Think you need more credentials or a polished pitch before you start speaking? Think again.
Allison Lane sits down with speaker mentor and bestselling author Aleya Harris to uncover the real reason accomplished authors still feel like they’re not ready to be on stage. Spoiler: it has nothing to do with qualifications and everything to do with permission.
This is your call to stop waiting, start showing up, and realize that your story is more than enough. If you’ve ever said, “I’ll speak when I’m more experienced,” this one’s for you.
Press play and find out what’s actually keeping you from the mic, and how to move past it.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- How to reframe self-doubt and claim your voice.
- Why waiting to “feel ready” is sabotaging your author platform.
- The surprising truth about what audiences actually care about.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Spark the Stage by Aleya Harris – Get it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Spark-Stage-Professional-Authentic-Storytelling/dp/B0DH335YQJ
- Aleya’s Speaker Programs - Spark The Stage: https://www.aleyaharris.com/spark-vip
- Book Reco:
- Anatomy of the Spirit - The Seven Stages of Power and Healing by Caroline Myss: https://bookshop.org/a/55773/9780609800140
- Made to Stick - Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Dan Heath: https://bookshop.org/a/55773/9781400064281
- Building a Storybrand 2.0 - Clarify Your Message So Customers Will Listen by Donald Miller: https://bookshop.org/a/55773/9781400248872
- Love Money, Money Loves You - A Conversation With The Energy Of Money by Sarah McCrum: https://bookshop.org/a/55773/9780994576255
- Ask and It Is Given - Learning to Manifest Your Desires: https://bookshop.org/a/55773/9781401904593
TIMESTAMPS:
- 12:04 – What “not feeling ready” is really about
- 24:41 – Why credentials don’t create connection
- 45:22 – The myth of needing permission to speak
- 58:19 – Aleya’s story of unexpected alignment
- 1:04:33 – A success-list exercise to clarify your story
Rate, Review, & Follow The Author’s Edge
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Here’s how:
- Click here, scroll to the bottom, and tap to rate with five stars.
- Select “Write a Review” and tell me what you loved most about the episode!
And don’t forget to follow the podcast if you haven’t already. I’m sharing bonus episodes packed with insider tips, and I’d hate for you to miss out. Hit that follow button now.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Aleya (00:00):
Waiting leads to withering.
(00:03):
If you are trying to dosomething with this finite time
we have, you need to be anactive participant in your own
story, in your own creation, inyour own becoming.
Allison (00:43):
Okay folks, welcome back to the Author's Edge.
You know why we're here becauseyou need to step it up.
I'm inviting you, actually, I'mshoving you out of the nest
'cause you know you're ready.
And sometimes you just needsomebody to say, here's what you
have to do.
You know, but you're like, isthis really what I'm supposed to
(01:03):
do?
Yes, you are.
You're ready.
You are a big effing deal and itis time.
You know that, but the challengebecomes how do you make someone
stop and listen or stop and leanin or stop scrolling and
actually hear and react to yourcredibility, into your
(01:29):
perspective and your knowledge.
And this isn't about flashyslides on a webinar, and it's
not even about credentials orsuper polished delivery.
It's about story and how youconnect with someone.
And not just any story, but thestory that only you can tell.
(01:51):
One that's first of all true.
Let's start with true.
And where you firmly believe inwhat you're sharing, something
that's sculpted and sort ofcomes together.
It isn't held together byindignation and passion, but
(02:12):
that's what we want.
Something that you're like, thisis the hill that I am willing to
stub my toe on.
I'm not gonna say die'causenobody, we're not there yet.
But we are ready for you tothink bigger.
And that's why I'm here.
I'm Allison Lane.
I'm your Sherpa through gettingyou out of your comfy seat at
(02:33):
the head of the table'cause weknow that's where you are.
You're the top banana.
And getting you further.
And this is a world full of likehow to tips and what you should
say, scripts.
And that's not what thisconversation is.
This is different.
(02:53):
This is a call to stop airbunnies performing.
Nobody wants you to be superpracticed.
I don't follow a script forthis.
I know you're shocked, fallenoutta your seat.
But I am fueled by passion andmy drive to help you think
(03:15):
bigger.
This is a call to stop trying tobe so polished and performy.
Start connecting.
Build your discoverability, yourvisibility, and your platform.
We know we do.
Around the voice that's alreadyinside of you.
You don't need to go to youknow, speaker camp to learn what
(03:39):
you actually feel and believe.
You already know that that'salready there.
But you do need help tappingthat and discovering that the
thing about you that makes youfreaking awesome is probably
something you're overlooking.
And that is sometimes you justneed somebody to be like uh, you
skipped over the good stuff.
(04:01):
So, whether you want to giveyour first keynote or you're
pitching yourself to a podcast,or you're wondering,'is my story
enough?
Is this the story I should betelling?' I hear those words a
lot.
Is this the story?
Do you think this is worth it?
First of all, it is, you'reready, but this is for you.
Today, we're going to talk to anexpert, someone who's helped so
(04:27):
many people turn their mess intotheir big message.
And transform their voice intheir head to a vehicle for
impact.
So let's meet the woman whohelps others spark the stage
literally and figuratively.
Today's guest is a powerhouse, afirecracker.
(04:51):
Aleya Harris, thank you so much.
And let me just say this iskudos to me for reaching out to
someone who I did not know'causea cold request of, please come
on my podcast'cause I thinkyou're a badass, works.
Now, Alayah is prepared toblush, but she's your go-to if
(05:12):
you are ready to stop playingsmall.
Or you think I'm already a bigfish, but why aren't I keynoting
these other conferences outsideof my industry?
It's because you've gottenreally comfortable in your
industry.
It's really easy to stall outwhen you're at the tip of the
top, but in a silo.
(05:33):
Aleya is a bestselling author ofSpark the Stage and her path is
anything but ordinary.
So, if you are thinking, oh, Ihave to climb the ladder and I
have to do these steps before Iget to where I wanna be, Uhuh,
that's old thinking.
That is baloney.
Aleya was the private chef, toStevie Wonder.
(05:54):
Hello, we're gonna talk aboutthat.
Turned powerhouse speaker andstorytelling strategist.
How do you get from one to theother?
The unexpected path is theinteresting one, and it's the
one that allows you to leapfrogand catapult way more than you
would think.
So, this episode we're gonna getinto what most speakers are
(06:17):
missing and how to move throughstage fright, please, and why
your real voice and not apolished version of it, but why
your real true message is yourbiggest asset.
So, if you have a message thatneeds a mic, you are in the
(06:37):
right place.
Let's get into it.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I am over the moon.
Aleya (06:47):
Thank you, Allison.
Thank you so much for having me.
It is a pleasure to be here.
Allison (06:52):
I'm super honored and I think that people are eager to
know what you know, because theywant to put into practice the
things that they hear that theysee other people doing.
They're like, why does she havethat?
And how did she get that gig?
I'm the department chair forthis Ivy League school
(07:12):
department of public affairs.
Why am I not getting this?
And the reason why is often notevident to those people, but
it's evident to someone like youwho sees that the person who
doesn't get that opportunityhasn't made the decision to go
big.
(07:33):
What keeps highly accomplishedpeople who are leading companies
or departments or entire fieldsfrom stepping on the stage, what
keeps them playing small when itcomes to speaking.
Aleya (07:49):
It's so funny because people assumed just because you
are a big wig in one area, itmeans that you must have every
other area on lock.
So, the first thing that I wannasay, Allison is to all of the
people who are like, oh my God,yeah, she's talking about me.
It's okay.
It is okay.
I crush it on stage.
(08:11):
I love consulting, I lovecoaching.
The thing that I hate doing.
Sitting at my desk and recordingvideo, I will put it off until
if I could.
Recording social media video,and everyone's like, but Aleya,
you need to be on social to makeit big.
You're playing so small, you'replaying so.
We all have our things.
So, the first thing I wanna sayis I am not in here in a glass
(08:35):
house throwing stones.
I have my things too, and Istill do it.
I show up on video.
If you follow me on social, yousee me on video all the time.
The reason though, is differentfor every person.
And on a surface level, we usewords like, I don't have time, I
don't have money.
Then, you get a little deeper.
(08:56):
And then, you start saying wordslike well, I'm not an expert in
that area.
Or the syndrome.
Allison (09:03):
That one kills me.
Aleya (09:06):
Yeah.
Allison (09:06):
I didn't call myself an expert.
Aleya (09:08):
I've done it for 15 years, but I've never spoken
about it on stage.
I haven't been published 50times, so I'm not an expert.
Women do that to ourselves alot.
So, that's the next level,right?
I'm not an expert.
Then, you start really gettinginto the real reasons.
Why would someone listen to me?
I am not valuable.
My story is not worthy.
(09:29):
I do not have the power totransform myself.
So why should someone listen tome?
My story is not done.
It is not big enough.
Those are the real reasons.
Allison (09:42):
Oh my God.
I'm getting full body chills anda little bit nauseous because
yes, those are all the reasonsI'm like, I'm not done.
Maybe when things settle downhas anything ever settled down
for the person who says whenthings settle down?
It doesn't.
Aleya (09:59):
Settle down.
