December 20, 2024 • 31 mins
In this episode, Margie tells us about the emotional moment she went from feeling alone and too old to change to finding a coach who gave her the belief that she actually could change. She felt firsthand the power of having a coach to guide you who's been in your shoes, faced what you're facing and found their own way to freedom. She now helps others find their way with our own successful coaching business
Margie Coltharp
https://bravespace.coach/
https://www.instagram.com/bravespacecoach/
Our 30-day group programme:
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/aff-group
The podcast home page
https://podcast.alcoholfreedomfinders.com/
Justine Clark
https://justineclarktherapy.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/wellwithjustine/
Barry Condon
https://www.cleanlifecoaching.org/
https://www.instagram.com/clean.life.coaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/barry-condon-577b85294/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Barry Condon (00:00):
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, Margie tells usabout the emotional moment she
went from feeling alone and tooold to change to finding a coach
who gave her the belief that sheactually could change.
She felt firsthand the power ofhaving a coach to guide you
who's been in your shoes.
Face what you're facing andfound their own way to freedom.
(00:20):
She now helps others find theirway with our own successful
coaching business.
Let's get started.
welcome to Alcohol FreedomFinders with me, Barry Condon
and my friend and colleague,Justine Clark.
We're joined by MargieColthorpe, from Arkansas in the
U.
S.
Margie is a, lifestyle andwellness coach and also a TNMI,
(00:42):
trained, coach like Justine andmyself.
runs group programs like us.
And so we're really excited to,have time to sit down and talk
with Margie and hear a bit moreabout her story and the people
that she
Justine Clark (00:52):
Thanks.
Welcome, Margie.
Margie Colthorp (00:55):
Thank you.
It's
Justine Clark (00:56):
really nice to have you.
I've followed your journey, overthe last year and love being on
calls with you.
So we're really excited to haveyou on our podcast with us.
And I really want to hear moreabout, your journey, what led
you to this naked mind andbecoming alcohol free and
ultimately a coach?
Margie Colthorp (01:14):
I won't go all the way back, but, basically, it
was during COVID and a lot of usourselves drinking more than we
should, but I was very much indenial about, Whether or not
alcohol was playing any part inmy physical health declining,
and it was declining prettyrapidly.
(01:36):
I found myself my blood pressuregetting very, very high, and I
kept saying, no, no, no, it's,it's, you know, it's fine, it's
fine, it's fine.
I was very, felt very healthy.
So, but one day, my daughter,who's a nurse, insisted I take
my blood pressure, and it wasdeclining.
Something very scary to her.
(01:58):
Hi.
And she said, Mom, you have togo to the emergency room.
And I said, it's COVID.
and it's four o'clock in theafternoon.
I mean, happy hour.
Come on.
And, she insisted.
So I, I did.
I went to the emergency roomand, and told me that I was very
near having a stroke.
which got my attention and, theyput me on medication and I did a
(02:21):
lot of follow ups and I sat, Ihad a lot of time to think, I
did not stop drinking at thatpoint, but I had a lot of time
to think about what is happeninghere and, you know, the, the
thinking led to, well, maybe,Maybe it's the alcohol.
And about that time, I wasseeing a lot of ads pop up from
(02:42):
Annie Grace.
Who is this Annie Grace?
What is this alcohol experiment?
I don't know what this is, butat the same time, it was sort of
like the cognitive dissonancethat we talk about, you know,
learning, part of me said, yeah,you probably need to look at
that.
And part of me was like, no, I'mfine.
have medicine now.
So, Annie won.
(03:04):
Her, her ads actually won.
And I signed up for the alcoholexperiment in January of 2022.
Barry Condon (03:14):
know, they almost scary that the algorithm, you
know, begins to, to know beforeus, you know what we need.
But yeah, that, that kind ofthing, subconsciously you,
you've started clicking invarious places and been
interested and been worriedabout things.
And then, you know, it startsout as a sort of can start out
as a sort of, you know, justwant to be healthier.
And, and, but yeah, no, itreally interesting.
(03:37):
And I can resonate with the,the, the blood pressure.
I, yeah.
Yeah, I was on blood pressurepills for a long time and, not
anymore.
you know, having stopped, theybecame unnecessary after a
while, which is, which is great.
so we'll tell us some more.
What was, what was the next stepthen for you?
Margie Colthorp (03:55):
well, you know, part of the do I, don't I was,
you know, I was 64 years old atthe time and I thought, Oh,
that's too late.
You know, there's no way.
Nothing is, you know, I've trieddry Januaries.
I've tried all of the differentways I read the books and the
whole bear and I thought it wasreally a Hail Mary pass if you
(04:17):
want to be honest, if I'm beinghonest and, the, the, I signed
up on a whim.
I said, I don't know who thisanti grace person is, but I'm
going to just give it a shot.
The price point was for me tosay, if I.
If it's, if it's a fail, it's afail and I'm, you know, I'm
willing to take that.
So I did sign up and the veryfirst day a coach me in the eye
(04:43):
when I said, I, I can't do this.
I'm positive.
I can't do this.
I'm too old.
And it was a coach Simon, Ithink it was.
And he looked at me with thesepiercing blue eyes and he looked
right into the camera at me.
And he, he told me how much.
I was, how much my value and howmuch my worth was, was intact.
(05:08):
I had everything I needed andthe, I just melted and cried and
no one had ever talked to methat way before.
And that's what I, that was theturning point for me.
I needed to hear I'm okay andthat I'm not broken and that
there was hope for me wasexactly what I needed to hear.
(05:31):
So.
I was all in at that point.
I, all of the, you know, all ofthe, do I, don't I do this
Justine Clark (05:39):
love that Margie.
I, I, what I, what, what I'dlike to say there is first of
all, the fact that, on a whimyou signed up, but actually
there's a part of oursubconscious mind that's been
screaming out for a long timeand screaming out for help.
And.
Like Barry was saying earlier,we are sort of tentatively
exploring, Am I drinking toomuch?
(05:59):
How much is too much?
What if I do 12 drinks a week?
What if I just do three days aweek?
What if I moderate?
All of those questions.
So, first of all, is it really awhim, when we sign up?
Because I, I, I would say that Iresonate with that as well,
going, Oh yeah, it was just awhim.
signing up with Annie, butreally it wasn't.
