E- 5-When Your Mind Plays Tricks: Friendship Through Life's Darkest Moments

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From the abandoned hospital in Chillicothe, Texas comes a powerful conversation about healing, vulnerability, and the human condition. Three friends(Bucky-Earl-Zack) sit down to share stories that have shaped them, struggles they've faced, and lessons they've learned along the way.

The raw authenticity hits you immediately. There's no script, no polished narratives—just real people talking about real life. They dive into how technology has transformed our social connections, remembering Walkmans, jam boxes, and a time when going to town on Saturday was the week's big event. These nostalgic reflections serve as a gateway to deeper discussions about mental health and personal struggles.  Zack shares a gutting account of loss and grief so profound that his mind began creating alternative realities to shield him from pain. "I don't care how strong you think you are," he reflects, "the mind is a fragile thing." This vulnerability creates space for honest conversation about the masks men wear and why asking for help remains so difficult, especially when society expects stoic strength.

The friends explore the delicate balance between body, mind, and soul, acknowledging how each affects the others. "One can lead the other out," they observe, discussing how physical symptoms often manifest from emotional struggles. There's wisdom in their words, but no pretense of having everything figured out—they openly admit they're learning as they go.

What makes this podcast extraordinary is its unflinching commitment to authenticity. These are conversations we rarely hear but desperately need—reminders that we're not alone in our struggles, that healing happens in community, and that sometimes the most important step is simply showing up and being honest about where we are.

Listen, reflect, and perhaps find the courage to have your own healing conversations.

Episode Transcript

Zack (00:01):
And with those baby blue eyes and that smile that's mine.
This year, well, she turnedthree.
You better grab a hold ofsomething, hold something,
rather, hold you and don't ask aquestion if you can't take the

(00:23):
truth, cause it might be aquestion, and you can't take the
truth Because it might be areflection of you.
I said it might be a reflectionof you.
This is the B-E-Z Come on toyour life From the abandoned

(00:44):
hospital in Chillicothe, texas.
So back to the B and the E andthe Z.
I'm the B, the E, I guess I'mthe Z, and here we are.

Bucky (00:54):
So we're still learning.
It's been some time we've beendoing this and we're still
learning.

Earl (00:59):
Putting stuff together.

Bucky (01:01):
Putting it together is harder than we imagined.

Earl (01:03):
Well, and then putting it out kind of has some new
difficulties, Like some expected, and then it always surprises.

Zack (01:10):
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm going to go ahead andthrow this out there.
I want to go ahead andapologize to everyone out there
that I'm going to offend Becauseyou're going to For for?
No, I won't do it on purpose, Iswear Not that we say it's
going to harm anybody.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
That's right.
A person that hurts somebody onpurpose is evil.
But so I'm going to go aheadand apologize for the little

(01:31):
things that we say, because wemay not think of it like you
think of it, or just this is foreverybody, this is for future
apologies.
So if you want to get anapology, you have to go back to
episode number three.
But for real, we're trying notto offend anyone.

Bucky (01:49):
No, this is not what we attended this for, if we offend
you drop a comment, but weappreciate it.

Earl (01:56):
Yeah, sure you can reach out.
There's nothing wrong with that, just because you say but yeah,
we apologize, don't mean tooffend nobody.
Our intent is not to hurtanybody's feelings.

Bucky (02:04):
We're actually trying to.

Earl (02:05):
We're kind of I think our intent stated in that thing, as
far as we're trying to helpother people, because these are
the kind of things that helpedus yeah.

Bucky (02:16):
And we're still trying to help each other.

Earl (02:17):
It's a work in progress, like everything else, and, yeah,
we apologize if we ain'tfigured it out.
You know what?
And yeah, we apologize if weain't figured it out.
You know what?
Like I said, we're trying tofigure this out.

Bucky (02:26):
We don't know what we're doing.
Yeah, we are still figuring itout.

Earl (02:28):
Not that that's a qualifier for any kind of
anything I mean, but, like Isaid, we also discovering new
problems as we go along with allkinds of stuff, not just stuff
like that.
But we ain't trying to offendpeople.
We're not out there to beshocking or, uh, to get after
somebody.

Bucky (02:41):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, we're here to heal andgrow, and we said that in
several of our episodes.
We've already talked about.

Earl (02:47):
This is how you wrote that in the deal.
Whenever you put the firstthing before it came out.
This is what this is about,this is what it's about.

Bucky (02:52):
Yeah, read it, it's really good.

Zack (02:54):
So we apologize now.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Iapologize.

Bucky (02:59):
Nice feelings, not purpose.

Earl (03:02):
Sincerely.
I mean, why don't you just putthem words out there?
We are sincere good people?

Bucky (03:06):
No, we're not.
We try to be.
Yeah, for the most part, that'sright.
We do our best.
I mean, you know we do fall.

Zack (03:14):
Like everybody else.
You know, I got to thinking,you know, after we had my dad on
here not very long ago and itwas very interesting, very funny
, and I got to thinking you know, can you imagine all the things
that he has seen change?

Bucky (03:30):
just in his life, the change.
I like that.

Zack (03:33):
Just think about what's changed since we've been kids.

Earl (03:36):
I was thinking that recently.

Zack (03:37):
Cassette, you know VHS, you know rotary phones.

Bucky (03:41):
Oh yeah.

Zack (03:42):
I mean come on.

Bucky (03:43):
We are in the Stone Age.
Discman Because, yeah, therewas a lot of other little steps.
Walkman, Walkman, you had towalk with this right, yeah,
because.

Earl (03:52):
I mean before the phone changed the world, our cell
phone or whatever smartphone.

Bucky (03:56):
Oh yeah, there was all kinds of little steps.

Zack (03:58):
But we used to carry stuff around the end the jam box.

Bucky (04:01):
Oh, the jam box.
Oh yeah, I used to carry onearound.
I'm telling you Really.

Zack (04:05):
Took 38D cell batteries that weighed like 20 pounds.

Bucky (04:09):
It was like your damn guitar case there.

Zack (04:13):
It's like.
You know, I talked to mygrandpa about this before he
passed away and he was like youknow, it is it's technology
that's killing us Because, youknow, back in the day, they went
to town on Saturdays.
You know, it's like let's go totown, that's on Saturday, and
that was a trip and that wassomething special.
You know what I'm saying, andthis town used to be big and

(04:34):
happening, I guess, but it ain'tlike that now.
Now you can get see.
That's when you got to see yourfriends, or at school, school,
you got to see your friends,just like us, you know, and.

Earl (04:46):
But you know, now it's hell you don't see your friends.

Bucky (04:48):
The side effect time.
I think it's a change side oftechnology.
It changed that socialization.

Zack (04:51):
Oh yeah, yeah, well, yeah I mean, but that's I mean, hey,
that's nothing wrong with that,it's accidents happen, man,
because that's just how we wereraised, I mean, or we taught
ourself to be that way.

Bucky (05:00):
I should say because because we were raised in that
way.

Zack (05:03):
My mama has never said the F word.
I promise you.

Bucky (05:05):
Yeah, when I say that, I don't mean no disrespect to him.

Earl (05:08):
Yeah right, Absolutely.
But only some people understandthat.

Zack (05:13):
Here's a Jerry Flynn story right here the night before
this happened it was like on aFriday or Saturday she used to
be in charge.
Oh, dropped a name, cut thatout.
No, no, no, we don't.
We ain't gotta cut that out.
You used to be in charge of thepolice department who hired and
fired.
You know I'm saying so backwhen we were in school, me and
dave and y'all.

(05:33):
You know we got away with abunch of shit that we shouldn't
have got away with.

Bucky (05:34):
Is that why we did that you?

Earl (05:35):
can't you can't know that you can't.
Are you serious?
A time or two?

Bucky (05:38):
a time or two oh, absolutely, I didn't live in
town.
Oh, oh, right, right, right, Idon't know who's in the dark.

Zack (05:45):
I better come to town, me and Dave.
We got out, we were drinkingand Dave got really drunk and
it's like, right at dark andright here, matter of fact,
right up here by the hospital,by the Baptist Church I turn
right there and a new cop pullsus over and he comes up to me

(06:07):
and he's like you've beendrinking, shine the light,
follow my pen.
And I followed his pen.
You know I didn't have but liketwo or three drinks and he's
like okay, so where are youheaded to?
Well, right down the road.
Okay, you need to get there,don't be out drinking.
Blah, blah, blah.
Never even seen this dudebefore.
Kind of a dick.
Well, hell, as I'm driving off,I hit a bump and David wakes up

(06:27):
out of the backseat.
See, there I go.
He never saw David.
He never saw David.
David leaned up in the backseatand turned around.
The bright lights were on.
He's like big old, deer eyes.
So he pulls me back overimmediately and he's like he'd
get David out of the car, likeDavid was hiding from him.
Where were you hiding at?

