November 25, 2025 • 44 mins
CBS Radio Mystery Theater was a noteworthy attempt to revive in American radio dramas like Inner Sanctum (1941-1952) and Suspense (1942-1962). Radio dramas were widely considered "dead" 12 years prior to this series. CBS Radio Mystery Theater, or simply Mystery Theater, was created by Inner Sanctum creator Himan Brown and ran on CBS from 1974-1982. The show, much like older radio dramas, was introduced by a host (E.G. Marshall in this program), who steers us through the creaking door to start the episode. Many voices from the golden age of radio were featured, including Richard Widmark, Bret Morrison, Agnes Moorehead and many more. Find more classic, old-time radio series at Theater of the Mind - OTR | Spreaker | Apple | YouTube
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Enjoy all six of our commercial-free internet radio stations at theaterofthemind-otr.com - Do you want to discover more of these classic, old-time radio series? Search "Theater of the Mind - OTR" on your favorite platform or visit Theater of the Mind - OTR | Apple | Spreaker | YouTube | Spotify | Amazon | iHeart
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents. Come in.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I'm e. G.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Marshall.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
There is nothing so powerful as the truth, and very
often nothing so strange the truth.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
There are those who.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Pursue it and those who seek to escape it, those
who accept it and those who deny it, those who
preserve it, and those who distort it.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
But whether we.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Are at war with it or at.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Peace with it, blissfully unconscious or uneasily aware of it,
the truth is always a central fact of our lives.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Give him back the money, but it's my money.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Don't touch it. But I wanted legit, Gussie.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Don't you understand bones He wants something from you.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
How what could he want from me?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
He could want your soul, My soul?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Why what were you doing? Don't ask me? Ask him?
Speaker 4 (01:17):
He's the devil.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Our mystery drama Transmutations Incorporated was written especially for the
Mystery Theater by Sam Dan and stars Norman Rose. It
is sponsored in part by a Greyhound, Package Express and Xlex.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I'll do that shortly with that one.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Once upon a time there was a couple who needed
a car.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
Honey, we need a car. I should have had it.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
They wanted a sensible car because they were sensible people.
Speaker 7 (01:51):
We're sensible people, saved, we were clothes.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
But they also wanted a car that was fun because
they liked a good time.
Speaker 6 (01:58):
Anybody for a quick game of fision.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
So called glass and milk in your eyes.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Well, knowing how hard it is to find a car
that is both sensible and fun, they went straight to
their Buick dealer, whom they knew to be a most
reliable source for such cars. Say you wouldn't have which
point the dealer introduced them to the Buick Skylark. When
the V six engine, the compact size, and the ample
rumor pointed out, they were amazed at how much sense
the Skylark made.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
It isn't that amazing?
Speaker 4 (02:21):
I am bowled over.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
And when the famous Buick ride comfort and road manners
came to their attention, they were quick to see how
much fun the Skylark could see.
Speaker 7 (02:29):
That was full You're not just lessling.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
They were sober joy with their Skylark they stopped the car,
ran up to the first person they saw, hugged him
and kissed him.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I'm gonna hug him.
Speaker 6 (02:38):
I don't want to kid him.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
Which might not make much sense, but it certainly was fun.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
The ancient beliefs, the old superstitions, are they still with us.
Our ancestors knew nothing, so they feared everything. As for us, civilized,
sophisticated modern.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Us, we know everything.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Therefore it follows that we should fear nothing. Let us
introduce you to Bones to Williger. Mister to Williger is
even now on his yacht, a waterborne palace. He can
also afford a palazzo in Italy, a castle in Spain, horses,
custom made cars. Indeed, if some of his old friends
(03:37):
could only see him now, but they don't, as missus
Bones to Williger. The former Augusta Schultz, what's it?
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Stuyvesant no longer mingles with the rift raft? Thank you, divers?
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Well, what are you going to do? Makes her happy
to call me that? After all? If it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't have none of this, You see, Gussie. I
can't even call her Gussie anymore. It's Augusta now. Well,
she went back to her hometown because her uncle died
and left it as diner. I kept writing her to
(04:13):
come back to New York, and she kept writing me
to come to this place. Roger's do so Finally I
drove down there.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
I refuse to pander to drunks, and it's a.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Little what do you mean, Panda? All you do is
check hats and coats themselves cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
I find the atmosphere degrading.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
But Gussie Joe says, you'll double your salary. You even
let you keep temper sone of your tip.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
The answer is negative. You call me Gussie one more time.
I shall butt the plate over your head. My name
is August.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
What do we arguing about?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Now?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Come on back?
Speaker 4 (04:46):
No have you breathed the air here in Rogersville? No smoke,
no fumes.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
No pollution almost kills me.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
And everyone is so friendly. Style Darling, settle down here here?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
What are you crazy? What would I do here?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
A man of your talents, you could find something.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Look, I got information for you. I know this might
be coming, so I cased the town. I figured I
could run a dice game. No takers. I can't even
get a card game going diver send. It gets worse.
I can't even book any bets.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Look, I was having reference to a legitimate activity. You
can help me run the diner.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Me slide them off the arm in a grease joint.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
We could even get married.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Married?
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, married?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
What what are you trying to do? Ruin our relationship?
Speaker 4 (05:40):
In other words, you do not love me anymore?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Oh no, no, no, baby, baby, I love you more
than ever and I love you. Look for ten years
we've been happy to where we are. How do we know?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
I have spoken my last and final words on the subject.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
But see you can't it? Hey, who's that?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
What's the matter with him?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Oh? Who knows?
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Some bum? He've been sitting at that table all night.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
This guy looks sick. Hey, hey, fuddy?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Okay, Oh yeah, yeah, I'm quite improved now, I mean
ever since you came in. What do you mean, Well,
you see you're one of my people?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Oh yeah, which people?
Speaker 4 (06:22):
But mister, I'm about to close for the evening, So
if you'll just pay your check?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
The check? How much is it?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
I'm gonna see you a dollar ninety seven?
Speaker 6 (06:31):
Pay it for me?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Will you sign this in it?
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Why should he pay it?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
You?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
See?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
How see worries about your money?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Can you imagine what you'll be like after the wedding?
And it's only your dollar ninety seven.
Speaker 7 (06:40):
We won't tip her more than fifteen percent, so give
her a two twenty eight so why should he give
me them.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Because I don't have it?
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Oh, you don't have it.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
That's what I said the first time.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
You mean you came in here and consumed almost two
dollars worth of food and you knew you had no
money in your pocket.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Why I was hungry?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Honey, honey, what's the problem? The guy don't have any
money here? Let me get to tab.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
You know him?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Oh I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Well, then why did he say you were one of
his people?
Speaker 7 (07:10):
It was a metaphorical way of saying, come on.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Gussie, don't make a federal case. Let me give you
the money.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Here's a principle.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
But you don't have any money. I'll let him work.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Yeah, you can wash dishes for an hour.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I'm allergic to soap.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I'll call the sheriff for a dollar ninety seven for
a principle.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Here's the money.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
You don't understand, I understand what the work ethic. If
you pay his check, I never want to see you again. Okay, Gussie,
and don't call me Gussie. And if you don't let
me pay that check, I never want to.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
See you again. You insist, I insist? Goodbye?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Hey, wait for me?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Uh, Where are you going back home?
Speaker 6 (08:06):
How about a ride?
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Don't worry about her. Yeah, she doesn't mean it.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
You don't know Gussie.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I know her better than you do it.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
What are you talking about me?
Speaker 7 (08:21):
I know everybody better than you do. I even know
you better than you do both.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
I know my name is Bong. I told you I
know you. What's your name?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
Apple?
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Apple?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
What? Just apple?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
But you get that name.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
It's a symbolic of what the garden of Eden.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
He looks like a hustler to me, I.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Am, I am the king of ostlers?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Is that a fact?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
You're an accepted fact throughout the world, accepted by hope, everybody,
even you me.
Speaker 7 (08:52):
Do you accept the fact that the devil is the
king of the hustlers?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
You are? I happen to.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Be the devil?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Why the devil?
Speaker 7 (09:01):
Meth Phistophey, Satan?
Speaker 3 (09:03):
You mean you're sat Nick?
Speaker 6 (09:06):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
No, Saint Nick and Santa Claus. I'm old Nick. Oh yeah, well,
what are you expecting? A puff of smoke?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Okay, live and let less beach. They're own. I got
my hustle.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You've got your hustle.
Speaker 7 (09:20):
You still don't believe it. I'm the devil all right,
let me prove it.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
What do you want? Why do I want? Not name it?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Okay, I want to be a millionaire. I want a yachts, horses,
the works.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
You have got it?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I said, you've got it? Where have I got it?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
You don't believe me.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
You didn't even have a dollar ninety seven to buy
your way out of a hash joint.
Speaker 7 (09:47):
Ass to You know, there are times when I can
snap my fingers and come up with millions. There are
times when I can't even raise a dollar ninety seven.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
That's what being the devil means.
