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May 8, 2025 15 mins

We often think healing requires big life changes—but the most powerful mental health shifts often come from small, consistent habits.

In this Mental Health Awareness Month bonus episode, I share six mindset shifts that helped me heal from codependency and burnout.

  • Pausing before saying yes
  • Speaking to myself with more kindness
  • Setting quiet boundaries
  • Embracing rest without guilt

These aren’t dramatic changes—they’re small, sustainable practices that help you show up for yourself day by day. Healing starts with one small habit.

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm
sharing something close to myheart the small habits that
changed my mental health.
Not the big dramatictransformations, just the tiny,
quiet shifts that helped me feelmore grounded and less
overwhelmed, from pausing beforesaying yes to learning how to
reset without guilt.
These little changes made a bigdifference in my recovery from

(00:21):
codependency and burnout.
So join me for this bonusepisode that's simple, relatable
and full of gentleencouragements.
You don't need to overhaul yourlife to start feeling better.
Sometimes it starts with justone small habit.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or

(00:44):
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go, dr Angela Downey.

(01:09):
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
this special bonus episode ofthe Codependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
I'm popping in with a littlebonus episode today, because May
is Mental Health AwarenessMonth and I couldn't let that
pass without saying something.
Mental health is something thatI care really deeply about, not
just as a concept but assomething that I've had to

(01:31):
actively work on in my life.
It's not always the big,dramatic changes that make the
biggest difference.
Sometimes it's those tinylittle shifts, the small habits,
the quiet things that don'tseem like much in the moment,
but slowly and over time theystart to change everything.
So today I want to share sixtiny mindset shifts or habits

(01:51):
that have made a huge differencein my own well-being.
Nothing overwhelming, nothingcomplicated, just small things
that have helped me feel moregrounded, more at peace and a
little bit more like myself.
So the first one is pausingbefore saying yes.
This one has seriously changedhow I show up in my life.
For the longest time I said yesautomatically, before I even

(02:14):
knew what I was being asked.
I'd get a message or a requestand my mouth would already be
saying, sure, I can do that,before my brain or body even had
a chance to catch up andrealize what I was saying yes to
.
I was so eager to please others.
I was like my little goldenretriever, moxie, and bless her
heart.
She would do anything to pleaseothers and hopefully get

(02:34):
rewarded for it.
And if you're a people pleaser,you probably get this.
There's this reflex, this needto avoid letting other people
down, even at the expense ofyour own peace or your own
energy.
But now I've started buildingin a little pause, literally
just a few seconds, to check inwith my gut, and I ask myself do

(02:55):
I actually want this?
Do I have the energy to do this?
Am I saying yes because I feelguilty or because I genuinely
want to say yes?
My body almost always gives mea clue as to what the answer
should be.
If I feel light and open, thenthat's probably a yes, but if my
stomach churns or my chest getstight or I feel really uneasy,

(03:19):
then that needs to be a no forme, and I've realized that
saying no more often hasactually helped me show up
better for the things that I dosay yes to.
I'm more present in thosesituations, more grounded and
way less resentful.
It's not about saying no toeverything.
It's about saying yes to whatreally feels right for me.

(03:40):
The second habit is to talk toyourself like someone that you
love.
This is one that I didn't evenrealize I needed to work on
until I started really listeningto how I talk to myself.
For years my internal dialoguewas brutal.
Things like why are you likethis, or get it together already
?
And I said these things tomyself constantly about work,

(04:02):
parenting or just about life.
And then one day my daughtersaid I don't like hearing you
talk about yourself that way.
Would you say that to someonethat you love?
And I just froze because theanswer was no.
I would never speak to a friendor someone that I cared about
that way.
So I started paying attentionand when I caught myself being

(04:23):
harsh, I paused and tried toreframe.
Now I see things like it's okay, you're doing the best that you
can, or that was hard andyou're still showing up, you're
learning and that's enough.
I'm not pretending thateverything's perfect or avoiding
responsibility.
I just don't believe in beatingmyself up as a motivator

(04:43):
anymore, because if kindnessworks better on everyone else,
maybe it's going to work better.
The third habit is rewriting theway that you see yourself, not
just physically, but the beliefsthat we carry deep down about
who we are, what we're worth andhow we fit into the world.
And I want to say up front thatI didn't grow up with a super

(05:04):
strong, unshakable sense ofconfidence.
For a long time I held on to alot of beliefs about myself that
weren't very nice, or even trueBeliefs like I'm not that
pretty or other people are justnaturally smarter than I am.
I'll never be as capable orimpressive as them.
These weren't things that Isaid out loud, but they were

(05:24):
running in the background of mybrain all the time.
And the worst part I thoughtthey were facts.
I treated them like they weregospel.
I thought they were facts.
I treated them like they weregospel.
So when someone would saysomething nice like you're
beautiful or you're so smart,I'd immediately feel
uncomfortable.
I'd want to deflect or downplaythe comment or brush it off.
I really struggled to say thankyou for a compliment like that

(05:48):
because it didn't match up withthe story that I was telling
myself for so long.
After that conversation with mydaughter, I realized that I
needed to challenge that story.
So, little by little, I startedworking on that and I didn't
jump from I'm not pretty to I'ma goddess overnight.
Trust me, I couldn't say I'mbeautiful and actually believe

(06:09):
it at first, so instead I wouldfind a smaller step that felt
more believable.
First I'd say something neutral, like I look like a regular
person.
That felt true to me.
It didn't trigger any kind ofresistance.
It was a good starting point.
It was my starting point.
Then I'd find one thing that Icould appreciate about myself,

(06:30):
like I have nice eyes, and thatstuck because I really do like
my eyes.
So it wasn't hard for me tobelieve that.
Eventually I moved on tosomething like some people might
see me as beautiful and that'sokay, even if I'm still working
on believing it myself.
And honestly, that felt hugebecause it meant that I was
opening the door toself-acceptance, even if I

(06:51):
wasn't quite there yet.
I remember my partner oncelooking lovingly into my eyes
and saying I love my averagelooking girlfriend and we just
both burst out laughing becauseyeah, it sounds ridiculous, but
we embraced it.
That's where I was in myjourney of self-acceptance and
we made it part of the wholeprocess.