(06:49):
Oh, in the back seat, layingdown.
I mean in a Mazda three, in aMazda three.
Two, three.
I don't see how you didn't seehim.
You know what I'm saying, butanyway.
So he gets him out and he saysand David goes, like this, and
if y'all can see what I'm doing,I'm taking like I'm holding a
flashlight and David doesn't usehis eyes, he uses his whole
head.

(07:09):
And oh, dude, this dude went toThornfield.
Oh yeah, and he said, well, whoare you?
He said well, david Hopkins.
And he yelled at us, did allsorts of shit.
So we went to the house from helet us go.
Of course, we told ray and uh,I bet he got fired.

(07:32):
But uh, the very next day myparents come by his house and
it's the very first time I evercussed in front of my mother and
uh, well, I was like, keepsaying them f-bombs, you're
gonna be cussed in front of mymother.

Bucky (07:44):
Well, you keep saying them F-bombs, you're going to be
cussing forever again.

Zack (07:47):
I was like 14, 14 years old.
I'm talking to my dad, my mom'sstanding right there, david's
standing right there.
Down 91 goes the cop.
I said Daddy, there goes thatson of a bitch right there.
My mama's eyes got thisfreaking big dude.
She said what, what?
And my mama's eyes got thisfreaking big dude and she said
what, what did you just say he?

(08:07):
My daddy immediately nevermissed a lick.
He looked at me.
He said I can't believe you usethat type of curse words in
front of your brother.
What's wrong?
I believe, I believe it, he wassaving my ass.
Boy right there, he saved me.
I laughed, I laughed.
I still laugh about that shit.
But that he was a funny man heis.
I enjoyed it.
He got me out of all sorts oftrouble with my mama.

Bucky (08:31):
Like all sorts.
We talked about it.
He's like the last man standing.

Earl (08:35):
Well there's a lot of those in the military.
You know what.
They've been debriefed.
Whenever they get debriefed andthey get them when they come
back, you don't talk about it.

Bucky (08:42):
No.

Earl (08:42):
Except to you can talk to like a psychiatrist.
You can talk to somebody, butyou don't.
Yeah, you're not sharing thatstory.
You're not, they tell them thatshit.
And when you do that, when youdo that.
Well, a lot of them are like onbecause they did shit or their
missions were something thatwere sensitive to.

Bucky (08:58):
But when you see people die in front of you, well, yeah,
seen that, but I can onlyimagine.

Earl (09:01):
I know yeah, well, I know a lot of people that have
explained that experience to medo some damage to your mind yeah
well, but you might not comeback from well, you get put in a
situation not everybody's putin that, uh, yeah, well, some.
Well, you know what we getjudged for our decisions.
People don't look at us for thechoices we had to make.

(09:23):
People don't know what you knowlike.
Don't know somebody you don'tknow.
At us for the choices we had tomake.
People don't know what you know.
You don't know what they werefaced with or this is the choice
they had.
But we live with decisions wemade and people would judge us
on that.

Bucky (09:36):
Yeah so you know, that's kind of why we're going to have
guests on here, because ourstories are pretty cool.
Yeah, I mean, I know ours are,but other people's are too.

Zack (09:48):
Oh yeah, no, those are real stories.

Earl (09:52):
So, I mean, we can talk about ourselves and our stories.
Yeah, that's all yeah, but Imean, that's personal
identification.

Bucky (09:58):
Yeah, I mean, we're trying to get other people heard
too, absolutely.
So when we do episode, one daywe may talk about all of our
stories and next time we havetwo other perspective well, you
got to change it up, like yousay you can't just have one
thing, like you can't have everyshow just to be oh, just off
crazy, no topic everyone can'tbe yeah, crazy.

(10:19):
I think they all can be likethat they might, just I think
they might be, hey I told people, I did tell.
I told a few people about itbut I was like what I figured
out is the attendance span ofadults now is like oh nothing.

Earl (10:35):
TikTok Not included.
Tiktok yeah.

Bucky (10:36):
That's exactly what it is .

Zack (10:39):
That's why they call it TikTok because it's like seconds
it's like a clock.

Earl (10:41):
It's like a clock, it's seconds it's like you, just keep
moving, it's probably 15 isabout the maximum 15 seconds.
Yeah, To get your attention.

Bucky (10:50):
You're like no what is that you called it the dopamine
or something you get?
Yeah, you get that from too.
What do you mean?

Earl (10:55):
You're looking for the next one, that's what anything
that's chasing the dragon andthat's a real chemical in your
brain.
That's all any of them doReally.
That's what they're making youdo.
They dump that shit in yourbrain.

Zack (11:09):
You're something you already got With everything
really and steal yourinformation Most of the time If
you don't wear a ten-fold hat.

Bucky (11:17):
China's stealing all your info.

Earl (11:18):
China will give you.

Zack (11:19):
No, they'll give that might wrestle a feather or two.

Bucky (11:24):
Bring it right, we're not going to talk politics on this
one thing we will not do I tryto stay away from myself.

Earl (11:30):
Yeah, no, no I know, but I don't listen to it I try to
stay out because it's just crazy.

Bucky (11:34):
Yeah, I don't you lose a lot of friends.
I'm such a political person.

Earl (11:38):
I don't, that's what I mean.
I don't participate, I keep upwith.
I'm not, let's keep so we'renot gonna talk politics.

Bucky (11:44):
You don't have to worry about that.

Earl (11:45):
That's one of the quickest things to make folks crazy,
yeah.

Bucky (11:48):
Yeah, stupid, crazy.
It's politics.
We're not going to talk aboutkids.

Earl (11:51):
I've heard that lately though.

Bucky (11:59):
Everything.

Earl (12:00):
I hear though, is like you know, eggs are so high now
because Biden oh, hey, that'swhat.

Bucky (12:06):
I heard pull up your.

Zack (12:07):
I think, craziness everything I heard is, you know,
my favorite thing on TikTok theday after he got elected was
how they went to the grocerystore filming themselves.
You know, like see when Trumpsaid he was going to bring down
prices, I don't see the prices,the next day six hours later.

Earl (12:23):
Yeah, or with the inauguration, yeah, like
whatever it was the Monday,whatever this, whatever mass
Monday everybody.
Oh, it's going back to normal.

Zack (12:29):
We weren't talking about it.

Bucky (12:29):
Back to normal yeah.

Earl (12:31):
Look at the price of gas.

Bucky (12:32):
Yeah, let's stop there, and so we're going to have a
conspiracy theory episode.

Zack (12:37):
Write that down.
I know who killed.
Kennedy.

Bucky (12:48):
I think I got that over there on mine too.

Zack (12:51):
I know who Kennedy tried to kill.

Earl (12:54):
Hey your dad tells that story remember.
Yeah, oh, he was trapped there.
A lot of folks, what's that?

Bucky (13:00):
He said he went to war the day after that.
That's the greatest one ever.
That's like a grenade.

Zack (13:05):
I don't know.
Boom About five minutes fromnow.
Y'all don't realize whathappened?

Bucky (13:09):
What, what?

Earl (13:11):
Who killed him?
What?

Bucky (13:11):
happened to him.
Well, what's going on here?
Huh, you just got to say it.

Zack (13:17):
That's why I said I don't know who Kennedy tried to kill.
I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry.
I was confused.
That shit was hilarious, Iforgot.
It was hilarious though it was,it was.

Earl (13:27):
Well, there's, you know, international conspiracies.

Bucky (13:30):
So, hey, we got.
This is going to be our firstB-Easy meeting, so we're
recording it too, so we may playsome of it.
Oh, this is the minute song.
Yeah, okay, got.
What are we going to do aboutname drops?
Are we going to?

Earl (13:47):
shoot his heart.

Zack (13:48):
Okay, so I think it should be like this If they're no
longer here with us, then wecan't offend them.

Bucky (13:57):
But can we offend their family?
Okay, but we're not.
Yeah, but we're gentlemen, wedon't.
I'm just trying to figure out.

Zack (14:05):
No, I'm just saying, sometimes it's funnier if you
know who it was, but you knowwhat I'm saying, but we did make
a mistake.

Bucky (14:12):
Could it be embarrassing to some family members?

Earl (14:15):
Well, I'm sure.

Bucky (14:17):
I'll let you know right now.
That's a matter of opinion.
I mean, if you say something,say you tell a story about
yourself, zach, and nobody'sever heard it.
Parents never heard it, andthey hear it and they're like I
got one for you right now.

Zack (14:32):
I got one for you right now.
Okay so we used to have aprincipal in Chillicothe that
went out of town for a weekendbut we had something going on
that weekend, so he wanted hisdaughter to stay at my house,
but I already had it planned asleepover.

Earl (14:55):
I can't help it.
You done stepped in it.

Zack (15:01):
Anyway, I'm just kidding.
All that's a joke.

