E-1...Finding Light in Dark Times

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How do you find solace after enduring unimaginable loss? Join us as we share an intimate narrative from the heart of the abandoned Chillicothe Hospital in Texas, where our conversation becomes a lifeline amidst personal hardships. We uncover how speaking our truths—especially in the wake of Zach's devastating loss—becomes more than just a cathartic release; it transforms into a powerful tool for healing. Our candid discussions aim to turn shared grief into a routine of support, offering a space that might not find a vast audience but serves as a crucial anchor for us.

Exploring the intricate dance of masculinity, family, and societal expectations, we challenge the norms that define strength and vulnerability. Through personal stories, such as a tense Thanksgiving tale, we juxtapose traditional discipline methods against modern perspectives, reflecting on how these forces shape parenting and the fierce love that binds families. We delve into the resilience expressed across genders, highlighting how boys and girls navigate these societal expectations differently yet with equal courage.

As we journey through childhood memories, the role of early relationships and family dynamics in shaping our identities comes into focus. Friendships forged through laughter, family nicknames, and the influence of upbringing become cornerstone topics, reflecting the importance of connection and authenticity. Finally, amidst tales of haunted hospitals and personal reflections on life, we ponder the impact of legacy and the power of capturing and cherishing moments for future generations. We invite you to listen, not for fame, but to partake in a shared human experience that seeks to find light even in the darkest times.

Episode Transcript

Bucky (00:00):
All right, coming to you live from the old, abandoned
Chillicothe Hospital,Chillicothe, Texas.
This is the B to the E to the Zand meant anything to me.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
And with those baby blue eyes and that smile, that
smile, this year she turnedthree.
You better grab a hold ofsomething, for something grabs a
hold of you.
Grab a hold of something forsomething grabs a hold of you,

(00:48):
and don't ask a question if youcan't take the truth, because
I'm just a reflection of you.

Bucky (01:01):
He said I'm just a reflection of you and start
recording.
You got it All right.
See, we're going now we'rerecording.

Earl (01:09):
If you read some simple instructions, I mean.
Word for word.

Bucky (01:12):
Hey, I don't know what the hell we're doing here.

Earl (01:15):
Hey, so I guess a couple times.

Bucky (01:17):
We are here at the old, abandoned Chillicothe Hospital,
abandoned In a new studio.
It In a new studio.

Zack (01:26):
It's not a new studio, who abandoned it, it's what it is.

Bucky (01:29):
It's a new studio but I think we're going to work on a.

Earl (01:32):
It's the original studio.

Bucky (01:35):
Yeah, this is the original boardroom of the
Chillicothe Hospital.
Lots of decisions have beenmade here, shit, but uh, that's
not why we're here it didn't endwell.

Earl (01:44):
The place closed down, yeah it closed down, so now.

Zack (01:48):
Some people got rich, some people didn't.
They know shit.

Bucky (01:51):
Some people got away.
Hey, that could be a topic foranother day.

Earl (01:54):
Yeah, it is, because that's some Shit.

Bucky (01:56):
Some people were forced to retire.

Earl (02:02):
Some people should.
Hey, I ain't going to say yeah,I just seen one of them this
weekend.

Bucky (02:07):
Hey, that's another topic for another day.

Zack (02:09):
Right.

Bucky (02:10):
But we're here to start a podcast and we don't know what
we're doing.

Earl (02:18):
Nah, this is how you do it , though.

Bucky (02:20):
You just start talking, I mean hey, we got sound.

Earl (02:21):
Well as far as recording and shit like that.
Yeah, we got different hookupslike that we got equipment you
done, invested some money in it.
Why are you doing it, bucky?
Why would you do that?
A podcast, yeah.
Why would you put some money inthis and take this?

Bucky (02:33):
as something to do.
Okay, let me tell you a storyof what really happened.

Earl (02:36):
This is a true story.

Zack (02:46):
Zach knows about it because he started the whole
thing told me, so it was afterChristmas.

Bucky (02:48):
You know, I don't know if it's Christmas Day, I don't
know what day it was ChristmasDay, yeah, I don't know.
Thinking about Zack and howprobably he was having a hard
time now someone texting man tosee how he's doing.
So I text him in bro, how youdoing Merry Christmas.
It might have been more to itand I don't think.
I think that was it and thereply I got.
I'm just gonna read it, becausethat way it will be word for
word.
Are you good with that?

(03:08):
That's fine, and so that was awhile back.

Zack (03:13):
I'm a long ways from it, I know.
That's why I can't hear you.
Am I too close?

Earl (03:16):
No, you're good, no, no, no.

Bucky (03:17):
Couldn't hear you, so I have to go.
Oh man, I'm going to have to goback here.

Zack (03:22):
I said, trying to find reasons to keep breathing there
you go.

Bucky (03:27):
So when he told me that I damn near had a wreck that day
because I was going to Wichita,the highway was shut down
because of a wreck so I had togo around one of them roundabout
deals from the overpass.
I was just driving and I got,got to the intersection and I
didn't stop.
I just ran right through it andthe guy was like, yeah, and I

(03:51):
was talking to him, I think Iwas called you right.
Then after you texted me,didn't I call you?
Yes, and so I damn near had awreck.
Then I got up, uh, about a halfmile they were looking for a
body out in the woods.
I'm like, man, that's crazy.
So I just said I called Zachand told him.
I said we're starting a podcast, Yep, and so we can rewind.

Zack (04:15):
We need to rewind about 13 months, something like that.
So the reason that I said thatI was trying to find reasons to
keep breathing is that both ofmy girls died in a car wreck on
September 1st of 2022.

Bucky (04:33):
So yeah, so it hit me when he told me that you know
I've had other friends, thatwe've had other friends and
people we know that had a hardtime and didn't make it not here
with us anymore and so we'vejust been through a lot of shit
yeah, I've been through a lot ofshit and so I'm like man zach

(04:53):
is going through some shit youknow, hey, yeah, we all do.

Earl (04:56):
But well I can't say his is worse than mine or you know
nobody's to to uh debate thateverybody's bottoms different,
but when you tell me that that'swhen, when I said we're
starting a podcast,motherfucker's one of the
toughest people I know.
I knew that right away that day.

Bucky (05:09):
Yeah, but I said, I'm starting a podcast If it don't
do anything, if it don't help,if we don't ever get one
listener, and we may not.

Zack (05:16):
Oh, we will, but I'm not worried about that.

Bucky (05:19):
I, we can do this to help one another.
You're right, if I can make it,to say all right, zach, every
friday afternoon at threeo'clock try to make a routine.

Earl (05:29):
Yeah, try to make it a routine something to.
It's like we're set to do thatnow.

Bucky (05:34):
Yeah, yeah, that's what we're working on so now, maybe
this podcast will give you areason to breathe, right?
I mean, maybe not, I don't knowbut you got.

Earl (05:45):
You've tried some different ones, haven't you
different?
A reason to breathe, right?
I mean, maybe not, I don't know.
I don't know, but you've triedsome different ones, haven't you
Different?

Bucky (05:50):
what Reasons to breathe?
Yes, oh, that's so weird.
Yes, you know what I mean.
Maybe some of them are workingand some of them aren't.

Earl (05:54):
Well, some things are temporary.

Bucky (05:56):
Exactly.
There's short-term and there,yes, women.

Earl (06:02):
Yeah, there's different things that can.

Bucky (06:04):
But I mean, yeah, that's a long discussion.

Zack (06:06):
Well, yeah, I mean, I like them all.

Earl (06:09):
Well, yeah, to some degree you got to be careful with all
that shit.

Bucky (06:12):
Yeah, you can't over and over.

