May 24, 2025 • 39 mins
The silence around mental health issues can be deafening, especially in church communities where people often struggle alone behind a mask of Sunday smiles. This raw, honest conversation breaks open the reality of depression and anxiety among congregation members, offering pastoral care teams crucial insights from someone who's lived this experience.
Depression doesn't always look like sadness—it manifests as withdrawal, lack of motivation, and difficulty participating in church life. "I had difficulty getting out of bed and I honestly thought it was part of cerebral palsy," our speaker reveals, highlighting how mental health symptoms are often misattributed to other conditions. For church leaders, recognizing these subtle signs means noticing when active members suddenly withdraw or when someone seems perpetually disengaged.
Anxiety creates different challenges, instilling fears around church activities many take for granted—approaching the communion rail, interacting after services, or simply being in crowded spaces. The speaker shares personal experiences with medical anxiety and social discomfort, while offering practical guidance for pastoral care teams. From utilizing Psychology Today to find appropriate mental health professionals to understanding medication interactions with communion wine, this conversation provides actionable steps for supporting parishioners through mental health challenges while maintaining appropriate boundaries and confidentiality.
Most powerfully, this discussion emphasizes that breaking the stigma around mental health in church settings isn't just about awareness—it's about creating spaces where people feel truly seen and supported "no matter what shape I'm in." By recognizing the invisible struggles many face, pastoral teams can ensure their churches become sanctuaries for the whole person, mind and spirit alike. Listen now to transform how your congregation approaches mental health care.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you see a petitioner who may not admit to
you that they're depressed orhave signs of depression or
(00:24):
basically lack of interest inthings like lack of interest in
life, like lack of interest ingoing to church.
And when I was undiagnosed forme I had difficulty and I'll
(00:44):
admit this publicly difficultygetting out of bed and I
honestly thought it was part ofcerebral palsy.
I I was, if I had anxiety anddepression, that I didn't
(01:12):
realize that getting out of bed,not getting out of bed, was a
part of depression, ofdepression.
So basically, if you have those, I don't want to call them ERs.
If you have those people thatyou see in your congregation
(01:44):
that owe a whole hum, I don'twant to be here, that owe our
whole home, I don't want to behere.
I'm dragged to church by myfamily member.
You kind of got to get to thebottom of it.
And people won't tell you, yes,I have depression.
(02:07):
People will come out and theywill beat around the bush.
They will, um, beat around thebush and what happens is that,
um, people will get so concernedabout people.
Then they will wonder well,where's Susan Q?
(02:34):
She's always at church, andthen they don't show up for a
week and you might you as thepastoral care team may have to
call that provisional and say,look, I'm here to support you.
I will keep it private unlessyou are planning to hurt
(03:01):
yourself or hurt another.
I know you guys are firstresponders and so what I would
suggest, a resource I wouldsuggest, is Psychology Today and
guide that practitioner toPsychology Today, to psychology
(03:22):
today, because, as Mike said inthe last webinar, the police can
only do so much, the deaconscan only do so much.
I mean, we all have ourphysical challenges, we all have
our mental challenges.
(03:43):
So, basically, depression islack of lack of wanting to do
things and lack of motivation todo things, like clean up, like
if you ask a person, can youclean up after help me clean up
(04:07):
the sanctioner.
They might not want to do itbecause they might have a lack
of motivation to do it.
So my suggestion if you don'twant to monthly ask unless
(04:27):
they're publicly, I am and tell,tell you guys what goes on.
(04:58):
But you may start want to, youmay start want to ask look, I'm
here.
When you're ready to discuss it, come find me or I'll do it
privately in your own home or wecan talk on the sidelines.
(05:24):
Most of the listeners have agood relationship with their
priest and their deacons, sothey will come out to a deacon
or priest.
But you may have to do a littlebit of digging and for some
(05:49):
weird reason you may just haveto watch positioners like a hawk
to make sure they don't doanything to harm one another or
to harm you guys.
But basically depression is alack of motivation to do things.
(06:10):
Now I will tell you, I am ondepression medication.
It has helped me tenfold and mylack of motivation doesn't
exist anymore.
But I will tell you, I hadstruggled getting up out of
(06:33):
rehab after my back surgery.
Also, they supported me so muchthat I felt that it was a duty
(07:16):
to them, to human society, tohave me be a functioning person
in society, that I needed tofigure my life out.
So basically, what I'm tellingyou guys is to stand by those
(07:37):
parishioners.
Don't come out and bluntly askunless you see some signs that
you should bluntly ask, but juststand by them.