Speaker 7 (09:59):
Yeah, that's the hell of it.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Okay, no, no, no, no, I insist you'll get your money.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
About my temporary embarrassment just before, Yeah, you see, it
had to do with the town Rogersberg.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Rogersville is the place we just left.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, it's bad for me. They don't believe in me.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
There, it's trying to tell me those people don't believe
there's a devil.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, they believe I exist, but they don't believe.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
I don't know in me.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Nobody robs, lies, gambles, cheats on his wife.
Speaker 7 (10:33):
And you know what happens to me in a town
like that, I fall apart there's nothing to sustain me.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Why don't we just let it go?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
When people no longer believe in a god. Do you
know what happens to him or her?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Whoa he or she?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Just fades away? Oh, I've seen him come and go
in my time.
Speaker 7 (10:51):
A couple of thousand years ago there was this zeuits
I tell you was it, and Juno and Apollo and
up north they had this move in. You know, down
in Mexico they had somebody called dex caplic Poker.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
Where are they all today?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Ask me?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Okay, where nowhere.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
You see bones?
Speaker 7 (11:10):
Just as the gods sustain the people, the people have
to support the gods. People are always asking the gods,
whichever ones are ruling the rooster.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
The time for life.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
But the people have to give life to the gods too.
There's nothing as pathetic as a god who has been
cast aside, who nobody believes in anymore. Oh yeah, It's
enough to make even the.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Devil brother apple. He's got a good line in this
devil hustle? Do you make a buck out of it?
Speaker 7 (11:42):
I thought I got a bad deal when I got
kicked out of heaven, But it was the greatest.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
Thing that ever happened.
Speaker 7 (11:48):
I am more popular today than ever except here and
there in little places like Roger's Bird. Now, Rogersville, you
saved me me. That dame, that Gussie, she is so
good I almost dissolved and sank between the floorboards.
Speaker 6 (12:03):
And then and then you walked.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
In one of my own people. You know what. I
drew strength from you.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Now look just what is your hustliny him?
Speaker 7 (12:13):
Now, now you are going to get to be a millionaire.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Give me the dollar ninety seven plus a thirty one
cent tep and record square Bones.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
You don't believe me, do you?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Now it's got to be a payoffs Roers.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Why is the name familiar? So it's named after the
sun who is an eat b. Ranchers the Third. But
he doesn't live there. You heard of him, Bones?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Oh yeah, yeah. They say it's the third or fourth
richest guy in the country.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
His grandfather started the family fortune right around.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Here somewhere Rogers heat b Rochers the third. Let's go
see him, Bones, What for?
Speaker 3 (12:51):
What for?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
What for? Why he is gonna make you a millionaire?
That's what's for?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Well, the man says it with a straight face, and
you must admit he's got a most convincing tone in
his voice, supreme confidence in his manner.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
But we're talking about millions, aren't we.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
All right, we'll pause just a few minutes, and then
mister Apple will simply have to put his money where
his mouth is. Speak the truth and shame the devil.
(13:41):
Not really, certainly, not always. Sometimes it seems that the
truth is so destructive that it must be the devil's
very own music. Well, all that has to do with theory.
The basic fact is that when you've got a tiger
or a devil by the tail.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
You better not let go.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Mister bones to worker isn't quite sure what he's got.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Well, they finally hit New York City late the next morning.
This Apple character, and all I talk about him being
the devil is beginning to make me nervous. I think
I better dump him fast. So I say to him,
where can I let you off?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
The Rich Plaza?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Now, rich Plaza.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
I used to stay at the Imperial, but I understand
that the Rich Plaza is the luxury hotel this year.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, but you didn't even have a dollar ninety seven
a perp your meal.
Speaker 7 (14:37):
I'll engage a sweet there and you will be my guest. Look,
I mean, aren't you interested in watching me make you
a millionaire?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
About that? You don't have to, I mean, forget it.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Oh no, I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
But I don't really want to be a millionaires what
you do.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I don't want to hold you know, I promise you
might have made when you weren't really thinking.
Speaker 7 (14:58):
Now, the difference bes we Need and the other gods
is that I always know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You see. They're concerned with being good.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
That's complicated.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I'm involved with evil. That's simple. Now. I promise to
make you a millionaire, and I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 7 (15:12):
Yeah, but it's a principle involved, and it's bigger than
both of us.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Turn right and head east for Madison Avenue.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
What this time of day the traffic will.
Speaker 7 (15:19):
Never worry about the traffic it was originally my creation.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Disregard it.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Just turn right, yeah, but I sn't worry about it.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
The street was choked with traffic in our street can
league not that it was moving, But suddenly it was
like a plug being removed from a drain. Everything just
started to flow, just like that old apple slip me
a wink. Well, we pull up in front of Rich plaza.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I just leave the car. The doorman will see to it. Yeah,
I don't have any money with me that i'd over.
Speaker 6 (15:57):
Give him a five dollar bill.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Make it ten.
Speaker 7 (16:00):
I want you to develop millionaire habit.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Those guys don't tex so great.
Speaker 7 (16:04):
I am training you my help. You are going to
be a millionaire of the old school. Give him the ten,
I said, my man. We will need the car this
evening combones. Let us engage the presidential suite.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Do you realize this place costs five hundred dollars a day?
Speaker 6 (16:26):
It's worth every penny?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Would you look at that view?
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah? But have a glass.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Champagne and this loan. This is the most delicious caviat.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
They put that on a bill A scenario fifty five bucks. Now, look,
we're getting in deep here. Why are you so nervous?
I am close to six hundred bucks into this caper
and I don't even know what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
How much cash do you have? Uh?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh, he'll come.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
How much?
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Uh? Sixty seven dollars and forty eight cents plus a
subway token.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
World, obviously we require some walking around money.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Well, you claim you're the devil. Snap your fingers.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Uh no, that is not how I raise money. Now,
let's see where's the newspaper? Oh yeah, thank you? And
the entries for today's racism.
Speaker 7 (17:18):
Oh boy, we are uh Dreamy Dolores in the first
at Atlantic.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Park, wall and nuts, she's twenty to one.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Bet one hundred dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
You can't bet one hundred dollars on a maiden Philly?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Why did I say one hundred?
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Make it a thousand? But I don't have a thousand.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
You didn't have a hundred either.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
You don't know the first thing about horse racing.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
You must be joking. I invented horse racing, but.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Dream Me Delores I never heard of it.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Now, who is your bookmaker?
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Crush? Lexington?
Speaker 6 (17:51):
Call him?
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh no, I'll call him.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Look, we can't put a thousand dollars?
Speaker 6 (17:59):
Why nothing?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Why not?
Speaker 7 (18:01):
It's a sucker that only suckers bet on long shot phillies. Hello, Crasher, Yeah,
I'm calling for bones to Willigan. Yes, a thousand bucks
on Dreamy Dolores in the first.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Atlantic Park to win naturally? Yeah? Oh thank you, Crusher?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
What did you do? What does you just do to me?
Speaker 7 (18:24):
I have just put twenty thousand dollars into your pocket?
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Why what if that horse loses. She can't lose. Crush
Alexington the seven feet tall he weighs three hundred pounds.
Five minutes after that horse loses, he's gonna be here
to collect this thousand bucks? When am I gonna get
a geno?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Dreamy Dolors cannot lose? The race is fixed?
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Fixed?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
How you know I fixed it myself?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
When just now do you realize that in one minute
they're off at Atlantic Park, first race, and I don't
have a thousand dollars to pay off the fy loans.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
You know you are the most negative person I ever met.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
No, no, no, no, no it and it ends here now,
the hustle, whatever it is, it's Abo finny done through. First,
I call up Cross Elections and call off that bat's
too late.
Speaker 6 (19:19):
Turn on the radio.
Speaker 7 (19:21):
They're at the gate, kno, no, listen the first break
in Atlantic and they're.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Are who of God, of course and it's.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Mary Mary first, followed by Pretty Polly and Lady Lily,
Silly Sally and Happy Helen.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Where's Dreamy Dolores?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
At the turn?
Speaker 7 (19:34):
It's still Mary Mary.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I'm pretty Polly.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Where's Dreamy Delors?
Speaker 7 (19:37):
Worried worry making a great move up from a rear
to challenge the leaders.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Dreamy Delores City Gertrude.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
She's now taking the lead.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
He said it was fake.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
It's fixed and coming in those stretched nick and neck,
nose to nose, getting girt through. It's pretty Polly. Listen,
fifty yards to go.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
It's getting Gertrud.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Now, it's pretty Polly.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Gurtrud, Polly, I said, let you watch business, relaxed bones,
relax and enjoy. Please please save me. I don't win. Please,
what did you do to me? I'm dead, I'm gone, doc,
God give anything anything.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
That is what I was waiting for.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
You have got a deal to the wire.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
It's poly.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Oh no, it's good, true and the winner is.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
Treaty the Lawrence M.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Lauris, where did she come from? I told you it
was sa Esus.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
She won. Dreamy, Dreamy Doloris one.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
What do you say now? Huh?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
What do I say? What do you expect me to say?
