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August 18, 2025 • 17 mins
Dive into a witty and captivating collection of short biographies featuring notable figures from 5000 BC to 1914. Edited by S. McGaughey, this unique work offers a humorous twist on history, reminding us that only those with verifiable evidence of their passing are included in Who Was Who. The editor humorously declares that press releases and paid entries are strictly forbidden, ensuring a delightful and authentic reading experience. Revel in the engaging narratives brought to life by our talented readers Sean McGaughey (Sections 1-12), Jim Mowatt (Sections 1-4), Alan Davis Drake (Sections 1-2), Laurie Anne Walden (Sections 3-12), and Sibella Denton (Sections 5-12).
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Section twelve. Who Was Who? Edited by Irwin L. Gordon.
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit LibriVox dot org. Recorded by Sean.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Mc gahey, Isabel Denton, and Laurie Ann Walden.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
T Taft William Howard, a former fat and last Republican
president of the United States who worshiped the Trusts, the Constitution,
the Supreme Court, and Theodore Roosevelt. The love he bore
the latter resulted in his election. The two brothers quarreled

(00:44):
because Bill would not step aside and let Teddy run
things all over again. The two brothers fought and another
ran away with the election. Principal events during Taft's administration
Roosevelt's trip the Outlook Oyster Bay Standard Oil, that election
ambition nineteen sixteen recreation golf Messages to Congress Address, Cincinnati, Ohio. Epitaph.

(01:17):
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have
a thankless predecessor?

Speaker 3 (01:22):
Tanglefoot. He was the man who first stut flies on
fly paper.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
Tangaway Eva, an actress who did not care even if
those on the front.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Road did Tennyson Lord, an English poet who turned a
perpetual light on a charging brigade.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Terry Ellen, a dear old lady whom the world wishes
the footlights might always shine upon, and upon whom the
curtain would never descend.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Thaw Harry Kay, famous lawyer. Endower entered life as the
rich son of a wealthy father. Became interested in the
stage at an early age, but only got as far
as the court. Later performed on a New York roof garden.
Alienists say he was the sanest crazy man and the
craziest sane man who ever lived. Also obtained some publicity

(02:11):
by expensive exploring in Canada and New Hampshire. Ambition wreaths
for Jerome recreation straightening jackets address see this morning's paper.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
Themistocles, a Greek warrior who fought but did not run
a marathon.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
Third Richard the a king of England who showed how
much he thought of the country by offering to exchange
it for any kind of a horse.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Thumb Thomas, a white pygmy who enriched himself through his
misfortunes and the curiosity of the world.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Tiberius, just the Roman emperor who fitted the job.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
Tiffany of New York City, London and Paris. Introduced high
prices into the jewelry business. Greatly admired by fiancees and millionaires.
Has gained consider will feign as his products will pawn
on a good margin. Ambition A man in love. Editor's
note this is not an advertisement, as the editor is

(03:10):
not an actress.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Time Father, a very old man who has been introduced
to everybody, very unpopular with the ladies. A great wound
and sorrow healer, but unkind to the old. He went
about the world, changing babies into men and women, and
placing gray hair and wrinkles where they were never wanted.
Author of Tears, Recreation, Reaping, Address your home, epitaph ad.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
Fenum Tintoretto a Venetian painting manufacturer. Together with Paul Rubens,
he held the record for covering canvas and wearing out
brushes recreation. He never had.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
Any Titian, another painter of Venice. His works have always
been popular with the men. They are exhibited in all
European galleries and cause consternation among clergymen and school teachers.
Tea certainly could paint ambition models Recreation models.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Tolstoy a voice out of the Dark.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Tom See Richard and Harry.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
Tom Uncle an old Negro actor who appeared in every city, town, village,
and hamlet in the United States north of the Confederate States.
His history was written by Missus H. B. Stowe and
was the match which kindled the Civil War. The Northerners
have since learned that all Negroes are not Uncle Tom's
and are wondering whether any mistakes were made. Back in

