Holding Comedy Grudges | Patreon Episode (FULL)

Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley get into Grudges! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys! PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's going on there, fuckers, And welcome back to another
exciting addition.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I am old motherfucking feeling.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
I'm your host, a bug man.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
He just he just here crawling.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
I like the bug man. It suits me a little bit.
I keep forgetting started out as the big man. Then
it came to the bug man.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
I want to I want to introduce him more to
the public episodes, but I keep forgetting in interior. You're
the bugman. I am the bug MANO.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
My co host doesn't have a nickname, real lame o. Okay,
they call him the exterminator. Kill myself, Kevin Ryan, everybody.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
What's up? Gang? Shout out to the motherfuck James Ryan
first name. They shout out to the motherfucking my dad.
I should go by h That's cool, it is cool.
It's up.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
H everything you Maria. It stands for emeryd What Maria hines.
It made fun of me in an open mic.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
No what I wish I was there for because it's
story stings. It was.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
I guess you had to be there. I was fresh
on the scene from Philly. I was at an open
mic half Moon Bay coffee shop somewhere in Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
I think I remember that was that like an all?
Was that like a music mic? Too? No? Okay, sorry man,
you really? Yes? Then don't now?

Speaker 1 (01:24):
It was an open mic at a at a coffee shop.
We had the back room. It was on Tuesdays, four.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
O'clock, real prime time. Now, man, we.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
Used this thing doing those open mics that first year.
I wanted to blow my fucking brain.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
I remember going to auto shrunken heads. You remember that. Please?
It didn't work. That was my opener every weekend. Is
that right?

Speaker 3 (01:49):
That's not bad?

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, it wasn't for Tuesdays with stories, I probably would
have killed myself a long time ago.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
But you guys, we have to blame. Well did she
say who Maria?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Oh, she pulled my name out. She's like, h Foley,
She's like, god, why did it was every because when
Louis c k was popular?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, when he was popular, like he's like, he's just struggling.
Now he's on like a fucking intergolactic door. They say
it's his best hour.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
And she's like yeah, she's like why did why did
guy comedians used their initials or something like that?

Speaker 2 (02:27):
I never told you this, no, but I'm on her side,
so that I know Maria, So.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Then I went, yeah, swim sweetheart, very funny comic. She
was right to make fun of me. So so then
I like.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
That you did.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
I wasn't a fan of the scene at the time.
If I know the bug Man, No, the Bugman did
not like it. My antennas were up. So I went
later in the program.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
A swarm had this place crawled with locust. In a
few minutes, I'll.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Get some we in here that'll turn this place upside down.
The buck couple of bulis scar like a silver fish. Anyway,
I went later in the program and I did my set,
you know what I mean. But I had this in
my pocket, and I was like, oh, by the way,

(03:20):
about my name, my uh, my name comes from uh Uh.
I was named after my grandfather and my dad had
this wooden plaque that my cousin made that hung over
his thing.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
And an open mic comedy open.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
And then I told this fake story about my dad's
buddy dying in his arms in Vietnam and uh. And
he said, if if you ever have a kid that
grows up to be a comedian, make sure he uses
h Foley. And if some broad starts running her mouth
out and open Mike tell remind her own fucking business.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Murdered, murdered, whole place went reality murders. Okay, this is
not broadcasting me and you murdered, No, murdered killed. How
many people were there?

Speaker 1 (04:04):
About twenty? Okay, all comics get.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
That comics comic you are, hey, favorite.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Comedian from that day on, I was accepted into their
ranks and the rest, as they say, what's history?

Speaker 2 (04:18):
I remember early on so that the open my game
was a bit of a system. You had to work.
It was a game. Oh do you tell war stories?
They're trying to one up me. This is what it's like. Gang,
what it's like. You know, we have an hour to fill.
You share a story, I share a story. We have
an action pack weekend dickhead. Okay, we'll get into that.

(04:41):
But it was at the Alligator Lounge. Remember that place
on fourteenth Maybe is that the place that sold pizzas? Yeah,
you gotta you bought a beer, you got a free
pizza ta you. Anywhere there was a pizza this guy founded.
Oh really, a guy who's fucking four and eighty eight pounds.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
I'm not forty eight pounds.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
What do you on? I'm not I'm not gonna be
that guy. I am not four hundred and eighty eight pounds.
I'm not gonna be that guy. I'm moving on it.
Trave hit me if I lose fifteen, I'll be around
to retract that.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yes, fact check that for dak Da put all him out,
Trav Fenderbergh.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yes, so for the listener, fully doesn't How long is
Trav worked for us? Three years? Least at least two
at least two years coming up on three years. I
would argue Foley does not know Ryan's real last name.
You don't know his last name. You don't know Trav's
last name. But before this, you were going, I'm a
real Tras mom, tras, real friend, my boy.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
We're gonna go see Soup Man together, aren't we tickets
around me? Trav, I'll get the popcorn.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
The whole night before he was paying for both of
you to go.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
No, we're gonna go see it together and you can't come.
That's all right, Luke, You're more than welcome to come.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
I don't want you there.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
What's Luke's name? Francis Stems?

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Here you go? What number?

Speaker 2 (06:02):
Third?

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Nope?

Speaker 2 (06:03):
Second, fourth, No, seventh, No, sixth.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
That gives a ship.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
The fifth, Yeah, the fifth Lewis Francis.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Yeah, god man, it goes all the way back. Then
it all right? Do you come over on the Mayflower?
My cousin below, my cousin by marriage. He always tells
people that her family game over on the Mayflower.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Okay, yeah, no irish or like the silver Bullet trainer.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
The cores like, so go ahead. So you got an
open tell Yeah, you're in an open mic. At the Alligator, were.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
There probably I was knee deep in pizzas.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
I never had pizza from there. Excuse me, but.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
You would buy a beer, you get a free pizza. Yeah,
well personal banger, Yeah, what are you doing scratching my ankle?

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Oh god?

Speaker 2 (07:02):
And we're back to cut um. I didn't get it.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
It is sometimes I think I have bed bugs.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
You've been bug man. That's how I got my superpowers,
by the five thousand bed bugs. At the same time,
Uh no, whatever, And I was, uh. I remember putting
my name in and then like you put your name
in the bucket. That was a bucket you put everybody
writes on a little piece of paper, but they would

(07:36):
rig the bucket for their fucking dickhead buddies. Yeah, and
I didn't. They all sucked well this one it was good.
Ended up being a friend of ours. Done the show,
Suba Arga Wall, Super ran it No, but Super popped
in and then just like the King of Su Suba
was the fucking she was houging to fifty mics a week.
Everybody loved her. She's just very funny, very hard working.
So people would go like, okay, Super, you can pop

(07:58):
in and go up because you're you're She was such
a mover and shape. She's always moving, shaking based on
her merit not anything like you.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
Sure, it's just hard feelings.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Sure, I got nothing. I got nothing but love for you.
I love you too. See you biting off my water woodard.
You're beating off my woodard. There was one word you
said correctly in there, and it was off.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
I don't trust the pH in this.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
You have ecal matter in your pants at the moment.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
You don't.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
You don't trust the PhD. Actually you're not wearing underwear,
so I'm not. It's probably on me too, layer of gabardine. Whatever.
But that was when I realized, go ahead, that the
fix was in and they weren't pulling up. They weren't
going by the honor system because it was like, I

