December 11, 2024 • 28 mins
Bonus episode: Navigate the often turbulent waters of family holiday gatherings with newfound confidence and peace. Discover techniques to defuse escalating tensions and let go of the unrealistic expectations that often lead to frustration. Through our discussion, you'll gain tools to build and maintain boundaries, ensuring you protect your energy and well-being while still enjoying the festive season.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, welcome to this extra episode of the
Codependent Doctor.
I'm doing an extra podcast thisweek because the holidays are
in full swing and I'm having allsorts of feelings about them.
So I thought that as I workthrough my feelings, I could
maybe work through them with you.
So today we're tackling a topicthat seems to pop up every year
around this time family feudsduring the holidays and managing
(00:23):
your expectations.
Let's be real Holidays aresupposed to be all about joy,
connection and togetherness, butfor a lot of us, they can be a
breeding ground for stress,tension and those classic family
blow-ups.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Now?
If you're navigating acodependent relationship or come
from a family with thosedynamics, holiday gatherings can
(00:44):
feel like you're walking into aminefield.
You might find yourself bendingover backwards to keep the
peace, putting everyone else'sfeelings first or hoping that
this will finally be the yearthat everyone gets along.
And spoiler alert, thoseexpectations.
They're a fast track tofrustration.
So today we're going to talkabout why holiday tensions
happen, how to manage yourexpectations without losing your
(01:06):
mind, and ways to protect yourpeace, even when your family is
acting like a reality TV reunionepisode.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
(01:27):
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent Dr Angela
Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the Codependent Doctor.
(01:47):
Let's be real Large familygatherings can be a lot.
They can be beautiful andchaotic all at once.
On one hand, it's amazing tohave everyone come together,
catching up, laughing and makingmemories.
On the other hand, it's like asocial experiment where every
personality, opinion and familydynamic collides under one roof,
(02:08):
and sometimes it can bedownright overwhelming.
Everyone's coming to the tableliterally with their own
expectations, emotions and evena little or a lot of baggage.
You've got the talkative oneswho take over the conversation,
you've got the loud ones whodominate the room, the quiet
ones who seem like they don'twant to be there, and that
(02:28):
family member who always managesto bring up politics or some
other hot topic that setseveryone off.
And let's not forget the subtleor maybe not so subtle sibling
rivalries, the whose mom'sfavorite debates reliving some
old arguments, or the pressureto recreate picture-perfect
holiday moments from the past.
Then there's the emotionallabor of trying to keep everyone
(02:49):
happy.
If you're the kind of person whofeels responsible for making
sure that the day goes smoothlythis is likely you, my fellow
codependents.
You're probably running aroundmaking sure that Uncle Bob isn't
drinking too much or Aunt Susanisn't upset about the seating
arrangement and the kids aren'ttearing the place apart.
(03:10):
By the time the gathering'sover, you've probably given so
much of yourself that you feellike you need a week to recover.
The complexity also comes fromunspoken expectations.
Maybe you're hoping for adrama-free day, but old wounds
resurface or someone's commentsabout your job, your
relationship or your lifechoices cuts deeper than it
should, and sometimes peoplejust don't show up the way that
you want them to physically oremotionally and that stings too.
(03:33):
But here's the thing familygatherings don't have to be
perfect.
They're rarely seamless, andthat's okay.
What matters is managing yourexpectations and focusing on
what you can control, like howyou react, where you set
boundaries and how much ofyourself that you're willing to
give.
I wanted to create this episode,because protecting your energy
(03:56):
during the holidays is soimportant, especially if you
want to actually enjoy theminstead of just surviving
through the chaos.
The holidays can be a time ofconnection and joy, but they can
also be draining and stressful.
You're going to be navigatingfamily dynamics and dealing with
the expectations both fromothers and from yourself, which
can cause you to feeloverwhelmed.
So let's talk about some of thechallenges that you might run
(04:19):
into and how to handle themwithout losing your mind,
whether it's setting boundaries,managing drama or just finding
some time to breathe.
I've got some tips to help youprotect your peace and make the
holidays a little bit more funand a lot less stressful.
Feeling responsible foreveryone's happiness that one's
a biggie, especially for thoseof us with codependent
(04:40):
tendencies.
You show up at a familygathering and, before you know
it, you're wearing the hat ofevent planner, therapist and
referee all rolled into one.
Someone's upset about theseating arrangement, and you're
on it.
Two relatives start arguingabout politics and you're there
trying to mediate.
Meanwhile, your own energy isdraining faster than a phone
(05:01):
battery with 15 apps running inthe background.
Let's say that Aunt Karen andCousin Sarah get into a heated
debate over who makes the bestmashed potatoes.
Aunt Karen's feelings are hurtand Sarah storms off and
suddenly the festive vibe isgone.
So you step in trying to smooththings over Sarah.
Aunt Karen didn't mean it thatway.
And Karen, sarah loves yourcooking.
(05:23):
By the end of it, everyone'smoved on, but you're left
feeling exhausted and wonderingwhy you even got involved in the
first place.
For a lot of us, the instinct tofix things comes from a good
place.
We just want everyone to getalong and have a good time.
But here's the thing taking onthe emotional labor of an entire
family is impossible and it'snot your job to do so.
(05:45):
Here's a few ways to managethis feeling without burning
yourself out.
Recognize what's yours to fixand what's not.
It's not your responsibility tomake sure that everyone is
happy.
If two people are upset, letthem handle it.
It's their relationship and notyours.
Remind yourself I can't controlhow they feel, and that's okay.
Practice letting go.
(06:07):
If you feel yourself gettingsucked into the middle of a
situation, just take a step back, literally step back.
Excuse yourself.
Go grab some water, check ondessert or just take a breath in
another room.
Distance can help you resistthe urge to jump in, redirect
the energy.
If tension is building, you canshift that focus without
getting emotionally involved.
(06:28):
For example, if an argumentstarts, you could say something
lighthearted like okay, let'ssave the debate for later.
Who wants some pie and humorcan go a long way with this as
well.
Check in with yourself Beforeyou jump in to fix something.
Ask yourself why am I doingthis?
Is it because you genuinelywant to help or because you feel
(06:49):
obligated?
If it's the latter, it's okayto step back.
Set boundaries.
If you're the go-to person foreveryone's problems, let them
know that you're taking a stepback.
This year.
