December 19, 2025 • 44 mins
Navy Corpsman Rudy Contreras’ job is simple on paper and brutal in practice: find the wounded, make the call, and keep your honor clean. He brings us front seat in part 2 of his interview to combat medicine, the IED strike that took Jeremiah, and the long road from Ramadi to healing. Hard choices, raw humor, and a code of honor shape how Rudy treated enemies, held his Marines together, and found peace years later.
• treating enemies and civilians under fire
• triage choices, morphine scarcity, and restraint
• the IED blast, airway management, and medevac
• grief, survivor’s remorse, and meeting family of the fallen
• reunions, guilt released, and quiet forgiveness
• barracks chaos, dark humor, and cohesion
• transition to Okinawa and identity after combat
• managing PTS with exercise, meditation, and community
• building a life beyond one deployment
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (01:02):
This is part two of our conversation with Rudy
Contreras, Navy Corpsman withRainmaker Platoon.
Well man, let me uh put thescrews to you.
Tell me a little about uh abouttreating some casualties.
Let's see if we can uh get a fewmedical stories out of you at
least.
SPEAKER_03 (01:20):
Uh I one of my fonder memories or a couple of
them is uh and I don't rememberwhat engagement was.
We're high value target.
We're we're pushing up on theenemy, and uh we're supposed to
grab some ID makers, right?
So uh we grab this guy, and he'sgets the good old 556.
(01:41):
So through and through, he's gotan open tip-fib fracture, and
he's laying in the field.
And of course, I don't know whatis with the Iraqis, they all
shit themselves when they gotshot and they all cry for Allah.
But so I'm over there and we'retreating this dude at the one
little tree.
Uh it was a it was a fig tree orwhat, but it was there, and uh,
I was getting direct fire, andthey were shooting at me, and
(02:03):
the other the Iraqis wereshooting at the other rocky, but
uh, I'm over there treating thisdude, and I get them all you
know spun up, get them, get thetourniquet on them, get them all
fucking bandaged up, and uh I'mlike all the Marines like I I
could just because you knoweverything kind of like narrows
down and you get that funnel uhvision or that tunnel vision,
(02:24):
and uh they're like talk, talk,and I'm like, what?
And I remember the roundshitting by me and like fuck.
So I end up trying to pull thisfat fucker behind this berm, get
him all packaged up, and we hadsmoked one of his friends, and
uh another one of his guys wasstill alive.
And uh I uh I walk up and uhCaptain Weiler was like, Hey
(02:47):
Doc, you're gonna take care ofhim?
And I kind of looked back andforth.
I was like, Okay, sir, and Ijust pulled my nine out, like,
no, no, doc, don't no, not likethat.
I was like, Oh, oh, okay, and Iput it back, and then I and I
treat him and we get himpackaged up, we get him in the
truck, and the Marines, oh poorCorporal Ponte, Nick, he we we
(03:07):
use uh his his poncho.
He he was that gear guy, right?
He always uh always had all hisgear on him.
So we get his poncho, we wrapthis one dude up and we put him
in the back of the Humvee, andthere's three of them, right?
So uh two are two are WA, one'sKIA, and we're moving up this
hill, and the Bradleys arecoming.
And you remember how the thehills all went pretty steep
(03:30):
slope.
Yep, and uh something or anotherhappened.
They're like, stop, stop.
They slam the brakes on thetruck, and they just see all the
bodies just slide forward, boom.
And I'm like, whatever.
So we get off, and I actuallyhave a picture of this, and uh
we're doing I'm doing myturnover with the with the
medic, the army medic, and like,yeah, I got two WIA, this is
(03:51):
what I got, and one KIA.
And they're like, no, dude, yougot two KIA.
I was like, the fuck out ofhere, dude.
That guy's like perfect, man.
I see he's stabilized.
I got he even got morphine,right?
And uh when I when I did that, Iwent down and I looked and I
checked his pulse, he was dead.
I was like, there's no fuckingthis guy didn't, he only had an
(04:11):
open tip fit fracture, right?
He didn't bleed out, like thetourniquet was on and it started
down.
He snapped, they snapped hisneck, right?
From the the impact of thetrunk, snapped his fucking neck,
and I was like, Oh shit.
But I remember arguing over thiscasualty because uh Captain
Weiler at the time, he was like,he needed to give him morphine.
I was like, sir, only have onemorphine left because we only
(04:33):
got three stylets, which wasbullshit, right?
And uh, and I was like, sir,only have one.
It's like dog, he needs themorphine, give him the morphine.
I was like, okay, sir, I'mgiving him the morphine.
And fucking, I gave this dudethe morphine.
But yeah, it was that was thatwas a funny one that I thought
was kind of, I mean, the dudepassed away, but yeah, I thought
I was pretty fucked up aboutthat that casualty.
(04:53):
Um another time, I think it wasduring bug hunt or one of the
big the big fights when uh oneof the other companies had uh
cordon off area, and we had justleft the snake pit.
Um so we're doing movement tocontact, and uh, we hadn't
dismounted yet, so we're stillon the VIX, and we're pulling up
and the good old taxi cab rollsup.
(05:14):
We stopped the vehicle, andthere's a casualty in the
backseat, and he has an opencompound fracture of the uh the
femur.
So his legs just there, bloodsall over the car.
But he had a tourniquet on, andwe had known that you know they
had our gear was compromised insome places and that they were
getting gear from other, youknow, so we knew that they were
getting their gear, and I waslike, fuck this, this shoe got
(05:36):
the tourniquet, and the windlesstourniquet, that was a that was
a scarcity, right?
So we didn't have a lot ofthose.
So I gave him my good oldtourniquet that I had made out
of my um you know, uh grenadering and stick.
So I took that tourniquet off, Iput another tourniquet on, and
while I was doing that, I hadthe marine next to me, it's
Lance Corporal Tebow.
He's like, hey man, I need youto pull traction on this dude's
(05:58):
leg.
Okay.
And the guy, he you know, he'she's out of it because he's lost
a lot of blood.
But uh, um, so we get him on theground, he pulls traction, and
you could just hear that fromthe leg and the marine that
looked that he's like, oh he'sabout to fucking pass.
Like, don't you fucking do it?
And I'm like, God damn it, holdhis fucking leg, Table.
(06:18):
And get him backed up, and wesend him back to uh Snake Pit.
But come to find out that he hadalready been treated at the
snake pit and they had releasedhim, and uh that's where they
had got the tourniquet from.
Uh, because after our debriefs,I was talking to the guys.
I was like, hey, you guys isthat we treated this fucking
guy.
It's like he this was the secondtime he came back here.
(06:39):
Uh and then another one that waskind of funny.
Uh again, being in the zone, uhI knew very little far seeing.
I think Matsud was for blood,and Ali Baba was bad guy, right?
So uh we get this dude and we'retaking sporadic fire and we're
moving into the Gordon, and theMarines were around me, and you
(07:01):
know, good fire team leader.
He takes spot and he's looking,uh surveying where we're about
to enter it.
And it was Corporal Leighton atthe time.
He hands me his rifle, and thisis before I had a rifle.
So I'm like, oh shit, I have arifle.
Uh he hands me the rifle, andwe're the car pulls up, we get
him out, and he's got a bandageon a neck.
And I'm like, uh, what happened?
(07:23):
What happened?
He's like, uh Alibaba.
And I was like, You Alibaba?
And he's like, Yes.
And I'm like, oh shit.
He said, he said he's a bad guy.
So I raised the rifle and I putit right there, and then I was
gonna shoot him, and then uh uhCorporal Lake and Doc, what the
fuck are you doing?
He grabs the rifle out of myhand and he takes it out.
Long story short, the guy, theguy was not a bad guy.
(07:44):
He got shot and he wascollateral damage, but it was
one of the front of your thingsthat you know uh again where I
was in that situation, like badguy, bad guy, shoot.
But I I did I did treat a lot ofuh I treated more enemy and
civilian casualties than I didMarines, which I'm very, very I
know it sounds dark and and badto say, but I was very happy of
(08:07):
that, right?
And uh that's come into questionthroughout the years, like how
how do you treat the enemyinsurgents?
I mean, these guys, like I'dmentioned the guy with the
tidbit fracture that I treatedended up subsequently dying, and
then uh uh the guy with the theopen femur fracture.
Um, I don't know if you lived ornot, but they asked it's like
you knew those guys were enemiesand they shot at you.
(08:28):
Uh for me, what thatdistinguishes us from them is
you know, the good old MarineCorporate hymn, uh keep our
honor clean, that always stuckto me is how could I keep my
honor clean uh to to revert andturn into them as a savage,
right?
That was the one thing that Ialways held on to, and I'm still
proud of it to this day.
(08:49):
Uh, have I taken uh insurgents'lives?
Yeah, absolutely.
Have I taken innocent life?
I don't know, right?
Uh being in that uh situationand having engaged the enemy on
multiple avenues and effects,but uh yeah, um being treatment
casualties, the those are myfonder memories from from Ramadi
is those those few that uh uhhad seen the enemies.
(09:11):
Uh but yeah, uh one of theharder ones is uh when I
actually got hit on May 12th ofuh 2004, that's the day that we
lost Jeremiah.
Um that one was tough, right?
Uh we had hit uh 155.
That was uh it probably wouldhave fucked us up more.
I think it was on Route Apple.
Uh we're coming back from a KLEor something.
(09:34):
And of course, the bad thingsalways happen on a mission that
you're not supposed to be on.
And uh it was this ragtag group,it wasn't all of Rainmaker, I
think it was some of Rainmaker,some of Sledgehammer.
And we weren't even in thenormal VIX that we write in and
all this and that, but we gothit pretty fucking hard.
And uh all I can recall is justof course, you see the flash and
you hear the ring and the boom.
(09:54):
Uh the blast was so intense, uh,it had blown my Kevlar from my
head, and it also blew uh thehandguards off my M16A2.
Uh, and I remember us justcareing off the side of uh one
of those big high roads into arice paddy field.
And uh I remember coming to andlooking around, and Jeremiah was
(10:15):
slumped over the gun.
Uh Fernandez, now retired,Sergeant Major Fernandez.
Uh he was fucked up pretty bad.
He had been bleeding from theface.
Uh uh, Lance Corporal Luna, uh,Lance Corporal Accles.
Uh they were they were all kindof injured and out of it.
Uh Dobbs was the uh vehiclecommander and Regalsperger,
retired gunnery SergeantRegalsperger, he was the driver
(10:38):
and the L Shake door.
So I just remember coming todismounting the vehicle, kind of
surveying what was going on, andthen going to the front of the
VIC because that's where Irecalled the most of the damage
had been sustained because ofthe trajectory of the blast or
whatnot.