(08:53):
don't I don't want to name his name whatever was that,
And I remember going, oh, fuck this guy. Those were
always so se because it was like him, and like
the first eighteen people were all his bullies and then
all left, and then they would go up early and leave,
and then it was me fucking six pizza and six beers.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
And what those comics didn't realize at the time is
that they had to deranged psychopaths.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
And the lists started back then, it did. And I
still don't like the guy. I was trashing him this weekend.
That one brought his name up.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
I said, they they don't even think that we remember,
and I don't they.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Think we're friends. I see, like, go, hey, how you doing.
I go, you had no clients to doubt God cloak.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
You want to death.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
My friend made fun of me for having a fourth slice.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
I'll kill you.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
I also imagine it taking you like eight months to
figure it out, like way too long. Again again, the
same fourteen people went up in a row. They left me.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
They all come up with their pens and their notebooks
and bouncing jokes off each other.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
Where are you at now? Actually? Great, guys, uh, I
just remember going like whatever, okay, hey, it's the system.
It is what it is. We've ren shows and Philly,
I get how that were. It's whatever, but we did
it honorably. Then they would all leave and you would
just have to fucking So now I'm like up there

(10:18):
delivering jokes to like fucking you know, Ryan D and
Scary Jerry and I got fucking nothing going on, and
like they're like, you know, it's just you and the
mutants at table nine left. I'm going, I'm a goddamn
fucking working comedian here.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Is that our first mention of Scary Jerry? Yes, I
think so, Gang.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
We'll pitch it to so so as you know, you've
met Ryan d Ryandy is a long term buddy of ours.
Started off doing open mics and stuff with them, bang
our way through the village and the East Village at
that as well, multiple different sectors of the village.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
And Ryan D had a crew of flunkies that.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
We would they he would so Ryan was like our
straggler guy. And then right like you know, then Ryan
introduced he would always cut. He would show up with
the most ragtag bunch of guys.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
Asian Phil and Scary.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Asian Phil and Scary Jerry. And Scary Jerry is a
character of one of the most I mean, we've known
him for what We've known him for a decade, the
whole the whole time we've been in New York. He's
been in our lives, we were you know, and Ryan
still hangs out with him good amount. Ryan, so season
I would argue weekly, they talk whatever. Boys, they're boys.

(11:31):
So he was sharing some Scary Jerry stories with us
when we we were like we should we have him
on the show or not? As a you know, we'll
probably have him on a Patriot episode. That's the idea
we're kicking around, is to introduce Scary Jerry. I haven't
seen him in a loone time, No, but he's still Jerry.
He's still scary, still scary.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
An interesting fellow, an interesting mix of garbage. Yeah, really,
someone that could be studied by aliens.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yes, yes, very in the near, very unique specific kind
of boy.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, an interesting.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
So that's all I would say. So maybe maybe one
day soon you'll get to meet Scary Jeers. Is that
the rest of the story at the Alligator Lan? Yeah,
it was just me realizing the fix was in.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
I think that's a puba care to be honest with you.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
Look at me, Luke, You're flies down and you wear
an underwear. You keep it shaved, so I know it's
like you, I'm hairless? Are you? Does that grocy out
and turn you on? You tell me chubsy grossest and
that's what turns me on. I'm so gir like it weird?
Uh huh yeah. Should we get into the weekend? Sure?

(12:44):
I got one one or two little things that I
wanna this. This was maybe last week. I forgot to
bring it up. It was insane. You know. We're leaving
here one night. I I call it my uber right,
guys out front waiting and uh it was a few
minutes or whatever. You know. I was like, maybe we
were waiting to take you know whatever.

Speaker 1 (13:05):
Get scary down there, doesn't it?

Speaker 2 (13:07):
No? Jarry and uh I get in the car right,
old Erasian man, Okay, Suv, I've seen him and I
was a little longer. I think, like I pull up
and maybe he was expecting me to be right there,
but we were. We were up here and just whatever.
Took maybe three minutes to get down there. So I

(13:30):
get in, and you ever get in, the vibes are weird.
Like I just got in, I'm like, he's acting weird.
He like moved around real quick, and I'm like, what
the fuck?

Speaker 1 (13:41):
And he's checking off.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
No, he was paying in a bottle, which they do.
They pay in bottles and then pull over. And that's
my suspicion because I saw a bottle. I saw a
bottle get shoved into the side real quick, and he
was he was ficxing his jimmy and.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
You know a bottle of riptie rush when you see
it and it ain't yellow.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, And I was like, well, but it took me innue.
We started alling like this motherfucker was just paying in here.
I felt so violated. It smell like p in the car.
But then I started thinking, I'm like, that's people. It was.
I was in my head at that point. Yeah, and
then I go, probably drinks a lot of green tea.
It's probably sure, Yeah, he's you know, it's probably only
any oxidants. Little But it was just one of those

(14:25):
things where I'm like, that doesn't feel right, but I
just rolled with it. Wow, you know what I mean?
It is what it is I've been in a public restroom.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
Sure do you look at the peace?

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Nah? He was, I think, because well, what happened. I
was walking across. I was waiting for the cars to pass,
and I went like this, and that's when I saw
him frantic. I think he was. He had to cut
it off mid stream and yeah, put a cork in
his becker.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Very interesting, man, I would have fucking bugged out. I
would have got out, got in the front.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
Seat a vitao. So let's get into this big weekend
you had. I heard big weekend, A lot of plans.
I had some plans with you that you fell through,
didn't connect, didn't really hard feelings, is you know? Aside?
That's not how you handle canceling plans on a man.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
I'm sorry? Are you saying I didn't do it right?

Speaker 2 (15:23):
I would feel that way.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah, really, yes, you think me saying hey, I'm in
and then a couple hours before saying hey, I can't
make it.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
Well, it wasn't until I texted you what time are
you going? So a friend of ours was having people
over texted me and fully in a group chat. That's right,
the chat, Hey what time? Oh? Cool? Sounds good sounds good.
So then noon roll we're supposed to be there are
three maybe eleven or noon rolls around or something like that.
No word from you that you're not going, which I

(15:53):
feel as a friend, if you know three hours before
you're supposed to be, I knew the week earlier. Yeah,
then why don't you tell me?

Speaker 1 (15:58):
I don't know?

Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, because you're a that's bad when you're lying to
him and me.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
I'm not lying.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
You knew you weren't going.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
Insane. I have every intention on going. I want to go,
but then when it, you know, push comes to shove,
I don't know something you know, they don't want me
there or something like that goes through my head.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
You mean, I hey, yeah, but it's like we made
the plans with you, right, we were taking we were
weighing in the options with the three of us, made
the plans. That was because of the three of us.
Oh you think one hundred I mean one hundred percent? Huh.
It was me, you and him was the impetus of
this thing, right, And then I think you're going the

(16:41):
whole time. You don't indicate that you're not going. So
then I think it was like twelve forty five or
something I was like, hey, I'm like getting ready, I'm
mapping out all right, I'm leaving, you know, and I go,
what time you going? And you know then you lie,
you went, ah, I'm not sure if I'm going to
make it, which when I heard that, I was pretty
sure you were sure you weren't gonna make it. I

(17:03):
had a lot going on, and I go, what are
you doing? And it gets back to this thing when
you were breaking your balls. I think the last two
weeks you're like, I got a lot of stuff to
do around the apartment and I hate you with an
L L, which lets you know, kiddy, don't play at you. Right. Yeah,
I left it at that. I think I called you
gay and then said lo L something like that. Yeah,
So what was the big to do? Because one of

(17:24):
the things you need to do is get a grill,
which we've just found out you did not do.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
No, I didn't get the grill. Yet.

