June 1, 2025 • 27 mins
Too stuck to dream big or unsure where to begin? This episode shares how to get unstuck, overcome fear of outcomes, and take bold steps toward alignment. You don't have to have it all figured out—just start where you are. Your boldness matters!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hi, friends, and welcome back to another episode
of the 10xBoulder podcast.
I'm Nora.
First of all, I just want tosay thank you so much to
everyone who has taken the timeto listen so far to the podcast
and share it, and especiallythank you to those of you who
have reached out to me directlywith your feedback and also your
(00:25):
stories of what has happenedsince you listened to the
podcast.
I didn't know what to expect.
When I launched the podcast inMay, I hoped that at least one
person would find it encouraging, but some of the stories that
I've heard have truly blown mymind.
Have truly blown my mind.
(00:47):
For example, within a day and ahalf of the Option Unicorn
episode dropping, two differentpeople reached out to tell me
that they listened to thatepisode either right before or
right after learning that theywere losing their jobs and, of
course, that's never fun news toget.
But both of them told me thatlistening to Option Unicorn
helped them start to dream aboutwhat was beyond that setback
(01:07):
and even start to get excitedabout what Option Unicorn would
look like in their next careermove.
Another guy reached out to tellme that he was inspired, at
least in part, by the podcast toshoot his shot with a woman
that he's known for a very longtime.
Apparently, he always had aninterest in her, but the timing
was just never right.
But they recently reconnectedand now they're both single and
(01:31):
he decided to let her know howhe felt, and things have
apparently been going well andshe's going to be visiting him
soon.
So, anyways, I'm very excitedto hear where that goes.
But it just goes to show thatyou never know what can happen
when you take that step ofboldness, whether it's sliding
into a DM, whether it's dreamingabout your next career move or,
(01:54):
in my case, whether it'sstarting a podcast.
So, again, I just want to saythank you for the response so
far.
I'm truly honored and I am soexcited to see what happens next
.
So, with that said, I wanted tointroduce the topic of today's
episode, which is what to dowhen you feel a little bit stuck
(02:18):
when it comes to knowing whatyou would even want to do if you
were 10 times bolder.
I had friend, a good friendreach out to me and essentially
ask me about this.
She said nora, I love thisconcept of being 10 times bolder
, but one problem I actuallyhave no idea what I would even
want to do if I was 10 timesbolder.
I don't even know how to accessthat headspace and even more
(02:39):
than that, I have a really hardtime with letting go of the
outcome when I start to dreamlike that.
I know it's about more of theprocess than the outcome, but I
really still want a certainoutcome and I don't know how to
be open-handed with that.
I don't know if any of you canresonate with that, but I
definitely can, and I think it'sa really important topic
(03:01):
because I think that that can bea big mental roadblock to
getting unstuck and starting tolive differently than we have
been, and so it's an importantquestion to think about, and so
I wanted to split this into twoparts and to kind of unpack it a
little bit, and hopefully thisis helpful for some of you.
The first thing that I would say, or that I would really ask you
(03:24):
, is what does margin look likein your life?
I know that for me, um, I'mtypically, you know, a big
dreamer.
I a big picture person, and Idon't have as much of a hard
time getting a vision forsomething as I do of executing
it, but obviously I'm working onit, I'm getting better, but,
yeah, normally that's not anarea that I struggle with,
(03:46):
however, that has.
There have been a few times inmy life where I have really felt
that way, and it's usually beentimes where, in general in life
, I felt overwhelmed.
One one time that really standsout to me is when I was at a
happy hour with coworkersseveral years ago and we were
(04:08):
talking about goals and dreamsand I said like, yeah, I'm a big
goals and dreams person.
I just love thinking aboutstuff like that.
And so they asked me oh, okay,great, what are some of your
dreams right now?
And I got put on the spot andthen I thought about it and
realized I actually have no idea.
The biggest thing I could thinkof was I wanted to win
(04:30):
something on the radio and theother stuff was just like to-do
list items.
And one of the guys said, um,nora, we could easily knock
those out if we tried, like thismonth or this week even, and
those are pretty doable.
And I realized that he wasright.
And that was really a canary inthe coal mine for me of how I
(04:53):
was feeling just in general atthat time.
At that time I was really comingout of a pretty traumatic
experience that I had had at aprevious church and I also just
had a lot of tabs open in mymind.
I had just moved and wassettling into a new community
and location and also I wasreeling from some really hard
(05:15):
stuff that I still didn't knowhow to make sense of.
I also was working full-time ata job that I found challenging
and just some other things weregoing on to the point where I
just was over functioning and Iwasn't really feeling like I had
the space or the time to restin the way that I needed to.
(05:38):
I was so focused on gettingeverything done that I needed to
and rushing around and checkingeverything off my list that I
didn't have any margin to justbe.
And I really realized laterthat I was in survival mode.
And the thing about survivalmode is that it's really almost
(05:59):
impossible to even dream orreally think about things like
self-actualization and how couldlife be if it was different,
because you're so focused onjust surviving and getting by
day to day.
And that's where I was at.
But I was so in survival modeand I actually had things on
(06:22):
lockdown like I actually wasfunctioning very effectively, so
I didn't realize just how muchI did not feel like I had that
space and, honestly, I didn'tfeel safe.
