December 2, 2024 • 47 mins
Lonely hearts, sexy motorbikes and creeeeeeeepy mirrors! It's Chat out of Hell series 3!
We start this series with a tour of Jim Steinman's weirdest monologues and take on a quadrology of loquacious nonsense. On the way we get to ask the big questions like:
- Did Jim Steinman talk like that ALL the time?
- Can we ever hear the word "please" again without shuddering?
- What is wrong with men?
PLUS a quick chat about Boost bars, various desperate demands for free stuff from big food manufacturers and a horrifying hint about the Christmas yet to come.
Chat out of Hell returns on December 16th where smash straight into Peel Out and Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Keep your comments, reviews and arguments flying in to chatoutofhell@gmail.com, find us on Facebook or Instagram by searching Chat out of Hell and don't forget to use the hashtag #dearA1saucepleasesendsomeofyourA1saucetosamfromthereallygoodpodcastchatoutofhell or the much shorter one #pleasegiveemmaamichaelbaybudget
Chat out of Hell is a is a review podcast: all music extracts are used for review/illustrative purposes. To hear the songs in full please buy them from your local record shop or streaming platform. Don't do a piracy.
Music extracts on this episode:
Love and Death and an American Guitar by Jim Steinman from the album Bad For Good (1981)
Nocturnal Pleasure from the album Nocturnal Pleasure by Meat Loaf (1981)
I've Been Dreaming up a Storm Lately from the album Original Sin by Pandora's Box (1989)
The Want Ad from the album Original Sin by Pandora's Box (1989)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sam (00:05):
What is
Emma (00:06):
This is the third series of Chat Out of Hell, still the
only podcast stupid enough towant to discuss the collective
works of Meat Loaf and JimSteinman in punishing detail.
Sam (00:18):
Who is Meat Loaf?
Emma (00:19):
Meat Loaf was the lead singer of the band Popcorn
Blizzard in the early 70s.
He says he doesn't know how theysounded, which means they were
rubbish.
Who's Jim Steinman?
Sam (00:30):
Steinman is a composer, producer and musician who once
asked fellow producer StephenRinkoff to make a guitar solo
sound like a Harley Davidsonmorphing into a gargoyle like
beast who's mad at his parents.
Emma (00:45):
Who are we?
Sam (00:46):
We're better than that.
We are Emma Crossland and SamWilkinson, a sort of modern day
Laurel and Hardy, except wedon't wear bowler hats.
Emma (00:55):
Maybe we should.
Sam (00:56):
we wear bowler
Emma (00:59):
Listeners, should we wear bowler hats?
Sam (01:01):
Email us, chatoutofhell.
com.
Do let us know.
Welcome to Chat Out of Hell! Bownow, now, now.
Hey
Emma (01:11):
Hey,
Sam (01:11):
Hi, Emma.
Emma (01:12):
How are you doing?
I'm
Sam (01:13):
alright, I've just had a boost.
Emma (01:15):
the delicious chocolate
Sam (01:16):
The delicious, is it guava?
Emma (01:19):
I don't think so.
Sam (01:20):
It's supposed to be for sport, isn't it, a boost bar?
That was the whole shtick of it.
Emma (01:27):
I think it's just pure, pure.
unfiltered sugar really, isn'tit?
Sam (01:30):
but.
Emma (01:31):
the zero nutritional value,
Sam (01:33):
I swear I remember Linford Christie or somebody advertising
boost bars back in the day.
Are you tired during your run?
Have a boost
Emma (01:41):
ha ha ha Are you tired, during your run have a line.
Sam (01:45):
LAUGHS
Emma (01:47):
It's all their same health benefits, I think.
Sam (01:49):
yeah, exactly.
And that's why boosts have beenbanned at all Olympic events.
Emma (01:53):
the mid 90s.
Sam (01:54):
Since the mid 90s.
For listeners who aren't fromthe UK, and we do have a few of
them a boost is like A chocolatebar with biscuit and caramel in
the middle.
And also some sort
Emma (02:04):
of nougat kind of
Sam (02:05):
Some sort of nougat thing.
The reason you've not heard ofit is because it's not good
enough to export to anybody elsein the world.
Emma (02:11):
It is a delicious Cadbury product.
Sam (02:13):
Hashtag, dear Cadburys, please send some of your boost
bars to Sam and Emma from reallygood podcast Chat out of Hell.
Emma (02:19):
I am a hundred percent
Sam (02:20):
you're in the hashtags now.
Emma (02:21):
Yeah I'm very behind.
That one in
Sam (02:23):
Good chocolate.
Oh yeah.
We're back.
Emma (02:27):
We are.
Sam (02:29):
Shall we crack
Emma (02:30):
on?
I think we should because we'reboth very tired.
Sam (02:32):
are both very tired, and we've had a temporary sugar
lift, but who knows how longthat'll last.
If you are new to the show,welcome aboard.
What we do on this is everyepisode we normally pick two
songs.
We're picking four very shortsongs this time by Meat Loaf and
or Jim Steinman to chat nonsenseabout, talk about why they're
good, talk about why they'rerubbish.
We both really like Meat Loaf,but also we acknowledge that
(02:56):
most of what he does is stupid.
I think that's the pitch here,isn't it?
But there's nothing wrong withstupid That's right, I was about
to say we've made a career outof it, but,
Emma (03:06):
Career's pushing it a bit, I think we've, got ourselves
into debt.
Sam (03:09):
Yeah, we've spent a lot of money on being stupid There you
go! This week we are looking atthe monologues, which Jim
Steinman liberally sprinklesthrough his albums.
And we're gonna take four ofthose this time.
I am bringing Wasted Youth,which is also called Love, Death
and an American Guitar.
On either Bat Out Of Hell 2, oron Bad For Good, Jim's solo
(03:33):
album.
Emma (03:34):
I'm going to bring Nocturnal Pleasure from Meat
Loaf's Dead Ringer album.
Sam (03:39):
And then I'll be back again with I've Been Dreaming Up A
Storm Lately from the Pandora'sBox album.
Emma (03:46):
will be finishing with The Want Ad, also from Pandora's Box
album.
Sam (03:51):
So listeners, go away, find those on YouTube or Spotify if
you want, you really don't haveto.
They are monologues and we'regoing to read out the stupidest
bits you anyway.
But they are all incrediblystupid and Mercifully short.
We're gonna go listen to Love,Death and an American Guitar.
You can listen to that or WastedYouth.
(04:12):
Basically they're the same.
The Wasted Youth one is slightlybetter produced.
We're gonna do that now.
You can if you want, or here's ashort clip and we'll see you in
two minutes thirty eight.
(04:50):
there we go, Emma.
Jim Steinman at his theatrical.
Best?
Yeah!
Emma (04:59):
It GCSE drama performance, that, isn't it?
Sam (05:02):
Yes it is! A lot of people on YouTube make comments like,
I'm gonna use this as anaudition piece for drama school.
Amazing.
None of them got in.
No, of course
Emma (05:13):
Because it's It works, as it is, with the sort of the
howling wind in the backgroundthe It doesn't show
Sam (05:22):
It doesn't show range.
On the albums, it's followed bya couple of absolute rocky hits.
On the Jim Steinman album, it'sfollowed by Stark Raving Love.
Which we've not covered yet.
And then on Bat Out Of Hell 2,it's followed
Emma (05:37):
Everything Louder than Everything
Sam (05:38):
Which we have covered, and is stupid.
But absolutely loud, stupid rocksongs.
Which is much better than juststopping.
My father woke up, shouted, Stopit, boy! That's no way to treat
an expensive musical instrument.
I said, God damn it, Daddy.
You've got a hell of a lot tolearn about rock and roll.
And then I went back to
Emma (05:58):
bed.
Sam (05:59):
So we are being very unkind listening to it out of
Emma (06:02):
Yeah, you do need the context to really properly enjoy
it.
Sam (06:05):
But also, even with the context stupid.
It is so
Emma (06:08):
so stupid.
This weird, dramatic reading ofa teenager's diary.
Sam (06:20):
It's the story of a boy who hits things with a guitar and
gets in trouble for doing so.
Emma (06:28):
Quite rightly.
Guitars are expensive.
Sam (06:30):
As his daddy says.
Daddy?
Daddy.
Yeah, I heard this on Bat Out OfHell 2 when my older brother
bought it.
This is one of the two tracks onthis album that over the time
that we've been doing thispodcast, I've forced Bat Out Of
Hell 2 on people when we'redriving.
Other than I'd Do Anything ForLove, this is the one song that
(06:51):
people
Emma (06:51):
That's hilarious.
Oh my god, really?
Sam (06:56):
I say people, other men of my age.
this I think really landed withpeople who were too young to
know about, teenage feelings andthat, but oh my god I can't wait
to feel like this.
Emma (07:12):
I think listening to this album prior to knowing what the
teenage feelings were going tobe like this influenced my
teenage feelings massivelyturning me into the wanker that
I was and still remain to thisday.
Sam (07:27):
blame but yeah, this one really, sticks with people.
I think, because it was, like,when you're a kid, and you
listen to a cool new rock tapefrom Meat Loaf, You don't know
that this is allowed.
Oh, song song, song's brilliant.
What, he's just saying stuff?
That's amazing!
Emma (07:47):
And in fairness, considering how mainstream this
album became, because it soldloads, this is quite the left
turn, isn't it?
Sam (07:57):
I am going to hazard a guess that if Jim Steinman had
his way, half of all albums everwould be this.
Yes.
It's influenced by The Doors,Jim Morrison got up to this sort
of shit all the time.
Here's a quote from Jim"This ismy favourite cut".
That's an old timey word fortrack.
"This is my favourite cut nextto the title cut.
(08:18):
I love The Doors, they were myfavourite group from like 68 to
72".
Very precise.
"No one's doing that now.
The only thing is that Morrisonwasn't at all funny.
It was pretty solemn stuff, so Iwanted to do one that would be
funny as well as have thathallucinatory quality.
chuckle, bit We've both heardthis thousands of times so that
the joke is lost on us, but
Emma (08:41):
A bit like each other's sets.
Sam (08:44):
that's why we don't laugh at each other's sets,
Emma (08:46):
yeah exactly Yes, that's why.
Sam (08:51):
the punchline is that the dad wakes up and says this
guitar you've been using to domurders is actually quite
expensive.
Emma (09:00):
On the Bat Out of Hell 2 version as you say, it's pretty
much the same reading andeverything, but better produced,
and there are a few more soundeffects.
And when he talks about smashingagainst the body of a varsity
cheerleader, you do hear a
Sam (09:13):
You do!
Emma (09:14):
Which I like, just a nice little touch.
Sam (09:16):
touch.
Yeah, so very quickly anybodywho couldn't be bothered to
listen, this is a short storyabout a man reminiscing about
being a teenage boy who killed aboy with a guitar and then the
guitar sounded really good so hekept hitting other stuff with
the guitar to see what else itwould sound like.
I took my guitar and I smashedit against the wall, I smashed
it against the floor, I smashedit against the body of a varsity
(09:39):
cheerleader.
I smashed it against the hood ofa car.
I smashed it against a 1981Harley Davidson." Now, for all
the time I've been listening tothis since I've first heard it
in the early 90s, I've imagineda 1981 Harley Davidson to be
like this classic motorbike.
But of course 1981 was the yearthis song came out, so it's like
(10:03):
him saying I smashed it againstthe body of a 2024 Tesla.
It's not cool, is it?
It's a bit of have this bigimage of him ruining a, an item
of classic Americana and it'sjust come out the factory just
last week.
Emma (10:21):
It loses something with that, doesn't it?
Wow.
So I first heard this on Bat Outof Hell 2.