Earl (06:14):
There's an old country boy saying it's okay to carry on,
but don't get carried away.
Hey, I like that.
It's different.
It's different with differentpeople.
It's hard, it is.
That's why it's like an oldschool thing.
It's not PC anymore.
You know what I mean?

(06:35):
It's the Me Too, and all thisshit.
What are we?
White dudes?
We got the least.
Now we live during the wrongtime of white dudes now we live
during the wrong time of white,there we go.

Bucky (06:48):
See, there we go.
It's tattooed, bearded andracist.
I am, that will get.
I'm all about whitey.
Yeah, yeah, I probably put racein it.

Zack (06:53):
My god, every one of us, every one of us are are married
to the other race, you know so,yeah, you're right, you're right
, I ain't thought about that,dude.

Earl (07:01):
Wow, I thought about that interesting, so we're not
prejudiced, you know well, well,no, well, prejudice is a
different thing, so you prejudgecertain things.
There's stereotypes, there'sracist, there's like hating
other race.
There's different degrees.
It's like love there'sdifferent kinds of love.

Zack (07:14):
There's different kinds of hate.
Well, there's a big differencebetween love and lust.

Earl (07:20):
There's misunderstanding.
There's fantasy.

Bucky (07:22):
We all know we grew up in this small town in Texas.

Earl (07:25):
No Asians in the crowd.

Bucky (07:26):
No Asians have that, yeah , that's right In Texas, in
Texas.

Zack (07:29):
We're trying not to use names or anything else.

Bucky (07:31):
But we grew up in a small town and I've seen some of that
racist stuff.
Oh yeah, yeah, we still do.

Earl (07:36):
I still do, Brother, I still do in all these little
towns.
I ain't got very far.

Bucky (07:41):
I'm not saying I broke any barriers here, but oh yeah,
no, there was a time and a placeyou fought for the cause, your
time was it.

Earl (07:49):
You were ahead of your time.
That's a story for another day.

Zack (07:51):
We're going to talk about.
What are you going?

Earl (07:54):
to talk about.

Zack (07:54):
There's two people here that can't be named.
You know what I'm saying.
So here's one of the thingsthat talk about racism.
Since we're on it, the thingsthat happen in chillicothe,
texas.
Uh, there was a uh, a farmerand when I say big farmer, I
mean he was a big dude, he wasactually uh, I wouldn't say he
was a farmer, but he helpedfarmers out because he run

(08:17):
combines.
Then there was a, a guy thathad moved here from out of town
and was dating his brother'sdaughter I don't know if y'all
witnessed that or not Rightoutside the new gym.
Oh yeah yeah, yeah, he pickedhim up by the throat, slammed
him on the car.
Said leave my niece alone, oryou're going to die and nobody

(08:38):
will miss you.

Bucky (08:39):
Yeah, so we know it's not okay.

Earl (08:47):
I feel like that's how we knew.
Then you didn't have a littletingle.
Then you had a little tingle,then Like what the fuck?
Right, that's somethingdifferent.
Not everybody has.
Different people have differentlines and conscience.

Bucky (08:58):
That's part of that little voice in your head.

Zack (09:01):
Yeah, but that's how the new generation heard it.
I'm sorry, go ahead, brother.
Here's what it is.
That type of attitude was bredinto them.

Bucky (09:07):
Yes, yeah, it was learned , it's a learned You're soaked
in, it's soaked in.

Earl (09:11):
You don't know anything Over time it gets different too,
hey, but I didn't either.
That's right, that's what I'msaying.
Over time it's different foreach generation.

Bucky (09:18):
It doesn't mean anything.

Earl (09:24):
I've done it.
It's a conscious thing.
It's like I told you to takethe C word out of my mouth.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
Things like that or what else, sorry I try not to
say I'm sorry.

Bucky (09:30):
Yeah, gd is a good one, that's a hard one, but it's a
good one to put on there.

Earl (09:36):
I've been trying to cut back on that word.

Zack (09:38):
Hey, that's it, except for I know when to If we all want
to stop saying GD which I'vedone this before and I've caught
myself because I'm mad at Godright now but saying the GD word
.
But every time you say GD, ifyou slap yourself, you'll stop
saying it.
You're right.

Earl (09:54):
I had to do that with one of my twins.
I told you about my definition,right, GD, it's a real thing.
Something is God damn right.
Some things are damned by God.
Like these things, like thisphone.
It's going to perish from theearth.
Things are.
There's just things that aregone.
They're damned.
It's not going to carry onthese buildings, things like
that.
They're damned by God.

(10:15):
I don't know what about dogsand cats?
I mean there's family.

Zack (10:19):
I don't know about shit like that.

Bucky (10:20):
okay, there's families okay, there's families, there's
family, there's names, familynames that are damned by god,
but generation curses.

Earl (10:27):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, you talk.
Yeah, there's things such athing that people didn't make
that up that hate that's insideof them, it's strong, it's a
feeling.
It's more than that.
We can talk about feelings, butthat's part of what that is.

Bucky (10:38):
It's a strong kind of why we started this podcast right
maybe the mystery of life well,maybe we don't talk about our
feelings enough, and maybe weshould.
You're right about that,Because as a man you're, I don't
know about you guys, but Idon't.
I guess I was taught as as,growing up as a man, you don't.
You don't cry, you ain't got tocry.

Earl (10:59):
Get up, Get up, boy.
Yeah, like get up.

Bucky (11:01):
Yeah, put some dirt on that, let's go yeah.

Earl (11:03):
And I still do that, but I cry more than I ever did you
know fucking as an old man?

Bucky (11:07):
When you get an adult you're like it's different.

Earl (11:09):
It's hard to explain.

Zack (11:10):
I'll give you a reason.

Earl (11:11):
It's okay.
Yeah, oh well, yeah, hell, yeah, like right, well, you couldn't
anymore.
I was raised a little morephysically, that's what I'm
saying.
Like if you, if you was in agrocery store and you're.

Bucky (11:30):
I went to court for spanking my child.
Once you better get over here.

Earl (11:32):
I'm gonna give you something to cry about, yeah
maybe up there in the cornersaying nine better, not, I don't
know, people do yeah, I've seenboth.
I've seen extremes.

Zack (11:39):
It's kind of putting a halt to this.
But here's a story.
Let me tell you a story thathappened one time.
So I'm at my brother's for, uh,I believe it was thanksgiving,
or yeah thanksgiving and uh, mybrother's wife, mom's boyfriend
at the time was there and he wasuh, so he was a chaplain, and

(12:00):
uh, my daughter well, lexi, Ican say her name, so Lexi's
acting pretty bad, you know.

Bucky (12:08):
How old is she?
I mean Four or five.
Okay, yeah, I'm just trying toget a picture.
All right, all right, all right.

Zack (12:15):
No, she was younger than that, because Zoe was a baby.
Okay, zoe was probably one, soshe's probably three or four,
but my daughter, but Lexixilet's just go ahead and throw
this out there lexi never didbaby talk, so as soon as she
started speaking, she was fullsentence.
She's telling you yeah, soanyway.
So, uh, she's acting bad and mymom has just told her.
You know you need to stop that.
And you know, and you know,finally, I had, I heard of that.

(12:37):
I, I heard you need to stopthat.
Enough times I said now, listento me, you need to stop that
right now.
And my brother's, wife's mom'sboyfriend.

Earl (12:56):
I'm following you brother, this person of interest.

Zack (12:59):
Says boy, that is a child you're talking to, you don't
need to be talking to her likethat and yelled it at me.
And I turned around and lookedat him and I was holding my
youngest and I stood up and Isaid I walked, you know, to the

(13:21):
next room, but it's all openconcept.
So I walked into the next roomand I said God, he really does
not know who he's yelling at.
And I said I think I'm justgoing to go outside.
So I went outside.
Well, my brother's wife decidedthat she was going to come out
there and tell me.
She said I don't know why youdidn't say something to him.
Really.