You can say something like Ilove you guys, but I'm going to
let you figure this one out.
I'm here if you need me, though.
Overcommitting and exhaustionthis is the classic holiday
(07:10):
overachiever move Saying yes toeverything.
You're hosting the dinner,cooking the main dishes,
cleaning the house to make itlook like no one's actually
living there and decorating itlike it's some competition on
HGTV, all because you wanteveryone to have the perfect
holiday, but by the end of theday, you're so exhausted that
you can't even enjoy it.
And, let's be honest, half thetime nobody even notices those
(07:33):
little details that you'vestressed over, which just makes
you feel even more drained andresentful.
Let's say you volunteer to hostThanksgiving or Christmas this
year.
You want it to be amazing, soyou take on everything.
You're cooking a four-coursemeal and a backup dish for those
picky eaters.
You scrub the baseboards andreorganize the pantry because
obviously someone's going to bepeeking in there, right?
(07:55):
And if someone offers to help,you say it's all right, I've got
it, it's no burden, you just goand enjoy yourself.
By the time everyone sits downfor dinner, you feel like you've
run a marathon.
When someone casually says, wow, this looks nice, you smile,
but on the inside you'rethinking nice, I've slaved away
all day and that's all you'vegot to say.
And while everyone else isrelaxing at dinner, you're in
(08:18):
the kitchen washing the dishes,disappointed that no one's
offering to help.
This often stems from a desireto please others or to prove
your worth through effort.
If you've got codependenttendencies, you might feel like
taking care of everything isyour responsibility or that if
you don't do it, people aregoing to be disappointed or
upset.
Spoiler alert most people justwant to have good food and good
(08:41):
company, not perfection.
So here's a couple of ideas tostop you from over committing
and actually enjoying theholidays.
You need to start delegatinglike a boss.
You don't have to do it all.
Assign tasks to others, asksomeone to bring dessert or
another person to handle thedrinks and someone else to help
with the cleanup or the setup.
People want to help.
(09:02):
They just might not know whatto do unless you ask Simplify
your plans.
Do you really need five sidedishes, three desserts and a
handmade centerpiece?
Probably not.
Focus on what matters the mostand let go of the rest.
So, as an example, instead of afour-course meal, make maybe a
main dish and a couple of sidesand let store-bought desserts or
(09:23):
paper plates do the heavylifting.
Set boundaries.
If you've been the yes personfor years, it might feel weird
to say no, but it's okay to setlimits.
Try something like I'd love tohost, but I need everyone to
pitch in this year.
Or I can host, but I'll need tokeep it simple so that I can
enjoy the day too.
Plan some downtime.
Build in some time to restbefore and after the event,
(09:46):
whether it's a nap, a hot bathor zoning out with your favorite
show.
Make sure that you rechargeyour batteries.
Reframe your mindset.
Ask yourself what's reallyimportant here.
People are coming to spend timetogether, not to inspect your
house or judge your cooking.
Letting go of perfection makeseverything feel lighter,
(10:07):
struggling to set boundaries.
So let's talk about boundaries,or the lack thereof, because
family gatherings have a way oftesting them like nothing else,
whether it's a relative makinginappropriate comments, someone
asking too much of you, ordealing with Uncle Joe, who's
maybe had too many eggnogs andis getting a little too honest
for everyone.
Saying no can feel impossible.
(10:29):
Instead, you might let thingsslide to keep the peace, even if
it's at the expense of your owncomfort and sanity.
Imagine Aunt Susan corners youin the kitchen and starts
grilling you about your personallife.
So when are you getting marriedor don't you think it's time to
have kids?
Meanwhile, you're trying tokeep your cool smile politely
and deflect the questionswithout making a scene.
(10:52):
Inside, though, you're justscreaming and there's Uncle Joe,
who's hit the wine bottle alittle too hard.
He's getting loud, sayingthings that cross the line and
making everyone uncomfortable.
You feel the urge to step inand manage the situation or
smooth it over, but you don'twant to cause any kind of drama,
so you bite your tongue and letit go, and then you stew about
(11:12):
it for days afterwards.
Setting boundaries is tough,especially with family.
There's this unspoken rule inmany families that you're
supposed to tolerate behaviorthat you wouldn't normally
accept from anyone else because,well, they're your family right
and, in codependent tendencies,you might feel like it's your
responsibility to keep thegathering running smoothly, even
(11:33):
if it means putting up withthings that hurt or overwhelm
you.
Here's how you can set someboundaries without setting off a
family feud.
Know your limits ahead of time,before the gathering, think
about what behaviors orsituations you're not willing to
tolerate.
As an example, if Uncle Joestarts to drink too much, I'm
not engaging.
Or Aunt Susan starts pryinginto my personal life, I'm going
(11:56):
to redirect that conversation.
Having a plan makes it easierto stay firm in the moment.
Practice saying no, no, is acomplete sentence, but it
doesn't have to sound harsh.
You can say something like I'mnot comfortable talking about
that right now or I'm taking abreak from that topic.
How's your garden coming along?
Thanks for the invite, but Ican't commit to that this year.
(12:19):
The key here is to stay calm andconfident.
Redirect or excuse yourself Ifthings get uncomfortable.
It's easy to step away.
When Uncle Joe gets too rowdy,you don't have to fix him.
Excuse yourself and refill yourdrink, check on dessert or have
a quiet moment outside.
Set consequences if needed.
(12:40):
If someone repeatedly crossesyour boundaries, like bringing
up sensitive topics or drinkingtoo much, let them know what
will happen.
For instance, if you keeppushing this, I'm going to step
away.
You don't have to make a bigannouncement, but following
through will show that youreally mean it.
Let go of guilt.
This is the hardest part.
Setting boundaries doesn't meanthat you don't care about your
(13:02):
family.
It means you care aboutyourself as well.
Remind yourself that it's notyour job to keep everyone happy
or fix their behavior,overanalyzing what others think
of you.
Family gatherings can sometimesfeel like the Olympics of
judgment, especially if you'reprone to overthinking.
You start wondering about everylittle thing.
Am I helping enough?
Did I say something wrong?
(13:23):
Are they judging my outfit, mycareer, my life choices?
Even a harmless comment like oh, you're looking different this
year can send your brainspiraling into a full-on
insecurity fest.
Imagine you walk into thefamily gathering feeling pretty
good about yourself.
