From Trauma to Triumph: Marcus Nesbitt's Powerful Life Story

In this deeply moving episode, Marcus Nesbitt shares his journey from a challenging beginning to becoming a beacon of hope. Conceived by rape and adopted at a young age, Marcus opens up about his complex relationship with his biological mother, the struggles of growing up feeling alone, and overcoming the impact of hopelessness in his community. Through candid conversation, he reflects on faith, forgiveness, and resilience, offering insight into the struggles behind his success and the power of life amidst adversity. This story inspires listeners to find strength in their own trials and highlights the importance of compassion in difficult circumstances.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You know what Rich Ratchet is?
It's Ira.
Ira would have a half a drink,and Ira would be ready to rock
and roll with anybody.
She didn't give a damn if youwere Suge Knight, Ice-T.
And these people were scared ofIra.
Like, this is the toughestgangster you ever met in your
life.
In the black community, there'sa lot of hopelessness.
We make rap songs about killingeach other.

(00:22):
We're the only culture that doesthat.
I have walked out of Baptistchurches and been like, hey dog,
I told you I would come withyou, bro, but enough is enough,
bro.
Why you running?
Why is he running?
I'm gonna run.
You wanna run too?
Like, oh, he got the HolySpirit.

SPEAKER_02 (00:37):
We are here today with Marcus Nesbitt, a long,
long, long time friend of mine.
We've known each other for,what, 15, 20 years now.
Yeah, a

SPEAKER_01 (00:44):
long time.

SPEAKER_02 (00:45):
Yeah?
I think he has a really, reallyinteresting story because
Marcus's mom conceived him as aresult of a rape.

SPEAKER_00 (00:53):
I don't know if I would necessarily if she would
say, she would say that, right?
My mom would probably say thatshe was taken advantage of.
My mom had a friend who was herbest friend, and her best
friend's older brother tookadvantage of my mom.
And went too far, 13 years old,had

SPEAKER_02 (01:14):
little- 13,

SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
wow.
Had little old me.
And yeah, I didn't know anythingdifferent until later on in
life, right?
My parents, the Nesbitts, theywere friends with my mom's
sister.
So my mom's sister was marriedto a guy who was in the
military.
They met the Nesbitts, who werealso a family in the military,

(01:39):
and they wanted a young man, ayoung son, and they adopted me
from there.

SPEAKER_02 (01:44):
So your mother didn't raise you?

SPEAKER_00 (01:45):
Not at all.

SPEAKER_02 (01:47):
Do you know your mother?

SPEAKER_00 (01:48):
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 (01:49):
So you have a relationship

SPEAKER_00 (01:50):
with her?
Now, today, yes.
Stronger than ever.
My mom and I, we are super cool.
Yeah, and a lot happened.
A lot happened to her behindthat.
Like how was

SPEAKER_02 (02:03):
she raised?

SPEAKER_00 (02:04):
My mom was raised by my grandfather and her mom.
My grandfather was abusinessman.
My grandmother was very strongin helping him run business.
And she's raising a good family,but also, too, they sent my
mother away to have me.
When

SPEAKER_02 (02:20):
she got pregnant at

SPEAKER_00 (02:21):
13, which is...
My grandfather didn't know thewhole time.

SPEAKER_02 (02:24):
So did the grandfather ever find out?

SPEAKER_00 (02:27):
I think my grandfather passed away a little
later on, and he never knewabout me.

SPEAKER_02 (02:33):
They were trying to hide you.

SPEAKER_00 (02:33):
They were trying to hide it.
I didn't know anything.

SPEAKER_02 (02:35):
But did you know from the beginning you were
adopted?
No,

SPEAKER_00 (02:38):
I found out at a family function one time when I
went to South Carolina, and Isaw these people, and I had a
big head of curly hair.
You know, they...
They didn't.
And they were trying to figureout where I came from.

SPEAKER_02 (02:51):
Wait, how old were you?
I

SPEAKER_00 (02:53):
was four years old.

SPEAKER_02 (02:55):
Oh, you found out at four?

SPEAKER_00 (02:55):
At four.

SPEAKER_02 (02:56):
Oh, okay.
So that's pretty early on youwere adopted.

SPEAKER_00 (03:00):
And

SPEAKER_02 (03:00):
how did that make you feel?
I

SPEAKER_00 (03:02):
didn't really care.
At the time, I didn't reallycare.
I didn't have a lot of love inmy household.
So you kind of learn that I wasalone.
I was a loner growing up,tremendously a loner and a
dreamer.
And so I ended up just living inmy own little world all the

SPEAKER_02 (03:20):
time.
I don't think that way of you.

SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
Yeah, tremendously.
Like an

SPEAKER_02 (03:25):
introvert, would you say?
A

SPEAKER_00 (03:27):
little bit, yeah.
I just didn't...
If people didn't share the sameideas that I shared, then I
didn't want to be around them.
You know, D.C.
is not a place for hope.
Like, there's no hope.
Like, they don't give you theoption of hope in D.C.,

SPEAKER_02 (03:42):
Did you live in a bad part of town?

SPEAKER_00 (03:44):
No.
For a little while, we lived insoutheast Washington, D.C.,
which was a really tough place.
It was the murder capital of theUnited States at the time.
My father was a military man.
He was a very accomplished guy.
We moved to Clinton, Maryland.
We had a nice house, but I wentto the city on the weekends.
Sometimes I would go there andhang out with my cousins, and

(04:05):
that's just where the good timeswere.
Not where we lived, that was faraway from everything.
And yeah, I kind of got to thepoint where I would not want to
be around a whole lot of otherkids sometimes and just live in
my own little world.

SPEAKER_02 (04:20):
Tell me, Marcus, how you reconnected with your
mother.

SPEAKER_00 (04:24):
Well, I think that the crazy part is that my uncle
Rocky, who was herbrother-in-law, my mom's
brother-in-law, and who had arelationship with the Nesbitts
who adopted me, I think he feltvery guilty He actually told me
that.
He came to me one day and waslike, yo, this is eating me
alive.

(04:44):
Wow.
I got to take you to meet thesepeople.
And then what hurt me more than,what hurt me originally was that
these people weren't broke.
Like, my mom was not from theprojects.
Like, she had, her parents, theyhad it.
And I just don't think that itwas a good look for the family

(05:07):
for this young lady.
That part, right?
Brings

SPEAKER_01 (05:10):
shame.

SPEAKER_00 (05:10):
And to understand that, when I understood that
that was the reason, I was like,whoa.
Because back then, if I'm areputable man and my daughter's
out here and she's pregnant, itdoesn't look good for me.
It doesn't look good on thefamily.
No, it does not.
And so therefore, my mom had togo through all this stuff, have

(05:31):
her child taken away from her,and she came looking for me.
My mother was knocking downdoors to find me.
And my uncle was like, yo, I'mtaking you to go see this lady.
And I went in.
It was very odd because I saw Ihad other brothers and sisters
that looked like me, right?

