February 5, 2025 • 36 mins
Join us for a poignant episode featuring Candy Wolff, whose journey of resilience and healing is both heart-wrenching and inspiring. Candy takes us through the emotional and tumultuous aftermath of losing her husband, Ross, during a trip to Cabo. Faced with unimaginable challenges, from dealing with local authorities to the shocking discovery of stolen belongings, Candy's story underscores the chaos and vulnerability one might experience in a foreign land during such a crisis.
Candy also opens up about the unexpected financial struggles that surfaced after Ross's passing. The episode sheds light on the crucial importance of financial preparedness and open communication between partners. Candy's personal battle to regain control over her financial situation, coupled with the challenges of handling funeral expenses and insurance delays, serves as a powerful reminder of the necessity for clear financial planning in relationships.
This conversation isn't just about hardship; it's also about faith and transformation. Candy reflects on how her relationship with God became a pillar of strength during her darkest days, inspiring her to write a book aimed at helping others navigate similar struggles. Her journey of faith and healing offers listeners hope and encouragement, bolstering the belief that even in the depths of despair, brighter days are possible with faith and perseverance.
www.candywolff.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:10):
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers.
Stories of Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, Tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain
Because, let's be honest, somany of us hide from our pain
because it's just too hard toface.
But here's the truth we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:31):
face, and so I just want towelcome the audience.
Today.
We have a very special guest onwith us, and one that I'm super
excited to share with you all.
So Candy Wolff and I go wayback I'm not going to say how
many years, but it's a good bita few decades and we went to
high school together in ourhometown, and the Lord has just
(00:58):
divinely had our paths crossagain.
And yesterday I, in preparationfor this podcast, I was reading
Candy's book and I kind of knewthe story, but I didn't really
know the story until I dove intoher book.
And so you can go to and I'mgiving you your plug on the
(01:19):
front end, candy you can go towwwcandywolff.
com to pick up her book, or youcan go to Amazon, and it's Lost
and Found in Mexico is the titleof her book and her story, and,
as the listeners know, this isa place where I want people to
(01:41):
feel inspired, to know that theycan overcome adversity and the
hardships in life, and I alwayswant to bring on guests that
highlight how they can do thatand that they have gone through
things.
It doesn't mean by any stretchthat your life is perfect.
It just means that you've gonethrough some adversity.
(02:01):
And, Candy, uh, it'll be twoyears on January 27th that you
lost Ross on a trip to Mexico,and so I want you to share a
little bit with our audience youknow how long you had been
married to Ross and, kind ofleading up to the trip, some of
(02:22):
the specifics that happened onthe trip, and then we'll dive
into some of the other questionsthat I have, but I want you to
give a little bit of thebackstory for our audience.
Candy Wolff (02:32):
Perfect Sounds great.
Well, thank you for having metoday too.
I appreciate it.
So Russ and I had been marriedfor gosh it would have been 14,
it was 14 years, so it wouldhave been our 15th.
After he had passed we had.
It was awesome.
We met down in Arizona.
We had both went through adivorce and I had three young
kids and when we met it was justamazing.
(02:55):
He stepped in and helped raisethree young boys to be amazing
men.
We ended up moving back toMinnesota where he's from.
His dad had Parkinson's, so hewanted to be closer to home to
help, you know, mom and brothers.
So things were great for us.
I mean, we had literally he wasmaking really good money.
(03:17):
I was able to just do somecontracting work to be able to
stay in with the boys.
You know, we were traveling, wewere just.
Our life was great.
I mean I couldn't ask foranything better.
Then it was 2016, or, I'm sorry,2018.
(03:38):
I'm getting confused on mydates now.
He was called into his office,into the office and was let go
after 30 plus years at thecompany and we actually had
owned part of it and we had soldit and, 50 years old, he
thought he had 10 more years andwe were going to be able to
retire and enjoy life.
(03:59):
Well, then he did find anotherjob, but obviously, when you're
at the level that he was making,the money kind of money was?
You know you're not gonna stepback into that, especially in
the medical field.
Um, so therefore, you know,some depression came in and
(04:20):
because every you know he, hewanted, he was a very
traditional man, he wanted totake care of the family and he
wasn't able to.
So, you know, like I said, somedepression came in.
Then COVID hit and that was ahorrible.
You know, year, year and a half, whatever, from there After
that, then he ended up having tohave a total hip surgery in
(04:42):
July of 22, and then a totalknee surgery in September of 22.
So now, now we're talkingmental pain and physical pain on
top of it.
So, and then my 50th birthdaywas coming up, so we decided we
were going to take a trip toMexico, because Cabo was a place
that we loved near and dear, itwas somewhere we went all the
(05:03):
time and yeah, so we were goingto go celebrate my birthday and
ended up, unfortunately.
It's amazing how God works.
You know, we didn't realize itat the time.
But our friend who has a housedown there, we always stayed
there.
He had already rented it out,so we weren't we had to stay
somewhere else for the firsttime in 15 years of going down
(05:25):
there, and it truly was ablessing in disguise that we
ended up in a resort in Kabulwith amazing people around me.
So, yeah, we went, you know,had a good couple of days and
then, yeah, I woke up on January27th that morning at 7.11am and
(05:47):
I had found him.
He had passed in the middle ofthe night.
Tonya Shellnutt (05:53):
Share with our audience, because one of the
things that you said in yourbook that was so profound to me
and to this day it has justalways stuck with me, because
when I lost my mom suddenly youknow you don't get do overs and
one of the things that you saidin your book and I I'll remember
(06:15):
it forever your last word wasfine, yep.
And so let's unpack that alittle bit, because it it's.
It seems so simple, but there'sso much there.
So tell me and our audience alittle bit about those last
words and the impact it's madeon you since then.
Candy Wolff (06:37):
Yeah, he had, because of the surgeries.
He decided when we were downthere he had bought some
OxyContin I believe it was someXanax, and so he had been off
and on, you know, like messed upthat week and he, just to go
(06:57):
back, he was a recoveringalcoholic.
I mean, it would have been 30years.
So it was, you know, off and onthat week of me telling him he
had to be careful.
He had no idea what was inthose.
It worried me.
And so that Thursday we weresupposed to, you know, go have
dinner and, you know, have anight out, and I was at the pool
(07:20):
pretty much by myself and wentup to go get ready and he wasn't
going to go have dinner.
So I went, had dinner, went downby the ocean, prayed quite a
bit, talked to the kids, wentback up to bed and or went up to
the room and all the lightswere on and I was so angry at
him, like just angry, like thatwas our week to celebrate, like
(07:42):
we hadn't we'd had so muchstress for five years, and like
that was.
I was just mad.
So I went to go shut the lightoff by his bed and he rolled
over and looked at me and he'slike what are you doing?
You know, I was like, well,you're in bed, I guess I'm going
to go to bed, and he's likefine, and I'm like fine, and
(08:03):
walked over and went and laid inbed and never told him I loved
him and so when you like, yousaid you don't get do over.
So our last moments togetherwere not good and it's just
something that you have to livewith and deal with.
