Embracing Life's Complex Journey

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Facing life's trials can often feel like navigating a storm, but as Benny and I share, it's those storms that teach us the most. Benny opens up about his ongoing health challenges and how they've shaped his perspective on kindness and setting boundaries, especially within the family. We also explore the delicate balance of supporting adult children living at home while maintaining personal space, drawing parallels to my wife's experiences with people-pleasing. Our conversation is a testament to the complexity of family dynamics and the need for open dialogue and understanding.

Relationships thrive on appreciation and communication, yet often, we let gratitude slip through the cracks. Through our stories, we highlight the importance of expressing thanks and the role it plays in a healthy relationship. With the rapid changes in parenting today. We share an enlightening experiment that underscores the need to educate children on the potential dangers of the digital world while fostering their sense of independence responsibly. The episode also touches on bullying and sharing personal reflections that aim to empower and build resilience.

Life's unpredictability is a recurring theme, and our honest discussion sheds light on personal responsibility and the courage required to face life's challenges. We talk about the power of resilience and the importance of self-care in overcoming obstacles. From dealing with bullying to battling cancer, the takeaway is clear: life is a complex tapestry of experiences that shape who we are, and it's our responsibility to navigate it with integrity and perseverance. Join us as we reflect on these life lessons and the wisdom gained along the way.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
As the saying goes, it ain't cocky if you back it up
.
This is Confident, not Cockythe show where bold
conversations meet relatablereal-life experiences.
Hosted by Charles Campos Jr,this podcast brings you
everything from the latesttrends in news to personal

(00:23):
stories that make you laugh,reflect and maybe even get a
little emotional.
Whether it's Charles flyingsolo or chopping it up with
special guests, nothing's offthe table and it's always
straight talk, real and raw, nofilter.
So get ready for a ride that'sas fun as it is real.

(00:44):
This is Confident, not Cocky,and this is your host, charles
Campos Jr.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
How you doing, Benny.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Alright, alright, charles, you feeling better?
Yeah, just hanging in thereevery day is a struggle with me.
Just hanging in there every dayis a struggle with me.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
So I know this past week and I know people that
don't know us.
We work together.
I know you've missed this pastweek because you were feeling
sick.
Is it anything new?

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Just I had a touch of pneumonia again.
I have lung problems from theCOVID from last year, so it just
caught up with me.
I think that the week before Iwas outside doing all those arms
and it just got me sick andjacked me up where I had to stay
home, didn't want to come backoutside and get even worse.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
So you're saying it's my fault for making you do it?
No, the work's got to be donebrother.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
I don't mind being outside, it's just I knew it was
going to catch up with me andit got me.
I got you.
Well, I'm glad you're doingbetter.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I mean, I know you've got serious problems which
we'll get into that later in thepodcast, but I'm glad you're
doing better.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
I'm glad you're able to come out here and join me.
Yeah, me too, man.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
It feels good to get out of the house, not just be
cooped up looking at everybody,same people every day so I
actually want to start somethingas like, I kind of want to do
this for, like I guess, thefirst part of my every podcast.
I'm just going to ask you aquestion and just feel free to

(02:27):
answer how you want to, but whatis something that people seem
to misunderstand about you?

Speaker 3 (02:37):
My kindness.
How so?
I just think I'm too nice and Ihold too much in where I should
be able to just explode.
But I don't want to be that way.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
So are you one of those peoples, like my wife, who
can't say no or tend to say no?
Right, like a people, pleaser.
Pretty much I try to Can yougive me a couple examples,
examples that would be like anissue.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
Yeah, I can't throw my kids out and they're all
above 25.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Okay.
So, speaking of that, how manykids do you have living with you
?
I have two.
You have two kids, Well three.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Well, actually four Okay okay, the number keeps
going.
I'm sorry, let me.
I have two adults, uh, eightyear old and a five-year-old
grandson okay, so the eight.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Well, it's one of those, that five-year-old that's
one of the adults living withyou.
Yeah, that's my daughter's son,okay, and so you also mentioned
you have a stepchild, yes, andwhich?
How is?

Speaker 3 (03:46):
that the adult, he's, he's, uh gonna be 25 next month
.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Okay, so you have your biological son and you have
a step son son, yes, they'reliving with you.
Currently right, they're bothover 20, yes, and why are they
living with you?

Speaker 3 (04:03):
man?
My daughter and her boyfriendgot into some you know the back
and forth thing, the wholedomestic type of, Exactly.
So he kicked her out becauseshe wasn't on the lease.
So me and my wife too, oh, justcome on in.
We got room, which you know wedo, but she helps, she does help

(04:25):
out.
You know, my stepson just, Ilove him to death, but he's
going to learn the hard way.
You know, got to get out and dosomething.
If I can get out there and go,he should be able to, and
there's nothing wrong with himNow, are they?

Speaker 2 (04:38):
both in school, were in school, never went to school
like college was.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
No, no, college college, nothing like that.
Just barely graduated.
Just I don't know what theirplans are, but they figured out
quick how long they've beenthere.
For my stepson going onprobably four months off and on
my daughter about a month now.
But my grandson lives with mebecause we put in in school out

(05:05):
there by my house because it's abetter school.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
So then the eight-year-old is your, my
daughter yeah, your biologicaldaughter no but that's a whole
nother story well, do you wantto go into that while we're here
?

Speaker 3 (05:22):
No, it's a touchy situation.
I just don't want to get on hernerves already.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
I see what you're saying.
That's no problem.
I can see that my wife has this.
It could be an issue or itcould be just like I said
kindness, my wife does the samething with family.
They ask favors, even if itinconveniences her.

(05:54):
She'll be like yep, I'll do it.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
Yeah, I can really no problem.
And it frustrates me becauseit's like damn, you got to do
so-and-so and now you got to dothis, just to come back.
It definitely gets under mynerves, but I know that's the

(06:15):
type of person she is and so Ican relate to that in a way.
Me.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
I want to say no, but then sometimes I'll have my
wife Trish on the side Go do it,he'll do it, he'll look at it.
Like last night, for instance,I had to do my daughter's brakes
on her car at like 7 o'clock atnight, so it was already dark.
Got a flashlight, the caliperswouldn't collapse.
I'm like motherfucker.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
And I'm sure she knew about this.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Yeah, the brakes been grinding.
So I'm like I get home, or wewent to the grocery store and
came back and my wife's like, oh, he'll do your brakes.
I'm just looking at her like no, I don't want to do them, but I
did them.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
See and I think that's a little different
because we're talking about yourkids- we're talking about the
safety.
Yeah, it's one of those thingslike damn I don't want to do it.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
And the thing is too, charles, she is appreciative,
like she will help you.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
That's good, and go out of her way to help you, it's
more frustrating when theperson or people aren't
appreciative Exactly or theydon't even like a simple thank
you man.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
That's when they could get it, and that goes a
long way with people.
To me it does Like appreciationto show you your gratitude that
you do care.
You ain't got to be an asshole.
Like you said, don't saynothing.
Absolutely, that just don'tmake sense to me.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
And I think, at least for me, I think I have that
issue, it's been a big issue forme, I think I have that issue
or I've I've.
It's been a big issue for me,especially like in like other my
marriage, where I have atendency to not show
appreciation or expressappreciation and that's got me
in trouble that's between me andher quite a few times yeah and

(08:03):
she does do a lot at home, likeI I did last week.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
I've been home, I should you know, keeping up with
the laundry, the kids, feedingthem, school, and then she goes
to work and then come home, doesit all over again.
I'm just like, damn, sit down,you don't.
I don't want to do it, but Iwant just sit down.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
It's hard to communicate in a relationship.
It is Even more so in amarriage, especially if you've
been with someone for five, tenplus years, I think it's overall
it's hard to communicate ingeneral in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
This year it just pass me 23 years together.
I mean it's a long time, yeah,but like you said I, I have a
hard time telling her hey, goodjob, you know, or, and, and and
I try to make a recently have adate night, even if it's sitting
at home watching a movietogether, but there's always

(09:04):
somebody at our house.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
That's rough and what I learned is that as far as
like a relationship, especiallyif you have kids, you almost
have to go to the point whereyou have to prioritize you and
your significant other over yourkids.
I agree, and I think before Ilearned that it was all about