SPEAKER_02 (05:49):
Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 (05:49):
Yeah.
And it was just strange to getaccustomed to it.
But at the same time, I realizedthat I had a great life.
I was cool.
I was like, I'm good.
And they grew up different thanI did.
But at the same time, I got aconnection with her.
And...
Right at first I didn'tunderstand the struggles, but
then I started to hear thestories from the family of what

(06:11):
happened there.
And then she told me later onwhat happened to her.
And we became friends and wehave a bond now to this day.
Our relationship is stillgrowing to this day, my mom and

SPEAKER_02 (06:24):
I.
What happened to your biologicalfather?

SPEAKER_00 (06:26):
He died a couple years ago.
I

SPEAKER_02 (06:29):
mean at the time.

SPEAKER_00 (06:31):
Nothing.

SPEAKER_02 (06:33):
Didn't report it?

SPEAKER_00 (06:35):
No.
No one would believe her.
She'd kind of flirt with theguy, I guess.
He was a good-looking guy.
That just wasn't a thing backthen.
That was happening so often thatpeople were doing that to
children, and nobody wanted tohear that back then.

SPEAKER_02 (06:53):
And you had a really good football career in high

SPEAKER_00 (06:56):
school.
Yeah, I had a great career.
I went to Wake Forest, went tocollege.
My mom was there to support me,but there's just certain things.
You can tell certain things haveaffected my mother.
She's very critical of a lot ofthings.
Nothing is kind.

SPEAKER_01 (07:14):
What do

SPEAKER_00 (07:15):
you mean?
Everything has an angle to it.
You just can't introduce her.
She's always evaluating.
You know, downloading people allthe time.
Well,

SPEAKER_02 (07:25):
she's been bamboozled

SPEAKER_00 (07:26):
her whole life.
Yeah, and I can see how thataffected her.
And I remember when I used tohave phone conversations with my
mom, and she would go down allthese little crazy rabbit holes
of negativity.
And after she told me her storyprobably about a year ago, I
totally understood why she wouldgo down those rabbit holes of
negativity.
You know, like, my mom had somany dreams, and they just did

(07:48):
not come true.
together because of what she hadexperienced.
I truly believe that to thisday.

SPEAKER_02 (07:55):
Do you think she regrets keeping you?

SPEAKER_00 (07:59):
No.
No.
No.
No, that woman will ride and diefor her children.
She will.
That's one thing I know abouther.
I just lost my sister,

SPEAKER_02 (08:09):
Diamond,

SPEAKER_00 (08:10):
to cancer not so long ago.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I'm

SPEAKER_02 (08:12):
so sorry,

SPEAKER_00 (08:13):
Marcus.
And my mom, and I didn't reallyknow Diamond like that.
Your sister?
Yeah, we weren't very close.
But my mom really rode hard forher until the end.
And so, yeah, that wouldn't be athought of hers at all.

SPEAKER_02 (08:27):
I was just wondering because some people, when they
make an abortion...
Argument they say if I keep thisbaby will ruin my life or I will
regret it, you know, it willinterfere with my life Even
though maybe there were somespeed bumps in the road.
She just has no regrets aboutkeeping you.
I

SPEAKER_00 (08:46):
Think that's my grandmother's choice more than
anything.

SPEAKER_02 (08:50):
Oh your grandmother.
No

SPEAKER_00 (08:52):
my grandmother had a She she held that family
together and she made thatdecision and And they kept up
with me.

SPEAKER_02 (09:02):
I noticed you're wearing a Blessed Virgin
Guadalupe necklace.
And I read somewhere a while agothat all the aborted babies and
babies that didn't make it arewith her.
Do you have a favorite saint?

SPEAKER_00 (09:15):
Anthony, Saint Anthony.
Patriot Saint of Lost Things.

SPEAKER_02 (09:19):
Why?

SPEAKER_00 (09:19):
I've lost a lot growing up.
Is

SPEAKER_02 (09:24):
that why?

SPEAKER_00 (09:24):
Is

SPEAKER_02 (09:26):
that why you like him so much?

SPEAKER_00 (09:27):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (09:28):
Oh, that's

SPEAKER_00 (09:28):
cute.
Because I've...
You know, growing up, I've seena lot of young dudes die.
A lot of young people leave thisearth growing up.
And when you lose things, itmakes you appreciate life
tremendously.
And I do.
I really appreciate living anentire life when I've seen a ton

(09:51):
of my friends go.
And I think about those peopleto this day.
What would they have been ifthey didn't live in this
environment?
Once again, hopelessness, right?

SPEAKER_02 (10:01):
I have a question for you.
Go ahead.
Because I think that your story,although it was so painful, like
you're such a success story atthe end of the day.
And let's say a girl waspregnant and was from rape.
And she was thinking aboutaborting the baby because of

(10:23):
that reason.
What would you say to thatperson?

SPEAKER_00 (10:26):
You're going to do this to me right here.
I'm going to do that to

SPEAKER_02 (10:27):
you right now.

SPEAKER_00 (10:32):
You know, I don't really, I don't know what I
would say to that person.
But I would definitely hope thatthey would give life a chance.
You know?

SPEAKER_02 (10:44):
Me too.
Because I

SPEAKER_00 (10:47):
can't put myself, my feet in those shoes.

SPEAKER_02 (10:49):
No, we can't.

SPEAKER_00 (10:49):
You know?

SPEAKER_02 (10:50):
We can't.

SPEAKER_00 (10:50):
Like, there's certain circumstances that I
think that maybe that has, youknow, there's certain
circumstances that are veryrough and traumatic.
No, because

SPEAKER_02 (10:58):
you're the perfect example for that.
And you know what?
even though at the worst ofcircumstances, like something
beautiful still has come out ofthis story.

SPEAKER_00 (11:07):
Abortion is a delicate situation right now,
especially in this country as awhole.

SPEAKER_02 (11:14):
I know.
I have the flip side of thequestion now.
What would you say to a personwho had an abortion because they
were raped and they're feelingguilty about it or bad about it?

SPEAKER_00 (11:25):
Hmm.
Let me ask you a question, notto that question.
What do you think that...
Once again, I say it was Godengineered a second ago,

SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
right?

SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
The journey for those people, it's a journey.
It's a tough journey.
And I think that it's somethingthat will always come back and
haunt you.
I really think that.
I really do think that part,though.
I think it is a haunting thingto get rid of a person.
In the black community, there'sa lot of hopelessness.

(11:57):
And We see a lot of these kidsin Chicago and DC and we make
rap songs about killing eachother.
We're the only culture that doesthat, right?
We're the only culture, blackpeople, we're the only culture
that worship a pimp.
We think these pimps are coolbecause we don't have a whole
lot of hope in our culturegrowing up.
A lot of less fortunate blackpeople in this country don't

(12:20):
have hope.
And at the end of the day,having an abortion is a sign of
not having hope.
That you can take care of this,take care of yourself.
That's so sad, Marcus.
But it's real.