Then Aunt Marge casually saysyou've been so quiet, are you
(13:45):
okay?
This sounds harmless, right,but suddenly your brain starts
working over time.
Do I seem off.
Am I being rude?
Should I be talking more?
Do they think something's wrongwith me?
Before you know it, you'restuck in your head, replaying
every conversation andsecond-guessing everything
you've said or didn't say allnight long.
(14:06):
Overanalyzing what others thinkoften comes from a place of
wanting to be liked and accepted.
Add a dash of family dynamicsand history to the mix and it's
easy to feel like you're under amicroscope.
For people with codependenttendencies, this can especially
be challenging, because yoursense of self-worth might be
tied to how others perceive you.
So here's a couple of ways tobreak free from the overthinking
(14:26):
trap and focus on enjoying themoment.
Reality.
Check your thoughts when youcatch yourself spiraling, pause
and ask is this really about meor am I reading too much into it
?
Most of the time, people aremore focused on their own stuff
than analyzing you.
Most of the time, people aremore focused on their own stuff
than analyzing you.
Aunt Marge's comment probablyhad zero hidden meaning.
Flip the script Instead ofassuming judgment.
(14:47):
Try to assume good intentions.
If someone says you're being soquiet, respond with something
lighthearted, like I'm justsoaking it all in.
You can steer the momentwithout taking it personally.
Practice self-compassion.
Remind yourself that you don'thave to be perfect.
It's okay to just be.
You Repeat this mantra whatother people think of me is none
(15:10):
of my business.
Your worth isn't up for debateat this dinner table.
Redirect your focus.
Shift your attention away fromyourself and onto the gathering.
Focus on the food, thedecorations or catching up with
someone you enjoy being around.
Getting out of your own headcan help stop the overthinking
spiral.
Set limits on engagement.
If you feel like certainrelatives trigger your
(15:32):
insecurities, it's okay to keepyour interactions brief.
You don't have to share everydetail of your life just to
satisfy their curiosity,triggering old wounds.
Family gatherings can be a mindfeel for unresolved issues.
You walk into the room ready toenjoy the holiday cheer, but
then someone makes a comment, afamiliar dynamic resurfaces, or
(15:53):
you catch the eye of that onerelative that you have a
complicated history with andsuddenly you're no longer in the
present.
You're back in the past versionof yourself, reliving feelings
of frustration, guilt and eveninadequacy.
And let's not sugarcoat it.
Sometimes it's deeper than justawkward family dynamics.
Maybe there's a history of hurtor even abuse with a relative
(16:15):
and being around them feelsterrible.
You're pretending thateverything's fine when it's
absolutely not.
That kind of situation can makefamily gatherings feel heavy,
tense and downrightuncomfortable.
Let's say that you had a roughrelationship with a parent
growing up.
They were overly critical and,no matter how hard you tried, it
felt like you were never goodenough.
(16:35):
Now, at family gatherings,those feelings of inadequacy
bubble up whenever they makecomments like oh, you're still
working at that job or when areyou going to settle down.
On the surface it might seemlike harmless small talk, but
for you it stirs up years ofunresolved emotions.
Or maybe there's a relative whohurt you in the past
emotionally or even physically,and being in the same room with
(16:58):
them is incredibly triggering.
You might find yourself forcinga smile, trying to stay quiet
or trying to avoid them alltogether just to get through the
day.
Family is often where ourdeepest wounds originate.
These relationships arefoundational and when they go
wrong, the effects can lingerfor years.
Being around family canunconsciously pull you back into
(17:19):
old patterns or roles, likefeeling like the black sheep or
the peacemaker or the one who'salways overlooked.
You don't have to let oldwounds ruin your holidays, but
it does take some intentionaleffort to protect your peace.
Here's a couple of things thatyou can do to navigate these
tricky situations.
Acknowledge your feelings.
Pretending everything is finedoesn't make the feeling go away
(17:42):
.
It just buries it down deeper.
Take a moment to name whatyou're feeling, whether it's
anger, sadness or frustration.
Recognizing your emotions isthe first step to managing them.
Set boundaries, even unspokenones.
If being around a certainrelative is too much, it's okay
to keep your distance, sit onthe other side of the room or
(18:02):
limit your interactions withthem, or maybe just excuse
yourself when the conversationgets uncomfortable.
You're not obligated to engagejust because it's the holidays.
Have a game plan.
Go into the gathering with astrategy.
If you know certain comments orbehaviors are likely, then
think about how you're going torespond ahead of time.
For example, if someone makes ahurtful comment, you could say
(18:25):
I'd rather not talk about thattoday and then change the
subject.
If someone who hurt you triesto engage, it's okay to excuse
yourself and walk away.
You don't need to explainyourself to anyone.
Lean on your support system.
If there's someone at thegathering that you trust, let
them know how you're feeling.
Having an ally can make youfeel less alone and give you
someone to lean on if things gettough, give yourself permission
(18:48):
to leave.
If the situation becomes toomuch, it's okay to step away,
whether that means taking aquick break outside, retreating
to another room or leaving early.
Just make sure that youprioritize your well-being.
Seek professional support ifneeded.
If old wounds feel overwhelming, consider talking to a
therapist.
They can help you process thoseemotions and build tools to
(19:09):
navigate family dynamics in away that feels healthier.
Comparison and jealousy.
Let's talk about the sneaky waythat family gatherings can turn
into an achievement Olympics,whether it's intentional or not.
You're sitting at the tablecatching up with relatives.
When someone casually mentionsthat your cousin just bought a
house, they landed a fancy jobor got engaged.
(19:30):
Suddenly, instead of enjoyingthe turkey and stuffing, you're
spiraling into thoughts likewhat am I doing with my life?
It's tough because families areoften a breeding ground for
comparisons.
Whether it's siblings, cousinsor even in-laws, someone is
always doing something thatfeels like it outshines your own
accomplishments.
And let's be real sometimesfamily members don't help the
(19:51):
situation.
Comments like why don't you goback to school like your brother
did, or your cousin Sarah is sosuccessful, when are you going
to settle down?
It can hit like a punch to thegut.
Let's say you're at the holidaydinner and Aunt Linda starts
going on about how your sisterjust got a promotion at work.
Everyone claps and cheers andmakes a big deal out of it as
(20:11):
they probably should to be fair.
