December 24, 2024 • 43 mins
THIS IS NOT A NORMAL CHAT OUT OF HELL
THIS IS A HORRIBLE CHAT OUT OF HELL
Please don't take time out of your Christmas Day to listen to this, it won't pay off.
See you on January 6th, Loafers.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sam (00:03):
Welcome to Chat Out of Hell's Christmas Horror.
Christmas is a traditional timeto tell ghost stories, and here
in the UK, the BBC have mademany adaptations of the stories
of M.
R.
James.
These are weird, unsettlingtales about dusty academics who
uncover something odd, somethingoff putting, something entirely
(00:24):
not quite right, which shadowsand haunts and follows them and
slowly drives them into madnessor the grave.
This is an appropriate theme tobear in mind when listening to
the rest of this recording.
The following is what happenedwhen the stymonologists of Chat
Out of Hell were sent amysterious document by a distant
(00:47):
friend and uncovered the horrorswithin.
Chat Out of Hell is equallygrateful to, and curses the name
of, Charlie Etheridge Nunn, whowas responsible for the terrors
that follow.
This is not a normal Chat Out ofHell.
Do not listen to it in company.
ESPECIALLY do not listen to itin the company of children,
(01:10):
family, or anyone you ever wantto look in the eye again.
Seriously, don't.
You have been warned.
Hello.
This is a very special ChristmasChat Out Of Hell.
If you've never listened to ChatOut Of Hell before, for God's
sake,
Emma (01:29):
This
Sam (01:30):
is not for you.
If you have listened to Chat OutOf Hell before, for God's sake,
stop.
This is maybe even less for you.
In the 90s, Jim Steinman'swebsite hosted a message board
called Rockman Records.
Don't ask us why.
For some reason, Jim Steinmanasked his most devoted Rockman
(01:53):
Records fans to share theirbiggest Jim Steinman fantasies.
And they did.
Don't ask us why.
Jim then took all their repliesand made a special page on his
website to show off how sexy hisfans think he is.
Don't ask us why, but youalready know.
Chat out of Hell will return onJanuary the 6th.
(02:15):
In the meantime, here is JimSteinman's ego on full display.
Merry Christmas everyone! STING
Emma (02:29):
Welcome to Fantasize Every Movement.
Sam (02:34):
We asked, my fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would
involve, and you answered.
Emma (02:43):
My Fantasy Evening with Jim Steinman is X rated, and not
I dare tell you about it.
wrong, No, no, I read itcorrectly.
Sam (02:58):
I'd love to spend the night with Jim, a couple of bottles of
wine, and his piano.
Emma (03:05):
Well.
It goes like this.
Jimmy picks me up in a stretchlimo.
He comes to my door with redroses.
When I answer he says, On a hotsummer night.
We go to dinner and in his usualmanner he orders everything on
the menu.
(03:27):
We laugh and talk and drink.
On the limo ride home, we dosome kissing in the backseat.
Then Jimmy does the speech aboutMirror, and ends it all with,
now, your place or mine.
We wind up back at his house,presumably by the fridge, where
(03:50):
a night of endless pleasuretakes place.
It is more than any laws allow.
Why do I always find out in themorning that it was all a dream?
Ugh.
Sam (04:06):
For my fantasy, I make requests and Jim Steinman
fulfills them.
And all of my requests are notmusical, I might add.
Emma (04:16):
Me and Jim Steinman go for a walk on a sandy beach on a
clear, warm night.
And there's a full moon.
I tell him all of my secrets.
And I cry.
Then he tells me all of his.
And he cries.
Then we build a fire and watchthe night slip away with a
(04:39):
silent understanding between us.
To me, that's a perfect evening.
Sam (04:47):
I have front row tickets to the only Jim Steinman concert
ever.
He rocks and plays the pianolike a wild man.
After the show, I have abackstage pass and I go back to
have a tour book signed and wehit it off and wind up going out
and partying after.
Emma (05:05):
Aww.
On a fantasy date with JimSteinman, I would be allowed to
give him as much pleasure as hehas given me.
I would light a million vanillascented candles and pour him
some expensive wine.
The absolute recipe for aheadache there.
(05:27):
We would get high and drinkuntil our mouths started to feel
that special way when you'vejust got to start kissing.
Then we do.
We kiss slow and tender atfirst, but then things start
heating up.
I can feel how hard he is andhow I
Sam (05:46):
that bit
Emma (05:48):
I'm just going to take that bit again, hang on a
Sam (05:49):
a bad time to be drinking a cup of
Emma (05:55):
Sorry, just need a sec.
Sam (05:57):
me
Emma (05:58):
I can feel how hard he is, and I know that he is wanting me
as badly as I'm wanting him.
He's very shy, so I always takethe lead.
He watches like a hungry wolf asI undo my blouse and play with
my nipples.
(06:19):
Jesus Christ! I pick up hishands and place them on my
breasts.
He's so gentle and he feels soright.
Before long, I take him and leadhim into the bedroom.
He sits down on the bed and Itreat him to a private lap
(06:40):
dance.
He can't withstand much more ofthis teasing, so I take down his
pants and climb on top of him.
Our bodies are a natural matchand we move together in perfect
harmony.
It ends in a smashing orgasm foreach of us and then we sleep in
(07:01):
each other's arms until
Sam (07:03):
A smashing orgasm.
Emma (07:06):
Oh know how I got through that.
Sam (07:18):
If I could have a fantasy evening with Jim Steinman, it
would probably be spent doingvery regular stuff.
I'd introduce him to my friendsand we'd hit a movie or go
shopping at the mall, and thenend up getting something to eat.
I can think of a lot moreexciting stuff to do, and a lot
of selfish requests I could makeof him.
(07:39):
But I'd pick to do ordinarythings instead.
From what hear, he spends allhis is time by himself without
any friends.
So I'd just like to show himwhat us normal folks do.
Plus, I think it'd be a hoot tohang with.
This guy has an awesome sense ofhumour.
Emma (07:57):
We go for a ride on his 1981 Harley Davidson.
How cool would that be?
Actually riding with the man whois the bat out of
Sam (08:09):
It would be awful because he doesn't know how to ride a
motorbike.
Emma (08:12):
Ride a motorbike.
Sam (08:14):
I confess all of my sins, and he listens, then forgives
Emma (08:20):
On my fantasy night, the only sound would be the sound of
moaning, and of two peoplethoroughly enjoying the way the
other tastes and feels.
Sam (08:34):
We dive into a vat of chocolate naked together, and
don't come up for air.
Heh.
Emma (08:40):
up for So they Mr Steinman writes a song for my band and he
plays the piano on stage with uswhen we're playing a concert.
We bring the house down with thenumber and the audience keeps
screaming until we play the songagain.
I
Sam (09:05):
get really naughty here, but I won't! Instead, Jim and me
talk for hours and become reallygood friends.
Emma (09:14):
friends.
Boring! I get to shampoo thatextraordinary grey hair of his.
What a turn on.
Once I wash his hair, I justkeep on going.
Sam (09:28):
My mind is going in every different direction.
To a restaurant, to a concerthall, to the recording studio,
to the bedroom.
Of course.
Anywhere, anytime, anyplace.
Doing anything with Jim Steinmanwould be a fantasy come true.
Emma (09:51):
We fly around the world faster than the speed of night
and try to beat time.
We'll never be as young as weare right now.
Sam (10:02):
For my fantasy date with Jim Steinman, I would take him
somewhere private.
I would like to be a ear for himand listen to his problems and
hear what bothers him.
He's a beautiful person who isapparently depressed and
hurting.
It would be my fantasy to havehim open up to me and let me
(10:23):
help him work through things fora change.
I guess just holding him andmaking him feel comfortable and
secure and less alone would bemy wish.
Emma (10:34):
We play Bad for Good 200 million times.
Sam (10:39):
Jim fucks me like an animal.
Emma (10:43):
Aw.
