December 23, 2024 • 33 mins
Join us for a conversation with Taylor Hahn -- Lawyer, Mother and Author of "A Home For The Holidays"
Get your copy here: https://amzn.to/4f7yV7F or here or here https://bookshop.org/a/108716/9780593470701
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to the Griefy Girls Book Club, reading between the tears, introducing our author
(00:25):
feature series.
We are your hosts.
I'm Kendall Rogers and I'm Rachel Dwyer.
This is our book club where every month we read grief stories, both real and fictional.
In this episode, we are beyond excited to have our first author, Taylor Hahn, with us,
a full-time lawyer, mother, and author of A Home for the Holidays.
Despite her packed schedule, Taylor was able to squeeze us in before the holidays to talk
(00:47):
about her heartfelt novel that explores grief, the holiday blues, and finding unexpected
joy and love during the holiday season.
In this episode, we dive into Taylor's inspiration for the book, her personal relationship with
grief, and how she navigates the holidays while honoring her own mother.
Whether you're feeling weighed down by grief this holiday season or simply just looking
for a reminder of hope and healing, A Home for the Holidays is a perfect read to help
(01:11):
you lift your spirits.
We hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as we did.
So grab a cup of tea, get cozy, and let's talk about how to survive and even thrive
during the holidays no matter what life throws your way.
We're very excited.
We have our first author feature on our podcast.
We have the wonderful Taylor Hahn on our podcast.
She's the author of A Home for the Holidays.
(01:32):
Yeah.
So welcome, Taylor.
Do you mind giving us a little background about yourself, telling us a little bit about
who you are as an author?
Yeah, I would love to.
My name is Taylor Hahn and my first novel came out in 2022.
It's called The Lifestyle and this novel is called A Home for the Holidays.
It just came out a couple of months ago in advance of this year's holiday season.
(01:57):
And it's about a woman who finds out that her mom dies two weeks before Christmas and
she not wanting to move back into her mom's house and spend the holidays alone is contacted
by this woman claiming to be her mother's estranged best friend.
And this woman invites her to spend the holidays at her house and so she feels so desperate
(02:21):
that she accepts but then it ends up being this really life changing experience that
teaches her all about her mom's life and brings her closer to her mom even though her mom
is gone.
Yeah, and in my day to day life, I'm also a lawyer and a mom.
Oh wow.
You do it all.
Barely.
(02:41):
So what inspired you to write this book in particular?
Because I looked up a little bit on your previous book and they feel like very different styles
of books.
Yeah.
So my book was, I think of it more as like something that I was really writing to entertain
readers.
I felt like it was a comedy from my perspective about a woman kind of exploring herself and
(03:04):
getting to know herself and having these crazy adventures.
And I really did think of that as writing to entertain.
But with this book, I really wrote it for me.
And that I think is why it's so near and dear to my heart, first of all, but also is a bit
different in terms of what it tries to achieve.
(03:26):
And what inspired me is I did want to write a holiday novel just because I love the holidays.
I can't get enough of that stuff.
Like just the other night I was searching for a holiday novel to read in front of my
Christmas tree.
But I started working on it just thinking that I would write this kind of romantic holiday
novel set in a house maybe in like a snowy environment, like all the classic Christmas
(03:52):
things.
But then my mom died pretty suddenly.
So I wanted to keep writing the novel.
And I felt like maybe I could write it as an escape kind of.
Like could I write to get away from my feelings about grief?
(04:14):
But ultimately found that writing into those feelings was like a lot more productive both
for me as a person and also for me as an author.
I felt like just writing into those feelings actually made the novel a lot more compelling.
And so that's how it became what it is today.
That's amazing.
It was something Rachel and I were bringing up often as we would discuss the book together
(04:39):
because we have a weekly book club, a griefy book club on our podcast.
That's where people are probably listening right now.
But we kept saying like these are true grief thoughts.
These are griefy feelings that like even Rachel and I couldn't put words to it, but it was
so relatable in that we were like, man, she must have gone through something because this
(05:01):
is exactly our own experiences.
Yeah.
I mean, it was very fresh for me.
My mom died in February of 2022.
So that's not even, I guess it'll be three years ago in February.
So you can imagine that as I was writing the novel, it was very, very fresh as well.
And I was also becoming a mom as I was writing the loss of my mom and writing this book at
(05:26):
the same time.
So there were just a lot of feelings.
Well, I love that you leaned into that because I felt like I was also kind of like reckoning
with some of those feelings too with the loss of my own father.
And I lost him in October of 2020.
But I really empathized a lot with the relatability of like losing somebody around the holiday
(05:51):
time.
And so how much of your own life experience, I mean, obviously with the loss of your mother
and that's like a pivotal plot point in the book, but how much did you use from your own
life to create the book?
I mean, all of it.
I think that everything is true to an extent.
(06:13):
And even for example, like I haven't been contacted by an estranged best friend of my
mom.
But I have similar experiences in that after she died, maybe you had these experiences
as well, so many other people started telling me about their stories with my mom.
(06:37):
And it was really interesting to me to realize that she had this whole other life that I
wasn't really a part of and never got to see.
And she did have a very close best friend.
And I remember her best friend telling me at one point, and this person is not estranged,
I just remember her telling me at one point that my mom was her memory and that like they
(07:02):
had lived so much life together and so for her to be gone, then she felt like some of
those memories had gone with her.
And so I just started thinking, it would be so interesting to get to know a parent after
they're gone in ways that you never did before.
And that's how the character of Barb was born.
(07:22):
Another book that we read on our grief book book club was Emily Henry's The Beach Read.
And she's very private.
I tried to Google if she's lost people because she also is another author where I feel like
she has to have experienced this for the way that she writes about stuff and the relatable
moments but I couldn't find anything.
I was trying to Google, has Emily Henry lost her dad?
(07:45):
What is the experience?
I was trying to figure out because I always wonder, how can you write about grief if you
haven't experienced it?
And we've definitely leaned into grief books and I think I like grief fictional books because
there's usually like a happy ending or like happiness mixed into the craziness and the
sadness.
But I always wonder how authors like what inspires them and how real it is because so
(08:10):
many times it's like, I really felt those feelings are late to so many even if it's
not like the exact scenario or how things happened.
It's just like the grief part feels real.
