May 2, 2025 • 29 mins
A comedic variety show featuring rapid-fire monologues, sketches, and musical performances, delivering topical humor and celebrity guests.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Where me too? How you?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yes, it's the new Swan show with our great things
are Doris Day that our special guest thing crossby.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
The boy hits it a miss, but you less brown bands?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
We use one expertively.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yes, how about you for me?
Speaker 4 (00:29):
My name is Robert Hair of gold, eyes of blue,
and muscles like arrow.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Flynn Hope.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
And now Bob Hope.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Swan's Eye view of the news. Berlin, Germany. The Captain
Russian American relations widened here this week when Germans living
in the Soviet Zone were forfitting to chew gum because
it is too American.
Speaker 6 (00:59):
Berlin is now a ride it in the three Zones.
Spearmint juicy fruit and stick it behind your ear. Fritz,
Here comes the Commissar. After the law was passed against
gum chewing, and they arrested one German because his jars
were moving. Policeman said, you were either chewing gum talking
you're reading. The man said, I was only breathing. Policeman said,
let me see your permit. Se You imagine if they
(01:23):
abolished gum chewing here in America, we'd be in an
awful thing.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
So what would hold the.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Theater seats together? I owe a lot of wonderful memories
of gum chewing. I used to chew it as a kid.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
My girlfriend used to chew it too. In fact, when
we kissed sometimes it.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Lasted three hours.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Washington, d C DTR Northern, the nationally famous biochemist has
proved to the Department of Agriculture. But the addition of
minerals to the soil produces vegetables. There are more than
five times as rich in vitamin content.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
They've injected so much iron into the celery, lettuce, and
radishes that now if you toss a salad then misses
the bullet can break your leg. And the latest methodist
had dropped the minerals on the soil from a plane.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
You have to aim carefully, though.
Speaker 6 (02:07):
One Pennsylvania farmer miss this field a mile away. John
Lewis came running out of a mine shaft with a
geranium popping out of each eyebrow.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Gotta be better on television, wouldn't it.
Speaker 6 (02:22):
All those vitamins in the soil are affecting the earthworms too.
I went fishing and put one on a hook, and
the first.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Thing I knew, the worm got a stranglehole on a.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
Trout flipped him up in the bank yelling, Hey, look
at me, I'm gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
George New York, New York.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Generals, politicians, entertainers, and secretaries all hit the literary jack
pop is this week bounds their books topping the best
seller lists.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
Everybody's writing a book about their experiences except Ardie Shaw.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
He's still doing research.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
And Drew Pearson tried writing a mystery story, but it
didn't work out.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
He couldn't control himself. In the first paragraph, he predicted,
who did it? I'm reading your book right now. That's
very interesting.
Speaker 6 (03:08):
It's about a traveler who's hiking around the United States
and when he comes to California, he thinks it's so
beautiful that he sleeps that night under a rose bush.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
It's called the Case of the quick Frozen tourist.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Los Angeles, California. One of the largest crowds in football
history this Saturday gems the Coliseum to see the University
of Southern California score a major football upset of the
year by holding Notre Dame to a fourteen to fourteen
tar I've never.
Speaker 6 (03:35):
Seen such a crowd in the Colisseum. The stands filled
a capacity. In some of the fans even more so.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
There were one hundred thousand people in the game, including me.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
People were sitting so close together that when I got up,
I was wearing a blanket, three fraternity pins open towed
gold sandals, and a ris There's more, but if you
don't want it, okay opened.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Up Doho sounds and a raccoon covered the students.
Speaker 7 (04:03):
Still in it.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Oh, you're so impetuous, boy.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
That was really a rough game.
Speaker 6 (04:18):
I never saw two teams knock each other around like that.
And one player, Trojan, ran forty yards for a touchdown,
but they called him back to BALI was carrying had
ears on it.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Poly Tech University professor Kapstaff noted psychiatrist made the statement
that his experiments have proven that inanimate objects can think.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Hi, inanimate objects can think.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Well, that's right, Bob.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So yesterday I went to a psychiatrist and you know
what I did. I took a cake of swan soap
with me.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
The first four rowers better move back. As he warms up,
small bubbles come out of his eyes. Well, sir, bother.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
The psychiatrist put that cake of swan on his couch
and asked what was troubling it, and that little Cake
of Swan looked up at him and said.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Well, nothing's troubling me.
Speaker 7 (04:59):
I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I'm happy because.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I'm the newer, better white floating soap. I'm wonderful in
the bath. I don't leave you with a taut, soapy
feeling because I rinse away so completely and leave your
skin soft and smooth.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I know.
Speaker 6 (05:12):
I use it on my hands and they're getting so
soft my fingers look like five peel bananas.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
And then Bob the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist looked at the
Cake of Swan and said, I think you have a
split personality. And the Cake of Sworn looked back and said, well,
I'm glad I have a split personality. You can use
half of me in the kitchen and half in the bath.
Speaker 6 (05:38):
If you don't buy it this way, folks, he pokes
it through your bathroom window on the end of a moth.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh, Bob, I want everybody to know about Swan because
it's made by a modern, patented process that no other
soap can use. That's why when you use it anywhere
in the household, you'll agree that Swan is better for bath,
better for dishes and hands, better for baby.
Speaker 6 (05:58):
Swan is the best so well, I swan me too, yes,
sir bye?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Can I wrap it up? Here is the cover girl
of modern television.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
And radio magazine, Miss Doris Day with Less Brown and
his band This dave lea.
Speaker 8 (06:23):
My darling, my darling. Get used to the name of
my darling Ito.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
To s.
Speaker 9 (06:37):
Kill.
Speaker 10 (06:37):
A moment ago we were mister and miss discussing the weather,
avoiding each other's eyes till a moment ago when we happened.
Speaker 8 (06:49):
To kiss, and we kissed the mister and miss goodbye.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
No lie, I can.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
My doll, my darling.
Speaker 8 (07:08):
I've wanted to call you my tom for many and many.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
My darling, my darling.