Bucky (15:03):
This is for entertainment purposes only.
Remember all this stuff we'retelling you is just you said a
preacher's daughter, preacher'sdaughter.

Zack (15:08):
That's what I said I got a story about that.
Oh that.

Bucky (15:12):
You don't want to tell them.
Nobody wants to hear that I'mjust no, no, definitely not.

Earl (15:26):
I'm on the highway to hell .
Who did kill JFK?
Oh man Boy, here we go.

Bucky (15:32):
I'll tell you what.

Earl (15:33):
Yeah, what Can't stay on topic.

Bucky (15:34):
Is there a?

Zack (15:35):
topic Was there a topic?
We haven't had one.

Bucky (15:37):
I started a topic.
We started a minute.
What was the?

Zack (15:39):
topic.
The topic was what we've seenchange.

Bucky (15:41):
We're trying to.
No, that was a question we'regoing to ask the guest.
Oh.

Earl (15:46):
We had one of those, so we got to figure out the name
thing.
We had one question for oneperson Name drops.

Bucky (15:51):
Do we want to change names to stripper names or name?

Earl (15:54):
names, that'd be hard.

Zack (15:55):
So what we can do I mean that would be kind of cool If he
could keep up with the name, ifwe know who they are, if
they're our friends, we're goingto go ahead and ask all our
friends right now, if you'relistening to this podcast, if
you don't want to be mentionedin our podcast in any way
negative or positive, but weprobably won't have any negative
ways.
But if you're friends of ours,please just text us and let us
know that we can't say your name, but I'm pretty sure all my

(16:17):
friends are cool enough thatthey don't give us flying.

Earl (16:19):
Maybe.
Yeah, you need to know thatwe're going to talk about you so
that you can give us permission.

Zack (16:24):
Right, I mean just hey it's all Is that?

Bucky (16:26):
what we want to say.

Zack (16:28):
Everybody's going to love the podcast until they're in it,
exactly.
I kind of have ideas.

Earl (16:35):
Yeah.

Bucky (16:36):
I know I texted Zach and that's right.

Zack (16:38):
I mean, come on.
I mean I have some funny-assstories, like wearing a pair of
panties in my head in the Ifyou're listening to me, lindsey,
that was a long time ago andthey were my moms.
I'm just kidding, they were notmy moms Long time before we
ever met.

Bucky (16:56):
But anyway that's a decent hour.
I mean, I don't have any crazystories now because I don't do
shit.
Oh, we're too old to do shit,yeah, we're too old, we got to
talk about the shit we used todo.

Earl (17:05):
Oh yeah, it's all old.
I mean, we kind of passed it.

Zack (17:08):
Relive it, we got to relive it, that's why, we talk
about it that goes back to whatI was saying in the beginning.
Remember, we were in thatfoxhole with Nam and all I could
think about was getting back on.

Bucky (17:17):
Yeah, no, but now that, yeah, our stories aren't that
cool yet.
They might someday.
But we got them now.
We tell them.
We tell them, somebody's goingto hear them.

Zack (17:29):
We got some funny-ass stories.
I mean we really do.
But now I'm all concerned about, I'm all gun-shy about telling
these stories.

Earl (17:35):
I know because, yeah, Well , there can just be a part in it
that comes out.

Zack (17:39):
Let's just use can we use?
No, can't use first initials,because somebody will guess it.

Bucky (17:42):
Yeah, well, that's.
Hey, I told you Stripper names,names and porn star names, I
don't know.
Hey, now look, that's a puzzleto figure out.

Zack (17:50):
Little Red Corvette.

Bucky (17:51):
Listen, listen, I'm going to put a board right there on
that deal.
Zach, you're going to help me,I'll fix that.
We'll mount it up on thereWhite board Code names.

Earl (17:57):
We come in here, we're going to say who we're talking
about.

Bucky (18:06):
We're putting their it up there.
We're talking about Billy WhiteShoes.

Zack (18:11):
Johnson Can't even talk about it, just go ahead and
write his name down.

Bucky (18:13):
Yeah, write his name down Every time we say his name.
We're like Billy White ShoesJohnson, that one time you know
what he did, you know what thatdude did.
That boy, that boy, I cannotbelieve that boy, I cannot put
that.

Earl (18:34):
Does that?

Zack (18:34):
uh, does bucky have more trouble talking without teeth or
the f word I did?
Oh, you didn't get.
I ain't saying that I can't sayyou're trying not to so hard.
You couldn't even talk.
Did I send that text to you inour mass text?
You know we started out uh,bearded, tattooed and crazy okay
, so porn names, stripper namespimp names, but what do you know
?

Bucky (18:45):
okay, I don't know.
I mean, I don't know eitherwell, those are good, but
choices.

Zack (18:50):
But we know lots of people that have actual porn names and
stripper names.

Earl (18:54):
Yeah, I tell you what you use those kind of names and dog
names and horse names.
You know what I mean, you knowthey're Rover.

Zack (19:01):
Somebody in your family was married to one of them.
What To Red?
No Adams, he wasn't married toher.

Bucky (19:08):
No Adams, he wasn't married to her Flavor.
They were married?

Zack (19:11):
Oh, they were married.

Bucky (19:12):
Yeah, she still goes by that name yeah.

Earl (19:15):
I mean, I wouldn't change my name back either.

Bucky (19:17):
No, she uses it, I believe, why not, hell yeah?

Zack (19:20):
Badass name.
It is a badass name actually.
One thing that could be betteris your first name was Wild and
your last name was Outlaw.
You know, I actually knew adude locked up with the dude.
Did I say I was locked up?
I was actually locked up withthe dude's last name was outlaw.

Bucky (19:33):
Was it an abandoned?

Zack (19:34):
literally yes, so you had to live up to it.
No, my brother's locked me up,my brother's locked me in the
barn one time.
And this guy I don't know how heshowed up, but he was.
I'm, I'm rambling.

Bucky (19:43):
Yeah, hey, I had a guy come tell me the other day.
He's like like well, it's beena while back.
He's like hey, chris.

Zack (19:54):
I'm sorry, huh, I was interrupting.

Bucky (19:55):
I'm just being rude.
He's like hey, you bought ahospital now.
I was like yep.
And he said, now you can be DrLove.
I'm like oh.

Zack (20:02):
Ooh yeah, I can't believe you didn't already think.
I'm like what how?

Bucky (20:06):
did I not know, dr Love.

Zack (20:08):
That could have been the name of the show About the
hospital now no shit From thelove doctor.
This is Dr Love in the B-E-Z.

Bucky (20:15):
That's a call-in show.
B-e-z Late night.
Absolutely a call-in show hey,that would be cool.

Zack (20:20):
Hell yeah, no, it wouldn't .
Well, I want to be the one tointerview PDD, if we get famous.
I'm early.

Bucky (20:35):
Hey, that would be pretty cool.
Who wants to talk to the?

Zack (20:37):
devil.

Earl (20:37):
Oh, I thought you were talking about Suze.
You ain't the first one, thoughthat's too big a ticket.

Zack (20:42):
No hell, no I don't know about that.

Bucky (20:54):
People with money could mess you up People with money.

Earl (20:55):
That ain't no shit.

Zack (20:56):
Oh man, we were just talking about.
I'm just kidding.

Bucky (21:03):
They're pretty powerful people in town.

Earl (21:05):
Are you talking about green privilege or white
privilege?
Oh, they got both.

Zack (21:10):
In between the gray privilege.

Earl (21:13):
Let's take all that shit out.

Bucky (21:15):
Man.
Green privilege this episode,Zach.
So you're going to playsomething.
What are you going to do?
We're going to.
Ooh, you want me to play.

Zack (21:22):
I mean I don't know.
Yeah, I'm actually, I actuallykind of need a little bit of
help, help, but you know, help,what's what?
Getting that so much out of thecase, or what eric's the
closest?
One, I know, with the degreethat could help me a degree of
what just I just need help.
Oh, like, I'm just not right.
You know, I have moments whereI'm just completely oh yeah, I'm

(21:44):
serious, though I mean I'mgoing blind go to them.

Earl (21:48):
I don't I said, well, there's a couple of doctors you
could probably go to.
Oh yeah, I can guess dude, I'mnot, I agree.
Hey, you know what that's agood observation.

Bucky (21:58):
Good glasses really help me.
I ain't gonna lie.

Earl (22:00):
Observation is one thing, diagnosis is another.

Zack (22:06):
Okay, so I've been having headaches, so I started checking
my blood pressure, or my wifestarted checking my blood
pressure.
Last night, oh God, my bloodpressure was at this normal 169
over Sorry too much 98.

Earl (22:17):
That bottom number is more important.

Zack (22:19):
169 over 98?
.

Earl (22:21):
For what you got.

Zack (22:22):
That's bad.

Earl (22:23):
Yeah, that ain't good Not to run all the time.
It'll eventually cause youproblems.
You probably ought to be onsome medicine.