And uh just remember seeingRegal there just this just he
was fixated, right?
(10:58):
Uh he was missing a good portionof his face.
Uh just remember reaching inwith my finger, uh clearing out
his airway, and pulled a coupleof his teeth out, and then he
was too big for me just to gethim out.
I don't I don't know if it wasthe pure strength or if another
Marine helped me get out.
I remember pulling him out ofthe vehicle, uh rolling him
over, uh again, clearing hisairway, putting a nasal trumpet
(11:20):
in him, and then uh stuffing hisface to a degree with uh some uh
gauze and and making sure hisairway was open.
So he he was uh he wasunfortunately but fortunately he
was medevacked out of there.
They were all of them were uhvia or Cazovac because we took
him to VIC uh back of the uhseven ton.
But uh when I moved Savage's uhflak jacket, it was still
(11:45):
smoking, he was on fire wherethe shrapnel had entered.
I s and as soon as I took hisflak jacket off, he was still
conscious.
He's like, hey doc, you know, hewas talking to me.
And I say, Hey Marie, will beall right?
I got you, devil.
Uh and then the blood justwhoosh out the back of his flak.
It's probably about a good 30millimeter hole.
And I knew that there's not muchI could do.
(12:07):
Uh, so what I did do is I packedit with what I could.
I uh um put an occlusivedressing on it and uh got him up
to the top of the road and uhwas able to continue on with
that.
And then he started dumping onme, what we call it.
So I started two IV lines onhim, was successful.
Uh got the fluids going and wasworking on, and there then there
(12:28):
was the chaos.
Fernet Fernandez was coming upto me.
He's like, I can't see, I can'tsleep.
Uh I just wiped his face.
He's like, get the fuck out ofthe way, you're not a problem
right now.
It's like I gotta worry aboutRegal and uh the other one.
And uh Luna was pretty fucked uptoo.
Uh we had bleeding behind hiseye because of the overblast
pressure, and then Accles, he wecall him Moose, and he's just a
big dumb moose.
(12:48):
I love him, but uh he was okay,so they were walking wounded.
Um and then uh getting uhJeremiah into the back of the
truck when he stopped, you know,pretty much breathing on his
own.
So I had to breathe for himuntil we got him to the EAS.
But yeah, that was tough.
(13:11):
Uh and then watched him work onhim.
But uh yeah.
Well we found out that uh, youknow, it it hit his ascending,
descending, or you would have soeven on the if it was on the
table in a surgical suite, itwouldn't have made.
But he gave up a good fight.
So we we all anticipated that,but uh, it was still hard to uh
(13:33):
hear that.
But yeah, uh Regal, Regal endedup recovering and he ended up
staying in the core, so didFernie, and uh yeah.
I I myself was injured and Ididn't realize at the time.
So I was covered in his blood,my blood, and uh I ended up
getting seen later at the BAS.
(13:54):
And I didn't realize I was uhactually concussed like severely
and uh I realized that the nextfollowing day is when I was
thrown up in the shop becauseyou know you want to stay with
your guys, you don't saynothing.
So yeah, that was fucked up, butuh yeah, uh so that was probably
(14:15):
the most memorable.
Uh and fortunately to this day,as as many times as I've been
back to combat, that's the onlyAmerican life that I'd lost.
Um well the angels got him, butI I I and I still have him, but
yeah, uh that that was a toughone.
Uh but again in retrospect, I Ididn't have a lot of uh I do
(14:38):
have survivors' remorse orregret, but ultimately I knew uh
I did what I had I had to do tosustain while he left.
And uh fortunately I got to meetMama Savage for the first time.
And uh Savage had said a fewwords to me uh before he left.
And uh I I thought I was gonnahave to repeat those, and uh I
didn't have to.
(14:59):
Uh Mama Savage just looked at meand she said, I already know.
So that that to me has broughtme a lot of peace in the in the
end is knowing that uh mother ofthat child uh trusted that her
son in my care.
So but yeah, that that was good.
Uh out of all that four and uhnightmare that transpired,
(15:20):
that's a good thing that I wasable to keep that.
So but uh yeah, that's probablythe last more memorable cast for
the uh was the loss of Jeremiah.
So but we all we all all therest of us you know recovered
and got to move on since then.
So yeah, Matt, and that's all Igotta say about that.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Well take a minute, man.
Take a breath.
Thank you.
If nobody's said that in awhile, no, thank you for what
you did on that day.
You you you're talking about animpossible situation.
And you could have had uh thatcould have happened in a
(16:06):
hospital and drag him to theoperating room and he would not
have survived those wounds.
Right, but you likely savedRegelsberger's life.
And you and you yourself werewere a casualty.
Well, you needed a dock for thedock, and there wasn't one.
You were one dock for twoplatoons.
So again, I don't I don't know.
(16:30):
I don't know what else to say toyou, but thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (16:33):
You said enough by just being here today, bro.
You know, all of you, YouTubelike yeah, I mean I I haven't no
one not I don't think there'sonly been a handful of people
I've ever told that story to.
Because again, you know, uhhaven't endured what we've
endured.
You there's not a lot of peoplethat understand.
(16:53):
And that's another reason why Icame on to this uh thing.
I'm not medicated, nor have Ibeen.
You know, I don't even drinkalcohol anymore.
Uh just because it doesn't alignwith me.
It doesn't work, you know, itbrings out too much of the
demons.
Uh but I still live with themevery day.
You know, there's not a day thatdoesn't go by that I have some
fleeting thought or some memory,you know.
(17:13):
Uh so hopefully this will bringpeace to others as well.
Uh as they listen to thesestories and they and they
understand that uh they too arenot alone, you know, and that's
why I talked about Brian alittle bit.
Uh because, you know, he he he'sbeen through it.
Yeah, we've all been through it.
SPEAKER_00 (17:32):
I appreciate you bringing up Mama Savage and the
importance of uh you know, I Ihadn't gone to any of the rune
unions up until the 20th.
And uh I was kind of reluctant,and then I kind of made the
decision, okay, I gotta I gottado this.
Uh fortunately Nylon uh camealong too.
(17:54):
I I don't know if I would haveprocessed as well as I would
have if I uh wanted I had that.
But um being able to seeeverybody and kind of touch
base, there is uh I'm not gonnauh name names, but there was two
different Marines that I wasable to uh touch base with that
(18:17):
I didn't know was were hangingon to something that they wanted
to apologize for.
And um I I had no idea that theyhad, I mean, it didn't uh
they're uh the the tragedy ofguilt is uh sometimes the other
per you know you you feel guiltytowards someone and uh they're
(18:40):
not holding on to anything.
And so you know you're you'recarrying this for years and
years and years, and then youfinally be, I'm so sorry for
this thing.
They're like, what the fuck areyou even talking about?
Um and uh it's uh it'sunfortunate that sometimes it
takes 20 years, but it's sopowerful to have those
interactions.
(19:00):
And um I think you said itperfectly, you know, you can you
get a little bit of peace.
Um, you get to put somethingdown that you carry.
Um and it is hard.
We've we've talked about that acouple of times of you know, the
these stories of the military,especially in Romani, they don't
flow very easily with peoplethat haven't actually, you know.
(19:23):
Sometimes it's easier to talk toa vet from Vietnam that's all
the shit than it is to talk tosomebody your own age um about
some of the things that youcarry.
And it just gets easier andeasier um as you're talking with
people that went through exactlywhat you did, uh, you know,
whether it's combat, whetherit's Iraq, whether it's a
Ramadi, Ramadi 04.
You don't have to explain asmuch.
And um just like Nylan said, I II appreciate you for sharing
(19:50):
that story.
Um and uh and also being beingthat frontline person for me
when I was over there.
Fortunately, I didn't need toutilize you.
Um, but I knew I had somebody umlike you and also Doc Raybrandt,
because he ended up coming outwhen you couldn't cover.
Now that I'm remembering thestory now, I'm remembering Doc
(20:11):
Raybrandt as the one that thencame out.
SPEAKER_01 (20:14):
He came out with us a lot too, yeah, to help cover.
SPEAKER_03 (20:16):
So yeah, he was our senior line corpsman, so he it
was his responsibility, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:22):
Yeah, yeah.
I got a couple memories of him.
It'd be fun to get his story.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (20:29):
Well, I think he ran for Senate, he ran for Senate or
Congress or something in NewYork, right?
He's up in New York, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:36):
Yeah, this is more his story, but he uh ended up
doing combat surgery uh in thehooch.
Um, I don't know if you rememberthis.
I can't think of who I think itmight have been Wade.
He had a um he ended up gettingan assist on his on his neck,
and it was like right where theflak jack.
It like rested.
(20:58):
And uh they lanced it once ortwice, but it would it kept
coming back.
It had the the the seed orwhatever you call it, it was was
there.
And they told him that he wasgonna have to go back, uh you
know, whether it was Baghdad ormaybe back to Germany for the
surgery.
And Doc was like, or I couldtake it out.
(21:18):
And uh we went into the hoochthat wasn't being used, and
eventually they became the uhthe interpreters with hooch, but
Doc sat on the middle of hisback.
I I then sat and like pinned hisarms down and had it held his
head and uh pulled pulled uhstupid pulled that pulled that
out.
I was as I was his uh I was hissurgeon tech uh surge uh
(21:41):
surgical tech and uh and then wepacked full of gauze and uh I I
was I was in charge of helpingto replace that every once in a
while.
And anyways, I mean like I meanit goes back to what you said,
Doc, that you know, even when wegot hurt, no one I mean, maybe
there's a couple guys that youknow took a ticket home and
(22:04):
didn't want to come back, but Ithink more often than not the
story is is that you would gethurt and you had the option of
going, but it was like fuckthat.
You either covered up the woundor you you you know you bear
down and and push through thewhatever was going on.
SPEAKER_03 (22:19):
I think Kondi's a big reminder of that.
100%.
SPEAKER_00 (22:23):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:24):
I mean, even from that same platoon.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I remember the day he wasshot, but through and through,
and uh yeah, uh Doc Biawkaactually he was in weapons
company because him and I werein Field Med together and he was
uh a combat replacement, so wedidn't have enough Corman to
leave.
So uh he ended up showing up tothe unit and he wasn't assigned
(22:46):
to anybody.
And I convinced him to come overto the weapons company.
I was like, dude, you gotta comewith weapons company.
Yeah, so I I I convinced DocDiaca to come over, and I still
remember that the day he wasshot, and I was just the stupid
shit we say, right?
Like I roll up and uh I waslike, hey man, you got the party
started without me.
You know, just some shit likethat.
But uh yeah.
(23:06):
Uh still remember Doc c Doc'sface with looking conde was
still fighting with Doc tryingto get that shit on him and you
know cover up the wound, andyeah, kept that press on.