Next slide and anxiety.
(08:01):
Anxiety is a fear of life, afear of, let's just say, getting
communion, for example, a fearof walking up to the rail, of
getting communion.
(08:21):
I know there's social anxiety,which I don't have.
I get scared of the hospitals.
I get scared I'm notnecessarily scared of church.
I get scared of people.
I get scared of people I don'tdo well when people come up to
(08:47):
me and invade my space.
That's the only time I getscared of people.
But as long as people and againyou need unless they're hurting
themselves, you need just tostand by the provisioners, and
(09:10):
even another provisioner wouldstand by another provisioner.
Now I've had the privilege ofpeople saying to me I'll be your
emergency contact and this wasin 2019, if you want to go to
(09:37):
therapy and if you want me to beyour emergency contact.
But my, my advice would um,obviously, if they're tending to
hurt you, others or themselves,obviously, as mandatory
reporters have to tell, but Iwant you guys to potentially
(10:05):
have team meetings with thefamily members and say how could
I support the family membersand the support the family
(10:26):
members and the is?
So I somehow like this beendesigned, but what I was saying
is that it takes a team effortto go support.
(10:50):
The family members will say, no, my son or daughter doesn't
have depression or they've beenmoved.
The family members will beataround the bush no, my son or
(11:14):
daughter doesn't have anxiety.
They're just scared of life anduntil you get truly diagnosed,
you don't know how to deal withit.
Use psychology today as aresource and just say I'm here
(11:47):
to witness what you're goingthrough.
If you need my help, let mehelp you.
But anxiety is basically a fearof life.
Depression is a fear of lack ofmotivation to do things and
(12:07):
anxiety is a fear of life.
Social anxiety, which I don'thave, is a fear of going out and
being around people Now woof.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Go ahead.
Can I ask a clarifying questionreal quick Go?
So you mentioned going toPsychology Today.
That's a magazine.
What do you mean by going toPsychology Today?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's actually a good question.
It's actually a website, it'snot a magazine.
They've made a website out ofit and what it will tell you is
there will be counselors in all50 states.
(12:57):
Now you will have to interviewthe.
You will have to interview the.
You will have to ask theprofessional to interview their
own counselor.
And depression Some specializein it, some specialize in it,
(13:23):
others do not.
But basically, if you go topsychology today and pull down
all 50 states, you can read biosof counselors.
Read bios of counselors, let'ssay, in Arizona.
(13:51):
You can read bios, let's say,in Alabama, and it should say
what they specialize in, whetherthey specialize in single
commerce or family marriages ordisabilities, or I'm truly
blessed that I have my owncounselor that specializes.
(14:14):
Well, I shouldn't say shespecializes in disabilities, but
she has a family member withcerebral palsy, so she gets
where I come from, she gets theaid situations she gets me.
So basically, what you're goingto have to do for your
(14:39):
parishioners is guide them topsychology today and maybe join
them.
If they're too scared to figureout to go see a counselor and
then to go see a psychiatrist toget diagnosed, maybe you sit by
(15:05):
a phone with them and have themdial the counselor and maybe
you make it a pastoral careproject, but at the same time,
counselors will lead you topsychiatrists or psychiatrists
(15:31):
will lead you to counselors.
There's also a free mentalhealth support group nationwide
and it was founded here inArizona.
I'm actually a member of it.
It's called CodependenceAnonymous and basically what
(15:55):
Codependence Anonymous does isteaches you how to have happier,
healthier, happier andhealthier relationships with
people, whether it's colleagues,whether it's friends, whether
it's church members, whetherit's whoever you're dealing with
(16:18):
.
And basically people withdepression, people with anxiety,
try to control the situation.
Well, codependents Anonymousteaches you how not to take over
the situation and I know that'sreally hard for a priest not to
(16:44):
do, and I know that's reallyhard for a priest to guide
people from the counseling fieldbecause at the end of the day,
(17:11):
how are we going to make ourvillage happy?
And when I um mike next slide,when I Mike next slide and when
I got diagnosed with anxiety anddepression, I was already in
(17:32):
church.
It just went its ugly headbecause and I had a deacon come
um into the recovery room and itjust really simply had, after
five, five and a half hours ofback surgery, all of a sudden
(17:56):
depression and anxiety whereit's ugly head, and I didn't
even know what was going on inmy head.
But apparently this deacon saidI have never seen you and my
church knows my baseline, theyknow when I'm not feeling well.
(18:16):
They know my history.
