May 16, 2025 • 50 mins
In this episode, we are joined by the hilarious Oscar Montoya (MINX, Dropout, Wizards Beyond Waverly Place) to discuss what feeds his soul; throwing his phone out the window and listening to a good record while he reads a book on his hammock. Is he actually a character in a video or is he a real boy? Listen and find out!!
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@MaryIreneRyan
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Anytime I moved that chandelier was like cool, and he
were like, so you're dancing again, Please stop, You're gonna
break my chandelier. I was like, why do you have
a chandelier in a two story house? Why do you
have a chandelier?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Sir, you already own a building, own chandelier.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
You got a chandelier, babe.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello, welcome back to cancel your plan.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Another episode, another.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Day, another day, another dollar.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
That's what they sing. That's what they say. Look at
me like I'm crazy.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Right before we started recording this, Kyle goes, would it
kill you to drop in for just a second, to.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Kill you to be an actress?
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Could you act? Wait?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Tell them what you were telling me? About what you said?
You see that one time?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
One time to our mutual friend. She was going on
about the industry, about something about some like girl that
she was I don't know what it was, and I
just looked at her and I went, you're not a
good actor and you're not funny, just to like shock her,
like I needed to shock her awake because I think
she was so caught up in and obviously I didn't
(01:16):
mean that. I just want people to know like, she's
an incredible actress and she's so fucking funny. I just
needed to shock her.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And next time, I'm really boring you with me just
being complaining about my career. I when she'd be like, Hey,
let's stop you right there. Did you know that you're
not a good actor and you're not funny and you're
not funny?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Because it really it shocks you awake.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah. Yeah, it's shocking, shocking. It's shocking to even consider
the option that I might be bad at what I do.
Exactly back in time with that every day of my
goddamn life.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Hi, Yah, welcome back.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
We're here, we're alive, we're feeling good.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, it's a Sunday. We're feeling awake. We both slept
a lot last night. Hm, and yeah, we're really excited
for our guest today.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
We're pumped.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
We're pumped.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Mary.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Where did you cancel on this week?
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Well, this one's kind of this one's kind of like
in the family. I canceled on Kyle on two days ago.
On Friday. We had a plan to get lunch and
talk about the pod, and I texted him like thirty
minutes before lunch and I was like, hey, just you know, like,
I'm not doing well. My tummy is rumbling and I
(02:24):
am in the bathroom. I'm gonna spare you guys the details.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
But I can't come. I'm shitting.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
I was like, I'm not doing well. Essentially, I had
had really spicy green chicken curry on Thursday night, and
I knew when I remember the moment. I was sitting
at the restaurant and I just I took a bite
and I went, oh, oh no, no, Like I saw
my future, I saw twenty four hours ahead and it
(02:52):
was not good, but I had ordered it and I'm
cheap and didn't want to waste twenty dollars. Oh it
was so but it was really spicy. And then I
proceeded I didn't tell you this part. I proceeded to
ask the person my our waiter, for a cup of
coconut milk so I could dump the coconut milk into
(03:14):
the green curry to level it out the spice present.
And I know that he was like, wow, this this
white woman is begging me for cocaa milk because she
cannot take the spice of green curry. And I just
he he asked me twice to it, you want a
cup of coconut milk, And I said, yes, I do,
(03:35):
mm hmm. He gave me the cup of coconut milk.
Gladly he didn't charge me for it too. I go,
charge me for it, charge me for it, goes no, no, no,
And I take I take the cup and I dump
it into the green curry.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Did you dump it in front of him? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I wanted him to know. I didn't want him to
think I just ordered a cup of milk like.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's I would prefer that. Then that's a more insane
thing to buy, kind of a cup of cup.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
I'm trying to mild out the spice.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, yeah, we understand. I'm just saying to look to
look them in the eyes and go it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
It helped a little bit, but oh boy, it was
tough and I ate half of it. I shouldn't have.
I should have literally just box it up and given
it to a friend who has a stronger stomach. Yeah,
and I suffered the consequences. I mean, I even I
was woken up on Friday morning to a rumble and
it really didn't stop for most of the day.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
That's awful.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Yeah, but okay, Anyways, what did you cancel on?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Well, I can't just say I feel for you, that's right.
I know I sounded cavalier and was almost victim blame
me throughout the entirety of that story, but I want
you to know your team. Yeah, what did I cancel on?
Speaker 4 (04:49):
This week?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
So this week, I'd say for the last three weeks,
I have been in such a bitchy mood.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I have been.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
I've had the worse attitude confirmation. I've been so just
really on edge.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
For the last three weeks, not to like me or
people around him, just like in general. He's had a
like a.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I've been in a way.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, I've been in a way. But then this week
I had a moment where I just said, I can't
live like this. I canceled my plan to just be.
I canceled my plans to be a little bitch. Yeah,
I said, I have to stop. I can't live like this.
It's not that serious. Most things aren't that serious. It's fine.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Mary H Mary.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I was talking to Mary on the phone yesterday and
she asked me, like, how I'm doing. She asked me
like an update on something that I had been complaining
to her about, and I was like, you know what, honestly,
I made myself an egg salad sandwich and felt better.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
He said that exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I said, I was mad, and then I made an
egg salad sandwich, and then I.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Was mad, and then I had an egg salad sandwich
and I went, oh, I think I was just hungry.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
I was.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Most times I'm just hungry. But I think that like
the Yeah, I just I think I let a lot
of shit slide.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I let a lot of shit slide. But then eventually
I boil over for like the several weeks at a time,
and I'm like, everything's really getting me. Yeah. And then
and then I get so sick of hearing myself yeah,
that I'm like I can't and I can see the
people in my life getting sick of hearing me too.
So then I just go, I can't. I can't do
this anymore. I have to just retire from from being
(06:26):
upset about anything. And let me tell you, it's a
way easier way to live.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Yeah, what's the quote when you hold a grudge, it's
like you're drinking the poison or something. I'm butchering the phrase,
but I think it's basically like you're also you're holding
a grudge. It's so exhausting.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
It's exhausting, and like for what, it's really not that
nothing is ever that serious, and like not to be
like nihilistic, but like we're all gonna die, it's fine.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, But I do think it's important sometimes to be like,
oh I don't like this, you know, like to raise
your voice and say like I don't like certain things.
You know, don't put up with it. But I love
the phrase forgive but don't forget.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Sure, And it's not even a matter of like there
being this like laundry list of ways in which I've
been wronged. Sure, it's just letting a million things kind
of kind of pile up in a fact, and then
carrying them with me throughout the day, or you know,
just kind of walking around with a stank look on
my face being like.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
For what, Yeah, for what?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
So I woke up like this today.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I'm okay. That is, I'm okay, And I got a
and I got a just okay breakfast burrito and a
just okay cold brew, and I'm here today with my
more than okay friend. I would say you're great anyway.
So that's that's what I canceled on this week.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I really support this cancelation.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Thank you, and I'm excited to be here and we
have a great show for you.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
To get such a good guest ahead.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, Oscar Montoya's here and we're gonna chat with him
and uh yeah we're god you came back. Yes, stay tuned,
Stay tuned. Today we are joined by a local girl.
He was seeing him on drop out TV, Minks and
bless the hearts. He's a sister, a mother, a queen
(08:17):
for all seasons. She does it all and I kind
of like it a smell about to Please welcome that again,
Please welcome.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
I was doing such a good job. I was doing
such a good.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Job to con your plans. There we gone.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Thanks for having me. This is this is a gag.
It's gonna be fun today. Welcome to be fun today.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
We have a lot to say say to you to you,
so listen.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Shout out to y'all for creating a podcast for in averts. Yeah,
people who are like overstimulated. This is great. I feel
like I'm home, you know, like this is correct for me.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Tell us about your relationship to canceling your plans.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
This feels like an intervention. Maybe I wrote the book
on canceling plans. I do it all the time, all
the time, all the time. Yes, save space. I get
so overstimulated. I'm very sensitive with energies, and I get
(09:35):
I'm also like very What do you call people who
like I guess pessimists. I don't know who are just
like if if, if there's a social event, I'm always like,
it's going to be bad.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
I'm not going to have fun.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's goods about it.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yes, social anxiety, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Have deep social anxiety. I to me trying to cancel plans.
It is the default, always, always, always for a social event.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Do you start off saying yes, yes, Okay, why do
you say yes?
Speaker 1 (10:11):
It's part of that social anxiety thing. So I will
say yes to every plan ever because I never checked
my calendar, I will always be like, sure, yes, of course,
and then I'll look and I'll have like seven other
things lined up and I'm like, oh gosh. And then
the other problem is I have a hard time saying no,
and I have a hard time being like, actually, I
(10:32):
already have something else, because it's on me to be like, yeah,
let me check my calendar. I forget that that's part
of social graces to be like, oh do you want
to come to this? Oh, let me check my calendar first.
I always feel like I have to say, like, of course,
why get.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
That though, because sometimes in the moment if someone invites
me to do a thing, I get so self conscious that
if I'm like, let me check my calendar, I'm afraid
that I'll be projecting the image of like, well, let
me see if you're important.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And also yes, yeah it's fairy, like if I if
I took a breath, it might say that like, oh,
you're not excited.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
About just as much as I am.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And can I just say in our defense though, like
we we already have this built in thing, but we
are constantly socializing with the most sensitive and insecure people
known to man.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Everyone's being their actors, performers. Yeah, they're living for validation
in different ways.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Everyone's just being weird and insecure at each other. So like, yeah,
I'm guilty of it too. The second one that I'm
looking for any like micro expression from someone that they
think I'm weird and bad. Yeah, and if they if
they jump in with like if I invite them to
a thing and they go like they're just trying to
think if they're free. I go, oh they hate me?
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Oh absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
I mean, like it's so bizarre because a lot of
what we do our industry is social. There's a networking
side of this that is so gross and I'm terribly
bad at or whatever. Yeah, it just comes with the territory.