So that was very admirable, youknow.
SPEAKER_01 (23:18):
Yep, yeah.
He kept telling Doc to uh stopbandaging him up and that the
enemy was laughing at him, andthen he was gonna go, he was
gonna take care of it.
SPEAKER_03 (23:25):
Yeah, yeah, and he sure the fuck did he sure did.
SPEAKER_01 (23:28):
Maybe a little less serious.
What'd you do in your downtime,man?
What'd you do when you're Nornout shooting folks?
SPEAKER_03 (23:36):
Uh I think we all remember the guy that uh sold
the CDs, right?
So I watched a lot of movies.
SPEAKER_01 (23:41):
Yeah, well, until we we end up killing that
motherfucker on a raid, but yes,I do remember the DVD guy.
SPEAKER_03 (23:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause he's I guess we wascalling in to the we couldn't
figure out how they were gettingso close to our fob and all that
shit, you know.
I I still remember one daydistinctly when I was on one of
my cigarette breaks, I wassmoking a cigarette and then uh
uh it looked like a four-inchrocket.
I just remember the boosh, yeah,and it comes cruising over the
gate, and then I'm like, whatthe fuck is and boom, it hit the
(24:09):
the the tricon or the quadconfull of tires and and com
batteries.
I just remember that shit.
I was like, oh, that's gonna befucked up.
But uh, I remember that fireburning for like two days.
But uh yeah, I watched a lot ofmovies, man.
I got all the guy I don'tfucking hang me, right?
Uh spades.
I still don't know how to playspades, right?
Uh how the guys would playspades, I would just watch.
(24:30):
I spent a lot of time to myselfand just like uh thinking about
what was next, you know, whatwas I gonna do and preparing
myself for the next day.
But uh yeah, I I I'd been incombat a few more times and I
was I was just found thatstaying in the zone kind of
helped me and prevented me fromlosing track and sight of uh
what was next at hand.
I know it sounds kind of cheesy,but that was my survival skill,
(24:53):
was just staying in the fuckingzone, man.
SPEAKER_01 (24:55):
I mean, not really, man.
I mean you you look at listen tostories like from Tiger Woods,
just to use an example fromsomething completely unrelated
to combat.
That's what he talks about ingolf.
Like he's if you see him take ashot, he's not even thinking
about the shot he just took.
He's thinking about three shotsahead and planning the whole
course.
He's walking the course in hismind, and that's that's a good
way to stay in it and perform ata high level.
(25:16):
So that's not not a wrong thingto do at all.
It's probably a good way to doit.
SPEAKER_03 (25:20):
That's how we get here this far.
SPEAKER_01 (25:22):
So yeah, we're what you have any funny memories of
anything?
Anybody do anything goofy otherthan Corrota and and Hodges
fighting over a rifle in themiddle of a gunfight?
SPEAKER_03 (25:31):
Uh hazing.
Let's talk about hazing.
It's all fun and game.
SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
That's a good 81 story.
SPEAKER_03 (25:40):
Until someone gets a room stick up their ass, right?
I think one of the I think thefunnier things was that was the
phantom shitter, right?
So the the you know, theshitters, we couldn't have uh,
you know, uh, you're notsupposed to go shitting them
because the septic tank didn'twork.
Hodges, man.
I think he he he he was alwayshe was always on the look.
I think it was hidden.
I think Reagan was the phantomshitter, but someone would
(26:01):
always just go leave a fuckingnice, healthy fucking dump in
there.
My two was either Hodges or afellow Ackles.
Maybe maybe they'll they'lldivulge the secret here one day.
But uh yeah, I think remember uhReagan walking in, like, god
damn it, jerking your shit andthe shit.
You ain't supposed to be backhere, and Ackles has just kept
going, you know, jerking hisshit.
(26:22):
So it was just fuckinghilarious.
It's always that always justthat kind of weird shit.
And uh I think one time Safui,we made him do Ninja Turtles and
he was hairy, so we shaved 81sinto his back, you know, that
sort of thing, you know.
Yeah, that was hilarious.
But uh yeah, just that I meanthat's how you build
camaraderie, right?
Like no one was ever reallyoffended by that shit.
(26:42):
We said the most racist,misogynistic, bigger things that
could be ever done, and like andno one ever took it personally,
right?
No one ever took it personally.
Yep.
Um, but yeah, uh I yeah, I haveso many very fond memories of
that, right?
Um, and it's weird, you know,seeing the the young Marines
today.
Like I'd mentioned, I had uh Ihad two four on my ship when
(27:03):
they were doing their mu workup, and I go in there and and
typically the mortar platoononly had the one token black
guy.
And uh I'd found the mortar man.
I was like, which one of youfuckers are 41s?
And they're like, I was like,wait a minute, one, two, wait,
you got you guys got three moreblack dudes than you're supposed
to have, and they all startedand now mind you, I'm already in
my in my in my late 30s, right?
(27:24):
And these guys are all 18,19-year-old fucking kids, and
they're like, Who the fuck isthis chief walking around the
boat in this fucking blueuniform talking all this shit?
And I was like, Yeah, youfuckers don't even know, but uh
yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like you little fucksfucking boots, right?
So I think my wife alwaysremembers this is uh me getting
phone calls like at 12 in themorning.
(27:45):
The Marines either stabbedthemselves or got stabbed in a
bar fight, and I'd go suturethem up at the fucking barracks.
And like, why are you takingthree hours?
I can't leave without drinking abeer, you know.
So I think there's a lot ofthose memories which are really
hazing to me.
But again, I get stories all thetime, like you know, Blake was
saying, it's like, oh, now Ikind of remember, but yeah, just
those those fucking stories,man, that you just I can't
(28:08):
believe we survived that shit.
Not even in combat, like, but uhin the rear, you know, with the
gear.
So I think one of the harderparts was was uh Ramadi going
from Ramadi to going to Okinawaon that 31st Mew.
You know, I took Doc Rakebrand'sjob, so I was senior line
corpsman for weapons company andin Okinawa.
And uh yeah, that was that wasreally good because I got to
(28:30):
bond with the Marines a littlebit more from all the other map
platoons, uh, and then see themand interact with them more and
kind of share those thosestories.
But uh it was that was difficultfrom going from fighting for
your life to fighting for yourrank and uh retired, you know.
I I can't tell you how manytimes we did some shit, whether
it was skinny dipping in thepool or fucking out in Kville
(28:54):
getting fucked up, you know, andjust getting into fights with
the pogs.
So but that's that you know, somany, so many of those great
memories.
Uh this isn't from Ramadi, butuh we were in uh we were in Fuji
and uh Ninth Crime or Ninth Calmwas there, and they were having
their mess night, and they wereall in their camis, and we're on
Liberty.
And one of them popped off andand said something.
(29:15):
And uh Shane you might rememberuh Shard and Lachard.
Oh yeah.
Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But uh I think we hit we yeah,we uh we we got in a huge bar
fight there, and we they endedup calling all the police and
they had to lock us down, theyhad to lock the base down, but
we we beat the shit out of thoseguys.
But uh I think that was one ofthe most fondest and fun
(29:37):
memories was getting into barfights with Marines and that
that kind of shit, you know.
That that that always brought mefucking a chuckle.
So yeah, any of those stories.
SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
I'll be honest, I think I've seen more stab wounds
in the barracks that needed toget stitches than uh than I saw
in combat.
SPEAKER_01 (29:55):
So yeah, by far.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:00):
So what do you so you kind of you touched on uh
that you were a part of thetransition over to Oki, um and
you were running running hardthere towards the end, and you
also briefly brought up the uhthe left seat, right seat.
Um what do you remember of thatlast that last little bit, you
know, um getting brought over towhat's well it became Camp
(30:23):
Ramadi, but Junction City.
Uh what do you remember thetransition for for that going
coming back and then uh the lastpart of uh deployment?
SPEAKER_03 (30:35):
I still remember it being really tough.
Like I felt like there was someresidual or unleft business to
be had, you know, because we Imean we're almost, as you guys
recall, we were almost combateffective, right?
So we we lost a lot of guys thathad to go home early or that
were put in non-commission,right?
I felt, and then you know I'dlost Jeremiah and we lost our
(30:56):
other guys too from weapons, anduh, you know, it's just uh I had
that residual like held on tothat for a long time.
And uh even going through therip, there was a when we're
doing the rip, uh we're in a logtrain and we're putting I think
we're taking the guys from 2-5out to Snake Pit.
And we came into contact, andagain, you you become numb,
(31:17):
right?
So there's a small tick, youknow, it's a few RPGs.
They disabled the seven-ton thatthe seven-ton had got hit, the
brake line got hit, so it lockedup the back wheels and they
couldn't move.
And I remember those guys from2-5.
Now remember they were combattested before because they were
OIF-1 guys, so they uh I thinkthey felt kind of cocky and they
knew what they were gettinginto, but they had no clue what
(31:39):
the fight and house to housewas.
So I remember just dismounted myvehicle, and I I opened the back
of the seven-ton, and I rememberthe face, the look on the face
of a Marine was just in shock.
And I just remember grabbing theguy, I said, Fucking dismount.
And I just grabbed him, I pulledhim out of the fucking vehicle,
I said, go fucking fight.
And I fucking kicked him, andthen I got back in my homie and
(32:00):
then sat there and I was like,Yeah, it's all you guys, you
know.
Because again, I was like, youknow, I I felt a little I felt
bad for those dudes, you know,and they they did go through
their shit uh a lot.
I'm still real good friends witha few of their docs, right?
Um that that they've done that,uh, that we're on that
deployment with.
Um, because we did rip withinthere in Ramadi, and then we did
(32:23):
rip with them in Oki.
But uh uh that transition waswas really difficult.
And was like coming out of thatphase and then going to what we
call shore duty, uh, how do Ilive up to this again?
And I and I felt with andbattled with that for years
again this trying to chase thatsame level of camaraderie that I
had with you guys, and then uhand how does that work with me
(32:45):
staying in the military?
Uh I've I have yet to this dayfound that again.
Um the closest I had is justthese conversations, you know.
Um, I'm not chasing it anymorethough.
I I found that it becomesexhausting, right?
Uh and and it it does weigh,right?
Uh being at the morrow, and Iand I can understand the the
reserve, you know.
Uh I had missed all the othermemorials because I was still
(33:08):
active duty, whether I wasdeployed or or an operation
somewhere.
But that that 20-year mark wasthe good one for me, right?
Again, a little more mature, alittle more uh uh was very
cathartic.
Yeah, very cathartic, very muchmore in tune with myself.
And then hearing some of the thestories, and I'm like, this guy
wasn't even there, like youknow, and unfortunately hearing
(33:30):
some of how the family wasreacting, uh that was that kind
of kind of hit me.