That was the biggest fluke, the all time craziest piece
of luck that ever happened.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
That's what I mean, That's what but gods have.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
To contend with.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
You prayed for Dreamy Belorus to win, and when your
prayer was answered, are you grateful? Do you give credit
where credit is due? I pray, you said, please please
save me, let her win.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
I said that, you know, you said.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
It was just her manner of speaking. Thank God she
came home.
Speaker 7 (21:01):
No, no, don't thank God, thank me. God does not
answer the prayers of horse players.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I do.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
You'll never know what I had to go through and
on such short notice. The machinations, the permutations, the combinations.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
That's why I invented the computer.
Speaker 7 (21:18):
But I didn't have one handy, so I had to
do it all in my head.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Oh well, okay, now let me tell you something. It
was a fix and you were in on it. But
the owner of that horse had never used that jock again.
He cut it too clothes, So tell me what's your cut?
My cut? How much dough do you want?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Not a penny?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
I am not in this for the money.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
But then, why did you pass me this tip?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I didn't just pass you a tip. I fixed the race.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Okay, okay, okay, have it your way. But why what
did you get out of it?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I got you me, didn't you yell? I'll at anything anything.
Speaker 7 (22:00):
I'll let you know what anything is at the proper
time and in the right place.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Okay, okay, you say you're a devil.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
And by now you should believe it.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
It's crazy when I go along with a gag. Why
do you want to do this for me?
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Because I take care of my people.
Speaker 7 (22:21):
If I don't, they won't stay with me and I'll
be tossed out on the cosmic ash heap of broken down,
abandoned has been deity?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yeah, but why me?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
I said you were one of my people.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
You keep saying that. But I'm not a bad person.
I mean, I never really hurt nobody bones.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You're the salt of my earth. You just got a
little bit of lossening in your heart. That's what I like, moderation.
Speaker 7 (22:47):
It's the real heavies, the big villains that give me
a bad name.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Now leave us a song that you are the devil? Did?
Did I just sell you my soul? Now?
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Why do you ask such a quick question?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Well are you answered?
Speaker 7 (23:02):
Well, let's say that you have just given me your
first mortgage.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Listen to that and listen to me. I gotta say
that you are a number one hustler of all time.
For a minute, they even had me believe in it,
And that minute was long enough. Now, look, you promise
me i'd be a millionaire. Okay, I'll seller for the
twenty grand.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
No, I must honor my commitment.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Why was this think?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
I know what you would just thinking perhaps you wouldn't
be as deeply in my debt. But twenty dollars twenty
twenty million, it's all the same.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Is this how you're going to make me a millionaire?
You're betting on the races?
Speaker 7 (23:38):
Now, horse racing is one of my more primitive inventions.
A couple of hundred years ago, I came up with
something much better.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
What was that the stock market.
Speaker 7 (23:51):
Let's collect that twenty thousand and buy a portfolio of
growth stocks.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
We did that exact thing, and then we took a
ride down to Wall Street. I never seen Apple looking
so chipper, so in the pink. And when I said so,
he answers me.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
This is my own, my native land Borne.
Speaker 7 (24:18):
All these huge, shining buildings are temples to me, These nervous,
clattering machines, they sing hymns to me.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
I should have known better to say something. Anyhow, we
wind up in a broker's office. We sit down across
from a very frosty looking dame. The sign on whose
desk reads Luella x margin.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
We had several extremely interesting browth situations. Of course, increased fluidity.
On the downside, pressures may vary naturalized.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I dare say, Miss Margin, I dare say, nay.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
I suggest an extremely undervalued, underpriced, solid, brilliant managed company.
Speaker 7 (25:01):
No, no, no, I would prefer an overvalued, overpriced, flimsy,
horribly mismanaged company.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
You you can't be serious, but I am. No one
has ever asked.
Speaker 7 (25:13):
Me to you, see, miss Margin, you try to find
companies that are sleepers.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
I want one that's fast asleep. You appreciate the considerable difference.
Speaker 7 (25:24):
I assume, yes, But I want do you have that
sells for a penny of share?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Well, I may have something for a dime penny, my dear,
miss Margin, but there's.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
A situation that you can have.
Speaker 7 (25:37):
For a nickel a penny, or I shall take my
business elsewhere.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Well, this company, it's on the verge of bankruptcy. It's
president and board of directors are all under indicters.
Speaker 7 (25:47):
Ah, yes, that's hounds splendid at twenty thousand dollars. That
a penny that would bring us two million shares.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
That would be like throwing your money to the devil.
Speaker 6 (25:57):
Oh, yes, that's true, miss Margin.
Speaker 7 (25:59):
If what's the difference, Miss Margin? In the end, he
gets it all anyhow, doesn't he.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
It's one thing to fix the race, assuming our friend
mister Apple really did fix it, and quite another to
fix an entire corporation. As we see it, there are
several fundamental questions. Is mister Apple the devil? If mister
Apple is not the devil, then who is he? And
(26:33):
what is his angle? In Act three? We'll either get
the answer or we won't. They say he must have.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
A long spoon. Who would eat with the devil?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Not all devils.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
We have a devil who is most obliging, cooperative, and accommodating.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Butter would scarcely melt in his mouth.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
He's all give and no take, at least so far.
And if he controls hell, then what must heaven be like.
We've known him for more than half an hour by
this time, and we can't fault him yet.
Speaker 7 (27:21):
So the company is doing no business at all. It's
flat broke, and the president and the board of directors
face indictment for fraud.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh what a promising outlook.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
I should warn you. Said that even at a penny share.
The risk is far too great.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Bones.
Speaker 7 (27:38):
Give the lady but twenty thousand dollars and we'll take
two million shares.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Give her twenty thousand without delay. Yeah, but these are
real dollars. Oh, she's going to give us just pieces
of paper.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
That's the way the market works, paper for paper.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
He will you heard what she just said.
Speaker 7 (27:56):
The company's on his last life the money, Bones, What
is the name of the stock miss margin, Transmutation Incorporation.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
And what does it do?
Speaker 4 (28:06):
No one ever been able to find out, which is
why it's about to go out of business. That is
why I strongly recommend you.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I know you recommend it. I don't buy it.
Speaker 7 (28:15):
However, please execute mister Twilliger's order for two million shares
Bones of money.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Look, I got twenty grand out of this caper paper,
whatever it is. I'm satisfied. I want to call it
quits right here, right now.
Speaker 6 (28:28):
You do, Bones, do you that's what.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
I want to do?
Speaker 6 (28:31):
No?
Speaker 2 (28:31):
No, no, no, here's what you want to do. You
see this newspaper. You see the market page.
Speaker 7 (28:36):
You see where Transmutation Incorporated is listed. You see what
it says, Transmutation Incorporated selling it one cent now You
want to watch this page every day.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
You want to see it go up.
Speaker 7 (28:50):
Up to a nickel, a dime, a quarter, a dollar,
five dollars, ten dollars a share.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
One of my people, Bones, one of my people.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
But I already got already got what twenty thousand dollars?
What's that?
Speaker 7 (29:07):
You don't live for money, You don't care about money.
It's how it comes in. It's the thrill, the excitement
of winning the bet, seeing the horse make us move
from back of the pack and drive.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
To the finish. It's the exhilaration you get of lining
up a socker, feeding him.
Speaker 7 (29:21):
Of bait gently, smoothly, so he never even knows he's
been hooked, the finesse with which you really in give
her the money, Bone.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yeah, but if we buy this particular stock, we're the sucker.
Speaker 7 (29:34):
I seem to recall that you thought Dreamy Dolores was
a sucker bet too.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
All right, you can fix her race for the whole
company for the money.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
But what is there to think about?
Speaker 6 (29:44):
After all?
Speaker 8 (29:46):
After all, you are one of my people. Bones, one
of my people, goes away.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Sir, I hate people, one of which people whose people
the Devil's people? Was there such a person as the devil.
But if he wasn't the devil, who was he a
con man? Oh shoe? He had all the powder, all
(30:19):
the moves, all the angles. But what kind of con
was it now? What was the payoffs supposed to be?
What was in it for him? What I wanted to
do right now is talking over with Gussie. I could
always talk everything over with Gussie, for Dame Gussie had
(30:39):
plenty of smarts. But she was back in Rogersville. Okay,
so I could get on a plane be in Rogersville
in less than an hour.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
The money bones, well, I have to talk it all.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
I understand he could wait for tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (30:57):
Character Stock won't run away from us it Miss Margins,
Oh good heavens.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
No, Well, why don't we all meet here tomorrow at
the same time.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
It's just that I never yet made a big move.
We're not discussing.
Speaker 7 (31:08):
It was a certain pond here, and I know exactly
what she's going to say.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
No, but gust and don't call me Gustie, lose him
for Why didn't you just tell me he's the devil?
Speaker 3 (31:22):
I could be wrong.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
No, no, this time, you're right. He fixed that race.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Yeah, well that could have burned an.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Accident, a coincidence. Double, don't make me laugh?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Then I shouldn't buy stock.
