Pregnant After Two Miscarriages: “The Baby’s Going to Die Again”

Have you ever smiled on the outside while your mind quietly fell apart?

In this week’s episode, I share a deeply personal moment from my pregnancy when anxiety gripped me after two missed miscarriages. The thought kept looping: “The baby’s going to die again.”

The grief hadn’t left. The fear hadn’t lifted.
 And yet, life around me moved on like everything was normal.
 Inside, I was screaming. “The baby’s going to die again.”

The anxiety was constant. The silence of my own thoughts? Deafening.

This episode is about what it really means to live through silent storms. The ones no one else can see. If you’ve ever been there, if you’re there now, this one’s for you.

To accompany my podcasts, I’ve been working on a series of simple, faith-rooted tools to help you realign your thoughts when life feels like it's coming apart.
 Today, I’m sharing the second one with you:

🛠️ Introducing: Realignment Tools
✨ The Reframe–Dua–Redirect Method
A 3-step practice to help you calm anxious thoughts and ground yourself in faith when your mind won’t stop spiralling.

Step 1: Reframe
Catch the intrusive thought.
Ask: Is this real, or is this fear imagining the worst?
Just that one question can loosen its grip.

Step 2: Dua
Turn the fear into a prayer.
Open your hands. Pour it out. Let the burden shift from your shoulders to His.

Step 3: Redirect
Move your energy.
Journal. Do dhikr. Step outside. Call someone. Listen to a podcast.
Interrupt the spiral by anchoring yourself in the now.

This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine.
 It’s about learning how to breathe through the storm without letting it write your story.

💬 COMMENT below: What do you do when your thoughts try to hijack your peace?
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#ReflectionsAndRealizations #PregnancyAfterLoss #FaithOverFear #IslamicPsychology #ReframeDuaRedirect #MentalHealthAndFaith

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
The baby's going to die again.
The baby's going to die again.
The baby's going to die again.
That one sentence became asoundtrack to my pregnancy.
Anxiety looping on repeat aftertwo missed miscarriages.
I sat with my family, TV on,kids playing and yet, mentally I
wasn't there.

(00:20):
I was drowning, smiling outside,spiralling inside.
Assalamu alaikum and welcome toReflections and Realizations, a
space where I share my personaljourney, unfiltered thoughts and
honest realizations.
I'm Alvina Salim, a Muslimstudent of psychology, and in
this podcast, I dive deep intothe lessons life has taught me

(00:43):
through my experiences, faithand the lens of psychology.
So, if you love deepconversations, self-reflection
and the intersection of faithand psychology, join me on this
journey of discovery, because...
Every realization starts with areflection.
Let's go back to that darkperiod in my life.
The baby's going to die again.

(01:04):
Something bad's going to happen.
The baby's going to die again.
These thoughts played on loop inmy mind shortly after falling
pregnant after two missedmiscarriages.
Both losses were missed, whichmeant that whilst the baby was
no longer alive, my body didn'trecognize the pregnancy loss.
Both times, I still hadpregnancy symptoms.

(01:27):
I continued to put on weight,had nausea and strong food
aversions.
And so, my mind stubbornly clungto the fear, the baby will die
again and you won't even know.
No one around me knew theconflict that was going on
inside my head.
I would sit in the evenings withmy family around the TV.
The children would be playingwith their Lego sets and I'd be

(01:48):
pretending to watch TV with myhusband.
with my heart pounding loudly inmy ears.
These negative thoughts didn'tjust visit me, they took over.
They kept me frozen, unable tomove forward, unable to be
present.
And then I noticed something.
Whenever someone interrupted me,like when one of my kids asked

(02:09):
for something or when my husbandspoke, I'd feel irritation, not
because of them, but because Ididn't want to be interrupted
out of my dark thoughts.
I became very, very comfortablewhere I was.
At the time, I didn't fullyunderstand what was happening.
Psychologist Dr.
Trudy explains that ourprefrontal cortex, which is the