I didn't have the kind ofencouragement that I really need
to thrive, and so when I was inthat time, you know, I would
not have had the capacity toreally dream very big or do
(06:45):
things like make a podcast.
All I could really do was takethe next right step for me to
feel safe.
Like I said, I've moved to aplace that felt better for me.
I eventually changed churches,I started seeking out safe
people, I started really just totake things off my plate and
(07:08):
and slow down.
You know, with the wholedreaming big and being ten times
bolder thing, I get a pictureof a train on the tracks,
running at full steam ahead,firing on all cylinders.
But the thing about a train isthat it takes a while to build
up speed.
And a train starts from astandstill and it has a lot of
inertia and you have to exert alot of force on it to even push
(07:31):
it a little bit, but slowly itpicks up steam and eventually it
gets to full speed.
And so I want to say to anybodywho feels stuck or like they're
in survival mode don't expectyourself to get to full steam
overnight.
It takes time to build up tothat and I think actually the
best thing you can do is reallyslow down and take note of
(07:54):
yourself and how you're feelingin your body.
Do you feel safe?
Do you have the margin to evenget in touch with how you're
feeling?
Do you need to take somethingoff your plate?
Is there something that isn'tlife-giving for you?
Is there somebody that you cantalk to to share what you're
needing?
And go from there?
You know, I came out of thattime and I did the steps that I
(08:20):
mentioned and I moved to areally peaceful, beautiful area,
first in San Francisco, rightby the Golden Gate Park, and I
would just go on long walks toGolden Gate Park every weekend
and I just took in the beauty ofmy surroundings and I made
friends with a guy who draggedhis piano out into the middle of
(08:42):
the music concourse and justplayed this beautiful music and
I just appreciated beingsurrounded by museums and nature
and just took pictures ofthings that I found pretty.
And then later on I moved downto the peninsula and was in this
gorgeous house that was rightnext to Burlingame Avenue.
I could just walk to get dinnersomewhere or get groceries, and
(09:06):
it was just a very peacefulrhythm of life that made me feel
really safe and really relaxed.
And once I kind of got to aplace where I wasn't surviving
anymore, where I felt more safe,I was able to slow down enough
to notice what was around me andGod really started speaking to
(09:28):
me through that.
And that's when I actuallystarted to build up that
momentum of oh wow, I'm noticingthat, that, you know, even this
tree is really speaking to meand that that makes me feel so
good and so relaxed.
Oh, and it's not about metrying to figure out my whole
life right now.
It's just about seeing howbeautiful this tree is.
And that might sound stupid andthat might sound lame or I
(09:52):
don't know how that soundsactually, but it really does
make a difference.
And psychologists talk aboutglimmers, where you just notice
like it's the opposite oftrigger, I guess where you just
notice like little micro momentsof joy and pleasure or things
that just really speak to you.
And so I started experiencingmore and more of those and I
(10:12):
actually started to look forthem.
I don't know if you guys knowremember the show blues clues.
It's kind of old but now?
But you know, it's this cartoondog who would place his paw and
a paw print on different thingsin the tv show to provide a
clue, for actually I don't evenknow what the clue is, for I
don't think there was like acrime or anything that happened
on that show, but anyways, Iwould look for these blues clues
(10:35):
of what god was saying to me.
One time it was I.
I really started to noticepictures of the golden gate
bridge everywhere and I was like, oh, the Golden Gate Bridge is
so pretty.
And so I decided to go to thePresidio and just be there near
the Golden Gate Bridge and fromthere I went to the Walt Disney
Family Museum and I ended upwatching a video about Walt
(10:56):
Disney and I was really moved byhis vision and his life and how
creative he is vision and hislife and how creative he is and
I actually started cryingbecause I was just so inspired
but also a little bit frustratedbecause I saw what it looked
like in another human being tolive out the way he was created,
(11:18):
to be so creative.
And I wanted to do the samething, but I didn't know how,
and so I was just like God, Idon't know what to do.
I just really am trying so hardto connect with you and like
what, what do I do to reallyalign with the way that you made
me?
Because I'm just tired oftrying to figure it out, I'm
tired of surviving, I'm justtired.
(11:40):
And in that moment I just feltso much peace come over me and I
got a lot of a sense of clarityabout the way that I'm made and
that it's okay to not have itall figured out.
I'm not supposed to have it allfigured out.
I'm a big picture people personand I love bringing people
(12:02):
together to see something, cometogether to really create
something.
I didn't have to figure thatout overnight.
I could just take the nextright step and the next right
step.
And you know, all of thisclarity came not from analyzing
myself and not from doing whatconventional wisdom says.
You know, reading a book ortalking to a coach those things
(12:23):
can be great, but sometimes,sometimes slowing down is the
best way to speed up because youget that clarity of the next
right step and then that's thething that brings alignment and
momentum and acceleration.
And it looks different foreverybody and I feel like my
process might be more abstractthan for some other people, but
(12:44):
that's how it worked for me as aunique individual, and slowing
down enough to get that clarityof the way that I was made and
to be okay with who I am, versuscomparing myself to other
people and their process, isreally the only way that I or I
think, anybody can really stayaligned with what's congruent
(13:07):
for me.
So, anyways, all that to say,do you have margin in your life
in order to get that kind ofclarity?
