Why We Fail at New Year's Resolutions, and How To Make Them Stick

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What if embracing the chaos of New Year's resolutions could lead you to a year of fulfillment and joy? Join me, Matt Brooks, on the Barrier Busting Podcast as we unlock the secrets behind this ancient tradition, tracing its roots back over 4,000 years to the Babylonians and Romans. Explore why turning the page to a new year holds such symbolic power, yet often leads to resolutions that falter by February. Together, we'll dissect the common pitfalls, like setting goals too lofty without a roadmap, and transform those insights into practical strategies for 2025.

As we stand on the cusp of a new year, let's shift our focus from grandiose ambitions to building sustainable habits that align with our deepest aspirations. This episode is your guide to crafting resolutions that bring genuine happiness and peace. I'll share actionable techniques to help you approach your 2025 goals with a mindset geared toward realistic achievement and long-term success. Don't miss out on valuable habit-building insights from past episodes, curated to support you on this journey. Wishing you a wonderful New Year filled with success and joy—let's make it a memorable one!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Are you feeling stuck , trapped by barriers holding
you back from reaching your fullpotential?
Well, let's bust through thosebarriers so that you can live
your best life.
Hi, I'm Matt Brooks, founder ofMatt Brooks Coaching, and I'm
passionate about helping peopleovercome barriers to achieve
success.
Join me for insights,strategies and inspiring stories

(00:35):
as we explore practical tipsand powerful tools to unlock
your true potential.
This is the Barrier BustingPodcast.

(01:00):
It wasn't always easy to gothrough the holidays.
There were years when I wasalone.
So for all you out there whoare not enjoying the holidays,
I'm sending you my love too, butto everybody else, I hope
you're having a wonderfulholiday season with your family
and friends.
This episode is going to airthe day before Christmas Eve,
even though it's an episode onNew Year's resolutions.

(01:21):
Now, why am I doing that?
Well, it's simple.
We tend to think, from theminute Christmas is over, the
minute we're done with Christmas, we start if we're prone to
making new year's resolutions,we start thinking about what
those resolutions will be, and Ithought I'd put this out there
so you'd have this informationthroughout that week.
Maybe it'll help you as you'rethinking through this.

(01:41):
Okay, so let's talk about thenew year and New Year's Eve.
Because here we are.
What do we do on New Year's Eve?
Well, we party, right?
We party up a storm, it's a bignight for that.
But we also make resolutions.
And what do we do shortly afterNew Year's Eve?

(02:04):
We break or give up on thoseresolutions, right?
Why?
What is this whole ritual about?
And why do we do it year afteryear, especially if we continue
to fail?
What's up with that, right?
Furthermore, why is thistradition upon the new year?
You ever think about that?

(02:25):
Why not on our birthdays, orHalloween, for that matter?
Why the new year?
And you know when did thiswhole thing begin?
Where does this come from?
Well, it turns out this hasbeen a thing for quite a while,
about 4,000 years in fact.
The first recorded history wehave regarding resolutions or

(02:46):
pledges made upon the new yearcomes from the Babylonians, who
recognized the beginning of theyear upon the beginning of the
planning season in March.
They would have a 12-daycelebration.
They'd have parades and ritesand all kinds of things, and all
of it was meant to symbolizeovercoming the forces of chaos.
Isn't that interesting?
Because we look back on theprevious year and think about

(03:07):
what we would have wished.
We would have done better and,in their case, they were
overcoming the forces of chaos.
I see that as a very similarthing.
The Romans also celebrated andmade pledges at the beginning of
their new year, which also wasin March, until Julius Caesar
changed everything, with theJulian calendar recognizing
January 1st as the beginning ofthe new year, which also was in
March, until Julius Caesarchanged everything, with the
Julian calendar recognizingJanuary 1st as the beginning of

(03:28):
the new year.
Changing the date in part wasto honor the Roman god, janus,
who had two faces, one lookingforward and one looking backward
.
In fact, in Rome, statues ofJanus were often seen in
doorways, representing atransition into something new.
Many other cultures havecelebrated the new year and also

(03:50):
made pledges, just like we dotoday, and all to represent an
optimism for the future, a freshstart.
We look back to review andreflect and we look forward with
hope and renewed energy, and welook forward with hope and
renewed energy.
So the new year is like anopportunity to hit the refresh
button on your life.
When something comes to an end,there's always a new beginning.