Zack (22:28):
Well, I've probably run that most of the time you might
have been running that a longtime.

Earl (22:30):
See, that's another thing.
You might have had that I don'tknow how long a couple years
now, if not more than that If ithad been a couple years ago.

Zack (22:36):
I don't know what that is.

Earl (22:37):
Well, it does other damage .
It does damage to your kidneys,all your other circulation,
really.

Zack (22:41):
How about my eye, my vision, my feet are swollen up,
mine will change in a day.

Earl (22:47):
I can tell my blood pressure is.
Sometimes my eyes will like Ican't read something on the
computer screen or somethingthat's got to be what's going on
, man it might be low when itgets high.
Yeah, I didn't know it eitherwhen it first started happening,
and that's what it was mine'sbeen high all the time.
I think that's why I can't seewell both and it'll go low, too
low.

Zack (23:03):
Do it one of the two no I know, like there was a while I
was switching.

Bucky (23:07):
Like.

Earl (23:07):
I had like glasses for this, reading glasses,
sunglasses.
You know I was like wearingthree and four pair of glasses.
Oh, hell yeah.
And then it was yes, and then Iwas looking and then I was like
not feeling quite right.
Sometimes I couldn't read likea computer show, I'd be like
looking at it, looking at itagain.

Bucky (23:23):
Had the wrong glasses on.

Zack (23:24):
Looking at it, looking again, For I don't know how many
years.
Now that I'm driving down theroad, it'll get blurry.
Then I have to look off andlook back to make it.
Oh, that's why that's notnormal.

Earl (23:34):
No, I know, and then I'm getting better at driving at
night.

Zack (23:36):
That's really not normal.
I thought everybody did that.

Earl (23:38):
I know I thought so too, Like some of the stuff, like at
night, like you see glare andstuff you can't see, I hear it.

Bucky (23:52):
Oh, love barbecue.
Hey, I've been singing thatsong like the whole week.

Zack (23:56):
That's the deal it's got to be catchy.

Bucky (23:58):
I know, I put it yeah.

Earl (24:00):
I'm going to keep playing it.

Bucky (24:01):
So I'll hold a new one.

Zack (24:03):
No way, I can write it right now.
I'll write it right now.
Hold on, for real, we'rerecording, aren't we?
I hope, yeah, could it be thejingle of the year.
Well, I was hungry.
Outside of Chillicothe, texas,one time, saw this little white

(24:26):
building right past the DQCounty line.
I said that looks pretty good.
There's a bunch of truckdrivers sitting in there.
Probably serial killers Get outand go in, and there, on that
appetizer menu, it said, I gotBuck Nuts and Squirrel Nuts.
My nickname, though, is Bucky,so you understand the nuts.

(24:49):
He thinks he's fooling somebody.
That's about deer.
I said you're a lying son of ayeah for the hunters man Buck
nuts.
He's like every time somebodyorders that shit he laughs his
ass off.

Bucky (25:05):
I'm telling you right now .
I mean, bucky is kind of bigright now Think about it.
Biggest thing.
I mean Bucky is kind of bigright now.
Think about it, the biggestthing in Texas.
Bucky, they spelled it wrong.
Yeah, I'm the original Bucky.
They're old, they're young,they're trying hard.
I've been around for a longtime, been going on 50 years.

Zack (25:24):
Yeah, we all are old or not.
I'm not.
We all are old.
It's a matter of weeks days.
So I got several songs I'mworking on.
You want to hear the sad one?

Earl (25:36):
Yeah, that's all I got.
No, that one right there.
What you been working on thatone for you didn't just now do
that.

Zack (25:41):
Absolutely.
I did that all the time.

Earl (25:42):
You didn't think of that, the nuts you already been
thinking of some.
I do.

Zack (25:46):
Well, I think you can.

Earl (25:51):
Throw me a topic.

Zack (25:52):
Just come on, I'll do it.
Well, I think you've beenthinking about the nuts.
No, throw me a topic.
Throw me a topic.
Okay, the nuts, get the nuts.
They're a good topic Well onetime I lost my nut, so I went a
little bit nuts.

Earl (26:08):
Yeah.

Zack (26:09):
Then on the ground I found a peanut and guess what?
He told me Peanut.
He said Bucky.
I know a peanut.

Earl (26:20):
You talking about cornbread?

Zack (26:21):
I'm talking about peanut Bucky.
You know who Bucky is.
It was peanut and Bucky.
That may be Kenan oh.

Earl (26:29):
Peanut sells him wood, yeah, how can I say, maybe can't
Peanut sells him?

Zack (26:35):
wood yeah.

Earl (26:35):
Well, you can't.
It's hard to get off that onthe menu.
That catches you on the menutoo.

Zack (26:43):
Never thought I'd see you in here In a smoke-filled bar
room.
I can't remember how it goes.
It got Bucky and the Nuts.
Bucky and the Nuts oh man.
Them Bucky Nuts got them down.
What?

Earl (27:00):
happens when you eat the squirrel nuts, them Nuts get on
you.
What happens when?

Bucky (27:04):
you come to Love's Barbecue, you think about it for
days on end.

Zack (27:09):
I've been knocked down, thrown out, wasted and drunk
I've been lied to and tried to.
Anyway, the chorus goes.
I can't even get into it now.
Shit, I got too many nuts in mymind.
I was thinking that.

(27:33):
No, it's up, Cause I've been upand down.
Seems like there ain't noangels around Since you went
away.
I found the bottom of everybottle in this town.
I can't remember the words to myown song.

Earl (27:53):
Nah, you probably got some other diagnosis you need done.
You probably got to see thedoctor for some other reasons.

Zack (27:58):
I got all sorts of things that I should be seeing the
doctor for.

Earl (28:01):
Dude, I can tell you Probably some similar shit to
mine.
You ever have a concussion, oneor two.
You probably had more of one,hadn't you?

Zack (28:14):
I got knocked out.
The air pulled up, said let metake you for a ride and I'll
show you the time of your life.
I jumped in.
He put that pedal to the floor.
Hey man, that car it flies,said my dad.

(28:37):
Said my old man, he's a son ofa.
See, I can't use your name.

Bucky (28:42):
So we're going to let people decide if they want their
name used or not.

Zack (28:45):
Can I use your name?

Bucky (28:45):
right now.

Earl (28:46):
They got to message us before.

Bucky (28:49):
Is this okay or not?
Okay, both.

Zack (28:52):
No.

Bucky (28:52):
No, because everybody can't say yes, you may use my
name, Ain't nobody?

Earl (28:55):
going to say it, but either.

Zack (28:57):
Just ask.
You know, it's better just todo it.

Earl (29:00):
To tell us you don't want us to, instead of asking
permission.
Do what it's easier to ask forforgiveness later than ask for
permission before.
I used to tell me that it'sbetter to ask for forgiveness.

Bucky (29:08):
Well, you used to also get in trouble when you got home
.

Zack (29:12):
after you got home, now you just get in trouble
immediately.
Telephone ring ring.

Bucky (29:17):
Yeah, or Facebook, like how dare you.
I thought you meant like atschool, See that could get
something really messy ifsomebody got on Facebook like
that's not true.
That's not how that happenedand try to argue with you.
We're not going to argue withpeople about.

Zack (29:32):
Absolutely not, absolutely not I know yeah.

Bucky (29:35):
Like, this is how we seen it.
Maybe we didn't see it the wayyou did.

Earl (29:38):
That's right.
That's part of the deal.
Everybody's world a littledifferent.
Everybody lives in a differentbubble yeah.
And you see things different.

Bucky (29:46):
And my view might be different than yours, that's
okay.

Earl (29:50):
You're going to see things different.
You're going to feel thingsdifferent.
Bring it back.

Bucky (29:54):
Man.

Earl (29:55):
I tried to do it a while ago.
There's something wrong withthe deal.
It keeps it's limp.
Oh shit, that's a bad thing todo.
Oh shit, it's kind of limp.

Zack (30:09):
It's between limp and loosey-goosey.
It needs the blue cord, don'tit?
I don't know.

Bucky (30:15):
Oh man, okay, so if somebody don't want us to talk
about them, what are we evengoing to talk about?
We don't even know.

Earl (30:24):
That's right, until shit comes up I used to talk about
David didn't know, y'all gotpulled over Like the police.
You remember we got pulled overthe police.

Zack (30:31):
You remember we got pulled over another time on 2006 and
Draper was passed out.

Bucky (30:36):
As soon as the cop walked up, he was like what the fuck's
going on with the police?
He was like smoke, another onedude.

Earl (30:41):
He was talking about public image.
He didn't think we were, butthe car is red and blue.
It's lit up Highway.
Patrol, he didn lights like litup and he didn't know, he
didn't know, he didn't knowwhere to put it.
Yeah, highway patrol out therein the country on 2006 yep, man,
because we had drove down 2006got almost to the

Bucky (30:59):
highway turned around and came back and we turned around.
I guess he seen us, he gotbehind us and we just took off
and he sucked us up too yep, andhe sucked us up.