Sam (10:45):
Bless.
Emma (10:47):
For my fantasy evening, I get Jim to take me over to
Bonnie Tyler's house and shesings while he plays piano.
Sam (10:56):
I'd really like to check out one of those radical places
he eats at and get to tryeverything on the menu.
Jim Steinman is the coolest,hippest, most totally unique guy
in the world, and the way hedoes this proves Hey Jim, next
time you're going out to eat,count me in.
(11:16):
Please!
Emma (11:18):
The two of us listen to 900 numbers all night and he
picks up the tab.
Sam (11:25):
We go into the studio and have sex while his music is
playing.
Emma (11:29):
Jim plays the piano all night long.
Sam (11:32):
On my fantasy night, I become Jim Steinman and live his
life for a few hours.
Emma (11:40):
We love the night away.
Oh, Jim, you're so good.
And the following morning.
Oh, Jim, you sure know how toplease a lady.
An afternoon.
Oh, Jim, you feel so right.
An evening.
Oh, Jim.
(12:01):
I like the way you do that.
And night, oh Jim, you're sogentle.
And morning, oh Jim, you'rewearing me out.
Oh Jim, don't stop.
Oh Jim.
(12:25):
Sorry.
Sam (12:25):
think I've dialed one of those 900 numbers.
Me and Jim go shopping forclothes.
He has a good sense of stylewhich I really admire.
Those mirrored glasses, theleather jackets, those enormous
gloves.
(12:46):
Of course, if I dressed likehim, I'd probably look like an
asshole.
But he looks like Adonis.
Emma (12:53):
Oh, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?
We take a bath together instrawberries and cream and drown
in ecstasy.
Oh la la.
Sam (13:07):
For my fantasy, Jim would play some of his unreleased
songs for me.
Let me read the script to bat2100 and answer all of my
questions about his career.
All of this, over a great meal,with nice wine.
Emma (13:30):
um, my fantasy night includes a push up bra and some
satin sheets and I am a
Sam (13:39):
kid.
I'd like to wear his leatherjacket, with nothing on
underneath.
That's gonna chafe.
Emma (13:51):
and Jim do a mind meld.
Sam (13:55):
night is spent in Jim Steinman's house.
Would not necessarily be in thesame bed, just in his house
overnight to see what happens.
You never know what the nightcan bring.
Emma (14:12):
Jim takes me shopping for lingerie.
He finds the only black leathernightgown ever made and buys it
for me.
later on I return his generositywith sexual favours.
Sam (14:30):
Take Jim to a wedding.
OURS!
Emma (14:39):
Jimmy writes a song just for me.
Sam (14:43):
me.
I'd love to do a makeover onhim.
He has nice skin and gorgeousfeatures.
His face would be a dreampalette.
He's also got that distinctivegrey hair.
All you really need is onetrademark feature like that to
work around.
Makeover or not, he's abeautiful
Emma (15:04):
Well, I'm male, so my fantasy is not sexual.
We enter a time capsule and goback to 1977 78, and I watch him
play live on stage and I get tosee the whole Out of Hell
phenomena as it unfolds.
Sam (15:19):
Watch him do his work in the studio.
I think it would be unreal toget to see and hear one of these
songs come together.
Emma (15:27):
He reads poetry and feeds me grapes as I lay across his
lap.
Sam (15:34):
I lay down on the bed and let him use my body as a
keyboard.
Emma (15:40):
I am imagining typing and I know, I know, that's not what
it means.
Dear Npower, regarding bill Myfantasy night with Jim Steinman
would be riding down a lonelyinterstate highway on customised
Harleys, driving into a storm aslightning flashes on the
(16:03):
horizon, As the storm closes,and in true Easy Rider style, we
outrun the storm, and find a barwith only beautiful ladies in
it.
The rest is history.
Sam (16:17):
My fantasy night is at the hospital where I give birth to
his child as he lovingly staysby my side.
Emma (16:28):
the rooftop of the highest building in town, Jim sings and
plays piano for After this, weshare a candlelight dinner.
Sam (16:38):
Jim me places I've never known.
Only he could do that.
Emma (16:45):
I attend the Grammy
Sam (16:47):
Grammy as Jim For my fantasy date, I invite Jim over
for a home cooked dinner andhave Meat Loaf as my surprise
guest.
Then I'd lock them both up in aroom with padded walls until
they were ready to record Bat 3.
I've seen that film.
Emma (17:10):
Yep.
We go through the mirrortogether.
Sam (17:15):
One of those eat everything on the menu dates sounds good to
me.
Emma (17:20):
My fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would involve red
wine, maybe a little ex, lots ofcandles, 88 keys, a bitchin
sound system, my camera and lotsof art books.
Sounds like a really tedious
Sam (17:38):
art books?
Play strip poker with him.
Emma (17:46):
For my fantasy, I would want Jim to hypnotise me and let
me act as his slave.
Sam (17:54):
I'd just like to spend time together.
Have a chance to get to know andaccept each other.
I'd want him to feel happy,relaxed and comfortable in my
presence.
There would be no secondguessing anything we did or
said.
This is a man I have unyieldingrespect for, so it would be a
fantasy come true to think thatI was capable of bringing any
(18:17):
joy, happiness, or peace to him.
As a bonus, when the evening wasover, we would go home and both
get some nice, solid sleep.
Please get some self respect,whoever you are.
We charter a plane, go to LasVegas, catch a show and, since
(18:39):
it is my fantasy, get married inone of those quickie chapels by
a little Richard look alike.
to spend the night committingsome sins worthy of confession,
coveting my neighbor's ox.
Emma (18:54):
Get a video camera and act out HIS fantasy.
Sam (18:59):
I'm laying on a table and there is food all over me.
Jim Steinman eats it off.
No utensils.
Only finger lickin
Emma (19:20):
Me and Jimmy would be like two guys hanging out.
We rent a limo, pick up somewomen, go to a hotel room with a
jacuzzi and have some fun.
Sam (19:29):
My fantasy evening is Triple X rated.
I think that's the film that hadVin
Emma (19:35):
Diesel, in it.
I call him and he listens to meconfess.
Then we reverse roles.
There's a lot of confession in
Sam (19:45):
Mm hmm.
Jim Steinman and I visit mypsychic so I can see what she
can figure out about him.
Emma (19:53):
On my fantasy night, I have Jim paint my toenails with
a brush between his teeth andhot wax my bikini area.
Sam (20:02):
Steinman is not a trained beautician.
Emma (20:07):
I he'd make a right fucking mess of
Sam (20:08):
Oh god.
I envision Jim and I cuddling upby the fire, bare our souls to
each other.
Jim tells me his deepestthoughts and we talk for hours
about our secret fantasies.
Jim allows me to probe his mind.
I get to be his shrink.
Our minds connect in ways notthought possible.
(20:31):
We do not have sex in the usualway, but he enters mind, laying
bare my soul, submitting to hiswill.
Our minds become one and I giveover my thoughts to him.
We lie silently by the fire, ourspirits freed.
Emma (20:51):
Have a seance with Jim in his house and see who floats in.
Sam (20:57):
motorcycle naked, so I could feel the vibrations
between my legs and see Jim infront of me.
Open brackets.
I have a recurring dream thatI'm actually having sex with a
motorcycle and when I climax thebike always turns into Jim,
close That's horrifying.
Emma (21:20):
Me and my pal Jim Steinman go to see Star Wars The Empire
Strikes Back and Return of theJedi all in the same night.
Sam (21:29):
Mostly talking.
I, myself, I'm interested in thework with music that he does.
Fucking no duh.
He is genius with words and agod with music.
I would like to show him a fewrock operas that I'm working on,
including my project with BadFor good.
Emma (21:48):
that sounds fucking tedious.
Sam (21:50):
Of course, I'd ask to sing one of his songs for him.
Only the musically impairedwouldn't.
I would also like to talk aboutsome of his upcoming projects.
