May 19, 2025 • 21 mins
Ever feel like your childhood came with a free subscription to self-doubt and procrastination? Join me as I battle the fear of recording and discover that maybe, just maybe, it's not all my fault—except the part where I keep overthinking everything.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Okay, whoa, whoa, hold on, stop.
If you're thinking about gettingout of this video or just
clicking to get out, just holdup a second.
Because here's what's somethingI find fascinating is the number
of people...
who don't know and really don'tseem to want to know that
they've grown up in a reallycrappy household, that they grew
up in a dysfunctional, messed upfamily.
(00:21):
Because most people are like,and it may be you, who are like,
oh no, I had a great childhood.
No, it was normal that my dadcame home at night drunk out of
his mind and beating the dog.
Oh no, I think it was absolutelyperfect when my mom always
spanked me and told me what aloser and I'll never be nothing
was.
It was just how things were backthen or whenever that was.
(00:41):
And somehow you took whateverwas messed up in your family and
you convinced yourself thatthat's just how things were.
And now today you're wondering,why do I procrastinate?
Why do I put things off?
Why don't I even like myself?
Why am I having a hard timehaving relationships?
Why am I having a hard time atwork?
And I only bring that to youbecause I want to, if I could go
(01:04):
through this microphone and justslap some people sometime, it's
like...
First of all, and it's partly,it's selfish too, because if
you're the one who's been themean person, I want you to wake
up and stop doing it.
But this is more focused on you.
If you're the person who's likeyou're in your teens, 20s, 30s,
40s, 70s, 80s, in your entirelife, you've been like, what's
(01:27):
wrong?
Something's wrong.
Something's just not right.
I've never felt like I fit in.
I've never felt like I belong.
I never felt I was perfectenough.
I don't, partake in hobbies thatI like.
I've kind of given up on life.
You know, this happens for a lotof older people.
I've just given up.
I don't want to try anything.
I don't want to do anything.
And what I'm getting at is howwe just don't live our lives
(01:51):
because of all these fears anddoubts and all this stuff that
we've gone through to the pointwhere we don't do anything.
We're walking corpses in manycases.
So last night, my wife said tome, she goes, you know, have you
made a video or done a podcastin a while?
I said, no, no, I haven't.
She goes, you need to.
They're really good.
And, you know, for a guy whospent his life not liking
(02:16):
himself, for a life, you know,for a guy who's most of my life,
I just realized that, you know,there is self-hatred and I was
just had no confidence in And Iwas just so stuck.
That's a hard thing to hear.
That's a hard thing to hear andbelieve that what you're doing
means something to, I don'tknow, to God, to others, that
(02:42):
you actually mean something inthis life.
And not to get too deep andphilosophical.
So last night I went off to myroom and I jotted down some
notes because I got excited.
I thought, wow, yeah, she kindof lit a spark.
I'm going to write this stuffdown.
I've got some exciting points.
I went to bed.
I was excited to go to bed.
And today, get up and recordsomething.
8 o'clock, 9 o'clock, 10o'clock.
(03:07):
Dude, just sit down and recordsomething.
Oh, it's got to be perfect.
I can't think of the rightpoints.
Oh, gosh, what was I so excitedabout last night that I wanted
to talk about on a video and sayto people?
I mean, there's so many peopleon YouTube, and there's all
these people with millions ofsubscribers and all kind of
views and watches andeverything.
Why would anyone want to hearanything I have to say?
(03:28):
Do you ever go through that?
Does that ever go through yourmind when you try to do anything
that you want to do that'simportant to you?
And that's an importantdistinction, not important to
somebody else, not your job, notyour family or anything else,
but it's important to you thatyou put off.
And have you ever wondered why?
So again, if you're at thispoint in the video and you're
ready to take off, you know,can't stop you, hit the button,
(03:51):
go, whatever you want to do.
But if you have even an inklingor something in the back of your
head that says something's notright, You're not getting the
success you want because you'requitting everything.
You don't pursue stuff.
You don't believe in yourself.
You grew up in a messed upfamily.
I don't know what else to tellyou.
So here I am recording thisvideo.
(04:13):
I don't know what's going tohappen with it.
I have absolutely no idea.
And in my mind, it's like, well,if it's like the other ones I've
recorded, it's not going to goanywhere.
No one's going to want to listento it.
Boo hoo, whatever.
And a lot of that comes fromjust not in believing in who you
are and what you can do and whatyou have the potential for.
So I'm doing this anyway.
(04:33):
I don't know what's going tohappen with this.
Not sure I really care.
But a lot of it has to do withfear.
A lot of it has to do with, forus who grew up in that kind of
family environment, you'reafraid of what your family will
think.
Can you believe that?
Whether, again, if you're inyour teens, early adulthood,
midlife, late life, whatever, Ihave a mother-in-law who's still
(04:56):
at the age of 79, still liveslike she's 10 years old in her
family house, still eatingeverything off her plate because
she's, you know, because that'swhat she was told and
everything.
