August 14, 2025 • 45 mins
We’re starting at the very beginning of modern love — the talking stage. 🫠
In this episode, we spill about the meet-cutes that feel straight out of a rom-com, the dating app matches that went from “hey” to “seen,” and the soft launches that had everyone guessing. We talk the highs, the awkward pauses, the breadcrumbing, and the excitement (and anxiety) of figuring out what you are… before you’re official.
🎧 Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a professional ghoster, this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Hello. Oh my.
God, Oh my God, how was your weekend?
My weekend was intense. Eventful.
Eventful to say the least. Well, I think eventful in the
sense that we finally launched our first episode.
And for people listening have listened to the first episode,
we mentioned that coming May, our friend is going to be
(00:32):
visiting us. Yeah.
And we have been, we have released it in June.
So just to be mad that this is this is the recording of this
episode. It's just a week after our first
release. Yes, and it was actually so
exciting. It came so naturally for us and
I love that we've garnered so many followers after that and
(00:54):
even comments on Spotify. So how do you fare on on the
release? Like do you think it was
successful or something? I'm actually very much amazed at
the reception because comparing to our first podcast where we
did so much marketing for it. The editing, everything.
But also we understand why the first one isn't for everyone's
(01:18):
cup of tea and. Of course, it was her first time
as. Well, it's very niche, very,
very music focused. And for this one, everyone can
relate to me in 30 become millennia at this time and age.
Correct. And also we've garnered a few
reactions as well. Yeah, and I love.
It yes, because there were, I think people would label it as
(01:40):
spicy. But you know what?
It was a really good conversation between friends
about life. So I think we stand by it,
right? And it's OK if you don't stand
by it because we didn't have thesame.
Opinion. I know.
So I stand by it. Yeah, you stand by, but I stand
by the episode. Is that.
Yeah, is what I mean, yes. I wouldn't try to edit myself.
Yes, of course. The shoe fits.
(02:03):
The shoe fits, yeah. Oh my God, high five do that
anyways, so we're on our what, 6episode for now.
So we've just released our firstepisode, but now we're going
deeper, yeah, towards what being30 means or what aging means,
actually, which is. Such a big word, but my God.
(02:25):
Right. Yeah.
So we're doing a miniseries. I think this is very exciting to
some. Yeah.
So we're doing a 30 somethings miniseries, which you know, is
entitled Dating in the Age of Soft Lunches.
So this will be like a three-part or I don't know.
Which part of relationships? Of relationships so let's do
(02:47):
first the meet ups so dating meet.
Cute. Meet, cute, whatever.
Second would be the actual relationship, yeah.
And 3rd would be breakups. Or locking it in.
Breakups are locking. It in locking it in Oh my God,
I'm so sorry. Breakups are locking it in, so
you know where we are, you know,stuff like that.
(03:09):
So let's start with our. The early parts of the
relationship. Parts of relationship, so we're
talking about romantic. Relationships.
Yes. Yes.
Yes, go ahead. Laura So before we do that, I
guess it's not like the olden times where there is the
Hirayana type thing. So I think the early ages of a
relationship in this, like the modern era is the talking stage.
(03:33):
Yeah. So we've prepared a few things
we're gonna say if it happened to us or not or.
We're gonna sit because we both have drinks right now.
Yeah, because we're also celebrating the release.
So cheers, besties. Cheers, that was so.
So we're gonna have a drink or have a sip of our drink.
(03:54):
Yeah. When the shoe fits.
Yeah. Go ahead, Clark.
First one, have you ever sent a meme instead of saying I miss
you talking stage? Not talking stage.
Yes same same same cheers. Yes definitely.
Especially a meme that I know hewould laugh at like super.
(04:20):
Really, I'm very controlled withthe memes that I said because I
do have like a very dark humor, but when it is in the talking
stage, I kind of sound very artsy memes as well.
He's. Controlling or curating his
image already. Yeah, just also a random aside,
what is your, like first move onBumble?
(04:40):
Because I think we've both been on Bumble for a while.
Let's put some context also, because we'll be talking about
Bumble also. Yeah.
So I guess what I like about Bumbo is that the girls go
first. Yeah.
So there's like a sense of control for women and sense of
protection, safety. I just really say hi.
Hey, sorry, I'm not basic, but look at me.
(05:04):
I'm very. Yeah.
But yeah, I just like, do stuff.But I've also tried some, you
know, spicy messages I really forgot.
Now spicy stuff like, hey, like,you know, corny pick up lines.
But some of it really didn't work.
So the ones that worked were just hey, hi.
(05:26):
OK, fine. I agree.
Yeah, I get it. It works because it's very
straight to the point. But like, you know.
We'll talk about that later, yeah.
Anyways, another one of this bingo things.
Have you ever waited 3 hours to reply on purpose?
Yes. What is the Max hours that
you've waited to reply? The whole day.
(05:48):
Same and I even lied that oh I forgot my phone at home.
Yes, but. Who leaves their phone at home?
No, but right now I try to be sensitive about it because if I
were on that person's shoes. No, best we're talking about
talking stage. I think that it's a different
thing if. It's yeah, I know, right?
(06:08):
Like best food forward. Yeah, there's really like a
politics to talking stages because it really sets the tone
on who has control over the conversation.
Yes. Right.
So, OK, go ahead. So next one, have you ever soft
launched them? Yes, yes.
(06:30):
Like just the hand or something or a shoe, something that would
signify. That you're on a date.
I was with a guy. Yeah, of course.
I think I've never done this one.
I think it has to escalate first.
OK, That's why I specified just the talking stage.
Talking stage. Yeah, you're right.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me retract.
(06:50):
Maybe on the dating stage, but not the relationship.
I think I would consider even onthe situationship part, yeah,
something to soft lunch, but just talking stage?
Absolutely not. I agree with you.
Sorry, I take that back. OK, got it.
No next one. How about have you ever checked
if they watched your stories? Yes, yes.
(07:12):
But you know what? I actually do not show them my
IG and Facebook first when we'restill in the talking stages
unless I know that we will be moving forward to the next
round. What they do is I do have my
film. Your fin stuff.
No it's not my fin stuff but it's like where I post my coat
(07:34):
and goat art like the indie boy.My God, again guys, he's
controlling or curating. Okay, go.
Ahead, once we move out of the dating app, I share my
Instagram, which is the end of. The actual Oh, no, OK.
Yeah. So at least they kind of find
that there's a code on code personality.
(07:55):
OK, OK. It's very curated.
I feel like right now listening to it, it puts a certain kind of
pressure on the other person as well, because then, oh, this
guy's really creative and stuff like that.
So that might also prevent them from moving forward because I
might not match his. But again, maybe that's your
purpose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(08:18):
Oh my God. But you know what?
Anyway, I'll tell. The story later, OK, we'll talk
about it later. Let's do a last one.
Go ahead. Have you ever gotten the ick
from a typo? Yes, I'm sorry, typo.
And the way they type. And the way they talk, yes.
They chat, yes. Yeah, like my.
(08:39):
It's not necessarily about the typo, but it's more like, say
for example. I think the grammar it's the
grammar form. Oh my God, yes.
Or how they. The grammar.
I did the trick once so that they would be turned off by me.
I ruined my grammar on purpose. Oh.
My God. And then what happened?
Of course it worked. So she stopped.
(09:00):
Yeah. Oh God.
But that's a bad way to ruin yourself I guess.
I mean, I hate it because, you know, I do care about grammar
and everything, yes, but in thiscase where I'm just like, out of
this talking stage or whatever it is, I might just just as well
ruin everything with a typo or an incorrect grammar or an extra
(09:21):
H. Oh my God, on the Word.
Yeah, but I I prefer like if theperson speaks in dialect then
they try to speak another language and they flop.
I also I know it's just for me personally I cannot judge others
but that's just how I prefer it.I also get the ick when she uses
(09:43):
Korean reactions phrases becauseit's it doesn't sound very
natural. Oh really?
Like Omo otoke, those kinds of things.
Yeah, I don't. Like that?
See. It's very otoke.
I don't look Korean at all, so that's weird.
OK. That's enough of that game,
because, you know, I'm really digging a big grave for myself.
(10:04):
And and it's still early. Go ahead, busty, how are we
going to dissect? Oh, you're done.
Yeah. OK, so because this is like a 30
somethings diary or journal for us about relationships and then
we're talking about how dating is now first I think we have to
put context on how dating was when we were in our teens or
(10:28):
like maybe in our 20s before before the age of technology.
Because I feel like the divider here is the technology I.
Think it really during even on our mid 20's the dating apps are
already there. Oh, really?
Yeah, it might have been there, but I haven't unnoticed.
Yeah, yeah, because you were in a, you know.
Relationship. But it didn't.
(10:50):
That's a story for another day. Yeah.
Well, yes, you might be correct on that, bestie.
So let's just talk first about the 20s or maybe even earlier
where the technology didn't really influence.
Yeah, or it didn't really matter.
Or yeah. So I guess we can talk about how
people met back then. Yeah.
So it's usually the rattle culture, which is like being
(11:12):
introduced to friends of friends.
