High School Memories w/ Matt Paul

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
As a saying goes, it ain't cocky if you back it up.
This is Confident, not Cocky.
The show where boldconversations meet relatable
real-life experiences.
Hosted by Charles Campos Jr,this podcast brings you
everything from the latesttrends in news to personal

(00:23):
stories that make you laugh,reflect and maybe even get a
little emotional.
Whether it's Charles flyingsolo or chopping it up with
special guests, nothing's offthe table and it's always
straight talk, real and raw, nofilter.
So get ready for a ride that'sas fun as it is real.

(00:44):
So get ready for a ride that'sas fun as it is real.
This is Confident, not Cocky,and this is your host, charles
Campos.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Jr.
All right, Welcome back y'all.
I have a special guest here.
I went to high school with thisgentleman and he's taking the
time out of his very busyschedule to come hang out with
me for a little bit and go aheadand give your name.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
All right, my name is Matthew Paul.
That's my government.
I go by Matt Paul Matt.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Paul, and what does my wife call you?
Mateo?
Mateo A funny, does my wifecall you, mateo, mateo.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Hey, funny story about that, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
My mom calls me Mateo bro, does she oh?

Speaker 2 (01:32):
it sticks.
And where did she get that from?
Because my wife got it from,because you guys were in Spanish
class in high school, right?
Where does your mom get it from?

Speaker 3 (01:40):
I don't know.
She's been calling me thatsince high school, really, so in
some kind of way, I'm sureJessica had some kind of play on
that.
But yeah, I've been Mateo for aminute.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
They know me that at the job.
Oh, so that carries with you.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
My license plate say Mateo.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Does it really so?
You embraced it, full on,embraced it, right, that's just
me.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
That's awesome that's awesome.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
That's awesome, yeah, because I had a string of
nicknames, because in the highschool you knew me as carlos all
right, you as campos camposright so I went by campos carlos
, I think.
Not until my adulthood Istopped going by Carlos, and

(02:30):
even back in high school, whenfriends or peers found out my
name was Charles, they couldn'tbelieve it.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, it shocked me.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
It would shock people .
I get it Charles.
I'm Hispanic.
You don't think I would looklike a Charles.

(03:08):
So and I think when I wasyounger I was self like you know
what, let me go by carlos.
He goes by carlos because evenmy dad's name not even he, his
government name's not evencarlos because I'm a junior.
So my dad's name is charles.
I go by carlos because I didn'tlike my name and then people
when they found out, they justwere dumbfounded by the fact
that you're charles.
No, I'm like yeah unfortunatelyI am so.

(03:31):
But even growing up, high school, college, I introduced myself
as carlos, so people had no likequestioning about my name
because I yeah I introducedmyself as carlos and but yeah,
string of nicknames.
People couldn't believe my realname.

(03:51):
I hated my name, but now thatI'm older I'm in more of a
setting in my career.
I just go by charles, introducemyself myself as Charles.
That way there's no issues downthe road.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
So I got a crazy story about nicknames Okay, All
my life as a child, I should say.
In my childhood we had ababysitter that wanted to
nickname everybody.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
So my brother had a nickname, my sisters had
nicknames, but they could nevercome up with a nickname for me
so it was the babysitter thatwould kind of hand these
nicknames nicknames out and theystuck but never could give you
a good one never could give meone.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
it was just matt, you know, and they're like oh,
that's just Matt.
And I'm like well, that's not anickname, my brother was KJ.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
KJ all right.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
His name is Sherman Paul, so KJ was way better, you
know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then my sister.
There was Riri Rachie and thenBecca, but they had other
nicknames for her Me.
Couldn't come up with nothinguntil I came into adulthood,
mateo came around in high schoolbut that's just my name in

(05:09):
spanish, right, you know, uh.
But now, bro, I mean, I got, I'mknown by so much.
I know him by my middle namestrictly.
If they was to hear matt, theywouldn't even know who it is
really, but are you introducingyourself by your middle name?

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Like how does somebody get so stuck on your
middle name and just forgetabout your first name?
Like how does that happen?
Just like somebody just keptcalling you by your middle name
and coworkers or whoever justheard it and just hooked, or how
did how did that come about?

Speaker 3 (05:50):
so so you know first impressions, are sure what they
call it um important,everlasting oh yeah, yeah sure
they they have big impact.
So, like in high school, I usedto actually wear a chain and it
said Leon, which is my middlename.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Okay, All right, I see.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
So you know some people, instead of asking what
your name is, they just went offof what your jury said.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
I get that To this day.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
That's all you know.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
I get that already said.
Yeah, I get that to this day.
That's all you know.
I I get that.
Speaking of a high school, Idid want to talk to you just in
general because we we did go tomerrillville high school,
indiana, class of 2008.
I just kind of curious becauseit's not like we ran with the
same people.
It's not like we ran with thesame people.
It's not like we really ranwith the same cliques.

(06:47):
Generally, honestly, if I'mbeing honest, I think you were
probably, grade-wise, maybe onelevel above me, because I know
you did advanced classes with mywife and so I just want to get
your kind of opinion orexperience.

(07:07):
How was your high schoolexperience?
Because I knew you, I knew whoyou were, we were cool, we
weren't like boys where we hungout on the weekends or or
anything like that, like that.
But how was your overall highschool experience?

Speaker 3 (07:29):
So this is something I had to come to grips with, uh,
shortly after high school.
I want to say in my college, mylatter years of college, uh,
that I was a lame like I meanand I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
Okay, like I understand, you might feel like
like that by yourself, but likein the perspective, I guess now
looking back, you, like peoplewould say that you had your head
on right, like you knew whatyou were doing, you were focused
on your grades, you followedthe rules.

(08:06):
You you did what you had to doto get good grades and make a
positive influence on your life.
And now I don't.
That's probably what everybodyshould do, but you know as much
as I do high school is a crazybeast, yeah, crazy environment.
But so you say you thought youwere a lame because for what

(08:31):
reason?

Speaker 3 (08:32):
so when I say lame, let me, let me dig deep into
that.
Okay, not so much in a group,like I knew there was people
that was with me, yeah, I knewthere was people that was with
me.
Yeah, I knew there was peoplethat was just for me yeah, uh,
and some people that was justbypassing, I could say when I

(08:54):
graduated I was the onlyindividual that I noticed could
actually shake everybody's handon the platform.
You had your golfh, you haveyour jocks, you got your preps,
you had your valedictoriansalute, I.

(09:14):
I knew pretty much everybody.
It related to everybody.
What I mean by lame was I grewup in a very strict household
okay I, I kind of see how that'scome over.
Okay, go ahead, so I I couldn'tgo to the dance, I wasn't at the

(09:36):
football games, the basketballgames so that wasn't by choice,
necessarily.
It was because your strict homeyou weren't really allowed to
go to extra activities outsideof school oh yeah, I remember in
grade school I wanted to go toa neighbor's birthday party and,
uh, the statement was well, wedon't know the parents, so right

(10:00):
, and I get that.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
I get that, of course , so you know you don't have to
go too deep into your parents.
But like, was that coming fromlike a religious background?
Was that just coming from apure academic background?
Like, hey, we want you to stayfocused in school, we don't want
you distracted outside ofschool, so you can't do any, any

(10:26):
of that extra stuff.
So where where was that comingfrom as far as your parents
perspectives, although, I hateto say, but it's 100 religious
you think so?
oh well, you think so, I knowyou know, so I could get you
that, no, I get.
So.
Were they more like, just likethat old school generation type

(10:48):
of parent, parental?

Speaker 3 (10:50):
Yeah, I would say old school.
That was their mechanism forprotecting me so to speak?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah, Are you the youngest, oldest or middle of
your siblings At all?

Speaker 3 (11:02):
She passed away.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
Sorry to hear that.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Oh, no problems, man, I I appreciate her um.
And then I have an olderbrother, then it's me, then I
have three younger uh sistersokay.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
So as growing up, was that consistent among your you
and your siblings as far asdoing extra stuff outside,
outside of school?
Or like, because you were theoldest or second oldest, maybe
the last two younger siblingsgot a little bit little bit more
freedom, or was it consistentall those years?

Speaker 3 (11:39):
oh, 100.
You could see that coming amile away.
My, my brother, was a rebel Ofcourse there's always one.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
He made a way.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
If he was going to go hang out, he was going to hang
out For sure.
I mean not trying to put hisbusiness out there, but he
wasn't mine.
He used to steal a car and parkit right back where he got it
from Nobody knew.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
So like a straight risk taker yeah you know, did he
ever get like booked foranything like that, or just no,
just okay crazy that dude nevergot caught up, lucky yeah right,
I know, let it be me.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah, uh, but I was a .
I was a straight shooter, I wasa people pleaser.
I always want to please my dad.
I looked up to him so I neverdid take that risk.
But as time came on, I believethe last actually were able to
experience going out and hangingout with friends at school

(12:38):
events and whatnot.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
So it's just age, I think they matured as parents
because there there's no rulebooks for parenting absolutely.
You're always the moststrictest and more serious about
your first older and born andthen I could.
I could contend to that likeI'm on my third child.
First child was like no, wegotta do everything by the book.

(13:00):
He's not do anything.
That's unsafe.
And by time the third childcomes like oh, she's playing
with forks and knives, I shallbe okay that's, that's how
that's a butter knife no, I, Iget that.
So, as you growing up throughhigh school and into your
adulthood, did you ever resentyour parents for not letting you

(13:24):
do extra stuff like that?
Or it was just like hey, I lovemy parents.
That suck, but you know lifegoes on.
Did you have any reason resentlike that?

