December 4, 2024 • 36 mins
Fresh off the heels of Thanksgiving 2024, Ryan & Nicole invite their children, ages 12 and 15, to join them in a several times yearly family ritual to connect, reflect, and share their hearts around themes of gratitude and change.
Discussed: gratitude, change, growth, family, calm, fascination, balance, alignment
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
This is Ryan Thomas Neace.
(00:03):
And this is Nicole Neace.
This is The Closer Podcast.
This is episode seven of The Closer Podcast.
And it is one day post Thanksgiving, giving of thanks 2025, 2024.
(00:30):
I'm a year ahead, but we're going to stick with it.
And what's really nifty is that we have our kids with us today.
Indeed, we do.
And we are in the habit of, correct me if I'm wrong or jump in anyone, in the habit
of at things like birthdays and Mother's Day, Father's Day, holidays that we celebrate,
(00:57):
Christmas, etc.
We go in and look at each other and sort of talk about where we're at.
And so for like on a birthday, for example, if it's Lily's birthday, we will go around
and each of us will share something from our heart to Lily.
Like this is just where I'm at with you over the past year and so forth.
(01:19):
Yes, am I missing it, family?
No, you got it.
There's three people in the room, so now I'm...
You got it.
Three additional people, that is.
Actually, two additional.
We're normally here.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
Both of us.
I forgot.
Two of us video the podcast together.
We do.
It's true.
(01:39):
But there are yet three additional people in the room to me, to myself.
Let's be clear.
So Lily and Lev are here.
So we thought we would sort of share what it's like to be a part of this little crew
in this sense.
And with essentially no warning, just told Lily and Lev, hey, they were actually asking
(02:03):
yesterday on Thanksgiving Day about doing this together.
Yep.
And we said, we're going to wait and do it today and we're going to do a little episode
about it.
So who would like to go first?
Sort of what you're grateful for and what the last year has sort of brought that you
(02:25):
might reflect on in gratitude.
I'll go first, I guess, because I mean, that's what I...
I'm normally the first person to go anyways.
All right.
So for like the past, honestly, year, fully it isn't over yet.
(02:45):
So there could still be stuff that happens.
It's been a year since last Thanksgiving though.
But I would definitely say there's been a lot of things that I've been happy to do because
I'm like a big soccer guy and I originally started with one soccer club, but there was
(03:07):
a lot of issues and we ended up going for more of a local club, which is Poway Vaqueros.
And I'm really happy we landed on them because not only have I improved with my skill, but
I've also had a lot of fun getting to play with a professional team rather than just
(03:31):
like playing rec, you know?
And I think it was pretty much destiny because not only is it like a bit funny that our team
was literally one of the top three teams in the whole league at the end of the season,
but the guy who runs the thing is named Lev, coincidentally.
(03:55):
You don't hear your name very much.
Yeah.
And the fact it's like I find a guy who runs my soccer, the soccer club I play for and
lives in the same city as me is pretty low chances, but it's really awesome that I got
to meet him.
Yeah.
(04:15):
So I say this like pretty much at every birthday, whatnot.
And I have, like, I don't know if this is just me, but I have been able to connect with
you guys a lot more than I feel like I did when we didn't live in California because,
(04:40):
I don't know, I think I was just cooped up in my room a lot more than I am now.
But it's been nice to get to actually like one on one time because we do the thing where
we have dates with each other, like each, is it every other month or is it?
Every month.
(05:00):
I mean, we switch off one parent with one kid and then we flip-flop the next month.
It's been nice to get to do that because like we still do the like birthday stuff and etc.
But when we lived in Illinois in St. Louis, we never actually really like did the dates
(05:22):
as often as we do now.
I think it's really beneficial that we are doing it as much as we are now because like
spending time with each other, like I don't know how to say this exactly.
I mean, it's just when we like are together, I just like, I feel a sense of like happiness
(05:46):
that like not like a happiness like, oh, laughy, laughy or like, oh, I'm with my friends happiness.
It's like, it's a different type of happiness.
It's like just comforting to always be with you guys.
And also like just being with each other is like, I don't know.
(06:16):
I don't know.
Yeah, it's just comforting to be with you guys.
And is it hard to talk about or is it hard to put into words?
Yeah, it's hard to put it into words like describing because I know like I'm not saying
any other families are like worse or I would just call our family like different from a
(06:36):
lot of other families because we like you guys both always like I know a lot of parents
because like I go to my friends houses a lot and they are always like super connected with
them and their kids like, no offense, don't like want to be with them that much.
(07:00):
But it's like, it's awesome that I've ended up like with a family like you guys because
it's like we always want to hang out.
Like the biggest difference I see is that some parents are nervous to hang out with
their kids.
Like I wouldn't say it's like like nervous like, but I would say it's like a nervous
(07:26):
where if they're like with their friend, they won't like interact as much.
But a big difference, specifically Lily because she has friends over a lot.
Like we like you guys always interact with them like you guys are super nice.
(07:49):
To like you guys as friends.
Yeah, your friends but also like I was saying like a lot of I don't think I actually did
say that but a lot of the parents when they're not interacting with their kids when their
friends are over, they're tending to interact with their friends more.
But you're like you guys managed to split it like equally without it like being, I don't
(08:13):
know.
So like evident, I don't know.
So evident?
