April 1, 2025 • 24 mins
Are you struggling with the fear of failure? You’re not alone. Many individuals encounter this daunting barrier, often letting it block potential growth and success. This episode unpacks atychiphobia, highlighting the psychological and emotional layers of this fear.
I'll delve into the roots and symptoms of fear of failure, looking at how past experiences and societal expectations can influence our present behavior. Additionally, I'll address the causes behind this fear and, importantly, share actionable strategies to overcome it. From understanding cognitive distortions to embracing a growth mindset, listeners will leave with pragmatic tools to face their fears head-on.
Failure is simply a part of life's journey, and by transforming our relationship with it, we can open up to new possibilities and growth. Don’t let fear stand in your way!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Are you feeling stuck , trapped by barriers holding
you back from reaching your fullpotential?
Well, let's bust through thosebarriers so that you can live
your best life.
Hi, I'm Matt Brooks, founder ofMatt Brooks Coaching, and I'm
passionate about helping peopleovercome barriers to achieve
success.
Join me for insights,strategies and inspiring stories
(00:34):
as we explore practical tipsand powerful tools to unlock
your true potential.
This is the Barrier BustingPodcast.
Well, hello again everybody.
(00:55):
I know I took a couple weeksoff.
I hope you don't mind hearingsome repeats.
They were really good shows, Ithought, but I'm back.
I want to talk today about fearof failure.
Before I took a little break, Iwas doing a few weeks on
performance anxiety, right, andthis is kind of I want to
piggyback this on top of thatperformance anxiety series,
(01:16):
because fear of failure is verysimilar.
It has some differences, butit's very similar.
Most of us have experienced abit of this at some point in our
lives, right, but for somepeople, fear of failure can
really be debilitating.
It can really hold them back.
So first, though, how is itdifferent and how is it similar
from performance anxiety right?
(01:37):
Well, this is pretty easy.
Performance anxiety is whenyou're put on the spot.
Right, it's always gotsomething public in nature.
Right?
You're giving a speech, you'regiving a toast at a wedding,
you're making a presentation atwork or you're actually
performing in a show orsomething.
Fear of failure, however, it canbe anything.
(01:58):
It can be a project at work, itcan be financial stability you
fear failing at that.
It can be fear failing atfinishing a degree, and so on.
It can be anything that you arescared that you might fail at
and that that failure will bringshame and embarrassment.
As a coach, I work with peopleto help break down barriers that
(02:19):
hold them back, and fear offailure is a huge one.
So you know, I talk with myclients, we work on this, we
work on overcoming this, and Ithought I'd share a bunch of
stuff with you today about whatit is, what are the causes of it
, what are the symptoms so youcan recognize it, and then some
tips on what to do if you'regoing through an episode of
(02:40):
fearing that you're going tofail at something, if it's
becoming overwhelming to you,some ideas about how you can
face that.
So, first of all, what is it?
What is fear of failure?
They actually have a name forthis a tiki phobia, a tiki
phobia, a-t-y-c-h-i phobiathat's the word a tiki phobia
and that's an intense feeling ofanxiety or a sense of danger
(03:04):
having to do with failing orscrewing something up or being
judged by others for failing.
Any situation where there ispotential for failure and, in
particular, failure that will benoticed by others In our
careers, in our relationships,our financial status, etc.
And of course, nowadays, withsocial media, the risks of being
(03:26):
criticized are even higher.
One perceived slip up can leadto social or professional
problems.
Right, so the stakes can seemand in fact can be higher for
failing, which makes itreasonable for us to fear this
from time to time.
A person with a tiki phobia maybe terrified of new experiences
or trying new things, takingrisks, things where the outcome
(03:50):
isn't assured and where onedreads feeling a sense of shame
and embarrassment if the outcomeisn't successful.
The fear can take over, notonly keeping people from, you
know, putting themselves outthere, but that fear can take
over to a point where oneexperiences a kind of paralysis
in which one continues to holdhim or herself back by avoiding
(04:12):
stressful situations completelyor withdrawing from career and
or social opportunities.
And look, even the mostsuccessful people experience
fear of failure.
There was a 2018 study of CEOs.
Look, even the most successfulpeople experience fear of
failure.
There was a 2018 study of CEOs,right, and it showed that 90%
(04:34):
of CEOs, 90% of CEOs, statedthat it's fear of failure, more
than anything else, that keepsthem up at night.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And also.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Failure is just a part of life.
We should accept that it'sinevitable.
We'll all experience it at somepoint or another, and most
likely many, many times.
Successful people look atfailure as an opportunity for
growth, a way to learn, andthat's how we all should view it
.
The old phrase is right whatdoesn't kill you makes you
strong, but only if you let it.
Fear of failure is really aboutfear of uncertain outcomes.
(05:08):
Researchers have found that mostpeople who have a tiki phobia
are motivated not by thepossibility of what will be
gained or by winning something,but rather they are motivated
more by their anxiety around thepossibility of failure.
So their anxiety around failureis keeping them from doing
something.
What can I lose becomes moreimportant than what can I gain.
