing less and less hard things.
'cause everything that you do inyour business, if you are a business
(19:05):
owner, should eventually be up to you.
You are the boss, but ittakes a lot of intentionality.
And so I call a lot of this outand share lots of strategies and
ideas for how you can shift yourbusiness away from burnout and into a
boundless future that works for you.
That is free.
And the registration forthat is in the show notes.
And at the end of that webinar, I'll besharing about my Neurodivergent Business
(19:26):
Collective, which is my membershipfor neurodivergent business owners.
It's a delightful online space where Ican be that support for so many people,
and we have a beautiful community.
And yeah, I just absolutely lovehelping other business owners do things
in a way that works more for them.
And on a similar note, I have alsojust released a webinar through
(19:48):
play, learn chat, but kind ofco-presented from Neurodivergent
Business Coaching and Consulting.
I brought both of my brains togetherfor this one, diversifying revenue
Streams for Allied Health professionals,and I'm sharing innovative business
models to fit your brain, your life,and the unpredictable NDIS landscape.
For those who are in Australia.
You'll know exactly what that means,but wherever you are in the world,
(20:10):
having a more diverse lineup ofthings that happen in your business
is only going to benefit you.
And I really encourage people to thinkoutside the box for the supports you offer
people, because it will also benefit.
The people that you support.
I've got 30% off that webinaruntil the 15th of May.
But if you're listening afterthe fact, please go check it out
anyway and see what's available,what is on offer, and how I can
(20:32):
support you to be your best self.
Whether you are running a business,whether you are, you're a divergent,
running a business, whether you'rean adult supporting children who are
having a hard time in life becauselife is built on hard mode for them.
I want you to find ways that you cansupport them to make their hard things
(20:52):
as easy as possible, and make sure thatthe hard things that they're working
on are the right hard things for them.
As always, I'd love to hear your feedback,your questions, your suggestions about
what else you'd like me to share.
Thank you so much for sharingthis space and time with me.
Thank you for being open tolearning and unlearning and to
listening to the perspectives andexperiences of Neurodivergent folks.
(21:13):
If you found this episode helpful,please share it with a friend, share a
screenshot on Instagram, pop a five starrating and a review in your favorite app.
And join me on Instagram and Facebook.
I'm @play.Learn.chat.
Have a beautiful day.
Welcome to the ExploringNeurodiversity Podcast for adults
who support Neurodivergent children.
Whether you're an allied healthprofessional, medical professional,
education professional or aparent of a Neurodivergent
child, you are welcome here.
This podcast is recorded on the Aboriginallands of the Gadigal and Bidjigal people.
I acknowledge the traditional ownerselders past and present, and I extend
(00:28):
my acknowledgement to any Aboriginalfirst nations people listening in.
I'm Adina from Play.
Learn.
Chat.
I'm an autistic ADHDer, a speechtherapist, professional educator
speaker, and I also supportNeurodivergent Business owners in
my other business, neurodivergentBusiness Coaching and Consulting.
I'm obsessed with creating a world whenNeurodivergent people are understood,
(00:48):
embraced, supported, and celebrated.
A world where we Neurodivergentpeople can understand ourselves and
thrive in a life aligned with ourindividual strengths, wants and needs.
On the Exploring NeurodiversityPodcast, you'll get my
perspectives and conversationswith my Neurodivergent friends.
All about how adults can best supportNeurodivergent children in our lives.
(01:08):
I bring a NeurodiversityAffirming approach and indeed a
human affirming approach to thesupport that we all provide for
Neurodivergent kids in our lives.
Let's dive in.
This podcast episode is a crossoverbetween my two podcasts, exploring
neurodiversity and differently aligned.
So you're gonna hear me talkabout all of the things that I
share in both of my businesses.
(01:30):
I love to talk about neurodiversityaffirming practice, how it applies
to supporting Neurodivergentchildren to feel supported, secure.
Connected, seen and understoodby the grownups around them.
And that is the Exploring NeurodiversityPodcast with my business, Play learn Chat.
In my other business.
(01:51):
Differently Aligned podcast is whereI share my neurodiversity affirming
approach to running business asa neurodivergent business owner.
Which is aligned with mybusiness, neurodivergent,
business coaching and consulting.
So wherever you're listening tothis, thank you for being here.