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
I know what you mean without it without it being like over over the top or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like you can tell when people are nervous like with new like when you have people over
like you can they're like oh yeah yeah yeah.
(08:37):
And they're like oh yeah yeah that's really really cool.
And you guys always manage to like you can tell you're not nervous.
Like I it's not trying to gloat but you guys are pretty freaking awesome.
(08:58):
And then yes there is yet more.
Yes there is.
We're going to hear more.
So we get more.
Keep going.
Obviously we got Romeo recently.
It's insane.
I feel like I've had him for like five years already.
Not saying that's like a bad thing like he's grown so much.
(09:20):
And then I noticed Clementine.
It's insane how she's still going as strong as she is considering how old she is.
Like how old is she?
She's like 16.
Clementine is our 17.
She's going to be 17.
16.
She's a year older than me.
How old is that in cat years?
Clementine was born in 2008.
(09:44):
That's a year before me.
2008.
Yes.
She'll she'll she turned 16 this year.
Yeah she's a year and a half older than me.
She's now in her 17th year.
Do you know how old she is in cat years?
No I forget what the calculation is.
Do you know what her actual birthday is?
What?
Do you know what her actual birthday is?
No not to the day because she was a stray.
(10:05):
But I think it's just it's been really nice to have like be able to not just like it's
really nice to have her around because she's one of the like she's the remaining third
cat.
From the original three.
Yeah.
It's hard to talk about.
Yes.
Why?
Probably because they just really made me happy and yeah they it's nostalgic to think
(10:39):
about because being with them is like I don't know it just also brought a sense of comfortness
and I feel kind of bad for her now because we obviously have a lot more attention on
Romeo because he's younger and he's like he just needs more attention but like it's just
(11:07):
really nice to see that she's still alive sometimes and I like being with her a lot.
Really thankful for the fact they're both here because it's just like when I'm feeling
down they're always like I can pet them when I feel better.
Yeah I agree.
(11:33):
Thanks for talking about that.
I was thankful for the whole family including the cats and Mike just for spending time a
lot with each other for the entire year.
Wow.
I like it.
Thanks for saying that.
(11:54):
By the way I would just like to point out that we gave them zero coaching about this
so lest anyone think that that heartfelt expression is somehow atypical or not are done for the
benefit of the we said to you guys stop popping your toes is one thing we said.
I'm not doing it on purpose.
(12:14):
So if you hear little things that sound like snap somebody throwing the 4th of July snap
pops in there now it's not it's Lily's toes.
I can't control it.
It's like it's uncomfortable if I just sit here and I don't like if I just sit here and
I don't do it it's uncomfortable.
(12:37):
Anyways we didn't we just said hey we're going to you know the thing we normally do about
Thanksgiving we're going to record that instead of doing it.
Yeah.
And then we said OK here we go.
Sure did.
Neither of them really said much about it at all even though we've not done this before.
(12:59):
So thanks Levy.
Thanks love.
Who's next on the sacrifice list.
Lily no hands.
Wow.
This is insane.
I nominate Lily.
(13:21):
You've been nominated.
You're not going now.
I don't want to go yet.
Why?
I just don't.
All right that just leaves us chickens.
I think you should go child parent child parent.
Is that what you think?
Yeah it is I think.
(13:41):
Well it appears that since you're refusing to go you're enacting that right here.
Love you did great.
Love just dove in and did the dang thing.
I'll go.
Once you jump smoke out.
(14:02):
I have actually this is how I typically answer these like I actually haven't spent a bunch
of time thinking about this.
I just sort of see what comes up for me.
Would say something that I mentioned at the Thanksgiving table yesterday which was that
with my reflection for the last year would be that how much I'm learning about how gratitude
(14:29):
goes alongside of other things that you're feeling or other other things that I'm feeling.
It doesn't say I felt a lot of things over the last year.
I felt super excited and happy and wondered about directions our lives are taking now
(14:50):
that we've moved to California and working with new clients and meeting new friends and
all of that stuff and it's been amazing and at the same time there's been a lot of uncertainty
and a lot of fear and endings to things and wondering about how to bring things to an
(15:16):
end.
And so in this weird way like I know this is true but I didn't.
I like know it is true in my head.
I didn't really know that you alongside gratitude is like a full host of other emotions as well.
It's not just all like like sort of every time I feel thankful about something I'm also
(15:40):
aware that there's something over here that is kind of like vying for my attention as
well maybe something that I don't want to be that way or that I'm sad about or scared
of or so learning how to hold both of those at the same time has been fascinating.
(16:01):
Yet I would be lying if I said that I did not feel like an immense amount of gratitude
for honestly you know what for the state of California or rather the city of San Diego
let's say because we really do love living here.
Agree yes and being here has really been like a fresh start for us and a fresh breath of
(16:32):
air or a breath of fresh air.
Breath of fresh air.
Yeah I was like that feels backwards.
A fresh breath of air.
Fresh breath of air.
Fresh breath of fresh air.
Fresh breath of fresh air.
We can't we can't say it.
Say it five times fast.
Specifically within our family Lev I have been so grateful for our connection and getting
(16:58):
to spend a lot of time together as you sort of articulated and we just like broke through
some barrier that we had been sitting around or that had been sitting I don't know it was
exactly between us but just near us and all of a sudden it's just like we hang out and
it's just cool and we seem to understand one another.
