Cut Above Stupid by Andrew Norelli | Free Audiobook

Listen to full audiobooks for free on : https://hotaudiobook.com/free Title: Cut Above Stupid Author: Andrew Norelli Format: Original Recording Length: 50 mins Language: English Release date: 07-01-11 Publisher: Uproar Entertainment Genres: Comedy, Memoirs Summary: Clean, intelligent comedy. "I'm a monologist," says Andrew Norelli. "A monologist tells their thoughts and opinions on their life and the world around them." Andrew has appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Comedy Central's Live at Gotham, Comedy.TV, Entertainment Studios with Byron Allen, and Comics Unleashed, where he was also a staff joke writer. Las Vegas, New York, and Boston, where he placed second in The Boston Comedy Festival, are just some of the U.S. cities he has hit. International performances have included The Montreal Comedy Festival, and The Comedy Store and the Laugh Garage in Sydney, Australia. Contact: [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
People are so funny with their food. You know, I
don't mind if you complain about your food. Just make
your complaints make sense. I was eating dinner with a
friend of mine. He's like, Ooh, there's a hair in
my food. I'm like, you're eating bacon. There's a pig's
ass in your food. You have a giant plate in
pig ass, you're picking hairs out of it. Really, is

(00:27):
that how you're spending your time?

Speaker 2 (00:31):
I have no idea. I have no idea about anything.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (00:35):
You try to get help with stuff you can't get help.
You should just expect things to be complicated. I went
to Staples to get a digital camera. I thought it
was gonna be easy. Thought the guy was gonna help me.
The guy asked me one question, one question, which did
not help at all. He goes, what are you gonna
use it for? That was his one question. I'm like,
casual pictures, dude, I'm at Staples. What else would I

(00:58):
be here for? Any serious photographers shop at Stables? What
does anybody roll in there?

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:05):
I work for National Geographic. I want to check out
the Kodak easy Share Yeah, yep. Going on safari just
getting ready. Yep, yeah, the hot bik one, Yeah Thatlex Professional. Yeah,
I work for Sports Illustrated. I'm looking for a camera
this big. Yeah, I want a camera to fit in
my ear. I'm doing a ten thousand dollars Vanity Fair shoot.

(01:28):
Looking for a camera about seventy eight bucks. I don't
want to spare any expenses. And it's a big deal.
It's a big time. I'm actually not bad at technology.
I just can't keep up. It evolves too quickly. And
I'm here to make an announcement to all nerds. Please

(01:48):
take six months off for half a year. Would you
stop updating things? I don't want to download version seven
point zero. I don't know how to work five point one.
Just lead stuff for a minute. I could figure out
how to double space a Microsoft word if you'd stop
touching it.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
I had it. Why are you moving the italics button?
What does that have to do with anything?

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I got a Mac because like everybody else, so I
was sick of calling India for computer tech support because
it's annoying, it's tiring. Why can't the Indians move here?
You could pick them up in front of home depot.
Let's just try it. Let's see how it works. Let's
just try it. Just pull up in your truck. Sharana
John VJ. Let's rock. I got some spyware and pop ups.

(02:38):
Let's make it happen. You'll be back by five.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Yes, I'll bring you back.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
I went to the Apple store recently. I had some headphones.
It didn't work, so I brought him back, and I
swear to God. The guy goes to me, He goes,
all right, we'll take these headphones back. But normally you
have to make an import with the technician.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah. I was like, Wow, thanks for hooking me up.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Whoa ah, thanks for taking back the defective headphones I
just bought here two days ago. Normally I shoplift today.
I'm gonna buy stuff in your store because I like
what you're doing. I like your attitude, and I want
to reward.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
You and return the favor. Some things. You got to
just let him go. You know.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
I stopped arguing with myself on company Sprint because they're
very clever. They have the best customer service hook i've
ever heard. They're super super friendly. They just don't help you.
Do you ever have that happen?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh your phone doesn't work? Oh what do you think
you'll do. They act all mad with you. Damn it,
it's kind of open. You might help me out, not
at all, not at all, know, there's no way. No, no.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Sometimes they say something so vague and unhelpful. You give
up and it's over. It's like a weird Jedi mind trick.
I called them because my voicemail wasn't picking up. You
know what They told me it sometimes does that.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
That was it. That was their answer, just all casual too,
like it was good news. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
Sometimes, Oh yes, you don't want to always working, that's
a nightmare. No, And you got messages coming in right
and left. No, we picked the ones that are right
for you. That's I would rather have a company like
Motel six. It just tells you they suck. You know,
they're cool about it. You walk in, they look at you,

(04:41):
they're like.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
Dude, you sure you know where you're at? Right? We
have made no improvements because we don't care. That was
behind this one.