And I think at the time I wasquite astounded by it as it
wasn't what I was used to, whenlistening to albums and things.
Part of me found it to be anirritating intrusion
Sam (10:43):
really?
In Huh.
Emma (10:46):
And it grew on me over time, but part of me thought,
Oh, is this really neccessary
Sam (10:52):
Yeah.
If you're against things thataren't necessary, how did you
continue listening to the worksof Meat Loaf and Jim
Emma (10:59):
Steinman?
You know from my surroundingsthat I'm clearly not against
things that aren't necessary.
But I don't know It felt to melike it halted the flow a little
But that's not necessarily a badthing.
And as I say, it grew on me overtime as I used to.
Sam (11:16):
As you became aware of the tropes of
Emma (11:18):
theatre.
As I became aware of the tropesof theatre.
The ah
Sam (11:23):
A voice like a horny angel.
Emma (11:25):
Beautiful.
Sam (11:27):
I always think about one of those
Emma (11:29):
accurate Yeah, I was just about to say, is it a biblically
Sam (11:32):
It's just a big wheel made of
Emma (11:33):
eyes.
With a really horny voice.
Also, what's a horny voice?
I assume it's a sexy voicerather than an overly
Sam (11:43):
a horny angel sounds like, do email us a WAV file,
chatoutofhellatgmail.
com.
We'll play the horniest angelsthat we receive over this
series.
We
Emma (11:54):
Is a horny angel like a sort of a deep sexy angel?
Or is it like the voice of ahorny teenage teenage boy?
Please do it
Sam (12:04):
Touch
Emma (12:05):
just touch it.
Sam (12:06):
Look at all my eyes, they're really sexy! So here's
something from the press kit.
Love, Death and an AmericanGuitar provides the opening
sequence of Guitar, a film beingproduced for Warner Brothers by
Steinman and David Sonenberg,his manager.
I was Oh, you were aware of it.
Okay.
Do you know what the film isabout?
(12:28):
I mean, spoiler alert, this filmnever
Emma (12:30):
No, I'm aware that none of the films that Jim planned ever
Sam (12:33):
Yes, regretfully.
hopefully I can find a scriptfor it somewhere because it's...
wouldn't you know it?
Fucking stupid! Really?
Yeah! This is from an interviewthat Jim had with the BBC.
This piece is part of a movieI'm writing called Guitar, which
is really the life story of oneFender electric guitar.
The first Telecaster guitar from1953 to 1986...
(12:55):
there was a movie made a coupleof years ago called The Yellow
Rolls Royce, and there's been afew of this style.
That one followed one YellowRolls Royce down through 30
years and all the people whoowned it and four different
stories.
This follows this one electricguitar from 1953 to 1986, and
it's narrated by the guitar theguitar tells the story itself.
(13:16):
"I've been writing the narrationof the guitar.
it's used to smuggle drugs, it'sused as a murder weapon and it
just has an amazing life! Andyou hear an entire history of
the music over that 30 yearperiod.
"You get sort of adventure aboutthe guitar, a history of the
music, and a saga about thecountry and the world, and all
this narrated by the guitar.
(13:37):
Plus, I see a lot of it filmedfrom the guitar's point of view,
like in jaws, where you seethings from the shark's point of
view.
Like a great sequence where theHendrix character tries to play
it by, biting the strings andsetting fire to it.
"And you're inside the guitar,and you can imagine the disgust
of the guitar that has lighterfluid poured into The guitar has
(14:01):
a great attitude to all of this.
It's very sarcastic.
It's like the computer Hal in2001.
It's attitude that the wholesort of thing is none of you are
really good enough to play me."Just to clarify, the computer
HAL in 2001 is neithersarcastic, nor does it have that
attitude.
Emma (14:17):
No.
Sam (14:17):
So yeah, that is the film that the Oscars were robbed of
in the mid 80s.
Emma (14:22):
Can you imagine if that had actually come out?
We would have to watch that forFilm Club to
Sam (14:29):
it definitely would have been better than Fight Club.
Emma (14:32):
don't have a guitar, but maybe I could wedge a GoPro into
my ukulele?
Sam (14:36):
the ukulele would have to also do the narration.
Of course! And a film beingnarrated by a ukulele is, and I
regret to tell you this,fuckloads more twee than a film
being narrated by a telecaster.
Emma (14:48):
Surely not.
Surely I'm rock and roll with mylittle
Sam (14:52):
The ukulele.
being used to smuggle a smallamount of drugs.
Emma (14:57):
Most of them are antacids.
Sam (15:00):
And then to commit, not murder, but,
Emma (15:01):
maybe barge somebody in a queue.
Yeah.
Sam (15:05):
That's the film that we missed out on.
Emma (15:07):
Shit, that's a real shame.
A Oh.
Sam (15:10):
Do you want to hear what the people of the internet
think?
At Highlandsman, I played thison a I played this on the
jukebox at a pool hall.
He shut his off.
Emma (15:21):
LAUGHTER Quite right.
Yeah.
Sam (15:24):
And then this is from Wabin22, I didn't even spot
this, and I'm an arsehole, sowell done Wabin22.
"One thing I've wondered about,he clearly states he remembers
everything, which isinteresting.
So clear that he remembers everylittle thing as if it happened
only yesterday, but he stilldoesn't remember if he killed
the boy with a Telecaster or aStratocaster." Fair play, well
(15:45):
done Wabin.
I do like that he recycled thatline from Paradise by the
Dashboard Light and it's a weirdfucked up inverse version of
because that's a lovely jollysong about an increasingly
horrible situation.
Yes.
Emma (16:01):
Yes
Sam (16:03):
And this is a momentuously stupid situation, delivered with
all the gravity that JimSteinman can muster.
Which isn't a lot of gravity,but bless him, he's having a
time.
time with it.
Emma (16:16):
Aww.
Sam (16:17):
Do you want to rate it.
Okay, listeners, if you're newto this game, we rate all of our
review subjects on our patentedJim Steinman or Meat Loaf rating
scales.
So for Jim Steinman works westart with Jim Steinman at the
top, going to Jim Fineman in themiddle and Jim Declineman for
(16:38):
all of the shit what he wrote.
Emma, what is this?
Emma (16:43):
This is Jim Steinman.
Sam (16:45):
It is Jim Steinman.
Emma (16:46):
It's daft, it's overdramatic, it deals with all
the classic themes of guitarsand motorbikes.
What more could you want from aJim Steinman?
Sam (16:58):
Some people might say music, and I say to those
people, Open your eyes, man.
The music is inside you allalong.
Emma (17:06):
Emma that first heard this as it interrupted the flow of
the music on the album wouldhave Declinemaned this, but I've
evolved as a person I canappreciate it for what it is
now.
It's a jim
Sam (17:19):
Steinman.
It is a Jim Steinman.
He's being stupid and bringingus along on his stupid ride.
Thank you, Jim.
This is a Jim Steinman.
Emma, what's your first songthis week?
Emma (17:33):
My first monologue this week is Nocturnal Pleasure,
which comes from the Dead Ringeralbum that came out in 1981.
Have a little listen.
It won't take you
Sam (17:44):
No.
We can get most of it in thelittle clip that'll be on in a
second.
The entire city is burning.
You can see the flame like theinside of a mad jukebox.
Lost boys stalk the streets withthose jungle markings on their
chests.
Barbarians prowl
Emma (18:03):
What do you make of that then, Sam?
Sam (18:05):
Fucking weird, innit?
Yeah.
Okay, here's something I reallylike about it.
Emma (18:09):
It's
Sam (18:09):
echoed.
I really like
Emma (18:12):
that.
Sam (18:12):
Pre
Emma (18:12):
Pre echo, so you know what's
Sam (18:14):
Yeah.
so you can hear in the faintbackground Jim doing the
monologue once, and then theforeground of the mix comes
after that, with the I did likethat bit of
Emma (18:26):
It's an unusual bit of production, that, isn't
Sam (18:28):
it?
Mmm.
Emma (18:28):
Dead Ringer isn't a popular album, it seems.
The album that followed Bat Outof Hell that wasn't Bad For
Good, because Bad For Good wasoriginally meant to be another
Meat Loaf, wasn't it?
But Meat Loaf was too fucked upfor that, but not too fucked up
to then come back and do thisinstead.
I think Jim was a bit put out.
by Dead Ringer.
Sam (18:50):
yes, it was very hastily put together when Meat Loaf
suddenly felt up to doing it.
Emma (18:55):
We are gonna dig into that at some point, but Jim Steinman
did record the monologue.
So this is Jim, who does all themonologues on the Meat Loaf
stuff.
He does.
That is interesting, isn't it,because Meat Loaf has always
called himself an actor whosings.
then when there's a little bitof acting to be done He's
nowhere to be seen.
And yet we've seen him doacting.
Sam (19:15):
We have seen him do acting in films and that.
he's alright, yeah.
From this I think we can inferthat Jim Steinman refused to
leave the booth until they lethim do it.
One of the stupidest lines inthis very short bit of, is it
poetry, do you I think we cancall this one
Emma (19:30):
In this very short poem, the stupidest line, and that's
really saying something ismotorcycles reproduce in
nocturnal alleys, groaning withgreasy pleasure.
Now I found a YouTube clip of ajim Steinman And in it, Jim said
something along the lines of, hewas obsessed with the idea of
(19:52):
Motorcycles having sex andbecoming pregnant and then
having little baby So so that'swhat we're dealing with.
Sam (20:02):
Up until you told me that, I quite liked the groaning with
greasy pleasure because I wasthinking of the motorcycles as a
sort of metaphor people ridingthem.
no metaphor.
No, it's
Emma (20:11):
this is motorbikes.
Sam (20:13):
it.
Emma (20:13):
Motorbike on motorbike
Sam (20:15):
Oh yeah,
Emma (20:18):
This is all classic Jim kind of imagery, isn't it?
Jim, the entire city is burningand the cities are always too
hot in a Jim Steinman bit.
Sam (20:29):
Very 2024.
Emma (20:30):
Evidently he knew a thing or two.
Sam (20:33):
Can I talk about my favourite line in it?
Yeah, of course.
Which is the final couplet.
They've blown up the YWCA like agiant balloon And sent it out to
seas full of screaming Lovely,lonely girls
Emma (20:47):
girls.
Lovely
Sam (20:49):
made me think
Emma (20:51):
girls.
Lovely girls.
It does make me think a littlebit of the Father Ted lovely
Girls
Sam (20:55):
Girls Lovely girls.
Emma (20:57):
lovely
Sam (20:58):
Well, We'll find out in our next monologue what Jim wants to
do with lovely girls.
This is very apt running order.
Emma (21:05):
this monologue wasn't originally meant to appear on
Dead Ringer.
It was written prior to DeadRinger.
And was supposed to be on a 1979compilation album called L.
A.
Radio on the Freeway Recordslabel.
It never came out.
And The monologue is slightlydifferent.
I've been dreaming up a stormlately.
(21:26):
I've been dreaming up a stormlately, and the entire city is
burning.
Look, you can see the colorsdancing around the flames like
the inside of a mad jukebox.
Music (21:35):
Horny angels stalk the streets looking for a little
damnation and wearing nothingbut the red badge of love.
Motorcycles reproduce innocturnal alleys.
And they've blown up the YWCAlike a giant balloon and sent it
out to sea full of screaming,lovely, lonely girls.
(21:57):
And if I fall asleep heretonight, you better give me some
asbestos sheets! Cause I've beensweating gasoline, my dreams are
highly flammable, and there areparts of my body that just won't
stop giving off sparks! Stop mebefore I dream again! Why must I
be a teenager in love?