Allison (10:00):
Yes, if I could just, yes.
Wear a sash saying things willnot settle down.
When I retire is another one.
Maybe when I step down frombeing chief of staff at the
hospital.
like nobody's gonna care whatyou say when you're not doing
the thing that makes you theexpert.
You are not a celebrity, so youhave to be in the position of
(10:25):
what you do.
Aleya (10:27):
it's so funny because that particular excuse is like a
double-edged excuse.
On the one hand, you're like,oh, I'll do it when I have the
time and the availability.
Of course, we all know we maketime for the things we want.
And that's you doubtingyourself.
But on the other hand, you'reactually being cocky and
(10:47):
assuming that when you retire,this magical speaking career
will form in like the two weeksafter you retire and before you
go off on your golf trip toFlorida.
And that's not how this works.
Being very blunt with youspeaking careers that are worth
anything, take years to develop.
(11:07):
I have a program called theCorporate Speaker Accelerator,
which shortcuts that.
Allison (11:12):
Oh, thank God.
Aleya (11:13):
It shortcuts it by years and hundreds of thousands of
dollars, but it still takes along time.
So, why not develop it now?
I'm not gonna say who.
My relative, how about that?
Just in case they listen, myrelative, an older relative.
(11:34):
As long as I've known thisperson has been waiting to feel
confident.
This person is in theireighties.
Allison (11:44):
Ah.
Aleya (11:45):
They're still waiting to feel worthy.
They're still waiting to feelattractive.
They're still waiting to accepttheir body.
They're still waiting.
And in the process of waiting,they've gotten smaller and more
petty in the process.
(12:07):
And waiting causes your power toleak out from the cracks.
If you're honest with yourself,are you, I'm strategically
planning my time, or are youjust waiting?
Nothing happens in an inactivegame of waiting, except for the
(12:28):
fact that waiting leads towithering.
Allison (12:32):
Ooh.
Say that again.
That was a mic drop moment.
Aleya (12:36):
Waiting leads to withering.
If you are trying to dosomething with this finite time
we have, you need to be anactive participant in your own
story, in your own creation, inyour own becoming.
In order to do that, you have totake steps forward.
(12:59):
They don't have to be hugeleaps.
You don't have to run, you don'thave to gallop.
But you do have to move forward.
And it's most likely going tonot involve you posting
something on social media, andnot involve you sending that
email, and not involve you justgetting a mic in your hand.
The first steps are thoseunderlying beliefs of, I'm not
(13:21):
worthy, I'm not ready, mystory's not ready to be told.
Just like you said, Allison, youare ready.
Allison (13:29):
You really are.
Aleya (13:30):
You really.
Allison (13:31):
I think people forget that we, I'm in my fifties, I
know I look 27.
When you burn on the way to thedriveway, like you just learn
that the sun is not your friend.
So really sometimes I'm like,ow, I need a hat.
So, this is a lifetime ofAllison, go sit underneath the
(13:54):
tree.
Which is the seventies.
And sunscreen.
Aleya (13:58):
And sunscreen.
Allison (13:59):
Yeah.
And sunscreen.
Even back when sunscreen justfelt like battery acid.
Do you remember those days?
In the seventies when it waslike, it didn't work, but it was
like liquid?
It came out.
It was just alcohol.
Just alcohol.
Yeah.
Those are the days.
So, because I started workingwhen dirt was new and God was a
(14:21):
boy, that was before caller IDwhen my first job was literally,
please stand by the fax machinein the fax room.
Does anybody have those anymore?
And all I just.
Aleya (14:33):
I hope not.
I genuinely hope not.
Allison (14:36):
The smell of fax machine exhaust can really do a
number on you.
Anyway, you learn back then thatthere's a hierarchy to getting
the opportunity that you knowthat you're meant for.
And if that was you, and thatcertainly was me of growing up
(14:58):
in PR agencies.
And then going in-house atQuaker Oats, which became Pepsi,
and then I moved to Unilever.
You know, you are an assistantmanager, and then you're a
manager, and then a seniormanager.
And these itty bitty incrementsuntil you're like, oh, I'm
leading the department.
At any point in that time, Icould have said, you know, I'm
(15:20):
also going to be speaking onthese stages that are not about
PR cause yes, of course I spokeat the PR industry conference.
Not because I decided to, butbecause the PR association, PR
RSA reached out like, could youcome speak'cause we see you
everywhere?
You're quoted in the New YorkTimes every week.
(15:41):
Like it never occurred to me.
Why?
I don't know.
But now I know because I thoughtI had to get to a certain place.
And if that's you, you know, asyou're sitting in the target
parking lot waiting for yourdaughter to come out with
another strawberry, somethingrefresher drink, whatever.
Yeah.
This is my life.
(16:01):
You don't have to wait.
You don't have to decide.
You don't have to askpermission.
You can decide this is somethingI'm gonna speak about.
And it doesn't need to be thething that you do for a living.
It might mean that maybe youtalk about the illness that your
daughter contracted and youbecome a patient advocate.
Or big trauma, little trauma,you know, and as a whatever it
(16:28):
is, you can do it.
And you don't have to wait foran invitation like I did or
permission or for your peers tobe like, oh, that makes sense.
Screw your peers.
They're not your friends andthey're not your family.
And your family probably won'tthey wanna protect you, so
they'll always wanna keep yousmall, ps.
(16:50):
So, ask people who say to you.
Wow, you are so amazing.
And if you can't figure out whothose people are, you can email
me.
Aleya (17:01):
You need new friends.
Allison (17:03):
Yes.
Your friends know.
The people you're in a writinggroup, they know.
So, Aleya, but what you'resaying is that people can get
visible in the right way, butthey have to have a goal.
It's not take a baby step.
You still have to know whereyou're going.
Otherwise, you may not ever getthere.
Right?
Aleya (17:24):
That's actually a very good question.
Do I need to know where I amgoing?
I know I'm supposed to say yes.
But that's not been my story asof late.
So I always, I'm a type aEnneagram three, wing two.
I always think I know where I'mgoing.
I have my top 10 goals for thisyear.
(17:45):
That's backed up.
A hundred page planningdocument.
Allison (17:48):
Ooh.
Aleya (17:49):
That's good version you're dealing with.
I also rub crystals on thingsand do like or magic and have
aar so.
Allison (17:56):
Lot layers.
Aleya (17:57):
A lot of layers, but I always think I know exactly
where I'm going until I leaveroom for spirit.
And whether your spirit is yourhighest self or your great donut
maker in the sky, God, whatever.
Until I leave room for thatvoice.
And sometimes I'm spot on andsometimes I'm just like.
(18:18):
I didn't want to hear that.
I'm gonna ignore that.
That's usually, I'm reallyhonest.
That's the first thing thathappens.
I rarely remember oh yes, I'mgonna completely change what I'm
doing because you're absolutelyright.
I'm on the wrong path.
I usually am like, I'm gonnaignore you several times.
And then it's gonna get louder,and then I'm gonna change.
I think that a balance ofknowing and not knowing where
you're going that actually getsyou to where you are supposed to
(18:41):
be a lot faster.
So, you set the goal that's moreimmediate so that you can, you
gotta sit in movement becauselife can't help you if you're
sitting still.
Like it is very rare that you'repraying for love, praying for
your match, and all you do issit on your couch all day.
(19:02):
If you happen to fall in lovewith your Amazon delivery
person, more power to you.
But most likely that's not gonnabe the case.
Right?
So, you need to stay in movementand it's, you pick a direction
to move in while making surethat you are light footed and
(19:23):
not wearing cement boots thatlock you into place so that you
take a step.
Then you listen, you takeanother step, then you listen
and you might need to adjust.
You might need to backtrack, youmight need to run, but having a
set goal of I want to get onstage can mean so many things.
(19:47):
My set goal was I want to becomean international speaker.
I eventually did do that.
I'm an award-winninginternational speaker.
Never once, did I have a setgoal of I wanna be a speaker
coach, not even a little bit.
Not even on my best day.
Not even on my worst day.
(20:07):
And I actually, the time of thisrecording, after developing a
speaker coaching program, aspeaker coaching accelerator
program, writing a bestsellingbook about speaker coaching and
writing and having a podcastabout, you guessed it, speaker
coaching.
It is not until about a week agoafter a conversation and my 50th
(20:31):
existential crisis for themonth.
Did I actually go, oh my God,I'm a speaker coach.
I never stepped into thatidentity.
It was not on my goal list, butI just walked and I listened and
I walked and I listened and Iguess I needed to look up.
I must have been looking at myfeet and look around and go, I
(20:53):
built an entire speakingcoaching business.
Why is that?
One because it wasn't in myoriginal goal, but I was
listening and I'm exactly whereI need to be.
Thank God's Spirit knows morethan I do.
And two, because my limitingbelief gave me judgments around
the word coach.
For me, those that can't do,teach those who couldn't cut it.
Allison (21:18):
Ouch.
Aleya (21:19):
I know I am a speaker coach.
Trust me, I'm cutting intomyself.
It's not just you.
I realized that was what mysubconscious was telling me that
I couldn't be two things atonce.
An international award-winningspeaker and a coach, because
coaches are those who are nogood on stage.