Like the family was kind ofdemanding a little bit more
attention that they they feltthey were entitled to.
Uh, and it was just weird.
I think there was something onone of the pages, like uh the
(33:50):
one of the Facebook pages whereuh a family member is like, I'm
the brother-in-law of, and Idon't mean to discredit or or
take away from our marine, mybrother-in-law, so-and-so, this
happened, you know, we're beingkicked out of the house now,
nobody cares about us.
I'm like, this is just weird.
Like, where is this guy evencoming from?
Like, I didn't understand that.
Uh and then hearing some of someof that where the guys had held
(34:14):
on to some things, and uh to me,I you know, uh, not saying I'm
better than anybody, but I Ikept going back into the shit,
right?
Like a lot of guys were one pumpand then they got out right
either because it was their timeor they just chose to do so.
Um, but what I appreciate is howwell you've done, Blake, and how
uh Shane's done in your lives,right?
So I I I I I don't give thoseguys too much credit to that
(34:37):
effect or degree.
Like uh if you're just holdingon to it, man, you you gotta let
go of some of that shit and makesomething of yourself, you know.
Uh don't just be that guy in theVFW talking about that one tour.
You know, I was referred to itlike the Al Bundy, you know,
four touchdowns in a high schoolgame.
Like you're not in high schoolanymore, but you know, you gotta
grow up, man.
There's there's a whole notherworld out there.
(34:59):
Uh and I now, as I alluded to,this is probably gonna be my
twilight tour.
Uh, I'm not afraid like I usedto be.
I'm not fearful of what's next.
You know, if anything, I'mlooking to embrace the next
journey, even though I amfearful of like interacting with
the civilian population.
I I've kept a very close circle.
You know, I think at my homenow, it's my wife and my two, my
(35:22):
two younger sons, which is 20and 18.
But we don't have friends.
Uh uh, we do have associates,but I think I've had one family
over here, and that was KK andhis family.
But uh, I haven't allowed peopleto be into my circle yet.
I I look forward to that, maybeembracing some new endeavors and
relationships with with peoplethat aren't just military.
SPEAKER_01 (35:43):
But uh, dude, I'm gonna tell you very
straightforward.
I'm gonna tell you that you'rewhat you're describing is more
common than you realize.
I I don't know anyone who isjust straight up open, hope
hosting Tupperware parties andlike you know, like none of that
shit you see in the movies.
I and I say that because I don'tknow anybody who does not from
(36:06):
our cohort of people.
I have some civilian familymembers and friends who have a
big you know network of peopleand they they interface them all
the time.
But out of our guys, I don'tknow anyone who does that.
Everybody has they keep ittight, and that's it.
Like there's no yeah, there's nooutside folks really.
Uh, I mean shit.
(36:27):
I went to Disney World last yearand I we didn't invite anybody
from the neighborhood.
I went with Blake and hisfamily.
Uh so because I can't talk toanybody else, so it just doesn't
work out.
Yeah, and uh so that's not athat's not a bad thing.
Now you said when you came backin 2004 you had same wife as you
(36:47):
do now and young kids.
SPEAKER_03 (36:50):
She I was I was just at dad, right?
So yeah, she had uh my son,which was five at the time, and
my daughter, which was three atthe time, which I you know ended
up raising, and then uh we hadtwo of our own.
So I have two biologicalchildren of my own, uh that I my
my two sons.
So uh I have three sons and adaughter.
SPEAKER_01 (37:11):
My my question was less about, I mean, that's
great.
I'm glad that you you've donethat, but uh my question was
less of that and more about howwhat was it like coming home?
Had it been weird, man.
SPEAKER_03 (37:21):
Yeah.
Uh so you know, Ptsd, right?
You know, uh there I wasdrinking a lot.
I think I was still I was maybeputting a tabber away a day and
then still going to PTE, andbecause that's what we did,
right?
The Marines went, wow, fuckinghow many runs or ruck marches
have we been on that uh you knoweverybody smelled like fucking
booze, right?
(37:42):
Yeah, and uh that was really Iand shit.
There was one time I woke up inthe middle of the night and then
I was I was strangling her,right?
You know, I thought someone wascoming to get me.
Um, you know, uh so she's beenthe rock.
Uh but yeah, we we she's enduredall of it, man.
I mean, she she's got PTSD fromme.
I mean, she's one tough bitch,right?
But she's right.
(38:06):
I'll mail her a purple heart.
Uh yeah, it's like I deserve apurple heart, you know, and and
which and all actually she does,man.
Like uh for fairness here,because fuck quality, because if
life was fair, I wouldn't be sobeautiful, right?
That you know, she's shared theweight, you know, she's carried
that weight, yeah.
And uh a lot of that, yeah.
So uh I I I can't commend herand and then the families
(38:28):
anymore, right?
Even to this day, my my kidsdon't even know what I do, and I
think that's what's reallyhelped me maintain that that
balance, right?
Uh they that they don't know, Idon't tell.
Then they know I've been tocombat, sure, but they don't
know, I don't sit there andwell, dad, when dad wasn't with
the marines, I carry the rifle.
No, man, I don't I don't dothat.
(38:48):
Uh that's not their burden tobear, you know.
And uh I I feel honestly that uhagain, like you were talking
about that circle.
Um I don't feel robbed of anyway.
Uh I I feel very blessed uh andbestowed a lot, you know,
because I still I get dudes allthe time.
I think I got a phone call lastnight from a Marine at like
midnight.
(39:09):
I didn't answer it, right?
I checked the voicemail and takesure he was okay, but uh it
wasn't a Romani Marine, justanother Marine.
And uh, but yeah, that that uhthat's some real grit.
So same chick, same, same allthat stuff, man.
SPEAKER_01 (39:24):
So many that's well, I mean that's gotta be what 20,
21 years, 22 years?
SPEAKER_03 (39:28):
So maybe 23.
So I married her.
I was in the Navy for about ayear and some change.
So yeah, so 23 years ofmarriage, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (39:36):
God damn, you're old.
I know.
Well, cool, dude.
That's actually that's prettygood.
It's that sucks about the cominghome and the the struggle
though, but did you feel likedid you feel like you got past
it, or do you feel like you justwent back to work and went to
Okinawa and and head to thegrindstone moving forward?
SPEAKER_03 (39:59):
Uh it took me about latter half of 15 years to get
over it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:06):
I'm not laughing at you, but I'm like, oh yeah, you
know, you could have said 15months and I and but no, 15
years.
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (40:12):
Yeah, yeah, because again, you know, a lot of that I
think the only thing that's keptme ahead or above float is I was
I grew up, both my parents werefucking heroin at X fan.
Like, you know, I I raisedmyself at 13 and uh was out of
the house, and then I came backand got my mother into uh
disability.
Uh, you know, unfortunatelythey're they're both deceased
(40:34):
now, but fortunately they're nothaving to suffer with what they
had to suffer with.
Uh and then what really helpedme is being in the medical field
and and understanding how PTSDor PTS works.
Yeah, you know, it never reallygoes away, right?
So that I say PTS becausedisorder would imply that it's
curable.
Uh it's not curable, it'smanageable.
(40:56):
Uh uh and and getting to have abetter understanding of that and
comprehending, you know, howthat works.
It is has rewired my thoughtprocesses in my brain.
Uh but they've been able tosuppress them healthily uh
without being medicated.
And the fact that I'm notmedicated, it is is still a
wonder, right?
Uh I'm not a PT stud or anythinglike that, but I I do find a lot
(41:20):
of uh relief and like meditationand stuff like that.
Um but yeah, it took me a good15 years to kind of get out of
that zone.
Uh and then what happened theworst was during COVID, I ran
into some uh difficulties withthat because uh people's
inability to see or treat peoplehumanely for someone that has
(41:41):
had to take a life or two.
You know, uh uh I'm real big onuh being humane and being
humble.
Uh and when was working with uha group or triad or uh chain of
command that didn't understandthat uh these are still people
and you should treat them assuch.
That I ran into somedifficulties on USS last ship,
(42:04):
and uh I should have probablygone to the brig.
I'm I may or may not have triedto assault my medical officer
and uh told my master chief hewas a big fat piece of shit and
my skipper that he was aspineless pussy, but you know uh
they always hit me with that,like, oh this guy's a war hero
and blah blah.
Like, dude, no, I'm not, right?
That a lot of a lot of uhprecedence has been put on that.
(42:24):
I I don't see that at all,right?
I I just see myself as a uhordinary human being that's
survived extraordinary uhsituations.
Uh I think if I was just thebasic sailor, I would have
probably gotten a lot moretrouble.
But uh even for Sergeant Mack,there were some times where I'd
went out in Okinawa and and findmyself in a little uh uh tough
(42:46):
situations, but having him pullme in and realign me and uh tell
me I'm not that person and Ishould do better, uh that it
helped me.
Uh but yeah, it still took me agood about 15 years to kind of
get out of that that weird funkof like I felt that somebody
owed me something or I still oweuh these other people these
things when I I just owe it tomyself and uh that I was my own
(43:09):
worst enemy, if anyone else.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (43:12):
That's that's a good point.
Yeah.
A lot of people suffer a lot ofthings because of their own hand
more than anybody else.
You can hurt you more thananybody else can hurt you.
And you and I could probablyhave a whole podcast just
specifically on talking aboutpost-traumatic stress, but you
hit on something that's veryimportant, and that's
evidence-based wise, the bestpossible treatment for PTS and
(43:35):
depression is exercise.
Uh, highest efficacy.
So, out of all the things, itsounds like you've moved along
healthily, although it toosounds like it took you a
minute.
I wish maybe we should havetalked earlier.
Shit, I don't know.
I don't know if it would havebeen any better.
I was probably in a bad placetoo, but it's good, man.
Is there anything else you wantto share, buddy?
SPEAKER_03 (43:56):
No, I just appreciate the fact I feel I was
getting left out.
I've seen all these podcasts andeverybody on there, and Doc
Bundy beat me to the punch.
I was like, oh, what the fuck?
So I feel like I'll take astring.
SPEAKER_01 (44:07):
You know, it's funny you say that.
I bet you there's a few peopleout there that probably feel
that same way.
And I'll tell you, we don't haveany list.
Uh literally, it has just beenpeople volunteering so far, and
we have not like reallycontacted anybody or asked
anybody specifically.
I'm hoping to line up everybody.
The goal is to get everybodyfrom Weapons Company at some
point, as many people as we can.
(44:29):
Uh, you know, we're moving onwhat 21 years.
Some people are not with usanymore because of whatever
reason, and so we're not evergonna get their story, but if we
can get everybody else, that'dbe great.
Well, hey man, again, so man.