Still afraid.
These people have been dead fordecades.
And you can see it in her.
You can see just, she's justgot, they've got this
stranglehold on, stranglehold ofher, of how she's supposed to
(05:17):
eat and behave and what she cando and not do and what she's
afraid of and what she's notafraid of.
So I don't want that for you.
And especially if you'reyounger, catch on this now.
And if you're not, if you've,it's going to be easier for
adults if you've left the houseand you're on your own doing
these kind of things.
But would you please just take amoment and go, if there's
(05:39):
something going on in your head,you're like, man, something's
just not right.
Consider the possibility thatyou're treated like garbage as a
child when you're growing up.
You know, maybe just a littlethrowaway candy wrapper garbage,
or maybe you were like a fullbarrel of trash garbage that had
been taken out that your familyassigned you to, right?
Especially if you're like ascapegoat where everyone in your
(06:01):
family, you were the garbage.
You were the one that theypointed to whenever there was
anything wrong.
Well, our family's perfect if itwasn't for Mark.
Well, there's Mark.
He's just different.
We just kind of write him off,right?
And they don't want the familysecrets, and they don't want the
dysfunction of the family calledout.
They don't want the embarrassingmoments to go out.
(06:24):
There's this incredible pridethat says, oh, we've just got to
be perfect.
You ever meet up with someonelike that or hear that in your
family?
It's like...
Not so loud.
We don't want people here.
Oh, that's too personal.
Let's not talk about that.
You get shut down over and overand over again because people
don't want to talk aboutanything.
They don't want you to embarrassanybody.
So after a while, yourconversation is, please pass the
(06:47):
broccoli.
How about those Detroit Lions?
They're doing really well.
Oh boy, look at the financialmarkets.
Aren't they great?
Do you go home to familyget-togethers like that, where
you're made to feel like it'sall your fault, everything's
your fault, and they're just notgoing to talk to you?
And there's things in a familydynamic called lost child and
(07:08):
golden child and scapegoat andblack sheep and all those great
terms you hear, and they're cutepsychological terms, blah, blah,
blah.
But there's nothing cute when itapplies to you, when the ideas
apply to you.
Like if you're what's called alost child, you grew up in a
family...
Where the best thing for you todo is to shut your mouth and
just stay out of the way.
(07:28):
Don't upset mommy.
Don't upset daddy.
Don't, you know, don't cross anylines or boundaries.
Just basically get lost.
Okay?
Because it was only safe whenyou were lost, when no one was
paying attention to you or, youknow, because you didn't want to
get in trouble.
You don't want that kind ofattention.
But then you got no attention.
If you try to do something,there's no praise, there's no
(07:50):
congratulations, there's noencouragement, there's no
guidance, there's nothing.
It's almost like you came out inthe world and someone felt bad
about having you, but oh well,we've got the kid, guess we've
got to feed and clothe this kidnow.
So there's that aspect, there'sthat aspect where people just
kind of circle the wagons andthey made sure you knew that you
were the one who was screwed upor messed up.
(08:11):
So now here you are, Again,whatever age you are and you
don't know why, you just, gosh,I don't do things.
I don't start things.
I put things off.
I don't follow through.
I don't finish things.
Well, gee, shocker.
It's because when you're growingup, it's like no one cared if
you did or didn't.
But if you screwed up, if yougot out of line, boy, did you
(08:33):
hear about it.
You got it, right?
You got smacked upside the head.
So come back full circle to whatI'm going through.
I was just recording this.
What I hear before I hit thatrecord button is, don't mess up,
don't screw up, don't saysomething stupid.
What will people think?
(08:54):
And here's the hilarious part.
A lot of that my entire lifewas, don't upset the family.
Even when I wasn't physicallythere, I was out of the state.
Don't upset the family.
Don't say things that areembarrassing.
Don't get them mad at you.
And yet, I got to tell you, Ispent a good part of my life, I
was probably away from my familyfor a good 20, 30 years, and
(09:16):
they would just not talk to meat times.
My dad would just, who knowswhy, would just be upset with
me.
You know, I remember one time hecame to visit with my mom, and
he just, he gets this look onhis face, like someone who drank
a bottle of vinegar spritzedwith lemon juice.
(09:36):
It just doesn't say anything.
It just clamps up.
So I found out in my family, theway that they all punished each
other and still do is by justnot talking to each other.
By getting mad, right?
They'll either get mad orthey'll send a nasty gram or a
nasty note or a nasty letter,nasty email, and then they don't
talk to you.
In fact, it was interesting.
I heard not too long ago that myfather's aunt, when she died, I
(10:02):
guess, actually in the will, inthe will, It said, don't tell
Phil that I died, right?
Because, I mean, talk aboutholding a grudge.