Tonya Shellnutt (08:23):
Right, yeah, and I think it's such an
important message to ouraudience, right, like I used to
tell my kids all the time, likeyou know, does this argument
really matter?
In five seconds from now, ifsomething happened to one of you
?
I don't think people realizeuntil you've lost someone
(08:43):
suddenly very close to you howprecious time is and how
precious our words are, right.
And so, because I didn't get totell my mom I loved her, or I
was sorry for the things that Idid, you didn't get to tell Ross
you loved him, and so thoselast words are, you know, the
(09:05):
last thing that you remember isthe conversation, the fine
conversation, right?
The last things I remember withmy mom was, like, you know,
telling her how much she neededto wear a helmet and protect
herself, and so I think it'svery important for people to
understand that that stays withyou forever and the guilt that
(09:34):
you replay in your head.
I don't know about you, but Iwould imagine that guilt, right,
like you, just run it throughyour head.
Oh, if I was, should I?
I should have said this or Ishould have done this, you know,
do you?
Did you experience any of that?
Candy Wolff (09:48):
Yeah, and actually still to this day.
It's, you know, you like you,you move on with life, but it's
still there.
And I'm actually, becausethere's so much guilt in there,
like I.
You know, I thought I wastaking care of myself and I do
believe I'm taking care ofmyself, but I have started some
(10:10):
really like intense therapy,because I'm replaying that daily
, like that night before, andthen waking up and I know I
guess it just, you know theBible says don't, you know,
don't let the dawn go out down.
You know, on, on, don't go tobed mad, basically what it says.
And it just kills me to thinkabout that.
(10:32):
That's what I did.
Tonya Shellnutt (10:34):
Right.
Well, and I would say, you know, obviously my mom passed in
1997, you know, ross's death isjust coming on two years.
I mean, I'll tell you just fromsomeone who has lost someone,
suddenly it does get better.
But you, I just think you know,it just changes how you
interact with people, your lovedones, especially right, and
(10:57):
like I'll be mad at Rich andthen I'll be like, wait, okay,
what happens if?
If you know, if he died todaythen I didn't tell him I loved
him, or one of the kids, I, Ireally just try to make the most
of every opportunity because Idon't want to relive that again
(11:18):
and and it's, it stayed with meand it and it is real.
And I'm, and I'm so thankfulthat you're seeking help to work
through the guilt and the painof that, because to say that you
wouldn't experience that and todeny that reality, that's just
not real.
But, what we can do is we canencourage the listeners today to
(11:41):
know listen.
Don't hold the grudge.
Tell them you love them, sayyou're sorry, you know, because
if they pass suddenly you thentake off.
Take that on Right.
Candy Wolff (11:57):
They're gone, they're in heaven and we're the
ones that are left here.
And you know, we have both ofus have kids around the same age
, and it's with them not beingat home anymore too, It's's.
I think it's even moreimportant to let them know how
much you love them, how much youcare about them.
And, yeah, every time you getoff the phone it's you never
(12:19):
leave a conversation angry.
You know that's right, amen,unfinished.
Tonya Shellnutt (12:23):
Don't leave it unfinished.
That's a good word.
We'll have to come back to that.
We'll have to like do a deepdive on that one One of these
days.
We'll have to do that.
But so as I was reading yourbook and reading through what
happened in Mexico and just youknow, having immediately lost
your husband, the way theMexican authorities treated you
(12:48):
and and all of the things thatyou had to go through, can you
just share a little bit aboutyou know, once Ross passed, and
then you know, being taken downto the police station, the
things that they did and thencoming back to the States just
trying to get a deathcertificate and just all the
while planning a funeral?
Candy Wolff (13:07):
like, tell our audience a little bit about that
yeah, it's crazy, you know,like I'm sure, like you when you
lost your mom, you're numb,basically you're truly like it's
an out-of-body experience, youknow.
And yeah, when I woke up andfound him, you know he was blue,
I knew he had passed and I hadto call down, you know,
(13:30):
screaming and yelling at thereception people to send to help
me, you know, and they sent upa doctor and a couple of
security people and put anoximeter on them and you know
they pronounced him dead rightthere.
And then, within seconds, she'struly my guardian angel.
Iazari, who was at the resort,came up and basically walked
(13:54):
through the door and said, hey,candy introduced herself and
she's like you can trust me, I'mgoing to be with you, I'm not
going to lose or leave you.
You know, I'm here with youthrough this whole phase.
And you know it was likewhere's your husband's phone?
And I'm like I have no idea.
I have no idea where it is.
And meanwhile it was funnybecause she's scanning the room
and I'm like not even payingattention, like I'm just in
(14:17):
shock.
And she actually found myhusband's phone right before the
police came in and stuck it inher pockets.
And then we were told, I wastold I had to leave because it
was a crime scene.
And I went to grab my purse andthe cops, like no, you can't
touch anything, this is a crimescene, like you cannot take
anything with you.
Thank God I had my phone in mypocket and she had Ross's phone.
(14:39):
So you know, we got taken downto another room.
The US Embassy ended up callingSomehow.
My dad got involved, no idealike how that all worked out,
but, um, they sent the funeralhome lady there, um, which it
just was so crazy like how fasteverything happened but how slow
(15:01):
it happened.
So, um, you know, I'm having toretell the story to the funeral
home lady and and I just kepttelling her how cold he was.
I just, you know that's, I justkept saying he was so cold, he
was so cold.
And then, probably about fourhours later, atazari gets a call
saying you know, if I want togo back up to see my husband,
(15:24):
and I thought that was probablyit, like I wouldn't see him
again.
And I'm like of course I wantto go see him.
And once we got up to the floor, I just remember getting off
the elevator and there wasyellow tape across the door.
You know in Spanish, whateverit said, but it was do not enter
.
And the gurney was there, youknow, with the mortuary guy that
(15:51):
was going to take him to do hisautopsy.
And as soon as they took thetape off the door and they
opened it up, ross was justlaying there in the bed and the
room was literally ransacked.
It looked like a drug raid,almost.
I guess how, the best way I canexplain it.
(16:11):
I mean, my, our stuff wasthrown everywhere, there was
drawers pulled out, it was, andI literally almost like fell to
my knees.
But the bellman grabbed me andthen I went over and got on my
knees next to the bed and, justyou know, told Ross how much I
loved him and that I couldn'tbelieve he died that you know,
(16:31):
in those situation he did andthat I was so sorry that I
didn't get to tell him I, Iloved him, before he he left.
And so then at that pointAtazari helped me and the
Bellman, you know.
We got everything packed up andthey had to move me down to a
room.
I got placed we were on theeighth floor balcony, you know,
(16:53):
of the ocean, and I get down bythe bellman, right by the
parking lot for them to keep aneye on me.
We start unpacking and Atazaris like okay, we just have to
make sure everything's here.
Find your wallet, find Ross's,open it up.
All of our cash is gone.
You know, I had nothing.
All jewelry was gone.
(17:14):
They took my contacts, lenses,they took sunglass.
I mean, they stole all my stuff, you know.
And she looked at me.
