November 16, 2025 • 45 mins
CBS Radio Mystery Theater was a noteworthy attempt to revive in American radio dramas like Inner Sanctum (1941-1952) and Suspense (1942-1962). Radio dramas were widely considered "dead" 12 years prior to this series. CBS Radio Mystery Theater, or simply Mystery Theater, was created by Inner Sanctum creator Himan Brown and ran on CBS from 1974-1982. The show, much like older radio dramas, was introduced by a host (E.G. Marshall in this program), who steers us through the creaking door to start the episode. Many voices from the golden age of radio were featured, including Richard Widmark, Bret Morrison, Agnes Moorehead and many more. Find more classic, old-time radio series at Theater of the Mind - OTR | Spreaker | Apple | YouTube
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Enjoy all six of our commercial-free internet radio stations at theaterofthemind-otr.com - Do you want to discover more of these classic, old-time radio series? Search "Theater of the Mind - OTR" on your favorite platform or visit Theater of the Mind - OTR | Apple | Spreaker | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon | iHeart
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents. Come in.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I'm e. G. Marshall William Shakespeare never fails me when
I look for an apt phrase that tells it neatly
and poetically. For instance, what's past is prologue. I'll repeat that,
what's past is prologue. Yesterday's events have shaped today's.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Remember that story.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Of the Utah murderer who is almost not sentenced to die, Well,
the same thing happened many years ago, the same thing,
but it turned out a little differently.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
And is that Get in touch with the French governor. Yes,
what for? Everyone knows they've had lots of experience with guillotines,
so ask them for one. Just like that, I'll tell
the French it's just the one shot deal. After this
one time, we're not going to need the guillotine again.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Our mystery drama Much Too Much, was written especially for
the Mystery Theater by Gerald Keene and stars Robert Dryden.
It is sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and
contact the twelve hour Cold Capsule. I'll be back shortly
with that one. The man who couldn't be sentenced lived
(02:07):
in an age long gone by, and in the country
still called Monaco, for is tiny, independent and known the
world over for its gambling casino Monte Carlo. Monaco citizens
are called monogasques still are, And they had their king, ministers,
even an army sixty soldiers and one general. But who
(02:30):
needs an army when no one's going to attack you.
The king was forever on an economy binge, and was
even thinking of cutting the police force from five to
two when the Minister of Publicity came to see him.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Here high, if we have a murderer, I'm not had
a murderer, Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
My goodness, from France, Italy, Spain. Now, well where did
he come from?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Each went her own?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I guess how is that possible? We're a law abiding,
peaceful people.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Why Monaco has never had a I can hardly bring
myself to say.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
The word, well we have one now, sad, sad, good thing.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
King and Queen Senior, the father and mother.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Didn't live to see this day, progress, civilization, a better world,
and you end up with this, a man killing a man,
a man killing a woman, Your majesty worse.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Well, just don't stand there and get cracking with the
Minister of Justice and the lawyers and so on. Oh,
this is a sorry day in the minister of Publicity,
and you can quote beyond that. Come here, that's a
(03:58):
new one. I've never out of a jail where the
guard talks before coming in to see the priner.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I'm sorry you see, this isn't really much of a jail.
Just this room in back of the police station was
an ordinary door on her burd So we have.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh, don't think we that I don't appreciate your politeness,
because I do.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Secondly, we've never had a murderer before. I don't really
know how one is supposed to behave with the murderer.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Oh you, you don't have to be frightened. I've only
killed once in my life. And it wasn't the man.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Yes, the captain told me it's a crime of passion.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
A crime of passion. It wasn't just the opposite. It
was my wife. And oh you were defending yourself. Oh
my dear god, you you don't wish to hear it's
of no, he'd the rest of anyone but me.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Oh no, no, no, So I have a wife too,
might be very helpful. No hints to the married man.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Oh oh well, it was a perfectly ordinary day, I've
been out hunting and I bagged a duck or two.
And I came home and said, my wife here cooked
this fellow for dinner. How should I prepare it? S
a g or I'll have it braized with peas. I said,
use that recipe of peer, the pee of the keepe
(05:18):
de pelli. Okay, she said, we'll do well. I came
home and she told me an extraordinary thing had happened.
The bird wasn't really dead, and when she started the
pluck its feathers, it threw out of the window. Well,
don't mean it could have happened. And the next time
I bagged the duck, I told her plane roast duck tonight,
(05:40):
and she said all right. And I came home about
seven and opened the bottle of cooked and nui and
old duck. What's this? I said? A workman came to
the doors and my wife and asked for a glass
of water. And when my back was turned, he ran
out of the house with a duck. No no, but
(06:01):
I thought I'd wait. I went out again someday with
my shotgun and I backed another over of beauty at
least six pounds. And I said to my wife we'll
have this on Monday night. That duck's a bit oh,
she said, all right, to do it to Chambaster's slow flame,
I said, agreed. And on Monday I came home early,
(06:28):
you speaker, and there sitting in my chair in my
dining room, my wine and his glass was a gentleman
I took to be my wife's lover, and he was
eating my duck. And I pointed my gun at him,
and he admitted everything, all the ducks, my wife and everything.
I pulled back the trigger, you defending your on. My
(06:49):
wife screamed and picked up the duck and threw it
at me to deflect my aim. The gun went off
right through the duck's head into my wife's head. Her
lover ran out, called the police and have you here.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
I am for the story like that, you'll get off, Oh.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I'm afraid not. If I did him, not her, then
I could probably go free as a bad pluck. That's worse.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
If I may say, sir, you never even had one.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Duck for dinner. Oh well, I'm very sorry, sir. Yeah,
MAGESTI is a court. As you reached the decision, and
I have asked the Minister of Protocol to tell it
(07:39):
to you. No, please, can't you see I'm trying to
find my spectacles. It is the case of the men
who killed his wife. Oh, oh, dear, not a problem,
not ass I, no problem. He has been condemned to die.
D so well, mooney, dars law, the ricks he should
(08:01):
have his head. God, yes, we know the law. We
know when ranky bans royal feel.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Well, now what are you two standing about for?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
If the fellow must be executed, well, then executed. You
heard me, execute him? Get it over with.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
You should have told his majesty we've been put it
in round numbers.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
He would have listened, my dear Minister of finance. Since
when does our good king listen? He's not easy to
bring bad news to is He dismissed that he never
gave us a chance, And as always it will be
my duty. I can see that we don't never heard one.
(08:54):
Why not other kingdoms do never needed one? There's not
a no ah, since we must execute, I'm afraid the
guillotine is the only way. Well, of course, I can
have told you that. It seems to me the answer
is for us to have a guillotine of our own,
(09:16):
to come and come and frenchwise, I cura a sudden thought,
your magicine.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Uh, get in touch with the French. Everybody knows they've
had a lot of experience with guillotines. Ask them if
they could furnish us why, And we'll also need a
professional executioner.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
To handle the equipment.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
That's exactly what we.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Were going to say. But tell the French it's strictly
a one shot deal. We don't ever expect to need
one again.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Your majesty, may we ah come in?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Come in?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I always feel like running when I see you, Minister
of Finance. It's for you, Minister of Publicity. I don't
know what I feel like. We have a communication from
the French where they want now another wine festival.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
In reply to our request for a guillotine.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
They will be happy to supply us along with one
of their own trained men, complete in costume and so forth.