And if you happen to have a crossoverinterest in the other area, go to the
(02:14):
link in show notes and you'll be able tofind my podcast, the other one that you're
not listening to right now, and go over,check it out, subscribe and follow along.
Now, the reason I've chosen todo a crossover, even if it might
not seem completely obvious, why,is because at the core of what I
share, it's all the same messages.
It's all the same ideas, just appliedin different ways, whether we're
(02:36):
talking about children, adults.
Business owners, neurodiversityaffirming approaches are all about
understanding what the true experienceis for an individual, believing that
that individual's experience is true forthem, and finding ways to support that
individual, or if you are that individual,finding ways to support yourself that
(02:59):
are aligned with the truest versionof you, not necessarily following a
path that is normal expected standard.
This episode is in response to a fewmessages that have come to me wondering
how anybody grows or learns or developsif we are being neurodiversity affirming.
I think it's such a myth.
It's such a misconception thatneurodiversity affirming approaches
(03:22):
just mean being permissive, going alongwith exactly whatever a neurodivergent
individual wants, and never doinganything hard or progressing or
stretching outside comfort zones.
I mean, comfort zones itself isa really interesting concept but.
This is the deep misconception.
A neurodiversity affirming approachdoesn't assume that neurodivergent people
(03:43):
are just going to stay wherever they are.
doing comfortable things,whatever seems easy.
That is not it.
We can do hard things.
We can learn new stuff.
We can teach the children in ourlives new stuff, we can try new
stuff, we can stretch ourselves
and we absolutely should.
That's the experience of life.
But the biggest key here is in the title,and I'm gonna say it over and over, is
(04:07):
you can do the right hard things withthe right support at the right time.
I've got a visual model forthis that I have linked in my
blog post about this episode.
So in the show notes, you're gonna finda link to my website and that is gonna
have the visual, but I'm gonna talkyou through it and then give you some
examples about how this doing hard thingsmodel applies to children, to adults,
(04:32):
and to neurodivergent business owners.
So mostly it's amazing.
It's wonderful.
It's important in life to do thingsthat you enjoy, to do things that
feel good, to do things that feelright and comfortable and safe.
And sometimes it's important todo hard things for good reasons.
Now, good reasons is a real big catchallphrase, but the idea there is that
(04:55):
these good reasons could be things likesafety, long-term wellbeing, meeting
long-term goals that you, yourself orthe individual you're supporting has
things that will generally helpthat person Longer term in life.
Sometimes good things are about.
Keeping connected to people around youin a negotiation, the dance of social
interactions where sometimes we haveconflicting needs or conflicting comforts
(05:19):
and therefore sometimes just, sometimeswe might need to do hard things for us for
the good reason of helping somebody else.
There are lots of good reasons,and I'm not here to spell them out
for you because it's very contextbased and it's very personal.
What are the good reasonsfor doing hard things?
I'm kind of imagine it withcapital letters, like a hard thing.
You know, again, that's a catchall phrase.
(05:40):
Whatever this hard thing is.
It varies moment by moment,by context, by perception.
Something that was an easy thingyesterday might be a hard thing today.
It doesn't only mean new things.
Whenever it's decided that it's a goodidea to do this hard thing, you need
to make sure that it's done with theright support and at the right time.
(06:02):
I will make this concrete.
We're going into examples in a moment.
But let me tell you the six aspects thatI recommend looking at to make it as
easy as possible to do the hard thing.
Firstly, it's really important tofocus on the big and small motivations.
Understand what are the good reasonsbehind doing the hard thing, and
(06:23):
sometimes adding small motivationscan be really, really helpful.
For some grownups, it's simplyputting a checkbox on a to-do list.
For some kids, it can be a tokenreinforcer, like grabbing a sticker.
Very, very individualized.
Ideally the motivation is intrinsic.
It's within that person.
They are personally drivento get the outcome that that
(06:43):
hard thing will lead them to.
But sometimes we do also need tobuild in small motivators that are
aligned with what a person truly wants.
It helps them get over the linefor those extra little bits of
motivation that are lacking.
And importantly, they'renot used manipulatively.
Ideally, these small motivationsare self-driven by the person
(07:06):
who is doing the hard thing.
My little example today is I reallywanted to get Facebook ads up and
running, and I wanted to paint my nails.