(05:28):
This goes hand in hand with acommon source of all anxiety
disorders, in fact, one of thetop causes of anxiety.
That anxiety is often broughton by the fear of anxiety itself
.
That's right.
Fearing anxiety is one of thebiggest causes of anxiety, and
this most commonly comes fromhaving a panic attack or a
(05:50):
severe episode of anxiety inone's past.
The memory of how horrible itwas sticks and we don't ever
wanna feel that way again.
So in turn, we fear that wewill experience an anxiety
attack and more often than not,it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
When this happens, one is notafraid of failing so much as
(06:13):
they are afraid of feeling.
Let me say that again One isnot afraid of failing so much as
they are afraid of feeling.
Feeling shame, feelingembarrassment, etc.
Feeling shame, feelingembarrassment, etc.
The good news is that studieshave also shown that for the
most part, phobias can beovercome, typically with therapy
or coaching, and it has to alsohave a strong desire by you who
(06:40):
are experiencing this to work.
You've got to be willing towork if you want to overcome
these phobias.
But phobias can be overcome byand large.
So let's talk about what thecauses of fear of failure are.
What are some of the causes?
It's important to remember thatwe all have different
backstories, different lifeexperiences, different family
histories, we have differenttypes of negative past
(07:03):
experiences, and all of thesecan play a role in fear of
failure.
And, by the way, all thosereasons are valid.
Prior experiences are there toinform us Once bitten, twice shy
, right.
Or some people say, once burnedtwice shy.
That's valid.
It's normal to be influenced bypast experiences, but if
(07:23):
they're holding you back.
Be assured that they can beovercome.
Another cause is learnedbehaviors Learned behaviors from
family, teachers, mentors,people who modeled them to you
in your formative years, yourbelief systems, your
observational behaviors,standards set by others.
(07:44):
For example, if you arerepeatedly warned against
bringing shame upon the family,you're going to fear failure big
time.
Right, and there are somecultures where that actually
brings shame upon the family ishuge in those cultures I think
it's everywhere, but there aresome cultures where it's even
more amplified and that createsa lot of anxiety and a lot of
(08:05):
stress.
Another cause low self-esteem.
If you have any type ofneurosis whatsoever negative
thought patterns, negativeself-talk and you have a low
self-esteem, you're more likelyto have fear of failure Past
trauma this can contribute tofear of failure.
(08:25):
Past trauma can make youavoidant.
Right?
Ptsd has a lot of effects.
Ptsd sucks.
Let me just say that If youknow anybody who's experienced
PTSD, or if you yourself have it, you know it sucks and it
creates a fear of all kinds ofthings.
So it definitely can contributeto fear of failure.
(08:47):
Another cause is perfectionism.
If you're a perfectionist man,you are going to fear failure.
If you've got to haveeverything be perfect all the
time.
Failure is a big issue to you.
You may not admit it, but it isIn a similar vein.
Comparison, right?
Comparison to other people.
What do the neighbors think?
How do I compare to the Joneses?
Right?
All that that can create fearof failure, because you don't
(09:09):
want to look bad to everybody,you want to look like you
succeeded and you fit in, etcetera.
So comparison's a big one.
But one of the biggest ones andthis is both a cause and a
symptom is procrastination.
Both a cause and a symptom isprocrastination.
The more anxiety we have fromfear of failure, the less likely
(09:32):
we are to work towardsachieving what we fear that
we'll fail at right.
So we procrastinate, we avoidit.
Very common.
What are some of the symptoms ofa tachyphobia?
Well, they're actually verysimilar to the causes in a lot
of ways, but here's somesymptoms.
First of all, you're reluctantto try new things.
(09:53):
You have an intense worrying oranxious feelings about new
experiences or unfamiliarsituations.
You avoid improving or changinganything because you fear these
new experiences.
Definitely a sign.
Definitely a sign.
Definitely a symptom.
Another symptom, as I talkedabout a second ago negative
thoughts Just fuel the fear.
(10:13):
Negative thoughts are fuel forthe fear.
Remember that A pessimisticoutlook, Imagining worst case
scenarios, a mindset that'sfixed on failure being
inevitable.
You're convinced that you'vefailed so much in life that you
shouldn't expect any better.
Oh, it always happens to me.
It's just my luck, right?
That's going to contribute tofear of failure.
(10:35):
All these things that I've beentalking about just serve to
increase self-doubt and, as wesaid, self-doubt is a big cause.
Another symptom is intenselyself-conscious.
You're intensely self-consciousregarding what other people
think, to the point where itholds you back from doing
anything.
It stops you completely.
You have a fear ofdisappointing others or being
(10:57):
embarrassed around others.
You're anxious about beingjudged.
These are symptoms.
Another is a complete avoidanceof stressful situations.
Do you get out of the room fastwhen something gets stressed?
I know someone very well whojust can't handle stressful
situations, can't handleconflict at all, and anytime a
(11:20):
conflict arises or a stressfulsituation comes up, this person
just immediately gets up andleaves the room, just splits
like right away, because theycan't deal with that.