(04:13):
We look back on our past year'sachievements and failures and
we use this sort of refreshbutton to start a new beginning,
or what we hope will be a newbeginning, that we have a
renewed sense of hope thatthings will be better, that we
can make improvements in ourlives and in ourselves.
So, given this overwhelmingsense of tradition that we all

(04:35):
experience and I mean all of usall over the world why do we
fail so miserably at this?
Here's some interestingstatistics.
Roughly 70% of us make NewYear's resolution, and almost
that many typically make threeor more resolutions.
This year I'm going to loseweight, go to the gym regularly,

(04:56):
start a new hobby, socializemore, cut down on carbs, stop
drinking soda, read more, etc.
However, only about 9% of usactually complete those
resolutions.
Get these numbers 23% give upon their New Year's resolution
within the first week.
43% quit or fail by the end ofJanuary and 80% quit or fail by

(05:23):
the end of February 80%.
So why is this?
What's going on here?
Think about it and be honest.
How many New Year's resolutionshave you made in your life and
how many actually happened?
Come on, be honest.
Well, I suppose that when itcomes to abandoning our
resolutions, there's probably asmany reasons as there are

(05:46):
people, but there are somereasons that are more common
than others.
The most common reason, ofcourse, is that our goals are
set way too high.
We think too big.
We decide on broad, sweepingchanges, but often with nowhere
near enough thought behind howto achieve them.
We have high ambitions, butthey may hinge on unsustainable

(06:10):
or unrealistic methods toachieve them.
You might hope to become fluentin a foreign language, set
yourself a goal of reading 50books this year, or even quit
your job to become a circusclown, for that matter.
I'm not saying that thosethings are impossible to achieve
.
But let's be real here.
The likelihood that you'll makesuch sweeping changes is slim.

(06:31):
And let's be real here as well.
Big changes feel cool, right,they feel cool to think of and
say, but humans are notnecessarily good at making big
sweep changes.
We aren't.
Big changes don't come easily,and in order to achieve them and
this is one of the reasons whythey don't come easily there

(06:54):
must be a certain level ofdiscomfort, and typically for a
long time.
We don't like beinguncomfortable for long.
It's not in our nature.
We seek comfort.
So without solid reasons thatmotivate us to stay the course
throughout, we will likely giveup.
New habits are not easy tocreate, and if you haven't had a

(07:17):
chance to listen.
The first several episodes ofthis podcast were on the topic
of habits, and I would directlydirect you in particular to
episodes two and three, whichessentially discuss how to build
new habits and break bad ones.
So, in terms of settingunrealistically high goals,
perhaps the reason we don'tsucceed is that our eyes are too

(07:39):
big for our stomachs.
Seriously, we're humans, notsports cars.
We can't go from zero to 60 inthree seconds and, my friends,
wishful thinking is not enough.
We're going to take a quickbreak here and when we return,
we're going to look a littlemore closely at the reasons why
we often fail at our New Year'sresolutions, and I'll have some

(08:02):
recommendations for ways to Backin a bit.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Feeling overwhelmed, Struggling to find balance in
your daily life?
At Matt Brooks Coaching, we getit and we can help.
With over 25 years of nonprofitexecutive experience and an MSW
with a clinical focus, MattBrooks offers personalized
coaching designed to help yourise above your challenges and
live your best life.

(08:32):
Whether you aim to advance yourcareer, enhance your skills or
simply find more clarity andpeace, Matt is here to be your
partner and ally.
Visit mattbrookscoachingcom tobook your free discovery session
today.
Take the first step towards abrighter tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
Okay, let's look at a few more common reasons for not
achieving our New Year'sresolutions.
Here's a biggie Tradition, andlet's be clear about this
Tradition is not a solid enoughreason.
Really it's not.
We need to have a why, as inwhy are we really doing this?

(09:17):
And that why needs to be solidenough to motivate us to do all
the work necessary to make thechange.
If we're doing it out of asense of tradition rather than
really thinking through our whywhy this particular goal is so
important then without carefulthought to determine the why, we
tend to fail.
So don't make a resolution fortradition's sake or because you

(09:40):
feel pressured to do whateveryone else is doing.
You'll most likely be settingyourself up for failure.
You've got to dig deep to knowyour personal reasons for the
goal and determine if it'sreally important enough to you
to do all you need to do tocreate this change.
Then, once you are absolutelyclear on your why, think through

(10:01):
and evaluate all possibleroutes to achieving it.
Don't just go the most obviousroute.
There may be other methods.
You can use other paths thatwill lead to the same end and
those other paths might workbetter for you Instead of
setting a goal, say, for reading50 books.
Ask what are you really afterhere?
You want to expand yourknowledge base.