It feels authentic.
And that's what we really felt watching or not watching, reading your book.
I feel like when I read a book though, I like watch it in my head.
Yeah, it's like a movie.
(08:30):
Yeah, sometimes I like forget if I read it or if it was a movie.
And sometimes I hate when adaptations come out because in my head, it's a really good
movie.
Yeah, I see it.
I'm like, wait, that's not how I wanted it to be.
Like what looks the way that they actually look?
That book would be great as a movie, I think for like a Hallmark or the Netflix specials.
(08:52):
This definitely has like a cinematic quality about it.
Amazing.
Fingers crossed.
One thing we wanted to also point out because we've, we put it out in the Beach Raid, but
kind of the complexities of friendship and like romantic partners and either just like
the partner, I think his name was Dan.
(09:13):
He was like not a great supportive boyfriend and how her friend even the one moment that
really stood out to me besides like the things that Dan did separately was like when she
was waiting in line excited to go to like a Christmas theme bar and then like her friend
left her to go hook up with somebody and then her boyfriend left her and I was like, what
(09:34):
is going on?
I was like, what kind of friends are these?
You don't just leave somebody at a bar.
And one thing that we pointed out is like just how friendships and relationships change
so much during grief.
Is that something that you really thought of in the book or you experienced because
it's included in there a little bit with Dan in the beginning and then kind of intertwined
(09:56):
with her friend throughout the story?
With respect to Dan, that came out of my experience, which was the opposite, thank God, with my
husband who was very, very supportive.
And I think that I just remember those early days, especially, but continuing on, you know,
(10:18):
as long as I needed to, he would just let me talk about it and would always listen.
And we had actually planned to go on a vacation before my mom passed away suddenly and it
was a really hard decision, but we decided to still go and it ended up being like really,
really healing for us to just spend that time together to just talk.
(10:42):
And I feel like he really just let me talk as much as I needed to talk about my feelings.
And that was so incredibly valuable.
And then at nighttime, you know, sometimes I would just cry and he would just hold me
like as long as I needed to.
And so I was just thinking about what the opposite of that experience would be like
if you had someone who actually just didn't have patience for your grief at all, which
(11:06):
I think is probably pretty common that she thankfully, Mel, decides that she deserves
better, and then does find someone who she can have those honest conversations with in
the book.
Yeah, it's like people's true colors will come out when you're grieving.
Yeah, it's so true.
(11:28):
One line that did stick out to me, but me Kendall talked about it in our last episode,
which is coming out next week is there was a line where he said basically he couldn't
hurt her because she didn't let him in.
And definitely before reading any of that, I was like, he's trying to force her to do
things she doesn't want to, he's not considerate, he won't even let her be sad for a second,
(11:50):
you know, he's not like really helping her.
So it's definitely like not team Dan and I've experienced similar things, like just bad
relationships experiencing grief.
But with that line, I was curious if there was more to it because it stood out to me
because sometimes it is complicated, right?
And sometimes we have baggage and different things like, did you mean to make that him
(12:10):
saying that maybe how she sees it, it's not 100% that way.
Like maybe there's a little bit of a gray area and how it is if like he never really
got let in and felt cared about by her.
Yeah, I think that that line was the one true and correct thing that Dan ever said.
(12:32):
Because I do think he's right to an extent.
And I think that traces back to Mel's upbringing, just always feeling very isolated and lonely
because of her mom drinking and her really not knowing what was going on and feeling
this kind of sense of like confusion and loneliness and responsibility for that caused her to
(12:53):
feel really, really guarded when it came to her emotions.
And that's why when she meets Barb and Barb is like, let me in, let me in, let me be your
new mom.
That doesn't really feel appealing to her at first.
And she really has to realize that she's actually the one that's losing out on the potential
(13:15):
of a beautiful relationship because she's not open to it.
Yeah, we love rom com books on our book club podcast and Rachel picks good ones.
And so when we were thinking about we kind of flip back and forth, so we pick alternating
books.
And I was like, Rachel, I don't want to tell you what to pick, but we should pick like
(13:38):
a griefy romance, like fun holiday book, which I felt like was a lot for us to be wanting.
Like that's three things.
And yet your book existed when we were like looking around and we were like, yes, like
a book that is holiday themed, talks about grief and is like fun and romance.
As we like to say, like we like giddy, lovey books on this podcast.
(14:01):
And so like, how did you like writing or talking about like the theme of love in the book?
Because I don't want to spoil it for our listeners who are reading along with us, but there is
a romance connection that comes up later in the book and it's very different than this
like kind of like more toxic relationship that she was in.
Yeah, I think that a few things.
(14:24):
I think number one, grief is a really heavy topic and I personally as a reader don't
want to read a book that is just 300 pages of darkness for me.
Like I do read because I want to remember what's beautiful about humanity and find love
and all of that that brings me joy.
(14:47):
Some people love to read 300 pages of darkness, but unfortunately me.
I was going to say that's Kendall's.
You get our different choices.
Mine is like the light, lovey one.
And then Kendall's is like, whoa, dark.
I kind of wanted to learn somewhere in between.
And I feel like that also is natural for my personality too.
I'm just not 300 pages of darkness.
(15:10):
Like kind of naturally as I was writing some of that, the jokes, for example, just kind
of work themselves in.
And for me, it makes the whole experience a lot more palatable.
Like the reader can read about a really difficult subjects like grief, but then they can also
laugh.
And I think that makes it more of just a well-rounded experience.
(15:34):
And then also I feel like I do really like an element of love in a book.
Like no matter what the book is about, even if it's like this World War II saga, I need
a hot soldier.
I don't need to be the number one storyline or like the main feature of the book, but
(15:55):
I just want a little suggestion of like maybe they'll end up together.
Will they?
Won't they?
I would definitely lead into that too.
Like any book where I'm like, okay, but who falls in love?
Where's the happy ending here?
What's going to happen?
And that we saw like when you're looking up like summaries of books, we saw somewhere
like it mentioned someone passed away.
(16:17):
And I feel like in a very hallmark way, you see that we're like, oh, my dad died.
They mentioned it, but it's not really as pivotal as it is.
They don't highlight it as much.
And so when we came across your book, we're like, oh no, like this feels like it'll actually
be heart wrenching when it needs to be heart wrenching.