Thank you for everything you didin 2004, but also thank you for
being you now and uh thanks forsharing, dude.
(44:50):
Really appreciate it.
Right, brother.
SPEAKER_00 (44:52):
Yeah, thanks, man.
Appreciate you.
Thanks, man.
If you like what you heard, makesure you subscribe for future
episodes on your favoritepodcast service.
This is part two of our conversation with Rudy
Contreras, Navy Corpsman withRainmaker Platoon.
Well man, let me uh put thescrews to you.
Tell me a little about uh abouttreating some casualties.
Let's see if we can uh get a fewmedical stories out of you at
least.
SPEAKER_03 (01:20):
Uh I one of my fonder memories or a couple of
them is uh and I don't rememberwhat engagement was.
We're high value target.
We're we're pushing up on theenemy, and uh we're supposed to
grab some ID makers, right?
So uh we grab this guy, and he'sgets the good old 556.
(01:41):
So through and through, he's gotan open tip-fib fracture, and
he's laying in the field.
And of course, I don't know whatis with the Iraqis, they all
shit themselves when they gotshot and they all cry for Allah.
But so I'm over there and we'retreating this dude at the one
little tree.
Uh it was a it was a fig tree orwhat, but it was there, and uh,
I was getting direct fire, andthey were shooting at me, and
(02:03):
the other the Iraqis wereshooting at the other rocky, but
uh, I'm over there treating thisdude, and I get them all you
know spun up, get them, get thetourniquet on them, get them all
fucking bandaged up, and uh I'mlike all the Marines like I I
could just because you knoweverything kind of like narrows
down and you get that funnel uhvision or that tunnel vision,
(02:24):
and uh they're like talk, talk,and I'm like, what?
And I remember the roundshitting by me and like fuck.
So I end up trying to pull thisfat fucker behind this berm, get
him all packaged up, and we hadsmoked one of his friends, and
uh another one of his guys wasstill alive.
And uh I uh I walk up and uhCaptain Weiler was like, Hey
(02:47):
Doc, you're gonna take care ofhim?
And I kind of looked back andforth.
I was like, Okay, sir, and Ijust pulled my nine out, like,
no, no, doc, don't no, not likethat.
I was like, Oh, oh, okay, and Iput it back, and then I and I
treat him and we get himpackaged up, we get him in the
truck, and the Marines, oh poorCorporal Ponte, Nick, he we we
(03:07):
use uh his his poncho.
He he was that gear guy, right?
He always uh always had all hisgear on him.
So we get his poncho, we wrapthis one dude up and we put him
in the back of the Humvee, andthere's three of them, right?
So uh two are two are WA, one'sKIA, and we're moving up this
hill, and the Bradleys arecoming.
And you remember how the thehills all went pretty steep
(03:30):
slope.
Yep, and uh something or anotherhappened.
They're like, stop, stop.
They slam the brakes on thetruck, and they just see all the
bodies just slide forward, boom.
And I'm like, whatever.
So we get off, and I actuallyhave a picture of this, and uh
we're doing I'm doing myturnover with the with the
medic, the army medic, and like,yeah, I got two WIA, this is
(03:51):
what I got, and one KIA.
And they're like, no, dude, yougot two KIA.
I was like, the fuck out ofhere, dude.
That guy's like perfect, man.
I see he's stabilized.
I got he even got morphine,right?
And uh when I when I did that, Iwent down and I looked and I
checked his pulse, he was dead.
I was like, there's no fuckingthis guy didn't, he only had an
(04:11):
open tip fit fracture, right?
He didn't bleed out, like thetourniquet was on and it started
down.
He snapped, they snapped hisneck, right?
From the the impact of thetrunk, snapped his fucking neck,
and I was like, Oh shit.
But I remember arguing over thiscasualty because uh Captain
Weiler at the time, he was like,he needed to give him morphine.
I was like, sir, only have onemorphine left because we only
(04:33):
got three stylets, which wasbullshit, right?
And uh, and I was like, sir,only have one.
It's like dog, he needs themorphine, give him the morphine.
I was like, okay, sir, I'mgiving him the morphine.
And fucking, I gave this dudethe morphine.
But yeah, it was that was thatwas a funny one that I thought
was kind of, I mean, the dudepassed away, but yeah, I thought
I was pretty fucked up aboutthat that casualty.
(04:53):
Um another time, I think it wasduring bug hunt or one of the
big the big fights when uh oneof the other companies had uh
cordon off area, and we had justleft the snake pit.
Um so we're doing movement tocontact, and uh, we hadn't
dismounted yet, so we're stillon the VIX, and we're pulling up
and the good old taxi cab rollsup.
(05:14):
We stopped the vehicle, andthere's a casualty in the
backseat, and he has an opencompound fracture of the uh the
femur.
So his legs just there, bloodsall over the car.
But he had a tourniquet on, andwe had known that you know they
had our gear was compromised insome places and that they were
getting gear from other, youknow, so we knew that they were
getting their gear, and I waslike, fuck this, this shoe got
(05:36):
the tourniquet, and the windlesstourniquet, that was a that was
a scarcity, right?
So we didn't have a lot ofthose.
So I gave him my good oldtourniquet that I had made out
of my um you know, uh grenadering and stick.
So I took that tourniquet off, Iput another tourniquet on, and
while I was doing that, I hadthe marine next to me, it's
Lance Corporal Tebow.
He's like, hey man, I need youto pull traction on this dude's
(05:58):
leg.
Okay.
And the guy, he you know, he'she's out of it because he's lost
a lot of blood.
But uh, um, so we get him on theground, he pulls traction, and
you could just hear that fromthe leg and the marine that
looked that he's like, oh he'sabout to fucking pass.
Like, don't you fucking do it?
And I'm like, God damn it, holdhis fucking leg, Table.
(06:18):
And get him backed up, and wesend him back to uh Snake Pit.
But come to find out that he hadalready been treated at the
snake pit and they had releasedhim, and uh that's where they
had got the tourniquet from.
Uh, because after our debriefs,I was talking to the guys.
I was like, hey, you guys isthat we treated this fucking
guy.
It's like he this was the secondtime he came back here.
(06:39):
Uh and then another one that waskind of funny.
Uh again, being in the zone, uhI knew very little far seeing.
I think Matsud was for blood,and Ali Baba was bad guy, right?
So uh we get this dude and we'retaking sporadic fire and we're
moving into the Gordon, and theMarines were around me, and you
(07:01):
know, good fire team leader.
He takes spot and he's looking,uh surveying where we're about
to enter it.
And it was Corporal Leighton atthe time.
He hands me his rifle, and thisis before I had a rifle.
So I'm like, oh shit, I have arifle.
Uh he hands me the rifle, andwe're the car pulls up, we get
him out, and he's got a bandageon a neck.
And I'm like, uh, what happened?
(07:23):
What happened?
He's like, uh Alibaba.
And I was like, You Alibaba?
And he's like, Yes.
And I'm like, oh shit.
He said, he said he's a bad guy.
So I raised the rifle and I putit right there, and then I was
gonna shoot him, and then uh uhCorporal Lake and Doc, what the
fuck are you doing?
He grabs the rifle out of myhand and he takes it out.
Long story short, the guy, theguy was not a bad guy.
(07:44):
He got shot and he wascollateral damage, but it was
one of the front of your thingsthat you know uh again where I
was in that situation, like badguy, bad guy, shoot.
But I I did I did treat a lot ofuh I treated more enemy and
civilian casualties than I didMarines, which I'm very, very I
know it sounds dark and and badto say, but I was very happy of
(08:07):
that, right?
And uh that's come into questionthroughout the years, like how
how do you treat the enemyinsurgents?
I mean, these guys, like I'dmentioned the guy with the
tidbit fracture that I treatedended up subsequently dying, and
then uh uh the guy with the theopen femur fracture.
Um, I don't know if you lived ornot, but they asked it's like
you knew those guys were enemiesand they shot at you.
(08:28):
Uh for me, what thatdistinguishes us from them is
you know, the good old MarineCorporate hymn, uh keep our
honor clean, that always stuckto me is how could I keep my
honor clean uh to to revert andturn into them as a savage,
right?
That was the one thing that Ialways held on to, and I'm still
proud of it to this day.
(08:49):
Uh, have I taken uh insurgents'lives?
Yeah, absolutely.
Have I taken innocent life?
I don't know, right?
Uh being in that uh situationand having engaged the enemy on
multiple avenues and effects,but uh yeah, um being treatment
casualties, the those are myfonder memories from from Ramadi
is those those few that uh uhhad seen the enemies.
(09:11):
Uh but yeah, uh one of theharder ones is uh when I
actually got hit on May 12th ofuh 2004, that's the day that we
lost Jeremiah.
Um that one was tough, right?
Uh we had hit uh 155.
That was uh it probably wouldhave fucked us up more.
I think it was on Route Apple.
Uh we're coming back from a KLEor something.
(09:34):
And of course, the bad thingsalways happen on a mission that
you're not supposed to be on.
And uh it was this ragtag group,it wasn't all of Rainmaker, I
think it was some of Rainmaker,some of Sledgehammer.
And we weren't even in thenormal VIX that we write in and
all this and that, but we gothit pretty fucking hard.
And uh all I can recall is justof course, you see the flash and
you hear the ring and the boom.
(09:54):
Uh the blast was so intense, uh,it had blown my Kevlar from my
head, and it also blew uh thehandguards off my M16A2.
Uh, and I remember us justcareing off the side of uh one
of those big high roads into arice paddy field.
And uh I remember coming to andlooking around, and Jeremiah was
(10:15):
slumped over the gun.
Uh Fernandez, now retired,Sergeant Major Fernandez.
Uh he was fucked up pretty bad.
He had been bleeding from theface.
Uh uh, Lance Corporal Luna, uh,Lance Corporal Accles.
Uh they were they were all kindof injured and out of it.
Uh Dobbs was the uh vehiclecommander and Regalsperger,
retired gunnery SergeantRegalsperger, he was the driver
(10:38):
and the L Shake door.
So I just remember coming todismounting the vehicle, kind of
surveying what was going on, andthen going to the front of the
VIC because that's where Irecalled the most of the damage
had been sustained because ofthe trajectory of the blast or
whatnot.
And uh just remember seeingRegal there just this just he
was fixated, right?
(10:58):
Uh he was missing a good portionof his face.
Uh just remember reaching inwith my finger, uh clearing out
his airway, and pulled a coupleof his teeth out, and then he
was too big for me just to gethim out.
I don't I don't know if it wasthe pure strength or if another
Marine helped me get out.
I remember pulling him out ofthe vehicle, uh rolling him
over, uh again, clearing hisairway, putting a nasal trumpet
(11:20):
in him, and then uh stuffing hisface to a degree with uh some uh
gauze and and making sure hisairway was open.