She's like well, do you want tomake a report?
And I'm like to.
Who?
The police?
I mean the ones that just stoleeverything from me.
I mean, I just lost my husbandand now I'm here.
You know, that night ended upgoing by and I was told I had to
(17:37):
go do an interview the nextmorning and it was a lady from
the funeral home coming to getme.
So I thought we're going to gotalk about, you know, his body.
What we're going to do.
That was in my head.
I got in the car with her andwe were driving and we drove for
a while and then she points outwell, there's my office and
there's the cremation place andthere's the funeral home, and we
(18:01):
just keep driving and drivingand I'm starting to get sick
going.
Oh, my God, where is she?
Is she taking me, you know.
So I kind of pulled my phone outof my um, my purse and I texted
my brother-in-law and just said, fyi, um, I have my, you know
my, find me on, um, I'm.
I don't know where I'm going.
I'm with the lady from thefuneral home, just so you have
(18:23):
an idea.
I finally got up the courage tolook at her and go.
You know where are you takingme?
And she's like oh, to thepolice station, right then.
And there, like I literallyalmost threw up in the car.
We pulled into the parking lotit's all gravel and dirt and I
opened up the door and like Iwas so weak I almost fell, like
(18:47):
just everything.
You know, I'm thinking I'mnever going home, like I'm never
going to see my kids again, I'mgoing to end up in the Mexican
prison, and this is just unreal.
So we went in and it was aboutthree hours, you know, of an
interrogation and I I rememberwalking in there and these two
(19:08):
large detectives and their armscrossed and their legs crossed,
and when I went to sit down theypushed these two files like
towards me and you know, onesaid Ross Lindsay Wallhoff and
one said Candace May Wolf, and Ithought, seriously, I really am
going to jail.
They think I killed my husband,I mean, who has a file on you?
They wouldn't speak English thewhole time I was there, so the
(19:32):
girl from the funeral home, youknow, had to interpret for me
and I just remember them keptasking me why the phone was off
the hook.
I'm like I finally was.
I lost it and I just was likeyou know what.
I woke up I found my husbanddead.
I called down to the office.
They told me to unlock the door, to come back, to stay on there
(19:52):
with them until the doctor andsecurity got there.
I'm like I'm sorry, like I justdropped the phone, I guess when
they, you know, came and Ifinally got the courage and like
, and is anyone going to tell me, like how my husband died?
Like you did an autopsyyesterday and they looked at me
and finally spoke English andthey were like well, there was
(20:13):
no broken glass, there was noweapons, there's no puncture
wounds, no bruising, kind ofwent through everything.
And I'm thinking, of coursethere's not, you know.
And then they're like oh, hedied of a massive heart attack
and I just sat there and went.
You put me through three hoursof this and you knew, you know
how he died and on top of it,you stole from me.
(20:37):
You know it's right, soviolated.
Tonya Shellnutt (20:39):
you know you lose your husband and then all
of this I mean it's such aviolation, so so then it took
forever to get the deathcertificate.
I want to talk a little bitabout that because you know, um,
you had said Ross was, you know, making pretty good money.
Candy Wolff (20:59):
you guys were saving.
Tonya Shellnutt (21:01):
So you thought you know he had dipped in a
little bit to your retirement.
So you thought all everythingwas going really well.
You were you.
You know you were okay.
You know we weren't living thelife, but you knew you thought
you were okay.
Yeah.
So you get home, Um, and thispart was really impactful to me,
(21:21):
Um, and so much.
So I, I, I want, uh, I want youto share a little bit about it,
and then I'm going to tell youthe conversation that I had with
my husband as a result of it.
But you got home and yourealized you didn't know
anything about your finances.
So share a little bit with ouraudience about that and kind of
(21:43):
how that played out.
Yeah, it's scary.
Candy Wolff (21:47):
Yeah, I got home and, like I said, I knew my
husband was dipping into ourretirement to help pay the bills
and I would always ask how arewe doing, where are we at?
And it was always fine, Don'tworry about it, when I get a job
I'm going to put the money back.
Well, I ended up going throughthe stack of mail and the first
envelope I opened up was fromour retirement company and I
(22:11):
thought, oh, I'm finally goingto know how much money I have.
You know, this will be a relief, basically.
And I opened it up and it was acheck for $60,000.
And underneath it was a letterand and then bright red letters
stamped account closed.
And I realized, like, like juststanding there at that moment,
(22:32):
that's what I had in my name.
I had $60,000 to my name.
I didn't know how to get intoour safes.
I had no, I didn't.
I couldn't get into his cellphone, I couldn't get into his
computer, I had no passwords foranything and he took care of
everything.
So I didn't know.
You know, people kept tellingme make sure you pay your
(22:53):
mortgage.
You know that's the biggestthing Make sure you pay your
mortgage.
And I would get so angry I'dsay you know what I would love
to pay my mortgage, but I don'teven know who my mortgage
payment goes to.
Thank goodness for my middle son, eli, who's a tech kid.
He was able to get us into atleast the email, and then he
(23:14):
remembered the code to thecomputer or to the safe where
the life insurance policies wereat least.
But it's amazing, that's, Ithink you know, I lost my
husband, I dealt with the police, and then you get home and then
all of a sudden you're like, ohmy gosh, I lost my husband, I
dealt with the police, and thenyou get home and then all of a
sudden you're like, oh my gosh,I have Noah has a year and a
(23:36):
half left to school.
I have nothing, I mean, and Iknow nothing, and I never felt
so helpless in my life and thatis like a big reason to why I
ended up writing the book is toget people talking about this.
Tonya Shellnutt (23:53):
Right, yeah, so I was.
I was telling my husband alittle bit about it and I said I
go rich, you know who ourmortgage company is.
He goes, I have no idea.
And I was like, oh my gosh,okay, cause I do all of the
bills, right, like I pay all ofthe bills.
Now we do have very we're, bothof our names are on all of the
(24:13):
accounts, so we have that.
But he doesn't know, he doesn'tknow the account numbers, he
doesn't know the passwords, hedoesn't know any of that.
And so you know that was anothertakeaway that I took from your
book was making sure you havethose hard conversations so that
(24:34):
you know, because we alwaysthink, oh, we're good, how we're
not good, right, I've alwaysbeen saying, Rich, like we need
to do this, we need to do this,but I haven't done it and I'm
like, okay, I, it's inspired meto have the conversations
because one of the points thatyou make out or that you made in
(24:55):
your book was you know, hereyou are grieving the loss of
your husband, having to plan afuneral and not having any idea
how you're going to pay for thefuneral, right, and so then
you're like, you know, I canremember my mom's funeral, not
knowing some of these thingseither and just you know,
(25:17):
thankfully my grandmother helpedpay for it.
But, like, do we pick a cheaperoption on the coffin?
Do we?
You know what do we do All ofthese different things Because,
like you said, it's veryexpensive to plan a funeral.
So then you, you know, put thefinancial strain on there
instead.
So I want you to share with ouraudience.
(25:39):
Was there a specific turningpoint in this journey where you
realized you could overcome thepain and rebuild your life?