A lot of people are runningaround like chickens with their
heads cut off, especially whereI live in Silicon Valley, you
know.
The question oh, what do you do?
Is basically the Silicon Valleyversion of how are you?
(13:29):
And that's all about what youdo and what your job is and how
productive are you.
And I get it because, you know,we live in a place that is
producing a lot of technologyand it's changing the world, but
at the same time, I believethat innovation comes from
inspiration and clarity.
(13:50):
And burning yourself out andrunning around and always
hustling, I don't think thatthat's actually as productive as
people seem to believe it is.
The second part of my friend'squestion that I wanted to
address is what about when Ihave a really hard time letting
(14:11):
go of the outcome of whathappens when I start to dream
big or be 10 times bolder?
What if it's really hard for meto be open-handed with the
outcome of whatever comes ofthat?
And, like I said, I totallyrelate to this and I I'm sure a
lot of you can as well.
And the first thing I want tosay is that it's not inherently
(14:33):
bad to want something.
I think a lot of our desiresare are good not all of them.
I think some desires do comefrom a place of lack of truth or
maybe not the healthiest place,but a lot of them are good.
And at the same time, I wouldsay that if there is something
that you are contemplating,stepping out in and trying
(15:03):
something new that you want totry or ask for or do.
Don't do it for the outcome.
Do it to align, and by that Imean align with the truth of who
you really are, based on whatGod says about you, or if you
don't believe in God or youstill see him as a scary, angry
(15:25):
dad who's mad at you and doesn'twant to give you anything.
What does a kind, loving familymember or friend say?
Or what would they say if youcould just picture them in your
mind?
And does that line up with whatyou believe about yourself and
how you walk out life?
For me, I'm not in alignment inall of those areas.
For example, I know that I'm acreative person.
(15:46):
I believe that we were allcreated by a creator in his
image, and so God is creative.
If he's creating everything,he's creative.
He made penguins, and if God'screative, that means that I'm
creative.
So I know that in my head, andalso I know that I feel most
alive when I'm creatingsomething.
But honestly, day to day in mycareer, I'm mostly pretty
(16:11):
technical and analytical and I'mnot really creating as much as
I really want to in order to bein alignment with the way that I
made a very important part ofthe way that I made, and so I
want to make this podcast,because I mean, of course, I
want people to view it, but evenmore so I decided that I was
(16:34):
going to do it because it'saligning with me being creative,
and so that's the thing thatreally helped me get over the
hurdle of perfectionism andputting this podcast out.
Candidly, I thought that thefirst episode was actually
probably not very good.
You know, for any of you whoare creative, I'm sure you can
relate we're always our ownbiggest critics when we're
(16:56):
making something, and all we cansee are what we think are the
flaws.
And you know, I could see somethings that, um, that I wasn't
so sure about, but I actuallythink that that's a very big lie
that holds a lot of us backfrom doing doing things and
(17:17):
stepping into our destiny, meincluded.
And so just making a podcastthat I thought was kind of not
that great and then seeing theresponse is very humbling, and
so it's really inspiring me tokeep going, and I hope that for
any of you that are wanting totake a step or maybe a creative
risk or start a new project orsomething that you've had on
your mind for a while to do, butthere's a voice in your head
(17:39):
saying things like oh, I'll dothis when I have more time, or
I'll do this when you know I canreally make it perfect, because
it's not going to be perfect ifI do it right now.
Or you know who am I to even dosomething like that, if that
sounds like you and this isresonating with you at all, and
maybe you have a project thatyou want to step into, but this
(18:01):
voice is holding you back.
I just want to say that thatvoice might sound like logic or
reason or common sense, but it'sactually not true and it's
probably holding you back fromdoing some pretty epic things
that would change not just yourlife but the lives of the people
around you, and it'sdiminishing you from reaching
(18:23):
your full potential and it ismaking your life smaller, and
you know what that might soundkind of harsh, and I'm not
trying to be harsh, trust me.
I have lived small a lot of mylife and I totally understand
the very compelling reasons whysomeone might do that and why
(18:44):
many people live their wholelives doing that, and so this is
not to shame anyone.
On the contrary.
If you are hearing this and itis resonating, take heart
because you are alive and ifyou're alive, there's still time
but I want you to think verysoberly about the possibility
that you, stepping in to some ofthese callings on your life,
(19:09):
could actually impact the peoplearound you so much that it
would change not just your lifebut their lives too.
And it's not yourresponsibility to change other
people's lives, but it is yourresponsibility what you decide
to do with what's in front ofyou.
And so if any of this isresonating and you're looking
(19:31):
for a place to start with whatit would even look like to do
something to align, here's oneidea you could take a piece of
paper, you could draw a linedown the middle I think that's
what I said last time to do too.
But you can take a piece ofpaper, you can draw a line down
the middle and, on one side,write the heaviest feeling
(19:52):
beliefs that are weighing youdown right now.
If you're feeling stuck, if youare wanting to be 10 times
bolder Now, if you're feelingstuck, if you are wanting to be
10 times bolder, but you justfeel stuck, just start to write
down all of the bad thoughts outloud, try and crystallize them,
maybe get someone to evenlisten to you verbally process
(20:14):
somebody who has capacity for itand that you know well
hopefully not a stranger but getthem to maybe help you put to
words what it is that you'reactually believing, whether it's
.