(17:21):
I think it's because we've had like a lot of more deep talks like not one down on the
couch a while back when like I just was off my thing off my devices for like for the whole
day and then we like wanted to talk about like what it was with lying and stuff so.
(17:43):
Yeah where we had sort of like a heart to heart about how things were between us something
about from that point forward.
We've also like you and me go to the haircut place a lot and we're like around we're just
around each other a lot.
Yeah so there's just like more opportunities.
Yeah.
(18:04):
And you know what though it doesn't always have to go super amazing when parents and
kids try to hang out and so I'm grateful for the fact that it does seem to go well and
we sort of like seem to understand one another and I don't know I don't think I knew that
I needed to that like that would be such an important element of my life is like me and
(18:28):
you feeling cool it's just like really has become very important to me.
Lily I would say that two things one is that I continue to just kind of watch you become
yourself and like I really do feel grateful for that like it's nice to see you blossom
(18:58):
into more of who you are and to kind of let go of some of the things that seem to really
tie up your mind.
You just have a broader sense about you and I watch the way that you carry yourself with
your friends and it's like respect right on.
Like you don't seem to well my sense is that you don't seem to compromise yourself though
(19:30):
I know that we've talked about times where you're like yeah yeah I'm still like trying
to figure out how do I be myself with these different groups of people how do I not like
change myself to fit in but like the fact that you're aware of that and can kind of
monitor that and can work with that creatively at your age is really pretty fascinating.
(19:54):
It's the second time I've used the word fascinating I don't know why I'm using that so much.
It's fascinating.
We are fascinating.
You know what though it's like it's beyond fascinating it's like deeply touching to me
and I think I'm like trying to deliver this in a way so I don't fall apart while we're
talking because usually during these things I cry a lot.
(20:16):
Waterworks.
I said waterworks.
Yeah yeah maybe I don't know.
Did I say the other thing?
I said two things.
It's about me not compromising myself and watching me grow into myself.
(20:50):
And you my love I'm just thankful for our friendship and that a great many things come
and go but that our friendship has persisted across time and space and in some senses I
(21:20):
really think that you are responsible for a lot of that because you you know like always
have seemed to like really like me like as a person.
I really really like you.
(21:41):
Like even like when we would hang out with friends of mine from where I grew up and some
of the most endearing thing to them which they have told me you know sort of separate
from you know it's like you know some of the girls from high school that are really close
friends of mine and so like Ryan she seems crazy about you and like if they can see that
(22:06):
and they're sort of moved by it it's like a really a big deal.
And so what I'm saying is the reason why you're responsible is because I don't really like
anyone.
People don't know this about me but like I don't like people that much.
I don't like a bunch of people.
I don't know if I'm going to include this or not but hey here it is.
And so like you just always you know you have like a disposition that is just immensely
(22:33):
helpful in that way and then it paves the way for so many other things for us to not
just be friends but as Ludacris would say lovers and friends.
And as one song from a very old album said homie lover friend.
(22:55):
The kids are looking at us with such horrible awkward I mean both of them right now have
a cringe look on their faces.
They don't know any other references so they're just so confused.
So that's my piece.
It's good.
I also feel grateful for the animals.
I'm glad you brought that up.
I feel grateful for the animals they add a lot to our lives.
(23:17):
Yes they do.
Yeah I agree.
Alright that just leaves you two.
Who's next?
It's me.
I think one of the big things that I'm grateful for is like just like the people around me
and how much they've like impacted my life especially in the past year.
(23:41):
Like I feel like I've made a lot of really great friends and I have had some that aren't
the best but I think that I know myself better and when there's a friendship with somebody
it's not going well and I know how to get out of it.
And yeah I just like think I know myself better and then I feel like people in specific that
(24:07):
I'm grateful for like obviously you guys and…
Whoops that was really fast.
Obviously you guys.
Obviously I am thankful for you guys and also several of my friends both through school
(24:28):
and church and one of my best friends of you know as you guys know four years.
I'm just really grateful that she stuck around especially given like I don't think that
long distance friendships normally last so I think it's kind of crazy that since it's
been like three years since I've seen her that we've managed to stay in contact as
(24:52):
much as we have.
We call all the time every month always talking to each other about everything like I'm just
really grateful for her and then I'm also really grateful that my school friends brought
me to youth group that one time like because I think that so many great things have like
sprouted out of that like my current church friend group is so great and I always have
(25:17):
so much fun with them every time that I go and I also think that having friends that
are like faithful has helped me grow in my own faith which I really really appreciate
(25:38):
and then I always also the animals and I am really grateful for the animals I think that
Romeo in specific has brought a lot of joy like I think Clementine's always brought
joy but I think she's brought more calm and peace and I think Romeo being a little bit
more chaotic and very you know he's a lot.
(26:04):
I think that they kind of balance it out and it's like a perfect medium so I'm grateful
you know that we have them in our lives and watching him grow so big even though he's
only two years old it's pretty crazy and then like starting with you dad I know that we've
(26:26):
kind of I feel like we aren't as close as we used to be but I also kind of feel like
we are I just don't think we're as verbally close like I don't think that we talk as
much as we used to but I also think that's okay because I still feel really really connected
to you.
You're grateful that we don't talk as much as we used to.
(26:48):
I'm just playing go ahead I'm sorry.
Great now you made me lose my train of thought.
You said you think that we are like we're not as close but maybe we are as close we're
not as verbally close.