(09:27):
the kids.
Make sure that the kids aretaken care of or make sure that
we have stuff for them or we'redoing this for them.
Sometimes you got to say fuckthose damn kids, we need some
time alone.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
We have to prioritize us and for some reason when
that happens it brings you alittle closer together, Like
almost at ease, because you tookthat time apart for each other.
And I don't know if your kidsare little or I see them come
into work that day, but theylook like they're little kids.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
They're all under 10.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
It's almost like more attention to them, because this
is what they need.
You can't be like hey, go inyour room, they don't know what
to do.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
And then it's now.
We're in the iPad era, whereit's like you don't want them to
have too much screen time, butnowadays, when both parents are
working and we're exhausted orif we want us time, it's like
man it's all you could do isgive them the ipad and get like

(10:32):
15 minutes, because uh quiettime like us growing up we
didn't have that stuff.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
I mean, and and the little ones at home, my house
there, that's all they are about.
Yeah, ipads switches, this,that, but um, about getting to,
uh, preoccupying them.
It's almost like I I'm I don'twant them on that all the time
because just too much bad stuffthey can get in to see oh yeah

(10:58):
and like I've seen the stuff mykids look at like, so I had my
wife put the blocker on there,for only a certain age can go in
between certain things to lookat.
But yeah, there's some crazypeople out there trying to.
You know you got people tryingto contact kids off.
Oh, I'm a 12 year old littlekid, or you know, 10 year old,

(11:22):
and I don't trust that stuff.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
I saw a.
It was a tiktok or short video,um, and it was a a person doing
like an experiment and it waswith the consent and the parents
were involved.
It was it was a guy who wouldlike create a new Facebook
account, put a picture on andjust randomly message a girl and

(11:49):
say hey, I'm new in town and,like dude, I think one of the
girls after two days I seen thatone, charles, after two days
this girl 12, 14.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
And they had their parents in the house.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
You see the one where they're in the car.
And and meet her by the park orsomething well there was that,
and then there was a third onewhere the guy's in a no window
van, he's in the front seat, theparents are in the back and
they're just like waiting.
Like this.
He texts her and be like hey,I'm here, this 12 13 year old

(12:27):
just oh, parents are gone.
Let me go hook up with it ormeet with this guy just met a
week ago.
Yes, she gets in the van andthen the parents are in ski
masks and they like hang on toher and she's scared for her
life.
If it wasn't her parents, shewould have been gone.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
Gone and I tried to tell my daughter that, with an
8-year-old at home, our gasstation is right around the
corner from our house.
I said get in the car, abby,you're going with me.
No, I can protect myself,daddy-o.
So I grabbed her up real fast.
I said what are you going to donow when someone my size grabs
you.
She just looked at me.

(13:07):
I'll go with you Like you can't.
Just because you watch thesevideos, you can protect yourself
.
Don't mean you can't.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Nope, it just blew my mind how willing these little
girls were For real, justwilling to go down the street or
into a person's car that theyjust met.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
It's almost sad and sickening because there really
is people out there like that,and it's sad for the parents'
wives, like you said, alwayssomebody working.
Or, like me, when my wife getshome from work, we got maybe a
10-minute window and I'm leavingfor work because it's you know,
I work nights with you.
So it it's good and bad becausewe ain't got time to argue

(13:51):
either.
You know I'm cutting out ifshe's coming in.
So it's like it is scary outthere for the kids and I don't
know what.
I don't let my daughter in thefront yard unless I'm out there.
I can see her, she her chainplaying in the backyard.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
You see, that's a shame nowadays because I mean, I
know you're older than me butlike even in my days when we
were, I was little like youcould go outside and be out till
eight o'clock at night parentsdidn't worry about you.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
no, bullshit, bullshit, dude.
Early 90s, like I grew up overin North Hamlet behind Gaza and
Roller Dome.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
Be on our bikes at 9 in the morning, ride all the way
out to Wolf Lake, lake MichiganI mean at least before the
boats was even there and outthere snagging fish, just doing
whatever we wanted.
Like you said, there was nohesitant.
Parents ain't looking for youuntil, like you said, you need
to come home by 9, 10 o'clock atnight.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
Before the streetlights came on.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
You knew it was time to be home.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, and it's crazy because I grew up in the harbor
in East Chicago.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Oh yeah, I know that area and it was like the same
thing.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
You just ride your bikes around town and don't even
worry about it.
Now we're scared to let our kidgo down just a street.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:17):
Because you're just scared of what's going to happen
.
It takes one second to snatchyou up, throw you in a van or a
car gone.
You know just.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, man.
I wouldn't know how thathappened, but it's messed up too
, because it's like we want ourkids off the screen, yes, but
then we're so concerned aboutwhat they're doing out there, I
agree, but then when they're onthe screens, then we're worried
about sexual predators trying totake them out there.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
Yeah, it's insane sexual predators trying to take
them out there.
It's insane.
My, uh, my wife was telling meabout that.
Somebody on roblox she, mydaughter plays and like there's
older people.
I didn't know I didn't knowthey could talk to people oh
yeah, they got mics headphones.
Yeah, dude, my daughter I heardin the bedroom talking.
She's there by herself likewhen?
Who are you talking to, abby?

(16:03):
Oh, somebody on Roblox.
You don't know how old thatperson is.
Do not give her address.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
I just had the same conversation with my
nine-year-old because he playsFortnite and he's made friends,
which is fine if you play a gamelong enough and you kind of get
in the same lobby with theperson.
It's like, yeah, you want toteam up, I did it I had friends
in different states that we justteam up because we're always on
at the same time.

(16:32):
Okay, but I told him too.
I'm like look, you don't knowwho these people are.
Like, don't don't give themyour address, don't give them
your telephone number, don't,like.
I think he was, I think one guywas asking for I think it's
called a gift on fortnight,where I guess you could give
them some kind of coins orwhatever currency that fortnight

(16:53):
uses I guess you could giveother people gifts.
I'm like no, because you don'tknow if it's a scam, you don't
know if these guys are right.
It's like I'd be damn, you givethis guy a gift and now I get
an alert from my bank that I gotfive thousand dollar charge on
my credit card.
Hey, I'm broke, man you know,it is scary and it's it kind of

(17:16):
sucks because, like I said, youcould set blockers on and you
could.
You could do all that and asparents, you're supposed to
watch your kids and what they'redoing.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
But it's hard, you can't be there every second,
every, you know, like it's justthat quick too for her to get on
there, and always.
Daniel, can I have this forthis game or this?
And, like you said, we'realways putting our debit card on
there or something?

Speaker 2 (17:46):
and everything.
All our credit and debit cardsare like on all in our
electronics.
It's so easy, don't?

Speaker 3 (17:51):
share this, you know, because I don't want to
overdraft charge like thateither.
Crazy.
But yeah, I, I wish I could.
I bought our guitar and uh,we're trying to get lessons for
her, but we've got to find aplace and all this, and then
again it comes to time.
I'm working nights, her momgets home, she's tired, so it

(18:14):
almost has to be like a weekendthing where one of us could be
there, because I'm not going totake her and drop her off so
wacko, yeah, you can't do thatanymore.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
People used to get piano lessons drop off at
someone's house for an hour.
Can't do that shit anymore,unless it's a friend.
But even then you see thesestories of babysitters people
you know abusing your kid orbeating your kid.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
Man, charles, I wouldn't even know how to act.
I would fucking go ballistic.
I already told my daughter ifsomeone ever touches you the
wrong way, I'm going to go killthem and kill myself.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
And it's so messed up that?
Because if that's the case,like if something happens and
you let's say the extreme andyou murder that person, do you
think that the justice systemtakes it easy on you, or do they
just charge you as murderExactly?

Speaker 3 (19:16):
And that's all they're looking at.
That's all they're looking at.
Oh, he touched his daughter ormolested her.
I watch a lot of Steve wilkoswith the old lady and there's
something like you said theydon't care.
Man like the kid is now messedup in the head for life and and

(19:36):
this guy gets to sit behind jailand probably get out in four or
five years or whatever it'sjust yeah, the whole system is
messed up.
Just I don't understand that.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah it's crazy.
I I don't know, but, um,definitely rough.
Let's see, I was gonna bring uphere.
So then, speaking of children,do you want to kind of just go,
I guess, give a briefdescription, or however?
You're descriptive, you want tobe as far as like what, what

(20:11):
was your childhood bringing?