I never do what I say I'm goingto do.
I'm not creative, I don't haveany good ideas, I'm too young,
I'm too old, whatever it is,write it down.
Write down all of it, Justverbally vomit.
(20:35):
On the left side of the page, onthe right side, bullet point by
bullet point.
I want you to write the exactopposite of whatever that
negative thing is.
So in my example, for the onenext to I'm too old, I write I'm
not too old, I'm the right ageFor I'm too young, I write I'm
(20:58):
not too young, my time is now.
Everything down the list.
Write the exact opposite,whether or not you believe it's
true, totally irrelevant at thispoint.
Okay, once you have that allfleshed out, go ahead and read
the left side again and theright side, and I want you to
ask yourself which of thesesounds like something that a
(21:19):
loving friend would say to me,or a loving family member, or
even God, if you don't believethat God's a scary, angry dad
who's just going around pointingout everything wrong with you.
It seems like a lot of peoplethink that, but it's not true.
I digress, though.
So, anyways, which of thosesounds more like a loving, kind
person?
(21:39):
Which of those feels morelife-giving?
And I'm going to say thatwhichever side feels more
life-giving is actually thetruth about who you are, and
maybe there's areas where I sayI don't do what I say I'm gonna
do, and the right side is I dowhat I say I'm gonna do.
Well, maybe right now I'm notliving in alignment with that.
(22:02):
Maybe right now I say I dothings, then sometimes I don't
do them.
But doing this podcast isaligning with the truth that I
do say what I'm going to do.
I am creative, I am a creativeperson and I actually create.
I live out my creativity byactually creating things
consistently, and so me makingthis podcast and you doing
(22:25):
whatever it is that you arewanting to do, that is aligning
with the truth that you havejust identified and that, my
friend, is one way to getunstuck on the path of being
bolder and expanding.
So that is what has worked forme and that's all I can speak
(22:45):
from is my experience, but Iactually have done this exercise
with other people, and I'veseen them get real breakthrough
from it too, and so I just wantto leave you with this again.
This is about you and your lifeand breaking out of mindsets
that could be holding you back,but it's about so much more than
(23:07):
you.
It's also about the peoplearound you who are going to be
impacted by what you decide todo next your kids, your parents,
your neighbors, your friends,strangers, who you have never
met and will never meet butthey're going to be impacted by
the step that you take.
Right now, there's no tellingwhat can happen, and that's why
(23:31):
it's called faith.
Faith is what you do when youdon't know the outcome.
When I launched my podcast, Ihad no idea what would happen,
and it's still very early.
I still have no idea what willhappen, but the stories that
I've heard so far have confirmedto me that this was a step of
faith that I took that is havingfruit and it is impacting
people's lives, and I believethat the best steps that we take
(23:54):
are the ones that influenceother people to change their
lives too, because, ultimately,I think the most fulfilling
purpose in life is somethingthat's so much bigger than us,
and if that's something thatyou're wanting, I believe that
that desire is from God and thathe actually wants it for you
too.
He actually wants even more foryou than you do.
(24:15):
So if any of this is resonating, I just want to encourage you
that we all get a little stucksometimes and it's gonna be okay
.
But a few things that you couldask yourself, just to recap, is
what does margin look like in mylife?
Do I have margin?
Am I able to slow down, toreally get in touch with my own
(24:40):
self, my heart, what I actuallywant, and if not, am I in
survival mode?
Is there something that I needto do to make myself feel a
little bit more safe?
Is there something I can takeoff my plate?
What can I need to do to makemyself feel a little bit more
safe?
Is there something I can takeoff my plate?
What can I do to give myself alittle bit more margin and space
to really slow down and havethe right conditions before I
(25:02):
can even think about dreaming,even if life is looking really
busy right now?
What does it look like to takehalf an hour for yourself to
slow down?
Go for a walk, notice the birdsoutside, look for blues clues in
your environment and just seewhat stands out to you and how
can you have a little bit moregrace for yourself, realizing
that it takes time to build upthat momentum, especially if
(25:26):
you're over-functioning.
And then what would it looklike to do something to align
with the truth of who you are,as opposed to stay focused on an
outcome?
I don't know what's going tohappen when you step out in
faith, but I do know that it'llbe an interesting experience and
(25:47):
I hope that you tell me aboutit.
So that's all I have for today,and I just want to thank
everyone again for listening andplease continue to share your
stories with me.
I would love to stay in touchand find out what's resonating.
And the other thing is, I wouldlove it if you would send me
(26:07):
any questions you have about thekinds of stuff that I'm talking
about whether it's somethingthat you feel stuck on or
something that doesn't makesense or a potential topic for a
future episode.
It really gives me inspirationfor what to talk about in future
episodes.
Finally, if you are enjoyingthis podcast, it would mean so
much to me if you would considersubscribing, rating and
(26:30):
reviewing the podcast whereveryou listen to it, because that
is what is going to help it growand reach more people that need
to hear it.
Thanks again for tuning in andI will see you next time.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Bye the key.
Break free, take flight step bystep.
We break the cold.
Here we go ten times.
Fear is a shadow, but we shinebright.
Turn the key.
Break free, take flight step bystep.
We break the cold.
Here we go.