Sam (22:18):
Emma Crossand is available to play
Emma (22:21):
Any role going?
Sam (22:24):
Who read it better emma Taking the piss or Jim Steinman
trying his best.
Who knows?
Yeah, Ioufind that on Jim'swebsite.
like the booming, slamming cardoors, thunder, whatever it was
in the background.
It was almost certainly ToddRundgren just doing something on
his guitar to placate Jim.
(22:44):
But yeah.
I hope I've not stolen yourthunder with that.
Emma (22:48):
No, that's magnificent.
And that's all I've got.
Sam (22:51):
We're doing rapid fire this time Shall we rate it?
I Bam.
Jim Steinman, Jim Fineman or JimDeclineman?
I'm going to use a wanker'sword.
This track is a synecdoche ofall of Dead Ringer.
Oh!
Emma (23:04):
you like that?
Oh! You like that?
Beautiful,
Sam (23:08):
much.
This is Jim Steinman trying tokeep up the energy when he's
already burnt himself out doingone album.
It's a load of old tosh.
And it's not a load of old toshin the fun way.
pre echo, brilliant.
sex?
Motorbikes doing a sex.
Very funny.
(23:29):
But, er, I'm gonna say, saying
Emma (23:36):
I'm saying Jim Fineman.
Sam (23:37):
Yeah, it's not quite Jim Declineman.
It's not.
It's bottom end of Jim Fineman,isn't it?
Jim Fineman, at the bottom end.
Alright, me again, innit?
I'm gonna bring us forward tothe end of the 1980s and the
Pandora's Box album, which fornew listeners was a girl band
that Jim Steinman assembled tobe the rockinest bitches in
(23:59):
town, and which didn't do verywell.
But on this album were a coupleof monologues.
One of which Jim himself did.
Called, I've Been Dreaming Up AStorm Lately.
And here's the sound of us,listening to that.
(24:36):
Emma looks suitably creeped thefuck out there.
Emma (24:38):
That's horrible.
That's so horrible.
Sam (24:43):
Is it horrible in a good way?
Emma (24:46):
What's horrible in a good way?
it's quite
Sam (24:49):
It It is very creepy.
My notes say this is Jim inmaximum creepo mode.
Yeah.
Emma (24:53):
Yeah.
Sam (24:54):
It's a monologue about a man trying to seduce a woman and
talking about these mirrors,which may or may not be
metaphorical, The reflections ofthings in the mirrors are better
than the real version of thethings and that upsets Jim and
he has to destroy them and it'screepy and magical and This
could be an indie horror film.
(25:15):
He's got a good idea He's got agood idea
Emma (25:17):
But he's executed it in a really creepy way.
Sam (25:19):
But it's supposed to be creepy.
Yeah,
Emma (25:21):
Yeah.
It's not just creepy in a ooh,spooky kind of a way.
It's creepy in a, in a creepysex man a
Sam (25:28):
Yeah, it opens with, before it gets into the mirrors, he
says, in his creepiest tone ofvoice, and I will not attempt
it, Ah, come on, let me tell youall about it, we've got all the
time in the world.
That's good, that's nice.
I've been dreaming up a stormlately
Emma (25:46):
slightly make me think of Now We Know from Mitchell and
Webb.
We know now Now we know.
It's so creepy.
It's
Sam (25:57):
Oh It's so horrible, isn't it?
The narrative is that he talksabout these mirrors which he
needs to feed with things and ifsomething is beautiful enough,
the mirror will not eat them.
And he's begging the womanPlease, please come look in my
mirror, please.
That will stay with you forever.
Emma (26:19):
As a chat up line, it's quite bad.
I, I
Sam (26:24):
wouldn't be Bachelor number two! Ha ha ha
Emma (26:29):
that wouldn't lure me back to the kitchen that Jim was
sleeping in.
Sam (26:33):
ha ha ha! His mattress up
Emma (26:35):
mattress up against the fridge.
Yep.
Yep.
That's not luring me back there,I'm afraid.
Sam (26:40):
I've done two quizzes for this.
Okay.
One is an opinion quiz.
Huh.
Is this A, a horrifying butinteresting reflection on the
nature of desire and knowingthat dreams fulfilled are never
as good as dreams unfulfilled?
is it B, A creepy chat up linein a club.
Or is it C, the way Jim talksall the time to everyone?
(27:02):
He's probably ordering asandwich or something.
Emma (27:06):
Option A shows just how much philosophy you did at
university.
Sam (27:11):
A whole degree's worth, thank you.
Emma (27:14):
want it to be C.
Because I think that's, yeah, Ithink that's how he's talking
all the time.
What do you think?
Sam (27:23):
Try this out.
"Can you make a guitar solosound like a Harley Davidson
morphing into a gargoyle likebeast who's mad at his parents".
Emma (27:39):
Next Halloween, are you going as Jim Steinman?
All three of those options areincredible.
I like all three of them.
And, I think Jim does try to puthimself out there as this
incredibly deep yes.
person and it always comesacross as creepy and weird.
Sam (27:57):
will hold my hands up to having been lazy this time.
I didn't read any of Jim'svarious scripts, like The Dream
Engine.
Dream Engine.
Emma (28:06):
Dream
Sam (28:07):
Dream a little dream ha
Emma (28:14):
Well done! Thank you.
Sam (28:16):
I would not be surprised if this had its origins in that.
On the Pandora's Box album thissits between Requiem Metal,
which an excerpt, oh fuckinghell, I've never even noticed
this.
an excerpt from Verdi's Requiemplayed, and I fucking love
Verdi's Requiem.
Everybody does, it's basic.
This is basic bitch classical
Emma (28:37):
Yeah.
Sam (28:38):
We'll have to look at that.
And then it goes into, It's AllComing Back to Me Now, which as
we all know is a horny oldbanger.
It
Emma (28:43):
It is.
Sam (28:44):
It's an odd song from an odd album which has some bangers
on it and some weird spookynonsense.
Emma (28:52):
bangers on the record do seem to all be used elsewhere
eventually.
Sam (28:56):
Yes because salvage what you can from a
Emma (29:00):
a
Sam (29:00):
crash of a recording.
but that
Emma (29:01):
is very much Jim's way of working as well, recycle it
Sam (29:05):
Yeah it is quite like when you're in a crowded sort of
social situation and you make ajoke and nobody heard it, so you
do it again.
I said, maybe he should have putthat down.
Emma (29:20):
Yeah, heard you the first time.
Sam (29:23):
What do we do with this Emma?
Ratings wise.
Emma (29:26):
God, I don't
Sam (29:27):
it's not jim Steyman because it's not.
It, A Jim Steinman makes me feelgood.
Emma (29:35):
Yeah, there's A Jim Steinman is what we would listen
to on the way back from a gigand we're chuckling along and
Sam (29:42):
and singing it and we
Emma (29:44):
won't be doing that with It's a bit too creepy and weird.
Sam (29:49):
There's a podcast called The Sink which is a sort of
modern folk horror, take on kindof sleep aid and people talking
gently meditation.
Guided meditations.
And this would fit right intothat.
Oh.
But don't know
Emma (30:08):
It's hard to know how serious Jim Steinman's being
with things.
don't think
Sam (30:14):
Nobody's ever serious.
Yeah, Exactly.
We sometimes don't give Jimenough credit for just fucking
about all the time so I don'tthink Jim does want to shove
girls into mirrors.
Emma (30:24):
No.
Sam (30:26):
Listeners, help us rate this one, please.
Pending listener approval.
I'm gonna call this a JimFineman But listeners, steer us
on this because
Emma (30:43):
what do you think?
Sam (30:44):
quite baffled.
chatoutofhellatgmail.
com Do you want the quiz?
My actual quiz.
So Emma, reviewers did havethings to say about One of these
is a real quote from reviewersabout this track.
Is it A Tower Records Magazinecalled it"disembodied poetics"?
(31:06):
Is it B, the NME called it"amuch misunderstood dance floor
classic?" Or was it C, the DailyTelegraph said"don't be too cool
to enjoy it"?
Emma (31:18):
Option B is obviously referring to whatever you're
going to torture me with thisseries.
Don't look at me like that.
Oh, I go for C
Sam (31:30):
c.
think,"don't be too cool toenjoy it?" Yeah.
I thought that was also anobvious trap to be honest with
you.
oh no.
It was disembodied poetics.
Nobody else has really mentionedit in their reviews, but Tower
Records mentioned it in passing.
B and C are of course fromreviews of Saturday Night by
Whigfield.
banger.
An absolute banger.
Emma (31:50):
I'm on board with Saturday Night!
Sam (31:52):
board with it.
The video is Whigfield lookinginto a mirror.
A spooky mirror.
Alright, Alright, do you want toknow what the people of the
(32:12):
internet think?, One comment onthis video, that's all there is.
That's all there needs to be.
MariaQuiet6211, R.
I.
P.
Jim Steinman, you werecompletely psycho.
Emma (32:25):
So the want ad.
Another one from Pandora's boxoriginal sin performed by Ellen
Foley again in 1989.
Let's give it a listen.
Music (32:35):
Why didn't you call back?
But to the others, which includethe two terrifying sisters.
The under 18s and the over 60s.
The numerous ones who dialed mynumber and hung up as soon as I
said hello.
The 35 or 40 of you who madedates with me and never showed
up.
Including the one who complainedhis body was so powerful he
couldn't control it anymore.
Emma (32:55):
that's very much my internet dating days summed up
there in that monologue.
Sam (33:00):
Yeah, my notes say very Tinder.
Emma (33:02):
This is mad.
Where do we even start?
Good god.
It's a retraction letter sent toa newspaper where evidently this
woman, this underweight blondeas she describes herself.
Sam (33:19):
Underweight platinum blonde.
Underweight
Emma (33:20):
platinum blonde.
Has obviously put out uh, Yeah,Just to seek a partner and all
the freaks in the world havecontacted there's some pretty
cruel descriptions in here.
Sam (33:33):
Yeah.
Some
Emma (33:34):
shaming going on.
I don't think it would fly now.
Sam (33:37):
I think regretfully, it probably would, but Wow.
Yeah.
Don't fly with us, Jimmy boy!Yes, it is weird, isn't it?
reads out a litany of peoplewho've replied to her ad, and
many of them are awful people,and some of them just aren't her
type.
Emma (33:53):
Yeah.
Sam (33:53):
she's just as angry about all of them.
Emma (33:56):
How dare someone that isn't my type get in touch with
me?
It feels a bit But that's thenature of dating.
I did do internet dating beforeI met my husband through
internet dating.
And good grief, as a woman, thestuff that you get, and this is
back before the apps, this waswhen you had to do internet
(34:18):
dating on a computer.
So the prevalence of things likedick pics wasn't, as all
encompassing as it now is.
But people would still go veryfar out of their way to creep
you out
Sam (34:32):
One guy
Emma (34:33):
one guy simply sent me a message saying, you look well
dirty.
Would you be up for performingwith me the ultimate taboo.
Sam (34:41):
ultimate taboo.
And
Emma (34:43):
Ultimate.
And I regret to this day, notresponding to that.
To find out what the ultimatetaboo is, because I'd love to
know what he considered theultimate Taboo, and if it went
as dark as it did in my head.
I can relate to this woman.
Sam (34:57):
Yeah, did you feel this kind of cathartic outpouring of
what it's like to be a woman inthe modern day?
my notes say I cannot work outif this is Jim trying to be a
feminist or Jim being a hornylittle boy again.
Emma (35:09):
Yeah, something sit quite right for me.
I'm not sure what it is either.
But something leaves me feelingquite uncomfortable.
Sam (35:17):
It is quite funny.
idea that she's taken outanother advert in the paper to
say,
Emma (35:25):
enough
Sam (35:25):
That's enough now.