Speaker 3 (17:29):
You need to do laundry.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
You didn't do laundry. You did do laundry. No, you didn't,
because you're you're in you're in pants right now because
you don't have underwear.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
Okay, because you.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Said I didn't do laundry, you didn't do laundry. Slowdown,
so down.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
I didn't do clothes. I did the bettings. The bettings
are done.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
You have two beds. Yeah, so you got to watch.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
The the douve covers individually.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
Then you have to watch.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
The the blankets individually, and then all the sheets.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
Okay, you had four days.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
I didn't just do laundry.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
I'm asking what else you did? You started off with laundry.
That's I'll give you four hours this weekend. Who were you? So?
My girl? She was away again? And uh, you know,
I was home with the cat. So I gotta watch
the cat. You don't have to. You don't have to
sit there and actively want I'm sorry, this is some
top I'm putting my foot down. Cat's gotta be fed

(18:24):
twice a day. Okay, So I have a dog who
needs to be walked three or four times a day. Right,
I have a fucking one hundred month breagnant wife who
can't do it. I'm doing it at all. Okay, what's
your point that your excuses are not? You have to
watch the cat. Who's watching the cat right now? No one?

(18:46):
No one's So.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
There's somebody there, Travis, Travis, what's his Lesday. Okay, he's
over there, Thanks Trav for watching it.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
I'm sorry. I gotta put my foot down this bull
These bull cocky lies ain't gonna work, not bullcocky lies.
So the bullock truth. Okay, so yeah, so yeah, I
know you're dead. You're dead to rights everybody.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
I flaked out on the on the on the event,
all right, whatever. I procrastinated a little bit this weekend,
but I had a I had a nice weekend by myself.
I did. I did a lot of cleaning. I did
a lot of organizing. I threw out a lot of clothes.
I read a script, I watched some movies. I got
some good night sleeps. Uh Saturday and uh Monday morning,

(19:30):
I went to the gym. Okay, I didn't go Friday
or Sunday, but I went and did my little old
workout that I used to do my uh my weightlifting
and stuff like that, Jake weight.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, I did that. I ate well, I got good
night sleeps.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
You know. I was just kind of doing my thing
this weekend. Okay, that's what I did. I did the laundry,
I threw some stuff out. I started cleaning up the
upstairs again, moving some stuff.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
I'm gonna sound like endic. You listed five hours of
stuff out of out of one hundred hours. I'm doing
it at my pace. That pace doesn't work for anybody.
Are you not getting that?

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Like?

Speaker 2 (20:12):
You gotta get out of there. I'm allowed to wait,
I can't. I can't be at my house, not for
fucking five days straight. You shouldn't be at your house.
You should be up doing more stuff socializing. I was out,
where'd you go? I had to go to the store,
but to CVS. Okay, condom fingered my ansel.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
That's funny. I had to do that Thursday night.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
So I'm sorry. Shit back there. Okay, Yeah, we just
choose to see it differently, I guess.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
So the one thing I did do. So one issue
is uh so, there's a couple of things that I
have to get done.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
Which we already found out you did not get done.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
There's a slab upstairs, okay.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Slab up bacon, I took care of that.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
There's a slab upstairs that's crooked, so that's got to
get fixed.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
All right, Then are you doing You can't fix that?

Speaker 1 (21:07):
No, I know, no, I can't, So what are you doing?

Speaker 2 (21:10):
He's doing that?

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Super okay, but he kept he kept canceling on me. Okay,
so the other thing.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
I thought he was there last week fixing stuff. He was,
but the plumber wasn't there that day. My plumber's gotta
fix this lab.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
No, he was supposed to do that. He didn't do it.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Okay, this guy sucks too.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
We all kind of suck.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
I'm picking up on that. You got a fucking bozo
team trying to do I just picture another fet as motherfucker.
You guys laying air, eating chips, not fucking working on anything.
That's what I picture. You're both canceling plans with your
best friends. You don't what. I can't make it. I
got stuff to do. I did do sheets?

Speaker 1 (21:45):
Did do the sheets?

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Would you do? I did? I did everything? What do
Our houses are? Our apartment is completely ready for the
baby packed.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
So's mine. Mine's all organized, and except for a couple
of things, you're all of your underwear. None of that
is clean. And even said you threw out clothes, probably because.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
You didn't want to do a laung J. What are
you laughing at? I'm killing Diesel.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
Fucking Diesel's peeking in. Okay, that's scary jeary.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Tough love, baby, tough love. Well, I just like a perspective. Wise,
I understand you're going through some stuff.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
I'm not going through some stuff anymore. I'm on the
men's Everything's cool, I'm doing good.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
All right, things are good. I would argue, that's the
amount of stuff you did over the weekend.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
I had a nice relaxing weekend at my home. I
went out, I did some stuff. I went to home.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
Depot or what did you get at home depot? I
got a snake and I got some drain clean Why
didn't you buy the girl when you were at home depot?

Speaker 1 (22:48):
That was too much of a project you were there,
I didn't have the car.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
I don't have the car. Why That would be my
next question. Why you're going home depot?

Speaker 1 (22:59):
So miss has had the car?

Speaker 3 (23:01):
What kind of uber did you take? It was a Highlander,
pretty big car.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
That is a pretty big car. They also have delivery.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Yeah, I didn't think of it. I do things compartmental lote.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
No, you do things smartly, And I'm sorry, I have
to try to fix it. It's insane. It's proper insane the
way you can think I wasn't there yet.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
I wasn't focused on that yet, So I went to
home depot.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Even trying to buy a grill. Since you moved into
this apartment, that's not true. I had a I have
a grill. Why are you buying a new one?

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Because that one stinks? It's electric? And I got people
coming in the house and I gotta I gotta move some.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
I gotta move some diesels. I got some dogs and
need to get ill.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
I'm trying to get a grill to save a little
money when everybody's here, so you know, we're cooking out
and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
We're not doing fancy dinners. Say you spent like three
grain on Yankees tickets and you're worried about saving money.
I don't. I can't get whatever point you try to make,
you've conversely told me the other point.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Well, you can only it can only do one thing.
You know. I'm not spending money on Yankees tickets and
then doing a bunch of big dinners too. We're gonna
eat at home. Family plus her mama do a lot
of the cooking.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Here you go.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
There's always something a whole batchy, there's always something going
just cooking. Okay, healthy stuff too, Asian food yeah, tempora,
a lot of rice, a lot of rice. So one

(24:32):
of the issues is there's something clogged up in the
in the This has.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Been going on a minute. You have to you have
to hold I'm not me not breaking your ball, me
breaking your balls. Aside this, you've this thing's been snaked.
There's been plumbers, there's been supers, there's been super bad plumber, everybody.
It sounds like everybody but fucking super Mario Brothers going
down his pipe.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
Well that they checked them off the list because I
took a shot at it yesterday and that was a mistake.
It was a big mistake.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
What'd you do? I went to home depot, I got
a snake and I got this drain cleaner that's supposed
to be like the serious business. Do you buy any
of them snacks at the check out, because I'll do
that because you don't feel like they should be there,
And then they're there. I think I got your dead on.
You got some rollers or something, didn't you? Fat as
they always got somethinghere you go. I haven't seen this
in a minute, and it feels so out of place.