Earl (13:39):
She called you on that.
Yeah, she did Well.
Oh, june, did you?
Yes?

Zack (13:41):
she did, she did.
Well, I threw her, my baby.

Earl (13:44):
And I went back inside and I slid the table all the way up
.
I'm not there.

Zack (13:47):
You know, I slid the table all the way up against him.
I said, listen here.
I said you don't know how muchI love my kids.
I said you have no clue.
It's no measure.
They are my children on top ofthat, and just I mean that I
don't love my kids.

Earl (14:01):
That's right, do you know me so?

Zack (14:02):
if you don't want your ass whooped, I think you need to
mind your own business.
And he went to say somethingelse and my mom said she said
you need to mind your ownbusiness.
He said you need to.
I said what.
Yeah, what.
What were you fixing?
You know?

Earl (14:13):
Yeah.

Zack (14:22):
But you know that goes back to what we're saying.
You know, like we're talkingabout being in the grocery store
and start crying, and I'll giveyou a reason to cry.

Bucky (14:29):
But that's how we were raised.
Yeah, oh, sure, for sure, yeah,yeah, but.

Earl (14:33):
I'm just saying you better be tough, rub dirt on it.

Bucky (14:35):
Yeah, like as a man you're supposed to be tough,
Walk it off.

Zack (14:39):
Walk are a lot tougher than girls.
We should say that.

Earl (14:42):
There's just differences.
I'm not denying that Indifferent ways.
Hey, girls are tough, differentRight as in babies.

Zack (14:47):
You know, a boy can run and run into the wall and hit
his head and fall down and he'snot going to cry about it.

Bucky (14:51):
But if we had a baby, I would be crying.

Earl (14:54):
Girls are tough at a different stage and shit, girls
are three.
I'm just saying men can't dophysical pain.
No, they're different, dude,they're just both different.
It's like, uh, seeing joe rogantalk about like there's a
difference in a man and a womanyou just can't it's like even in
athletics.
They still separate them for areason.
They argue about transgenderand shit like that see, this is

(15:15):
topics we're gonna.

Bucky (15:16):
I know, I'm just saying, but that's why they argue about
it because you know what men arebigger and stronger, and
generally they overpower women.
So talking about that, the manthing, and I think we talked
about this the other day and Italked to my wife about it.
She didn't really like it, butI told her a man was created

(15:36):
different from women.

Zack (15:37):
Correct Women were made from our rib bones.
Yes, you're right.

Bucky (15:41):
And a man was made.

Earl (15:42):
Hmm Well, and you see it in all, species, mankind rib
bone, you're right, and a manwas made.

Bucky (15:44):
Well, you see it in all species.

Earl (15:49):
They have different roles.
The man and the woman havedifferent roles.
The libido is what it is.

Bucky (15:54):
The man is physically driven.
Correct, physically driven.

Earl (15:58):
To mate with anything that will slow down long enough to
mate with, to make more of him.
That's a natural drive.
That's a natural drive.

Bucky (16:07):
It's a natural drive, and so it's like every day you have
to resist that.
You know what?

Earl (16:12):
I mean Well, yeah.
It's a natural force.

Bucky (16:15):
Yes, and so that's really hard, even if you're just
perfectly happy with everything.
You have everything you everwanted.
That's right, beautiful wife.

Earl (16:23):
Yes, you wake up every day and you got to see her, you
have everything.

Bucky (16:27):
Just say you had everything you ever wanted.
That's right.
That's the next, and you stillhave an urge sometimes to be
like man.

Earl (16:31):
Well, you know, king Solomon.
Well, yeah, I mean, you know.

Zack (16:34):
Tried everything.

Bucky (16:46):
And it's that dude that's sitting on you.
Sure he's hot boy, okay.
So I do raise some animals.
I have some goats, okay.
So the other day I had all myfemales on this side.
I'm saying I'm gonna take allmy males off because I want I
don't want them to breed rightnow so I'll take all the males
and put them over here.
It wasn't that far away and soI put them over there.
There's like five males andthey're running around.
You can tell they're just likeman.

Earl (17:00):
What the hell just happened oh yeah, he took all.

Bucky (17:01):
He took all our women away.
So he's just like crazy,they're crazy, stirred them up,
stirred them up.
And I said I better watch theseguys because they look like
they're fixing to get into someshit.

Earl (17:11):
No, really, I know you can tell, you can tell you sense it
.

Bucky (17:13):
Yeah.
So I'm like, all right'm goingto jump this fence, yeah.
And then you know, right overthe fence they're going to get
back together, straight back tothem female, I'm like and treat
them rough.

Earl (17:28):
Oh yeah.

Bucky (17:28):
When they get there, just be like yeah, so I'm like the
forces of nature are strong, ohyeah absolutely, so you know.
And it's not just physical,there's other that's for men.

Earl (17:40):
Yeah well there's different parts.

Zack (17:42):
And here's the deal.
You know, we talked about thisthe other day.
This is true.
You know, a guy will sleep withanybody that slows down long
enough and says okay.

Bucky (17:56):
But a female to lay down with a man usually has to have
some feelings.
But you know, so I'm going tosay 97% of all women.
I have seen some women that arequite that's right 97% of women
will lay down for feelings.

Earl (18:06):
The other 3% are evil you know, hey, one time I bought it.
It's like psychology of how topick up women.
You ever seen those Like?
a thing.
You ever buy those.
It's like the psychology of it,how to pick up women and shit
like that, and I've seen peopledo it.
Okay, well, basically thebasics are there's two kinds of
men and there's like 12 kinds ofwomen when it comes to sex.
As far as, like, all men aresexually liberated, whereas most

(18:28):
women are not, and that's thetwo kind there are.
There's the one that's sexuallyliberated or there's the one
that takes a whole lot of workto get her there, and that's the
basic difference.
Yeah, and then there's like 12kinds of what oh, I'm sorry,
like the girl that's going togive it up to anybody.
There's like the private dancerthat's only going to finally do
one and it's going to be thatway.

Zack (18:48):
There's like 12 kinds of and there's like two kinds of
dudes psychologically in thatway, I'm hoping that a woman
wrote that book, because if not,he's wrong, you know what.

Earl (18:56):
I'm saying no, well, it was one no worked for me quite a
bit, but you know what I?
Mean, you know, it explains alot.
It's not.
No, nothing's perfect.
It's all like shit that peoplestudied into and tried.

Zack (19:08):
But the thing is we're kind of missing topic here, but
we're trying to all be better.
Is that what we're trying?

Bucky (19:12):
to.
We're trying to get togethergrow talk about our problems,
our struggles, heal, heal andgrow our addictions, because we
all have some sort of addiction.

Zack (19:24):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So can I throw you on the spothere?
I mean, go for it.

Bucky (19:27):
Why not?

Zack (19:28):
Okay, so here's the deal.
Do you think that you're tryingto be better?
Because you got up one morning,you looked in the mirror and
you realized you were old.

Earl (19:36):
You know what I'm saying?
That's midlife crisis.

Bucky (19:38):
You know what I'm saying?

Zack (19:38):
That has a lot to do with it, right.

Bucky (19:40):
Well, well.

Earl (19:42):
Or the days that have already passed.
You know what?
Yes, no.

Zack (19:46):
That's slowed me down a lot because you know I sure
would hate.
You know the reason.
I say slowed me down.
I don't even.
I know, you know, because youknow there's going to be a time
where the yeah, I can't say itwas a day.