Also, the so
Emma (35:28):
is so long.
She's taken
Sam (35:29):
out a full page!
Emma (35:30):
If she's paying by the word, it's going to cost a
fortune.
So yeah, it's a strange one.
I did find this, and this isdirect quote from Jim.
The Want Ad is a spoken piecethat Ellen Foley does.
That's probably gonna bother alot of people, but I think it's
pretty neat.
You have to envision a teenagegirl speaking that.
(35:53):
I'll do it, and then Jimactually reads out the monologue
as him.
And having, reached the end ofit, he finishes with I think
it's a single.
Sam (36:02):
And,
Emma (36:04):
And um, I love that.
Sam (36:06):
It's just pure piss taking, is it?
Or is it his blind
Emma (36:11):
Well, I think it's a
Sam (36:12):
Yeah.
I think Okay.
He does refuse to understand howthe record industry works.
All the stuff about trying tomake songs upwards of 20 minutes
long, and We have this on recordfrom other people.
I think if he could have gotaway with it, he would have made
this a single.
Emma (36:30):
When he reads it out, he adds a line.
that Isn't in this version.
God,
Sam (36:34):
you've been really
Emma (36:36):
So he added the line"The pathetic little husband who was
nothing more than a vegetableand his vegetarian wife".
Sam (36:44):
Burn.
Emma (36:45):
Yeah.
While I was hunting around, Ifound another version in his
scripts for the Dream Engine.
Sam (36:54):
Engine.
Emma (36:57):
chugga
Sam (36:58):
woo.
and what
Emma (37:02):
And what I've done Because I'm a wanker is I've done a
compare and contrast And so alot of it is the same but some
of the lines were changed and itfeels like some of the lines
were sanitised
Sam (37:15):
okay.
we do know the Dream Engine wasedgy as fuck.
Emma (37:19):
yes, raunchy of course Doing it probably.
Probably
Sam (37:24):
probably.
doing it.
Emma (37:26):
The line the two terrifying sisters was
originally the two lesbians The35 or 40 of you who made dates
with me and never showed up,including the one who complained
his body was so powerful hecouldn't control it anymore,
which is one of the stupidestlines.
that bit was changed to,Including the one who complained
(37:47):
that his penis was so large thathe couldn't get it into anybody.
Sam (37:51):
That's a bit full on, isn't it?
Yeah.
Emma (37:53):
The many who couldn't get it up when I was agreeable, and
the many who could and did whenI was not.
The first line of that ischanged to the two who couldn't
raise their cocks when I wasagreeable.
Sam (38:07):
definitely learnt to be a bit more subtle.
Not much more subtle, but just ateensy bit.
Emma (38:13):
Slightly more radio friendly.
Sam (38:14):
suh.
Of course, this is a singleEmma.
Emma (38:17):
Exactly.
You gotta be radio friendly fora single.
The sharks and the geeks and thesadists, the latter category,
which I'd specifically stated Idid not want.
This was the Jerkoff Artists andthe 69ers, the latter category,
which I had specifically statedI did not want.
Sam (38:38):
I love Jerkoff
Emma (38:39):
Artists.
Oh, what's what's yourspecialist?
Oh, I am a jerk off artist.
the ones who wanted endless,dirty talk was originally, the
ones who wanted hand jobs.
The ones who wanted to bepunished was originally the ones
who wanted to be spanked.
(39:01):
Oh God.
the ones who could only boastabout the size of their
bankrolls and their equipment,this definitely includes the
teacher who said, all the kidswant my stuff, was originally
The ones who could only boastabout the size of their
bankrolls and their penises.
And this definitely includes ateacher who said, All the girls
want my cock.
Sam (39:22):
Oh God
Emma (39:23):
Yeah.
And there were many who said, Myname is so and so, how far do
you go?
Was originally, my name is soand so, when can we get together
and fuck?
The numerous young studs who hadnothing to offer besides the
negative results of theirgoddamn blood tests, there was
no equivalent to that in theDream Engine.
And I think that's very much asign of the
Sam (39:45):
Yeah, I was, that's what I was thinking.
It's a very Insensitive
Emma (39:49):
Yeah.
Sam (39:50):
to the, uh,
Emma (39:51):
AIDS epidemic.
It was, that's grim.
So that's quite a lot.
Sam (39:57):
It is a lot, and I think that knowing what it originally
looked like has helped me lookat the text
Emma (40:04):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think because I've seenboth
Sam (40:07):
it, leaves me if the Pandora's Box one had been his
first take, and had got somemissteps in it and some sort of.
This is quite horrible, butmaybe you don't understand what
you're saying, Jim, or somethinglike that, would be one thing.
But he's revised an even moreunpleasant version of this into
(40:28):
something still quite
Emma (40:29):
I original version would have been, when did he start
doing the Dream
Sam (40:32):
Dream Engine?
The
Emma (40:33):
Dream
Sam (40:34):
Engine.
1972.
Emma (40:36):
I don't feel like that's an excuse, but they were
different times
Sam (40:39):
Yes.
Emma (40:40):
But it's still
Sam (40:41):
Yeah.
it
Emma (40:42):
reads very badly now.
Sam (40:44):
It reads badly now but even so at the time, I don't think it
would have read very well.
Emma (40:51):
Do you want to hear what the internet people think?
Sam (40:52):
Yes please.
Emma (40:53):
Drogo Baggins, I know, great, isn't it?
Drogo Baggins 987 said,"I'd liketo hear an update of this for
online dating." a reply camefrom Alex Offbeat, who said it
would just be three minutes ofsilence, since you don't need to
publicly retract online datingprofiles.
You can just delete them andghost whoever keeps calling".
Sam (41:17):
I don't think you needed to publicly retract print ads.
Emma (41:21):
And yet
Sam (41:22):
You don't get a print ad that says, The big sale at
Debenhams
Emma (41:27):
is now off.
That's it.
Sam (41:32):
That is it.
Shall we rate this?
Yeah! Shall we rate this very
Emma (41:35):
quickly?
Yeah.
JIM DECLINEMAN.
Jim Run.
No thank you, Jim.
No.
Dirty boy.
And revise your thoughts on somany
Sam (41:47):
And that was Chat Out of Hell, Series 3, Episode 1.
Or Episode 13, if you're keepingcount.
Depends if you include Film Clubas well.
We'll let the hosts of Chat Outof Hell discussion pods work
that out.
Emma (42:05):
was
Sam (42:06):
That was alright, wasn't it?
Emma (42:07):
It was, yeah.
It's nice to be back.
Sam (42:08):
It is nice to be back.
thank you listeners forlistening there.
Did you agree with any of ourassessments?
Do you have anything to add?
Please do email us,chatoutofhellatgmail.
com
Emma (42:18):
Have we got some messages, Sam?
Sam (42:19):
Fuck, we do have messages, thank you, because I was about
to do the wrap up and go home.
Emma (42:23):
Sorry, no escape yet.
Sam (42:25):
Edit point.
We've had some messages to thatinbox while we've been off,
emma.
Amazing! So we've had one fromCharlie Etheridge Nunn,
Emma (42:33):
Uh Huh.
Sam (42:34):
who has been looking for pictures of Jim Steinman on a
motorbike in order to settle thebet between us.
He didn't find one, but he didfind something.
I've showed it to you, we canboth agree, it's fucking
horrifying.
Emma (42:48):
Ah, yes.
Sam (42:49):
yes.
We're not going to tell thelisteners what that is that
Charlie's found, but Charlie,thank you.
That is going to form a littleChristmas surprise for
everybody.
So, um, Thank you slash fuckyou, Charlie.
Everybody else, look out for alittle cheeky bonus episode on
Christmas Day.
(43:10):
Yeah.
And we also got an email fromTom Woffendon, again.
Hi tom! So Tom, has now twiceemailed just as we've finished
the series.
But he's still catching up, soit's fine.
He said, Hi Sam and Emma, reallyenjoying listening to the show
through the summer and into theautumn.
One song request, though it ison the cusp.
Tenacious D made a film calledThe Pick of Destiny in 2006 ish,
(43:31):
and the band were adamant thatonly one man could play teenage
Jack Black's dad in the film,and that man was Meat Loaf.
He's in the film at the startand sings during the opening
number, Kickapoo, which is abanger.
As I say, it's on the cusp forthis show, but it's a great
track, and Meat Loaf's vocalsare top here.
I don't know the song, but let'sstick that in the rotation, in
the suggestions box.
(43:52):
Also, I just randomly had anidea for a chorus, nothing else
yet, for a Jim Steinman slashmeat Loaf track, come to me.
You'll be writing your own song,but I can actually hear this one
with Meat's vocals.
I've got a piano keyboard athome, so may bash something out
on it.
Why not?
Tch.
Tom gave us some lyrics.
I don't want to read out thelyrics.
Tom, please do record and sendit in.
And I know we do owe ourlisteners some progress on our
(44:14):
song.
I've been kicking around somelyrics for a song about having
heartburn after a big currybecause Jim Steinman wrote what
he knew and what he knew wasbeing obsessed with eternal
youth.
Emma (44:27):
does also nicely misinterpret a saying,
Sam (44:31):
Exactly.
Jim was about.
Yes.
At some point in this series wedo owe our listeners some
progress there I think.
Oh dear.
Yeah.
We've been, you've been speakingto proper musicians right?
A little bit here and there?
Emma (44:45):
In passing.
Did
Sam (44:46):
not imagine that conversation?
Emma (44:48):
I have spoken to people about it a little tiny bit.
Sam (44:51):
We don't need to have a full track down, but I think,
Emma (44:54):
no,
Sam (44:54):
yeah, we're moving on it.
But yeah, thank you, Tom.
And thank you for listening andthank you everybody else for
listening.
Emma, what songs are we going todo next time?
Emma (45:01):
am going to delve into the Dead Ringer album because we've
not really touched it yet.
Briefly touched it today, ofcourse, with our monologue.
But it's time to dig into thesongs that nobody really wanted.
And I'm going to start with thefirst track from the album,
which I believe was alsoreleased as a single.
and that's called Peel Out.
Sam (45:25):
And I After I attempted last series to spring a Bonnie
Tyler song onto Emma to illeffect.
I'm gonna warn Emma about aBonnie Tyler song this time.
But let's ease into thebrilliance So we're going to
start with everybody'sfavourite, Total Eclipse of the
Heart.
It It is an absolute banger, sowe're going to have some good
(45:47):
fun with that I think.
So yeah, if you have thoughtsabout those, as always, please
keep your general Meat Loafthoughts and anecdotes flying
in.
Did you see Meat Loaf at Nando'stucking into a half chicken
medium with peri chips and corn?
Hashtag Dear Nando's, pleasesend some of your chicken to Sam
and Emma from the really goodpodcast Chat Out of Hell.
Drop us an email, chatoutofhellat gmail.
com.
Emma (46:06):
going for free food this series then?
Sam (46:10):
Look, if a plunger company wants to send me free plungers,
hashtag please send some of yourplungers to Sam from The Really
Good Podcast, Chat out of Hell.
Emma (46:20):
You've got plumbing issues, Sam.
Sam (46:21):
It's nice to plan plan ahead! ahead Okay good.
Any other business?
Emma (46:24):
Yeah, are doing our amazing, mad show that we've
been taking to festivals,Crossland and Wilkinson, Mean
Business, and this time we'regoing to do it in Leeds, which
is nice, because it means thatwe've not got a really long
drive
Sam (46:37):
That's right.
And some of our listeners livein or near Leeds.
Emma (46:41):
you should come to this.
It's going to be amazing.
You can find it on our Facebookpage.