And to me, like the plans, making plans with people
is not work and it should be fun. But to me,
(12:07):
like that stresses me out. It's like you just want
to be friends, you want to hang out, like there's
no goal here, there's no and that like sends me
in a weird tailspin of like, am I enough.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Like justa yeah, two of us.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Like, oh no, we must hang That's the other thing
too with me. It's like I, like I said, my
default is always canceling plans. But I know that I
have to invite more people to an event, so it
holds me accountable for showing up.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
So if I.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Flake on one person is not as bad as if
I feel like on like ten people. So like if
one person asked me to do something like one on one,
I fully panic because I know I'm like, this is
not gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
This is because I commit to a one on one
with you, I have to commit to a one on
one with ten other people.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yes, exactly, Yeah, yes, interesting to me, it's safe for
to be like, yes, oh, you know who should invite?
Speaker 4 (13:02):
We should invite this and that and the other person.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
That feels like a little commitment thing too, Like that's
like a group dating. That's like a like I'm gonna
date a bunch of people, so I don't have to
date just one person. Like it's giving harem, it's giving polypule.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Am.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
I discovering something about myself on this day.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
But I get I get what you mean. I get
what you mean. You have a great personality. Can I
can I say a cheesy story about you? So I
moved to LA in twenty eighteen and I had done UCB.
I had done UCB in New York. Literally like the
day I moved here, I started my like Advanced Harold
or something. And you were in that class and you
(13:45):
were so nice, Oh my god, and everyone else and
you you were very much like you had friends in
the class. You knew people, but you were so sweet
and so welcoming. And I remember being like, oh, like
it's all gonna be okay, because it was scared.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Are you to be How do you feel?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
How do you feel receiving that? Does that freak you out?
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Or do you like it?
Speaker 3 (14:04):
It's just I just remember you were so kind not
to just see a lot of people weren't. But a
lot of people had their clicks already, and I don't
blame them for that.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, like the weird class. I think the higher you
go in levels, the more like closed off people and
like defensive people can be. And I remember you were like, oh,
I'm from New York, Like I've taken the UCB New York.
And I was like, yes, sister, yeah, because I also
was in New York.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I didn't do the UCB track in New York from
New York, So okay. Kind of what it's like to
move to a totally different city and not knowing a
single person. Yeah, and it sucks, especially as an adult.
We're not cater as adults, we're not catered to socialize.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
After like twenty five that far.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
There's no schools after you go to school, like to
go to bars and maybe that's where you're but even
like looking out and being like who wants to be
my friend? A scary thing, very scary.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
But everyone's bring everyone's bringing their weird stuff to the
table too. Now, Like the longer we're around, the more
weird stuff people have. So it's just it just increasingly
become everyone's bringing our insecurities. Actually, I was talking to
Mary about this earlier in the week where I was like,
I got kind of mad because I was like, I
keep on having these interactions where I'm walking away from
(15:20):
it going, damn, not my best work.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
And then well here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I walk away from it thinking there's something wrong with me,
right because the person that I was interacting with made
me feel like I was weird and bad or like
being like and then and then after a few days,
a switch flips and I get frustrated and I go,
I just let that weirdo make me think that I
was they I showed up just like trying to socialize,
(15:46):
be friendly and warm, but everyone's just so on edge.
And I think that's a testament to how spectacular you are,
is that you don't really walk into a room and
and fuck up the energy of it like that, Like
you don't bring that into a.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, no, no, no, that that's simply so.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I don't know, like I think honestly truly, Like for me,
there is just a genuine I'm like generally curious about
people and I want to connect with people. That's been
my whole mo o in my entire life because I
know how hard it is. I mean, growing up as
a weirdo like to connect with anybody, you know, and
just like meeting them at just level kind ye.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Is so hard.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And to me, I'm just like, let's just get to
know each other. So the pageantry of socializing doesn't exist,
you know, And that's the thing that stresses me out.
It's the pageantry of hanging out that really stresses me out.
And that's why I canceled, cancel a lot of plans
because there is this weird performative like how do I
(16:54):
present to you today?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Do you know what I mean? And that, and I'm an.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Introvert to so like all of that performance drains my energy.
I just and I come home and I just feel
like ugh, and then I think like was it even
worth it?
Speaker 4 (17:07):
And I'm like, nothing is worth it.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Just stay home, in your video games, in your TV shows,
like just you.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
You don't have to perform for anybody if you're by yourself.
So for me, just being around people is so draining.
But at the same time, I have to be around
people or else I won't be there, you know.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
What I mean?
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Yes, yes, And I think to talk to like on
top of the anecdote about you that I have, I
think that you're one of those kind individuals who like
like you exude kindness and then people want a piece
of that.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
One of the best.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Things someone has ever said to me was when I
first moved to LA, I didn't really know a lot
of people, but I knew some people from like the
pit people's i.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
proNT Theater, New York Shore. Yeah, people's in pronth Theater.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
The people that I studied with were like starting a
family in LA, Like we're like sort of working and
being successful. And I was like, I've reached out to
a friend of mine to be like, hey, we should
like hang out, like show me the like what's the deal.
And he literally said to me, he was like, I
love you. I'm in my mid thirties, I have a family.
I met my friend.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
Capacity whoa and to me.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I was like blown away by the honesty of that yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I'm like At first, I was like offended, Yeah, yeah,
but after.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
A while I was like, that's facts, facts, Like I
think I think that's so rotten.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Really, I think that's facts. I think that is for
someone who just moved.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
It's different if it's like, oh, my my friend's cousin
just moved here and like they're new, they don't know
any more. But if it's someone that you know that
like you just moved here and you were like, hey,
can we like get dinner? Get dinner?
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Like funk up? That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
That's a crazy thing to say to somebody.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But I will say I appreciate, Like, I'm sure he
was like I'm busy, like I probably don't have time
for this, and oh A thing that I need to
learn from that moment, which I haven't still, is literally
saying no, this won't happen, rather than I can't today,
but we got to schedule something, but it delays it.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Oh boy, it's procrastinating or something.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
And that's my problem.
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Yeah, but your job is a social job in its nature.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
So say you're on set, you're on set for twelve
hours a day. You're surrounded by twenty five to thirty
people on set, if not more. That's a social activity.
So how could someone say to you like, hey, let's
go to dinner after you wrap.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
I mean, that's absolutely but they don't see it. I know,
I know, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
They see it like, wouldn't you want to have dinner
with me to get to take your mind off of work?
I think it's so funny because like, I don't think
people truly understand how being.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
An introvert works.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Necessarily, all of that just stepping outside of the house,
Like I already have like a battery, and like as
soon as I step out of my door, it depletes
right by a lot, you know. So like even just
being outside is so draining to them. But they think, like, hmm,
but you want to hang out. I will help you
(20:28):
recharge your batteries.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I've got you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Wait, that is such good.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I will recharge your battery. I hate when people do that.
That's extroverts, right, they think they think amazing handle at
dinner will just boost you. And sometimes if you're going
through a breakup or you want to talk about something specifically, sure,
but no, no, what boosts you is like fully like
being in bed with.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Your Yeah, can you describe exactly like what you're alone
time in home looks like like, what's your recharging?
Speaker 4 (21:01):
We love this, You're recharging will.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Look Okay, it's like it makes me so happy to
talk about being alone.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Your entire physicality just let me get into it.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
It makes me.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
I truly do love truly being alone. And it's not
because I hate people. I don't hate people, you know.
I really do prioritize my alone time. Okay, truly, I'm plugging.
The first thing I do when I get home, I
chuck my phone out. I don't know where my phone
is eighty percent of the time, straight up. That's why
(21:36):
people are furious.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Good luck to being her truly truly you know, I know,
you know, but that's the thing that I learned early
on where I was like, it's not personal. She just
needs this.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yes, yeah, and true, I yes, I need to. I
will take I will take this moment. I will take
this moment to acknowledge and say publicly that I really
do need to work on my phone skills because they
are severely lacking. They're non existent, and I have gotten
into I have lost friendships over it, not texting over
not texting back over like yeah, just like being active
(22:09):
for a little bit and then me getting overwhelmed and
like throwing my phone away and then not and then
they're just like literally like.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
What what happened to you? You know?
Speaker 1 (22:16):
So like I understand, I know that I need to
work on it. However, Okay, so I walk in, I
chuck my phone somewhere. It's the battery life is dead.
I have an old I think I have an iPhone
nine like it. I just don't care about my phone.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I'm picturing the socks from the Grinch and kicks his
socks off and then they gobage.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Just like explodes, truly, chuck my phone away.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I get into sweats if I'm not in sweats already,
and I walk around. I play music always. Music is
such a like fixture in my house, Like music will
always be playing.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
What kind of records are you playing?
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Like I got a whole bunch, like right now, what's
you know? Right now?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
It's like it's Eurovision season right now, So I will
play fun like Eurovision LP from years past, which I've collected,
so that's been really fun LPs. And then like I'll
just like walk around my house listening to music. I'll
have my own like I'm big on having like private
dance parties too.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
I'm very down there. We're all in line here.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
You gotta work some stuff out.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
There's a quote from How I Met Your Mother where
Marshall like twist's ankle and they're like, why is your
ankle twisted? He's like, I dance more than you know. Yes,
And it's like he's dancing alone in the apartment to
get out. What but I do that too.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
But isn't it the cornerstone of what being an adult
is to me as a child watching like sort of
envisioning what adulthood is like. To me, absolute freedom is
being able to go to your home place of sanctuary
and be completely liberated. And to me, that equals like
(24:04):
having a private dance party.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's Cameron Diaz dancing in her underwear in Charlie's Angels
and then and she gets caught and she goes, oh, well,
this is what I'm supposed to do. Like it's she's
not a She goes, but.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
She looks incredible. We are Camerondas.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Exactly minus with headphones. I like to do private dance
parties in my apartment with headphones.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Is it something about like it's your own little.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Yeah, it's it's looking inwards.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Yeah. And I imagine my landlord lives below me, and
I imagine her hearing like the foot like what.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Is she doing up the Oh my gosh, my old place.
When I lived, I lived in Silver Lake. I lived
upstairs from the owner of the building. His name of Stanley.
Shout out to Stanley, who had a chandelier on the
first floor. And girl, I was my dancing was like
and this was during quarantine.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
I was just like.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
And because every anytime I moved that chandelier was like cool.