I've done enough pastoral carewith saying bun was on the
desert, they know me sick andsin.
Um, they supported good, badand the ugly.
And when this person came in torecovery to see me for the five
(18:39):
minutes one, one of the firstthings she said is I have never
seen you so scared in your life.
The little that I know you and,of course, I know your baseline
.
So that really got me thinking.
Now, granted, if you say tosomeone in the hospital or if
(19:07):
you, as pastoral care teams,mention that this person may be
depressed, they will doctorswill take that seriously.
So what I did?
I squished it until I got outof rehab.
(19:31):
But I wasn't in the best moodto be in rehab and people saw a
lot of tears.
People saw a lot of tears but Iknew I had the safety net of
(19:53):
church and I knew if I came outto church they would be proud of
me for getting myself diagnosed.
But what the straw was thatbroke the camel's back was my
back surgery in 2024.
(20:15):
I knew that something was wrongwhen I woke up after five and a
half hours and I knew my headwasn't right.
Now I knew that hospitals giveme anxiety they always have but
I knew that it was on a deeperlevel that I knew I had to look
(20:41):
for help, and I wasn't relyingnecessarily on the church.
The church is a great step andwith my PCP, I'm lucky enough to
have access to three registerednurses, and if you have
(21:05):
registered nurses in yourcongregation, even retired ones,
they can guide you to, they canguide pastoral care teams to
getting provisioners help.
I mean, at the end of the day,it takes a village, and until
(21:25):
these parishioners start lookingunder rocks, they won't know
what hit them, and so they mightfeel these feelings and squish
it.
So what I ended up doing istelling a registered nurse
(21:50):
friend of mine that I felt thesefeelings and she said call your
PCP.
Well, what ended up happeningis my PCP said well, I'm going.
I said on the phone.
I said give me a drug fordepression.
I feel like I have depression.
And I always said after my momdied, which was in 2010,.
(22:15):
I think I'm depressed.
I think I'm depressed.
I think I'm depressed.
And everyone said to me whenyou're anxious, you're anxious,
you're anxious.
They used the joke against me,ha ha, not very funny Now
looking back on it.
And so it's like you've got tostart digging under rocks.
(22:39):
Medical advocacy is one of thosethings that you got to stand
there quietly and witness aparishioner's sob story and with
my particular PCP, I said giveme a drug for depression.
(23:00):
They said, well, what type ofdrug do you want?
And I said, I don't know, Ijust have the feelings of
depression.
And they said, well, we can'tget.
And now this was at the end ofMay, the beginning of June.
(23:27):
We can't get you in until July23rd and we can't see.
We need to see you before wegive you the medication.
And I'm like, didn't you justhear me say?
I had the words I feeldepressed.
And so the medical advocacy.
I know you guys can't domedical advocacy, but you can at
(23:51):
least support the parishioner.
You can at least stand by them,guide them to psychology today,
to Psychology Today.
Guide them to not necessarilyGoogle, but guide them to
(24:15):
Psychology Today and supportthem, ask them when you meet
with them in a pastoral care,setting them in a pastoral care
setting.
Have you taken the steps to goto psychology today and actually
look for a counselor or apsychiatrist or would you like a
(24:36):
little bit more help?
And you would be surprised howmany people say yes or how many
people say I need a little bitmore help, because getting
diagnosed with anxiety anddepression is the most scary
(24:57):
thing.
Now I've told my church and theyknow this and they're trying to
teach it to everyone else.
They know this.
Because of my anxietymedication, which is Zoloft, I
(25:21):
can't take the wine at church.
They know this so they don'tgive it to me.
And that was the easiest.
That was one of the and I toldone deacon one deacon and she
(25:43):
happened to follow suit and thenwork with everyone beyond the
scenes I know she did to saythis parishioner can't take the
wine because she's onantidepressants antidepressants
which I think churches need toknow.
(26:04):
They don't need to know theirprofession is medical history,
but they do need to know whetherthey are on antidepressants,
because mixing wine withantidepressants isn't a good
thing, with antidepressantsisn't a good thing.
(26:24):
So the church has given me alot of peace around me having
anxiety and depression, becauseI know that God loves me, no
matter what shape I'm in.
(26:45):
So we've got to start breakingthe stigma and we've got to
start breaking the silence aboutanxiety and depression and
we've got to start supportingthose who are suffering like
(27:06):
next slide.
And so google definitions, um,google definitions.
As I said, depression is lackof motivation and, um, lack of
(27:28):
motivation, and possible causesare stressing at home and
stresses financially, stresseswith their own disabilities.