Like I said, mostly talking.
And, of course, I ask for anautograph.
What, do you think I'm a rebelwithout a clue?
And probably finish out theevening to know the man behind
(22:10):
the music, as well as share someinformation about myself with
him.
I'm just hoping that this won'tbe his dream, and if it's true
that rock'n'roll dreams comethrough, then I'll be dreaming
up a storm.
You're a very
Emma (22:24):
person.
If I could spend an evening withJim, I'd want to spend it at his
home.
I would like to ask Jim somevery personal questions about
his life and how he views lifein general.
I'd like to see some familyalbums and hear the story of his
life.
In my fantasy, we're so close.
(22:47):
Jim confides in me why he's soreclusive and tells me his hopes
and fears.
We discuss some of the stuffhe's listened to on 900 Lines
and why he felt compelled tocall.
In short, I'd like to be hisshrink for the evening.
Sam (23:05):
Jim sings and does some spoken word performances.
I love his voice.
Emma (23:11):
Just sitting around bullshitting about rock and
roll, opera, movies, theater,rating women at the mall,
ordering the one that
Sam (23:39):
me at
Emma (23:43):
She's a five.
She's a nine.
Sam (23:46):
She's a three from the
Emma (23:48):
up.
Oh god! Lads lads lads, at themall! This is so depressing.
Ordering everything on the menuin a fancy restaurant.
Other guests would have toinclude Tori Amos, Meatloaf,
Danny Elfman Ingui.
ingui Andrew Lloyd Webber BonnieTyler and my two best friends.
Sam (24:12):
That's a big table of people rating women.
Emma (24:16):
I think some of the people on that table wouldn't be too
pleased about the women rating
Sam (24:21):
the fantasy so they have to be.
Tori Amos is well off for ratingwomen at the mall.
My fantasy evening with JimSteinman would involve anything
I've ever dreamed of.
Yeah, what's
Emma (24:34):
that?
You have to be more specific.
Singing a Steinman song with himat the piano and me on my Fender
Strat.
Sam (24:43):
A good book some fine wine and gym reading to me by
candlelight.
See, everything doesn't have
Emma (24:50):
doesn't have to fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would
include nothing much, just tosit in a cafe and drink some
coffee and talk about life.
I would like to talk aboutwriting and how he came to write
lyrics.
I'm a new writer to the worldand would like to be known.
(25:12):
Hopefully, he could help me withthat.
Sam (25:15):
A dream evening would be for me to listen to answers of
the questions that I'd ask.
The two eternal questions I'dask Mr Steinman.
Why?
And women?
Emma (25:30):
women?
Sam (25:32):
This would be a dream evening for any true Steinman
fan.
I, I,
Emma (25:37):
do you know what?
Sam (25:38):
I think you'd get an interesting answer out of Jim if
you just went up and said,wOMEN?
Emma (25:44):
I think you might say terrifying.
Sam (25:47):
I talked to one once.
Emma (25:49):
But I didn't like it.
The indescribable, remarkable,unbelievable creator of the
music in my life turns to me andsays, if I gotta be damned, you
know I want to be damned,dancing through the night with
you.
You are the woman I've seen inthe mirror.
Come away with me build a dream.
(26:12):
And with that, we're off ridinga silver black phantom bike into
a blazing sunset.
Sam (26:19):
Of course, I would have to be driving and Jim at the back
because jim cannot ride amotorbike.
My fantasy is to write a songwith him or have him arrange and
produce one of my songs with meas the guitar, open brackets,
acoustic, slash, electric,slash, lead, close brackets,
player.
Emma (26:37):
It's always good to be specific.
I can give you my fantasy datein six words.
We wine, we dine, we 69.
Okay, five words and a number.
Sam (26:53):
I'd let Jim Steinman in through the back door.
I'd let Jim Steinman in throughthe back door, if you know what
I mean.
usually wouldn't do it foranyone anyone else, but for Jim,
I'll make the exception.
Emma (27:13):
My fantasy would come true just to be with Jim Steinman in
any way.
That is the fantasy, just beingwith him.
I wouldn't care what the hell wedo.
He could puke on me if he wants.
I'd just be so honoured to be inhis company Again?
(27:35):
Has he already puked on her?
Sam (27:37):
that.
Is
Emma (27:37):
Is
Sam (27:37):
Meat Loaf?
I would have Jim be a vocalcoach of mine for an evening.
I am an aspiring singer, andcan't believe the sound he's
able to bring out of a singer.
I have many times wondered whathe could bring out of me.
Emma (27:55):
Ahem, okay.
Oh, boy, you're not going to beable to print this.
My date takes place in theshower.
We have candles lit in theshower.
Sam (28:11):
When a
Emma (28:12):
We have candles lit and soft music is playing.
Steam is rising up and the wateris hot.
We wash and caress each other,deep kissing and massaging
wonderfully scented oils intoeach other.
He tastes amazing.
(28:32):
And we spend the night devouringeach other.
Now that I've turned myself on,I guess I'll go satisfy myself.
This one's for you,
Sam (28:43):
you, Jim.
Emma (28:45):
Jesus Christ.
I hope my mum doesn't listen tothis.
Sam (28:50):
I have a fantasy about giving Jim Steinman a blowjob.
I've had this fixation eversince I was young, and noticed
the way he looked in the jeanshe's wearing on the back of the
Bat Out of Hell LP.
Oh Christ.
(29:11):
It's like his faded Levi'sreally were bursting apart.
I found another photo of himrecently and his pants are tight
again and you can actually seehis, how should I say this,
unit.
(29:32):
This brought the whole fantasyof doing him in my mind again.
I've practised and I'vepractised and I'm sure he'd
enjoy it.
(29:53):
But anyhow, that's my fantasy.
Kinda perverted.
But tasty! Ha Sorry, Emma's
Emma (30:04):
mum.
Yeah, she's not listening tothis one.
We go to the power station,record the follow up smash to
I'd Do Anything For You.
for love called anything elsefor love and i become a huge
(30:25):
international superstar guy, sothere's
Sam (30:30):
there is going to be a fantasy date, there's going to
have to be chicks involved.
I guess I'll be with pamelaAnderson and I'll set Jimmy up
with some other hot babe,probably Anna Nicole Smith.
We get wasted, enjoy the women,and then trade.
After all, boys will be boys,and you can't ask them for a
fantasy, and not expect it toinclude girls.
Emma (30:53):
First, Jim sings a song he wrote just for me.
Then we kiss for a long time.
Then we make love, and he keepstelling me that he loves me and
cares about me.
Sam (31:06):
Bit clingy, Jim.
Emma (31:07):
Just a bit.
Sam (31:09):
He gathers together all of his greatest performers to give
a mega concert for me and all ofmy friends.
While, we have a clam bake and akeg party on a private beach he
rented out just for us.
Emma (31:23):
On my fantasy date, we go for a motorbike ride, and then
Jim takes me home and introducesme to his cats, which take an
immediate liking to me.
He can't believe it, andexclaims, Those cats don't like
anyone except me! You must bethe one! We will be married
tonight! Then we'll wed andconsummate the marriage in a
(31:46):
highly orgasmic, but too privatefor the internet, manner.
The very first time we have sex,he gets me pregnant with a boy
child who we name Jim Steinman,Jr.
And we have a great lifetogether.
It's like a Cinderella story forthe 90s.
Sam (32:09):
Hmm.
This question is really gearedtowards women or gays, but since
I can't resist answering, hereis my fantasy with Jim Steinman.
Keep in mind that I am 100percent straight.
We make out.
I don't want to kiss a man, butI would kiss him.
I'm very curious what a man thatwrites with such passion and
intensity would kiss I wouldprobably learn a lot from this
(32:32):
and be able to put what Ilearned to use with
Emma (32:33):
good.
Sam (32:35):
The logic here is that there are a million or more
women who'd want to kiss him,and if I knew how to do what he
does, I'd Maybe they'd kiss me?