(25:23):
It's the same thing as a Staples. You're like, oh, treats,
they got rollos in the movie sized twizzlers. They can't
tell me shit dog kit they know. And I got
my own gun. What oh yeah, I'm fucking I feel
I feel. This is always. I was talking to Diesel
about this. I feel so cool when I I doing

(25:44):
other people's jobs, you know what I mean? If I'm
ever like, that's why I like being like backstage, grab
that grill, make my dream. I feel like cool. I
always when people get to go other places. I was like,
when I was working for my dad, he would be
it like even if it was like an acme. But

(26:05):
I get to go in the back and up on
the roof. It's like that. I like that. Yeah, that
fucking covert accent.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
It's a good feeling. And I know you're busting my balls.
And I know socially I haven't been that great, but
I have been. I have been making strides personally on
my own. I have and had.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
I had a good weekend.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
I look back on this weekend and I'm pretty proud
of it, to be honest with you. I did do
a lot of stuff around the house. I did go
to fucking home depot, I did run some errands. I
did spend some time with myself. I did some thinking.
I read a script. How long do you think it
took me to read that script? Oh?

Speaker 2 (26:40):
How long is it? It took me fucking three days?
You know how dumb I am? Yeah? Do you know?
How have you seen the show?

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Do you know how long it takes me to read something?
I had to literally break it up into two hours
a day, where I sat for two hours and read
it every day. Okay, it's the first time I read
something all the way through, from beginning to end.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
I snuck and read the back first end. See what
kind of sex scenes are looking at you? There are none? Okay,
all right, tell me so AnyWho?

Speaker 1 (27:13):
So I go over to home depot, no snacks, I
get a snake, and I get the drain cleaner. I
bring that back to the house.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
That's it. Don't just say you went and got that
you bring it back to the house. Is not a
thing in the list of what you did that day.
It is understood you went to the store. Whatever you
bought up the store, you brought back to the house.
You list that ship to make it sound like you're
doing stuff, and I will not stand for it. Fair Enough,
the buck stops here. Okay. Then I open my door

(27:43):
and pushed the button on the elevator, and you know
that gets stuck sometimes. Then I gotta get out. I
gotta find my keys. I jiggled a key. I don't
know what key it is.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
You know I met this morning? I met. I met
a pretty cool guy that lives on my floor. Guy Francisco,
real good, good looking, real outgoing guy. He like, he
made me in the elevator.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
What's that mean?

Speaker 1 (28:07):
Like normally I'd be like the hey, how are you?
You know what I mean whatever? In the elevator. He
did that to me. He's like, he's like, I'm Francisco.
By the way, I live in uh, you know whatever whatever.
I'm like, Oh, I'm Henry, I live whatever whatever. And
he's like, I was like, he took me to.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
The man with all the uber eats. He took people
live in your apartment.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
He took me by surprise because he goes, I live
in uh, you know whatever. Whatever. He's like, where do
you live? And it took me a second to remember
what my apartment number was. And he's like, I'm guessing
since you couldn't remember the name of the apartment that
you just moved in now the back of my head,
I'm like, is this.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
Guy an asset?

Speaker 1 (28:44):
Like? What this guy's Is he pulling some c AA
mind trick on me?

Speaker 2 (28:48):
Or he's talking to a fifty year old man who
can't remember what apartment he's in. He's going, iope, you
just moved in. Otherwise you need a helmet on.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
I said I was tired. I am tired.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Sorry. I read nine now.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
It was like one hundred and forty page script long
the feature.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
They have crazy page breaks in this. Huh, there's like
thirty words of page.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
No, that's not true. It was one hundred and forty
minute feature.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah, that's right, Okay, any special effects, a.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
Lot of character description. Isn't it ninety minute?

Speaker 1 (29:27):
What are you talking about? That's hard for me. I
haven't read in a long time.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
Proud, Yeah, thanks, I'm not dick.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
Puff love. This is this is boot can't Kippy? Who listen?
When this kid comes, I'm cutting the cord.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
I don't need boot camp, Kippy, and you take care
of the kid. I'll take care of myself. I am
taking care of myself. You pay me at this picture
like I'm some loser, which I'm not.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Now, you're a cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Yeah, just trying to fucking do me little solitude think,
get my head straight, working on me, okay, man, all right, sure,
I ain't get any uber eats. So anyway, so I
get back from home, deep, I got all this stuff
with me. I go upstairs up there.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah, you open the door, you go up listen? Yeah, guy,
not at all.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
So the tub is what's wrong with it? So there's
hair clogged in there somewhere, all right. But then also
the last time they fixed it, they took the they
took the the stopper out, and it's this weird like
tooth looking thing that goes in and up to the draint,
up to the the what's it called, the access thing,

(30:39):
the spillage thing, the clean out.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
That's what it's called. What's it for?

Speaker 1 (30:43):
By the way, do the tub don't overflow?

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Kin?

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah? Sometimes, but a lot of times a cleanout will
You can open that up and then get into the
plight here where they go. Yeah, it's to clean out
the pipe.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
So when I was trying to go in through the
thing on the floor of the tub, I wasn't hitting anything,
and I had a pretty long snake and it has
that thing on the on the end.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
You do what they all say. I worked the wolves,
can't get the clog the walls, use your tongue, You're
damn you're licking the clean out, rubbing my finger. Huh. Anyway,
so I get nothing. So it's getting a little late.

(31:24):
Can I can I ask it and do a genuine,
honest answer. How long is that first try? Because I
know and I'm not this isn't me, This is me
knowing how long I would try that, and also me
knowing you and I'm more on your side with that.
How long is that first try? Jen? Are you at
it for twenty minutes? Are you going you give it
ninety seconds? Or no?

Speaker 1 (31:44):
No? I mean it didn't hit anything. It went in
and it wasn't hitting anything, okay. And then when I
cranked the thing and pulled it out, and nothing came
out except for like a little brown water like it
looked like grease or something like that. So I remember
the last time that that they were in there fixing it,
that he took that thing off, and I'm like, it's
one screw? How bad could this be? So I go

(32:08):
and get the drill, take that thing off. There's four
more screws under there. And like another plate, and I'm like, fuck,
and everything's all rusted. The one screw's like ripped away,
like what's it called a stripped Yes, But the drill
I got. I have a fat head on the drill.

(32:28):
That took care of it. So I got that off
and then I went down that way and still nothing.
So now it's all taken apart. I have the drain
cleaner in there, which I didn't realize. It says six
to eight hours. She's gonna be home any minute. All right.

Speaker 2 (32:44):
I still got the I still have the sheets from
our bed in the dryer.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
All right.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
So you're behind the eight ball on the chores, is
what you're saying. I'm a little behind the epe she
got back on someday. Yeah, this shit she this isn't
me saying she was expected to be done Thursday, Friday, Sat,
right if I had a guess, I mean, at this
point she don't know about the script though. Five thousand

(33:13):
pages is the new Hobbit movie. The fuck uh you're
taking over Keth Blynn Schip part being to the guy,
I've been in this position here going I always curse myself,
Why the fuck didn't I the fuck did I do
this earlier, because now you've got to dig out. You

(33:34):
gotta She's gonna be upset about one of the things.
One of the things is really I can only lie
about that I've been working at this dream for that
you can buy, because there's no real You don't know
when you started. You don't know how many fucking attemption did.
And I was I was the sheets and the dryer
is a bad luck.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
I wasn't even supposed to do this. I thought I
was taking the initiative. It's like I've been trying to
get to super up there for how many weeks? All right,
he's supposed to come on Wednesday, and like you know, someday,
I was like, you just go, why don't you do it?
You got nothing to do, Go and take a shot
at it. I thought I was fucking, you know, taking
the initiative, but I fucked it up. I couldn't get

(34:16):
the screws back on and I got all these metal
parts in the tub and I was plunging the tubs.
So now the tub's filthy, the sheets aren't done. So
I'm like, as long as she comes home and doesn't
want to take a hot shower or lay down I'm good, which.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
After a long arduous journey, people love to hit the treadmill.
She wants to take her little shoesies off, get a
nice hot shower, going lay in bed. Yeah, that's that's
not possible for what I'm picking up. No, no, and
it's it takes a lot longer. Bathrooms one. It's nice,

(34:54):
though it doesn't sound good. I got to be honest
with you. It sounds like a port a body to if
I you use this bathroom a lot, if I can
extrapolate what I've learned about this bad I had already
cleaned the bathroom. It still smells like you're like a
homeless person. I had already cleaned the entire bath still smells.