So he he was uh he wasunfortunately but fortunately he
was medevacked out of there.
They were all of them were uhvia or Cazovac because we took
him to VIC uh back of the uhseven ton.
But uh when I moved Savage's uhflak jacket, it was still
(11:45):
smoking, he was on fire wherethe shrapnel had entered.
I s and as soon as I took hisflak jacket off, he was still
conscious.
He's like, hey doc, you know, hewas talking to me.
And I say, Hey Marie, will beall right?
I got you, devil.
Uh and then the blood justwhoosh out the back of his flak.
It's probably about a good 30millimeter hole.
And I knew that there's not muchI could do.
(12:07):
Uh, so what I did do is I packedit with what I could.
I uh um put an occlusivedressing on it and uh got him up
to the top of the road and uhwas able to continue on with
that.
And then he started dumping onme, what we call it.
So I started two IV lines onhim, was successful.
Uh got the fluids going and wasworking on, and there then there
(12:28):
was the chaos.
Fernet Fernandez was coming upto me.
He's like, I can't see, I can'tsleep.
Uh I just wiped his face.
He's like, get the fuck out ofthe way, you're not a problem
right now.
It's like I gotta worry aboutRegal and uh the other one.
And uh Luna was pretty fucked uptoo.
Uh we had bleeding behind hiseye because of the overblast
pressure, and then Accles, he wecall him Moose, and he's just a
big dumb moose.
(12:48):
I love him, but uh he was okay,so they were walking wounded.
Um and then uh getting uhJeremiah into the back of the
truck when he stopped, you know,pretty much breathing on his
own.
So I had to breathe for himuntil we got him to the EAS.
But yeah, that was tough.
(13:11):
Uh and then watched him work onhim.
But uh yeah.
Well we found out that uh, youknow, it it hit his ascending,
descending, or you would have soeven on the if it was on the
table in a surgical suite, itwouldn't have made.
But he gave up a good fight.
So we we all anticipated that,but uh, it was still hard to uh
(13:33):
hear that.
But yeah, uh Regal, Regal endedup recovering and he ended up
staying in the core, so didFernie, and uh yeah.
I I myself was injured and Ididn't realize at the time.
So I was covered in his blood,my blood, and uh I ended up
getting seen later at the BAS.
(13:54):
And I didn't realize I was uhactually concussed like severely
and uh I realized that the nextfollowing day is when I was
thrown up in the shop becauseyou know you want to stay with
your guys, you don't saynothing.
So yeah, that was fucked up, butuh yeah, uh so that was probably
(14:15):
the most memorable.
Uh and fortunately to this day,as as many times as I've been
back to combat, that's the onlyAmerican life that I'd lost.
Um well the angels got him, butI I I and I still have him, but
yeah, uh that that was a toughone.
Uh but again in retrospect, I Ididn't have a lot of uh I do
(14:38):
have survivors' remorse orregret, but ultimately I knew uh
I did what I had I had to do tosustain while he left.
And uh fortunately I got to meetMama Savage for the first time.
And uh Savage had said a fewwords to me uh before he left.
And uh I I thought I was gonnahave to repeat those, and uh I
didn't have to.
(14:59):
Uh Mama Savage just looked at meand she said, I already know.
So that that to me has broughtme a lot of peace in the in the
end is knowing that uh mother ofthat child uh trusted that her
son in my care.
So but yeah, that that was good.
Uh out of all that four and uhnightmare that transpired,
(15:20):
that's a good thing that I wasable to keep that.
So but uh yeah, that's probablythe last more memorable cast for
the uh was the loss of Jeremiah.
So but we all we all all therest of us you know recovered
and got to move on since then.
So yeah, Matt, and that's all Igotta say about that.
SPEAKER_01 (15:42):
Well take a minute, man.
Take a breath.
Thank you.
If nobody's said that in awhile, no, thank you for what
you did on that day.
You you you're talking about animpossible situation.
And you could have had uh thatcould have happened in a
(16:06):
hospital and drag him to theoperating room and he would not
have survived those wounds.
Right, but you likely savedRegelsberger's life.
And you and you yourself werewere a casualty.
Well, you needed a dock for thedock, and there wasn't one.
You were one dock for twoplatoons.
So again, I don't I don't know.
(16:30):
I don't know what else to say toyou, but thank you.
SPEAKER_03 (16:33):
You said enough by just being here today, bro.
You know, all of you, YouTubelike yeah, I mean I I haven't no
one not I don't think there'sonly been a handful of people
I've ever told that story to.
Because again, you know, uhhaven't endured what we've
endured.
You there's not a lot of peoplethat understand.
(16:53):
And that's another reason why Icame on to this uh thing.
I'm not medicated, nor have Ibeen.
You know, I don't even drinkalcohol anymore.
Uh just because it doesn't alignwith me.
It doesn't work, you know, itbrings out too much of the
demons.
Uh but I still live with themevery day.
You know, there's not a day thatdoesn't go by that I have some
fleeting thought or some memory,you know.
(17:13):
Uh so hopefully this will bringpeace to others as well.
Uh as they listen to thesestories and they and they
understand that uh they too arenot alone, you know, and that's
why I talked about Brian alittle bit.
Uh because, you know, he he he'sbeen through it.
Yeah, we've all been through it.
SPEAKER_00 (17:32):
I appreciate you bringing up Mama Savage and the
importance of uh you know, I Ihadn't gone to any of the rune
unions up until the 20th.
And uh I was kind of reluctant,and then I kind of made the
decision, okay, I gotta I gottado this.
Uh fortunately Nylon uh camealong too.
(17:54):
I I don't know if I would haveprocessed as well as I would
have if I uh wanted I had that.
But um being able to seeeverybody and kind of touch
base, there is uh I'm not gonnauh name names, but there was two
different Marines that I wasable to uh touch base with that
(18:17):
I didn't know was were hangingon to something that they wanted
to apologize for.
And um I I had no idea that theyhad, I mean, it didn't uh
they're uh the the tragedy ofguilt is uh sometimes the other
per you know you you feel guiltytowards someone and uh they're
(18:40):
not holding on to anything.
And so you know you're you'recarrying this for years and
years and years, and then youfinally be, I'm so sorry for
this thing.
They're like, what the fuck areyou even talking about?
Um and uh it's uh it'sunfortunate that sometimes it
takes 20 years, but it's sopowerful to have those
interactions.
(19:00):
And um I think you said itperfectly, you know, you can you
get a little bit of peace.
Um, you get to put somethingdown that you carry.
Um and it is hard.
We've we've talked about that acouple of times of you know, the
these stories of the military,especially in Romani, they don't
flow very easily with peoplethat haven't actually, you know.
(19:23):
Sometimes it's easier to talk toa vet from Vietnam that's all
the shit than it is to talk tosomebody your own age um about
some of the things that youcarry.
And it just gets easier andeasier um as you're talking with
people that went through exactlywhat you did, uh, you know,
whether it's combat, whetherit's Iraq, whether it's a
Ramadi, Ramadi 04.
You don't have to explain asmuch.
And um just like Nylan said, I II appreciate you for sharing
(19:50):
that story.
Um and uh and also being beingthat frontline person for me
when I was over there.
Fortunately, I didn't need toutilize you.
Um, but I knew I had somebody umlike you and also Doc Raybrandt,
because he ended up coming outwhen you couldn't cover.
Now that I'm remembering thestory now, I'm remembering Doc
(20:11):
Raybrandt as the one that thencame out.
SPEAKER_01 (20:14):
He came out with us a lot too, yeah, to help cover.
SPEAKER_03 (20:16):
So yeah, he was our senior line corpsman, so he it
was his responsibility, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:22):
Yeah, yeah.
I got a couple memories of him.
It'd be fun to get his story.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (20:29):
Well, I think he ran for Senate, he ran for Senate or
Congress or something in NewYork, right?
He's up in New York, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:36):
Yeah, this is more his story, but he uh ended up
doing combat surgery uh in thehooch.
Um, I don't know if you rememberthis.
I can't think of who I think itmight have been Wade.
He had a um he ended up gettingan assist on his on his neck,
and it was like right where theflak jack.
It like rested.
(20:58):
And uh they lanced it once ortwice, but it would it kept
coming back.
It had the the the seed orwhatever you call it, it was was
there.
And they told him that he wasgonna have to go back, uh you
know, whether it was Baghdad ormaybe back to Germany for the
surgery.
And Doc was like, or I couldtake it out.
(21:18):
And uh we went into the hoochthat wasn't being used, and
eventually they became the uhthe interpreters with hooch, but
Doc sat on the middle of hisback.
I I then sat and like pinned hisarms down and had it held his
head and uh pulled pulled uhstupid pulled that pulled that
out.
I was as I was his uh I was hissurgeon tech uh surge uh
(21:41):
surgical tech and uh and then wepacked full of gauze and uh I I
was I was in charge of helpingto replace that every once in a
while.
And anyways, I mean like I meanit goes back to what you said,
Doc, that you know, even when wegot hurt, no one I mean, maybe
there's a couple guys that youknow took a ticket home and
(22:04):
didn't want to come back, but Ithink more often than not the
story is is that you would gethurt and you had the option of
going, but it was like fuckthat.
You either covered up the woundor you you you know you bear
down and and push through thewhatever was going on.
SPEAKER_03 (22:19):
I think Kondi's a big reminder of that.
100%.
SPEAKER_00 (22:23):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (22:24):
I mean, even from that same platoon.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I remember the day he wasshot, but through and through,
and uh yeah, uh Doc Biawkaactually he was in weapons
company because him and I werein Field Med together and he was
uh a combat replacement, so wedidn't have enough Corman to
leave.
So uh he ended up showing up tothe unit and he wasn't assigned
(22:46):
to anybody.
And I convinced him to come overto the weapons company.
I was like, dude, you gotta comewith weapons company.
Yeah, so I I I convinced DocDiaca to come over, and I still
remember that the day he wasshot, and I was just the stupid
shit we say, right?
Like I roll up and uh I waslike, hey man, you got the party
started without me.
You know, just some shit likethat.
But uh yeah.
(23:06):
Uh still remember Doc c Doc'sface with looking conde was
still fighting with Doc tryingto get that shit on him and you
know cover up the wound, andyeah, kept that press on.
So that was very admirable, youknow.
SPEAKER_01 (23:18):
Yep, yeah.
He kept telling Doc to uh stopbandaging him up and that the
enemy was laughing at him, andthen he was gonna go, he was
gonna take care of it.
SPEAKER_03 (23:25):
Yeah, yeah, and he sure the fuck did he sure did.