Speaker 3 (13:33):
now that that's a big question you don't have to go.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
No, I'm gonna go into it.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
I like this okay so uh.
Okay, so growing up I had noreason.
Good Reason being I had nounderstanding.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
So I didn't know that I was a man and I had to think
on my own.
You know your parents arethinking for you until you get a
certain age.
But even after high school Iwanted to please my dad.

(14:12):
I always wanted to please mydad.
Totally understand that.
But the moment I thought formyself and went against the
grain and went against the grain, oh there it is, dog boom,
there it is and I won'tnecessarily say I resented them,

(14:32):
but it gave me an understandingof where I should be and how
far off track or off course ofmaturity that I was at.
Okay, that makes sense.
Ultimately it how far?

Speaker 2 (14:45):
off track or off course of maturity that I was at
.
Yeah, okay, that makes sense.
It ultimately it, whateverexperience anybody goes through,
whatever choices that person ortheir parents make for
themselves, ultimately shapesthe person that you become as an
adult, and that's just one ofthe things your parents did that

(15:06):
shaped the way you are now, andsometimes it's for the good,
sometimes it's for the bad,sometimes it's neutral and hey,
it's just part of life, nothingmuch you could do about it, if
anything.
So you got three kids or yougot one on the way I do have one
.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
You do have one of the congratulations.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
So now that makes how many four, I know, bro, the
grocery bill I bet, dude, Ialready know that I got, like I
said, I got three, but so nowthat you have, you're going to
have four kids.
That's kind of going to makeyou think when they get to high

(15:49):
school, like, are you going toyou think you're going to be
really protective or are yougoing to go against the grain of
what your parents did to youand your brother and sisters?

Speaker 3 (16:09):
you and your brother and sisters.
So actually recently, uh,working at the mill, I had an
understanding that my childhoodwas the best for me is that so?
oh yeah, so I actuallyappreciate the way I grew up.
Um, as far as being able tostand out from everybody else, I
felt like I was alwaysdifferent, not in a bad sense,

(16:31):
but in a different section, andeven now at work I move
different.
So I wouldn't necessarily saythat I resented.
I can actually say I canappreciate it only because it
came with understanding of whythey were doing what they were
doing and that takes growing up,to see it, realize it, ponder

(16:57):
on it and learn from it but withmy kids I don't see myself
doing that, for the simple factthat when my first born I didn't
have the same views that theydid.
Uh, I was able to loosen thereins from the rip.
Yeah, I think.

(17:18):
I think when, when you get afull understanding of how things
work and how people work,you're able to make clear
judgments prior to actuallyhaving to be in a situation.
So like my wife won't know howmy son is going to come out.

(17:39):
She just know I got a son,whereas I'm thinking 10 years
down the road.
I don't want my, my boy to be agirl.
You know I need.
I got a son, whereas I'mthinking 10 years down the road.
I don't want my boy to be agirl, I need him to be a man.
You know what I'm saying.
I don't want him to be wimpedout, so I can't treat him like
this.
So I'm thinking years inadvance.
So I got to maneuver in thatway, and I'm glad I did, because

(18:01):
this kid bro, he is brilliant.
Good glad I did, because thiskid bro, he is brilliant.
Good, I mean, he's far beyondhis age, uh, and and it shows.
So I'm glad that that helped meto see.
All right now.
You can't look at now, becauseback then I was mad that I
missed out, I couldn't date oranything like that.

(18:22):
But now I can see, like, allright, long run it had its
effects and this is how itaffected.
So now let me look at the longrun and see what I do now, how
it may affect him and I don'tsay I get it 100%.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
No, like I said there's no right or wrong or
rule book for parenting.
Yeah, they have parental booksand stuff like that from
so-called quote-unquote experts.

Speaker 3 (18:52):
Professionals yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Man, kids are so different in their own way and
every generation, each kid'sgoing to grow up slightly
different and, man, you kind ofhave to go like roll with the
punches and, like you said, youcould plan for, like, okay, this
is, this is what I want for myson, my daughter, this is the

(19:16):
plan I kind of want them tofollow.
But as they grow up, like youdon't know how they're gonna
turn, what their interests are.
That's good.
It seems like you, instead ofresenting or using your high
school years, or even maybegrade school years, you use that

(19:40):
to your advantage to learn andturn that into a positive with
your kids now.
And that's great, dude.
A lot of people can't do that.
Either they're not capable ofdoing it or they don't realize
what the effects on theirchildren are.

(20:01):
Their children are.
So the fact that you couldvisualize and realize and see
all that shit and put that intoa positive spin, that's that's
great man.
I applaud you for that becauseI appreciate you and a lot of
people I don't think in myopinion, know how to do that or
even want to even take the timeto that.

(20:22):
A lot of people just likeblaming oh, daddy didn't love me
.
Mommy didn't do this, daddy didthat, so it's not my fault.
So blah, blah, blah.
But I mean to turn that.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
Yeah, man, that that's really good well, I, I
can't, I can't take a lot ofcredit for that.
That, that is research thatI've done, so like I'm heavy
into leadership books JohnMaxwell is one of mine.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
You can't take credit for that, because you took the
initiative to research andbetter yourself, better your
mind, and to help yourself andto help your kids.
So don't be modest.
I hear you.
You can take credit because youdid the work.
You can take credit because youdid the work.
You did the extra work thatwasn't required by you.

(21:11):
You just want to be a betterperson and be a better father
and learn those important traitsthat you could instill into
your kids.
So, yeah, man, fuck you dude,take that.
Don't be modest, you take allthe credit absolutely.
So kind of sidetrack from thehigh school years.

(21:32):
So, overall, did you enjoy yourhigh school all four years?
Did you enjoy it?
Or was it like a roller coasterup and down?
Or you're just like man, I'mglad to get out of high school.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
High school really didn't have an effect.
There was a very few peoplethat that really impacted me in
high school Was there liketeachers or peers, or peers and
teachers.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
That impact you and, if so, how?

Speaker 3 (22:08):
a little of both um mainly mrs rowe.
I know a lot of people didn'tlike her that was.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
Was that the calculus teacher?

Speaker 3 (22:19):
no, she was um.
I think not economics business.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
It's okay, but I was just trying to picture in my
head.
But go ahead, ms Rowe.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, she really.
Most of my teachers, I'm sorry,most of my teachers actually
spoke life into me.
They thought I was a brilliantkid when I, when I first got to
high school um, and I know yousaid I took advanced classes.
But it didn't start that way.

(22:52):
The way it started was ateacher seeing my potential and
was like all right, look, weneed to challenge them.
So sophomore year, my teacher,mr staley, he says, uh, hey, I'm
gonna double you up on mathclasses.
Uh, I really think you can geta strong c in both of them, but

(23:14):
I feel like we're notchallenging you enough.
I said, okay, well, let's do it.
Man, I doubled up math classes,aced both classes.
We were having competition as asophomore, I was having
competitions with juniors andseniors and tutoring at the same

(23:35):
time.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Wait, you were tutoring people.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
I was tutoring.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
Damn okay.
I didn't know you were thatsmart, honestly.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
I mean, I wasn't that smart, I was just good with
numbers.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
Okay, all right, I see what you're coming from,
because you put me in Englishclass when I fell a paper in the
heartbeat.
Okay, so you had a strong suit.
Oh yeah, you were really goodat it and it was numbers.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
Yeah.
So my teachers.
Like Mrs Rowe.
She really seen something in meand I think some of the
principles that she instilled inme I still use today.
She's pushing me to actuallystart my business, so I'm
hopefully soon start a designerbusiness.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
Yeah, we'll go on.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
We'll probably ain't go on no details with that
circle or however you want, howmuch you want to talk about it.
But were you taking likecollege level classes, like in
your junior and senior year?
No just just an advanced classjust advanced math.
Okay, Also nothing else.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
Nothing else, just the math, just math.
So, when you went to college,did you pursue math, numbers,
finances, anything?
Like that, since you were sostrong in it, my pursuit was

(25:04):
accounting Okay.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Which I probably should have never did.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
That was so boring, okay.
But when I got to college I hadto take a placement test and I
aced out of my math classes, soI had nothing but problem stats
to take.
But college is a whole notherstory so, yeah, it was a strong
point.
It was leading me into afinancial background, which I

(25:29):
could have seen happen, and Iwas having etiquette dinners
with fortune 500 company ceosand yeah, I I was probably the
only one would uh office next tothe president for career
development.
I gave all that up just to cometo US Steel.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
Hey, life sometimes just has a way of falling in
places or having pieces justfall into places that you just
never seen coming.
And I get that.
I'm kind of the same way and Iguess my experience in high
school was probably completelydifferent.

(26:14):
I think growing up I was mostlyraised by my mother for at
least half of my life and thenof course she remarried and we
moved to crown point,merrillville and I've said it

(26:35):
before on other episodes, Inever really took hold of
accepting my stepdad as like myfather and I think they kind of
messed me up a little bit, notto the point where I was super
like rebellious, but I probablyhad a lot more freedom than I

(26:58):
should have and like parties andjust going out, and you know I
had a curfew but I was able togo to sleepovers, hang out with
friends and do all that stuff.
And high school I guess I wouldsay I was.
I was kind of maybe in the inthe middle, mid, lower tier,

(27:21):
because in my opinion and youcould correct me if I'm wrong,
but I wasn't I wasn't like jockpopular, I wasn't in like the
low rank where I didn't have anyfriends or like a loner or
anything that I play sports.
I believe I knew most of thekids in our grade or even upper

(27:47):
grade.
I think I kept my name outthere as much as I could.
As far as just being like acool guy cool, chill guy and I
was always the class clown,always got to make people laugh.
Try to be the cool dude, uh,try to get as many friends.
And I'll be honest, like I wasbullied even up to high school,

(28:12):
like even in my younger years.
Uh, I think I could go as backas fourth grade, maybe fifth
grade, shit.
I I went to catholic schoolback in the day and I there I
still have memories of beingbullied back then.
So I have a history of beingbullied.