And, you know, I wonder why Ihold grudges.
I still get bitter and angry atthis point in my life.
It's like, gee, shocker.
Talk about being in the DNA,right?
And the word was that the auntwasn't invited to some
(10:25):
celebration or party for myyounger sister.
For whatever reason, she wasn'tinvited and whatever.
And so that ticked her off for,you know, how many decades?
Fast forward, we're in 2025.
I had lived around family for afew years and then took my wife
after, not an altercation, butthere was some bad, some things
(10:47):
happened.
So I moved and I changed myphone number, but I made sure
they had my address.
They've got my email.
I've had my email for over 20years.
And I have not heard from asingle person in my family for
over two years.
I didn't do anything wrong tothe best of my knowledge or
ability.
It was something that anothersibling did.
(11:08):
And so they all circled thewagons.
They made sure that they werethe good buddies, good group,
everything.
Kind of kicked us both in thederriere and said, hey, don't
let the door hit you on the wayout.
So here we are.
So why am I telling you allthis?
Because if you are at a point inyour life where you're just not,
where you're stuck and you'rejust like, man, what is going
(11:30):
on?
It may very well be.
It's because all the garbagethat's in your head from the
people who put it there.
And the worst part is it may noteven be the stuff they said out
loud.
It's stuff they didn't say.
It was just in the air.
And if you go back and thinkabout it, and I'm not suggesting
you go live in your childhoodforever and you just sit there
and mope around and everything.
(11:50):
I tell you that to go back andfix this garbage.
And fix it now.
Because the longer you wait tofix it, the more those who put
that into your...
either knowingly or unknowingly,on purpose or not on purpose,
just because they didn't know orbecause that's how they were
raised, whatever.
But the longer that garbagestays with you and controls your
(12:13):
life, the longer that thosepeople have control over you.
You may want to go out and playa music instrument.
Like, oh, I can't.
That's not very practical.
You know, don't make money doingit.
You might want to go out and getsome kind of college degree that
just like...
man, I've always wanted to belike a creative writer.
(12:33):
I want to go get a creativewriting degree and, I don't
know, maybe teach and write andeverything like that, right?
And you're just like, oh, no,what do you hear in your head?
Oh, that's stupid.
That's not practical.
How many more stories do youhave to hear about the family
that the parents wanted thechild to be a doctor or a, you
know, I don't know, brainsurgeon or something, you know,
huge, and the kid gets in, doesexactly what their parents want,
(12:55):
And then they wonder why acouple years into college,
they're just miserable.
They hate themselves.
They hate their life, and theydon't want to keep going, right?
Because you're living somebodyelse's life.
Look, they've already had achance to live their life, okay?
You weren't put here to live alife for somebody else.
You were here to live your lifeas God put you here to live,
(13:17):
right?
If you're just a carbon copy ofsomebody else, if you're just a
robot for somebody else, thenwhat's the point?
I mean, if you want to and youwant to be that way, I mean, God
bless you.
Go do it.
But if you're looking for thatmeaning, if you want to know why
every single day you feelyourself attracted to something
you want to do, it's somethingthat's very quiet.
(13:39):
I want to learn a foreignlanguage.
And the louder voice is, well,that's stupid.
Why do that?
Do you know it's okay toactually do things and learn
things and try things justbecause?
They don't have to have apurpose.
They don't have to have somekind of function.
They don't have to make money.
And I'm saying that to youbecause I am still at a point
(14:02):
where I'm like, in my head, Istill hear that voice.
Why are you doing that?
That's not very, that's notright.
Why don't you do what we're alldoing?
Why don't you be more like us?
Why would you want to be likepeople who have been just jerks
to you most of your life, if notyour entire life?
Why do you want to be likepeople who have gone nowhere,
who are going nowhere, who arenasty people?
(14:24):
In many cases, just incrediblynasty people.
And yet you're still concernedand worried that they may not
like you or they may give youthe silent treatment.
I got to be quite honest withyou.
Being given the silent treatmenthas probably been the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
Because now I finally know whereI stand with my family.
I finally know what they thinkabout me, okay?
(14:48):
And if the only way to get backinto their good graces is to
break that silence and go in andthen get more abuse, that's not
an option.
That's not happening, right?
I was talking to my wife.
I said, man, I should probably,you know, maybe I should just
call.
Maybe I just call and see.
I thought, what in the worldwould I even say, right?
Is it small talk?
(15:08):
How are you doing?
How is everything?
How's the weather out there?
When you know the real issue isso much deeper than that, so
much more painful than that, doyou try and reconcile and make
it work after you've tried fordecades?
I've written to my father.
I've written apology letters.
I've said, hey, I'm sorry,whatever, blah, blah, blah.
Dead silence.
Nothing.
We don't talk about things likethat.
(15:28):
We don't talk about emotions.
We don't talk about difficulttopics.
Please pass the butter.