There's a flaw in this logic, Iknow.
Okay, maybe I just want to kisshim, so I'm 99.
9 percent straight.
Emma (32:50):
For my fantasy, the maestro takes me into the studio
so that I may watch him create.
Sam (32:59):
I have a number of fantasies that involve Mr.
Steinman.
They all involve lots oflubricant.
KY Jelly is the commondenominator in all of them.
Emma (33:14):
This comment sponsored by KY Jelly.
For my date with Jim Steinman,we take a private jet to Paris,
to his favourite Frenchrestaurant.
He hand feeds me many deliciousdishes and drink fine wine as we
(33:36):
talk about all of his pastprojects and future plans.
We go for a walk after dinnerand it's cold and drizzling.
So we huddle close togetherunder an oversized umbrella.
On the ride home, we have somemore wine and continue talking
and laughing.
(33:57):
He's holding my hand the wholetime, but he's a perfect
gentleman.
When we get back, he gives me anice kiss goodnight and asks me
if I'd be interested in seeinghim again.
I say, yes.
Of course.
And ask when he wants to gettogether.
He says, Tomorrow.
I say, See you then.
(34:19):
I think this could be the startof something special.
Sam (34:22):
the start Leather.
Leather.
And more leather.
My fantasy evening with JimSteinman would be spent in
bondage.
He would tie me up on a rack andspank me for being a bad girl
that can't think of anythingexcept fucking him.
(34:48):
unbelievable evening ends with astern warning from Jim to be a
good girl so he won't have to dothis again.
I start being bad immediately.
Emma (35:00):
a bad girl, Sam.
He sings for me all night longand I get to pick the songs.
Okay, Jim, start with the entireBad For Good album.
Thank you very much.
Sam (35:17):
Even the shit If it's my fantasy, Jim Steinman does all
the ordering around.
I'd love to know what's on hismind and what his idea of fun
would be.
Emma (35:29):
Sorry to tell you this, but my fantasy night with
Steinman would be so pervertedand dirty.
It would be more fit to print inHustler than it would be on a
website.
Have you not seen Lustincarnate.
(35:50):
That is how I describe JimSteinman.
My lust incarnate.
Sam (35:57):
I'd like to go to a Meat Loaf concert with him, because
it would be the greatest honourto sit next to the person who
wrote the most amazing songsever written in the entire
history of forever.
Plus, when Meat Loaf startsacting like an ass, we can make
fun of him together.
Shut up and sing, you fat fuck.
Emma (36:19):
Charming.
Jimmy and I are sitting in frontof a roaring fire at some
exclusive mountain hideaway.
I run my fingers through hisbeautiful grey hair and stare
deeply into his dark brown eyes.
The sound of his voice issending shivers up my spine.
(36:41):
Now, use you imagination,because from this point on
things get a little too graphicto elaborate.
Sam (36:50):
Fantasy.
Me and Jim.
The New York Yankees.
A few joints, a few beers.
Life is good.
Emma (36:58):
For my fantasy evening, Jim Steinman would spend the
night playing the piano.
I would, oh, I would s I wouldsit on top of the piano and Jim
would give me aural pleasure atthe same time.
(37:18):
This is definitely a man of many
Sam (37:22):
That's a picture that'll stay with you.
I am personally invited by JimSteinman to the premiere party
for Bat Out of Hell 3, which, bythe way, is the soundtrack for
his new movie, Bat Out of Hell2100.
Emma (37:39):
We spend the night doing the mattress mambo.
Wow, Jim, you're an excellentdancer.
Sam (37:47):
I'd spend my time talking, probably over a great dinner in
a cozy restaurant, because inthe words of the great Stein
God, There are so many thingsthat I just gotta know, and it
would be a dream to get theanswers from the God himself.
Emma (38:04):
For your information, I've spent many fantasy evenings with
Jim already.
The key word, unfortunately, isfantasy.
I'm always making love out ofnothing at all.
Sam (38:15):
Probably just to go to some cool club where Steinman and
other famous people hang and getdrunk with him.
It's an excellent way to get tobe friends with someone.
It's fun.
Aside from me, I happen to beultimately cool.
Jim would be the best to hang
Emma (38:31):
with.
Jim comes to my door when noteven expecting him.
He says that he knows how big afan I am because he lives next
door, even though I never knew.
He says he's watched me throughthe window many times when I've
been masturbating to his music.
(38:54):
And that he is really turned onby the way I move my body and
that I'm very much in harmonywith the music.
He then asks me if I'm willingto come to his place and help
him work out some of the kinkshe's been having with some of
the new songs he's been writing.
I tell him I'd be happy to help,but I don't know how I could.
(39:17):
He says, That I could let himwatch me masturbate myself.
that would be his inspiration.
Because he would tell by the waymy body responds if he's making
the right adjustments.
I'm more than happy to oblige.
And off we go.
For some reason, this is arecurring fantasy I have
(39:40):
whenever I do myself.
That he asks to watch, and I lethim.
Sam (39:48):
We hug.
Not much more, just hug a lot.
Emma (39:53):
I co produce the next epic album.
If it takes more than anevening, I produce a song.
Sam (40:01):
Take a shower or a bath together.
Emma (40:03):
You've got to save water, haven't you?
Listening to the man play hispiano in front of the London
Symphony in the Royal AlbertHall with a couple of hundre of
my close personal friends.
Blood afterwards is strictlyoptional.
I don't know! I'm frightened ofthat one.
(40:26):
Well
Sam (40:28):
Have a nice meal and a good conversation.
Emma (40:31):
I don't care what we do as long as I get to touch his hair.
This includes all body hair.
Sam (40:41):
My fantasy evening would be spent with him having sex.
What kind of idiot would pass upthat?
Emma (40:49):
We walk hand in hand on a beautiful beach with the sun
setting and Jim singing andtalking.
Sam (40:56):
dinner.
Maybe catch a movie or a theatreshow.
Maybe, if the setting had one,he could play something on the
piano.
It would be a very fun evening,and hopefully it would involve
becoming friends.
Emma (41:09):
I like that, even though this is a fantasy, there's still
like, oh, if there
Sam (41:13):
it's got a if there is a piano, yeah, yeah.
Emma (41:16):
Jim dances in my pants.
Sam (41:23):
Sorry, I've just got images of Jim in women's underwear now.
now.
I get to sing Heaven Can WaitFor Him, and I can actually
carry a tune.
Emma (41:34):
Would be a long, delicious dinner and hours of conversation
to truly know a little bit ofthe man who seems to know me so
well.
Sam (41:45):
well.
Dancing waltzes and wild sex onthe floor of the Louvre Hall.
Emma (41:51):
I'm not sure they'd be too impressed about that.
The Louvre?
Yeah.
Sam (41:56):
Well, is it in front of the big crowd of people who are
always around the Mona Lisa?
Emma (42:03):
Piano, bass, drums, saxophone, trumpet and a stage.
Sam (42:09):
This concludes Whatever that was.
Emma (42:15):
Filth!
Sam (42:16):
filth! absolute filth.
That was the Chat out of Hell.
Christmas thing?
Emma (42:22):
I'm very happy that we, the way we've got this set up
and the way that we've beenreading from the
Sam (42:27):
website we don't have to look each other in the eye.
No, that's, that's been helpful.
Chat out of Hell is verygrateful to Charlie Etheridge
Nunn, who found this on Jim'swebsite in a hidden bit that
most people can't normally see.
Charlie is a very lovely man whois to blame for all of this, but
if, for some reason, you want tosupport Charlie, Charlie does
(42:48):
loads of stuff.
He writes comic books, he's gota comic called Explosion High,
And he hosts a podcast calledCasual Trek in which he and his
co host watch some Star Trekepisodes and then rate them
every week, which is much moreoften than we do our podcast.
And I don't think any eroticahappens in it
Emma (43:04):
Oh, disappointing.