Earl (31:07):
I was going as fast as my little go, yeah, and he was.
I mean we was going 90 to 100,I'm sure the time we look back,
he was on a hand, that dudesucked us up.
He was that Camaro, wasn't he I?

Bucky (31:17):
think it was Camaro.

Zack (31:18):
That's when I had that Camaro like 90-something,
90-something Camaro, like a90-something Camaro.
Was it the deer?

Bucky (31:25):
Yeah, I don't remember.

Earl (31:26):
Yeah, I don't, I couldn't believe it, dude, everybody had
that.

Zack (31:28):
No, we didn't.
I thought we was going to.
Oh yeah.

Earl (31:30):
Yeah, I thought we was going to Hardeman County.

Zack (31:32):
Yeah, he got me out.
You'd be Hardeman County hardafter that.
Yeah, no shit, hardeman.

Earl (31:37):
County hard baby.

Bucky (31:45):
You'd be given the Hardeman County Harder.

Zack (31:47):
The Hardeman County Harder but yeah, the cops stories.
I mean you know.

Bucky (31:52):
I can't remember, man, that's some of the stories that
they'll tell the trouble theygot into or out of.
Most people you know like hadstories.
Well, your dad even talkedabout some when he knocked the
whole power out of Vernon Texas.

Zack (32:02):
Do y'all remember that gray?

Earl (32:04):
Camaro.

Zack (32:08):
I started at the swimming pool and I knew I had to take it
back.
So I started swimming pool andSteve Brown clocked me on 6th
Street doing 113 miles an hour.
When he finally got pulled meover I was like a mile past the
Grinch house and of course hedidn't know the car.
So he was mad.

(32:28):
He comes to that window.
He saw who it was.
He said go home not so fast 113miles an hour.
He said what are you doing?
113 miles an hour?
It was over 100 miles an houryeah.

Bucky (32:46):
I try to stay away from the laws.
I pause the law and no one.
We got lucky that day.
I don't even remember how wegot there.
I don't know either.

Earl (32:57):
Really I like he said here who is you me Drape and who Was
somebody else in the car.

Bucky (33:02):
Dave was in there too yeah.
Yeah, as soon as he let us go,because on my last I was about
two miles from my dad's house.
So he looked at my ID and waslike, oh wait.

Earl (33:13):
Yeah, because we was on that road, we live on this road
I was like I'm just going homeright now.

Bucky (33:17):
He's like, all right, man .

Earl (33:18):
Have a good day.
Yeah, his address was on 2006.

Bucky (33:21):
It was when we got out, that's right.

Earl (33:25):
As soon as we left.

Bucky (33:27):
we was like celebrating Drake never opened his eyes.

Earl (33:30):
He stood up and everything else was talking shit, but I
swear to God, his eyes wereclosed the whole time.
Yeah, he never.

Bucky (33:35):
But he woke up at some point and kept partying.
Oh Drake, he might go down, buthe's coming back up.

Earl (33:42):
I remember we were driving .
I was like who's out here?
It was a crazy time of nighttoo.
We passed them Like shit, so wedrowned away.
They were trying to follow us.

Bucky (33:51):
So we took off and they turned on red and blues and I
was like.
I was like we're spending thenight in jail.
I really thought we was goingthat night for real.
Probably should have been.

Zack (34:03):
This episode of the Be Easy podcast is sponsored by If
you're looking for a barbecue ofmouthwatering steak, come down
to Love's Barbecue and make yourown plate.
Pug pulled pork, brisket,sausage and ribs, with

(34:25):
appetizers from all over theworld oh yeah.
That's Love's.

Bucky (34:45):
Barbecue.
I mean, we wanted to tellstories on our friends that
aren't here, right, becausethey're not here to tell their
story.

Zack (34:54):
Absolutely so.

Bucky (34:54):
we can't have them here as a guest and say hey, what was
the craziest thing you everdone?
Because you know what.
They're gone.
So we got to tell our storyabout them for other people to
remember.
Our story about them for otherpeople to remember.
Because if we don't, peopleforget.

Earl (35:17):
Well, we probably need to reach out to more people than
them.
Yeah, that's the right idea.
Like I said, the way you'retalking about like whatever
Kinnott and Jerry getting likethere may be something in that
Parallel.
Yeah, it comes up, we don'tknow about, right.

Bucky (35:36):
Just crossing over.
They got stories that maybethey won't remember.
They might inspire each other,Exactly Like what I.

Earl (35:44):
Well, now they're going to inspire other people Well to a
story, yeah, but I mean to astory like one of our minds oh,
yeah, yeah, I forgot about that.

Zack (35:53):
Yeah, I can't help.
Everybody can't do it.
You can't do it, me and earl.
Yeah, you can't do everythingfor everybody occupy well same.

Earl (36:00):
That's like you talk about other people that are gone now
too, but no, that's why I wantedthe podcast because I feel like
you don't want to have otherregrets.
There's some other regret inthere.
I don't think so either.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm just saying that.

Bucky (36:09):
No, not regret.
But I mean Zach talked about itMe and him, talked about it
some last week about bringingpeople to God, Fisher of souls.

Zack (36:22):
Into the church huh Fisher of men, yeah, what's our?

Bucky (36:27):
purpose.

Earl (36:29):
It's hard.
Like I said, I just try to be ashepherd.
It's hard to be a fisher, Imean Right.

Bucky (36:36):
But, like I say, I'm trying to help you guys Help me.
We've all gone through Hardtimes.
We talk about it.

Earl (36:45):
I mean, keep talking about it.
Maybe we should stop talkingabout it.

Bucky (36:47):
It's to guide and get through.
But like I seen somebody posttoday that somebody took their
own life today.
Took their life.

Zack (36:58):
I like they're gone.

Bucky (36:58):
Yeah, I don't know how, I don't know the story.

Earl (37:02):
But yeah, anyway that one.

Bucky (37:04):
So that's what we're talking about.
That's what we're kind ofgetting together.
Me and Earl talked about itbefore we came up here.
We was talking about grief andtragedy and how broad that is.
It's common.

Earl (37:14):
How common it is.
It's a common thing betweenpeople.
Some people share it Tragedyand grief.

Bucky (37:19):
It's part of life.
Everybody's family at somepoint has some sort of that, and
sometimes they don't have itfor a long time.
Yeah, some people have a lot ofthem, me and Earl was talking
about like hey, who do youremember the first person that
died?
Like the first person that youremember that was gone as a kid,
that you realized, that youremember like dang.

Zack (37:38):
JD Gilbert's brother Gilbert.

Bucky (37:41):
The first funeral you kind of went to.

Zack (37:43):
No, gilbert, the first person that I Knew that died.
Well, that really sunk in Right, that's what I'm saying
Permanence, like they're gone.

Bucky (37:53):
Hey, write that down.
We're going to have a BradleyGilbert episode.
That's going to be a big one,because that was during our time
.
We was what?
86, right.

Earl (38:04):
Yeah, he was in my brother's.
They were in first grade, wewere probably like third or
fourth grade.

Bucky (38:12):
Yeah, so we need to have that and do that and get several
people.
What me and Earl was talkingabout is about grief, tragedy,
loss, trauma, how it affects thetopic is so broad.
I was telling Earl I was likeman, if we talked about sports,
for instance, we would have noaudience because not everybody,

(38:35):
Zach, you don't watch sports oryou don't watch football or none
of that.
So you would be, you wouldn'teven think about listening to
this podcast because it's likethey're about sports.
But what we're talking about isreal life and everybody's
living it.
Yeah, and the, the experiencesyou have in your life.

(38:57):
Sometimes they're hard, they'reall hard, they are hard, I mean
just life and sometimes it'soffensive to you know right,
right to everybody.

Earl (39:09):
You said you used fencing.

Bucky (39:10):
Yeah, but we're just talking about how broad the
topic is.
Like just when that firstepisode dropped, there were just
so many people that respondedthat shared similar stories of
tragedy and loss that they had.
I don't know if you read someof them comments.
Your wife even commented onthem.

Earl (39:27):
Feeling alone, Feeling like they were the only ones.

Bucky (39:28):
Yeah feeling like they were alone and nobody cared that
their loved one was gone.

Earl (39:32):
So they yeah.

Zack (39:33):
Yeah.

Bucky (39:34):
And that was just that touched me and I had other
people reach out and tell mesome of the same things.
Like man, I felt the same Likewhen Zach said this.
It just made me feel like youknow, a you know a certain way
that just made them realize that.
Yeah, connection, they connect.
So, I feel like we connectedwith some people.
Maybe not everybody, but Ithink we will.

Earl (39:55):
You're not going to get anybody?

Zack (39:57):
No, I think it's going to be all right.