And that prompted you to writea book?
Because you know, I have a ouraudience knows is I have a very
painful story as well, and it'snot like you just wake up one
(26:01):
day and go oh, you know, I thinkI'm going to write a book about
this and I want to share witheverybody how painful this
journey is.
But for me it was puttingpurpose to the pain, knowing
that people need to hear.
You know, when one in threewomen have been sexually abused,
(26:22):
when there's physical abuse andpeople don't talk about it, you
know you need to talk about itand in your situation, the
financial part of it, it justthe loss of it.
So what was there just a pointwhere you realized I need to
write this book, I need to sharethis like kind of talk to our
audience about that.
Candy Wolff (26:42):
Yeah, I think you know like we were talking early
too about the death certificateas well.
Um, you know that because hewas died in Mexico, it took
forever to get um, the um, theembassy to get me a US death
certificate, so then I couldn'thave life insurance money as
well.
So in the meantime, like whenyou're dealing with all this and
(27:03):
everybody wants to know thestory, you know like what
happened.
You know like you guys went andthen wants to know the story.
You know like what happened.
You know like you guys went andthen all of a sudden he's gone.
And when, every time I wouldtell a story, people would tell
me that, especially with themoney thing, they would look at
me and they're like, oh my gosh,I would be in your same shoes
(27:25):
and and God just kept laying itupon my heart.
I think every time I would talkto someone it would just get
reinforced and I'm like I havenever wrote a book in my life
Like I, where do you begin?
What do you, what do you do?
You know, and but the morepeople, like you said you know,
the more people you talk to andthe more people that are like
(27:49):
you talk to and the more peoplethat are like, wow, you know I'm
clueless too, or my husband'sclueless.
Then it was like you know whatI need to write a book about
this I need.
And it was scary, as so scarybecause you're so vulnerable and
you're putting your heart outthere.
And I was completely honest inthe book.
You know I didn't leaveanything out from you know his
(28:10):
use of the drugs down in Mexicoto us having nothing to what I
make and what we have to make up.
It's scary and I just realizedI need.
If this is something I can doto help people to get through,
then this is what I need to do.
So that's truly was justhearing people tell me that they
(28:34):
would have been in the samesituation, and it's like I need
to help people.
I need to tell my story becausepeople need to have these
conversations Right.
Tonya Shellnutt (28:43):
So another part of your book and it's it's
definitely been part of myhealing journey is is your faith
walk, your your trust in God.
You know, share a little bitwith our audience how impactful
that your faith journey has beenon this, on this journey with
you.
Candy Wolff (29:03):
It's been unbelievable because I can tell
you, the moment I woke up andfound him and I was freaking out
, just screaming and holleringand yelling and but it was
almost like I I did look at himbefore everyone got there and I
remember holding him, kissinghim and telling him you're not
(29:26):
in pain anymore, you're finallyout of pain.
And I think that helped me in alittle bit like a relief of I
knew how hard he was strugglingwith life and everything and
that he was out of pain.
But God was with me that wholefour days when I didn't have any
(29:50):
family.
I mean I had the people at theresort, but the day I got his
ashes, people at the resort kepttelling me to go sit down by
the with him because the oceanis healing and pray and you know
(30:11):
, just be with him.
And and I knew he wasstruggling with his faith, that
he had been meeting with ourpastor a lot Just because of
everything.
It was just one thing afteranother for him and I remember
looking up and just asking God.
I'm like, is he with you upthere?
And I looked up and a cloudturned from nothing to a finger
pointing up to the sky and itjust was like he's there.
(30:33):
And then that night, I think,was finally the night that I
kind of let go, like I just fellto my knees, crying and praying
and asking I'm like I just needsomeone to hold me, I just need
someone to hug me, I just needsomeone to hug me, like cause I
hadn't had that and I went tolay in bed and I physically felt
him, like I had an arm aroundme all night long.
(30:56):
It was, oddly enough, the bestnight's sleep I've ever gotten
in my life and he's provided forme, even though I have
struggled.
You know it's not been easy,but you know what we still get
up every day and we, we know wehave a purpose in life.
And he, you know he said he'llnever take anything.
(31:17):
You know, whatever's bad, hewill make for the good.
And that's what I guess I'mlooking at is what he went
through the threat.
You know, the horribledepression, pain, what I had to
go through.
Then at least I'm helping.
You know he's helped me towrite a book to help other
people and to be able to gospeak about it.
Tonya Shellnutt (31:38):
Right.
And that's why I wanted you onthis podcast, candy, because it
goes back to that.
Because it goes back to thatsaying you can't heal what you
don't face Right.
And it is easy to, you know,shove things under the rug.
And you know you easily couldhave been a victim of your
(32:03):
circumstances with the financialto.
You know, having lost yourhusband, but you leaned into
hope, you leaned into courageand you're facing your pain so
that you can help others.
And I hope that you know, as webegin to wrap up here, that that
our audience will hear that howimportant it is to face our
pain and it may not becomfortable at the time, but God
(32:29):
will use it because you're notthe only one that's going
through it.
There's somebody else goingthrough it.
And you know the enemy.
You know, because I believe ingood and evil the enemy is is
trying to isolate people andkeep them in bondage to the
shame and the guilt and theirwounds, when God's like saying
(32:49):
no, I want you to lean into meand to find hope.
And so last question to you isand then we're going to have to
have you back, because I want todive in at some point to the
financial aspect of it andquestions and things that our
audience needs to know, but whatis the one thing you want
listeners to remember whenthey're struggling to find hope?
Candy Wolff (33:13):
I want them to remember.
You probably feel like there isit's just darkness, and that
you feel like nobody cares.
You probably feel like there'snobody around, there's no light
at the end of the tunnel, but aslong as you lean on God, he
(33:35):
will pull you through it.
And there are some days, I mean, where I didn't want to get out
of bed, I wanted to pull thesheets over my head and just be
there.
But you know, we're put onearth to help and love each
other and I truly believe that,as dark as your days seem, it
(33:57):
does get better.
It it takes time.
I mean it's not going to happenand you have to face it and you
have to deal with it every day.
I mean there may be days thatyou just need to sit on the your
couch and I bet you knowwhatever feelings you're feeling
.
Feel them, don't stuff them anddon't just try to move on like
(34:19):
a robot.
Deal with everything in themoment as it hits you, and then
it will get better.
I mean it will, but it's notfun.
Tonya Shellnutt (34:30):
Right, right, yeah, and so I also want our
audience to know that Candy doesgo and speaks.
She's been on a podcast, guestson several podcasts, but she
also does speaking where shecomes in and talks about some of
the obviously her story andthen the financial preparation
that needs to happen when, whenthese things come about, and how
(34:54):
to be prepared so that, ifsomething God forbid should
happen that you are in, you havesome things in order, and so.
So, if you want to book Candyfor a podcast or for a speaking
event, go to CandyWOLFF.
com and also go get her book,because it's really good.
(35:16):
So, as we wrap up, I want youto encourage our listeners to
subscribe to CourageousOvercomers.