Rattle culture. Yeah.
Yeah. And either that rattle culture
or meeting people in the wild, like maybe when you're clubbing,
which is like. My God.
According to Ed Sheeran, I'm notthe best place to find love,
correct? That's where you go.
Where I go? Or maybe when you do some
hobbies and then you meet peopleof the same interests you, or
(11:35):
even maybe coworkers or classmates.
That's true, especially if you come from a very close knit
friendship group and you're always together.
Some people are really bound to fall in love with their friends.
Maybe I'm just. Going to add as well, maybe like
people who meet each other in church or like worship service.
(11:55):
Yeah, worship service for sure. I think that was big back then.
So for me, if you're. Asking yeah, yeah, yeah, go
ahead. I think the online version of
what we have now would have beensomething like a chat messenger.
Yeah, yeah. Like we had Yahoo Messenger
before where people go into chatrooms of the same interests.
(12:16):
So for example, I would go to the room where gaming is very
popular. So I'll go to the gaming room
and then I find online people there and then you just chat
them and then you say ASL, what's your?
Age my God, ASL is. Location.
So that's what I was introduced to when it comes to dating and
(12:38):
online because my sister taught me that because I saw her doing
that. We didn't have Facebook.
Look back then. We had Friendster, yeah.
So we had to customize our profiles.
Top 6. Friends, yes, top six friends.
And then then we send testimonials.
So you would know if someone would like you because then they
would send testimonials. And also there's also the Who's
(13:00):
viewed me feature, so you would know who's kind of like always
going back to your profile and fucking you.
Yes, yes, we also have Omegle. So this.
Is a fun. This was a fun experiment.
So Omegle, I think you know, because it's still here right
now and I think it's. Ari Brandon to emit TV now.
Really. Yeah.
So it's also famous on Tiktok where you you just go through
(13:24):
like a shuffle, yeah, video shuffle.
And then you end up with the person and then you kind of
talk. And the camera's on, so yeah,
it's really like a roulette. OK, so can I share an anecdote?
Also an earlier version of Omegle which is the chat
roulette. Yes.
And I, I think that's why you start that.
Oh. That's the Chatroulette.
OK, so I didn't go to Omegle that much.
(13:44):
Chatroulette was the one. Yeah.
So you go to like a roulette andthen they shuffle the person
you're gonna be meeting. Yeah.
No particular order a different vacation, whatever.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then can I share an, an anekle for this?
OK, so my cousin was staying in our house back then, so she was
like staying with me. And then we just had the
(14:06):
brilliant of the most brilliant idea to do chat roulette.
OK, so so I put her face becauseI just wanted to practice my
flirting game game online. So because I was scared to for
people to see me, I would use mycousin's face.
So she. Was she approved by the way she.
(14:27):
Approved, of course, because this was a fun little game.
And then, my gosh. So it was my cousin.
I was the one typing. They can't see my hand.
Yeah. So the roulette was rolling.
And then she was matched with a guy who was really handsome, by
the way. Yeah, I think he was a foreigner
and he was an architect, which is of course something that I'm
(14:49):
very passionate about. So they were chatting, but it
was me. So like, he liked my flirting.
Yeah, and then your cousin was just like always like at the
camera. My.
Cousin was just like looking like looking at the mirror,
looking at herself, like feelingherself.
And then the guy kind of noticedthat someone was typing for her.
(15:10):
OK. And then he saw me and so my
cousin introduced us and then I guess we were the ones chatting
after. So did you add each other on
like? No, because.
The funny thing was, so I didn'treally move.
Yeah, you cannot. You cannot refresh.
You can. Refresh.
I can go back to this guy because this is so random.
(15:33):
Yeah. And so we were like, really
talking to each other. And then I think the microphone
went off. Yes.
Which one? Yours or?
His or mine, I don't know. And then what happened, Bestie,
he wrote on his paper. And then we were like, sending
messengers. It was killing I loved.
It so much very Love, Actually. It was so nice and then I think
(15:57):
we really hit it off until. Wait, hang on, how old were you
when this happened? My God, I'm sorry.
I think I no, I'm not 20, right.So it's not 20s.
I think I was 19 and. Then the guy. 20s OK, College.
Yeah, college. So it was perfect.
I really loved it. And then someone accidentally
(16:18):
pushed the button refresh. And then there you go, my love
story. That's such a cute it was.
A cute. Yes, I didn't meet you.
Yes. I don't know where the guy is.
I don't even remember his face. Yeah, I hope he's happy or
whatever, of course. That's or maybe.
He's already locked up now because he was departed by ICE.
What the F? But anyways, yes, I hope he's
(16:40):
OK. Yeah, and building.
It's a good story to tell for meeting people.
Online, I loved it. How about you besties Right now?
You're very much attuned to technology.
Yeah. So what do you think is the main
dating tool right now? I actually think I'm not the
perfect person to ask for this one because wait.
(17:01):
Come on, you've had no, I mean. Well, actually to be also
honest, I did check Bumble recently because I was bored and
like I said, I really use my artInstagram to do those kinds of
things and I was part out of my mind and I wanted to create
again and I just. Want them?
You're on Bumble now. Not anymore because like, oh, we
(17:23):
good. And so I don't like it there
anyway. Let me just proceed with sorry,
I think. You don't like it there because
you're here. No Bumble.
I mean, what I wanted in Bumble was to find like a talking
stage, someone to impress with my edits, my art.
That's what I usually do. It's very obvious that I'm
talking to someone when that account on Instagram is very
(17:44):
active. So I want that account to be
active. That's why I was on Mumble and
then I was looking for people totalk to.
And then most of their intro messages are just like smileys
or like, hey, and I'm like, I don't like that.
It's so boring. There's you.
Shouldn't be on Bumble then? Yeah, that's why I'm not on
Bumble anymore. So I matched with this girl and
I cheekily asked because her intro was just like smiley.
(18:07):
I'm like, what am I going to do with a smiley?
This is not very fun to talk to.So I kind of segwayed and kind
of started a very cheeky conversation, like what's your
favorite coffee are there so I can pick up something for our
first name, that kind of thing. Cute.
Yeah. OK.
And then they replied with a smirk emoji.
Starbucks vanilla sweet. Cream.
Oh my God, you don't like that? This is why I'm not on Mumble.
(18:32):
But people are pretty basic, youknow, It's very, very picky.
It's very basic and I realized. I think that's just for Clark's,
by the way. That's Clark's preference.
Yeah. But to be clear as well, to give
context, I do value my coffee somuch.
I make my coffee every day. I know my coffee beans, I have
different brewing methods. So that's why I'm very picky
(18:53):
when it comes to coffee. And if, if that's your order,
yeah, I mean, I do, I do drink cold, cold brew, whatever.
But Starbucks in this day and age?
Misty, That's all. That's OK, because I also had
Starbucks this weekend. I mean I I get Starbucks almost
every day. I had Starbucks this weekend.
What I'm saying is if that's your like go to order flex it
(19:15):
it's it's not for me but anywaysnot random.
Sorry, it's just random aside. Look at him ranting away.
Sorry because I got sidetracked.So I wasn't able to stop Clark
with this ranting because I'm transferring money whatever.
Anyway, So what are the other ways where we can meet people
now? Like OK, you mentioned dating
(19:37):
apps, specifically Bumble. We also have Instagram DMS,
Bestie. Yeah, Speaking of.
DM I think there's a thing whereif you like someone you just
start with giving a heart on their stories.
I didn't know that. Yeah, yes, of course, Yes, yes.
And that's how I know if a person.
(19:58):
Is interested. Yes, but then that person has a
girlfriend. Something like that.
Yeah, that's so weird. Because you also have to kind of
ease into it. They can't just like send a
heart and send a message that's true.
You have to send a heart. And then maybe if they post 1/3
strap you could have not notice it or ignore it.
But you have you. Seen it.
Correct, correct, correct. You know, there's again the
(20:18):
dynamics of the talking stage and then after a few posts from
them, they post a random selfie.You heart it again.
I think from there you would know what they like if you're
also interested with that person, you know, so you kind of
curate also your stories to showhow well-rounded you are.
Yes, yes. I mean, I think that's how I
(20:40):
would do it. Yeah.
Like if a person your son is interested with me, I would show
him all the facets of my beautiful personality and
something like that. So in the morning I do this and
at night I party. In the morning I have like yoga
sash. Or like gym sash.
It's very yes and most I'm also artsy, but I'm also sporty,
(21:03):
something like that. And then your gateway to
starting a conversation is when you find something interesting,
like maybe say they're doing art.
So you can ask, oh, this is so fun.
Or is this so that's how you start a conversation?
For Instagram, yes, but don't you think also, Bestie, because
of the presentation we gave to the world, like our curated
(21:26):
feeds and our pictures, don't you think that that would also
preempt in having a real connection?
Because then, OK, hear me out. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.
Like I want to meet this person.And then I look at this
Instagram. Oh, my God, he's such a judge,
man. Or like, I was judging him
already before I even met him. Yeah.
(21:47):
And I feel like that is also like, what do you call this, a
barrier? Like a barrier to making real
connections because we're also prejudging.