(02:33):
part of our brain responsiblefor planning and imagining the
future, has an incredibleability to construct different
possibilities.
So Our imagination can behealthy or unhealthy depending
on how we use it.
So a healthy imagination allowsus to create a hopeful vision of
the future, whilst an unhealthyimagination paints a picture of

(02:57):
doom and gloom.
And because of the negativitybias, our brains naturally
overestimate how bad things willbe.
And our brain leans towardsfear.
But we know that Islam calls usto husnaldhan, which is a good
opinion of Allah, which is notdenial, it's training of the

(03:18):
mind.
And this explains our negativethinking.
This explains why when we'reanxious, we assume the worst,
because our brains are justwired in that way.
And there's more.
Psychologists have found thatthe way we perceive time affects
our emotions and behavior.
So if we dwell negatively on thepast, constantly replaying

(03:41):
traumatic moments and focusingon where we went wrong, we're
considered past negative.
And if we fixate negatively onthe future, convinced that bad
things are inevitable, we'reconsidered future negative.
And that's exactly where I was,pregnant after two miscarriages,
trapped in a future negativemindset.

(04:05):
And this isn't a new discovery.
Long before modern psychology,Abu Zayd al-Balkhi, a 9th
century scholar known for hiswork in Islamic psychology, he
compared the care of the mindwith the care of the body.
He said that when our body isinjured, we don't ignore it, we
treat it.
We care for it.

(04:25):
And when our mind is distressed,we should do the same.
So what he said is that weshould build a reservoir of
positive thoughts beforehardship strikes.
And he describes a practicewhich is very similar to
cognitive behavioral therapy,you know, CBT, which suggests
that we need to train our mindsto think in a healthier way

(04:47):
during times of ease so that wehave the strength to endure
times of hardship.
Basically, his advice mirrorswhat therapists say today, which
is train your mind when it'scalm so it holds you when it's
not.
Now, at this time, this reallydifficult time in my life, I
didn't have this reservoir.
So as a result, my mind wascompletely untrained and running

(05:10):
wild with fear.
Eventually, as the pregnancyprogressed, I got to the stage
where I started to unpack mynegative thoughts.
I realized that I couldn't spendan entire pregnancy rooted in
fear, just sitting therewaiting, expecting for something
bad to happen.

(05:30):
So whenever I would get theintrusive thought that the baby
is going to die, I had to remindmyself that this thought was an
exaggerated fear and it wasn'trooted in reality.
Then I would connect my fearwith a positive opinion of
Allah.
Like I'd remind myself, no,Allah loves me and he only wants
good things for me.
And then I'd remind myself that,and it's Allah's promise that he

(05:52):
wouldn't test me beyond mycapability.
And then I would reframe myintrusive thoughts into a dua.
So whenever the thought wouldoccur that the baby's going to
die, I would make dua to Allahthat he blesses me with a
healthy baby.
But I'll be honest.
That still wasn't enough.
My mind kept returning to theintrusive thoughts constantly.

(06:13):
And that's when I realized Ineeded a healthy distraction.
Like, I realized that constantlygiving airtime to my intrusive
thoughts was making them bigger.
So, I focused my mind onsomething else.
With no background in grandmemorization, I took on the

(06:34):
challenge of memorizing anentire Juz during my pregnancy.
And slowly, eventually, my mindstarted shifting.
Grand memorization didn't justdistract me, it restructured my
focus, it rewired my mentalenergy into something
meaningful.
And I don't even remember whenthe intrusive thoughts stopped.