Yeah which is okay and I think it's nice because I feel like more with our actions I think
(27:14):
we're closer with our actions than we used to be and then yeah and I also think it's
nice because now I've been getting closer with mom which is I feel like I mean obviously
you know you have that mother daughter connection so you can't really like change that but I
think that I just didn't have much of one with you as I do now like compared to when
(27:39):
I was little like I feel like yeah like I feel like you were always closer with Lev
and I was always closer with dad but I think it's nice now because I think now that Lev
is getting closer with dad and I'm getting closer with you that everything's kind of
balancing out.
Like I'm using that word a lot because I just feel really balanced.
(28:00):
Your chakras are aligned.
And then Lev can be really annoying really frustrating to be around but I also appreciate
that we've grown closer and I think I feel a lot of like big sister guilt if I like her
(28:22):
his feelings and I appreciate that he doesn't like hate me for it or like anything like
that I appreciate that he knows that I'm just a teenage girl.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
I feel like I'm looked at like there's something more I should be saying.
(28:45):
You just said that you know you Lev's kind of annoying to be around but you appreciate
that he doesn't hate you.
Okay well I also just.
No I want to say more thanks.
I'm also glad that our relationship has grown a lot more because I think it used to just
(29:09):
be a lot of me yelling at him and him getting mad at me and then yeah.
I do miss I think about this a lot like whenever he saw his bunk bed we used to play this game
called Don't Wake Me and it was like I like laid on the top bunk underneath a bunch of
blankets and then if he got close to the stairs I would jump scare him and then we would grab
(29:32):
this big stuff and start hitting him with it.
You remember this Lev?
Yes I do.
But.
Was it fun?
There's a lot of abuse and trauma.
Was it fun actually?
Yes it was.
And I also remember like there's this artist Perry Grip and he makes a ton of like really
dumb like kiddish music but I remember we used to have when you guys were working or
(29:58):
something that we would have like these little like dance party wrestling shows in the living
room.
Sounds about right.
So yeah I think I'm just.
Dance party and wrestling.
I'm grateful that for those moments but I also think it's nice to see how our relationship's
maturing more as we're like growing older.
(30:25):
So calming was a word you used a lot.
Balance was a word you used a lot.
Fascinating.
Fascinating was a word you used a lot.
What's your word?
So I'll be curious to fall in love having a.
You're bad.
It's true.
Interesting.
You better.
So are you done?
(30:47):
No.
Yeah.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you.
So I was just thinking about the fact that so we've been here about 18 months a little
a teeny bit longer and that at this time last year we were actually not even in San Diego.
(31:09):
We were on a holiday but and I was really really thankful on that trip just that we
were together and we all had such a great time and I was thankful for being here but
we were still like six months off the move right around this time last year.
So things have settled.
(31:31):
I feel like we're all in a routine for the most part we all kind of know what's happening
and that's very helpful for me.
But I was thinking the other day about how even six months post the move.
So this time last year I was really like I just felt like I had taken a deep breath.
(31:57):
There was something about moving back home to San Diego that felt like my chakras were
aligned that felt like everything was coming together and now to see a year post that time
feeling like that's even more solidified.
(32:20):
I just feel really at peace very calm very balanced.
I think it is fascinating the ways in which our lives have like shifted all these changes
that we're talking about relationship dynamics and those different things.
(32:41):
I think shifted into place.
Sure.
Yeah shifted into place or just changed.
Just changed like just being able to look at it from a different viewpoint and it and
it's still just as beautiful if not I find it more beautiful because it's deeper and
richer and more gratifying.
(33:04):
And I was very thankful for everything that we've been offered since we've moved back
here we've made great friends dad and I as well not just you guys made good friends and
that's very uplifting.
I feel very supported by our community and that to me is a rare feeling one that hasn't
(33:29):
been there with such consistency for such a long time and so it's been really nice.
I'm super thankful for our home every day I come home and I am thankful that we live
in this house and that we found it just in the nick of time.
(33:50):
I'm thankful for the weather I'm thankful for our family I'm thankful for our friends
for our work for people who are near and far.
I feel very peaceful and that's a thing that I think I said in a couple podcasts ago I
(34:15):
said that I'm with peace because there's a lot of other feelings happening at the same
time but that peace is with me and I'm with it everywhere I've been and that has just
been a steady state like a consistent thing that every time I check in I recognize that
I'm still with peace and that feels really really good I'm like really thankful for that
(34:39):
and it feels small but huge.
Huge.
Huge.
For your huge head your huge pillow.
So I married an axe murderer.
(34:59):
You using that as a reference.
I think a movie so I married an axe murderer is not.
He said huge.
Listen I'm gonna go back to my thing.
It was huge.
It is huge.
This feeling of being with peace and gratitude.
(35:22):
Just grab that sucker and yanked it right back to where you're at.
And now you are gonna have to edit that again thanks a lot.
So your word is probably peace then because you use that a lot.
Peace or I also kind of got.
Peace in the sight of relief.
Yeah I also kind of got alignment too like I feel like you were talking a lot about that
(35:44):
about feeling more aligned with life.
I like it I like that one I like that one better.
Than peace.
So love your word is calm.
Loli your word is balance.
(36:04):
Ryan your word is fascinating and my word is alignment.
Perf.
I think they fit together.
It's fascinating that your alignment is calm and.
Balanced.