Sam (43:05):
So if you've gone off us, try Casual trek.
If you're still here, we'll seeyou all on January 6th.
Merry
Emma (43:13):
Christmas! Bye!
Welcome to Chat Out of Hell's Christmas Horror.
Christmas is a traditional timeto tell ghost stories, and here
in the UK, the BBC have mademany adaptations of the stories
of M.
R.
James.
These are weird, unsettlingtales about dusty academics who
uncover something odd, somethingoff putting, something entirely
(00:24):
not quite right, which shadowsand haunts and follows them and
slowly drives them into madnessor the grave.
This is an appropriate theme tobear in mind when listening to
the rest of this recording.
The following is what happenedwhen the stymonologists of Chat
Out of Hell were sent amysterious document by a distant
(00:47):
friend and uncovered the horrorswithin.
Chat Out of Hell is equallygrateful to, and curses the name
of, Charlie Etheridge Nunn, whowas responsible for the terrors
that follow.
This is not a normal Chat Out ofHell.
Do not listen to it in company.
ESPECIALLY do not listen to itin the company of children,
(01:10):
family, or anyone you ever wantto look in the eye again.
Seriously, don't.
You have been warned.
Hello.
This is a very special ChristmasChat Out Of Hell.
If you've never listened to ChatOut Of Hell before, for God's
sake,
Emma (01:29):
This
Sam (01:30):
is not for you.
If you have listened to Chat OutOf Hell before, for God's sake,
stop.
This is maybe even less for you.
In the 90s, Jim Steinman'swebsite hosted a message board
called Rockman Records.
Don't ask us why.
For some reason, Jim Steinmanasked his most devoted Rockman
(01:53):
Records fans to share theirbiggest Jim Steinman fantasies.
And they did.
Don't ask us why.
Jim then took all their repliesand made a special page on his
website to show off how sexy hisfans think he is.
Don't ask us why, but youalready know.
Chat out of Hell will return onJanuary the 6th.
(02:15):
In the meantime, here is JimSteinman's ego on full display.
Merry Christmas everyone! STING
Emma (02:29):
Welcome to Fantasize Every Movement.
Sam (02:34):
We asked, my fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would
involve, and you answered.
Emma (02:43):
My Fantasy Evening with Jim Steinman is X rated, and not
I dare tell you about it.
wrong, No, no, I read itcorrectly.
Sam (02:58):
I'd love to spend the night with Jim, a couple of bottles of
wine, and his piano.
Emma (03:05):
Well.
It goes like this.
Jimmy picks me up in a stretchlimo.
He comes to my door with redroses.
When I answer he says, On a hotsummer night.
We go to dinner and in his usualmanner he orders everything on
the menu.
(03:27):
We laugh and talk and drink.
On the limo ride home, we dosome kissing in the backseat.
Then Jimmy does the speech aboutMirror, and ends it all with,
now, your place or mine.
We wind up back at his house,presumably by the fridge, where
(03:50):
a night of endless pleasuretakes place.
It is more than any laws allow.
Why do I always find out in themorning that it was all a dream?
Ugh.
Sam (04:06):
For my fantasy, I make requests and Jim Steinman
fulfills them.
And all of my requests are notmusical, I might add.
Emma (04:16):
Me and Jim Steinman go for a walk on a sandy beach on a
clear, warm night.
And there's a full moon.
I tell him all of my secrets.
And I cry.
Then he tells me all of his.
And he cries.
Then we build a fire and watchthe night slip away with a
(04:39):
silent understanding between us.
To me, that's a perfect evening.
Sam (04:47):
I have front row tickets to the only Jim Steinman concert
ever.
He rocks and plays the pianolike a wild man.
After the show, I have abackstage pass and I go back to
have a tour book signed and wehit it off and wind up going out
and partying after.
Emma (05:05):
Aww.
On a fantasy date with JimSteinman, I would be allowed to
give him as much pleasure as hehas given me.
I would light a million vanillascented candles and pour him
some expensive wine.
The absolute recipe for aheadache there.
(05:27):
We would get high and drinkuntil our mouths started to feel
that special way when you'vejust got to start kissing.
Then we do.
We kiss slow and tender atfirst, but then things start
heating up.
I can feel how hard he is andhow I
Sam (05:46):
that bit
Emma (05:48):
I'm just going to take that bit again, hang on a
Sam (05:49):
a bad time to be drinking a cup of
Emma (05:55):
Sorry, just need a sec.
Sam (05:57):
me
Emma (05:58):
I can feel how hard he is, and I know that he is wanting me
as badly as I'm wanting him.
He's very shy, so I always takethe lead.
He watches like a hungry wolf asI undo my blouse and play with
my nipples.
(06:19):
Jesus Christ! I pick up hishands and place them on my
breasts.
He's so gentle and he feels soright.
Before long, I take him and leadhim into the bedroom.
He sits down on the bed and Itreat him to a private lap
(06:40):
dance.
He can't withstand much more ofthis teasing, so I take down his
pants and climb on top of him.
Our bodies are a natural matchand we move together in perfect
harmony.
It ends in a smashing orgasm foreach of us and then we sleep in
(07:01):
each other's arms until
Sam (07:03):
A smashing orgasm.
Emma (07:06):
Oh know how I got through that.
Sam (07:18):
If I could have a fantasy evening with Jim Steinman, it
would probably be spent doingvery regular stuff.
I'd introduce him to my friendsand we'd hit a movie or go
shopping at the mall, and thenend up getting something to eat.
I can think of a lot moreexciting stuff to do, and a lot
of selfish requests I could makeof him.
(07:39):
But I'd pick to do ordinarythings instead.
From what hear, he spends allhis is time by himself without
any friends.
So I'd just like to show himwhat us normal folks do.
Plus, I think it'd be a hoot tohang with.
This guy has an awesome sense ofhumour.
Emma (07:57):
We go for a ride on his 1981 Harley Davidson.
How cool would that be?
Actually riding with the man whois the bat out of
Sam (08:09):
It would be awful because he doesn't know how to ride a
motorbike.
Emma (08:12):
Ride a motorbike.
Sam (08:14):
I confess all of my sins, and he listens, then forgives
Emma (08:20):
On my fantasy night, the only sound would be the sound of
moaning, and of two peoplethoroughly enjoying the way the
other tastes and feels.
Sam (08:34):
We dive into a vat of chocolate naked together, and
don't come up for air.
Heh.
Emma (08:40):
up for So they Mr Steinman writes a song for my band and he
plays the piano on stage with uswhen we're playing a concert.
We bring the house down with thenumber and the audience keeps
screaming until we play the songagain.
I
Sam (09:05):
get really naughty here, but I won't! Instead, Jim and me
talk for hours and become reallygood friends.
Emma (09:14):
friends.
Boring! I get to shampoo thatextraordinary grey hair of his.
What a turn on.
Once I wash his hair, I justkeep on going.
Sam (09:28):
My mind is going in every different direction.
To a restaurant, to a concerthall, to the recording studio,
to the bedroom.
Of course.
Anywhere, anytime, anyplace.
Doing anything with Jim Steinmanwould be a fantasy come true.
Emma (09:51):
We fly around the world faster than the speed of night
and try to beat time.
We'll never be as young as weare right now.
Sam (10:02):
For my fantasy date with Jim Steinman, I would take him
somewhere private.
I would like to be a ear for himand listen to his problems and
hear what bothers him.
He's a beautiful person who isapparently depressed and
hurting.
It would be my fantasy to havehim open up to me and let me
(10:23):
help him work through things fora change.
I guess just holding him andmaking him feel comfortable and
secure and less alone would bemy wish.
Emma (10:34):
We play Bad for Good 200 million times.
Sam (10:39):
Jim fucks me like an animal.
Emma (10:43):
Aw.
Sam (10:45):
Bless.
Emma (10:47):
For my fantasy evening, I get Jim to take me over to
Bonnie Tyler's house and shesings while he plays piano.