They're just good enough to getsomeone to believe them that
(21:39):
they could do it in a half-assway.
I know you can do it too.
So, I had to reconcile myidentity before I was able to
open up a greater streamabundance.
And this happened a couple, likea week ago, right?
I shoot you not sorry, I swearlike a sailor.
I'm working on it.
I shoot you not Allison.
(22:02):
In the past week, I've attractedan additional$10,000 to my
speaking coaching business.
How did I do that?
Did I launch a new thing or,yeah, I did, but it wasn't
through that.
It was just from the fact that Iwas finally in alignment with
who I was.
I didn't wait and then wither, Ididn't ignore the identity.
(22:24):
I faced who I was, and then Istepped fully into the power of
that.
And then, I continue to listen,to hear whatever the next step
is.
So do you need to know exactlywhere you're going?
No.
Do you even, I mean, youprobably should look up and see
where you are so you don't haveto have a ridiculous moment that
I just had, which I know soundssuper ridiculous.
(22:46):
You don't need to have all thepressure on yourself to know all
the things.
You go after the feeling.
I became a speaker coach.
I prefer speaker mentor becauseI still have some issues with
the word coach.
I know I'm working on myself.
I became a speaker mentorbecause my footsteps listening,
stepping listening, were allaround serving people.
(23:07):
I kept coming across women inparticular had a story, who
wanted to tell it, who wanted totransform themselves and others,
and I just wanted to help.
And so, I started taking stepsto help and look where I am now.
I have a six figure speakingcoaching business that I denied
until a week ago.
Allison (23:27):
Well, welcome to your business.
And
Aleya (23:30):
you.
Allison (23:30):
Your role.
Aleya (23:31):
I, I feel like I need to throw a party or something like,
it definitely feels like that,Allison.
Allison (23:35):
I think I have some confetti.
I will throw it at you.
That's the thing everyone aroundyou can see that you are a
powerful mentor for people whoare meant to tell their stories,
to inspire others and offerperspective.
But to claim that is so there isa limiting belief.
(24:01):
Or, oh, there's the pride ismaybe not what we're going
after, but people wanna behumble and I just wanna take it
on their shoulders and go,
Aleya (24:12):
This is who
Allison (24:13):
you can't see it.
Aleya (24:15):
Yeah.
Allison (24:16):
And you know that you can see it in the people who
come to you and say, I think Ihave a story.
And you go, oh my God, I'venever heard a story like that.
Yes.
This is happening.
We're gonna do it.
And it's so clear to you.
But of course they're not sure,and they're also not trained and
skilled as you are to see thatthe story they should be telling
(24:36):
is actually right there.
Aleya (24:38):
So because of that, I'm gonna give you the homework that
I within the week have givenmyself and done.
Allison (24:45):
All right.
Aleya (24:45):
I want you, Allison, and everyone listening write a
success list.
Think back.
It helps you to do it in stages.
Think back to the past 30 days.
Think back to the past year, 5,10, 15, 20 years.
And do it in stages.
And write down all of yoursuccesses, all of the things
(25:07):
that you, I mean, everythingfrom landing the deal, starting
the business, having the babysaying no to that guy, saying no
to that chocolate cake, sayingyes to the chocolate cake.
Whatever it is small and large.
Write down as many successes asyou can think of, and at the
end, read it and you should feelfricking unstoppable.
(25:28):
Then I want you to kind of nerdout on yourself a little bit.
I want you to look at your listand see what themes develop.
Why did you consider that asuccess?
What did you overcome that madethat a success?
What do you regularly overcome?
And what do you regularly feelproud about yourself for?
Allison (25:52):
Okay, give me those questions again'cause we're
gonna put them in the show notesas well.
Aleya (25:56):
Okay.
Allison (25:57):
I am writing my index cards'cause everybody knows
around here, I do love a threeby five card.
They're so portable.
Aleya (26:03):
Yeah, they are.
They are portable.
So, you're writing down all ofyour successes and when you're
in that high, you're readingyour list and liking and you're
feeling good, and then you'reasking yourself what themes have
developed?
Do you regularly overcome thatand that's why you consider that
thing to be a success?
What do you regularly help otherpeople?
(26:25):
How have you transformedyourself from the oldest success
to the newest success?
And what stories have you toldyourself for better or for
worse, that have caused you tobe successful?
Doing this exercise will allowyou see yourself in the way that
(26:52):
your best friend sees you thatmirror, so that you become aware
of who you are through yoursuccesses.
People are like what about myfailures?
I'm a whole person.
I failed a lot.
Yeah, no, you do that on yourown.
You do that enough without me,you don't need help with that.
Allison (27:08):
Yeah.
No, that's plenty.
And also, what voice was that?
Aleya (27:12):
I guess I, my
Allison (27:14):
yeah,
Aleya (27:16):
idea.
Allison (27:17):
I love it.
I'm concerned for that dude.
But yes.
Aleya (27:21):
You should be.
He definitely has emphysema.
So that's what I want you to doto gain awareness not only of
where you are, but who you are.
Speaking is not about theinformation that you can give,
it's about how you transmit it,how you connect, and how you
(27:42):
facilitate someone taking thenext step on their
transformational journey.
The only way you can do that isif you are clear on where you
are in your journey and how youcan help other people.
And you do that through yoursuccesses.
Allison (27:56):
I am just letting that sit for a second'cause that was
super duper powerful.
And I made a stack of three byfive cards for myself
Aleya (28:06):
I'm glad.
Allison (28:07):
Outside and sit underneath the tree and do the
work.
Aleya (28:10):
That sounds very pleasant.
Allison (28:12):
I'm in Boston, so it's not crazy hot here.
People think it is so hot hereand they're like, oh, I'm
burning up.
Like you're wearing a sweater.
It's August.
Aleya (28:24):
You wouldn't be burning up if you.
Allison (28:25):
Yeah, I think you're fine.
Very different than when I livedin North Carolina when it was so
hot.
Aleya (28:33):
And hot.
Allison (28:34):
Like the surface of the sun.
A lot of experts deliver talksthat are filled with credentials
or they start with I'm herebecause of this list of resume
items, or case studies, or letme tell you the like facts.
And they're not all thatcaptivating.
(28:56):
And they haven't said anythingthat like lands, even though
maybe what they're sharing ispowerful and important.
But it doesn't automaticallytranslate to being seen or
connected with or understood.
So, how can people who should bespeaking reposition their
(29:20):
expertise so that resonates withthe people who are very clearly
out there looking forinspiration and solutions and
perspective.
Aleya (29:33):
The first thing that comes out of your mouth is the
most important sentence of anystage talk.
Every sentence you say earns youthe right to have someone listen
to the next sentence.
The people in the audience.
(29:53):
Yes.
Even you, when you are in theaudience, and even me when I'm
in the audience, we are allnarcissists with short attention
spans.
Is it about me?
Can you make it about me?
Oh I'm sorry.
Is it about me now?
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
As long as it's about me, I'mgoing to listen to you with the
most love.
(30:13):
No one cares about yourcredentials or your passion
unless you can paint how yourpassion help them facilitate
their own transformation.
So whenever I hit the stage, Imake sure that the first thing I
say is a hook that gets them topay attention because people
(30:39):
talk about how an audience canbe distracted by their devices,
their phones, their honey child.
If you are boring, the dirtunderneath their fingernails is
more exciting than you.
It doesn't take any effort forthem to tune out, and human
beings are essentially verylazy.
(30:59):
We do the thing that requiresthe least amount of effort
possible to get the desiredresult.
Even if I've paid thousands ofdollars a sit in that conference
and listen to you if you areeither right before happy hour
or right after lunch.
I don't care.
My brain is overwhelmed.
It's shut off.
I've heard a bunch of, sorry,bad speakers up until this
(31:22):
point.
I've taken probably way too manynotes that I'm never going to
use.
I need you to wake me out of myblur and make me pay attention
to my own transformation becauseby this point in time, I have
forgotten about it.
Even if you are the openingkeynote, no one has spoken
(31:43):
before you.
Most people go through life in ablur.
They are not paying attentiontruly to what matters in that
moment, which is themselvesfiguring out how to be the
highest version of themselves.
Your job from that stage is towake them up, suck them in, and
keep their attention for 45minutes to 60 minutes so that by
(32:07):
the time they are done, they areone enamored with you.
Two have realized that the wholething is about them, and three,
they are excited to take thenext step in their own journey.
I get introduced on stage.
Someone reads a bio, which noone listens to, and I do not
ever have a slide in thereunless it's somehow requested by
(32:28):
the speaker organizer, which Idon't enjoy.
I don't ever have a slide inthere about myself.
No one cares.
Allison (32:37):
They get enough reading the bio of like, why is this
person here?
Oh, okay.
They're a speaker mentor.
Got it.
They assume that you have a biothat is full of bad assery.
Aleya (32:51):
Uhhuh.
Allison (32:51):
They don't need it.
Aleya (32:52):
The event organizers picked you for a reason,.
So, you are not just some randomJoe Schmo off the street.
So, the best way to articulateyour expertise is to use it.
Show me your expertise.
Allison (33:07):
Yes.
Aleya (33:08):
Right now, show me how you can help me.