Speaker 3 (20:14):
like me, yeah I was started young.
Like always, I was always had amessed up life hard my mom,
always made sure we had food.
You know something to eat?
Obviously you could tell, butlike a struggle man, we used to
eat like cocoa wheats for dinner.
The guy she was dating wasn'tmy real dad and like he abused

(20:40):
me, my mom would go play bingowith her sisters and my aunts
and stuff.
I remember taking lighters andlike holding it upside down to
get that chrome part red andjust touched the bottom of my
feet.
No lie bro really, and then uh,put vaseline on them and baby
powder, put my socks back on andI couldn't walk right.

(21:01):
I was probably two, two, threeyears old, so I was walking.
But my mom, finally why ain'tyou walking right?
And took my socks off and seenthese blisters on there.
So I told her.
I said hey, he burns me, hepinches me and pulls my hair
away and I broke my collarbonewhen I was two and a half.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
Just what was he handling you?

Speaker 3 (21:21):
wrong From yanking me up and every bone I've ever
broken.
Charles is on my left-hand side.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
Really yeah.
And how many bones have youbroken altogether?

Speaker 3 (21:32):
The wrist, my thumb, the collarbone, my hip, my femur
bone and my ankle, in eightplaces.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
And it's all been your left side, all my left side
.

Speaker 3 (21:44):
That's insane and it's all been your left side, my
left side, when it was insanelater on in life.
I I fell off a mountain,kentucky, and uh I landed on my
right side.
I tried to get up off the roadand uh, this hip just popped and
I heard it like motherfuckerand man, it hurt and they uh
took me to the first littlehospital, couldn't do nothing
for me.

(22:04):
It's a real small town calledHyden, kentucky, so I always say
it's bad.
I shouldn't have been down thereanyways, but that's where my
mom's sister lives and I stayedin Lexington Trauma Center for a
month doing rehabilitationwalk-in, and this was early 90s.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
So how old were you when that happened?

Speaker 3 (22:25):
I was in ninth grade.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
Oh wow, you were young yeah maybe 13, 14.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
And it just went downhill from there.
This leg has always been messedup and a year later I got
mauled by a German shepherd Tookthe big plugs out of my arm.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
On your left side arms.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
Oh okay, I was like yeah, this arm the worst, though
, for real.
The dog took a big plug out ofmy, out of my arm because, uh,
my buddy's dad came out of thehouse and picked the dog up like
this and fell back with it andthat's what took the big plug
out of this arm.
Now, how, how old were you whenthat?

Speaker 2 (23:02):
happened A year later .
So you were about, let's say,15, correct 15, about yeah.
Tell me how that experience was?
Is it one of those things wherejust your adrenaline my heart's
pounding.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
I'm thinking about it right now, troy, I swear to God
.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
Okay, I will slow down.
I'm just curious.

Speaker 3 (23:26):
I was actually kneeling down trying to put a
hole in this piece of aluminum.
So he's putting a radio in mybuddy's car.
He didn't have a license yet,but we're kids, you know, yeah.
So here comes his dog, up to me,and I was already afraid of
dogs.
He bit our friend two weeksbefore this, and in the hand,
and uh, I was kneeling downpounding a hole in the stand, a
piece of metal, whatever, andthat dog coming to him like hey,

(23:48):
james, put star away.
It's a full white, all whitegerman shepherd.
He just and lunged at me and II kind of fell back and it got
me right here in the chest.
So then I'm, you know I'mstruggling getting up because
this leg is still kind ofhealing.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Oh yeah, because it was just a year prior you fell
off the mountain.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
Damn, I can't run you know because it just never
healed right.
So I start to stand up afterthe dog bit me.
The dog got this arm start, youknow, thinking it's a fucking
toy.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Where's your?

Speaker 3 (24:21):
friend at.
He's standing right there,yelling like star star trying to
grab the dog.
Okay, well, I got this armloose turning.
I was trying to get in his car.
It was just sitting in thebackyard dog got this fucking
arm, so I'm grabbed the dog'sthroat here and they got this
now yeah and I could feel itswallowing and my buddy James

(24:43):
hit it over the head with one ofthose mag lights.
The old school.
The 4D batteries in it.
Fucking batteries came out ofit.
Me and him yelling.
People was coming down theblock looking over the fence.
I was just hearing this GermanShepherd fucking blood all over
it.
And then his dad finally cameout of the house, like I said,
and grabbed it and like suplexedit backwards and that's what

(25:05):
took the big plug on his arm.
Dude, from not even six, sevenmiles away, they put two white
beach towels around my arms.
They was just dripping withblood by the time we got to the
hospital.
Yeah, emergency surgery.
I really didn't look at itbecause I was scared, but when I

(25:26):
was laying in the bed they wasgushing it with that.
Uh, saline cleaner oh yeah, youknow that white hair and dirt
and and uh, I remember lookingat it, didn't just do you see
the muscle and the white justhanging out?
Just, we have an emergencysurgery.
I think like 57 stitchesbecause of all that, and so I
got the tattoos to cover it up.

(25:48):
Yeah, and it's still.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
Sometimes I regret getting these motherfuckers look
stupid so my question is so,when that was happening, was
your adrenaline so high that youdidn't really feel the bite
down to the pain?
Or did you feel all that painand you're?
Reacting the pressure just thepressure of it okay especially

(26:10):
when he had this arm.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
You ever seen those dogs and you, yeah, a piece of
rope and yeah that's what hethought my arm was and like he's
pulling me through the fuckingyard and you know, because, like
I said, my hip is shit stilltrying to heal.
I mean, it's been a year but Ireally never got the exercise to
yeah get to the heel right then.
Yeah, I just couldn't get awayfrom that dog fast enough when I

(26:32):
finally did get loose.
I got in my buddy james's carand locked the fucking doors.
I'm like man, I was scared, youknow, like shit.
Finally went to the hospitalgoing to emergency surgery, and
it jacked me up.
I was a friend of dogs for awhile.
Of course, you know I don'thold nothing against it, but I

(26:53):
just knew the dog was bad newsbecause, like I said, I bit our
friend before.
His name is Travis Drew.
Blood on him.
He got his hand good and youknow everybody.
Oh, you should have sued, youshould have sued.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
You should have sued who am I, you know they're poor.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
What you're?
Gonna get right you know, andthen, like that, I found out now
that I'm older like they wasrenting that house.
Whoever owned that house hadhomeowner's insurance.
I could have got them, but yeahyou know I don't think you're
15 16 years old right right, soI'm not, and I and we're still
friends to this day, oh reallymy buddy James.
Yeah, I call him.

(27:29):
He'll come over, you know I'llhelp you out in a minute.
Yeah, it was just rough growingup, but I don't know.
My mom met that guy, like Isaid, child abuse.
She wasn't a bad mom, she wasjust, uh, the guy.
Well, she ended up leaving himafter probably about a year so

(27:52):
okay.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
So let's fast forward a little bit.
So she finds out, you know, andthen leaves them about a year
later.
So at this point you're aboutfour or five years old so where
you was.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
She just like a single mother for a while, for a
while, and then, um, you gotwith this other guy named rich
okay that's why I called dadokay because my my real dad got
deported in 1978 back to mexico,or?
Yes, okay, his name was AngelJose Rodriguez.

(28:25):
Well, my mom knew him as Jose.
So, she was only 16 and alreadypregnant with me.
I was born in 76, and I guesshe got to see me once or twice,
but back in that day, you know,white folks didn't like that,
but back in that day white folksdidn't like that.

(28:45):
So supposedly the story was myaunt called immigration on my
dad and they took him to Chicago.
So my mom was trying to call upthere looking for Jose.
They're telling her we don'thave a Jose.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
And your mom didn't know.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
No his real name.
So he was real low keykey.
Oh wow, so she's gonna marryhim.
You know that just to keep himhere right and uh she didn't
know him as uh, she knew him asjose, not angel, and they got
his real name up there.
We'll come to find out yearslater.
She sees one of his sistersover in north ham and like she's

(29:26):
like, oh, how's jose?