Ten times bold, ten timesbolder, every day.
(27:11):
Fear can't hold us.
Fade away, rise above we're.
Thank you.
Hi, friends, and welcome back to another episode
of the 10xBoulder podcast.
I'm Nora.
First of all, I just want tosay thank you so much to
everyone who has taken the timeto listen so far to the podcast
and share it, and especiallythank you to those of you who
have reached out to me directlywith your feedback and also your
(00:25):
stories of what has happenedsince you listened to the
podcast.
I didn't know what to expect.
When I launched the podcast inMay, I hoped that at least one
person would find it encouraging, but some of the stories that
I've heard have truly blown mymind.
Have truly blown my mind.
(00:47):
For example, within a day and ahalf of the Option Unicorn
episode dropping, two differentpeople reached out to tell me
that they listened to thatepisode either right before or
right after learning that theywere losing their jobs and, of
course, that's never fun news toget.
But both of them told me thatlistening to Option Unicorn
helped them start to dream aboutwhat was beyond that setback
(01:07):
and even start to get excitedabout what Option Unicorn would
look like in their next careermove.
Another guy reached out to tellme that he was inspired, at
least in part, by the podcast toshoot his shot with a woman
that he's known for a very longtime.
Apparently, he always had aninterest in her, but the timing
was just never right.
But they recently reconnectedand now they're both single and
(01:31):
he decided to let her know howhe felt, and things have
apparently been going well andshe's going to be visiting him
soon.
So, anyways, I'm very excitedto hear where that goes.
But it just goes to show thatyou never know what can happen
when you take that step ofboldness, whether it's sliding
into a DM, whether it's dreamingabout your next career move or,
(01:54):
in my case, whether it'sstarting a podcast.
So, again, I just want to saythank you for the response so
far.
I'm truly honored and I am soexcited to see what happens next
.
So, with that said, I wanted tointroduce the topic of today's
episode, which is what to dowhen you feel a little bit stuck
(02:18):
when it comes to knowing whatyou would even want to do if you
were 10 times bolder.
I had friend, a good friendreach out to me and essentially
ask me about this.
She said nora, I love thisconcept of being 10 times bolder
, but one problem I actuallyhave no idea what I would even
want to do if I was 10 timesbolder.
I don't even know how to accessthat headspace and even more
(02:39):
than that, I have a really hardtime with letting go of the
outcome when I start to dreamlike that.
I know it's about more of theprocess than the outcome, but I
really still want a certainoutcome and I don't know how to
be open-handed with that.
I don't know if any of you canresonate with that, but I
definitely can, and I think it'sa really important topic
(03:01):
because I think that that can bea big mental roadblock to
getting unstuck and starting tolive differently than we have
been, and so it's an importantquestion to think about, and so
I wanted to split this into twoparts and to kind of unpack it a
little bit, and hopefully thisis helpful for some of you.
The first thing that I would say, or that I would really ask you
(03:24):
, is what does margin look likein your life?
I know that for me, um, I'mtypically, you know, a big
dreamer.
I a big picture person, and Idon't have as much of a hard
time getting a vision forsomething as I do of executing
it, but obviously I'm working onit, I'm getting better, but,
yeah, normally that's not anarea that I struggle with,
(03:46):
however, that has.
There have been a few times inmy life where I have really felt
that way, and it's usually beentimes where, in general in life
, I felt overwhelmed.
One one time that really standsout to me is when I was at a
happy hour with coworkersseveral years ago and we were
(04:08):
talking about goals and dreamsand I said like, yeah, I'm a big
goals and dreams person.
I just love thinking aboutstuff like that.
And so they asked me oh, okay,great, what are some of your
dreams right now?
And I got put on the spot andthen I thought about it and
realized I actually have no idea.
The biggest thing I could thinkof was I wanted to win
(04:30):
something on the radio and theother stuff was just like to-do
list items.
And one of the guys said, um,nora, we could easily knock
those out if we tried, like thismonth or this week even, and
those are pretty doable.
And I realized that he wasright.
And that was really a canary inthe coal mine for me of how I
(04:53):
was feeling just in general atthat time.
At that time I was really comingout of a pretty traumatic
experience that I had had at aprevious church and I also just
had a lot of tabs open in mymind.
I had just moved and wassettling into a new community
and location and also I wasreeling from some really hard
(05:15):
stuff that I still didn't knowhow to make sense of.
I also was working full-time ata job that I found challenging
and just some other things weregoing on to the point where I
just was over functioning and Iwasn't really feeling like I had
the space or the time to restin the way that I needed to.
(05:38):
I was so focused on gettingeverything done that I needed to
and rushing around and checkingeverything off my list that I
didn't have any margin to justbe.
And I really realized laterthat I was in survival mode.
And the thing about survivalmode is that it's really almost
(05:59):
impossible to even dream orreally think about things like
self-actualization and how couldlife be if it was different,
because you're so focused onjust surviving and getting by
day to day.
And that's where I was at.
But I was so in survival modeand I actually had things on
(06:22):
lockdown like I actually wasfunctioning very effectively, so
I didn't realize just how muchI did not feel like I had that
space and, honestly, I didn'tfeel safe.
I didn't have the kind ofencouragement that I really need
to thrive, and so when I was inthat time, you know, I would
not have had the capacity toreally dream very big or do
(06:45):
things like make a podcast.