Leave a five-star review,because it helps us get hope out
faster.
Share this episode with someonewho might need encouragement
today and then, if you knowsomeone who would be great
guests for our show, email me attonya at tonyashellnutt.
(35:36):
com.
Tune in to next Wednesday, sametime, same place.
Well, candy, thank you forbeing with us and I'm excited
for our audience to hear yourstory and to take some nuggets
and be courageous.
Candy Wolff (35:53):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you having me.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tanya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Tonya Shellnutt (36:23):
Remember that's S-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T this podcast
is produced by Bob Slone AudioProductions.
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers.
Stories of Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, Tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain
Because, let's be honest, somany of us hide from our pain
because it's just too hard toface.
But here's the truth we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:31):
face, and so I just want towelcome the audience.
Today.
We have a very special guest onwith us, and one that I'm super
excited to share with you all.
So Candy Wolff and I go wayback I'm not going to say how
many years, but it's a good bita few decades and we went to
high school together in ourhometown, and the Lord has just
(00:58):
divinely had our paths crossagain.
And yesterday I, in preparationfor this podcast, I was reading
Candy's book and I kind of knewthe story, but I didn't really
know the story until I dove intoher book.
And so you can go to and I'mgiving you your plug on the
(01:19):
front end, candy you can go towwwcandywolff.
com to pick up her book, or youcan go to Amazon, and it's Lost
and Found in Mexico is the titleof her book and her story, and,
as the listeners know, this isa place where I want people to
(01:41):
feel inspired, to know that theycan overcome adversity and the
hardships in life, and I alwayswant to bring on guests that
highlight how they can do thatand that they have gone through
things.
It doesn't mean by any stretchthat your life is perfect.
It just means that you've gonethrough some adversity.
(02:01):
And, Candy, uh, it'll be twoyears on January 27th that you
lost Ross on a trip to Mexico,and so I want you to share a
little bit with our audience youknow how long you had been
married to Ross and, kind ofleading up to the trip, some of
(02:22):
the specifics that happened onthe trip, and then we'll dive
into some of the other questionsthat I have, but I want you to
give a little bit of thebackstory for our audience.
Candy Wolff (02:32):
Perfect Sounds great.
Well, thank you for having metoday too.
I appreciate it.
So Russ and I had been marriedfor gosh it would have been 14,
it was 14 years, so it wouldhave been our 15th.
After he had passed we had.
It was awesome.
We met down in Arizona.
We had both went through adivorce and I had three young
kids and when we met it was justamazing.
(02:55):
He stepped in and helped raisethree young boys to be amazing
men.
We ended up moving back toMinnesota where he's from.
His dad had Parkinson's, so hewanted to be closer to home to
help, you know, mom and brothers.
So things were great for us.
I mean, we had literally he wasmaking really good money.
(03:17):
I was able to just do somecontracting work to be able to
stay in with the boys.
You know, we were traveling, wewere just.
Our life was great.
I mean I couldn't ask foranything better.
Then it was 2016, or, I'm sorry,2018.
(03:38):
I'm getting confused on mydates now.
He was called into his office,into the office and was let go
after 30 plus years at thecompany and we actually had
owned part of it and we had soldit and, 50 years old, he
thought he had 10 more years andwe were going to be able to
retire and enjoy life.
(03:59):
Well, then he did find anotherjob, but obviously, when you're
at the level that he was making,the money kind of money was?
You know you're not gonna stepback into that, especially in
the medical field.
Um, so therefore, you know,some depression came in and
(04:20):
because every you know he, hewanted, he was a very
traditional man, he wanted totake care of the family and he
wasn't able to.
So, you know, like I said, somedepression came in.
Then COVID hit and that was ahorrible.
You know, year, year and a half, whatever, from there After
that, then he ended up having tohave a total hip surgery in
(04:42):
July of 22, and then a totalknee surgery in September of 22.
So now, now we're talkingmental pain and physical pain on
top of it.
So, and then my 50th birthdaywas coming up, so we decided we
were going to take a trip toMexico, because Cabo was a place
that we loved near and dear, itwas somewhere we went all the
(05:03):
time and yeah, so we were goingto go celebrate my birthday and
ended up, unfortunately.
It's amazing how God works.
You know, we didn't realize itat the time.
But our friend who has a housedown there, we always stayed
there.
He had already rented it out,so we weren't we had to stay
somewhere else for the firsttime in 15 years of going down
(05:25):
there, and it truly was ablessing in disguise that we
ended up in a resort in Kabulwith amazing people around me.
So, yeah, we went, you know,had a good couple of days and
then, yeah, I woke up on January27th that morning at 7.11am and
(05:47):
I had found him.
He had passed in the middle ofthe night.
Tonya Shellnutt (05:53):
Share with our audience, because one of the
things that you said in yourbook that was so profound to me
and to this day it has justalways stuck with me, because
when I lost my mom suddenly youknow you don't get do overs and
one of the things that you saidin your book and I I'll remember
(06:15):
it forever your last word wasfine, yep.
And so let's unpack that alittle bit, because it it's.
It seems so simple, but there'sso much there.
So tell me and our audience alittle bit about those last
words and the impact it's madeon you since then.
Candy Wolff (06:37):
Yeah, he had, because of the surgeries.
He decided when we were downthere he had bought some
OxyContin I believe it was someXanax, and so he had been off
and on, you know, like messed upthat week and he, just to go
(06:57):
back, he was a recoveringalcoholic.
I mean, it would have been 30years.
So it was, you know, off and onthat week of me telling him he
had to be careful.
He had no idea what was inthose.
It worried me.
And so that Thursday we weresupposed to, you know, go have
dinner and, you know, have anight out, and I was at the pool
(07:20):
pretty much by myself and wentup to go get ready and he wasn't
going to go have dinner.
So I went, had dinner, went downby the ocean, prayed quite a
bit, talked to the kids, wentback up to bed and or went up to
the room and all the lightswere on and I was so angry at
him, like just angry, like thatwas our week to celebrate, like
(07:42):
we hadn't we'd had so muchstress for five years, and like
that was.
I was just mad.
So I went to go shut the lightoff by his bed and he rolled
over and looked at me and he'slike what are you doing?
You know, I was like, well,you're in bed, I guess I'm going
to go to bed, and he's likefine, and I'm like fine, and
(08:03):
walked over and went and laid inbed and never told him I loved
him and so when you like, yousaid you don't get do over.
So our last moments togetherwere not good and it's just
something that you have to livewith and deal with.
Tonya Shellnutt (08:23):
Right, yeah, and I think it's such an
important message to ouraudience, right, like I used to
tell my kids all the time, likeyou know, does this argument
really matter?
In five seconds from now, ifsomething happened to one of you
?
I don't think people realizeuntil you've lost someone
(08:43):
suddenly very close to you howprecious time is and how
precious our words are, right.
And so, because I didn't get totell my mom I loved her, or I
was sorry for the things that Idid, you didn't get to tell Ross
you loved him, and so thoselast words are, you know, the
(09:05):
last thing that you remember isthe conversation, the fine
conversation, right?