(06:19):
I'd been, I'd been worrying fora long time that, you know,
knowing I wasn't an alcoholic,but also knowing that something
wasn't quite right.
and, and, and then the secondpart is, how you speak about the
coaching in the program and how,how unique and special this type
of coaching is.
Can you, can you speak moreabout that?
Margie Colthorp (06:40):
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
all of the coaches that Iexperienced were Amazing and all
unique in their approach, intheir coaching, style.
And it was, it was as though Iwas being welcomed home
Justine Clark (07:00):
I
Margie Colthorp (07:00):
I was virtual.
I mean, these, it was completelyvirtual.
It was a 30 day program andthere were, it was the largest
class that they'd ever had.
I think there were 2000 peopleor something like that.
It was just huge but I neverfelt alone and I never felt one
of many.
I felt like I was right therewith the coach.
(07:24):
That's how they made me feel,very safe, very welcomed, very,
and they were veryknowledgeable.
I was, yeah.
The science.
The science and the compassionwere the two things that just
said, got you.
That's
Barry Condon (07:39):
Yeah, that's, yeah, that's, that's lovely.
And that, yeah, I, yeah, that,that, for me, the same.
It's, the science is one thingand you, and you, the science,
you kind of, you know, given,certainly in our, our, we use
the, the, the, the program from,from Annie for our 30 day,
coaching and, and you get avideo every day and that gives
you the information that givesyou the science that gives you
(08:01):
the, the understanding, thatmakes the sort of, the ideas
that that actually, yeah, itisn't your fault.
It is just an addictivesubstance that, you know, we'll
get, you know, pretty muchanybody, given the right
circumstances.
and, to, to hear that back froma coach, it's, it's, it's sort
(08:21):
of goes against the way thatwe're, as a society sort of led
to believe, you know, it'ssupposed to be something you
control.
It's supposed to be something.
That you do responsibly.
It's supposed to be somethingthat, you know, everybody else
seems to be able to do withoutit becoming an issue.
And so you internalize it.
So, negatively, it's lovely tohear, yeah, you know, it isn't,
it's not my fault.
(08:41):
It's just, you know, that's whatit says on the bottle.
You know, it's, it's, it's, it'salcohol, it's addictive.
and for me, I think that the,the, the amazing thing with
coaching is also that, you know,It allows people to find their
own out, and, and their ownStruggles, you know, can be
solved, with a coach who justasked questions and just, just
(09:05):
is there to guide them a littlebit, but mostly just to ask the
question and, and help them findtheir own answers, their own way
out.
And, and that's so empowering.
And, and I think that with,traditional methods, there's no
empowerment at all.
It, it feels like, you know,you've got to say, Oh, I'm, I'm
the problem and, and someoneelse is going to fix it for me
(09:25):
if I follow these rules ratherthan, know, and, and that works
for a lot of people, which isgreat.
But, but for me, it was neverthe, the, never felt like the, a
solution.
And so to find a way withcoaching that you can be
supported, science on the side,and.
your own way back and get yourown strength and get your own
freedom is so empowering.
(09:48):
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
(10:08):
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
Back to the episode.
(10:30):
are you able to talk a bit about, the, the kind
of people that you help now?
Margie Colthorp (10:35):
Bye bye.
I have had a range.
at first I thought only women ofmy age range would be interested
in having me as a coach, buthave coached women from thirties
to and, I've coached men andit's, you know, it's, it's.
(10:57):
There is, it's a commondenominator.
I like to say it's a club wenever asked to join.
And once they, the client feelsaccepted, it really doesn't
matter.
Their demographic.
It is all about, do they feelsafe?
Do they feel connected?
And do they feel like theybelong?
(11:18):
And that is my, my first goal isto make sure that I have a
connection with them.
That they feel safe with me andthat they know that they that
they're in the right place andthat we are going to work
together.
and you're right, Barry, the,you know, it's, it's.
It's 10 percent alcohol and 90percent emotional work.
(11:41):
and people often say.
Well, doesn't that, isn't thatwhat a therapist does?
And I said, well, yeah,therapists will help you go
back.
And I'm all for a client havinga therapist and a coach because
therapy is all about going backand looking at what happened,
you know, what happened.
(12:01):
And coaching is all aboutsaying, all right, here you are
now, let's look at the future.
And when you have that, thattriad.
Together of client therapists,you have that, that it's very
effective, but it's equallyeffective to unearth all of
that.
We need to know where they aretoday.
we need to, we, we pretty muchknow where they want to go, but
(12:22):
they have to tell us what thegoal is.
then we set a
Justine Clark (12:27):
mean, that's, that is the most powerful thing,
what you mentioned right there,Margie.
It's about being in the very,very present moment and taking a
moment to drop into, What am Ifeeling?
What am I noticing?
What is it about the substancethat is compelling?
Is it the color?
Is it the taste?
Is it the, the temperature?
(12:47):
Is it the situation?
Is it myself?
Like, starting to explore thereasons why, What do you
typically notice, in yourclients that start the journey
with you in terms of,turnarounds and, how long it
takes them to, to make some bigshifts in your work?
Margie Colthorp (13:07):
yeah, that's a great question.
So clients that come to me, Ihave started asking them on
their their readiness.
I would never turn a client awaywho said, I don't know if I'm
ready to stop or not.
I would still take them on, butI need to have that awareness of
their readiness.
And if a client comes to me andsays, I've been trying for 10
(13:31):
years to stop and I've had it, Iam ready.
Those clients tend to have theirlearning curve, success curve is
much flatter.
If someone comes to me and says,I don't know, I really kind of
like I was, I really don't wantto quit drinking, but I think I
really need to, then theirlearning curve and their success
(13:52):
curve is going to be muchsteeper.
Every client is different.
So my coaching not one way foreach one.
It's we work.
And I am very honest and say,you know, if where you are,
that's fine.
We will work with what we got.
And I will also be verytransparent and say, in this
(14:16):
amount of time, here's what Ibelieve you can expect.
had clients who have, aretotally alcohol free, found
their freedom, loving life,changed.
Their perspective, theirbeliefs, I have had clients who
have said, okay, I think I'mgood, left, come back, and said,
(14:36):
okay, let's try this again, andthen I've had clients who left,
and I always keep in touch withthem, and they're still
drinking, and it's pretty muchcomes back to that very first
conversation of, are you ready?