(28:35):
And even in high school,because I wasn't the like the
heaviest guy but I wasn't skinnyeither, I was short, so I was
like a stocky dude, so like Iwasn't the easiest target but I
was still a target from here andthere and I had my group of

(28:56):
friends and I knew a bunch ofpeople outside of my circle and
I definitely listening to howyou went through it.
It's totally different on how Iwent through it and it just
shows like different parentalstrategies of how to raise your
kid and man, like, like I said,I probably shouldn't have that

(29:21):
much freedom because, like Ialways wanted to do something
other than stay focused on mygrades, I think I had to take,
like I had to retake two orthree classes because I wanted
to get, like that, graduate withhonors.
And like there was like two,three classes that I failed,

(29:43):
that I had to retake if I wantedto get a C or better or
whatever bullshit.
But kind of come circle back.
Do you know, and I'm curious,was there any ever like rumors
or any whispers or anything youheard about me, specifically in

(30:04):
high school?

Speaker 3 (30:04):
All right, whispers or anything you heard about me
specifically in high school.
All right, so if you allow me,can I answer your question?
Yeah, and then I'm going tothrow you a thought.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
So the answer is no.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
But I hear you talk about your, your experience in
high school and I One thing Ilive by.
This is one of my principlesthat I live by and all that I
get in get an understanding.
If you have an understandingyou can kind of have a better
judgment in how you respond.

(30:40):
So this is the first time Iactually heard how you viewed me
in high school, heard how youviewed me in high school.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
Man people views of you on high school seems like,
well, it's like everythingalmost to you at that at that
time at that, yeah, yeah but itseems like most people views are
far different from yours now.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
Now I'm going to tell you my view of yours, or of you
.
In high school, I thought youwas the man low-key.
I don't know if you rememberthis, but every time I seen you
it was Capos what up, but he wasthat dude.
They had the jocks for baseballteam.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
Yeah, football.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
Football.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Basketball football.
Yeah, yeah, you know so you wasin.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
You was in the baseball team.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, and the wrestling right yeah, I did that
for a few years yeah yeah, solike you was that dude to me.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
You nobody thought about graves.
It was like oh man, good time,good laugh, that's all you
needed.
He was somebody cool.
You was cool with me.
You was cool with me, I wascool with you.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
The more we talk about our high school experience
, the more like I'm thinkingright now and I'm like man, I
was a type of person who I thinkself-consciously I wanted my
name to be out there, so that'swhy I I was always like, try to
be funny in class, try to saythese you know crazy things in

(32:12):
the hall, or try to be cool witheverybody, just like he says,
hey, campos, I'm like, oh, whatup.
Like just try to be, you know,not necessarily like be someone,
because I never like hadaspirations to be the guy like
the Mr Popular, like I neverwanted to be like prom king and

(32:36):
stuff like that, like I didn'treally care about that, but at
the same time I didn't want tobe known as the short, chubby
Mexican dude who's likesometimes funny.
So I think, but I think that'sa dangerous situation sometimes
because I might have fell intosome like probably more peer

(33:01):
pressure than I should have andso like I think I take that now
and try to instill that into myoldest right now, because he's
climbing through, he's I believehe's in third grade, fourth
grade, it's terrible that Idon't know, but he's climbing
through where he's gonna be ahigh schooler and shit in three

(33:24):
years yeah, like three, fouryears he's gonna be a high
schooler and I think that isdangerous.
When you try to be mr popular orwhen you try to make a name for
yourself, you could putyourself in situations that's
probably not the smartest, uh,that that could be anywhere from

(33:45):
smoking cigarettes, taking adrink of alcohol or skipping
school and getting in troublethat way.
But I think because I hadfreedom to kind of do what I
want and and don't get me wrongmy mother was, she was very, she

(34:07):
was strict to the point whereif I fucked up I would get with
the belt.
I get my phone taken away,games taken away.
So I think her strategy waslike I want him to have fun and
experience or make memories inhigh school, but if he fucks up,
I'm going to make sure he knowsthat he fucks up and I think

(34:31):
there's a balance to that.
But if, if it's not closelyregulated, then I think that a
kid could kind of get consumedwith being the man and then
grades start to slip and thenit's harder to rain, rain back

(34:52):
in because like, like now, Ithink I'm tough shit, I'm like
fuck these grades or I'd rathergo to a party this weekend
rather than study, because I gota d in history but and stuff
like that.
So but I think, like I saidearlier, our experiences from

(35:14):
childhood, high school and fromwhat we were taught, how we were
raised, shapes us.
Our decisions we make, shapesus as the person we are, and I
think, of course and every good,decent parent wants their
children to have a better lifethan we did.

(35:35):
So we want to, you know,instill what we learn into our
children and it's just different.
We mean you pretty much had theopposite experiences in high
school and hell, when I, I misshigh school just for the fact

(35:55):
that it was fun, you know, andyou got a different experience,
as I do, same as my wife, whowent to high school with us,
would have a same or a differentexperience.
But overall it's, it's part ofwhat shapes us as an adult and

(36:15):
but I kind of to add to what youwere saying.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
I know you said that, uh, it might put you in
situations where you're prone topeer pressure, but the way I
look at it is you.
You make yourself vulnerable tochallenges that you may not be
ready for that I.
That's a good way and somepeople are ready for, so they

(36:42):
can succeed with acting that way.
But some people are are not soit just depends on that DNA.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
And it also goes back to parenting right.
If you prepare your children forthings that might come up.
They probably won't know atthat moment what to exactly do
or what's the best choice.
But if we talk to our kidsbefore it happens they leave,

(37:11):
they can at least think about itand maybe make a better
decision, rather than someonewho's never talked to their
child about, you know, sex,drugs, alcohol, peer pressure,
bullying, uh, anything strangerdanger I mean.
If you don't talk to your kidsabout it, then they, they're

(37:32):
never gonna know what to even todo or even to think about what
to do in those situations.
So I think I try to telllorenzo my oldest stuff like hey
, this is stuff that may come up.
Make good decisions.
If you're not sure, just ask me.
And I I solely believe that Itell him that hey, and this

(37:56):
might not be until he's older,in high school.
But like, hey, bro, if you'reat a party or someone's house
and like if you snuck off andlike I don't know, I think
you're somewhere, but you'resomewhere else and someone
fucking brings out cocaine oralcohol or weed and you're,
you're not comfortable, or ifyou're not sure what to do, call

(38:20):
me dude, I might be pissed thatyou lied and you're doing
something that you're notsupposed to do, but me being
pissed and maybe me taking yourphone away for a week.
It's gonna be a lot better thanif you end up taking that drug
and something happens to you, orif someone gets hurt, or, like

(38:42):
with alcohol, if you drink orsomeone drinks and you're
driving and something happens.
10 times worse than you justcalling me up, me lecturing you
and me taking your phone away,like so I I really try to push
that into him and I'm gonna pushit into my other kids, like
guys call me and your mother,like don't worry about being in

(39:06):
trouble, because you may getyourself into a situation that
you may not be able to get outof.
You know, ie uh, going to jailor getting a criminal record or
getting into a drunk drivingaccident or getting getting into
an accident at all.
So yeah.

(39:26):
I think it's important forparents to not lecture like all
the time, but just say, hey,this could happen, like if it
does talk to me, and then maybe,when they get closer to high
school or older, like, hey,remember how we talked about

(39:46):
blah, blah, blah.
So I think that's reallyimportant when it comes to these
kids making better decisions.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
Now what's cool about that is that has to be a
cultural thing, because my wife,she's German, white German,
however you want to look at it,white german however you want to

(40:16):
look at it, and that wassomething I had to learn how to
work with was her being so openwith my son and what I like,
just what?

Speaker 2 (40:21):
like?
Just a little bit of content,what you mean, a little content.

Speaker 3 (40:23):
But what I mean by being open is having discussions
about race, okay, havingdiscussions about feelings?
Uh, she's already started sextalk at a young age he's seven
okay, I mean that could be, youknow, controversial to some

(40:47):
people, but well, the reason whyI say that it helped me is
because at first I was againstit.
Man, I grew up in a householdwhere my parents was like you're
a child, stay in a child'splace stay out of grown folks.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Well, you also grew up in a religious household, so
I didn't grow up religious, butisn't like that's a stigma for
religious families to not?

Speaker 3 (41:12):
talk about sex.
No, that's black culture tostay out of grown folks business
.
But as far as sex, what I meanby that is like the male anatomy
.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
Who might ask a question like hey, why does this
feel like this?
Sure, you know she has to.
Well, well, let's call your dadand I'm like I don't want to
talk to them about that, like Iain't ready for that.
She's like well, you need tobecause I can't talk to him
about it.
Yeah and uh, we haveconversations like that, but
what I see the repayment is whenhe does something wrong, he

(41:50):
admits it he opens up.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
That's a good quality to have.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
He has dialogue he can express his feelings, like
recently, he's struggling withbeing alone at school what do
you mean?

Speaker 2 (42:06):
being alone, like just no friends?

Speaker 3 (42:08):
he'll go to the lunch table and he'll be by himself.
It's people that he calledfriends will call him trash and
yeah, he's dealing with bullyingat this age, but he don't have
an outlet.
But the reason why is and I'mtrying to teach him is because
you're on a different level whenI say this dude is brilliant.

(42:32):
He will take paper and glue andmake any kind of gun you want,
put a silencer on it, what?
Really, I'm dead serious.
He can take paper and make jetsairplanes.
Hey Dad, I'm going to make aloop like this and he'll do it.
Or hey Dad, I'm going to make aloop like this and he'll do it.