Oh, and by the way, don't putonions in my potatoes when you
make them, okay?
All right, so again, I've madethe video.
I've done what I wanted to, whatI set out to do.
I'm putting it in God's hands,whatever he wants to do with it.
(15:49):
Great.
I just hope that if you're oneof those people who you know
there's something inside of youthat has to get out that you
want to do, that you want to be,I just hope that God can use me
to help you with that, that hecan use me to say there's
something you can do about that.
I've got to tell you one of mybiggest pet peeves, if you care,
(16:10):
and if you're still watchingthis video, is people who do
absolutely nothing with theirlives.
And I don't mean becoming anastronaut or anything huge.
I mean nothing.
Like, if you know something'smessed up and you do nothing
about it, I mean, it might makeyou feel good, but think about
(16:30):
the people around you who haveto live around you.
Let's say you're just anincredible narcissist.
And you find these some dayslike, wow, I realize I'm just
kind of this way.
And you keep doing that, you'rea pain in the butt for everybody
you're around.
Nobody likes you.
No one wants to be around you.
And what you do is you stillkeep using your talents as a
narcissist to control and useother people.
(16:53):
So one, if you're the jerk whois a jerk and you do nothing
about becoming less of a jerk, Idon't know what to tell you.
I don't want to be around you.
I hope nobody else wants to bearound you.
And I hope you...
end up being lonely until youfigure out what's going on.
And if you're the person on theother side of the jerk who's the
target and you're still, afteryears and years, taking it, stop
(17:17):
it.
And believe you me, as someonewho's gone through this for
many, many years, when I saystop it, it's a first step.
It is only the first step.
You don't just get up one dayafter going through abusive
relationships and dysfunctionalrelationships Dysfunctional
relationships, at work, at home,with family, any of that.
(17:39):
You don't just get up one dayand stop it.
It's a lot of work.
And if you're the kind of personwho, like, ah, it's just too
much work.
If you love the pain you're in,if you love that people walk all
over you, if you love thatpeople know how to manipulate
your emotions and even yourthoughts to some degree, if you
(18:02):
like that, I don't know, keepdoing it.
But don't complain to otherpeople and don't hurt other
people because you've decidednot to do anything about that.
So that when you are 70, 80,maybe 90, and you're sitting
around and you're lonely andyou're just sitting there
waiting to die, I mean, ifthat's the course you want to be
on, be there.
I know people like that.
(18:23):
I know people who gave up.
Absolutely gave up.
They're still living in the painand trauma of being a child,
even 70s, 80s, and 90s.
and make life miserable forother people, the people that
are around.
So there you go.
Out into the cosmos.
I just created this recording.
(18:44):
If you're the person who made itthis far, if you're still
listening, God bless you.
If you want, you know, if youever think you're alone, you're
not, okay?
I'm making a video telling youyou're not alone.
So you're not alone, okay?
So just get that crap out ofyour head.
But even better, more optimisticis there's something you can do
(19:05):
about it if you want to.
And if people around you arelike, you know, if they're
poo-pooing you, it's like, man,I really do got to go.
I got to talk to someone, atherapist, a priest, a
confidant, someone.
And they're trying to embarrassyou or put you down.
Man, make a stand and just say,you know what?
(19:26):
You know, I'm sorry.
This is for me.
This is for me to take care ofme to get out of the pain that I
may be in or am in.
This is for me to actuallyfinally put a name to what's
been going on so that I can dosomething about it.
So this is for you.
And again, maybe on how you grewup, you may not think that
(19:47):
you're allowed to do stuff foryou.
But I'm telling you, I'm givingyou permission to do it.
So please, take a step.
I made the recording.
It's up to you now to take astep, okay?
And I hope you do because God iswith you.
I'm with you.
And believe it or not, there's aton of people who are with you.
(20:09):
There's a ton of people whoalso, though, are in this
incredible pain and frustration,don't know it, won't admit to
it.
So if you know that's where youare and you're taking a step,
then you're on the right track.
And just pray for all thosepeople who don't.
But there's a lot of mean, nastypeople out there who just love
(20:30):
for you to not change, to staythe way you are if you're in
this pain or if you're in thisdistress.
They're people who love that.
They feed on that.
Again, they're in your family.
They're at work.
They're in society.
They're all over the place.
They would love to just kickyou, drop kick you to the curb,
right?
Because one, they're cowards.
They can't deal with their ownstuff.
(20:50):
So it's easier to just come downhard on you.
So if that's how you want tokeep living, Great.
More power to you.
But please don't complain whenother people do that to you.
Because they're going to do itto you.
They can sniff us out a mileaway.
Trust me.
I've been duped more times thanI even want to count.
(21:11):
But it's getting better.
And I'm getting stronger.
And I know you can too.
Follow along.
I'll keep making videos.
And if people are out there towatch them, and if God wants to
touch somebody with it, great.