Speaker 8 (07:23):
I fluttered and flew like a snarling. My courage just
melted to way. Now at once kissed me. And there's
not a thing I'm saying not to.
Speaker 11 (07:41):
Say, except my darling, my darling.
Speaker 8 (07:47):
I'm getting used to the name of my darling.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
It's to.
Speaker 7 (08:17):
Gee.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
That was great, Doris.
Speaker 10 (08:19):
Oh thanks, hi, but I'm really surprised I was able
to sing it all to time. I'm so knocked out
from Christmas shopping.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Oh yeah, I knew you were helping Bob with his shopping.
Tell me, Doris, is Bob spending very much money this Christmas.
Speaker 10 (08:29):
Well, he said he was going to take it very
easy because.
Speaker 8 (08:31):
He lost a lot of money in the market.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Old did he have some of that amalgamated ten just
before it went down?
Speaker 10 (08:36):
No, he got caught with fifty two airmail stamps when
they dropped to four cents.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Well, that shopping tour, that tour must have been some experience.
Speaker 8 (08:48):
Oh you said it.
Speaker 10 (08:50):
I was waiting for him in front of Woolwart's. He
was ten minutes late, and I was getting very.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Gee. I better get going or I'll be late. But
this is so interesting. I can't tear myself away.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
That girl is so beautiful, and she's looking right at me.
She smiled at me, and now she's winking. Geez, she's beautiful.
Speaker 7 (09:08):
Look but I don't mind you're looking at the television.
But keep your clammy nose off my window.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I didn't have my nose against your window.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
You did too, And look at those two spots you made.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
With your eyeballs. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, I'll take your stool in your little bag of
popcorn and go home.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
All right, mister, Well, i'd better get going. Christmas boy, Well,
thanks and you tag greetings.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
To you, jolly Saint Nick.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Who's jolly?
Speaker 7 (10:00):
There's California Sunshine's freezing me to death. My feet are
killing me, and this morning my unemployment check bounced.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Gee, are things really that bad? Things are nauseating?
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Boy, they're horrible.
Speaker 7 (10:17):
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Put the money in the pot boy.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Well wait a second, Santa, who does his money go
to for a very good cause?
Speaker 7 (10:32):
For the undernurish and down trodden Eskimos of Upper Glendale?
Speaker 6 (10:40):
Now wait, there aren't any Eskimos in Glendale?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Can you prove it?
Speaker 5 (10:45):
No, put some money in the pod, boy.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But I got to meet somebody right away or I'll
be in trouble. He's got trouble, boy.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
I am married to the most miserable, mean, an ordinary
woman that was ever were allowed out of the snake bit.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
She's really bad, hum revolting.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
Merry Christmas, everybody, boy.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
My wife is so homely.
Speaker 7 (11:14):
She got a face like a plate of mashed potatoes
with a lump still in it.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
What's something in the pod? Boy? Okay, here's some loose change. Thanks.
Speaker 7 (11:26):
You know, I only get ten percent of want to
take in Last week, the organization made twenty dollars and
all I go was one hundred and fifty dollars for.
Speaker 6 (11:35):
Just a second, if you want to get ten percent?
How come they got twenty dollars and you made one
hundred and fifty.
Speaker 9 (11:39):
Oh, I don't know, just lucky, I guess very Christmas.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Oh, I'm sorry I kept your waiting, Doors, but here
I am.
Speaker 10 (11:58):
Well that's right, Bob, but you better give me Christmas
list of the wee can get started now.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
I don't know which present to buy first.
Speaker 10 (12:03):
We should always buy the first gift of the person
you love the best.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
So Doors, I've got everything.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
Come on, let's go.
Speaker 11 (12:15):
Let's go on this department.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Store right here.
Speaker 10 (12:17):
Okay, Oh, Bob, about the present you're gonna buy it
for me?
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Oh, there's a friend of mine over there. Hello brt, Bob, Bob.
Speaker 10 (12:29):
When you buy a gift for someone, don't you agree
that you should buy them something.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
They really want?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Oh? Naturally good?
Speaker 10 (12:34):
Well, I want either a real emerald and ruby bracelet
and a full length ermine coat trim with mink, or
a platinum diamond rist watch studded with diamonds.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Hello, Bart, Okay, let's look at your list now.
Speaker 10 (12:53):
The first name you have is Crosby, and right next
to Crosby's name, you've written two dollars in a quarter.
Speaker 8 (12:57):
Is that what you're going to spend?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
That's plenty.
Speaker 6 (12:59):
Last year I wanted a motorcycle ride around Paramount Studios
where then I hinted at the Crosby. I wanted to
tell him fifty times that I wanted a motorcycle.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
And then came Christmas?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
What did he give you?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
An oil can and a roadmap?
Speaker 8 (13:13):
Well, look, Bob, I have a wonderful idea.
Speaker 10 (13:15):
You give me your money because I know much more
about shopping than you do, and I can.
Speaker 12 (13:18):
Save you an awful lot.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Okay, here's my wallet.
Speaker 10 (13:21):
Oh there's something that would be nice for being a
seat of.
Speaker 7 (13:24):
Matched golf clubs.
Speaker 10 (13:25):
Wait a second, oh, clerk, clerk, how much are those
golf clubs?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
One hundred and ninety dollars? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Mart, Oh gee, I think they're wonderful.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Doris. Wait, and how much is that day that goes
with them? That's two hundred dollars.
Speaker 10 (13:43):
It's just what we want.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Doors.
Speaker 10 (13:44):
Wait, we'll take the bags and the clubs. Let's see,
that's three hundred and ninety dollars, right, Okay, here's four
hundred dollars and keep the change mark.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Where are you?
Speaker 10 (13:57):
Well, Bob, let's get going out because we second.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Or so I want to ask this four walk or something?
Fine me, mister, Yes, can I help you?