But then she turns on you andsays so what's new with you?
In that tone, that implies thatshe's expecting a
headline-worthy achievement.
Cue the awkward smile and theflood of self-doubt.
Comparison is human nature.
It's how we measure where westand in the world, and it's not
always a bad thing.
It can sometimes motivate us togrow.
(20:31):
But in a family setting,especially during gatherings, it
can feel really personal, throwin any unresolved insecurities
and feelings of inadequacy andit's like pouring gasoline on
the fire.
Here's some ways that you cankeep comparison and jealousy
from ruining that holiday vibe.
Remember your own journey.
Everyone's path is verydifferent.
Just because your cousin boughta house or your sister got a
(20:54):
promotion doesn't mean thatyou're failing.
Remind yourself of the thingsthat you've accomplished, even
if they're not being celebratedat the table.
You're not in a competitionwith anyone.
Your journey is yours alone.
Redirect the conversation.
If someone makes a comment thatstings, try steering it in
another direction.
For example, if Aunt Linda askswhat's new with you.
(21:15):
You can say I'm really proud ofhow I've been focusing on
myself lately.
Oh, by the way, how's yourgarden coming along?
You don't have to explain yourlife choices to anyone.
Celebrate others withoutcomparing.
It's okay to clap for yourcousin's new job or your
sister's engagement withoutletting it diminish your own
worth.
Practice reframing your mindset.
Their success doesn't takeanything away from mine.
(21:37):
There's enough room foreveryone to shine here.
Focus on your wins Before thegathering.
Think about a few things thatyou're proud of, big or small.
Maybe you've been working onyour health, started journaling
or simply survived a tough year.
If the conversation turns toachievements, don't be afraid to
share your wins.
Limit time with triggers.
If certain family members orconversations are especially
(22:00):
triggering, it's okay to excuseyourself.
Spend time with people whouplift you, or maybe just take a
breather and rest.
Don't be afraid to shut it down.
If someone makes a directcomparison, you can politely but
firmly shut it down.
For example, I'm really happyfor Sarah, but we're on
different paths and I'm goodwith where I'm at right now.
It's assertive without beingconfrontational, losing yourself
(22:23):
in people-pleasing.
This is the classic move whereyou bend over backwards to make
sure that everyone else is happy, even if it means completely
sidelining yourself.
You're checking in on whetherAunt Susan likes her mashed
potatoes, making sure CousinJimmy has enough gravy, or
jumping up every five minutes torefill drinks, or maybe grab
someone's forgotten sweater bythe end of the evening.
You're exhausted and wonderingwait, did I even sit down and
(22:46):
enjoy this at all?
Or I had to go pee for the lasttwo hours.
But maybe I'll quickly do thedishes and then I'll go.
From the moment people walk in,you're in full-blown host mode
making sure that the food isperfect, running around,
cleaning up after everyone andtrying to mediate family
tensions.
Meanwhile, your plate of foodis sitting untouched on the
counter.
It's getting cold.
You barely catch a word in theconversations that are happening
(23:09):
around you, and when thegathering wraps up, you realize
you didn't get a single momentto relax or enjoy yourself.
You might even find yourselfsaying yes to things that you
don't really want to do, likeplaying chauffeur for a relative
who just needs a quick ride, oragreeing to make a last minute
dish for somebody who forgotsomething, just because you feel
like it's your job to keepeveryone happy.
(23:29):
And what's the result?
You're physically there, butemotionally drained and it feels
like you weren't fully presentat all.
People-pleasing often stemsfrom a desire to feel valued or
avoid conflict.
For codependents, it can feellike your worth is tied to how
much you can do for others.
The thought of someone beingupset or uncomfortable might
seem unbearable to you.
So you put everyone else'sneeds above your own, and the
(23:51):
problem is when you're focusedon pleasing everyone else, you
forget about your own experience.
You end up missing out on thevery moments that you were
trying to make special foreveryone else.
So here's some things that youcan do to break free from people
pleasing and make sure thatyou're having fun at the
gathering.
Check in with yourself firstBefore the gathering.
Ask yourself what do I want outof this, whether it's having
(24:13):
meaningful conversations,enjoying a good meal or just
relaxing.
It makes those priorities clearin your mind.
Let others pitch in.
You don't have to do it all.
Delegate some tasks, asksomeone to bring dessert, handle
the cleanup or refill drinks.
Most people are happy to help.
They just need to be asked.
Practice saying no guilt-free.
(24:33):
If someone makes a request thatfeels overwhelming, it's okay
to politely decline.
For example, I wish I couldhelp, but I've got my hands full
right now.
I'd love to, but I need tofocus on other things today.
Set small boundaries, giveyourself permission to sit down,
eat your food while it's hotand actually enjoy the gathering
.
If someone asks for somethingwhile you're mid-bite, it's okay
(24:55):
to say I'll get that for you ina few minutes.
Focus on connection, notperformance or perfection.
Remind yourself that your valueisn't how perfectly you host or
how much you can do foreveryone.
It's in showing up, as youSpend time having real
conversations, laughing andenjoying the moment.
Reflect after the event, afterthe gathering.
(25:16):
Take a moment to check in withyourself.
Did you enjoy it?
If not, how come?
Use this reflection to adjusthow you approach future events
so that you're more present withyourself.
And please, if you need to pee,just take five minutes to do so
and don't hesitate toprioritize your own needs.
So, as I wrap up this episode, Ijust want to take a minute to
reflect on the beauty and themessiness of big family
(25:39):
gatherings.
They're not always easy, but atthe same time, it can be a
reflection of love, history andthe shared experiences that have
shaped who you are.
It's messy, it's chaotic and,yes, sometimes it's downright
overwhelming, but it's real.
The key is finding balance,enjoying the moments that matter
, letting go of the things thatdon't, and creating space for
(26:00):
yourself when you need it.
It's okay to set boundaries andto take a breath and to
acknowledge the complexities ofyour relationships.
You don't have to be perfect,and neither does your family, so
if your holiday gatherings area mixture of laughter, chaos and
the occasional meltdown, knowthat you're not alone.
It's all part of the humanexperience and, honestly, those
moments, even when they'reawkward or tough ones, they can
(26:22):
sometimes make for good storieslater on.
Thank you for joining me todayand remember that it's okay to
prioritize peace and take careof yourself and try navigating
these gatherings on your ownterms.