(10:24):
That's what you're really after.
Okay, what is most interestingto you?
Perhaps, instead of sayingyou'll read 50 books, say you
want to be exposed to two newtopics this year.
Let's say, for example, art,history and I don't know, baking
.
Start small and read what youcan when you can.
Now, instead of potentiallyfailing at reading 50 books, you

(10:49):
have instead broadened yourknowledge base, regardless of
how many books you read.
Another reason we fail isbelieve it or not optimism.
Now, we need optimism to change.
We need to believe we can do it, but it is nowhere near enough
to carry us through.
We need realism too.

(11:09):
Be realistic.
Set attainable goals.
Make sure that the goal andeverything you will need to do
to achieve it is sustainable.
Ask yourself does this feelsustainable?
Am I going to have thediscipline to really sustain
this thing?
We also fail because we simplymight not truly be ready for

(11:31):
change, and that's a fair reason, by the way.
Oh, it sure feels good to saywe'll make some type of change
and think we'll do it, somethingthat, in our mind, will be a
huge improvement in our lives.
But if you're not ready for thechange, it's a fool's errand.
You've got to really want it,but you've also got to be ready
to accept it.

(11:51):
And if there's something youwant to change which, for
instance, is something you do toself-soothe, like eating too
many sweets or smoking pot everynight after work or things like
that then it's even going to beharder to change if you're not
really ready.
So listen, just be realistic,not grandiose.

(12:17):
Another big reason we fail isthat we focus too much on our
goals and not enough on oursystems.
If you listen to my earlierpodcast on habits, I discussed
many ideas from James Clear'sbook Atomic Habits A great book.
I can't recommend it enough.
One was his point that goalsgive us direction to go in, but
it's our systems that encompassthe processes that lead to the
results.
As Clear states, you don't riseto the level of your goals.

(12:41):
You fail to the level of yoursystems.
We really need to think throughour systems or put in place new
systems that will truly supportthese goals.
Again, I talk a lot about thisin my prior podcasts on habits,
so you can get several ideas onimplementing good systems from
those episodes.
Mainly, though, it speaks tohow carefully one should think

(13:03):
through a resolution, not makeit on a whim or because it feels
good to say, but rathercarefully think through not just
the goal and the why behind thegoal, but the systems that will
need to be in place to achievethe goal.
Now let's go back to the firstreason I mentioned in terms of
failing to achieve our NewYear's resolutions.

(13:24):
Our goals are set way too high.
In a sense, our eyes are toobig for our stomachs.
My advice make smaller, moreeasily attainable goals that may
eventually lead to that biggergoal.
Instead of saying somethinggeneral like you're going to
lose weight, or something biglike you plan to lose 30 pounds,
decide that your goal will beto lose 3 pounds a month.

(13:48):
This is easier to focus on andeasier to achieve.
And guess what?
If you falter from time to timeand you will falter that bag of
chips, bowl of Tootsie Rolls orbasket of onion rings will get
you, if you stick to your goalas best you can, three pounds a
month, then by the end of theyear those 30 pounds might be

(14:10):
gone.
Three pounds a month is alsosomething that's achievable and
if, for the most part, youachieve this, what you lose.
Having done it in such amethodical way will very likely
be sustainable.
So make small and reachablegoals, ones that are easier to
stick with day after day, onesthat are easier to stick with

(14:31):
day after day.
Ease into the change.
Start with small, simple andattainable steps.
Build smaller daily habits thatwill eventually add up to
bigger habits.
And if you think, little dailyhabits don't add up, winston

(14:52):
Churchill, prime Minister ofEngland during the World War II
period, right, winston Churchillhad two interesting daily
habits writing and, of allthings, bricklaying.
He had a saying 2,000 words and200 bricks a day.
Now, I don't know how manywalls he built, but he published
43 books in 72 volumes and, asbest we can tell, he wrote about

(15:13):
2,500 speeches.
And he did all this, by the way, while being a bit distracted
by a few other things likerunning a country and fighting a
world war.
Look, the new year is a time forreflection and it is a time for
renewed hope in the future.
We should take some time toreevaluate our lives and use

(15:35):
that information to inspire uson a better, more productive
path forward.
All I'm saying is that, if youwant to be in the 9% of people
who actually do succeed at theirNew Year's resolutions,
actually achieve their goals,then there's more involved than
just making a grand statement.
Put some real thought into itand how you can go about doing

(15:57):
it and then go forth and kickass.
I know this is another shortepisode, but I don't want to bog
you down.
I just want to give you a fewgreat ideas Again.
You can go back and listen tothose episodes on habits to get
more information on how to buildnew habits and how that will
help you create systems thatwill support your new year's
resolutions.
But for now, happy new yeareveryone.

(16:19):
Let's hope 2025 brings us allhappiness, fulfillment and peace
.
Thanks again for listening.
Be well and I'll catch you nexttime on the Barrier Busting
Podcast.
Thank you.