Speaker 5 (14:04):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Look it's high ever be yeah.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
Get a load of him in a cutaway coat and
striped trousers wearing a guardina.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
All floor walkers wear gardenias in their hair. Excuse me
a second, Bob, Yes, madam, the big spectacle is on
the fourth floor.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Hi, why do you have to take a five time job?
And excuse me? Bob?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Yes, miss, the big Spectacle is on the fourth floor.
And don't forget to tell your friends about it?
Speaker 3 (14:26):
What's the big spectacle on the fourth floor?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Well, haven't you heard about it?
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Bob?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
It's the most.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Beautiful Christmas tree in town.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It's thirty five feet high, has one thousand lights and
fifteen hundred ornaments.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Are the ornaments pretty, oh, Bob? They're beautiful?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Each one is us sparkling, dazzling, shining, pure white cake
of swan. So hello Mary, yes, Bob.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
And how those women.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Flock around the tree when they see all that swan
because they know that pure gentle swan is better for
dishes because the faster, harder working SuDS rinse away so
completely the dishes never need wiping. Now you've got to
see that tree, bob. You'll never guess what the ornament
is up on the.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Top of it.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Oh, yes I will.
Speaker 7 (15:09):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
The lever brothers on a stick. But really, the reason
Swan is.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
So popular is because it's made by a modern, patented process.
No other soap can use a process that makes Swan
as mild as the finest castial. The Swan's richer gentle SuDS.
Protect your hands and leave them soft and smooth. Now,
just imagine any woman on Christmas morning. She wanted to
mink jacket, but Santa has brought her something she likes
just as well, a lovely cake of Swan. Now could
(15:38):
a woman ask for anything more in her Christmas docking, Well.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
It would be nice to find Charles Boyer in there
blowing bubbles.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Millions of housewives agree that for dishes, hands, or the bath,
Swan is the best soap or float.
Speaker 6 (15:55):
And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the man who
boiled the hot water when al Joson was born to.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Bring Crosbie right back.
Speaker 13 (16:12):
A little bird told me that you love me, and
I believe.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
That you do.
Speaker 13 (16:24):
That little bird also told me I was falling, falling.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
No one but you.
Speaker 13 (16:36):
There's no use, and I am I might as welcomed
of all the girls.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
I know.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I'm sure I love you best.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
A little bird.
Speaker 13 (16:50):
Told me we'll be happy, and we believe that is you,
and we really that.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
It's true.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
You married.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
We'll have a pretty cut not too far, all fenced
in like a movie stars, great game pup.
Speaker 13 (17:28):
We're going to call him a lion, let by a fireplace, a.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Goldfish palm and wishing well, everything is going to turn outswell,
and we really.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
That is food.
Speaker 8 (17:53):
And now we know that it's true.
Speaker 13 (18:06):
Love that little love birl.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much, and good
night everybody.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Good night. Fight a minute, boy, where are you going?
I sang my number?
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I gave the show a little class.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Now I'm up, gave the show a little class. Look
you hopped up, hilde guard h you'd better stop going
to that African barbery. He's been shrinking your head again.
Planerie will get you nowhere, Saggie, I'll come come. Where's
(18:55):
this new show of yours everybody's been talking about haven't
you heard I'm on prespond this year make soap?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
You know, yeah, it's too bad. It's not something you use.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
Wait, hey, lump laugh, you've got two chins. Would you
like to try for one?
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Now, let's face it, Nostril King, before I sang my
song this show was laying a large swan egg two or.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Folk get him? Look Filko knob last week.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
In a large set.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
You're wearing the cabinet that I said. Look last week.
Speaker 6 (19:34):
Last week, my hand slipped and I happened to tune
in your show. Now I know why it's transcribed and.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
You broadcasted later.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
What do you mean it gives you.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Time to get out of town and hide before the
people hear it. To think, when I first met this boy,
he had a job blowing out gloves compartments of the
car wash.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Steady couch pouch. Now, look, shitthead. If I'm doing.
Speaker 11 (20:05):
If I wait late writing way way, Oh, there's some
sneaky things.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
If I'm going to endure this vilification, I want my
money first. So I explained vilification before we go on.
I'll understand it around Gonzaga anyway, How about that he's.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Been on the show for three minutes. He's worried about
the loot thing. What are you knocking yourself out for?
After all? You know you can't take away you know?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
So I'm sending my brother Everett on ahead to open
up a charge account for me.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Here. Bring this up that has always bothered me.
Speaker 6 (20:42):
When you send in your income tax how do you
get that mattress in the mailbox?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Easy, bob brain, I never have any trouble with my taxes.
Why i'd give President Fullman the shirt off my back?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I know I saw pictures I'm wearing it in Key West.
What's that your wagon? Now?
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Tomaly husk with a felt in the back.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Slice of you to slip your coat on?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
For this otherywaise?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I think I'm too frisky, say don't care for that? Huh?
I guess not. We'll ignore the next six lines. All right,
new kind of radio.
Speaker 6 (21:27):
Just throw the whole thing away. Hey, look, you better
stop being so friskier. I'll tell Abby Rentz to stop
swooping up your wheelchair.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Wheelchair, come come, that's no way to talk to a man.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Is just street thirty five? You're thirty five thirty five times? What?
Speaker 4 (21:42):
Wait a minute, you're snapping your wig my boy, if
you remembered my last birthday party, I had a cake
with only thirty five candles on it.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Yeah, but at the bottom, and said, continued on the
next cake. What does age matter?
Speaker 4 (21:56):
I saw your last picture and I thought you were great.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
That's a coincidence.
Speaker 6 (22:01):
Re deadline again as a talent scout here tonight from
the Wilson Ham Company.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
You've got his stamp.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
You'll make you great A I'm just like the stag.
Speaker 6 (22:10):
Want to think when you know we ought to make
a picture together again, bing, I stopped over at your
house last night to talk to you about.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
It, but nobody is home. Oh it's a shame.
Speaker 6 (22:16):
Yeah, I must have rung your bell about five times
six times? Also, was you up in the window with
a hot oil?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Look vigor, old boy.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
You're just jealous because I made the pale face.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Without you me jealous? Above ho, M I have so
much more than Hoe's nose.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Why should I fight it?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Tell me Bob to laugh without even reading it?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
How'd you feel having Jane Russelled oposite you instead of
me in that big.