But I'm just putting in theaction.
And I hope, if nothing else, youput in the action.
Okay?
All right.
Thanks.
Okay, whoa, whoa, hold on, stop.
If you're thinking about gettingout of this video or just
clicking to get out, just holdup a second.
Because here's what's somethingI find fascinating is the number
of people...
who don't know and really don'tseem to want to know that
they've grown up in a reallycrappy household, that they grew
up in a dysfunctional, messed upfamily.
(00:21):
Because most people are like,and it may be you, who are like,
oh no, I had a great childhood.
No, it was normal that my dadcame home at night drunk out of
his mind and beating the dog.
Oh no, I think it was absolutelyperfect when my mom always
spanked me and told me what aloser and I'll never be nothing
was.
It was just how things were backthen or whenever that was.
(00:41):
And somehow you took whateverwas messed up in your family and
you convinced yourself thatthat's just how things were.
And now today you're wondering,why do I procrastinate?
Why do I put things off?
Why don't I even like myself?
Why am I having a hard timehaving relationships?
Why am I having a hard time atwork?
And I only bring that to youbecause I want to, if I could go
(01:04):
through this microphone and justslap some people sometime, it's
like...
First of all, and it's partly,it's selfish too, because if
you're the one who's been themean person, I want you to wake
up and stop doing it.
But this is more focused on you.
If you're the person who's likeyou're in your teens, 20s, 30s,
40s, 70s, 80s, in your entirelife, you've been like, what's
(01:27):
wrong?
Something's wrong.
Something's just not right.
I've never felt like I fit in.
I've never felt like I belong.
I never felt I was perfectenough.
I don't, partake in hobbies thatI like.
I've kind of given up on life.
You know, this happens for a lotof older people.
I've just given up.
I don't want to try anything.
I don't want to do anything.
And what I'm getting at is howwe just don't live our lives
(01:51):
because of all these fears anddoubts and all this stuff that
we've gone through to the pointwhere we don't do anything.
We're walking corpses in manycases.
So last night, my wife said tome, she goes, you know, have you
made a video or done a podcastin a while?
I said, no, no, I haven't.
She goes, you need to.
They're really good.
And, you know, for a guy whospent his life not liking
(02:16):
himself, for a life, you know,for a guy who's most of my life,
I just realized that, you know,there is self-hatred and I was
just had no confidence in And Iwas just so stuck.
That's a hard thing to hear.
That's a hard thing to hear andbelieve that what you're doing
means something to, I don'tknow, to God, to others, that
(02:42):
you actually mean something inthis life.
And not to get too deep andphilosophical.
So last night I went off to myroom and I jotted down some
notes because I got excited.
I thought, wow, yeah, she kindof lit a spark.
I'm going to write this stuffdown.
I've got some exciting points.
I went to bed.
I was excited to go to bed.
And today, get up and recordsomething.
8 o'clock, 9 o'clock, 10o'clock.
(03:07):
Dude, just sit down and recordsomething.
Oh, it's got to be perfect.
I can't think of the rightpoints.
Oh, gosh, what was I so excitedabout last night that I wanted
to talk about on a video and sayto people?
I mean, there's so many peopleon YouTube, and there's all
these people with millions ofsubscribers and all kind of
views and watches andeverything.
Why would anyone want to hearanything I have to say?
(03:28):
Do you ever go through that?
Does that ever go through yourmind when you try to do anything
that you want to do that'simportant to you?
And that's an importantdistinction, not important to
somebody else, not your job, notyour family or anything else,
but it's important to you thatyou put off.
And have you ever wondered why?
So again, if you're at thispoint in the video and you're
ready to take off, you know,can't stop you, hit the button,
(03:51):
go, whatever you want to do.
But if you have even an inklingor something in the back of your
head that says something's notright, You're not getting the
success you want because you'requitting everything.
You don't pursue stuff.
You don't believe in yourself.
You grew up in a messed upfamily.
I don't know what else to tellyou.
So here I am recording thisvideo.
(04:13):
I don't know what's going tohappen with it.
I have absolutely no idea.
And in my mind, it's like, well,if it's like the other ones I've
recorded, it's not going to goanywhere.
No one's going to want to listento it.
Boo hoo, whatever.
And a lot of that comes fromjust not in believing in who you
are and what you can do and whatyou have the potential for.
So I'm doing this anyway.
(04:33):
I don't know what's going tohappen with this.
Not sure I really care.
But a lot of it has to do withfear.
A lot of it has to do with, forus who grew up in that kind of
family environment, you'reafraid of what your family will
think.
Can you believe that?
Whether, again, if you're inyour teens, early adulthood,
midlife, late life, whatever, Ihave a mother-in-law who's still
(04:56):
at the age of 79, still liveslike she's 10 years old in her
family house, still eatingeverything off her plate because
she's, you know, because that'swhat she was told and
everything.