Bucky (20:00):
I mean, I know I'm old, I'm a 50-year-old, I'm a
50-year-old, I'm a 50.
Right, we're 50-year-olds.

Zack (20:05):
Well, no, 49 this year, 49 .
Yeah, but I'm saying we'regetting there Next month 50
years old I'm glad I'm not there.

Bucky (20:11):
Nah, we're damn near there, but I mean Five-0.
I know a lot of people.

Zack (20:16):
Hey To 50.

Bucky (20:17):
We know a lot of people that made it past 50.
We know a lot of people thatdidn't deserve to make it back.

Zack (20:24):
There you go, and some people that should have made it.

Bucky (20:29):
But that's not our decision.

Earl (20:31):
That's right, that's conceptual thinking.

Bucky (20:33):
So yeah, I think maybe it's like you know, because you
see a lot of older people areinto church and into religion,
but when you're young, you don'tgive a damn.

Zack (20:49):
It didn't mean no, forced to go, forced to go, yeah,
you're.

Earl (20:51):
Yeah, I mean exactly, and you grew up oh, my god, you're
going to church and I'm likethey were considered.

Bucky (20:53):
But you know what, though , even though they forced me to
go I'm so glad they did I stillhad a good time like oh, I met a
lot of good people like oh yeah, I mean you were.

Earl (20:59):
Yeah, that's how you learn what you learned.
Some of the bad things too.

Bucky (21:01):
You learn like, hey, some of these people are full of
shit didn Well, yes, but I hadsome of my funnest memories on
church trips.

Zack (21:09):
Yeah yeah, yeah, oh yeah yeah, they were all nice and
clean too, but no, I meanremember we used to go to.

Bucky (21:17):
We went Colorado Springs, colorado.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
Colorado City.

Bucky (21:20):
Six Flags A lot Whitewater.
We went on a lot of trips.

Zack (21:24):
We went to several wet and wild whitewaters.
Yeah, that's actually where wewere always doing so, that's the
.

Bucky (21:29):
That's actually where I met my first real girlfriend
okay, you see, I'm not gonna,I'm gonna.

Zack (21:35):
Just I don't know which one was your first well, I mean
like I want to say real.

Earl (21:40):
What do you mean by real?

Bucky (21:41):
yeah, when I second base.
Well, no, okay, I was goinginto my freshman year, so it's
eighth grade year, right fromvernon, like freshman year, so
it was eighth grade year RightFrom Vernon Like two home runs
or what it was you know, okay,yes, yes, yes, yes, so anyway,
no, I don't yeah.
We're going on this trip.
I'll just tell you a shortstory Okay, yeah, yeah yeah, go

(22:01):
ahead.
How it all went down.
So, going on a church trip andthere was this one girl man that
always was trying to talk to meand she was really.
She was probably going tolisten to this and know who it
is.

Earl (22:14):
Oh yeah, yeah, that person's fine she ain't named.

Bucky (22:16):
She just really annoyed me for some reason, because she
was just overly wanting to talkto me and always wanting to be
you know, go out with me, Forceyour way in, yeah.
I'm just like ain't nothing.
There was nothing wrong withher.
She was a beautiful young ladyjust something about the way she
came on to me.
I didn't like right.
And so we get off on the bus atI think it was at six flags.

(22:38):
Yeah, and a friend of mine, shewas a female as well.
She's seeing what's going on.
I'm like man.
I wish this girl would justleave me alone she's like I got
this competition she's like Igot this and she went and told
her.

Earl (22:49):
You told her that you told her I wish this girl was mine.
Yeah, and she went over thereand was like I don't know what
she told her.

Bucky (22:54):
Maybe we'd have her call in one day.
She'd tell me what she said.
But she didn't the rest of thetime.

Zack (22:59):
Yeah and just sharing how I'm gonna get about girls, and
so we hung out like four hours.
So the one that that one madethe girls stop is the one you
started dating.

Bucky (23:14):
Yeah, well, I mean, we weren't even like, we were just
that's what kicked it off that'swhat kicked it off.
We spent like the next fourhours riding every ride, talking
like we had the best.
I had the best time of my lifewith the female well, not, not
not the best time of your life?
Well, at that time, at thattime, at that time, okay, right,
I think I understood that thatwas understood okay.
So yeah, you can't takeeverything.
I say yeah, yeah okay what?

(23:35):
because we're talking about soat that time, yeah, editing for
that it was great, and so westarted going out after that and
uh, yeah, so that's, that's oneof my I still.

Earl (23:45):
What do you mean by real first, real girlfriend like well
, you want somebody you actuallycared about, but more than just
you felt that way that's whatI'm saying, more than just a
little kid saying like a secondbase, or a little kid feeling
yeah, more than just like, yeah,like damn.

Zack (23:58):
We had a good thinking like what should I buy her?

Earl (24:00):
well for her birthday like you said you had like a good
ass time that day.
You were just like you, justkeep wanting to chase that day.

Bucky (24:09):
Yeah, because you you had a good time, so you're like um
yeah and so that was like we hadseveral trips like that.
That I just that's the one Iremember, but we went on.
So church was a big deal oh,it's huge, you know.

Zack (24:23):
And the thing is, you know the my mom used to sit when me
and my brothers all stayed inthe same room, that's before
they added on to the house andeverything else.
So we were always pretty muchbroke.
I mean, we were not.
There weren't any rich bone inour body.
You know what I'm saying, butwe never thought about that as a
kid.
Ever never ever, ever, everever.

Bucky (24:43):
Yeah, same.

Zack (24:50):
But see, my mom would sit there by our bed.
She would read the bible to, tous, I mean, but I guess I'm
probably.

Bucky (24:52):
I probably listened more than most because she sat right
beside me, you know well, butthat's, that's a younger.

Zack (24:55):
You was the youngest, I was, yeah I was soaking it up,
boy, and uh, and I did, you know, I soaked a bunch of it up and
you know I'm uh you're probablya better man because of it I
mean, you know you're the manyou are.

Earl (25:07):
Because of it, you.

Bucky (25:08):
It might help you through some situations that you might
not even realize.

Earl (25:10):
It's like everything else.
You are what you are.

Zack (25:13):
You are because of all that shit.

Bucky (25:15):
Oh, a lot.

Zack (25:15):
All the time it still does .

Bucky (25:19):
Yeah, thank you.

Zack (25:22):
We all come from pretty much the same style of raising
around but, we're all differentwe all had different things

Speaker 2 (25:30):
going on A little bit yeah.

Zack (25:33):
I had no nicknames in my family, but everybody.

Earl (25:36):
That's all my family is.
I've never.
That's what we're talking aboutthe other day.

Zack (25:38):
Well, Chris was a kid.
Everybody had a nickname.

Bucky (25:44):
So what was your little brother's Beasley, beasley I was
Bucky.

Zack (25:47):
I don't know about your oldest, but he, we called him
Bub.
Yeah.

Bucky (25:51):
Yeah.
Yeah, we had a lot of nicknamesin my family.
I don't know why it's different.

Earl (25:55):
And then certain people do , certain people, certain
personalities call for it.

Zack (25:59):
That's Bucky.
What was that?
That was probably your freshmanyear.

Earl (26:06):
Well, I'm just saying he was I know.

Bucky (26:08):
If you wasn't family, you didn't.

Earl (26:09):
The only people that ever call me Eric is people at work.
So I mean, you were a whitewoman.

Zack (26:13):
That was past junior high, that was.

Bucky (26:15):
Yeah, yeah, I was high school, high school.

Zack (26:18):
But, yeah, okay, so I'm going to give you a physical
picture of Mr.
Are we using our real names,since my name has?