A lot of disabilities have comewith a bucket of anxiety and
depression, at least minded.
And I Googled it.
(27:49):
I Googled does cerebral palsycome with anxiety and depression
?
And the answer is yes.
And so what ends up happeningis that you kind of have to look
under every rock.
And what anxiety is by Googleis it's a fear of wanting to do
(28:15):
things, it's a fear of.
Now there's medical PTSD,medical post-traumatic stress
(28:39):
syndrome, which is a fear.
I'm looking as I give thiswebinar.
I'm looking at a weighted Elmowhich I found on Amazon.
Yes, I said Elmo and yes, Ibrought him to my knee surgery
back in February because he'sweighted and the weighted toys
(29:04):
help with anxiety and I don'tknow if you guys can get.
I found Elmo off of Amazon.
So if you type in weird toys,weird blankets, weighted
something, and just guide theprofessional to Amazon and let
(29:31):
them pick what they want, theweighted blankets are incredibly
hot though, but that's the onlyway to the weighted buckets.
But I know weighted bucketswork to calm people down.
I know medication works.
(29:53):
And just talking to people andI hate to say rubbing people's
backs, I hate to say rubbingpeople's backs, but just giving
them for me, giving me a senseof a strong hug, a strong hug
(30:15):
works for Sarah Balhalsi andpeople know this, that I am a
hugger, I am like receiving hugs.
But we've got, as I said, we'vegot to start breaking the stigma
, and anxiety and depressioncould definitely affect one's
(30:41):
self-esteem.
I mean, it's the self-esteemissue.
Do people like me?
Am I received by my churchfamily and anxiety and
depression.
In my case, anxiety, well,primarily anxiety and not
(31:04):
depression.
When I was undiagnosed I hadtrouble sleeping and that is one
of the common signs there,because my brain wouldn't shut
down enough for me to get sleep,and it's a whole host of
problems when I don't get enoughsleep.
(31:25):
So it's daily behavior, it'senergy levels, it's also
self-esteem and it'sconcentration, and that's what I
wanted to bring up tonight ismore about concentration than
(31:49):
anything else.
Getting people to concentrateon the Holy Gospel when they
have undiagnosed anxiety ordepression is an absolute show
and a half, because until thebrain gets the metabolism
(32:15):
boosted needs from those anxietymedications at least in my case
then I'm able to concentratemore on what is being preached.
And I know we all want ourparishioners to take something
(32:35):
away from church.
We don't care what it is, maybesome of us do, but we at least
want the parishion practitionersto be happy at the end of the
day.
Mike next slide and Googledefinitions of anxiety.
(33:02):
I went over Google definitionsof anxiety.
I went over Google definitionsof depression, google
definitions of anxiety, and thishas happened to me, if that may
(33:31):
be a sign of anxiety, becausebreaking into a sweat is the
person that's anxious aroundpeople and fast heart rate is
another sign of anxiety, andthen being tired is also.
(33:55):
Now being tired is a sign ofdepression and a sign of anxiety
.
So you may have to ask apsychiatrist or ask a counselor.
What is the difference betweenbeing tired and being depressed,
(34:21):
and being tired and beinganxious and being tired?
Because until last night when Iwas putting this together, I
didn't know that being tired wasa common symptom of the both.
So you guys may have to dig alittle deeper and if you want, I
(34:46):
will send you more informationabout that, because I want to
know myself why the two coincideof being tired.
I guess holding anxiety andholding being depressed and lack
(35:09):
of motivation makes you tiredand being fearful of every
single little thing makes thebody exhausted.
Next slide, mike, please.
And so pastoral care shouldremain private.
(35:32):
But, as I said, if you see aparishioner hurting themselves,
wanting to hurt others, hurtingthemselves, wanting to hurt
others Especially, you guys haveto let the cat out of the bag,
(35:57):
but in the privacy.
You can mention to them aboutpsychology today, or have a
family pastor care session andtell the family I'm here for
your son, daughter or yourselfand I just want to help.
Here are some resources to help.
(36:17):
I can sit on the phone with youguys as you call the counselor,
or we can put an announcementin the bulletin saying we need
(36:39):
the help of a retired counseloror psychiatrist.
But basically, why we're heretonight is let's break the
stigma, let's not cause any moreopioid addicted people, because
(37:01):
the depressed will go after theopioids like there's no
tomorrow, and I know, um from myown personal experience that
doctors, normal PCPs, have allthe time diagnosing the opioids,
(37:22):
but giving the opioids anddiagnosing the final diagnosis,
(37:44):
but they do have a hard timegiving the opioids, and so what
we need to do as church membersand and as a human society, is
support those in need.