But then there's also lightness with like the romance and like the mystery of like who
is this best friend that comes out of the woodworks.
(16:40):
And so yeah, I definitely like ate it up.
I was like, this is the type of book I need to read during Christmas time.
And it's very relatable for sure.
Do you foresee yourself incorporating grief into like future books that you write?
Because I feel like you're kind of mixing up your writing styles in the two different
books.
Is that something that you want to continue including in there?
(17:05):
I will not say anything definitive about the future, but I do think my next project will
probably not focus on grief.
I mean, I really feel like in writing this book, I analyzed all of my thoughts and feelings
with the help of a therapist.
And I'm just not sure that I have that much more to say on the subject.
I really felt like when I finished this book, I was actually done with it, which as a writer
(17:29):
is such a good feeling because I did not feel that way with the lifestyle.
I think I could have kept editing it forever.
But with this book, I felt like, okay, I got to the truth of how I feel about this.
I'm ready to move on.
And it was really, really healing for me.
I really feel like Barb and Henry actually helped me kind of figure out my feelings.
(17:53):
So I don't know.
That's a great question.
But I think now that I'm a mom, the next book that I write will probably tackle motherhood
in some way.
I really liked the character Henry.
Right away, I felt like they had great chemistry just like at the, was it a coffee shop or
(18:15):
diner or wherever that was when they first, like their meet cute.
And I really liked the character and I liked how there wasn't any craziness to their relationship
too much.
They were just like falling in love.
And I used to always think like what was going to solve my grief was like falling in love,
starting a family, like having kids.
(18:35):
And I feel like it's very much you kind of have to fix yourself first and like deal with
your own grief first before any of that happens.
But I feel like this book is kind of how I pictured it all would go down in my head of
like, I went through all these hard things, but like there's going to be like a Henry
at the end of the tunnel.
It's like, gonna make it like it was all not worth it, but like just, you know, it all
(18:58):
makes sense again.
And that hasn't happened, but I really liked his character in there.
Did your husband help inspire Henry at all?
It was more this feeling that I found really beautiful as I was grieving, which was this
horrible thing happened and I have so much pain.
(19:20):
But also it was really beautiful to see the way that love kind of carried on and that
doesn't necessarily need to be in a romantic partner.
It was also in, you know, the fact that I had friends that I hadn't heard from in a
while that came out and said something just of kindness.
(19:41):
It never really mattered what the words were, but just to say something at all, you know,
to show that they were thinking of me and my husband also.
And then having my daughter and sort of creating this beautiful love.
And I just kind of realized that in order to move forward with grief, you have to recognize
that there could be both this deep, deep sadness, but also this love that continues on.
(20:05):
And I think Henry is really the representation of that.
Like there's this line in the book after they kind of get together that, and this is not
at the end.
It's more maybe like three quarters of the way.
And where she just says something like, I'm realizing that I can hold this pain, but that
(20:27):
there's also sort of this like new rebirth of love.
I can't remember exactly what it is, but that's the idea.
That's the idea I was trying to embody with him.
I definitely am trying to channel that a bit more.
I feel like you want that cycle, right?
It's like you kind of, there's love lost.
Like people say like grief is love with nowhere to go.
Yeah, it's kind of lost and like finding the right place to put that degree of love, I
(20:53):
think is a very beautiful thought of like that connection.
And it really seemed like with Henry, not only with Henry, but with like the whole family,
it just is like a very, I think heartwarming story to me that she kind of found this family
that she never experienced with her mom, even though her mom was her family and her dad
(21:13):
was like, not great.
So to say that in the story, and it's just kind of got this polar opposite, like crazy,
but like very loving family experience.
Because when the opening chapters, me and Kendall were like, oh my God, this is so sad.
Just like her Christmas excitement was tied to like one day her mom was reliable and made
(21:38):
Christmas magic.
And we're like, oh no, that's like so sad of just having to like grow up really fast.
And the reality is of like what that actually meant and with her mom.
So it's nice.
And I like this episode, it's like there's a happy ending, like you get to see kind of
this happy unit where it's like, I think we did an episode about loneliness and like,
(21:59):
especially on the holidays, it's like, it's really hard when you lose somebody to then
feel like where do you fit in?
Like especially like she lost what she felt like her only family, really, because her
mom, which is the one that raised her.
And I think that's a totally relatable feeling.
You just like have nobody, even if you have people, it's like that just feeling is overwhelming.
Like you have nobody.
(22:20):
And I definitely felt that in your book, like when she was cleaning her house and her mom's
house and like, oh yeah, that like the taking out the like the trash part.
And she's like, how can I throw away all the things she's kept of mine?
Like Rachel and I kept talking about that one scene in the book where it's like, that's
such a griefy moment where you're like, oh, she and I have both been through this.
(22:42):
Yeah, that was based on a true story, which after my mom died, we I felt like, I don't
know, I guess I felt like I had to just take care of everything.
And so I really wanted to clean out her garage, which was full of stuff.
And my family just kind of jumped into full work mode.
(23:05):
And we were being so productive and throwing out so much stuff.
And then I had this, I just hit this emotional wall and panicked about what we were getting
rid of.
And if there was anything in there that I would then never be able to replace because
she was gone.
And so I actually did go dumpster diving and I tipped over and huge blue recycling bin
(23:29):
and all the papers just spilled out into the street.
And I was like, is this like, is this worth saving?
Is this actually how I want to remember my mom because they were just random pieces of
paper or notes that she'd written.
And then I started thinking like, how actually do I want to remember her and what do I want
(23:52):
to remember her by?
And so that kind of helped me select some things that I wanted to save.
But I did have this just moment of sheer panic because you just realized that you're never
going to get a note from that person ever again.
Yeah.
I think I told Rachel, I was like, anything with my dad's handwriting, I was like trying
(24:13):
to salvage because I was like, he'll never write on anything ever again.
And I'll never see it again.
Yeah.
I feel like it's not talked about enough of just like how hard it is to get rid of your
loved ones things.
And like deciding what do you keep or what do you give away?
It's like, where's the line?
You hear stories of people like turning into hoarders because that is a very overwhelming
(24:36):
sad feeling and you just end up keeping everything and it leads to other things.
It's just a really hard decision.