(42:52):
Or hey dad, I'm gonna make aloop and then turn.
Damn, I mean, bro, he blows meaway.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
He made, uh, rubber band blasters out of paper and
glue awesome yeah, isn't itfucked up and like in our
society that someone who'sintellectually on a different
level can't just somehow fitinto society, Because you have

(43:19):
people who will see that as well?

Speaker 1 (43:22):
he's not normal.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Or they see it as a threat, or he's weird because
he's doing this.
Well, his mind is on adifferent level, he gets
stimulated, different than youdo.
But people, kids, specificallykids, because kids are assholes
and but they see that and it andyou hear it all the time

(43:45):
brilliant kids, smart kids orkids that IQs are through the
roof, they don't fit into justregular society and it sucks for
them because then they gothrough, like you said, bullying
, being alone, just like kind ofbeing an outcast.

(44:06):
but they're the ones that, 20years from now, are winning
nobel prizes and, you know,making a change for the world
because their mind is so farit's so far advanced, but it
just sucks that we as a society,especially kids, can't identify

(44:28):
that and be like, hey, man,this kid's really special, we
should probably bring him in andhe could teach us some shit.
But no, it's like, it's like our, it's like just in our dna to
just isolate and bully kids thatare just not the same as others
and that sucks.

(44:48):
But I feel for you because Ialways see videos and TV shows
and I hear stories about kidsbeing bullied and you see shows
where kids are depressed atschool at the lunch table by
themselves because nobody wantsto hang around with them, and
that sucks and that would justdestroy me if one of my kids

(45:12):
came to me like that.
But I think in your situationyou know your boy is special and
you know your boy is on adifferent level and so that
gives.
That makes you feel proud.
For to where he's at is justone of those things where I and
I don't have the answer to howto handle that in the social

(45:37):
structure like school.
But I there's, there's got tobe ways to have them, help them
cope and be able to, you know,be more socially acceptable.
I just don't know what theanswer is my view on.

Speaker 3 (45:54):
it is not so much that I'm proud.
I'm proud of him as anindividual.
I'm proud for him, forpersevering.
He hates school but he's abeast at it.
He literally is the epitome ofme.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Do you think he hates it because he's not being
challenged enough?

Speaker 3 (46:14):
That's part of it and the fact that he has to deal
with those kids yeah, of course.
But my challenge is encouraginghim to keep going.
Let him know like all right,dude, it's a maturity game, you
are above everybody in themature uh in the maturity game

(46:36):
and it's been helping.
But what it's doing also ispushing him to hang with me more
so now, versus beforehand hewas always with his mom.
He's like hey, dad, can we goto Shoops and go to our spot and
have a talk?

Speaker 2 (46:55):
I'm looking like this dude, this seven-year-old.

Speaker 3 (46:58):
My seven-year-old.
I'm telling you dude, he's abeast dude, hey dad, this is my
view on this man.
Let me tell you I'm going tobrag on him a little bit.
Bass player.

(47:19):
This, this is my view, man.
Let me tell you I'm gonna bragon him a little bit.
Yeah, go ahead, man.
Bass player drum player.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Uh, a whiz when it comes to paper, bro.
Yeah, he picked up a pencil anddrew sonic the hedgehog just by
looking at it, damn that's,that's talent, man.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
man, all right, that's talent.
Good at math.
He was doing multiplication atthe age of what?
Five four.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (47:37):
I was practicing one of them at a young age.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
Dude.
You need to go get him testedand get his IQ.
See where he's at, dude.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
He might be like put him in high school right now.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
He still got some developing to do bro I wish I
could.
I'm kidding, I got to locateyou.
You remember TJ Henderson offof Smart Guy?

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
My kid looked just like him.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Really yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
Straight up.
That's really cool To me.
That would be exciting, almostlike so.
How you get super excited aboutthat is kind of like how I'm
super excited for the potentialLorenzo has as a baseball player
, and I'll brag a little bit onmy own.
So he's 10 years old, he'll be11 in March and he's playing

(48:27):
baseball with 12-year-olds.
He jumped up because we feltlike me and him had like a
straight conversation, like aheart to heart.
I took the benefits and cons ofplaying you know 11U baseball
and the same thing with 12U.
I'm like, hey, man, you may notbe able to get that much

(48:51):
playing time, these kids mightbe better than you and yada,
yada, yada.
Or you could just go back toyour other team.
You'll be the starter, you'llget playing time and you'll be
fine.
But he took it upon himself.
He wanted to challenge himself,play at an upper level and at

(49:12):
least right now, with fall ballhe was the number one catcher
and like seeing that especially,you know me, I'm a baseball guy
.
Seeing that really gets meexcited and to feel that if,
because no one could push himother than himself Himself, yeah
, he has push him other thanhimself.

(49:32):
He has to want to be better, hehas to want to do the extra
work to, you know, get himselfon that new level, and all I
could do is just be thetransportation for him and get
him to where he's got to go andget him the exposure that he
needs.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
Be a guy.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Yeah, and that's great, great man.
That that's super exciting.
I didn't realize that he wasthat smart and that talented and
man like sky's the limit forhim.
Sky's the limit.
I mean it's if it just soundslike he.
He needs to be stimulated andso he turns that into learning

(50:13):
different skills and honingthose skills and he likes what
he learns.
So he keeps doing it and that'sgreat, man, and hey, whatever
you're doing, keep doing.
The only piece of advice fromfather to father would be, like
you said earlier, keep in asense hyping him up.

(50:37):
Just say, hey, man, you're on adifferent level, these kids,
they don't understand youbecause they don't understand
your excellence, your brilliance.
Hey like I said, hype it up morethan what it is.
Make him feel like you knowwhat Damn.
You know what damn, you knowwhat I am smarter than these
kids I am.
I am special in a way and thatway and that's not gonna solve

(50:58):
like the bullying and theisolation problem, but at least
he'll make him bulletproof yeah,and or make him see it in a
different light.
I'm like these kids don'tunderstand me.
These kids don't realize howspecial I am, how good I am,
like I don't, I don't need themtype of mentality, but like he's

(51:19):
young man, he's got so muchlife you know to go, so you know
, like I said, sky's the limitto him for sure.
Oh yeah, that that's, that'sawesome, that, that, that makes
me feel all giddy yeah, I'mhappy about your son too.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
Kudos to him, man.
I see him being a beast.
Low key, I hope, and samson Ilike.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
I said I just I hope he sticks with it.
I I always told him like hey,if you get to a point where
you're like dad, I just I don'tlove the game, or I don't like
it, or I'm not motivated, likeI'm not going to be the father
to be like no you're stickingwith it no matter what, and then

(52:01):
just have them be miserable allthose years.
The only thing I required of mykids is that they have to play
at least one sport you know,each season.
I don't care if that's tennis,wrestling, the shit, they could
take a karate class, whatever.
But I just need my kids to beactive so that way they're just

(52:23):
not at home all day on theirphone or in front of a game.
Because right now Lorenzo'sschedule is literally Sunday
three-hour practice, mondayfitness, wednesday fitness for
an hour and a half, fridaypractice for an hour and a half,
and then come January he'sgoing to have practice for two

(52:44):
hours on Saturday.
Wow, that keeps you busy, youknow what?
I'm saying as well as you, so Iknow and then it's so stressful
and exhausting but at the end ofthe end of the day, end of the
weekend, it's like that was funyou know, that it's fun.
I love seeing my kids out thereperforming and it's the

(53:08):
memories.
I would yeah, I wouldn't give itup for anything and that's
fantastic.
So kind of flip it here.
I got 10 different I guess youwould have called circumstances
or abilities and I'm gonna list10 of them.
I want you to pick four and ifwe want, we could, you could

(53:31):
pick all four and then you couldjust kind of give your reason
why.
Or if you want to pick one andthen just give a reason, we
could go that way, so you canonly pick four.
Number one is infinite wealth,money.
You're never low on money,always rich.
Number two the ability.

(53:53):
Of the ability, I can't talk totime travel.
Three world peace.
Four internal youth.
Five mastery of all knowledge.
Six the power to heal anyillness.
Seven Unlimited happiness.

(54:15):
Eight Instant teleportation.
Nine Bring back a loved one.
And ten Immortality.
And if you need to see the list, Let me look at that.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
So if you need to see the list, let me look at that.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
So if you could only pick four, which ones do you
think they would be, and why?

Speaker 3 (54:40):
Alright, so first I'm going to go backwards.
I would definitely bring back aloved one if I could.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
And who would that be ?

Speaker 3 (54:55):
I'm going to go backwards.
Sure, yeah, I would definitelybring back a loved one if I
could.
And who would that be?
Man, all of them, I think it'sonly one.
If I could pick one, I honestlywould bring back my sister, bro
.
My sister was a pillar in mysuccess, always encouraging,

(55:18):
taught me how to take care ofmyself, stand with confidence
Out of appearance matters, don'tgo out there looking crazy and
stand up for yourself.
She didn't take no crap.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
How much older was she?

Speaker 3 (55:32):
I want to say exactly 10 years.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Oh, that's a big difference.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
I might be off with that, I have to double check,
but she was quite older than me,quite older than me and, um,
yeah, I, I would, I would liketo model my life after her.
She was a protector, like Isaid.
She always came out looking thebest, looking the great, and she

(56:02):
was heavier, you know, but shemade heavy look good, you know
what I'm saying so it was theconfidence that she stepped out
of, but it was never a thingthat you know to bring family
together to look out for family,you know.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
So that would be one now real quick and you don't
have to answer.
I can edit it out, but becauseI don't know, do you do you mind
if I ask how she passed away?
So crazy.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
I think this is what kind of kicked off me and your
wife's friendship.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
Really Okay yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
So my sophomore year I lost my grandfather and my
sister.
In the same year and the wayshe passed.
She had MS.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
I don't know if you heard what that is, but I've
heard of it, but for people likeme or anybody else, what is
that?