Yeah. And then there's also the ballad
of choices. Yeah.
Like because there's a lot of girls to DM, there's a lot of
guys to DM and then that also. You're right, yes, but also on
(22:10):
my end I am kind of really not looking for a relationship.
So that's why I know those things because I know what to
avoid and what to overplay, whatto under play.
Yes, that's true. I do kind of try to keep the
connection to a minimum. OK.
And that's why Sabrina Carpenterof the song Manchild.
(22:31):
Manchild. Well for me, I really just like
people's posts or stories if I really like them.
So they can't like use it against me.
Like they can't use it as proof that I am in love with them, you
know? What I mean yes, because I'm
also there are a lot of the Lulupeople I know who would assume
(22:52):
so I'm. Also very careful.
A heart on the Instagram DM would translate to them like in
you. Because if how you like
indiscriminately use the hearts and everything, that's how you
expect people would receive it also.
But I guess that's not the case.Yeah.
OK. So how about like it's for
example, you follow the person first before you meet, but then
(23:17):
it it kind of feels like you know the person already because
you've seen all their posts, their stories.
Our social relationships that translate to kind of like, yes,
the dating. Yeah.
So when you meet, it kind of feels awkward, no?
Or like I've seen in your stories.
Or like this is now the talking point.
I think that's fine at least, yeah, because on a first date
(23:39):
it's kind of we're segue into actually meeting them, right.
And actual dates, which I have been by the way, I have done
that and I think it's OK becauseat least you have already
talking points, it's not like sowhat's your favorite color?
So yeah, but we'll go through that come.
On yeah, that's I don't like that.
What's your favorite color? Rusty yellow.
(24:04):
That was very point that it's funny and it's OK cuz I have
moved. On.
OK. We'll get there, guys.
We'll get there. No, we won't.
No. We won't.
We won't actually. Maybe the second part of the
miniseries I will force you to anyways.
Yeah, So talking stages. Now we're in our talking stages.
(24:24):
We've met the person, we were talking with each other.
And then because there's also what I can share is only my
experience, right? So for example, I'm in a talking
stage. We always want to make it like
active, like the exchange is active because you're afraid
that it would fizzle out becausethen, you know, there's a lot of
(24:46):
choices out there. So how do you, you know, balance
that out in making it feel like you're not very desperate and at
the same time maintaining your sense of self?
Yeah. Yeah.
OK, I get it. So how do we do that?
Personally, again talking from experience, what I usually do is
(25:09):
space out the conversation because I don't like the fast
and easy reply. Like you're always online and
always update to each other almost every second because
you're going to run out of things to talk about.
And you know, it's very much early in the code and code
relationship, so that's why you space out your replies.
Yeah, OK. Sometimes if I'm really
(25:31):
interested with a person, I havethis tendency of like, I can't
stop. I cannot.
OK, I can't stop. Like I'm thinking about that guy
all the time. Like I'm so killing.
I'm like, OK, so of course, naman, we don't text all day,
but if I feel like that person is also receiving what I give so
(25:53):
well, then it's really exciting for me.
Yeah, yeah. There's also one thing I do is I
never say goodnight really, I just sleep or don't reply at
all. That's so.
But you say good morning, Yes, Why that's so?
Weird. If you don't say goodnight, then
they're just gonna assume, oh, he's asleep or something like
that, so I have my excuse to do something else.
(26:15):
Oh, that's so weird. That's so about replying, but at
least on the next day when I saygood morning, I can continue the
conversation and I know there's a conversation to be had that.
Day so you don't want it to end,it feels.
Yeah, something like that. That's why I use it.
Also to my advantage that, you know, you don't say goodnight,
you say good morning. It's very cringy, but you could
say like, oh, you're the first thing I thought of this morning
(26:36):
because I already send you a reply.
I think that's also cute, but atthe same time.
Very manipulative. Very manipulative.
I don't know with the bestie, but anyways, just not all Bumble
matches, tender matches and evenGrinder matches translate to
imperson dating, right? Yeah.
(26:56):
So let's just go back for a bit because I also remembered.
What do you feel when you thought it was going so well and
then no replies were like that person didn't reply after
because I've been. There, Yeah, yeah.
So I think we're going through the territories of ghosting.
Oh, yes, OK. So when would you say you're
being ghosted? Like how long do you suppose you
(27:18):
would say you're being? Ghosted, I think a day, yes yeah
okay yeah because for me, if you're interested, you can't
keep your hands off your phone. No, I'm sorry because I'm not
like that. I'm not like that.
Like, I don't ghost people for sure, but I don't ghost people.
I like, yeah, yeah, I'm really interested.
I don't ghost them, Yeah. And then I'm really very
(27:41):
straightforward. Also, like if I like you, I
would tell you like, yeah, I think I like you.
How early? I mean earliest.
You might say you like a person.If we're out of Bumble.
So there's a big chance that you're already like that person
if you're already out of Bumble.Like like, like just a
potential, you know, like for dating, not like seriously in a
(28:04):
relationship. I got I got right.
Or let's talk about the purpose why you're why we're in Bumble.
Or like in dating sites, It's either we meet people or some
people do like casual hangs. Or the casual hang is for
tender, I suppose. We don't know.
We don't know that people meet true to do casual hangs
everywhere. So casual hangs are just like
(28:26):
when it stands for the adventurous kind, something like
that. So later on I feel like I'm very
straightforward now with what I like.
So. So I'm here because I want to
meet someone that might not really in these words.
Ha yeah, yeah. But I'm seeing like I'm hoping
to date. Yeah.
But not really in a relationshipper SE.
(28:49):
Yeah, just dating. Have coffee with something like
that to expand my. Horizons exactly.
So something like that. So I met this guy and I thought
like, I really thought we had a connection there.
And then I told him something about me that might be alarming
for others. He stopped replying.
So you got ghosted? I got ghosted, but I also
(29:11):
ghosted people. Yeah, yeah, I.
Guess that's a fair game. Yeah, I think ghosting is OK.
I I don't think so that it's OK all the time.
I mean, if you're just in BumbleBestie and you were ghosted,
that's. Fine, yeah, I think that there's
there's a but. If you were like in a long time
(29:31):
relationship. That is different, yeah.
That's fucked up. Yeah, I'm sorry.
If you've already made a connection, then yeah,
absolutely. Ghosting is not OK.
Yeah, But there are cases like you've mentioned that ghosting
can be the closure. So right now we're moving into
the territory of one thing to bewith someone, connecting with
(29:54):
someone, but not yet ready for arelationship.
Like just a casual thing. So situations.
I don't think so because I feel like where do we put
situationship? Do we put that on the second
part of the mini series or just put it here now?
No. I think here because what I I
think lately what our relationship is talking stage
(30:16):
situationship and if you're kindof like that's a very long.
I've been there. Situationship and then that's
when you get into a relationship.
Okay, so let's talk about that. But I think I have like an
hierarchy for that one. So me talking stage, wow, me
talking stage casual, if you're like adventurous or whatever,
Yeah. So you just stop there and then
(30:38):
you go to situation chips. So meaning you're telling me
that you like him and then you feel like that's also kind of
exclusively dating? No, it's not.
I didn't know that. Yeah, well, I realize now it's
not. So then exclusively dating and
then you're dating. So there's a lot of process here
that we have to unpack. Considering we're 30 and we have
(30:58):
to know all. Things, Oh my God, we have to
know all these things. It's tiring but.
Good for you. You don't have to know all those
things because you're in a happyrelationship.
Happy relationship sometimes, but you know what?
I've been there. Yeah.
Because we really went through all that.
Oh my God, I can't. I'll have to share that next
episode, so we'll see. Anyways, back to your question,
(31:22):
what was it? Yeah, OK.
When you, I think, like the dilemma here when it comes to
casual relationships is because,OK, now that if it's consensual,
yeah, OK, we're doing this casually, all right, No feelings
like no strings attached. But what if the casual seems or
feels like not casual anymore? That is a situation ship where
(31:45):
you don't know what you feel about each other.
You don't know where you stand, but yes, that's the point.
You just talk about hypotheticals all the time.
Like it's like trying to feel ifthe other person is ready to
jump. OK, so I describe situation Chip
as that you're like you're like in a relationship like your
boyfriend and girlfriend, but you don't have the label.
(32:06):
You're doing all the couple stuff like.
Yeah. Yes, like you date, you see each
other a lot you. See even more about your
futures. I know.
And then you're not dating. That's like a waste of.
But there are reasons why. Well, I can name one because
I've been through a situation ship, which I'm happy to say was
successful because we're in a relationship now.
(32:28):
But sometimes it's because I think you're treading.
Yes, yes, you're treading because like for me, I didn't
want to go ahead and have a relationship because there were
certain factors like am I ready to be in a relationship after a
heartbreak and then other factors like age gap, maturity,
whatever. Your priorities in life like
(32:49):
like say, for example, you know for other cases, just as a
random example, you are graduating so you have to focus
on your thesis, but also you want to have fun.