I mean, that's.
You know, that's something.
There's a lot there, but one ofthe things from that is it's a
symptom of fear and failure.
Also, withdrawing fromopportunities, as I've talked
(11:41):
about you know, such as tryingfor a new job or going to a fun
social event or meeting newpeople, avoiding unfamiliar
environments, unfamiliarprojects, unfamiliar activities.
These are all symptoms Imentioned earlier.
Procrastinating right,procrastination right.
This is you're prone to it if atask or activity seems
(12:02):
challenging or new or you easilyget distracted from what you
need to do and what you'rereally doing is avoiding
whatever it is you're supposedto do.
That's procrastination.
Then, of course, with allanxiety, there can be really
intense anxiety and intensesomatic symptoms, physical
symptoms, and those can bethings like dizziness, racing
(12:26):
heartbeat, sweating.
Any of the signs of anxietycome into play here.
Time for a quick break.
When we come back, I'm going totalk briefly about the dangers
of fear of failure, what weshould be afraid of if we deal
with this, and then I'm going tooffer some tips for overcoming
it.
Back in just a sec.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Feeling overwhelmed, Struggling to find balance in
your daily life?
At Matt Brooks Coaching, we getit and we can help.
With over 25 years ofnon-profit executive experience
and an MSW with a clinical focus, Matt Brooks offers
personalized coaching designedto help you rise above your
challenges and live your bestlife.
(13:12):
Whether you aim to advance yourcareer, enhance your skills or
simply find more clarity andpeace, Matt is here to be your
partner and ally.
Visit mattbrookscoachingcom tobook your free discovery session
today.
Take the first step towards abrighter tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Okay, let's talk about the dangers of fear of
failure, and there are some veryreal dangers if you are dealing
with this.
First of all, the fear canbecome self-fulfilling.
All right, you think negative,as I talked about this in the
first half, you think negatively.
It may come true Because youexpect failure.
You may be subconsciouslysetting yourself up for it, you
(14:02):
may be self-sabotaging.
Big danger is a broad range ofpsychological and emotional
problems shame, depression,anxiety, sometimes crippling
anxiety, panic, low self-esteemall dangers of fear of failure.
In other words, if you don'taddress it, these are things
that can really kick in the highgear.
This can negatively affect howyou perform at school or work,
(14:23):
how you interact with family,friends, neighbors and coworkers
.
Those relationships that weneed in life can really be
negatively affected if you'refearing failure and thus you
have some of the behaviors I'vealready talked about avoidance.
You're procrastinating, you'rekeeping yourself away from
certain situations.
It can also sabotage careergrowth.
(14:43):
Right, we don't want to doanything, we're afraid to try
new things, so our career growthjust gets stunted.
Right, fear of failure makes usprone to inaction.
It's a kind of paralysis thatcan happen.
Now, all of these are goodreasons for coming to terms with
our fear of failure,understanding it and overcoming
(15:04):
it, because some of thesedangers in particular can be
really problematic.
So we want to overcome it and,if you recall, I said research
has proven that most phobias canbe overcome as long as you're
willing to work.
So how do we do that?
How do we overcome it?
Here's some strategies or sometips that I'd like to pass on.
(15:24):
Number one recognize that thisis normal.
Fear of failure is normal.
Everyone experiences fear andeveryone, at some point,
experiences some degree of fearof failure.
We are wired to protectourselves from danger.
We are as human beings.
Our brains are wired to protectourselves from danger and the
(15:45):
idea of failing or humiliationor shame falls into the category
of what our brain perceives asdanger.
So naturally, we're going toresist this.
We're going to have someanxiety for it.
It's normal.
Give yourself a break on that,okay.
Second, while recognizing thatfear of failure is normal, also
recognize that failure itself isnormal.
(16:07):
Give yourself permission tofail and remember the failure
simply means you're tryingsomething that you're branching
out in some way.
Everybody fails and if you'reembarrassed in front of other
people because you failed,remember they fail too right.
My favorite thing about this, orquote about this, comes from
Teddy Roosevelt, and I'm suremany of you have heard it.
(16:29):
It's about the man in the arena.
It is, to me, the bottom linewhen it comes to people who are
criticizing, or thinking aboutpeople who criticize you.
All right, I'm going to readpart of it.
You can Google man in the arena, teddy Roosevelt.
You'll find the whole thing,but I'm going to read about half
of it right now, cause I justlove this.
So I just want to read this.
(16:49):
These are Teddy Roosevelt'swords.
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how
the strong man stumbles orwhere the doer of deeds could
have done them better.
The credit belongs to the manwho is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust andsweat and blood, who strives
(17:10):
valiantly, who errs, who comesshort again and again because
there is no effort without erroror shortcoming.
I just love that.
I love that idea that those whoare criticizing you probably
aren't in the arena and they'reMonday morning quarterbacking
right.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
I hate Monday morning quarterbacking.
You know you're watching afootball game and you see a
failed play and you see thatthere were two receivers wide
open downfield and you're likethis quarterback's an idiot, how
could he have missed that?