Barry Condon (14:53):
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
I think, I think, yeah, we have,we have lots of sort of tactics
for people to, to ask the rightquestions to, to work out, you
know, on which level are theyready and, you know, and that,
that can be really powerful forpeople.
And I think.
The for me, I think withcoaching and the way that we're
able to sort of questions thatwhen you look back, know, might
(15:16):
think, well, that was an obviousquestion, but but often we're in
it ourselves, we're sort ofthinking with our logical brain
and trying to solve it with alogical brain without realizing
that maybe I think thestatistics are that sort of 90
plus percent of our anddecisions are actually made
subconsciously.
And I think that that is, is, isthe power of, uh, is that you
(15:39):
can sort of try and get thatconnection with the subconscious
that the, the other part ofyour, the, the, voice in your
head that, that's, You know,you've got the two voices often,
you know, one saying, you know,you shouldn't be drinking and
the other one saying, go on,you'll feel better if you do.
And, and to, to sort of try andget in, get the two to sort of
meet and have a, have that,understanding of each other.
(15:59):
you know, isn't easy in your ownsort of, executive frontal lobe,
trying to solve it with, withrationality or, you know, with,
with logical thinking.
So it's, it's, uh, Those are thekind of breakthroughs that you,
that can be, can be had withcoaching.
So I was just still thinkingabout, you know, that first
encounter you had where yousaid, you know, I feel too, I'm
(16:20):
too old, you know, I can'tchange.
And, you know, I think a lot ofpeople will, will you know,
well, I'm just different.
I'm, I'm broken.
I'm, you know, I'm hopeless.
and.
The coach found you, found a wayto connect with you.
I mean, how do you go aboutthat, making that sort of
connection with people in thebeginning of a coaching
(16:42):
relationship?
Margie Colthorp (16:44):
so another great question, and I lean back
on what all learned in our coachtraining from Annie is that, you
know, we're basically humans orwe're a system, you know, inputs
and outputs, right?
Garbage in, garbage out.
And I can ask them to tell me alittle bit about themselves.
(17:06):
I can tell them a little bitabout myself, way conversation.
I can find out what kind ofinputs, what kind of messaging
that they are married to, ortheir beliefs, basically.
And when I can connect thosedots between the, the messages
that they received throughouttheir life, what outputs those
(17:29):
are, so they don't believe inthemselves, they feel like
they're broken, they've beentold over and over and over,
they're this or they're that,they start to believe it, and
then what do they do with thatand the outputs they drink.
So it's not linear, of course,but the more I can get them to
feel comfortable with me, andsometimes that means I tell them
(17:51):
my story.
And I will tell them, you know,I, I will hear them say
something about their story andI will relate to them and I'll
say, yes, me too, me too.
And that seems to theirshoulders kind of come down and
they're, Expressions kind ofsoften because I think we all
(18:14):
when we came into this, whateverlevel we came into whatever
program, we all felt like wewere the only ones.
I know I did nobody knows.
Nobody has the story I have.
And when you hear a coach say.
That happened to me too, or Ican relate to that something
(18:34):
similar.
It is an instant So that'sthat's typically how it works is
You know in every relationshipcoaching relationship But you
have to allow for that time tokind of warm up and build trust
and that is all about justgiving them space and I think
(18:55):
that that is maybe a part ofCoaching that that I have seen
in my own experience is missedjust to slow down and give the
client the space to say I'mhere.
I don't know what's happening.
I'm a little nervous Where isthis going, you know, so it
(19:19):
really does
Justine Clark (19:19):
For sure.
It's
Margie Colthorp (19:21):
two
Justine Clark (19:21):
absolutely, I love the fact that you're
talking about, creating thespace for change and, you know,
When we change our relationshipwith, with alcohol, there are,
there are lots of surprisesalong the way.
I think for me, the mostsurprising thing was, it didn't
seem to be about alcohol at all.
It actually seemed to be aboutmy relationship with myself.
(19:44):
And as we, Barry mentionedearlier, I've just moved back to
New Zealand, so a lot of myinfrastructure and support
structures and systems havechanged, and I'm really meeting
myself hard right there, going,you know, Okay.
What about you today?
What are you going to do withyourself?
How do you make yourself happyhere?
And I know that, you know, thatkind of,
Margie Colthorp (20:05):
Silence.
Silence.
Justine Clark (20:24):
and You know, who are my friends, where are my
clients going to come from?
How do I move around the city?
There is that part of me thatstill goes, there are other ways
of comforting yourself.
Instead, I'm I've learnedthrough coaching the coaching we
do to lean in and listen to whatis that emotion?
(20:46):
What's been the most, what arethe surprises for you in, in
either, either coaching or Beingalcohol free in your journey,
Margie.
Margie Colthorp (20:56):
I am able to.
sit in discomfort where I wouldnever in the past be able to do
that.
And I heard people say, you haveto sit in discomfort.
And I would say, yeah, I don'teven, you know, when they would
say, where do you feel this inyour body?
I'm like, don't know.
(21:18):
I have no idea.
I would like to learn how to dothat.
But I intellectualized myemotions.
And I was really good at it.
so learning how to let thoseemotions kind of drop down and
identify them in my body hasbeen, the biggest aha for me.
learning that I am everything Ineed.
(21:42):
I am everything I need and I'mnot everybody's cup of tea.
that was another huge learningfor me because I had lived my
life trying to fit in whateverybody else thought.
I should be how I shouldnavigate through the world and
operate through the world.
And so I had a mask on on who Iwas with that mask, know, you
(22:07):
can't hold that forever.
but I will say this too.
I believe.
work that I've done with theEnneagram, is based on ancient
personality, wisdom.
That has been, many ways,complementary to the coaching
(22:27):
certification work that I'vedone.
It opens doors for people whenthey can see themselves, when
they learn their Enneagram type.
There's an instant connection.
They start to get it muchfaster.
and that was true for me too.
So that is something that I've,I've spent the last year on
(22:49):
really understanding and how mypersonality motivates me to
behave, is basically whatEnneagram is.
And when I can show a clientthat it's, you can see on their
face, starts to make sense.
And then we can really get down.
(23:10):
You know, get down to thequestions that they won't ask
themselves.