So you kind of get into that kind of weird limbo of
relationship, but not really, ormaybe for the young ones, not
really in their 30s was like notallowed to have a boyfriend,
(33:09):
girlfriend in school. So that's kind of like
situationship. But how does one go about in a
situationship in their 30s? Oh my God, it's tiring because
of course no, we've been discovering all our 20s.
I feel like, like it has been adventurous, like it's really
all about discovery. Bring new things, new people.
(33:31):
Yeah. Experiencing stuff like that,
loss and heartbreak. And then and in your 30s, of
course, now this is just an expectation.
And of course this is also just an overrated timeline people
give you. Yeah.
But in your 30s, you're startingto build.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're building a future, building your career,
(33:51):
relationships. And so it feels like, Oh my God,
I'm 13, I have to learn all this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this?
What's situation, ship, What's like talking stage?
You really have to go back and then do that again.
I think it's never too late to learn anything.
Yeah. And I also think when you're in
your 30s, if example, you're dating to marry and you get into
(34:15):
a situation, ship or whatever talking stage and so on, you
already have like as standard ormetric or, you know, you don't
really take the low hanging fruits of those types of people.
So it's easier for you to move on because you don't really
commit to it or full send to that situation because you know
it's going nowhere. So you kind of start again.
(34:36):
It's annoying, but you kind of have to start again if you're
really looking for something. And I think it's also about what
you can tolerate, how far you can tolerate something like
this. Right.
So if you have a higher threshold for things like this,
like doing emotional labor without a label.
(34:57):
Yeah. And then the disconnect between
the physical and emotional attachment, then that's fine.
Yeah, you do you. But then someone will really
fall in love or fall out of. Love in the.
Process. So it's up to you really.
You really have to be honest andthen I think communicate what
(35:18):
you really want. I think that's what I did.
Yeah, which really worked out for you because you know what
you wanted. From the very get go, like from
the moment I swiped right, I said this is what I want and I'm
going to get it. I got it.
I still fighting to. Have it still fighting all the
time. What's?
OK, So from chilling like you want now, OK, Let's just be
(35:43):
chill about this. Yeah, until you go spiraling.
Oh my God, where is he? And I can't even say I love you,
right? It's funny.
Yeah, There's also kind of say, for example, you meet red flags
around the way during a situation ship.
It's up to you though, if you really wanna, you know, be the
flag bearer of that red flag or,you know, run the other way.
(36:05):
That's true also. Because you know you're not
committed, so there is a very big easy way out for you to run.
Yeah, but I feel like bestie because you've already had a
connection, at least for me. Huh.
It would still be very painful. You experienced many heart.
Breaks. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Yeah, for the loss of someone. Yeah, of course you had a little
(36:25):
bit of connection with maybe notemotionally.
People tend to bond mangood because there are hormones
involved. Mangood like the exchange of
hormones. No, yeah, I suppose.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I get yeah, I'm trying to
relate to this, but I guess I'm just very detached.
So I think I'm. Very unrelatable.
(36:46):
It's also a good battleground orspace for you to realize what
red flags are acceptable to you.Yeah.
Or red flags that really are very icky and you really can't
stand it. Yeah.
But the thing about it though isI'm not really looking for
something long term, so that's why I'm more tolerant of red
(37:07):
flags when they're actually red flags rather than just X.
OK, So what? How do you define X and how do
you define like red flags? Like what?
An ick is just something minor like say for example their
coffee order when they say oh. OK or chewing loudly I.
Think that's an ick. I agree a red flag is maybe
(37:28):
something emotional or has a deeper connection.
Serial cheater. Oh that's definitely a red flag,
not an ick. Does not text you.
In what sense? Like.
At all. At all but likes you once you
see you. That is a red flag, right?
Yes, because you're supposed to communicate not just your
actions, but also words. Outgoing to outgoing.
(37:52):
I think it really depends, yeah.I think that's somewhere in the
middle. This is the stage also in dating
stage where you identify what your non negotiables yes or yes.
So like a non negotiable red flag for you and a non
negotiable green flag for you. I've only learned that pretty
late in life, like when I've dived into dating again and then
(38:16):
identifying which one's a red flag for me.
And, you know, I think somehow we're red flags also.
I think we have red. Flags true, but I don't even
agree with the saying men are trash.
I wouldn't take offense to that,men.
Are trash, definitely. I've heard stories from.
You. I've met men, yeah.
Not just you, but from our otherfriends where you've been
(38:37):
trashed by men. Yes, but also when I hear those
stories are like, oops, I kind of do some of those things.
That's why I agree men are trash.
Correct. So at the end of the day, you
just have to trust your instinct, trust your gut.
If that person is someone you want to spend like your future
with, yeah. Because, you know, you have to
stand that person. You have to stand their quirks,
(39:01):
their negative behavior, and vice versa.
And so on. Yes.
And if you're successful, then that means you would proceed to
the next episode, which is gonnabe released in a few weeks
because we release every other Friday.
Yeah. So this might be on August.
Probably. Probably August, Yes.
(39:24):
OK, So what about have you gone like dating Clark over and over
and you kind of feel like, dude,this is becoming like
repetitive, like same pattern, not gaining enough results,
something like that. Just same pattern, different
person. I might be that person.
(39:46):
Really. Also tell me.
Well, it's because I don't want to move forward.
That's why I'm kind of minimizing the progress.
So that's why it feels like it'sthe patterns repeating on my
end, which is a very bad thing, I know that, but I'm still doing
it. I'll get you.
Do you wanna? No, like I mentioned in the very
(40:08):
early episode, early episodes, Idon't think I've ever got
married. OK, so I've been very
comfortable being single. OK, so then you're there.
So I feel like the finish line is the dating or something like
that right? Or yes, just random
conversations or not really random, but like when it gets to
a point where there is like veryemotional connection, that's
(40:30):
sometimes when I detach. My God, you have you like told
your therapist. I haven't been to therapy in
years so maybe I should go. Back.
I think we should go back now. Oh my gosh.
So yeah, I think I've went through this when I just re
(40:52):
entered the dating community andstuff.
So I didn't know how to start. So I started with downloading
the dating app and then you justreally get so good at it
eventually. But then any other failed dates
or meetups or potentials, it really actually wears you down.
(41:16):
Yeah. And I think that's also where
the repetitiveness goes, becauseif you're talking to a lot of
people at the same time, you kind of do the same moves.
Do the same moves, like perform the same, you know, the same
acts. Yeah, ask the same question,
something like that. And then I think it gets
(41:37):
disappointing eventually I've been there.
And you start to ask yourself, like, is it me AM?
I the drama. Am I the drama?
Am I the problem here? Yeah.
So eventually just like wait andthen uninstall, install back
again. Yeah, something like that or
maybe try new Ave. So if it doesn't work there, try
(42:00):
something else. Yeah, like meeting people over
pickleball. Maybe not.
Yeah. Meeting people over pickleball
or like meeting people in churchor whatever.
So something like that. But don't lose hope.
So for people who wanting to date someone, you know, you have
yourself and then yourself is enough.
Yeah. Although that person that you're
(42:21):
looking for, that person's gonnabe there.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think the important part is really knowing yourself, Yeah.
And knowing what compliments youand find that person that you
and know your boundaries, your red flags, you tolerate.
Learn to adjust or compromise ifneed be.
Yeah, but always know yourself. At the core of it is know
yourself. Correct.
Correct. If you think you need a partner,
(42:42):
then go find one. If you don't need a partner like
myself, then you know, just havefun.
Yes, just have fun. I think also bestie the
standards that we set ourselves to and the people that.
You deserve the love you tolerate.
Yes, yeah, you deserve the love you tolerate or you accept the
(43:04):
love you think you deserve. Yes, yes.
But also we have this very high standards that we set for other
people, but sometimes we don't necessarily follow.
Yeah, we don't apply it ourselves as well, so.
Let's also want to consider. Yeah, something to consider.
(43:24):
I feel like we shouldn't listen to everyone's opinion on TikTok.
Like, yeah, there's a lot out there.
Like I really don't know what tofollow now.
Like there's you deserve better,girl.
And like, he doesn't deserve a second chance.
And then the next video I see, like, you know, people, all
(43:47):
people deserve a second chance. Something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's a case to case
basis. Yeah.
So really have to be patient. About.
That's why at the core of it, know yourself.
Yes, correct. So now our next episode is about
relationships. Yeah, the successful, if you, if
you've been successful in this chaotic episode, like, you know,
you don't really know. It's everything.
(44:07):
It's in limbo, meeting people, not meeting people.
It's when the blurry lines become clear.
Yes, and then another set of problems ensue during dating and
being in a relationship. Yeah, wow.
That's it for this episode. This was chaotic.
I feel like it's. Chaotic.
(44:27):
We have like prop guides and whatnot, but we really kind of
go off script because that's what a situation ship is.
It's unpredictable. Yes, I mean both of us had
different results. So that's it, and we'll see you
in the next episode. Yes, and if you have similar
situation feel free to. Comment.
(44:49):
Down below, yes, feel free to share your thoughts and your
experiences. We'll talk about it in the next
episode, that's for sure. Follow us on Instagram at. 30
something spot. Yes.