So when we read that, we're like, that is such a relatable feeling of just like freaking
out over like, did I give away something I'd regret?
Like, what do I do with it?
And yeah, that was the moment we were like, she has to have experienced grief.
I read a couple of books that are about losing a mom that I just think the author definitely
(25:04):
hasn't lost their mom because it's just not realistic.
But I agree with you about Emily Henry's.
That one is really, really thoughtful and emotional.
I've never written a book and I was wondering like, can you get that type of emotion from
just like research?
You know, can you convey the type of like feeling we call it like a pig in your chest?
(25:24):
Oh, I relate to that.
Or it brings up a memory.
Like can you write that if you've never experienced it?
We're not sure.
When I watch movies and like, of course, some are along the lines, like the parent dies
and you can tell whether like the director has lost a parent or whether it's whoever
is writing like the screen, the screenwriting or something, like whether they actually lost
(25:45):
somebody because now I can tell what is like truly a depiction of grief versus someone
trying to fabricate it.
Yeah.
I mean, I think there are some authors that are incredibly, incredibly skilled.
Like for example, authors write about the beauty of having children, but they don't
(26:05):
actually have children.
Yeah.
I could have done that until I had a child, but I think they're just exquisitely emotional
authors.
I think Emily Henry does fit into that category.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
What are you hoping that maybe our listeners or people who are reading the book take away
from your book?
Like any thoughts or emotions that you want to impart on them?
(26:29):
Yeah.
I think that for me, the main message was really that in order to heal, you know, feel
like you can move forward, that you have to find a way to hold many conflicting feelings
in your heart at once.
And that can be anger and regret and sadness and love.
(26:55):
And all of those feelings can be true at the same time.
And I think that's really the hardest thing to come to terms with, but also the most important.
Like I really do feel like that is the only way to move forward, is to just accept that
all of those emotions can be true and exist at the same time.
And that's Mel's journey.
(27:17):
The book isn't wrapped up in the neatest little bow ever.
Like she is still in a lot of pain at the end, but she also sees this new beauty and
this new life ahead of her.
And I think that is the main takeaway of the book.
I love that.
It's like really beautiful.
I think that's an also important point of just we think of life often as like chapters,
(27:40):
but it's really not so cut and dry.
Like it doesn't just like one thing stops and ends and then you start new.
Like oftentimes, like you said, it's all together.
And I think with grief and it can be like with romance or life, it's like it doesn't
have to be all separate.
Like life is really it all intertwined and you have to learn how to function it all together.
(28:00):
And I really did get that from reading your book of just like how intertwined it all is.
But one last question is, so we've been having a Christmas series where we talk about like
Christmas and grief and all those things.
You said that you loved Christmas before you lost your mom.
Have you found your Christmas joy back?
(28:22):
Like what led you back to being able to experience Christmas or have you just always been able
to feel that Christmas joy again?
Oh, that's a great question.
I think that the first year after she was gone, I had just had my baby literally two
weeks before.
Oh, wow.
Well, I really wasn't able to even access the pain that I felt.
(28:48):
I was just so wrapped up in this new journey of motherhood because I had found out that
I was pregnant six weeks after my mom died.
Like a life changing year for you for sure.
Yeah.
It was like the highest highs on the lowest lows that year.
And my daughter was born December 26.
(29:10):
I'm sorry, December 6.
The first Christmas was really just living in that kind of newborn fog and I didn't think
about it very much.
And then the next two holidays, I was able to, I think, ingrain myself in my husband's
family and it is healing to an extent for the same reasons that we've all already talked
(29:33):
about, which is just finding that there are other sources of joy, you know?
But I definitely, something I really, really want to honor my mom is to be in a place where
I can start to recreate some of our traditions.
And I haven't really had that chance yet because, you know, it's just been like crazy becoming
(29:57):
a new mom and everything.
But that's something I really want.
And then to give my daughter the same kind of joy that I had because of my mom.
Wow, I have like chills from that.
That's also some things we talk about.
How do you bring back traditions and finding peace with it?
There's not like a perfect system.
It's like you have to decide when you can do it, if it's right for you.
(30:19):
And from doing this, we learned like everyone grieves differently.
Everyone's process is a little different.
You just kind of have to have patience for everyone's grief journey.
But yeah, I've really loved your book.
So we really appreciate you coming on.
It was just my jam, really.
I'm so glad.
Holidays, I've been trying to find holiday joy and obviously it also had the griefy elements
(30:40):
which we've been trying to do.
There's a good romance in there and especially good banter, which I feel like they did have.
Love the banter.
Yeah, I love the banter.
Comparing it to Emily Henry's beach read, I love the banter between Gus and...
I don't even remember the name.
January.
January.
I just love the banter and I love that between Mel and Henry.
(31:03):
Just like their banter, especially the beginning, it felt like that kind of connection that
you always hope that you have with somebody where you can just make jokes and just kind
of get each other.
So I definitely like this book and it made me think of that too.
Where we're comparing these people, no grief.
They definitely do.
Yeah.
So where can people find you and do you have any new projects coming up or any special
(31:25):
things coming up with your book that people should know about?
Well, I just started Substack.
So if you want to subscribe to Substack, that would be awesome.
And it's just my full name, same as on Instagram, TaylorSheaHahn.substack.com.
And then I'm also on Instagram at TaylorSheaHahn.
What can people expect to get from your Substack?
(31:48):
Oh my gosh.
Well, so far I've written some writing tips for anyone who's interested in writing and
then I just wrote a piece on why fast fashion has ruined my personal sense of style.
So I'm curious honestly.
That's so relatable.
Fast fashion is changing everything.
(32:09):
I see people wear stuff and I'm like, that just won't look good to me on me.
Stop saying that's what we need to wear.
That will not look good on me.
I'm going to look like a tent.
Because I feel like fashion has turned towards everything's baggy.
And that works on a Kendall Jenner.
It doesn't work on everybody.
Leave me alone.
I've been doing this for a long time.
(32:31):
All right, we'll enjoy it then.
Yeah, I'll have to check out that Substack.
We'll subscribe.
Yeah, we will be subscribing.
We'll comment our thoughts on that too.
It was so great meeting you and we appreciate you so much for joining and being our first
author on our book club series.
(32:51):
Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
Thank you so much for reading.