I think they all fit together like a puzzle.
(36:30):
Any last words?
Nope.
Love you guys.
I love you too.
Thanks for doing this with us.
Enjoy the rest.
This is Ryan Thomas Neace.
(00:03):
And this is Nicole Neace.
This is The Closer Podcast.
This is episode seven of The Closer Podcast.
And it is one day post Thanksgiving, giving of thanks 2025, 2024.
(00:30):
I'm a year ahead, but we're going to stick with it.
And what's really nifty is that we have our kids with us today.
Indeed, we do.
And we are in the habit of, correct me if I'm wrong or jump in anyone, in the habit
of at things like birthdays and Mother's Day, Father's Day, holidays that we celebrate,
(00:57):
Christmas, etc.
We go in and look at each other and sort of talk about where we're at.
And so for like on a birthday, for example, if it's Lily's birthday, we will go around
and each of us will share something from our heart to Lily.
Like this is just where I'm at with you over the past year and so forth.
(01:19):
Yes, am I missing it, family?
No, you got it.
There's three people in the room, so now I'm...
You got it.
Three additional people, that is.
Actually, two additional.
We're normally here.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
Both of us.
I forgot.
Two of us video the podcast together.
We do.
It's true.
(01:39):
But there are yet three additional people in the room to me, to myself.
Let's be clear.
So Lily and Lev are here.
So we thought we would sort of share what it's like to be a part of this little crew
in this sense.
And with essentially no warning, just told Lily and Lev, hey, they were actually asking
(02:03):
yesterday on Thanksgiving Day about doing this together.
Yep.
And we said, we're going to wait and do it today and we're going to do a little episode
about it.
So who would like to go first?
Sort of what you're grateful for and what the last year has sort of brought that you
(02:25):
might reflect on in gratitude.
I'll go first, I guess, because I mean, that's what I...
I'm normally the first person to go anyways.
All right.
So for like the past, honestly, year, fully it isn't over yet.
(02:45):
So there could still be stuff that happens.
It's been a year since last Thanksgiving though.
But I would definitely say there's been a lot of things that I've been happy to do because
I'm like a big soccer guy and I originally started with one soccer club, but there was
(03:07):
a lot of issues and we ended up going for more of a local club, which is Poway Vaqueros.
And I'm really happy we landed on them because not only have I improved with my skill, but
I've also had a lot of fun getting to play with a professional team rather than just
(03:31):
like playing rec, you know?
And I think it was pretty much destiny because not only is it like a bit funny that our team
was literally one of the top three teams in the whole league at the end of the season,
but the guy who runs the thing is named Lev, coincidentally.
(03:55):
You don't hear your name very much.
Yeah.
And the fact it's like I find a guy who runs my soccer, the soccer club I play for and
lives in the same city as me is pretty low chances, but it's really awesome that I got
to meet him.
Yeah.
(04:15):
So I say this like pretty much at every birthday, whatnot.
And I have, like, I don't know if this is just me, but I have been able to connect with
you guys a lot more than I feel like I did when we didn't live in California because,
(04:40):
I don't know, I think I was just cooped up in my room a lot more than I am now.
But it's been nice to get to actually like one on one time because we do the thing where
we have dates with each other, like each, is it every other month or is it?
Every month.
(05:00):
I mean, we switch off one parent with one kid and then we flip-flop the next month.
It's been nice to get to do that because like we still do the like birthday stuff and etc.
But when we lived in Illinois in St. Louis, we never actually really like did the dates
(05:22):
as often as we do now.
I think it's really beneficial that we are doing it as much as we are now because like
spending time with each other, like I don't know how to say this exactly.
I mean, it's just when we like are together, I just like, I feel a sense of like happiness
(05:46):
that like not like a happiness like, oh, laughy, laughy or like, oh, I'm with my friends happiness.
It's like, it's a different type of happiness.
It's like just comforting to always be with you guys.
And also like just being with each other is like, I don't know.
(06:16):
I don't know.
Yeah, it's just comforting to be with you guys.
And is it hard to talk about or is it hard to put into words?
Yeah, it's hard to put it into words like describing because I know like I'm not saying
any other families are like worse or I would just call our family like different from a
(06:36):
lot of other families because we like you guys both always like I know a lot of parents
because like I go to my friends houses a lot and they are always like super connected with
them and their kids like, no offense, don't like want to be with them that much.
(07:00):
But it's like, it's awesome that I've ended up like with a family like you guys because
it's like we always want to hang out.
Like the biggest difference I see is that some parents are nervous to hang out with
their kids.
Like I wouldn't say it's like like nervous like, but I would say it's like a nervous
(07:26):
where if they're like with their friend, they won't like interact as much.
But a big difference, specifically Lily because she has friends over a lot.
Like we like you guys always interact with them like you guys are super nice.
(07:49):
To like you guys as friends.
Yeah, your friends but also like I was saying like a lot of I don't think I actually did
say that but a lot of the parents when they're not interacting with their kids when their
friends are over, they're tending to interact with their friends more.
But you're like you guys managed to split it like equally without it like being, I don't
(08:13):
know.
So like evident, I don't know.
So evident?
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
I know what you mean without it without it being like over over the top or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like you can tell when people are nervous like with new like when you have people over
like you can they're like oh yeah yeah yeah.
(08:37):
And they're like oh yeah yeah that's really really cool.