Still afraid.
These people have been dead fordecades.
And you can see it in her.
You can see just, she's justgot, they've got this
stranglehold on, stranglehold ofher, of how she's supposed to
(05:17):
eat and behave and what she cando and not do and what she's
afraid of and what she's notafraid of.
So I don't want that for you.
And especially if you'reyounger, catch on this now.
And if you're not, if you've,it's going to be easier for
adults if you've left the houseand you're on your own doing
these kind of things.
But would you please just take amoment and go, if there's
(05:39):
something going on in your head,you're like, man, something's
just not right.
Consider the possibility thatyou're treated like garbage as a
child when you're growing up.
You know, maybe just a littlethrowaway candy wrapper garbage,
or maybe you were like a fullbarrel of trash garbage that had
been taken out that your familyassigned you to, right?
Especially if you're like ascapegoat where everyone in your
(06:01):
family, you were the garbage.
You were the one that theypointed to whenever there was
anything wrong.
Well, our family's perfect if itwasn't for Mark.
Well, there's Mark.
He's just different.
We just kind of write him off,right?
And they don't want the familysecrets, and they don't want the
dysfunction of the family calledout.
They don't want the embarrassingmoments to go out.
(06:24):
There's this incredible pridethat says, oh, we've just got to
be perfect.
You ever meet up with someonelike that or hear that in your
family?
It's like...
Not so loud.
We don't want people here.
Oh, that's too personal.
Let's not talk about that.
You get shut down over and overand over again because people
don't want to talk aboutanything.
They don't want you to embarrassanybody.
So after a while, yourconversation is, please pass the
(06:47):
broccoli.
How about those Detroit Lions?
They're doing really well.
Oh boy, look at the financialmarkets.
Aren't they great?
Do you go home to familyget-togethers like that, where
you're made to feel like it'sall your fault, everything's
your fault, and they're just notgoing to talk to you?
And there's things in a familydynamic called lost child and
(07:08):
golden child and scapegoat andblack sheep and all those great
terms you hear, and they're cutepsychological terms, blah, blah,
blah.
But there's nothing cute when itapplies to you, when the ideas
apply to you.
Like if you're what's called alost child, you grew up in a
family...
Where the best thing for you todo is to shut your mouth and
just stay out of the way.
(07:28):
Don't upset mommy.
Don't upset daddy.
Don't, you know, don't cross anylines or boundaries.
Just basically get lost.
Okay?
Because it was only safe whenyou were lost, when no one was
paying attention to you or, youknow, because you didn't want to
get in trouble.
You don't want that kind ofattention.
But then you got no attention.
If you try to do something,there's no praise, there's no
(07:50):
congratulations, there's noencouragement, there's no
guidance, there's nothing.
It's almost like you came out inthe world and someone felt bad
about having you, but oh well,we've got the kid, guess we've
got to feed and clothe this kidnow.
So there's that aspect, there'sthat aspect where people just
kind of circle the wagons andthey made sure you knew that you
were the one who was screwed upor messed up.
(08:11):
So now here you are, Again,whatever age you are and you
don't know why, you just, gosh,I don't do things.
I don't start things.
I put things off.
I don't follow through.
I don't finish things.
Well, gee, shocker.
It's because when you're growingup, it's like no one cared if
you did or didn't.
But if you screwed up, if yougot out of line, boy, did you
(08:33):
hear about it.
You got it, right?
You got smacked upside the head.
So come back full circle to whatI'm going through.
I was just recording this.
What I hear before I hit thatrecord button is, don't mess up,
don't screw up, don't saysomething stupid.
What will people think?
(08:54):
And here's the hilarious part.
A lot of that my entire lifewas, don't upset the family.
Even when I wasn't physicallythere, I was out of the state.
Don't upset the family.
Don't say things that areembarrassing.
Don't get them mad at you.
And yet, I got to tell you, Ispent a good part of my life, I
was probably away from my familyfor a good 20, 30 years, and
(09:16):
they would just not talk to meat times.
My dad would just, who knowswhy, would just be upset with
me.
You know, I remember one time hecame to visit with my mom, and
he just, he gets this look onhis face, like someone who drank
a bottle of vinegar spritzedwith lemon juice.
(09:36):
It just doesn't say anything.
It just clamps up.
So I found out in my family, theway that they all punished each
other and still do is by justnot talking to each other.
By getting mad, right?
They'll either get mad orthey'll send a nasty gram or a
nasty note or a nasty letter,nasty email, and then they don't
talk to you.
In fact, it was interesting.
I heard not too long ago that myfather's aunt, when she died, I
(10:02):
guess, actually in the will, inthe will, It said, don't tell
Phil that I died, right?
Because, I mean, talk aboutholding a grudge.
And, you know, I wonder why Ihold grudges.
I still get bitter and angry atthis point in my life.
It's like, gee, shocker.