I'm so glad that you connected with it and I hope we stay in touch.
Yes, definitely.
Thank you.
Bye.
And best of luck.
Welcome to the Griefy Girls Book Club, reading between the tears, introducing our author
(00:25):
feature series.
We are your hosts.
I'm Kendall Rogers and I'm Rachel Dwyer.
This is our book club where every month we read grief stories, both real and fictional.
In this episode, we are beyond excited to have our first author, Taylor Hahn, with us,
a full-time lawyer, mother, and author of A Home for the Holidays.
Despite her packed schedule, Taylor was able to squeeze us in before the holidays to talk
(00:47):
about her heartfelt novel that explores grief, the holiday blues, and finding unexpected
joy and love during the holiday season.
In this episode, we dive into Taylor's inspiration for the book, her personal relationship with
grief, and how she navigates the holidays while honoring her own mother.
Whether you're feeling weighed down by grief this holiday season or simply just looking
for a reminder of hope and healing, A Home for the Holidays is a perfect read to help
(01:11):
you lift your spirits.
We hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as we did.
So grab a cup of tea, get cozy, and let's talk about how to survive and even thrive
during the holidays no matter what life throws your way.
We're very excited.
We have our first author feature on our podcast.
We have the wonderful Taylor Hahn on our podcast.
She's the author of A Home for the Holidays.
(01:32):
Yeah.
So welcome, Taylor.
Do you mind giving us a little background about yourself, telling us a little bit about
who you are as an author?
Yeah, I would love to.
My name is Taylor Hahn and my first novel came out in 2022.
It's called The Lifestyle and this novel is called A Home for the Holidays.
It just came out a couple of months ago in advance of this year's holiday season.
(01:57):
And it's about a woman who finds out that her mom dies two weeks before Christmas and
she not wanting to move back into her mom's house and spend the holidays alone is contacted
by this woman claiming to be her mother's estranged best friend.
And this woman invites her to spend the holidays at her house and so she feels so desperate
(02:21):
that she accepts but then it ends up being this really life changing experience that
teaches her all about her mom's life and brings her closer to her mom even though her mom
is gone.
Yeah, and in my day to day life, I'm also a lawyer and a mom.
Oh wow.
You do it all.
Barely.
(02:41):
So what inspired you to write this book in particular?
Because I looked up a little bit on your previous book and they feel like very different styles
of books.
Yeah.
So my book was, I think of it more as like something that I was really writing to entertain
readers.
I felt like it was a comedy from my perspective about a woman kind of exploring herself and
(03:04):
getting to know herself and having these crazy adventures.
And I really did think of that as writing to entertain.
But with this book, I really wrote it for me.
And that I think is why it's so near and dear to my heart, first of all, but also is a bit
different in terms of what it tries to achieve.
(03:26):
And what inspired me is I did want to write a holiday novel just because I love the holidays.
I can't get enough of that stuff.
Like just the other night I was searching for a holiday novel to read in front of my
Christmas tree.
But I started working on it just thinking that I would write this kind of romantic holiday
novel set in a house maybe in like a snowy environment, like all the classic Christmas
(03:52):
things.
But then my mom died pretty suddenly.
So I wanted to keep writing the novel.
And I felt like maybe I could write it as an escape kind of.
Like could I write to get away from my feelings about grief?
(04:14):
But ultimately found that writing into those feelings was like a lot more productive both
for me as a person and also for me as an author.
I felt like just writing into those feelings actually made the novel a lot more compelling.
And so that's how it became what it is today.
That's amazing.
It was something Rachel and I were bringing up often as we would discuss the book together
(04:39):
because we have a weekly book club, a griefy book club on our podcast.
That's where people are probably listening right now.
But we kept saying like these are true grief thoughts.
These are griefy feelings that like even Rachel and I couldn't put words to it, but it was
so relatable in that we were like, man, she must have gone through something because this
(05:01):
is exactly our own experiences.
Yeah.
I mean, it was very fresh for me.
My mom died in February of 2022.
So that's not even, I guess it'll be three years ago in February.
So you can imagine that as I was writing the novel, it was very, very fresh as well.
And I was also becoming a mom as I was writing the loss of my mom and writing this book at
(05:26):
the same time.
So there were just a lot of feelings.
Well, I love that you leaned into that because I felt like I was also kind of like reckoning
with some of those feelings too with the loss of my own father.
And I lost him in October of 2020.
But I really empathized a lot with the relatability of like losing somebody around the holiday
(05:51):
time.
And so how much of your own life experience, I mean, obviously with the loss of your mother
and that's like a pivotal plot point in the book, but how much did you use from your own
life to create the book?
I mean, all of it.
I think that everything is true to an extent.
(06:13):
And even for example, like I haven't been contacted by an estranged best friend of my
mom.
But I have similar experiences in that after she died, maybe you had these experiences
as well, so many other people started telling me about their stories with my mom.
(06:37):
And it was really interesting to me to realize that she had this whole other life that I
wasn't really a part of and never got to see.
And she did have a very close best friend.
And I remember her best friend telling me at one point, and this person is not estranged,
I just remember her telling me at one point that my mom was her memory and that like they
(07:02):
had lived so much life together and so for her to be gone, then she felt like some of
those memories had gone with her.
And so I just started thinking, it would be so interesting to get to know a parent after
they're gone in ways that you never did before.
And that's how the character of Barb was born.
(07:22):
Another book that we read on our grief book book club was Emily Henry's The Beach Read.
And she's very private.
I tried to Google if she's lost people because she also is another author where I feel like
she has to have experienced this for the way that she writes about stuff and the relatable
moments but I couldn't find anything.
I was trying to Google, has Emily Henry lost her dad?
(07:45):
What is the experience?
I was trying to figure out because I always wonder, how can you write about grief if you
haven't experienced it?
And we've definitely leaned into grief books and I think I like grief fictional books because
there's usually like a happy ending or like happiness mixed into the craziness and the
sadness.
But I always wonder how authors like what inspires them and how real it is because so
(08:10):
many times it's like, I really felt those feelings are late to so many even if it's
not like the exact scenario or how things happened.
It's just like the grief part feels real.
It feels authentic.
And that's what we really felt watching or not watching, reading your book.
I feel like when I read a book though, I like watch it in my head.