Crossland and Wilkinson MeanBusiness.
We're going to be at the Bridgeend social and it's not just us.
Local comedy legend Silky willalso be performing in the hour
before our show.
All of that for six English
Sam (46:58):
Or Scottish
Emma (46:59):
Scottish pounds.
Sam (47:01):
When is it, Emma?
Emma (47:03):
the 10th of December, at 7.
30pm.
the doors open
Sam (47:08):
at the Bridge End Social.
Thank you for telling me it wasDoors at 7, because I assumed it
was Doors 7.
Emma (47:14):
Otherwise, we're gonna be there all night.
All right.
Sam (47:16):
you everybody for listening.
We've overrun again.
Bye!
Emma (47:20):
Bye!
Sam (47:20):
Bow now, now, now.
What is
Emma (00:06):
This is the third series of Chat Out of Hell, still the
only podcast stupid enough towant to discuss the collective
works of Meat Loaf and JimSteinman in punishing detail.
Sam (00:18):
Who is Meat Loaf?
Emma (00:19):
Meat Loaf was the lead singer of the band Popcorn
Blizzard in the early 70s.
He says he doesn't know how theysounded, which means they were
rubbish.
Who's Jim Steinman?
Sam (00:30):
Steinman is a composer, producer and musician who once
asked fellow producer StephenRinkoff to make a guitar solo
sound like a Harley Davidsonmorphing into a gargoyle like
beast who's mad at his parents.
Emma (00:45):
Who are we?
Sam (00:46):
We're better than that.
We are Emma Crossland and SamWilkinson, a sort of modern day
Laurel and Hardy, except wedon't wear bowler hats.
Emma (00:55):
Maybe we should.
Sam (00:56):
we wear bowler
Emma (00:59):
Listeners, should we wear bowler hats?
Sam (01:01):
Email us, chatoutofhell.
com.
Do let us know.
Welcome to Chat Out of Hell! Bownow, now, now.
Hey
Emma (01:11):
Hey,
Sam (01:11):
Hi, Emma.
Emma (01:12):
How are you doing?
I'm
Sam (01:13):
alright, I've just had a boost.
Emma (01:15):
the delicious chocolate
Sam (01:16):
The delicious, is it guava?
Emma (01:19):
I don't think so.
Sam (01:20):
It's supposed to be for sport, isn't it, a boost bar?
That was the whole shtick of it.
Emma (01:27):
I think it's just pure, pure.
unfiltered sugar really, isn'tit?
Sam (01:30):
but.
Emma (01:31):
the zero nutritional value,
Sam (01:33):
I swear I remember Linford Christie or somebody advertising
boost bars back in the day.
Are you tired during your run?
Have a boost
Emma (01:41):
ha ha ha Are you tired, during your run have a line.
Sam (01:45):
LAUGHS
Emma (01:47):
It's all their same health benefits, I think.
Sam (01:49):
yeah, exactly.
And that's why boosts have beenbanned at all Olympic events.
Emma (01:53):
the mid 90s.
Sam (01:54):
Since the mid 90s.
For listeners who aren't fromthe UK, and we do have a few of
them a boost is like A chocolatebar with biscuit and caramel in
the middle.
And also some sort
Emma (02:04):
of nougat kind of
Sam (02:05):
Some sort of nougat thing.
The reason you've not heard ofit is because it's not good
enough to export to anybody elsein the world.
Emma (02:11):
It is a delicious Cadbury product.
Sam (02:13):
Hashtag, dear Cadburys, please send some of your boost
bars to Sam and Emma from reallygood podcast Chat out of Hell.
Emma (02:19):
I am a hundred percent
Sam (02:20):
you're in the hashtags now.
Emma (02:21):
Yeah I'm very behind.
That one in
Sam (02:23):
Good chocolate.
Oh yeah.
We're back.
Emma (02:27):
We are.
Sam (02:29):
Shall we crack
Emma (02:30):
on?
I think we should because we'reboth very tired.
Sam (02:32):
are both very tired, and we've had a temporary sugar
lift, but who knows how longthat'll last.
If you are new to the show,welcome aboard.
What we do on this is everyepisode we normally pick two
songs.
We're picking four very shortsongs this time by Meat Loaf and
or Jim Steinman to chat nonsenseabout, talk about why they're
good, talk about why they'rerubbish.
We both really like Meat Loaf,but also we acknowledge that
(02:56):
most of what he does is stupid.
I think that's the pitch here,isn't it?
But there's nothing wrong withstupid That's right, I was about
to say we've made a career outof it, but,
Emma (03:06):
Career's pushing it a bit, I think we've, got ourselves
into debt.
Sam (03:09):
Yeah, we've spent a lot of money on being stupid There you
go! This week we are looking atthe monologues, which Jim
Steinman liberally sprinklesthrough his albums.
And we're gonna take four ofthose this time.
I am bringing Wasted Youth,which is also called Love, Death
and an American Guitar.
On either Bat Out Of Hell 2, oron Bad For Good, Jim's solo
(03:33):
album.
Emma (03:34):
I'm going to bring Nocturnal Pleasure from Meat
Loaf's Dead Ringer album.
Sam (03:39):
And then I'll be back again with I've Been Dreaming Up A
Storm Lately from the Pandora'sBox album.
Emma (03:46):
will be finishing with The Want Ad, also from Pandora's Box
album.
Sam (03:51):
So listeners, go away, find those on YouTube or Spotify if
you want, you really don't haveto.
They are monologues and we'regoing to read out the stupidest
bits you anyway.
But they are all incrediblystupid and Mercifully short.
We're gonna go listen to Love,Death and an American Guitar.
You can listen to that or WastedYouth.
(04:12):
Basically they're the same.
The Wasted Youth one is slightlybetter produced.
We're gonna do that now.
You can if you want, or here's ashort clip and we'll see you in
two minutes thirty eight.
(04:50):
there we go, Emma.
Jim Steinman at his theatrical.
Best?
Yeah!
Emma (04:59):
It GCSE drama performance, that, isn't it?
Sam (05:02):
Yes it is! A lot of people on YouTube make comments like,
I'm gonna use this as anaudition piece for drama school.
Amazing.
None of them got in.
No, of course
Emma (05:13):
Because it's It works, as it is, with the sort of the
howling wind in the backgroundthe It doesn't show
Sam (05:22):
It doesn't show range.
On the albums, it's followed bya couple of absolute rocky hits.
On the Jim Steinman album, it'sfollowed by Stark Raving Love.
Which we've not covered yet.
And then on Bat Out Of Hell 2,it's followed
Emma (05:37):
Everything Louder than Everything
Sam (05:38):
Which we have covered, and is stupid.
But absolutely loud, stupid rocksongs.
Which is much better than juststopping.
My father woke up, shouted, Stopit, boy! That's no way to treat
an expensive musical instrument.
I said, God damn it, Daddy.
You've got a hell of a lot tolearn about rock and roll.
And then I went back to
Emma (05:58):
bed.
Sam (05:59):
So we are being very unkind listening to it out of
Emma (06:02):
Yeah, you do need the context to really properly enjoy
it.
Sam (06:05):
But also, even with the context stupid.
It is so
Emma (06:08):
so stupid.
This weird, dramatic reading ofa teenager's diary.
Sam (06:20):
It's the story of a boy who hits things with a guitar and
gets in trouble for doing so.
Emma (06:28):
Quite rightly.
Guitars are expensive.
Sam (06:30):
As his daddy says.
Daddy?
Daddy.
Yeah, I heard this on Bat Out OfHell 2 when my older brother
bought it.
This is one of the two tracks onthis album that over the time
that we've been doing thispodcast, I've forced Bat Out Of
Hell 2 on people when we'redriving.
Other than I'd Do Anything ForLove, this is the one song that
(06:51):
people
Emma (06:51):
That's hilarious.
Oh my god, really?
Sam (06:56):
I say people, other men of my age.
this I think really landed withpeople who were too young to
know about, teenage feelings andthat, but oh my god I can't wait
to feel like this.
Emma (07:12):
I think listening to this album prior to knowing what the
teenage feelings were going tobe like this influenced my
teenage feelings massivelyturning me into the wanker that
I was and still remain to thisday.
Sam (07:27):
blame but yeah, this one really, sticks with people.
I think, because it was, like,when you're a kid, and you
listen to a cool new rock tapefrom Meat Loaf, You don't know
that this is allowed.
Oh, song song, song's brilliant.
What, he's just saying stuff?
That's amazing!
Emma (07:47):
And in fairness, considering how mainstream this
album became, because it soldloads, this is quite the left
turn, isn't it?
Sam (07:57):
I am going to hazard a guess that if Jim Steinman had
his way, half of all albums everwould be this.
Yes.
It's influenced by The Doors,Jim Morrison got up to this sort
of shit all the time.
Here's a quote from Jim"This ismy favourite cut".
That's an old timey word fortrack.
"This is my favourite cut nextto the title cut.
(08:18):
I love The Doors, they were myfavourite group from like 68 to
72".
Very precise.
"No one's doing that now.
The only thing is that Morrisonwasn't at all funny.
It was pretty solemn stuff, so Iwanted to do one that would be
funny as well as have thathallucinatory quality.
chuckle, bit We've both heardthis thousands of times so that
the joke is lost on us, but
Emma (08:41):
A bit like each other's sets.
Sam (08:44):
that's why we don't laugh at each other's sets,
Emma (08:46):
yeah exactly Yes, that's why.
Sam (08:51):
the punchline is that the dad wakes up and says this
guitar you've been using to domurders is actually quite
expensive.
Emma (09:00):
On the Bat Out of Hell 2 version as you say, it's pretty
much the same reading andeverything, but better produced,
and there are a few more soundeffects.
And when he talks about smashingagainst the body of a varsity
cheerleader, you do hear a
Sam (09:13):
You do!
Emma (09:14):
Which I like, just a nice little touch.
Sam (09:16):
touch.
Yeah, so very quickly anybodywho couldn't be bothered to
listen, this is a short storyabout a man reminiscing about
being a teenage boy who killed aboy with a guitar and then the
guitar sounded really good so hekept hitting other stuff with
the guitar to see what else itwould sound like.
I took my guitar and I smashedit against the wall, I smashed
it against the floor, I smashedit against the body of a varsity
(09:39):
cheerleader.
I smashed it against the hood ofa car.
I smashed it against a 1981Harley Davidson." Now, for all
the time I've been listening tothis since I've first heard it
in the early 90s, I've imagineda 1981 Harley Davidson to be
like this classic motorbike.
But of course 1981 was the yearthis song came out, so it's like
(10:03):
him saying I smashed it againstthe body of a 2024 Tesla.
It's not cool, is it?
It's a bit of have this bigimage of him ruining a, an item
of classic Americana and it'sjust come out the factory just
last week.
Emma (10:21):
It loses something with that, doesn't it?
Wow.
So I first heard this on Bat Outof Hell 2.
And I think at the time I wasquite astounded by it as it
wasn't what I was used to, whenlistening to albums and things.
Part of me found it to be anirritating intrusion
Sam (10:43):
really?
In Huh.
Emma (10:46):
And it grew on me over time, but part of me thought,
Oh, is this really neccessary
Sam (10:52):
Yeah.
If you're against things thataren't necessary, how did you
continue listening to the worksof Meat Loaf and Jim
Emma (10:59):
Steinman?
You know from my surroundingsthat I'm clearly not against
things that aren't necessary.
But I don't know It felt to melike it halted the flow a little
But that's not necessarily a badthing.
And as I say, it grew on me overtime as I used to.
Sam (11:16):
As you became aware of the tropes of
Emma (11:18):
theatre.