Everyone is singing that song.
What have you Done For MeLately?
Allison (33:17):
Do not make me do it.
Aleya (33:17):
now.
Lately means how are you helpingme in this moment?
Allison (33:24):
Yes.
Aleya (33:24):
Not five years ago when you won that award.
I don't care.
Allison (33:28):
Yes.
Oh my word.
So, what should people actuallydo when they want to break out
of their silo?
It's usually people who reachthe top early, like me.
I was running PR for Unilever,north America at 31.
Where do you go from there?
(33:49):
And it was a lot ofadministration, like a lot of
meetings instead of like the funpart.
Aleya (33:56):
Yeah.
Allison (33:56):
I got to dance with Omar Epps
Aleya (33:58):
Okay.
That's a fun part.
Allison (34:00):
At the penthouse, the Gucci mansion.
I was like, this is like a life.
Aleya (34:04):
Yeah.
Allison (34:06):
It was fun.
But also I was traveling.
I was tired.
I didn't get to sleep in my ownbed.
It was like, woe is me.
I had a very glamorous job, butstill, I was like, where do you
go from there?
Aleya (34:17):
Yeah.
Allison (34:18):
And for the person who's saying, okay, now I'm in
the department head and I'vedone that.
Where do I go from here?
There's still a ways to go, butyou get to decide.
So, what do we need to tellpeople so that they remove those
self-imposed boundaries, whichwe lovingly call limiting
(34:38):
beliefs, but they areself-imposed so that they can
take themselves seriously andmove forward.
Aleya (34:48):
There are limiting beliefs.
They are self-imposed.
I 1000% agreeing.
But some of it is also likeburnout and stress.
If the person that you describedand yourself, if that is your
lifestyle, you do not know howto do anything but that.
(35:09):
Besides running a marathon 24 7.
Allison (35:13):
Yeah.
Aleya (35:14):
So, the first thing that you need to do is visualize
something else.
Ask yourself.
What could my life look like ifI were more balanced?
What could my life look like ifI moved up the Maslow's
hierarchy of need closer toself-actualization?
(35:35):
Because there is more than justfood, clothing, shelter, and
making money and leaving alegacy and all of that.
There is more.
Allison (35:44):
Yes.
Aleya (35:45):
And when you get into the more and the more is related to
the greater more, that is youstart to dream and seek.
That's the first step because ifyou can't see it to take your
first step towards it.
And then continue to listen andstep towards it, go anywhere you
only feel like you are limitedbecause you've finished a
(36:07):
chapter of the book.
But the books' is not done'causeyou're not dead.
So, you still have some writing.
Right?
Until you're dead.
And then I haven't, I don'tremember the last time I died
assuming something happens afterthat.
But until then you got somewriting to do of your own life
story.
Allison (36:26):
Yeah.
Aleya (36:27):
So, what do you want that to look like?
That's the first step.
The next step after you get atleast a kind of idea, like I do
want something more, somethingdifferent.
You sit back and you think, if Icould transform someone else,
which you can't, but if youcould.
(36:48):
Transform someone else in theway that I have been transformed
my life, what does that looklike?
This is the giving back.
This is the educating, this isthe sage, this is the
co-creation experience, right?
Then once you figure out whatthat transformation is.
(37:09):
You ask yourself, okay, now whatdo I go say about that?
So, like for me, let me give youan example.
One of the ways that I've beentransformed in my life is from
someone who dreaded money,really wanted it, but dreaded
talking about it, dreaded itcoming in, dreaded it coming
(37:30):
out.
Wouldn't have said it that way,but that was anything to do with
money terrified me.
Allison (37:35):
Yeah.
Aleya (37:35):
Except I wanted a lot of it.
To someone who lets abundanceflow.
And it does.
Thank goodness.
So then, what do I gotta sayabout that?
Well, shoot.
I have this problem that cameup.
I remember this situation.
I remember when this was mylowest, I remembered when this
was my highest.
Then I did that, and if onlyknown A, B, C, D.
(38:00):
Write down all those things.
Those are the stories peoplewanna hear about from stage.
It is not about you overcomingyour limits.
It's about you using them to thebenefit of yourself and someone
else.
If you wait you overcome all ofyour limiting beliefs before you
get on stage, you will never geton stage.
Allison (38:23):
That is true.
Aleya (38:24):
If you believe in karma.
It will be several lifetimesbefore you ever get on stage.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
So, instead of framing it as Ineed to be perfect and I need to
be the sage on stage, come withyour full self.
The imperfections, the wounds,the scars.
(38:47):
Say that's how I got this battlescar.
Here's how to not do that.
I have another one.
I have one that's still healing,so I'm still a work in progress,
but I do have some things that Ican offer for you.
That's how you step into yourpower on stage.
Allison (39:03):
Oh my gosh.
This is so important.
So many people need to hearthis.
Let's shift gears for a sec.
Tell me about a book you loved,something that shaped you or
stayed with you.
Aleya (39:17):
Oh man, there's so many.
I like Anatomy of the Spirit byCaroline, miss Momentum by John
Roger.
Made to stick by Chip and DanHeath.
Gosh.
Allison (39:31):
Love.
Money.
Money loves you.
Aleya (39:32):
Money Loves you.
Yes.
Allison (39:34):
Yeah.
Aleya (39:35):
that
Allison (39:35):
You mentioned that before.
Aleya (39:36):
Many, many a time.
Oh, ask and it is given byAbraham Hicks.
That's a sincere favorite ofmine.
I also love building aStoryBrand by Donald Miller.
Marketing Made Simple by DonaldMiller.
Allison (39:50):
Yeah.
Oof.
Aleya (39:53):
My own book.
Haha.
Spark the stage.
Viol Harris.
You can get it on Amazon.
Great.
It's my favorite.
That's my ultimate, that's myfavorite book.
So.
Allison (40:05):
That goes for, yeah, obviously.
And we'll have all of these inthe show notes because people
are often too busy to scrollthrough.
You just want somebody to tellyou, this is the book you need
to read.
You don't have to try and figureit out.
Here's the list, right?
Aleya (40:25):
Absolutely.
And even in my book, spark ThisAge, that's not another
shameless plug, but for real, inmy book.
One of the chapters is about thepower of reading to be able to
speak.
And I have a link to my favoritebook list because I love love
reading, love it.
Allison (40:42):
Ooh, can we include your book list?
Aleya (40:46):
You can include the link to my book.
Allison (40:48):
Obviously Yeah, we will.
And I guess what I'm asking isdo you have a like a book list,
like a shop on Amazon wheresomeone could go and like just
see everything?
Aleya (40:58):
I do have that.
Allison (40:59):
Cool.
Aleya (40:59):
What's in the book is that when you buy the book, then
you get access to the spark box.
And then within the spark boxyou get all kinds of digital
resources.
Allison (41:08):
Ugh.
Awesome.
Okay, we're gonna have that.
People are gonna want it.
Before I ask you the finalquestion, I'm gonna slip one
more in here.
Can you say more about yourspeaker coaching program?
Because I know if you don't sayit, I'm gonna get emails.
Aleya (41:24):
Absolutely.
So, I actually have a couple ofdifferent options.
My first baby, my first love isSpark The stage.
Spark The stage is a 12 monthgroup coaching and on demand
course program that helpsauthentic people tell compelling
stories from the stage to acaptivated audience.
It includes 12 months groupcoaching every Friday morning
(41:46):
right now at 9:00 AM Pacifictime.
It also includes access to me onSlack as well as an on-demand
course that takes you from soupto nuts on how to be a speaker.
Whether you're a current speakeror you've never been on a stage
before you can absolutelyleverage spark the stage.
The other option is for thosepeople who want to be on stage
and they want to do it quickly.
Allison (42:08):
Yeah.
Aleya (42:08):
Spark, the stage corporate speaker accelerator.
It's a two day collaborationwhere you get three experts
working solely for you, whereasspark the stage my 12 month
program is done is kind of likeDIY.
I'm right alongside of you, butI'm not doing any of the work.
The stage the corporate speakeraccelerator has done for you and
(42:30):
done with you.
That is a two day experiencewhere it's me, a ghost writer,
and a NLP master coach.
We write your talk for you, wewrite your pitch for you, and we
help you get over your limitingbeliefs in a two day VIP
section.
And then, we also includepitching you to 250 targeted
(42:50):
decision makers in your niche.
Allison (42:52):
Whoa.
That's huge.
Aleya (42:55):
Yeah.
Allison (42:56):
People are like, I'm ready.
But they don't have time to doit themselves or like people I
work with are like, I have astaff for this sort of thing.
I don't want to take your class.
I want it to be done.
Aleya (43:09):
That is exactly who this is for.
I just want it to be done.
So, for the spark, the stage,the corporate speaker
accelerator, it'saleyaharris.com/spark-vip.
Allison (43:20):
Well, we will include links to everything you shared.
Last question before we callthis podcast complete.
What's one thing everyone can dotoday to get in touch with the
speaker they know they shouldbe?
Aleya (43:37):
You can forgive yourself.
You can forgive yourself forjudging yourself.
You can forgive yourself forforgetting that you are divine.
You are right on time.
You have not made any mistakes.