You're doing the best that youcan and that's enough.
Take care and I'm going to talkto you next time.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
(26:44):
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week withanother edition of the
(27:05):
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
Hey everyone, welcome to this extra episode of the
Codependent Doctor.
I'm doing an extra podcast thisweek because the holidays are
in full swing and I'm having allsorts of feelings about them.
So I thought that as I workthrough my feelings, I could
maybe work through them with you.
So today we're tackling a topicthat seems to pop up every year
around this time family feudsduring the holidays and managing
(00:23):
your expectations.
Let's be real Holidays aresupposed to be all about joy,
connection and togetherness, butfor a lot of us, they can be a
breeding ground for stress,tension and those classic family
blow-ups.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Now?
If you're navigating acodependent relationship or come
from a family with thosedynamics, holiday gatherings can
(00:44):
feel like you're walking into aminefield.
You might find yourself bendingover backwards to keep the
peace, putting everyone else'sfeelings first or hoping that
this will finally be the yearthat everyone gets along.
And spoiler alert, thoseexpectations.
They're a fast track tofrustration.
So today we're going to talkabout why holiday tensions
happen, how to manage yourexpectations without losing your
(01:06):
mind, and ways to protect yourpeace, even when your family is
acting like a reality TV reunionepisode.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
(01:27):
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent Dr Angela
Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the Codependent Doctor.
(01:47):
Let's be real Large familygatherings can be a lot.
They can be beautiful andchaotic all at once.
On one hand, it's amazing tohave everyone come together,
catching up, laughing and makingmemories.
On the other hand, it's like asocial experiment where every
personality, opinion and familydynamic collides under one roof,
(02:08):
and sometimes it can bedownright overwhelming.
Everyone's coming to the tableliterally with their own
expectations, emotions and evena little or a lot of baggage.
You've got the talkative oneswho take over the conversation,
you've got the loud ones whodominate the room, the quiet
ones who seem like they don'twant to be there, and that
(02:28):
family member who always managesto bring up politics or some
other hot topic that setseveryone off.
And let's not forget the subtleor maybe not so subtle sibling
rivalries, the whose mom'sfavorite debates reliving some
old arguments, or the pressureto recreate picture-perfect
holiday moments from the past.
Then there's the emotionallabor of trying to keep everyone
(02:49):
happy.
If you're the kind of person whofeels responsible for making
sure that the day goes smoothlythis is likely you, my fellow
codependents.
You're probably running aroundmaking sure that Uncle Bob isn't
drinking too much or Aunt Susanisn't upset about the seating
arrangement and the kids aren'ttearing the place apart.
(03:10):
By the time the gathering'sover, you've probably given so
much of yourself that you feellike you need a week to recover.
The complexity also comes fromunspoken expectations.
Maybe you're hoping for adrama-free day, but old wounds
resurface or someone's commentsabout your job, your
relationship or your lifechoices cuts deeper than it
should, and sometimes peoplejust don't show up the way that
you want them to physically oremotionally and that stings too.
(03:33):
But here's the thing familygatherings don't have to be
perfect.
They're rarely seamless, andthat's okay.
What matters is managing yourexpectations and focusing on
what you can control, like howyou react, where you set
boundaries and how much ofyourself that you're willing to
give.
I wanted to create this episode,because protecting your energy
(03:56):
during the holidays is soimportant, especially if you
want to actually enjoy theminstead of just surviving
through the chaos.
The holidays can be a time ofconnection and joy, but they can
also be draining and stressful.
You're going to be navigatingfamily dynamics and dealing with
the expectations both fromothers and from yourself, which
can cause you to feeloverwhelmed.
So let's talk about some of thechallenges that you might run
(04:19):
into and how to handle themwithout losing your mind,
whether it's setting boundaries,managing drama or just finding
some time to breathe.
I've got some tips to help youprotect your peace and make the
holidays a little bit more funand a lot less stressful.
Feeling responsible foreveryone's happiness that one's
a biggie, especially for thoseof us with codependent
(04:40):
tendencies.
You show up at a familygathering and, before you know
it, you're wearing the hat ofevent planner, therapist and
referee all rolled into one.
Someone's upset about theseating arrangement, and you're
on it.
Two relatives start arguingabout politics and you're there
trying to mediate.
Meanwhile, your own energy isdraining faster than a phone
(05:01):
battery with 15 apps running inthe background.
Let's say that Aunt Karen andCousin Sarah get into a heated
debate over who makes the bestmashed potatoes.
Aunt Karen's feelings are hurtand Sarah storms off and
suddenly the festive vibe isgone.
So you step in trying to smooththings over Sarah.
Aunt Karen didn't mean it thatway.
And Karen, sarah loves yourcooking.
(05:23):
By the end of it, everyone'smoved on, but you're left
feeling exhausted and wonderingwhy you even got involved in the
first place.
For a lot of us, the instinct tofix things comes from a good
place.
We just want everyone to getalong and have a good time.
But here's the thing taking onthe emotional labor of an entire
family is impossible and it'snot your job to do so.
(05:45):
Here's a few ways to managethis feeling without burning
yourself out.
Recognize what's yours to fixand what's not.
It's not your responsibility tomake sure that everyone is
happy.
If two people are upset, letthem handle it.
It's their relationship and notyours.
Remind yourself I can't controlhow they feel, and that's okay.
Practice letting go.
(06:07):
If you feel yourself gettingsucked into the middle of a
situation, just take a step back, literally step back.
Excuse yourself.
Go grab some water, check ondessert or just take a breath in
another room.
Distance can help you resistthe urge to jump in, redirect
the energy.
If tension is building, you canshift that focus without
getting emotionally involved.
(06:28):
For example, if an argumentstarts, you could say something
lighthearted like okay, let'ssave the debate for later.
Who wants some pie and humorcan go a long way with this as
well.
Check in with yourself Beforeyou jump in to fix something.
Ask yourself why am I doingthis?
Is it because you genuinelywant to help or because you feel
(06:49):
obligated?
If it's the latter, it's okayto step back.
Set boundaries.
If you're the go-to person foreveryone's problems, let them
know that you're taking a stepback.
This year.
You can say something like Ilove you guys, but I'm going to
let you figure this one out.
I'm here if you need me, though.
Overcommitting and exhaustionthis is the classic holiday
(07:10):
overachiever move Saying yes toeverything.