The last things I remember withmy mom was, like, you know,
telling her how much she neededto wear a helmet and protect
herself, and so I think it'svery important for people to
understand that that stays withyou forever and the guilt that
(09:34):
you replay in your head.
I don't know about you, but Iwould imagine that guilt, right,
like you, just run it throughyour head.
Oh, if I was, should I?
I should have said this or Ishould have done this, you know,
do you?
Did you experience any of that?
Candy Wolff (09:48):
Yeah, and actually still to this day.
It's, you know, you like you,you move on with life, but it's
still there.
And I'm actually, becausethere's so much guilt in there,
like I.
You know, I thought I wastaking care of myself and I do
believe I'm taking care ofmyself, but I have started some
(10:10):
really like intense therapy,because I'm replaying that daily
, like that night before, andthen waking up and I know I
guess it just, you know theBible says don't, you know,
don't let the dawn go out down.
You know, on, on, don't go tobed mad, basically what it says.
And it just kills me to thinkabout that.
(10:32):
That's what I did.
Tonya Shellnutt (10:34):
Right.
Well, and I would say, you know, obviously my mom passed in
1997, you know, ross's death isjust coming on two years.
I mean, I'll tell you just fromsomeone who has lost someone,
suddenly it does get better.
But you, I just think you know,it just changes how you
interact with people, your lovedones, especially right, and
(10:57):
like I'll be mad at Rich andthen I'll be like, wait, okay,
what happens if?
If you know, if he died todaythen I didn't tell him I loved
him, or one of the kids, I, Ireally just try to make the most
of every opportunity because Idon't want to relive that again
(11:18):
and and it's, it stayed with meand it and it is real.
And I'm, and I'm so thankfulthat you're seeking help to work
through the guilt and the painof that, because to say that you
wouldn't experience that and todeny that reality, that's just
not real.
But, what we can do is we canencourage the listeners today to
(11:41):
know listen.
Don't hold the grudge.
Tell them you love them, sayyou're sorry, you know, because
if they pass suddenly you thentake off.
Take that on Right.
Candy Wolff (11:57):
They're gone, they're in heaven and we're the
ones that are left here.
And you know, we have both ofus have kids around the same age
, and it's with them not beingat home anymore too, It's's.
I think it's even moreimportant to let them know how
much you love them, how much youcare about them.
And, yeah, every time you getoff the phone it's you never
(12:19):
leave a conversation angry.
You know that's right, amen,unfinished.
Tonya Shellnutt (12:23):
Don't leave it unfinished.
That's a good word.
We'll have to come back to that.
We'll have to like do a deepdive on that one One of these
days.
We'll have to do that.
But so as I was reading yourbook and reading through what
happened in Mexico and just youknow, having immediately lost
your husband, the way theMexican authorities treated you
(12:48):
and and all of the things thatyou had to go through, can you
just share a little bit aboutyou know, once Ross passed, and
then you know, being taken downto the police station, the
things that they did and thencoming back to the States just
trying to get a deathcertificate and just all the
while planning a funeral?
Candy Wolff (13:07):
like, tell our audience a little bit about that
yeah, it's crazy, you know,like I'm sure, like you when you
lost your mom, you're numb,basically you're truly like it's
an out-of-body experience, youknow.
And yeah, when I woke up andfound him, you know he was blue,
I knew he had passed and I hadto call down, you know,
(13:30):
screaming and yelling at thereception people to send to help
me, you know, and they sent upa doctor and a couple of
security people and put anoximeter on them and you know
they pronounced him dead rightthere.
And then, within seconds, she'struly my guardian angel.
Iazari, who was at the resort,came up and basically walked
(13:54):
through the door and said, hey,candy introduced herself and
she's like you can trust me, I'mgoing to be with you, I'm not
going to lose or leave you.
You know, I'm here with youthrough this whole phase.
And you know it was likewhere's your husband's phone?
And I'm like I have no idea.
I have no idea where it is.
And meanwhile it was funnybecause she's scanning the room
and I'm like not even payingattention, like I'm just in
(14:17):
shock.
And she actually found myhusband's phone right before the
police came in and stuck it inher pockets.
And then we were told, I wastold I had to leave because it
was a crime scene.
And I went to grab my purse andthe cops, like no, you can't
touch anything, this is a crimescene, like you cannot take
anything with you.
Thank God I had my phone in mypocket and she had Ross's phone.
(14:39):
So you know, we got taken downto another room.
The US Embassy ended up callingSomehow.
My dad got involved, no idealike how that all worked out,
but, um, they sent the funeralhome lady there, um, which it
just was so crazy like how fasteverything happened but how slow
(15:01):
it happened.
So, um, you know, I'm having toretell the story to the funeral
home lady and and I just kepttelling her how cold he was.
I just, you know that's, I justkept saying he was so cold, he
was so cold.
And then, probably about fourhours later, atazari gets a call
saying you know, if I want togo back up to see my husband,
(15:24):
and I thought that was probablyit, like I wouldn't see him
again.
And I'm like of course I wantto go see him.
And once we got up to the floor, I just remember getting off
the elevator and there wasyellow tape across the door.
You know in Spanish, whateverit said, but it was do not enter
.
And the gurney was there, youknow, with the mortuary guy that
(15:51):
was going to take him to do hisautopsy.
And as soon as they took thetape off the door and they
opened it up, ross was justlaying there in the bed and the
room was literally ransacked.
It looked like a drug raid,almost.
I guess how, the best way I canexplain it.
(16:11):
I mean, my, our stuff wasthrown everywhere, there was
drawers pulled out, it was, andI literally almost like fell to
my knees.
But the bellman grabbed me andthen I went over and got on my
knees next to the bed and, justyou know, told Ross how much I
loved him and that I couldn'tbelieve he died that you know,
(16:31):
in those situation he did andthat I was so sorry that I
didn't get to tell him I, Iloved him, before he he left.
And so then at that pointAtazari helped me and the
Bellman, you know.
We got everything packed up andthey had to move me down to a
room.
I got placed we were on theeighth floor balcony, you know,
(16:53):
of the ocean, and I get down bythe bellman, right by the
parking lot for them to keep aneye on me.
We start unpacking and Atazaris like okay, we just have to
make sure everything's here.
Find your wallet, find Ross's,open it up.
All of our cash is gone.
You know, I had nothing.
All jewelry was gone.
(17:14):
They took my contacts, lenses,they took sunglass.
I mean, they stole all my stuff, you know.
And she looked at me.
She's like well, do you want tomake a report?
And I'm like to.
Who?
The police?
I mean the ones that just stoleeverything from me.
I mean, I just lost my husbandand now I'm here.
You know, that night ended upgoing by and I was told I had to
(17:37):
go do an interview the nextmorning and it was a lady from
the funeral home coming to getme.
So I thought we're going to gotalk about, you know, his body.
What we're going to do.
That was in my head.
I got in the car with her andwe were driving and we drove for
a while and then she points outwell, there's my office and
there's the cremation place andthere's the funeral home, and we
(18:01):
just keep driving and drivingand I'm starting to get sick
going.