But the truth is it's easy tosay that from the view from the
cheap seats.
If you're down there on thefield, who knows how many
(17:50):
hundreds of things werehappening in a split second or
two that that quarterback had todeal with?
You can't judge him fairly fromthe cheap seats, right?
And so, as far as I'm concerned, people who criticize from the
cheap seats, if they aren'twilling to put themselves in the
arena, they just need to shutthe fuck up.
I'm sorry, they really do, andyou need to adopt that idea in
(18:12):
your mind.
Even though they may not shutthe fuck up, you need to adopt
the idea in their mind that theydon't have credibility by in
any way shaming or humiliatingyou because you were trying
something.
Try to remember that.
I'm passionate about that oneand look for that Teddy
Roosevelt quote.
Remember there's a cost of nottrying and you gotta remember
(18:34):
that.
With whatever it is, justremember the cost of not trying.
Ask yourself what you'll missout on if you don't give it a
try.
Ask yourself what's the worstthat can happen.
Ask yourself what's the bestthat could happen.
If you answer these questions,you may find that the situation
is not so scary at all.
And, by the way, asking thesetypes of questions is
(18:57):
essentially what cognitivebehavioral therapy is.
What it does it analyzescognitive distortions, makes you
question your thinking to makesure that you're really seeing
things clearly.
A therapist will do that withyou.
Coaches will do a variation ofthat with you as well.
We'll look to find clarity inyour thought process.
(19:18):
All right, another way toovercome failure and I really
love this one, because this isone anybody can do Practice
being willing to fail.
What did he say?
I said, yeah, practice beingwilling to fail.
Remember, the anxiety and fearof failure is like a muscle.
Okay, fear is like a muscle,and overcoming fear is also like
(19:39):
a muscle.
You got to work it out.
You got to work it out, justlike you got to work out your
regular muscles at the gym.
So adopt a beginner's mindset.
Learn something new, try a newhobby or something.
Go ahead and make mistakes,like all beginners do.
You'll get more used to it, soit won't seem like something you
need to fear, and rememberFranklin Delano Roosevelt right,
(20:05):
his famous quote the only thingyou need to fear is fear itself
.
Try to remember that one,because it's true, the only
thing you need to fear is fearitself.
So try something new.
Try something new.
Often Flex that muscle.
Another thing to do if you'rehaving a fear of failure and
you're trying to work it outtalk to someone you trust,
whether that's a therapist or acoach or a friend.
Just talk to someone.
A lot of it can be worked outjust by talking.
(20:25):
You'll get more comfortablewith the idea and that someone
will talk you through it as welland help you.
Try to see things more clearlyso that you don't get
overwhelmed with that anxiety.
Here's another one that soundscorny.
You hear this a lot, but Ireally believe this works and
there's a lot of evidence thatit does work and that's
visualization.
Visualize your success, playthrough it in your mind and
(20:48):
envision you facing it.
Whatever this is that's causingthe fear, envision you facing
it with courage and succeeding.
Just envision success.
It really works and at the veryleast, it'll bolster some
confidence and some courage.
Right, like I said, I know itsounds corny, but it's no joke,
it really can work.
(21:08):
Another one I really likedevelop what's called a bias for
action.
Cultivate a growth mindset.
Develop a hunger for learning.
Strongly value making an effortand strongly value a
disciplined approach, ordisciplined perseverance.
This will keep you movingforward despite your fear.
So get intellectually hungry iswhat I'm saying.
(21:31):
Another one is reframepotential failure as more growth
.
Right, we talked about thatearlier.
Successful people do this allthe time.
If you're fearing that you'regoing to fail at something, say
to yourself you know what, butI'm going to learn if I do.
I'm going to learn something ifI do.
Another way to overcome fear offailure, or another component to
(21:53):
it, is do away with analysisparalysis.
Do you have analysis paralysis?
Do you overthink things?
Do you know what analysisparalysis?
Do you have analysis paralysis?
Do you overthink things?
Do you know what analysisparalysis is?
Well, analysis paralysis iswhen someone is unable to make a
decision because they overthinka problem.
It can occur in many situations, including when making career
(22:14):
decisions or choosing aninvestment, et cetera.
This often happens when you'redealing with too many variables
and continually researchingsolutions instead of taking
action and making a decision.
It can also happen if you're aperfectionist.
Right.
You get yourself paralyzed byoveranalyzing everything.
So if you're prone tooverthinking, you may suffer
(22:35):
from analysis paralysis.
I'm not suggesting you do thingswithout thinking them through.
No, no, no, you've got to thinkit through.
But recognize that sometimes wecan get so stuck and caught up
in our own thinking that itholds us back.
Be aware of the pitfalls ofwhatever you're considering for
sure, but don't let that in andof itself hold you back.
(22:56):
Above all, give yourself somegrace.
Show yourself some compassion,allow yourself to feel, even if
it's uncomfortable, and forgiveyourself if the fears you have
sometimes do get the best of you.
Just keep getting up off themat, putting yourself in the
(23:16):
arena.
Remember it's the man in thearena, not the person that
criticizes.