And he would like come upstairs, knock on my door
and be like and fully no, like you've been you're dancing,
so you're dancing again. So you're dancing again. Please stop,
You're gonna break my chandelier. I was like, why do
you have a chandelier in a two story house? Why
do you have a chandelier? Sir, you already own a building. Olier.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
You got a chandelier, babe.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
Okay, So you get home, you play a record.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Play record, girl puts your records on, girl puts your
record on.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Vibes for sure, I will read a lot I have
like a nice little outdoor space with a hammock, so
like lay there and read sometimes. Uh and then if
I'm not doing that, I will play video games till
the sun I mean till I don't know, I.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
Just like the sun goes down to the sun till
the sun period.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
You are essentially when you go home, you're living on
a little animal crossing island. You're sitting in you're reading
a book.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
You're going.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I work for tom Nook. That's right.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Forever till the end of time. Uh yeah, but that's
that's pretty much my plans. That that recharges my batteries
still the next time I have to like step out,
and then that makes a training the batteries that you need.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Like that really like that Fort Knox of Solitude recharge
because then when you're out and even like when you're
on stage, you're so available and like I feel like
that that makes sense to me that like you're it's
I found you to be more available on stage than
a lot of the extroverts that I know, and I
(26:40):
wonder if it's because you're truly like this is I'm
saving this for yes.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Okay, So front of the pod Man Ogapi and you've
you've had him on. He always gets very frustrated with me,
and he's my best you know, like I love him
to death. We have a podcast together, Striker. He will
always say he gets very frustrated with me because he's
so opposite of the way that I am. Because he's
(27:05):
such an extrovert, he loves meeting people.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
He's like, he's just a mayor.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
He's yes, he's a mayor and does his work, his
job incredibly well. Yeah, he gets very frustrating to me
because he's like I because he knows me on a
very intimate level and he knows that I don't share
who I am with a lot of people. Yeah, and
when I'm performing or like when I'm out, like the
vibe is that I seem very open and like I'm
(27:32):
an open book. But he's like, the book you the
book that you read outdoors, is not the book that
you are reading indoors. These are two different books, you know.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
And he's, yeah, consider me clocked, because that's the truth.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
You know, I am a very private person and I
don't enjoy talking about myself in a very public space
like that. You know.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Yeah, But like I.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Think people think kindness equals like openness. Openness exactly when
you do a.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Really good job of asking people about them and then
oh yeah, and then we'll have I've seen it happen
over and over, deflect. I've watched you have like a
minute conversation with somebody and you just asked them a
million things.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
That's why people are obsessed with you, because you're asking
them questions about themselves. No one does that anymore.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Which is like why I will say I will admit
that a lot of that is a defense mechanism that
I have, Yeah, you know, constructed to like protect my
private space. But I'm genuinely very curious about people in general,
Like I want to know everybody's story, tell me where
you're from, what your what your deal.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Is, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
But I my whole thing I've made a pact with
myself is that I will not talk about myself unless
I'm being asked about myself.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Well, just be you be yourself. The best advice like
I got with the dating app is like beast sew
yourself on your profile of your dating app because it
weeds out so many people.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, because that's the other issue too, and dating apps
you do, you are selling yourself to a bunch of people, So.
Speaker 3 (29:12):
Why not sell your authentic self? Because wouldn't you rather?
I used to think, oh my god, I want to
be someone who thinks who like all guys think are attractive,
are in appealing? And then I went, oh no, no,
why yeah, exactly because most guys are horrible. So how
about like the one percent of guys who actually like,
(29:33):
who think I'm funny, who make me laugh, who we
have common interests. Why not attract just that one percent?
Speaker 1 (29:40):
That part and also like people who challenge you, people
like you discover a new thing about yourself, or just
in general that like you're looking forward to, Like the
goal is to me, I mean the goal. We're talking
about relationships now?
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Why but I know it feeds into it dating. Dating
and relationships are very simil I think when we when
we have friends we date.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
I think so too.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
It's a social dance that's so similar dating.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
All my girls truly like you are. We meet up
for the time all the time.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Kyle will like pour me a glass of like white
wine when I come over to his house.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
What's like the difference between this and a romantic relationship?
Speaker 4 (30:20):
I mean the bedroom, I guess, but.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Like that's it.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
That's all the time. And actually, and we're going to
clip this.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Kyle personally got some white wine and we go in
his bedroom.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
I mean it's and he takes me away.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
That's friendship. That is friendship.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
We have friendship having sex with each other platonically carrying
my children.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yes, it's it's it's important. Also, I think on the
subject of showing up as yourself, like so, I think
some people also show up on those things because it's
about the intention of what you want out of it.
Some people truly are not actually looking for a relationship
or for like a partnership, or they want wanting someone
(31:06):
to see them for who they are. They just want
to fuck someone hot and they're like, I'm just gonna
look someone. I'm just gonna look hot, or they just
want to collect matches. But it's really tough when you're
actually out there looking for the real thing showing up
as yourself.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Do you think that that there's an element of like
age in there as well, Yes, because like you know,
like that the older you get, the more you recognize,
like what's important to you, what's a non negotiable for
you what's essential for you, and those things start to
fade away unless you're non negotiable.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
Is you gotta be hot? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Which, truly that's fair if you want to live that way.
But you start to realize, like, wait a second, there's
more like I have to be this person socially, like
like there's got to be a personality attached to the
plusk of.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
A body, you know, like just be five?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
What about to do with that?
Speaker 4 (31:59):
Your person a trade can't be twenty five?
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Yeah, but a lot of straight men really like that. Sure,
a lot of straight men are like personality twenty five. Check.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Well, they're not looking for a person, they're looking for
someone to be twenty five.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Okay, So I guess we talk to you for we
do have stuff about that.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Yeah, so we get.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Some we get some listener mail, and people write in
and ask for advice. So this is a submission that
we'd get away in one Me and this girl had
made plans to meet for dinner. Nothing fancy. We were
going to go get burgers from this burger points close by.
I gave her that courtesy test text of looking forward
to seeing you today, to which she responded that her
(32:43):
day isn't going as planned. I won't be able to
meet today. Now I understand that it is possible something
did come up, but she didn't ask to reschedule. Also,
this isn't the first time this has happened. We were
supposed to meet up once before, and the day of
she told me she'd let me know if she could
make it. Time came and there was no message from her.
I sent a message saying, it's almost time for the
(33:04):
date and I haven't heard from you, So I'm guessing
this meetup isn't happening. She didn't respond to me until
the next day, with just a sorry and no explanation.
Oh what should I do? Should I just tell her
that I don't see this going anywhere?
Speaker 4 (33:17):
Yes? First of all, yes, point.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah, and also like even getting to the point of
should I tell stop responding?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yes, stop responding? I think here's the thing. Dealing with
people's like behavior is stressful because you don't know what
they're going through. To say the least, right, you don't
know what she She might have some serious stuff going on,
and maybe that's all the energy that she has time for,
(33:46):
you know, and which is fair on her side as well.
But I feel like what you specifically want, she's not.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
Going to give you.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
No romantic or friendship.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
It sounds like a date.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yeah, okay, oh the hard and fast rules.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I mean, because that's the big difference of like knowing
someone on on that thing, on that contraption, that phone,
zeros and ones, that part because it is you know,
on my computer versus meeting them face to face. Yes,
you know, you might have a sense of who they
are on the on that computer versus seeing them face
(34:23):
to face.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
That happens so many times.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Sometimes they say, don't become a pen pal with someone
because that's not that's not dating.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
That's right, someone in prison. You don't need to please
write someone in prison in prison. If you want that,
then just do that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Yes, but some people are very comfortable with being pen pals,
like it, you know, especially like dating online. And like
when I was doing that whole thing of just like
meeting people and being like, I just want this to
be like an internet thing.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I don't actually want to meet. I just want to
have this idea that I I'm talking with this validation
online and to me, maybe that's what she's looking for too,
And maybe meeting someone in person is very scary, very
overwhelming for her.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Maybe that's not what she really.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Wants, even though that is maybe something that she said
in the online profile. So in short, I would say,
like terminate this, like I mean, it doesn't seem like
you're getting it, and you know what I mean, scan
it like the terminator. The result is it ain't working, babe,
Like blow it up.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
Blow it up, blow it up, you know, don't be
back like blow it.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Up and just say, like say your feelings because listen,
chances are you probably won't see this hear from this
person ever again. And be honest, like, hey, listen, what
I require is a little more like back and forth
from you. I'm not getting that. I don't see this
going anywhere. It's been fun, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
I've been in relationships where me and the guy will
text quite literally all day to a point was like, well,
what are you eating for lunch while I'm having a
Well what did you put on today?
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Well?
Speaker 3 (36:02):
I did Mayo today.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
That's so cute, and so.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
You my partner has to be someone who's like down
to be like, well, I went to this gas station,
but it was a little pricey, so I went to
the next one.
Speaker 4 (36:14):
Yeah, I want those.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
I'm an introvert. I'm an extroverted introvert, but I want
my partner to be constantly communicating. Wow, I hate straight
man who can't gossip. Like I really, that gives me
the ick if I'm like, okay, well what did he say?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Like is he leaving his wife?
Speaker 3 (36:32):
I don't know. I didn't really ask why.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
I naturally am kind of similar to like, I don't
really need to be in touch with someone every day,
but I'm dating someone who pretty early on express frustration,
was like, hey, this is the thing that I need,
and I started to go I had a moment where
I went, oh, actually, the fact that it's something that
I don't need tells me that It's like I realized
that I don't actually it doesn't matter to me. But
(36:57):
I was like, because it doesn't matter, I'm happy to
do it. Sure, no skin off my back.
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I actually really naturally just implemented it into my routine
just to like I was never someone who would like
send a good morning or good night text, right because
it's just sort of like, well, in my mind, I
was like, well, you know that I care about you
and I love you, and then.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
In the last like four years, it has been incredible
to watch you the way you communicate with your partner.