Everything you've done up untilthis point has created the
beautiful human.
You are, and the journey thatyou are on.
(43:58):
Forgive yourself for forgettingthat you are perfect.
Allison (44:05):
I can't follow that up with anything.
You are perfect.
Thank you very much.
If you know that you need to getin touch with Aleya, go to the
podcast notes.
Everything you need will bethere.
You can also send me a questionand I'll make sure that she gets
(44:26):
it.
If you know someone who needsthis, please pull over.
Don't do it while you'redriving.
And forward this to someonebecause they're too busy to
filter out everything and tofind it themselves, and you're
really doing somebody a solid.
I listened to this.
I thought of you, fast forwardto minute 12 or whatever.
(44:50):
I do this a lot where I'm like,you don't have to listen to the
whole thing, but you need tolisten to this one moment
because it's the answer that yousaid you were searching for the
other day.
People appreciate when you dothem a solid and you open a door
for them, so be that person.
And it wouldn't hurt if youleave a five star review because
(45:11):
it makes the algorithm happy.
And I so appreciate it.
And we will see you next weekgiving you more of an edge on
your path as an author.
Waiting leads to withering.
(00:03):
If you are trying to dosomething with this finite time
we have, you need to be anactive participant in your own
story, in your own creation, inyour own becoming.
Allison (00:43):
Okay folks, welcome back to the Author's Edge.
You know why we're here becauseyou need to step it up.
I'm inviting you, actually, I'mshoving you out of the nest
'cause you know you're ready.
And sometimes you just needsomebody to say, here's what you
have to do.
You know, but you're like, isthis really what I'm supposed to
(01:03):
do?
Yes, you are.
You're ready.
You are a big effing deal and itis time.
You know that, but the challengebecomes how do you make someone
stop and listen or stop and leanin or stop scrolling and
actually hear and react to yourcredibility, into your
(01:29):
perspective and your knowledge.
And this isn't about flashyslides on a webinar, and it's
not even about credentials orsuper polished delivery.
It's about story and how youconnect with someone.
And not just any story, but thestory that only you can tell.
(01:51):
One that's first of all true.
Let's start with true.
And where you firmly believe inwhat you're sharing, something
that's sculpted and sort ofcomes together.
It isn't held together byindignation and passion, but
(02:12):
that's what we want.
Something that you're like, thisis the hill that I am willing to
stub my toe on.
I'm not gonna say die'causenobody, we're not there yet.
But we are ready for you tothink bigger.
And that's why I'm here.
I'm Allison Lane.
I'm your Sherpa through gettingyou out of your comfy seat at
(02:33):
the head of the table'cause weknow that's where you are.
You're the top banana.
And getting you further.
And this is a world full of likehow to tips and what you should
say, scripts.
And that's not what thisconversation is.
This is different.
(02:53):
This is a call to stop airbunnies performing.
Nobody wants you to be superpracticed.
I don't follow a script forthis.
I know you're shocked, fallenoutta your seat.
But I am fueled by passion andmy drive to help you think
(03:15):
bigger.
This is a call to stop trying tobe so polished and performy.
Start connecting.
Build your discoverability, yourvisibility, and your platform.
We know we do.
Around the voice that's alreadyinside of you.
You don't need to go to youknow, speaker camp to learn what
(03:39):
you actually feel and believe.
You already know that that'salready there.
But you do need help tappingthat and discovering that the
thing about you that makes youfreaking awesome is probably
something you're overlooking.
And that is sometimes you justneed somebody to be like uh, you
skipped over the good stuff.
(04:01):
So, whether you want to giveyour first keynote or you're
pitching yourself to a podcast,or you're wondering,'is my story
enough?
Is this the story I should betelling?' I hear those words a
lot.
Is this the story?
Do you think this is worth it?
First of all, it is, you'reready, but this is for you.
Today, we're going to talk to anexpert, someone who's helped so
(04:27):
many people turn their mess intotheir big message.
And transform their voice intheir head to a vehicle for
impact.
So let's meet the woman whohelps others spark the stage
literally and figuratively.
Today's guest is a powerhouse, afirecracker.
(04:51):
Aleya Harris, thank you so much.
And let me just say this iskudos to me for reaching out to
someone who I did not know'causea cold request of, please come
on my podcast'cause I thinkyou're a badass, works.
Now, Alayah is prepared toblush, but she's your go-to if
(05:12):
you are ready to stop playingsmall.
Or you think I'm already a bigfish, but why aren't I keynoting
these other conferences outsideof my industry?
It's because you've gottenreally comfortable in your
industry.
It's really easy to stall outwhen you're at the tip of the
top, but in a silo.
(05:33):
Aleya is a bestselling author ofSpark the Stage and her path is
anything but ordinary.
So, if you are thinking, oh, Ihave to climb the ladder and I
have to do these steps before Iget to where I wanna be, Uhuh,
that's old thinking.
That is baloney.
Aleya was the private chef, toStevie Wonder.
(05:54):
Hello, we're gonna talk aboutthat.
Turned powerhouse speaker andstorytelling strategist.
How do you get from one to theother?
The unexpected path is theinteresting one, and it's the
one that allows you to leapfrogand catapult way more than you
would think.
So, this episode we're gonna getinto what most speakers are
(06:17):
missing and how to move throughstage fright, please, and why
your real voice and not apolished version of it, but why
your real true message is yourbiggest asset.
So, if you have a message thatneeds a mic, you are in the
(06:37):
right place.
Let's get into it.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
I am over the moon.
Aleya (06:47):
Thank you, Allison.
Thank you so much for having me.
It is a pleasure to be here.
Allison (06:52):
I'm super honored and I think that people are eager to
know what you know, because theywant to put into practice the
things that they hear that theysee other people doing.
They're like, why does she havethat?
And how did she get that gig?
I'm the department chair forthis Ivy League school
(07:12):
department of public affairs.
Why am I not getting this?
And the reason why is often notevident to those people, but
it's evident to someone like youwho sees that the person who
doesn't get that opportunityhasn't made the decision to go
big.
(07:33):
What keeps highly accomplishedpeople who are leading companies
or departments or entire fieldsfrom stepping on the stage, what
keeps them playing small when itcomes to speaking.
Aleya (07:49):
It's so funny because people assumed just because you
are a big wig in one area, itmeans that you must have every
other area on lock.
So, the first thing that I wannasay, Allison is to all of the
people who are like, oh my God,yeah, she's talking about me.
It's okay.
It is okay.
I crush it on stage.
(08:11):
I love consulting, I lovecoaching.
The thing that I hate doing.
Sitting at my desk and recordingvideo, I will put it off until
if I could.
Recording social media video,and everyone's like, but Aleya,
you need to be on social to makeit big.
You're playing so small, you'replaying so.
We all have our things.
So, the first thing I wanna sayis I am not in here in a glass
(08:35):
house throwing stones.
I have my things too, and Istill do it.
I show up on video.
If you follow me on social, yousee me on video all the time.
The reason though, is differentfor every person.
And on a surface level, we usewords like, I don't have time, I
don't have money.
Then, you get a little deeper.
(08:56):
And then, you start saying wordslike well, I'm not an expert in
that area.
Or the syndrome.
Allison (09:03):
That one kills me.
Aleya (09:06):
Yeah.
Allison (09:06):
I didn't call myself an expert.
Aleya (09:08):
I've done it for 15 years, but I've never spoken
about it on stage.
I haven't been published 50times, so I'm not an expert.
Women do that to ourselves alot.
So, that's the next level,right?
I'm not an expert.
Then, you start really gettinginto the real reasons.
Why would someone listen to me?
I am not valuable.
My story is not worthy.
(09:29):
I do not have the power totransform myself.
So why should someone listen tome?
My story is not done.
It is not big enough.
Those are the real reasons.
Allison (09:42):
Oh my God.
I'm getting full body chills anda little bit nauseous because
yes, those are all the reasonsI'm like, I'm not done.
Maybe when things settle downhas anything ever settled down
for the person who says whenthings settle down?
It doesn't.
Aleya (09:59):
Settle down.
Allison (10:00):
Yes, if I could just, yes.
Wear a sash saying things willnot settle down.
When I retire is another one.
Maybe when I step down frombeing chief of staff at the
hospital.
like nobody's gonna care whatyou say when you're not doing
the thing that makes you theexpert.
You are not a celebrity, so youhave to be in the position of
(10:25):
what you do.
Aleya (10:27):
it's so funny because that particular excuse is like a
double-edged excuse.
On the one hand, you're like,oh, I'll do it when I have the
time and the availability.
Of course, we all know we maketime for the things we want.
And that's you doubtingyourself.
But on the other hand, you'reactually being cocky and
(10:47):
assuming that when you retire,this magical speaking career
will form in like the two weeksafter you retire and before you
go off on your golf trip toFlorida.
And that's not how this works.
Being very blunt with youspeaking careers that are worth
anything, take years to develop.
(11:07):
I have a program called theCorporate Speaker Accelerator,
which shortcuts that.
Allison (11:12):
Oh, thank God.
Aleya (11:13):
It shortcuts it by years and hundreds of thousands of
dollars, but it still takes along time.
So, why not develop it now?