You're hosting the dinner,cooking the main dishes,
cleaning the house to make itlook like no one's actually
living there and decorating itlike it's some competition on
HGTV, all because you wanteveryone to have the perfect
holiday, but by the end of theday, you're so exhausted that
you can't even enjoy it.
And, let's be honest, half thetime nobody even notices those
(07:33):
little details that you'vestressed over, which just makes
you feel even more drained andresentful.
Let's say you volunteer to hostThanksgiving or Christmas this
year.
You want it to be amazing, soyou take on everything.
You're cooking a four-coursemeal and a backup dish for those
picky eaters.
You scrub the baseboards andreorganize the pantry because
obviously someone's going to bepeeking in there, right?
(07:55):
And if someone offers to help,you say it's all right, I've got
it, it's no burden, you just goand enjoy yourself.
By the time everyone sits downfor dinner, you feel like you've
run a marathon.
When someone casually says, wow, this looks nice, you smile,
but on the inside you'rethinking nice, I've slaved away
all day and that's all you'vegot to say.
And while everyone else isrelaxing at dinner, you're in
(08:18):
the kitchen washing the dishes,disappointed that no one's
offering to help.
This often stems from a desireto please others or to prove
your worth through effort.
If you've got codependenttendencies, you might feel like
taking care of everything isyour responsibility or that if
you don't do it, people aregoing to be disappointed or
upset.
Spoiler alert most people justwant to have good food and good
(08:41):
company, not perfection.
So here's a couple of ideas tostop you from over committing
and actually enjoying theholidays.
You need to start delegatinglike a boss.
You don't have to do it all.
Assign tasks to others, asksomeone to bring dessert or
another person to handle thedrinks and someone else to help
with the cleanup or the setup.
People want to help.
(09:02):
They just might not know whatto do unless you ask Simplify
your plans.
Do you really need five sidedishes, three desserts and a
handmade centerpiece?
Probably not.
Focus on what matters the mostand let go of the rest.
So, as an example, instead of afour-course meal, make maybe a
main dish and a couple of sidesand let store-bought desserts or
(09:23):
paper plates do the heavylifting.
Set boundaries.
If you've been the yes personfor years, it might feel weird
to say no, but it's okay to setlimits.
Try something like I'd love tohost, but I need everyone to
pitch in this year.
Or I can host, but I'll need tokeep it simple so that I can
enjoy the day too.
Plan some downtime.
Build in some time to restbefore and after the event,
(09:46):
whether it's a nap, a hot bathor zoning out with your favorite
show.
Make sure that you rechargeyour batteries.
Reframe your mindset.
Ask yourself what's reallyimportant here.
People are coming to spend timetogether, not to inspect your
house or judge your cooking.
Letting go of perfection makeseverything feel lighter,
(10:07):
struggling to set boundaries.
So let's talk about boundaries,or the lack thereof, because
family gatherings have a way oftesting them like nothing else,
whether it's a relative makinginappropriate comments, someone
asking too much of you, ordealing with Uncle Joe, who's
maybe had too many eggnogs andis getting a little too honest
for everyone.
Saying no can feel impossible.
(10:29):
Instead, you might let thingsslide to keep the peace, even if
it's at the expense of your owncomfort and sanity.
Imagine Aunt Susan corners youin the kitchen and starts
grilling you about your personallife.
So when are you getting marriedor don't you think it's time to
have kids?
Meanwhile, you're trying tokeep your cool smile politely
and deflect the questionswithout making a scene.
(10:52):
Inside, though, you're justscreaming and there's Uncle Joe,
who's hit the wine bottle alittle too hard.
He's getting loud, sayingthings that cross the line and
making everyone uncomfortable.
You feel the urge to step inand manage the situation or
smooth it over, but you don'twant to cause any kind of drama,
so you bite your tongue and letit go, and then you stew about
(11:12):
it for days afterwards.
Setting boundaries is tough,especially with family.
There's this unspoken rule inmany families that you're
supposed to tolerate behaviorthat you wouldn't normally
accept from anyone else because,well, they're your family right
and, in codependent tendencies,you might feel like it's your
responsibility to keep thegathering running smoothly, even
(11:33):
if it means putting up withthings that hurt or overwhelm
you.
Here's how you can set someboundaries without setting off a
family feud.
Know your limits ahead of time,before the gathering, think
about what behaviors orsituations you're not willing to
tolerate.
As an example, if Uncle Joestarts to drink too much, I'm
not engaging.
Or Aunt Susan starts pryinginto my personal life, I'm going
(11:56):
to redirect that conversation.
Having a plan makes it easierto stay firm in the moment.
Practice saying no, no, is acomplete sentence, but it
doesn't have to sound harsh.
You can say something like I'mnot comfortable talking about
that right now or I'm taking abreak from that topic.
How's your garden coming along?
Thanks for the invite, but Ican't commit to that this year.
(12:19):
The key here is to stay calm andconfident.
Redirect or excuse yourself Ifthings get uncomfortable.
It's easy to step away.
When Uncle Joe gets too rowdy,you don't have to fix him.
Excuse yourself and refill yourdrink, check on dessert or have
a quiet moment outside.
Set consequences if needed.
(12:40):
If someone repeatedly crossesyour boundaries, like bringing
up sensitive topics or drinkingtoo much, let them know what
will happen.
For instance, if you keeppushing this, I'm going to step
away.
You don't have to make a bigannouncement, but following
through will show that youreally mean it.
Let go of guilt.
This is the hardest part.
Setting boundaries doesn't meanthat you don't care about your
(13:02):
family.
It means you care aboutyourself as well.
Remind yourself that it's notyour job to keep everyone happy
or fix their behavior,overanalyzing what others think
of you.
Family gatherings can sometimesfeel like the Olympics of
judgment, especially if you'reprone to overthinking.
You start wondering about everylittle thing.
Am I helping enough?
Did I say something wrong?
(13:23):
Are they judging my outfit, mycareer, my life choices?
Even a harmless comment like oh, you're looking different this
year can send your brainspiraling into a full-on
insecurity fest.
Imagine you walk into thefamily gathering feeling pretty
good about yourself.
Then Aunt Marge casually saysyou've been so quiet, are you
(13:45):
okay?
This sounds harmless, right,but suddenly your brain starts
working over time.