Speaker 7 (31:34):
Huh, forget it.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Maybe you're right, I'll just keep the twenty grand. No
you won't. You give it back, give it first.
Speaker 4 (31:43):
And you just say, friend, here's your twenty thousand, and
you just walk away.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
What are you saying?
Speaker 4 (31:48):
I say, walk, no?
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Run? But why why?
Speaker 4 (31:52):
He's the devil?
Speaker 3 (31:54):
Ah, we're being souperstitious. There's more so there is. There
is like a little fairy tailor to kid.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
Yeah, well you're gonna look him square in the eye.
They'll say, here is your twenty grand minus the two
dollars and twenty eight cents I loaned you. So now
I don't know you nothing. You don't know me nothing.
We're true, quits finished, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Yeah, but Gussie, it's twenty.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Grand it's your soul, bones, your soul.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Come on, Gussie, you.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Know what the soul is. I looked it up in
a dictionary. The immortal or the spiritual part of the person.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
So what is that mean?
Speaker 4 (32:30):
So whatever it means, he wants it, well, what could
he do with it?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Don't let him have it for twenty grande?
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Why not? Because after you die, you'll go to hell.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Paster ride die. Why do I care where I go?
I'll be dead.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
No, you won't be dead.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
How can you say so?
Speaker 4 (32:45):
If you have your soul, you won't be dead.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Look, you'll bury me. We'll sure well, then soul or
no soul, I'll be dead anyhow.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
But if you got your soul, you've got eternal life.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
A girl will do me in a grave.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
But you won't be in a grave.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
I won't. No, you mean if somebody was big and open,
they won't find me. You yes, your soul.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
No, I'll give back this money.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Because it's not just this twenty down, he says, he
wants to make me a millionaire.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
You an'entire word I said.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
You don't go to hell. Oh you don't believe in
all that caush you do, your little devils with a pitfall.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
That's not what hell is. Bones, it's whatever turns you off.
It's tailor made for each and every customer.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
High you're nuts.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
What would be hell for you?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Bones?
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Steady indoor nine to five job, right at a desk,
using an airing machine, right, just adding figures all day long.
And so there you are, Bones at the desk all day,
cut it out, sitting there just like you. Fifty guys
to the left, fifty more of the right, fifty in front,
fifteen back, all one time, hustlers, con guys, gamblers, all
(34:02):
punch in the adding machine. Oh gosh, you no ding
them figures all day?
Speaker 3 (34:07):
What figgers?
Speaker 4 (34:08):
That devil's figures, keeping a record of every deal the
devil makes, keeping all the numbers straight, keeping everybody's account
up to date like yours. Some poor slob has already
made a record of your twenty grand gushie.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
You you okay?
Speaker 4 (34:24):
Sometimes sometimes you just can't stand it no more, poor Bones,
You just can't stand it. Your mind begins to wander
you you begin to daydream. Who's gonna win the fits
at Acura?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (34:36):
And suddenly there's this noise like your whole head's on fire.
You scream off a stuper and now he's there.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
You know who.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
You've done it again, Bones, daydreaming? Please please please stop
our promise I'll.
Speaker 7 (34:52):
Behave As punishment, you will work an hour longer today anything, Just.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Stop the pave.
Speaker 4 (35:01):
Another hour of a sheer torture, eating more and more
numbers for clean bones. Promise you'll give him back the twenty.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Promise here, Yeah, I promise. Here's what I owe you,
twenty grand minus two dollars and twenty eight cents.
Speaker 6 (35:25):
I take it.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
You are giving the money to miss margin here for
the stock.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Sure, you take it. I leave it.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
And you no longer desire to become a millionaire.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
I'm happy where things are.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'm afraid you won't be happy anymore.
Speaker 7 (35:38):
Because you see, you'll no longer be one of my people.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
That's great?
Speaker 6 (35:42):
Is it?
Speaker 7 (35:43):
Only my people can enjoy betting on horses, playing cards, trimming.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Suckers, fleecing marks. You will never do any of those
things again.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
Who's going to stop me?
Speaker 6 (35:54):
You will?
Speaker 2 (35:55):
You'll stop yourself. The desire for those things will disappear,
appetite will be gone.
Speaker 7 (36:01):
You'll become mister Stuyvesant to Williger, shaping up to a
nine to five office job.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
At least I won't go to hell, right, you'll go
to heaven?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
And what will you do there? Bones?
Speaker 9 (36:12):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Do they have racetracks? Casinos? Con games?
Speaker 7 (36:16):
How will you pass the time? What will you do
for eternity? And who will you have for company?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
All the suckers, the marks, the squares?
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yet, yes, all right, fire stock, fire stock.
Speaker 7 (36:32):
And now bones, soon we shall visit mister E.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
B Rogers the third and sell him the stock.
Speaker 6 (36:38):
First we show prepare the ground.
Speaker 7 (36:42):
Are your cost a financial editor at the Daily Press. Hello,
mister squint term please, yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You see you have to stir up the cauldron a bit.
Speaker 7 (36:53):
Bones, huh oh, Hello there, I'm the same gentleman who
tipped you off to amalgamated gold bar. You might investigate
the recent activity in Transmutation Incorporated. Why were two million
shares purchased? Well, as I hear it, Transmutation has found
a process that can transmute sewage into crude oil.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah that's right now bones, watch it go up?
Speaker 3 (37:28):
And it did like we were hit by a blizzard.
Everybody wanted to buy Transmutation Inc. And I had all
the stock and a price kept going up, up up.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
We shall now visit mister E. B Rogers the Third.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
So you only outstanding shares of Transmutation Inks is the
Tuilaga I'm lett show you up.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
For he wants ten dollars a share. It could easily
go to twenty even higher. But mister Tuilager will be
satisfied with a prophet.
Speaker 7 (38:11):
Now well, guy's the limit with a stock, right is
mister Rogers thirty forty fifty.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
There was a funny look in mister Rogers's eyes. I
couldn't tell what it was, and then I realized it
was the way he tukted his head as if he
were listening, and it seemed to me I heard ad
eyring machine. Wasn't my imagination? Or was he here in
(38:44):
a coup? Because he also one to apples people. Mister Rogers,
you hear something and a clicking like an eyeing machine?
Why did I hear that the way he said it?
(39:07):
I know, I know, Well, I took that twenty millionaire
and I bought everything I ever wanted, a plus a
lot of things I never even knew I wanted. I
never heard the adding machine, so I figured it had
to be my imagination, until one night I got a
(39:27):
call to come visit mister Rogers.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yes, mister tell, I had to see it, and I
to be expected.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I'm old enough and overdue, But I want to answer
the question you asked me in my office. Did I
hear an adding machine? The answer is yes, and tonight
I hear it. Mar WHOA what was the means?
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Give him best the man he.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Is to have time? What we're giving it all up
because he's the boats, the houses, the cars, the clothes.
Every cent divesant. Why why You're the one who told
me I don't want to lose my soul, That's why?
Speaker 4 (40:29):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (40:30):
Don't you remember what you told me about the adding
machine and the job I'd have for all eternity?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Oh that.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Divers It was a joke, Joe, What's sure?
Speaker 3 (40:41):
I made it up.
Speaker 4 (40:42):
I was afraid i'd lose you. I wanted you to
stay with me in Rogersville and work in the diner.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Darling.
Speaker 4 (40:49):
How was I to know you were a financial genius.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
A wizard of Wall Street. So you're made it up
every word?
Speaker 4 (40:55):
But every word is the truth, dive asant.
Speaker 3 (40:58):
And I'm giving it up. We ain't gonna have a penny,
but we will have our souls.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
You you are serious, all right?
Speaker 3 (41:11):
Boys? But hey, hey, what's a big idea? They can move?
There's two big gorillas and white coats grab me, hustled
me into a wagon and tossed me into a padded solf.
Things got kind of blurry after that. I can only
(41:34):
remember a bunch of guys Rye glasses and beads phones.
Speaker 4 (41:39):
It's light and bright and then clean, and you can
play shuffleboard and dig in the garden.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
And I do.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Sometimes I even wear my captain's uniformed all the doctor's
flag outs Nutty is a fruitcake because I don't want
to live like a guy with twenty million dollars. But
that's okay, because here's what I don't hear. I don't hear.
That's clickity clickity cluckety cluck. I'll tell you who I
(42:12):
think does hear it?
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Though, Gussie, sometimes the sounds you don't hear are more
vital than the one you do hear.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Rest assured.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
The machine is always running, always adding, subtracting. And in
the end, shall you have a debit or a credit?
Speaker 2 (42:46):
Well? I owe you one more appearance in just a
short while. Who is keeping track of everything? Who is
(43:07):
keeping the score?
Speaker 1 (43:09):
Who knows where every item belongs? And most important, who
is balancing the books? Do you believe that every act
is weighed and measured, that every account is balanced daily?
Speaker 2 (43:28):
If you don't, what's the alternative.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Our cast included Norman Rose, Robert Dryden, and Bryana Raeburn.