Earl (26:26):
If you want, we can still put that in or out.
You still can decide that later, mr.

Zack (26:30):
Chris Love here the physical picture of him when he
was in fifth grade was Fullgrown man?

Earl (26:36):
No he wasn't gray though.

Zack (26:38):
He had to go tee.
No shit, I mean he was shaving.
He did peak about.

Earl (26:42):
I mean Well, eighth grade.
Maybe you know my high school.

Zack (26:45):
You're right, my junior high team.

Earl (26:48):
We weighed more than the high school team.

Zack (26:50):
People would play against us and line up against us on the
other side, and they would lookat Chris and Phillip Sorry, I
used your name but they'd lookat oh, I can't use his name KP.
They'd see all of them.
They thought, man, where areyour kids at?

Earl (27:05):
You've got to have kids in the stand because you're full
grown.
Somebody told me the other dayyour picture up there in the
hall.
I still look like hey that'show it was a teacher, because he
had like five o'clock shadow inthe senior picture oh yeah,
he's up toward the top too, andthen, uh yeah, I'm pretty sure
it's a teacher yours yeah, yeah,no, I look like because he has
like a five.
I was like dude.
He's getting old by then.
I think he's losing hair.
You should have sent him inabout sixth grade.

Bucky (27:26):
He looked good I think eighth grade, like, yeah, you're
right, I peaked after that yeah, but by your senior.

Earl (27:33):
Yeah, that's what I said.
I was thinking that too, man,you're all hairlines are seeing
everything.

Zack (27:36):
That's like, yeah, you should have seen him yeah, but
the man was made of rubber,though he bound he yeah till I
didn't say rubbers, because he'sgot 28 kids, no shit but I said
man was made of red.

Earl (27:47):
We don't know.

Zack (27:49):
I mean, I'm just saying I mean, that's a hey some seeds
are strong.

Bucky (27:54):
I did have some people try to put some kids on me and.
I did have to take a DNA testonce.
Yeah, shit happens, and I wasnot the father, right.

Zack (28:09):
Right, right.
I mean, how do you remember?
But the kid was like I had itboth ways.
I had it both ways.

Earl (28:10):
No, listen, talk about some disappointing times I've
had it where it's not the dad.
I've had it where it is the dad.

Bucky (28:13):
Listen this is the crazy part Ten years old.

Earl (28:16):
At the time they did it.
Why would you tell me now yeah,that's a chick's turn.
If you thought I was a daddy.

Zack (28:23):
I'll tell you why so I remember this day very well and
we were all kids still,basically and it was right over
there at what used to be thedryer laundry place here in
Chillicothe.
Oh yeah.
And remember you know who I'mtalking about.
You know your brothers.
Basically you know theybeforehand, before they were

(28:47):
your brothers.

Bucky (28:48):
Yeah.

Earl (29:09):
At that time I forgot about it.
It was too late.

Zack (29:11):
After it was done it was done, but I thought that I'm
sorry dude yeah, I never, andthat kind of broke him apart a
little bit.

Bucky (29:18):
Yeah, it had to be.

Zack (29:24):
You know what?
Well, absolutely which one.

Bucky (29:26):
Well, I'm just saying that's one Right both.

Earl (29:28):
Oh, it devastated, tony.
Yes.

Zack (29:30):
Yeah, he was crushed.
I was there when he came back,when he got the results.
Yeah, I mean.

Bucky (29:34):
And then it just like Because you know, he told me.

Zack (29:36):
Richie was like didn't know what the fuck he always
told me.

Bucky (29:43):
He said I don't think.

Earl (29:46):
It's true.

Zack (29:46):
You want one of these.
They're gone.
You know that's a sad thing,but I'm just saying that's kind
of why it is a sad thing.

Bucky (29:53):
We're just talking on some topics, on why we're doing
what we're doing now.

Zack (29:57):
Exactly.

Earl (29:58):
That leads all the way to this.
You're right.

Bucky (29:59):
Yeah, so we're talking about these little nitpick
stories.

Zack (30:04):
We've seen lots of people go that shouldn't have gone.

Bucky (30:06):
They were friends close friends we're just trying to
help each other, I've got quitethe relationship with death.
We're just trying to help eachother.
Help each other.
If we can help just us three,we're doing something.
But if we can reach one moreperson outside of our circle,
that's it.

Earl (30:24):
It's all gravy.

Bucky (30:25):
What if them people?
Share something and touchsomebody else.

Zack (30:30):
One of these days days we'll probably get down to where
we actually have a topic thatwe talk about.

Earl (30:34):
But you know, these first few years, yeah, we probably
will.
Soon, Probably will.
I think we'll get some of thisand we'll be like man, we got to
talk about something else.

Bucky (30:41):
Yeah, we got to stay.
Yeah, we'll stay on topic.

Earl (30:44):
Can't all be serious and bull.
Oh, who wants to listen to thatshit?
It's like depressing orsomething you know.

Bucky (30:49):
So we are going to have some comedic interviews as well,
oh absolutely.

Earl (30:55):
I'll say this.
This is like man, it's like AAin a way, like you can keep
going to meetings where peoplecan and this one person comes in
and pours out all their badshit.

Bucky (31:05):
I was so bad and I did this and this and this.
That's all you're listening to.
Yeah, but sometimes you cancarry that with you out of there
.

Earl (31:08):
Well, that's no good, though, to hear that all the
time you go in there and oneperson just talks about all the
bad shit, all the bad stuff andso, yeah, sometimes we need that
.

Bucky (31:16):
So you've got to have some other stories.
Well, we need that laughter to.
Sometimes.
Laughter just heals the soulSure does.

Earl (31:23):
Even if it's temporary, it's a thing, it it's just
medicine.
It is, it's just medicine.

Bucky (31:26):
And it's free.
It's free and it's temporary,of course, but if we can make
somebody laugh too, we'rehelping somebody the swirl's
temporary If?
Zach smiles over there.
If I can make Zach smile, he'sforgetting about maybe something
for a minute.

Earl (31:43):
Well that's what?
No, he just knows better thanus that we're all temporary.

Zack (31:48):
Well, yes.

Earl (31:48):
Yeah, yeah.
He's feeling it more every daybecause he's lost such a part of
his life.

Bucky (31:53):
Dude that something that is just unthinkable I don't
that's all I can say dude, yeah,no, right now, that's all you
can say.
So that's that's why we'redoing this podcast.
We don't really know what we'redoing and you nobody may not
ever listen, but you know what Ithink?

Earl (32:08):
I feel pretty good about what we've already talked about,
and I was going to say we mightmake three recordings and we're
the only ones that hear it,okay.

Bucky (32:14):
It's like that old tape we made in 99.

Earl (32:16):
Where's that shit at Remember when it was New Year's
99?
We've got a capsule buried.

Bucky (32:20):
We've got a deal buried somewhere, hey, right there in
front of the new gym, where whatlet's go dig that shit up
tomorrow.

Zack (32:27):
We buried a time capsule.
We buried a time capsule.

Bucky (32:30):
I don't know that it was ever.
I have to piece of that or wedo it now.
He made me laugh.

Zack (32:33):
I don't know if it was ever dug up yet or not.
We did.

Earl (32:36):
I think somebody dug it up , didn't they?

Bucky (32:38):
Didn't Miss Justice class ?

Earl (32:38):
we do that yes but somebody dug it up like in 20
years or something.
Yeah it.
I don't think ours.

Zack (32:45):
I don't know.
I think somebody did Coach.

Earl (32:47):
Martinez.
They've all been dug up.
I remember several people doingthat.

Zack (32:50):
Coach Martinez, we did it, coach Martinez.