(04:41):
eighteen sixty.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
One, tourists t h E. A man and woman who
carried a camera, bought post cards, read Baedeker's, visited Cook's office,
road in carriages, and then told the friend all about
the trip ambition, just one look at everything address principally
Europe epitaph. They came, they saw, they vanished.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Troy Helenov a peach of a girl who eloped with
a man and caused the longest siege in history to
make her elope back again.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Turner J. M. W. An English painter whose paint exploded
on canvas.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Twain Mark, an American who wore long white hair, made
after dinner speeches, received university degrees and made people laugh.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Twins Siamese, two men who were closer than brothers.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Twist Oliver one of those unfortunates whose history had to
be divulged for the financial gain of a great writer
and many theatrical managers.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
You Ufizi, an Italian who prevented scores of the old
masters from starving to death by filling his house in
Florence with their canvases. Sainst the Morgan Art raid, the
market price has advanced and Euphes's investment has become profitable.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Ulysses, warrior, inventor and traveler, sprang into fame at the
Siege of Troy, where he invented the horse which recaptured Helen,
escaped from Polyphemus, a one eyed giant, by sticking a
burning telegraph pole in his eye. Later performed his greatest
feat by evading the Syreenes stayed away from home so
much his wife forgot what he looked like. His dog, however,

(06:31):
recalled the scent and prevented Ulysses from sleeping in the barn.
Press agent Homer Recreation travel Wars address Ithaca.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Underwood Oscar known as Underwood Bill, a gentleman from Alabama
who walked in a presidential but ran in a senatorial race.
He had something to do with the high cost of tariffing.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Unknown. The man who painted thousands of pictures in art galleries.
V Velasquez, Spanish canvas coverer. In the absence of the camera,
he was appointed the court oil photographer. Exposed the portrait
of Philip the Force in every gallery in the world.

(07:16):
Our textbooks think a great deal of Velasquez.

Speaker 3 (07:20):
Vanderbilt an American family of means who possessed a few railroads,
much of New York City, some splendid divorces, and a
weakness for newport and newspapers.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Van Dyke beard inventor and artist. A Dutchman who invaded
England with portraits and his tonsorial achievements.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Van Houten. He was the man who put cocoa in
tin boxes.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Venus a dream of a girl who lived long ago,
posed for her statue and had to die after everybody
fell in love with her. Was born and painted at sea.
Married at an early age, was a regular heartbreaker. V
had an affair with one Adonis and later with Vulcan.
Not much is known of her old ladyhood, as she

(08:05):
refused to pose for statues when advanced in years. Ambition
Parisian gowns, The Love of the Gods, Recreation Love Address,
the Louver Paris, the Eufizi Gallery, Florence Clubs. She was
too good looking to be a suffragette.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
Versinaz Paul, decorator of the Dogs Palace, Venice and contributor
to most galleries. His work was nearly as prolific as Reubens,
and two or three of his paintings compare favorably with
the naughty.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Titian Vespasian, the man who built the Colosseum in Rome
for the tourists.

Speaker 3 (08:48):
Vespucci a an enterprising journalist who arrived on the scene
after the discovery had been made. Vespucci wrote the story
in such a clever manner he succeeded in cheating the
discoverer out of naming the place see Columbus.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
Victor. He was the man who put the fox terrier
in front of the talking machine.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
Vinci Leonardo Da painted Mona Lisa for the Louvre Paris.
His reputation has soared in proportion to the duration of
her absence. Ambition to be the Morgan family painter Recreation
looking for Purchasers epitaph he has finished his last supper.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Virgil, an old textbook writer, had something to do with
the Eneid.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Virgin Vestal, an old maid of Rome who was locked
up in the Forum for protection. She attended the gladiatorial
contest and played with her thumbs.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
Vetas Saint, dancing master whose repertoire did not include the
turkey trot.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Voltaire A, the Frenchman who went around with a bad taste
in his mouth.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Vulcan fireman and tin smith made a number of celebrated forgings,
had a career like the ancients, and fell in love
with Venus w.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Wagner Dick, a Dutchman who wrote a few sheets of music,
went into the opera business, but died before the good
singers or Hammerstein Prices appeared.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Walker Johnny eighteen twenty spent most of his life at
your favorite bar until you appeared.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
Walton Isaac. He was the fellow who started those awful
fish stories.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Washington, George child model father, et cetera. Spent early days
chopping trees, holding conversations with his father, killing Indians and
being brave. Later he drove those tea selling Englishmen from
the United States said farewell to his troops and became
a politician. Washington decided he was not good enough for