And that would be sixteen thousand francs. Sixteen thousand francs costwise,
sixteen thousand francs.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
That's much too much. The wretch isn't worth that kind
of man. Is there any other way to beheaded? Our
English cousins, I've switched to a headsman who does the job.
Who's one blow with an axe kill a man with
an axe. It's a human, it's barbaric. Well still, what
(10:48):
do you expect from the English guillotine and guarteen? Let
me see, we must be able to get one cheaper somewhere.
You mean shop around? I know, I know.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Get in touch with the Italians. All Italy has a king,
and from one king to another, maybe he'll give us
a cut rate, cut rate.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
He is your Manchester, as French haven't been the same
since they became a republic. All they think of his money, money, money,
that's all they think of. And oh, he won't stand
for it. I know him. He'll hit the cee. I'm shorry,
I'm late, But what's the lady.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
We've just had word from the King of Italy. He'll
be glad to help us out in The cost for
the entire package, including removal of the remains, will be.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Twelve thousand francs. He doesn't want any lerea now, dear dear,
I don't know that I wish to be minister to
tell his majesty that.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Twelve thousand francs. Did you say twelve thousand.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Francs to the sue your majesty, twelve, it's four less
than sixteen. It's not much of a discount. Now ask,
and it's still not worth that kind of money hardly,
your majesty, twelve thousands, get up that sum. We got
the tax.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Every adult my desk, two francs ahead. I don't think
the people would stand for you.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
They wouldn't your magistry. They'll be already riot now it's
still too much, still much too much? Have I made that? Player? Oh?
What do you want? God?
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Is everything satisfactory?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Prisoner? Is what?
Speaker 4 (12:45):
What your dinner?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Is? Everything up to your expectations? Are you say?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Not?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Do you call this feeded the souls investor? And the
second course? Is this? Scrawny geriatric cape art deserve the
name pule ROTI bosseul. You're not happy with the fish
and the ticket an insult to my palate. You can
tell the King's cook that I am decidedly unhappy. This
(13:14):
may be fit for a king, but I not. He
what's this? What's all this? He? Unlike the food cutting?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
No? Come now, you're a prisoner ser in fact, a
condemn murderer, not a.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Pain guest at one of Monaco's quality restaurants. I don't
tell me what I am. I know my rights. He
didn't like the fill It is so silvers. I am
entitled to have exactly what I desire for my remaining
meals on earth. This is a fact known to the
penal system. The we're over what a man condemned to
die is entitled to. I know my international convention, But
(13:51):
my dear prisoner, you're not about to die. Our king
has not been able to secure a guillotine at a
price the Kingdom can afford. This execution you'll conductor's forced
upon us will cost Morocco much too much. Oh yeah, well,
I see your dilemma. I'll give that some thoughts. In
(14:15):
the meantime, my dear captain to bring me some decent
food fit for a decent human being to eat.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
There you have it, an execution that would cost too much.
A condemned man demanding his rights doesn't just disappear a
little topsy turvy to you. I read something like this
quite recently, where it said that too often the rights
of the guilty are more observed than the rights of
the innocents. A criminal more cared for than the victim.
(14:52):
Certainly something has to give. But what when and how
let's find out when we can and you would act too.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Old.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Bill Shakespeare hit it right on the head when he
wrote Liberty plucks justice by the nose the baby beats
the nurse. Isn't that what we have here? A kingdom
trying to meet out justice if it can be had
at a bargain, A guilty man screaming about his own rights,
oblivious to the right to live and the person he killed.
(15:37):
Now back to the story. The next morning, the prisoners
summoned the captain of the guards.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Though, yeah, well, I have been thinking over your problem, captain,
and I believe I can be of some small assistance.
I happen to have some excellent personal contacts with the
King of Sweden. Sweden, of course, has never adopted the
idea of adding as capital punishment. But I happen to
(16:02):
know for a fact. The prisoner told me that Monsieur
josefie Not's guilty, the one who invented do I know?
May I finish, had sent to the King of Sweden
a guillotine and an operator. On approval. The prisoner said
he might be able to persuade the King of Sweden
to lend the machine to us. So we could have
(16:24):
our execution. How very well, well good thinking, that's well
worthy of its Should we pass the world along to her?
If you know food? Oh yes, I think his Majesty
would approve. I'm quite impressed with your prisoner, Captain. I
can see he's an honorable soul, regardless of his transmissions,
(16:45):
one who understands that justice is justice here here there
is only one slight drawback, isn't there always? Arge? Why
we must bear in mind Sweden is many many more
kilometers from Monacos in France. For Italy, it'll take months
before we can expect delivery sailing vessel storms whatever you
(17:08):
I'm sure the prisoner won't object to such a stay
of execution. Most certainly will object. But will weave? Why
should we? Well, it's his term. Latha, convicted murderer has
term in exchange for his personal letter of endorsement to
the King of Sea. Of course, after all, gentlemen, he's
(17:31):
got the contact endorsing the loan for his own execution.
But would he want something in return? And he thinks
that's valid. He's the contact man, our man in Sweden,
as it were. He has to be paid off fee.
He wants money. Oh no, no, no, The prisoner's fee
(17:52):
is that in return he would like his meals every
day from today to be of the superlative quality he
generally reserved for the condemned man's last meal. Do you
think the King's cook can develop? Well, I certainly. I
hope we don't have to import a chef from Paris
to feed this under the animal. And he has instructed
(18:15):
me to request of the King's cook where did I
put that piece of paper? Ah? For lunch today he
wants a cold poast bass sweat wise and for dinner
tonight filming on with a sauce bellnz Is that all?
Speaker 6 (18:34):
He hasn't decided about the wine arrive just arrived.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Corsis arrived. We've been watching them all morning setting it
up in the courchy. I'd say half of Monaco is
out there. Well, look at the people. Why don't we
go down and mingle with the crowd. Good way to
get a sampling of public opinion. What do you think
we gillotine should monarch or own its own in that
(19:10):
kind of thing? Hey, let's go. It should be interesting. Yes,
good idea. That's what I'd call a holiday atmoshere, wouldn't
you say. I remember your father was always interested in
these happenings, Your majesty, when he was a prince. We
were as young men in friends together during the interregnum
(19:33):
thing Coarton it all I cast, Oh absolutely. We were
at the otdi Sank, just about as far from the
tumble as we'll be at this window. A come, come see.
I don't know. I care too, Frankly, I've got a
queasy samacho today. He's only the test fights downward of
(19:55):
the late, just to make sure you see those two
upright posts for the crossbeam to hold it together, their
grooves so that the knife will fall sweetly so much
that can you see me? That's for the executioner. Why
that little fat fellow and all those muscles over? What's
(20:16):
he doing now? I can't see a thing without spectacles.
Nobody can find them. He has a stone and a file,
and I believe he's sharpening the blades. They louly vet,
those French, don't they The blade got a little rusty
after the long sea voyage from Sweden. I'm sure they're conscious.