And then please e-mail us at hello30somethings@gmail.com. 30
being 3 zeros Yes all right so that was a really good catch up
(45:12):
on our dating life Clark yeah and thank you for listening
that's. It bye.
Hello. Oh my.
God, Oh my God, how was your weekend?
My weekend was intense. Eventful.
Eventful to say the least. Well, I think eventful in the
sense that we finally launched our first episode.
And for people listening have listened to the first episode,
we mentioned that coming May, our friend is going to be
(00:32):
visiting us. Yeah.
And we have been, we have released it in June.
So just to be mad that this is this is the recording of this
episode. It's just a week after our first
release. Yes, and it was actually so
exciting. It came so naturally for us and
I love that we've garnered so many followers after that and
(00:54):
even comments on Spotify. So how do you fare on on the
release? Like do you think it was
successful or something? I'm actually very much amazed at
the reception because comparing to our first podcast where we
did so much marketing for it. The editing, everything.
But also we understand why the first one isn't for everyone's
(01:18):
cup of tea and. Of course, it was her first time
as. Well, it's very niche, very,
very music focused. And for this one, everyone can
relate to me in 30 become millennia at this time and age.
Correct. And also we've garnered a few
reactions as well. Yeah, and I love.
It yes, because there were, I think people would label it as
(01:40):
spicy. But you know what?
It was a really good conversation between friends
about life. So I think we stand by it,
right? And it's OK if you don't stand
by it because we didn't have thesame.
Opinion. I know.
So I stand by it. Yeah, you stand by, but I stand
by the episode. Is that.
Yeah, is what I mean, yes. I wouldn't try to edit myself.
Yes, of course. The shoe fits.
(02:03):
The shoe fits, yeah. Oh my God, high five do that
anyways, so we're on our what, 6episode for now.
So we've just released our firstepisode, but now we're going
deeper, yeah, towards what being30 means or what aging means,
actually, which is. Such a big word, but my God.
(02:25):
Right. Yeah.
So we're doing a miniseries. I think this is very exciting to
some. Yeah.
So we're doing a 30 somethings miniseries, which you know, is
entitled Dating in the Age of Soft Lunches.
So this will be like a three-part or I don't know.
Which part of relationships? Of relationships so let's do
(02:47):
first the meet ups so dating meet.
Cute. Meet, cute, whatever.
Second would be the actual relationship, yeah.
And 3rd would be breakups. Or locking it in.
Breakups are locking. It in locking it in Oh my God,
I'm so sorry. Breakups are locking it in, so
you know where we are, you know,stuff like that.
(03:09):
So let's start with our. The early parts of the
relationship. Parts of relationship, so we're
talking about romantic. Relationships.
Yes. Yes.
Yes, go ahead. Laura So before we do that, I
guess it's not like the olden times where there is the
Hirayana type thing. So I think the early ages of a
relationship in this, like the modern era is the talking stage.
(03:33):
Yeah. So we've prepared a few things
we're gonna say if it happened to us or not or.
We're gonna sit because we both have drinks right now.
Yeah, because we're also celebrating the release.
So cheers, besties. Cheers, that was so.
So we're gonna have a drink or have a sip of our drink.
(03:54):
Yeah. When the shoe fits.
Yeah. Go ahead, Clark.
First one, have you ever sent a meme instead of saying I miss
you talking stage? Not talking stage.
Yes same same same cheers. Yes definitely.
Especially a meme that I know hewould laugh at like super.
(04:20):
Really, I'm very controlled withthe memes that I said because I
do have like a very dark humor, but when it is in the talking
stage, I kind of sound very artsy memes as well.
He's. Controlling or curating his
image already. Yeah, just also a random aside,
what is your, like first move onBumble?
(04:40):
Because I think we've both been on Bumble for a while.
Let's put some context also, because we'll be talking about
Bumble also. Yeah.
So I guess what I like about Bumbo is that the girls go
first. Yeah.
So there's like a sense of control for women and sense of
protection, safety. I just really say hi.
Hey, sorry, I'm not basic, but look at me.
(05:04):
I'm very. Yeah.
But yeah, I just like, do stuff.But I've also tried some, you
know, spicy messages I really forgot.
Now spicy stuff like, hey, like,you know, corny pick up lines.
But some of it really didn't work.
So the ones that worked were just hey, hi.
(05:26):
OK, fine. I agree.
Yeah, I get it. It works because it's very
straight to the point. But like, you know.
We'll talk about that later, yeah.
Anyways, another one of this bingo things.
Have you ever waited 3 hours to reply on purpose?
Yes. What is the Max hours that
you've waited to reply? The whole day.
(05:48):
Same and I even lied that oh I forgot my phone at home.
Yes, but. Who leaves their phone at home?
No, but right now I try to be sensitive about it because if I
were on that person's shoes. No, best we're talking about
talking stage. I think that it's a different
thing if. It's yeah, I know, right?
(06:08):
Like best food forward. Yeah, there's really like a
politics to talking stages because it really sets the tone
on who has control over the conversation.
Yes. Right.
So, OK, go ahead. So next one, have you ever soft
launched them? Yes, yes.
(06:30):
Like just the hand or something or a shoe, something that would
signify. That you're on a date.
I was with a guy. Yeah, of course.
I think I've never done this one.
I think it has to escalate first.
OK, That's why I specified just the talking stage.
Talking stage. Yeah, you're right.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me retract.
(06:50):
Maybe on the dating stage, but not the relationship.
I think I would consider even onthe situationship part, yeah,
something to soft lunch, but just talking stage?
Absolutely not. I agree with you.
Sorry, I take that back. OK, got it.
No next one. How about have you ever checked
if they watched your stories? Yes, yes.
(07:12):
But you know what? I actually do not show them my
IG and Facebook first when we'restill in the talking stages
unless I know that we will be moving forward to the next
round. What they do is I do have my
film. Your fin stuff.
No it's not my fin stuff but it's like where I post my coat
(07:34):
and goat art like the indie boy.My God, again guys, he's
controlling or curating. Okay, go.
Ahead, once we move out of the dating app, I share my
Instagram, which is the end of. The actual Oh, no, OK.
Yeah. So at least they kind of find
that there's a code on code personality.
(07:55):
OK, OK. It's very curated.
I feel like right now listening to it, it puts a certain kind of
pressure on the other person as well, because then, oh, this
guy's really creative and stuff like that.
So that might also prevent them from moving forward because I
might not match his. But again, maybe that's your
purpose. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(08:18):
Oh my God. But you know what?
Anyway, I'll tell. The story later, OK, we'll talk
about it later. Let's do a last one.
Go ahead. Have you ever gotten the ick
from a typo? Yes, I'm sorry, typo.
And the way they type. And the way they talk, yes.
They chat, yes. Yeah, like my.
(08:39):
It's not necessarily about the typo, but it's more like, say
for example. I think the grammar it's the
grammar form. Oh my God, yes.
Or how they. The grammar.
I did the trick once so that they would be turned off by me.
I ruined my grammar on purpose. Oh.
My God. And then what happened?
Of course it worked. So she stopped.
(09:00):
Yeah. Oh God.
But that's a bad way to ruin yourself I guess.
I mean, I hate it because, you know, I do care about grammar
and everything, yes, but in thiscase where I'm just like, out of
this talking stage or whatever it is, I might just just as well
ruin everything with a typo or an incorrect grammar or an extra
(09:21):
H. Oh my God, on the Word.
Yeah, but I I prefer like if theperson speaks in dialect then
they try to speak another language and they flop.
I also I know it's just for me personally I cannot judge others
but that's just how I prefer it.I also get the ick when she uses
(09:43):
Korean reactions phrases becauseit's it doesn't sound very
natural. Oh really?
Like Omo otoke, those kinds of things.
Yeah, I don't. Like that?
See. It's very otoke.
I don't look Korean at all, so that's weird.
OK. That's enough of that game,
because, you know, I'm really digging a big grave for myself.
(10:04):
And and it's still early. Go ahead, busty, how are we
going to dissect? Oh, you're done.
Yeah. OK, so because this is like a 30
somethings diary or journal for us about relationships and then
we're talking about how dating is now first I think we have to
put context on how dating was when we were in our teens or
(10:28):
like maybe in our 20s before before the age of technology.
Because I feel like the divider here is the technology I.
Think it really during even on our mid 20's the dating apps are
already there. Oh, really?
Yeah, it might have been there, but I haven't unnoticed.
Yeah, yeah, because you were in a, you know.
Relationship. But it didn't.
(10:50):
That's a story for another day. Yeah.
Well, yes, you might be correct on that, bestie.
So let's just talk first about the 20s or maybe even earlier
where the technology didn't really influence.
Yeah, or it didn't really matter.
Or yeah. So I guess we can talk about how
people met back then. Yeah.
So it's usually the rattle culture, which is like being
(11:12):
introduced to friends of friends.
Rattle culture. Yeah.
Yeah. And either that rattle culture
or meeting people in the wild, like maybe when you're clubbing,
which is like. My God.
According to Ed Sheeran, I'm notthe best place to find love,
correct? That's where you go.