Earl (32:52):
I know exactly where it is .

Zack (32:54):
It's right there in front of the new gym.

Bucky (32:57):
No.

Zack (32:57):
It's right there in front of the new gym.

Bucky (32:59):
Yeah, Okay, so, yeah, yeah, so yeah.
Well, that's why we're kind ofdoing this podcast to help
ourselves.
Maybe if we just reach oneother person, we're good or not.

(33:20):
We may not reach no one.
Oh, I mean, I need to, but Ifeel like, like I say, we do
have some people already.
Well, we have some people linedup for some interviews we're
going to talk about.
We'll talk about Chillicothe,We'll talk about life.

(33:40):
We'll talk about stories in ourlife, maybe tragedies, maybe
achievements.

Zack (33:53):
I mean there will be a time that, uh, because for for
everybody to understand the realreason that we're doing all
this, I mean the, the storieswill have to be told.

Bucky (33:58):
I mean to a point yes, but it's not just going to be
our stories.
We're going to have otherpeople, because I have a friend
and we've already talked aboutsome of the people we're going
to interview and what that'sgoing to happen to.
But I have a friend that he isa living hero.
He served in the military.
I mean he saved countlesspeople's lives during war.

(34:24):
I mean he's decorated, he's gotthe medals to back it up.
He's a badass, like he was inspecial forces, and he's already
agreed to come on and talkabout some of the stories he had
in the military.
And let me tell you guys, youwant to hear it.
It's going to be good.

Earl (34:45):
It's good yeah.

Bucky (34:46):
It's going to be good, and so we have guys like that.
We're going to have just localpeople from this area that we're
going to interview about.
I don't know, it may not evenbe about anything.
We may just say, hey, tell usthe funniest story you ever had.

Zack (35:01):
Then we have our people, like my dad, that's, you know.
Yeah, we're going to have wedad, that's you know.
Yeah, we're gonna have.

Bucky (35:05):
We're gonna ask everything.

Earl (35:06):
We're gonna have family he's gonna be on multiple times.
Yeah, we may have episodes.
We're gonna split them up.

Bucky (35:11):
A set of episodes well, we're gonna sit down here the
three-part jerry flynn episode.
Yeah, so we're gonna have someguests.

Earl (35:18):
We're gonna have some call-in guests.
We're gonna have some in-studioguests we meet up here
sometimes and we might be herean hour we might be here five
hours.

Bucky (35:26):
Yes, you're right, you're right, I think, and that's you
know we're not in any?

Earl (35:30):
oh, that's how they do that, and then podcast, that way
three to five hours.

Bucky (35:34):
We're not putting any time limits on it.
We're not doing anything right.
It's going to go with the flowwe can put together how we
ourselves.
We're not trying to script thisshit, guys like this is just
real life and we all have reallife.
That goes on outside of this,believe it or not, and we'll get
into that later or not.
Like I can tell you what I gotgoing on, it's a lot.

Earl (35:55):
Yeah, I know, we all have struggles, but anyway, it
doesn't matter, but yeah, ChillChucky.
I tell you what.
It's cold as a bucket.
It is cold in here.
It I tell you what it's cold asa bucket.
It is cold in here.
It is cold.
We're going to have to get ourconditions, ain't it no warmer
down here?

Bucky (36:07):
We're going to get our conditions better.
What?

Zack (36:08):
the fuck is wrong with the heater.
I mean I hope, because I wakeup daily looking for reasons to
breathe.
So I mean that's just the truth, it's just I understand that
dude.

Bucky (36:16):
No, you ain't Dude, little thing dude, I hope we can
give you more than that.
Yeah, you know it, you knowthat right, or hey, I love you,
brother, or maybe we just how itis, or maybe you can give
somebody else a reason yeah, andI don't know what you can get
out of that.

Earl (36:34):
Right now you don't even see what you would get out of
that.
I understand that it's funny.
Huh yeah, I did it.

Zack (36:39):
I don't I don't know either, dude, I'm talking shit,
probably this, but this month'spretty rough.
You knowi's birthday's on the24th.
Yeah, it's next week.
Yeah, we do the lantern thing,you know.

Earl (36:51):
Yeah, you got to have a lot of that too.
Dude, I believe, I believe,dude.
You got to do whatever You'restill questioning yourself dude,
what did you do wrong, right,what's wrong?
You're thinking.
Still, though, you're mad atGod.

Zack (37:05):
I'm mad at everybody.

Earl (37:06):
Yeah, got that.
I understand, dude.
You're probably going to bethat for a long ass time, dude,
I mean you know, I woke up likefive minutes late, you know.

Zack (37:14):
Nah well see, there's several things.
I always get up and I still doit.
I still get up every morning toand I just I didn't, and they
got up on their own.

Bucky (37:24):
Oh shit, yeah, yeah but.

Zack (37:27):
You know, if I'd have got up on time, they'd have left us.

Earl (37:29):
No, that's not.
You still do.
You don't know that.

Bucky (37:32):
You're saying that but you don't really know that.
I'm just saying there's lots ofyeah, in your mind.
Your mind does that.
Well, like I say, there'salways that little guy on your
shoulder trying to walk you offthe edge of that cliff.

Zack (37:51):
Yeah, you know they say, if you know.
You may not know it right now,but you may be, you know your
plan.
God's plan for you may be sobig that you don't even know
about it right now.
But, the devil already sees thevalue in you, so he's already
going to try to destroy you.

Earl (38:07):
He's trying to get you today.
He's trying to get you rightnow.

Bucky (38:10):
Yeah, I sometimes think he's trying to get you today.
And then I buy an old,abandoned hospital.

Zack (38:17):
I really like this place, though I know it's okay.

Bucky (38:21):
I don't know what's going on?

Earl (38:23):
What did somebody tell you ?

Zack (38:24):
It'll be great.
What are you talking about?

Earl (38:25):
I mean because you're like having to defend it.
I think it's like what's hedoing?

Zack (38:28):
It'll be great.
That's what's he buying thewhole hospital.
Well, I mean it'll be greatcome March, you know, april Well
what I'm talking about is Notso cold.

Bucky (38:37):
Yeah, we're going to, and on this podcast you might get
some updates of what's going onin here because everybody might
want to know it's going to start.

Zack (38:50):
Yeah, there's going to be the talk around town, is this?
You know so?

Bucky (38:54):
I don't know what's going on yet.
It's going to be in the darkuntil it's Well, I'm I ignore
that shit.
I don't listen.

Earl (39:01):
I hear it, but I try to like I don't read nothing to it.
Like shit in town, like people,like stuff.

Zack (39:05):
You hear shit.
There's lots of things that youwant to tell me.
You just ain't told me yet.

Earl (39:10):
I act like I'm not paying attention, but I am, yeah real
close.

Bucky (39:14):
No, people don't tell me.
I mean, I ask and they'll tellme stuff.

Earl (39:18):
Oh yeah, it's only limited .

Bucky (39:20):
It's all good.
You think I have no more.
I think you know more than more.
I think you know some currentsof the city.

Earl (39:27):
But the more we talk about this, the less you'll get to
know Because I mean, hell,there's just different people
Coming to your place regularly.
There's some old people, there'spolice.
I don't get to talk to themthat much.
There's business people fromhere in town.
There's big farmers, there'sother people.

Zack (39:45):
That are probably.
But you got people that come inthere and they're supposed to
know what they're talking aboutand they completely don't yeah,
it's like take everything with agrain of salt yeah I have.

Earl (39:55):
People have their own mode , I have major issues with.
Some people have motives fortheir they've got something to
sell or they got some problemyeah, they're trying to unload
something on you, they're tryingto get something from you or
they're gonna unload somethingon you.
That's just, that's people soyeah so the hospital?