All I could really do was takethe next right step for me to
feel safe.
Like I said, I've moved to aplace that felt better for me.
I eventually changed churches,I started seeking out safe
people, I started really just totake things off my plate and
(07:08):
and slow down.
You know, with the wholedreaming big and being ten times
bolder thing, I get a pictureof a train on the tracks,
running at full steam ahead,firing on all cylinders.
But the thing about a train isthat it takes a while to build
up speed.
And a train starts from astandstill and it has a lot of
inertia and you have to exert alot of force on it to even push
(07:31):
it a little bit, but slowly itpicks up steam and eventually it
gets to full speed.
And so I want to say to anybodywho feels stuck or like they're
in survival mode don't expectyourself to get to full steam
overnight.
It takes time to build up tothat and I think actually the
best thing you can do is reallyslow down and take note of
(07:54):
yourself and how you're feelingin your body.
Do you feel safe?
Do you have the margin to evenget in touch with how you're
feeling?
Do you need to take somethingoff your plate?
Is there something that isn'tlife-giving for you?
Is there somebody that you cantalk to to share what you're
needing?
And go from there?
You know, I came out of thattime and I did the steps that I
(08:20):
mentioned and I moved to areally peaceful, beautiful area,
first in San Francisco, rightby the Golden Gate Park, and I
would just go on long walks toGolden Gate Park every weekend
and I just took in the beauty ofmy surroundings and I made
friends with a guy who draggedhis piano out into the middle of
(08:42):
the music concourse and justplayed this beautiful music and
I just appreciated beingsurrounded by museums and nature
and just took pictures ofthings that I found pretty.
And then later on I moved downto the peninsula and was in this
gorgeous house that was rightnext to Burlingame Avenue.
I could just walk to get dinnersomewhere or get groceries, and
(09:06):
it was just a very peacefulrhythm of life that made me feel
really safe and really relaxed.
And once I kind of got to aplace where I wasn't surviving
anymore, where I felt more safe,I was able to slow down enough
to notice what was around me andGod really started speaking to
(09:28):
me through that.
And that's when I actuallystarted to build up that
momentum of oh wow, I'm noticingthat, that, you know, even this
tree is really speaking to meand that that makes me feel so
good and so relaxed.
Oh, and it's not about metrying to figure out my whole
life right now.
It's just about seeing howbeautiful this tree is.
And that might sound stupid andthat might sound lame or I
(09:52):
don't know how that soundsactually, but it really does
make a difference.
And psychologists talk aboutglimmers, where you just notice
like it's the opposite oftrigger, I guess where you just
notice like little micro momentsof joy and pleasure or things
that just really speak to you.
And so I started experiencingmore and more of those and I
(10:12):
actually started to look forthem.
I don't know if you guys knowremember the show blues clues.
It's kind of old but now?
But you know, it's this cartoondog who would place his paw and
a paw print on different thingsin the tv show to provide a
clue, for actually I don't evenknow what the clue is, for I
don't think there was like acrime or anything that happened
on that show, but anyways, Iwould look for these blues clues
(10:35):
of what god was saying to me.
One time it was I.
I really started to noticepictures of the golden gate
bridge everywhere and I was like, oh, the Golden Gate Bridge is
so pretty.
And so I decided to go to thePresidio and just be there near
the Golden Gate Bridge and fromthere I went to the Walt Disney
Family Museum and I ended upwatching a video about Walt
(10:56):
Disney and I was really moved byhis vision and his life and how
creative he is vision and hislife and how creative he is and
I actually started cryingbecause I was just so inspired
but also a little bit frustratedbecause I saw what it looked
like in another human being tolive out the way he was created,
(11:18):
to be so creative.
And I wanted to do the samething, but I didn't know how,
and so I was just like God, Idon't know what to do.
I just really am trying so hardto connect with you and like
what, what do I do to reallyalign with the way that you made
me?
Because I'm just tired oftrying to figure it out, I'm
tired of surviving, I'm justtired.
(11:40):
And in that moment I just feltso much peace come over me and I
got a lot of a sense of clarityabout the way that I'm made and
that it's okay to not have itall figured out.
I'm not supposed to have it allfigured out.
I'm a big picture people personand I love bringing people
(12:02):
together to see something, cometogether to really create
something.
I didn't have to figure thatout overnight.
I could just take the nextright step and the next right
step.
And you know, all of thisclarity came not from analyzing
myself and not from doing whatconventional wisdom says.
You know, reading a book ortalking to a coach those things
(12:23):
can be great, but sometimes,sometimes slowing down is the
best way to speed up because youget that clarity of the next
right step and then that's thething that brings alignment and
momentum and acceleration.
And it looks different foreverybody and I feel like my
process might be more abstractthan for some other people, but
(12:44):
that's how it worked for me as aunique individual, and slowing
down enough to get that clarityof the way that I was made and
to be okay with who I am, versuscomparing myself to other
people and their process, isreally the only way that I or I
think, anybody can really stayaligned with what's congruent
(13:07):
for me.
So, anyways, all that to say,do you have margin in your life
in order to get that kind ofclarity?
A lot of people are runningaround like chickens with their
heads cut off, especially whereI live in Silicon Valley, you
know.