Yeah, it's like a movie.
(08:30):
Yeah, sometimes I like forget if I read it or if it was a movie.
And sometimes I hate when adaptations come out because in my head, it's a really good
movie.
Yeah, I see it.
I'm like, wait, that's not how I wanted it to be.
Like what looks the way that they actually look?
That book would be great as a movie, I think for like a Hallmark or the Netflix specials.
(08:52):
This definitely has like a cinematic quality about it.
Amazing.
Fingers crossed.
One thing we wanted to also point out because we've, we put it out in the Beach Raid, but
kind of the complexities of friendship and like romantic partners and either just like
the partner, I think his name was Dan.
(09:13):
He was like not a great supportive boyfriend and how her friend even the one moment that
really stood out to me besides like the things that Dan did separately was like when she
was waiting in line excited to go to like a Christmas theme bar and then like her friend
left her to go hook up with somebody and then her boyfriend left her and I was like, what
(09:34):
is going on?
I was like, what kind of friends are these?
You don't just leave somebody at a bar.
And one thing that we pointed out is like just how friendships and relationships change
so much during grief.
Is that something that you really thought of in the book or you experienced because
it's included in there a little bit with Dan in the beginning and then kind of intertwined
(09:56):
with her friend throughout the story?
With respect to Dan, that came out of my experience, which was the opposite, thank God, with my
husband who was very, very supportive.
And I think that I just remember those early days, especially, but continuing on, you know,
(10:18):
as long as I needed to, he would just let me talk about it and would always listen.
And we had actually planned to go on a vacation before my mom passed away suddenly and it
was a really hard decision, but we decided to still go and it ended up being like really,
really healing for us to just spend that time together to just talk.
(10:42):
And I feel like he really just let me talk as much as I needed to talk about my feelings.
And that was so incredibly valuable.
And then at nighttime, you know, sometimes I would just cry and he would just hold me
like as long as I needed to.
And so I was just thinking about what the opposite of that experience would be like
if you had someone who actually just didn't have patience for your grief at all, which
(11:06):
I think is probably pretty common that she thankfully, Mel, decides that she deserves
better, and then does find someone who she can have those honest conversations with in
the book.
Yeah, it's like people's true colors will come out when you're grieving.
Yeah, it's so true.
(11:28):
One line that did stick out to me, but me Kendall talked about it in our last episode,
which is coming out next week is there was a line where he said basically he couldn't
hurt her because she didn't let him in.
And definitely before reading any of that, I was like, he's trying to force her to do
things she doesn't want to, he's not considerate, he won't even let her be sad for a second,
(11:50):
you know, he's not like really helping her.
So it's definitely like not team Dan and I've experienced similar things, like just bad
relationships experiencing grief.
But with that line, I was curious if there was more to it because it stood out to me
because sometimes it is complicated, right?
And sometimes we have baggage and different things like, did you mean to make that him
(12:10):
saying that maybe how she sees it, it's not 100% that way.
Like maybe there's a little bit of a gray area and how it is if like he never really
got let in and felt cared about by her.
Yeah, I think that that line was the one true and correct thing that Dan ever said.
(12:32):
Because I do think he's right to an extent.
And I think that traces back to Mel's upbringing, just always feeling very isolated and lonely
because of her mom drinking and her really not knowing what was going on and feeling
this kind of sense of like confusion and loneliness and responsibility for that caused her to
(12:53):
feel really, really guarded when it came to her emotions.
And that's why when she meets Barb and Barb is like, let me in, let me in, let me be your
new mom.
That doesn't really feel appealing to her at first.
And she really has to realize that she's actually the one that's losing out on the potential
(13:15):
of a beautiful relationship because she's not open to it.
Yeah, we love rom com books on our book club podcast and Rachel picks good ones.
And so when we were thinking about we kind of flip back and forth, so we pick alternating
books.
And I was like, Rachel, I don't want to tell you what to pick, but we should pick like
(13:38):
a griefy romance, like fun holiday book, which I felt like was a lot for us to be wanting.
Like that's three things.
And yet your book existed when we were like looking around and we were like, yes, like
a book that is holiday themed, talks about grief and is like fun and romance.
As we like to say, like we like giddy, lovey books on this podcast.
(14:01):
And so like, how did you like writing or talking about like the theme of love in the book?
Because I don't want to spoil it for our listeners who are reading along with us, but there is
a romance connection that comes up later in the book and it's very different than this
like kind of like more toxic relationship that she was in.
Yeah, I think that a few things.
(14:24):
I think number one, grief is a really heavy topic and I personally as a reader don't
want to read a book that is just 300 pages of darkness for me.
Like I do read because I want to remember what's beautiful about humanity and find love
and all of that that brings me joy.
(14:47):
Some people love to read 300 pages of darkness, but unfortunately me.
I was going to say that's Kendall's.
You get our different choices.
Mine is like the light, lovey one.
And then Kendall's is like, whoa, dark.
I kind of wanted to learn somewhere in between.
And I feel like that also is natural for my personality too.
I'm just not 300 pages of darkness.
(15:10):
Like kind of naturally as I was writing some of that, the jokes, for example, just kind
of work themselves in.
And for me, it makes the whole experience a lot more palatable.
Like the reader can read about a really difficult subjects like grief, but then they can also
laugh.
And I think that makes it more of just a well-rounded experience.
(15:34):
And then also I feel like I do really like an element of love in a book.
Like no matter what the book is about, even if it's like this World War II saga, I need
a hot soldier.
I don't need to be the number one storyline or like the main feature of the book, but
(15:55):
I just want a little suggestion of like maybe they'll end up together.
Will they?
Won't they?
I would definitely lead into that too.
Like any book where I'm like, okay, but who falls in love?
Where's the happy ending here?
What's going to happen?
And that we saw like when you're looking up like summaries of books, we saw somewhere
like it mentioned someone passed away.
(16:17):
And I feel like in a very hallmark way, you see that we're like, oh, my dad died.
They mentioned it, but it's not really as pivotal as it is.
They don't highlight it as much.
And so when we came across your book, we're like, oh no, like this feels like it'll actually
be heart wrenching when it needs to be heart wrenching.
But then there's also lightness with like the romance and like the mystery of like who
is this best friend that comes out of the woodworks.