SPEAKER_02 (12:30):
I know.

SPEAKER_00 (12:31):
Those are the realities that people on the
outside don't see.
I've had friends who've lived insix, seven different projects
for one reason or the other.
The kids got this one kickedout.
Now the dad's coming back andfighting with the mom at night.
She just wants peace.
There's so much turmoil in ourcommunity that kids don't have

(12:52):
hope.
So abortion is not always athing until maybe you become 30.
we start to remember, man, whatwould that have looked like?

SPEAKER_02 (13:00):
I know,

SPEAKER_00 (13:01):
it's sad.
How tall my child had been.
I wonder what it would have beena boy or a girl.
You know, those are thequestions that I've heard from
my friends, females that I knowfrom my community that have had
those abortions.
And I blame a lot of it onhopelessness, man.
There's not a lot of hope in ourcommunity.

SPEAKER_02 (13:18):
You know, if you think about it, like I said, I'm
going to get so much hate forthis, but if you think about it,
people always say, oh, it's justcells or, you know, this or
that.
It's not a real human.
But if somebody murders apregnant woman, it's double
murder.
So there's got to be, you can'thave it both ways, you know?

SPEAKER_00 (13:41):
Yeah, I think it's convenient not to think of it
that way at the time.

SPEAKER_02 (13:45):
Well, that's the argument they make.
It's not, it can't, if it's notviable outside the womb, this or
that, but.

SPEAKER_00 (13:51):
I think the haunting part is when you become an
adult.
A parent.
And you think that.
And you have other children, andyou look back and say, what
would that kid have been like?
Would he have been smart?
Would he have been a basketballplayer?
Would he have been a chemist?
You know what I'm saying?
That's when the regret reallystarts to kick in on a lot of
people.

SPEAKER_02 (14:11):
And I don't have the answers, so I don't know.
That's just what I...
I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 (14:16):
We don't know.
But at the same time, this isgoing on.
This is happening.
It's changing the fabric of whatcountry abortion is in a major
way.
There are women going faroutside of their states to have
abortion.
I think

SPEAKER_02 (14:32):
we're one of six or eight countries that allows
abortion past 12 weeks.
Most countries in the worlddon't.
Even abortion rights countries,even countries that accept and
widely use abortion.
Most of them are past 12 weeks.
I think we're one of six oreight countries that have it

(14:54):
past 12 weeks.

SPEAKER_00 (14:58):
Well, I truly hope and pray that we can have a
better country as a whole, thatwe can find some kind of
balance.
I doubt it ever happened, but Ipray for that, that we have a
better balance in this countryto really understand how
culturally how these thingshappen to these young women,

(15:20):
especially like from my culture,a lot of these young women have
abortions.
And listen, it becomes a thing.

SPEAKER_02 (15:26):
Really?
You think?
Oh, shit.
Do you know that?

SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
I know girls who've had several abortions.

SPEAKER_02 (15:31):
I know girls who have had multiple

SPEAKER_00 (15:33):
abortions, too.
Multiple abortions.
And

SPEAKER_02 (15:35):
when I tell people that, you know, listen, let's
just take it outside of thechurch for a second.
Let's just talk, like,practicality for a second.
Like, let's just say I'm notCatholic, right?
Like, take the Catholicism BibleJesus out of it.
Oh, Ratchet Ira.
Oh, Ratchet Ira.

(15:55):
Okay.
So, like, why do you need anabortion if you can use
contraception?
Like, there was a fight to bemade in the 50s, My Body, My
Choice, all this stuff, butlike, that fight is gone now.
It's like the fight for HIV andAIDS.
Like, we've won that fight.
Right?

(16:16):
Like, we are constantly beingbrainwashed.
My body, my choice.
My body, my choice.
Like, no.
Like, we got to change.
We got to stop the narrative ofthat.
Because it's not just your body,your choice.
And from a non-religiousperspective, from a non-Jesus
Bible perspective, like, thereshould be no reason why anyone,

(16:38):
even if you're an atheist, tohave an abortion.
Because you can prevent it.
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (16:45):
Yeah, true.
But at the same time, onceagain, hopelessness, right?
What

SPEAKER_02 (16:52):
does hopelessness have to do with birth control?
They teach us sex educationstarting in the seventh grade.
Abstain.
If you can't abstain, take birthcontrol.
If you can't take birth control,I don't know what to do.
It just kind of makes me mad.

SPEAKER_00 (17:05):
When you don't have hope, you go for anything.
You have a point there.
So a young man comes along.
He does not have a condom.
He wants to have sex with thisgirl.
And he's like, yo, he's sayingwhatever he can to her.
Look, look.

SPEAKER_02 (17:18):
I see your point there.
You know

SPEAKER_00 (17:18):
what I mean?
I see your point there.
So it happens a lot.
And what I mean by the balancein this country is to...
really understand what's goingon in these communities where
these young ladies are havingthese abortions.
You know what I mean?
Like, I met a young lady on mytrip.
I was just in North Carolina acouple days ago.
She didn't have sex until shewas in college.

(17:40):
You know what I mean?
And that's rare in my community.
But for a lot of these youngwomen, they don't feel good
about themselves and they don'thave hope.
And sex is their only weapon.

SPEAKER_02 (17:50):
Connection.

SPEAKER_00 (17:51):
That's it, right?
Women give the opportunity tohave sex.
And so when you have these guysthat are after you and they say,
oh, I don't want to wear thiscondom.
I don't want to wear this, youknow what I'm saying?
And then they give her a guilttrip about

SPEAKER_02 (18:06):
it.
How do you give people hope?

SPEAKER_00 (18:11):
I don't know.
That's a great question.
That's a great question.
Because it's easy.
When you don't have hope, it'seasy to go get an abortion.
It's easy to do it.
And like I said, they don'trecollect it again until they
become adults.
And they really start to feelbad about it.

SPEAKER_02 (18:26):
So tell me, going to Catholic school, how did that
shape your life?

SPEAKER_00 (18:32):
Well, I went to Archbishop Carroll, which is the
best high school on the planet.
I got a scholarship and I had ateacher, a social justice
teacher by the name of RobertHoderney.
Robert Hoderney was our socialjustice teacher and we learned
about Mother Teresa.
That was his hero.

SPEAKER_02 (18:52):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (18:52):
And I learned how to serve.
So I would go to the Zacaya SoupKitchen in Washington, D.C.
once a month and I would servehomeless people.
And when you're the bigger guy,you have to serve out of the
pot, right?

SPEAKER_01 (19:05):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (19:06):
And...
You know, Robert always had thissaying, you know, to be a light
in dark places.
And I learned that that's themost important thing in life
now, to me, is to serve.
And so I learned how to serve atArchbishop Carroll.
And that's probably the greatestthing that I took from that
place was learning how to serve.