(20:36):
Why are they cry when he's running his finger along
the blade and licking it. Now he's taking a bow
now he has let me see one, two, three, six,
ten guards and they're all pulling the cord to lift
the bleed up into place. Oh, it won't move ten
(20:58):
men and they can't budge it. He's kicking the blade, splendid,
spind it. Good man kicked it twice, and the darn
thing traveled up the post like a monkey shinning up
a permittal tree. Now the executioner is going to do
some trial runs. Boom, He's just supposed to give it
(21:22):
a yank and the triggers. Now he's talking to the
captain head more man head more. They keep adding man
to yank at that thing. It looks like the blade
is jammed up there. What O, how free He's got
(21:45):
the whole army on it. No, W three your magasine?
What what?
Speaker 5 (22:03):
What?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
What? At the time said I we re like the
king of Sweden for that pire of firewood in the court.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
If we are not amused, I have asked you here
for your thoughts on the disposition of the prisoner.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Mister Justice. The law says execution, but not by who?
Might it be done by one of our soldiers? A soldier?
I don't see, how excellent. Why didn't any of you
don't think of that. It's a natural a soldier to
cut a man's head off. All in wars, soldiers don't
(22:46):
mind kidding people. In fact, that's what they're trained to do.
Is send for the general holders of Naco.
Speaker 5 (22:56):
I asked now a volunteers to assist just it. In
this small but great land of ours. A criminal has
been sentenced to be executed, and we need one man
who will bravely undertake the task.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
One man, step forward.
Speaker 5 (23:22):
I put it to you all again, all sixty, have you,
brave defenders of the spirit, this is Monoco. Will one
man have you please step forward? I'd say that there'd
probably be a few extra franks in it, or a
man who stepped forward.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Captain, may I have a word? General? They won't buy
it in combat, yes, but will the execution this cold blood?
Speaker 5 (23:54):
I had been done so all along, But the king
said to it, so I tried.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Well, I'll tell him, I try to listen to you. General,
you've got more stars.
Speaker 5 (24:05):
I'll say that a soldier simply does not know how
to cut off ahead. It is not in our manual.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Have harmed. Well, it's about time. I've been waiting seven
days to learn what progress we're making to bring you
up to take your majesty the army de clients, and
I think if you were was having arm a knock
and code of military on earth, who would certainly not
find any reference for.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
The duty you wished the soldier to a farm. I
took the matter up with the Minister and execution by
farthing squad was suggested.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Clear thinking yes, why not?
Speaker 5 (24:46):
However is the rifle's issue to the men. I'm not
accurate enough and in fact, and our test rains just
the other day three of my men were injured when
the guns fired backwards and the stocks to stro there shoulder.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I don't want to hear anymore. I simply do not
wiste to hear anymore. And now I'm made to defend
the Crown without accurate rifles. It is incredible.
Speaker 5 (25:11):
For many years I have been requesting authority to update
our weaponry the Minister of Finance. As our estimate by
with those things, we can't even hit rabbits at thirty
hat enough. There's another talk with the Minister of Finance
I've had subject on another.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Day, your may I submitted a budget for your signature.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Two weeks ago, and you said not now it costs
much to my First things, First, the condemned man, and
how do we condemn him? Huh? Why now any more
bright and cheery news for your King, you, your grace.
For the past week, we have diligently put our heads together,
(25:56):
considered we canshider. We have assembled a commission, and the
sub commission a committee, and the subcommittee it just candies,
approached and conewise, and we have finally concluded desire that
the best thing would be to have Your Majesty commute
(26:16):
the death sentence to one of the life imprisonment way.
That way we could extricate ourselves from this miserable people,
and USA would be hailed as a monarch of m.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Fantastic and much much cheaper.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I have the feeling that you are there listening, are
probably way ahead of me, and that certainly you suspect
our penny pinching sovereign is going to be paying much
much more in the interests of justice. But I shan't
give it away. Stay with us and find out with us.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
In Act three.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yes, did you know there are over one hundred different
strings of col virus and any one of them can
make you sick. That's why there's contact. No matter what
col virus attacks one capsule, I'll believe your swollen membranes,
your running sneezy misery up to twelve hours, all day,
all night.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
That's the order of contact. Give your contact you directly.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
How does your laxative work? Many brand name laxatives contain
ingredients that expand in your stomach. That's how they work.
We know a medicine that works differently. It's in the
x lax pill. Overnight. The x lax pill gently stimulates
your system's own regular rhythm, stimulates your system for relief
in the morning. No surprises, just relief in the morning.
(27:59):
That's the xlax pill. Try it tonight with confidence for
occasional use only as directed x lex pills. Let's return
(28:20):
to the Shenanigans of this extraordinary royal household, of the
long long ago days in the history of this tiny country.
To begin Act three, let me just tell you that
as soon as the King thought he had solved the
problem of the plaguing prisoner, a new obstacle showed up.
For not anywhere within the borders of Monaco was there
(28:42):
a prison suitable for a man sentenced to life imprisonment.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
Oh yes, we have a lock up, your majesty. But
for a prisoner to spend director of his life in
her hardly?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
What is it used for?
Speaker 5 (28:55):
General boom overnight offenders? That's all a shop lifted, a
wife bett, a drunk.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Of course we could have one building and not so
fast with the Crown's money. Why don't I have a
look around and see what we have on the premises,
general demand you, your majesty.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Are you sure you want to do this yourself?
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Why not? It's fine? Day? Well?
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Here now is a portability the Royal acquired.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Hmmm the Royal Oh no, smells too fishy to me.
How he must remember that the poor fellow is going
to spend the rest of his natural life here. Wow,
pe you no, we don't have to go one step further.
The Royal zoo is no better than the Royal ac firm.
(29:47):
We cannot have the fellow die of a six years? No, no, no, yes,
the Royal this is quite unseafl We round here. Let's
get out of here.
Speaker 5 (30:12):
Now this might copy back the Royal table.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Wow, I suppose you could get used to it. Of course,
if we gave it a good cleaning. There are certain
advantages of small high windows with the bars. Even the
stalls well, I mean the prisoner could use one for sleeping,
plenty of cane straw, another store for eating, makes quite
(30:40):
a sweet and all this begins to make sense.
Speaker 5 (30:44):
Hey, I call your attention to one slight drawback. Yes,
if the royals table become.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
The Royal prison, well where we keep the royal ah.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
Actually bred down here, Your Majesty is my favorite. I
reserved suggesting this as.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
A prison for.
Speaker 5 (31:10):
Let me say, the Royal wine seller.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
My gracious, the Royal wine cellar. I've been down here
in years. No, no, not the Royal wine cellar for
a prison. It's too great a temptation.
Speaker 5 (31:27):
Ah, very place, how stupid in me is why didn't
I think of it?
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Before?
Speaker 5 (31:32):
We have a stone guard? I was not fifty yards
from the palace kitchen ghar, within full title domatics and
in pi.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I have a look at it. If this place is
what you say, and if we can safely announce our
decision to our people. You know, my dear General, had
the Fellow not been so exceedingly cooperative dealing with the
Swedes and so forth, I would not have taken such
a personal interest in his case. That's got a good
(32:05):
turn off.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Misty nights crowd who's.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Keeping the king?
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Then I advised him to make the people wait before
he appears the balcony.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
The longer they wait is the more docide.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
They are, and it bids up his entrance and spat wise,
Oh you've made you stick it, and we weren't just
talking about you as well? Will somebody please pull the
garm in color back from my ears down?