(16:40):
And so yeah, I definitely like ate it up.
I was like, this is the type of book I need to read during Christmas time.
And it's very relatable for sure.
Do you foresee yourself incorporating grief into like future books that you write?
Because I feel like you're kind of mixing up your writing styles in the two different
books.
Is that something that you want to continue including in there?
(17:05):
I will not say anything definitive about the future, but I do think my next project will
probably not focus on grief.
I mean, I really feel like in writing this book, I analyzed all of my thoughts and feelings
with the help of a therapist.
And I'm just not sure that I have that much more to say on the subject.
I really felt like when I finished this book, I was actually done with it, which as a writer
(17:29):
is such a good feeling because I did not feel that way with the lifestyle.
I think I could have kept editing it forever.
But with this book, I felt like, okay, I got to the truth of how I feel about this.
I'm ready to move on.
And it was really, really healing for me.
I really feel like Barb and Henry actually helped me kind of figure out my feelings.
(17:53):
So I don't know.
That's a great question.
But I think now that I'm a mom, the next book that I write will probably tackle motherhood
in some way.
I really liked the character Henry.
Right away, I felt like they had great chemistry just like at the, was it a coffee shop or
(18:15):
diner or wherever that was when they first, like their meet cute.
And I really liked the character and I liked how there wasn't any craziness to their relationship
too much.
They were just like falling in love.
And I used to always think like what was going to solve my grief was like falling in love,
starting a family, like having kids.
(18:35):
And I feel like it's very much you kind of have to fix yourself first and like deal with
your own grief first before any of that happens.
But I feel like this book is kind of how I pictured it all would go down in my head of
like, I went through all these hard things, but like there's going to be like a Henry
at the end of the tunnel.
It's like, gonna make it like it was all not worth it, but like just, you know, it all
(18:58):
makes sense again.
And that hasn't happened, but I really liked his character in there.
Did your husband help inspire Henry at all?
It was more this feeling that I found really beautiful as I was grieving, which was this
horrible thing happened and I have so much pain.
(19:20):
But also it was really beautiful to see the way that love kind of carried on and that
doesn't necessarily need to be in a romantic partner.
It was also in, you know, the fact that I had friends that I hadn't heard from in a
while that came out and said something just of kindness.
(19:41):
It never really mattered what the words were, but just to say something at all, you know,
to show that they were thinking of me and my husband also.
And then having my daughter and sort of creating this beautiful love.
And I just kind of realized that in order to move forward with grief, you have to recognize
that there could be both this deep, deep sadness, but also this love that continues on.
(20:05):
And I think Henry is really the representation of that.
Like there's this line in the book after they kind of get together that, and this is not
at the end.
It's more maybe like three quarters of the way.
And where she just says something like, I'm realizing that I can hold this pain, but that
(20:27):
there's also sort of this like new rebirth of love.
I can't remember exactly what it is, but that's the idea.
That's the idea I was trying to embody with him.
I definitely am trying to channel that a bit more.
I feel like you want that cycle, right?
It's like you kind of, there's love lost.
Like people say like grief is love with nowhere to go.
Yeah, it's kind of lost and like finding the right place to put that degree of love, I
(20:53):
think is a very beautiful thought of like that connection.
And it really seemed like with Henry, not only with Henry, but with like the whole family,
it just is like a very, I think heartwarming story to me that she kind of found this family
that she never experienced with her mom, even though her mom was her family and her dad
(21:13):
was like, not great.
So to say that in the story, and it's just kind of got this polar opposite, like crazy,
but like very loving family experience.
Because when the opening chapters, me and Kendall were like, oh my God, this is so sad.
Just like her Christmas excitement was tied to like one day her mom was reliable and made
(21:38):
Christmas magic.
And we're like, oh no, that's like so sad of just having to like grow up really fast.
And the reality is of like what that actually meant and with her mom.
So it's nice.
And I like this episode, it's like there's a happy ending, like you get to see kind of
this happy unit where it's like, I think we did an episode about loneliness and like,
(21:59):
especially on the holidays, it's like, it's really hard when you lose somebody to then
feel like where do you fit in?
Like especially like she lost what she felt like her only family, really, because her
mom, which is the one that raised her.
And I think that's a totally relatable feeling.
You just like have nobody, even if you have people, it's like that just feeling is overwhelming.
Like you have nobody.
(22:20):
And I definitely felt that in your book, like when she was cleaning her house and her mom's
house and like, oh yeah, that like the taking out the like the trash part.
And she's like, how can I throw away all the things she's kept of mine?
Like Rachel and I kept talking about that one scene in the book where it's like, that's
such a griefy moment where you're like, oh, she and I have both been through this.
(22:42):
Yeah, that was based on a true story, which after my mom died, we I felt like, I don't
know, I guess I felt like I had to just take care of everything.
And so I really wanted to clean out her garage, which was full of stuff.
And my family just kind of jumped into full work mode.
(23:05):
And we were being so productive and throwing out so much stuff.
And then I had this, I just hit this emotional wall and panicked about what we were getting
rid of.
And if there was anything in there that I would then never be able to replace because
she was gone.
And so I actually did go dumpster diving and I tipped over and huge blue recycling bin
(23:29):
and all the papers just spilled out into the street.
And I was like, is this like, is this worth saving?
Is this actually how I want to remember my mom because they were just random pieces of
paper or notes that she'd written.
And then I started thinking like, how actually do I want to remember her and what do I want
(23:52):
to remember her by?
And so that kind of helped me select some things that I wanted to save.
But I did have this just moment of sheer panic because you just realized that you're never
going to get a note from that person ever again.
Yeah.
I think I told Rachel, I was like, anything with my dad's handwriting, I was like trying
(24:13):
to salvage because I was like, he'll never write on anything ever again.
And I'll never see it again.
Yeah.
I feel like it's not talked about enough of just like how hard it is to get rid of your
loved ones things.
And like deciding what do you keep or what do you give away?
It's like, where's the line?
You hear stories of people like turning into hoarders because that is a very overwhelming
(24:36):
sad feeling and you just end up keeping everything and it leads to other things.
It's just a really hard decision.
So when we read that, we're like, that is such a relatable feeling of just like freaking
out over like, did I give away something I'd regret?
Like, what do I do with it?