Sam (10:56):
I'd really like to check out one of those radical places
he eats at and get to tryeverything on the menu.
Jim Steinman is the coolest,hippest, most totally unique guy
in the world, and the way hedoes this proves Hey Jim, next
time you're going out to eat,count me in.
(11:16):
Please!
Emma (11:18):
The two of us listen to 900 numbers all night and he
picks up the tab.
Sam (11:25):
We go into the studio and have sex while his music is
playing.
Emma (11:29):
Jim plays the piano all night long.
Sam (11:32):
On my fantasy night, I become Jim Steinman and live his
life for a few hours.
Emma (11:40):
We love the night away.
Oh, Jim, you're so good.
And the following morning.
Oh, Jim, you sure know how toplease a lady.
An afternoon.
Oh, Jim, you feel so right.
An evening.
Oh, Jim.
(12:01):
I like the way you do that.
And night, oh Jim, you're sogentle.
And morning, oh Jim, you'rewearing me out.
Oh Jim, don't stop.
Oh Jim.
(12:25):
Sorry.
Sam (12:25):
think I've dialed one of those 900 numbers.
Me and Jim go shopping forclothes.
He has a good sense of stylewhich I really admire.
Those mirrored glasses, theleather jackets, those enormous
gloves.
(12:46):
Of course, if I dressed likehim, I'd probably look like an
asshole.
But he looks like Adonis.
Emma (12:53):
Oh, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?
We take a bath together instrawberries and cream and drown
in ecstasy.
Oh la la.
Sam (13:07):
For my fantasy, Jim would play some of his unreleased
songs for me.
Let me read the script to bat2100 and answer all of my
questions about his career.
All of this, over a great meal,with nice wine.
Emma (13:30):
um, my fantasy night includes a push up bra and some
satin sheets and I am a
Sam (13:39):
kid.
I'd like to wear his leatherjacket, with nothing on
underneath.
That's gonna chafe.
Emma (13:51):
and Jim do a mind meld.
Sam (13:55):
night is spent in Jim Steinman's house.
Would not necessarily be in thesame bed, just in his house
overnight to see what happens.
You never know what the nightcan bring.
Emma (14:12):
Jim takes me shopping for lingerie.
He finds the only black leathernightgown ever made and buys it
for me.
later on I return his generositywith sexual favours.
Sam (14:30):
Take Jim to a wedding.
OURS!
Emma (14:39):
Jimmy writes a song just for me.
Sam (14:43):
me.
I'd love to do a makeover onhim.
He has nice skin and gorgeousfeatures.
His face would be a dreampalette.
He's also got that distinctivegrey hair.
All you really need is onetrademark feature like that to
work around.
Makeover or not, he's abeautiful
Emma (15:04):
Well, I'm male, so my fantasy is not sexual.
We enter a time capsule and goback to 1977 78, and I watch him
play live on stage and I get tosee the whole Out of Hell
phenomena as it unfolds.
Sam (15:19):
Watch him do his work in the studio.
I think it would be unreal toget to see and hear one of these
songs come together.
Emma (15:27):
He reads poetry and feeds me grapes as I lay across his
lap.
Sam (15:34):
I lay down on the bed and let him use my body as a
keyboard.
Emma (15:40):
I am imagining typing and I know, I know, that's not what
it means.
Dear Npower, regarding bill Myfantasy night with Jim Steinman
would be riding down a lonelyinterstate highway on customised
Harleys, driving into a storm aslightning flashes on the
(16:03):
horizon, As the storm closes,and in true Easy Rider style, we
outrun the storm, and find a barwith only beautiful ladies in
it.
The rest is history.
Sam (16:17):
My fantasy night is at the hospital where I give birth to
his child as he lovingly staysby my side.
Emma (16:28):
the rooftop of the highest building in town, Jim sings and
plays piano for After this, weshare a candlelight dinner.
Sam (16:38):
Jim me places I've never known.
Only he could do that.
Emma (16:45):
I attend the Grammy
Sam (16:47):
Grammy as Jim For my fantasy date, I invite Jim over
for a home cooked dinner andhave Meat Loaf as my surprise
guest.
Then I'd lock them both up in aroom with padded walls until
they were ready to record Bat 3.
I've seen that film.
Emma (17:10):
Yep.
We go through the mirrortogether.
Sam (17:15):
One of those eat everything on the menu dates sounds good to
me.
Emma (17:20):
My fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would involve red
wine, maybe a little ex, lots ofcandles, 88 keys, a bitchin
sound system, my camera and lotsof art books.
Sounds like a really tedious
Sam (17:38):
art books?
Play strip poker with him.
Emma (17:46):
For my fantasy, I would want Jim to hypnotise me and let
me act as his slave.
Sam (17:54):
I'd just like to spend time together.
Have a chance to get to know andaccept each other.
I'd want him to feel happy,relaxed and comfortable in my
presence.
There would be no secondguessing anything we did or
said.
This is a man I have unyieldingrespect for, so it would be a
fantasy come true to think thatI was capable of bringing any
(18:17):
joy, happiness, or peace to him.
As a bonus, when the evening wasover, we would go home and both
get some nice, solid sleep.
Please get some self respect,whoever you are.
We charter a plane, go to LasVegas, catch a show and, since
(18:39):
it is my fantasy, get married inone of those quickie chapels by
a little Richard look alike.
to spend the night committingsome sins worthy of confession,
coveting my neighbor's ox.
Emma (18:54):
Get a video camera and act out HIS fantasy.
Sam (18:59):
I'm laying on a table and there is food all over me.
Jim Steinman eats it off.
No utensils.
Only finger lickin
Emma (19:20):
Me and Jimmy would be like two guys hanging out.
We rent a limo, pick up somewomen, go to a hotel room with a
jacuzzi and have some fun.
Sam (19:29):
My fantasy evening is Triple X rated.
I think that's the film that hadVin
Emma (19:35):
Diesel, in it.
I call him and he listens to meconfess.
Then we reverse roles.
There's a lot of confession in
Sam (19:45):
Mm hmm.
Jim Steinman and I visit mypsychic so I can see what she
can figure out about him.
Emma (19:53):
On my fantasy night, I have Jim paint my toenails with
a brush between his teeth andhot wax my bikini area.
Sam (20:02):
Steinman is not a trained beautician.
Emma (20:07):
I he'd make a right fucking mess of
Sam (20:08):
Oh god.
I envision Jim and I cuddling upby the fire, bare our souls to
each other.
Jim tells me his deepestthoughts and we talk for hours
about our secret fantasies.
Jim allows me to probe his mind.
I get to be his shrink.
Our minds connect in ways notthought possible.
(20:31):
We do not have sex in the usualway, but he enters mind, laying
bare my soul, submitting to hiswill.
Our minds become one and I giveover my thoughts to him.
We lie silently by the fire, ourspirits freed.
Emma (20:51):
Have a seance with Jim in his house and see who floats in.
Sam (20:57):
motorcycle naked, so I could feel the vibrations
between my legs and see Jim infront of me.
Open brackets.
I have a recurring dream thatI'm actually having sex with a
motorcycle and when I climax thebike always turns into Jim,
close That's horrifying.
Emma (21:20):
Me and my pal Jim Steinman go to see Star Wars The Empire
Strikes Back and Return of theJedi all in the same night.
Sam (21:29):
Mostly talking.
I, myself, I'm interested in thework with music that he does.
Fucking no duh.
He is genius with words and agod with music.
I would like to show him a fewrock operas that I'm working on,
including my project with BadFor good.
Emma (21:48):
that sounds fucking tedious.
Sam (21:50):
Of course, I'd ask to sing one of his songs for him.
Only the musically impairedwouldn't.
I would also like to talk aboutsome of his upcoming projects.
Like I said, mostly talking.
And, of course, I ask for anautograph.
What, do you think I'm a rebelwithout a clue?
