003 - Sarah's Story: From a High Bottom to a Higher Power

In this deeply personal and unexpectedly funny episode, hosts John and Jason sit down with Sarah, who recounts her path from a successful career to the edge of despair and back. Sarah shares the hidden life of a "high-bottom" alcoholic, from starting her drinking day at 2 PM while working from home to the elaborate schemes she devised to hide the extent of her addiction. Her story is a powerful testament to the insanity of the disease and the profound peace that can be found in surrender. She opens up about her "blackout naps," the moment her cats saved her life, and the surprising journey to finding a Higher Power she could finally connect with.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• The High-Bottom Drunk: Sarah discusses the deceptive nature of being a high-functioning alcoholic, where external success masks a deep internal struggle and suicidal ideations.
• The Art of Hiding: The conversation explores the meticulous efforts to conceal drinking, including taking empty bottles to the dumpster in the dead of night to avoid a roommate's suspicion.
• A Feline Intervention: A raw and moving account of how the simple thought of who would care for her cats pulled her back from the brink of suicide.
• Discovering a Higher Power: Sarah shares her initial resistance to and eventual embrace of a Higher Power of her own understanding, a journey from a "recovering Catholic" to someone with a daily spiritual connection.
• The Power of Zoom: How the accessibility of online meetings during the pandemic broke down the barriers to her first meeting and ultimately saved her life.
• Letting Go of Resentment: The freedom found in working the steps and releasing the anger and resentments that fueled her drinking for so long.

Memorable Quotes:

• "I didn't lose my job. So, you know, I was an employed suicidal person. It was great." - On the dark humor of being a "high-bottom" alcoholic.
• "But in my insane fucking mind, that was not what was happening. She wouldn't know if I took the first bottle and took it outside." - On the irrationality of alcoholic thinking.
• "Oh, thank God we are here. Like, for real." - The chilling moment her alcoholism seemed to celebrate finding the perfect place to hide and die.
• "I think it's the fountain of youth and the Holy Grail and all the things, is letting go of resentments."
• "You're just a different human who has had a different experience with life." - On finding compassion for others and letting go of the need to control them.

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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