Speaker 6 (22:49):
How would anyone feel switching to Philly Mignon after a
diet of hogslivers.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Hold it, swivel snout, hold.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
It really being We always have so much fun making
pictures together.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
People seem to like them. They do well at the
box office. How come we haven't worked together lately? Oh?
Speaker 7 (23:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Just lucky, I guess.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
I don't know how to beat.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
It's still your kid, But on the screen you sort
of cramp my style.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
What do you mean but for my money you don't
look too good. Whether your money, nobody has to look
too good. Excuse me, bing, I didn't mean to.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Raise my voice.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
That's all right.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You're sure I didn't blow your hearing aids. I'm tuned
into way the people.
Speaker 7 (23:27):
I'm on a two party.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
I'm besides kid.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
I like to do a lot of singing in my pictures,
and with you around it just singing.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
I didn't want to say anything.
Speaker 6 (23:32):
But when you sang your song before, you sounded like
Jessica with her net dragging.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
How don't you give up? Give up? Singing is my life, Robert?
Speaker 7 (23:40):
It is?
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Of course I've been lucky.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
There's the radio and the records and the jukeboxes. But
I dare say I'd have been a singer two hundred
years ago, weren't you. I ignore that and repeat Bob
the two hundred years ago, I still could have made
a living with my pipes.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 6 (23:55):
I suppose composers like Mozart and Beethoven would have been
writing songs for you.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Not wholly impossible. I can see myself asking.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Ludwig van Bedron to knock out a little ditty.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Almost sounds as if we're going into a scat. Good d.
Speaker 10 (24:20):
Let me fine, babe, We've start that rocket and finish
that symphony already.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
I've got to stop those cham sessions with Dizzy van Gillespie.
Speaker 13 (24:36):
Oh lord, lod.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Mama, I've got a message for you.
Speaker 8 (24:40):
Moo Mozart.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Mama. Have you been spiking the struddle again?
Speaker 10 (24:50):
Oh lordig, there's nobody here, do see you?
Speaker 12 (24:52):
I have Bengal van Crossbine, good day, I'm head one crossbine,
have one crossbine your crossbine, I believe.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
But where the hell they tell me?
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Is that your nose?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Or are you eating a sausage? What can I do
for you?
Speaker 8 (25:19):
Hell?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I'm a singer, a broken down snooked like you as
a singer.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
After liver worst this has given me mind. Charlie I
have you know, I'm.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Bingo van Crossbine, the famous singer.
Speaker 12 (25:34):
For three years, I've played at Slabsy Britzes, and I've come.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
All the way from the Linder to see you. You're
all off the liber and gounda blazing lean back jump cough.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
You're getting Limburger on the microphone.
Speaker 12 (25:50):
Believe me, that's an improvement. Look, Beethoven, I got a deal.
Speaker 7 (25:59):
For you, all right.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
I wanna say as.
Speaker 12 (26:02):
Long to get up good, you.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Know, Cosbine.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
I dedicated this composition to that wonderful restaurant that used
to be an ober Houser Street.
Speaker 12 (26:13):
Oh yeah, you mean that delicatessen place where they had
those king size.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Big sea Yeah heine Voids behind the bar and he
had a big red Norde More would make the Vener
Schnitzel on the hour crowded it the mean he's in
the middle lot of wonder four Place, Verse Heinies and more.
They never voodled out the lights County Place for never
(26:39):
clothes on.
Speaker 12 (26:40):
Shoots with player squeeze box, sol of it.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Off to believe us such a beautiful smoke you could
lower your top in Heine's and more.
Speaker 12 (26:50):
Arca be us the gay lids in those days.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
In my yeah, I remember we belonged to the William
Strauss and pickled herring and necking sosio to you.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Sometimes we got around with the big airy.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
You flacture me across by who you stinker? You as
you knows, always been like that?
Speaker 12 (27:11):
Or did you have that ball point put on it?
Speaker 4 (27:19):
The three launch was gorgeous to be of us, always
colds confidancing with the women. Ah, the women, yah of
bold you good smell. The place was sixteen block and
it wasn't any o charlet cheese and old Lambourg.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Pickles makes me the herring together underneath.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Both like letter chomped up lebar and bear loney pickle
thinks feet art or boney?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Answer, lady professor, what is it?
Speaker 7 (27:52):
Now?
Speaker 1 (27:52):
You have me sing? Are you like my voice? Please?
Not what I'm eating? Then go where the place is jumping.
Speaker 13 (27:59):
Let's hold go down to highis and all.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
Hell no, what a fact Bank Crosby for being with tonight,
ladies and gentlemen. We're making plans for next Tuesday show
and we'd like your advice.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Would you rather have me sing buttons and bows? Would
you rather have Jane Russell?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Well?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Thanks Tuesday.
Speaker 6 (28:29):
I'm just kidding that gal, you'd like to see most
inner Christmas stockings. My two gun mate from the Pale
Face will be here, Jane Russell and folks. There are
only fifteen more shopping days before Christmas, which is still
plenty of time. To remember the scientists who are looking
for cure for arthritis.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
If you want to help, right.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
To Arthritis Box, twelve hundred, General Post Office.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
New York, New York. Millions of people I have arthritis.
Millions of dollars are needed, so don't forget the address.
Speaker 6 (28:55):
Arthritis Box, twelve hundred, General Post Office, New York, New York.
Speaker 14 (29:00):
Good night, everybody, neror all is my hair first of
(29:23):
them all?
Speaker 15 (29:24):
It is when you use Rave cream shampoo. Rave leaves
your hair so clean, so soft, so easy to manage.
Easy to manage because the pure anulin and rave especially
blended with other important ingredients to make hair behave even
on shampoo day. Try Rave cream shampoo, ry Ve Rave
Cream Shampoo. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
Where me too? How you?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yes, it's the new Swan show with our great things
are Doris Day that our special guest thing crossby.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
The boy hits it a miss, but you less brown bands?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
We use one expertively.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yes, how about you for me?