And probably finish out theevening to know the man behind
(22:10):
the music, as well as share someinformation about myself with
him.
I'm just hoping that this won'tbe his dream, and if it's true
that rock'n'roll dreams comethrough, then I'll be dreaming
up a storm.
You're a very
Emma (22:24):
person.
If I could spend an evening withJim, I'd want to spend it at his
home.
I would like to ask Jim somevery personal questions about
his life and how he views lifein general.
I'd like to see some familyalbums and hear the story of his
life.
In my fantasy, we're so close.
(22:47):
Jim confides in me why he's soreclusive and tells me his hopes
and fears.
We discuss some of the stuffhe's listened to on 900 Lines
and why he felt compelled tocall.
In short, I'd like to be hisshrink for the evening.
Sam (23:05):
Jim sings and does some spoken word performances.
I love his voice.
Emma (23:11):
Just sitting around bullshitting about rock and
roll, opera, movies, theater,rating women at the mall,
ordering the one that
Sam (23:39):
me at
Emma (23:43):
She's a five.
She's a nine.
Sam (23:46):
She's a three from the
Emma (23:48):
up.
Oh god! Lads lads lads, at themall! This is so depressing.
Ordering everything on the menuin a fancy restaurant.
Other guests would have toinclude Tori Amos, Meatloaf,
Danny Elfman Ingui.
ingui Andrew Lloyd Webber BonnieTyler and my two best friends.
Sam (24:12):
That's a big table of people rating women.
Emma (24:16):
I think some of the people on that table wouldn't be too
pleased about the women rating
Sam (24:21):
the fantasy so they have to be.
Tori Amos is well off for ratingwomen at the mall.
My fantasy evening with JimSteinman would involve anything
I've ever dreamed of.
Yeah, what's
Emma (24:34):
that?
You have to be more specific.
Singing a Steinman song with himat the piano and me on my Fender
Strat.
Sam (24:43):
A good book some fine wine and gym reading to me by
candlelight.
See, everything doesn't have
Emma (24:50):
doesn't have to fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would
include nothing much, just tosit in a cafe and drink some
coffee and talk about life.
I would like to talk aboutwriting and how he came to write
lyrics.
I'm a new writer to the worldand would like to be known.
(25:12):
Hopefully, he could help me withthat.
Sam (25:15):
A dream evening would be for me to listen to answers of
the questions that I'd ask.
The two eternal questions I'dask Mr Steinman.
Why?
And women?
Emma (25:30):
women?
Sam (25:32):
This would be a dream evening for any true Steinman
fan.
I, I,
Emma (25:37):
do you know what?
Sam (25:38):
I think you'd get an interesting answer out of Jim if
you just went up and said,wOMEN?
Emma (25:44):
I think you might say terrifying.
Sam (25:47):
I talked to one once.
Emma (25:49):
But I didn't like it.
The indescribable, remarkable,unbelievable creator of the
music in my life turns to me andsays, if I gotta be damned, you
know I want to be damned,dancing through the night with
you.
You are the woman I've seen inthe mirror.
Come away with me build a dream.
(26:12):
And with that, we're off ridinga silver black phantom bike into
a blazing sunset.
Sam (26:19):
Of course, I would have to be driving and Jim at the back
because jim cannot ride amotorbike.
My fantasy is to write a songwith him or have him arrange and
produce one of my songs with meas the guitar, open brackets,
acoustic, slash, electric,slash, lead, close brackets,
player.
Emma (26:37):
It's always good to be specific.
I can give you my fantasy datein six words.
We wine, we dine, we 69.
Okay, five words and a number.
Sam (26:53):
I'd let Jim Steinman in through the back door.
I'd let Jim Steinman in throughthe back door, if you know what
I mean.
usually wouldn't do it foranyone anyone else, but for Jim,
I'll make the exception.
Emma (27:13):
My fantasy would come true just to be with Jim Steinman in
any way.
That is the fantasy, just beingwith him.
I wouldn't care what the hell wedo.
He could puke on me if he wants.
I'd just be so honoured to be inhis company Again?
(27:35):
Has he already puked on her?
Sam (27:37):
that.
Is
Emma (27:37):
Is
Sam (27:37):
Meat Loaf?
I would have Jim be a vocalcoach of mine for an evening.
I am an aspiring singer, andcan't believe the sound he's
able to bring out of a singer.
I have many times wondered whathe could bring out of me.
Emma (27:55):
Ahem, okay.
Oh, boy, you're not going to beable to print this.
My date takes place in theshower.
We have candles lit in theshower.
Sam (28:11):
When a
Emma (28:12):
We have candles lit and soft music is playing.
Steam is rising up and the wateris hot.
We wash and caress each other,deep kissing and massaging
wonderfully scented oils intoeach other.
He tastes amazing.
(28:32):
And we spend the night devouringeach other.
Now that I've turned myself on,I guess I'll go satisfy myself.
This one's for you,
Sam (28:43):
you, Jim.
Emma (28:45):
Jesus Christ.
I hope my mum doesn't listen tothis.
Sam (28:50):
I have a fantasy about giving Jim Steinman a blowjob.
I've had this fixation eversince I was young, and noticed
the way he looked in the jeanshe's wearing on the back of the
Bat Out of Hell LP.
Oh Christ.
(29:11):
It's like his faded Levi'sreally were bursting apart.
I found another photo of himrecently and his pants are tight
again and you can actually seehis, how should I say this,
unit.
(29:32):
This brought the whole fantasyof doing him in my mind again.
I've practised and I'vepractised and I'm sure he'd
enjoy it.
(29:53):
But anyhow, that's my fantasy.
Kinda perverted.
But tasty! Ha Sorry, Emma's
Emma (30:04):
mum.
Yeah, she's not listening tothis one.
We go to the power station,record the follow up smash to
I'd Do Anything For You.
for love called anything elsefor love and i become a huge
(30:25):
international superstar guy, sothere's
Sam (30:30):
there is going to be a fantasy date, there's going to
have to be chicks involved.
I guess I'll be with pamelaAnderson and I'll set Jimmy up
with some other hot babe,probably Anna Nicole Smith.
We get wasted, enjoy the women,and then trade.
After all, boys will be boys,and you can't ask them for a
fantasy, and not expect it toinclude girls.
Emma (30:53):
First, Jim sings a song he wrote just for me.
Then we kiss for a long time.
Then we make love, and he keepstelling me that he loves me and
cares about me.
Sam (31:06):
Bit clingy, Jim.
Emma (31:07):
Just a bit.
Sam (31:09):
He gathers together all of his greatest performers to give
a mega concert for me and all ofmy friends.
While, we have a clam bake and akeg party on a private beach he
rented out just for us.
Emma (31:23):
On my fantasy date, we go for a motorbike ride, and then
Jim takes me home and introducesme to his cats, which take an
immediate liking to me.
He can't believe it, andexclaims, Those cats don't like
anyone except me! You must bethe one! We will be married
tonight! Then we'll wed andconsummate the marriage in a
(31:46):
highly orgasmic, but too privatefor the internet, manner.
The very first time we have sex,he gets me pregnant with a boy
child who we name Jim Steinman,Jr.
And we have a great lifetogether.
It's like a Cinderella story forthe 90s.
Sam (32:09):
Hmm.
This question is really gearedtowards women or gays, but since
I can't resist answering, hereis my fantasy with Jim Steinman.
Keep in mind that I am 100percent straight.
We make out.
I don't want to kiss a man, butI would kiss him.
I'm very curious what a man thatwrites with such passion and
intensity would kiss I wouldprobably learn a lot from this
(32:32):
and be able to put what Ilearned to use with
Emma (32:33):
good.
Sam (32:35):
The logic here is that there are a million or more
women who'd want to kiss him,and if I knew how to do what he
does, I'd Maybe they'd kiss me?
There's a flaw in this logic, Iknow.
Okay, maybe I just want to kisshim, so I'm 99.
9 percent straight.