I remember we like four years ago when you first
started dating. You and I would be at a bar
hanging out, and you'd be like, Joey wants to know,
like we're out, what I'm doing where I'm out. I'm like, yeah,
tell him, and I just got leave him on red.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
Well.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
That's my damage though, too, is that I've like, in
order to survive, had to be incredibly independent and be
very much like, well, I don't need those things from people,
but if someone so, it's I've allowed myself to let
my I've allowed myself to to be given a shit
about so.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Yeah, but that's a process you have.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
It's hard to be like, oh, because then once you're
like you let that in, then you start tokind of
need it, yeah, and then and that's scary to like
need to be uh seen and appreciate it absolutely, especially
in what we do because what we really made a
career out of being like I have to be so
tunnel vision and firm, and you have to feed yourself
(38:17):
with the confidence to to get through the constant like
rejection and letdowns and like even whatever insecurities, so that
by the time, so if you don't get it, it's
like baby, honestly.
Speaker 4 (38:29):
Like that is the healthiest way to approach this industry.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
It's like, thank you President.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Of course, I'm not a therapist or psychologist, but I
feel like, because there's so much validation that is so
is such an essential part too. Our job, where we
are litter, Our paycheck is dependent on someone else taking
a chance on you, some random ass entity that you've
never met, to look at you and be like, yeah,
(38:58):
we can give them a shot.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Who minds you didn't they themselves did not have to
develop that skill that part. They were like, well, I'm
just gonna find myself into the position mostly by being
a shark that part.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
So like, you know, you you might navigate this world
never receiving that energy from anybody, so internalize, like generating
that internalized confidence is truly essential to this career.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
So that tracks to me.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
However, once we lean into the relationship side of things,
the Matthew math and babe, you have to have that.
That is literally the definition of what a relationship is,
sort of like leaning onto someone else to look at
them and be like, these are the qualities that I
like about you, and I need to vocalize them because otherwise.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
What's the point. I know, what's the point to just
like be there play a game like what?
Speaker 3 (39:56):
We actually have a game we want to play here?
Speaker 4 (39:58):
Ohh I love games.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
This game is called nail or bail.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
We have like nail every time. No, I'm kidding, honestly,
Nail is yes, trivia night, nail in concept.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
I love trivia. I love trivia so much. Bail on
the idea of a well, what kind of trivia? Is
it a bar trivia night? Because those are nightmare fuels
for me. It's too loud, it's way too competitive. I'm
not competitive at all. If it's like a close group
of friends at someone's house and we're just like playing trivia,
(40:34):
then absolutely nail.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
But if it's like a bar, you probably would have
to do a lot of convincing for me to show up.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Book clubs, bail.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
I tried it.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
I thought I thought I was that kind of person
that's like, yeah, I did a book book club in
green Point when I lived there.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Bail.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
I recognize that there's weirdly a lot of ego associated
with book clubs, yes.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
And I hate that. I hate it makes me to
my stomach.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
To me, one of like the circles of Hell is
is like a like a really like well populated gay
men's book club where there's it's like a room full
of like twelve homosexuals and there's a huge spread of
them and it looks in theory, it looks nice. It's
a nice room. But they're reading, they're reading what's that
fuck that awful book that everyone was obsessed with a
(41:24):
little light yet you're going to say, and then they're
all just giving their opinions on that, and it's like, well,
I liked the parts when this awful thing happened.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
No, there's nothing worse than first of all, passive aggressive
gaze and also that having a book club where you know,
if it's vote focused, people will always be like, well,
I like this part, but you know in the book
that I nominated, there's a for this scenario.
Speaker 4 (41:53):
And like bail in all caps.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Bail, okay, reunion bail.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
I have not been to one. I'm not interested. Not
to say that I didn't have friends in high school.
I had tons of friends, but also in this day
and age with Facebook, and Instagram, social media being a thing.
It's like, what's the point, Like, yeah, do I want
to see what like some random person from a sports
team is doing?
Speaker 4 (42:21):
Now? Hell? No, do they care about what I'm doing?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
No?
Speaker 4 (42:25):
You know? So like it's absolutely pointless. Bail all the way?
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Church at night?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Girl? What? What? Well? What?
Speaker 2 (42:33):
What?
Speaker 4 (42:34):
You will ever nail that?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
No?
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Bail? What church? Okay, depends on what kind of church exactly.
It depends on what kind of church.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
I was raised Catholic, so to me, it is like
the most boring religion of all time.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
It's the most it's like the emo, the most emo
religion ever. Spooky though it's.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Spook booky spooky, it's giving, like it's giving, Like I
remember like going to church and feeling so terrified at
all the violent depiction of the person I'm worshiping, Like
why are we reminded of that? Through him?
Speaker 3 (43:04):
And him and him?
Speaker 4 (43:07):
He's bleeding. It's sad. Everyone's like on their knees. I'm like,
this is church.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
This is supposed to like revere me to a higher
spiritual power. Hell fucking no, So, you know, Catholic church
at midnight?
Speaker 2 (43:19):
No?
Speaker 1 (43:20):
If it's what was that club in New York that
is now closed church limelight. Yeah then maybe yes, but no, no, not.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
No, okay, a silent retreat.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
I've thought about it because it's does it feed my
introverted like would I be able to recharge in a
social setting?
Speaker 4 (43:42):
But you're not talking at all. I think you're really
curious about it.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
I think I think I think you'd be. I think
you'd be in an all in and outfit, barefoot, seeing
people at breakfast and going I'm saying nothing, not a word,
not a word.
Speaker 4 (44:00):
Sleep. Male. I'm just curious about.
Speaker 6 (44:02):
It, the way you ever do me at a cemetary,
I go, alright, just listen.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
You can't talk.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
I don't want I don't want to ship myself.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
That happens so much. You could do it. I think
you can do it.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I think maybe like once a day, I would let
off a scream.
Speaker 4 (44:34):
That's that's all you like in your quarters, like the.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Ad libs in abricadabra, and she goes, I'd be doing that.
Did you watch you watched her a Coachella or my favorite?
I mean, I love anytime she screams. But she had
a few. She's been doing a thing over the last
few years where she screams like this, and and there
(44:58):
was this moment in Bad Romance where they for upside
down in the current and she goes and I've been
looking about it.
Speaker 4 (45:05):
That's what you're saying. She's great an intervention.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Would you show up for someoneh would you bail?
Speaker 1 (45:17):
I would have to show up if somebody was like, hey,
we're doing an intervention that connotates that I'm close to them,
the fact that it's like you are one of the
few people that would possibly change their mind.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Like?
Speaker 1 (45:32):
And for me to be like nah would feel unhinged
and insane.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
The next one is a gala, A charity gala for
the children.
Speaker 3 (45:42):
For the children.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
Gosh, okay, paint.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I need you to talk about details specific A charity gala.
Speaker 4 (45:53):
For the children, for the children, for the What am
I doing there? Is it for? Do you care about
the ldren?
Speaker 3 (46:00):
A ticket to eat, a dinner that the money goes to.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
Do you want the children to live or not? Oh?
The children?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
The generalized A charity I mean for the children kids,
I'll do it. I've been to charity events before, and
I do enjoy charity. Well, no, I don't enjoy charity
events because it is literally small talking with people you
don't really care about. There was there was a charity
(46:28):
one that I went to. A part of it was like, oh,
there's a red carpet and stuff like that, and I
fully just like did not go on.
Speaker 4 (46:35):
The red carpet. And reps called me the next day
and they're.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Like, we didn't see your picture pictures up on the event,
Like why aren't your pictures up? You did talk to
the photographer, right, And I was like, oh, I showed
up super late and I couldn't. I missed the red carpet,
and like that's my problem with charity events, Like that's
why I show you. It's like it's that whole like performative,
like yes, I'll pay money for dinner to go, but
(47:03):
I want the world to know that I get that
to you, you know, and like that part of hate.
But if if the event is not photographed, then yes
I'll go there.
Speaker 4 (47:17):
You passed.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
We don't have to pull the level through the ceiling.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
This was a delight.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
It flew by questions.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
I mean, it's like just I love you both so
much truly out.
Speaker 4 (47:34):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (47:35):
And I will say out in the real outside outside
of the calendar. We're friends. I love y'all so much.
You both have worked so hard, you both have worked together.
This I mean, obviously this is no brainer, this partnership.
But to see y'all create your own stuff, use your
own resources, which we know is very hard. But also
(47:58):
to navigate an industry that likes to separate us a lot,
like the fact that you all found each other and recognize,
like fuck, this is magical. And to continue making stuff together,
successful stuff, stuff like great stuff together is magical. Keep
(48:21):
creating stuff like why my what? Thank you for having me.
That's enough of that.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
Before tell us about your podcast.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
Let us know what we okay.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
So I I host two podcasts. I'm a co host
of drag Her, which is a drag race podcast hosted
by me and Mono Agapian, and you can follow us
at drag Her podcast on Instagram. That's really fun, just
two unhinged people talking about their favorite TV show. It's
always a good time. And I also, like I said earlier,
(48:53):
I love the Eurovision Song Contest.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
It is yes, now I am plugging your Vision, No,
I'm plugging.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I have a Eurovision Song Contest podcast called Your evangelist.
Speaker 4 (49:05):
Where we talk about the Eurovision Song contest. It's so
much fun.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Follow us please at your evangelists on Instagram.
Speaker 4 (49:13):
It's so fun. Specifically now because I'm actually going to
Eurovision this year. I'm dying. I am so excited for you.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
I hosted Denmark.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
This year, so whoever wins last year gets to host
it the next What do you get aware, I don't know.
I don't even know. It is a dream come true.
It is my It was my hyperfixation during the pandemic.
I have seen every single Eurovision that has ever existed,
and my dream of dreams because it is really hard
to get in Eurovision. It's so hard to get tickets,
(49:47):
it's so expensive just traveling all that stuff, and I
was like, this will never happen for me, and I
am so lucky to be able to go this year,
to be able to go, and it's experience your vision
for a whole week. I'm gonna be in Goazil. I'm
so thrilled. But anyway, y'all should listen even if you
(50:09):
don't know or care about your vision. It's still a
fun podcast. Yeah, and you get to learn a lot
so your vision, your vision you're evangelist on Instagram and
Blue Sky follow us there please uh and that's it.
And you can follow me personally at Osimo Ozzymo on
Instagram and Blue Sky.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yay.