The question oh, what do you do?
Is basically the Silicon Valleyversion of how are you?
(13:29):
And that's all about what youdo and what your job is and how
productive are you.
And I get it because, you know,we live in a place that is
producing a lot of technologyand it's changing the world, but
at the same time, I believethat innovation comes from
inspiration and clarity.
(13:50):
And burning yourself out andrunning around and always
hustling, I don't think thatthat's actually as productive as
people seem to believe it is.
The second part of my friend'squestion that I wanted to
address is what about when Ihave a really hard time letting
(14:11):
go of the outcome of whathappens when I start to dream
big or be 10 times bolder?
What if it's really hard for meto be open-handed with the
outcome of whatever comes ofthat?
And, like I said, I totallyrelate to this and I I'm sure a
lot of you can as well.
And the first thing I want tosay is that it's not inherently
(14:33):
bad to want something.
I think a lot of our desiresare are good not all of them.
I think some desires do comefrom a place of lack of truth or
maybe not the healthiest place,but a lot of them are good.
And at the same time, I wouldsay that if there is something
that you are contemplating,stepping out in and trying
(15:03):
something new that you want totry or ask for or do.
Don't do it for the outcome.
Do it to align, and by that Imean align with the truth of who
you really are, based on whatGod says about you, or if you
don't believe in God or youstill see him as a scary, angry
(15:25):
dad who's mad at you and doesn'twant to give you anything.
What does a kind, loving familymember or friend say?
Or what would they say if youcould just picture them in your
mind?
And does that line up with whatyou believe about yourself and
how you walk out life?
For me, I'm not in alignment inall of those areas.
For example, I know that I'm acreative person.
(15:46):
I believe that we were allcreated by a creator in his
image, and so God is creative.
If he's creating everything,he's creative.
He made penguins, and if God'screative, that means that I'm
creative.
So I know that in my head, andalso I know that I feel most
alive when I'm creatingsomething.
But honestly, day to day in mycareer, I'm mostly pretty
(16:11):
technical and analytical and I'mnot really creating as much as
I really want to in order to bein alignment with the way that I
made a very important part ofthe way that I made, and so I
want to make this podcast,because I mean, of course, I
want people to view it, but evenmore so I decided that I was
(16:34):
going to do it because it'saligning with me being creative,
and so that's the thing thatreally helped me get over the
hurdle of perfectionism andputting this podcast out.
Candidly, I thought that thefirst episode was actually
probably not very good.
You know, for any of you whoare creative, I'm sure you can
relate we're always our ownbiggest critics when we're
(16:56):
making something, and all we cansee are what we think are the
flaws.
And you know, I could see somethings that, um, that I wasn't
so sure about, but I actuallythink that that's a very big lie
that holds a lot of us backfrom doing doing things and
(17:17):
stepping into our destiny, meincluded.
And so just making a podcastthat I thought was kind of not
that great and then seeing theresponse is very humbling, and
so it's really inspiring me tokeep going, and I hope that for
any of you that are wanting totake a step or maybe a creative
risk or start a new project orsomething that you've had on
your mind for a while to do, butthere's a voice in your head
(17:39):
saying things like oh, I'll dothis when I have more time, or
I'll do this when you know I canreally make it perfect, because
it's not going to be perfect ifI do it right now.
Or you know who am I to even dosomething like that, if that
sounds like you and this isresonating with you at all, and
maybe you have a project thatyou want to step into, but this
(18:01):
voice is holding you back.
I just want to say that thatvoice might sound like logic or
reason or common sense, but it'sactually not true and it's
probably holding you back fromdoing some pretty epic things
that would change not just yourlife but the lives of the people
around you, and it'sdiminishing you from reaching
(18:23):
your full potential and it ismaking your life smaller, and
you know what that might soundkind of harsh, and I'm not
trying to be harsh, trust me.
I have lived small a lot of mylife and I totally understand
the very compelling reasons whysomeone might do that and why
(18:44):
many people live their wholelives doing that, and so this is
not to shame anyone.
On the contrary.
If you are hearing this and itis resonating, take heart
because you are alive and ifyou're alive, there's still time
but I want you to think verysoberly about the possibility
that you, stepping in to some ofthese callings on your life,
(19:09):
could actually impact the peoplearound you so much that it
would change not just your lifebut their lives too.
And it's not yourresponsibility to change other
people's lives, but it is yourresponsibility what you decide
to do with what's in front ofyou.
And so if any of this isresonating and you're looking
(19:31):
for a place to start with whatit would even look like to do
something to align, here's oneidea you could take a piece of
paper, you could draw a linedown the middle I think that's
what I said last time to do too.
But you can take a piece ofpaper, you can draw a line down
the middle and, on one side,write the heaviest feeling
(19:52):
beliefs that are weighing youdown right now.
If you're feeling stuck, if youare wanting to be 10 times
bolder Now, if you're feelingstuck, if you are wanting to be
10 times bolder, but you justfeel stuck, just start to write
down all of the bad thoughts outloud, try and crystallize them,
maybe get someone to evenlisten to you verbally process
(20:14):
somebody who has capacity for itand that you know well
hopefully not a stranger but getthem to maybe help you put to
words what it is that you'reactually believing, whether it's
.
I never do what I say I'm goingto do.