You can overcome fear offailure.
We all can.
Good luck if you're trying.
That's all for today.
I really appreciate you tuningin.
As I've been saying a lotlately, if you have ideas for
topics to be covered on thisshow, I would love to hear from
you.
I need ideas.
(23:36):
Please feel free to email me atmatt at mattbrookscoachingcom.
Matt at mattbrookscoachingcom.
Give me your ideas.
I'll be happy to consider themand see what I can do In the
meantime.
Thanks for listening today.
I wish you well, be well, andI'll catch you next time on the
Barrier Busting.
Podcast, podcast.
Are you feeling stuck , trapped by barriers holding
you back from reaching your fullpotential?
Well, let's bust through thosebarriers so that you can live
your best life.
Hi, I'm Matt Brooks, founder ofMatt Brooks Coaching, and I'm
passionate about helping peopleovercome barriers to achieve
success.
Join me for insights,strategies and inspiring stories
(00:34):
as we explore practical tipsand powerful tools to unlock
your true potential.
This is the Barrier BustingPodcast.
Well, hello again everybody.
(00:55):
I know I took a couple weeksoff.
I hope you don't mind hearingsome repeats.
They were really good shows, Ithought, but I'm back.
I want to talk today about fearof failure.
Before I took a little break, Iwas doing a few weeks on
performance anxiety, right, andthis is kind of I want to
piggyback this on top of thatperformance anxiety series,
(01:16):
because fear of failure is verysimilar.
It has some differences, butit's very similar.
Most of us have experienced abit of this at some point in our
lives, right, but for somepeople, fear of failure can
really be debilitating.
It can really hold them back.
So first, though, how is itdifferent and how is it similar
from performance anxiety right?
(01:37):
Well, this is pretty easy.
Performance anxiety is whenyou're put on the spot.
Right, it's always gotsomething public in nature.
Right?
You're giving a speech, you'regiving a toast at a wedding,
you're making a presentation atwork or you're actually
performing in a show orsomething.
Fear of failure, however, it canbe anything.
(01:58):
It can be a project at work, itcan be financial stability you
fear failing at that.
It can be fear failing atfinishing a degree, and so on.
It can be anything that you arescared that you might fail at
and that that failure will bringshame and embarrassment.
As a coach, I work with peopleto help break down barriers that
(02:19):
hold them back, and fear offailure is a huge one.
So you know, I talk with myclients, we work on this, we
work on overcoming this, and Ithought I'd share a bunch of
stuff with you today about whatit is, what are the causes of it
, what are the symptoms so youcan recognize it, and then some
tips on what to do if you'regoing through an episode of
(02:40):
fearing that you're going tofail at something, if it's
becoming overwhelming to you,some ideas about how you can
face that.
So, first of all, what is it?
What is fear of failure?
They actually have a name forthis a tiki phobia, a tiki
phobia, a-t-y-c-h-i phobiathat's the word a tiki phobia
and that's an intense feeling ofanxiety or a sense of danger
(03:04):
having to do with failing orscrewing something up or being
judged by others for failing.
Any situation where there ispotential for failure and, in
particular, failure that will benoticed by others In our
careers, in our relationships,our financial status, etc.
And of course, nowadays, withsocial media, the risks of being
(03:26):
criticized are even higher.
One perceived slip up can leadto social or professional
problems.
Right, so the stakes can seemand in fact can be higher for
failing, which makes itreasonable for us to fear this
from time to time.
A person with a tiki phobia maybe terrified of new experiences
or trying new things, takingrisks, things where the outcome
(03:50):
isn't assured and where onedreads feeling a sense of shame
and embarrassment if the outcomeisn't successful.
The fear can take over, notonly keeping people from, you
know, putting themselves outthere, but that fear can take
over to a point where oneexperiences a kind of paralysis
in which one continues to holdhim or herself back by avoiding
(04:12):
stressful situations completelyor withdrawing from career and
or social opportunities.
And look, even the mostsuccessful people experience
fear of failure.
There was a 2018 study of CEOs.
Look, even the most successfulpeople experience fear of
failure.
There was a 2018 study of CEOs,right, and it showed that 90%
(04:34):
of CEOs, 90% of CEOs, statedthat it's fear of failure, more
than anything else, that keepsthem up at night.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And also.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Failure is just a part of life.
We should accept that it'sinevitable.
We'll all experience it at somepoint or another, and most
likely many, many times.
Successful people look atfailure as an opportunity for
growth, a way to learn, andthat's how we all should view it
.
The old phrase is right whatdoesn't kill you makes you
strong, but only if you let it.
Fear of failure is really aboutfear of uncertain outcomes.
(05:08):
Researchers have found that mostpeople who have a tiki phobia
are motivated not by thepossibility of what will be
gained or by winning something,but rather they are motivated
more by their anxiety around thepossibility of failure.
So their anxiety around failureis keeping them from doing
something.
What can I lose becomes moreimportant than what can I gain.
(05:28):
This goes hand in hand with acommon source of all anxiety
disorders, in fact, one of thetop causes of anxiety.