Earl (39:59):
Yeah, you're going to connect in different ways.
Like I said, we got it.

Bucky (40:02):
Okay, so back to the story.
I know we jump around a lotguys and we're sorry, but we're
talking about our feelings andour feelings are pretty, we're
pretty passionate about them andsometimes we do get carried
away and maybe jump from topicto topic.
When I was talking about theguy that took his life, somebody
had posted on there about howmen sometimes are afraid to ask

(40:25):
for help when they need it, Likethey let things build up Like
this guy took his life, soobviously he felt Pain,
Overwhelmed, yeah, and that.
Did he ask for help?
Maybe, but nobody, you knowlike.
Did he ask for help or was heafraid to, Maybe?

Zack (40:39):
Was he afraid to talk about it?
Maybe they didn't understandwhat he was asking for.

Bucky (40:42):
Right so.
I posted something a while backon our page just about that,
that sometimes we don't know howmuch we're helping somebody
just by saying a certain thingor checking on them or asking
about them or talking about them.

Zack (40:59):
I'm going to say this right now If anybody that's
listening to this ever feelslike they want to take their own
life, please contact us somehow.

Bucky (41:07):
Or somebody that can help you.

Zack (41:09):
You because please, if you don't think anybody else can
help you.
But we can just just send it,drop us something.

Bucky (41:13):
But that's why we're talking about this because, man,
as men don't talk about theirfeelings because they people
make fun of you, and this isreal life and men hurt too and
they have pain.
They have and they do have totry to put up this barrier,
shield away and be the man Wellthat's society.

Earl (41:30):
People put on a mask.

Bucky (41:30):
No, they put it on yeah society has put it on us.
They put on a mask.
You need to put on a mask Fordifferent reasons, I know.

Earl (41:38):
But that's the one men are asked to put on yeah, we're
asked to put on, that's the one,men.
Well, I'm not saying, butthat's the one we're asked to
put on.

Zack (41:45):
It's going to be tough for everybody else, yeah that
you're not phased that stoicphase.

Bucky (41:51):
But that's the thing that you know.
It's okay to be that waybecause it's there, that's part
of it.

Earl (41:58):
Well, yeah, that's part of it.
I think you can't get throughit unless you acknowledge it.
That's, I think you're going tolive in some denial of reality.

Zack (42:09):
Boy, I'm not going to.
Yeah, I almost lost it.
I almost lost it right.
At two years I started hearingthe.
I told you I'd be watching TVand shit.
And I started, or my wife wouldbe in the other room watching
TV, I'd start hearing the girls'voices, or girls' laugh, or you
know, and my mind startedimmediately jumping to.

(42:34):
You know defense.
You know, and, uh, my mindstarted immediately jumping to
uh, you know defense.
You know it's trying to protectme, so it's trying to for me to
.
Almost taught me.
I tried, seriously, I almosttaught myself and believing that
the girls were still alive forreal, uh man, whoo uh I damn
sure did.
I got, I got thinking thatneither one of them had a mark
on them.
There's also.
I just my mind was in overdrive.
I mean it's so much overdrivethat I'm going to go sit and

(42:57):
talk to my parents.
I mean I'm just saying, I knowthis is going to sound crazy,
but I just got to say this.
You know, that's that.
But.
But then I had a friend of minethat was a doctor, not from
this country, but well, theydidn't have any bruises on them,
because when you die,immediately your heart stops
pumping.
You know one of those painfultruths, you know.

Earl (43:20):
That you're grabbing for, you're reaching Well, yeah,
absolutely.

Zack (43:24):
Yeah, I got that Absolutely.
You're going to reach, yeah,yeah, yeah.
I mean I reach on a daily basisjust to remember what they sound
like.
I mean, it's the things that wetake for granted that hurt the
most.
Oh yeah, the smell, the laugh,the arguing.

Earl (43:44):
The routine of the day, just the regular shit.

Zack (43:49):
It's overwhelming sometimes, and sometimes your
mind wants to just go ahead andmake some shit up for you, so
you don't hurt as bad.

Earl (43:57):
You're right, you're right .
Well, you know what you realize?
Some of that, that's a fact.

Zack (44:00):
I mean, that's just what it is.
That's crazy, though thathappened.
I mean that's for real, it did.
Yeah, I mean that's for real,it did.
Yeah.
I mean I ain't talking about itand shit, but I mean I almost
talked myself into it.
Then I started doing somebacktracking and looking and
everything was making sense,Everything.
And then all of a sudden I cameout of it and I was like whoa,

(44:24):
your mind can?
I don't care how strong youthink you are, A mind is a
fragile thing.
Yeah, I mean, I'm just sayingman, and I find myself a very
strong-willed person.
I got good sense, but itdoesn't matter if you have good
sense or not.

Earl (44:44):
There's different kinds of sense.

Zack (44:46):
I mean absolutely.
I mean that's just what's upman is is your body.
I'm sorry if we can talk aboutsomething else no, no, no, no.

Bucky (44:53):
I feel like what we're doing here is for our mental
health.
Yeah, like this, I feel likethis is a health show basically
well, there's our mental healthto make us be able to handle,
get through oh man, I'm tellingyou situations that maybe we
can't by ourselves.

Earl (45:11):
Right, you know, it's just I, you know what you, you know
what there's I talk about andpeople think okay, your mind,
body and soul right right, youhear that they're connected they
all get out of whack.
One can take one out of theother.
You got to have them in balance.
It's very hard.

Bucky (45:27):
Well, my body one can lead the other out of out right.

Zack (45:30):
Well, when your body gets out to lead your mind, I know, I
know the same way uh one time,I'm sure it's a, it's a.

Earl (45:37):
That's the balance.
That is a secret balance.
Uh yeah, one will lead theother, one can help the other oh
yeah, man, it's just that iscrazy huh, it is, it's.
It's a hard to realize andpeople will deny, people will be
like, no, you know, they'rejust like, they have their body
like all in shape and they'renot worried about this or that.
And they, a lot of people, haveno, uh, spiritual life.

Bucky (46:01):
Yeah, none no more of that none and I've been without
it too.

Earl (46:04):
Man, I understand.
I understand a lot of sides ofthat.
I've been there too or alsobeing against God angry, and
there's a lot of that.

Bucky (46:15):
Yeah, Zach's talked about that, yeah yeah, yeah, right.
It's not uncommon.

Earl (46:19):
But man, it's a very personal feeling.

Zack (46:22):
I mean that hurts my feelings too to even say that
out loud, because you know itjust hurts my feelings too to
even say that out loud becauseyou know it, just it's hurts
your feelings.
Hell, yeah, it hurts myfeelings, man, because I'm a
hundred percent, god, you knowI'm saying yeah so when I say
that I'm mad at god, that hurtsmy feelings only to understand
okay, I got you I mean because I, it's all.
It's to the point that I can't.
It's to the point that I can'thelp it, even though if I go to

(46:44):
talking about god, that's's myfavorite subject.
You know, everything changesand I forget that I'm mad.
But but then little thingsremind me that I'm mad, you know
, on a daily basis, like whenthey tell me that I would never
have to move my stuff from offthe road.
Then they tell me that I haveto move it.
The highway department, yeah,and the thing that made me the

(47:07):
maddest and they didn't donothing wrong that they've.
They've let us have it for twoyears, three years, and I'm very
thankful for the highwaydepartment uh, it's when I'm
driving out there after findingout that they want me to move
that and they cleaned out theditch and they knocked that hill
down about three foot, whereyou can see that the first time

(47:27):
I've ever been able to see theroad from my house from the
driveway yeah, so that rightthere, boy, you're talking about
fuel to a fire, because youknow I'm already not in the
right state of mind.
I'm thinking, you know, if ithad been like that to begin with
, they wouldn't have gotten awreck.
That's how you, it's what yourmind does now you did that.
Yeah, no, everything I mean soyou know, it's just like when

(47:48):
you think you're getting over ita little bit, the devil sends
somebody down there step out infront of semi on the exact same
spot.
You know, hey, yeah, so, ohwell, that's just a uh, gotta
get just like you said, gottaget right with everything
balance body and soul yeah sothat's kind of there we go.

Bucky (48:05):
So that's what we're doing.
On the podcast well, we don'thave a workout podcast yet for
the body, but Well we're not onTV, so we could tell anybody
whatever we want.

Zack (48:16):
We are cut up, ripped ass.

Earl (48:19):
We put the gym in first and we've been working out up
here for a good while.

Zack (48:23):
And you know If gym's gym bean yeah.

Bucky (48:27):
We haven't quite hit the weights yet, but we're working
on that.
I got a weight set.
That's what I mean.
We're getting there.

Zack (48:36):
I got a free weight set at the house I need to put
somewhere.
Hey, we might as well juststart giving ourselves some
motivation all the way around,man.

Earl (48:41):
Live here no.

Zack (48:42):
I'm talking about working out, dude.
It's hard to be our age and nothaving a partner to work out
with.
You know what?