Speaker 2 (29:28):
she's like his real name is angel so she didn't even
know until years later, right?

Speaker 3 (29:34):
wow, so she could have found him.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Kept him here yeah, I don't know how that would have
worked out, you know, but he gotdeported and so even so, even
when she found out his real name, what was there any reason why
they didn't like keep in contactor like phone calls with you or
anything like that, or I thinkhe was probably scared because,

(30:00):
like I said, she told me, um, myaunt seen him at one time, uh,
over on this front porch in somehouse in Hammond, so she goes
back to where they all lived.

Speaker 3 (30:12):
Told my mom, hey, jose's over here, took me over
there to see him.
I guess he held me and thenvanished after that again, like
I don't know if he was scaredfor maybe getting caught again,
or I really don't know, charles.
I mean, sometimes I wonder,like you know, how's his health?

(30:34):
I would hope he's a cartel orsomething.
You owe me some back chops forit, jack, but I'm not that lucky
, but I'm not that lucky shit.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
So you, so you can't remember like what he looks like
, because you haven't met him orseen him since never.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
I don't remember.
Like I said, I was only twoyears old, maybe two exactly it
was in 78 she seen.
She seen me for the last timeand then last we heard he lives
in California somewhere.
But I don't know how true thatis.
I never tried to look them up,I never tried to bother them or
nothing.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Is that because you don't care or you're not
interested in getting to knowthem?

Speaker 3 (31:25):
It's probably more not interesting because the guy
who raised me passed away, so Iknew him as dad.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
You knew him as dad, yeah, so.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
So you just never had an interest or curiosity of
Right to go pursue looking forhim, pursue looking for him, and
I thought about getting on thatAncestrycom, but then again, I
don't know his exact, true?
You know, as far as I know,like I said, it's jose or angel
jose rodriguez.
There's so many jose rodriguezout there, you know, it's just

(31:57):
gonna run more and more moneythat I don't have.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
It's like that's true , that's true too, because at
that point you gotta like,probably hire a private
investigator to find them.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
Yeah, especially back from 78 I mean I was born in 76
but, yeah, he was already goneand so the guy who raised me
that's how I got the last name,blankenship.
Okay, you know a lot of people,yeah, I did the Mexican, I did
the same thing.
I did the same thing at work andI get a lot of people.
You know the work we do shops Iworked at before Mexicans come

(32:31):
in there and I wish I knew howto speak Spanish.
I just don't, man.
What do you need?
Oh, come here, my friend, letme show you something.
You know English now?
Huh.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
Yeah, exactly All right.
So your mother met Rich,Correct Around what like, when
you were about four or five.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
And then from there, it was just you three.
Yes.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
And then, well, no, because she already had three
other kids by the other guy inthis span.
Wait with your original fatheror with rich?

Speaker 2 (33:07):
no, with a dude oh, the one that was abusing.
Oh so he.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
She had three kids with him right in that short
time period right so like I'mthe oldest, underneath me is my
sister and my other sister andmy brother.
Well, she was a baby and shewas born in 81, I think.
So from 76 to 81, she donethree more kids.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
So there's three kids plus you, right, same mother.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Right, we're all got the same mom, just different dad
.
Wow, my brother passed away, sonow it's just me, my mom and
and my two sisters and you'rethe oldest, right.
So, uh, she's, you know, waswith that guy for a while and I
believe in him.
We got with rich and I I'veseen some shit where, like that,

(34:01):
the Roger would lean out thekitchen window and was shooting
at my mom and Rich, wow, andthen he would, you know, like,
uh, one time we was watching tvin the living room and my sister
spilled kool-aid.
Dude, I got my ass beat for forsomething my sister, dusty, did

(34:23):
, and I think he took it out andbeat me because my mom was out
fucking around, not being homeand you know she, she was having
fun, she's young, whatever butI feel like I got the grunt of
it because she wasn't there andnow running around with another
guy which she ended up beingwith until he passed away.

(34:43):
So they lived their whole lifetogether.
She's single now to this daybecause she don't want to be
with nobody else, I guess.
Yeah, I get that, damn yeah itwas rough man.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Yeah, I get that Damn so.

Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, it was rough man.
We lived in real smallapartments.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
Where'd you grow up?
Did you grow up your whole lifein North Hammond?
Yep, okay.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
Never been, nowhere else.
Never been nowhere else Right,went to almost every fucking
school in Whiting All the wayout to.
I've been to school in Whitingall the way out to.
I've been to school in Whiting.
We lived in Whiting forprobably a couple years and just
it's been rough like with her,with this guy, and not want to

(35:29):
work, not, you know, take careof the other kids a little
better than me, because I'm nothis and which I understand, but
I could never be that way.
It's just you know.
But I'm glad she well, I'm gladshe got away from him, because
I'm pretty sure he would havetried to kill her.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Was he like a gangbanger or he was just an
idiot?

Speaker 3 (35:51):
He ran with the Hells Angels for a while and then he
was in the military for a littlebit and he got out, started
running with the gangs.
And he's just a crazy dude Likehe would try to set my aunt's
car on fire one time, put a sockin a gas tank and at this time

(36:13):
shed a brand-new Ford Maverick.
It's like like man why are yougonna burn my aunt's car down.
You know just, he was just thatcrazy and and uh, sleep
anywhere.
Just didn't, really didn't wantto work.
He wasn't in with society kindof like, kind of on his, lived
on his own, did his own thingand so when I think about it

(36:35):
then.
So when she left that guy, youwere about four or five, yeah so
I'm doing the math here, somaybe I I can't I know for sure.
I was um six, maybe going onseven okay because I remember I
asked for a bike for my birthdayand I ended up getting it and,

(36:58):
uh, that kind of right.
Then I knew or not knew, butthat's when I knew she was
talking to another guy, becausethat's how I got the bike so so
you know that's right, so yeahand this guy stepped to the
plate yeah, and we're talkingabout rich right, okay, it took
care of, uh, you know, four kids, I think his and you know

(37:21):
that's all I was gonna bring upthat you, that's a you got to be
the one, the right one right totake on that responsibility and
especially back in that era,you know, it's like people are
already struggling nobody.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah, minimum wage probably three dollars, you know
, and he already had three kidstoo on his previous see, and in
my opinion, I think it's a lotharder for a single mom with
like two or three kids today tofind a man a good man at that

(37:53):
than it was maybe 20 years ago,you're right.
Even though it might have beenhard living.
But nowadays men, a lot of men,are entrepreneurs.
A lot of men are hustlers.
They ain't got time to take on asingle mom, no matter how bad

(38:14):
she is.
To take on a single mom,especially with little kids I
was gonna say especially littlekids.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
It's already hard enough whenever they're their
own kids.
Oh yeah, like yeah I, I could,I could relate, so I could
definitely see that well, hesounds like.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
He sounds like a, a good man a good person, dude,
he's dynamite.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
We really didn't go on vacations as a family.
Sometimes you can afford it,sometimes you can't Right, and
that's the reason why I went toKentucky quite a few times
because my aunt lived down there.
That's the farthest I reallygot to go out of Indiana growing
up, right.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
So how would you define a good person then?
Like in general, like, what areyour criteria for a person to
be considered a good person?

Speaker 3 (39:08):
I would say definitely your values of
getting up and making honestmoney.
I mean, there's enough troubleout in this world just to hurt
yourself or get hurt, be inprison, get up, go to work, take
care of your family.
Me, that's what I try to do andjust over the years I'm getting

(39:31):
weaker, my legs hurting, justbad health.
And it brings me back to jose.
I would like to meet him justto know.
You know what runs in yourfamily health-wise.
I had cancer twice.
Never smoked a day in my life.
You know a little bit of weedback in the day, but nothing
crazy.
And you know, you know.

(39:52):
But I'm getting off the subjecthere, charlotte.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
No, you're fine.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
There's no structure, we have here You're fine, I
respect somebody that gets upand tries.
You know, like my stepson athome, I want to bitch about this
.
I got bad luck.
No, man, you bring that uponyourself.
Nobody will tell you to sit upthere and play video games all
night long and then can you goto work.