(35:15):
It's not that one. I haven't touched that I know,
but Diesel cleans that one, and it's still smell. You
put a lot of p out there and don't get
it immediately. That stuff lingers. Do you have to creamberries?

Speaker 1 (35:29):
I really cleaned the bathroom when I really the cranberries? Yeah?
Are you donele behind the music? I'm tanking over here.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
I know, and I have a lot of douey in it,
so I can't get this one screwback on. God damn it,
how much is that? Fuck god? Ship screws falling down
the drain and ship all I got? I got a hole,
big hole in the dream family was a plumbing company.
How many fucking screws I dropped down?

Speaker 1 (35:56):
So when I take that first screw off, I'm like,
all I gotta do is not let this fucking thing fall.
But it's all wet and it's slippery.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
And it it.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
It took a lot of pressure to undo it. But
once you like undid it, once it comes out, it
slid right out.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
But those are just like surface level. Those are like
finishing screw that's not so. When I pulled the screwdriver out,
that thing fell right in the hole.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
But it's not that deep. So I had to go
in there digging to get it out, and I gota
caught underneath something. So it took me a while to
get that out of there. And I got that that
my lunch came.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
You get it's nothing big. I got the union guarantees
being our lunch breaking four cigarette breaks.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
I'm not smoking. So yeah, so then the bird got home.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
What ballpark hour is this? It's maybe ten o'clock at night. No,
you are GM the fuck up, dude, you don't have
the bed made at ten o'clock at night and you're
you're dropping screws. I had the sheet on it. I
had to fit a chet on doing a duvet ten

(37:05):
o'clock at night. Fucking suck me and my wife which
so many fights Sunday night Duvey cover. I'd blow my
fucking brains out.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Whatever fucking dickhead invented the douve cover, it's.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Taken out and have their fucking head with ve covers.
Did you have to blankets, motherfucker comforting blankets? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (37:27):
Wait, we never had comforts. It was always blankets.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
We had the real thin ones.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
The first comforters we got we talked about were the
ones that had the shredded plastic in it, like the
wired plastics were like the shitty ones.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
Yeah, this this is like that they did was just
they wouldn't even fall around you. It would stay up,
wrap your feet up to create a barrel.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
And the wind would whip right through that ship. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
It was like a brawny paper dow those things.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
But this is and I like the feel of of
a nice comforter with out a duvet because it's nice
and cool. When you lift it up and it goes
between your legs and you put it down and get
that nice and cool feeling to rub your piggies together
as you're going night night.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
So this is your excuse if I love a non
finished it's not an excuse. I genuinely like that. And
plus all the hot chickens. You try to sell that
to her at ten o'clock at night.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
I tried to sell this to her when we moved
into the house. It was just so you know, but
the duvet cover that she has is really soft, and
that's real cozy, so you get your.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Arms around the corner. I literally look at my wife
every time and I go, i'll funk, I want to
kill I want to kill myself and I can't figure
it out, and she starts laughing. He laughs at me,
and that I do it good. She don't do it good.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
She always gets it screwed screwed up. What I get
messed up is the fitted sheet because it's a California
King so it's kind of a square, so you can't
really you know, like on regular beds when if you
do it the wrong if you do the fitted sheet
the wrong way, you know right away because it just
doesn't reach across. This one kind of does. So I
fucked that up.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
You you always tell about it tag though, there's gotta be something.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
There's one tag on it says bread or something on it.
I don't know what it says on it. I thought
it was supposed to be at the bottom, but mine
was on the side. So I put that on wrong.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Big weekend.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
You had, huh, big weekend.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
Ten o'clock and you don't even have to fitted sheet
right it finish heats wrong at ten o'clock.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah, douve no go the fucking the bathtub looks like
C three po. It's just fucking.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
How much time left on that dryer.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's been done for about eight hours. If I had
to guess, well, here's the thing, all right, you put
all didn't It's not like she walked in and went bam,
perfectly warm blanket for my baby.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
No it was. I'm not an idiot. I knowed if
it was. If it was bone dry, I would have
hit it again. I hit it a couple of times,
but I had to because again these fucking duvet covers,
they get mixed up with the sheets and it looks
like a head in the Duffel bag.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
I know, it's like they're breaking out of jail at
these things. They're making a rope fucking crazy. I had
to do it this morning.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
I don't understand what happens in the dryer, how it
gets tied up like that and the middles went, and
then I gotta pull it out and I gotta fucking
undo it like I'm a hobo in the back of
a train to try to get the fucking pillow cases
out of there. Put that back in, start trying that.
But I got all the stuff back on, minus this
one screw, which she still doesn't know about because I
couldn't find it. I'm gonna blame the super when he

(40:29):
comes on webside.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
It's a fucking fucking setup job you're doing on this guy,
this poor bastard. Yeah, now you got Diesel involved in on.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
That day, Diesel involved in it.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
No blood on his hands. Yeah, he played Patsy. It
wasn't even air.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
Which I know a lot of that sounds pathetic to
it to the real men out there, but you know, I.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
Mean, dude, there's guys listening to like fuck, they're like
pipe fitters. They work eight hours, they come home they
got four kids. They put the kids to bed. You're
lose in his screw and lie in dear White about
the sheets canceling plans with your friend.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
She was not impressed with the script either.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
A little pedetrie and she thought, at.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
But that's what I did.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
Oh and then.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
I told you a little bit of this outside. Excuse me.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
She gets back, Sorry, she gets back. Now. I don't
understand this. A lot you don't get. I'm kind of
a I'm kind of a.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Big wig in the building.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
I think Fabricio didn't even know you.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Who's Fabrizio.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
I didn't know him, but I wouldn't he I don't
think he's claiming he's a big wig.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Gook a kid cooler than me, for sure. He definitely
had a sheets done too.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Anyway, you know, come off them dumping clip.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
She This is how I worked my way around this.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
I picture this dude be a stunt. You assume he's
having sex with my wife. No, no, no, you are,
But I'm not. I'm assuming he's just having sex with
a lot of ladies. Yeah, or one lady who's very attractive.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I'm sure that's.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
What I'm saying, or a lot of I got whatever
it is. He sounds like he's fucking doing his job.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
He seemed pretty good. He was kind of chewing something
when he got in the elevator, and he kind of
made it cool. Yeah, O got a protein bar.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Or something like that.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Yeah, he really had me.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
I kind of run a building. If you need anything,
let me know what I mean. Why do you think
you're a big wig in the building. Well, I greased
the fucker who focks all the chicks in a building.
If you see any broads moving, let me know.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Wait I'm saying this, or he's saying he's saying that,
not you. Yeah, i'd kind of do the grossing out
in the building.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Make sure you're maach drivers. Don't leave the food out front.
I'm gonna take it.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Oh I didn't tell you this. I fucking I told
you outside. But I slashed my fucking toe open deep.
I probably should have went to the emergency room, but
I didn't. I just sucked it up, real man like you,
real man like me.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
It was this in the was this in your contracting?