(19:27):
You know, serving homelesspeople is a hard job.
You know, even to this day, Istill serve homeless people,
right?
You know, and so I served to bea light in the dark places for
Robert.
Robert, he adopted two kids fromthe projects, Timmy and Kimmy.
And he was killed a week beforeChristmas, my senior year.

(19:49):
Him and Kimmy were killed, hitby a car.

SPEAKER_01 (19:53):
Wow.

SPEAKER_00 (19:54):
Yeah.
And so I promised him, you know,at his grave that I would be in
light and dark places for therest of my life.
And so here I am.

SPEAKER_02 (20:02):
A light in dark places.
That's like a really nice thing.

SPEAKER_00 (20:05):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (20:06):
Wow, I'm sorry.
You've had a lot of pain in yourlife.

SPEAKER_00 (20:10):
Yeah, but when you come from that, you don't really
know that it's pain untilsomebody tells you that it's
pain, right?

SPEAKER_02 (20:15):
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to draw attention

SPEAKER_00 (20:17):
to it.
No, the thing is like, I alwayssay 50 Cent say like, depression
is a luxury to have, to bedepressed.
Because you gotta survivedepression.
You have to know how to survive.
You can't be depressed and youcan't survive if you're
depressed, right?
So some things you aren'tallowed to feel when you're
young like that.
You know, you come from thatenvironment.

(20:39):
I've seen people killed.
I've seen people beat to death.
I've seen a lot in my time onthis earth.
But I know that being a light iswhat I want to be personally.
That's what I want to do for therest of my life.

SPEAKER_02 (20:51):
I hope to be that too.

SPEAKER_00 (20:52):
I think you are.
Look at this.
You know, like I rememberanother Ira, okay?
I remember another Ira if wereally want to get into it.

SPEAKER_02 (21:01):
Okay, tell the other Ira story.
Yeah, Ira used to be

SPEAKER_00 (21:04):
Ratchet, Rich Ratchet.
You know what Rich Ratchet is?
It's Ira, okay?
Ira would have a half a dream,and Ira would be ready to rock
and roll with anybody in theplace to be, okay?
She didn't give a damn if it wasSuge Knight, Ice-T.
And these people were scared ofIra.
Like, these dudes.
I would go places and I'd belike, Ira, hey, hey, hey.

(21:25):
What are we doing?
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
We're going to die.
And I'd be like, I tell youwhat, mother...
And they would just be like,these guys would just be like,
okay, okay.
And I'd be like, yo, how is thiswhite lady doing this shit?
How is she pulling this off?
This is amazing.
This is the toughest gangsteryou ever met in your life.

(21:46):
I

SPEAKER_02 (21:46):
have a question for you.
I know I was a little bitgangster, but...
Was I a nice person?

SPEAKER_00 (21:50):
Always.
We used to stay at the PallyHouse.

SPEAKER_02 (21:54):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (21:55):
On La Cienega, right?
Every morning, Ira would get up,and she would go to the 7-Eleven
around the corner, right?
And every single day, she wouldfeed the homeless people.

SPEAKER_02 (22:05):
Oh, I forgot that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (22:06):
You want a pizza?
You want something?
She wouldn't give them money.
You would always make sure theyate.

SPEAKER_02 (22:10):
Oh, thank you.
I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_00 (22:12):
Every single day.

SPEAKER_02 (22:14):
I totally

SPEAKER_00 (22:14):
forgot about that.
No matter where Ira went, andthere were people that were less
fortunate...
She will always bust her ass.
Even tipsy.
She will bust her ass to makesure that she took care of
people.
And I think that sometimes inthis journey that we're on,
especially being in Hollywood,you have to know when you've
been blessed.

SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (22:33):
You have to know when to be the light.
And you also have to know whento have gratitude.

SPEAKER_02 (22:38):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (22:39):
You know?
And blessings will keep coming,you know?
Blessings will always beabundant as long as you're being
a light and you're givinggratitude and being thankful for
what you have.
And you've always been that.
And you gave me my first gig inthis business as far as being
able to do A&R, working with thekid that we've worked with, and
just a number of things.
I've gone into meetings with youin places that, you know, just

(23:04):
crazy people that I've metaround you and just like, what
are we doing right now?
I had Thanksgiving with RonaldIsley.

SPEAKER_02 (23:13):
For those of people who don't know who Ronald Isley
is, he's a legend in thebusiness.

SPEAKER_00 (23:18):
100% legend.

SPEAKER_02 (23:19):
Isley Brothers.
Yes.
Us being in the music business,we saw a lot of evil.
I saw a lot of evil anyway.
And I think that was kind of, itwas being tough, I think was
kind of my shield.
And so maybe that's why, likein, you know, I didn't grow up

(23:42):
in, the easiest circumstances attimes either.
So I kind of have a kind of ashield around me.
I don't let a lot of people ineither, but I mean, we've seen a
lot of evil and I'm likesurprised that maybe because we
saw the evil that we havesoftened up as much as we have.
What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 (24:01):
I do.
I've seen so many people falland you and I both have.
I remember a producer who movedhere from Atlanta.
I think I met him through you,as a matter of fact.
And he was like, yo, can youhelp me do a couple things?
And I was like, sure.
And it was a party every night.
Yeah.
And I was like, bro, you got tostop.
You got to slow down.
Like, this is not how you makeit up here.

(24:23):
And he wouldn't stop.
And he ran out of money.

SPEAKER_02 (24:25):
Easy to do, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 (24:26):
Very easy to do.
Very easy to do is to run out ofmoney.
And he ran out of cash.
And he was like, what do I do?
And I was like, you go home.
You go back.
Because a lot of times peoplethink it's never going to stop.
They think it's going to keepcoming forever.
And it's a spirit.

SPEAKER_02 (24:45):
It's a negative spirit or it's like
concentrating on the wrongthings and not getting your
fulfillment from God.
There's something lacking to beliving on that kind of a level,
that kind of a party, that kindof a consumption, that kind of
never-ending stuff.

SPEAKER_00 (25:05):
I think a lot of people become their own God.
Right?
And I was telling some peopleearlier today, like, when you
have that money coming in allthe time, you never feel like
anything is going to end.
You feel like you can buyanything.
You can go anywhere.
You can have whatever you want.

(25:25):
But what you can't have is youcan't have a level of peace that
is a holy peace at that.
There's always a sleeves vibe toit sometimes because you get
lost in having everything.
You know, I've seen a guy changewomen in and out like two hours

(25:46):
a piece.
And it was just like, that can'tfeel good.
That can't feel good.
But to him, he come from achurch background and the whole
nine, but to him, All that goesunder the bridge because you're
your own God now.
I'm God of myself now.