(40:18):
You know, that's what I'mtrying to tell him.
You know, he just thinkssomebody's gonna come knock on
that door and and give you a job.
And he's got, and he's got ababy too.
So it's like I try to tell himyou got to get it together.
Man, like they're gonna, she'salways gonna disrespect you
because you're you're not eventrying right now as a young man
like they're gonna.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
She's always gonna disrespect you because you're
you're not even trying right nowas a young man like because I
mean, at some point, if you'renot gonna do it for yourself, do
it for your kid.
Yes, yes and I think those arejust like it's.
It's a lot easier to say thatit's.
You know.
Stuff like, oh well, if.
Well, if you're not going to doit for yourself, do it for your
kid.
Or, you know, if you're goingto, I'm trying to think, if

(41:04):
you're going to be out heredoing this, then just make sure
that you're doing it for theright.
Like those type of things whereit's like hindsight 2020 thing,
where it's like if you werejust in this you'd be in a
better position, right.
But I just think in general it'sa lot harder to say it than to

(41:25):
do it, because and you know, Ifell into that where I've I
could have made a lot of betterdecisions in my life.
That probably would have got meinto a better situation now.
But even at 20, 25 even shit,even at 30, you know, you still

(41:47):
make decisions that still affectyou or hinder you, even if in
the slightest way.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
I do it now, charles.
I'll be 47 this year it's.
If you don't do it right, thenit can definitely backfire on
you absolutely and, like yousaid, especially nowadays, I
think it's a lot harder to notmake a living because there's
definitely jobs out there.
I think it's harder to live youknow where, like when my

(42:18):
parents was growing up.
You know 50s, 60s, dude, theerror was just so easy.
Yeah, you don't mean it, andyou could have been the first
one to think of, you know, maybea cell phone or or, or
something.
The next big adventure.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
We we consume too much information.
Now, true information isavailable everywhere.
That's what, right I mean, Icould get the same information
as to somebody in freaking ghanathat lives in a hut but has
access to a cell phone and thatgets google every.

(42:56):
Me and them have the sameaccess to information, you're
right, it's crazy.
Yeah, you're right and I'm oneof those people that need tv
going to fall asleep.
Are you like that, or I am now?
isn't that weird yes, yes, and Iwish I'm sure there's a poll
somewhere, but I I wonder whatthe percentage of people sleep

(43:18):
with the TV going, because, if Ihad to guess, I think it's high
.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Oh, it's got to be Charles, because it ain't got to
be loud.
No, Just that little voice, andI got to have my fan on.
I don't know why Me too?

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Me too, I sleep with a fan on I always have well till
.
I got old, I start paying myown bill.

Speaker 3 (43:39):
Yeah, it was my own man shut that shit up, you know
and I don't know what it is andI don't know.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
I don't know if it's because tvs have just become
more accessible to have now,because, like back in the day,
you just had the one televisionin the living room.
Right, I'm right, you just hadthe one square television, or
you had that one bigmotherfucker that was 2,000

(44:05):
pounds.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
Don't stub your toe on that bitch.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
But it was always in the living room and if you were
lucky enough, you had a smallportable TV in the kitchen.
Man, I remember that dude.
But nowadays flat screen TVsare like $200.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
And you can put them everywhere.
Yeah, and about that Nintendo,my dad used to take the cord out
of the back of it and take itto work with him, because he
worked nights so none of hiskids would be arguing who's next
, I'm next.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
My mom didn't want to hear all that shit.
That's smart.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
Yeah, and I'm thinking, man, why did he buy it
for us?

Speaker 2 (44:50):
And, like you said, that old ass TV with the two Yep
or that yep and and where yougotta fix the antenna and get it
just right.

Speaker 3 (44:59):
I've seen my parents have aluminum foil on their
potatoes did you ever have acheetah box?
Yes, my old man did.
Yup, I ain't gonna lie.
When I was younger, I watchedporn all the time.
Yup, it was awesome like yes,we get a cheetah box hell yeah,
yes, we get a cheetah box.
Hell yeah, we get all thechannels.
Yeah, dude, like late 80s theystarted hitting the scene.
Man dude, it was some goodtimes back then.

(45:20):
Yeah, nowadays, fuck, thesekids don't even know how hard we
had it growing up.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Well, that's the thing too, no matter what the
decade is high school and middleschool, and you could probably
go all the way down toelementary school it's all the
same, it's kids will pick on you.
Kids will talk shit about you.
Kids will make fun of you forthe most stupidest thing.

(45:52):
But as a kid you're just you're, you know you take it so
personally.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
That sticks with you and it sticks with you.

Speaker 2 (45:59):
Yes and you go home thinking you're no good or that,
just because one person sayssomething and got a laugh out of
it.
We're poor yeah yeah, I just itsucks and it but and you think
back at it it's like why thehell did I care that that guy
you know made fun of me, or whydid I let it get to me?

(46:19):
It's, that's true.
It's stupid because in the endthat guy, that guy could be a
damn um working at walmart right, right now.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
Right, you know, and I've seen people like that.
Yeah, I remember you talkedshit about me in high school and
now you know I make more thanyou.

Speaker 2 (46:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
But I would never say that and throw it in nobody's
face.
But you're right, you know just, the times have definitely
changed and I hope my daughterthe best, I mean, because you
know what I mean Like hey, man,I hope you the best.
I hope you survive high schoolman, I hope you're the best, I
hope you survive, right, youknow, because we're not gonna be
around forever.
And and like I try to tell heralways, pay attention, don't,

(47:04):
don't, let nobody get in yourhead.
I say the same thing, you got,you know, you just just pay
attention, pay attention.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
It's just, it's scary because you just gotta tell
them, like, don't let stuff getto you, right, don't let it roll
off, walk away, because if you,if you don't acknowledge it, or
if you, if you don't interactwith them, that that takes the
power away it does, and italmost like as soon as they see

(47:34):
your weakness, they're gonnakeep on, keep on.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
as soon as they see your weakness, they're going to
keep on, keep on as soon as theysee you whimper as soon as they
see you crack a tear as soon asthey see a frown from you then
they attack.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
I agree right there.
Kids could be so hateful and sojudgmental and so harsh.
Yeah, it's horrible.
And then you hear about thestuff about you know, know, kids
committing suicide becausethey're made fun of.
And even the more fucked uppart is that you you get made

(48:04):
fun of at school and then youcome home and they get made fun
of on your social media or whileyou're playing your game or via
text messages on Facebook.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
It's sad you can't get away from it and, like you
said, for kids to be committingsuicide.
Or I'm going to go shoot thewhole school up and take people
out that didn't even havenothing to do with it and just
so they think they got some kindof peace of mind out of it.
And it does hurt, I think.

(48:36):
I don't know.
I was bullied quite a few.
I was too.
You know what I mean, just.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
I mean, and if you're just a slightly hiverset person
, yep, they will make fun of you, man.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
Charles every day.
Why?

Speaker 2 (48:51):
Why do you care?
This person is bigger than you,yeah, and most of the time you
never interact with that person,no, but they, just as soon as
they see you, they want to tryto make a joke, to get laughs.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
It makes no sense yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
I don't understand the kid logic of it, that's all
it is, but I've been through it.
I mean I was always a heavier,heavier set person, you know.
But eventually you just youhave to just roll with it to the
point where, by the time I gotto high school, I mean I got
once, I got more in sports.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
I got a little bit fitter.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Right, I was always, I guess, technically obese from
my, from my height, you know.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
I'm saying I was never a tall person and that
word sucks to even say obese, Iknow but they, they have that
whole height to weight ratio soI was not gonna lie to you.
I just did it the other daybecause when I went to the
doctor I weighed 311 pounds.
I'm like fuck.
So I get home and I alreadyhave a hard time sleeping.

(49:56):
So I'm on YouTube from fat tofit at 50.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
And.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
I did that weight to rate chart show At the bottom
obese.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
God dang.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
It sucks.
I remember the first time thedoctor said yeah, you're obese.
I'm like damn.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (50:18):
I think I was in high school like really, I'm like I
don't even because you think ofobese, you think 400 pound man,
you know, that's what you thinkof me.