As I became aware of the tropesof theatre.
The ah
Sam (11:23):
A voice like a horny angel.
Emma (11:25):
Beautiful.
Sam (11:27):
I always think about one of those
Emma (11:29):
accurate Yeah, I was just about to say, is it a biblically
Sam (11:32):
It's just a big wheel made of
Emma (11:33):
eyes.
With a really horny voice.
Also, what's a horny voice?
I assume it's a sexy voicerather than an overly
Sam (11:43):
a horny angel sounds like, do email us a WAV file,
chatoutofhellatgmail.
com.
We'll play the horniest angelsthat we receive over this
series.
We
Emma (11:54):
Is a horny angel like a sort of a deep sexy angel?
Or is it like the voice of ahorny teenage teenage boy?
Please do it
Sam (12:04):
Touch
Emma (12:05):
just touch it.
Sam (12:06):
Look at all my eyes, they're really sexy! So here's
something from the press kit.
Love, Death and an AmericanGuitar provides the opening
sequence of Guitar, a film beingproduced for Warner Brothers by
Steinman and David Sonenberg,his manager.
I was Oh, you were aware of it.
Okay.
Do you know what the film isabout?
(12:28):
I mean, spoiler alert, this filmnever
Emma (12:30):
No, I'm aware that none of the films that Jim planned ever
Sam (12:33):
Yes, regretfully.
hopefully I can find a scriptfor it somewhere because it's...
wouldn't you know it?
Fucking stupid! Really?
Yeah! This is from an interviewthat Jim had with the BBC.
This piece is part of a movieI'm writing called Guitar, which
is really the life story of oneFender electric guitar.
The first Telecaster guitar from1953 to 1986...
(12:55):
there was a movie made a coupleof years ago called The Yellow
Rolls Royce, and there's been afew of this style.
That one followed one YellowRolls Royce down through 30
years and all the people whoowned it and four different
stories.
This follows this one electricguitar from 1953 to 1986, and
it's narrated by the guitar theguitar tells the story itself.
(13:16):
"I've been writing the narrationof the guitar.
it's used to smuggle drugs, it'sused as a murder weapon and it
just has an amazing life! Andyou hear an entire history of
the music over that 30 yearperiod.
"You get sort of adventure aboutthe guitar, a history of the
music, and a saga about thecountry and the world, and all
this narrated by the guitar.
(13:37):
Plus, I see a lot of it filmedfrom the guitar's point of view,
like in jaws, where you seethings from the shark's point of
view.
Like a great sequence where theHendrix character tries to play
it by, biting the strings andsetting fire to it.
"And you're inside the guitar,and you can imagine the disgust
of the guitar that has lighterfluid poured into The guitar has
(14:01):
a great attitude to all of this.
It's very sarcastic.
It's like the computer Hal in2001.
It's attitude that the wholesort of thing is none of you are
really good enough to play me."Just to clarify, the computer
HAL in 2001 is neithersarcastic, nor does it have that
attitude.
Emma (14:17):
No.
Sam (14:17):
So yeah, that is the film that the Oscars were robbed of
in the mid 80s.
Emma (14:22):
Can you imagine if that had actually come out?
We would have to watch that forFilm Club to
Sam (14:29):
it definitely would have been better than Fight Club.
Emma (14:32):
don't have a guitar, but maybe I could wedge a GoPro into
my ukulele?
Sam (14:36):
the ukulele would have to also do the narration.
Of course! And a film beingnarrated by a ukulele is, and I
regret to tell you this,fuckloads more twee than a film
being narrated by a telecaster.
Emma (14:48):
Surely not.
Surely I'm rock and roll with mylittle
Sam (14:52):
The ukulele.
being used to smuggle a smallamount of drugs.
Emma (14:57):
Most of them are antacids.
Sam (15:00):
And then to commit, not murder, but,
Emma (15:01):
maybe barge somebody in a queue.
Yeah.
Sam (15:05):
That's the film that we missed out on.
Emma (15:07):
Shit, that's a real shame.
A Oh.
Sam (15:10):
Do you want to hear what the people of the internet
think?
At Highlandsman, I played thison a I played this on the
jukebox at a pool hall.
He shut his off.
Emma (15:21):
LAUGHTER Quite right.
Yeah.
Sam (15:24):
And then this is from Wabin22, I didn't even spot
this, and I'm an arsehole, sowell done Wabin22.
"One thing I've wondered about,he clearly states he remembers
everything, which isinteresting.
So clear that he remembers everylittle thing as if it happened
only yesterday, but he stilldoesn't remember if he killed
the boy with a Telecaster or aStratocaster." Fair play, well
(15:45):
done Wabin.
I do like that he recycled thatline from Paradise by the
Dashboard Light and it's a weirdfucked up inverse version of
because that's a lovely jollysong about an increasingly
horrible situation.
Yes.
Emma (16:01):
Yes
Sam (16:03):
And this is a momentuously stupid situation, delivered with
all the gravity that JimSteinman can muster.
Which isn't a lot of gravity,but bless him, he's having a
time.
time with it.
Emma (16:16):
Aww.
Sam (16:17):
Do you want to rate it.
Okay, listeners, if you're newto this game, we rate all of our
review subjects on our patentedJim Steinman or Meat Loaf rating
scales.
So for Jim Steinman works westart with Jim Steinman at the
top, going to Jim Fineman in themiddle and Jim Declineman for
(16:38):
all of the shit what he wrote.
Emma, what is this?
Emma (16:43):
This is Jim Steinman.
Sam (16:45):
It is Jim Steinman.
Emma (16:46):
It's daft, it's overdramatic, it deals with all
the classic themes of guitarsand motorbikes.
What more could you want from aJim Steinman?
Sam (16:58):
Some people might say music, and I say to those
people, Open your eyes, man.
The music is inside you allalong.
Emma (17:06):
Emma that first heard this as it interrupted the flow of
the music on the album wouldhave Declinemaned this, but I've
evolved as a person I canappreciate it for what it is
now.
It's a jim
Sam (17:19):
Steinman.
It is a Jim Steinman.
He's being stupid and bringingus along on his stupid ride.
Thank you, Jim.
This is a Jim Steinman.
Emma, what's your first songthis week?
Emma (17:33):
My first monologue this week is Nocturnal Pleasure,
which comes from the Dead Ringeralbum that came out in 1981.
Have a little listen.
It won't take you
Sam (17:44):
No.
We can get most of it in thelittle clip that'll be on in a
second.
The entire city is burning.
You can see the flame like theinside of a mad jukebox.
Lost boys stalk the streets withthose jungle markings on their
chests.
Barbarians prowl
Emma (18:03):
What do you make of that then, Sam?
Sam (18:05):
Fucking weird, innit?
Yeah.
Okay, here's something I reallylike about it.
Emma (18:09):
It's
Sam (18:09):
echoed.
I really like
Emma (18:12):
that.
Sam (18:12):
Pre
Emma (18:12):
Pre echo, so you know what's
Sam (18:14):
Yeah.
so you can hear in the faintbackground Jim doing the
monologue once, and then theforeground of the mix comes
after that, with the I did likethat bit of
Emma (18:26):
It's an unusual bit of production, that, isn't
Sam (18:28):
it?
Mmm.
Emma (18:28):
Dead Ringer isn't a popular album, it seems.
The album that followed Bat Outof Hell that wasn't Bad For
Good, because Bad For Good wasoriginally meant to be another
Meat Loaf, wasn't it?
But Meat Loaf was too fucked upfor that, but not too fucked up
to then come back and do thisinstead.
I think Jim was a bit put out.
by Dead Ringer.
Sam (18:50):
yes, it was very hastily put together when Meat Loaf
suddenly felt up to doing it.
Emma (18:55):
We are gonna dig into that at some point, but Jim Steinman
did record the monologue.
So this is Jim, who does all themonologues on the Meat Loaf
stuff.
He does.
That is interesting, isn't it,because Meat Loaf has always
called himself an actor whosings.
then when there's a little bitof acting to be done He's
nowhere to be seen.
And yet we've seen him doacting.
Sam (19:15):
We have seen him do acting in films and that.
he's alright, yeah.
From this I think we can inferthat Jim Steinman refused to
leave the booth until they lethim do it.
One of the stupidest lines inthis very short bit of, is it
poetry, do you I think we cancall this one
Emma (19:30):
In this very short poem, the stupidest line, and that's
really saying something ismotorcycles reproduce in
nocturnal alleys, groaning withgreasy pleasure.
Now I found a YouTube clip of ajim Steinman And in it, Jim said
something along the lines of, hewas obsessed with the idea of
(19:52):
Motorcycles having sex andbecoming pregnant and then
having little baby So so that'swhat we're dealing with.
Sam (20:02):
Up until you told me that, I quite liked the groaning with
greasy pleasure because I wasthinking of the motorcycles as a
sort of metaphor people ridingthem.
no metaphor.
No, it's
Emma (20:11):
this is motorbikes.
Sam (20:13):
it.
Emma (20:13):
Motorbike on motorbike
Sam (20:15):
Oh yeah,
Emma (20:18):
This is all classic Jim kind of imagery, isn't it?
Jim, the entire city is burningand the cities are always too
hot in a Jim Steinman bit.
Sam (20:29):
Very 2024.
Emma (20:30):
Evidently he knew a thing or two.
Sam (20:33):
Can I talk about my favourite line in it?
Yeah, of course.
Which is the final couplet.
They've blown up the YWCA like agiant balloon And sent it out to
seas full of screaming Lovely,lonely girls
Emma (20:47):
girls.
Lovely
Sam (20:49):
made me think
Emma (20:51):
girls.
Lovely girls.
It does make me think a littlebit of the Father Ted lovely
Girls
Sam (20:55):
Girls Lovely girls.
Emma (20:57):
lovely
Sam (20:58):
Well, We'll find out in our next monologue what Jim wants to
do with lovely girls.
This is very apt running order.
Emma (21:05):
this monologue wasn't originally meant to appear on
Dead Ringer.
It was written prior to DeadRinger.
And was supposed to be on a 1979compilation album called L.
A.
Radio on the Freeway Recordslabel.
It never came out.
And The monologue is slightlydifferent.
I've been dreaming up a stormlately.
(21:26):
I've been dreaming up a stormlately, and the entire city is
burning.
Look, you can see the colorsdancing around the flames like
the inside of a mad jukebox.
Music (21:35):
Horny angels stalk the streets looking for a little
damnation and wearing nothingbut the red badge of love.
Motorcycles reproduce innocturnal alleys.
And they've blown up the YWCAlike a giant balloon and sent it
out to sea full of screaming,lovely, lonely girls.
(21:57):
And if I fall asleep heretonight, you better give me some
asbestos sheets! Cause I've beensweating gasoline, my dreams are
highly flammable, and there areparts of my body that just won't
stop giving off sparks! Stop mebefore I dream again! Why must I
be a teenager in love?
Sam (22:18):
Emma Crossand is available to play
Emma (22:21):
Any role going?
Sam (22:24):
Who read it better emma Taking the piss or Jim Steinman
trying his best.
Who knows?
Yeah, Ioufind that on Jim'swebsite.
like the booming, slamming cardoors, thunder, whatever it was
in the background.
It was almost certainly ToddRundgren just doing something on
his guitar to placate Jim.
(22:44):
But yeah.
I hope I've not stolen yourthunder with that.
Emma (22:48):
No, that's magnificent.
And that's all I've got.
Sam (22:51):
We're doing rapid fire this time Shall we rate it?
I Bam.
Jim Steinman, Jim Fineman or JimDeclineman?
I'm going to use a wanker'sword.
This track is a synecdoche ofall of Dead Ringer.
Oh!