Speaker 4 (00:29):
My name is Robert Hair of gold, eyes of blue,
and muscles like arrow.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Flynn Hope.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
And now Bob Hope.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Swan's Eye view of the news. Berlin, Germany. The Captain
Russian American relations widened here this week when Germans living
in the Soviet Zone were forfitting to chew gum because
it is too American.
Speaker 6 (00:59):
Berlin is now a ride it in the three Zones.
Spearmint juicy fruit and stick it behind your ear. Fritz,
Here comes the Commissar. After the law was passed against
gum chewing, and they arrested one German because his jars
were moving. Policeman said, you were either chewing gum talking
you're reading. The man said, I was only breathing. Policeman said,
let me see your permit. Se You imagine if they
(01:23):
abolished gum chewing here in America, we'd be in an
awful thing.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
So what would hold the.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Theater seats together? I owe a lot of wonderful memories
of gum chewing. I used to chew it as a kid.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
My girlfriend used to chew it too. In fact, when
we kissed sometimes it.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Lasted three hours.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Washington, d C DTR Northern, the nationally famous biochemist has
proved to the Department of Agriculture. But the addition of
minerals to the soil produces vegetables. There are more than
five times as rich in vitamin content.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
They've injected so much iron into the celery, lettuce, and
radishes that now if you toss a salad then misses
the bullet can break your leg. And the latest methodist
had dropped the minerals on the soil from a plane.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
You have to aim carefully, though.
Speaker 6 (02:07):
One Pennsylvania farmer miss this field a mile away. John
Lewis came running out of a mine shaft with a
geranium popping out of each eyebrow.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Gotta be better on television, wouldn't it.
Speaker 6 (02:22):
All those vitamins in the soil are affecting the earthworms too.
I went fishing and put one on a hook, and
the first.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Thing I knew, the worm got a stranglehole on a.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
Trout flipped him up in the bank yelling, Hey, look
at me, I'm gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
George New York, New York.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Generals, politicians, entertainers, and secretaries all hit the literary jack
pop is this week bounds their books topping the best
seller lists.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
Everybody's writing a book about their experiences except Ardie Shaw.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
He's still doing research.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
And Drew Pearson tried writing a mystery story, but it
didn't work out.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
He couldn't control himself. In the first paragraph, he predicted,
who did it? I'm reading your book right now. That's
very interesting.
Speaker 6 (03:08):
It's about a traveler who's hiking around the United States
and when he comes to California, he thinks it's so
beautiful that he sleeps that night under a rose bush.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
It's called the Case of the quick Frozen tourist.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Los Angeles, California. One of the largest crowds in football
history this Saturday gems the Coliseum to see the University
of Southern California score a major football upset of the
year by holding Notre Dame to a fourteen to fourteen
tar I've never.
Speaker 6 (03:35):
Seen such a crowd in the Colisseum. The stands filled
a capacity. In some of the fans even more so.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
There were one hundred thousand people in the game, including me.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
People were sitting so close together that when I got up,
I was wearing a blanket, three fraternity pins open towed
gold sandals, and a ris There's more, but if you
don't want it, okay opened.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
Up Doho sounds and a raccoon covered the students.
Speaker 7 (04:03):
Still in it.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Oh, you're so impetuous, boy.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
That was really a rough game.
Speaker 6 (04:18):
I never saw two teams knock each other around like that.
And one player, Trojan, ran forty yards for a touchdown,
but they called him back to BALI was carrying had
ears on it.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Poly Tech University professor Kapstaff noted psychiatrist made the statement
that his experiments have proven that inanimate objects can think.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Hi, inanimate objects can think.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Well, that's right, Bob.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So yesterday I went to a psychiatrist and you know
what I did. I took a cake of swan soap
with me.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
The first four rowers better move back. As he warms up,
small bubbles come out of his eyes. Well, sir, bother.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
The psychiatrist put that cake of swan on his couch
and asked what was troubling it, and that little Cake
of Swan looked up at him and said.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Well, nothing's troubling me.
Speaker 7 (04:59):
I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I'm happy because.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I'm the newer, better white floating soap. I'm wonderful in
the bath. I don't leave you with a taut, soapy
feeling because I rinse away so completely and leave your
skin soft and smooth.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I know.
Speaker 6 (05:12):
I use it on my hands and they're getting so
soft my fingers look like five peel bananas.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
And then Bob the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist looked at the
Cake of Swan and said, I think you have a
split personality. And the Cake of Sworn looked back and said, well,
I'm glad I have a split personality. You can use
half of me in the kitchen and half in the bath.
Speaker 6 (05:38):
If you don't buy it this way, folks, he pokes
it through your bathroom window on the end of a moth.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh, Bob, I want everybody to know about Swan because
it's made by a modern, patented process that no other
soap can use. That's why when you use it anywhere
in the household, you'll agree that Swan is better for bath,
better for dishes and hands, better for baby.
Speaker 6 (05:58):
Swan is the best so well, I swan me too, yes,
sir bye?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Can I wrap it up? Here is the cover girl
of modern television.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
And radio magazine, Miss Doris Day with Less Brown and
his band This dave lea.
Speaker 8 (06:23):
My darling, my darling. Get used to the name of
my darling Ito.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
To s.
Speaker 9 (06:37):
Kill.
Speaker 10 (06:37):
A moment ago we were mister and miss discussing the weather,
avoiding each other's eyes till a moment ago when we happened.
Speaker 8 (06:49):
To kiss, and we kissed the mister and miss goodbye.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
No lie, I can.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
My doll, my darling.
Speaker 8 (07:08):
I've wanted to call you my tom for many and many.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
My darling, my darling.
Speaker 8 (07:23):
I fluttered and flew like a snarling. My courage just
melted to way. Now at once kissed me. And there's
not a thing I'm saying not to.