The hard thing was all the piecesthat go into getting my Facebook
ads up, I'm pretty good at it.
I've done it a lot of times andit's still kind of hard, so I did
it and then I painted my nails.
Hooray.
As a grownup, I get todecide that for myself.
(07:27):
What other little and big motivatorsthat I put in place to help
myself get excited or be ready andinterested in doing the hard thing.
Another way to make it as easy as possibleis to pick your ideal attention time.
This takes a lot of experimenting.
You're not always gonna get it right.
But there might be some generalpatterns about when you or when
(07:47):
the child has the best possibleattention for that kind of hard thing.
Another way to make it as easyas possible is to have maximum
support for sensory needs.
So making sure that there is sensoryregulation and sensory comfort when
attempting to do the hard thing.
And equally, having maximum emotionalregulation is super important too.
(08:08):
There might be a day where you plan to dothat big hard thing, but then something
made your emotions go really way off.
You just know that it'sa really tricky day.
You're feeling triggered, you're feelingfrustrated already before, anything
hard has even happened, and that mightbe a great reason to delay doing the
hard thing to another day, or at leastto prioritize emotional regulation
(08:31):
before diving into the hard thing.
Getting help from other people isanother really, really important
way to make it as easy as possible.
Maybe that's learning from otherpeople, getting examples from other
people, having tutoring, having anassistant, having a support person,
having a coach, a therapist,family member, friend.
There's just so many ways this canlook, but use the people in your world.
(08:54):
To help you do the hard thing.
And finally, using all your supporttools and systems possible to help
you do the hard thing is so important.
If it crosses your mind that this certainthing might help, just do the thing, put
that thing in place or get comfortable or.
Get the right music happening,whatever it is that you can think of
(09:15):
that will help you do the hard thing,just a little bit easier, do that.
There's no shame inmaking hard things easy.
It's a brilliant life hack, and it's thekey to actually growing in a sustainable
way without heading down a path of stressand burnout and exhaustion and self-doubt
when we try to do things that are way toohard for us in that particular moment.
(09:36):
So let me talk you through some examplesto make this a little bit concrete.
Now, a lot of the audience, especiallyon my Exploring Neurodiversity podcast.
are, professionals who supportneurodivergent children, there are
also many parents listening, or peoplewho work with children in different
capacities or care for children.
So we are gonna talk about supportingan autistic child who's learning to
(09:58):
read at school and how this idea ofdoing the right hard things with the
right motivation at the right time,with the right supports, it's fine
because you can make it as easy aspossible to get the hard thing done.
So we're talking about Mason, age six.
He's in year one, and he really,really struggled throughout
kindergarten to learn to read.
(10:18):
His kindergarten teacher
insisted on pushing his reading forward.
Even when he was getting upset,frustrated, and disheartened
because he wasn't getting thesame progress that his peers were.
He was becoming more and more awareof his difficulty in shutting down
and his teacher continued to persistbecause she felt that she had to get
him to a particular reading level.
But the pushing continued.
To push Mason further and furtheraway from wanting to read.
(10:41):
However, here's themotivation, here's the reason.
First of all, literacy is generallywhere it's available, seen as a good
thing for everyone to have, in asmuch as they can possibly do with
the right supports in their life.
Literacy helps us keepconnected with the world.
It opens up so many opportunities.
(11:01):
I am not gonna keep selling thevalue of it, but I am gonna say
literacy is not available to everyoneand it looks different to everyone
anyway.
Mason also loves animals, and he'sgot such a deep curiosity and he
wants to learn more about animals.
He started choosing library booksand books at home about animals.
And he's getting curious and bringingthem to the grownups around him for
(11:22):
them to read more to him, which hehadn't done most of kindergarten.
So on his own, he started to recognizethat he wants to learn to read so that he
can get the information from these books.
This idea of making it as easy as possiblefor Mason, it looks like this Mason and
the grownups around him are reminding himof his interest and allowing him to pursue
reading around his interest of animals.
(11:44):
They're supporting his idealattention time by doing reading
time early in the morning.
Pretty much when Mason wakes up 'causehe is very alert and very on when he
wakes up fresh, they're not trying to doreading in the evening because he gets
easily frustrated at that time and that'sa pattern that they know day after day.