SPEAKER_01 (23:28):
Maybe a little less serious.
What'd you do in your downtime,man?
What'd you do when you're Nornout shooting folks?
SPEAKER_03 (23:36):
Uh I think we all remember the guy that uh sold
the CDs, right?
So I watched a lot of movies.
SPEAKER_01 (23:41):
Yeah, well, until we we end up killing that
motherfucker on a raid, but yes,I do remember the DVD guy.
SPEAKER_03 (23:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause he's I guess we wascalling in to the we couldn't
figure out how they were gettingso close to our fob and all that
shit, you know.
I I still remember one daydistinctly when I was on one of
my cigarette breaks, I wassmoking a cigarette and then uh
uh it looked like a four-inchrocket.
I just remember the boosh, yeah,and it comes cruising over the
gate, and then I'm like, whatthe fuck is and boom, it hit the
(24:09):
the the tricon or the quadconfull of tires and and com
batteries.
I just remember that shit.
I was like, oh, that's gonna befucked up.
But uh, I remember that fireburning for like two days.
But uh yeah, I watched a lot ofmovies, man.
I got all the guy I don'tfucking hang me, right?
Uh spades.
I still don't know how to playspades, right?
Uh how the guys would playspades, I would just watch.
(24:30):
I spent a lot of time to myselfand just like uh thinking about
what was next, you know, whatwas I gonna do and preparing
myself for the next day.
But uh yeah, I I I'd been incombat a few more times and I
was I was just found thatstaying in the zone kind of
helped me and prevented me fromlosing track and sight of uh
what was next at hand.
I know it sounds kind of cheesy,but that was my survival skill,
(24:53):
was just staying in the fuckingzone, man.
SPEAKER_01 (24:55):
I mean, not really, man.
I mean you you look at listen tostories like from Tiger Woods,
just to use an example fromsomething completely unrelated
to combat.
That's what he talks about ingolf.
Like he's if you see him take ashot, he's not even thinking
about the shot he just took.
He's thinking about three shotsahead and planning the whole
course.
He's walking the course in hismind, and that's that's a good
way to stay in it and perform ata high level.
(25:16):
So that's not not a wrong thingto do at all.
It's probably a good way to doit.
SPEAKER_03 (25:20):
That's how we get here this far.
SPEAKER_01 (25:22):
So yeah, we're what you have any funny memories of
anything?
Anybody do anything goofy otherthan Corrota and and Hodges
fighting over a rifle in themiddle of a gunfight?
SPEAKER_03 (25:31):
Uh hazing.
Let's talk about hazing.
It's all fun and game.
SPEAKER_01 (25:36):
That's a good 81 story.
SPEAKER_03 (25:40):
Until someone gets a room stick up their ass, right?
I think one of the I think thefunnier things was that was the
phantom shitter, right?
So the the you know, theshitters, we couldn't have uh,
you know, uh, you're notsupposed to go shitting them
because the septic tank didn'twork.
Hodges, man.
I think he he he he was alwayshe was always on the look.
I think it was hidden.
I think Reagan was the phantomshitter, but someone would
(26:01):
always just go leave a fuckingnice, healthy fucking dump in
there.
My two was either Hodges or afellow Ackles.
Maybe maybe they'll they'lldivulge the secret here one day.
But uh yeah, I think remember uhReagan walking in, like, god
damn it, jerking your shit andthe shit.
You ain't supposed to be backhere, and Ackles has just kept
going, you know, jerking hisshit.
(26:22):
So it was just fuckinghilarious.
It's always that always justthat kind of weird shit.
And uh I think one time Safui,we made him do Ninja Turtles and
he was hairy, so we shaved 81sinto his back, you know, that
sort of thing, you know.
Yeah, that was hilarious.
But uh yeah, just that I meanthat's how you build
camaraderie, right?
Like no one was ever reallyoffended by that shit.
(26:42):
We said the most racist,misogynistic, bigger things that
could be ever done, and like andno one ever took it personally,
right?
No one ever took it personally.
Yep.
Um, but yeah, uh I yeah, I haveso many very fond memories of
that, right?
Um, and it's weird, you know,seeing the the young Marines
today.
Like I'd mentioned, I had uh Ihad two four on my ship when
(27:03):
they were doing their mu workup, and I go in there and and
typically the mortar platoononly had the one token black
guy.
And uh I'd found the mortar man.
I was like, which one of youfuckers are 41s?
And they're like, I was like,wait a minute, one, two, wait,
you got you guys got three moreblack dudes than you're supposed
to have, and they all startedand now mind you, I'm already in
my in my in my late 30s, right?
(27:24):
And these guys are all 18,19-year-old fucking kids, and
they're like, Who the fuck isthis chief walking around the
boat in this fucking blueuniform talking all this shit?
And I was like, Yeah, youfuckers don't even know, but uh
yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like you little fucksfucking boots, right?
So I think my wife alwaysremembers this is uh me getting
phone calls like at 12 in themorning.
(27:45):
The Marines either stabbedthemselves or got stabbed in a
bar fight, and I'd go suturethem up at the fucking barracks.
And like, why are you takingthree hours?
I can't leave without drinking abeer, you know.
So I think there's a lot ofthose memories which are really
hazing to me.
But again, I get stories all thetime, like you know, Blake was
saying, it's like, oh, now Ikind of remember, but yeah, just
those those fucking stories,man, that you just I can't
(28:08):
believe we survived that shit.
Not even in combat, like, but uhin the rear, you know, with the
gear.
So I think one of the harderparts was was uh Ramadi going
from Ramadi to going to Okinawaon that 31st Mew.
You know, I took Doc Rakebrand'sjob, so I was senior line
corpsman for weapons company andin Okinawa.
And uh yeah, that was that wasreally good because I got to
(28:30):
bond with the Marines a littlebit more from all the other map
platoons, uh, and then see themand interact with them more and
kind of share those thosestories.
But uh it was that was difficultfrom going from fighting for
your life to fighting for yourrank and uh retired, you know.
I I can't tell you how manytimes we did some shit, whether
it was skinny dipping in thepool or fucking out in Kville
(28:54):
getting fucked up, you know, andjust getting into fights with
the pogs.
So but that's that you know, somany, so many of those great
memories.
Uh this isn't from Ramadi, butuh we were in uh we were in Fuji
and uh Ninth Crime or Ninth Calmwas there, and they were having
their mess night, and they wereall in their camis, and we're on
Liberty.
And one of them popped off andand said something.
(29:15):
And uh Shane you might rememberuh Shard and Lachard.
Oh yeah.
Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But uh I think we hit we yeah,we uh we we got in a huge bar
fight there, and we they endedup calling all the police and
they had to lock us down, theyhad to lock the base down, but
we we beat the shit out of thoseguys.
But uh I think that was one ofthe most fondest and fun
(29:37):
memories was getting into barfights with Marines and that
that kind of shit, you know.
That that that always brought mefucking a chuckle.
So yeah, any of those stories.
SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
I'll be honest, I think I've seen more stab wounds
in the barracks that needed toget stitches than uh than I saw
in combat.
SPEAKER_01 (29:55):
So yeah, by far.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:00):
So what do you so you kind of you touched on uh
that you were a part of thetransition over to Oki, um and
you were running running hardthere towards the end, and you
also briefly brought up the uhthe left seat, right seat.
Um what do you remember of thatlast that last little bit, you
know, um getting brought over towhat's well it became Camp
(30:23):
Ramadi, but Junction City.
Uh what do you remember thetransition for for that going
coming back and then uh the lastpart of uh deployment?
SPEAKER_03 (30:35):
I still remember it being really tough.
Like I felt like there was someresidual or unleft business to
be had, you know, because we Imean we're almost, as you guys
recall, we were almost combateffective, right?
So we we lost a lot of guys thathad to go home early or that
were put in non-commission,right?
I felt, and then you know I'dlost Jeremiah and we lost our
(30:56):
other guys too from weapons, anduh, you know, it's just uh I had
that residual like held on tothat for a long time.
And uh even going through therip, there was a when we're
doing the rip, uh we're in a logtrain and we're putting I think
we're taking the guys from 2-5out to Snake Pit.
And we came into contact, andagain, you you become numb,
(31:17):
right?
So there's a small tick, youknow, it's a few RPGs.
They disabled the seven-ton thatthe seven-ton had got hit, the
brake line got hit, so it lockedup the back wheels and they
couldn't move.
And I remember those guys from2-5.
Now remember they were combattested before because they were
OIF-1 guys, so they uh I thinkthey felt kind of cocky and they
knew what they were gettinginto, but they had no clue what
(31:39):
the fight and house to housewas.
So I remember just dismounted myvehicle, and I I opened the back
of the seven-ton, and I rememberthe face, the look on the face
of a Marine was just in shock.
And I just remember grabbing theguy, I said, Fucking dismount.
And I just grabbed him, I pulledhim out of the fucking vehicle,
I said, go fucking fight.
And I fucking kicked him, andthen I got back in my homie and
(32:00):
then sat there and I was like,Yeah, it's all you guys, you
know.
Because again, I was like, youknow, I I felt a little I felt
bad for those dudes, you know,and they they did go through
their shit uh a lot.
I'm still real good friends witha few of their docs, right?
Um that that they've done that,uh, that we're on that
deployment with.
Um, because we did rip withinthere in Ramadi, and then we did
(32:23):
rip with them in Oki.
But uh uh that transition waswas really difficult.
And was like coming out of thatphase and then going to what we
call shore duty, uh, how do Ilive up to this again?
And I and I felt with andbattled with that for years
again this trying to chase thatsame level of camaraderie that I
had with you guys, and then uhand how does that work with me
(32:45):
staying in the military?
Uh I've I have yet to this dayfound that again.
Um the closest I had is justthese conversations, you know.
Um, I'm not chasing it anymorethough.
I I found that it becomesexhausting, right?
Uh and and it it does weigh,right?
Uh being at the morrow, and Iand I can understand the the
reserve, you know.
Uh I had missed all the othermemorials because I was still
(33:08):
active duty, whether I wasdeployed or or an operation
somewhere.
But that that 20-year mark wasthe good one for me, right?
Again, a little more mature, alittle more uh uh was very
cathartic.
Yeah, very cathartic, very muchmore in tune with myself.
And then hearing some of the thestories, and I'm like, this guy
wasn't even there, like youknow, and unfortunately hearing
(33:30):
some of how the family wasreacting, uh that was that kind
of kind of hit me.
Like the family was kind ofdemanding a little bit more
attention that they they feltthey were entitled to.
Uh, and it was just weird.
I think there was something onone of the pages, like uh the
(33:50):
one of the Facebook pages whereuh a family member is like, I'm
the brother-in-law of, and Idon't mean to discredit or or
take away from our marine, mybrother-in-law, so-and-so, this
happened, you know, we're beingkicked out of the house now,
nobody cares about us.