Speaker 3 (50:29):
I'm thinking.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
At least I'm still able to wipe my own ass but as
soon as you go over a certainweight at your height, you're
classified as obese.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
I'm like damn that sucks.
You're right, it could don'tthink it can't happen to you oh
yeah, it's like that dude, yourworld could be flipped upside
down.
And you know, like I said, thecancer at 24.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
Both thyroids had to be removed explain that a little
bit more, like how did theyexplain that to you?
I went no bullshit.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
I worked for uh ogden , lincoln, mercury, mercury, as
a used car mechanic.
I did a lot of transmissionsover the head, stuff.
Okay, the shoulder was hurting.
My lady got me an appointment.
I had a knot right here on myneck kind of neck area shoulder
Like a muscle knot a blood clotAlmost like a muscle knot.

(51:25):
Okay, yeah exactly Charles, andI go there to the doctor.
Knot, yeah, exactly Charles.
I go to the doctor.
I'm like man, my shoulder isAll right, all right.
And my lady's like look at thatknot on his neck.
I'm like I ain't worried aboutthat damn knot.
Well, he starts poking at it,sends me right to a community
hospital to do a biopsy.
They lay me on a table, stickmy neck all the way back and do

(51:49):
a biopsy.
They lay me on a table, stickmy neck all the way back and
they's 10 different size needles.
I remember one was like a like13 or 14 gauge, sticking it in
this fucking knot and trying tosuck stuff out of there.
Oh, come to find out two, threedays later cancer.
so so they said you had lungcancer no, no uh thyroid oh yeah
, thyroid cancer yeah becauseyou got two thyroids like like

(52:11):
this on the side here, you know,your, your glands here.
okay, one was the size of a dimeand some was spotting on the
other one.
They got in there and looked,so I took both thyroid out, did
radiation treatments and stuff.
And then over the years Inoticed something else growing

(52:31):
on this side.
It ended up being they calledit, a mass.
It was eight centimeters big,dude.
It was pushing against myesophagus so I would have a
really hard time breathing thatnight.
And then growing underneath mycollarbone.
So when they did the the bobsyon that found out cancer again

(52:55):
and so nobody in indiana wantedto touch it.
I had to go to university ofchicago to have it removed and,
uh, stayed up there overnightand stuff and got it taken care
of.
Had to come back to Indiana,did radiation two days at a
community again.
Okay, now at this time they'redoing more with cancer

(53:19):
treatments there, but I had tostay there another two days.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
Now this is all before you got lung cancer or
after you got lung cancer?
I never I thought you beforeyou got lung cancer or after you
got lung cancer.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
I never I thought you said you had lung cancer.
No, I had cancer in the neck.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Okay, so then, because you said you never
smoked.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
No, well, because the doctors just smoking in general
.
Oh, so you could get thyroidcancer from smoking Right.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Sorry guys, I'm not a doctor, oh me neither.
Cancer right from smoking right.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
All right, sorry guys , I'm not a doctor, I don't know
, and uh, I I probably saying itwrong or whatever.
Okay, the the correctterminology, but the thyroid.
And then from that just a massgrew off.
That okay, I get it so that'swhat they removed.
On this on my right side andbecause thyroid cancer is

(54:10):
actually is.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
I guess I don't want to say it's common, but there's
other ways, right than smoking.
They have to get right they.

Speaker 3 (54:21):
They technically call it a ben, a benign, but not
answer.
But not yeah and uh.

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Luckily it didn't get my limp notes, because then it
would have been full-blownthroat cancer oh, okay okay, so
like I don't have no thyroid, noadenoids, no tonsils, but then
that thyroid shit was up withyour weight too, then wasn't yes
, cuz I know.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
I take synthroid.
Highest I could take is 300milligram a day and I told you
before I could.
I can go a day, two dayswithout eating.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
I'll gain weight so do you have like a, a toolbox,
like of pills, of medication youhave to take every day?
I do not a toolbox I can showyou well, I was just trying to
be fun, but you, you, you gotthose like one of those.
Monday, tuesday wednesdaythere's.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
It's rough because sometimes I forget the you know
philum or chicken, and like I'llget it tomorrow, I'll get it
and then if I don't like do Istart?
I'll swell up just from thethyroid fucking really just yeah
, jacks you up, man.
Yeah, I got a picture in theresomewhere, but it's definitely a

(55:40):
lot of medicine I gotta be onnow because of that.
The high blood pressure runs inour family.
Diabetes runs in our families.
I was like man, I'm getting theshit in of every every which
way, you know.
So all I get to do is keep ongoing forward and try to do the
best I can.
Yeah that's.

Speaker 2 (56:00):
That's all any of us could do right oh yeah, you got
you.
You know you take the cardsyou're dealt with and try to
make the best of it.
Man, I feel bad for yourmedicine cabinet 17 different
pills Charles in one day.
Are you serious, 17?

Speaker 3 (56:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
That's tough man.

Speaker 3 (56:22):
It sucks, dude.
I don't wish this on nobody.
It is what it is.
I mean, I don't want to saythat, because it could be a lot
worse.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
You could be in the ground Right.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
I'm glad I'm still here.
I'll see my kids.
I don't take shit for granted.
I moved out.
I think I was 17 or 18.
Oh did you no.
I was actually 19.
And I had a one-bedroomapartment, no car, no, you know,

(56:55):
cell phones.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
How did you get to work?

Speaker 3 (56:57):
Cell phones was just barely.
I'm going to tell you right now.
I was working at my uncle'sshop.
Sometimes, dude, I had to walkdown 165th to client avenue.
Are you serious?

Speaker 2 (57:09):
he would pick me up on the sometimes you, you have
to do what you gotta do, and Idid that sucks, you know.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
And then, uh, saved up enough money.
Well, I got evicted out of theapartment, you know, because
rowdy ass friends broke thefront window and of course and
here I come home with a littletoolbox do a side job that night
the people running apartmentbuildings out there like we
gotta evict you.
So you know I'm thinking.
Mother fucker didn't want tomove back to my parents, so I

(57:42):
moved in my uncle's house okayhe lived in highland and uh,
nice, nice house, nice basement,didn't charge me no rent, but I
could never call off yeah, youknow I'm in this base.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
You had no reason get up here, no excuse man just if
if people don't know we're.
We're talking about places inum indiana.
Uh, I guess the easiest townyou would probably know would be
Gary, gary, indiana.
We're talking about EastChicago, whiting Highland, which

(58:14):
I guess you know, and I didn'tlearn until I went to college in
Bloomington that they call thisarea the region did you know
that yeah, I didn't know that Iwould go out there.
But hey, where you from.
East Chicago, oh, you're fromthe region.
I never knew why either and Ididn't know that I would go out
there.
But hey, where you from, I eatchicago.
Oh, you're from the region.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
The hell of the region either.
Yeah, and I don't know why soyeah, we're.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
We're from what I guess a lot of people call the
region.
Yeah, in that area.
So if you hear us talking abouttowns, and we're talking about
that area yeah, we're like what,what?

Speaker 3 (58:44):
15 minutes from Chicago?
Yeah, about a half hour fromdowntown.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
So that's where we're , the area that we stay in.
So you moved out with your momI was about 19.
Stayed in this apartment forwhat?
Maybe about a year, yeah.
And then you moved in with youruncle yeah, but then I'm
assuming once his business wentout, you weren't living with him

(59:10):
anymore.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
I was still there because I was still driving to
Chicago.
I got that job at the indoorauto mall, okay and fucking $10
an hour, which was good becauseit was 701 Union, and that's
when I got sick the first timewith the cancer and I was out of
work for a month I mean, theybacked me up good on that and

(59:34):
stayed in my uncle's basementfor quite a while.

Speaker 2 (59:37):
Yeah, you know like I said, it was cheap.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
To what you were 25, 26, 30?
.
I was 23-ish Okay.
Kind of around there.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
You say, for a while, that's like four years, A while
To me is like Eight ten years.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Yeah, it wasn't that long.
Okay, you would have threw meout, for sure.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
So you're about 24 when you yeah what was.
What was your first car thatyou bought Then?

Speaker 3 (01:00:05):
I bought Was a.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
Because you said you were driving to chicago.
So what were you that?
Was that a car that you bought?

Speaker 3 (01:00:12):
my very first car was a damn uh 78 impala I bought
off my dad.
Okay, for uh 650 working at thatlittle construction.
Okay, and no bullshit, charles,he would not let me take it.
I was down to 50 dollars.
It was a friday night, like hey, can I take the car?