That anxiety is often broughton by the fear of anxiety itself
.
That's right.
Fearing anxiety is one of thebiggest causes of anxiety, and
this most commonly comes fromhaving a panic attack or a
(05:50):
severe episode of anxiety inone's past.
The memory of how horrible itwas sticks and we don't ever
wanna feel that way again.
So in turn, we fear that wewill experience an anxiety
attack and more often than not,it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
When this happens, one is notafraid of failing so much as
(06:13):
they are afraid of feeling.
Let me say that again One isnot afraid of failing so much as
they are afraid of feeling.
Feeling shame, feelingembarrassment, etc.
Feeling shame, feelingembarrassment, etc.
The good news is that studieshave also shown that for the
most part, phobias can beovercome, typically with therapy
or coaching, and it has to alsohave a strong desire by you who
(06:40):
are experiencing this to work.
You've got to be willing towork if you want to overcome
these phobias.
But phobias can be overcome byand large.
So let's talk about what thecauses of fear of failure are.
What are some of the causes?
It's important to remember thatwe all have different
backstories, different lifeexperiences, different family
histories, we have differenttypes of negative past
(07:03):
experiences, and all of thesecan play a role in fear of
failure.
And, by the way, all thosereasons are valid.
Prior experiences are there toinform us Once bitten, twice shy
, right.
Or some people say, once burnedtwice shy.
That's valid.
It's normal to be influenced bypast experiences, but if
(07:23):
they're holding you back.
Be assured that they can beovercome.
Another cause is learnedbehaviors Learned behaviors from
family, teachers, mentors,people who modeled them to you
in your formative years, yourbelief systems, your
observational behaviors,standards set by others.
(07:44):
For example, if you arerepeatedly warned against
bringing shame upon the family,you're going to fear failure big
time.
Right, and there are somecultures where that actually
brings shame upon the family ishuge in those cultures I think
it's everywhere, but there aresome cultures where it's even
more amplified and that createsa lot of anxiety and a lot of
(08:05):
stress.
Another cause low self-esteem.
If you have any type ofneurosis whatsoever negative
thought patterns, negativeself-talk and you have a low
self-esteem, you're more likelyto have fear of failure Past
trauma this can contribute tofear of failure.
(08:25):
Past trauma can make youavoidant.
Right?
Ptsd has a lot of effects.
Ptsd sucks.
Let me just say that If youknow anybody who's experienced
PTSD, or if you yourself have it, you know it sucks and it
creates a fear of all kinds ofthings.
So it definitely can contributeto fear of failure.
(08:47):
Another cause is perfectionism.
If you're a perfectionist man,you are going to fear failure.
If you've got to haveeverything be perfect all the
time.
Failure is a big issue to you.
You may not admit it, but it isIn a similar vein.
Comparison, right?
Comparison to other people.
What do the neighbors think?
How do I compare to the Joneses?
Right?
All that that can create fearof failure, because you don't
(09:09):
want to look bad to everybody,you want to look like you
succeeded and you fit in, etcetera.
So comparison's a big one.
But one of the biggest ones andthis is both a cause and a
symptom is procrastination.
Both a cause and a symptom isprocrastination.
The more anxiety we have fromfear of failure, the less likely
(09:32):
we are to work towardsachieving what we fear that
we'll fail at right.
So we procrastinate, we avoidit.
Very common.
What are some of the symptoms ofa tachyphobia?
Well, they're actually verysimilar to the causes in a lot
of ways, but here's somesymptoms.
First of all, you're reluctantto try new things.
(09:53):
You have an intense worrying oranxious feelings about new
experiences or unfamiliarsituations.
You avoid improving or changinganything because you fear these
new experiences.
Definitely a sign.
Definitely a sign.
Definitely a symptom.
Another symptom, as I talkedabout a second ago negative
thoughts Just fuel the fear.
(10:13):
Negative thoughts are fuel forthe fear.
Remember that A pessimisticoutlook, Imagining worst case
scenarios, a mindset that'sfixed on failure being
inevitable.
You're convinced that you'vefailed so much in life that you
shouldn't expect any better.
Oh, it always happens to me.
It's just my luck, right?
That's going to contribute tofear of failure.
(10:35):
All these things that I've beentalking about just serve to
increase self-doubt and, as wesaid, self-doubt is a big cause.
Another symptom is intenselyself-conscious.
You're intensely self-consciousregarding what other people
think, to the point where itholds you back from doing
anything.
It stops you completely.
You have a fear ofdisappointing others or being
(10:57):
embarrassed around others.
You're anxious about beingjudged.
These are symptoms.
Another is a complete avoidanceof stressful situations.
Do you get out of the room fastwhen something gets stressed?
I know someone very well whojust can't handle stressful
situations, can't handleconflict at all, and anytime a
(11:20):
conflict arises or a stressfulsituation comes up, this person
just immediately gets up andleaves the room, just splits
like right away, because theycan't deal with that.
I mean, that's.
You know, that's something.
There's a lot there, but one ofthe things from that is it's a
symptom of fear and failure.