Talk about being in the DNA,right?
And the word was that the auntwasn't invited to some
(10:25):
celebration or party for myyounger sister.
For whatever reason, she wasn'tinvited and whatever.
And so that ticked her off for,you know, how many decades?
Fast forward, we're in 2025.
I had lived around family for afew years and then took my wife
after, not an altercation, butthere was some bad, some things
(10:47):
happened.
So I moved and I changed myphone number, but I made sure
they had my address.
They've got my email.
I've had my email for over 20years.
And I have not heard from asingle person in my family for
over two years.
I didn't do anything wrong tothe best of my knowledge or
ability.
It was something that anothersibling did.
(11:08):
And so they all circled thewagons.
They made sure that they werethe good buddies, good group,
everything.
Kind of kicked us both in thederriere and said, hey, don't
let the door hit you on the wayout.
So here we are.
So why am I telling you allthis?
Because if you are at a point inyour life where you're just not,
where you're stuck and you'rejust like, man, what is going
(11:30):
on?
It may very well be.
It's because all the garbagethat's in your head from the
people who put it there.
And the worst part is it may noteven be the stuff they said out
loud.
It's stuff they didn't say.
It was just in the air.
And if you go back and thinkabout it, and I'm not suggesting
you go live in your childhoodforever and you just sit there
and mope around and everything.
(11:50):
I tell you that to go back andfix this garbage.
And fix it now.
Because the longer you wait tofix it, the more those who put
that into your...
either knowingly or unknowingly,on purpose or not on purpose,
just because they didn't know orbecause that's how they were
raised, whatever.
But the longer that garbagestays with you and controls your
(12:13):
life, the longer that thosepeople have control over you.
You may want to go out and playa music instrument.
Like, oh, I can't.
That's not very practical.
You know, don't make money doingit.
You might want to go out and getsome kind of college degree that
just like...
man, I've always wanted to belike a creative writer.
(12:33):
I want to go get a creativewriting degree and, I don't
know, maybe teach and write andeverything like that, right?
And you're just like, oh, no,what do you hear in your head?
Oh, that's stupid.
That's not practical.
How many more stories do youhave to hear about the family
that the parents wanted thechild to be a doctor or a, you
know, I don't know, brainsurgeon or something, you know,
huge, and the kid gets in, doesexactly what their parents want,
(12:55):
And then they wonder why acouple years into college,
they're just miserable.
They hate themselves.
They hate their life, and theydon't want to keep going, right?
Because you're living somebodyelse's life.
Look, they've already had achance to live their life, okay?
You weren't put here to live alife for somebody else.
You were here to live your lifeas God put you here to live,
(13:17):
right?
If you're just a carbon copy ofsomebody else, if you're just a
robot for somebody else, thenwhat's the point?
I mean, if you want to and youwant to be that way, I mean, God
bless you.
Go do it.
But if you're looking for thatmeaning, if you want to know why
every single day you feelyourself attracted to something
you want to do, it's somethingthat's very quiet.
(13:39):
I want to learn a foreignlanguage.
And the louder voice is, well,that's stupid.
Why do that?
Do you know it's okay toactually do things and learn
things and try things justbecause?
They don't have to have apurpose.
They don't have to have somekind of function.
They don't have to make money.
And I'm saying that to youbecause I am still at a point
(14:02):
where I'm like, in my head, Istill hear that voice.
Why are you doing that?
That's not very, that's notright.
Why don't you do what we're alldoing?
Why don't you be more like us?
Why would you want to be likepeople who have been just jerks
to you most of your life, if notyour entire life?
Why do you want to be likepeople who have gone nowhere,
who are going nowhere, who arenasty people?
(14:24):
In many cases, just incrediblynasty people.
And yet you're still concernedand worried that they may not
like you or they may give youthe silent treatment.
I got to be quite honest withyou.
Being given the silent treatmenthas probably been the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
Because now I finally know whereI stand with my family.
I finally know what they thinkabout me, okay?
(14:48):
And if the only way to get backinto their good graces is to
break that silence and go in andthen get more abuse, that's not
an option.
That's not happening, right?
I was talking to my wife.
I said, man, I should probably,you know, maybe I should just
call.
Maybe I just call and see.
I thought, what in the worldwould I even say, right?
Is it small talk?
(15:08):
How are you doing?
How is everything?
How's the weather out there?
When you know the real issue isso much deeper than that, so
much more painful than that, doyou try and reconcile and make
it work after you've tried fordecades?
I've written to my father.
I've written apology letters.
I've said, hey, I'm sorry,whatever, blah, blah, blah.
Dead silence.
Nothing.
We don't talk about things likethat.
(15:28):
We don't talk about emotions.
We don't talk about difficulttopics.
Please pass the butter.
Oh, and by the way, don't putonions in my potatoes when you
make them, okay?
All right, so again, I've madethe video.