(07:11):
Eventually we graduated to Lovemy Girlfriend with Beautiful
Eyes.
It became something fun that weshared, but also something
really meaningful.
We had to work on it togetherfor a long time and the key was
this you don't move on to thenext phase until you truly
believe deep down in your bonesthe phase that you're in right

(07:32):
now.
And it probably soundedridiculous if somebody overheard
us and my partner saying that Iwas like a great, average
looking girlfriend.
Other people may have seen itas ridiculous, but I liked it
because my partner wasrespecting that.
That's where I was on thejourney and it meant something
to me because we were working onit together.
That's how real change happens.

(07:53):
It's a step-by-step process,belief by belief.
That's what I've learned worksbest when you're shifting
beliefs about yourself.
You don't have to force a brandnew story that feels fake.
You can start with somethingneutral, then something gentle,
then something more hopeful,until one day you hear yourself
saying I'm beautiful and youactually mean it.

(08:16):
So if you're in a place wherethe kind things that people say
about you feel hard to believe,I get it.
Try and start small, start withwhat you can believe and let
that be enough for now, becauserewriting the way that you see
yourself doesn't happen all atonce, but it does happen when
you choose to stop repeating theold scripts and start creating

(08:37):
new ones.
My fourth habit was writing downone thing that I'm grateful for
every day.
I know we hear about gratitudeeverywhere, and at first it kind
of rolled my eyes too, but thenI actually tried it and I liked
it like really liked it, not ina performative look at me
journaling my blessings kind ofway, but just as a quiet little

(08:59):
check-in with myself every day.
What's one small thing I can begrateful for today and I do
mean really small.
It could be your cup of coffeethat turned out just right, or
when you were taking your walk,the sun came out for 10 minutes
and shone on your face, andthat's it.

(09:20):
No pressure to list five thingsor change my life in one
sitting.
It's all about giving my brainsomething good to hold on to,
especially on the hard days whenit wants to spiral into
everything that's going wrong.
Gratitude doesn't meanpretending everything is great.
It just means making space tonotice what's also true that not
everything is terrible and overtime it really has softened the
way that I see the world.

(09:40):
The fifth habit was to set asmall boundary.
Boundaries used to sound likethis huge, scary thing to me,
like I had to suddenly become asuper assertive, tough love
version of myself.
I would feel like I'd have toread an entire book just to be
able to figure out how to setone boundary.
And if you're a chronicovergiver like myself, just the
idea of disappointing someonecan send me into a guilt spiral.

(10:03):
But here's what I've learnedBoundaries don't have to be big
or harsh, they don't have tocome with a big speech, they
don't even have to be announcedout loud.
Sometimes setting a boundary isjust choosing not to answer a
message right away, or sayingthat doesn't work for me without
offering a 10-point explanation, or choosing to leave a
gathering early because yourenergy is low.

(10:24):
I used to think that boundarieswere about pushing people away,
and now I understand thatthey're actually about staying
close to myself.
They help me protect my time,my energy and my peace so that
when I do show up for people, Ican show up from a place of
authenticity and not burnout.
And the more boundaries that Iset, the more my nervous system

(10:44):
seems to exhale.
The sixth habit is taking breakswithout guilt.
Now I need to be honest withyou.
This one is still really hardfor me Resting without guilt.
I'm not quite there yet.
I'm a recovering people pleaserand I've spent most of my life
believing that rest had to beearned, that I could only take a

(11:04):
break after I'd done everythingon my list and, spoiler alert,
the list never ends.
Even when I physically slowdown, my brain keeps going.
You should be doing something.
This is lazy.
Other people are working harderthan you.
I've had to unlearn all of that, or at least try to, and I'm
working on it every day, becausewhen I wait until I'm

(11:25):
completely burnt out to rest,it's already too late.
I'm not just tired, I'mdisconnected, irritable and
anxious.
Now I try to give myself thesesmall breaks throughout the day,
whether it be a five-minutewalk, maybe just sitting in my
chair and taking a deep breath,I might listen to a podcast with
my tea and moments where I letmyself just be.

(11:46):
I'm not performing, notproducing, I'm just existing,
and I remind myself that I don'tneed to earn rest.
I just need it because I'mhuman.
So this is where I am now.
I'm still working on it everyday, but I'm better than I used
to be, so I'm going to take thatwin.
I hope these small mindsetshifts, like pausing before
saying yes, talk to yourselflike someone you love rewriting

(12:09):
how you see yourself, write downsomething that you're grateful
for, setting tiny boundaries,taking guilt-free breaks.
I hope this gave you somethingto think about, maybe even
something to try and remember.
You don't have to change yourwhole life overnight.
Even just noticing thesepatterns can be a powerful first
step.
You're allowed to start small.
You're allowed to be gentlewith yourself.

(12:32):
Mental health isn't aboutgetting it perfect.
It's about showing up foryourself in a real everyday way,
and the fact that you'relistening to this.
That already counts.
So thanks for hanging out withme today.
I'm going to be back on Mondaywhen I'm going to release my
regular full episode, but untilthen, just take care of yourself
.
You're worth the effort.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated

(12:56):
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the

(13:16):
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
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