Bucky (40:14):
I'm sure people say I'm crazy.

Zack (40:15):
No, old building what's he gonna do with it?
It was a great deal what why?

Earl (40:19):
because you got all these plans, you know what to do, what
it was a great deal.

Zack (40:22):
It was a great deal yeah, but who says as in that they
don't make any more.
They don't make any more ofthis that this thing sits on it,
but there's potential.

Earl (40:30):
Like I said, I think we're seeing you got a nice apartment
over there, you know he alreadydone that.
That was potentially saw thathe worked out.

Zack (40:35):
Right, that's what I'm saying.
But yeah, it worked out.
But you know that then people,people start thinking why does
he?

Earl (40:41):
people ain't seen that shit yet.
See that people don't know,yeah, so somebody lives in the
crowd, I do have big plans helloso yeah, so we don't know
what's gonna come with thisplace.

Bucky (40:53):
Uh, what's gonna come of it?
It may just be a studio I thinkit's got podcasting studio?

Earl (40:58):
I bet not, it is already.
What do you mean really?
I mean, I don't know if it is,it's okay.
Yeah, I know but it's alreadylike two or three things at
least.
Okay, you've got an apartmentover there.
That could be something else,and I've been told these other
facilities.

Bucky (41:12):
But I have been told that the place You've got a zombie
apocalypse, Munker.
Well, I've heard the placepossibly could be haunted, but
tourism.

Zack (41:18):
I'm not talking about that .
That's a podcast, no doubt.
Yes, yeah, yeah we'll go live.

Bucky (41:23):
We're going to talk about that.
How many people?

Earl (41:24):
have you offered anybody to stay up here and see who
wants to do it?
Nobody, right.

Bucky (41:29):
Nobody will Very few.

Earl (41:30):
I would.

Bucky (41:31):
I would too, but I mean, most people are going to be like
hell, no, no.
There's a lot of people say I'mnot coming Ever, Ever past dark
.
There's people that won't comehere in the daytime and we're
going to interview him becausehe has said he has seen ghosts
up here before while it was open.

Earl (41:50):
I wouldn't doubt that, no really, I don't doubt it at all.
No, dude, I ain't doubting it.

Bucky (41:53):
No, billy, billy Ray.
Oh, okay, okay, hey.

Earl (41:57):
I'm not doubting he did see it.
No, I've seen other buildings.
Why would there not be in thishospital?
I mean, you know, Sure You'relying.

Bucky (42:03):
You didn't see no damn ghost Billy.
I might tell him that, but I'mnot you ever seen a ghost?
If I did, I didn't really payattention.

Earl (42:11):
I mean, I didn't like Different shit More than that.

Zack (42:13):
So you believe in ghosts?

Earl (42:15):
Yeah, I do.

Zack (42:18):
Do you.
No.

Earl (42:19):
No, I've had.
Dude, I've had.
I believe in evil.
Yes, I do too.
It it's not Dude.
I've had the feeling of evil.
I believe in evil.
Yes, I do too.
Dude, it's like the feeling of.
Have you ever had the feelingof a presence?
No, absolutely not.

Zack (42:30):
Do you ever know somebody comes in the room?

Earl (42:31):
behind you and you know who it is.

Zack (42:32):
You know there's this, look, look, it's this.
You know there's what they callthe spirit of fear.

Earl (42:39):
No, remember you talking about the phone call, talking
about you got out any sign, andshit like that.
Well, yeah, well, yeah, I mean,that was that's.
That's a straight up.

Bucky (42:53):
Yeah, dude, I've straight up, had, when I wasn't asking
for a sign, had some weird shitlike that you're a dead, people
call you, but uh, what phone nooh, wow well, that's that's a
whole nother story there really,yeah, it probably is hey, just
write two of them one of them's,one that was like made me dude,
there's I.

Earl (43:09):
I didn't.
I couldn't believe her if Iasked for something.
I said this is not who this is,and save that for another day,
bro, okay yeah, I mean, that's awhole nother topic episode and,
like I say, that's the kind ofshit happened.

Bucky (43:22):
Dude, it's complicated, it's a big story, yeah so that's
gonna be an episode one daythat we're gonna talk about that
, and maybe one day, zach, youmight want to talk about
something oh, I mean.

Zack (43:33):
I mean, there's lots of well, I know there's lots.

Bucky (43:35):
But I'm saying you might just say, hey, today I'm digging
deep, yeah, I'm letting thisshit go or not letting it go,
I'm letting it out there.
Yeah, right, right because Igot a whole, because you're
right, it's whole other episode,yeah because there's probably
some things that you might saythat no one does and nothing
I've ever heard or know ofAbsolutely.

Earl (43:53):
Sure.

Bucky (43:54):
And they might see you differently.

Zack (43:56):
Good or bad.
Yeah could be.
I'll be judged one way or theother.

Bucky (44:01):
Well hey, we're judged anyway.
You don't think I'm judged?

Zack (44:03):
every day.

Earl (44:04):
Every day.

Bucky (44:05):
Yeah, yeah, I don't try to judge, either I do.

Earl (44:08):
You have to be like.
You know what I don't like tojudge people, but I'm a pretty
good judge.
I can judge people out prettyfast.

Zack (44:18):
You know, when you hear somebody say so why are you
hanging out with the likes ofZach Flynn?
I was like wow.

Earl (44:26):
You can tell who asked that?

Bucky (44:27):
Somebody told you that no .

Earl (44:29):
No, yeah Well, you know what Is it a surprise?

Zack (44:32):
who speaks those words to you no, no, no, no, because he's
so mistaken about me.
It's ridiculous.

Earl (44:37):
As are most people that have ever said shit like that.
To me, that's what I'm saying.

Bucky (44:45):
People are going to judge me differently now, maybe or
not, I don't know.

Earl (44:48):
I don't know.
People ain't going to knowwhatever.
People know Some people.
Dude, I try to stay unpluggedmyself, I wouldn't know whoever
else in town had a podcast.
Yeah, but would you listen?
So I mean no, I don't know.
Maybe once or so.
They better say somethinginteresting, Because I'd be like
Then.

Bucky (45:05):
I'd probably be like Judging them.
They suck.

Zack (45:08):
That's all I want to do.
Or it could just be Like howstupid are they See?
See, there it is, slap yourself, see.

Bucky (45:13):
So here's the deal.

Zack (45:14):
You do.

Earl (45:16):
Here's the deal you just no, you didn't, I got to.

Zack (45:19):
You.
You might find out Things aboutthem that just Make you where
you can't Stop listening.
Hey, what?

Earl (45:25):
You about them that just make you where you can't stop
listening.
Hey, what you think that mighthappen here.
No, I mean I got to.
Nobody's going to listen, Idon't know.

Bucky (45:32):
I'd see, but I doubt that sucks Better wives.

Zack (45:34):
do you know what?
Either I got a positiveattitude.

Earl (45:38):
I can think of three women that will.

Zack (45:39):
I've got a really positive attitude about the whole thing.
For some reason, yeah.

Earl (45:43):
I do too, dude.

Zack (45:44):
Yeah, I'm going to tell you right now yeah, yeah,
because I've listened to somepodcasts and that shit sucks.
I'm not going to lie to you.

Bucky (45:49):
There's different.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I waslistening to one this morning.

Earl (45:51):
I'm like the ones that are how.

Bucky (46:01):
The ones that are catch on are like Okay, it's like.
Howard Stern's all the time.
I mean I guess, but I mean ZachFlynn's famous Infamous.

Zack (46:09):
Or that.