Speaker 1 (43:04):
And I was making the bed. So when I was
making the bed, so my box spring has those has
those metal things, and she's cut herself on it too,
and I fucking dragged my foot across it, and you
know it's weird. Got a box spring, a box spring,
I have a box spring. I have a metal box spring.

(43:24):
Or no, it's wood Now it's the wooden slats, so
box Wait, the box spring is the is the box spring?
Is the mattress under the mattress, that's the box spring.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yeah. A lot of those are phased out now I
have one, huh.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Yeah. And then I have a metal I have a
metal frame, bed frame, like the.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
One that's like that's like jail ship. What's yours?

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Yeah? Like, wait yours?

Speaker 2 (43:51):
This? This is wood covered in cloth.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
Now mine's old school.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Do you have it on wheels? Yeah, that's what you got.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
Take a dorm room.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah. It comes in two pieces and fulls out and
you make the squaring hook the hooks. Yeah, that's what
you're banging on.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
What do you spend your money?

Speaker 2 (44:13):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Helix sent it to me, I think no, or maybe
my mom sent it to us. Somebody sent it to us. Yeah,
that's what I What do you got?

Speaker 2 (44:23):
I got a wooden one? A wooden one, huh? What
do you mean?

Speaker 1 (44:26):
A wooden one?

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Like a nice I'll show you what.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
I got a wooden one, and you have the comfy
thing all the way around. I had that in my
old apartment. Some of our rooms are small.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
We have like this. You have a California king. Your
room can't be that small. Oh man, you are a fucking.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
I can't fit on her side of the bed to
get in I don't go.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
In that way. What I'm saying to get in bed.
You couldn't get in that bed. I have to squeeze
in between that and the air conditioning unit. And they
have the catcher. The get eyes on this apartment. It
sounds like it's like where Kramer's Boys live or something.
It's like those stairs where you go up and you
for when you come and you can't tell if you're
going up or down. Your whole apartment's an optical illusion.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
I didn't know that was trashy.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
I don't I mean a guy like I meant, listen,
I'm not judging it. I've had it, but yeah, I
just I was shocked.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
They just slipped my foot open.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
Here get you.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
And it was one of those It was one of
those things where you can't tell if it just hurt
or it's bad.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
And there's like a minute of dude, I don't.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Know I was so that was right when she had
gotten in. So that happens. I sit down and I
can't get up because I'm just gushing blood and I'll
just get blood all over the carpet and all that stuff,
and then I'll she.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
Again, God forbid a clean of carpet.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
Like I'm I'm bleeding, like I'm heavily bleeding and there's
a huge chunk out of my toe.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Party you think you're gonna bleed out? No one's there.
So I was praying for its start drinking beerd that
then your blood out. I hop into a warm bed.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Okay, No, what I'm worried about is that I gotta
keep an eye and I don't want to get infected.
The big guys that happens to my toe gets infected,
you know, chopping off my foot. I don't want that
ship walking around like Davy Jones pirate. Anyway, I call
her and I'm like, hey, how close are you? She's like,

(46:38):
I just pulled in. I'm like, all right, listen the.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Dave yourself.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
I said, you gotta come up.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
I'm bleeding looking for a pair of crutches or a wheelchair,
something to really sell this while the yours and why
the doors aren't doud? Babe, I don't want to ruin
your trip. I got those thig bullet holes over. It
looks like there's a burglary. You start ripping the drawers out,
fucking dumping them and ship babe, it was a home invasion.

(47:07):
I don't want to I don't want to ruin your trip.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
No, it wasn't like that. I couldn't get up. I
didn't want to get blood everywhere. Uh So she's like,
somebody's parked in our parking spot.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Again.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
That was my one.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Listen, this has been an ongoing thing. People parking in
your spot. You are the spot. You think you're a
big shaw. You are the bitch of this place, the building,
bitch of the building, you're the bottom bit was what happened.
Gets passed around like a loose joint.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
She gets upstairs, she's tenned into my foot. I was like,
just wrap it up so I can I can move
because she's like I can't park, So I'm like, just
park right in front of him. Fuck him, park right
in front of him. And she's like, I have something
else to tell you, And I'm like, what's up. She's like, no,
it's nothing with us. But I think there's a dead
cat downstairs. And she don't like that, like the cake
cat in the parking garage. So she's like, you could

(47:58):
have been sleeping, but it was in the middle of
a parking spot, a knife in its back, gun in
a damn I did this, And you know what sucks
is I could have swore I heard a kiddie cat
meow from outside. I could have swore I heard a

(48:21):
cat me out mew from outside on Saturday, and I
wonder if it was that cat, like on its last legs,
it was maybe like a year old.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
It was sad. I don't know that. There's probably a
lot of the street probably is on drugs or something
got mixed up with the wrong crowd.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Anyway, She's like, I hope it was sleeping.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
Did that give you some distraction from the befuddled chores
a little bit?

Speaker 1 (49:00):
I said, I'm gonna go take care of the car.
You finished making the bed.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Now you put on a lot of posters something I'm
vamished eating all day? Okay, yeah, all right, that's you know.
I had I had dinner waiting for that because I
figured she might be hungry. Some beef and some cabbage
that I cooked up, very nice beef and cabbage on

(49:28):
the Oregon Trail. Beefing cabbage like like mushoe.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
They had like a little Asian vibe to it. I
had some soy sauce and some says it was nice,
some slice steak and cabbage cooked down, some onions, delicious,
low col cooked down what I did, cook him down?

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Cooked?

Speaker 1 (49:47):
You tell me I cook him down, and you could.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Just say cooked whatever down, like it's been this big thing.
So anyway, I go downstairs.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
Cat ain't sleeping. He sprawled out and this sin. I
don't know what to do. So then I get the
car straightened out. I come back up. Some words were exchanged.
She wasn't the happiest.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
I don't necessarily she was happy.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
She's like, you did a lot, thank you, appreciate it.
I just wish the bed would have been whatever. I
apologize that I got the bathroom fixed up XPT for
the screw except for that screw. But she don't know
that it's inside the one screw.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
M okay.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
I just took the screw from the inside put it
on the outside it suckers. Screw it's a nail.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
So then Sworning nine o'clock, supers at the door about
the car. She's like, sorry about that. The lady who
normally parks there was the car that was where the
dead cat was spot. Yeah, she don't want to park there.
He's like, I thought you guys were on vacation. It's

(51:03):
always my fucking spot.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
I know the bitch building bitch, that's where you are.
A fucking building bitch. I got one of you. I
abuse this ship out of him, a little building bitch,
do you. Yeah, fucking flex on him and ship read
his mail, read his mail before he does. Ah. That's

(51:25):
I've also. I also had a very productive weekend. We
have finally, I was telling Luke, we are finally one
hundred percent ready for the baby, for the babes we
have just because you have so many it's boxing and
finishing sheets. I make my bed, uh, because there's just

(51:47):
so many boxes. You know, there's fucking diapers and this
and that, and the the stroller and the best and
head and then the fucking this and then that, Like
there's a hundred things, and then it's all you don't
want to fucking you can't really open it. So we've
had a spot in our kitchen, like a kitchen or
a breakfast there or whatever. There's like a little room. Yeah,

(52:08):
it's a bit. It's a room where had just been.
Like it's in the kitchen, so it's like the kitchen
where you cook.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
And then you're gonna get eyes on your place too.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
And then there's like a big room, probably a little
smaller than than Like, have I been in this apartment?
I don't think so for like a second, maybe I
don't think so that was the old one. Yeah, you can't.
We did it, and we used to do. We did
an episode of hard feelings there. I remember you walked
in and fucking started trashing it right away, right away.
I was so proud. First lease, I got on myself, dude,

(52:39):
I got on at least myself in New York City.
I felt like fucking I felt like the king of
the city.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
No, not the one that you used to airbnb out.
I feel like I was in this one. I don't
think so, maybe you weren't.

