The Wizard's Fortress by A. M. Oxford | Free Audiobook

Listen to full audiobooks for free on : https://hotaudiobook.com/free Title: The Wizard's Fortress Author: A. M. Oxford, Rain Oxford Narrator: Evan Harris Format: Unabridged Length: 1 hr and 8 mins Language: English Release date: 07-14-16 Publisher: Rain Oxford Genres: Comedy, Satire Summary: With a growing band of oddball friends, Ben's adventures escalate in strange and uproarious ways. He must complete an unknown quest before he has any chance of getting home. Weirdness and danger abound, and there is still no pizza! So continues the hilarious misadventures of down-to-earth Benjamin Crosse, who will travel to different worlds and discover what his new destiny entails. This is part two of an ongoing episodic adventure. Contact: [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Chapter one. Thump, bump, roll, thump. I regained consciousness just
in time to pitch to the left to avoid cracking
my skull on a large rock. Fortunately, I found a
larger rock to crack it on. I seemed to be
half rolling, half falling down a long, extremely steep slope.

(00:22):
After another minute or two, the tumbling slowed, and I
came to a halt and a clump of bushes. I
slowly stood up. It was difficult with one leg quite
a bit longer than the other. I looked down, dreading
what horrendous physical modification I had undergone now, and it
was bad. Apparently I now had a fig stick sandal

(00:43):
permanently attached to my bird foot. The little wizard was
tightly entwined with my appendage, his eyes scrunched closed. I
tried to loosen his grip by gently slamming him repeatedly
against a nearby rock. He shrieked and clung tighter. Slam shriek, slam, shriek, damn.
I gave up and sat down in the grass. At

(01:04):
least our apparel remained. One of fig Stick's eyes slowly
opened and began peering in all directions. Are we alive. No,
I replied, we would be much less comfortable if we
were let go of my foot. No, he said, I
stood and began a combination of river clog and tap dancing.

(01:25):
It was gentle persuasion compared to what I really had
in mind. I continued for several minutes, then paused to
stand on one foot, the fig stick foot. Of course,
let go of my foot, I repeated. Okay, but I can't,
And exactly why can't you? My fingers don't seem to
want to, he whined. Fine, I said, I broke off

(01:50):
a stout stick from the bushes, sat back down and
began prying at the little wizard's clenched fingers. You better
hope this works, or I'll be looking for something sharper.
My words are incur regiment seemed to help loosen his
grip somewhat. After a few minutes, we had freed a
hand in one of his feet. Amazing how well he
could grip with his toes. A bit later we managed
to remove the rest. Fig stick sat on the ground

(02:13):
and began stretching his skinny limbs, slowly straightening in little
jerking motions. He looked like a dead spider. Trying to reanimate.
I considered assisting him, but I thought i'd better not.
I didn't want to snap anything off soon he was
functionally mobile, sort of. He was at least mobile enough
for us to get moving again. Do you know where

(02:35):
we are? I asked. We were in a forest again,
and although I couldn't see the location of the sun,
it was light enough that I didn't think it would
be dark too soon. Fig Stick glanced around. Yes, we're
near the bottom of a long, extremely steep slope, he observed,
with a sour expression, only slightly more sour than his
usual sour expression. Exceedingly helpful as always. No, I mean,

(03:00):
are we still in your world? If fig Stick told
me we were in the endless forest or the endless anything,
I was going to lose it. Fig Stick glanced around
again and sniffed the air. His scowl deepened by approximately
seventeen percent. Yes, it would seem so damn still have
to worry about Racana. Well, we'd best get moving. Are

(03:21):
we closer or further away from the Great Immortal Wizard
in the North? Yes? Yes, what, Yes, we are closer
or further away from the Great Immortal Wizard in the North.
Did I mention today, how not helpful you are. If
it weren't for me, you would have been in Rocana's
nick stew or worse. I didn't say anything because he

(03:43):
was probably right. We traveled north, according to fig Stick,
for an hour or so, until we reached a small creek,
then began following that downstream. If we had been going
north before, the creek was taking us east, but fig
Stick insisted we were still going the right way. After
another hour, fig Stick suddenly stopped and pointed at a

(04:05):
scrawny tree with small fruit hanging from the branches. The
fruit looked like miniature peaches, except they were yellowish green.
A friggin tree, he said, so I responded, I'm hungry.
I want some friggin fruit. What kind of fruit is it?
It's friggin fruit on a friggin tree. After a moment,

(04:25):
I finally realized that friggin was the name of the
tree and not just an exclamation of Figstick's wonderful mood.
We sat under the tree and fig Stick began gobbling
all the fruit he could reach. I plucked one of
the odd things and took a tentative nibble. The texture
was grainy, very much how fruit wasn't It had a
rather interesting and somewhat disgusting flavor, something like a combination

(04:47):
of tangerine, avocado, and boiled eggs with maybe just a
hint of pineapple. On my next pizza, this would not
be one of the topping