Speaker 3 (57:09):
now to my understanding, because I really
don't know the details of it,but parts of your body are not
able to function correctly, youknow.
So I know she was wheelchairbound.
She couldn't move around likeshe wanted to.
She had a lot of weakness now.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Was she diagnosed later in life or she always had
this growing up type?

Speaker 3 (57:35):
This was later.
What I mean by later?
She was like 25, 26.
The crazy thing was that wasn'twhat killed her.
I think that assisted becauseshe couldn't move around like
she wanted to.
But, she went to the bathroomand she had a blood clot that

(57:58):
was not addressed.
She went to the bathroom andnever came out.
It went to her heart and shedropped dead in the bathroom
Like a heart attack, I don'tknow.
It went to her heart and shedropped it in the bathroom.
They looked for a heart attack.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
I don't know the medical, so she had a blood clot
in her neck that wasn't takencare of, so does that cause a
heart?

Speaker 3 (58:22):
attack.
I'm not sure where it started,but it got to the heart and I
think once it got to the heartit stopped blood flow or
whatever and she dropped it.
The sad thing about her, herdeath, is we have very little
literal info because we werehalf siblings, so my dad had her

(58:46):
like a family history.
Yeah, information okay yeah, my, my dad had her Like a family
history information.
Yeah, my dad had her first,before he even met my mom.
Yeah, and her mom kept her awayfrom us, you know.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
And it wasn't until Drama.

Speaker 3 (59:05):
Oh yeah, yeah, Okay, I get that and it wasn't until
later in life, or later in hertime in life, that she was able
to be like all right, I'm grown,I'm about to make amends, I'm
gonna make the effort.
And she would come from indy,come pick us up, hang with us.

(59:25):
We'll go down to indy, you know, hang out.
And when she passed, this manticked me off oh sure they
dressed her like a clown.
She was not in like the best ofthreads.

(59:45):
They put like floor chainthreads on her well who was
responsible for her mom, theywere dressed in all white really
yes all white all white that'sweird.
I don't okay they didn't reallyacknowledge her family, meaning

(01:00:08):
us as her siblings and my dadand the dude she married never
heard from since.
No shit.
Yeah, that was a tragic littlesituation.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
So how did that turn into a friendship with my wife?

Speaker 3 (01:00:30):
Well, I think her being there at one of my lowest
points.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Okay.
So you guys were cool prior toyour sister passing and she kind
of helped you or were justacquaintances, and then she
passed and you guys becamecloser friends that way I'm not
sure.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
I just know, because I probably didn't even tell her
I'm a very private individual.
Uh, it actually took me aminute to be like, yeah, let me
go ahead, hop on this podcastwith you because I don't know
how I do, but I get it, I knowshe.
She brought a lot of energy andthat helped me stay focused in

(01:01:14):
school.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah,she'll do, she'll do that oh
yeah, so it helped me sidetrackwhat I was going through,
because I ain't gonna lie man.

Speaker 2 (01:01:23):
It got to the point to where, um, my grades were
affected well, yeah, man, I meansame thing with my wife when
her mother passed away.
I know it's slightly different,but still a close family member
.
But I mean deaths could fuck aperson up and it takes a person

(01:01:43):
like jessica and I'm sure andI'm just assuming you had other
support, you know groups orpeople, you but it takes a
strong person to kind of keepyou grounded and get you back on
track and that's awesome.
I didn't know that.
I'm glad she was there to helpyou out.

Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
If I'm not mistaken.
I don't know if I told anybody.
Yeah, so that's just kind ofhow you handle things, you just
it's not very open and internal,and I get that the crazy thing
about her death was uh, it washard to see my dad cry.

(01:02:25):
I never, never, seen my son tosee their dad cry yeah, that's
when you know shit's real yeahwhen you see your father cry,
yeah me that usually it's awake-up call.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Yeah, for sure, absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:02:37):
And uh, I felt like I had to be strong for him.
And we were we there, it whereit was.
I did not fully grieve until,like seven years later so you

(01:02:59):
just broke down one man and justkind of I'm at work.
I'm at work.
It was craziest thing ever andshe just came to mind.
I was just thinking about stuffthat she done and one of the
biggest memories I had was weordered some spicy chicken from
KFC back when they had spicychicken.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
And they didn't give us a spicy chicken.
She went off.
No, they about to play us too.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
She was the Karen before.
Oh yeah, the thing, yeah, soshe like man, we about to play
us too.

Speaker 3 (01:03:31):
She was the karen before.
Oh, yeah, the thing.
Yeah, so we she like man, weabout to go out there.
We like no, it's okay, that's,don't worry about it, we'll just
go to the mall instead.
Well, we went to the mall andsomebody broke in her car and
took all her cds what yeah?
That's all they took was cdthey, that's all.
Well, I don't know if they tookanything else.
Okay, but she had a huge.
I don't know if you rememberback in the day she had those

(01:03:53):
binders.
Yeah, you had the binders withall 400 CDs that you had to
carry.
And they stole them.
And so I'm thinking about thatman.
And then I'm starting to thinkabout how my sister made a
connection with her and how shebragged on me and I'm in the
bottom of a barge at my job thatI will currently work for now

(01:04:15):
and I broke down, yeah, andcouldn't understand why.
But I realized I never didgrieve.
I don't think I ever did.
I never talked to nobody aboutit.
I always held an end.
And I'm not saying I'm likethat with everything, but that
particular situation I couldn'topen up to nobody dude.

Speaker 2 (01:04:38):
Death is very weird cause, even for me, like even
going to a funeral.
It could be someone close.
It could be a friend of afamily.
It could be someone close.
It could be a friend of afamily.
It could be someone like mygreat grandmother.
For some reason, I cannot justwillingly go up to the casket

(01:05:00):
and see that person there.
Something about seeing the waythey're made up and the way
they're.
The way they're made up and theway they're because, like, I
guess knowing the process of howthey get people ready makes me
see past what they're supposedto like or what they did look
like, and it's just somethingabout going up to the casket

(01:05:23):
seeing that person for the lasttime.
It's very hard for me and Ithink about it sometimes.
Like man, what?
How would I feel like if mymother died?
Yeah, or if I my my nana, myvery close nana, who basically
helped my mother raise me likeman.

(01:05:44):
She's getting up there in agelike how?

Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
how am?

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
I going to feel when she dies and it's kind of fucked
up that in my head.
I'm like I don't think I wouldcry, you know, almost like it's
not real and I don't know how tohandle death.
And, like you, maybe it mightbe where, say, if my mother

(01:06:09):
passes away, you know, knock onwood.
Of course I don't want that tohappen and I hope it doesn't
happen.
But just for sake ofconversation, if she were to
pass away, I think I would stillhave a hard time going to the
casket, seeing her and justbeing able to move on almost to

(01:06:31):
the point where, like man, like,would I even cry?
Like you would think yourmother died, you'd be bawling,
but like, something in medoesn't think that that would be
the reaction that I have and Idon't know why.
I don't know where it comes.

(01:06:54):
People handle grieving and deathin different ways and people
hold things in and sometimes youjust break down, not even with
death.
People have different wayshandling stress, anxiety,
pressure, heartache, heartbreak,whatever it is, and that's why,

(01:07:17):
like, I feel like communicatingand, honestly, this is part of
the reason why I started thispodcast, because I could talk to
people kind of like just godown rabbit holes of shit that
happened interesting topics,stories gives me a chance, gives

(01:07:38):
me an outlet to kind of justkind of talk about what I got
going on in my brain.
And that's why I was.
I won't lie, I was kind ofnervous.
You're making me nervous, man,because you're you're talking to
jessica and he's like, uh, he'snot entirely sure if he can
open up, or he's a littlenervous.

(01:07:59):
I'm like man, I want him tofeel comfortable and I want that
conversation to happen betweenus.

Speaker 3 (01:08:07):
Let me explain that to you and we'll get back on
topic.
So the reason why is I'mactually an evangelism pastor at
my church, okay, and I publiclyspeak and I remember so you
publicly speak.

Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead, I'm going to tell you why
?

Speaker 3 (01:08:27):
so?
I publicly speak and I rememberhaving a conversation or I was
having a publicly speaking eventand I said something that
unintentionally hurt somebody'sfeelings.
They know I was going to do it,but now I'm very skeptical

(01:08:53):
about certain topics, aboutcertain people or who may be
involved.
I might offend my son yearsfrom now, uh, but but you can't
control how people feel.

Speaker 2 (01:09:07):
You have an opinion or you feel strongly about
something, or you tell a storyor an experience to happen to
you and you reflect off that.
I mean you can't.
That's with anything.
You're not going to pleaseeverybody and, just like my wife
, you're a person pleaser.

Speaker 3 (01:09:27):
I know I'm sorry, I'm a sucker, I know.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
But you're just.
You got to at least know thatyou can't please everybody.
Everybody's going to have theirown opinion and not everyone's
gonna agree with you, noteveryone's gonna agree with me,
and that that that's life.

Speaker 3 (01:09:49):
Now let me give you a perspective.
Okay, growing up in certainsituations where you always had
to be the mender, okay kind ofhelps you form to be a people
pleaser and I think not to givetoo much away.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
But that's kind of the same realm of situation that
you're talking about is prettymuch how jessica kind of grew up
and yeah, I mean, I, I get it,I get.
Where the people pleaser comesfrom is just my personal take on
.
It is people won't not all, butpeople will take advantage, oh,

(01:10:32):
of course, and people will pushand, push and push.
Now don't get it what theycould get.