And you guys always manage to like you can tell you're not nervous.
Like I it's not trying to gloat but you guys are pretty freaking awesome.
(08:58):
And then yes there is yet more.
Yes there is.
We're going to hear more.
So we get more.
Keep going.
Obviously we got Romeo recently.
It's insane.
I feel like I've had him for like five years already.
Not saying that's like a bad thing like he's grown so much.
(09:20):
And then I noticed Clementine.
It's insane how she's still going as strong as she is considering how old she is.
Like how old is she?
She's like 16.
Clementine is our 17.
She's going to be 17.
16.
She's a year older than me.
How old is that in cat years?
Clementine was born in 2008.
(09:44):
That's a year before me.
2008.
Yes.
She'll she'll she turned 16 this year.
Yeah she's a year and a half older than me.
She's now in her 17th year.
Do you know how old she is in cat years?
No I forget what the calculation is.
Do you know what her actual birthday is?
What?
Do you know what her actual birthday is?
No not to the day because she was a stray.
(10:05):
But I think it's just it's been really nice to have like be able to not just like it's
really nice to have her around because she's one of the like she's the remaining third
cat.
From the original three.
Yeah.
It's hard to talk about.
Yes.
Why?
Probably because they just really made me happy and yeah they it's nostalgic to think
(10:39):
about because being with them is like I don't know it just also brought a sense of comfortness
and I feel kind of bad for her now because we obviously have a lot more attention on
Romeo because he's younger and he's like he just needs more attention but like it's just
(11:07):
really nice to see that she's still alive sometimes and I like being with her a lot.
Really thankful for the fact they're both here because it's just like when I'm feeling
down they're always like I can pet them when I feel better.
Yeah I agree.
(11:33):
Thanks for talking about that.
I was thankful for the whole family including the cats and Mike just for spending time a
lot with each other for the entire year.
Wow.
I like it.
Thanks for saying that.
(11:54):
By the way I would just like to point out that we gave them zero coaching about this
so lest anyone think that that heartfelt expression is somehow atypical or not are done for the
benefit of the we said to you guys stop popping your toes is one thing we said.
I'm not doing it on purpose.
(12:14):
So if you hear little things that sound like snap somebody throwing the 4th of July snap
pops in there now it's not it's Lily's toes.
I can't control it.
It's like it's uncomfortable if I just sit here and I don't like if I just sit here and
I don't do it it's uncomfortable.
(12:37):
Anyways we didn't we just said hey we're going to you know the thing we normally do about
Thanksgiving we're going to record that instead of doing it.
Yeah.
And then we said OK here we go.
Sure did.
Neither of them really said much about it at all even though we've not done this before.
(12:59):
So thanks Levy.
Thanks love.
Who's next on the sacrifice list.
Lily no hands.
Wow.
This is insane.
I nominate Lily.
(13:21):
You've been nominated.
You're not going now.
I don't want to go yet.
Why?
I just don't.
All right that just leaves us chickens.
I think you should go child parent child parent.
Is that what you think?
Yeah it is I think.
(13:41):
Well it appears that since you're refusing to go you're enacting that right here.
Love you did great.
Love just dove in and did the dang thing.
I'll go.
Once you jump smoke out.
(14:02):
I have actually this is how I typically answer these like I actually haven't spent a bunch
of time thinking about this.
I just sort of see what comes up for me.
Would say something that I mentioned at the Thanksgiving table yesterday which was that
with my reflection for the last year would be that how much I'm learning about how gratitude
(14:29):
goes alongside of other things that you're feeling or other other things that I'm feeling.
It doesn't say I felt a lot of things over the last year.
I felt super excited and happy and wondered about directions our lives are taking now
(14:50):
that we've moved to California and working with new clients and meeting new friends and
all of that stuff and it's been amazing and at the same time there's been a lot of uncertainty
and a lot of fear and endings to things and wondering about how to bring things to an
(15:16):
end.
And so in this weird way like I know this is true but I didn't.
I like know it is true in my head.
I didn't really know that you alongside gratitude is like a full host of other emotions as well.
It's not just all like like sort of every time I feel thankful about something I'm also
(15:40):
aware that there's something over here that is kind of like vying for my attention as
well maybe something that I don't want to be that way or that I'm sad about or scared
of or so learning how to hold both of those at the same time has been fascinating.
(16:01):
Yet I would be lying if I said that I did not feel like an immense amount of gratitude
for honestly you know what for the state of California or rather the city of San Diego
let's say because we really do love living here.
Agree yes and being here has really been like a fresh start for us and a fresh breath of
(16:32):
air or a breath of fresh air.
Breath of fresh air.
Yeah I was like that feels backwards.
A fresh breath of air.
Fresh breath of air.
Fresh breath of fresh air.
Fresh breath of fresh air.
We can't we can't say it.
Say it five times fast.
Specifically within our family Lev I have been so grateful for our connection and getting
(16:58):
to spend a lot of time together as you sort of articulated and we just like broke through
some barrier that we had been sitting around or that had been sitting I don't know it was
exactly between us but just near us and all of a sudden it's just like we hang out and
it's just cool and we seem to understand one another.
(17:21):
I think it's because we've had like a lot of more deep talks like not one down on the
couch a while back when like I just was off my thing off my devices for like for the whole
day and then we like wanted to talk about like what it was with lying and stuff so.