I've done what I wanted to, whatI set out to do.
I'm putting it in God's hands,whatever he wants to do with it.
(15:49):
Great.
I just hope that if you're oneof those people who you know
there's something inside of youthat has to get out that you
want to do, that you want to be,I just hope that God can use me
to help you with that, that hecan use me to say there's
something you can do about that.
I've got to tell you one of mybiggest pet peeves, if you care,
(16:10):
and if you're still watchingthis video, is people who do
absolutely nothing with theirlives.
And I don't mean becoming anastronaut or anything huge.
I mean nothing.
Like, if you know something'smessed up and you do nothing
about it, I mean, it might makeyou feel good, but think about
(16:30):
the people around you who haveto live around you.
Let's say you're just anincredible narcissist.
And you find these some dayslike, wow, I realize I'm just
kind of this way.
And you keep doing that, you'rea pain in the butt for everybody
you're around.
Nobody likes you.
No one wants to be around you.
And what you do is you stillkeep using your talents as a
narcissist to control and useother people.
(16:53):
So one, if you're the jerk whois a jerk and you do nothing
about becoming less of a jerk, Idon't know what to tell you.
I don't want to be around you.
I hope nobody else wants to bearound you.
And I hope you...
end up being lonely until youfigure out what's going on.
And if you're the person on theother side of the jerk who's the
target and you're still, afteryears and years, taking it, stop
(17:17):
it.
And believe you me, as someonewho's gone through this for
many, many years, when I saystop it, it's a first step.
It is only the first step.
You don't just get up one dayafter going through abusive
relationships and dysfunctionalrelationships Dysfunctional
relationships, at work, at home,with family, any of that.
(17:39):
You don't just get up one dayand stop it.
It's a lot of work.
And if you're the kind of personwho, like, ah, it's just too
much work.
If you love the pain you're in,if you love that people walk all
over you, if you love thatpeople know how to manipulate
your emotions and even yourthoughts to some degree, if you
(18:02):
like that, I don't know, keepdoing it.
But don't complain to otherpeople and don't hurt other
people because you've decidednot to do anything about that.
So that when you are 70, 80,maybe 90, and you're sitting
around and you're lonely andyou're just sitting there
waiting to die, I mean, ifthat's the course you want to be
on, be there.
I know people like that.
(18:23):
I know people who gave up.
Absolutely gave up.
They're still living in the painand trauma of being a child,
even 70s, 80s, and 90s.
and make life miserable forother people, the people that
are around.
So there you go.
Out into the cosmos.
I just created this recording.
(18:44):
If you're the person who made itthis far, if you're still
listening, God bless you.
If you want, you know, if youever think you're alone, you're
not, okay?
I'm making a video telling youyou're not alone.
So you're not alone, okay?
So just get that crap out ofyour head.
But even better, more optimisticis there's something you can do
(19:05):
about it if you want to.
And if people around you arelike, you know, if they're
poo-pooing you, it's like, man,I really do got to go.
I got to talk to someone, atherapist, a priest, a
confidant, someone.
And they're trying to embarrassyou or put you down.
Man, make a stand and just say,you know what?
(19:26):
You know, I'm sorry.
This is for me.
This is for me to take care ofme to get out of the pain that I
may be in or am in.
This is for me to actuallyfinally put a name to what's
been going on so that I can dosomething about it.
So this is for you.
And again, maybe on how you grewup, you may not think that
(19:47):
you're allowed to do stuff foryou.
But I'm telling you, I'm givingyou permission to do it.
So please, take a step.
I made the recording.
It's up to you now to take astep, okay?
And I hope you do because God iswith you.
I'm with you.
And believe it or not, there's aton of people who are with you.
(20:09):
There's a ton of people whoalso, though, are in this
incredible pain and frustration,don't know it, won't admit to
it.
So if you know that's where youare and you're taking a step,
then you're on the right track.
And just pray for all thosepeople who don't.
But there's a lot of mean, nastypeople out there who just love
(20:30):
for you to not change, to staythe way you are if you're in
this pain or if you're in thisdistress.
They're people who love that.
They feed on that.
Again, they're in your family.
They're at work.
They're in society.
They're all over the place.
They would love to just kickyou, drop kick you to the curb,
right?
Because one, they're cowards.
They can't deal with their ownstuff.
(20:50):
So it's easier to just come downhard on you.
So if that's how you want tokeep living, Great.
More power to you.
But please don't complain whenother people do that to you.
Because they're going to do itto you.
They can sniff us out a mileaway.
Trust me.
I've been duped more times thanI even want to count.
(21:11):
But it's getting better.
And I'm getting stronger.
And I know you can too.
Follow along.
I'll keep making videos.
And if people are out there towatch them, and if God wants to
touch somebody with it, great.
But I'm just putting in theaction.
And I hope, if nothing else, youput in the action.
Okay?
All right.
Thanks.
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