Mason's family and teachers aregiving maximum support for his sensory
(12:04):
needs before diving into reading.
So he's helped create a readingcorner at home and at school, and
he is had that agency and that
support from the people around him tobuild a space that feels great to him.
On the note of emotional regulation.
His parents and teachers understandthat he can easily get into frustration
and when he does, that might be readingtime shut down for the rest of that day.
(12:28):
So they're proceeding gently.
And that's working.
Letting Mason lead.
The reading time is working'cause he wants to do it.
He's moving forward, he's asking todo it, but it can't always be hard
for him when things are too hard,when he is getting too frustrated,
when he is too tired 'cause hehasn't slept well the night before.
The grownups around him helpedby reading to him without any
(12:49):
shame, without any judgment.
It's just on offer so that he can accessthe information he's curious about in
those books without him having to feelthat he's forced to do the hard thing on
a day where everything feels too hard.
I hope that is a clear demonstrationof some of the ways that these aspects
of making things as easy as possibleto do the hard thing can pay off.
(13:11):
Mason, can progress in his reading.
He is progressing in his reading.
It's in the right way at theright time with the right support.
And now let's flip it to an adult.
We are gonna say that this adultis a business owner an ADHDer
Lois, who recognizes that herwork is completely chaotic.
Lois is a graphic designer andshe absolutely loves her work.
(13:35):
She's really energized by her designwork and absolutely avoids all admin.
She avoids invoicing.
She avoids spreadsheets.
I mean, personally, I lovethem, but this is Lois.
She avoids any of the business parts ofbusiness and just wants to do the work.
Lois recognized that she needed aproject management system, and she
(13:55):
settled on one she's ready to implement.
It looks pretty enough.
She's keen, she's got the rightidea about the hard thing that she
wants to do because she recognizesthat that hard thing of learning
this project management app and.
Using it day to day, gettinginto these habits and patterns.
This is hard for her.
She's never done it by default.
(14:17):
She's never stuck with a listfor more than five minutes,
but she just knows that it's time totame all of the load of stuff that's
in her brain, and obviously alwaysgetting forgotten and left behind,
and the guilt associated with that.
And the missed business opportunities.
She knows it's time to tame it and put itinto an app and make some sense of it all.
(14:37):
So she's got the idea.
It's a good thing for her to do that she'sdecided, but it's not her usual groove,
so it is gonna be really, really hard.
Lois is gonna make it aseasy as possible for herself.
She is going to focus on thosebig and small motivations by
writing on a post-it note.
Exactly what the outcome will be.
When I learn to use clickup, I willtake all the junk outta my brain.
(15:02):
I won't forget so much stuff,and I'll make more money.
That's so cool.
Right in front of her, she's gonnapick her ideal attention time.
Lois commits to
watching.
Step-by-step videos from anotherneurodivergent business owner that she
has seen a little bit on YouTube anddecides that the how-to videos are gonna
work for her, but she picks a particularmid-morning time and a particular favorite
(15:25):
cafe to go to and watch these videos.
Lois is gonna set up maximum supportfor her sensory needs to be able
to be ready to do the hard thing.
She's gonna have her favorite coffeein her favorite environment with noise
cancelling headphones, so she doesn't hearall the coffee making going on around her.
She's gonna wear her comfiest, mostbright sparkly clothes to feel kind
(15:45):
of joyful, fun, and comfortablewhile she's doing this hard thing.
Lois is also going to have a little peptalk with herself before each of these
sessions where she's trying to learn thenew thing to remind herself that it is
hard and it might feel like slow going andit might feel like she wants to run away
and do anything else, but every littlestep forward is gonna be an improvement.
(16:07):
That's part of her emotional regulation.
She's gonna be supporting herself tobe okay as she's moving through the
steps of learning something reallynew and different for her, and on a
day where the kids were quite wildthat morning and she turns up at the
cafe and she's feeling completelydysregulated and absolutely distracted.
(16:27):
And a client has sent her a grumpy emailor she's not quite sure if it's grumpy,
but it feels that way a little bit.
She's feeling just completely off.
She decides that is not aday to do the hard thing.
She puts that aside to another day.
The hard thing can wait.
Lois also decides to gethelp from other people.
By working with a business coachand a community where she can chat
back and forth and get supportalong the way from expert people.