The entire production was under the direction.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Of Hyman Brown Radio.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division
and arm Allergy Relief Medicine. This is EG Marshall inviting
you to return to our Mystery Theater for another adventure
in the macabre.
Speaker 9 (43:56):
Until next time, Pleasant Streams, b
Speaker 3 (44:27):
BA
The CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents. Come in.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I'm e. G.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Marshall.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
There is nothing so powerful as the truth, and very
often nothing so strange the truth.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
There are those who.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Pursue it and those who seek to escape it, those
who accept it and those who deny it, those who
preserve it, and those who distort it.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
But whether we.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Are at war with it or at.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Peace with it, blissfully unconscious or uneasily aware of it,
the truth is always a central fact of our lives.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Give him back the money, but it's my money.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Don't touch it. But I wanted legit, Gussie.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Don't you understand bones He wants something from you.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
How what could he want from me?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
He could want your soul, My soul?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Why what were you doing? Don't ask me? Ask him?
Speaker 4 (01:17):
He's the devil.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Our mystery drama Transmutations Incorporated was written especially for the
Mystery Theater by Sam Dan and stars Norman Rose. It
is sponsored in part by a Greyhound, Package Express and Xlex.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I'll do that shortly with that one.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Once upon a time there was a couple who needed
a car.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
Honey, we need a car. I should have had it.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
They wanted a sensible car because they were sensible people.
Speaker 7 (01:51):
We're sensible people, saved, we were clothes.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
But they also wanted a car that was fun because
they liked a good time.
Speaker 6 (01:58):
Anybody for a quick game of fision.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
So called glass and milk in your eyes.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Well, knowing how hard it is to find a car
that is both sensible and fun, they went straight to
their Buick dealer, whom they knew to be a most
reliable source for such cars. Say you wouldn't have which
point the dealer introduced them to the Buick Skylark. When
the V six engine, the compact size, and the ample
rumor pointed out, they were amazed at how much sense
the Skylark made.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
It isn't that amazing?
Speaker 4 (02:21):
I am bowled over.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
And when the famous Buick ride comfort and road manners
came to their attention, they were quick to see how
much fun the Skylark could see.
Speaker 7 (02:29):
That was full You're not just lessling.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
They were sober joy with their Skylark they stopped the car,
ran up to the first person they saw, hugged him
and kissed him.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
I'm gonna hug him.
Speaker 6 (02:38):
I don't want to kid him.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
Which might not make much sense, but it certainly was fun.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
The ancient beliefs, the old superstitions, are they still with us.
Our ancestors knew nothing, so they feared everything. As for us, civilized,
sophisticated modern.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Us, we know everything.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Therefore it follows that we should fear nothing. Let us
introduce you to Bones to Williger. Mister to Williger is
even now on his yacht, a waterborne palace. He can
also afford a palazzo in Italy, a castle in Spain, horses,
custom made cars. Indeed, if some of his old friends
(03:37):
could only see him now, but they don't, as missus
Bones to Williger. The former Augusta Schultz, what's it?
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Stuyvesant no longer mingles with the rift raft? Thank you, divers?
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Well, what are you going to do? Makes her happy
to call me that? After all? If it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't have none of this, You see, Gussie. I
can't even call her Gussie anymore. It's Augusta now. Well,
she went back to her hometown because her uncle died
and left it as diner. I kept writing her to
(04:13):
come back to New York, and she kept writing me
to come to this place. Roger's do so Finally I
drove down there.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
I refuse to pander to drunks, and it's a.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Little what do you mean, Panda? All you do is
check hats and coats themselves cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
I find the atmosphere degrading.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
But Gussie Joe says, you'll double your salary. You even
let you keep temper sone of your tip.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
The answer is negative. You call me Gussie one more time.
I shall butt the plate over your head. My name
is August.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
What do we arguing about?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Now?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Come on back?
Speaker 4 (04:46):
No have you breathed the air here in Rogersville? No smoke,
no fumes.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
No pollution almost kills me.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
And everyone is so friendly. Style Darling, settle down here here?
Speaker 3 (05:02):
What are you crazy? What would I do here?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
A man of your talents, you could find something.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Look, I got information for you. I know this might
be coming, so I cased the town. I figured I
could run a dice game. No takers. I can't even
get a card game going diver send. It gets worse.
I can't even book any bets.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Look, I was having reference to a legitimate activity. You
can help me run the diner.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Me slide them off the arm in a grease joint.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
We could even get married.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Married?
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, married?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
What what are you trying to do? Ruin our relationship?
Speaker 4 (05:40):
In other words, you do not love me anymore?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Oh no, no, no, baby, baby, I love you more
than ever and I love you. Look for ten years
we've been happy to where we are. How do we know?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
I have spoken my last and final words on the subject.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
But see you can't it? Hey, who's that?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
What's the matter with him?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Oh? Who knows?
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Some bum? He've been sitting at that table all night.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
This guy looks sick. Hey, hey, fuddy?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Okay, Oh yeah, yeah, I'm quite improved now, I mean
ever since you came in. What do you mean, Well,
you see you're one of my people?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Oh yeah, which people?
Speaker 4 (06:22):
But mister, I'm about to close for the evening, So
if you'll just pay your check?
Speaker 2 (06:26):
The check? How much is it?
Speaker 4 (06:27):
I'm gonna see you a dollar ninety seven?
Speaker 6 (06:31):
Pay it for me?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Will you sign this in it?
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Why should he pay it?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
You?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
See?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
How see worries about your money?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Can you imagine what you'll be like after the wedding?
And it's only your dollar ninety seven.
Speaker 7 (06:40):
We won't tip her more than fifteen percent, so give
her a two twenty eight so why should he give
me them.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Because I don't have it?
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Oh, you don't have it.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
That's what I said the first time.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
You mean you came in here and consumed almost two
dollars worth of food and you knew you had no
money in your pocket.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Why I was hungry?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Honey, honey, what's the problem? The guy don't have any
money here? Let me get to tab.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
You know him?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Oh I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Well, then why did he say you were one of
his people?
Speaker 7 (07:10):
It was a metaphorical way of saying, come on.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Gussie, don't make a federal case. Let me give you
the money.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Here's a principle.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
But you don't have any money. I'll let him work.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Yeah, you can wash dishes for an hour.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
I'm allergic to soap.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I'll call the sheriff for a dollar ninety seven for
a principle.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Here's the money.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
You don't understand, I understand what the work ethic. If
you pay his check, I never want to see you again. Okay, Gussie,
and don't call me Gussie. And if you don't let
me pay that check, I never want to.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
See you again. You insist, I insist? Goodbye?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Hey, wait for me?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Uh, Where are you going back home?
Speaker 6 (08:06):
How about a ride?
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Don't worry about her. Yeah, she doesn't mean it.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
You don't know Gussie.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I know her better than you do it.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
What are you talking about me?
Speaker 7 (08:21):
I know everybody better than you do. I even know
you better than you do both.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
I know my name is Bong. I told you I
know you. What's your name?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
Apple?
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Apple?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
What? Just apple?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
But you get that name.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
It's a symbolic of what the garden of Eden.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
He looks like a hustler to me, I.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Am, I am the king of ostlers?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Is that a fact?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
You're an accepted fact throughout the world, accepted by hope, everybody,
even you me.
Speaker 7 (08:52):
Do you accept the fact that the devil is the
king of the hustlers?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
You are? I happen to.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Be the devil?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Why the devil?
Speaker 7 (09:01):
Meth Phistophey, Satan?
Speaker 3 (09:03):
You mean you're sat Nick?
Speaker 6 (09:06):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
No, Saint Nick and Santa Claus. I'm old Nick. Oh yeah, well,
what are you expecting? A puff of smoke?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Okay, live and let less beach. They're own. I got
my hustle.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You've got your hustle.
Speaker 7 (09:20):
You still don't believe it. I'm the devil all right,
let me prove it.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
What do you want? Why do I want? Not name it?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Okay, I want to be a millionaire. I want a yachts, horses,
the works.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
You have got it?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I said, you've got it? Where have I got it?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
You don't believe me.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
You didn't even have a dollar ninety seven to buy
your way out of a hash joint.
Speaker 7 (09:47):
Ass to You know, there are times when I can
snap my fingers and come up with millions. There are
times when I can't even raise a dollar ninety seven.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
That's what being the devil means.
Speaker 7 (09:59):
Yeah, that's the hell of it.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Okay, no, no, no, no, I insist you'll get your money.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
About my temporary embarrassment just before, Yeah, you see, it
had to do with the town Rogersberg.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Rogersville is the place we just left.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, it's bad for me. They don't believe in me.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
There, it's trying to tell me those people don't believe
there's a devil.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Oh, they believe I exist, but they don't believe.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
I don't know in me.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Nobody robs, lies, gambles, cheats on his wife.
Speaker 7 (10:33):
And you know what happens to me in a town
like that, I fall apart there's nothing to sustain me.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Why don't we just let it go?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
When people no longer believe in a god. Do you
know what happens to him or her?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Whoa he or she?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Just fades away? Oh, I've seen him come and go
in my time.