I'm not gonna say who.
My relative, how about that?
Just in case they listen, myrelative, an older relative.
(11:34):
As long as I've known thisperson has been waiting to feel
confident.
This person is in theireighties.
Allison (11:44):
Ah.
Aleya (11:45):
They're still waiting to feel worthy.
They're still waiting to feelattractive.
They're still waiting to accepttheir body.
They're still waiting.
And in the process of waiting,they've gotten smaller and more
petty in the process.
(12:07):
And waiting causes your power toleak out from the cracks.
If you're honest with yourself,are you, I'm strategically
planning my time, or are youjust waiting?
Nothing happens in an inactivegame of waiting, except for the
(12:28):
fact that waiting leads towithering.
Allison (12:32):
Ooh.
Say that again.
That was a mic drop moment.
Aleya (12:36):
Waiting leads to withering.
If you are trying to dosomething with this finite time
we have, you need to be anactive participant in your own
story, in your own creation, inyour own becoming.
In order to do that, you have totake steps forward.
(12:59):
They don't have to be hugeleaps.
You don't have to run, you don'thave to gallop.
But you do have to move forward.
And it's most likely going tonot involve you posting
something on social media, andnot involve you sending that
email, and not involve you justgetting a mic in your hand.
The first steps are thoseunderlying beliefs of, I'm not
(13:21):
worthy, I'm not ready, mystory's not ready to be told.
Just like you said, Allison, youare ready.
Allison (13:29):
You really are.
Aleya (13:30):
You really.
Allison (13:31):
I think people forget that we, I'm in my fifties, I
know I look 27.
When you burn on the way to thedriveway, like you just learn
that the sun is not your friend.
So really sometimes I'm like,ow, I need a hat.
So, this is a lifetime ofAllison, go sit underneath the
(13:54):
tree.
Which is the seventies.
And sunscreen.
Aleya (13:58):
And sunscreen.
Allison (13:59):
Yeah.
And sunscreen.
Even back when sunscreen justfelt like battery acid.
Do you remember those days?
In the seventies when it waslike, it didn't work, but it was
like liquid?
It came out.
It was just alcohol.
Just alcohol.
Yeah.
Those are the days.
So, because I started workingwhen dirt was new and God was a
(14:21):
boy, that was before caller IDwhen my first job was literally,
please stand by the fax machinein the fax room.
Does anybody have those anymore?
And all I just.
Aleya (14:33):
I hope not.
I genuinely hope not.
Allison (14:36):
The smell of fax machine exhaust can really do a
number on you.
Anyway, you learn back then thatthere's a hierarchy to getting
the opportunity that you knowthat you're meant for.
And if that was you, and thatcertainly was me of growing up
(14:58):
in PR agencies.
And then going in-house atQuaker Oats, which became Pepsi,
and then I moved to Unilever.
You know, you are an assistantmanager, and then you're a
manager, and then a seniormanager.
And these itty bitty incrementsuntil you're like, oh, I'm
leading the department.
At any point in that time, Icould have said, you know, I'm
(15:20):
also going to be speaking onthese stages that are not about
PR cause yes, of course I spokeat the PR industry conference.
Not because I decided to, butbecause the PR association, PR
RSA reached out like, could youcome speak'cause we see you
everywhere?
You're quoted in the New YorkTimes every week.
(15:41):
Like it never occurred to me.
Why?
I don't know.
But now I know because I thoughtI had to get to a certain place.
And if that's you, you know, asyou're sitting in the target
parking lot waiting for yourdaughter to come out with
another strawberry, somethingrefresher drink, whatever.
Yeah.
This is my life.
(16:01):
You don't have to wait.
You don't have to decide.
You don't have to askpermission.
You can decide this is somethingI'm gonna speak about.
And it doesn't need to be thething that you do for a living.
It might mean that maybe youtalk about the illness that your
daughter contracted and youbecome a patient advocate.
Or big trauma, little trauma,you know, and as a whatever it
(16:28):
is, you can do it.
And you don't have to wait foran invitation like I did or
permission or for your peers tobe like, oh, that makes sense.
Screw your peers.
They're not your friends andthey're not your family.
And your family probably won'tthey wanna protect you, so
they'll always wanna keep yousmall, ps.
(16:50):
So, ask people who say to you.
Wow, you are so amazing.
And if you can't figure out whothose people are, you can email
me.
Aleya (17:01):
You need new friends.
Allison (17:03):
Yes.
Your friends know.
The people you're in a writinggroup, they know.
So, Aleya, but what you'resaying is that people can get
visible in the right way, butthey have to have a goal.
It's not take a baby step.
You still have to know whereyou're going.
Otherwise, you may not ever getthere.
Right?
Aleya (17:24):
That's actually a very good question.
Do I need to know where I amgoing?
I know I'm supposed to say yes.
But that's not been my story asof late.
So I always, I'm a type aEnneagram three, wing two.
I always think I know where I'mgoing.
I have my top 10 goals for thisyear.
(17:45):
That's backed up.
A hundred page planningdocument.
Allison (17:48):
Ooh.
Aleya (17:49):
That's good version you're dealing with.
I also rub crystals on thingsand do like or magic and have
aar so.
Allison (17:56):
Lot layers.
Aleya (17:57):
A lot of layers, but I always think I know exactly
where I'm going until I leaveroom for spirit.
And whether your spirit is yourhighest self or your great donut
maker in the sky, God, whatever.
Until I leave room for thatvoice.
And sometimes I'm spot on andsometimes I'm just like.
(18:18):
I didn't want to hear that.
I'm gonna ignore that.
That's usually, I'm reallyhonest.
That's the first thing thathappens.
I rarely remember oh yes, I'mgonna completely change what I'm
doing because you're absolutelyright.
I'm on the wrong path.
I usually am like, I'm gonnaignore you several times.
And then it's gonna get louder,and then I'm gonna change.
I think that a balance ofknowing and not knowing where
you're going that actually getsyou to where you are supposed to
(18:41):
be a lot faster.
So, you set the goal that's moreimmediate so that you can, you
gotta sit in movement becauselife can't help you if you're
sitting still.
Like it is very rare that you'repraying for love, praying for
your match, and all you do issit on your couch all day.
(19:02):
If you happen to fall in lovewith your Amazon delivery
person, more power to you.
But most likely that's not gonnabe the case.
Right?
So, you need to stay in movementand it's, you pick a direction
to move in while making surethat you are light footed and
(19:23):
not wearing cement boots thatlock you into place so that you
take a step.
Then you listen, you takeanother step, then you listen
and you might need to adjust.
You might need to backtrack, youmight need to run, but having a
set goal of I want to get onstage can mean so many things.
(19:47):
My set goal was I want to becomean international speaker.
I eventually did do that.
I'm an award-winninginternational speaker.
Never once, did I have a setgoal of I wanna be a speaker
coach, not even a little bit.
Not even on my best day.
Not even on my worst day.
(20:07):
And I actually, the time of thisrecording, after developing a
speaker coaching program, aspeaker coaching accelerator
program, writing a bestsellingbook about speaker coaching and
writing and having a podcastabout, you guessed it, speaker
coaching.
It is not until about a week agoafter a conversation and my 50th
(20:31):
existential crisis for themonth.
Did I actually go, oh my God,I'm a speaker coach.
I never stepped into thatidentity.
It was not on my goal list, butI just walked and I listened and
I walked and I listened and Iguess I needed to look up.
I must have been looking at myfeet and look around and go, I
(20:53):
built an entire speakingcoaching business.
Why is that?
One because it wasn't in myoriginal goal, but I was
listening and I'm exactly whereI need to be.
Thank God's Spirit knows morethan I do.
And two, because my limitingbelief gave me judgments around
the word coach.
For me, those that can't do,teach those who couldn't cut it.
Allison (21:18):
Ouch.
Aleya (21:19):
I know I am a speaker coach.
Trust me, I'm cutting intomyself.
It's not just you.
I realized that was what mysubconscious was telling me that
I couldn't be two things atonce.
An international award-winningspeaker and a coach, because
coaches are those who are nogood on stage.
They're just good enough to getsomeone to believe them that
(21:39):
they could do it in a half-assway.
I know you can do it too.
So, I had to reconcile myidentity before I was able to
open up a greater streamabundance.
And this happened a couple, likea week ago, right?
I shoot you not sorry, I swearlike a sailor.
I'm working on it.
I shoot you not Allison.
(22:02):
In the past week, I've attractedan additional$10,000 to my
speaking coaching business.
How did I do that?
Did I launch a new thing or,yeah, I did, but it wasn't
through that.
It was just from the fact that Iwas finally in alignment with
who I was.
I didn't wait and then wither, Ididn't ignore the identity.
(22:24):
I faced who I was, and then Istepped fully into the power of
that.
And then, I continue to listen,to hear whatever the next step
is.
So do you need to know exactlywhere you're going?
No.
Do you even, I mean, youprobably should look up and see
where you are so you don't haveto have a ridiculous moment that
I just had, which I know soundssuper ridiculous.
(22:46):
You don't need to have all thepressure on yourself to know all
the things.
You go after the feeling.
I became a speaker coach.
I prefer speaker mentor becauseI still have some issues with
the word coach.