SPEAKER_02 (26:03):
I think I know who you're talking about.
We won't mention his name.
But remember when he was tryingto convince us God wants us to
cheat?

SPEAKER_00 (26:09):
That's a whole other person.
A whole other person?
Yeah, not even that

SPEAKER_02 (26:12):
guy.
He was one time.
This is a true story.
He sat there and was trying toconvince you and I that God
actually wants us to cheat.
And I was like, you know what?
I'm not even touching that overthere.
I'm not even going down thatargument with you.

SPEAKER_00 (26:28):
You know, I think that more than anything that
what happens with rock bottom isthat suffering brings you closer
to God, right?
When you hit rock bottom,suffering will always bring you
closer to God.
And a lot of times these guys,they hit rock bottom and they

(26:49):
still don't go.
They still don't change theirlives.
They still don't turn thingsaround.
And it happens more than you canimagine.
You know it, that these people,a lot of people in Hollywood who
get mixed up in certain things.
This is a wicked place.

SPEAKER_02 (27:04):
I know.

SPEAKER_00 (27:05):
Hollywood is a wicked place.
And I don't want to say thatbecause I love this place.
I kiss the ground every time Iland in L.A.
I love this place.
But it can suck you up.
I've given more money to girlsthat are traveling back home
because they have nothing elseto give Hollywood.

(27:26):
All the dreams, everything willbe taken from you like that if
you don't move for real purposeand you don't stay focused on
God or whatever your higherpower is.

SPEAKER_02 (27:38):
And also with God and also the flip side, devil,
or demons or sin, whatever youwant to call it, I was so knee
deep in...
the music business and all itswrongdoings, that I started to

(27:58):
blur the lines of what was rightand wrong.
I saw, I'm not gonna say who itwas, but I saw some things I
didn't wanna see.
And when people would questionme on if something was
happening, if I say what wasgoing on, everyone's gonna know
who and what I'm talking about,but people would be like, oh, I

(28:22):
heard this happens or thathappened.
I would just be like...
They were talking to me as if itwas something shocking and I was
just like,

SPEAKER_00 (28:31):
and?
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (28:32):
Oh, and?
It was like things I knew werewrong were not shocking me.
That's when I knew, you knowwhat?
There is something wrong with methat I don't think what's going
on here is wrong.
That's when I knew it was timefor me to leave.
You know, I was like, I don'tthink all these bad things are
wrong.

(28:52):
I need to take this girl out ofthe equation.
Right.
And even with like that, thatthose were behavior things, but
then even with drugs, likesometimes the artists would take
drugs and one artist inparticular, you and I both now
came to me and said, I don'tlike taking that particular
drug.
And I said, Oh, why?

(29:13):
And he was like, when I takethat drug, the devil talks to me
for days.
And I was like, noted, noted.
Like I was like, like God keptsending me sign after sign after
sign telling me this is notwhere you're supposed to be.
And, and you know what?
That's when my, that was likewhen I first started to

(29:33):
reconnect with God that Ithought this can't be all I'm
here to do.
And I left the music businessand it was actually very hard.
a depressing time for me when Ifirst left, because although I'd
had it up to here, it was a bitof a drug.
You know, the thrill of it, youknow, the parties, the...

(29:55):
I didn't want to be in itanymore, yet I didn't want to be
not in it anymore.
Like I still missed itmiserably.
Like everything I did was boringafter that, you know?

SPEAKER_00 (30:04):
Yeah, I used to always tell you, I was like, you
don't take your ass on somewhereand get away from these fools.
What are you doing?
I was like, Ari, this is not it.

SPEAKER_02 (30:12):
I know.

SPEAKER_00 (30:13):
How many times do I have to tell you that?
Like this is not it.

SPEAKER_02 (30:15):
I remember one time there was a very famous producer
and he was having parties.
I'm like, okay, I'm coming.
And all my guy friends werelike, no, you're not.
I was like, yeah, I'm coming tothat.
You can't tell me where to go.
I'm coming.
They're like, okay, there'sgoing to be like an orgy.
I'm like, I'm not coming.
Say less.
I am not going to that party.
And then I was out of thebusiness soon after that.
Ten years of that kind of stuff,I was like...

(30:36):
I got desensitized to all thebad stuff.
And it became...
I became a person I didn't likeanymore.
And actually, when I left, I waspraying to God for the first
time.
And I said...
Like, guide me to where you wantme.
Like, I was, what, 40-somethingyears old.

(30:56):
I can't remember how old I was,but I was like, guide me to be
where you want me to be.
Like, use me as an instrument.
And then three months later, Ihad St.
Candles.

SPEAKER_00 (31:06):
Yeah, that's usually how it happens, though, right?
So I was in, I came off tour.
I went on two tours in a row, tospeak to that, right?
Came on two tours in a row.
pocket full of money because,you know, a lot of times on the
tours that I would, you know,would be a road manager on a
tour, I would always throw acouple shows on it, right?

(31:29):
So I would always getpercentages out of the show.
So while everybody else wasgetting tour money, I wouldn't
have to spend my money because Iwas booking shows on a tour.
So my last tour, I came off of,not the very last one, but the
one before the last one, I cameoff the road and I just remember
going and I would come off oftour and I would just stay in
the house.

(31:49):
I would go to the gym, get food,weed, alcohol, and I would just
stay in the house and just watchmovies.
And I would invite girls over,right?
And I knew all those girls had acertain drug of choice, so I
would always have that drug ofchoice on hand.
And I just remember one day, Iwoke up with like four girls.

(32:12):
And I moved walking to look intothe mirror, and I remember God
was like, he spoke to me.
He says, this is not what I...
gave you all this for.

SPEAKER_02 (32:20):
Do you heard him or you thought

SPEAKER_00 (32:22):
him?
Oh, it's not my first timehearing him, but I definitely
heard him.
You

SPEAKER_02 (32:25):
actually audio,

SPEAKER_00 (32:26):
audibly heard him?
Absolutely.
What was his voice

SPEAKER_02 (32:29):
like?

SPEAKER_00 (32:32):
It was powerful.
It was a powerful voice.
My first time I heard God waswhen I was 16 years old.

SPEAKER_02 (32:37):
What did he say?

SPEAKER_00 (32:38):
He says that I will always take care of you.
Haven't I brought you this far?
Oh,

SPEAKER_02 (32:42):
wow.

SPEAKER_00 (32:42):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I was going through somestuff at that time.

SPEAKER_02 (32:48):
What were you going through?

SPEAKER_00 (32:50):
Well, I wanted to get the hell away from my house.
I wanted to get away from whereI was at.
And there's just a lot going onin my household.
I had never seen love before.
So I was just really justwanting a different life to just
get away and go do me.
And he just spoke to me out theblue and I was frightened.

(33:13):
I was scared as hell.
But that day that I looked inthe mirror that morning and I
was like, yup, you're right.
And in my mind, I started topicture, I want to get married.
I was like, I want to getmarried.