Speaker 7 (10:51):
A couple of thousand years ago there was this zeuits
I tell you was it, and Juno and Apollo and
up north they had this move in. You know, down
in Mexico they had somebody called dex caplic Poker.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
Where are they all today?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Ask me?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Okay, where nowhere.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
You see bones?
Speaker 7 (11:10):
Just as the gods sustain the people, the people have
to support the gods. People are always asking the gods,
whichever ones are ruling the rooster.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
The time for life.
Speaker 7 (11:22):
But the people have to give life to the gods too.
There's nothing as pathetic as a god who has been
cast aside, who nobody believes in anymore. Oh yeah, It's
enough to make even the.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Devil brother apple. He's got a good line in this
devil hustle? Do you make a buck out of it?
Speaker 7 (11:42):
I thought I got a bad deal when I got
kicked out of heaven, But it was the greatest.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
Thing that ever happened.
Speaker 7 (11:48):
I am more popular today than ever except here and
there in little places like Roger's Bird. Now, Rogersville, you
saved me me. That dame, that Gussie, she is so
good I almost dissolved and sank between the floorboards.
Speaker 6 (12:03):
And then and then you walked.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
In one of my own people. You know what. I
drew strength from you.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Now look just what is your hustliny him?
Speaker 7 (12:13):
Now, now you are going to get to be a millionaire.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Give me the dollar ninety seven plus a thirty one
cent tep and record square Bones.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
You don't believe me, do you?
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Now it's got to be a payoffs Roers.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Why is the name familiar? So it's named after the
sun who is an eat b. Ranchers the Third. But
he doesn't live there. You heard of him, Bones?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Oh yeah, yeah. They say it's the third or fourth
richest guy in the country.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
His grandfather started the family fortune right around.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Here somewhere Rogers heat b Rochers the third. Let's go
see him, Bones, What for?
Speaker 3 (12:51):
What for?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
What for? Why he is gonna make you a millionaire?
That's what's for?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Well, the man says it with a straight face, and
you must admit he's got a most convincing tone in
his voice, supreme confidence in his manner.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
But we're talking about millions, aren't we.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
All right, we'll pause just a few minutes, and then
mister Apple will simply have to put his money where
his mouth is. Speak the truth and shame the devil.
(13:41):
Not really, certainly, not always. Sometimes it seems that the
truth is so destructive that it must be the devil's
very own music. Well, all that has to do with theory.
The basic fact is that when you've got a tiger
or a devil by the tail.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
You better not let go.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Mister bones to worker isn't quite sure what he's got.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Well, they finally hit New York City late the next morning.
This Apple character, and all I talk about him being
the devil is beginning to make me nervous. I think
I better dump him fast. So I say to him,
where can I let you off?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
The Rich Plaza?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Now, rich Plaza.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
I used to stay at the Imperial, but I understand
that the Rich Plaza is the luxury hotel this year.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah, but you didn't even have a dollar ninety seven
a perp your meal.
Speaker 7 (14:37):
I'll engage a sweet there and you will be my guest. Look,
I mean, aren't you interested in watching me make you
a millionaire?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
About that? You don't have to, I mean, forget it.
Speaker 6 (14:49):
Oh no, I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
But I don't really want to be a millionaires what
you do.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I don't want to hold you know, I promise you
might have made when you weren't really thinking.
Speaker 7 (14:58):
Now, the difference bes we Need and the other gods
is that I always know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You see. They're concerned with being good.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
That's complicated.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I'm involved with evil. That's simple. Now. I promise to
make you a millionaire, and I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 7 (15:12):
Yeah, but it's a principle involved, and it's bigger than
both of us.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Turn right and head east for Madison Avenue.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
What this time of day the traffic will.
Speaker 7 (15:19):
Never worry about the traffic it was originally my creation.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Disregard it.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Just turn right, yeah, but I sn't worry about it.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
The street was choked with traffic in our street can
league not that it was moving, But suddenly it was
like a plug being removed from a drain. Everything just
started to flow, just like that old apple slip me
a wink. Well, we pull up in front of Rich plaza.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
I just leave the car. The doorman will see to it. Yeah,
I don't have any money with me that i'd over.
Speaker 6 (15:57):
Give him a five dollar bill.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Make it ten.
Speaker 7 (16:00):
I want you to develop millionaire habit.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Those guys don't tex so great.
Speaker 7 (16:04):
I am training you my help. You are going to
be a millionaire of the old school. Give him the ten,
I said, my man. We will need the car this
evening combones. Let us engage the presidential suite.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Do you realize this place costs five hundred dollars a day?
Speaker 6 (16:26):
It's worth every penny?
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Would you look at that view?
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah? But have a glass.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Champagne and this loan. This is the most delicious caviat.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
They put that on a bill A scenario fifty five bucks. Now, look,
we're getting in deep here. Why are you so nervous?
I am close to six hundred bucks into this caper
and I don't even know what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
How much cash do you have? Uh?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Oh, he'll come.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
How much?
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Uh? Sixty seven dollars and forty eight cents plus a
subway token.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
World, obviously we require some walking around money.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Well, you claim you're the devil. Snap your fingers.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Uh no, that is not how I raise money. Now,
let's see where's the newspaper? Oh yeah, thank you? And
the entries for today's racism.
Speaker 7 (17:18):
Oh boy, we are uh Dreamy Dolores in the first
at Atlantic.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Park, wall and nuts, she's twenty to one.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Bet one hundred dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
You can't bet one hundred dollars on a maiden Philly?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Why did I say one hundred?
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Make it a thousand? But I don't have a thousand.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
You didn't have a hundred either.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
You don't know the first thing about horse racing.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
You must be joking. I invented horse racing, but.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Dream Me Delores I never heard of it.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Now, who is your bookmaker?
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Crush? Lexington?
Speaker 6 (17:51):
Call him?
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Oh no, I'll call him.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Look, we can't put a thousand dollars?
Speaker 6 (17:59):
Why nothing?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Why not?
Speaker 7 (18:01):
It's a sucker that only suckers bet on long shot phillies. Hello, Crasher, Yeah,
I'm calling for bones to Willigan. Yes, a thousand bucks
on Dreamy Dolores in the first.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Atlantic Park to win naturally? Yeah? Oh thank you, Crusher?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
What did you do? What does you just do to me?
Speaker 7 (18:24):
I have just put twenty thousand dollars into your pocket?
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Why what if that horse loses. She can't lose. Crush
Alexington the seven feet tall he weighs three hundred pounds.
Five minutes after that horse loses, he's gonna be here
to collect this thousand bucks? When am I gonna get
a geno?
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Dreamy Dolors cannot lose? The race is fixed?
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Fixed?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
How you know I fixed it myself?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
When just now do you realize that in one minute
they're off at Atlantic Park, first race, and I don't
have a thousand dollars to pay off the fy loans.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
You know you are the most negative person I ever met.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
No, no, no, no, no it and it ends here now,
the hustle, whatever it is, it's Abo finny done through. First,
I call up Cross Elections and call off that bat's
too late.
Speaker 6 (19:19):
Turn on the radio.
Speaker 7 (19:21):
They're at the gate, kno, no, listen the first break
in Atlantic and they're.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Are who of God, of course and it's.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Mary Mary first, followed by Pretty Polly and Lady Lily,
Silly Sally and Happy Helen.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Where's Dreamy Dolores?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
At the turn?
Speaker 7 (19:34):
It's still Mary Mary.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I'm pretty Polly.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Where's Dreamy Delors?
Speaker 7 (19:37):
Worried worry making a great move up from a rear
to challenge the leaders.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Dreamy Delores City Gertrude.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
She's now taking the lead.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
He said it was fake.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
It's fixed and coming in those stretched nick and neck,
nose to nose, getting girt through. It's pretty Polly. Listen,
fifty yards to go.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
It's getting Gertrud.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Now, it's pretty Polly.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Gurtrud, Polly, I said, let you watch business, relaxed bones,
relax and enjoy. Please please save me. I don't win. Please,
what did you do to me? I'm dead, I'm gone, doc,
God give anything anything.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
That is what I was waiting for.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
You have got a deal to the wire.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
It's poly.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Oh no, it's good, true and the winner is.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
Treaty the Lawrence M.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Lauris, where did she come from? I told you it
was sa Esus.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
She won. Dreamy, Dreamy Doloris one.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
What do you say now? Huh?
Speaker 3 (20:30):
What do I say? What do you expect me to say?
That was the biggest fluke, the all time craziest piece
of luck that ever happened.
Speaker 7 (20:38):
That's what I mean, That's what but gods have.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
To contend with.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
You prayed for Dreamy Belorus to win, and when your
prayer was answered, are you grateful? Do you give credit
where credit is due? I pray, you said, please please
save me, let her win.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
I said that, you know, you said.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
It was just her manner of speaking. Thank God she
came home.