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Annoying the way it rides up. No, no, no, not
that way fitted to the cloth. Now the crowd he's cooking,
Look cooking. I hate this crowd.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
They have fitted father, but.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
It's much too small for me. Everybody ready, yes, all right,
let's get this show on the.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Road, loyal subjects of the Crown. We're all aware the
tragedy that's befallen our peace loving lor bibing land, that
one single Managask has disregarded the canons of social behavior
(33:21):
and snuffed out the life of another managaskis.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Yes, well, it's pretty bad, to say the least. However,
there is the act of forgiveness. Is that not? So?
Who here would like to see a man die? Let
me hear your voices. I'm sure very few you really
(33:53):
are that kind of death for a criminal. However, I,
your King, I feel compact. Let me say great compassion.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Therefore, since we will rather our prisoner lived and learned
to repent his misdeed, we have decided to commute the
death sentence to one of.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Life in prison.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Let me tell you a little of the arrangements for
the safeguarding of the prisoner. He will be incarcerated near
the palace, well guarded around the crock by three.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Ships for his mused by the gods. And I would say,
pretty well, god ah.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
And so with his momentous news, we conclude and thank
you for your devoted attention, and now everybody back to
work on a number.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
A. Oh, I'm exhausted. How did I do?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
How did it go?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I'll get him, Ama, but he says, that's simply my hoveling.
I don't know why. Don't think I grabbed them cutting,
Your majesty, can I be familiar just once? I would
say that this fife imprisonment is the best thing you
ever did. Well, at least it's cheaper. I don't believe it.
(35:34):
I can't believe it, your majesty. I've been keeping close
times on the whole operation every month for the past
twelve months, from the day the prisoner started his sentence.
I watched it like a hawk.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
I make sure there's no duplication, no wish, no fact.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
And these are the figures.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Full of going broke, hurd it up around the clock,
Gods for three hundred and sixty five days, eight thousand,
seven hundred and sixty God dollars food for the two
shifts when they're not normally feeding gods.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Food for the prisoner. And that's a heavy item. He's
no sheep eater. No, don't get me wrong, your majesty,
I understand gomet meals. That was the deal. He can't
be one thousand francsy here, Hey, no, are all right?
The rest of you eve been standing around with your
mouths open and saying nothing. General ministers say something.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Perhaps the first year is always higher a bench by
Now you don't, simpleton, this life has a young man.
He could live for another fifty years.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
A Sofia train on the Royal verse. Sis Laskal is
bleeding us has got to be a cheap away.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
We could save money if we dim you God.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
We're doing no guards and the prisoner might run away?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Is that such a bad idea he's got?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
It? Is that such a bad idea? General?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Release the gods unlock the door?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
When your maesty this very minute, very good child? Ah,
what time is it for a few minutes to dinner?
I'm good. Let's watch when he hears the door unlock.
You think they've brought him dinner? And then ah, here
this window faces just right. Let me see it. I said, Oh, yes,
(37:28):
the kitchen is below us. To the left. Oh, there's
the general. Uh huh, the god is unlocking the door,
and there goes to God.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Hey see him around the corner.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
There goes to General. He the imprisoner absolutely on the button.
Oh look at the expression on his face. Where is
my God to bring me my dinner?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
I wonder if he realizes he could escape right now?
Who to shape? The prisoner has disappeared? Which way did
he go? I know he didn't go back inside.
Speaker 4 (38:10):
A ministers.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
I believe our problem has been solved. Our prisoner seems
to have decided to take a little walk. Now, nobody
here will go down there. Nobody in this room will
give any kind of an alarm. Tomorrow we shall decide
in consultation with the Ministry of Defense, the Minister of
(38:33):
Transportation as well as the Minister of Justice. Exactly when
to give the alarm. The border is only a quarter
hour away by train. Unfought, it takes a little longer.
We want him to have ample opportunity to make a
complete escape here. I'm not your Highness is back. But
(38:54):
who's a prisoner carry a train? It must be his dinner.
Of course, he's been to the King's kitchen, fetched his
own dinner. What do you think of that self, Sophie,
making side his thin heading the guar behind him. He's
not cleaning, he's staying well. May as well tell me
(39:24):
what's the bad news.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
He did it again all day, opened the door at
breakfast time, no guard in sight, went to the Royal
kitchen and asked for what he'd ordered.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
They over it to him. He went back to his
cell and he ate it the same thing in lunch,
earned a dinner, and he's ordered his menu right through Sunday. Man,
I'm not waiting for his Sunday. What can we do, Karen,
That's what you have to do.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Tell him straight out that we don't want to keep him.
We don't want to feed him, and he's a lazy
good for nothing, and to get out and get.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Himself lost by I have nowhere to go. What luck
can I do? Everybody knows about me. Every day at
least fifty rubbernecks walk around the guard house gawking and
pointing and whispering. You you have ruined my character by
(40:15):
your sentence? What can I do?
Speaker 3 (40:17):
My dear check, wouldn't you feel better out in the
world making an honest living?
Speaker 2 (40:23):
To tell you, frankly, I've gotten out of the habit
of working. Oh come now, now are you you? You
treated me very badly, and in the first place, when
you sentenced me to death, you should have executed me,
but you didn't, all right, I didn't complain about that.
And then you sentenced me for life and put guards
on duty to bring me my food. Sometimes they'd be
(40:45):
late and I would have to wait as much as
fifteen minutes for my dinner. I didn't complain about that either.
Then you took the gods away and I had to
fetch my own food. Well, perhaps I'm not too easy going.
I didn't complain about that either. But now you actually
want me to go away. I can't agree to that.
(41:10):
You can tell the King that, so far as I'm concerned,
a deal is a deal, Minister, as things are not
as we might wish them to be. Does anyone here
have any ideas of how we can get rid of
this monster? Certainly or for the prisoner of pension the
(41:34):
pain leaves the country? Can him?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Can we keep it reasonable or just five hundred francs
a year? Much as that he may go for it?
I found money wise, as I agree with the Minister
of Financed, it would be worth it to be rid
of him. Five hundred francs it maybe do it for four.
(42:00):
I don't think we can haggle.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
Summer is coming and they could knock us out of
the tourist business. People don't want to visit a country
where there's a roaming convict, a killer who doesn't want
to leave, and we don't.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Want to lock up. Well, that's it, then five hundred
per annum and that is it take her to leave it.
That's what the King said. I guess I don't mind,
so long as you give me your ministerial assurance to
(42:34):
pay it promptly and regularly. You have his Majester's work
on that condition. Hi am willing to do it. Oh, yes,
and i'd like this year's pension and advance so I
can get settled in certainly good enough. Then I shall
be off. See you next year the same time. Oh
(42:56):
and minister, there's a half a boe bottle of Montachet
over there if you'd like to finish, and the excellent tier.
The pity to let it go to waste.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
And so the matter was setting. The prisoner took his money,
took the train, and in fifteen minutes was out of
the country. He bought a bit of land just across
the frontier and started market gardening. He never went hunting again.
He never married again. Once a year he goes to
the palace, draws his pension, goes to the gaming tables
(43:35):
stakes three francs, sometimes wins, sometimes loses, and returns home.