Speaker 3 (01:10:38):
Don't get it twisted, I'll.
I'll sit the I'll put the footdown if I need to good I'll shut
the door if I need to, verygood, but when you care about
somebody, and their feelings.
I get that there are certainthings you'd be like, all right,
no, like if I was to sit uphere and talk about my wife.
There's certain things I'm notgonna talk about, sure, you know
one, there's a cold that I liveby, and then the other is that

(01:11:00):
I don't know how she's gonnaappreciate certain things being
said on a public platform.
You know, I understand.
So that that's.

Speaker 2 (01:11:08):
That hopefully clears up why you uh well, why I was a
little skeptical it does and,like I said, I'm glad you said
it and it for me, for the peoplelistening and and I don't
expect everybody to be open anopen book and honestly I think
you're doing great.

(01:11:29):
You know, in my head I was kindof thinking maybe of the worst
and I was gonna have to reallypull things from you no, but no
you're, you're doing great,we're, we're having a great
conversation, like well, there's, we're not having any pauses,
we're not having any awkwardsilences, right like we're
moving into conversations andthat's all I can add yeah,

(01:11:50):
because I mean, if you want togo down childhood, there are
certain things I want to talkabout, but there's some stuff
I'm like bro, do y'all be blownaway?
I get it, everybody's got crazythings, and that could be
another thing.
If we max out time here and yougot shit on your mind.
You're like man, I wish wewould have talked about that.

(01:12:12):
We'll bring you on, for we,like I, got a production team or
something.

Speaker 3 (01:12:17):
I'll see you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:18):
I'll see you I'll bring you back on and we'll just
do you know, matt paul, parttwo, so that's not a big deal,
but let's circle back.
So, obviously, number one,bring a loved one back and a,
and real quick, just before wemove on.
Uh, your sister sounded like anamazing person.

(01:12:38):
She sounded like she definitelyhad an influence on you and it.
It fucking sucks that her lifewas taken so early.
And yeah, I'm glad I appreciatethat bro you'll speak on it she,
I really do sounded awesome,man, and it's she was, it sucks
she's uh yeahshe's, she's in my dna, bro hell

(01:13:02):
yeah, and keep it like, and I'mglad if, if there was some way
that this podcast kind of keepsher alive, even if it's just
with you yeah, we got.
We got her kind of her.
We didn't get her story out,but we talked about her.
She's in people's minds, peoplethat know you will know her,
and and whatever we could do tokind of keep her spirit and let

(01:13:25):
me correct something.

Speaker 3 (01:13:27):
I I'm not 100 sure if I did share in high school, but
I know she wasn't a topic very,very long if she was shared
people like j, like Jessica,just know when their friend or
family when there is somethingwrong and she's not the person
to push information, but shesees you moping around.

(01:13:50):
Oh, I already know.

Speaker 2 (01:13:52):
She will act her normal self, yep, and I love her
.
I love her for that.
She's an amazing person, anamazing wife.
Okay, so what's the second one?
We got three more.

Speaker 3 (01:14:06):
So we got the Power to Heal Any Illness.

Speaker 2 (01:14:15):
So that's the one you're picking.
You're just going on the.

Speaker 3 (01:14:17):
That'll be what I pick.

Speaker 2 (01:14:19):
So what you man, you would have to?
Man, if you had that power, youwould taking a trip to africa
and just going down a tour andjust healing everybody, or how
do you think you would use thatpower?

Speaker 3 (01:14:32):
man.
Um, I got such a big heart, man, and I'm not not bragging,
that's just who I am.
It carried on to my kids.
I don't have to go to Africa,bro.
I could be in these streetshere and heal anybody.

Speaker 2 (01:14:52):
If that got out and Matthew Paul has the ability to
heal all Like, don't you thinkyou would have thousands of
people probably coming acrossthe world knocking on your door?
You know your door, asking tobe healed, and I'm just trying

(01:15:15):
to see how this would play out.
But how do you do you think whynot?
no, absolutely I'm not sayingnot to, but I'm saying that this
would probably have to be yourfull time gig.
But obviously you're savinglives.
But, man, that would be yourlife, essentially just checking

(01:15:41):
off, healing us as you go now inreal life.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
I know if you donate time, effort, uh, assistance,
support, not necessarily goingand clocking in a nine to five,
but let's say you call me.
It was like, hey, man, I need.
I need you to help me move thistable.
Yeah man, that goes a long way.

Speaker 1 (01:16:04):
It starts with a table, absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:16:06):
You're going to return with a meal, hopefully a
Thortha.
Then you're going to call meagain Like, hey, man, I'm going
to eat this done and I'm goingto need this done and I'm going
to come through and you form arelationship.
But what happens is you buildup inventory, I would say, to

(01:16:27):
things to open up for you.
So like now, me at my job, man,people only come to me because
I'm known as make it happen.
That's my nickname at the job.

Speaker 2 (01:16:42):
Make it happen.

Speaker 3 (01:16:43):
Matt Barton's make it happen, and what happens is
because I make it happen forpeople that come to me, they
come back.
I get a Red Bull, I getStarbucks.

Speaker 1 (01:16:56):
Like perks.

Speaker 3 (01:17:02):
Yeah, I get lunch every day, so it it pays off.
I won't need a job.
If I was healing folk, I'm surethey'll come with a tv, they'll
come with a house and a car Ilike how you think about that.

Speaker 2 (01:17:11):
Yeah, I like that see that that that's quality right
there, because I was thinking,like man, what is what is he
going to do for money, like whatwould he do for a job?
But, as you said, I think thebenefits and perks would
outweigh the need for, like, asteady paycheck, absolutely the
only reason why I think likethat is because it's happened

(01:17:33):
already.

Speaker 3 (01:17:34):
I poured blood, sweat and tears into helping church,
people, other people, and inreturn it's been nothing but
good.
You might get tickets to a cane, you might get a slightly used
motor vehicle, you might get alltypes of things.

(01:17:56):
Man, anything can come intoyour hands after helping out.

Speaker 2 (01:18:02):
I think, though, the downfall to that situation like
going back to the game is Ithink you would have a bounty on
your head from pharmaceuticalsFor real, though they see this
motherfucker motherfucker'shealing everybody.
I can't make money off my uhlike cancer patients and my all

(01:18:24):
these you know people that areuh bedridden, and stuff like
that.
I think you would have a bouncyon your head so I'm sure I
would.

Speaker 3 (01:18:32):
I would try to heal as many people, but that yeah
hey, but with that being said,I'll go ahead and pick that next
one, which, oh yeah, we'll goahead with more time, all right
okay, no, I'm just playing allright.

Speaker 2 (01:18:48):
Okay, so two more.
So two more real, like if youreally had to think about it,
what?

Speaker 3 (01:18:52):
would be the other two, third one mastery of all
knowledge.
That would come now.
That would help.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
We're trying to stay alive with these people coming
because you would have survivalknowledge, uh like strategy
knowledge, all the knowledge,yeah, okay yeah that would.
That would tie in and you couldsolve the world's probably
biggest problems too.
Yeah, again uh like famine oruh what is it?
Uh?
Oh my god, the temperatureoutside, uh, global global

(01:19:25):
warming, global warming, all theshit that we're going through.
You could probably solve a lotof those fucking problems if you
had mastery of all knowledge.
So, last one, what?
What's the last one?
You?

Speaker 3 (01:19:38):
got all right.
Last one uh, I will go aheadand say infinite wealth, wow
you'll be.
Well then I guess that youwouldn't need a job if you're
healing everybody yeah and thenthere you go yeah, and the
reason why I say that, though,is I've thought about this many
a time.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
Maybe you have to.

Speaker 3 (01:20:00):
Where your healthcare workers, like the ones that's
in the grind, rns, your LPNs,your CNs man, they're getting
their tub busted every day andnot getting paid for it.
Now we paying athletes millions?

Speaker 2 (01:20:23):
And then teachers, who are supposed to be you know,
molding our minds for thefuture don't get paid shit.
I think, about that all thetime dude, I'll be paying them
all.
Yeah, and help us help thegeneration you know people would
end up worshiping your ass forall the shit that you were doing

(01:20:44):
.
Let me see the phone.

Speaker 3 (01:20:47):
Yeah, I don't know about being worship I don't want
to be worship.
No, but I just want.

Speaker 2 (01:20:51):
I want this place to be a better place I think the
answers you gave and the reasonsthat you gave kind of, I think,
in my opinion gives a good ideaof what kind of person you are
and what kind of heart you have,and I think that at least let
people who don't know who youare just give a general idea

(01:21:16):
that hey, this guy, he's okay,he's an okay guy.

Speaker 3 (01:21:22):
what's crazy you saying that?
That's been a testament.
My entire life man I've been.
I've been in the church myentire life and I'm gonna be
honest, dude, I done had, uh,killers, drug dealers, lesbians,

(01:21:44):
gays, all.
Hey, man, respect me.
Even knowing my views, I've hadpeople open up to me, talk to
me, say you're down to earth,you're this, you're that, you're
not judgmental.
It's not that I I push mybelief.
I have my belief for me, for mystructure.

(01:22:05):
Um, just because I believe inthis doesn't necessarily mean
it's spiritual or religious,religion, religious.
I can't talk that's all rightbut I'll edit it just because I
believe in a certain thingdoesn't mean I'm spiritual and
religious.
It's.

(01:22:26):
It's my view on things.
It's my choice to live up tothis standard, you know.
So I feel like an individualshould be based off an
individual, individual basis,not because of their religious
views or because I'm gonna tellyou, dude, some of these

(01:22:49):
religious people yeah I don'teven want to start that that
could be for literally like awhole two hours just on that.