(01:00:32):
Nope, really man.
So but that taught me a a valueto take care of your shit.
You paid for.
And I was turning wrenches inmy parents garage, you know here
and there.
But and then when I moved withmy uncle, I had my dad co-sign
for me and I got a real nicethunderbird at the time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
Nice so it was like everyone had a thunderbird
almost right, and it was a nicestep up from a rusted ass out 78
impala with a broken exhaustand you know, to this
thunderbird, got the windowstinted, put sounds in it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
You know, when you're young and you're all into that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
That's all you want is, uh, decals and stereo for
real dude, no matter whatgeneration.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
You want decals and stereo that's true.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
That's very true.
I got sounds in my escalate.
Still my ladies, I hit you.
Ever gonna take them out?
Hell?

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
no, I love my music so you moved out of your uncles
at about 24 yeah to say and thenthat's when you got your own
place yeah, because at thispoint have you met your?

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
old lady by this point.
We just started talking.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
And this was the year like towards the year of 99.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
I've known her since she was 14.
I was 16.
And my buddy's dog that bit me.
We met those girls underneath atree over in North Hammond
Underneath a tree.

Speaker 1 (01:02:07):
Yeah, for real, true story.
And he had a van at the time,me.
We met those girls underneaththe tree.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
Okay, over in north hammond underneath the tree yeah
, true story and, uh, he had avan at the time and we pull up
over there and he had sounds inthere and, yeah, and I was
always big my whole life and she, she's skinny little, you know,
hot girl, and she didn't talkto me so I was always mean to
her like fuck, fuck you know,show me your titties this and
that.
He was talking stupid to her andthen, when I found out she was

(01:02:31):
going through some things withher ex, I'm like man.
That's when you took youropportunity.
Hey, try to be nice you know,and then, soon as she would see,
I was in the backseat of mybuddy's car because her and his
girlfriend her name was Caroland Trisha were like good
friends.
So, yeah, we kind of startedtalking and I was still going to

(01:02:53):
the clubs, I was 23, and shewas 20, so she couldn't get in
and she had her own place, herown car.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Oh yeah, yeah, she was doing her own thing.
What was she doing at that?

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
age, a manager at Burger King.
Oh, okay, she's always been inand out of the Burger King scene
.
So I started talking to her andhit it off.
Good, New Year's Eve 99, in the2000s, we just hit it off real
good.
I actually let her shoot a gun.
Yeah, and teach you know, showher which way to shoot it and

(01:03:25):
this and that.
And teach you know, showing herwhich way to shoot it and this,
and that.
We got together and I kind ofmoved in with her and her little
two-bedroom house and I washalfway there and halfway
staying at my mom's, Okay, andthen we got our own place
together.
That's around the time when Igot sick the first time and I

(01:03:48):
was in that one-bedroomapartment and you know, this is
a whole another four or fiveyears later I moved back to
those apartments where I gotevicted from.
How funny is that?
Now my aunt and uncle arerunning the show over there, so
they let me back in.
Wow it just circles back.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
It was fucking slam.
It do Fucking slamming ham.

Speaker 3 (01:04:11):
It was definitely a different experience at that
time.
Cell phones wasn't real big.
So I remember I had the old assNikia.

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
With the snake game.

Speaker 3 (01:04:24):
Yeah, dude, Just man.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
The thing that never ran out of battery.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
For real.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
I don't ever remember charging that thing man.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
I stomped on that thing, yeah, ran it over, still
turned right back on like a catthat won't go away.
Just yeah, but we got togetherand hit it off and just took off
.
Ever since, we had our badtimes.
Everybody had their bad times.
If you're going to be withsomeone, for 20 plus years.

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
You're going to have good and bad times, absolutely
we stuck it on.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
Here we are.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
I think when someone says we've been happily married
for 30 plus years, it hasn'tbeen happy the whole time.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
You guys are lying, you guys are lying.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
Yeah, you guys are lying, I guarantee.
Maybe not guarantee, butthere's a high probability.
Sometime in that 30 years youguys either separated, almost
got a divorce.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
Right, like come on now.
It's true, and even you knowpeople going back our parents
ages or whatever, and times wasdifferent, like we said before,
you know.

Speaker 2 (01:05:29):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (01:05:29):
It's a lot easier, smoother.

Speaker 3 (01:05:31):
You ain't got all this.
How can I be better than you?
Yeah, or I drive a better car,nicer clothes, like just you
know.
Times has changed and she stuckby my side like through all the
sickness and getting hurtthat's hard to find I don't know
how many fucking jobs I lostthat's hard to find man.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
Yeah, yeah, it is because nowadays so many people
are ready to jump ship.
Oh yeah, because they don'twant to put the work in exactly
it and and I'll be honest,there's been.
That was kind of my mentalitytoo and just like kind of in
general like, and if somethinggot too hard I was ready to jump

(01:06:13):
shit and move on to somethingelse because it's easy.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
It's easy, exactly.
It's easy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:18):
You know like, yeah, I could definitely see that and
it could be something to thesmallest thing where it's just
playing a video game, and not besomething to the smallest thing
where it's just playing a videogame and not be able to beat it
and just going on to the nextone, to relationships in my
marriage where I'm like ready tojump ship because things were

(01:06:39):
not going well or not easy forme.

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
I could relate to that definitely yeah and it's.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
I'm just mad.
It took me almost 30 years tolearn, to learn that lesson to
like hey, just don't you knowit's to understand that it's a
lot easier to quit somethingright than to just work at it
work at it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:03):
Make it work?
Yeah, because definitely peoplejust fuck it.
I'm gone, you know, I I go buyall this again.
This ain't nothing, you know,and but in the back of your mind
you're like man, I fucked up.
Yeah, I'm just, I should havestayed, or should I make it work
?

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
you know that's what and that's why hindsight is 2020
and you I just that's why Ithink parenting is so freaking
hard, because it's like whateverexample you set sits in a kid's
mind and then, at the same time, it's so easy to blame other
people for your mistakes, foryour decisions, for your outcome

(01:07:42):
of life.
So easy to blame other peoplefor your mistakes, for your
decisions, from your, youroutcome of life.
So easy to blame other people.
You know it's you got.
You always see it all the time.
Somebody's life's in shamblesand then they say, well, my
father didn't love me, this isthe way I am.
Chances are that's not true.

(01:08:04):
No, it's the decisions you made.
Now.
Is there maybe, perhapspsychological things that happen
in your life that maybeprevents you from making certain
choices or makes you makecertain choices?
Yeah, I could see that, but Iit has to be like traumatic and,

(01:08:29):
in my opinion, right.
I mean a lot of times you hearoh, my parents divorced when I
was five and it fucked me up.
That's why I'm no good.
Or my my dad left me when I was, you know, eight.
That's why I'm not good.
But if, if your mother was a,was genuinely good to you and

(01:08:50):
did whatever she did to takecare of you, then your father
not being there should not putyou like.
If you're a meth head without ajob, right, you can't blame
that on your father not beingthere.

Speaker 3 (01:09:05):
No, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, saying you definitelydidn't learn it from him, right?

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
so and I understand, don't get me wrong.
Everybody's situation isdifferent everybody's
upbringings are different.
There's probably thousands ofvariables throughout your life
that happen, but at the end ofthe day, I think it's important
that you have to takeresponsibilities for your own

(01:09:32):
actions, for your own decisions,and if you fuck up then it's
your responsibility.
I agree to take care of it orto make it right or to fix it,
and I just think it, especiallynowadays, it's so much easier to
blame other people the blamegame yeah, and I believe it,

(01:09:53):
I've done it, I've I'veexperienced it, you know if you
didn't, you're lying

Speaker 3 (01:09:59):
yeah, absolutely and for someone to say oh, it ain't
hard life's, life's hard man, Idon't care who you are you sure
you got something going on?
I know I got something alwaysfucking going on fucking me up.
Somebody's always got somethinggoing on in their lives, like

(01:10:19):
that's why I don't fuck people,I don't pick on nobody.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
Just for that reason, like you said, because this
would be that one point thatthis motherfucker's gonna snap
and and I think many people havedifferent ways of handling
situations, just like how Iwon't name specifics, but like,
um, you know, if somebody makesa joke of everything, that's

(01:10:46):
their way of handling certainthings.
But is it the right way, thewrong way?
I don't think there's a set.