And there's a bit more to this tale, which I
will tell you when I return. You can find the
(44:00):
story you have just heard written in Russian by the
great Leo Tolstor in many countries, too many. I'd say
it was a good thing our prisoner did not commit
his crime in a land where they don't begrudge the
expense of cutting off a man's head, or the expense
of keeping him in prison for life to wind up,
(44:22):
little will Shakespeare have the last word, Use every man
after his dessert? And who shall escape whipping. Our cast
included Robert Dryden, Ian Martin, Court Benson and Earl Hammond.
The entire production was under the direction of Hymon Brown.
This is e. G. Marshall inviting you to return to
(44:43):
our Mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until
next time, pleasant dreams, Bye bye,
The CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents. Come in.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I'm e. G. Marshall William Shakespeare never fails me when
I look for an apt phrase that tells it neatly
and poetically. For instance, what's past is prologue. I'll repeat that,
what's past is prologue. Yesterday's events have shaped today's.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Remember that story.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Of the Utah murderer who is almost not sentenced to die, Well,
the same thing happened many years ago, the same thing,
but it turned out a little differently.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
And is that Get in touch with the French governor. Yes,
what for? Everyone knows they've had lots of experience with guillotines,
so ask them for one. Just like that, I'll tell
the French it's just the one shot deal. After this
one time, we're not going to need the guillotine again.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Our mystery drama Much Too Much, was written especially for
the Mystery Theater by Gerald Keene and stars Robert Dryden.
It is sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and
contact the twelve hour Cold Capsule. I'll be back shortly
with that one. The man who couldn't be sentenced lived
(02:07):
in an age long gone by, and in the country
still called Monaco, for is tiny, independent and known the
world over for its gambling casino Monte Carlo. Monaco citizens
are called monogasques still are, And they had their king, ministers,
even an army sixty soldiers and one general. But who
(02:30):
needs an army when no one's going to attack you.
The king was forever on an economy binge, and was
even thinking of cutting the police force from five to
two when the Minister of Publicity came to see him.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Here high, if we have a murderer, I'm not had
a murderer, Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
My goodness, from France, Italy, Spain. Now, well where did
he come from?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Each went her own?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I guess how is that possible? We're a law abiding,
peaceful people.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Why Monaco has never had a I can hardly bring
myself to say.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
The word, well we have one now, sad, sad, good thing.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
King and Queen Senior, the father and mother.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Didn't live to see this day, progress, civilization, a better world,
and you end up with this, a man killing a man,
a man killing a woman, Your majesty worse.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Well, just don't stand there and get cracking with the
Minister of Justice and the lawyers and so on. Oh,
this is a sorry day in the minister of Publicity,
and you can quote beyond that. Come here, that's a
(03:58):
new one. I've never out of a jail where the
guard talks before coming in to see the priner.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I'm sorry you see, this isn't really much of a jail.
Just this room in back of the police station was
an ordinary door on her burd So we have.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Oh, don't think we that I don't appreciate your politeness,
because I do.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Secondly, we've never had a murderer before. I don't really
know how one is supposed to behave with the murderer.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Oh you, you don't have to be frightened. I've only
killed once in my life. And it wasn't the man.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Yes, the captain told me it's a crime of passion.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
A crime of passion. It wasn't just the opposite. It
was my wife. And oh you were defending yourself. Oh
my dear god, you you don't wish to hear it's
of no, he'd the rest of anyone but me.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Oh no, no, no, So I have a wife too,
might be very helpful. No hints to the married man.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Oh oh well, it was a perfectly ordinary day, I've
been out hunting and I bagged a duck or two.
And I came home and said, my wife here cooked
this fellow for dinner. How should I prepare it? S
a g or I'll have it braized with peas. I said,
use that recipe of peer, the pee of the keepe
(05:18):
de pelli. Okay, she said, we'll do well. I came
home and she told me an extraordinary thing had happened.
The bird wasn't really dead, and when she started the
pluck its feathers, it threw out of the window. Well,
don't mean it could have happened. And the next time
I bagged the duck, I told her plane roast duck tonight,
(05:40):
and she said all right. And I came home about
seven and opened the bottle of cooked and nui and
old duck. What's this? I said? A workman came to
the doors and my wife and asked for a glass
of water. And when my back was turned, he ran
out of the house with a duck. No no, but
(06:01):
I thought I'd wait. I went out again someday with
my shotgun and I backed another over of beauty at
least six pounds. And I said to my wife we'll
have this on Monday night. That duck's a bit oh,
she said, all right, to do it to Chambaster's slow flame,
I said, agreed. And on Monday I came home early,
(06:28):
you speaker, and there sitting in my chair in my
dining room, my wine and his glass was a gentleman
I took to be my wife's lover, and he was
eating my duck. And I pointed my gun at him,
and he admitted everything, all the ducks, my wife and everything.
I pulled back the trigger, you defending your on. My
(06:49):
wife screamed and picked up the duck and threw it
at me to deflect my aim. The gun went off
right through the duck's head into my wife's head. Her
lover ran out, called the police and have you here.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
I am for the story like that, you'll get off, Oh.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I'm afraid not. If I did him, not her, then
I could probably go free as a bad pluck. That's worse.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
If I may say, sir, you never even had one.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Duck for dinner. Oh well, I'm very sorry, sir. Yeah,
MAGESTI is a court. As you reached the decision, and
I have asked the Minister of Protocol to tell it
(07:39):
to you. No, please, can't you see I'm trying to
find my spectacles. It is the case of the men
who killed his wife. Oh, oh, dear, not a problem,
not ass I, no problem. He has been condemned to die.
D so well, mooney, dars law, the ricks he should
(08:01):
have his head. God, yes, we know the law. We
know when ranky bans royal feel.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Well, now what are you two standing about for?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
If the fellow must be executed, well, then executed. You
heard me, execute him? Get it over with.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
You should have told his majesty we've been put it
in round numbers.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
He would have listened, my dear Minister of finance. Since
when does our good king listen? He's not easy to
bring bad news to is He dismissed that he never
gave us a chance, And as always it will be
my duty. I can see that we don't never heard one.
(08:54):
Why not other kingdoms do never needed one? There's not
a no ah, since we must execute, I'm afraid the
guillotine is the only way. Well, of course, I can
have told you that. It seems to me the answer
is for us to have a guillotine of our own,
(09:16):
to come and come and frenchwise, I cura a sudden thought,
your magicine.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Uh, get in touch with the French. Everybody knows they've
had a lot of experience with guillotines. Ask them if
they could furnish us why, And we'll also need a
professional executioner.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
To handle the equipment.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
That's exactly what we.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Were going to say. But tell the French it's strictly
a one shot deal. We don't ever expect to need
one again.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Your majesty, may we ah come in?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Come in?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I always feel like running when I see you, Minister
of Finance. It's for you, Minister of Publicity. I don't
know what I feel like. We have a communication from
the French where they want now another wine festival.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
In reply to our request for a guillotine.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
They will be happy to supply us along with one
of their own trained men, complete in costume and so forth.
And that would be sixteen thousand francs. Sixteen thousand francs costwise,
sixteen thousand francs.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
That's much too much. The wretch isn't worth that kind
of man. Is there any other way to beheaded? Our
English cousins, I've switched to a headsman who does the job.
Who's one blow with an axe kill a man with
an axe. It's a human, it's barbaric. Well still, what
(10:48):
do you expect from the English guillotine and guarteen? Let
me see, we must be able to get one cheaper somewhere.