Do I seem off.
Am I being rude?
Should I be talking more?
Do they think something's wrongwith me?
Before you know it, you'restuck in your head, replaying
every conversation andsecond-guessing everything
you've said or didn't say allnight long.
(14:06):
Overanalyzing what others thinkoften comes from a place of
wanting to be liked and accepted.
Add a dash of family dynamicsand history to the mix and it's
easy to feel like you're under amicroscope.
For people with codependenttendencies, this can especially
be challenging, because yoursense of self-worth might be
tied to how others perceive you.
So here's a couple of ways tobreak free from the overthinking
(14:26):
trap and focus on enjoying themoment.
Reality.
Check your thoughts when youcatch yourself spiraling, pause
and ask is this really about meor am I reading too much into it
?
Most of the time, people aremore focused on their own stuff
than analyzing you.
Most of the time, people aremore focused on their own stuff
than analyzing you.
Aunt Marge's comment probablyhad zero hidden meaning.
Flip the script Instead ofassuming judgment.
(14:47):
Try to assume good intentions.
If someone says you're being soquiet, respond with something
lighthearted, like I'm justsoaking it all in.
You can steer the momentwithout taking it personally.
Practice self-compassion.
Remind yourself that you don'thave to be perfect.
It's okay to just be.
You Repeat this mantra whatother people think of me is none
(15:10):
of my business.
Your worth isn't up for debateat this dinner table.
Redirect your focus.
Shift your attention away fromyourself and onto the gathering.
Focus on the food, thedecorations or catching up with
someone you enjoy being around.
Getting out of your own headcan help stop the overthinking
spiral.
Set limits on engagement.
If you feel like certainrelatives trigger your
(15:32):
insecurities, it's okay to keepyour interactions brief.
You don't have to share everydetail of your life just to
satisfy their curiosity,triggering old wounds.
Family gatherings can be a mindfeel for unresolved issues.
You walk into the room ready toenjoy the holiday cheer, but
then someone makes a comment, afamiliar dynamic resurfaces, or
(15:53):
you catch the eye of that onerelative that you have a
complicated history with andsuddenly you're no longer in the
present.
You're back in the past versionof yourself, reliving feelings
of frustration, guilt and eveninadequacy.
And let's not sugarcoat it.
Sometimes it's deeper than justawkward family dynamics.
Maybe there's a history of hurtor even abuse with a relative
(16:15):
and being around them feelsterrible.
You're pretending thateverything's fine when it's
absolutely not.
That kind of situation can makefamily gatherings feel heavy,
tense and downrightuncomfortable.
Let's say that you had a roughrelationship with a parent
growing up.
They were overly critical and,no matter how hard you tried, it
felt like you were never goodenough.
(16:35):
Now, at family gatherings,those feelings of inadequacy
bubble up whenever they makecomments like oh, you're still
working at that job or when areyou going to settle down.
On the surface it might seemlike harmless small talk, but
for you it stirs up years ofunresolved emotions.
Or maybe there's a relative whohurt you in the past
emotionally or even physically,and being in the same room with
(16:58):
them is incredibly triggering.
You might find yourself forcinga smile, trying to stay quiet
or trying to avoid them alltogether just to get through the
day.
Family is often where ourdeepest wounds originate.
These relationships arefoundational and when they go
wrong, the effects can lingerfor years.
Being around family canunconsciously pull you back into
(17:19):
old patterns or roles, likefeeling like the black sheep or
the peacemaker or the one who'salways overlooked.
You don't have to let oldwounds ruin your holidays, but
it does take some intentionaleffort to protect your peace.
Here's a couple of things thatyou can do to navigate these
tricky situations.
Acknowledge your feelings.
Pretending everything is finedoesn't make the feeling go away
(17:42):
.
It just buries it down deeper.
Take a moment to name whatyou're feeling, whether it's
anger, sadness or frustration.
Recognizing your emotions isthe first step to managing them.
Set boundaries, even unspokenones.
If being around a certainrelative is too much, it's okay
to keep your distance, sit onthe other side of the room or
(18:02):
limit your interactions withthem, or maybe just excuse
yourself when the conversationgets uncomfortable.
You're not obligated to engagejust because it's the holidays.
Have a game plan.
Go into the gathering with astrategy.
If you know certain comments orbehaviors are likely, then
think about how you're going torespond ahead of time.
For example, if someone makes ahurtful comment, you could say
(18:25):
I'd rather not talk about thattoday and then change the
subject.
If someone who hurt you triesto engage, it's okay to excuse
yourself and walk away.
You don't need to explainyourself to anyone.
Lean on your support system.
If there's someone at thegathering that you trust, let
them know how you're feeling.
Having an ally can make youfeel less alone and give you
someone to lean on if things gettough, give yourself permission
(18:48):
to leave.
If the situation becomes toomuch, it's okay to step away,
whether that means taking aquick break outside, retreating
to another room or leaving early.
Just make sure that youprioritize your well-being.
Seek professional support ifneeded.
If old wounds feel overwhelming, consider talking to a
therapist.
They can help you process thoseemotions and build tools to
(19:09):
navigate family dynamics in away that feels healthier.
Comparison and jealousy.
Let's talk about the sneaky waythat family gatherings can turn
into an achievement Olympics,whether it's intentional or not.
You're sitting at the tablecatching up with relatives.
When someone casually mentionsthat your cousin just bought a
house, they landed a fancy jobor got engaged.
(19:30):
Suddenly, instead of enjoyingthe turkey and stuffing, you're
spiraling into thoughts likewhat am I doing with my life?
It's tough because families areoften a breeding ground for
comparisons.
Whether it's siblings, cousinsor even in-laws, someone is
always doing something thatfeels like it outshines your own
accomplishments.
And let's be real sometimesfamily members don't help the
(19:51):
situation.
Comments like why don't you goback to school like your brother
did, or your cousin Sarah is sosuccessful, when are you going
to settle down?
It can hit like a punch to thegut.
Let's say you're at the holidaydinner and Aunt Linda starts
going on about how your sisterjust got a promotion at work.
Everyone claps and cheers andmakes a big deal out of it as
(20:11):
they probably should to be fair.
But then she turns on you andsays so what's new with you?
In that tone, that implies thatshe's expecting a
headline-worthy achievement.
Cue the awkward smile and theflood of self-doubt.