Speaker 2 (52:50):
There ain't no right.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
Sorry for banging the tape.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
I uh, it's just like we finally got everything. Our
bags are packed or this or that, we're fucking everything's
we're ready to go. And it's just I walked in
and went, everything's away, everything's back, and it's I mean,
there's a fucking stroller in the living room that's just
like part of it ready to go. But that's like
I even got that out of the way. It's like
off in a corner. We moved some stuff around. It's

(53:21):
just like and I went like, oh, this is good.
And it's like about to get blown the fuck up.
It's gonna be chaos. But it was nice to be like, oh,
everything's away, everything's taken out of the boxes, everything's assembled,
everything's in its place where it will be living moving forward.
Can I say this? And I just I'm just taking
this from Cassidy's experience. I don't have any experience with babies.

(53:44):
You don't know it.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
I think in the beginning it stays pretty calm.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
Sure, you know, Yeah, I mean there's not it's not
like he's like running away or anything. Now. Yeah, but
this the sleeping and the feeding, it's a lot of yeah,
but they're pretty much you guys are all ready to
go for the most part. Yeah, I haven't been thinking
about it. It's like hitting me. It's probably scary. Yeah,
I mean it's not not scary. It's very your go.

(54:13):
You're about to do this thing that you can't. The
closest thing I would argue is you can wrap your
head around as a dog. But that's I'm not comparing
to it. But it just, oh, here's a new thing
I have to take care of. Times of billion, of course.
And I remember Hans when it was a puppy. I
want to fucking kill myself. We were like three days in.
I'm like, this was a fucking steak. Dude up all

(54:36):
night he crying, was shitting all over the place. So
you know, uh yeah, no, we're stoked. Though, I forget
they do it. All puppies are not allowed. Like if
you you can't leave them alone, they just cry. If you,
I mean you close your eyes, they start. It's fucking brutal, sucked.
Remember that little rat bastard dude. We had them in

(54:56):
the in that kitchen area, like in the whatever, and
he would fall asleep. I'd have to be petting him
and he would fall asleep, and I would take my
hand away super slow. I'd go like what I'd like,
count to ten and pull it away and then stand
there and I'd stand in front of him for like
two minutes to make sure he doesn't wake up. And
then I would crawl like I would. I'd walk like

(55:18):
like a mannequin out of the way and to turn,
and I fucking have to loop around loop around it.
I would take me. I would go from me to
Luke to like the couch, and it would take me
four or five minutes, and I would be fucking I'd
be like this and I'd get there and I'd lay
down and I'd roll over and look over and he'd
just be staring at me. I'm like, fuck, and you
just start crying again, David, I do have This is

(55:43):
a new take.

Speaker 3 (55:45):
It's in the city all.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
I mean, like now, I'm like, you know, we're just
hunkered down, we're waiting, So me and the broad you know,
some walks and this and that a lot of time
in a neighborhood. Sure, well it's it's you know, some
being in a summer, people are out and about running around.
I don't like I so don't want to raise a
jerk off teenager teenagers, all age, all from every I

(56:08):
think city teenagers are bigger jerk offs than other teenagers
they can be, especially New York. New York's whole thing
is like we're rare, sol.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
Like it's the crowd he runs with.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
I know, but just like there's so okay, there's significantly
more jerk off teenagers in New York than I would argue.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
But let me ask you this, just play Devil's advocate.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
If I saw you and your cronies, Oh, I'm not
saying I would have said.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
I would have said, this is a jerk off teenager,
but you really weren't.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
I was trying to, Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
But if I, okay, if I saw you out in
front of the pizza place with your skateboard buddies, you
might be a dick. But if I came over to
your house, you'd be a different kid.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
I wasn't no, no, no, I mean like I would
have represented like, oh, these kids are dickheads. Like if
you saw me and Pat or you know, in whatever,
but we weren't right, Like I wasn't gonna interact with
you in a negative way. If I like cut in
front of you on my skateboard, it would have been, yeah,
it suck my dick. I'd be like my bad. Oh,
sorry about that. Like I was, we were polite, but

(57:14):
I mean this fucking group of kids I saw and
I think I saw while we were in the park,
and I was just like, man, these kids fucking suck.
Just like they were like smoking. It's like a kid's park,
and like you just see all the parents being like
you guys are fifteen or whatever, like all young kids here,
like I don't care if you're smoking, go something like

(57:35):
go under the bridge or something. You know what I mean,
Like there's this like smoking dope, nah SIGs or whatever.
I don't even know kids are smoking SIGs were they
were far away. I mean New York kids ain't.

Speaker 1 (57:44):
Oh yeah, kids are smoking SIGs.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
I would say less than it was proudly if they're smoking.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
I don't know. They were on the other side of
the park. But you just saw like parents of grabbing
their kids and like pulling them away, and you're just like,
I'm like, did I have been a dickhead? But it's
like just go there's like woods and stuff. You got
a fucking riverside park.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
I'm just it's New York City.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Yeah, sure, go hiding an alleyway something going as a roof,
like you can you can get on anybody's roof that
you're hanging out at, like a party. You just go
up on the roof and do whatever you want. I'm
not even saying don't be a dickhead, just and then
don't be up ser.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Getting beat up by a kid would.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
So I was like really mad at these kids.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
There's a couple of fifth.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
I mean, I mean like I would. There was like
three of them where I was like, that's the one
I would have to hit.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
First, instantly, go to jail.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
He's big. He was bigger than me. He had bigger
than me. I don't think big Irish head on just
like this fucking looked like a guy, dude. What you
would see him like first forty eight or whatever, like
forensic files and I cut there like Jimmy O'Connor and
he's like, you know, fucking the big like underbite in
the overhang. Probably get hit at the house probably And listen,

(58:55):
I get it. I remember that. I get listen. I
gotta talk to these kids. It's more outreach, more of
like level with them on their on their level. Use
terms like cap and no cap and what's the HAPs
and a vibe and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
Don't respect you for that. Ask him about.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Charlie x h.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
Xcx pronounce s e x Selena Carpenter and the other one.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
Billy Relish, you're done with your dad jokes? Yeah, Johns,
I don't know him.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Boone, Benson kid, it.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
Does the flips Benson Boone?

Speaker 2 (59:31):
Right there you go. You don't fit right in with
the kids.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
Can I read you kids up for a second?

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Ear? Uh? You guys see that Minecraft movie. I know
Jack Black, I know Jack Black. I know you're lying
to impress.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
Yeah, they wouldn't know that.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Sure, they probably also wouldn't know Jack Black by name.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
You guys think mo Mo is a dick to you
got twelve million for that movie? Jack Black got three.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
I can't stand Momoa.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
Okay, goofy asked, motherfucker wearing those fucking mad hatter hats.
Fuck out of here?