(16:50):
Even just watching that YouTubevideo tutorial is a way of
getting help from other people.
You know, watching people who've gonebefore you to see how it can be done.
It is a brilliant way where you don'thave to learn it all from scratch.
So.
I really hope that these two examples,while they seem quite different,
it's the same framework applied tothese ideas of doing hard things, but
(17:12):
with the right reasons and with theright support and at the right time.
I'd love you to reflect on yourown experience, whether you're
neurodivergent or not, your ownpersonal experience of learning
something hard or doing something hard.
Maybe it's facing atricky conversation or.
Writing a report that seems -particularlycomplex for you or turning up at
a meeting where you need to be areally strong advocate for somebody.
(17:35):
It can be physical challenges.
Maybe it's, you know, running amarathon and training for that.
Maybe it's.
Simply getting up off thecouch to put the washing away.
You get to define what the hardthing is in any one moment.
If it feels hard, it is hard.
That's a valid, real experience.
Nothing is too big or small to be deemed ahard thing, but I hope that this framework
(17:56):
of doing the right hard things with theright reasons, at the right time, with
the right support is useful for youand for the people that you support.
Now I wanna share two ways thatI can help you do hard things and
I can be part of that support.
I'll be sharing one from each ofmy businesses and all the links
that will take you to where youneed to go are in the show notes.
(18:19):
Firstly, if you are a neurodivergentservice based business owner, you are
invited to my upcoming free webinar.
It's on the 19th of May, 2025 ifyou're listening after the fact.
You'll still be able to go to the linkin the show notes and go and check
out what else I have available for youthat other ways that I can support you
as a neurodivergent business owner.
But anyway, on the 19th of May, I'mrunning a free webinar called Shift
(18:42):
Your Business from Burnout to Boundless,and I am so, so excited to be sharing
Neurodivergent friendly ways that youcan build your business so that it is
far away from burnout land and in adirection that really makes you feel.
That you are in your elementdoing less and less hard things.
'cause everything that you do inyour business, if you are a business
(19:05):
owner, should eventually be up to you.
You are the boss, but ittakes a lot of intentionality.
And so I call a lot of this outand share lots of strategies and
ideas for how you can shift yourbusiness away from burnout and into a
boundless future that works for you.
That is free.
And the registration forthat is in the show notes.
And at the end of that webinar, I'll besharing about my Neurodivergent Business
(19:26):
Collective, which is my membershipfor neurodivergent business owners.
It's a delightful online space where Ican be that support for so many people,
and we have a beautiful community.
And yeah, I just absolutely lovehelping other business owners do things
in a way that works more for them.
And on a similar note, I have alsojust released a webinar through
(19:48):
play, learn chat, but kind ofco-presented from Neurodivergent
Business Coaching and Consulting.
I brought both of my brains togetherfor this one, diversifying revenue
Streams for Allied Health professionals,and I'm sharing innovative business
models to fit your brain, your life,and the unpredictable NDIS landscape.
For those who are in Australia.
You'll know exactly what that means,but wherever you are in the world,
(20:10):
having a more diverse lineup ofthings that happen in your business
is only going to benefit you.
And I really encourage people to thinkoutside the box for the supports you offer
people, because it will also benefit.
The people that you support.
I've got 30% off that webinaruntil the 15th of May.
But if you're listening afterthe fact, please go check it out
anyway and see what's available,what is on offer, and how I can
(20:32):
support you to be your best self.
Whether you are running a business,whether you are, you're a divergent,
running a business, whether you'rean adult supporting children who are
having a hard time in life becauselife is built on hard mode for them.
I want you to find ways that you cansupport them to make their hard things
(20:52):
as easy as possible, and make sure thatthe hard things that they're working
on are the right hard things for them.
As always, I'd love to hear your feedback,your questions, your suggestions about
what else you'd like me to share.
Thank you so much for sharingthis space and time with me.
Thank you for being open tolearning and unlearning and to
listening to the perspectives andexperiences of Neurodivergent folks.
(21:13):
If you found this episode helpful,please share it with a friend, share a
screenshot on Instagram, pop a five starrating and a review in your favorite app.
And join me on Instagram and Facebook.
I'm @play.Learn.chat.
Have a beautiful day.
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