Also, withdrawing fromopportunities, as I've talked
(11:41):
about you know, such as tryingfor a new job or going to a fun
social event or meeting newpeople, avoiding unfamiliar
environments, unfamiliarprojects, unfamiliar activities.
These are all symptoms Imentioned earlier.
Procrastinating right,procrastination right.
This is you're prone to it if atask or activity seems
(12:02):
challenging or new or you easilyget distracted from what you
need to do and what you'rereally doing is avoiding
whatever it is you're supposedto do.
That's procrastination.
Then, of course, with allanxiety, there can be really
intense anxiety and intensesomatic symptoms, physical
symptoms, and those can bethings like dizziness, racing
(12:26):
heartbeat, sweating.
Any of the signs of anxietycome into play here.
Time for a quick break.
When we come back, I'm going totalk briefly about the dangers
of fear of failure, what weshould be afraid of if we deal
with this, and then I'm going tooffer some tips for overcoming
it.
Back in just a sec.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
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(13:12):
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Speaker 1 (13:36):
Okay, let's talk about the dangers of fear of
failure, and there are some veryreal dangers if you are dealing
with this.
First of all, the fear canbecome self-fulfilling.
All right, you think negative,as I talked about this in the
first half, you think negatively.
It may come true Because youexpect failure.
You may be subconsciouslysetting yourself up for it, you
(14:02):
may be self-sabotaging.
Big danger is a broad range ofpsychological and emotional
problems shame, depression,anxiety, sometimes crippling
anxiety, panic, low self-esteemall dangers of fear of failure.
In other words, if you don'taddress it, these are things
that can really kick in the highgear.
This can negatively affect howyou perform at school or work,
(14:23):
how you interact with family,friends, neighbors and coworkers
.
Those relationships that weneed in life can really be
negatively affected if you'refearing failure and thus you
have some of the behaviors I'vealready talked about avoidance.
You're procrastinating, you'rekeeping yourself away from
certain situations.
It can also sabotage careergrowth.
(14:43):
Right, we don't want to doanything, we're afraid to try
new things, so our career growthjust gets stunted.
Right, fear of failure makes usprone to inaction.
It's a kind of paralysis thatcan happen.
Now, all of these are goodreasons for coming to terms with
our fear of failure,understanding it and overcoming
(15:04):
it, because some of thesedangers in particular can be
really problematic.
So we want to overcome it and,if you recall, I said research
has proven that most phobias canbe overcome as long as you're
willing to work.
So how do we do that?
How do we overcome it?
Here's some strategies or sometips that I'd like to pass on.
(15:24):
Number one recognize that thisis normal.
Fear of failure is normal.
Everyone experiences fear andeveryone, at some point,
experiences some degree of fearof failure.
We are wired to protectourselves from danger.
We are as human beings.
Our brains are wired to protectourselves from danger and the
(15:45):
idea of failing or humiliationor shame falls into the category
of what our brain perceives asdanger.
So naturally, we're going toresist this.
We're going to have someanxiety for it.
It's normal.
Give yourself a break on that,okay.
Second, while recognizing thatfear of failure is normal, also
recognize that failure itself isnormal.
(16:07):
Give yourself permission tofail and remember the failure
simply means you're tryingsomething that you're branching
out in some way.
Everybody fails and if you'reembarrassed in front of other
people because you failed,remember they fail too right.
My favorite thing about this, orquote about this, comes from
Teddy Roosevelt, and I'm suremany of you have heard it.
(16:29):
It's about the man in the arena.
It is, to me, the bottom linewhen it comes to people who are
criticizing, or thinking aboutpeople who criticize you.
All right, I'm going to readpart of it.
You can Google man in the arena, teddy Roosevelt.
You'll find the whole thing,but I'm going to read about half
of it right now, cause I justlove this.
So I just want to read this.
(16:49):
These are Teddy Roosevelt'swords.
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how
the strong man stumbles orwhere the doer of deeds could
have done them better.
The credit belongs to the manwho is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust andsweat and blood, who strives
(17:10):
valiantly, who errs, who comesshort again and again because
there is no effort without erroror shortcoming.
I just love that.
I love that idea that those whoare criticizing you probably
aren't in the arena and they'reMonday morning quarterbacking
right.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
I hate Monday morning quarterbacking.
You know you're watching afootball game and you see a
failed play and you see thatthere were two receivers wide
open downfield and you're likethis quarterback's an idiot, how
could he have missed that?
But the truth is it's easy tosay that from the view from the
cheap seats.
If you're down there on thefield, who knows how many
(17:50):
hundreds of things werehappening in a split second or
two that that quarterback had todeal with?
You can't judge him fairly fromthe cheap seats, right?
And so, as far as I'm concerned, people who criticize from the
cheap seats, if they aren'twilling to put themselves in the
arena, they just need to shutthe fuck up.
I'm sorry, they really do, andyou need to adopt that idea in
(18:12):
your mind.
Even though they may not shutthe fuck up, you need to adopt
the idea in their mind that theydon't have credibility by in
any way shaming or humiliatingyou because you were trying
something.