Next slide I'm sorry, but Ineed to leave.
(38:04):
I've got a cat who's buggingthe heck out of me.
That's okay, robin, this hasbeen really good.
Thank you all.
You're welcome.
(38:25):
I have a 615, I probably need todrop off on so I can get ready
for 630.
Is that still possible?
That's still possible.
If you want to reach out tomyself, or like primarily me,
(38:56):
about how you can help with theDisabled Concerns Committee,
great.
Have any questions.
I'm happy to email you and I'mhappy to be a support to you and
I'm happy to give you moreinformation on what we're doing.
Well, I think it's one.
If you see a petitioner who may not admit to
you that they're depressed orhave signs of depression or
(00:24):
basically lack of interest inthings like lack of interest in
life, like lack of interest ingoing to church.
And when I was undiagnosed forme I had difficulty and I'll
(00:44):
admit this publicly difficultygetting out of bed and I
honestly thought it was part ofcerebral palsy.
I I was, if I had anxiety anddepression, that I didn't
(01:12):
realize that getting out of bed,not getting out of bed, was a
part of depression, ofdepression.
So basically, if you have those, I don't want to call them ERs.
If you have those people thatyou see in your congregation
(01:44):
that owe a whole hum, I don'twant to be here, that owe our
whole home, I don't want to behere.
I'm dragged to church by myfamily member.
You kind of got to get to thebottom of it.
And people won't tell you, yes,I have depression.
(02:07):
People will come out and theywill beat around the bush.
They will, um, beat around thebush and what happens is that,
um, people will get so concernedabout people.
Then they will wonder well,where's Susan Q?
(02:34):
She's always at church, andthen they don't show up for a
week and you might you as thepastoral care team may have to
call that provisional and say,look, I'm here to support you.
I will keep it private unlessyou are planning to hurt
(03:01):
yourself or hurt another.
I know you guys are firstresponders and so what I would
suggest, a resource I wouldsuggest, is Psychology Today and
guide that practitioner toPsychology Today, to psychology
(03:22):
today, because, as Mike said inthe last webinar, the police can
only do so much, the deaconscan only do so much.
I mean, we all have ourphysical challenges, we all have
our mental challenges.
(03:43):
So, basically, depression islack of lack of wanting to do
things and lack of motivation todo things, like clean up, like
if you ask a person, can youclean up after help me clean up
(04:07):
the sanctioner.
They might not want to do itbecause they might have a lack
of motivation to do it.
So my suggestion if you don'twant to monthly ask unless
(04:27):
they're publicly, I am and tell,tell you guys what goes on.
(04:58):
But you may start want to, youmay start want to ask look, I'm
here.
When you're ready to discuss it, come find me or I'll do it
privately in your own home or wecan talk on the sidelines.
(05:24):
Most of the listeners have agood relationship with their
priest and their deacons, sothey will come out to a deacon
or priest.
But you may have to do a littlebit of digging and for some
(05:49):
weird reason you may just haveto watch positioners like a hawk
to make sure they don't doanything to harm one another or
to harm you guys.
But basically depression is alack of motivation to do things.
(06:10):
Now I will tell you, I am ondepression medication.
It has helped me tenfold and mylack of motivation doesn't
exist anymore.
But I will tell you, I hadstruggled getting up out of
(06:33):
rehab after my back surgery.
Also, they supported me so muchthat I felt that it was a duty
(07:16):
to them, to human society, tohave me be a functioning person
in society, that I needed tofigure my life out.
So basically, what I'm tellingyou guys is to stand by those
(07:37):
parishioners.
Don't come out and bluntly askunless you see some signs that
you should bluntly ask, but juststand by them.
Next slide and anxiety.
(08:01):
Anxiety is a fear of life, afear of, let's just say, getting
communion, for example, a fearof walking up to the rail, of
getting communion.
(08:21):
I know there's social anxiety,which I don't have.
I get scared of the hospitals.
I get scared I'm notnecessarily scared of church.
I get scared of people.
I get scared of people I don'tdo well when people come up to
(08:47):
me and invade my space.
That's the only time I getscared of people.
But as long as people and againyou need unless they're hurting
themselves, you need just tostand by the provisioners, and
(09:10):
even another provisioner wouldstand by another provisioner.
Now I've had the privilege ofpeople saying to me I'll be your
emergency contact and this wasin 2019, if you want to go to
(09:37):
therapy and if you want me to beyour emergency contact.