Where I go? Or maybe when you do some
hobbies and then you meet peopleof the same interests you, or
(11:35):
even maybe coworkers or classmates.
That's true, especially if you come from a very close knit
friendship group and you're always together.
Some people are really bound to fall in love with their friends.
Maybe I'm just. Going to add as well, maybe like
people who meet each other in church or like worship service.
(11:55):
Yeah, worship service for sure. I think that was big back then.
So for me, if you're. Asking yeah, yeah, yeah, go
ahead. I think the online version of
what we have now would have beensomething like a chat messenger.
Yeah, yeah. Like we had Yahoo Messenger
before where people go into chatrooms of the same interests.
(12:16):
So for example, I would go to the room where gaming is very
popular. So I'll go to the gaming room
and then I find online people there and then you just chat
them and then you say ASL, what's your?
Age my God, ASL is. Location.
So that's what I was introduced to when it comes to dating and
(12:38):
online because my sister taught me that because I saw her doing
that. We didn't have Facebook.
Look back then. We had Friendster, yeah.
So we had to customize our profiles.
Top 6. Friends, yes, top six friends.
And then then we send testimonials.
So you would know if someone would like you because then they
would send testimonials. And also there's also the Who's
(13:00):
viewed me feature, so you would know who's kind of like always
going back to your profile and fucking you.
Yes, yes, we also have Omegle. So this.
Is a fun. This was a fun experiment.
So Omegle, I think you know, because it's still here right
now and I think it's. Ari Brandon to emit TV now.
Really. Yeah.
So it's also famous on Tiktok where you you just go through
(13:24):
like a shuffle, yeah, video shuffle.
And then you end up with the person and then you kind of
talk. And the camera's on, so yeah,
it's really like a roulette. OK, so can I share an anecdote?
Also an earlier version of Omegle which is the chat
roulette. Yes.
And I, I think that's why you start that.
Oh. That's the Chatroulette.
OK, so I didn't go to Omegle that much.
(13:44):
Chatroulette was the one. Yeah.
So you go to like a roulette andthen they shuffle the person
you're gonna be meeting. Yeah.
No particular order a different vacation, whatever.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then can I share an, an anekle for this?
OK, so my cousin was staying in our house back then, so she was
like staying with me. And then we just had the
(14:06):
brilliant of the most brilliant idea to do chat roulette.
OK, so so I put her face becauseI just wanted to practice my
flirting game game online. So because I was scared to for
people to see me, I would use mycousin's face.
So she. Was she approved by the way she.
(14:27):
Approved, of course, because this was a fun little game.
And then, my gosh. So it was my cousin.
I was the one typing. They can't see my hand.
Yeah. So the roulette was rolling.
And then she was matched with a guy who was really handsome, by
the way. Yeah, I think he was a foreigner
and he was an architect, which is of course something that I'm
(14:49):
very passionate about. So they were chatting, but it
was me. So like, he liked my flirting.
Yeah, and then your cousin was just like always like at the
camera. My.
Cousin was just like looking like looking at the mirror,
looking at herself, like feelingherself.
And then the guy kind of noticedthat someone was typing for her.
(15:10):
OK. And then he saw me and so my
cousin introduced us and then I guess we were the ones chatting
after. So did you add each other on
like? No, because.
The funny thing was, so I didn'treally move.
Yeah, you cannot. You cannot refresh.
You can. Refresh.
I can go back to this guy because this is so random.
(15:33):
Yeah. And so we were like, really
talking to each other. And then I think the microphone
went off. Yes.
Which one? Yours or?
His or mine, I don't know. And then what happened, Bestie,
he wrote on his paper. And then we were like, sending
messengers. It was killing I loved.
It so much very Love, Actually. It was so nice and then I think
(15:57):
we really hit it off until. Wait, hang on, how old were you
when this happened? My God, I'm sorry.
I think I no, I'm not 20, right.So it's not 20s.
I think I was 19 and. Then the guy. 20s OK, College.
Yeah, college. So it was perfect.
I really loved it. And then someone accidentally
(16:18):
pushed the button refresh. And then there you go, my love
story. That's such a cute it was.
A cute. Yes, I didn't meet you.
Yes. I don't know where the guy is.
I don't even remember his face. Yeah, I hope he's happy or
whatever, of course. That's or maybe.
He's already locked up now because he was departed by ICE.
What the F? But anyways, yes, I hope he's
(16:40):
OK. Yeah, and building.
It's a good story to tell for meeting people.
Online, I loved it. How about you besties Right now?
You're very much attuned to technology.
Yeah. So what do you think is the main
dating tool right now? I actually think I'm not the
perfect person to ask for this one because wait.
(17:01):
Come on, you've had no, I mean. Well, actually to be also
honest, I did check Bumble recently because I was bored and
like I said, I really use my artInstagram to do those kinds of
things and I was part out of my mind and I wanted to create
again and I just. Want them?
You're on Bumble now. Not anymore because like, oh, we
(17:23):
good. And so I don't like it there
anyway. Let me just proceed with sorry,
I think. You don't like it there because
you're here. No Bumble.
I mean, what I wanted in Bumble was to find like a talking
stage, someone to impress with my edits, my art.
That's what I usually do. It's very obvious that I'm
talking to someone when that account on Instagram is very
(17:44):
active. So I want that account to be
active. That's why I was on Mumble and
then I was looking for people totalk to.
And then most of their intro messages are just like smileys
or like, hey, and I'm like, I don't like that.
It's so boring. There's you.
Shouldn't be on Bumble then? Yeah, that's why I'm not on
Bumble anymore. So I matched with this girl and
I cheekily asked because her intro was just like smiley.
(18:07):
I'm like, what am I going to do with a smiley?
This is not very fun to talk to.So I kind of segwayed and kind
of started a very cheeky conversation, like what's your
favorite coffee are there so I can pick up something for our
first name, that kind of thing. Cute.
Yeah. OK.
And then they replied with a smirk emoji.
Starbucks vanilla sweet. Cream.
Oh my God, you don't like that? This is why I'm not on Mumble.
(18:32):
But people are pretty basic, youknow, It's very, very picky.
It's very basic and I realized. I think that's just for Clark's,
by the way. That's Clark's preference.
Yeah. But to be clear as well, to give
context, I do value my coffee somuch.
I make my coffee every day. I know my coffee beans, I have
different brewing methods. So that's why I'm very picky
(18:53):
when it comes to coffee. And if, if that's your order,
yeah, I mean, I do, I do drink cold, cold brew, whatever.
But Starbucks in this day and age?
Misty, That's all. That's OK, because I also had
Starbucks this weekend. I mean I I get Starbucks almost
every day. I had Starbucks this weekend.
What I'm saying is if that's your like go to order flex it
(19:15):
it's it's not for me but anywaysnot random.
Sorry, it's just random aside. Look at him ranting away.
Sorry because I got sidetracked.So I wasn't able to stop Clark
with this ranting because I'm transferring money whatever.
Anyway, So what are the other ways where we can meet people
now? Like OK, you mentioned dating
(19:37):
apps, specifically Bumble. We also have Instagram DMS,
Bestie. Yeah, Speaking of.
DM I think there's a thing whereif you like someone you just
start with giving a heart on their stories.
I didn't know that. Yeah, yes, of course, Yes, yes.
And that's how I know if a person.
(19:58):
Is interested. Yes, but then that person has a
girlfriend. Something like that.
Yeah, that's so weird. Because you also have to kind of
ease into it. They can't just like send a
heart and send a message that's true.
You have to send a heart. And then maybe if they post 1/3
strap you could have not notice it or ignore it.
But you have you. Seen it.
Correct, correct, correct. You know, there's again the
(20:18):
dynamics of the talking stage and then after a few posts from
them, they post a random selfie.You heart it again.
I think from there you would know what they like if you're
also interested with that person, you know, so you kind of
curate also your stories to showhow well-rounded you are.
Yes, yes. I mean, I think that's how I
(20:40):
would do it. Yeah.
Like if a person your son is interested with me, I would show
him all the facets of my beautiful personality and
something like that. So in the morning I do this and
at night I party. In the morning I have like yoga
sash. Or like gym sash.
It's very yes and most I'm also artsy, but I'm also sporty,
(21:03):
something like that. And then your gateway to
starting a conversation is when you find something interesting,
like maybe say they're doing art.
So you can ask, oh, this is so fun.
Or is this so that's how you start a conversation?
For Instagram, yes, but don't you think also, Bestie, because
of the presentation we gave to the world, like our curated
(21:26):
feeds and our pictures, don't you think that that would also
preempt in having a real connection?
Because then, OK, hear me out. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.
Like I want to meet this person.And then I look at this
Instagram. Oh, my God, he's such a judge,
man. Or like, I was judging him
already before I even met him. Yeah.
(21:47):
And I feel like that is also like, what do you call this, a
barrier? Like a barrier to making real
connections because we're also prejudging.
Yeah. And then there's also the ballad
of choices. Yeah.
Like because there's a lot of girls to DM, there's a lot of
guys to DM and then that also. You're right, yes, but also on
(22:10):
my end I am kind of really not looking for a relationship.