Try to remember that.
I'm passionate about that oneand look for that Teddy
Roosevelt quote.
Remember there's a cost of nottrying and you gotta remember
(18:34):
that.
With whatever it is, justremember the cost of not trying.
Ask yourself what you'll missout on if you don't give it a
try.
Ask yourself what's the worstthat can happen.
Ask yourself what's the bestthat could happen.
If you answer these questions,you may find that the situation
is not so scary at all.
And, by the way, asking thesetypes of questions is
(18:57):
essentially what cognitivebehavioral therapy is.
What it does it analyzescognitive distortions, makes you
question your thinking to makesure that you're really seeing
things clearly.
A therapist will do that withyou.
Coaches will do a variation ofthat with you as well.
We'll look to find clarity inyour thought process.
(19:18):
All right, another way toovercome failure and I really
love this one, because this isone anybody can do Practice
being willing to fail.
What did he say?
I said, yeah, practice beingwilling to fail.
Remember, the anxiety and fearof failure is like a muscle.
Okay, fear is like a muscle,and overcoming fear is also like
(19:39):
a muscle.
You got to work it out.
You got to work it out, justlike you got to work out your
regular muscles at the gym.
So adopt a beginner's mindset.
Learn something new, try a newhobby or something.
Go ahead and make mistakes,like all beginners do.
You'll get more used to it, soit won't seem like something you
need to fear, and rememberFranklin Delano Roosevelt right,
(20:05):
his famous quote the only thingyou need to fear is fear itself
.
Try to remember that one,because it's true, the only
thing you need to fear is fearitself.
So try something new.
Try something new.
Often Flex that muscle.
Another thing to do if you'rehaving a fear of failure and
you're trying to work it outtalk to someone you trust,
whether that's a therapist or acoach or a friend.
Just talk to someone.
A lot of it can be worked outjust by talking.
(20:25):
You'll get more comfortablewith the idea and that someone
will talk you through it as welland help you.
Try to see things more clearlyso that you don't get
overwhelmed with that anxiety.
Here's another one that soundscorny.
You hear this a lot, but Ireally believe this works and
there's a lot of evidence thatit does work and that's
visualization.
Visualize your success, playthrough it in your mind and
(20:48):
envision you facing it.
Whatever this is that's causingthe fear, envision you facing
it with courage and succeeding.
Just envision success.
It really works and at the veryleast, it'll bolster some
confidence and some courage.
Right, like I said, I know itsounds corny, but it's no joke,
it really can work.
(21:08):
Another one I really likedevelop what's called a bias for
action.
Cultivate a growth mindset.
Develop a hunger for learning.
Strongly value making an effortand strongly value a
disciplined approach, ordisciplined perseverance.
This will keep you movingforward despite your fear.
So get intellectually hungry iswhat I'm saying.
(21:31):
Another one is reframepotential failure as more growth
.
Right, we talked about thatearlier.
Successful people do this allthe time.
If you're fearing that you'regoing to fail at something, say
to yourself you know what, butI'm going to learn if I do.
I'm going to learn something ifI do.
Another way to overcome fear offailure, or another component to
(21:53):
it, is do away with analysisparalysis.
Do you have analysis paralysis?
Do you overthink things?
Do you know what analysisparalysis?
Do you have analysis paralysis?
Do you overthink things?
Do you know what analysisparalysis is?
Well, analysis paralysis iswhen someone is unable to make a
decision because they overthinka problem.
It can occur in many situations, including when making career
(22:14):
decisions or choosing aninvestment, et cetera.
This often happens when you'redealing with too many variables
and continually researchingsolutions instead of taking
action and making a decision.
It can also happen if you're aperfectionist.
Right.
You get yourself paralyzed byoveranalyzing everything.
So if you're prone tooverthinking, you may suffer
(22:35):
from analysis paralysis.
I'm not suggesting you do thingswithout thinking them through.
No, no, no, you've got to thinkit through.
But recognize that sometimes wecan get so stuck and caught up
in our own thinking that itholds us back.
Be aware of the pitfalls ofwhatever you're considering for
sure, but don't let that in andof itself hold you back.
(22:56):
Above all, give yourself somegrace.
Show yourself some compassion,allow yourself to feel, even if
it's uncomfortable, and forgiveyourself if the fears you have
sometimes do get the best of you.
Just keep getting up off themat, putting yourself in the
(23:16):
arena.
Remember it's the man in thearena, not the person that
criticizes.
You can overcome fear offailure.
We all can.
Good luck if you're trying.
That's all for today.
I really appreciate you tuningin.
As I've been saying a lotlately, if you have ideas for
topics to be covered on thisshow, I would love to hear from
you.
I need ideas.
(23:36):
Please feel free to email me atmatt at mattbrookscoachingcom.
Matt at mattbrookscoachingcom.
Give me your ideas.
I'll be happy to consider themand see what I can do In the
meantime.
Thanks for listening today.
I wish you well, be well, andI'll catch you next time on the
Barrier Busting.
Podcast, podcast.
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