SPEAKER_01 (33:25):
Wow.

SPEAKER_00 (33:26):
I don't want to do this no more.
I have done it all.
I have been everywhere.
I partied everywhere.
There's not a party that Ican't, someone can say he wasn't
there.
I did them all, right?
Same.
We went to a ton of thoseparties together.
And you just see the same peopledoing the same thing.
And as soon as you leave...

(33:47):
They'll talk trash about you.
And you're like, yo, we werejust kicking it with, why are we
doing this?
This is crazy.
It's like no morals, no loyalty.
Really?
We're doing this now.
And it's like, yeah.
And no one has your right.
There's no morals.
There's nothing.
So I just remember laying downthat night, and I saw this woman
in my head that I'm attracted toand I wanted.

(34:11):
And five months later, I met mywife.
And I started to realize theblessing of a good woman.
Right?
I started to realize theblessing.
When God gives you a woman,that's an amazing thing.
And my wife changed metremendously.

(34:31):
Having kids.
And now I look into mychildren's eyes and I'm just, I
strive to do the right thing byGod because I want him to bless
my family as well.
And you start to figure thisthing out.
You start to see the samepeople.
Like when you see interviewswith people in Hollywood that
you know, and you see them,you're like, this is the biggest
bullshitter on the planet, bro.

(34:53):
I know,

SPEAKER_02 (34:54):
I

SPEAKER_00 (34:54):
know.
And you're just sitting therelooking at them like, yo, you
are so full of it, dog.
I know.
And it's like, you're stillthere.
That person's still in that sameplace.
I'm different.
I have people say, why did youleave all that?
I left this business, and I'lltell you how great God is.
Met my wife.

(35:15):
I moved out of Hollywood.
You know that.
I left.
And I said, I'm going to get ajob.
I'm going to use my education toget a job.
I got a job at the state ofNevada.
And I worked.
But as soon as I did move on,COVID hit.
And nobody was touring.

(35:37):
Nobody was touring.
I had this huge house,everything going on in my life,
family, kids, and I wasthriving.
And I remember thanking God somuch.
I said, Lord, I am soappreciative for how you keep
blessing my life.
When I walked in here, when Icame into this compound today, I
was like, yo, you are soamazing.

(35:58):
God is so amazing with how heblessed my life.
But you have to listen.
You have an opportunity tolisten and to follow.
And if you don't, See, sometimesGod, he'll prune you to make you
fruitful, but he just won't giveyou everything.

SPEAKER_02 (36:16):
You know, when I first started Saint, I was like
pushing all these Catholic, likeit grew, like it was just
supposed to be a gift idea, andit grew, and I was starting to
feel like a fraud, even though Iidentified as Catholic.
I hate using that word becauseit identifies this, identifies
that, but I identified asCatholic.
I always believed in God, but Iwasn't really practicing, and I

(36:38):
was like, I don't even go tochurch.
I shouldn't be therepresentative for these
products.
And I went to this priest thatwas blessing the holy oil that
was going in the candles.
And I said, am I a fraud?
Maybe I should get somebody tobe the face of this product
because it's not me.
I drink and I dance and I dostupid things.

(37:00):
And he said, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 (37:01):
I wouldn't call it dancing.

SPEAKER_02 (37:02):
I wouldn't call it

SPEAKER_00 (37:03):
dancing.
No, I've

SPEAKER_02 (37:04):
seen you dance.
He said, no, God uses leastlikely soldiers to pass the
message.
He said, you keep being the faceof this product.
And I said, let's go.
And from there, I just kept justa little bit at a time getting a
little bit closer to myreligion.
It's been four years now, andI'm pretty close.

SPEAKER_00 (37:25):
So what's the mission of Beyond Saint?

SPEAKER_02 (37:28):
Beyonce?

SPEAKER_00 (37:29):
Yeah, Beyonce.
That's what I thought you saidat first.
I was like, oh, this is notgoing to work at all.

SPEAKER_02 (37:35):
You know what?
I wanted to be...
Listen, I grew up going toCatholic schools my whole life.
And I come from a prettyreligious background as far as
my grandparents were slaughteredbecause they were Christians.
Armenian Holocaust or ArmenianGenocide.
We don't call it the Holocaust,but genocide.
And it was like theChristianity...

(37:57):
was shoved down my throat and Irejected it for a really long
time.
Not rejected it in an activeway, but I didn't practice.
I just kind of wanted like, justto have some peace, like without
it being all about that.
And I just want people to comeback to it in a very palatable,
modern, fun way.

(38:19):
Not like in the, We had to writejournal upon journal about
reflection about this and thatand Catholic school this.
I wanted to make religion fun,beautiful, and modern again.
I don't know if fun's the rightword to

SPEAKER_00 (38:34):
describe it.
What's the light?
What do you want to accomplishby this?
How are you going to serve withthis?

SPEAKER_02 (38:43):
I'm getting people to pray.
I have the app.
I'm getting people to learnabout the saints.
I'm hoping to bring peoplecloser to God.

SPEAKER_00 (38:51):
I think it's so crazy how far religion has
advanced, right?
Or even worshiping God has

SPEAKER_02 (38:57):
advanced.
Oh, I mean, you mean thetechnology.

SPEAKER_00 (38:59):
My grandmother would go in the closet and pray.
I used to think that was themost ridiculous thing.

SPEAKER_02 (39:03):
Why?

SPEAKER_00 (39:04):
That's just what she used to do.
She would go in the closet andget on her knees and pray.
Carrie Kelly, my grandmother,was the biggest...
lover of God that I've ever metin my life.
Never heard her curse.
And my grandmother would watchany religious show, Benny, Hen,
it didn't matter who it was, shewould watch it.
She loved God so much.
And I learned a lot about lovingGod from my grandmother, right?

(39:26):
I think that this is such a bigthing because you have a lot You
have a lot to bless the worldwith, right?
And doing something like this isso amazing.
And I think that the biggest wayto get more people to pray is to
just be the light yourself.
This is very inspiring.

(39:47):
This whole thing beyond sayingit's an inspiring thing.
And I think that you have to goall the way.
You have to go find the hopelessgirls in these areas that are
possibly when they could have anabortion and give them hope and
light.
You know, I think the biggestthing is that grace and mercy of

(40:08):
God is what a lot of peopledon't feel.
They don't feel it.
And when you don't feel thatgrace and mercy, you fall for
anything.
When you don't feel like you'reworthy of God blessing you, And
a lot of those people from thosecommunities who are doing these
abortions, they don't feel likeany damn thing.
They don't feel like they'reworthy of having children.

(40:31):
And I would mess this up too.
I don't want to bring a childinto this whole thing.
My brother just got killed twodays ago.
I don't want someone to kill.
These are the thoughts that aregoing through it.
But this is the reality of it.
And I think that when you have aplatform like this, it has to be
all the way.
You have to go...
into the projects, to Hollywood,whatever it takes.