(11:04):
a third term and retired. His picture has been widely distributed.
Ambition to be the happy father of a big Uncle
Sam Recreation powdering his weak address Washington clubs Anti Annonius.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
Washington Booker t only a distant relation of the above,
a big black man who went about the country raising
money to put brains into ivory. He also told his
audience how unfortunate they were in not being coons. See
Uncle Tom.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
Watson, doctor he Boswelled Sherlock.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
Holmes Webster Dan, an American statesman and a member of
Congress before the invention of investigating committees. He died Famous.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
Webster Noah Speller, writer, reference book maker, and language itemizer.
W was the man to whom Mark Twain paid a
glowing tribute by saying he was a great writer, that
his stories were too short.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Wellington Duke of an Englishman who taught a great French
general to say to es Perdeux. He later taught England
that many a good soldier makes a poor politician.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Waitehead of Flume, Austria. Mission in life was to reduce
the size of Dreadnoughts.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
Whittington Richard, proprietor of a celebrated back fence walker.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Widow Mary, a dream who hung around mister Maxim's restaurant
in Paris, made love to nobility, toward the world, and
finally died. Death was caused by over exertion. Before the war,
she was engaged to a Balkan prince. Widow visited New York,
London and Paris. Everybody fell in love with her and

(12:57):
whistled her praises pass question mark press agent Frankly harr
Ambition Millionaires recreation after eleven forty five p m epitaph,
When will there be another like her?

Speaker 1 (13:16):
Wiggs Missus a woman who successfully advertised cabbages Williams.

Speaker 3 (13:22):
He was the man who ruined the shaving mug business.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
Wilson Pudd'nhead a young lawyer who was fathered by Mark Twain,
no relation to the following.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
Wilson Woodrow, one time president of an American football educational
institution who outgrew his job. He moved up to be governor,
made a few cure all speeches, introduced Roosevelt to Brian,
changed his address to Washington, took out a watchful waiting
policy is now in Who's Who, But whether he will

(13:56):
remain in that publication or this one cannot be determined
at the time of going to press ambition to keep
Roosevelt and Brian running recreation, teaching, Browning, other brain exercises,
Thinking Congress Address, Washington Ker Joseph Tumulty, Clubs Pedagoguay.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
Mexican Winslow, missus known over the world as the Lady
who sues the Baby's Little Tummy.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
Wonderland, Alice ofv Travelers Discoverers, made a lady of the
Royal Geographical Society. She was a great favorite of the
children and many grown ups. She always will remain a
Who's who is.

Speaker 1 (14:41):
Woolsey Cardinal, a churchman who combined politics with his profession,
became wealthy, unfortunate, and was finally written up by Shakespeare.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Right Oraville, one of the inventors of the aeroplane, who
knows the inside of the business and believes one life
on the ground is worth two in the air.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
X editor's note. The editor is again compelled to apologize
for the exes.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
Xenophon, a Greek who endeavored to introduce morals into his country.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
He died young sylophones, inventor of the xylophone.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Why yale Eli, founder of the Enemy of Harvard and
Princeton football pipe and bull dog fancier.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
Yorick, an acquaintance of Hamlet who was recognized even in
an emaciated condition.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
Young Brigham, the man who introduced Mohametanism into the United
States and placed Utah on the flag when a young man.
He became a strong anti monogamist, moved west with his wives.
Utah increased in population and was admitted as a state
after building a great temple dedicated to Hymen. He died,

(15:53):
leaving a considerable family and a few widows heirs. See
Utah Census Ambition, London and New York. In Utah Address,
Utah Clubs, Race Suicide epitaph, Like Father, Like Son.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Z Zangwell Israel, a child of the ghetto who believed
the pen was more profitable than the pack ambition, the
promised Utopia recreation Zangwell Plays Address the Ghetto Clubs. A O.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
H zany A, the book reviewer who said who was
who was the greatest book ever written?

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Zeppelin Ferdinand manufacture of Wrecked Dirigibles and an aeronaut who
knew how to land insurance still in vogue ambition, the
elevation of the German Army recreation aeronautics with the Kaiser
address Air clubs Arrow Zoroaster.

Speaker 1 (16:59):
He was the man who who introduced fires into warm countries.
He also thanks the readers in the name of the
editor for their kind attention and of who was who?
Edited by Irwin L. Gordon
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