Oh, my God, where is she?
Is she taking me, you know.
So I kind of pulled my phone outof my um, my purse and I texted
my brother-in-law and just said, fyi, um, I have my, you know
my, find me on, um, I'm.
I don't know where I'm going.
I'm with the lady from thefuneral home, just so you have
(18:23):
an idea.
I finally got up the courage tolook at her and go.
You know where are you takingme?
And she's like oh, to thepolice station, right then.
And there, like I literallyalmost threw up in the car.
We pulled into the parking lotit's all gravel and dirt and I
opened up the door and like Iwas so weak I almost fell, like
(18:47):
just everything.
You know, I'm thinking I'mnever going home, like I'm never
going to see my kids again, I'mgoing to end up in the Mexican
prison, and this is just unreal.
So we went in and it was aboutthree hours, you know, of an
interrogation and I I rememberwalking in there and these two
(19:08):
large detectives and their armscrossed and their legs crossed,
and when I went to sit down theypushed these two files like
towards me and you know, onesaid Ross Lindsay Wallhoff and
one said Candace May Wolf, and Ithought, seriously, I really am
going to jail.
They think I killed my husband,I mean, who has a file on you?
They wouldn't speak English thewhole time I was there, so the
(19:32):
girl from the funeral home, youknow, had to interpret for me
and I just remember them keptasking me why the phone was off
the hook.
I'm like I finally was.
I lost it and I just was likeyou know what.
I woke up I found my husbanddead.
I called down to the office.
They told me to unlock the door, to come back, to stay on there
(19:52):
with them until the doctor andsecurity got there.
I'm like I'm sorry, like I justdropped the phone, I guess when
they, you know, came and Ifinally got the courage and like
, and is anyone going to tell me, like how my husband died?
Like you did an autopsyyesterday and they looked at me
and finally spoke English andthey were like well, there was
(20:13):
no broken glass, there was noweapons, there's no puncture
wounds, no bruising, kind ofwent through everything.
And I'm thinking, of coursethere's not, you know.
And then they're like oh, hedied of a massive heart attack
and I just sat there and went.
You put me through three hoursof this and you knew, you know
how he died and on top of it,you stole from me.
(20:37):
You know it's right, soviolated.
Tonya Shellnutt (20:39):
you know you lose your husband and then all
of this I mean it's such aviolation, so so then it took
forever to get the deathcertificate.
I want to talk a little bitabout that because you know, um,
you had said Ross was, you know, making pretty good money.
Candy Wolff (20:59):
you guys were saving.
Tonya Shellnutt (21:01):
So you thought you know he had dipped in a
little bit to your retirement.
So you thought all everythingwas going really well.
You were you.
You know you were okay.
You know we weren't living thelife, but you knew you thought
you were okay.
Yeah.
So you get home, Um, and thispart was really impactful to me,
(21:21):
Um, and so much.
So I, I, I want, uh, I want youto share a little bit about it,
and then I'm going to tell youthe conversation that I had with
my husband as a result of it.
But you got home and yourealized you didn't know
anything about your finances.
So share a little bit with ouraudience about that and kind of
(21:43):
how that played out.
Yeah, it's scary.
Candy Wolff (21:47):
Yeah, I got home and, like I said, I knew my
husband was dipping into ourretirement to help pay the bills
and I would always ask how arewe doing, where are we at?
And it was always fine, Don'tworry about it, when I get a job
I'm going to put the money back.
Well, I ended up going throughthe stack of mail and the first
envelope I opened up was fromour retirement company and I
(22:11):
thought, oh, I'm finally goingto know how much money I have.
You know, this will be a relief, basically.
And I opened it up and it was acheck for $60,000.
And underneath it was a letterand and then bright red letters
stamped account closed.
And I realized, like, like juststanding there at that moment,
(22:32):
that's what I had in my name.
I had $60,000 to my name.
I didn't know how to get intoour safes.
I had no, I didn't.
I couldn't get into his cellphone, I couldn't get into his
computer, I had no passwords foranything and he took care of
everything.
So I didn't know.
You know, people kept tellingme make sure you pay your
(22:53):
mortgage.
You know that's the biggestthing Make sure you pay your
mortgage.
And I would get so angry I'dsay you know what I would love
to pay my mortgage, but I don'teven know who my mortgage
payment goes to.
Thank goodness for my middle son, eli, who's a tech kid.
He was able to get us into atleast the email, and then he
(23:14):
remembered the code to thecomputer or to the safe where
the life insurance policies wereat least.
But it's amazing, that's, Ithink you know, I lost my
husband, I dealt with the police, and then you get home and then
all of a sudden you're like, ohmy gosh, I lost my husband, I
dealt with the police, and thenyou get home and then all of a
sudden you're like, oh my gosh,I have Noah has a year and a
(23:36):
half left to school.
I have nothing, I mean, and Iknow nothing, and I never felt
so helpless in my life and thatis like a big reason to why I
ended up writing the book is toget people talking about this.
Tonya Shellnutt (23:53):
Right, yeah, so I was.
I was telling my husband alittle bit about it and I said I
go rich, you know who ourmortgage company is.
He goes, I have no idea.
And I was like, oh my gosh,okay, cause I do all of the
bills, right, like I pay all ofthe bills.
Now we do have very we're, bothof our names are on all of the
(24:13):
accounts, so we have that.
But he doesn't know, he doesn'tknow the account numbers, he
doesn't know the passwords, hedoesn't know any of that.
And so you know that was anothertakeaway that I took from your
book was making sure you havethose hard conversations so that
(24:34):
you know, because we alwaysthink, oh, we're good, how we're
not good, right, I've alwaysbeen saying, Rich, like we need
to do this, we need to do this,but I haven't done it and I'm
like, okay, I, it's inspired meto have the conversations
because one of the points thatyou make out or that you made in
(24:55):
your book was you know, hereyou are grieving the loss of
your husband, having to plan afuneral and not having any idea
how you're going to pay for thefuneral, right, and so then
you're like, you know, I canremember my mom's funeral, not
knowing some of these thingseither and just you know,
(25:17):
thankfully my grandmother helpedpay for it.
But, like, do we pick a cheaperoption on the coffin?
Do we?
You know what do we do All ofthese different things Because,
like you said, it's veryexpensive to plan a funeral.
So then you, you know, put thefinancial strain on there
instead.
So I want you to share with ouraudience.
(25:39):
Was there a specific turningpoint in this journey where you
realized you could overcome thepain and rebuild your life?
And that prompted you to writea book?
Because you know, I have a ouraudience knows is I have a very
painful story as well, and it'snot like you just wake up one
(26:01):
day and go oh, you know, I thinkI'm going to write a book about
this and I want to share witheverybody how painful this
journey is.
But for me it was puttingpurpose to the pain, knowing
that people need to hear.
You know, when one in threewomen have been sexually abused,
(26:22):
when there's physical abuse andpeople don't talk about it, you
know you need to talk about itand in your situation, the
financial part of it, it justthe loss of it.