You mean shop around? I know, I know.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Get in touch with the Italians. All Italy has a king,
and from one king to another, maybe he'll give us
a cut rate, cut rate.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
He is your Manchester, as French haven't been the same
since they became a republic. All they think of his money, money, money,
that's all they think of. And oh, he won't stand
for it. I know him. He'll hit the cee. I'm shorry,
I'm late, But what's the lady.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
We've just had word from the King of Italy. He'll
be glad to help us out in The cost for
the entire package, including removal of the remains, will be.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Twelve thousand francs. He doesn't want any lerea now, dear dear,
I don't know that I wish to be minister to
tell his majesty that.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Twelve thousand francs. Did you say twelve thousand.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Francs to the sue your majesty, twelve, it's four less
than sixteen. It's not much of a discount. Now ask,
and it's still not worth that kind of money hardly,
your majesty, twelve thousands, get up that sum. We got
the tax.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Every adult my desk, two francs ahead. I don't think
the people would stand for you.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
They wouldn't your magistry. They'll be already riot now it's
still too much, still much too much? Have I made that? Player? Oh?
What do you want? God?
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Is everything satisfactory?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Prisoner? Is what?
Speaker 4 (12:45):
What your dinner?
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Is? Everything up to your expectations? Are you say?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Not?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Do you call this feeded the souls investor? And the
second course? Is this? Scrawny geriatric cape art deserve the
name pule ROTI bosseul. You're not happy with the fish
and the ticket an insult to my palate. You can
tell the King's cook that I am decidedly unhappy. This
(13:14):
may be fit for a king, but I not. He
what's this? What's all this? He? Unlike the food cutting?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
No? Come now, you're a prisoner ser in fact, a
condemn murderer, not a.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Pain guest at one of Monaco's quality restaurants. I don't
tell me what I am. I know my rights. He
didn't like the fill It is so silvers. I am
entitled to have exactly what I desire for my remaining
meals on earth. This is a fact known to the
penal system. The we're over what a man condemned to
die is entitled to. I know my international convention, But
(13:51):
my dear prisoner, you're not about to die. Our king
has not been able to secure a guillotine at a
price the Kingdom can afford. This execution you'll conductor's forced
upon us will cost Morocco much too much. Oh yeah, well,
I see your dilemma. I'll give that some thoughts. In
(14:15):
the meantime, my dear captain to bring me some decent
food fit for a decent human being to eat.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
There you have it, an execution that would cost too much.
A condemned man demanding his rights doesn't just disappear a
little topsy turvy to you. I read something like this
quite recently, where it said that too often the rights
of the guilty are more observed than the rights of
the innocents. A criminal more cared for than the victim.
(14:52):
Certainly something has to give. But what when and how
let's find out when we can and you would act too.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Old.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Bill Shakespeare hit it right on the head when he
wrote Liberty plucks justice by the nose the baby beats
the nurse. Isn't that what we have here? A kingdom
trying to meet out justice if it can be had
at a bargain, A guilty man screaming about his own rights,
oblivious to the right to live and the person he killed.
(15:37):
Now back to the story. The next morning, the prisoners
summoned the captain of the guards.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Though, yeah, well, I have been thinking over your problem, captain,
and I believe I can be of some small assistance.
I happen to have some excellent personal contacts with the
King of Sweden. Sweden, of course, has never adopted the
idea of adding as capital punishment. But I happen to
(16:02):
know for a fact. The prisoner told me that Monsieur
josefie Not's guilty, the one who invented do I know?
May I finish, had sent to the King of Sweden
a guillotine and an operator. On approval. The prisoner said
he might be able to persuade the King of Sweden
to lend the machine to us. So we could have
(16:24):
our execution. How very well, well good thinking, that's well
worthy of its Should we pass the world along to her?
If you know food? Oh yes, I think his Majesty
would approve. I'm quite impressed with your prisoner, Captain. I
can see he's an honorable soul, regardless of his transmissions,
(16:45):
one who understands that justice is justice here here there
is only one slight drawback, isn't there always? Arge? Why
we must bear in mind Sweden is many many more
kilometers from Monacos in France. For Italy, it'll take months
before we can expect delivery sailing vessel storms whatever you
(17:08):
I'm sure the prisoner won't object to such a stay
of execution. Most certainly will object. But will weave? Why
should we? Well, it's his term. Latha, convicted murderer has
term in exchange for his personal letter of endorsement to
the King of Sea. Of course, after all, gentlemen, he's
(17:31):
got the contact endorsing the loan for his own execution.
But would he want something in return? And he thinks
that's valid. He's the contact man, our man in Sweden,
as it were. He has to be paid off fee.
He wants money. Oh no, no, no, The prisoner's fee
(17:52):
is that in return he would like his meals every
day from today to be of the superlative quality he
generally reserved for the condemned man's last meal. Do you
think the King's cook can develop? Well, I certainly. I
hope we don't have to import a chef from Paris
to feed this under the animal. And he has instructed
(18:15):
me to request of the King's cook where did I
put that piece of paper? Ah? For lunch today he
wants a cold poast bass sweat wise and for dinner
tonight filming on with a sauce bellnz Is that all?
Speaker 6 (18:34):
He hasn't decided about the wine arrive just arrived.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Corsis arrived. We've been watching them all morning setting it
up in the courchy. I'd say half of Monaco is
out there. Well, look at the people. Why don't we
go down and mingle with the crowd. Good way to
get a sampling of public opinion. What do you think
we gillotine should monarch or own its own in that
(19:10):
kind of thing? Hey, let's go. It should be interesting. Yes,
good idea. That's what I'd call a holiday atmoshere, wouldn't
you say. I remember your father was always interested in
these happenings, Your majesty, when he was a prince. We
were as young men in friends together during the interregnum
(19:33):
thing Coarton it all I cast, Oh absolutely. We were
at the otdi Sank, just about as far from the
tumble as we'll be at this window. A come, come see.
I don't know. I care too, Frankly, I've got a
queasy samacho today. He's only the test fights downward of
(19:55):
the late, just to make sure you see those two
upright posts for the crossbeam to hold it together, their
grooves so that the knife will fall sweetly so much
that can you see me? That's for the executioner. Why
that little fat fellow and all those muscles over? What's
(20:16):
he doing now? I can't see a thing without spectacles.
Nobody can find them. He has a stone and a file,
and I believe he's sharpening the blades. They louly vet,
those French, don't they The blade got a little rusty
after the long sea voyage from Sweden. I'm sure they're conscious.
(20:36):
Why are they cry when he's running his finger along
the blade and licking it. Now he's taking a bow
now he has let me see one, two, three, six,
ten guards and they're all pulling the cord to lift
the bleed up into place. Oh, it won't move ten
(20:58):
men and they can't budge it. He's kicking the blade, splendid,
spind it. Good man kicked it twice, and the darn
thing traveled up the post like a monkey shinning up
a permittal tree. Now the executioner is going to do
some trial runs. Boom, He's just supposed to give it
(21:22):
a yank and the triggers. Now he's talking to the
captain head more man head more. They keep adding man
to yank at that thing. It looks like the blade
is jammed up there. What O, how free He's got
(21:45):
the whole army on it. No, W three your magasine?
What what?
Speaker 5 (22:03):
What?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
What? At the time said I we re like the
king of Sweden for that pire of firewood in the court.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
If we are not amused, I have asked you here
for your thoughts on the disposition of the prisoner.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Mister Justice. The law says execution, but not by who?