And you guys know this, theywon't ask themselves these
questions.
we have to be brave enough,enough, to ask the questions to
help them see what they need tosee.
So I think that's, know,probably too long of an answer,
(23:31):
what I have noticed aboutmyself.
Barry Condon (23:34):
No, that's really good.
for that Enneagram, do you have,a website you could give us that
we could put in the show notesthat, that, people could look
into.
Cause I think that is a reallypowerful thing.
I think understanding,understanding your own, self
more, can be really powerful.
And I think also with.
something we've we, look at, arequite often a sort of the, the,
I forget her name now.
(23:55):
who came up with the archetypesof, of, of the eight different
archetypes of drinking.
I'll put her name in the, shownotes too, where you can sort of
see you know, the, the, yourmotivation in certain
situations.
Why are you drinking a certainsituation?
Are you someone who drinks toreward themselves?
Are you someone who drinks toescape someone?
who, who wants to enhance thesituation, to socialize?
(24:18):
Is it a mask?
Is it a, a, a, a, a, a, a, aself medication?
You know the, and when you askthose sort of questions to
people, or, or can you seeyourself drinking in those sort
of situations?
allows people to, it givespeople a handle to sort of go,
Oh yeah, well I can relate withthat.
You know, I used to drink likethat or that insist, you know,
when I'm with my family, I'm abit like that or you know, and
it can be really, reallypowerful.
(24:40):
For yourself, what's been sortof most surprising part of your
journey, as people like to say,of finding alcohol freedom?
What's been the biggestsurprise?
Margie Colthorp (24:55):
think the most surprising thing is how other
people react to me when I say,Hey, Oh, I don't drink anymore.
And my mother is 101 years old.
And she still says, Oh, honey,I'm so sorry.
I said, don't be sorry.
I'm very happy.
(25:16):
But the, the assumption is thatthat's poor me.
I should, I should really be sadabout that.
And a lot of people who havequit drinking do like, Oh, I can
never go in a bar again.
I can never be around alcoholagain.
And so when I say, Hey, wouldyou like to go to lunch?
And, and You know, someone who'sa drinker, sure.
(25:39):
Where they assume that I want togo someplace that where there's
no alcohol.
And so I'll say, Hey, this newplace but they have a bar.
I'm like, yeah, if you want one,have one.
And so it's just, it's not thesame as being still being
imprisoned by alcohol.
So the freedom is really that itis the freedom to feel like it
(26:01):
has no hold over me whatsoever.
Justine Clark (26:04):
that.
And that actually speaks to themethodology strongly.
Actually, with science andCompassional, which we've spoken
about earlier, it actually helpsus change our beliefs.
So we're not holding on with anytype of willpower to, to, to
stay sober or not drink.
Our belief has changed.
We can drink any time we like.
(26:24):
We're just genuinely choosingnot to.
So, that is, that is, aresounding and outstanding
quality of this work.
So if those, if anyone's outthere looking for that kind of
experience, this is what thiswork, work does.
Margie, what three words thenwould, would wrap up your
feelings around being alcoholfree and, and even being an
(26:48):
alcohol freedom coach.
Margie Colthorp (26:52):
the first word that comes to mind is peace.
Peace.
I have a very, had a verychaotic upbringing and the peace
within me and the peace withinme that no longer requires
escaping, it, that is my numberone.
(27:16):
what I thought was boredom, Iwould be so bored if I didn't
drink actually my And that issomething that, anybody who has
quit.
And found freedom.
Absolutely understands that.
it's a bit of a mental leap if,you know, you're just starting
out on this journey.
(27:37):
But, yeah.
I think, the contentment ofknowing I am, because I always
Walked around for 60, I'm 67now, walked around for 64 years
and said, I don't know who I ambecause I had never allowed
myself to be I was.
So it never allowed myself to beauthenticity.
(27:59):
I think it means being myself,no mask, being okay with
whatever.
So it's just, it is, I feel likeI found my essence of who I
really am.
Beyond personality, beyond ego,is, you know, the stripping away
(28:20):
of who is Margie.
Which was my, that was my firstyear.
I wanted to say, I got to getalcohol out of my life.
That was my, my big goal yeartwo after alcohol was out of my
life.
Pardon my language.
Who the hell is Margie?
I had no idea.
And so that was how I spent mysecond year after I, was, you
(28:44):
know, it was small andirrelevant out who I was and it,
I thought the journey would beover at year two, but I am
learning it now that I'm instarting on year four, there is
no end to this journey.
It is always getting to knowmyself at a deeper level and
able to.
(29:05):
Look back at my journey pourmyself into, as you guys did
with the training and knowingthat we are capable of helping
so many people, in learning whoI was, I discovered.
My purpose, 67 years, and I didnot know my purpose.
(29:28):
So the, the ability to, be ableto reach down and give a hand up
somebody else is everything itis.
It is my, the rest of my life'swork.
And I am to have the privilegeof this training and being with
(29:52):
like minded folks like you guysand helping clients.
It's just it is Literally adream come true.
But yeah I know who margie is
Barry Condon (30:17):
piece, you know, I can so relate to that.
I think, you know, if I, when II, I needed to stop, I just
thought, okay, I've got to stop.
And, you know, life would bedull and, and awful without it.
so to discover that on the otherside, actually life's better
and, and you can find yourselfand live more authentically.
(30:39):
It's just, you know, it's justan amazing thing.
So, the more people that findthat, find that out the better.
I just didn't know that when,when, when I was still drinking.
Margie Colthorp (30:48):
Absolutely
Barry Condon (30:48):
Well, can you tell people where, they can get in
touch with you and how they canfind you if, if, you know, if
they're looking for somecoaching, or just to follow you
on, on Instagram, perhaps.
Margie Colthorp (30:58):
Yes.
I am on Instagram at brave spacecoach and that's also my
website.
Brave space dot coach is mywebsite.
My coaching company's name isbrave space coaching.
and it's basically if you havebrave space.
(31:18):
Anywhere in your search bar,wherever you're looking, that's
how you'll find me.
but yeah, so I, would love toconnect with anybody who
resonated with my story or,yeah, just to, just to talk.
but I want to thank you both forhaving me here.
an amazing experience.
Justine Clark (31:38):
you for sharing your brave space with us,
Margie.
Barry Condon (31:40):
Yeah, it's been a real pleasure.