I know I'm working on myself.
I became a speaker mentorbecause my footsteps listening,
stepping listening, were allaround serving people.
(23:07):
I kept coming across women inparticular had a story, who
wanted to tell it, who wanted totransform themselves and others,
and I just wanted to help.
And so, I started taking stepsto help and look where I am now.
I have a six figure speakingcoaching business that I denied
until a week ago.
Allison (23:27):
Well, welcome to your business.
And
Aleya (23:30):
you.
Allison (23:30):
Your role.
Aleya (23:31):
I, I feel like I need to throw a party or something like,
it definitely feels like that,Allison.
Allison (23:35):
I think I have some confetti.
I will throw it at you.
That's the thing everyone aroundyou can see that you are a
powerful mentor for people whoare meant to tell their stories,
to inspire others and offerperspective.
But to claim that is so there isa limiting belief.
(24:01):
Or, oh, there's the pride ismaybe not what we're going
after, but people wanna behumble and I just wanna take it
on their shoulders and go,
Aleya (24:12):
This is who
Allison (24:13):
you can't see it.
Aleya (24:15):
Yeah.
Allison (24:16):
And you know that you can see it in the people who
come to you and say, I think Ihave a story.
And you go, oh my God, I'venever heard a story like that.
Yes.
This is happening.
We're gonna do it.
And it's so clear to you.
But of course they're not sure,and they're also not trained and
skilled as you are to see thatthe story they should be telling
(24:36):
is actually right there.
Aleya (24:38):
So because of that, I'm gonna give you the homework that
I within the week have givenmyself and done.
Allison (24:45):
All right.
Aleya (24:45):
I want you, Allison, and everyone listening write a
success list.
Think back.
It helps you to do it in stages.
Think back to the past 30 days.
Think back to the past year, 5,10, 15, 20 years.
And do it in stages.
And write down all of yoursuccesses, all of the things
(25:07):
that you, I mean, everythingfrom landing the deal, starting
the business, having the babysaying no to that guy, saying no
to that chocolate cake, sayingyes to the chocolate cake.
Whatever it is small and large.
Write down as many successes asyou can think of, and at the
end, read it and you should feelfricking unstoppable.
(25:28):
Then I want you to kind of nerdout on yourself a little bit.
I want you to look at your listand see what themes develop.
Why did you consider that asuccess?
What did you overcome that madethat a success?
What do you regularly overcome?
And what do you regularly feelproud about yourself for?
Allison (25:52):
Okay, give me those questions again'cause we're
gonna put them in the show notesas well.
Aleya (25:56):
Okay.
Allison (25:57):
I am writing my index cards'cause everybody knows
around here, I do love a threeby five card.
They're so portable.
Aleya (26:03):
Yeah, they are.
They are portable.
So, you're writing down all ofyour successes and when you're
in that high, you're readingyour list and liking and you're
feeling good, and then you'reasking yourself what themes have
developed?
Do you regularly overcome thatand that's why you consider that
thing to be a success?
What do you regularly help otherpeople?
(26:25):
How have you transformedyourself from the oldest success
to the newest success?
And what stories have you toldyourself for better or for
worse, that have caused you tobe successful?
Doing this exercise will allowyou see yourself in the way that
(26:52):
your best friend sees you thatmirror, so that you become aware
of who you are through yoursuccesses.
People are like what about myfailures?
I'm a whole person.
I failed a lot.
Yeah, no, you do that on yourown.
You do that enough without me,you don't need help with that.
Allison (27:08):
Yeah.
No, that's plenty.
And also, what voice was that?
Aleya (27:12):
I guess I, my
Allison (27:14):
yeah,
Aleya (27:16):
idea.
Allison (27:17):
I love it.
I'm concerned for that dude.
But yes.
Aleya (27:21):
You should be.
He definitely has emphysema.
So that's what I want you to doto gain awareness not only of
where you are, but who you are.
Speaking is not about theinformation that you can give,
it's about how you transmit it,how you connect, and how you
(27:42):
facilitate someone taking thenext step on their
transformational journey.
The only way you can do that isif you are clear on where you
are in your journey and how youcan help other people.
And you do that through yoursuccesses.
Allison (27:56):
I am just letting that sit for a second'cause that was
super duper powerful.
And I made a stack of three byfive cards for myself
Aleya (28:06):
I'm glad.
Allison (28:07):
Outside and sit underneath the tree and do the
work.
Aleya (28:10):
That sounds very pleasant.
Allison (28:12):
I'm in Boston, so it's not crazy hot here.
People think it is so hot hereand they're like, oh, I'm
burning up.
Like you're wearing a sweater.
It's August.
Aleya (28:24):
You wouldn't be burning up if you.
Allison (28:25):
Yeah, I think you're fine.
Very different than when I livedin North Carolina when it was so
hot.
Aleya (28:33):
And hot.
Allison (28:34):
Like the surface of the sun.
A lot of experts deliver talksthat are filled with credentials
or they start with I'm herebecause of this list of resume
items, or case studies, or letme tell you the like facts.
And they're not all thatcaptivating.
(28:56):
And they haven't said anythingthat like lands, even though
maybe what they're sharing ispowerful and important.
But it doesn't automaticallytranslate to being seen or
connected with or understood.
So, how can people who should bespeaking reposition their
(29:20):
expertise so that resonates withthe people who are very clearly
out there looking forinspiration and solutions and
perspective.
Aleya (29:33):
The first thing that comes out of your mouth is the
most important sentence of anystage talk.
Every sentence you say earns youthe right to have someone listen
to the next sentence.
The people in the audience.
(29:53):
Yes.
Even you, when you are in theaudience, and even me when I'm
in the audience, we are allnarcissists with short attention
spans.
Is it about me?
Can you make it about me?
Oh I'm sorry.
Is it about me now?
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
As long as it's about me, I'mgoing to listen to you with the
most love.
(30:13):
No one cares about yourcredentials or your passion
unless you can paint how yourpassion help them facilitate
their own transformation.
So whenever I hit the stage, Imake sure that the first thing I
say is a hook that gets them topay attention because people
(30:39):
talk about how an audience canbe distracted by their devices,
their phones, their honey child.
If you are boring, the dirtunderneath their fingernails is
more exciting than you.
It doesn't take any effort forthem to tune out, and human
beings are essentially verylazy.
(30:59):
We do the thing that requiresthe least amount of effort
possible to get the desiredresult.
Even if I've paid thousands ofdollars a sit in that conference
and listen to you if you areeither right before happy hour
or right after lunch.
I don't care.
My brain is overwhelmed.
It's shut off.
I've heard a bunch of, sorry,bad speakers up until this
(31:22):
point.
I've taken probably way too manynotes that I'm never going to
use.
I need you to wake me out of myblur and make me pay attention
to my own transformation becauseby this point in time, I have
forgotten about it.
Even if you are the openingkeynote, no one has spoken
(31:43):
before you.
Most people go through life in ablur.
They are not paying attentiontruly to what matters in that
moment, which is themselvesfiguring out how to be the
highest version of themselves.
Your job from that stage is towake them up, suck them in, and
keep their attention for 45minutes to 60 minutes so that by
(32:07):
the time they are done, they areone enamored with you.
Two have realized that the wholething is about them, and three,
they are excited to take thenext step in their own journey.
I get introduced on stage.
Someone reads a bio, which noone listens to, and I do not
ever have a slide in thereunless it's somehow requested by
(32:28):
the speaker organizer, which Idon't enjoy.
I don't ever have a slide inthere about myself.
No one cares.
Allison (32:37):
They get enough reading the bio of like, why is this
person here?
Oh, okay.
They're a speaker mentor.
Got it.
They assume that you have a biothat is full of bad assery.
Aleya (32:51):
Uhhuh.
Allison (32:51):
They don't need it.
Aleya (32:52):
The event organizers picked you for a reason,.
So, you are not just some randomJoe Schmo off the street.
So, the best way to articulateyour expertise is to use it.
Show me your expertise.
Allison (33:07):
Yes.
Aleya (33:08):
Right now, show me how you can help me.
Everyone is singing that song.
What have you Done For MeLately?
Allison (33:17):
Do not make me do it.
Aleya (33:17):
now.
Lately means how are you helpingme in this moment?
Allison (33:24):
Yes.
Aleya (33:24):
Not five years ago when you won that award.
I don't care.
Allison (33:28):
Yes.
Oh my word.
So, what should people actuallydo when they want to break out
of their silo?
It's usually people who reachthe top early, like me.
I was running PR for Unilever,north America at 31.
Where do you go from there?
(33:49):
And it was a lot ofadministration, like a lot of
meetings instead of like the funpart.
Aleya (33:56):
Yeah.
Allison (33:56):
I got to dance with Omar Epps
Aleya (33:58):
Okay.
That's a fun part.
Allison (34:00):
At the penthouse, the Gucci mansion.
I was like, this is like a life.
Aleya (34:04):
Yeah.
Allison (34:06):
It was fun.
But also I was traveling.
I was tired.
I didn't get to sleep in my ownbed.
It was like, woe is me.
I had a very glamorous job, butstill, I was like, where do you
go from there?