SPEAKER_02 (40:54):
We should put a charity on our, we have a
charity page.
We should put a charity.
that helps maybe pregnantmothers?

SPEAKER_00 (41:01):
Absolutely.
I

SPEAKER_02 (41:02):
don't know of one.
I found one, but it didn't workout.

SPEAKER_00 (41:05):
That struggle is real.
I watch pregnant moms now.
I work heavily with the homelesscommunity in my community in
Reno, Nevada, and I see a lot ofpregnant moms who says, I'm not
going to give my baby up.
I'm going to go through this.
But guess what?
They live in a shelter at thesame time.
They've got to wait for a van totake them to the clinic.
They don't have the necessaryproper food.

(41:28):
So sometimes when they go tothese services, they just have
sandwich bags there for them.
They don't have groceries,right?
And they go live in theseshelters with other moms who are
very frustrated, pregnant aswell.
Like there's a whole world

SPEAKER_02 (41:41):
of this that

SPEAKER_00 (41:42):
we have to look at to really understand that this
is real life.
And you have to use thisplatform to make sure that you
reach all.
And also too, like, I don'tthink that many people
understand your story.
And I think you have a veryinspiring story.
And I think you need to go andreach out because you've always

(42:02):
had a really cool connection toour community, right?
I've seen you with some of themost ratchet sisters from St.
Louis I've ever seen in my life.
And they love you to death.
Right.
And I think that that is whereyou become to get more of an
understanding of a lot of yourquestions is when you go to
those hard places and see what'sreally going on in those

(42:25):
communities.
And then you get a little bitdifferent perspective of choice
or not, you know, of having anabortion or not, or even
understanding why the thoughtprocess of that was hard.
you know, feasible to do isbecause a lot of them don't have
hope.
And for those who just say,well, I had an abortion, I want
to have sex, and I just want toget rid of this kid because I

(42:45):
want to keep having sex, thosepeople are the ones that are
tremendously damaged.
But the women in my community,where I come from, there's a lot
of, it's very hard for them tobring a life into this world.
It's a rough place.

SPEAKER_02 (43:02):
There's an order of nuns, it's called Sisters for
Life.
Sisters for Life, yeah, theyoffer a lot of services.
We should actually link their,it's called Sisters of Life,
they're out of New York, Ibelieve, and they help women who
are thinking about gettingabortions or um have had an

(43:23):
abortion and need like prayerand spiritual guidance

SPEAKER_00 (43:27):
and you know it's a it's not a very my mother talked
about the aftermath of after iwas gone right once i was taken
away from her and there was ahell of a pain that was there
There was a terrible plank painthat was there.

SPEAKER_02 (43:42):
I can't imagine being 13.
You don't even know what's goingon, let alone processing the
loss of a baby.
And then your dad doesn't know.
You're this weird secret.
I mean, your mom, I have a lotof respect for her on a lot of
different levels.

SPEAKER_00 (43:58):
I'm very thankful, of course, because we're here.
But I see a lot of young ladieswho go to these clinics and get
abortions.
And I had a friend of mine go,about 10, 12 years ago, and she
turned her car around.
There were people in front ofthis thing with signs, with
pictures of what that lookedlike, and she was like, F this.

(44:24):
You

SPEAKER_02 (44:25):
know what?
I sat next to, at the NapaConference, this woman.
I don't know why I flipped.
I was pro-choice most of myadult life.
This is probably where mydaughter gets it from, but it's
a process for her, too, Iunderstand.
I was pro-choice most of mylife, and I sat next to this
woman at the Napa Conference,and she had dedicated her life

(44:48):
to...
giving women ultrasounds forfree who were thinking about
aborting their children.
And she said 99% of them, oncethey see the baby, decide not to
abort it.
And I thought to myself, I don'tknow why that was the moment
that I switched, but at thatpoint I was like, yeah, I

(45:09):
remember when I got thatultrasound.
And I remember, like...
Exactly.
It's life.
However you're going to justifythat behavior, you can justify
it.

SPEAKER_00 (45:22):
I'm in this faithful portion of my life.

SPEAKER_02 (45:24):
So am I.

SPEAKER_00 (45:25):
I'm making sure that I'm mindful of every movement.
And my conversation with God isconstant.
I'm always talking to God allthe time.

SPEAKER_02 (45:35):
What do you say?

SPEAKER_00 (45:36):
I say whatever.
You know, for real.
Yeah, I say whatever.
I truly filter my life journeythrough what God thinks about
me.
My road rage is different now.
I

SPEAKER_02 (45:51):
know.

SPEAKER_00 (45:52):
Since I've really started to be more in tune with
God.
And just be like, Lord, please,I am begging you to help me
control myself.
And listen...
The journey is what's sobeautiful, I think.
Walking in here today is justlike seeing all of this.
I just started laughing.

(46:13):
I remember Pally House.
I remember being everywhere andjust us, you know, the wild
stuff that we would see, thewild stuff that would happen.
And I was like, look at thejourney that God has put Ira on.
I am here to speak on someamazing things about faith and
love of God.
And this is a very beautifulthing.
And I think that I think thatyour message will get across,

(46:36):
and I think that you'll blessmany, but I don't think that
everyone's always going tolisten, Ira.

SPEAKER_02 (46:41):
It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 (46:42):
They won't.

SPEAKER_02 (46:42):
We're not trying to reach every single person, but
if we reach a few, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 (46:46):
Do you believe if you don't believe in God, you're
going to hell?
Do you believe that?

SPEAKER_02 (46:52):
Well, I don't think you're going to heaven.

SPEAKER_00 (46:57):
You didn't answer the question.
You flared on it.
Do you believe that?
I

SPEAKER_02 (47:00):
think if you know about him and if you've been
exposed to him and you rejecthim, you're not going to have
it.

SPEAKER_00 (47:08):
Okay.
All

SPEAKER_02 (47:08):
right.
I don't make the rules.

SPEAKER_00 (47:10):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (47:11):
That's what this podcast should have been called.

SPEAKER_00 (47:13):
I don't make the rules.
You're right, because hedefinitely does.
I

SPEAKER_02 (47:16):
don't make the rules.

SPEAKER_00 (47:17):
He does.
The journey of all of this iswhat's so interesting and how we
have landed here to talk abouthow we can better people's
lives.
And that's where the blessingscome.
When you try to better otherpeople's lives is when the
blessings start to roll in.
I'm not looking for blessings.
I would love blessings.
I would like blessings.
But I'm really into helpingpeople.

SPEAKER_02 (47:41):
I think one of my missions is to get people
praying the rosary.

SPEAKER_00 (47:44):
Do you go to Mass?

SPEAKER_02 (47:45):
Yes.
Sometimes twice a week.

SPEAKER_00 (47:48):
Do you?