(06:58):
All I know is that one day, Irealized my focus had changed.
Because instead of obsessingover the death of my baby, I was
completely immersed in trying tocomplete my memorization before
my baby arrived.
And just when I thought thestorm had passed, the baby was
unexpectedly born five weeksearly and had to stay in Niku

(07:21):
for a month.
I remember I would spend my daysitting next to her cot and
listening to the beeps of themonitor.
Now, as an anxious personality,seeing her tiny body hooked up
to so many tubes and wiresinduced so much anxiety in me.
Whenever the doctor would do hismorning rounds, I would be

(07:41):
tense.
I'd just be sitting there likesqueezing my hands until he told
me that everything was okay.
But this time, something wasdefinitely different.
Instead of Googling preemiegrowth charts and Billy Rubin
levels, something my past selfwould have done obsessively, I
spent my days revising the Quranthat I had memorized during

(08:03):
pregnancy.
This kept me grounded.
It kept me present.
And it stopped the intrusivethoughts from taking over.
And that healthy mind didn'tjust carry me through the Niku
chaos.
It carried me through the COVIDlockdown that hit just weeks
after I bought my baby home.

(08:24):
It was a time when...
Global anxiety was everywhere,like headlines, group chats, the
silence of the empty streets,the news.
But me, I was okay, partlybecause I was distracted,
juggling a newborn fresh out ofthe new queue.
I also had my khala with me, whoneeded to be entertained because

(08:45):
she had become unhappily stuckat my place due to airport
closures.
And I had two kids who werereluctant home learners.
But mainly, it was somethingdeeper.
I had unknowingly built a solidmental reservoir, a quiet
strength I didn't even realisewas there until I had to rely on

(09:07):
it.
Only very recently did it hit methat Allah had already equipped
me with the mental training Ineeded.
And that was during my pregnancywhen the world was still normal.
At that time, I had immersedmyself in memorizing the Quran
as a way to cope with myanxiety.
And it served me so many monthslater.

(09:30):
I've learned that negativethoughts can be overwhelming,
intrusive and paralyzing.
They have the power to consumeus, making us feel like we're
trapped in a cycle of fear anduncertainty.
But as I've learned through myown experiences, and as both
psychology and Islamic wisdomteach us, We're not powerless

(09:51):
against them.
We can actively reshape ourthoughts by challenging
irrational fears, connectingthem to a positive view of Allah
and transforming them into adua.
What we can do is we can giveour minds healthier things to
engage with, whether that'smemorizing the Quran, engaging
in a creative pursuit, or justsimply redirecting our energy

(10:15):
elsewhere.
So if this is something you'restruggling with in life right
now, this spiral of intrusivethoughts, I want to share a
method that's helped mepersonally.
It's simple, practical, androoted in both mindset and
faith.
I call it the Reframe DuaRedirect Method.

(10:37):
So let's break it down.
So step number one, reframe.
So first, when those negativeintrusive thoughts show up, and
they will, pause.
Don't just accept them as truth.
Notice them, name them, and thenchallenge them.
Ask yourself, is this feargrounded in reality?

(10:58):
Or is this just my brainimagining the worst case
scenario?
Now, this step is all aboutcreating distance between you
and the thought.
Step two.
Now, take that exact fear.
Don't dismiss it and accepttransform it into a conversation
with Allah.
So instead of spiraling intowhat-ifs, make a dua.

(11:20):
Say, yeah, Allah, guide me.
Protect me from whatever it isI'm scared of.
This step is the shift fromworry to trust.
And it transforms it fromholding it all yourself to
handing it over to the one whocan actually change things.
And step three, redirect.

(11:42):
Finally, move, you know, notjust physically, but mentally.
Redirect your entire focus.
Engage in something that groundsyou.
Maybe that's reading,journaling, a workout, calling a
friend, or simply listening to apodcast.
Just give your brain a betterplace to land.

(12:04):
Because here's the thing.
It's not about completelyeliminating negative thoughts.
Because that's unrealistic.
It's about learning how tomanage them so they don't end up
managing you.
So I want you to ask yourself,what are you feeding your mind
today?
Are you letting your imaginationwork against you or are you

(12:27):
using it to build somethingbetter?
And what small steps can youtake today to start building
your own reservoir of positivethoughts?
This has been Reflections andRealizations.
If this episode resonated withyou, leave a comment below.
If you want the reframe do Iredirect steps, I've broken them
down for you in the descriptionbox below.

(12:49):
Thank you for listening and I'llsee you in the next episode.