The New New Rules by Bill Maher | Free Audiobook

Listen to full audiobooks for free on : https://hotaudiobook.com/free Title: The New New Rules Author: Bill Maher Narrator: Bill Maher Format: Unabridged Length: 4 hrs and 47 mins Language: English Release date: 11-21-11 Publisher: Penguin Audio Genres: Comedy, Satire Summary: From best-selling author and host of HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher's new book of political riffs serves up a savagely funny set of rules for preserving sanity in an insane world. A follow-up to the New York Times best-selling New Rules, The New New Rules delivers a series of hilarious, intelligent rants on everything from same-sex marriage to health care, from Republican agendas to celebrity meltdowns, with all the razor-sharp insight that has made Bill Maher one of the most influential comedic voices shaping the political debate today. With another presidential campaign on the horizon and a stellar set of real-life characters to have fun with - "New Rule: If Charlie Sheen's home life means he can't have a TV show, then I say Newt Gingrich can't be president" - this enlightening and important book may be the best thing you pretend to read all year. Contact: [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Penguin Audio presents The New New Rules, a funny look
at how everybody but me has their head up their ass.
Written and read by bill Mark Forward New Rule. People

(00:29):
who read a books forward are anal, especially this book's forward.
It's a joke book. What am I supposed to say? Enjoy?
Don't spill your mister pib careful not to get a
paper cut. If you need a pep talk or some
insight from me before diving in. Maybe you're not ready
for word books. Maybe you should stick to the kind
of books that have pictures you can color. Okay, I'm sorry,

(00:51):
it's more than just a joke book, and I'm glad
you took a moment to check in with me before proceeding.
What you're listening to is a collection of hundreds of
my favorite new rules and essay, some performed on the show,
and many others never before seen on TV, not because
they suck, but for a variety of reasons, like a
it's a particularly filthy, dirty pottymouth rule about fetish porn

(01:14):
or edible panties or rhinoceroscrotums, and that week there was
someone on our panel who would be appalled by it,
like a congressman from a conservative district, or a clergyman,
or you know, a woman or b It might have
been a terrific new rule, but that week we had
other good ones on the same subject. Although we have
our share of viewers who are news junkies, I treat

(01:37):
the show that we do live on Friday night as
a catch up show for those who might not have
had time during the week to see the news because
they work hard, or have hobbies, or forgot to use
birth control a couple of times in the nineties. So
I try to cover as many of the important subjects
as possible, either in the monologue with the guests or
in the new rules, and so it's survival of the

(01:59):
fittest by top or see. Sometimes I read my writer's
New Rules submissions completely baked and just pick the wrong ones.
As for the essays, are what we call our editorial,
which are the much longer final new rule that concludes
the show. I can't lie there are no new ones here.
They were all done on the air, but I must

(02:21):
immodestly say I think a lot of them bear repeating.
They take three minutes to read on the air, but
I spend six or eight hours over the course of
the week, writing and editingham to get a show ender
that hopefully makes both a unique point and does so
in a funny way. It's the part of the show
I'm most proud of and that I don't think you
can see anywhere else on television. So please don't listen

(02:41):
to this part of the book on the toilet, or
you will break my heart. And please know I'm not
one of those celebrities who puts out a book every
year or so to try and cash in on my
fans love and loyalty. That's what my line of meat
marinades is for, and my real time, real smooth scented
personal lubricant now available at Wills. I realize some celebrity

(03:03):
books are like gnats or Anthony Weiner's penis, relentlessly coming
at you and constantly in your face. My books are
more like cicadas. They come out in longer intervals. Christians
consider them a plague, and there's always at least one
kid in the neighborhood who will eat one on a dare.
I try to make each book special. My last one

(03:24):
was published in two thousand and five, and the one
before that in two thousand and two. I think most
men experience this. The older you get, the more time
it takes you between releases. So welcome to the New
New Rules. A funny look at how everybody but me
has their head up their ass the second installment in
My New Rules trilogy. I'm glad you picked it up,

(03:46):
and I think you'll find it quite enlightening, especially chapter seven,
where I describe in detail how Levi Johnston plied me
with watermelon wine coolers and took my virginity in a tent.
The sad part part of me still loves him now.
About the subtitle, A funny look at how everybody but
Me has their head up their ass. Truth is, I

(04:07):
didn't even want to have a subtitle, but the publisher said,
these days in the book world, it was de rigueur,
like using a Latin phrase somewhere in the first ten
pages to show you a real writer. The first New
Rules book carried the subtitle Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,
which cracked me up. But when promoting the book, I
can count on my penis the number of times a

(04:28):
morning DJ got the joke you see fartface and asshole Jack.
I'm not really a timid observer, and my musings are
known to be somewhat less than oh, never mind