(17:43):
Yeah where we had sort of like a heart to heart about how things were between us something
about from that point forward.
We've also like you and me go to the haircut place a lot and we're like around we're just
around each other a lot.
Yeah so there's just like more opportunities.
Yeah.
(18:04):
And you know what though it doesn't always have to go super amazing when parents and
kids try to hang out and so I'm grateful for the fact that it does seem to go well and
we sort of like seem to understand one another and I don't know I don't think I knew that
I needed to that like that would be such an important element of my life is like me and
(18:28):
you feeling cool it's just like really has become very important to me.
Lily I would say that two things one is that I continue to just kind of watch you become
yourself and like I really do feel grateful for that like it's nice to see you blossom
(18:58):
into more of who you are and to kind of let go of some of the things that seem to really
tie up your mind.
You just have a broader sense about you and I watch the way that you carry yourself with
your friends and it's like respect right on.
Like you don't seem to well my sense is that you don't seem to compromise yourself though
(19:30):
I know that we've talked about times where you're like yeah yeah I'm still like trying
to figure out how do I be myself with these different groups of people how do I not like
change myself to fit in but like the fact that you're aware of that and can kind of
monitor that and can work with that creatively at your age is really pretty fascinating.
(19:54):
It's the second time I've used the word fascinating I don't know why I'm using that so much.
It's fascinating.
We are fascinating.
You know what though it's like it's beyond fascinating it's like deeply touching to me
and I think I'm like trying to deliver this in a way so I don't fall apart while we're
talking because usually during these things I cry a lot.
(20:16):
Waterworks.
I said waterworks.
Yeah yeah maybe I don't know.
Did I say the other thing?
I said two things.
It's about me not compromising myself and watching me grow into myself.
(20:50):
And you my love I'm just thankful for our friendship and that a great many things come
and go but that our friendship has persisted across time and space and in some senses I
(21:20):
really think that you are responsible for a lot of that because you you know like always
have seemed to like really like me like as a person.
I really really like you.
(21:41):
Like even like when we would hang out with friends of mine from where I grew up and some
of the most endearing thing to them which they have told me you know sort of separate
from you know it's like you know some of the girls from high school that are really close
friends of mine and so like Ryan she seems crazy about you and like if they can see that
(22:06):
and they're sort of moved by it it's like a really a big deal.
And so what I'm saying is the reason why you're responsible is because I don't really like
anyone.
People don't know this about me but like I don't like people that much.
I don't like a bunch of people.
I don't know if I'm going to include this or not but hey here it is.
And so like you just always you know you have like a disposition that is just immensely
(22:33):
helpful in that way and then it paves the way for so many other things for us to not
just be friends but as Ludacris would say lovers and friends.
And as one song from a very old album said homie lover friend.
(22:55):
The kids are looking at us with such horrible awkward I mean both of them right now have
a cringe look on their faces.
They don't know any other references so they're just so confused.
So that's my piece.
It's good.
I also feel grateful for the animals.
I'm glad you brought that up.
I feel grateful for the animals they add a lot to our lives.
(23:17):
Yes they do.
Yeah I agree.
Alright that just leaves you two.
Who's next?
It's me.
I think one of the big things that I'm grateful for is like just like the people around me
and how much they've like impacted my life especially in the past year.
(23:41):
Like I feel like I've made a lot of really great friends and I have had some that aren't
the best but I think that I know myself better and when there's a friendship with somebody
it's not going well and I know how to get out of it.
And yeah I just like think I know myself better and then I feel like people in specific that
(24:07):
I'm grateful for like obviously you guys and…
Whoops that was really fast.
Obviously you guys.
Obviously I am thankful for you guys and also several of my friends both through school
(24:28):
and church and one of my best friends of you know as you guys know four years.
I'm just really grateful that she stuck around especially given like I don't think that
long distance friendships normally last so I think it's kind of crazy that since it's
been like three years since I've seen her that we've managed to stay in contact as
(24:52):
much as we have.
We call all the time every month always talking to each other about everything like I'm just
really grateful for her and then I'm also really grateful that my school friends brought
me to youth group that one time like because I think that so many great things have like
sprouted out of that like my current church friend group is so great and I always have
(25:17):
so much fun with them every time that I go and I also think that having friends that
are like faithful has helped me grow in my own faith which I really really appreciate
(25:38):
and then I always also the animals and I am really grateful for the animals I think that
Romeo in specific has brought a lot of joy like I think Clementine's always brought
joy but I think she's brought more calm and peace and I think Romeo being a little bit
more chaotic and very you know he's a lot.
(26:04):
I think that they kind of balance it out and it's like a perfect medium so I'm grateful
you know that we have them in our lives and watching him grow so big even though he's
only two years old it's pretty crazy and then like starting with you dad I know that we've
(26:26):
kind of I feel like we aren't as close as we used to be but I also kind of feel like
we are I just don't think we're as verbally close like I don't think that we talk as
much as we used to but I also think that's okay because I still feel really really connected
to you.
You're grateful that we don't talk as much as we used to.
(26:48):
I'm just playing go ahead I'm sorry.
Great now you made me lose my train of thought.
You said you think that we are like we're not as close but maybe we are as close we're
not as verbally close.