So what was there just a pointwhere you realized I need to
write this book, I need to sharethis like kind of talk to our
audience about that.
Candy Wolff (26:42):
Yeah, I think you know like we were talking early
too about the death certificateas well.
Um, you know that because hewas died in Mexico, it took
forever to get um, the um, theembassy to get me a US death
certificate, so then I couldn'thave life insurance money as
well.
So in the meantime, like whenyou're dealing with all this and
(27:03):
everybody wants to know thestory, you know like what
happened.
You know like you guys went andthen wants to know the story.
You know like what happened.
You know like you guys went andthen all of a sudden he's gone.
And when, every time I wouldtell a story, people would tell
me that, especially with themoney thing, they would look at
me and they're like, oh my gosh,I would be in your same shoes
(27:25):
and and God just kept laying itupon my heart.
I think every time I would talkto someone it would just get
reinforced and I'm like I havenever wrote a book in my life
Like I, where do you begin?
What do you, what do you do?
You know, and but the morepeople, like you said you know,
the more people you talk to andthe more people that are like
(27:49):
you talk to and the more peoplethat are like, wow, you know I'm
clueless too, or my husband'sclueless.
Then it was like you know whatI need to write a book about
this I need.
And it was scary, as so scarybecause you're so vulnerable and
you're putting your heart outthere.
And I was completely honest inthe book.
You know I didn't leaveanything out from you know his
(28:10):
use of the drugs down in Mexicoto us having nothing to what I
make and what we have to make up.
It's scary and I just realizedI need.
If this is something I can doto help people to get through,
then this is what I need to do.
So that's truly was justhearing people tell me that they
(28:34):
would have been in the samesituation, and it's like I need
to help people.
I need to tell my story becausepeople need to have these
conversations Right.
Tonya Shellnutt (28:43):
So another part of your book and it's it's
definitely been part of myhealing journey is is your faith
walk, your your trust in God.
You know, share a little bitwith our audience how impactful
that your faith journey has beenon this, on this journey with
you.
Candy Wolff (29:03):
It's been unbelievable because I can tell
you, the moment I woke up andfound him and I was freaking out
, just screaming and holleringand yelling and but it was
almost like I I did look at himbefore everyone got there and I
remember holding him, kissinghim and telling him you're not
(29:26):
in pain anymore, you're finallyout of pain.
And I think that helped me in alittle bit like a relief of I
knew how hard he was strugglingwith life and everything and
that he was out of pain.
But God was with me that wholefour days when I didn't have any
(29:50):
family.
I mean I had the people at theresort, but the day I got his
ashes, people at the resort kepttelling me to go sit down by
the with him because the oceanis healing and pray and you know
(30:11):
, just be with him.
And and I knew he wasstruggling with his faith, that
he had been meeting with ourpastor a lot Just because of
everything.
It was just one thing afteranother for him and I remember
looking up and just asking God.
I'm like, is he with you upthere?
And I looked up and a cloudturned from nothing to a finger
pointing up to the sky and itjust was like he's there.
(30:33):
And then that night, I think,was finally the night that I
kind of let go, like I just fellto my knees, crying and praying
and asking I'm like I just needsomeone to hold me, I just need
someone to hug me, I just needsomeone to hug me, like cause I
hadn't had that and I went tolay in bed and I physically felt
him, like I had an arm aroundme all night long.
(30:56):
It was, oddly enough, the bestnight's sleep I've ever gotten
in my life and he's provided forme, even though I have
struggled.
You know it's not been easy,but you know what we still get
up every day and we, we know wehave a purpose in life.
And he, you know he said he'llnever take anything.
(31:17):
You know, whatever's bad, hewill make for the good.
And that's what I guess I'mlooking at is what he went
through the threat.
You know, the horribledepression, pain, what I had to
go through.
Then at least I'm helping.
You know he's helped me towrite a book to help other
people and to be able to gospeak about it.
Tonya Shellnutt (31:38):
Right.
And that's why I wanted you onthis podcast, candy, because it
goes back to that.
Because it goes back to thatsaying you can't heal what you
don't face Right.
And it is easy to, you know,shove things under the rug.
And you know you easily couldhave been a victim of your
(32:03):
circumstances with the financialto.
You know, having lost yourhusband, but you leaned into
hope, you leaned into courageand you're facing your pain so
that you can help others.
And I hope that you know, as webegin to wrap up here, that that
our audience will hear that howimportant it is to face our
pain and it may not becomfortable at the time, but God
(32:29):
will use it because you're notthe only one that's going
through it.
There's somebody else goingthrough it.
And you know the enemy.
You know, because I believe ingood and evil the enemy is is
trying to isolate people andkeep them in bondage to the
shame and the guilt and theirwounds, when God's like saying
(32:49):
no, I want you to lean into meand to find hope.
And so last question to you isand then we're going to have to
have you back, because I want todive in at some point to the
financial aspect of it andquestions and things that our
audience needs to know, but whatis the one thing you want
listeners to remember whenthey're struggling to find hope?
Candy Wolff (33:13):
I want them to remember.
You probably feel like there isit's just darkness, and that
you feel like nobody cares.
You probably feel like there'snobody around, there's no light
at the end of the tunnel, but aslong as you lean on God, he
(33:35):
will pull you through it.
And there are some days, I mean, where I didn't want to get out
of bed, I wanted to pull thesheets over my head and just be
there.
But you know, we're put onearth to help and love each
other and I truly believe that,as dark as your days seem, it
(33:57):
does get better.
It it takes time.
I mean it's not going to happenand you have to face it and you
have to deal with it every day.
I mean there may be days thatyou just need to sit on the your
couch and I bet you knowwhatever feelings you're feeling
.
Feel them, don't stuff them anddon't just try to move on like
(34:19):
a robot.
Deal with everything in themoment as it hits you, and then
it will get better.
I mean it will, but it's notfun.
Tonya Shellnutt (34:30):
Right, right, yeah, and so I also want our
audience to know that Candy doesgo and speaks.
She's been on a podcast, guestson several podcasts, but she
also does speaking where shecomes in and talks about some of
the obviously her story andthen the financial preparation
that needs to happen when, whenthese things come about, and how
(34:54):
to be prepared so that, ifsomething God forbid should
happen that you are in, you havesome things in order, and so.
So, if you want to book Candyfor a podcast or for a speaking
event, go to CandyWOLFF.
com and also go get her book,because it's really good.
(35:16):
So, as we wrap up, I want youto encourage our listeners to
subscribe to CourageousOvercomers.
Leave a five-star review,because it helps us get hope out
faster.
Share this episode with someonewho might need encouragement
today and then, if you knowsomeone who would be great
guests for our show, email me attonya at tonyashellnutt.
(35:36):
com.
Tune in to next Wednesday, sametime, same place.
Well, candy, thank you forbeing with us and I'm excited
for our audience to hear yourstory and to take some nuggets
and be courageous.
Candy Wolff (35:53):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you having me.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tanya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Tonya Shellnutt (36:23):
Remember that's S-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T this podcast
is produced by Bob Slone AudioProductions.
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