Speaker 11 (07:41):
Say, except my darling, my darling.
Speaker 8 (07:47):
I'm getting used to the name of my darling.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
It's to.
Speaker 7 (08:17):
Gee.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
That was great, Doris.
Speaker 10 (08:19):
Oh thanks, hi, but I'm really surprised I was able
to sing it all to time. I'm so knocked out
from Christmas shopping.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Oh yeah, I knew you were helping Bob with his shopping.
Tell me, Doris, is Bob spending very much money this Christmas.
Speaker 10 (08:29):
Well, he said he was going to take it very
easy because.
Speaker 8 (08:31):
He lost a lot of money in the market.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Old did he have some of that amalgamated ten just
before it went down?
Speaker 10 (08:36):
No, he got caught with fifty two airmail stamps when
they dropped to four cents.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Well, that shopping tour, that tour must have been some experience.
Speaker 8 (08:48):
Oh you said it.
Speaker 10 (08:50):
I was waiting for him in front of Woolwart's. He
was ten minutes late, and I was getting very.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Gee. I better get going or I'll be late. But
this is so interesting. I can't tear myself away.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
That girl is so beautiful, and she's looking right at me.
She smiled at me, and now she's winking. Geez, she's beautiful.
Speaker 7 (09:08):
Look but I don't mind you're looking at the television.
But keep your clammy nose off my window.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I didn't have my nose against your window.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
You did too, And look at those two spots you made.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
With your eyeballs. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, I'll take your stool in your little bag of
popcorn and go home.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
All right, mister, Well, i'd better get going. Christmas boy, Well,
thanks and you tag greetings.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
To you, jolly Saint Nick.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Who's jolly?
Speaker 7 (10:00):
There's California Sunshine's freezing me to death. My feet are
killing me, and this morning my unemployment check bounced.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Gee, are things really that bad? Things are nauseating?
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Boy, they're horrible.
Speaker 7 (10:17):
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Put the money in the pot boy.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Well wait a second, Santa, who does his money go
to for a very good cause?
Speaker 7 (10:32):
For the undernurish and down trodden Eskimos of Upper Glendale?
Speaker 6 (10:40):
Now wait, there aren't any Eskimos in Glendale?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Can you prove it?
Speaker 5 (10:45):
No, put some money in the pod, boy.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But I got to meet somebody right away or I'll
be in trouble. He's got trouble, boy.
Speaker 7 (10:57):
I am married to the most miserable, mean, an ordinary
woman that was ever were allowed out of the snake bit.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
She's really bad, hum revolting.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
Merry Christmas, everybody, boy.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
My wife is so homely.
Speaker 7 (11:14):
She got a face like a plate of mashed potatoes
with a lump still in it.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
What's something in the pod? Boy? Okay, here's some loose change. Thanks.
Speaker 7 (11:26):
You know, I only get ten percent of want to
take in Last week, the organization made twenty dollars and
all I go was one hundred and fifty dollars for.
Speaker 6 (11:35):
Just a second, if you want to get ten percent?
How come they got twenty dollars and you made one
hundred and fifty.
Speaker 9 (11:39):
Oh, I don't know, just lucky, I guess very Christmas.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Oh, I'm sorry I kept your waiting, Doors, but here
I am.
Speaker 10 (11:58):
Well that's right, Bob, but you better give me Christmas
list of the wee can get started now.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
I don't know which present to buy first.
Speaker 10 (12:03):
We should always buy the first gift of the person
you love the best.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
So Doors, I've got everything.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
Come on, let's go.
Speaker 11 (12:15):
Let's go on this department.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Store right here.
Speaker 10 (12:17):
Okay, Oh, Bob, about the present you're gonna buy it
for me?
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Oh, there's a friend of mine over there. Hello brt, Bob, Bob.
Speaker 10 (12:29):
When you buy a gift for someone, don't you agree
that you should buy them something.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
They really want?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Oh? Naturally good?
Speaker 10 (12:34):
Well, I want either a real emerald and ruby bracelet
and a full length ermine coat trim with mink, or
a platinum diamond rist watch studded with diamonds.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Hello, Bart, Okay, let's look at your list now.
Speaker 10 (12:53):
The first name you have is Crosby, and right next
to Crosby's name, you've written two dollars in a quarter.
Speaker 8 (12:57):
Is that what you're going to spend?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
That's plenty.
Speaker 6 (12:59):
Last year I wanted a motorcycle ride around Paramount Studios
where then I hinted at the Crosby. I wanted to
tell him fifty times that I wanted a motorcycle.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
And then came Christmas?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
What did he give you?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
An oil can and a roadmap?
Speaker 8 (13:13):
Well, look, Bob, I have a wonderful idea.
Speaker 10 (13:15):
You give me your money because I know much more
about shopping than you do, and I can.
Speaker 12 (13:18):
Save you an awful lot.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Okay, here's my wallet.
Speaker 10 (13:21):
Oh there's something that would be nice for being a
seat of.
Speaker 7 (13:24):
Matched golf clubs.
Speaker 10 (13:25):
Wait a second, oh, clerk, clerk, how much are those
golf clubs?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
One hundred and ninety dollars? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Mart, Oh gee, I think they're wonderful.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Doris. Wait, and how much is that day that goes
with them? That's two hundred dollars.
Speaker 10 (13:43):
It's just what we want.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Doors.
Speaker 10 (13:44):
Wait, we'll take the bags and the clubs. Let's see,
that's three hundred and ninety dollars, right, Okay, here's four
hundred dollars and keep the change mark.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Where are you?
Speaker 10 (13:57):
Well, Bob, let's get going out because we second.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Or so I want to ask this four walk or something?
Fine me, mister, Yes, can I help you?
Speaker 5 (14:04):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Look it's high ever be yeah.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
Get a load of him in a cutaway coat and
striped trousers wearing a guardina.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
All floor walkers wear gardenias in their hair. Excuse me
a second, Bob, Yes, madam, the big spectacle is on
the fourth floor.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Hi, why do you have to take a five time job?