Earl (48:48):
I'm saying oh yeah, I need a spotter.
Yeah, I'm weak Dude.

Bucky (48:53):
My carpal tunnel is so bad I don't even know if I can
do it, I know I wouldn't feelLike I probably would hurt
myself.
Like I know, sometimes my leftarm just give out.

Earl (49:00):
Yeah, no, that's not even no, you got to switch it up
sometimes.

Bucky (49:08):
Yeah, I'm right there with y'all the aches and pains
of getting old.

Zack (49:13):
It's like in a blink of an eye.

Bucky (49:14):
We're just fixing to be 50.
That's what I'm saying, and boy, I'm breaking down fast.

Zack (49:18):
Shit.
No Hell, no.
50 is a new 20.

Earl (49:21):
But whatever, I don't feel like it Some people I don't
know know they were preservingtheir bodies.
I think I abused mine.
Oh, I know I'd be not and we'retalking.

Bucky (49:28):
We're going to tell some stories about that yeah, I'm
pretty aware I have.
I mean, you only get one ofthem.
You better take care of it.
Too late, right?
Yeah, well, not for us, but wehave what?

Zack (49:42):
can I take that back?
Can I have a moment?

Bucky (49:44):
hey, we got some young listeners listening.
Maybe they can, we can help.
One of them say you, you knowwhat the BZ Podcast told me.
They better take care of mybody, wear a helmet.
Absolutely, absolutely, protectyourself bro Helmet.

Zack (49:57):
In more than one way Helmet up helmet down, I promise
you.
Yeah, we talked about what canhappen if you don't do that and
we got in trouble for it.
Absolutely, and I want toapologize for that right now.

Bucky (50:12):
We already did.
You can apologize again.

Zack (50:16):
She knows that I love her.
I mean just hands down.
She's got to know We've gonethrough the same stuff.
But, Sue Love, I love you verymuch.

Bucky (50:24):
Yeah, she even said there's no disrespect.

Zack (50:28):
Nothing said, was you know ?
That never crossed my mind whenI opened my big mouth.
So I mean I apologize right nowand I swear you know I love you
.

Earl (50:39):
Yeah, well, that's a huge deal.
That's what she said, well, Imean, hey, forgive my trespasses
, I don't know what they are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bucky (50:53):
So yeah, that podcast was good.

Earl (51:00):
Yeah, I thought it was good A lot of people tell me
it's still picking up, it'sstill.

Bucky (51:05):
Yeah, I mean it needed work.
That was a very.
We got them umpteen viewers.
It's still.

Zack (51:09):
Yeah, I mean it needed work.
That was a very like.
We got them umpteen viewers,umpteen.

Bucky (51:13):
Well, that ain't.
I mean, that was over therewhen it was cold as hell and
that side over there.
I mean it sounded.
I thought it sounded prettygood, but anyway it did.
I don't remember, I mean, likeI don't know that was.
I thought it was pretty goodfor us.

Zack (51:29):
So you know.

Earl (51:30):
Well, it all came together .

Zack (51:32):
What is that?
What does the Bible say thatsome?
I heard this on TV the otherday and it sent me back.
Really, it says that yourdaughters will pay for the
father's sin.
Have you heard that?

Earl (51:47):
Something about children.

Zack (51:48):
I don't know but uh daughters and fathers well, you
know what I mean it's.
It says your children pay forthe father's sins yeah uh, I
don't know if that's oldtestament or this, yeah, well,
there's different but I mean it.
So I looked at, I startedlooking it up immediately
because, uh, that's a wholenother man.
But anyway, yeah, yeah, man.

(52:10):
No, I'm serious dude.
That's the one that I wish wecould tell, but I can't tell.
You know, one of those, youknow.

Bucky (52:20):
Maybe one day.

Zack (52:20):
No, never.
Okay, I mean between us, but Imean.

Bucky (52:26):
Not for the world to see, can't be.

Zack (52:27):
That's the thing.
I don't know us, but I mean Notfor the world to see, can't be.
That's the thing.

Bucky (52:30):
I don't know how many stories I'm going to tell either
man.

Earl (52:34):
I mean it's just oh, I don't know either.

Bucky (52:35):
Like I said, I mean still , we talked about Drape I
prospect, some others.
Hey, that's why I wanted todelay the Drape episode, because
JT wanted on it.

Earl (52:53):
Well, like you said too, that's probably like a two or
three part episode and youprobably don't want to have that
just as your second episode.

Bucky (52:55):
Yet right, you already had a heavy.
Like you said, we might want toline it up on the next one and
then go back to the right.
What do you think?

Zack (52:58):
is that?
How do you do your easter?
We need to, we, so we're doinga topic of something that's
light.
I was stumbling my way from OldEl with a guitar on my back
when Chris Love pulled up besideme in his grandma's Cadillac.

Bucky (53:24):
Hey, remember that time I pulled up on you in that black
car.
What was that Damn.
What was that?
Chevy, damn it.
How can I not remember the carname?
Your own car, brand new.
They started making them again.
They hadn't made them in like20 years.

(53:45):
Impala, yep, impala.

Earl (53:48):
Do I remember what though I in like 20 years, impala, yep,
impala.
Do I remember?

Bucky (53:49):
what though?
I bought a brand new blackImpala.
I came to the country when Ihad it blacked out.
It was me, dave Grape, it waseither Earl or Dave.
I don't have to ask Earl, hemight remember.

Zack (54:00):
What was I doing?
Where was I at?

Bucky (54:02):
Let me tell the story here.

Zack (54:03):
Okay, I'm interested.
It's a good one, I'm interested.

Bucky (54:05):
It's a good one.

Zack (54:05):
You might not remember I don't remember.

Bucky (54:08):
It was badass, earl.
I'm going to see if Earlremembers, because man, if he
did, it's going to be even morefunnier.
Bad girl, earl.
This was in 2000.

Zack (54:23):
Oh shit.

Bucky (54:26):
So I bought it.

Zack (54:26):
brand Was I thrown off like Willy Poo Poo Did I buy it?

Bucky (54:31):
No, I think I did buy that.

Zack (54:33):
Was I acting normal.

Bucky (54:35):
Yeah, I was in the dark ages.

Zack (54:36):
Hey, Earl.
No, I don't know what you'retalking about.
Do you want me to tell it?
You can tell whatever you want.

Bucky (54:41):
Hey, Earl, do you remember when I bought that
brand new black Impala?

Zack (54:44):
I can deny it all day long yeah.

Bucky (54:47):
Was you with us that time when I came to Chillicothe?
Pull your mic up, what about it?
Was you with me that time whenI got it and I came to
Chillicothe and I pickedsomebody up, great, and I think
Dave was riding aroundChillicothe.
I don't even know what you wasdriving then.
You was in a car, gray.

Zack (55:03):
Impala.
I was in a two-door Impala.

Bucky (55:08):
I was in the two-door Impala.
Oh yeah, I remember that Likesilver.

Zack (55:13):
I mean that.
Or I was in the white Chevroletpickup.
I mean I don't know.

Bucky (55:16):
I can't remember what it was.
Anyway, pull into town, go tothe red light and I think, zach,
you were coming to the redlight and you was going across,
going going like towards theco-op.
Was he with Cesaro?
Yeah, he's at a pickup.
Chased him, yeah.
So we got we.
So as soon as you went throughthe red light, we got behind you

(55:36):
and started following you.

Earl (55:37):
You didn't know the car.

Bucky (55:38):
Yeah, I just got it like that day.
Blacked out.
Apollo looked like cops all day.
Okay, got behind you andstarted following you.
Yeah, dude, you took off sofast, I couldn't even keep up.
Dude, I had this Impala likebrand new, like couldn't keep up
, it was gone, it was going 120,130.

Earl (56:00):
Yeah, you were in a pickup .
You were in a pickup, blackpickup.
I think that black pickup youhad.

Zack (56:04):
No, no, no, no way that that black pickup you had.
No, no, no, no way, that's 2009.

Earl (56:09):
I don't remember.
I was thinking he was in a car,I thought it was a pickup,
because he outran us in thatfucking new car.
You don't know, you don'tremember.
Did we ever?

Bucky (56:17):
tell you that you never told him that shit.
No, I never told you the story.

Zack (56:21):
I owned a red Z71, too.
No it, it was a car.
Anyway, you start going outtowards Odell.
Was I still married?

Bucky (56:33):
I don't know when did you get married?
Not yet.
When did you get divorced?
The end of 2000.
I don't know, probably wasdivorced by then.
Maybe we were in the middle ofit, I don't know.
It was right around then.
It was somewhere in there,anyway.
So we get behind you.
I mean you're just gone, bam.
I mean like smoked my ass.
I was like God.
And then we get like a mileahead of us and turn down a dirt

(56:55):
road.
We see you stop brake light,turn, go down dirt road.
I'm like we pull up to dirtroad.
I we was laughing.
Next thing, you know, you pullback up, jump out of the car,
come over there, run up to thecar.
You're like God damn love.
You know he's like man.
I thought you was a damn copand I'm like man.