Speaker 4 (50:29):
Thank you, thank you, my gosh,
Anytime I moved that chandelier was like cool, and he
were like, so you're dancing again, Please stop, You're gonna
break my chandelier. I was like, why do you have
a chandelier in a two story house? Why do you
have a chandelier?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Sir, you already own a building, own chandelier.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
You got a chandelier, babe.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello, welcome back to cancel your plan.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Another episode, another.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Day, another day, another dollar.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
That's what they sing. That's what they say. Look at
me like I'm crazy.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Right before we started recording this, Kyle goes, would it
kill you to drop in for just a second, to.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Kill you to be an actress?
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Could you act? Wait?
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Tell them what you were telling me? About what you said?
You see that one time?
Speaker 3 (00:54):
One time to our mutual friend. She was going on
about the industry, about something about some like girl that
she was I don't know what it was, and I
just looked at her and I went, you're not a
good actor and you're not funny, just to like shock her,
like I needed to shock her awake because I think
she was so caught up in and obviously I didn't
(01:16):
mean that. I just want people to know like, she's
an incredible actress and she's so fucking funny. I just
needed to shock her.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And next time, I'm really boring you with me just
being complaining about my career. I when she'd be like, Hey,
let's stop you right there. Did you know that you're
not a good actor and you're not funny and you're
not funny?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Because it really it shocks you awake.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah. Yeah, it's shocking, shocking. It's shocking to even consider
the option that I might be bad at what I do.
Exactly back in time with that every day of my
goddamn life.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Hi, Yah, welcome back.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
We're here, we're alive, we're feeling good.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, it's a Sunday. We're feeling awake. We both slept
a lot last night. Hm, and yeah, we're really excited
for our guest today.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
We're pumped.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
We're pumped.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Mary.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Where did you cancel on this week?
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Well, this one's kind of this one's kind of like
in the family. I canceled on Kyle on two days ago.
On Friday. We had a plan to get lunch and
talk about the pod, and I texted him like thirty
minutes before lunch and I was like, hey, just you know, like,
I'm not doing well. My tummy is rumbling and I
(02:24):
am in the bathroom. I'm gonna spare you guys the details.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
But I can't come. I'm shitting.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
I was like, I'm not doing well. Essentially, I had
had really spicy green chicken curry on Thursday night, and
I knew when I remember the moment. I was sitting
at the restaurant and I just I took a bite
and I went, oh, oh no, no, Like I saw
my future, I saw twenty four hours ahead and it
(02:52):
was not good, but I had ordered it and I'm
cheap and didn't want to waste twenty dollars. Oh it
was so but it was really spicy. And then I
proceeded I didn't tell you this part. I proceeded to
ask the person my our waiter, for a cup of
coconut milk so I could dump the coconut milk into
(03:14):
the green curry to level it out the spice present.
And I know that he was like, wow, this this
white woman is begging me for cocaa milk because she
cannot take the spice of green curry. And I just
he he asked me twice to it, you want a
cup of coconut milk, And I said, yes, I do,
(03:35):
mm hmm. He gave me the cup of coconut milk.
Gladly he didn't charge me for it too. I go,
charge me for it, charge me for it, goes no, no, no,
And I take I take the cup and I dump
it into the green curry.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Did you dump it in front of him? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I wanted him to know. I didn't want him to
think I just ordered a cup of milk like.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's I would prefer that. Then that's a more insane
thing to buy, kind of a cup of cup.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
I'm trying to mild out the spice.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, yeah, we understand. I'm just saying to look to
look them in the eyes and go it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
It helped a little bit, but oh boy, it was
tough and I ate half of it. I shouldn't have.
I should have literally just box it up and given
it to a friend who has a stronger stomach. Yeah,
and I suffered the consequences. I mean, I even I
was woken up on Friday morning to a rumble and
it really didn't stop for most of the day.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
That's awful.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Yeah, but okay, Anyways, what did you cancel on?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Well, I can't just say I feel for you, that's right.
I know I sounded cavalier and was almost victim blame
me throughout the entirety of that story, but I want
you to know your team. Yeah, what did I cancel on?
Speaker 4 (04:49):
This week?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
So this week, I'd say for the last three weeks,
I have been in such a bitchy mood.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I have been.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
I've had the worse attitude confirmation. I've been so just
really on edge.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
For the last three weeks, not to like me or
people around him, just like in general. He's had a
like a.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I've been in a way.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, I've been in a way. But then this week
I had a moment where I just said, I can't
live like this. I canceled my plan to just be.
I canceled my plans to be a little bitch. Yeah,
I said, I have to stop. I can't live like this.
It's not that serious. Most things aren't that serious. It's fine.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Mary H Mary.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I was talking to Mary on the phone yesterday and
she asked me, like, how I'm doing. She asked me
like an update on something that I had been complaining
to her about, and I was like, you know what, honestly,
I made myself an egg salad sandwich and felt better.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
He said that exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I said, I was mad, and then I made an
egg salad sandwich, and then I.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Was mad, and then I had an egg salad sandwich
and I went, oh, I think I was just hungry.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
I was.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Most times I'm just hungry. But I think that like
the Yeah, I just I think I let a lot
of shit slide.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I let a lot of shit slide. But then eventually
I boil over for like the several weeks at a time,
and I'm like, everything's really getting me. Yeah. And then
and then I get so sick of hearing myself yeah,
that I'm like I can't and I can see the
people in my life getting sick of hearing me too.
So then I just go, I can't. I can't do
this anymore. I have to just retire from from being
(06:26):
upset about anything. And let me tell you, it's a
way easier way to live.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Yeah, what's the quote when you hold a grudge, it's
like you're drinking the poison or something. I'm butchering the phrase,
but I think it's basically like you're also you're holding
a grudge. It's so exhausting.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
It's exhausting, and like for what, it's really not that
nothing is ever that serious, and like not to be
like nihilistic, but like we're all gonna die, it's fine.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, But I do think it's important sometimes to be like,
oh I don't like this, you know, like to raise
your voice and say like I don't like certain things.
You know, don't put up with it. But I love
the phrase forgive but don't forget.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Sure, And it's not even a matter of like there
being this like laundry list of ways in which I've
been wronged. Sure, it's just letting a million things kind
of kind of pile up in a fact, and then
carrying them with me throughout the day, or you know,
just kind of walking around with a stank look on
my face being like.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
For what, Yeah, for what?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
So I woke up like this today.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I'm okay. That is, I'm okay, And I got a
and I got a just okay breakfast burrito and a
just okay cold brew, and I'm here today with my
more than okay friend. I would say you're great anyway.
So that's that's what I canceled on this week.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I really support this cancelation.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Thank you, and I'm excited to be here and we
have a great show for you.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
To get such a good guest ahead.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, Oscar Montoya's here and we're gonna chat with him
and uh yeah we're god you came back. Yes, stay tuned,
Stay tuned. Today we are joined by a local girl.
He was seeing him on drop out TV, Minks and
bless the hearts. He's a sister, a mother, a queen
(08:17):
for all seasons. She does it all and I kind
of like it a smell about to Please welcome that again,
Please welcome.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
I was doing such a good job. I was doing
such a good.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Job to con your plans. There we gone.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Thanks for having me. This is this is a gag.
It's gonna be fun today. Welcome to be fun today.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
We have a lot to say say to you to you,
so listen.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Shout out to y'all for creating a podcast for in averts. Yeah,
people who are like overstimulated. This is great. I feel
like I'm home, you know, like this is correct for me.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Tell us about your relationship to canceling your plans.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
This feels like an intervention. Maybe I wrote the book
on canceling plans. I do it all the time, all
the time, all the time. Yes, save space. I get
so overstimulated. I'm very sensitive with energies, and I get
(09:35):
I'm also like very What do you call people who
like I guess pessimists. I don't know who are just
like if if, if there's a social event, I'm always like,
it's going to be bad.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
I'm not going to have fun.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
It's goods about it.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yes, social anxiety, yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Have deep social anxiety. I to me trying to cancel plans.
It is the default, always, always, always for a social event.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Do you start off saying yes, yes, Okay, why do
you say yes?
Speaker 1 (10:11):
It's part of that social anxiety thing. So I will
say yes to every plan ever because I never checked
my calendar, I will always be like, sure, yes, of course,
and then I'll look and I'll have like seven other
things lined up and I'm like, oh gosh. And then
the other problem is I have a hard time saying no,
and I have a hard time being like, actually, I
(10:32):
already have something else, because it's on me to be like, yeah,
let me check my calendar. I forget that that's part
of social graces to be like, oh do you want
to come to this? Oh, let me check my calendar first.
I always feel like I have to say, like, of course,
why get.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
That though, because sometimes in the moment if someone invites
me to do a thing, I get so self conscious that
if I'm like, let me check my calendar, I'm afraid
that I'll be projecting the image of like, well, let
me see if you're important.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And also yes, yeah it's fairy, like if I if
I took a breath, it might say that like, oh,
you're not excited.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
About just as much as I am.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And can I just say in our defense though, like
we we already have this built in thing, but we
are constantly socializing with the most sensitive and insecure people
known to man.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Everyone's being their actors, performers. Yeah, they're living for validation
in different ways.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Everyone's just being weird and insecure at each other. So like, yeah,
I'm guilty of it too. The second one that I'm
looking for any like micro expression from someone that they
think I'm weird and bad. Yeah, and if they if
they jump in with like if I invite them to
a thing and they go like they're just trying to
think if they're free. I go, oh they hate me?
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Oh absolutely.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
I mean, like it's so bizarre because a lot of
what we do our industry is social. There's a networking
side of this that is so gross and I'm terribly
bad at or whatever. Yeah, it just comes with the territory.
And to me, like the plans, making plans with people
is not work and it should be fun. But to me,
(12:07):
like that stresses me out. It's like you just want
to be friends, you want to hang out, like there's
no goal here, there's no and that like sends me
in a weird tailspin of like, am I enough.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Like justa yeah, two of us.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Like, oh no, we must hang That's the other thing
too with me. It's like I, like I said, my
default is always canceling plans. But I know that I
have to invite more people to an event, so it
holds me accountable for showing up.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
So if I.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Flake on one person is not as bad as if
I feel like on like ten people. So like if
one person asked me to do something like one on one,
I fully panic because I know I'm like, this is
not gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
This is because I commit to a one on one
with you, I have to commit to a one on
one with ten other people.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yes, exactly, Yeah, yes, interesting to me, it's safe for
to be like, yes, oh, you know who should invite?