Speaker 7 (21:01):
No, no, don't thank God, thank me. God does not
answer the prayers of horse players.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
I do.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
You'll never know what I had to go through and
on such short notice. The machinations, the permutations, the combinations.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
That's why I invented the computer.
Speaker 7 (21:18):
But I didn't have one handy, so I had to
do it all in my head.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Oh well, okay, now let me tell you something. It
was a fix and you were in on it. But
the owner of that horse had never used that jock again.
He cut it too clothes, So tell me what's your cut?
My cut? How much dough do you want?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Not a penny?
Speaker 3 (21:40):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
I am not in this for the money.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
But then, why did you pass me this tip?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I didn't just pass you a tip. I fixed the race.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Okay, okay, okay, have it your way. But why what
did you get out of it?
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I got you me, didn't you yell? I'll at anything anything.
Speaker 7 (22:00):
I'll let you know what anything is at the proper
time and in the right place.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Okay, okay, you say you're a devil.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
And by now you should believe it.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
It's crazy when I go along with a gag. Why
do you want to do this for me?
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Because I take care of my people.
Speaker 7 (22:21):
If I don't, they won't stay with me and I'll
be tossed out on the cosmic ash heap of broken down,
abandoned has been deity?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yeah, but why me?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
I said you were one of my people.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
You keep saying that. But I'm not a bad person.
I mean, I never really hurt nobody bones.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
You're the salt of my earth. You just got a
little bit of lossening in your heart. That's what I like, moderation.
Speaker 7 (22:47):
It's the real heavies, the big villains that give me
a bad name.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Now leave us a song that you are the devil? Did?
Did I just sell you my soul? Now?
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Why do you ask such a quick question?
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Well are you answered?
Speaker 7 (23:02):
Well, let's say that you have just given me your
first mortgage.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
Listen to that and listen to me. I gotta say
that you are a number one hustler of all time.
For a minute, they even had me believe in it,
And that minute was long enough. Now, look, you promise
me i'd be a millionaire. Okay, I'll seller for the
twenty grand.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
No, I must honor my commitment.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Why was this think?
Speaker 7 (23:25):
I know what you would just thinking perhaps you wouldn't
be as deeply in my debt. But twenty dollars twenty
twenty million, it's all the same.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Is this how you're going to make me a millionaire?
You're betting on the races?
Speaker 7 (23:38):
Now, horse racing is one of my more primitive inventions.
A couple of hundred years ago, I came up with
something much better.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
What was that the stock market.
Speaker 7 (23:51):
Let's collect that twenty thousand and buy a portfolio of
growth stocks.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
We did that exact thing, and then we took a
ride down to Wall Street. I never seen Apple looking
so chipper, so in the pink. And when I said so,
he answers me.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
This is my own, my native land Borne.
Speaker 7 (24:18):
All these huge, shining buildings are temples to me, These nervous,
clattering machines, they sing hymns to me.
Speaker 3 (24:30):
I should have known better to say something. Anyhow, we
wind up in a broker's office. We sit down across
from a very frosty looking dame. The sign on whose
desk reads Luella x margin.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
We had several extremely interesting browth situations. Of course, increased fluidity.
On the downside, pressures may vary naturalized.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I dare say, Miss Margin, I dare say, nay.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
I suggest an extremely undervalued, underpriced, solid, brilliant managed company.
Speaker 7 (25:01):
No, no, no, I would prefer an overvalued, overpriced, flimsy,
horribly mismanaged company.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
You you can't be serious, but I am. No one
has ever asked.
Speaker 7 (25:13):
Me to you, see, miss Margin, you try to find
companies that are sleepers.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
I want one that's fast asleep. You appreciate the considerable difference.
Speaker 7 (25:24):
I assume, yes, But I want do you have that
sells for a penny of share?
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Well, I may have something for a dime penny, my dear,
miss Margin, but there's.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
A situation that you can have.
Speaker 7 (25:37):
For a nickel a penny, or I shall take my
business elsewhere.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Well, this company, it's on the verge of bankruptcy. It's
president and board of directors are all under indicters.
Speaker 7 (25:47):
Ah, yes, that's hounds splendid at twenty thousand dollars. That
a penny that would bring us two million shares.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
That would be like throwing your money to the devil.
Speaker 6 (25:57):
Oh, yes, that's true, miss Margin.
Speaker 7 (25:59):
If what's the difference, Miss Margin? In the end, he
gets it all anyhow, doesn't he.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
It's one thing to fix the race, assuming our friend
mister Apple really did fix it, and quite another to
fix an entire corporation. As we see it, there are
several fundamental questions. Is mister Apple the devil? If mister
Apple is not the devil, then who is he? And
(26:33):
what is his angle? In Act three? We'll either get
the answer or we won't. They say he must have.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
A long spoon. Who would eat with the devil?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Not all devils.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
We have a devil who is most obliging, cooperative, and accommodating.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Butter would scarcely melt in his mouth.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
He's all give and no take, at least so far.
And if he controls hell, then what must heaven be like.
We've known him for more than half an hour by
this time, and we can't fault him yet.
Speaker 7 (27:21):
So the company is doing no business at all. It's
flat broke, and the president and the board of directors
face indictment for fraud.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh what a promising outlook.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
I should warn you. Said that even at a penny share.
The risk is far too great.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Bones.
Speaker 7 (27:38):
Give the lady but twenty thousand dollars and we'll take
two million shares.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Give her twenty thousand without delay. Yeah, but these are
real dollars. Oh, she's going to give us just pieces
of paper.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
That's the way the market works, paper for paper.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
He will you heard what she just said.
Speaker 7 (27:56):
The company's on his last life the money, Bones, What
is the name of the stock miss margin, Transmutation Incorporation.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
And what does it do?
Speaker 4 (28:06):
No one ever been able to find out, which is
why it's about to go out of business. That is
why I strongly recommend you.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I know you recommend it. I don't buy it.
Speaker 7 (28:15):
However, please execute mister Twilliger's order for two million shares
Bones of money.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Look, I got twenty grand out of this caper paper,
whatever it is. I'm satisfied. I want to call it
quits right here, right now.
Speaker 6 (28:28):
You do, Bones, do you that's what.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
I want to do?
Speaker 6 (28:31):
No?
Speaker 2 (28:31):
No, no, no, here's what you want to do. You
see this newspaper. You see the market page.
Speaker 7 (28:36):
You see where Transmutation Incorporated is listed. You see what
it says, Transmutation Incorporated selling it one cent now You
want to watch this page every day.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
You want to see it go up.
Speaker 7 (28:50):
Up to a nickel, a dime, a quarter, a dollar,
five dollars, ten dollars a share.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
One of my people, Bones, one of my people.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
But I already got already got what twenty thousand dollars?
What's that?
Speaker 7 (29:07):
You don't live for money, You don't care about money.
It's how it comes in. It's the thrill, the excitement
of winning the bet, seeing the horse make us move
from back of the pack and drive.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
To the finish. It's the exhilaration you get of lining
up a socker, feeding him.
Speaker 7 (29:21):
Of bait gently, smoothly, so he never even knows he's
been hooked, the finesse with which you really in give
her the money, Bone.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yeah, but if we buy this particular stock, we're the sucker.
Speaker 7 (29:34):
I seem to recall that you thought Dreamy Dolores was
a sucker bet too.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
All right, you can fix her race for the whole
company for the money.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
But what is there to think about?
Speaker 6 (29:44):
After all?
Speaker 8 (29:46):
After all, you are one of my people. Bones, one
of my people, goes away.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
Sir, I hate people, one of which people whose people
the Devil's people? Was there such a person as the devil.
But if he wasn't the devil, who was he a
con man? Oh shoe? He had all the powder, all
(30:19):
the moves, all the angles. But what kind of con
was it now? What was the payoffs supposed to be?
What was in it for him? What I wanted to
do right now is talking over with Gussie. I could
always talk everything over with Gussie, for Dame Gussie had
(30:39):
plenty of smarts. But she was back in Rogersville. Okay,
so I could get on a plane be in Rogersville
in less than an hour.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
The money bones, well, I have to talk it all.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
I understand he could wait for tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (30:57):
Character Stock won't run away from us it Miss Margins,
Oh good heavens.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
No, Well, why don't we all meet here tomorrow at
the same time.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
It's just that I never yet made a big move.
We're not discussing.
Speaker 7 (31:08):
It was a certain pond here, and I know exactly
what she's going to say.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
No, but gust and don't call me Gustie, lose him
for Why didn't you just tell me he's the devil?
Speaker 3 (31:22):
I could be wrong.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
No, no, this time, you're right. He fixed that race.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Yeah, well that could have burned an.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Accident, a coincidence. Double, don't make me laugh?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Then I shouldn't buy stock.
Speaker 7 (31:34):
Huh, forget it.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Maybe you're right, I'll just keep the twenty grand. No
you won't. You give it back, give it first.
Speaker 4 (31:43):
And you just say, friend, here's your twenty thousand, and
you just walk away.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
What are you saying?
Speaker 4 (31:48):
I say, walk, no?
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Run? But why why?
Speaker 4 (31:52):
He's the devil?