Emma (32:50):
For my fantasy, the maestro takes me into the studio
so that I may watch him create.
Sam (32:59):
I have a number of fantasies that involve Mr.
Steinman.
They all involve lots oflubricant.
KY Jelly is the commondenominator in all of them.
Emma (33:14):
This comment sponsored by KY Jelly.
For my date with Jim Steinman,we take a private jet to Paris,
to his favourite Frenchrestaurant.
He hand feeds me many deliciousdishes and drink fine wine as we
(33:36):
talk about all of his pastprojects and future plans.
We go for a walk after dinnerand it's cold and drizzling.
So we huddle close togetherunder an oversized umbrella.
On the ride home, we have somemore wine and continue talking
and laughing.
(33:57):
He's holding my hand the wholetime, but he's a perfect
gentleman.
When we get back, he gives me anice kiss goodnight and asks me
if I'd be interested in seeinghim again.
I say, yes.
Of course.
And ask when he wants to gettogether.
He says, Tomorrow.
I say, See you then.
(34:19):
I think this could be the startof something special.
Sam (34:22):
the start Leather.
Leather.
And more leather.
My fantasy evening with JimSteinman would be spent in
bondage.
He would tie me up on a rack andspank me for being a bad girl
that can't think of anythingexcept fucking him.
(34:48):
unbelievable evening ends with astern warning from Jim to be a
good girl so he won't have to dothis again.
I start being bad immediately.
Emma (35:00):
a bad girl, Sam.
He sings for me all night longand I get to pick the songs.
Okay, Jim, start with the entireBad For Good album.
Thank you very much.
Sam (35:17):
Even the shit If it's my fantasy, Jim Steinman does all
the ordering around.
I'd love to know what's on hismind and what his idea of fun
would be.
Emma (35:29):
Sorry to tell you this, but my fantasy night with
Steinman would be so pervertedand dirty.
It would be more fit to print inHustler than it would be on a
website.
Have you not seen Lustincarnate.
(35:50):
That is how I describe JimSteinman.
My lust incarnate.
Sam (35:57):
I'd like to go to a Meat Loaf concert with him, because
it would be the greatest honourto sit next to the person who
wrote the most amazing songsever written in the entire
history of forever.
Plus, when Meat Loaf startsacting like an ass, we can make
fun of him together.
Shut up and sing, you fat fuck.
Emma (36:19):
Charming.
Jimmy and I are sitting in frontof a roaring fire at some
exclusive mountain hideaway.
I run my fingers through hisbeautiful grey hair and stare
deeply into his dark brown eyes.
The sound of his voice issending shivers up my spine.
(36:41):
Now, use you imagination,because from this point on
things get a little too graphicto elaborate.
Sam (36:50):
Fantasy.
Me and Jim.
The New York Yankees.
A few joints, a few beers.
Life is good.
Emma (36:58):
For my fantasy evening, Jim Steinman would spend the
night playing the piano.
I would, oh, I would s I wouldsit on top of the piano and Jim
would give me aural pleasure atthe same time.
(37:18):
This is definitely a man of many
Sam (37:22):
That's a picture that'll stay with you.
I am personally invited by JimSteinman to the premiere party
for Bat Out of Hell 3, which, bythe way, is the soundtrack for
his new movie, Bat Out of Hell2100.
Emma (37:39):
We spend the night doing the mattress mambo.
Wow, Jim, you're an excellentdancer.
Sam (37:47):
I'd spend my time talking, probably over a great dinner in
a cozy restaurant, because inthe words of the great Stein
God, There are so many thingsthat I just gotta know, and it
would be a dream to get theanswers from the God himself.
Emma (38:04):
For your information, I've spent many fantasy evenings with
Jim already.
The key word, unfortunately, isfantasy.
I'm always making love out ofnothing at all.
Sam (38:15):
Probably just to go to some cool club where Steinman and
other famous people hang and getdrunk with him.
It's an excellent way to get tobe friends with someone.
It's fun.
Aside from me, I happen to beultimately cool.
Jim would be the best to hang
Emma (38:31):
with.
Jim comes to my door when noteven expecting him.
He says that he knows how big afan I am because he lives next
door, even though I never knew.
He says he's watched me throughthe window many times when I've
been masturbating to his music.
(38:54):
And that he is really turned onby the way I move my body and
that I'm very much in harmonywith the music.
He then asks me if I'm willingto come to his place and help
him work out some of the kinkshe's been having with some of
the new songs he's been writing.
I tell him I'd be happy to help,but I don't know how I could.
(39:17):
He says, That I could let himwatch me masturbate myself.
that would be his inspiration.
Because he would tell by the waymy body responds if he's making
the right adjustments.
I'm more than happy to oblige.
And off we go.
For some reason, this is arecurring fantasy I have
(39:40):
whenever I do myself.
That he asks to watch, and I lethim.
Sam (39:48):
We hug.
Not much more, just hug a lot.
Emma (39:53):
I co produce the next epic album.
If it takes more than anevening, I produce a song.
Sam (40:01):
Take a shower or a bath together.
Emma (40:03):
You've got to save water, haven't you?
Listening to the man play hispiano in front of the London
Symphony in the Royal AlbertHall with a couple of hundre of
my close personal friends.
Blood afterwards is strictlyoptional.
I don't know! I'm frightened ofthat one.
(40:26):
Well
Sam (40:28):
Have a nice meal and a good conversation.
Emma (40:31):
I don't care what we do as long as I get to touch his hair.
This includes all body hair.
Sam (40:41):
My fantasy evening would be spent with him having sex.
What kind of idiot would pass upthat?
Emma (40:49):
We walk hand in hand on a beautiful beach with the sun
setting and Jim singing andtalking.
Sam (40:56):
dinner.
Maybe catch a movie or a theatreshow.
Maybe, if the setting had one,he could play something on the
piano.
It would be a very fun evening,and hopefully it would involve
becoming friends.
Emma (41:09):
I like that, even though this is a fantasy, there's still
like, oh, if there
Sam (41:13):
it's got a if there is a piano, yeah, yeah.
Emma (41:16):
Jim dances in my pants.
Sam (41:23):
Sorry, I've just got images of Jim in women's underwear now.
now.
I get to sing Heaven Can WaitFor Him, and I can actually
carry a tune.
Emma (41:34):
Would be a long, delicious dinner and hours of conversation
to truly know a little bit ofthe man who seems to know me so
well.
Sam (41:45):
well.
Dancing waltzes and wild sex onthe floor of the Louvre Hall.
Emma (41:51):
I'm not sure they'd be too impressed about that.
The Louvre?
Yeah.
Sam (41:56):
Well, is it in front of the big crowd of people who are
always around the Mona Lisa?
Emma (42:03):
Piano, bass, drums, saxophone, trumpet and a stage.
Sam (42:09):
This concludes Whatever that was.
Emma (42:15):
Filth!
Sam (42:16):
filth! absolute filth.
That was the Chat out of Hell.
Christmas thing?
Emma (42:22):
I'm very happy that we, the way we've got this set up
and the way that we've beenreading from the
Sam (42:27):
website we don't have to look each other in the eye.
No, that's, that's been helpful.
Chat out of Hell is verygrateful to Charlie Etheridge
Nunn, who found this on Jim'swebsite in a hidden bit that
most people can't normally see.
Charlie is a very lovely man whois to blame for all of this, but
if, for some reason, you want tosupport Charlie, Charlie does
(42:48):
loads of stuff.
He writes comic books, he's gota comic called Explosion High,
And he hosts a podcast calledCasual Trek in which he and his
co host watch some Star Trekepisodes and then rate them
every week, which is much moreoften than we do our podcast.
And I don't think any eroticahappens in it
Emma (43:04):
Oh, disappointing.
Sam (43:05):
So if you've gone off us, try Casual trek.
If you're still here, we'll seeyou all on January 6th.
Merry
Emma (43:13):
Christmas! Bye!
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