Aleya (34:17):
Yeah.
Allison (34:18):
And for the person who's saying, okay, now I'm in
the department head and I'vedone that.
Where do I go from here?
There's still a ways to go, butyou get to decide.
So, what do we need to tellpeople so that they remove those
self-imposed boundaries, whichwe lovingly call limiting
(34:38):
beliefs, but they areself-imposed so that they can
take themselves seriously andmove forward.
Aleya (34:48):
There are limiting beliefs.
They are self-imposed.
I 1000% agreeing.
But some of it is also likeburnout and stress.
If the person that you describedand yourself, if that is your
lifestyle, you do not know howto do anything but that.
(35:09):
Besides running a marathon 24 7.
Allison (35:13):
Yeah.
Aleya (35:14):
So, the first thing that you need to do is visualize
something else.
Ask yourself.
What could my life look like ifI were more balanced?
What could my life look like ifI moved up the Maslow's
hierarchy of need closer toself-actualization?
(35:35):
Because there is more than justfood, clothing, shelter, and
making money and leaving alegacy and all of that.
There is more.
Allison (35:44):
Yes.
Aleya (35:45):
And when you get into the more and the more is related to
the greater more, that is youstart to dream and seek.
That's the first step because ifyou can't see it to take your
first step towards it.
And then continue to listen andstep towards it, go anywhere you
only feel like you are limitedbecause you've finished a
(36:07):
chapter of the book.
But the books' is not done'causeyou're not dead.
So, you still have some writing.
Right?
Until you're dead.
And then I haven't, I don'tremember the last time I died
assuming something happens afterthat.
But until then you got somewriting to do of your own life
story.
Allison (36:26):
Yeah.
Aleya (36:27):
So, what do you want that to look like?
That's the first step.
The next step after you get atleast a kind of idea, like I do
want something more, somethingdifferent.
You sit back and you think, if Icould transform someone else,
which you can't, but if youcould.
(36:48):
Transform someone else in theway that I have been transformed
my life, what does that looklike?
This is the giving back.
This is the educating, this isthe sage, this is the
co-creation experience, right?
Then once you figure out whatthat transformation is.
(37:09):
You ask yourself, okay, now whatdo I go say about that?
So, like for me, let me give youan example.
One of the ways that I've beentransformed in my life is from
someone who dreaded money,really wanted it, but dreaded
talking about it, dreaded itcoming in, dreaded it coming
(37:30):
out.
Wouldn't have said it that way,but that was anything to do with
money terrified me.
Allison (37:35):
Yeah.
Aleya (37:35):
Except I wanted a lot of it.
To someone who lets abundanceflow.
And it does.
Thank goodness.
So then, what do I gotta sayabout that?
Well, shoot.
I have this problem that cameup.
I remember this situation.
I remember when this was mylowest, I remembered when this
was my highest.
Then I did that, and if onlyknown A, B, C, D.
(38:00):
Write down all those things.
Those are the stories peoplewanna hear about from stage.
It is not about you overcomingyour limits.
It's about you using them to thebenefit of yourself and someone
else.
If you wait you overcome all ofyour limiting beliefs before you
get on stage, you will never geton stage.
Allison (38:23):
That is true.
Aleya (38:24):
If you believe in karma.
It will be several lifetimesbefore you ever get on stage.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
So, instead of framing it as Ineed to be perfect and I need to
be the sage on stage, come withyour full self.
The imperfections, the wounds,the scars.
(38:47):
Say that's how I got this battlescar.
Here's how to not do that.
I have another one.
I have one that's still healing,so I'm still a work in progress,
but I do have some things that Ican offer for you.
That's how you step into yourpower on stage.
Allison (39:03):
Oh my gosh.
This is so important.
So many people need to hearthis.
Let's shift gears for a sec.
Tell me about a book you loved,something that shaped you or
stayed with you.
Aleya (39:17):
Oh man, there's so many.
I like Anatomy of the Spirit byCaroline, miss Momentum by John
Roger.
Made to stick by Chip and DanHeath.
Gosh.
Allison (39:31):
Love.
Money.
Money loves you.
Aleya (39:32):
Money Loves you.
Yes.
Allison (39:34):
Yeah.
Aleya (39:35):
that
Allison (39:35):
You mentioned that before.
Aleya (39:36):
Many, many a time.
Oh, ask and it is given byAbraham Hicks.
That's a sincere favorite ofmine.
I also love building aStoryBrand by Donald Miller.
Marketing Made Simple by DonaldMiller.
Allison (39:50):
Yeah.
Oof.
Aleya (39:53):
My own book.
Haha.
Spark the stage.
Viol Harris.
You can get it on Amazon.
Great.
It's my favorite.
That's my ultimate, that's myfavorite book.
So.
Allison (40:05):
That goes for, yeah, obviously.
And we'll have all of these inthe show notes because people
are often too busy to scrollthrough.
You just want somebody to tellyou, this is the book you need
to read.
You don't have to try and figureit out.
Here's the list, right?
Aleya (40:25):
Absolutely.
And even in my book, spark ThisAge, that's not another
shameless plug, but for real, inmy book.
One of the chapters is about thepower of reading to be able to
speak.
And I have a link to my favoritebook list because I love love
reading, love it.
Allison (40:42):
Ooh, can we include your book list?
Aleya (40:46):
You can include the link to my book.
Allison (40:48):
Obviously Yeah, we will.
And I guess what I'm asking isdo you have a like a book list,
like a shop on Amazon wheresomeone could go and like just
see everything?
Aleya (40:58):
I do have that.
Allison (40:59):
Cool.
Aleya (40:59):
What's in the book is that when you buy the book, then
you get access to the spark box.
And then within the spark boxyou get all kinds of digital
resources.
Allison (41:08):
Ugh.
Awesome.
Okay, we're gonna have that.
People are gonna want it.
Before I ask you the finalquestion, I'm gonna slip one
more in here.
Can you say more about yourspeaker coaching program?
Because I know if you don't sayit, I'm gonna get emails.
Aleya (41:24):
Absolutely.
So, I actually have a couple ofdifferent options.
My first baby, my first love isSpark The stage.
Spark The stage is a 12 monthgroup coaching and on demand
course program that helpsauthentic people tell compelling
stories from the stage to acaptivated audience.
It includes 12 months groupcoaching every Friday morning
(41:46):
right now at 9:00 AM Pacifictime.
It also includes access to me onSlack as well as an on-demand
course that takes you from soupto nuts on how to be a speaker.
Whether you're a current speakeror you've never been on a stage
before you can absolutelyleverage spark the stage.
The other option is for thosepeople who want to be on stage
and they want to do it quickly.
Allison (42:08):
Yeah.
Aleya (42:08):
Spark, the stage corporate speaker accelerator.
It's a two day collaborationwhere you get three experts
working solely for you, whereasspark the stage my 12 month
program is done is kind of likeDIY.
I'm right alongside of you, butI'm not doing any of the work.
The stage the corporate speakeraccelerator has done for you and
(42:30):
done with you.
That is a two day experiencewhere it's me, a ghost writer,
and a NLP master coach.
We write your talk for you, wewrite your pitch for you, and we
help you get over your limitingbeliefs in a two day VIP
section.
And then, we also includepitching you to 250 targeted
(42:50):
decision makers in your niche.
Allison (42:52):
Whoa.
That's huge.
Aleya (42:55):
Yeah.
Allison (42:56):
People are like, I'm ready.
But they don't have time to doit themselves or like people I
work with are like, I have astaff for this sort of thing.
I don't want to take your class.
I want it to be done.
Aleya (43:09):
That is exactly who this is for.
I just want it to be done.
So, for the spark, the stage,the corporate speaker
accelerator, it'saleyaharris.com/spark-vip.
Allison (43:20):
Well, we will include links to everything you shared.
Last question before we callthis podcast complete.
What's one thing everyone can dotoday to get in touch with the
speaker they know they shouldbe?
Aleya (43:37):
You can forgive yourself.
You can forgive yourself forjudging yourself.
You can forgive yourself forforgetting that you are divine.
You are right on time.
You have not made any mistakes.
Everything you've done up untilthis point has created the
beautiful human.
You are, and the journey thatyou are on.
(43:58):
Forgive yourself for forgettingthat you are perfect.
Allison (44:05):
I can't follow that up with anything.
You are perfect.
Thank you very much.
If you know that you need to getin touch with Aleya, go to the
podcast notes.
Everything you need will bethere.
You can also send me a questionand I'll make sure that she gets
(44:26):
it.
If you know someone who needsthis, please pull over.
Don't do it while you'redriving.
And forward this to someonebecause they're too busy to
filter out everything and tofind it themselves, and you're
really doing somebody a solid.
I listened to this.
I thought of you, fast forwardto minute 12 or whatever.
(44:50):
I do this a lot where I'm like,you don't have to listen to the
whole thing, but you need tolisten to this one moment
because it's the answer that yousaid you were searching for the
other day.
People appreciate when you dothem a solid and you open a door
for them, so be that person.
And it wouldn't hurt if youleave a five star review because
(45:11):
it makes the algorithm happy.
And I so appreciate it.
And we will see you next weekgiving you more of an edge on
your path as an author.
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