And excuse me? Bob?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Yes, miss, the big Spectacle is on the fourth floor.
And don't forget to tell your friends about it?
Speaker 3 (14:26):
What's the big spectacle on the fourth floor?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Well, haven't you heard about it?
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Bob?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
It's the most.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Beautiful Christmas tree in town.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It's thirty five feet high, has one thousand lights and
fifteen hundred ornaments.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Are the ornaments pretty, oh, Bob? They're beautiful?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Each one is us sparkling, dazzling, shining, pure white cake
of swan. So hello Mary, yes, Bob.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
And how those women.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Flock around the tree when they see all that swan
because they know that pure gentle swan is better for
dishes because the faster, harder working SuDS rinse away so
completely the dishes never need wiping. Now you've got to
see that tree, bob. You'll never guess what the ornament
is up on the.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Top of it.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Oh, yes I will.
Speaker 7 (15:09):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
The lever brothers on a stick. But really, the reason
Swan is.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
So popular is because it's made by a modern, patented process.
No other soap can use a process that makes Swan
as mild as the finest castial. The Swan's richer gentle SuDS.
Protect your hands and leave them soft and smooth. Now,
just imagine any woman on Christmas morning. She wanted to
mink jacket, but Santa has brought her something she likes
just as well, a lovely cake of Swan. Now could
(15:38):
a woman ask for anything more in her Christmas docking, Well.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
It would be nice to find Charles Boyer in there
blowing bubbles.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Millions of housewives agree that for dishes, hands, or the bath,
Swan is the best soap or float.
Speaker 6 (15:55):
And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the man who
boiled the hot water when al Joson was born to.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Bring Crosbie right back.
Speaker 13 (16:12):
A little bird told me that you love me, and
I believe.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
That you do.
Speaker 13 (16:24):
That little bird also told me I was falling, falling.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
No one but you.
Speaker 13 (16:36):
There's no use, and I am I might as welcomed
of all the girls.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
I know.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
I'm sure I love you best.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
A little bird.
Speaker 13 (16:50):
Told me we'll be happy, and we believe that is you,
and we really that.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
It's true.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
You married.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
We'll have a pretty cut not too far, all fenced
in like a movie stars, great game pup.
Speaker 13 (17:28):
We're going to call him a lion, let by a fireplace, a.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Goldfish palm and wishing well, everything is going to turn outswell,
and we really.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
That is food.
Speaker 8 (17:53):
And now we know that it's true.
Speaker 13 (18:06):
Love that little love birl.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much, and good
night everybody.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Good night. Fight a minute, boy, where are you going?
I sang my number?
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I gave the show a little class.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Now I'm up, gave the show a little class. Look
you hopped up, hilde guard h you'd better stop going
to that African barbery. He's been shrinking your head again.
Planerie will get you nowhere, Saggie, I'll come come. Where's
(18:55):
this new show of yours everybody's been talking about haven't
you heard I'm on prespond this year make soap?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
You know, yeah, it's too bad. It's not something you use.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
Wait, hey, lump laugh, you've got two chins. Would you
like to try for one?
Speaker 4 (19:15):
Now, let's face it, Nostril King, before I sang my
song this show was laying a large swan egg two or.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Folk get him? Look Filko knob last week.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
In a large set.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
You're wearing the cabinet that I said. Look last week.
Speaker 6 (19:34):
Last week, my hand slipped and I happened to tune
in your show. Now I know why it's transcribed and.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
You broadcasted later.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
What do you mean it gives you.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Time to get out of town and hide before the
people hear it. To think, when I first met this boy,
he had a job blowing out gloves compartments of the
car wash.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Steady couch pouch. Now, look, shitthead. If I'm doing.
Speaker 11 (20:05):
If I wait late writing way way, Oh, there's some
sneaky things.
Speaker 4 (20:20):
If I'm going to endure this vilification, I want my
money first. So I explained vilification before we go on.
I'll understand it around Gonzaga anyway, How about that he's.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Been on the show for three minutes. He's worried about
the loot thing. What are you knocking yourself out for?
After all? You know you can't take away you know?
Speaker 4 (20:35):
So I'm sending my brother Everett on ahead to open
up a charge account for me.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Here. Bring this up that has always bothered me.
Speaker 6 (20:42):
When you send in your income tax how do you
get that mattress in the mailbox?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Easy, bob brain, I never have any trouble with my taxes.
Why i'd give President Fullman the shirt off my back?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I know I saw pictures I'm wearing it in Key West.
What's that your wagon? Now?
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Tomaly husk with a felt in the back.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Slice of you to slip your coat on?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
For this otherywaise?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
I think I'm too frisky, say don't care for that? Huh?
I guess not. We'll ignore the next six lines. All right,
new kind of radio.
Speaker 6 (21:27):
Just throw the whole thing away. Hey, look, you better
stop being so friskier. I'll tell Abby Rentz to stop
swooping up your wheelchair.
Speaker 4 (21:35):
Wheelchair, come come, that's no way to talk to a man.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Is just street thirty five? You're thirty five thirty five times? What?
Speaker 4 (21:42):
Wait a minute, you're snapping your wig my boy, if
you remembered my last birthday party, I had a cake
with only thirty five candles on it.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Yeah, but at the bottom, and said, continued on the
next cake. What does age matter?
Speaker 4 (21:56):
I saw your last picture and I thought you were great.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
That's a coincidence.
Speaker 6 (22:01):
Re deadline again as a talent scout here tonight from
the Wilson Ham Company.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
You've got his stamp.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
You'll make you great A I'm just like the stag.
Speaker 6 (22:10):
Want to think when you know we ought to make
a picture together again, bing, I stopped over at your
house last night to talk to you about.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
It, but nobody is home. Oh it's a shame.
Speaker 6 (22:16):
Yeah, I must have rung your bell about five times
six times? Also, was you up in the window with
a hot oil?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Look vigor, old boy.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
You're just jealous because I made the pale face.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Without you me jealous? Above ho, M I have so
much more than Hoe's nose.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Why should I fight it?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Tell me Bob to laugh without even reading it?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
How'd you feel having Jane Russelled oposite you instead of
me in that big.