Comparison is human nature.
It's how we measure where westand in the world, and it's not
always a bad thing.
It can sometimes motivate us togrow.
(20:31):
But in a family setting,especially during gatherings, it
can feel really personal, throwin any unresolved insecurities
and feelings of inadequacy andit's like pouring gasoline on
the fire.
Here's some ways that you cankeep comparison and jealousy
from ruining that holiday vibe.
Remember your own journey.
Everyone's path is verydifferent.
Just because your cousin boughta house or your sister got a
(20:54):
promotion doesn't mean thatyou're failing.
Remind yourself of the thingsthat you've accomplished, even
if they're not being celebratedat the table.
You're not in a competitionwith anyone.
Your journey is yours alone.
Redirect the conversation.
If someone makes a comment thatstings, try steering it in
another direction.
For example, if Aunt Linda askswhat's new with you.
(21:15):
You can say I'm really proud ofhow I've been focusing on
myself lately.
Oh, by the way, how's yourgarden coming along?
You don't have to explain yourlife choices to anyone.
Celebrate others withoutcomparing.
It's okay to clap for yourcousin's new job or your
sister's engagement withoutletting it diminish your own
worth.
Practice reframing your mindset.
Their success doesn't takeanything away from mine.
(21:37):
There's enough room foreveryone to shine here.
Focus on your wins Before thegathering.
Think about a few things thatyou're proud of, big or small.
Maybe you've been working onyour health, started journaling
or simply survived a tough year.
If the conversation turns toachievements, don't be afraid to
share your wins.
Limit time with triggers.
If certain family members orconversations are especially
(22:00):
triggering, it's okay to excuseyourself.
Spend time with people whouplift you, or maybe just take a
breather and rest.
Don't be afraid to shut it down.
If someone makes a directcomparison, you can politely but
firmly shut it down.
For example, I'm really happyfor Sarah, but we're on
different paths and I'm goodwith where I'm at right now.
It's assertive without beingconfrontational, losing yourself
(22:23):
in people-pleasing.
This is the classic move whereyou bend over backwards to make
sure that everyone else is happy, even if it means completely
sidelining yourself.
You're checking in on whetherAunt Susan likes her mashed
potatoes, making sure CousinJimmy has enough gravy, or
jumping up every five minutes torefill drinks, or maybe grab
someone's forgotten sweater bythe end of the evening.
You're exhausted and wonderingwait, did I even sit down and
(22:46):
enjoy this at all?
Or I had to go pee for the lasttwo hours.
But maybe I'll quickly do thedishes and then I'll go.
From the moment people walk in,you're in full-blown host mode
making sure that the food isperfect, running around,
cleaning up after everyone andtrying to mediate family
tensions.
Meanwhile, your plate of foodis sitting untouched on the
counter.
It's getting cold.
You barely catch a word in theconversations that are happening
(23:09):
around you, and when thegathering wraps up, you realize
you didn't get a single momentto relax or enjoy yourself.
You might even find yourselfsaying yes to things that you
don't really want to do, likeplaying chauffeur for a relative
who just needs a quick ride, oragreeing to make a last minute
dish for somebody who forgotsomething, just because you feel
like it's your job to keepeveryone happy.
(23:29):
And what's the result?
You're physically there, butemotionally drained and it feels
like you weren't fully presentat all.
People-pleasing often stemsfrom a desire to feel valued or
avoid conflict.
For codependents, it can feellike your worth is tied to how
much you can do for others.
The thought of someone beingupset or uncomfortable might
seem unbearable to you.
So you put everyone else'sneeds above your own, and the
(23:51):
problem is when you're focusedon pleasing everyone else, you
forget about your own experience.
You end up missing out on thevery moments that you were
trying to make special foreveryone else.
So here's some things that youcan do to break free from people
pleasing and make sure thatyou're having fun at the
gathering.
Check in with yourself firstBefore the gathering.
Ask yourself what do I want outof this, whether it's having
(24:13):
meaningful conversations,enjoying a good meal or just
relaxing.
It makes those priorities clearin your mind.
Let others pitch in.
You don't have to do it all.
Delegate some tasks, asksomeone to bring dessert, handle
the cleanup or refill drinks.
Most people are happy to help.
They just need to be asked.
Practice saying no guilt-free.
(24:33):
If someone makes a request thatfeels overwhelming, it's okay
to politely decline.
For example, I wish I couldhelp, but I've got my hands full
right now.
I'd love to, but I need tofocus on other things today.
Set small boundaries, giveyourself permission to sit down,
eat your food while it's hotand actually enjoy the gathering
.
If someone asks for somethingwhile you're mid-bite, it's okay
(24:55):
to say I'll get that for you ina few minutes.
Focus on connection, notperformance or perfection.
Remind yourself that your valueisn't how perfectly you host or
how much you can do foreveryone.
It's in showing up, as youSpend time having real
conversations, laughing andenjoying the moment.
Reflect after the event, afterthe gathering.
(25:16):
Take a moment to check in withyourself.
Did you enjoy it?
If not, how come?
Use this reflection to adjusthow you approach future events
so that you're more present withyourself.
And please, if you need to pee,just take five minutes to do so
and don't hesitate toprioritize your own needs.
So, as I wrap up this episode, Ijust want to take a minute to
reflect on the beauty and themessiness of big family
(25:39):
gatherings.
They're not always easy, but atthe same time, it can be a
reflection of love, history andthe shared experiences that have
shaped who you are.
It's messy, it's chaotic and,yes, sometimes it's downright
overwhelming, but it's real.
The key is finding balance,enjoying the moments that matter
, letting go of the things thatdon't, and creating space for
(26:00):
yourself when you need it.
It's okay to set boundaries andto take a breath and to
acknowledge the complexities ofyour relationships.
You don't have to be perfect,and neither does your family, so
if your holiday gatherings area mixture of laughter, chaos and
the occasional meltdown, knowthat you're not alone.
It's all part of the humanexperience and, honestly, those
moments, even when they'reawkward or tough ones, they can
(26:22):
sometimes make for good storieslater on.
Thank you for joining me todayand remember that it's okay to
prioritize peace and take careof yourself and try navigating
these gatherings on your ownterms.
You're doing the best that youcan and that's enough.
Take care and I'm going to talkto you next time.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
(26:44):
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week withanother edition of the
(27:05):
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
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