Bucky (46:10):
Those are two things yeah , but I mean because you do
music, so Right your name's onshit.

Earl (46:15):
People do know you Well, your name's on shit.
There's been like, oh, he'sgoing to appear here.

Bucky (46:19):
They know who you are, but do they know you?

Zack (46:22):
No no.

Earl (46:22):
There's a lot of people who know your name.

Zack (46:23):
You know, I got a which is not much.

Bucky (46:25):
Well, that's the same with me, true.

Zack (46:27):
I got like almost 3,000 hits in two days on a song I put
on YouTube, you know.

Bucky (46:34):
Yeah, and then they probably banned you because it
was copyright.

Zack (46:36):
No, it was the one I wrote .
It's the two I wrote about thegirls.

Bucky (46:40):
Yeah, no, I know I'm just kidding Hell and hey, one day
soon, we're going to have you onhere, live playing them for us.

Earl (46:46):
Yeah, I want to hear it, but I mean just because I want
to hear it.
Dude, you want to be famous orwhat.

Bucky (46:53):
No, we're not doing it to be famous.

Zack (46:54):
Do I want to be famous?
No you don't, here's what Iwant.
You don't, look, here's mywhole thing.
And I write lots of music.
You know, I, you know, uh, I,I'm not going to stop until I
write a song that makes it big.
No that, no that do you know?
People will remember the girlsforever because you know I I'm

(47:15):
at the point right now.
You know that where you knowit's it's I'm forgetting a bunch
, and you know I'm their dad,you know yeah but the thing is I
still understand so you so thehurt from people, not even the
look you know when people moveon with their lives and you
can't.
It pisses you off, You're stuck,you feel stuck dude.

Earl (47:36):
I feel that yeah With life , the things that are here.

Bucky (47:40):
So that's another reason why we talked about doing this
podcast is because we wanted tocreate some memories that we
record and that could last andwe go back and listen to them
later, yeah, so.
So maybe maybe one day you tella story about your girls and
then the next year you forgotabout it until you listen to it

(48:01):
again.
You know what I mean, so thatcould help right yeah in the
same same way we talked aboutwith our parents and friends
that we know You're right If weget Dave on here and he tells us
a story about something andthen one day we all know he's
going to be gone, we're allgoing to be gone.
What's going to?

Earl (48:21):
be left of us.
I know, I was just thinkingthat when you said that I was
thinking like our parents.

Zack (48:26):
What's going to be left of us?
There'll be nothing left of me,you know.
Let's see what I'm getting at.

Earl (48:30):
That's how it?

Zack (48:30):
is no, I mean.
Well, there's differentphilosophies for that.
You'll have generations behindyou.
You know I'm done.
Well, yeah, but I old.
Our kids are supposed to takecare of us type stuff You're
right about that, yeah.
So you know I lost not just mychildren, I lost my future, I

(48:51):
lost everything.
So that's the hardest pill toswallow is that when I get old,
everybody else, that is, youknow, is going to be gone.

Earl (49:03):
So you know it's just like we talk about Fucking feel
lonely.

Zack (49:05):
It's just like our friends , Like our friend.
Our good friend died when wewere kids.

Earl (49:11):
I mean not kids, but, you know, young adults.
And that's who that left.
And then see you know, she'smoving.
Who.
To where.
Tennessee With who?
What.
Some of his family that's inTennessee, well, that's good,
don't ever worry.

Bucky (49:24):
Okay, hey, before she moves, I want her on here.
You're right.
You're right, I want tointerview her.
I know I hadn't talked to herabout that yet.

Earl (49:29):
Misty told me that no, don't you think we should?
Yeah, but I hadn't talked toher since a little while.
Oh hell, yeah, we should.

Zack (49:40):
I've seen her at DQ's.
Last time I talked to her no,listen, how have you made it?
You know she probably has somethoughts on us that we don't
have no clue about hey, what youthought that were kids or what
did you think that happened andshit she's getting on here.

Bucky (49:53):
And another reason because she worked hey she
worked here at the hospital.
They ain't no shit too for along time.

Earl (49:59):
You're right, that's what we're.
You're missing Benny already,like knowing Bitches and
breakers and shit like that.
You know what I bet you knewall that shit.
Let me tell you something.
Pardon my French, no, listen, Igot to go.

Bucky (50:10):
That's what I thought of.
I was like when I was justthinking about buying this place
, I told myself I'm going to gotalk to Benny when I buy it so I
can find out all these littlethings that I didn't know I was
mad at myself.
And so maybe that's when Istarted thinking like dude, like
if you wait it's too late.
You know, earl?

Zack (50:30):
They wait.

Earl (50:31):
She's connected.

Zack (50:32):
Earl hell, he still goes.
He's the better of me, betterthan me, as in.
He still goes talk-stirring.

Bucky (50:40):
I know I dropped the ball on that.
I know they do.
They're not the only peopleI've done that with, no I know
that's like.

Earl (50:47):
These people can't talk to you, dude.
Oh, yes, you know that.

Bucky (50:51):
I mean, I feel like I wasn't there for you.

Earl (50:55):
I talked to people though dude.

Zack (50:56):
Well, we were all pallbearers, weren't we?
Yep?

Earl (51:00):
You're right.
I seen somebody today, dude,that was involved in that.
I seen Carl White and all theways I'm connected to him.
He was his boss right then.
He helped some financially withthat.

Bucky (51:09):
He started a scholarship right.

Earl (51:10):
Yeah, and he also did help bury him and all that shit.
Remember, I've seen him todayand I have some other
connections with him.

Bucky (51:16):
But that's how I felt.
Even though we were really goodfriends, then it means that all
of us were closer.
I say We've always been reallygood friends, but closer friends
, right, right, sure.
And then, when all thathappened to you, I feel like I
wasn't.

Earl (51:33):
I could have done more.
Sure, there's always like couldhave, but, like I said, Would
have, should have, could have.

Bucky (51:36):
But no listen, like I said, if you wait, it's too late
, that's going to be my sayingfrom now on.
If you wait it's too late, bro.
If you wait around, somebody'sgoing to die.
Or you're going to be gone oryou're going to get sick.

Earl (51:48):
Shit changes or you're going to regret it.

Bucky (51:51):
Careful with that.
Yeah, that's a whole otherepisode.
It's like live it up.
That's what I mean.
That's what I said.
You got to be careful.
That's how.

Zack (51:59):
I mean, can't just live it up?
That's all I got is regret.

Earl (52:04):
Yeah, yeah, now maybe time back out.

Bucky (52:05):
I gotta go alright, this is the end of whatever we're
doing today.
I think it's good.
Yeah, we're good.
Remember how to turn it off.

Earl (52:13):
Get your toes wet yeah, yeah, two buttons, one, I'm
about to piss again.
I already had an hour.

Bucky (52:18):
We still recording tonight we're gonna say goodbye
for the BEZ podcast and we willbe talking to you soon, but
until then I'm Bucky Zerl Zach.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
We are the Be Easy podcast and we will see you
later.
The more I stare, the more Irealize that the man standing
there in front of me, well, hewas just a reflection of me.
I said just a reflection of me.

(52:58):
You see, I lost my wife.
I couldn't stop getting highand the light caught up with me

(53:18):
and when she left, she took theonly thing that meant anything
to me, and with those baby blueeyes and that smile that's mine.
This year she turned three.

(53:38):
You better grab a hold ofsomething close, something to
hold you, and don't ask areflection of you, of you.

(54:10):
Oh, I love you.
You see, I looked at myself inthe mirror for the first time in
a long time today, for thefirst time in a long time today,
and I had to take a step backcause, I swear, I didn't

(54:35):
recognize my own fate.