Speaker 2 (01:22:58):
Yeah, no, I know.
Believe me, I've seen it, heardit, experienced it.
As far as, just like I told thelast guest, you could start in
California, make your way allthe way to North Carolina, talk
to 100 people, make your way allthe way to North Carolina, Talk
to 100 people and you'llprobably get like 300 different

(01:23:21):
views on religion alone.
And it's crazy.
People take beliefs, I thinksometimes too far, and I think
people maybe interpret thingsdifferently than it should be,
and just people in general haveradical beliefs.

(01:23:43):
Yeah and anything and that'syeah it.
That could be a whole nothertangent that what I see.
I heard that and you can kindof clarify you don't drink
liquor alcohol or you've neverhad alcohol before, never, never

(01:24:05):
tried alcohol, never.
Why is that?
If you don't mind asking, I hadnot coil does that count?
no, but no.
I am curious, is there?
Is that like a code you live by?
Or is there a deeper reason whyyou don't drink?

Speaker 3 (01:24:23):
So before it was spiritual or religious, because
of my background in Christianityand being who I was as a
pastor's kid I didn't drink.
Being who I was as a pastor'skid, I didn't drink, but later
on, when I had the opportunity,and this is why I want my kid to

(01:24:43):
experience what he experiencedat an early age.
I was bottled up in high schooland got to college and lost my
mind Really, but I seen howpeople reacted to liquor.

Speaker 2 (01:25:02):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:25:03):
And I did not partake .
I did not want to be like thatI feel like you didn't have much
control, you don't?
I never wanted to partake insomething like that.

Speaker 2 (01:25:17):
I mean that takes a lot of discipline, I think.

Speaker 3 (01:25:21):
Not really, you don't think so.
It's either.
Now I'm going to tell you so.
I might not have trained, but Ismoke.

Speaker 2 (01:25:29):
Like smoke weed yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:25:39):
And I feel like that's because it was so
accessible.
As a child, you remember thoseorange Audi bags with the blue
square on them yeah the big man.
I done seen bricks a week likejust what damn, and I'm talking
about 6, 7, 8 grade, just bricks, holy shit.
So being around it I guess Iwas more comfortable because I

(01:26:01):
seen how people were.
It was cool laid back.
Actually, my first blunt Ismoked was in 6th grade.

Speaker 2 (01:26:07):
No shit.

Speaker 3 (01:26:08):
And I didn't like it.
But I never got high, so itdidn't bother me to do it again.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Until one time.
Okay, go ahead.
Until one time in college wasno, okay, go ahead, you're going
to.

Speaker 3 (01:26:19):
Until.
One time in college I met aJamaican and she stored all her
roaches up in a cabinet.
Yeah, she was broke.

Speaker 1 (01:26:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:26:32):
She had no money.
So she was like well, if youget a blunt like a cigarillo, I
could make something happen.

Speaker 2 (01:26:40):
I'm like, all right, very resourceful.

Speaker 3 (01:26:43):
Bro, I don't know what that was, man, she had some
regular mixed with someSalmolilla, some Thriller, some
Killer.

Speaker 2 (01:26:51):
That cannot be recommended.
To mix all that shit, Bro itwas all her old roaches.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:26:58):
Broke it down into a blunt.
I took two hits.

Speaker 2 (01:27:02):
I was the highest I ever been in my entire life,
damn I can't imagine that's alot of different strands to, I'm
sure, again bog dude yeah, so Idon't know.

Speaker 3 (01:27:15):
After that I said, yeah, I'm done with this, I
can't do that.
So I strayed away from all that, but luckily that was the
hardest drug I got to know.

Speaker 2 (01:27:25):
Yeah, but I've always been cautious and that's
probably for the best.
Because, yeah, I partook inalcohol obviously college, even
in high school, took in alcoholobviously college, even in high
school and I'm to the pointwhere I don't even see the
appeal anymore because of theeffects it has.

(01:27:47):
The taste, really, yeah, andit's like I'm not even into it.
Someone offers me something,even if I'm like at a family
party, I generally don't take itbecause, one, I don't want to
deal with the taste.
Two, I don't want to deal withit in the morning and I don't
know if it's just a maturitything, just to be over with it,

(01:28:09):
because there's still peoplelike in their 40s, 50s that just
love to get drunk every weekendand it's it's a personal
preference if people lovealcohol more than a, b and c and
people are just over with itbecause they drank so much in

(01:28:30):
college.

Speaker 3 (01:28:30):
And I was just curious because when I heard
that I'm like damn really Iremember, I remember you asked
me that one day I was like youstraight.

Speaker 2 (01:28:40):
You all right, that's crazy dude, but I mean kudos to
that, because there's no reallydownfall from not drinking
alcohol, there's only upsidefrom staying away from it.
So yeah, man, that's freakingawesome, yeah.
So yeah, man, that's that'sfreaking awesome, yeah.

(01:29:03):
And then also I wanted to askyou you mentioned you're married
.
How, how long have you beenmarried for?
If people get the face see theface that he just made of him
thinking go ahead, take yourtime, so it's been so long, man
no uh you've been married thatlong.

(01:29:25):
I know you've been with her fora while, but how long have you
been married for?
Has it been almost as long?

Speaker 3 (01:29:30):
actually it's nine years.
It'll be 10 years on the secondof january 10 years.

Speaker 2 (01:29:36):
And then how long were you with her before you get
married?

Speaker 3 (01:29:41):
Alright, don't judge.
5 months.

Speaker 2 (01:29:44):
Really you guys are together for 10 years.
I mean, obviously somethingclicked, but no, and you don't
have to go into details.
But I was just curious.

Speaker 3 (01:29:54):
Okay, so wait, wait, wait I lied, it was longer than
that.

Speaker 2 (01:29:58):
I started talking to her in 13 july, so that'll put
us at a year and a half maybe,yeah, of talking, dating and
engagement all included and then, and the only reason reason I
asked because we'll end thepodcast on this note but I was

(01:30:20):
reading something and it reallyresonated with me because I've
been married to my wife forgoing on seven years.
It'll be eight years and, well,we just got to the seven years,
but we've been together allthrough most of high school, so
we've been together for a longtime and I wanted to ask you,

(01:30:45):
coming from someone who's beenmarried for a very long time,
what do you think is the biggestlesson like, what do you think
is your the biggest takeawayyou've gotten from being married
for that long?

Speaker 3 (01:31:05):
First and foremost I'm going to give you two.
First and foremost, keepeverybody out your marriage For
sure, very good advice.

Speaker 2 (01:31:17):
If you do allow somebody, they have to be
unbiased oh yeah, well, that'sharder to do with somebody
that's special closer to youthan for sure, but I get what
you're saying but there's peoplelike your wife.

Speaker 3 (01:31:33):
I don't mind taking stuff too, because she gonna be
like well, looko, that's yourfault.

Speaker 1 (01:31:40):
You should have never did that.

Speaker 3 (01:31:41):
I'm like well, I was just wondering if she really
planned or if she is tired.
She is tired, mateo.
I'm tired every day and I'mlike okay all right, I got it, I
got you, but you want somebodythat's unbiased.
That's going to be the onethat's going to challenge you
and say hey look, dude, beforeyou start pointing fingers, make

(01:32:02):
sure you are a hundred percentin that mirror, and nine times
out of 10, you're not.

Speaker 2 (01:32:07):
No, I like that.
I like that, so that's theother one.

Speaker 3 (01:32:10):
That's first.
Second, this goes along withone of my codes, which is and
all that getting getting, get anunderstanding.
If you can try to understandyour spouse, you just trying to
understand them should open updoors for them to try to

(01:32:32):
understand you and you work itout absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:32:36):
That's probably.
That's probably my biggesttakeaway that I've taken from
marriage, and I think someoneput it in a good way and you
could think of it and give meyour opinion on it.
But there's three stages ofmarriage.

(01:32:57):
When everything is perfect, youoverlook anything you dislike
about each other.
You're excited about your lifetogether.
You want to serve each otherunconditionally.
That's stage one.
That's like the honeymoon stageand all that stuff.
But then there comes stage two,when they start to irritate you

(01:33:17):
, when they start to notice eachother's imperfections.
You start yelling and arguingwith each other, even at the
smallest of things, or criticize, complain and start resenting
each other.
And it happens especially ifyou're with someone for so long
it happens and you start toquestion the marriage.
But I think stage three whichis the most?

(01:33:38):
Important and I've experiencedand have thought about and I
personally have learned in myown ways that stage three is you
stuck at it and you pushthrough it together.
Now you understand each otherjust like how you're saying.
You understand how each otherworks.

(01:34:01):
There is where you experiencereal love when you when, like
you said, when you could reallyunderstand and appreciate that
other person.
I think that's where real lovedoes come from, because you
could love somebody, you could,you know, say you'll do
everything for them.

(01:34:21):
You, you get to the honeymoonstage, everything's great.
But that stage two, when youlive with somebody and you go
through the shit and there'sobstacles in life between either
involving both of you or one ofyou, and shit just hits the fan
.
You recognize each other'sstrengths and weaknesses and

(01:34:43):
accept that about them, and Ithink that's probably the
hardest thing that most people,I don't think, get to experience
or get to that stage.
Because our divorce rates areso high, specifically in this
country, because I think it's alot easier to for someone to

(01:35:05):
just file divorce and sign apiece of paper easy out and deal
with it and.
But I think me personally, beingin a marriage has probably been
the hardest thing that I everhave to in not endure, but just

(01:35:25):
have to take on.
You know, face to face, yeah,because I think in my in, in my
past and this is just recentlyin the last few years I think,
I've been more concentrated ormore focused on just like me, me
, me, and not so much on mypartner and not really not truly

(01:35:51):
understanding what theirconcerns are, what their values
are, how they look at certainthings, because just me and you
sitting here could talk aboutone subject and view it two
different ways yeah but to bewith someone that you are

(01:36:13):
married to and have to live withand you have to raise a family
and you, you guys, we have to beon the same page.
If we're not on the same page,then like even a regular
partnership running a business,if you guys are on the same page
on things, it doesn't last.