Thank you.
Margie Colthorp (31:42):
you.
you.
so much.
This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.
In this episode, Margie tells usabout the emotional moment she
went from feeling alone and tooold to change to finding a coach
who gave her the belief that sheactually could change.
She felt firsthand the power ofhaving a coach to guide you
who's been in your shoes.
Face what you're facing andfound their own way to freedom.
(00:20):
She now helps others find theirway with our own successful
coaching business.
Let's get started.
welcome to Alcohol FreedomFinders with me, Barry Condon
and my friend and colleague,Justine Clark.
We're joined by MargieColthorpe, from Arkansas in the
U.
S.
Margie is a, lifestyle andwellness coach and also a TNMI,
(00:42):
trained, coach like Justine andmyself.
runs group programs like us.
And so we're really excited to,have time to sit down and talk
with Margie and hear a bit moreabout her story and the people
that she
Justine Clark (00:52):
Thanks.
Welcome, Margie.
Margie Colthorp (00:55):
Thank you.
It's
Justine Clark (00:56):
really nice to have you.
I've followed your journey, overthe last year and love being on
calls with you.
So we're really excited to haveyou on our podcast with us.
And I really want to hear moreabout, your journey, what led
you to this naked mind andbecoming alcohol free and
ultimately a coach?
Margie Colthorp (01:14):
I won't go all the way back, but, basically, it
was during COVID and a lot of usourselves drinking more than we
should, but I was very much indenial about, Whether or not
alcohol was playing any part inmy physical health declining,
and it was declining prettyrapidly.
(01:36):
I found myself my blood pressuregetting very, very high, and I
kept saying, no, no, no, it's,it's, you know, it's fine, it's
fine, it's fine.
I was very, felt very healthy.
So, but one day, my daughter,who's a nurse, insisted I take
my blood pressure, and it wasdeclining.
Something very scary to her.
(01:58):
Hi.
And she said, Mom, you have togo to the emergency room.
And I said, it's COVID.
and it's four o'clock in theafternoon.
I mean, happy hour.
Come on.
And, she insisted.
So I, I did.
I went to the emergency roomand, and told me that I was very
near having a stroke.
which got my attention and, theyput me on medication and I did a
(02:21):
lot of follow ups and I sat, Ihad a lot of time to think, I
did not stop drinking at thatpoint, but I had a lot of time
to think about what is happeninghere and, you know, the, the
thinking led to, well, maybe,Maybe it's the alcohol.
And about that time, I wasseeing a lot of ads pop up from
(02:42):
Annie Grace.
Who is this Annie Grace?
What is this alcohol experiment?
I don't know what this is, butat the same time, it was sort of
like the cognitive dissonancethat we talk about, you know,
learning, part of me said, yeah,you probably need to look at
that.
And part of me was like, no, I'mfine.
have medicine now.
So, Annie won.
(03:04):
Her, her ads actually won.
And I signed up for the alcoholexperiment in January of 2022.
Barry Condon (03:14):
know, they almost scary that the algorithm, you
know, begins to, to know beforeus, you know what we need.
But yeah, that, that kind ofthing, subconsciously you,
you've started clicking invarious places and been
interested and been worriedabout things.
And then, you know, it startsout as a sort of can start out
as a sort of, you know, justwant to be healthier.
And, and, but yeah, no, itreally interesting.
(03:37):
And I can resonate with the,the, the blood pressure.
I, yeah.
Yeah, I was on blood pressurepills for a long time and, not
anymore.
you know, having stopped, theybecame unnecessary after a
while, which is, which is great.
so we'll tell us some more.
What was, what was the next stepthen for you?
Margie Colthorp (03:55):
well, you know, part of the do I, don't I was,
you know, I was 64 years old atthe time and I thought, Oh,
that's too late.
You know, there's no way.
Nothing is, you know, I've trieddry Januaries.
I've tried all of the differentways I read the books and the
whole bear and I thought it wasreally a Hail Mary pass if you
(04:17):
want to be honest, if I'm beinghonest and, the, the, I signed
up on a whim.
I said, I don't know who thisanti grace person is, but I'm
going to just give it a shot.
The price point was for me tosay, if I.
If it's, if it's a fail, it's afail and I'm, you know, I'm
willing to take that.
So I did sign up and the veryfirst day a coach me in the eye
(04:43):
when I said, I, I can't do this.
I'm positive.
I can't do this.
I'm too old.
And it was a coach Simon, Ithink it was.
And he looked at me with thesepiercing blue eyes and he looked
right into the camera at me.
And he, he told me how much.
I was, how much my value and howmuch my worth was, was intact.
(05:08):
I had everything I needed andthe, I just melted and cried and
no one had ever talked to methat way before.
And that's what I, that was theturning point for me.
I needed to hear I'm okay andthat I'm not broken and that
there was hope for me wasexactly what I needed to hear.
(05:31):
So.
I was all in at that point.
I, all of the, you know, all ofthe, do I, don't I do this
Justine Clark (05:39):
love that Margie.
I, I, what I, what, what I'dlike to say there is first of
all, the fact that, on a whimyou signed up, but actually
there's a part of oursubconscious mind that's been
screaming out for a long timeand screaming out for help.
And.
Like Barry was saying earlier,we are sort of tentatively
exploring, Am I drinking toomuch?
(05:59):
How much is too much?
What if I do 12 drinks a week?
What if I just do three days aweek?
What if I moderate?
All of those questions.
So, first of all, is it really awhim, when we sign up?
Because I, I, I would say that Iresonate with that as well,
going, Oh yeah, it was just awhim.
signing up with Annie, butreally it wasn't.
(06:19):
I'd been, I'd been worrying fora long time that, you know,
knowing I wasn't an alcoholic,but also knowing that something
wasn't quite right.
and, and, and then the secondpart is, how you speak about the
coaching in the program and how,how unique and special this type
of coaching is.
Can you, can you speak moreabout that?
Margie Colthorp (06:40):
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
all of the coaches that Iexperienced were Amazing and all
unique in their approach, intheir coaching, style.
And it was, it was as though Iwas being welcomed home
Justine Clark (07:00):
I
Margie Colthorp (07:00):
I was virtual.
I mean, these, it was completelyvirtual.
It was a 30 day program andthere were, it was the largest
class that they'd ever had.