(57:21):
We were just wanting to seewhat he was up to and all of a
sudden he started.
I don't know if he took off hisshirt or what, but the water
was full.
The ditch was full of water.
He started.
I don't know he took off hisshirt, what, but the water was
full.
The ditch was full of water.
And I said what are you doing?
He said man, I just threw like$300 worth of shit in there and
like dove in the water.
I swear dude.
Yeah, and we was like we alllooked at each other and we're

(57:46):
like, oh shit.

Zack (57:48):
You know, I was like man, really like, did I come back up
with it?
That I don't remember that'dhave been classic.

Bucky (57:51):
I think you did.
I think you may have.

Zack (57:54):
I don't remember that part , I just I dove into the ditch
not on the first water, like itwas like four foot of water man
where was it?
Where were we?

Bucky (58:03):
at.
It's like one of the roads offthe dirt road, it just rained.
That's why I was like I ain'tgoing down there.

Zack (58:11):
I don't remember that at all.

Earl (58:12):
I don't believe you would have.
I forgot about it.

Zack (58:15):
I don't know that it's true.

Bucky (58:18):
I think you threw your phone out or something.
I don't know what it was.

Zack (58:21):
I don't care what I threw out.
This is possible.
I threw out all sorts of shit.
You thought we was the cops, soI don't know Whatever you had
on you.

Bucky (58:27):
you threw out Because, whatever it was, it was pretty
important because you dove backin there to get it.
But that was man.

Zack (58:36):
That was crazy.

Bucky (58:38):
I don't know how fast he was going, but way faster than
we were.
I don't think it was a pickup,it was a car.

Zack (58:47):
But Impala was so fast.

Bucky (58:48):
That's probably what it was then.
Oh, but no, but man, that was.
Yeah, I should have knew thatday, zach, I should have tried
to help you out.

Zack (59:01):
Oh no, Wasn't no help from me?

Bucky (59:04):
Well.

Zack (59:05):
Not at that point in time, right.

Bucky (59:07):
I mean, yeah, you're going through your own.
Oh, but it started way earlierthan that.
Right, but that was like whenthe downfall.

Zack (59:15):
Right, I mean after you got kind of fell off for a
little while, what Well?
I mean, I ain't jumping in thathole again.

Bucky (59:25):
Yeah, I don't blame you.

Zack (59:27):
Yeah, I ain't jumping in that hole again.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Yeah, I ain't jumping in thathole again.
No, yeah, shit like that ain'tgoing to happen, can't?
No, I'm just saying that Itaught myself that a long time
ago.
My parents, I even do that tomy dad Huh, what, what.

Bucky (59:46):
I did what.

Zack (59:47):
Never, no, I mean, there's no telling.
All I can say is there's notelling.
I don't know.
I've done some stupid shit.
I don't know that much.

Bucky (01:00:00):
We all have.
Yes, sir, Unfortunately we allhave Some of us got caught.

Earl (01:00:07):
That's part of the struggle.

Zack (01:00:11):
Yeah, some of us are trying to get caught.

Bucky (01:00:19):
Good old dark ages.
We talked about that when I wasediting in that part of this.
I can't say that word.

Zack (01:00:25):
But if you want to talk about the past, you've got to go
before 1998, because that'sbefore they took off the used to
have the?
What was it called the law?
How many years?
Oh yeah.

Earl (01:00:42):
Statute of limitations.

Zack (01:00:42):
Statute of limitations went off on drugs in September
of 1998.
So anything before 98, we cantalk about anything afterwards.
I don't know what you'retalking about, because statute
of limitations never run out now.

Bucky (01:00:56):
Really, for real.
I did not know that that's true.
So I'm going to say 98, I thinkmy daughter was in 96.
Look it up, it's back.
So I had two kids by that time.
Probably Did you Mm-hmm, bothmy kids by that time.
Yeah, and I didn't get to hangout much so I couldn't really

(01:01:19):
Around.
Yeah, I didn't really see whatwas going on.
I remember you did live inVernon, down the street from me,
for a while, you and TrishGordon or Indian Fan down the
street from me.

Zack (01:01:26):
for a while you can fish Gordon or Indian.

Bucky (01:01:28):
Fan or something like that.
Yeah, Fanon and whatever that.

Zack (01:01:31):
Gordon.
Yeah, I came over there acouple times Everything was okay
, then huh.

Bucky (01:01:41):
Yeah, it was getting.
I mean, you know it was goodyou had your little shop in the
back, it was cool, had a pooltable.
I don't know if it was good youhad your little shop in the
back, it was cool, had a pooltable.

Zack (01:01:54):
I don't know if it did at that time, I think you had just
moved in when I came over there,or maybe you were just moving
out.
What was you?

Bucky (01:01:59):
doing, hanging around with the likes of me.
You know, I don't know whathappened, I don't know.

Zack (01:02:05):
People tell me stories all the time.
My brother's like you don'tremember that time.
You looked at me, you told meas serious as our tech if you
don't get that motherfucker outof my house, I'm gonna kill him.
I said who are you talking?
About right yeah, and then mybrother explained it.
I was like hmm, that soundslike something I'd do probably
you did not believe it?

Earl (01:02:26):
yeah, oh yeah, probably that sounds like something I'd
do.
You did not believe it?
Oh yeah, probably right.

Bucky (01:02:29):
I didn't really party much back at that time.

Zack (01:02:34):
Oh, you never partied like that.
Anyway, you did.
What did I miss?
I missed out on that, didn't I?
I?

Bucky (01:02:38):
mean no, yeah, not like that.
But I mean, I went hard, butnot that hard yeah no.
Because I had a family already,absolutely so I had to chill,
man, I was having to work allthe damn time.

Earl (01:02:56):
That's what we do well, that's a part of it.

Bucky (01:03:01):
It's hard to do that all the time well mentally it can
take its toll on you stressworking and dealing with
responsibility Well, mentally.
It can take its toll on youStress Working and dealing.

Earl (01:03:12):
Responsibility, life Not everybody feels it.

Zack (01:03:14):
Yeah there's responsibility.
Not everybody feels it Too much.
No, that's a fact.

Earl (01:03:18):
Not everybody understands it, not everybody understands
responsibility.

Zack (01:03:21):
There's a bunch of people that don't understand
responsibility, unfortunately.

Earl (01:03:25):
Well it's an uncommon problem for our generation.
Like daddy ran off, yeah yeah,so.

Bucky (01:03:35):
I think we're all pretty lucky in that part.

Earl (01:03:37):
We're pretty good.
We had fathers and we've beenfathers.
Yeah, I think that's.
That's just part of society.
That's not exactly what we are.
Society's kind of different now.
Yeah, that's not exactly whatwe are Society's kind of
different now.

Bucky (01:03:54):
Yeah, it's the world we live in.
Tonight we're going to saygoodbye for the Be Easy podcast
and we will be talking to yousoon, but until then, I'm Bucky,
this is Earl, I'm Zach, we arethe Be Easy Podcast and we will
see you later.

Zack (01:04:12):
And I had to take a step back Because I swear I didn't
recognize my own face.
So I asked that man there inthe mirror, just how he ended up

(01:04:33):
this way and with a cry in hisvoice and a tear in his eyes.
I heard every word the man hadto say, man had to say.
He said I lost my wife and Icouldn't stop getting high and

(01:04:56):
the lies caught up with me.
And when she left, she took theonly thing that meant anything
to me and with those baby blueeyes and that smile, that smile,

(01:05:18):
this year she turned three.
You better grab a hold ofsomething, for something grabs a
hold of you, and don't ask aquestion If you can't take the
truth, cause I'm just areflection of you.

(01:05:40):
He said I'm just a reflectionOf you, just a reflection of you
, oh Lord.
Well, I could see thedesperation in his eyes.

(01:06:06):
Each deep breath it took forhim to breathe and every word he
said hit home with me.
I felt like my man could now see.
And then, the more I stared,the more I realized that the man

(01:06:31):
standing there in front of me,hell, he was just a reflection
of me.
I said just a reflection of me.
You see, I lost my wife.

(01:06:56):
I couldn't stop getting highand the lights caught up with me
, and when she left she took theonly thing that meant anything
to me, and with those baby blueeyes and that smile that's mine.

(01:07:22):
This year she turned three.
You better grab a hold ofsomething Close, something,
rather hold.
You.
Don't ask a question If youcan't take the truth, cause it
might be a reflection of you.

(01:07:43):
I said it might be a reflectionof you, of you, you see.

(01:08:04):
I looked at myself in the mirrorFor the first time in a long
time today, and I had to take astep back Cause I swear I didn't
recognize my own fate.