But my, my advice would um,obviously, if they're tending to
hurt you, others or themselves,obviously, as mandatory
reporters have to tell, but Iwant you guys to potentially
(10:05):
have team meetings with thefamily members and say how could
I support the family membersand the support the family
(10:26):
members and the is?
So I somehow like this beendesigned, but what I was saying
is that it takes a team effortto go support.
(10:50):
The family members will say, no, my son or daughter doesn't
have depression or they've beenmoved.
The family members will beataround the bush no, my son or
(11:14):
daughter doesn't have anxiety.
They're just scared of life anduntil you get truly diagnosed,
you don't know how to deal withit.
Use psychology today as aresource and just say I'm here
(11:47):
to witness what you're goingthrough.
If you need my help, let mehelp you.
But anxiety is basically a fearof life.
Depression is a fear of lack ofmotivation to do things and
(12:07):
anxiety is a fear of life.
Social anxiety, which I don'thave, is a fear of going out and
being around people Now woof.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Go ahead.
Can I ask a clarifying questionreal quick Go?
So you mentioned going toPsychology Today.
That's a magazine.
What do you mean by going toPsychology Today?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
It's actually a good question.
It's actually a website, it'snot a magazine.
They've made a website out ofit and what it will tell you is
there will be counselors in all50 states.
(12:57):
Now you will have to interviewthe.
You will have to interview the.
You will have to ask theprofessional to interview their
own counselor.
And depression Some specializein it, some specialize in it,
(13:23):
others do not.
But basically, if you go topsychology today and pull down
all 50 states, you can read biosof counselors.
Read bios of counselors, let'ssay, in Arizona.
(13:51):
You can read bios, let's say,in Alabama, and it should say
what they specialize in, whetherthey specialize in single
commerce or family marriages ordisabilities, or I'm truly
blessed that I have my owncounselor that specializes.
(14:14):
Well, I shouldn't say shespecializes in disabilities, but
she has a family member withcerebral palsy, so she gets
where I come from, she gets theaid situations she gets me.
So basically, what you're goingto have to do for your
(14:39):
parishioners is guide them topsychology today and maybe join
them.
If they're too scared to figureout to go see a counselor and
then to go see a psychiatrist toget diagnosed, maybe you sit by
(15:05):
a phone with them and have themdial the counselor and maybe
you make it a pastoral careproject, but at the same time,
counselors will lead you topsychiatrists or psychiatrists
(15:31):
will lead you to counselors.
There's also a free mentalhealth support group nationwide
and it was founded here inArizona.
I'm actually a member of it.
It's called CodependenceAnonymous and basically what
(15:55):
Codependence Anonymous does isteaches you how to have happier,
healthier, happier andhealthier relationships with
people, whether it's colleagues,whether it's friends, whether
it's church members, whetherit's whoever you're dealing with
(16:18):
.
And basically people withdepression, people with anxiety,
try to control the situation.
Well, codependents Anonymousteaches you how not to take over
the situation and I know that'sreally hard for a priest not to
(16:44):
do, and I know that's reallyhard for a priest to guide
people from the counseling fieldbecause at the end of the day,
(17:11):
how are we going to make ourvillage happy?
And when I um mike next slide,when I Mike next slide and when
I got diagnosed with anxiety anddepression, I was already in
(17:32):
church.
It just went its ugly headbecause and I had a deacon come
um into the recovery room and itjust really simply had, after
five, five and a half hours ofback surgery, all of a sudden
(17:56):
depression and anxiety whereit's ugly head, and I didn't
even know what was going on inmy head.
But apparently this deacon saidI have never seen you and my
church knows my baseline, theyknow when I'm not feeling well.
(18:16):
They know my history.
I've done enough pastoral carewith saying bun was on the
desert, they know me sick andsin.
Um, they supported good, badand the ugly.
And when this person came in torecovery to see me for the five
(18:39):
minutes one, one of the firstthings she said is I have never
seen you so scared in your life.
The little that I know you and,of course, I know your baseline
.
So that really got me thinking.
Now, granted, if you say tosomeone in the hospital or if
(19:07):
you, as pastoral care teams,mention that this person may be
depressed, they will doctorswill take that seriously.
So what I did?
I squished it until I got outof rehab.
(19:31):
But I wasn't in the best moodto be in rehab and people saw a
lot of tears.
People saw a lot of tears but Iknew I had the safety net of
(19:53):
church and I knew if I came outto church they would be proud of
me for getting myself diagnosed.