(01:36:34):
And I think, over time and withthe help of outside support and
family support, I think I'vereally it's really resonated
with me to really take the timeand actually think about my

(01:36:55):
wife's, about my wife's valuesconcerns, and I think it's
helped me grow into a betterperson, better father and better
husband, because, like I said,I mean I was always the type of
person to blow things off.

(01:37:16):
I really don't likeconfrontation, so like, yeah
arguments and stuff I would tryto avoid, or I would just blow
off or don't respond yeah, don'trespond, or you would make some
even more mad yeah, and thefucked up part is that over
years, like she would state likeher issues, but it was it was

(01:37:41):
always something like well,we're married, we're together,
like it's gonna go in one ear,out the other, but and I never
really truly like just sat likefuck.
How does this particular thingknow, make her feel, or?

Speaker 1 (01:37:58):
how does it affect her?

Speaker 2 (01:37:59):
It was just always like, yeah, I don't think it's a
big deal, I don't want to do it, so I'm going to just let it
roll off my shoulder and thinkthat it's going to go away,
rambled.
But just those three stages, Ithink, is what makes a marriage

(01:38:20):
really last and really enjoyableif two people could communicate
to each other and solve issuesand be open, especially when
something happens, because whenwhen you hold shit in, oh, I've
learned, we've learned yeah whenthings are not spoken at the
time of the incident and thingsare held back.

(01:38:43):
That's when shit hits the fan.

Speaker 1 (01:38:45):
It's almost too late.

Speaker 3 (01:38:46):
Because it'll come out later.
It'll come out.

Speaker 2 (01:38:47):
Exactly so I mean just kind of going over those
three stages.
What's your take?
Do you agree?
Do you have something you wantto add?

Speaker 3 (01:38:59):
Or do you think it's so I can?
I can only speak on theexperience, because I mean,
that's all I have.
Yeah, uh, I just, I shortedholly.
I never went through thehoneymoon stage.
I, I'm, I'm very I don't evenknow the words, uh to say you
shorter as far as like, but yeah, she was in the honeymoon stage

(01:39:21):
and I was.
I was.
So what were you?

Speaker 2 (01:39:24):
I was married, you know, I mean I was about, I was
on my grind, okay I was about,you know, making things happen
and I'm trying to.

Speaker 3 (01:39:33):
all right.
Now I'm married.
Now my next goal get to this?
Okay, all right, I gotta hit ahundred.
Next goal get to this Okay, allright, I got to hit a hundred
grand.
I got to get to the steps ofthat.
All right, I got to get thishouse, I got to get this car,
you know.
So I was, I was very detailoriented and I never really put
the time and effort which I diddating her to kind of know her.

(01:39:56):
Knowing her, not living withher, is not the same as knowing
her living with her I agree, youknow so once we got together,
um, of course she going to thehoneymoon stage, I didn't uh.
We got to the second part wherewe started having issues and,

(01:40:20):
I'll be honest, it was easy forme to be cold, cut her off yeah,
just not deal with her bounceoff.
Yeah, absolutely and uh, ittook me a while to to see.
All right, now you got to getyour act together.
Of course.
I talked to a couple of peopleand first mistake was I had the

(01:40:43):
wrong people giving me advice.

Speaker 2 (01:40:46):
Yeah, that's hard Because you think you have a
certain support group and youdon't.
I mean you're going to thembecause you don't know the right
answer, and for people to giveyou bad advice, you can't really
blame yourself, right?

Speaker 3 (01:41:03):
but I should never put myself in that predicament
yeah, that's true you'reabsolutely right.
I should have treated it as ifit was a friendship.
You know some people you'relike alright man, I know I'm not
about to go to them about herbecause he already gonna have
this view.
I already knew the view theywas gonna have, so I should
about to go to them about herbecause he already going to have
this view.
Sure, I already knew the viewthey was going to have.

(01:41:24):
So I should never even went tohim.
But I got to the third stage alot sooner and what it was was
she understood me on a view andit blew me away because I didn't
think she would actually takethe time, because my wife she's

(01:41:44):
straight bro, I mean not tryingto be funny, but she is square
as they come, bro.

Speaker 2 (01:41:48):
I mean like and that's just how she was brought
up.

Speaker 3 (01:41:51):
That's her view, that was her upbringing, yeah and uh
for her to see me a rugged old,beat up young man for my view.
It blew me away and it made megain so much more respect for
her.
So now, if we ever get into anargument, I'm slow to speak

(01:42:12):
Because I want to see where shegets out first.

Speaker 2 (01:42:15):
And it ticks her off, because now she's like well,
you're not talking, well, no, Igotta process, let me process
and then if you have thosediscussions, like hey, if I'm
not speaking right away, it'sbecause I'm trying to process,
but if you don't have thosetalks, then she's just assuming
that this dude's not listeningto me, but that's, and that's

(01:42:38):
what I'm saying like thatcommunication to where you
express like, hey, this is whyI'm doing it or this isn't what
I'm doing.
You know, giving a reason orgiving explanation to certain
things it goes a long way butthe killer.

Speaker 3 (01:42:56):
The thing that seals the deal is the follow-up.

Speaker 2 (01:43:00):
So if you just ponder and never follow up, it was in
vain and that was, and that wasa big part of my issue too,
because I would talk a big gamebut my actions weren't
consistent and and when it?
Because it was, it was in myhead, it was I'm gonna, I hear

(01:43:20):
what you're saying, let me dothis right away, make you happy
and then it's like not reallyunderstanding or taking the time
to where to take it as seriousas she was yeah because then I
wouldn't stay consistent withsomething and then she'd be like

(01:43:41):
this motherfucker is still notdoing what I'm asking so yeah, I
I totally agree with that.
Follow-up is probably one of themost important things when it
comes to a partnership.
Because that?
Because if you don't follow upor if you don't be consistent,
that person feels like they'renot hurt exactly or they don't

(01:44:02):
feel like they don't feel valueyep, and that's what I've been
really not struggling, but justreally trying to not force, but
like just really hammer intomyself.

Speaker 3 (01:44:15):
So let me encourage you, man, because one'm going to
commend you for doing this.
Having this podcast, being ableto open up, actually bringing
young men in having discussions,that's a big thing, bro.
Appreciate it, but don't beatyourself up.

(01:44:35):
You got time to grow.

Speaker 2 (01:44:38):
Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 3 (01:44:38):
As long as you're growing, as long as you're
making an effort to grow andyou're going in the right
direction, it'll all come.
It ain't no race.
Y'all got a lifetime together.
You're right.
You're absolutely right.

Speaker 2 (01:44:49):
You know what I'm saying and it's funny and I'll
end it on this little kind oftidbit, but I kind of see it as
like like a video game, like I,every little progress is a level
it's a level and I'm like, ohshit, I'm leveling up I made
this progress.
Oh shit, I leveled up again but,no, absolutely, and, like I

(01:45:11):
said, we're, we're still.
We're still young, we stillhave a lifetime of experiences
to go through.
Um, who knows what what's goingto happen in the future, but as
long as we as you know, men andpeople just feel like we're
growing in some type of way, itcould be a one percent increase,

(01:45:33):
but it's one% every day for 365days adds up.

Speaker 1 (01:45:40):
And.

Speaker 2 (01:45:40):
I think if we keep on our grind and we keep we stand
on business and we take care ofour families and we just do
what's best for our wife andkids, I think me and you will be
all right.

Speaker 3 (01:45:53):
Because once your kids get old and move out, yeah.
I see all the time where I'm at.
They don't even know theirspouse.

Speaker 2 (01:46:03):
Oh yeah, I could see that.
You have to.

Speaker 3 (01:46:06):
You have to constantly date.
You have to constantly dig inand develop that relationship.
Don't let it go still.

Speaker 2 (01:46:18):
Oh, it's crazy.
We still like learn thingsabout each other to this day.
Just like oh, you grew upthinking like oh okay, real
quick, real quick.
So, she might be mad for meexposing her like this, but do
you know what Indian apples are?
Indian apples, indian apples,apples.

(01:46:43):
It's a fruit.
Do you know what it is or whatit looks like?
Have you ever heard that it'ssaying?
no indian apples to her arepomegranates.
She never knew it was called apomegranate.
She always thought and knew itas indian apples and I just
learned that shit yesterday wowthat's crazy yeah, so like stuff

(01:47:07):
like that, like seven years instuff like that we're still
learning about each other.
But hey, man, I appreciate youcoming on.
Like I said, I won't lie I wasa little worried that I was.
It was going to be a little bitof a struggle, but hey, man,
this is probably one of myengaging conversations that I

(01:47:28):
had and I appreciate you comingby.
You have my number now I'll sayless I think you know us talking
to each other kind of open upthings.
If you got any issues or yougot any problems or you need any
help, hit me up.
I'm always accessible.
You know my wife is Right.
Hey, if we, maybe we could setup another play date.

Speaker 3 (01:47:53):
You know, come over here, We'll go over there, man,
I need it yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:47:57):
We'll make it happen, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:48:05):
And same to you, man.
You can always reach out.
I'm all about betterment.
I like the people that I'maround to build up, uh, so
utilize it, bro.

Speaker 2 (01:48:10):
Utilize me all right, I appreciate you appreciate you
.

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