Emma (23:04):
you like that?
Oh! You like that?
Beautiful,
Sam (23:08):
much.
This is Jim Steinman trying tokeep up the energy when he's
already burnt himself out doingone album.
It's a load of old tosh.
And it's not a load of old toshin the fun way.
pre echo, brilliant.
sex?
Motorbikes doing a sex.
Very funny.
(23:29):
But, er, I'm gonna say, saying
Emma (23:36):
I'm saying Jim Fineman.
Sam (23:37):
Yeah, it's not quite Jim Declineman.
It's not.
It's bottom end of Jim Fineman,isn't it?
Jim Fineman, at the bottom end.
Alright, me again, innit?
I'm gonna bring us forward tothe end of the 1980s and the
Pandora's Box album, which fornew listeners was a girl band
that Jim Steinman assembled tobe the rockinest bitches in
(23:59):
town, and which didn't do verywell.
But on this album were a coupleof monologues.
One of which Jim himself did.
Called, I've Been Dreaming Up AStorm Lately.
And here's the sound of us,listening to that.
(24:36):
Emma looks suitably creeped thefuck out there.
Emma (24:38):
That's horrible.
That's so horrible.
Sam (24:43):
Is it horrible in a good way?
Emma (24:46):
What's horrible in a good way?
it's quite
Sam (24:49):
It It is very creepy.
My notes say this is Jim inmaximum creepo mode.
Yeah.
Emma (24:53):
Yeah.
Sam (24:54):
It's a monologue about a man trying to seduce a woman and
talking about these mirrors,which may or may not be
metaphorical, The reflections ofthings in the mirrors are better
than the real version of thethings and that upsets Jim and
he has to destroy them and it'screepy and magical and This
could be an indie horror film.
(25:15):
He's got a good idea He's got agood idea
Emma (25:17):
But he's executed it in a really creepy way.
Sam (25:19):
But it's supposed to be creepy.
Yeah,
Emma (25:21):
Yeah.
It's not just creepy in a ooh,spooky kind of a way.
It's creepy in a, in a creepysex man a
Sam (25:28):
Yeah, it opens with, before it gets into the mirrors, he
says, in his creepiest tone ofvoice, and I will not attempt
it, Ah, come on, let me tell youall about it, we've got all the
time in the world.
That's good, that's nice.
I've been dreaming up a stormlately
Emma (25:46):
slightly make me think of Now We Know from Mitchell and
Webb.
We know now Now we know.
It's so creepy.
It's
Sam (25:57):
Oh It's so horrible, isn't it?
The narrative is that he talksabout these mirrors which he
needs to feed with things and ifsomething is beautiful enough,
the mirror will not eat them.
And he's begging the womanPlease, please come look in my
mirror, please.
That will stay with you forever.
Emma (26:19):
As a chat up line, it's quite bad.
I, I
Sam (26:24):
wouldn't be Bachelor number two! Ha ha ha
Emma (26:29):
that wouldn't lure me back to the kitchen that Jim was
sleeping in.
Sam (26:33):
ha ha ha! His mattress up
Emma (26:35):
mattress up against the fridge.
Yep.
Yep.
That's not luring me back there,I'm afraid.
Sam (26:40):
I've done two quizzes for this.
Okay.
One is an opinion quiz.
Huh.
Is this A, a horrifying butinteresting reflection on the
nature of desire and knowingthat dreams fulfilled are never
as good as dreams unfulfilled?
is it B, A creepy chat up linein a club.
Or is it C, the way Jim talksall the time to everyone?
(27:02):
He's probably ordering asandwich or something.
Emma (27:06):
Option A shows just how much philosophy you did at
university.
Sam (27:11):
A whole degree's worth, thank you.
Emma (27:14):
want it to be C.
Because I think that's, yeah, Ithink that's how he's talking
all the time.
What do you think?
Sam (27:23):
Try this out.
"Can you make a guitar solosound like a Harley Davidson
morphing into a gargoyle likebeast who's mad at his parents".
Emma (27:39):
Next Halloween, are you going as Jim Steinman?
All three of those options areincredible.
I like all three of them.
And, I think Jim does try to puthimself out there as this
incredibly deep yes.
person and it always comesacross as creepy and weird.
Sam (27:57):
will hold my hands up to having been lazy this time.
I didn't read any of Jim'svarious scripts, like The Dream
Engine.
Dream Engine.
Emma (28:06):
Dream
Sam (28:07):
Dream a little dream ha
Emma (28:14):
Well done! Thank you.
Sam (28:16):
I would not be surprised if this had its origins in that.
On the Pandora's Box album thissits between Requiem Metal,
which an excerpt, oh fuckinghell, I've never even noticed
this.
an excerpt from Verdi's Requiemplayed, and I fucking love
Verdi's Requiem.
Everybody does, it's basic.
This is basic bitch classical
Emma (28:37):
Yeah.
Sam (28:38):
We'll have to look at that.
And then it goes into, It's AllComing Back to Me Now, which as
we all know is a horny oldbanger.
It
Emma (28:43):
It is.
Sam (28:44):
It's an odd song from an odd album which has some bangers
on it and some weird spookynonsense.
Emma (28:52):
bangers on the record do seem to all be used elsewhere
eventually.
Sam (28:56):
Yes because salvage what you can from a
Emma (29:00):
a
Sam (29:00):
crash of a recording.
but that
Emma (29:01):
is very much Jim's way of working as well, recycle it
Sam (29:05):
Yeah it is quite like when you're in a crowded sort of
social situation and you make ajoke and nobody heard it, so you
do it again.
I said, maybe he should have putthat down.
Emma (29:20):
Yeah, heard you the first time.
Sam (29:23):
What do we do with this Emma?
Ratings wise.
Emma (29:26):
God, I don't
Sam (29:27):
it's not jim Steyman because it's not.
It, A Jim Steinman makes me feelgood.
Emma (29:35):
Yeah, there's A Jim Steinman is what we would listen
to on the way back from a gigand we're chuckling along and
Sam (29:42):
and singing it and we
Emma (29:44):
won't be doing that with It's a bit too creepy and weird.
Sam (29:49):
There's a podcast called The Sink which is a sort of
modern folk horror, take on kindof sleep aid and people talking
gently meditation.
Guided meditations.
And this would fit right intothat.
Oh.
But don't know
Emma (30:08):
It's hard to know how serious Jim Steinman's being
with things.
don't think
Sam (30:14):
Nobody's ever serious.
Yeah, Exactly.
We sometimes don't give Jimenough credit for just fucking
about all the time so I don'tthink Jim does want to shove
girls into mirrors.
Emma (30:24):
No.
Sam (30:26):
Listeners, help us rate this one, please.
Pending listener approval.
I'm gonna call this a JimFineman But listeners, steer us
on this because
Emma (30:43):
what do you think?
Sam (30:44):
quite baffled.
chatoutofhellatgmail.
com Do you want the quiz?
My actual quiz.
So Emma, reviewers did havethings to say about One of these
is a real quote from reviewersabout this track.
Is it A Tower Records Magazinecalled it"disembodied poetics"?
(31:06):
Is it B, the NME called it"amuch misunderstood dance floor
classic?" Or was it C, the DailyTelegraph said"don't be too cool
to enjoy it"?
Emma (31:18):
Option B is obviously referring to whatever you're
going to torture me with thisseries.
Don't look at me like that.
Oh, I go for C
Sam (31:30):
c.
think,"don't be too cool toenjoy it?" Yeah.
I thought that was also anobvious trap to be honest with
you.
oh no.
It was disembodied poetics.
Nobody else has really mentionedit in their reviews, but Tower
Records mentioned it in passing.
B and C are of course fromreviews of Saturday Night by
Whigfield.
banger.
An absolute banger.
Emma (31:50):
I'm on board with Saturday Night!
Sam (31:52):
board with it.
The video is Whigfield lookinginto a mirror.
A spooky mirror.
Alright, Alright, do you want toknow what the people of the
(32:12):
internet think?, One comment onthis video, that's all there is.
That's all there needs to be.
MariaQuiet6211, R.
I.
P.
Jim Steinman, you werecompletely psycho.
Emma (32:25):
So the want ad.
Another one from Pandora's boxoriginal sin performed by Ellen
Foley again in 1989.
Let's give it a listen.
Music (32:35):
Why didn't you call back?
But to the others, which includethe two terrifying sisters.
The under 18s and the over 60s.
The numerous ones who dialed mynumber and hung up as soon as I
said hello.
The 35 or 40 of you who madedates with me and never showed
up.
Including the one who complainedhis body was so powerful he
couldn't control it anymore.
Emma (32:55):
that's very much my internet dating days summed up
there in that monologue.
Sam (33:00):
Yeah, my notes say very Tinder.
Emma (33:02):
This is mad.
Where do we even start?
Good god.
It's a retraction letter sent toa newspaper where evidently this
woman, this underweight blondeas she describes herself.
Sam (33:19):
Underweight platinum blonde.
Underweight
Emma (33:20):
platinum blonde.
Has obviously put out uh, Yeah,Just to seek a partner and all
the freaks in the world havecontacted there's some pretty
cruel descriptions in here.
Sam (33:33):
Yeah.
Some
Emma (33:34):
shaming going on.
I don't think it would fly now.
Sam (33:37):
I think regretfully, it probably would, but Wow.
Yeah.
Don't fly with us, Jimmy boy!Yes, it is weird, isn't it?
reads out a litany of peoplewho've replied to her ad, and
many of them are awful people,and some of them just aren't her
type.
Emma (33:53):
Yeah.
Sam (33:53):
she's just as angry about all of them.
Emma (33:56):
How dare someone that isn't my type get in touch with
me?
It feels a bit But that's thenature of dating.
I did do internet dating beforeI met my husband through
internet dating.
And good grief, as a woman, thestuff that you get, and this is
back before the apps, this waswhen you had to do internet
(34:18):
dating on a computer.
So the prevalence of things likedick pics wasn't, as all
encompassing as it now is.
But people would still go veryfar out of their way to creep
you out
Sam (34:32):
One guy
Emma (34:33):
one guy simply sent me a message saying, you look well
dirty.
Would you be up for performingwith me the ultimate taboo.
Sam (34:41):
ultimate taboo.
And
Emma (34:43):
Ultimate.
And I regret to this day, notresponding to that.
To find out what the ultimatetaboo is, because I'd love to
know what he considered theultimate Taboo, and if it went
as dark as it did in my head.
I can relate to this woman.
Sam (34:57):
Yeah, did you feel this kind of cathartic outpouring of
what it's like to be a woman inthe modern day?
my notes say I cannot work outif this is Jim trying to be a
feminist or Jim being a hornylittle boy again.
Emma (35:09):
Yeah, something sit quite right for me.
I'm not sure what it is either.
But something leaves me feelingquite uncomfortable.
Sam (35:17):
It is quite funny.
idea that she's taken outanother advert in the paper to
say,
Emma (35:25):
enough
Sam (35:25):
That's enough now.
Also, the so
Emma (35:28):
is so long.
She's taken
Sam (35:29):
out a full page!
Emma (35:30):
If she's paying by the word, it's going to cost a
fortune.
So yeah, it's a strange one.
I did find this, and this isdirect quote from Jim.
The Want Ad is a spoken piecethat Ellen Foley does.
That's probably gonna bother alot of people, but I think it's
pretty neat.
You have to envision a teenagegirl speaking that.
(35:53):
I'll do it, and then Jimactually reads out the monologue
as him.
And having, reached the end ofit, he finishes with I think
it's a single.
Sam (36:02):
And,
Emma (36:04):
And um, I love that.
Sam (36:06):
It's just pure piss taking, is it?