Yeah which is okay and I think it's nice because I feel like more with our actions I think
(27:14):
we're closer with our actions than we used to be and then yeah and I also think it's
nice because now I've been getting closer with mom which is I feel like I mean obviously
you know you have that mother daughter connection so you can't really like change that but I
think that I just didn't have much of one with you as I do now like compared to when
(27:39):
I was little like I feel like yeah like I feel like you were always closer with Lev
and I was always closer with dad but I think it's nice now because I think now that Lev
is getting closer with dad and I'm getting closer with you that everything's kind of
balancing out.
Like I'm using that word a lot because I just feel really balanced.
(28:00):
Your chakras are aligned.
And then Lev can be really annoying really frustrating to be around but I also appreciate
that we've grown closer and I think I feel a lot of like big sister guilt if I like her
(28:22):
his feelings and I appreciate that he doesn't like hate me for it or like anything like
that I appreciate that he knows that I'm just a teenage girl.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
I feel like I'm looked at like there's something more I should be saying.
(28:45):
You just said that you know you Lev's kind of annoying to be around but you appreciate
that he doesn't hate you.
Okay well I also just.
No I want to say more thanks.
I'm also glad that our relationship has grown a lot more because I think it used to just
(29:09):
be a lot of me yelling at him and him getting mad at me and then yeah.
I do miss I think about this a lot like whenever he saw his bunk bed we used to play this game
called Don't Wake Me and it was like I like laid on the top bunk underneath a bunch of
blankets and then if he got close to the stairs I would jump scare him and then we would grab
(29:32):
this big stuff and start hitting him with it.
You remember this Lev?
Yes I do.
But.
Was it fun?
There's a lot of abuse and trauma.
Was it fun actually?
Yes it was.
And I also remember like there's this artist Perry Grip and he makes a ton of like really
dumb like kiddish music but I remember we used to have when you guys were working or
(29:58):
something that we would have like these little like dance party wrestling shows in the living
room.
Sounds about right.
So yeah I think I'm just.
Dance party and wrestling.
I'm grateful that for those moments but I also think it's nice to see how our relationship's
maturing more as we're like growing older.
(30:25):
So calming was a word you used a lot.
Balance was a word you used a lot.
Fascinating.
Fascinating was a word you used a lot.
What's your word?
So I'll be curious to fall in love having a.
You're bad.
It's true.
Interesting.
You better.
So are you done?
(30:47):
No.
Yeah.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you.
So I was just thinking about the fact that so we've been here about 18 months a little
a teeny bit longer and that at this time last year we were actually not even in San Diego.
(31:09):
We were on a holiday but and I was really really thankful on that trip just that we
were together and we all had such a great time and I was thankful for being here but
we were still like six months off the move right around this time last year.
So things have settled.
(31:31):
I feel like we're all in a routine for the most part we all kind of know what's happening
and that's very helpful for me.
But I was thinking the other day about how even six months post the move.
So this time last year I was really like I just felt like I had taken a deep breath.
(31:57):
There was something about moving back home to San Diego that felt like my chakras were
aligned that felt like everything was coming together and now to see a year post that time
feeling like that's even more solidified.
(32:20):
I just feel really at peace very calm very balanced.
I think it is fascinating the ways in which our lives have like shifted all these changes
that we're talking about relationship dynamics and those different things.
(32:41):
I think shifted into place.
Sure.
Yeah shifted into place or just changed.
Just changed like just being able to look at it from a different viewpoint and it and
it's still just as beautiful if not I find it more beautiful because it's deeper and
richer and more gratifying.
(33:04):
And I was very thankful for everything that we've been offered since we've moved back
here we've made great friends dad and I as well not just you guys made good friends and
that's very uplifting.
I feel very supported by our community and that to me is a rare feeling one that hasn't
(33:29):
been there with such consistency for such a long time and so it's been really nice.
I'm super thankful for our home every day I come home and I am thankful that we live
in this house and that we found it just in the nick of time.
(33:50):
I'm thankful for the weather I'm thankful for our family I'm thankful for our friends
for our work for people who are near and far.
I feel very peaceful and that's a thing that I think I said in a couple podcasts ago I
(34:15):
said that I'm with peace because there's a lot of other feelings happening at the same
time but that peace is with me and I'm with it everywhere I've been and that has just
been a steady state like a consistent thing that every time I check in I recognize that
I'm still with peace and that feels really really good I'm like really thankful for that
(34:39):
and it feels small but huge.
Huge.
Huge.
For your huge head your huge pillow.
So I married an axe murderer.
(34:59):
You using that as a reference.
I think a movie so I married an axe murderer is not.
He said huge.
Listen I'm gonna go back to my thing.
It was huge.
It is huge.
This feeling of being with peace and gratitude.
(35:22):
Just grab that sucker and yanked it right back to where you're at.
And now you are gonna have to edit that again thanks a lot.
So your word is probably peace then because you use that a lot.
Peace or I also kind of got.
Peace in the sight of relief.
Yeah I also kind of got alignment too like I feel like you were talking a lot about that
(35:44):
about feeling more aligned with life.
I like it I like that one I like that one better.
Than peace.
So love your word is calm.
Loli your word is balance.
(36:04):
Ryan your word is fascinating and my word is alignment.
Perf.
I think they fit together.
It's fascinating that your alignment is calm and.
Balanced.
I think they all fit together like a puzzle.
(36:30):
Any last words?
Nope.
Love you guys.
I love you too.
Thanks for doing this with us.
Enjoy the rest.
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