Might it be done by one of our soldiers? A soldier?
I don't see, how excellent. Why didn't any of you
don't think of that. It's a natural a soldier to
cut a man's head off. All in wars, soldiers don't
(22:46):
mind kidding people. In fact, that's what they're trained to do.
Is send for the general holders of Naco.
Speaker 5 (22:56):
I asked now a volunteers to assist just it. In
this small but great land of ours. A criminal has
been sentenced to be executed, and we need one man
who will bravely undertake the task.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
One man, step forward.
Speaker 5 (23:22):
I put it to you all again, all sixty, have you,
brave defenders of the spirit, this is Monoco. Will one
man have you please step forward? I'd say that there'd
probably be a few extra franks in it, or a
man who stepped forward.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Captain, may I have a word? General? They won't buy
it in combat, yes, but will the execution this cold blood?
Speaker 5 (23:54):
I had been done so all along, But the king
said to it, so I tried.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Well, I'll tell him, I try to listen to you. General,
you've got more stars.
Speaker 5 (24:05):
I'll say that a soldier simply does not know how
to cut off ahead. It is not in our manual.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Have harmed. Well, it's about time. I've been waiting seven
days to learn what progress we're making to bring you
up to take your majesty the army de clients, and
I think if you were was having arm a knock
and code of military on earth, who would certainly not
find any reference for.
Speaker 5 (24:34):
The duty you wished the soldier to a farm. I
took the matter up with the Minister and execution by
farthing squad was suggested.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Clear thinking yes, why not?
Speaker 5 (24:46):
However is the rifle's issue to the men. I'm not
accurate enough and in fact, and our test rains just
the other day three of my men were injured when
the guns fired backwards and the stocks to stro there shoulder.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I don't want to hear anymore. I simply do not
wiste to hear anymore. And now I'm made to defend
the Crown without accurate rifles. It is incredible.
Speaker 5 (25:11):
For many years I have been requesting authority to update
our weaponry the Minister of Finance. As our estimate by
with those things, we can't even hit rabbits at thirty
hat enough. There's another talk with the Minister of Finance
I've had subject on another.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Day, your may I submitted a budget for your signature.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Two weeks ago, and you said not now it costs
much to my First things, First, the condemned man, and
how do we condemn him? Huh? Why now any more
bright and cheery news for your King, you, your grace.
For the past week, we have diligently put our heads together,
(25:56):
considered we canshider. We have assembled a commission, and the
sub commission a committee, and the subcommittee it just candies,
approached and conewise, and we have finally concluded desire that
the best thing would be to have Your Majesty commute
(26:16):
the death sentence to one of the life imprisonment way.
That way we could extricate ourselves from this miserable people,
and USA would be hailed as a monarch of m.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Fantastic and much much cheaper.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I have the feeling that you are there listening, are
probably way ahead of me, and that certainly you suspect
our penny pinching sovereign is going to be paying much
much more in the interests of justice. But I shan't
give it away. Stay with us and find out with us.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
In Act three.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Yes, did you know there are over one hundred different
strings of col virus and any one of them can
make you sick. That's why there's contact. No matter what
col virus attacks one capsule, I'll believe your swollen membranes,
your running sneezy misery up to twelve hours, all day,
all night.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
That's the order of contact. Give your contact you directly.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
How does your laxative work? Many brand name laxatives contain
ingredients that expand in your stomach. That's how they work.
We know a medicine that works differently. It's in the
x lax pill. Overnight. The x lax pill gently stimulates
your system's own regular rhythm, stimulates your system for relief
in the morning. No surprises, just relief in the morning.
(27:59):
That's the xlax pill. Try it tonight with confidence for
occasional use only as directed x lex pills. Let's return
(28:20):
to the Shenanigans of this extraordinary royal household, of the
long long ago days in the history of this tiny country.
To begin Act three, let me just tell you that
as soon as the King thought he had solved the
problem of the plaguing prisoner, a new obstacle showed up.
For not anywhere within the borders of Monaco was there
(28:42):
a prison suitable for a man sentenced to life imprisonment.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
Oh yes, we have a lock up, your majesty. But
for a prisoner to spend director of his life in
her hardly?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
What is it used for?
Speaker 5 (28:55):
General boom overnight offenders? That's all a shop lifted, a
wife bett, a drunk.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Of course we could have one building and not so
fast with the Crown's money. Why don't I have a
look around and see what we have on the premises,
general demand you, your majesty.
Speaker 5 (29:14):
Are you sure you want to do this yourself?
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Why not? It's fine? Day? Well?
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Here now is a portability the Royal acquired.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Hmmm the Royal Oh no, smells too fishy to me.
How he must remember that the poor fellow is going
to spend the rest of his natural life here. Wow,
pe you no, we don't have to go one step further.
The Royal zoo is no better than the Royal ac firm.
(29:47):
We cannot have the fellow die of a six years? No, no, no, yes,
the Royal this is quite unseafl We round here. Let's
get out of here.
Speaker 5 (30:12):
Now this might copy back the Royal table.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Wow, I suppose you could get used to it. Of course,
if we gave it a good cleaning. There are certain
advantages of small high windows with the bars. Even the
stalls well, I mean the prisoner could use one for sleeping,
plenty of cane straw, another store for eating, makes quite
(30:40):
a sweet and all this begins to make sense.
Speaker 5 (30:44):
Hey, I call your attention to one slight drawback. Yes,
if the royals table become.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
The Royal prison, well where we keep the royal ah.
Speaker 5 (30:59):
Actually bred down here, Your Majesty is my favorite. I
reserved suggesting this as.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
A prison for.
Speaker 5 (31:10):
Let me say, the Royal wine seller.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
My gracious, the Royal wine cellar. I've been down here
in years. No, no, not the Royal wine cellar for
a prison. It's too great a temptation.
Speaker 5 (31:27):
Ah, very place, how stupid in me is why didn't
I think of it?
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Before?
Speaker 5 (31:32):
We have a stone guard? I was not fifty yards
from the palace kitchen ghar, within full title domatics and
in pi.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
I have a look at it. If this place is
what you say, and if we can safely announce our
decision to our people. You know, my dear General, had
the Fellow not been so exceedingly cooperative dealing with the
Swedes and so forth, I would not have taken such
a personal interest in his case. That's got a good
(32:05):
turn off.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Misty nights crowd who's.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Keeping the king?
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Then I advised him to make the people wait before
he appears the balcony.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
The longer they wait is the more docide.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
They are, and it bids up his entrance and spat wise,
Oh you've made you stick it, and we weren't just
talking about you as well? Will somebody please pull the
garm in color back from my ears down?
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Annoying the way it rides up. No, no, no, not
that way fitted to the cloth. Now the crowd he's cooking,
Look cooking. I hate this crowd.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
They have fitted father, but.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
It's much too small for me. Everybody ready, yes, all right,
let's get this show on the.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Road, loyal subjects of the Crown. We're all aware the
tragedy that's befallen our peace loving lor bibing land, that
one single Managask has disregarded the canons of social behavior
(33:21):
and snuffed out the life of another managaskis.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Yes, well, it's pretty bad, to say the least. However,
there is the act of forgiveness. Is that not? So?