But what the straw was thatbroke the camel's back was my
back surgery in 2024.
(20:15):
I knew that something was wrongwhen I woke up after five and a
half hours and I knew my headwasn't right.
Now I knew that hospitals giveme anxiety they always have but
I knew that it was on a deeperlevel that I knew I had to look
(20:41):
for help, and I wasn't relyingnecessarily on the church.
The church is a great step andwith my PCP, I'm lucky enough to
have access to three registerednurses, and if you have
(21:05):
registered nurses in yourcongregation, even retired ones,
they can guide you to, they canguide pastoral care teams to
getting provisioners help.
I mean, at the end of the day,it takes a village, and until
(21:25):
these parishioners start lookingunder rocks, they won't know
what hit them, and so they mightfeel these feelings and squish
it.
So what I ended up doing istelling a registered nurse
(21:50):
friend of mine that I felt thesefeelings and she said call your
PCP.
Well, what ended up happeningis my PCP said well, I'm going.
I said on the phone.
I said give me a drug fordepression.
I feel like I have depression.
And I always said after my momdied, which was in 2010,.
(22:15):
I think I'm depressed.
I think I'm depressed.
I think I'm depressed.
And everyone said to me whenyou're anxious, you're anxious,
you're anxious.
They used the joke against me,ha ha, not very funny Now
looking back on it.
And so it's like you've got tostart digging under rocks.
(22:39):
Medical advocacy is one of thosethings that you got to stand
there quietly and witness aparishioner's sob story and with
my particular PCP, I said giveme a drug for depression.
(23:00):
They said, well, what type ofdrug do you want?
And I said, I don't know, Ijust have the feelings of
depression.
And they said, well, we can'tget.
And now this was at the end ofMay, the beginning of June.
(23:27):
We can't get you in until July23rd and we can't see.
We need to see you before wegive you the medication.
And I'm like, didn't you justhear me say?
I had the words I feeldepressed.
And so the medical advocacy.
I know you guys can't domedical advocacy, but you can at
(23:51):
least support the parishioner.
You can at least stand by them,guide them to psychology today,
to Psychology Today.
Guide them to not necessarilyGoogle, but guide them to
(24:15):
Psychology Today and supportthem, ask them when you meet
with them in a pastoral care,setting them in a pastoral care
setting.
Have you taken the steps to goto psychology today and actually
look for a counselor or apsychiatrist or would you like a
(24:36):
little bit more help?
And you would be surprised howmany people say yes or how many
people say I need a little bitmore help, because getting
diagnosed with anxiety anddepression is the most scary
(24:57):
thing.
Now I've told my church and theyknow this and they're trying to
teach it to everyone else.
They know this.
Because of my anxietymedication, which is Zoloft, I
(25:21):
can't take the wine at church.
They know this so they don'tgive it to me.
And that was the easiest.
That was one of the and I toldone deacon one deacon and she
(25:43):
happened to follow suit and thenwork with everyone beyond the
scenes I know she did to saythis parishioner can't take the
wine because she's onantidepressants antidepressants
which I think churches need toknow.
(26:04):
They don't need to know theirprofession is medical history,
but they do need to know whetherthey are on antidepressants,
because mixing wine withantidepressants isn't a good
thing, with antidepressantsisn't a good thing.
(26:24):
So the church has given me alot of peace around me having
anxiety and depression, becauseI know that God loves me, no
matter what shape I'm in.
(26:45):
So we've got to start breakingthe stigma and we've got to
start breaking the silence aboutanxiety and depression and
we've got to start supportingthose who are suffering like
(27:06):
next slide.
And so google definitions, um,google definitions.
As I said, depression is lackof motivation and, um, lack of
(27:28):
motivation, and possible causesare stressing at home and
stresses financially, stresseswith their own disabilities.
A lot of disabilities have comewith a bucket of anxiety and
depression, at least minded.
And I Googled it.
(27:49):
I Googled does cerebral palsycome with anxiety and depression
?
And the answer is yes.
And so what ends up happeningis that you kind of have to look
under every rock.
And what anxiety is by Googleis it's a fear of wanting to do
(28:15):
things, it's a fear of.
Now there's medical PTSD,medical post-traumatic stress
(28:39):
syndrome, which is a fear.
I'm looking as I give thiswebinar.
I'm looking at a weighted Elmowhich I found on Amazon.
Yes, I said Elmo and yes, Ibrought him to my knee surgery
back in February because he'sweighted and the weighted toys
(29:04):
help with anxiety and I don'tknow if you guys can get.