Speaker 4 (13:02):
We should invite this and that and the other person.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
That feels like a little commitment thing too, Like that's
like a group dating. That's like a like I'm gonna
date a bunch of people, so I don't have to
date just one person. Like it's giving harem, it's giving polypule.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Am.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
I discovering something about myself on this day.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
But I get I get what you mean. I get
what you mean. You have a great personality. Can I
can I say a cheesy story about you? So I
moved to LA in twenty eighteen and I had done UCB.
I had done UCB in New York. Literally like the
day I moved here, I started my like Advanced Harold
or something. And you were in that class and you
(13:45):
were so nice, Oh my god, and everyone else and
you you were very much like you had friends in
the class. You knew people, but you were so sweet
and so welcoming. And I remember being like, oh, like
it's all gonna be okay, because it was scared.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Are you to be How do you feel?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
How do you feel receiving that? Does that freak you out?
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Or do you like it?
Speaker 3 (14:04):
It's just I just remember you were so kind not
to just see a lot of people weren't. But a
lot of people had their clicks already, and I don't
blame them for that.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, like the weird class. I think the higher you
go in levels, the more like closed off people and
like defensive people can be. And I remember you were like, oh,
I'm from New York, Like I've taken the UCB New York.
And I was like, yes, sister, yeah, because I also
was in New York.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I didn't do the UCB track in New York from
New York, So okay. Kind of what it's like to
move to a totally different city and not knowing a
single person. Yeah, and it sucks, especially as an adult.
We're not cater as adults, we're not catered to socialize.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
After like twenty five that far.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
There's no schools after you go to school, like to
go to bars and maybe that's where you're but even
like looking out and being like who wants to be
my friend? A scary thing, very scary.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
But everyone's bring everyone's bringing their weird stuff to the
table too. Now, Like the longer we're around, the more
weird stuff people have. So it's just it just increasingly
become everyone's bringing our insecurities. Actually, I was talking to
Mary about this earlier in the week where I was like,
I got kind of mad because I was like, I
keep on having these interactions where I'm walking away from
(15:20):
it going, damn, not my best work.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
And then well here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I walk away from it thinking there's something wrong with me,
right because the person that I was interacting with made
me feel like I was weird and bad or like
being like and then and then after a few days,
a switch flips and I get frustrated and I go,
I just let that weirdo make me think that I
was they I showed up just like trying to socialize,
(15:46):
be friendly and warm, but everyone's just so on edge.
And I think that's a testament to how spectacular you are,
is that you don't really walk into a room and
and fuck up the energy of it like that, Like
you don't bring that into a.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, no, no, no, that that's simply so.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I don't know, like I think honestly truly, Like for me,
there is just a genuine I'm like generally curious about
people and I want to connect with people. That's been
my whole mo o in my entire life because I
know how hard it is. I mean, growing up as
a weirdo like to connect with anybody, you know, and
just like meeting them at just level kind ye.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Is so hard.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And to me, I'm just like, let's just get to
know each other. So the pageantry of socializing doesn't exist,
you know, And that's the thing that stresses me out.
It's the pageantry of hanging out that really stresses me out.
And that's why I canceled, cancel a lot of plans
because there is this weird performative like how do I
(16:54):
present to you today?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Do you know what I mean? And that, and I'm an.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Introvert to so like all of that performance drains my energy.
I just and I come home and I just feel
like ugh, and then I think like was it even
worth it?
Speaker 4 (17:07):
And I'm like, nothing is worth it.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Just stay home, in your video games, in your TV shows,
like just you.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
Know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
You don't have to perform for anybody if you're by yourself.
So for me, just being around people is so draining.
But at the same time, I have to be around
people or else I won't be there, you know.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
What I mean?
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Yes, yes, And I think to talk to like on
top of the anecdote about you that I have, I
think that you're one of those kind individuals who like
like you exude kindness and then people want a piece
of that.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
One of the best.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Things someone has ever said to me was when I
first moved to LA, I didn't really know a lot
of people, but I knew some people from like the
pit people's i.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
proNT Theater, New York Shore. Yeah, people's in pronth Theater.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
The people that I studied with were like starting a
family in LA, Like we're like sort of working and
being successful. And I was like, I've reached out to
a friend of mine to be like, hey, we should
like hang out, like show me the like what's the deal.
And he literally said to me, he was like, I
love you. I'm in my mid thirties, I have a family.
I met my friend.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
Capacity whoa and to me.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I was like blown away by the honesty of that yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I'm like At first, I was like offended, Yeah, yeah,
but after.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
A while I was like, that's facts, facts, Like I
think I think that's so rotten.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
Really, I think that's facts. I think that is for
someone who just moved.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
It's different if it's like, oh, my my friend's cousin
just moved here and like they're new, they don't know
any more. But if it's someone that you know that
like you just moved here and you were like, hey,
can we like get dinner? Get dinner?
Speaker 4 (18:51):
Like funk up? That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
That's a crazy thing to say to somebody.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But I will say I appreciate, Like, I'm sure he
was like I'm busy, like I probably don't have time
for this, and oh A thing that I need to
learn from that moment, which I haven't still, is literally
saying no, this won't happen, rather than I can't today,
but we got to schedule something, but it delays it.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Oh boy, it's procrastinating or something.
Speaker 4 (19:16):
And that's my problem.
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Yeah, but your job is a social job in its nature.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
So say you're on set, you're on set for twelve
hours a day. You're surrounded by twenty five to thirty
people on set, if not more. That's a social activity.
So how could someone say to you like, hey, let's
go to dinner after you wrap.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
I mean, that's absolutely but they don't see it. I know,
I know, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
They see it like, wouldn't you want to have dinner
with me to get to take your mind off of work?
I think it's so funny because like, I don't think
people truly understand how being.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
An introvert works.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Necessarily, all of that just stepping outside of the house,
Like I already have like a battery, and like as
soon as I step out of my door, it depletes
right by a lot, you know. So like even just
being outside is so draining to them. But they think, like, hmm,
but you want to hang out. I will help you
(20:28):
recharge your batteries.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
I've got you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Wait, that is such good.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I will recharge your battery. I hate when people do that.
That's extroverts, right, they think they think amazing handle at
dinner will just boost you. And sometimes if you're going
through a breakup or you want to talk about something specifically, sure,
but no, no, what boosts you is like fully like
being in bed with.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Your Yeah, can you describe exactly like what you're alone
time in home looks like like, what's your recharging?
Speaker 4 (21:01):
We love this, You're recharging will.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Look Okay, it's like it makes me so happy to
talk about being alone.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Your entire physicality just let me get into it.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
It makes me.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
I truly do love truly being alone. And it's not
because I hate people. I don't hate people, you know.
I really do prioritize my alone time. Okay, truly, I'm plugging.
The first thing I do when I get home, I
chuck my phone out. I don't know where my phone
is eighty percent of the time, straight up. That's why
(21:36):
people are furious.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Good luck to being her truly truly you know, I know,
you know, but that's the thing that I learned early
on where I was like, it's not personal. She just
needs this.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yes, yeah, and true, I yes, I need to. I
will take I will take this moment. I will take
this moment to acknowledge and say publicly that I really
do need to work on my phone skills because they
are severely lacking. They're non existent, and I have gotten
into I have lost friendships over it, not texting over
not texting back over like yeah, just like being active
(22:09):
for a little bit and then me getting overwhelmed and
like throwing my phone away and then not and then
they're just like literally like.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
What what happened to you? You know?
Speaker 1 (22:16):
So like I understand, I know that I need to
work on it. However, Okay, so I walk in, I
chuck my phone somewhere. It's the battery life is dead.
I have an old I think I have an iPhone
nine like it. I just don't care about my phone.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I'm picturing the socks from the Grinch and kicks his
socks off and then they gobage.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Just like explodes, truly, chuck my phone away.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I get into sweats if I'm not in sweats already,
and I walk around. I play music always. Music is
such a like fixture in my house, Like music will
always be playing.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
What kind of records are you playing?
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Like I got a whole bunch, like right now, what's
you know? Right now?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
It's like it's Eurovision season right now, So I will
play fun like Eurovision LP from years past, which I've collected,
so that's been really fun LPs. And then like I'll
just like walk around my house listening to music. I'll
have my own like I'm big on having like private
dance parties too.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
I'm very down there. We're all in line here.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
You gotta work some stuff out.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
There's a quote from How I Met Your Mother where
Marshall like twist's ankle and they're like, why is your
ankle twisted? He's like, I dance more than you know. Yes,
And it's like he's dancing alone in the apartment to
get out. What but I do that too.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
But isn't it the cornerstone of what being an adult
is to me as a child watching like sort of
envisioning what adulthood is like. To me, absolute freedom is
being able to go to your home place of sanctuary
and be completely liberated. And to me, that equals like
(24:04):
having a private dance party.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's Cameron Diaz dancing in her underwear in Charlie's Angels
and then and she gets caught and she goes, oh, well,
this is what I'm supposed to do. Like it's she's
not a She goes, but.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
She looks incredible. We are Camerondas.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Exactly minus with headphones. I like to do private dance
parties in my apartment with headphones.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Is it something about like it's your own little.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Yeah, it's it's looking inwards.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Yeah. And I imagine my landlord lives below me, and
I imagine her hearing like the foot like what.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Is she doing up the Oh my gosh, my old place.
When I lived, I lived in Silver Lake. I lived
upstairs from the owner of the building. His name of Stanley.
Shout out to Stanley, who had a chandelier on the
first floor. And girl, I was my dancing was like
and this was during quarantine.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
I was just like.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
And because every anytime I moved that chandelier was like cool.