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Yeah, be like you do zero chores pace your wife off.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
I really can't say shit about anybody, but I don't
got it. I gotta get my own house in order
before I start talking shit.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
Yeah, I don't know if you'll ever have your house
in order. These are thoughts that I've been thinking more recently. Really,
as you unravel, I think is the term. I'm not unraveling, man,
I'm good. I don't think you're with that. I don't
think you're winding up. I'm good.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
I'm good. I told you is we had a low point.
I'm coming out of it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Sure. I think it's great.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Back to you getting beat up by these kids.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
No, but like they were like they started like fighting,
like you know, and dude, you're a tight news fighting fighting. No,
like a roughhouse grab ass, you know whatever. But they're
fucking grown men. Two of them are bigger than me.
Like like I said, like two big fucking you know,

(01:01:15):
it looks like to belong on a farm in Nebraska,
like fucking couple Irish meaheads, yeah, just some fucking yack
like big fucking animals and they're fucking you know, and
it's like it's also it's like cause they're New Yorkers,
it's like the un there's like an Asian kid with
it with them, like on the back of the big
fucking Irish guy, there's a Dominican kid. Fucking it's all.

(01:01:36):
They're all you know. It's cool to see because like
we didn't I didn't grow up with that. It's just
like they're all just like shitting on each other. It's great,
but man, they fucking they're in like a ball now,
and it's like we're going down hill, like the sidewalk
goes downhill. I'm waiting there, nay Deem's going in. First
of all, I'm trying to eat healthy, right, I'm trying.
I'm trying, fucking trying, shooting up, I'm trying. She goes.

(01:02:01):
She goes, because we were stopped out front of a
pizza plate. She goes, can you run in and get
me pizza? So we stop and get a coffee. I'm like,
I'm gonna get a cough.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
I've never heard of her eating pizza.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
Oh she love a pizza. Really, I know it doesn't
doesn't make sense, but she grew up in Germany. That's
all fucking proper Italians. She grew and she lived to
be Her last apartment was for seven years. But she
like a slice of cheese. Playing well, they don't do
the cheese over there. Excuse me, they don't do slices.
It's on Neapolitan. Can't order a slice of pizza in Europe. Really,

(01:02:38):
it's mostly you get like the individual pie.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
There's no cheese.

Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
On it though they would call it Neapolitan. They wouldn't
call it a cheese. You don't get like a you
don't order a slice of cheese. I thought this was America. No,
but she'll do it. She'll do it. She don't like
the like he ain't doing like a buffalo chick, or
like the vodka slice. I got her on the vodka lady.

(01:03:03):
But yeah, just typically a plane. Can you get me
a plane slice? She So I go, I order coffee.
She goes, I want to stop. I want to stop
at the pizza. You got to fight these kids. So
I go, I stop at the pizza place and I'm
I'm fien and I'm like, I'm having a little bit
of a saw. I'm hanging. So I'm like, once you
get it in you, it's your You can't smell that
chasing a dragon a pizza place when you're hungry. So

(01:03:27):
I go, I'll grab I'm grab a small coffee, take
the edge off, skip lunch, burning hot, burn my mouth.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
They say, that's really bad for you. What to drink
hot liquids. Even when you don't realize it. It gives
you micro.

Speaker 2 (01:03:42):
Uh plastics, leaners, penises, It gives your micro lesions in
you're a soft short that's anything scary, that doesn't really
worry about that, and that's you. You got other stuff
to worry about. Sheets, I know, I know, like how
there's stuff they uh whatever. So she goes kid. So

(01:04:03):
I'm sitting there and as I'm ordering the coffee, I'm like,
don't get a slice, dude, don't do it. You've been
doing so good. I'm getting coffee at the pizza place.
Now I'm at a pizza place a few doors that,
or a coffee place a few doors down. Give me
a chicken part. So I'm going I'm literally standing in
the line at the pizza place and I'm like, im sorry, Tom,
I at the coffee shop, and I'm going, don't get pizza, dude,

(01:04:26):
don't do it. Fucking stay in the lane. You're doing great,
Come on, this is don't fucking do it. And I'm going,
it's the weekend, you get out. I'm fucking I'm devil
and fucking angel on my shoulder, and I decide not
to after I'm talking, which seems like which seems like
the Seven Day War in my head or whatever. I

(01:04:49):
don't know. It was a long time and they didn't
like you the war. Oh I'm sorry, Well it felt
like seven up here. I was like you trying to read.
So I get out, and she goes, can you run
in and get me the pizza? I said, I can't.
I can't go in there. I've done. I can't go
into the fucking crackhouse and get you a viola crack

(01:05:10):
and come out and not that thing. A little little
dude ski myself. I said, you're gonna have to do
this out get me. What are you doing back? They're
throwing the dough in here, so I said, you go in.
So I'm waiting outside the pizza place, and then these guys,
the fucking you know, the the Uptown boys come fucking

(01:05:31):
rumbling and tumbling down the hill, jumping on the and
like they're picking up momentum. And this woman with a
fucking newborn babies coming out of the fucking thing. This
mom cut into fucking mama bear and stinks, and like
they were gonna fucking they were gonna tip over the
fucking stroller. Like proper dude, she fucking threw herself into

(01:05:56):
the into the melee and then she fell everything like
they how buff, And I'm like, God, like I'm trying.

Speaker 1 (01:06:02):
To like, did they say sorry?

Speaker 2 (01:06:05):
One did sorry about them? And I'm like, that's the
that's a good kids like oh you stupid, Well it's
his fault. It's just like and I'm like, you almost
just fucking tossed a baby onto the New York City
sidewalk like an infant.

Speaker 1 (01:06:21):
You said you yelled something, No, because.

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
Then I'm the guy, you know, getting beat up. I
don't even get my slight. I got the I thought
about hitting a one with a coffee that was gonna
be my what I lose if that was gonna turn
on me. Yeah, I'm not fighting these kids. Are you nuts?
No way, It's a nice coffee that's a little hot.

Speaker 1 (01:06:45):
I think, in most situations, an authority figure if you
didn't go at them as a tough guy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:50):
I don't see myself as an authority figure that if you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
Said, guys, what are you doing? Man, she's got a baby,
knock it off. They're not gonna try to fight you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
I know. But this was already done at the time,
like it already.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
Happen to slice and chet the fuck up.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
It was just this like you're like fun and the
one kid will apologe but then I just like, ah,
you're fucking coffee in the face. I mean, if I
was gonna fight three guys, three kids, three children, I
think he would be in trouble if you scalded one
of them in the eye, if they squared up with me,
I still.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
Think you're going to jail for fighting minors.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
I'm okay with Yeah, I'm just not getting my as
three miners. I'll serve my nickel. What are you nuts?
I ain't getting this. One kid would have fucked me.
He looked like every one of my cousins. No fucking
way remind me with you coffee. I don't think that's
every like self defense thing. Ever, that dowbsum. One of

(01:07:50):
them was gonna.

Speaker 3 (01:07:51):
Bitch up, probably the one who said sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
Yeah, the one who said sorry wasn't gonna fucking wasn't
gonna squabble with me. You hit him fucking blinding again. No,
I'm just saying, if anybody, if I'm squaring up, if
there's two guys, I got the dog too.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
That's biting me. Hold on, So now you're scalding one
of these kids and you're sicking a dog on them.

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
He wouldn't listen, but if I mean, if I start
squaring the dog, kids don't listen. That's proven these are bad.
Seem to throw coffee at his eyes. Yeah, I fucking yeah,
you got it by yourself a minute, ten seconds. So
these kids are These kids are like full blown rough housing.

(01:08:41):
They're already charged up, you know what I mean. They're
looking their blood in a war.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
That's your first coffee to day.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
That was actually my third, running pretty, I've got to
wrap it up. Gang Love.

Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
You see them on