I found Elmo off of Amazon.
So if you type in weird toys,weird blankets, weighted
something, and just guide theprofessional to Amazon and let
(29:31):
them pick what they want, theweighted blankets are incredibly
hot though, but that's the onlyway to the weighted buckets.
But I know weighted bucketswork to calm people down.
I know medication works.
(29:53):
And just talking to people andI hate to say rubbing people's
backs, I hate to say rubbingpeople's backs, but just giving
them for me, giving me a senseof a strong hug, a strong hug
(30:15):
works for Sarah Balhalsi andpeople know this, that I am a
hugger, I am like receiving hugs.
But we've got, as I said, we'vegot to start breaking the stigma
, and anxiety and depressioncould definitely affect one's
(30:41):
self-esteem.
I mean, it's the self-esteemissue.
Do people like me?
Am I received by my churchfamily and anxiety and
depression.
In my case, anxiety, well,primarily anxiety and not
(31:04):
depression.
When I was undiagnosed I hadtrouble sleeping and that is one
of the common signs there,because my brain wouldn't shut
down enough for me to get sleep,and it's a whole host of
problems when I don't get enoughsleep.
(31:25):
So it's daily behavior, it'senergy levels, it's also
self-esteem and it'sconcentration, and that's what I
wanted to bring up tonight ismore about concentration than
(31:49):
anything else.
Getting people to concentrateon the Holy Gospel when they
have undiagnosed anxiety ordepression is an absolute show
and a half, because until thebrain gets the metabolism
(32:15):
boosted needs from those anxietymedications at least in my case
then I'm able to concentratemore on what is being preached.
And I know we all want ourparishioners to take something
(32:35):
away from church.
We don't care what it is, maybesome of us do, but we at least
want the parishion practitionersto be happy at the end of the
day.
Mike next slide and Googledefinitions of anxiety.
(33:02):
I went over Google definitionsof anxiety.
I went over Google definitionsof depression, google
definitions of anxiety, and thishas happened to me, if that may
(33:31):
be a sign of anxiety, becausebreaking into a sweat is the
person that's anxious aroundpeople and fast heart rate is
another sign of anxiety, andthen being tired is also.
(33:55):
Now being tired is a sign ofdepression and a sign of anxiety
.
So you may have to ask apsychiatrist or ask a counselor.
What is the difference betweenbeing tired and being depressed,
(34:21):
and being tired and beinganxious and being tired?
Because until last night when Iwas putting this together, I
didn't know that being tired wasa common symptom of the both.
So you guys may have to dig alittle deeper and if you want, I
(34:46):
will send you more informationabout that, because I want to
know myself why the two coincideof being tired.
I guess holding anxiety andholding being depressed and lack
(35:09):
of motivation makes you tiredand being fearful of every
single little thing makes thebody exhausted.
Next slide, mike, please.
And so pastoral care shouldremain private.
(35:32):
But, as I said, if you see aparishioner hurting themselves,
wanting to hurt others, hurtingthemselves, wanting to hurt
others Especially, you guys haveto let the cat out of the bag,
(35:57):
but in the privacy.
You can mention to them aboutpsychology today, or have a
family pastor care session andtell the family I'm here for
your son, daughter or yourselfand I just want to help.
Here are some resources to help.
(36:17):
I can sit on the phone with youguys as you call the counselor,
or we can put an announcementin the bulletin saying we need
(36:39):
the help of a retired counseloror psychiatrist.
But basically, why we're heretonight is let's break the
stigma, let's not cause any moreopioid addicted people, because
(37:01):
the depressed will go after theopioids like there's no
tomorrow, and I know, um from myown personal experience that
doctors, normal PCPs, have allthe time diagnosing the opioids,
(37:22):
but giving the opioids anddiagnosing the final diagnosis,
(37:44):
but they do have a hard timegiving the opioids, and so what
we need to do as church membersand and as a human society, is
support those in need.
Next slide I'm sorry, but Ineed to leave.
(38:04):
I've got a cat who's buggingthe heck out of me.
That's okay, robin, this hasbeen really good.
Thank you all.
You're welcome.
(38:25):
I have a 615, I probably need todrop off on so I can get ready
for 630.
Is that still possible?
That's still possible.
If you want to reach out tomyself, or like primarily me,
(38:56):
about how you can help with theDisabled Concerns Committee,
great.
Have any questions.
I'm happy to email you and I'mhappy to be a support to you and
I'm happy to give you moreinformation on what we're doing.
Well, I think it's one.
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