Speaker 6 (22:49):
How would anyone feel switching to Philly Mignon after a
diet of hogslivers.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Hold it, swivel snout, hold.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
It really being We always have so much fun making
pictures together.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
People seem to like them. They do well at the
box office. How come we haven't worked together lately? Oh?
Speaker 7 (23:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Just lucky, I guess.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
I don't know how to beat.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
It's still your kid, But on the screen you sort
of cramp my style.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
What do you mean but for my money you don't
look too good. Whether your money, nobody has to look
too good. Excuse me, bing, I didn't mean to.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Raise my voice.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
That's all right.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You're sure I didn't blow your hearing aids. I'm tuned
into way the people.
Speaker 7 (23:27):
I'm on a two party.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
I'm besides kid.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
I like to do a lot of singing in my pictures,
and with you around it just singing.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
I didn't want to say anything.
Speaker 6 (23:32):
But when you sang your song before, you sounded like
Jessica with her net dragging.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
How don't you give up? Give up? Singing is my life, Robert?
Speaker 7 (23:40):
It is?
Speaker 4 (23:40):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Of course I've been lucky.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
There's the radio and the records and the jukeboxes. But
I dare say I'd have been a singer two hundred
years ago, weren't you. I ignore that and repeat Bob
the two hundred years ago, I still could have made
a living with my pipes.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 6 (23:55):
I suppose composers like Mozart and Beethoven would have been
writing songs for you.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Not wholly impossible. I can see myself asking.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Ludwig van Bedron to knock out a little ditty.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Almost sounds as if we're going into a scat. Good d.
Speaker 10 (24:20):
Let me fine, babe, We've start that rocket and finish
that symphony already.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
I've got to stop those cham sessions with Dizzy van Gillespie.
Speaker 13 (24:36):
Oh lord, lod.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Mama, I've got a message for you.
Speaker 8 (24:40):
Moo Mozart.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Mama. Have you been spiking the struddle again?
Speaker 10 (24:50):
Oh lordig, there's nobody here, do see you?
Speaker 12 (24:52):
I have Bengal van Crossbine, good day, I'm head one crossbine,
have one crossbine your crossbine, I believe.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
But where the hell they tell me?
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Is that your nose?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Or are you eating a sausage? What can I do
for you?
Speaker 8 (25:19):
Hell?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I'm a singer, a broken down snooked like you as
a singer.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
After liver worst this has given me mind. Charlie I
have you know, I'm.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Bingo van Crossbine, the famous singer.
Speaker 12 (25:34):
For three years, I've played at Slabsy Britzes, and I've come.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
All the way from the Linder to see you. You're
all off the liber and gounda blazing lean back jump cough.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
You're getting Limburger on the microphone.
Speaker 12 (25:50):
Believe me, that's an improvement. Look, Beethoven, I got a deal.
Speaker 7 (25:59):
For you, all right.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
I wanna say as.
Speaker 12 (26:02):
Long to get up good, you.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Know, Cosbine.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
I dedicated this composition to that wonderful restaurant that used
to be an ober Houser Street.
Speaker 12 (26:13):
Oh yeah, you mean that delicatessen place where they had
those king size.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Big sea Yeah heine Voids behind the bar and he
had a big red Norde More would make the Vener
Schnitzel on the hour crowded it the mean he's in
the middle lot of wonder four Place, Verse Heinies and more.
They never voodled out the lights County Place for never
(26:39):
clothes on.
Speaker 12 (26:40):
Shoots with player squeeze box, sol of it.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Off to believe us such a beautiful smoke you could
lower your top in Heine's and more.
Speaker 12 (26:50):
Arca be us the gay lids in those days.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
In my yeah, I remember we belonged to the William
Strauss and pickled herring and necking sosio to you.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Sometimes we got around with the big airy.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
You flacture me across by who you stinker? You as
you knows, always been like that?
Speaker 12 (27:11):
Or did you have that ball point put on it?
Speaker 4 (27:19):
The three launch was gorgeous to be of us, always
colds confidancing with the women. Ah, the women, yah of
bold you good smell. The place was sixteen block and
it wasn't any o charlet cheese and old Lambourg.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Pickles makes me the herring together underneath.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
Both like letter chomped up lebar and bear loney pickle
thinks feet art or boney?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Answer, lady professor, what is it?
Speaker 7 (27:52):
Now?
Speaker 1 (27:52):
You have me sing? Are you like my voice? Please?
Not what I'm eating? Then go where the place is jumping.
Speaker 13 (27:59):
Let's hold go down to highis and all.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
Hell no, what a fact Bank Crosby for being with tonight,
ladies and gentlemen. We're making plans for next Tuesday show
and we'd like your advice.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Would you rather have me sing buttons and bows? Would
you rather have Jane Russell?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
Well?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Thanks Tuesday.
Speaker 6 (28:29):
I'm just kidding that gal, you'd like to see most
inner Christmas stockings. My two gun mate from the Pale
Face will be here, Jane Russell and folks. There are
only fifteen more shopping days before Christmas, which is still
plenty of time. To remember the scientists who are looking
for cure for arthritis.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
If you want to help, right.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
To Arthritis Box, twelve hundred, General Post Office.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
New York, New York. Millions of people I have arthritis.
Millions of dollars are needed, so don't forget the address.
Speaker 6 (28:55):
Arthritis Box, twelve hundred, General Post Office, New York, New York.
Speaker 14 (29:00):
Good night, everybody, neror all is my hair first of
(29:23):
them all?
Speaker 15 (29:24):
It is when you use Rave cream shampoo. Rave leaves
your hair so clean, so soft, so easy to manage.
Easy to manage because the pure anulin and rave especially
blended with other important ingredients to make hair behave even
on shampoo day. Try Rave cream shampoo, ry Ve Rave
Cream Shampoo. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com