And he would like come upstairs, knock on my door
and be like and fully no, like you've been you're dancing,
so you're dancing again. So you're dancing again. Please stop,
You're gonna break my chandelier. I was like, why do
you have a chandelier in a two story house? Why
do you have a chandelier? Sir, you already own a building. Olier.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
You got a chandelier, babe.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
Okay, So you get home, you play a record.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Play record, girl puts your records on, girl puts your
record on.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Vibes for sure, I will read a lot I have
like a nice little outdoor space with a hammock, so
like lay there and read sometimes. Uh and then if
I'm not doing that, I will play video games till
the sun I mean till I don't know, I.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
Just like the sun goes down to the sun till
the sun period.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
You are essentially when you go home, you're living on
a little animal crossing island. You're sitting in you're reading
a book.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
You're going.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I work for tom Nook. That's right.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Forever till the end of time. Uh yeah, but that's
that's pretty much my plans. That that recharges my batteries
still the next time I have to like step out,
and then that makes a training the batteries that you need.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Like that really like that Fort Knox of Solitude recharge
because then when you're out and even like when you're
on stage, you're so available and like I feel like
that that makes sense to me that like you're it's
I found you to be more available on stage than
a lot of the extroverts that I know, and I
(26:40):
wonder if it's because you're truly like this is I'm
saving this for yes.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Okay, So front of the pod Man Ogapi and you've
you've had him on. He always gets very frustrated with me,
and he's my best you know, like I love him
to death. We have a podcast together, Striker. He will
always say he gets very frustrated with me because he's
so opposite of the way that I am. Because he's
(27:05):
such an extrovert, he loves meeting people.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
He's like, he's just a mayor.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
He's yes, he's a mayor and does his work, his
job incredibly well. Yeah, he gets very frustrating to me
because he's like I because he knows me on a
very intimate level and he knows that I don't share
who I am with a lot of people. Yeah, and
when I'm performing or like when I'm out, like the
vibe is that I seem very open and like I'm
(27:32):
an open book. But he's like, the book you the
book that you read outdoors, is not the book that
you are reading indoors. These are two different books, you know.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
And he's, yeah, consider me clocked, because that's the truth.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
You know, I am a very private person and I
don't enjoy talking about myself in a very public space
like that. You know.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Yeah, But like I.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Think people think kindness equals like openness. Openness exactly when
you do a.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Really good job of asking people about them and then
oh yeah, and then we'll have I've seen it happen
over and over, deflect. I've watched you have like a
minute conversation with somebody and you just asked them a
million things.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
That's why people are obsessed with you, because you're asking
them questions about themselves. No one does that anymore.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Which is like why I will say I will admit
that a lot of that is a defense mechanism that
I have, Yeah, you know, constructed to like protect my
private space. But I'm genuinely very curious about people in general,
Like I want to know everybody's story, tell me where
you're from, what your what your deal.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Is, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
But I my whole thing I've made a pact with
myself is that I will not talk about myself unless
I'm being asked about myself.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Well, just be you be yourself. The best advice like
I got with the dating app is like beast sew
yourself on your profile of your dating app because it
weeds out so many people.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yeah, because that's the other issue too, and dating apps
you do, you are selling yourself to a bunch of people, So.
Speaker 3 (29:12):
Why not sell your authentic self? Because wouldn't you rather?
I used to think, oh my god, I want to
be someone who thinks who like all guys think are attractive,
are in appealing? And then I went, oh no, no,
why yeah, exactly because most guys are horrible. So how
about like the one percent of guys who actually like,
(29:33):
who think I'm funny, who make me laugh, who we
have common interests. Why not attract just that one percent?
Speaker 1 (29:40):
That part and also like people who challenge you, people
like you discover a new thing about yourself, or just
in general that like you're looking forward to, Like the
goal is to me, I mean the goal. We're talking
about relationships now?
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Why but I know it feeds into it dating. Dating
and relationships are very simil I think when we when
we have friends we date.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
I think so too.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
It's a social dance that's so similar dating.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
All my girls truly like you are. We meet up
for the time all the time.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Kyle will like pour me a glass of like white
wine when I come over to his house.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
What's like the difference between this and a romantic relationship?
Speaker 4 (30:20):
I mean the bedroom, I guess, but.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Like that's it.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
That's all the time. And actually, and we're going to
clip this.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Kyle personally got some white wine and we go in
his bedroom.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
I mean it's and he takes me away.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
That's friendship. That is friendship.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
We have friendship having sex with each other platonically carrying
my children.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yes, it's it's it's important. Also, I think on the
subject of showing up as yourself, like so, I think
some people also show up on those things because it's
about the intention of what you want out of it.
Some people truly are not actually looking for a relationship
or for like a partnership, or they want wanting someone
(31:06):
to see them for who they are. They just want
to fuck someone hot and they're like, I'm just gonna
look someone. I'm just gonna look hot, or they just
want to collect matches. But it's really tough when you're
actually out there looking for the real thing showing up
as yourself.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Do you think that that there's an element of like
age in there as well, Yes, because like you know,
like that the older you get, the more you recognize,
like what's important to you, what's a non negotiable for
you what's essential for you, and those things start to
fade away unless you're non negotiable.
Speaker 4 (31:36):
Is you gotta be hot? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Which, truly that's fair if you want to live that way.
But you start to realize, like, wait a second, there's
more like I have to be this person socially, like
like there's got to be a personality attached to the
plusk of.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
A body, you know, like just be five?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
What about to do with that?
Speaker 4 (31:59):
Your person a trade can't be twenty five?
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Yeah, but a lot of straight men really like that. Sure,
a lot of straight men are like personality twenty five. Check.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Well, they're not looking for a person, they're looking for
someone to be twenty five.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Okay, So I guess we talk to you for we
do have stuff about that.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Yeah, so we get.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Some we get some listener mail, and people write in
and ask for advice. So this is a submission that
we'd get away in one Me and this girl had
made plans to meet for dinner. Nothing fancy. We were
going to go get burgers from this burger points close by.
I gave her that courtesy test text of looking forward
to seeing you today, to which she responded that her
(32:43):
day isn't going as planned. I won't be able to
meet today. Now I understand that it is possible something
did come up, but she didn't ask to reschedule. Also,
this isn't the first time this has happened. We were
supposed to meet up once before, and the day of
she told me she'd let me know if she could
make it. Time came and there was no message from her.
I sent a message saying, it's almost time for the
(33:04):
date and I haven't heard from you, So I'm guessing
this meetup isn't happening. She didn't respond to me until
the next day, with just a sorry and no explanation.
Oh what should I do? Should I just tell her
that I don't see this going anywhere?
Speaker 4 (33:17):
Yes? First of all, yes, point.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Yeah, and also like even getting to the point of
should I tell stop responding?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yes, stop responding? I think here's the thing. Dealing with
people's like behavior is stressful because you don't know what
they're going through. To say the least, right, you don't
know what she She might have some serious stuff going on,
and maybe that's all the energy that she has time for,
(33:46):
you know, and which is fair on her side as well.
But I feel like what you specifically want, she's not.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
Going to give you.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
No romantic or friendship.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
It sounds like a date.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yeah, okay, oh the hard and fast rules.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I mean, because that's the big difference of like knowing
someone on on that thing, on that contraption, that phone,
zeros and ones, that part because it is you know,
on my computer versus meeting them face to face. Yes,
you know, you might have a sense of who they
are on the on that computer versus seeing them face
(34:23):
to face.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
That happens so many times.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Sometimes they say, don't become a pen pal with someone
because that's not that's not dating.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
That's right, someone in prison. You don't need to please
write someone in prison in prison. If you want that,
then just do that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Yes, but some people are very comfortable with being pen pals,
like it, you know, especially like dating online. And like
when I was doing that whole thing of just like
meeting people and being like, I just want this to
be like an internet thing.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I don't actually want to meet. I just want to
have this idea that I I'm talking with this validation
online and to me, maybe that's what she's looking for too,
And maybe meeting someone in person is very scary, very
overwhelming for her.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Maybe that's not what she really.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Wants, even though that is maybe something that she said
in the online profile. So in short, I would say,
like terminate this, like I mean, it doesn't seem like
you're getting it, and you know what I mean, scan
it like the terminator. The result is it ain't working, babe,
Like blow it up.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
Blow it up, blow it up, you know, don't be
back like blow it.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Up and just say, like say your feelings because listen,
chances are you probably won't see this hear from this
person ever again. And be honest, like, hey, listen, what
I require is a little more like back and forth
from you. I'm not getting that. I don't see this
going anywhere. It's been fun, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
I've been in relationships where me and the guy will
text quite literally all day to a point was like, well,
what are you eating for lunch while I'm having a
Well what did you put on today?
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Well?
Speaker 3 (36:02):
I did Mayo today.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
That's so cute, and so.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
You my partner has to be someone who's like down
to be like, well, I went to this gas station,
but it was a little pricey, so I went to
the next one.
Speaker 4 (36:14):
Yeah, I want those.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
I'm an introvert. I'm an extroverted introvert, but I want
my partner to be constantly communicating. Wow, I hate straight
man who can't gossip. Like I really, that gives me
the ick if I'm like, okay, well what did he say?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Like is he leaving his wife?
Speaker 3 (36:32):
I don't know. I didn't really ask why.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
I naturally am kind of similar to like, I don't
really need to be in touch with someone every day,
but I'm dating someone who pretty early on express frustration,
was like, hey, this is the thing that I need,
and I started to go I had a moment where
I went, oh, actually, the fact that it's something that
I don't need tells me that It's like I realized
that I don't actually it doesn't matter to me. But
(36:57):
I was like, because it doesn't matter, I'm happy to
do it. Sure, no skin off my back.
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
I actually really naturally just implemented it into my routine
just to like I was never someone who would like
send a good morning or good night text, right because
it's just sort of like, well, in my mind, I
was like, well, you know that I care about you
and I love you, and then.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
In the last like four years, it has been incredible
to watch you the way you communicate with your partner.
I remember we like four years ago when you first
started dating. You and I would be at a bar
hanging out, and you'd be like, Joey wants to know,
like we're out, what I'm doing where I'm out. I'm like, yeah,
tell him, and I just got leave him on red.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
Well.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
That's my damage though, too, is that I've like, in
order to survive, had to be incredibly independent and be
very much like, well, I don't need those things from people,
but if someone so, it's I've allowed myself to let
my I've allowed myself to to be given a shit
about so.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Yeah, but that's a process you have.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
It's hard to be like, oh, because then once you're
like you let that in, then you start tokind of
need it, yeah, and then and that's scary to like
need to be uh seen and appreciate it absolutely, especially
in what we do because what we really made a
career out of being like I have to be so
tunnel vision and firm, and you have to feed yourself
(38:17):
with the confidence to to get through the constant like
rejection and letdowns and like even whatever insecurities, so that
by the time, so if you don't get it, it's
like baby, honestly.