So that's why I know those things because I know what to
avoid and what to overplay, whatto under play.
Yes, that's true. I do kind of try to keep the
connection to a minimum. OK.
And that's why Sabrina Carpenterof the song Manchild.
(22:31):
Manchild. Well for me, I really just like
people's posts or stories if I really like them.
So they can't like use it against me.
Like they can't use it as proof that I am in love with them, you
know? What I mean yes, because I'm
also there are a lot of the Lulupeople I know who would assume
(22:52):
so I'm. Also very careful.
A heart on the Instagram DM would translate to them like in
you. Because if how you like
indiscriminately use the hearts and everything, that's how you
expect people would receive it also.
But I guess that's not the case.Yeah.
OK. So how about like it's for
example, you follow the person first before you meet, but then
(23:17):
it it kind of feels like you know the person already because
you've seen all their posts, their stories.
Our social relationships that translate to kind of like, yes,
the dating. Yeah.
So when you meet, it kind of feels awkward, no?
Or like I've seen in your stories.
Or like this is now the talking point.
I think that's fine at least, yeah, because on a first date
(23:39):
it's kind of we're segue into actually meeting them, right.
And actual dates, which I have been by the way, I have done
that and I think it's OK becauseat least you have already
talking points, it's not like sowhat's your favorite color?
So yeah, but we'll go through that come.
On yeah, that's I don't like that.
What's your favorite color? Rusty yellow.
(24:04):
That was very point that it's funny and it's OK cuz I have
moved. On.
OK. We'll get there, guys.
We'll get there. No, we won't.
No. We won't.
We won't actually. Maybe the second part of the
miniseries I will force you to anyways.
Yeah, So talking stages. Now we're in our talking stages.
(24:24):
We've met the person, we were talking with each other.
And then because there's also what I can share is only my
experience, right? So for example, I'm in a talking
stage. We always want to make it like
active, like the exchange is active because you're afraid
that it would fizzle out becausethen, you know, there's a lot of
(24:46):
choices out there. So how do you, you know, balance
that out in making it feel like you're not very desperate and at
the same time maintaining your sense of self?
Yeah. Yeah.
OK, I get it. So how do we do that?
Personally, again talking from experience, what I usually do is
(25:09):
space out the conversation because I don't like the fast
and easy reply. Like you're always online and
always update to each other almost every second because
you're going to run out of things to talk about.
And you know, it's very much early in the code and code
relationship, so that's why you space out your replies.
Yeah, OK. Sometimes if I'm really
(25:31):
interested with a person, I havethis tendency of like, I can't
stop. I cannot.
OK, I can't stop. Like I'm thinking about that guy
all the time. Like I'm so killing.
I'm like, OK, so of course, naman, we don't text all day,
but if I feel like that person is also receiving what I give so
(25:53):
well, then it's really exciting for me.
Yeah, yeah. There's also one thing I do is I
never say goodnight really, I just sleep or don't reply at
all. That's so.
But you say good morning, Yes, Why that's so?
Weird. If you don't say goodnight, then
they're just gonna assume, oh, he's asleep or something like
that, so I have my excuse to do something else.
(26:15):
Oh, that's so weird. That's so about replying, but at
least on the next day when I saygood morning, I can continue the
conversation and I know there's a conversation to be had that.
Day so you don't want it to end,it feels.
Yeah, something like that. That's why I use it.
Also to my advantage that, you know, you don't say goodnight,
you say good morning. It's very cringy, but you could
say like, oh, you're the first thing I thought of this morning
(26:36):
because I already send you a reply.
I think that's also cute, but atthe same time.
Very manipulative. Very manipulative.
I don't know with the bestie, but anyways, just not all Bumble
matches, tender matches and evenGrinder matches translate to
imperson dating, right? Yeah.
(26:56):
So let's just go back for a bit because I also remembered.
What do you feel when you thought it was going so well and
then no replies were like that person didn't reply after
because I've been. There, Yeah, yeah.
So I think we're going through the territories of ghosting.
Oh, yes, OK. So when would you say you're
being ghosted? Like how long do you suppose you
(27:18):
would say you're being? Ghosted, I think a day, yes yeah
okay yeah because for me, if you're interested, you can't
keep your hands off your phone. No, I'm sorry because I'm not
like that. I'm not like that.
Like, I don't ghost people for sure, but I don't ghost people.
I like, yeah, yeah, I'm really interested.
I don't ghost them, Yeah. And then I'm really very
(27:41):
straightforward. Also, like if I like you, I
would tell you like, yeah, I think I like you.
How early? I mean earliest.
You might say you like a person.If we're out of Bumble.
So there's a big chance that you're already like that person
if you're already out of Bumble.Like like, like just a
potential, you know, like for dating, not like seriously in a
(28:04):
relationship. I got I got right.
Or let's talk about the purpose why you're why we're in Bumble.
Or like in dating sites, It's either we meet people or some
people do like casual hangs. Or the casual hang is for
tender, I suppose. We don't know.
We don't know that people meet true to do casual hangs
everywhere. So casual hangs are just like
(28:26):
when it stands for the adventurous kind, something like
that. So later on I feel like I'm very
straightforward now with what I like.
So. So I'm here because I want to
meet someone that might not really in these words.
Ha yeah, yeah. But I'm seeing like I'm hoping
to date. Yeah.
But not really in a relationshipper SE.
(28:49):
Yeah, just dating. Have coffee with something like
that to expand my. Horizons exactly.
So something like that. So I met this guy and I thought
like, I really thought we had a connection there.
And then I told him something about me that might be alarming
for others. He stopped replying.
So you got ghosted? I got ghosted, but I also
(29:11):
ghosted people. Yeah, yeah, I.
Guess that's a fair game. Yeah, I think ghosting is OK.
I I don't think so that it's OK all the time.
I mean, if you're just in BumbleBestie and you were ghosted,
that's. Fine, yeah, I think that there's
there's a but. If you were like in a long time
(29:31):
relationship. That is different, yeah.
That's fucked up. Yeah, I'm sorry.
If you've already made a connection, then yeah,
absolutely. Ghosting is not OK.
Yeah, But there are cases like you've mentioned that ghosting
can be the closure. So right now we're moving into
the territory of one thing to bewith someone, connecting with
(29:54):
someone, but not yet ready for arelationship.
Like just a casual thing. So situations.
I don't think so because I feel like where do we put
situationship? Do we put that on the second
part of the mini series or just put it here now?
No. I think here because what I I
think lately what our relationship is talking stage
(30:16):
situationship and if you're kindof like that's a very long.
I've been there. Situationship and then that's
when you get into a relationship.
Okay, so let's talk about that. But I think I have like an
hierarchy for that one. So me talking stage, wow, me
talking stage casual, if you're like adventurous or whatever,
Yeah. So you just stop there and then
(30:38):
you go to situation chips. So meaning you're telling me
that you like him and then you feel like that's also kind of
exclusively dating? No, it's not.
I didn't know that. Yeah, well, I realize now it's
not. So then exclusively dating and
then you're dating. So there's a lot of process here
that we have to unpack. Considering we're 30 and we have
(30:58):
to know all. Things, Oh my God, we have to
know all these things. It's tiring but.
Good for you. You don't have to know all those
things because you're in a happyrelationship.
Happy relationship sometimes, but you know what?
I've been there. Yeah.
Because we really went through all that.
Oh my God, I can't. I'll have to share that next
episode, so we'll see. Anyways, back to your question,
(31:22):
what was it? Yeah, OK.
When you, I think, like the dilemma here when it comes to
casual relationships is because,OK, now that if it's consensual,
yeah, OK, we're doing this casually, all right, No feelings
like no strings attached. But what if the casual seems or
feels like not casual anymore? That is a situation ship where
(31:45):
you don't know what you feel about each other.
You don't know where you stand, but yes, that's the point.
You just talk about hypotheticals all the time.
Like it's like trying to feel ifthe other person is ready to
jump. OK, so I describe situation Chip
as that you're like you're like in a relationship like your
boyfriend and girlfriend, but you don't have the label.
(32:06):
You're doing all the couple stuff like.
Yeah. Yes, like you date, you see each
other a lot you. See even more about your
futures. I know.
And then you're not dating. That's like a waste of.
But there are reasons why. Well, I can name one because
I've been through a situation ship, which I'm happy to say was
successful because we're in a relationship now.
(32:28):
But sometimes it's because I think you're treading.
Yes, yes, you're treading because like for me, I didn't
want to go ahead and have a relationship because there were
certain factors like am I ready to be in a relationship after a
heartbreak and then other factors like age gap, maturity,
whatever. Your priorities in life like
(32:49):
like say, for example, you know for other cases, just as a
random example, you are graduating so you have to focus
on your thesis, but also you want to have fun.
So you kind of get into that kind of weird limbo of
relationship, but not really, ormaybe for the young ones, not
really in their 30s was like notallowed to have a boyfriend,
(33:09):
girlfriend in school. So that's kind of like
situationship. But how does one go about in a
situationship in their 30s? Oh my God, it's tiring because
of course no, we've been discovering all our 20s.