I'm not creative, I don't haveany good ideas, I'm too young,
I'm too old, whatever it is,write it down.
Write down all of it, Justverbally vomit.
(20:35):
On the left side of the page, onthe right side, bullet point by
bullet point.
I want you to write the exactopposite of whatever that
negative thing is.
So in my example, for the onenext to I'm too old, I write I'm
not too old, I'm the right ageFor I'm too young, I write I'm
(20:58):
not too young, my time is now.
Everything down the list.
Write the exact opposite,whether or not you believe it's
true, totally irrelevant at thispoint.
Okay, once you have that allfleshed out, go ahead and read
the left side again and theright side, and I want you to
ask yourself which of thesesounds like something that a
(21:19):
loving friend would say to me,or a loving family member, or
even God, if you don't believethat God's a scary, angry dad
who's just going around pointingout everything wrong with you.
It seems like a lot of peoplethink that, but it's not true.
I digress, though.
So, anyways, which of thosesounds more like a loving, kind
person?
(21:39):
Which of those feels morelife-giving?
And I'm going to say thatwhichever side feels more
life-giving is actually thetruth about who you are, and
maybe there's areas where I sayI don't do what I say I'm gonna
do, and the right side is I dowhat I say I'm gonna do.
Well, maybe right now I'm notliving in alignment with that.
(22:02):
Maybe right now I say I dothings, then sometimes I don't
do them.
But doing this podcast isaligning with the truth that I
do say what I'm going to do.
I am creative, I am a creativeperson and I actually create.
I live out my creativity byactually creating things
consistently, and so me makingthis podcast and you doing
(22:25):
whatever it is that you arewanting to do, that is aligning
with the truth that you havejust identified and that, my
friend, is one way to getunstuck on the path of being
bolder and expanding.
So that is what has worked forme and that's all I can speak
(22:45):
from is my experience, but Iactually have done this exercise
with other people, and I'veseen them get real breakthrough
from it too, and so I just wantto leave you with this again.
This is about you and your lifeand breaking out of mindsets
that could be holding you back,but it's about so much more than
(23:07):
you.
It's also about the peoplearound you who are going to be
impacted by what you decide todo next your kids, your parents,
your neighbors, your friends,strangers, who you have never
met and will never meet butthey're going to be impacted by
the step that you take.
Right now, there's no tellingwhat can happen, and that's why
(23:31):
it's called faith.
Faith is what you do when youdon't know the outcome.
When I launched my podcast, Ihad no idea what would happen,
and it's still very early.
I still have no idea what willhappen, but the stories that
I've heard so far have confirmedto me that this was a step of
faith that I took that is havingfruit and it is impacting
people's lives, and I believethat the best steps that we take
(23:54):
are the ones that influenceother people to change their
lives too, because, ultimately,I think the most fulfilling
purpose in life is somethingthat's so much bigger than us,
and if that's something thatyou're wanting, I believe that
that desire is from God and thathe actually wants it for you
too.
He actually wants even more foryou than you do.
(24:15):
So if any of this is resonating, I just want to encourage you
that we all get a little stucksometimes and it's gonna be okay
.
But a few things that you couldask yourself, just to recap, is
what does margin look like in mylife?
Do I have margin?
Am I able to slow down, toreally get in touch with my own
(24:40):
self, my heart, what I actuallywant, and if not, am I in
survival mode?
Is there something that I needto do to make myself feel a
little bit more safe?
Is there something I can takeoff my plate?
What can I need to do to makemyself feel a little bit more
safe?
Is there something I can takeoff my plate?
What can I do to give myself alittle bit more margin and space
to really slow down and havethe right conditions before I
(25:02):
can even think about dreaming,even if life is looking really
busy right now?
What does it look like to takehalf an hour for yourself to
slow down?
Go for a walk, notice the birdsoutside, look for blues clues in
your environment and just seewhat stands out to you and how
can you have a little bit moregrace for yourself, realizing
that it takes time to build upthat momentum, especially if
(25:26):
you're over-functioning.
And then what would it looklike to do something to align
with the truth of who you are,as opposed to stay focused on an
outcome?
I don't know what's going tohappen when you step out in
faith, but I do know that it'llbe an interesting experience and
(25:47):
I hope that you tell me aboutit.
So that's all I have for today,and I just want to thank
everyone again for listening andplease continue to share your
stories with me.
I would love to stay in touchand find out what's resonating.
And the other thing is, I wouldlove it if you would send me
(26:07):
any questions you have about thekinds of stuff that I'm talking
about whether it's somethingthat you feel stuck on or
something that doesn't makesense or a potential topic for a
future episode.
It really gives me inspirationfor what to talk about in future
episodes.
Finally, if you are enjoyingthis podcast, it would mean so
much to me if you would considersubscribing, rating and
(26:30):
reviewing the podcast whereveryou listen to it, because that
is what is going to help it growand reach more people that need
to hear it.
Thanks again for tuning in andI will see you next time.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Bye the key.
Break free, take flight step bystep.
We break the cold.
Here we go ten times.
Fear is a shadow, but we shinebright.
Turn the key.
Break free, take flight step bystep.
We break the cold.
Here we go.
Ten times bold, ten timesbolder, every day.
(27:11):
Fear can't hold us.
Fade away, rise above we're.
Thank you.
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