Who here would like to see a man die? Let
me hear your voices. I'm sure very few you really
(33:53):
are that kind of death for a criminal. However, I,
your King, I feel compact. Let me say great compassion.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Therefore, since we will rather our prisoner lived and learned
to repent his misdeed, we have decided to commute the
death sentence to one of.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Life in prison.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
Let me tell you a little of the arrangements for
the safeguarding of the prisoner. He will be incarcerated near
the palace, well guarded around the crock by three.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Ships for his mused by the gods. And I would say,
pretty well, god ah.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
And so with his momentous news, we conclude and thank
you for your devoted attention, and now everybody back to
work on a number.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
A. Oh, I'm exhausted. How did I do?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
How did it go?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I'll get him, Ama, but he says, that's simply my hoveling.
I don't know why. Don't think I grabbed them cutting,
Your majesty, can I be familiar just once? I would
say that this fife imprisonment is the best thing you
ever did. Well, at least it's cheaper. I don't believe it.
(35:34):
I can't believe it, your majesty. I've been keeping close
times on the whole operation every month for the past
twelve months, from the day the prisoner started his sentence.
I watched it like a hawk.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
I make sure there's no duplication, no wish, no fact.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
And these are the figures.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Full of going broke, hurd it up around the clock,
Gods for three hundred and sixty five days, eight thousand,
seven hundred and sixty God dollars food for the two
shifts when they're not normally feeding gods.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Food for the prisoner. And that's a heavy item. He's
no sheep eater. No, don't get me wrong, your majesty,
I understand gomet meals. That was the deal. He can't
be one thousand francsy here, Hey, no, are all right?
The rest of you eve been standing around with your
mouths open and saying nothing. General ministers say something.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Perhaps the first year is always higher a bench by
Now you don't, simpleton, this life has a young man.
He could live for another fifty years.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
A Sofia train on the Royal verse. Sis Laskal is
bleeding us has got to be a cheap away.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
We could save money if we dim you God.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
We're doing no guards and the prisoner might run away?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Is that such a bad idea he's got?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
It? Is that such a bad idea? General?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Release the gods unlock the door?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
When your maesty this very minute, very good child? Ah,
what time is it for a few minutes to dinner?
I'm good. Let's watch when he hears the door unlock.
You think they've brought him dinner? And then ah, here
this window faces just right. Let me see it. I said, Oh, yes,
(37:28):
the kitchen is below us. To the left. Oh, there's
the general. Uh huh, the god is unlocking the door,
and there goes to God.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Hey see him around the corner.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
There goes to General. He the imprisoner absolutely on the button.
Oh look at the expression on his face. Where is
my God to bring me my dinner?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
I wonder if he realizes he could escape right now?
Who to shape? The prisoner has disappeared? Which way did
he go? I know he didn't go back inside.
Speaker 4 (38:10):
A ministers.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
I believe our problem has been solved. Our prisoner seems
to have decided to take a little walk. Now, nobody
here will go down there. Nobody in this room will
give any kind of an alarm. Tomorrow we shall decide
in consultation with the Ministry of Defense, the Minister of
(38:33):
Transportation as well as the Minister of Justice. Exactly when
to give the alarm. The border is only a quarter
hour away by train. Unfought, it takes a little longer.
We want him to have ample opportunity to make a
complete escape here. I'm not your Highness is back. But
(38:54):
who's a prisoner carry a train? It must be his dinner.
Of course, he's been to the King's kitchen, fetched his
own dinner. What do you think of that self, Sophie,
making side his thin heading the guar behind him. He's
not cleaning, he's staying well. May as well tell me
(39:24):
what's the bad news.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
He did it again all day, opened the door at
breakfast time, no guard in sight, went to the Royal
kitchen and asked for what he'd ordered.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
They over it to him. He went back to his
cell and he ate it the same thing in lunch,
earned a dinner, and he's ordered his menu right through Sunday. Man,
I'm not waiting for his Sunday. What can we do, Karen,
That's what you have to do.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Tell him straight out that we don't want to keep him.
We don't want to feed him, and he's a lazy
good for nothing, and to get out and get.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Himself lost by I have nowhere to go. What luck
can I do? Everybody knows about me. Every day at
least fifty rubbernecks walk around the guard house gawking and
pointing and whispering. You you have ruined my character by
(40:15):
your sentence? What can I do?
Speaker 3 (40:17):
My dear check, wouldn't you feel better out in the
world making an honest living?
Speaker 2 (40:23):
To tell you, frankly, I've gotten out of the habit
of working. Oh come now, now are you you? You
treated me very badly, and in the first place, when
you sentenced me to death, you should have executed me,
but you didn't, all right, I didn't complain about that.
And then you sentenced me for life and put guards
on duty to bring me my food. Sometimes they'd be
(40:45):
late and I would have to wait as much as
fifteen minutes for my dinner. I didn't complain about that either.
Then you took the gods away and I had to
fetch my own food. Well, perhaps I'm not too easy going.
I didn't complain about that either. But now you actually
want me to go away. I can't agree to that.
(41:10):
You can tell the King that, so far as I'm concerned,
a deal is a deal, Minister, as things are not
as we might wish them to be. Does anyone here
have any ideas of how we can get rid of
this monster? Certainly or for the prisoner of pension the
(41:34):
pain leaves the country? Can him?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Can we keep it reasonable or just five hundred francs
a year? Much as that he may go for it?
I found money wise, as I agree with the Minister
of Financed, it would be worth it to be rid
of him. Five hundred francs it maybe do it for four.
(42:00):
I don't think we can haggle.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
Summer is coming and they could knock us out of
the tourist business. People don't want to visit a country
where there's a roaming convict, a killer who doesn't want
to leave, and we don't.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Want to lock up. Well, that's it, then five hundred
per annum and that is it take her to leave it.
That's what the King said. I guess I don't mind,
so long as you give me your ministerial assurance to
(42:34):
pay it promptly and regularly. You have his Majester's work
on that condition. Hi am willing to do it. Oh, yes,
and i'd like this year's pension and advance so I
can get settled in certainly good enough. Then I shall
be off. See you next year the same time. Oh
(42:56):
and minister, there's a half a boe bottle of Montachet
over there if you'd like to finish, and the excellent tier.
The pity to let it go to waste.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
And so the matter was setting. The prisoner took his money,
took the train, and in fifteen minutes was out of
the country. He bought a bit of land just across
the frontier and started market gardening. He never went hunting again.
He never married again. Once a year he goes to
the palace, draws his pension, goes to the gaming tables
(43:35):
stakes three francs, sometimes wins, sometimes loses, and returns home.
And there's a bit more to this tale, which I
will tell you when I return. You can find the
(44:00):
story you have just heard written in Russian by the
great Leo Tolstor in many countries, too many. I'd say
it was a good thing our prisoner did not commit
his crime in a land where they don't begrudge the
expense of cutting off a man's head, or the expense
of keeping him in prison for life to wind up,
(44:22):
little will Shakespeare have the last word, Use every man
after his dessert? And who shall escape whipping. Our cast
included Robert Dryden, Ian Martin, Court Benson and Earl Hammond.
The entire production was under the direction of Hymon Brown.
This is e. G. Marshall inviting you to return to
(44:43):
our Mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until
next time, pleasant dreams, Bye bye,
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