SPEAKER_02 (47:48):
Yeah, and I go to adoration too.

SPEAKER_00 (47:51):
What do you think about church?

SPEAKER_02 (47:53):
Listen.
The politics of church can beproblematic, but there's nothing
better than taking communion andjust like having that good day.

SPEAKER_00 (48:03):
I will say this.
What I love the most aboutCatholic church is that, you
know, I've been to some otherchurches, right?
And I've seen these pastors getup there and say, I don't know
who need to hear this right now,but God got a blessing for
somebody in this room right now.
Slap your neighbor and tell yourneighbor that you're going to be
right.
And you're like...
This is wild.

(48:23):
You're

SPEAKER_02 (48:23):
like, yeah,

SPEAKER_00 (48:24):
type it down.
Right?
And I don't think that he canopen that book at any given time
and tell me what chapter in thatbook that my life is in
personally.
I really don't believe that.
One thing I've always lovedabout the Catholic Church is
that he gives you the word andtells you to go into the world
with the word and take it forwhat it is.

(48:45):
And a lot of things, a lot ofthose words that I've received
in Catholic Church are I getthem later.
It's just information.
I look at Catholic Church asinformation, even the structure
of Catholic Church.
I

SPEAKER_02 (49:00):
don't want you views to like...
I don't know if it's glutton forpunishment or what.
Once you're used to CatholicMass, you

SPEAKER_00 (49:08):
go somewhere else, you're like.
Oh, what are we doing?
Now you're like this.
You're like, what is happening?

SPEAKER_02 (49:12):
It's like sitting in first class than going to sit
and coach.

SPEAKER_00 (49:15):
100%.
Not

SPEAKER_02 (49:16):
sitting over there.

SPEAKER_00 (49:18):
Hey, listen, I have walked out of Baptist churches.
I'm like, hey, dog, I told you Iwould come with you, bro.
But enough is enough, bro.
I can't take anymore.
You know what?
I've never paid offering.
In Catholic Church.
I've never, like, I've alwaysgiven money up front.
Like, there's always a littlebox, right?
But I've been to some CatholicChurch.
Everybody with your eyes closedand your heads bowed.

(49:39):
Who can give$100,000 right now?
Wait, no.
I've never

SPEAKER_02 (49:43):
seen that.
I've never seen that.

SPEAKER_00 (49:45):
That's

SPEAKER_02 (49:45):
from D.C., not from here.

SPEAKER_00 (49:47):
Man, it's everywhere.
No, I promise you.
I see you throwing money at thepastor's feet one day.
Oh, no, no, no.
You mean Catholic Church?

SPEAKER_02 (49:53):
No, not Catholic Church.

SPEAKER_00 (49:54):
No, I thought you were saying Catholic Church.
I'm from other churches.

SPEAKER_02 (49:56):
Oh, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (49:57):
Other churches.
And when you come from CatholicChurch, right, you become this
bougie practicer of religion,right?
It's like...
What are you doing?
Why are you running?
Why is he running?
I'm going to run.
You want to run?
Oh, he's got the Holy Spirit.
Wait.
Okay, cool.
Wait a

SPEAKER_02 (50:13):
second.
I went with some of mygirlfriends to a, I don't know
what, non-denominationalBaptist, whatever it was.
People are passing out.
I'm like, this is

SPEAKER_00 (50:23):
my cue.
Yeah.
It's real bad now.
And now, listen, the pastors aresexy, okay?
I seen a guy with his shirt openthe other day.
He was down on his knees talkingto the lady in the congregation.
I said, what is going on?
You don't see what's happeninghere, huh?
And listen, my priest back home,Ralph, he comes out with the

(50:45):
whole thing on.
He got the big heavy hat on.
I'm like, I know he hot.
I know he is hot.
Not these brothers in the south.
They are...
They are putting it out

SPEAKER_02 (50:53):
there.
Yeah, it's a whole show.
There's

SPEAKER_00 (50:54):
pregnant babies in the audience by some of these
guys.
It's a production.

SPEAKER_02 (50:59):
No, it is a production.
It is.

SPEAKER_00 (51:00):
And one thing that makes me appreciate the Catholic
Church is that it is veryregimented.

SPEAKER_02 (51:06):
You know exactly

SPEAKER_00 (51:06):
what's happening.
You know exactly what's...
You know what?
Pastor Ralph, he's getting readyto tell that sorry-ass story
that he's been telling for 13years that I've been going to
this church, and here it goes.
Boom, and he tells it, right?
Not in these churches.
I've seen them fly...
in the sky on a wire.
It is crazy what's happening.

(51:27):
And for me, Catholic Churchseems to be the only thing
that's ever been real to me.

SPEAKER_02 (51:32):
Constant.
And you know exactly what'shappening.
Communion, almost done.
We're almost done here.
Take the communion and bounce.

SPEAKER_00 (51:39):
Absolutely.
And listen, my priest would belike, hey, listen, the football
game starts in about 45 minutes,guys.
I'm going to get you guys out ofhere so we can go.
Yes.
And what I'm seeing now inreligion, religion has become a
real business.
And I think the anchor for me isalways having that foundation of
the Catholic Church,understanding what is supposed
to be, including confession,right?

(52:01):
I had a Father Rudd.
would do my confessions.
And I knew him.
And he knew me.
And you would be in there andI'm like, I know this fool knows
who this is because I know whoyou are.

SPEAKER_02 (52:16):
And I know he thinks I'm ratchet.

SPEAKER_00 (52:18):
Yeah, and he was like, why you never say
anything?
Because I know you know who Iam.
I can smell you.
You smell like cigarettes, man.
I know it's you.
He don't really always smelllike gin and cigarettes, right?
And so it just got to the pointwhere It became a place where he
was kind of this portal, kind ofthis messenger for me to go in

(52:42):
here.
And he'd be like, listen, he'dcall me stupid all the time.
Listen, stupid, listen, you'refine.
You're talking through me andI'm going to give you, I'm like
advising you here, right?
He would give me great advice.
And when I let my guards down, Inever forget some of our
conversations because they turnto conversations after a while.
And it's very comforting to havethat.

(53:04):
Therapy.

SPEAKER_02 (53:04):
It's therapeutic.

SPEAKER_00 (53:05):
Oh, it was my first piece of therapy that I've ever
had in my life.
And I didn't know it until I gotolder.
But that really, it held me fora long time.

SPEAKER_02 (53:16):
Thank you for coming, Marcus.
I really appreciate you talkingwith us about some really,
really sensitive subjects.
And I think people will reallyappreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 (53:26):
I'm just glad to be here.
I'm thankful for thisopportunity and I'm very proud
of what you got going on here.
I love this light that you'rein.
I love that I'm here and I lovewhat you're doing.
I hope we can do it again.
Thank

SPEAKER_02 (53:39):
you.
Same with you.
All right.
Thanks.
Love.