Speaker 4 (38:29):
Like that is the healthiest way to approach this industry.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
It's like, thank you President.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
Of course, I'm not a therapist or psychologist, but I
feel like, because there's so much validation that is so
is such an essential part too. Our job, where we
are litter, Our paycheck is dependent on someone else taking
a chance on you, some random ass entity that you've
never met, to look at you and be like, yeah,
(38:58):
we can give them a shot.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Who minds you didn't they themselves did not have to
develop that skill that part. They were like, well, I'm
just gonna find myself into the position mostly by being
a shark that part.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
So like, you know, you you might navigate this world
never receiving that energy from anybody, so internalize, like generating
that internalized confidence is truly essential to this career.
Speaker 4 (39:23):
So that tracks to me.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
However, once we lean into the relationship side of things,
the Matthew math and babe, you have to have that.
That is literally the definition of what a relationship is,
sort of like leaning onto someone else to look at
them and be like, these are the qualities that I
like about you, and I need to vocalize them because otherwise.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
What's the point. I know, what's the point to just
like be there play a game like what?
Speaker 3 (39:56):
We actually have a game we want to play here?
Speaker 4 (39:58):
Ohh I love games.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
This game is called nail or bail.
Speaker 4 (40:02):
We have like nail every time. No, I'm kidding, honestly,
Nail is yes, trivia night, nail in concept.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
I love trivia. I love trivia so much. Bail on
the idea of a well, what kind of trivia? Is
it a bar trivia night? Because those are nightmare fuels
for me. It's too loud, it's way too competitive. I'm
not competitive at all. If it's like a close group
of friends at someone's house and we're just like playing trivia,
(40:34):
then absolutely nail.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
But if it's like a bar, you probably would have
to do a lot of convincing for me to show up.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Book clubs, bail.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
I tried it.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
I thought I thought I was that kind of person
that's like, yeah, I did a book book club in
green Point when I lived there.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Bail.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
I recognize that there's weirdly a lot of ego associated
with book clubs, yes.
Speaker 4 (40:58):
And I hate that. I hate it makes me to
my stomach.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
To me, one of like the circles of Hell is
is like a like a really like well populated gay
men's book club where there's it's like a room full
of like twelve homosexuals and there's a huge spread of
them and it looks in theory, it looks nice. It's
a nice room. But they're reading, they're reading what's that
fuck that awful book that everyone was obsessed with a
(41:24):
little light yet you're going to say, and then they're
all just giving their opinions on that, and it's like, well,
I liked the parts when this awful thing happened.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
No, there's nothing worse than first of all, passive aggressive
gaze and also that having a book club where you know,
if it's vote focused, people will always be like, well,
I like this part, but you know in the book
that I nominated, there's a for this scenario.
Speaker 4 (41:53):
And like bail in all caps.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
Bail, okay, reunion bail.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
I have not been to one. I'm not interested. Not
to say that I didn't have friends in high school.
I had tons of friends, but also in this day
and age with Facebook, and Instagram, social media being a thing.
It's like, what's the point, Like, yeah, do I want
to see what like some random person from a sports
team is doing?
Speaker 4 (42:21):
Now? Hell? No, do they care about what I'm doing?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
No?
Speaker 4 (42:25):
You know? So like it's absolutely pointless. Bail all the way?
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Church at night?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
Girl? What? What? Well? What?
Speaker 2 (42:33):
What?
Speaker 4 (42:34):
You will ever nail that?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
No?
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Bail? What church? Okay, depends on what kind of church exactly.
It depends on what kind of church.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
I was raised Catholic, so to me, it is like
the most boring religion of all time.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
It's the most it's like the emo, the most emo
religion ever. Spooky though it's.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Spook booky spooky, it's giving, like it's giving, Like I
remember like going to church and feeling so terrified at
all the violent depiction of the person I'm worshiping, Like
why are we reminded of that? Through him?
Speaker 3 (43:04):
And him and him?
Speaker 4 (43:07):
He's bleeding. It's sad. Everyone's like on their knees. I'm like,
this is church.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
This is supposed to like revere me to a higher
spiritual power. Hell fucking no, So, you know, Catholic church
at midnight?
Speaker 2 (43:19):
No?
Speaker 1 (43:20):
If it's what was that club in New York that
is now closed church limelight. Yeah then maybe yes, but no, no, not.
Speaker 3 (43:29):
No, okay, a silent retreat.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
I've thought about it because it's does it feed my
introverted like would I be able to recharge in a
social setting?
Speaker 4 (43:42):
But you're not talking at all. I think you're really
curious about it.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
I think I think I think you'd be. I think
you'd be in an all in and outfit, barefoot, seeing
people at breakfast and going I'm saying nothing, not a word,
not a word.
Speaker 4 (44:00):
Sleep. Male. I'm just curious about.
Speaker 6 (44:02):
It, the way you ever do me at a cemetary,
I go, alright, just listen.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
You can't talk.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
I don't want I don't want to ship myself.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
That happens so much. You could do it. I think
you can do it.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I think maybe like once a day, I would let
off a scream.
Speaker 4 (44:34):
That's that's all you like in your quarters, like the.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Ad libs in abricadabra, and she goes, I'd be doing that.
Did you watch you watched her a Coachella or my favorite?
I mean, I love anytime she screams. But she had
a few. She's been doing a thing over the last
few years where she screams like this, and and there
(44:58):
was this moment in Bad Romance where they for upside
down in the current and she goes and I've been
looking about it.
Speaker 4 (45:05):
That's what you're saying. She's great an intervention.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Would you show up for someoneh would you bail?
Speaker 1 (45:17):
I would have to show up if somebody was like, hey,
we're doing an intervention that connotates that I'm close to them,
the fact that it's like you are one of the
few people that would possibly change their mind.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Like?
Speaker 1 (45:32):
And for me to be like nah would feel unhinged
and insane.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
The next one is a gala, A charity gala for
the children.
Speaker 3 (45:42):
For the children.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
Gosh, okay, paint.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I need you to talk about details specific A charity gala.
Speaker 4 (45:53):
For the children, for the children, for the What am
I doing there? Is it for? Do you care about
the ldren?
Speaker 3 (46:00):
A ticket to eat, a dinner that the money goes to.
Speaker 4 (46:04):
Do you want the children to live or not? Oh?
The children?
Speaker 1 (46:07):
The generalized A charity I mean for the children kids,
I'll do it. I've been to charity events before, and
I do enjoy charity. Well, no, I don't enjoy charity
events because it is literally small talking with people you
don't really care about. There was there was a charity
(46:28):
one that I went to. A part of it was like, oh,
there's a red carpet and stuff like that, and I
fully just like did not go on.
Speaker 4 (46:35):
The red carpet. And reps called me the next day
and they're.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Like, we didn't see your picture pictures up on the event,
Like why aren't your pictures up? You did talk to
the photographer, right, And I was like, oh, I showed
up super late and I couldn't. I missed the red carpet,
and like that's my problem with charity events, Like that's
why I show you. It's like it's that whole like performative,
like yes, I'll pay money for dinner to go, but
(47:03):
I want the world to know that I get that
to you, you know, and like that part of hate.
But if if the event is not photographed, then yes
I'll go there.
Speaker 4 (47:17):
You passed.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
We don't have to pull the level through the ceiling.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
This was a delight.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
It flew by questions.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
I mean, it's like just I love you both so
much truly out.
Speaker 4 (47:34):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (47:35):
And I will say out in the real outside outside
of the calendar. We're friends. I love y'all so much.
You both have worked so hard, you both have worked together.
This I mean, obviously this is no brainer, this partnership.
But to see y'all create your own stuff, use your
own resources, which we know is very hard. But also
(47:58):
to navigate an industry that likes to separate us a lot,
like the fact that you all found each other and recognize,
like fuck, this is magical. And to continue making stuff together,
successful stuff, stuff like great stuff together is magical. Keep
(48:21):
creating stuff like why my what? Thank you for having me.
That's enough of that.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
Before tell us about your podcast.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
Let us know what we okay.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
So I I host two podcasts. I'm a co host
of drag Her, which is a drag race podcast hosted
by me and Mono Agapian, and you can follow us
at drag Her podcast on Instagram. That's really fun, just
two unhinged people talking about their favorite TV show. It's
always a good time. And I also, like I said earlier,
(48:53):
I love the Eurovision Song Contest.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
It is yes, now I am plugging your Vision, No,
I'm plugging.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
I have a Eurovision Song Contest podcast called Your evangelist.
Speaker 4 (49:05):
Where we talk about the Eurovision Song contest. It's so
much fun.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Follow us please at your evangelists on Instagram.
Speaker 4 (49:13):
It's so fun. Specifically now because I'm actually going to
Eurovision this year. I'm dying. I am so excited for you.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
I hosted Denmark.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
This year, so whoever wins last year gets to host
it the next What do you get aware, I don't know.
I don't even know. It is a dream come true.
It is my It was my hyperfixation during the pandemic.
I have seen every single Eurovision that has ever existed,
and my dream of dreams because it is really hard
to get in Eurovision. It's so hard to get tickets,
(49:47):
it's so expensive just traveling all that stuff, and I
was like, this will never happen for me, and I
am so lucky to be able to go this year,
to be able to go, and it's experience your vision
for a whole week. I'm gonna be in Goazil. I'm
so thrilled. But anyway, y'all should listen even if you
(50:09):
don't know or care about your vision. It's still a
fun podcast. Yeah, and you get to learn a lot
so your vision, your vision you're evangelist on Instagram and
Blue Sky follow us there please uh and that's it.
And you can follow me personally at Osimo Ozzymo on
Instagram and Blue Sky.
Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yay.
Speaker 4 (50:29):
Thank you, thank you, my gosh,
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