I think there were 2000 peopleor something like that.
It was just huge but I neverfelt alone and I never felt one
of many.
I felt like I was right therewith the coach.
(07:24):
That's how they made me feel,very safe, very welcomed, very,
and they were veryknowledgeable.
I was, yeah.
The science.
The science and the compassionwere the two things that just
said, got you.
That's
Barry Condon (07:39):
Yeah, that's, yeah, that's, that's lovely.
And that, yeah, I, yeah, that,that, for me, the same.
It's, the science is one thingand you, and you, the science,
you kind of, you know, given,certainly in our, our, we use
the, the, the, the program from,from Annie for our 30 day,
coaching and, and you get avideo every day and that gives
you the information that givesyou the science that gives you
(08:01):
the, the understanding, thatmakes the sort of, the ideas
that that actually, yeah, itisn't your fault.
It is just an addictivesubstance that, you know, we'll
get, you know, pretty muchanybody, given the right
circumstances.
and, to, to hear that back froma coach, it's, it's, it's sort
(08:21):
of goes against the way thatwe're, as a society sort of led
to believe, you know, it'ssupposed to be something you
control.
It's supposed to be something.
That you do responsibly.
It's supposed to be somethingthat, you know, everybody else
seems to be able to do withoutit becoming an issue.
And so you internalize it.
So, negatively, it's lovely tohear, yeah, you know, it isn't,
it's not my fault.
(08:41):
It's just, you know, that's whatit says on the bottle.
You know, it's, it's, it's, it'salcohol, it's addictive.
and for me, I think that the,the, the amazing thing with
coaching is also that, you know,It allows people to find their
own out, and, and their ownStruggles, you know, can be
solved, with a coach who justasked questions and just, just
(09:05):
is there to guide them a littlebit, but mostly just to ask the
question and, and help them findtheir own answers, their own way
out.
And, and that's so empowering.
And, and I think that with,traditional methods, there's no
empowerment at all.
It, it feels like, you know,you've got to say, Oh, I'm, I'm
the problem and, and someoneelse is going to fix it for me
(09:25):
if I follow these rules ratherthan, know, and, and that works
for a lot of people, which isgreat.
But, but for me, it was neverthe, the, never felt like the, a
solution.
And so to find a way withcoaching that you can be
supported, science on the side,and.
your own way back and get yourown strength and get your own
freedom is so empowering.
(09:48):
If you're looking to take backcontrol of your drinking, why
don't you join our AlcoholFreedom Finders 30 day group
program.
It's a great place to start.
Because we approach it as anexperiment, rather than a
challenge.
Whereas, as well as getting agreat detox, you learn the
science and the psychology aboutwhy you're drunk in the first
place.
So whether you want to stopaltogether, or just become a
(10:08):
more mindful and moderatedrinker, why don't you give it a
crack?
Use the link in the show notesto sign up to our next 30 day
program, and you won't regretit.
Because no one ever woke up inthe morning and said, I wish I'd
had more to drink last night,did they?
Back to the episode.
(10:30):
are you able to talk a bit about, the, the kind
of people that you help now?
Margie Colthorp (10:35):
Bye bye.
I have had a range.
at first I thought only women ofmy age range would be interested
in having me as a coach, buthave coached women from thirties
to and, I've coached men andit's, you know, it's, it's.
(10:57):
There is, it's a commondenominator.
I like to say it's a club wenever asked to join.
And once they, the client feelsaccepted, it really doesn't
matter.
Their demographic.
It is all about, do they feelsafe?
Do they feel connected?
And do they feel like theybelong?
(11:18):
And that is my, my first goal isto make sure that I have a
connection with them.
That they feel safe with me andthat they know that they that
they're in the right place andthat we are going to work
together.
and you're right, Barry, the,you know, it's, it's.
It's 10 percent alcohol and 90percent emotional work.
(11:41):
and people often say.
Well, doesn't that, isn't thatwhat a therapist does?
And I said, well, yeah,therapists will help you go
back.
And I'm all for a client havinga therapist and a coach because
therapy is all about going backand looking at what happened,
you know, what happened.
(12:01):
And coaching is all aboutsaying, all right, here you are
now, let's look at the future.
And when you have that, thattriad.
Together of client therapists,you have that, that it's very
effective, but it's equallyeffective to unearth all of
that.
We need to know where they aretoday.
we need to, we, we pretty muchknow where they want to go, but
(12:22):
they have to tell us what thegoal is.
then we set a
Justine Clark (12:27):
mean, that's, that is the most powerful thing,
what you mentioned right there,Margie.
It's about being in the very,very present moment and taking a
moment to drop into, What am Ifeeling?
What am I noticing?
What is it about the substancethat is compelling?
Is it the color?
Is it the taste?
Is it the, the temperature?
(12:47):
Is it the situation?
Is it myself?
Like, starting to explore thereasons why, What do you
typically notice, in yourclients that start the journey
with you in terms of,turnarounds and, how long it
takes them to, to make some bigshifts in your work?
Margie Colthorp (13:07):
yeah, that's a great question.
So clients that come to me, Ihave started asking them on
their their readiness.
I would never turn a client awaywho said, I don't know if I'm
ready to stop or not.
I would still take them on, butI need to have that awareness of
their readiness.
And if a client comes to me andsays, I've been trying for 10
(13:31):
years to stop and I've had it, Iam ready.
Those clients tend to have theirlearning curve, success curve is
much flatter.
If someone comes to me and says,I don't know, I really kind of
like I was, I really don't wantto quit drinking, but I think I
really need to, then theirlearning curve and their success
(13:52):
curve is going to be muchsteeper.
Every client is different.
So my coaching not one way foreach one.
It's we work.
And I am very honest and say,you know, if where you are,
that's fine.
We will work with what we got.
And I will also be verytransparent and say, in this
(14:16):
amount of time, here's what Ibelieve you can expect.
had clients who have, aretotally alcohol free, found
their freedom, loving life,changed.
Their perspective, theirbeliefs, I have had clients who
have said, okay, I think I'mgood, left, come back, and said,
(14:36):
okay, let's try this again, andthen I've had clients who left,
and I always keep in touch withthem, and they're still
drinking, and it's pretty muchcomes back to that very first
conversation of, are you ready?