And yeah, that was the moment we were like, she has to have experienced grief.
I read a couple of books that are about losing a mom that I just think the author definitely
(25:04):
hasn't lost their mom because it's just not realistic.
But I agree with you about Emily Henry's.
That one is really, really thoughtful and emotional.
I've never written a book and I was wondering like, can you get that type of emotion from
just like research?
You know, can you convey the type of like feeling we call it like a pig in your chest?
(25:24):
Oh, I relate to that.
Or it brings up a memory.
Like can you write that if you've never experienced it?
We're not sure.
When I watch movies and like, of course, some are along the lines, like the parent dies
and you can tell whether like the director has lost a parent or whether it's whoever
is writing like the screen, the screenwriting or something, like whether they actually lost
(25:45):
somebody because now I can tell what is like truly a depiction of grief versus someone
trying to fabricate it.
Yeah.
I mean, I think there are some authors that are incredibly, incredibly skilled.
Like for example, authors write about the beauty of having children, but they don't
(26:05):
actually have children.
Yeah.
I could have done that until I had a child, but I think they're just exquisitely emotional
authors.
I think Emily Henry does fit into that category.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
What are you hoping that maybe our listeners or people who are reading the book take away
from your book?
Like any thoughts or emotions that you want to impart on them?
(26:29):
Yeah.
I think that for me, the main message was really that in order to heal, you know, feel
like you can move forward, that you have to find a way to hold many conflicting feelings
in your heart at once.
And that can be anger and regret and sadness and love.
(26:55):
And all of those feelings can be true at the same time.
And I think that's really the hardest thing to come to terms with, but also the most important.
Like I really do feel like that is the only way to move forward, is to just accept that
all of those emotions can be true and exist at the same time.
And that's Mel's journey.
(27:17):
The book isn't wrapped up in the neatest little bow ever.
Like she is still in a lot of pain at the end, but she also sees this new beauty and
this new life ahead of her.
And I think that is the main takeaway of the book.
I love that.
It's like really beautiful.
I think that's an also important point of just we think of life often as like chapters,
(27:40):
but it's really not so cut and dry.
Like it doesn't just like one thing stops and ends and then you start new.
Like oftentimes, like you said, it's all together.
And I think with grief and it can be like with romance or life, it's like it doesn't
have to be all separate.
Like life is really it all intertwined and you have to learn how to function it all together.
(28:00):
And I really did get that from reading your book of just like how intertwined it all is.
But one last question is, so we've been having a Christmas series where we talk about like
Christmas and grief and all those things.
You said that you loved Christmas before you lost your mom.
Have you found your Christmas joy back?
(28:22):
Like what led you back to being able to experience Christmas or have you just always been able
to feel that Christmas joy again?
Oh, that's a great question.
I think that the first year after she was gone, I had just had my baby literally two
weeks before.
Oh, wow.
Well, I really wasn't able to even access the pain that I felt.
(28:48):
I was just so wrapped up in this new journey of motherhood because I had found out that
I was pregnant six weeks after my mom died.
Like a life changing year for you for sure.
Yeah.
It was like the highest highs on the lowest lows that year.
And my daughter was born December 26.
(29:10):
I'm sorry, December 6.
The first Christmas was really just living in that kind of newborn fog and I didn't think
about it very much.
And then the next two holidays, I was able to, I think, ingrain myself in my husband's
family and it is healing to an extent for the same reasons that we've all already talked
(29:33):
about, which is just finding that there are other sources of joy, you know?
But I definitely, something I really, really want to honor my mom is to be in a place where
I can start to recreate some of our traditions.
And I haven't really had that chance yet because, you know, it's just been like crazy becoming
(29:57):
a new mom and everything.
But that's something I really want.
And then to give my daughter the same kind of joy that I had because of my mom.
Wow, I have like chills from that.
That's also some things we talk about.
How do you bring back traditions and finding peace with it?
There's not like a perfect system.
It's like you have to decide when you can do it, if it's right for you.
(30:19):
And from doing this, we learned like everyone grieves differently.
Everyone's process is a little different.
You just kind of have to have patience for everyone's grief journey.
But yeah, I've really loved your book.
So we really appreciate you coming on.
It was just my jam, really.
I'm so glad.
Holidays, I've been trying to find holiday joy and obviously it also had the griefy elements
(30:40):
which we've been trying to do.
There's a good romance in there and especially good banter, which I feel like they did have.
Love the banter.
Yeah, I love the banter.
Comparing it to Emily Henry's beach read, I love the banter between Gus and...
I don't even remember the name.
January.
January.
I just love the banter and I love that between Mel and Henry.
(31:03):
Just like their banter, especially the beginning, it felt like that kind of connection that
you always hope that you have with somebody where you can just make jokes and just kind
of get each other.
So I definitely like this book and it made me think of that too.
Where we're comparing these people, no grief.
They definitely do.
Yeah.
So where can people find you and do you have any new projects coming up or any special
(31:25):
things coming up with your book that people should know about?
Well, I just started Substack.
So if you want to subscribe to Substack, that would be awesome.
And it's just my full name, same as on Instagram, TaylorSheaHahn.substack.com.
And then I'm also on Instagram at TaylorSheaHahn.
What can people expect to get from your Substack?
(31:48):
Oh my gosh.
Well, so far I've written some writing tips for anyone who's interested in writing and
then I just wrote a piece on why fast fashion has ruined my personal sense of style.
So I'm curious honestly.
That's so relatable.
Fast fashion is changing everything.
(32:09):
I see people wear stuff and I'm like, that just won't look good to me on me.
Stop saying that's what we need to wear.
That will not look good on me.
I'm going to look like a tent.
Because I feel like fashion has turned towards everything's baggy.
And that works on a Kendall Jenner.
It doesn't work on everybody.
Leave me alone.
I've been doing this for a long time.
(32:31):
All right, we'll enjoy it then.
Yeah, I'll have to check out that Substack.
We'll subscribe.
Yeah, we will be subscribing.
We'll comment our thoughts on that too.
It was so great meeting you and we appreciate you so much for joining and being our first
author on our book club series.
(32:51):
Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
Thank you so much for reading.
I'm so glad that you connected with it and I hope we stay in touch.
Yes, definitely.
Thank you.
Bye.
And best of luck.
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