I feel like, like it has been adventurous, like it's really
all about discovery. Bring new things, new people.
(33:31):
Yeah. Experiencing stuff like that,
loss and heartbreak. And then and in your 30s, of
course, now this is just an expectation.
And of course this is also just an overrated timeline people
give you. Yeah.
But in your 30s, you're startingto build.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're building a future, building your career,
(33:51):
relationships. And so it feels like, Oh my God,
I'm 13, I have to learn all this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this?
What's situation, ship, What's like talking stage?
You really have to go back and then do that again.
I think it's never too late to learn anything.
Yeah. And I also think when you're in
your 30s, if example, you're dating to marry and you get into
(34:15):
a situation, ship or whatever talking stage and so on, you
already have like as standard ormetric or, you know, you don't
really take the low hanging fruits of those types of people.
So it's easier for you to move on because you don't really
commit to it or full send to that situation because you know
it's going nowhere. So you kind of start again.
(34:36):
It's annoying, but you kind of have to start again if you're
really looking for something. And I think it's also about what
you can tolerate, how far you can tolerate something like
this. Right.
So if you have a higher threshold for things like this,
like doing emotional labor without a label.
(34:57):
Yeah. And then the disconnect between
the physical and emotional attachment, then that's fine.
Yeah, you do you. But then someone will really
fall in love or fall out of. Love in the.
Process. So it's up to you really.
You really have to be honest andthen I think communicate what
(35:18):
you really want. I think that's what I did.
Yeah, which really worked out for you because you know what
you wanted. From the very get go, like from
the moment I swiped right, I said this is what I want and I'm
going to get it. I got it.
I still fighting to. Have it still fighting all the
time. What's?
OK, So from chilling like you want now, OK, Let's just be
(35:43):
chill about this. Yeah, until you go spiraling.
Oh my God, where is he? And I can't even say I love you,
right? It's funny.
Yeah, There's also kind of say, for example, you meet red flags
around the way during a situation ship.
It's up to you though, if you really wanna, you know, be the
flag bearer of that red flag or,you know, run the other way.
(36:05):
That's true also. Because you know you're not
committed, so there is a very big easy way out for you to run.
Yeah, but I feel like bestie because you've already had a
connection, at least for me. Huh.
It would still be very painful. You experienced many heart.
Breaks. Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Yeah, for the loss of someone. Yeah, of course you had a little
(36:25):
bit of connection with maybe notemotionally.
People tend to bond mangood because there are hormones
involved. Mangood like the exchange of
hormones. No, yeah, I suppose.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I get yeah, I'm trying to
relate to this, but I guess I'm just very detached.
So I think I'm. Very unrelatable.
(36:46):
It's also a good battleground orspace for you to realize what
red flags are acceptable to you.Yeah.
Or red flags that really are very icky and you really can't
stand it. Yeah.
But the thing about it though isI'm not really looking for
something long term, so that's why I'm more tolerant of red
(37:07):
flags when they're actually red flags rather than just X.
OK, So what? How do you define X and how do
you define like red flags? Like what?
An ick is just something minor like say for example their
coffee order when they say oh. OK or chewing loudly I.
Think that's an ick. I agree a red flag is maybe
(37:28):
something emotional or has a deeper connection.
Serial cheater. Oh that's definitely a red flag,
not an ick. Does not text you.
In what sense? Like.
At all. At all but likes you once you
see you. That is a red flag, right?
Yes, because you're supposed to communicate not just your
actions, but also words. Outgoing to outgoing.
(37:52):
I think it really depends, yeah.I think that's somewhere in the
middle. This is the stage also in dating
stage where you identify what your non negotiables yes or yes.
So like a non negotiable red flag for you and a non
negotiable green flag for you. I've only learned that pretty
late in life, like when I've dived into dating again and then
(38:16):
identifying which one's a red flag for me.
And, you know, I think somehow we're red flags also.
I think we have red. Flags true, but I don't even
agree with the saying men are trash.
I wouldn't take offense to that,men.
Are trash, definitely. I've heard stories from.
You. I've met men, yeah.
Not just you, but from our otherfriends where you've been
(38:37):
trashed by men. Yes, but also when I hear those
stories are like, oops, I kind of do some of those things.
That's why I agree men are trash.
Correct. So at the end of the day, you
just have to trust your instinct, trust your gut.
If that person is someone you want to spend like your future
with, yeah. Because, you know, you have to
stand that person. You have to stand their quirks,
(39:01):
their negative behavior, and vice versa.
And so on. Yes.
And if you're successful, then that means you would proceed to
the next episode, which is gonnabe released in a few weeks
because we release every other Friday.
Yeah. So this might be on August.
Probably. Probably August, Yes.
(39:24):
OK, So what about have you gone like dating Clark over and over
and you kind of feel like, dude,this is becoming like
repetitive, like same pattern, not gaining enough results,
something like that. Just same pattern, different
person. I might be that person.
(39:46):
Really. Also tell me.
Well, it's because I don't want to move forward.
That's why I'm kind of minimizing the progress.
So that's why it feels like it'sthe patterns repeating on my
end, which is a very bad thing, I know that, but I'm still doing
it. I'll get you.
Do you wanna? No, like I mentioned in the very
(40:08):
early episode, early episodes, Idon't think I've ever got
married. OK, so I've been very
comfortable being single. OK, so then you're there.
So I feel like the finish line is the dating or something like
that right? Or yes, just random
conversations or not really random, but like when it gets to
a point where there is like veryemotional connection, that's
(40:30):
sometimes when I detach. My God, you have you like told
your therapist. I haven't been to therapy in
years so maybe I should go. Back.
I think we should go back now. Oh my gosh.
So yeah, I think I've went through this when I just re
(40:52):
entered the dating community andstuff.
So I didn't know how to start. So I started with downloading
the dating app and then you justreally get so good at it
eventually. But then any other failed dates
or meetups or potentials, it really actually wears you down.
(41:16):
Yeah. And I think that's also where
the repetitiveness goes, becauseif you're talking to a lot of
people at the same time, you kind of do the same moves.
Do the same moves, like perform the same, you know, the same
acts. Yeah, ask the same question,
something like that. And then I think it gets
(41:37):
disappointing eventually I've been there.
And you start to ask yourself, like, is it me AM?
I the drama. Am I the drama?
Am I the problem here? Yeah.
So eventually just like wait andthen uninstall, install back
again. Yeah, something like that or
maybe try new Ave. So if it doesn't work there, try
(42:00):
something else. Yeah, like meeting people over
pickleball. Maybe not.
Yeah. Meeting people over pickleball
or like meeting people in churchor whatever.
So something like that. But don't lose hope.
So for people who wanting to date someone, you know, you have
yourself and then yourself is enough.
Yeah. Although that person that you're
(42:21):
looking for, that person's gonnabe there.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think the important part is really knowing yourself, Yeah.
And knowing what compliments youand find that person that you
and know your boundaries, your red flags, you tolerate.
Learn to adjust or compromise ifneed be.
Yeah, but always know yourself. At the core of it is know
yourself. Correct.
Correct. If you think you need a partner,
(42:42):
then go find one. If you don't need a partner like
myself, then you know, just havefun.
Yes, just have fun. I think also bestie the
standards that we set ourselves to and the people that.
You deserve the love you tolerate.
Yes, yeah, you deserve the love you tolerate or you accept the
(43:04):
love you think you deserve. Yes, yes.
But also we have this very high standards that we set for other
people, but sometimes we don't necessarily follow.
Yeah, we don't apply it ourselves as well, so.
Let's also want to consider. Yeah, something to consider.
(43:24):
I feel like we shouldn't listen to everyone's opinion on TikTok.
Like, yeah, there's a lot out there.
Like I really don't know what tofollow now.
Like there's you deserve better,girl.
And like, he doesn't deserve a second chance.
And then the next video I see, like, you know, people, all
(43:47):
people deserve a second chance. Something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's a case to case
basis. Yeah.
So really have to be patient. About.
That's why at the core of it, know yourself.
Yes, correct. So now our next episode is about
relationships. Yeah, the successful, if you, if
you've been successful in this chaotic episode, like, you know,
you don't really know. It's everything.
(44:07):
It's in limbo, meeting people, not meeting people.
It's when the blurry lines become clear.
Yes, and then another set of problems ensue during dating and
being in a relationship. Yeah, wow.
That's it for this episode. This was chaotic.
I feel like it's. Chaotic.
(44:27):
We have like prop guides and whatnot, but we really kind of
go off script because that's what a situation ship is.
It's unpredictable. Yes, I mean both of us had
different results. So that's it, and we'll see you
in the next episode. Yes, and if you have similar
situation feel free to. Comment.
(44:49):
Down below, yes, feel free to share your thoughts and your
experiences. We'll talk about it in the next
episode, that's for sure. Follow us on Instagram at. 30
something spot. Yes.
And then please e-mail us at hello30somethings@gmail.com. 30
being 3 zeros Yes all right so that was a really good catch up
(45:12):
on our dating life Clark yeah and thank you for listening
that's. It bye.
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