Barry Condon (14:53):
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
I think, I think, yeah, we have,we have lots of sort of tactics
for people to, to ask the rightquestions to, to work out, you
know, on which level are theyready and, you know, and that,
that can be really powerful forpeople.
And I think.
The for me, I think withcoaching and the way that we're
able to sort of questions thatwhen you look back, know, might
(15:16):
think, well, that was an obviousquestion, but but often we're in
it ourselves, we're sort ofthinking with our logical brain
and trying to solve it with alogical brain without realizing
that maybe I think thestatistics are that sort of 90
plus percent of our anddecisions are actually made
subconsciously.
And I think that that is, is, isthe power of, uh, is that you
(15:39):
can sort of try and get thatconnection with the subconscious
that the, the other part ofyour, the, the, voice in your
head that, that's, You know,you've got the two voices often,
you know, one saying, you know,you shouldn't be drinking and
the other one saying, go on,you'll feel better if you do.
And, and to, to sort of try andget in, get the two to sort of
meet and have a, have that,understanding of each other.
(15:59):
you know, isn't easy in your ownsort of, executive frontal lobe,
trying to solve it with, withrationality or, you know, with,
with logical thinking.
So it's, it's, uh, Those are thekind of breakthroughs that you,
that can be, can be had withcoaching.
So I was just still thinkingabout, you know, that first
encounter you had where yousaid, you know, I feel too, I'm
(16:20):
too old, you know, I can'tchange.
And, you know, I think a lot ofpeople will, will you know,
well, I'm just different.
I'm, I'm broken.
I'm, you know, I'm hopeless.
and.
The coach found you, found a wayto connect with you.
I mean, how do you go aboutthat, making that sort of
connection with people in thebeginning of a coaching
(16:42):
relationship?
Margie Colthorp (16:44):
so another great question, and I lean back
on what all learned in our coachtraining from Annie is that, you
know, we're basically humans orwe're a system, you know, inputs
and outputs, right?
Garbage in, garbage out.
And I can ask them to tell me alittle bit about themselves.
(17:06):
I can tell them a little bitabout myself, way conversation.
I can find out what kind ofinputs, what kind of messaging
that they are married to, ortheir beliefs, basically.
And when I can connect thosedots between the, the messages
that they received throughouttheir life, what outputs those
(17:29):
are, so they don't believe inthemselves, they feel like
they're broken, they've beentold over and over and over,
they're this or they're that,they start to believe it, and
then what do they do with thatand the outputs they drink.
So it's not linear, of course,but the more I can get them to
feel comfortable with me, andsometimes that means I tell them
(17:51):
my story.
And I will tell them, you know,I, I will hear them say
something about their story andI will relate to them and I'll
say, yes, me too, me too.
And that seems to theirshoulders kind of come down and
they're, Expressions kind ofsoften because I think we all
(18:14):
when we came into this, whateverlevel we came into whatever
program, we all felt like wewere the only ones.
I know I did nobody knows.
Nobody has the story I have.
And when you hear a coach say.
That happened to me too, or Ican relate to that something
(18:34):
similar.
It is an instant So that'sthat's typically how it works is
You know in every relationshipcoaching relationship But you
have to allow for that time tokind of warm up and build trust
and that is all about justgiving them space and I think
(18:55):
that that is maybe a part ofCoaching that that I have seen
in my own experience is missedjust to slow down and give the
client the space to say I'mhere.
I don't know what's happening.
I'm a little nervous Where isthis going, you know, so it
(19:19):
really does
Justine Clark (19:19):
For sure.
It's
Margie Colthorp (19:21):
two
Justine Clark (19:21):
absolutely, I love the fact that you're
talking about, creating thespace for change and, you know,
When we change our relationshipwith, with alcohol, there are,
there are lots of surprisesalong the way.
I think for me, the mostsurprising thing was, it didn't
seem to be about alcohol at all.
It actually seemed to be aboutmy relationship with myself.
(19:44):
And as we, Barry mentionedearlier, I've just moved back to
New Zealand, so a lot of myinfrastructure and support
structures and systems havechanged, and I'm really meeting
myself hard right there, going,you know, Okay.
What about you today?
What are you going to do withyourself?
How do you make yourself happyhere?
And I know that, you know, thatkind of,
Margie Colthorp (20:05):
Silence.
Silence.
Justine Clark (20:24):
and You know, who are my friends, where are my
clients going to come from?
How do I move around the city?
There is that part of me thatstill goes, there are other ways
of comforting yourself.
Instead, I'm I've learnedthrough coaching the coaching we
do to lean in and listen to whatis that emotion?
(20:46):
What's been the most, what arethe surprises for you in, in
either, either coaching or Beingalcohol free in your journey,
Margie.
Margie Colthorp (20:56):
I am able to.
sit in discomfort where I wouldnever in the past be able to do
that.
And I heard people say, you haveto sit in discomfort.
And I would say, yeah, I don'teven, you know, when they would
say, where do you feel this inyour body?
I'm like, don't know.
(21:18):
I have no idea.
I would like to learn how to dothat.
But I intellectualized myemotions.
And I was really good at it.
so learning how to let thoseemotions kind of drop down and
identify them in my body hasbeen, the biggest aha for me.
learning that I am everything Ineed.
(21:42):
I am everything I need and I'mnot everybody's cup of tea.
that was another huge learningfor me because I had lived my
life trying to fit in whateverybody else thought.
I should be how I shouldnavigate through the world and
operate through the world.
And so I had a mask on on who Iwas with that mask, know, you
(22:07):
can't hold that forever.
but I will say this too.
I believe.
work that I've done with theEnneagram, is based on ancient
personality, wisdom.
That has been, many ways,complementary to the coaching
(22:27):
certification work that I'vedone.
It opens doors for people whenthey can see themselves, when
they learn their Enneagram type.
There's an instant connection.
They start to get it muchfaster.
and that was true for me too.
So that is something that I've,I've spent the last year on
(22:49):
really understanding and how mypersonality motivates me to
behave, is basically whatEnneagram is.
And when I can show a clientthat it's, you can see on their
face, starts to make sense.
And then we can really get down.
(23:10):
You know, get down to thequestions that they won't ask
themselves.
And you guys know this, theywon't ask themselves these
questions.
we have to be brave enough,enough, to ask the questions to
help them see what they need tosee.