Speaker 3 (01:10:57):
I think like you said , because I know some people
like that and it's just thatthat's their mind frame of not
blowing it off but not showing.

Speaker 2 (01:11:07):
But at the same time time they're not handling it
heads on head on right, right,miss, shit, dude, I, if you just
took 10 random people off thestreet, lined them up, I I
probably bet a whole bunch ofmoney that eight out of those 10
people probably need therapy.
Oh, I'm sure I'm sure there'splenty of people out there that

(01:11:29):
could benefit and or needtherapy, because, at least for
me it's.
It's very hard for me to sharehow I'm feeling.
I'm the same like I don't know.
I don't know where you are, but, like me, low-key, I don't have
many friends like I'm not oneof those guys that could call up

(01:11:50):
a group of 12 guys and we go tovegas and have a great time
like I'm I hang out with my ladyand the kids dude yeah, other
than that honestly, I feltstrange coming over here,
because I get it not nothing bad, no, I know I don.

Speaker 3 (01:12:06):
I just always at home or my mom's house or the
in-laws and other than that, andmy wife is the total opposite.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
My wife total opposite.
Like I said, she loves tosocialize, she loves to be with
family, she loves to tell abouther day stuff at work.
Man, I barely tell her aboutanything that's going on at work
or with myself, like she has tocheck in with me.
She has to sit down and be likelet's check in how you feeling,

(01:12:35):
you know, like is thereanything you need to talk about?
Like low-key man, I don't.
I just don't express myself likethat and honestly, I don't, and
I think about it.
I don't know where it came from.
Is it because?
Could it be because my dad leftwhen I was you know eight?
Is it?
Is it because I don't have arelationship with him now?

(01:12:58):
Is it because I never, you know, at a young age I never
accepted my stepdad as a dad andall this shit?
But that's me trying to go backand blame somebody or just
trying to figure out why the wayI am and at least you're owning

(01:13:20):
up to it.

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
It ain't like you're hiding it no, I don't try to and
like you said it could, becauseyou keep everything so bottled
up and just don't snap off oneday and I don't, and that's
another thing too.

Speaker 2 (01:13:35):
It takes a lot for me to like, snap and like in like
an anger rage, like I could takea lot of uh, I could take a lot
of criticism.
I could take a lot of criticism.
I could take a lot of sarcasm.
I could take a lot of likebullying before like I get so
enraged that I snap.

(01:13:56):
I think I've only snapped offin two times in my life that I
can remember that anger has gotthe best of me.
It doesn't happen very long,like I learned at a young age in
school, like the whole bullyingthing let it slide off, I like,
to the point where you learn tojust make fun of yourself with

(01:14:17):
them, yeah, and then theyeventually it stops being funny
for them and that's kind of mysame thing too, like for joking
or something you said I'll I'llcut myself hell yeah, you know
we're all laughing around.

Speaker 3 (01:14:29):
You know, I'm not.
I'm not better than you, I'mnot above you, hell yeah I'm
here right by your side ifanything.
But you know, and you got somepeople like that, just I'm
better than you.
I'm, I, I could do this man itdon't matter it not matter.
We're still in thismotherfucker all together on
this earth, fucked up or not.

Speaker 2 (01:14:50):
Some people just want to get a rise out of people
because I think it makes themfeel better about themselves.
It's true.
And statistically it's probablytrue.
The people that are bulliesmost likely have something
fucked up with them at home.

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
Yeah, it probably does most likely have something
fucked up with them at home.

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
Yeah, they probably have an abusive dad or a drunken
mom or something.
Their parents just probablywent through a divorce.
They may have siblings that aremore praised than them and they
take that shit out on peoplethey can.
The more less vulnerable youknow, or the more the weaker

(01:15:31):
people.

Speaker 3 (01:15:31):
Let's say that right and that's what happened up my I
got the shit in of my sisterand brothers and maybe maybe he
thought that way and or ormistreat this one, but not, you
know.
Let me baby my kids and me.
To this day I've never hit mykids.

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
I want to fuck, just blood, but like I've never hit
never, see never I get and andsee, and that could be a
bringing thing, because you wereabused, right, and maybe now
you psych out.
I you know you think right,that's not what an adult should
do to you.
Another kid but as myupbringing, my mom was a single

(01:16:15):
mom.
For a long time there was noman influence, so she had to get
a belt and whoop the shit outof me.

Speaker 3 (01:16:22):
Yeah, there's been times my mom would bust loose on
us, and let me one time she uhstraightened out a steel
co-hanger and dude fucking shelit us up and I I had the covers
like this and I remember got myfingers, that's why I remember
it.
And then she went in her room.

(01:16:43):
She started crying.
Yeah, because.
So the next morning we're likemom.
Why was you crying?
Oh, because I had to hit youguys.

Speaker 2 (01:16:52):
Well, don't hit us, she's probably thinking quit
pissing me off.
Yeah, exactly, before I let yougo, what's?
What's one thing either youwant to let whoever's listening
to know, or what's like yourbiggest thing that you've

(01:17:14):
learned in your lifetime.
That may benefit somebody, itcould somebody else.
It could be young, old aroundour age.

Speaker 3 (01:17:22):
However well, like I said, don't never think it won't
happen to you.
Oh, I won't get in this caraccident or this can't happen to
me, because it could happen toyou and I'm walking shit I've
been through.
I don't wish on nobody and justdo the best you can, because

(01:17:44):
life is not promised.
You know, like I said, I have ahard time falling asleep
because I'm afraid I'm not gonnawake up and that just sticks in
your head.
You're not gonna wake up,you're not gonna see your family
tomorrow.
So then I'm like all fuckingnight and just never give up.
Man, like I don't want to soundlike after after-school special

(01:18:06):
, but it's the truth.
Like I wish I could do more forpeople, just in the good, and
show other people like, hey,give a little bit of respect,
you get a lot of respect.

Speaker 2 (01:18:21):
I think that's a good advice for the younger.

Speaker 3 (01:18:23):
I don't fuck with people because you don't know
what that person's going through.
I agree with you and I don'twant to be the one to get shot
for making fun of somebody orcalling them names, just and you
, we see it all the time youknow, or get get shot over a
road.

Speaker 2 (01:18:40):
Rage fight because exactly that person had a bad
week of work.

Speaker 3 (01:18:46):
Yes, you were the first person to tip them over.
You just got in an argumentwith your wife.
Yep, your kids are pissing youoff, man.
I try to let that just breathe,man.

Speaker 2 (01:19:00):
Let it roll off the back.

Speaker 3 (01:19:01):
You got you, bro, you got you, I get it it just, life
is already rough.
I don't care who you are.
I'll say it again just anythingcan happen to anybody.
It's just, it's sad to say itthat way.
But man, I I'm glad I'm stillalive.
I love god, just glad I got myfamily, a couple little friends.

(01:19:24):
I do got like you, and I don'ttalk to a lot of people because
I keep just like this you know Igotta keep inside and I just I
don't know, I I don't wantnothing bad to come to anybody,
because they're the backfire onyou my luck it will well, I
appreciate you uh coming on manhey I appreciate.

Speaker 2 (01:19:46):
Definitely learned a lot about you.
Definitely have a differentperspective about you.
I respect you dude, I do Beforewe cut it off.
Is there anything you want totalk about?
Is there anything you want tobring up that maybe I didn't
mention, or maybe there wassomething you really wanted to
talk about and hope that Ibrought it up, if you don't feel

(01:20:10):
like you have to say somethingbecause we've talked a lot today
.
But just in case, if you wantedto talk about anything specific
and then we didn't hit, we coulddefinitely.
I don't care, I'll spendanother hour talking.

Speaker 3 (01:20:23):
No, actually I want to get time to think about
things and what I really like Isaid my first time, your first
time, yeah, I appreciate youletting me get things off my
head and my chest and uh, hope Icome back on there and talk to
you again and just just somethings I want to think about and

(01:20:43):
that's cool with me a betterway of telling you not just
killing air time, you know thatsounds good with me.

Speaker 2 (01:20:50):
All right, for sure, man thanks.

Speaker 3 (01:20:52):
All right brother, thank you.