I'm like, this is just weird.
Like, where is this guy evencoming from?
Like, I didn't understand that.
Uh and then hearing some of someof that where the guys had held
(34:14):
on to some things, and uh to me,I you know, uh, not saying I'm
better than anybody, but I Ikept going back into the shit,
right?
Like a lot of guys were one pumpand then they got out right
either because it was their timeor they just chose to do so.
Um, but what I appreciate is howwell you've done, Blake, and how
uh Shane's done in your lives,right?
So I I I I I don't give thoseguys too much credit to that
(34:37):
effect or degree.
Like uh if you're just holdingon to it, man, you you gotta let
go of some of that shit and makesomething of yourself, you know.
Uh don't just be that guy in theVFW talking about that one tour.
You know, I was referred to itlike the Al Bundy, you know,
four touchdowns in a high schoolgame.
Like you're not in high schoolanymore, but you know, you gotta
grow up, man.
There's there's a whole notherworld out there.
(34:59):
Uh and I now, as I alluded to,this is probably gonna be my
twilight tour.
Uh, I'm not afraid like I usedto be.
I'm not fearful of what's next.
You know, if anything, I'mlooking to embrace the next
journey, even though I amfearful of like interacting with
the civilian population.
I I've kept a very close circle.
You know, I think at my homenow, it's my wife and my two, my
(35:22):
two younger sons, which is 20and 18.
But we don't have friends.
Uh uh, we do have associates,but I think I've had one family
over here, and that was KK andhis family.
But uh, I haven't allowed peopleto be into my circle yet.
I I look forward to that, maybeembracing some new endeavors and
relationships with with peoplethat aren't just military.
SPEAKER_01 (35:43):
But uh, dude, I'm gonna tell you very
straightforward.
I'm gonna tell you that you'rewhat you're describing is more
common than you realize.
I I don't know anyone who isjust straight up open, hope
hosting Tupperware parties andlike you know, like none of that
shit you see in the movies.
I and I say that because I don'tknow anybody who does not from
(36:06):
our cohort of people.
I have some civilian familymembers and friends who have a
big you know network of peopleand they they interface them all
the time.
But out of our guys, I don'tknow anyone who does that.
Everybody has they keep ittight, and that's it.
Like there's no yeah, there's nooutside folks really.
Uh, I mean shit.
(36:27):
I went to Disney World last yearand I we didn't invite anybody
from the neighborhood.
I went with Blake and hisfamily.
Uh so because I can't talk toanybody else, so it just doesn't
work out.
Yeah, and uh so that's not athat's not a bad thing.
Now you said when you came backin 2004 you had same wife as you
(36:47):
do now and young kids.
SPEAKER_03 (36:50):
She I was I was just at dad, right?
So yeah, she had uh my son,which was five at the time, and
my daughter, which was three atthe time, which I you know ended
up raising, and then uh we hadtwo of our own.
So I have two biologicalchildren of my own, uh that I my
my two sons.
So uh I have three sons and adaughter.
SPEAKER_01 (37:11):
My my question was less about, I mean, that's
great.
I'm glad that you you've donethat, but uh my question was
less of that and more about howwhat was it like coming home?
Had it been weird, man.
SPEAKER_03 (37:21):
Yeah.
Uh so you know, Ptsd, right?
You know, uh there I wasdrinking a lot.
I think I was still I was maybeputting a tabber away a day and
then still going to PTE, andbecause that's what we did,
right?
The Marines went, wow, fuckinghow many runs or ruck marches
have we been on that uh you knoweverybody smelled like fucking
booze, right?
(37:42):
Yeah, and uh that was really Iand shit.
There was one time I woke up inthe middle of the night and then
I was I was strangling her,right?
You know, I thought someone wascoming to get me.
Um, you know, uh so she's beenthe rock.
Uh but yeah, we we she's enduredall of it, man.
I mean, she she's got PTSD fromme.
I mean, she's one tough bitch,right?
But she's right.
(38:06):
I'll mail her a purple heart.
Uh yeah, it's like I deserve apurple heart, you know, and and
which and all actually she does,man.
Like uh for fairness here,because fuck quality, because if
life was fair, I wouldn't be sobeautiful, right?
That you know, she's shared theweight, you know, she's carried
that weight, yeah.
And uh a lot of that, yeah.
So uh I I I can't commend herand and then the families
(38:28):
anymore, right?
Even to this day, my my kidsdon't even know what I do, and I
think that's what's reallyhelped me maintain that that
balance, right?
Uh they that they don't know, Idon't tell.
Then they know I've been tocombat, sure, but they don't
know, I don't sit there andwell, dad, when dad wasn't with
the marines, I carry the rifle.
No, man, I don't I don't dothat.
(38:48):
Uh that's not their burden tobear, you know.
And uh I I feel honestly that uhagain, like you were talking
about that circle.
Um I don't feel robbed of anyway.
Uh I I feel very blessed uh andbestowed a lot, you know,
because I still I get dudes allthe time.
I think I got a phone call lastnight from a Marine at like
midnight.
(39:09):
I didn't answer it, right?
I checked the voicemail and takesure he was okay, but uh it
wasn't a Romani Marine, justanother Marine.
And uh, but yeah, that that uhthat's some real grit.
So same chick, same, same allthat stuff, man.
SPEAKER_01 (39:24):
So many that's well, I mean that's gotta be what 20,
21 years, 22 years?
SPEAKER_03 (39:28):
So maybe 23.
So I married her.
I was in the Navy for about ayear and some change.
So yeah, so 23 years ofmarriage, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (39:36):
God damn, you're old.
I know.
Well, cool, dude.
That's actually that's prettygood.
It's that sucks about the cominghome and the the struggle
though, but did you feel likedid you feel like you got past
it, or do you feel like you justwent back to work and went to
Okinawa and and head to thegrindstone moving forward?
SPEAKER_03 (39:59):
Uh it took me about latter half of 15 years to get
over it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:06):
I'm not laughing at you, but I'm like, oh yeah, you
know, you could have said 15months and I and but no, 15
years.
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (40:12):
Yeah, yeah, because again, you know, a lot of that I
think the only thing that's keptme ahead or above float is I was
I grew up, both my parents werefucking heroin at X fan.
Like, you know, I I raisedmyself at 13 and uh was out of
the house, and then I came backand got my mother into uh
disability.
Uh, you know, unfortunatelythey're they're both deceased
(40:34):
now, but fortunately they're nothaving to suffer with what they
had to suffer with.
Uh and then what really helpedme is being in the medical field
and and understanding how PTSDor PTS works.
Yeah, you know, it never reallygoes away, right?
So that I say PTS becausedisorder would imply that it's
curable.
Uh it's not curable, it'smanageable.
(40:56):
Uh uh and and getting to have abetter understanding of that and
comprehending, you know, howthat works.
It is has rewired my thoughtprocesses in my brain.
Uh but they've been able tosuppress them healthily uh
without being medicated.
And the fact that I'm notmedicated, it is is still a
wonder, right?
Uh I'm not a PT stud or anythinglike that, but I I do find a lot
(41:20):
of uh relief and like meditationand stuff like that.
Um but yeah, it took me a good15 years to kind of get out of
that zone.
Uh and then what happened theworst was during COVID, I ran
into some uh difficulties withthat because uh people's
inability to see or treat peoplehumanely for someone that has
(41:41):
had to take a life or two.
You know, uh uh I'm real big onuh being humane and being
humble.
Uh and when was working with uha group or triad or uh chain of
command that didn't understandthat uh these are still people
and you should treat them assuch.
That I ran into somedifficulties on USS last ship,
(42:04):
and uh I should have probablygone to the brig.
I'm I may or may not have triedto assault my medical officer
and uh told my master chief hewas a big fat piece of shit and
my skipper that he was aspineless pussy, but you know uh
they always hit me with that,like, oh this guy's a war hero
and blah blah.
Like, dude, no, I'm not, right?
That a lot of a lot of uhprecedence has been put on that.
(42:24):
I I don't see that at all,right?
I I just see myself as a uhordinary human being that's
survived extraordinary uhsituations.
Uh I think if I was just thebasic sailor, I would have
probably gotten a lot moretrouble.
But uh even for Sergeant Mack,there were some times where I'd
went out in Okinawa and and findmyself in a little uh uh tough
(42:46):
situations, but having him pullme in and realign me and uh tell
me I'm not that person and Ishould do better, uh that it
helped me.
Uh but yeah, it still took me agood about 15 years to kind of
get out of that that weird funkof like I felt that somebody
owed me something or I still oweuh these other people these
things when I I just owe it tomyself and uh that I was my own
(43:09):
worst enemy, if anyone else.
So yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (43:12):
That's that's a good point.
Yeah.
A lot of people suffer a lot ofthings because of their own hand
more than anybody else.
You can hurt you more thananybody else can hurt you.
And you and I could probablyhave a whole podcast just
specifically on talking aboutpost-traumatic stress, but you
hit on something that's veryimportant, and that's
evidence-based wise, the bestpossible treatment for PTS and
(43:35):
depression is exercise.
Uh, highest efficacy.
So, out of all the things, itsounds like you've moved along
healthily, although it toosounds like it took you a
minute.
I wish maybe we should havetalked earlier.
Shit, I don't know.
I don't know if it would havebeen any better.
I was probably in a bad placetoo, but it's good, man.
Is there anything else you wantto share, buddy?
SPEAKER_03 (43:56):
No, I just appreciate the fact I feel I was
getting left out.
I've seen all these podcasts andeverybody on there, and Doc
Bundy beat me to the punch.
I was like, oh, what the fuck?
So I feel like I'll take astring.
SPEAKER_01 (44:07):
You know, it's funny you say that.
I bet you there's a few peopleout there that probably feel
that same way.
And I'll tell you, we don't haveany list.
Uh literally, it has just beenpeople volunteering so far, and
we have not like reallycontacted anybody or asked
anybody specifically.
I'm hoping to line up everybody.
The goal is to get everybodyfrom Weapons Company at some
point, as many people as we can.
(44:29):
Uh, you know, we're moving onwhat 21 years.
Some people are not with usanymore because of whatever
reason, and so we're not evergonna get their story, but if we
can get everybody else, that'dbe great.
Well, hey man, again, so man.
Thank you for everything you didin 2004, but also thank you for
being you now and uh thanks forsharing, dude.
(44:50):
Really appreciate it.
Right, brother.
SPEAKER_00 (44:52):
Yeah, thanks, man.
Appreciate you.
Thanks, man.
If you like what you heard, makesure you subscribe for future
episodes on your favoritepodcast service.
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