Speaker 3 (31:54):
Ah, we're being souperstitious. There's more so there is. There
is like a little fairy tailor to kid.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
Yeah, well you're gonna look him square in the eye.
They'll say, here is your twenty grand minus the two
dollars and twenty eight cents I loaned you. So now
I don't know you nothing. You don't know me nothing.
We're true, quits finished, goodbye.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Yeah, but Gussie, it's twenty.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
Grand it's your soul, bones, your soul.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Come on, Gussie, you.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Know what the soul is. I looked it up in
a dictionary. The immortal or the spiritual part of the person.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
So what is that mean?
Speaker 4 (32:30):
So whatever it means, he wants it, well, what could
he do with it?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Don't let him have it for twenty grande?
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Why not? Because after you die, you'll go to hell.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Paster ride die. Why do I care where I go?
I'll be dead.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
No, you won't be dead.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
How can you say so?
Speaker 4 (32:45):
If you have your soul, you won't be dead.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Look, you'll bury me. We'll sure well, then soul or
no soul, I'll be dead anyhow.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
But if you got your soul, you've got eternal life.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
A girl will do me in a grave.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
But you won't be in a grave.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
I won't. No, you mean if somebody was big and open,
they won't find me. You yes, your soul.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
No, I'll give back this money.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Because it's not just this twenty down, he says, he
wants to make me a millionaire.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
You an'entire word I said.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
You don't go to hell. Oh you don't believe in
all that caush you do, your little devils with a pitfall.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
That's not what hell is. Bones, it's whatever turns you off.
It's tailor made for each and every customer.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
High you're nuts.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
What would be hell for you?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Bones?
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Steady indoor nine to five job, right at a desk,
using an airing machine, right, just adding figures all day long.
And so there you are, Bones at the desk all day,
cut it out, sitting there just like you. Fifty guys
to the left, fifty more of the right, fifty in front,
fifteen back, all one time, hustlers, con guys, gamblers, all
(34:02):
punch in the adding machine. Oh gosh, you no ding
them figures all day?
Speaker 3 (34:07):
What figgers?
Speaker 4 (34:08):
That devil's figures, keeping a record of every deal the
devil makes, keeping all the numbers straight, keeping everybody's account
up to date like yours. Some poor slob has already
made a record of your twenty grand gushie.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
You you okay?
Speaker 4 (34:24):
Sometimes sometimes you just can't stand it no more, poor Bones,
You just can't stand it. Your mind begins to wander
you you begin to daydream. Who's gonna win the fits
at Acura?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (34:36):
And suddenly there's this noise like your whole head's on fire.
You scream off a stuper and now he's there.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
You know who.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
You've done it again, Bones, daydreaming? Please please please stop
our promise I'll.
Speaker 7 (34:52):
Behave As punishment, you will work an hour longer today anything, Just.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Stop the pave.
Speaker 4 (35:01):
Another hour of a sheer torture, eating more and more
numbers for clean bones. Promise you'll give him back the twenty.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Promise here, Yeah, I promise. Here's what I owe you,
twenty grand minus two dollars and twenty eight cents.
Speaker 6 (35:25):
I take it.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
You are giving the money to miss margin here for
the stock.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Sure, you take it. I leave it.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
And you no longer desire to become a millionaire.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
I'm happy where things are.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I'm afraid you won't be happy anymore.
Speaker 7 (35:38):
Because you see, you'll no longer be one of my people.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
That's great?
Speaker 6 (35:42):
Is it?
Speaker 7 (35:43):
Only my people can enjoy betting on horses, playing cards, trimming.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Suckers, fleecing marks. You will never do any of those
things again.
Speaker 3 (35:53):
Who's going to stop me?
Speaker 6 (35:54):
You will?
Speaker 2 (35:55):
You'll stop yourself. The desire for those things will disappear,
appetite will be gone.
Speaker 7 (36:01):
You'll become mister Stuyvesant to Williger, shaping up to a
nine to five office job.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
At least I won't go to hell, right, you'll go
to heaven?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
And what will you do there? Bones?
Speaker 9 (36:12):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Do they have racetracks? Casinos? Con games?
Speaker 7 (36:16):
How will you pass the time? What will you do
for eternity? And who will you have for company?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
All the suckers, the marks, the squares?
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yet, yes, all right, fire stock, fire stock.
Speaker 7 (36:32):
And now bones, soon we shall visit mister E.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
B Rogers the third and sell him the stock.
Speaker 6 (36:38):
First we show prepare the ground.
Speaker 7 (36:42):
Are your cost a financial editor at the Daily Press. Hello,
mister squint term please, yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
You see you have to stir up the cauldron a bit.
Speaker 7 (36:53):
Bones, huh oh, Hello there, I'm the same gentleman who
tipped you off to amalgamated gold bar. You might investigate
the recent activity in Transmutation Incorporated. Why were two million
shares purchased? Well, as I hear it, Transmutation has found
a process that can transmute sewage into crude oil.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah that's right now bones, watch it go up?
Speaker 3 (37:28):
And it did like we were hit by a blizzard.
Everybody wanted to buy Transmutation Inc. And I had all
the stock and a price kept going up, up up.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
We shall now visit mister E. B Rogers the Third.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
So you only outstanding shares of Transmutation Inks is the
Tuilaga I'm lett show you up.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
For he wants ten dollars a share. It could easily
go to twenty even higher. But mister Tuilager will be
satisfied with a prophet.
Speaker 7 (38:11):
Now well, guy's the limit with a stock, right is
mister Rogers thirty forty fifty.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
There was a funny look in mister Rogers's eyes. I
couldn't tell what it was, and then I realized it
was the way he tukted his head as if he
were listening, and it seemed to me I heard ad
eyring machine. Wasn't my imagination? Or was he here in
(38:44):
a coup? Because he also one to apples people. Mister Rogers,
you hear something and a clicking like an eyeing machine?
Why did I hear that the way he said it?
(39:07):
I know, I know, Well, I took that twenty millionaire
and I bought everything I ever wanted, a plus a
lot of things I never even knew I wanted. I
never heard the adding machine, so I figured it had
to be my imagination, until one night I got a
(39:27):
call to come visit mister Rogers.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Yes, mister tell, I had to see it, and I
to be expected.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I'm old enough and overdue, But I want to answer
the question you asked me in my office. Did I
hear an adding machine? The answer is yes, and tonight
I hear it. Mar WHOA what was the means?
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Give him best the man he.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
Is to have time? What we're giving it all up
because he's the boats, the houses, the cars, the clothes.
Every cent divesant. Why why You're the one who told
me I don't want to lose my soul, That's why?
Speaker 4 (40:29):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (40:30):
Don't you remember what you told me about the adding
machine and the job I'd have for all eternity?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Oh that.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Divers It was a joke, Joe, What's sure?
Speaker 3 (40:41):
I made it up.
Speaker 4 (40:42):
I was afraid i'd lose you. I wanted you to
stay with me in Rogersville and work in the diner.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Darling.
Speaker 4 (40:49):
How was I to know you were a financial genius.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
A wizard of Wall Street. So you're made it up
every word?
Speaker 4 (40:55):
But every word is the truth, dive asant.
Speaker 3 (40:58):
And I'm giving it up. We ain't gonna have a penny,
but we will have our souls.
Speaker 4 (41:06):
You you are serious, all right?
Speaker 3 (41:11):
Boys? But hey, hey, what's a big idea? They can move?
There's two big gorillas and white coats grab me, hustled
me into a wagon and tossed me into a padded solf.
Things got kind of blurry after that. I can only
(41:34):
remember a bunch of guys Rye glasses and beads phones.
Speaker 4 (41:39):
It's light and bright and then clean, and you can
play shuffleboard and dig in the garden.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
And I do.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Sometimes I even wear my captain's uniformed all the doctor's
flag outs Nutty is a fruitcake because I don't want
to live like a guy with twenty million dollars. But
that's okay, because here's what I don't hear. I don't hear.
That's clickity clickity cluckety cluck. I'll tell you who I
(42:12):
think does hear it?
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Though, Gussie, sometimes the sounds you don't hear are more
vital than the one you do hear.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Rest assured.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
The machine is always running, always adding, subtracting. And in
the end, shall you have a debit or a credit?
Speaker 2 (42:46):
Well? I owe you one more appearance in just a
short while. Who is keeping track of everything? Who is
(43:07):
keeping the score?
Speaker 1 (43:09):
Who knows where every item belongs? And most important, who
is balancing the books? Do you believe that every act
is weighed and measured, that every account is balanced daily?
Speaker 2 (43:28):
If you don't, what's the alternative.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Our cast included Norman Rose, Robert Dryden, and Bryana Raeburn.
The entire production was under the direction.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
Of Hyman Brown Radio.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division
and arm Allergy Relief Medicine. This is EG Marshall inviting
you to return to our Mystery Theater for another adventure
in the macabre.
Speaker 9 (43:56):
Until next time, Pleasant Streams, b
Speaker 3 (44:27):
BA
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