Or is it his blind
Emma (36:11):
Well, I think it's a
Sam (36:12):
Yeah.
I think Okay.
He does refuse to understand howthe record industry works.
All the stuff about trying tomake songs upwards of 20 minutes
long, and We have this on recordfrom other people.
I think if he could have gotaway with it, he would have made
this a single.
Emma (36:30):
When he reads it out, he adds a line.
that Isn't in this version.
God,
Sam (36:34):
you've been really
Emma (36:36):
So he added the line"The pathetic little husband who was
nothing more than a vegetableand his vegetarian wife".
Sam (36:44):
Burn.
Emma (36:45):
Yeah.
While I was hunting around, Ifound another version in his
scripts for the Dream Engine.
Sam (36:54):
Engine.
Emma (36:57):
chugga
Sam (36:58):
woo.
and what
Emma (37:02):
And what I've done Because I'm a wanker is I've done a
compare and contrast And so alot of it is the same but some
of the lines were changed and itfeels like some of the lines
were sanitised
Sam (37:15):
okay.
we do know the Dream Engine wasedgy as fuck.
Emma (37:19):
yes, raunchy of course Doing it probably.
Probably
Sam (37:24):
probably.
doing it.
Emma (37:26):
The line the two terrifying sisters was
originally the two lesbians The35 or 40 of you who made dates
with me and never showed up,including the one who complained
his body was so powerful hecouldn't control it anymore,
which is one of the stupidestlines.
that bit was changed to,Including the one who complained
(37:47):
that his penis was so large thathe couldn't get it into anybody.
Sam (37:51):
That's a bit full on, isn't it?
Yeah.
Emma (37:53):
The many who couldn't get it up when I was agreeable, and
the many who could and did whenI was not.
The first line of that ischanged to the two who couldn't
raise their cocks when I wasagreeable.
Sam (38:07):
definitely learnt to be a bit more subtle.
Not much more subtle, but just ateensy bit.
Emma (38:13):
Slightly more radio friendly.
Sam (38:14):
suh.
Of course, this is a singleEmma.
Emma (38:17):
Exactly.
You gotta be radio friendly fora single.
The sharks and the geeks and thesadists, the latter category,
which I'd specifically stated Idid not want.
This was the Jerkoff Artists andthe 69ers, the latter category,
which I had specifically statedI did not want.
Sam (38:38):
I love Jerkoff
Emma (38:39):
Artists.
Oh, what's what's yourspecialist?
Oh, I am a jerk off artist.
the ones who wanted endless,dirty talk was originally, the
ones who wanted hand jobs.
The ones who wanted to bepunished was originally the ones
who wanted to be spanked.
(39:01):
Oh God.
the ones who could only boastabout the size of their
bankrolls and their equipment,this definitely includes the
teacher who said, all the kidswant my stuff, was originally
The ones who could only boastabout the size of their
bankrolls and their penises.
And this definitely includes ateacher who said, All the girls
want my cock.
Sam (39:22):
Oh God
Emma (39:23):
Yeah.
And there were many who said, Myname is so and so, how far do
you go?
Was originally, my name is soand so, when can we get together
and fuck?
The numerous young studs who hadnothing to offer besides the
negative results of theirgoddamn blood tests, there was
no equivalent to that in theDream Engine.
And I think that's very much asign of the
Sam (39:45):
Yeah, I was, that's what I was thinking.
It's a very Insensitive
Emma (39:49):
Yeah.
Sam (39:50):
to the, uh,
Emma (39:51):
AIDS epidemic.
It was, that's grim.
So that's quite a lot.
Sam (39:57):
It is a lot, and I think that knowing what it originally
looked like has helped me lookat the text
Emma (40:04):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think because I've seenboth
Sam (40:07):
it, leaves me if the Pandora's Box one had been his
first take, and had got somemissteps in it and some sort of.
This is quite horrible, butmaybe you don't understand what
you're saying, Jim, or somethinglike that, would be one thing.
But he's revised an even moreunpleasant version of this into
(40:28):
something still quite
Emma (40:29):
I original version would have been, when did he start
doing the Dream
Sam (40:32):
Dream Engine?
The
Emma (40:33):
Dream
Sam (40:34):
Engine.
1972.
Emma (40:36):
I don't feel like that's an excuse, but they were
different times
Sam (40:39):
Yes.
Emma (40:40):
But it's still
Sam (40:41):
Yeah.
it
Emma (40:42):
reads very badly now.
Sam (40:44):
It reads badly now but even so at the time, I don't think it
would have read very well.
Emma (40:51):
Do you want to hear what the internet people think?
Sam (40:52):
Yes please.
Emma (40:53):
Drogo Baggins, I know, great, isn't it?
Drogo Baggins 987 said,"I'd liketo hear an update of this for
online dating." a reply camefrom Alex Offbeat, who said it
would just be three minutes ofsilence, since you don't need to
publicly retract online datingprofiles.
You can just delete them andghost whoever keeps calling".
Sam (41:17):
I don't think you needed to publicly retract print ads.
Emma (41:21):
And yet
Sam (41:22):
You don't get a print ad that says, The big sale at
Debenhams
Emma (41:27):
is now off.
That's it.
Sam (41:32):
That is it.
Shall we rate this?
Yeah! Shall we rate this very
Emma (41:35):
quickly?
Yeah.
JIM DECLINEMAN.
Jim Run.
No thank you, Jim.
No.
Dirty boy.
And revise your thoughts on somany
Sam (41:47):
And that was Chat Out of Hell, Series 3, Episode 1.
Or Episode 13, if you're keepingcount.
Depends if you include Film Clubas well.
We'll let the hosts of Chat Outof Hell discussion pods work
that out.
Emma (42:05):
was
Sam (42:06):
That was alright, wasn't it?
Emma (42:07):
It was, yeah.
It's nice to be back.
Sam (42:08):
It is nice to be back.
thank you listeners forlistening there.
Did you agree with any of ourassessments?
Do you have anything to add?
Please do email us,chatoutofhellatgmail.
com
Emma (42:18):
Have we got some messages, Sam?
Sam (42:19):
Fuck, we do have messages, thank you, because I was about
to do the wrap up and go home.
Emma (42:23):
Sorry, no escape yet.
Sam (42:25):
Edit point.
We've had some messages to thatinbox while we've been off,
emma.
Amazing! So we've had one fromCharlie Etheridge Nunn,
Emma (42:33):
Uh Huh.
Sam (42:34):
who has been looking for pictures of Jim Steinman on a
motorbike in order to settle thebet between us.
He didn't find one, but he didfind something.
I've showed it to you, we canboth agree, it's fucking
horrifying.
Emma (42:48):
Ah, yes.
Sam (42:49):
yes.
We're not going to tell thelisteners what that is that
Charlie's found, but Charlie,thank you.
That is going to form a littleChristmas surprise for
everybody.
So, um, Thank you slash fuckyou, Charlie.
Everybody else, look out for alittle cheeky bonus episode on
Christmas Day.
(43:10):
Yeah.
And we also got an email fromTom Woffendon, again.
Hi tom! So Tom, has now twiceemailed just as we've finished
the series.
But he's still catching up, soit's fine.
He said, Hi Sam and Emma, reallyenjoying listening to the show
through the summer and into theautumn.
One song request, though it ison the cusp.
Tenacious D made a film calledThe Pick of Destiny in 2006 ish,
(43:31):
and the band were adamant thatonly one man could play teenage
Jack Black's dad in the film,and that man was Meat Loaf.
He's in the film at the startand sings during the opening
number, Kickapoo, which is abanger.
As I say, it's on the cusp forthis show, but it's a great
track, and Meat Loaf's vocalsare top here.
I don't know the song, but let'sstick that in the rotation, in
the suggestions box.
(43:52):
Also, I just randomly had anidea for a chorus, nothing else
yet, for a Jim Steinman slashmeat Loaf track, come to me.
You'll be writing your own song,but I can actually hear this one
with Meat's vocals.
I've got a piano keyboard athome, so may bash something out
on it.
Why not?
Tch.
Tom gave us some lyrics.
I don't want to read out thelyrics.
Tom, please do record and sendit in.
And I know we do owe ourlisteners some progress on our
(44:14):
song.
I've been kicking around somelyrics for a song about having
heartburn after a big currybecause Jim Steinman wrote what
he knew and what he knew wasbeing obsessed with eternal
youth.
Emma (44:27):
does also nicely misinterpret a saying,
Sam (44:31):
Exactly.
Jim was about.
Yes.
At some point in this series wedo owe our listeners some
progress there I think.
Oh dear.
Yeah.
We've been, you've been speakingto proper musicians right?
A little bit here and there?
Emma (44:45):
In passing.
Did
Sam (44:46):
not imagine that conversation?
Emma (44:48):
I have spoken to people about it a little tiny bit.
Sam (44:51):
We don't need to have a full track down, but I think,
Emma (44:54):
no,
Sam (44:54):
yeah, we're moving on it.
But yeah, thank you, Tom.
And thank you for listening andthank you everybody else for
listening.
Emma, what songs are we going todo next time?
Emma (45:01):
am going to delve into the Dead Ringer album because we've
not really touched it yet.
Briefly touched it today, ofcourse, with our monologue.
But it's time to dig into thesongs that nobody really wanted.
And I'm going to start with thefirst track from the album,
which I believe was alsoreleased as a single.
and that's called Peel Out.
Sam (45:25):
And I After I attempted last series to spring a Bonnie
Tyler song onto Emma to illeffect.
I'm gonna warn Emma about aBonnie Tyler song this time.
But let's ease into thebrilliance So we're going to
start with everybody'sfavourite, Total Eclipse of the
Heart.
It It is an absolute banger, sowe're going to have some good
(45:47):
fun with that I think.
So yeah, if you have thoughtsabout those, as always, please
keep your general Meat Loafthoughts and anecdotes flying
in.
Did you see Meat Loaf at Nando'stucking into a half chicken
medium with peri chips and corn?
Hashtag Dear Nando's, pleasesend some of your chicken to Sam
and Emma from the really goodpodcast Chat Out of Hell.
Drop us an email, chatoutofhellat gmail.
com.
Emma (46:06):
going for free food this series then?
Sam (46:10):
Look, if a plunger company wants to send me free plungers,
hashtag please send some of yourplungers to Sam from The Really
Good Podcast, Chat out of Hell.
Emma (46:20):
You've got plumbing issues, Sam.
Sam (46:21):
It's nice to plan plan ahead! ahead Okay good.
Any other business?
Emma (46:24):
Yeah, are doing our amazing, mad show that we've
been taking to festivals,Crossland and Wilkinson, Mean
Business, and this time we'regoing to do it in Leeds, which
is nice, because it means thatwe've not got a really long
drive
Sam (46:37):
That's right.
And some of our listeners livein or near Leeds.
Emma (46:41):
you should come to this.
It's going to be amazing.
You can find it on our Facebookpage.
Crossland and Wilkinson MeanBusiness.
We're going to be at the Bridgeend social and it's not just us.
Local comedy legend Silky willalso be performing in the hour
before our show.
All of that for six English
Sam (46:58):
Or Scottish
Emma (46:59):
Scottish pounds.
Sam (47:01):
When is it, Emma?
Emma (47:03):
the 10th of December, at 7.
30pm.
the doors open
Sam (47:08):
at the Bridge End Social.
Thank you for telling me it wasDoors at 7, because I assumed it
was Doors 7.
Emma (47:14):
Otherwise, we're gonna be there all night.
All right.
Sam (47:16):
you everybody for listening.
We've overrun again.
Bye!
Emma (47:20):
Bye!
Sam (47:20):
Bow now, now, now.
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