So I think that's, know,probably too long of an answer,
(23:31):
what I have noticed aboutmyself.
Barry Condon (23:34):
No, that's really good.
for that Enneagram, do you have,a website you could give us that
we could put in the show notesthat, that, people could look
into.
Cause I think that is a reallypowerful thing.
I think understanding,understanding your own, self
more, can be really powerful.
And I think also with.
something we've we, look at, arequite often a sort of the, the,
I forget her name now.
(23:55):
who came up with the archetypesof, of, of the eight different
archetypes of drinking.
I'll put her name in the, shownotes too, where you can sort of
see you know, the, the, yourmotivation in certain
situations.
Why are you drinking a certainsituation?
Are you someone who drinks toreward themselves?
Are you someone who drinks toescape someone?
who, who wants to enhance thesituation, to socialize?
(24:18):
Is it a mask?
Is it a, a, a, a, a, a, a, aself medication?
You know the, and when you askthose sort of questions to
people, or, or can you seeyourself drinking in those sort
of situations?
allows people to, it givespeople a handle to sort of go,
Oh yeah, well I can relate withthat.
You know, I used to drink likethat or that insist, you know,
when I'm with my family, I'm abit like that or you know, and
it can be really, reallypowerful.
(24:40):
For yourself, what's been sortof most surprising part of your
journey, as people like to say,of finding alcohol freedom?
What's been the biggestsurprise?
Margie Colthorp (24:55):
think the most surprising thing is how other
people react to me when I say,Hey, Oh, I don't drink anymore.
And my mother is 101 years old.
And she still says, Oh, honey,I'm so sorry.
I said, don't be sorry.
I'm very happy.
(25:16):
But the, the assumption is thatthat's poor me.
I should, I should really be sadabout that.
And a lot of people who havequit drinking do like, Oh, I can
never go in a bar again.
I can never be around alcoholagain.
And so when I say, Hey, wouldyou like to go to lunch?
And, and You know, someone who'sa drinker, sure.
(25:39):
Where they assume that I want togo someplace that where there's
no alcohol.
And so I'll say, Hey, this newplace but they have a bar.
I'm like, yeah, if you want one,have one.
And so it's just, it's not thesame as being still being
imprisoned by alcohol.
So the freedom is really that itis the freedom to feel like it
(26:01):
has no hold over me whatsoever.
Justine Clark (26:04):
that.
And that actually speaks to themethodology strongly.
Actually, with science andCompassional, which we've spoken
about earlier, it actually helpsus change our beliefs.
So we're not holding on with anytype of willpower to, to, to
stay sober or not drink.
Our belief has changed.
We can drink any time we like.
(26:24):
We're just genuinely choosingnot to.
So, that is, that is, aresounding and outstanding
quality of this work.
So if those, if anyone's outthere looking for that kind of
experience, this is what thiswork, work does.
Margie, what three words thenwould, would wrap up your
feelings around being alcoholfree and, and even being an
(26:48):
alcohol freedom coach.
Margie Colthorp (26:52):
the first word that comes to mind is peace.
Peace.
I have a very, had a verychaotic upbringing and the peace
within me and the peace withinme that no longer requires
escaping, it, that is my numberone.
(27:16):
what I thought was boredom, Iwould be so bored if I didn't
drink actually my And that issomething that, anybody who has
quit.
And found freedom.
Absolutely understands that.
it's a bit of a mental leap if,you know, you're just starting
out on this journey.
(27:37):
But, yeah.
I think, the contentment ofknowing I am, because I always
Walked around for 60, I'm 67now, walked around for 64 years
and said, I don't know who I ambecause I had never allowed
myself to be I was.
So it never allowed myself to beauthenticity.
(27:59):
I think it means being myself,no mask, being okay with
whatever.
So it's just, it is, I feel likeI found my essence of who I
really am.
Beyond personality, beyond ego,is, you know, the stripping away
(28:20):
of who is Margie.
Which was my, that was my firstyear.
I wanted to say, I got to getalcohol out of my life.
That was my, my big goal yeartwo after alcohol was out of my
life.
Pardon my language.
Who the hell is Margie?
I had no idea.
And so that was how I spent mysecond year after I, was, you
(28:44):
know, it was small andirrelevant out who I was and it,
I thought the journey would beover at year two, but I am
learning it now that I'm instarting on year four, there is
no end to this journey.
It is always getting to knowmyself at a deeper level and
able to.
(29:05):
Look back at my journey pourmyself into, as you guys did
with the training and knowingthat we are capable of helping
so many people, in learning whoI was, I discovered.
My purpose, 67 years, and I didnot know my purpose.
(29:28):
So the, the ability to, be ableto reach down and give a hand up
somebody else is everything itis.
It is my, the rest of my life'swork.
And I am to have the privilegeof this training and being with
(29:52):
like minded folks like you guysand helping clients.
It's just it is Literally adream come true.
But yeah I know who margie is
Barry Condon (30:17):
piece, you know, I can so relate to that.
I think, you know, if I, when II, I needed to stop, I just
thought, okay, I've got to stop.
And, you know, life would bedull and, and awful without it.
so to discover that on the otherside, actually life's better
and, and you can find yourselfand live more authentically.
(30:39):
It's just, you know, it's justan amazing thing.
So, the more people that findthat, find that out the better.
I just didn't know that when,when, when I was still drinking.
Margie Colthorp (30:48):
Absolutely
Barry Condon (30:48):
Well, can you tell people where, they can get in
touch with you and how they canfind you if, if, you know, if
they're looking for somecoaching, or just to follow you
on, on Instagram, perhaps.
Margie Colthorp (30:58):
Yes.
I am on Instagram at brave spacecoach and that's also my
website.
Brave space dot coach is mywebsite.
My coaching company's name isbrave space coaching.
and it's basically if you havebrave space.
(31:18):
Anywhere in your search bar,wherever you're looking, that's
how you'll find me.
but yeah, so I, would love toconnect with anybody who
resonated with my story or,yeah, just to, just to talk.
but I want to thank you both forhaving me here.
an amazing experience.
Justine Clark (31:38):
you for sharing your brave space with us,
Margie.
Barry Condon (31:40):
Yeah, it's been a real pleasure.
Thank you.
Margie Colthorp (31:42):
you.
you.
so much.
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