February 19, 2025 • 30 mins
Many of us build emotional walls to protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, and betrayal—but those same walls can also keep us from experiencing faith, healing, and true freedom. In this episode of Courageous Overcomers, we’re talking about the barriers that keep people from fully trusting God.
Tonya shares her personal struggles with faith, wrestling with unanswered questions, church hurt, and the belief that she had to “earn” God’s love. She explores the reasons people struggle with faith—doubt, fear, shame, cultural pressures, and even spiritual warfare—unpacking how these barriers become walls that separate us from the healing and hope we desperately need.
This episode isn’t just about recognizing those walls—it’s about breaking them down. Through the FAITH Framework, you’ll learn how to shift your focus, lean into scripture, embrace community, trust through trials, and hold onto hope as you take steps toward a deeper, unshakable relationship with God.
Key Takeaways:
- The walls we build for self-protection often become the barriers that keep us from healing and faith.
- Church hurt, judgment, and hypocrisy can deeply wound—but people fail, God doesn’t.
- Faith doesn’t require all the answers; it requires trust, even in uncertainty.
- Control feels safe, but true peace is found in surrendering to God’s plan.
- Shame and unworthiness are lies—God meets you in your brokenness, not after you “fix” yourself.
- Spiritual warfare is real—the enemy thrives on keeping you behind walls of fear and doubt.
- The FAITH Framework:
- F – Focus on God’s Character instead of circumstances.
- A – Anchor Yourself in Scripture to replace doubt with truth.
- I – Invest in a Faith Community because faith isn’t meant to be walked alone.
- T – Trust God Through Trials, knowing they refine, not destroy, your faith.
- H – Hold on to Hope because it’s the anchor that keeps your faith steady.
If you feel like something is keeping you from fully embracing faith, maybe it’s time to take down the walls.
💬 What’s one wall you’ve built that’s keeping you from deeper faith?
Stay Connected:
- Website: https://www.tonyashellnutt.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonyashellnutt/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyashellnut
- Twitter: https://x.com/tonyashellnutt
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:08):
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers stories of
hope and healing.
I'm your host, Tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about hard stufftrauma, fear and pain.
Let's be honest so many of ushide from our pain because in
reality, it's just too hard toface.
But here's the truth we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:28):
face.
Last week, we talked about myfaith journey and I shared a
little bit about the churchesthat I went to, the important
role that they played in it, andhow faith plays a crucial role
in breaking down emotional wallsand healing, and so I
encouraged you to lean into yourfaith, even when it's hard,
(00:50):
because we know that faith isn'teasy, and especially when you
operate in self-protect mode andyou build walls for protection.
So this episode of CourageousOvercomers we're going to dive
into the barriers that keeppeople from faith and we're
going to talk about whether it'spain, doubt, church hurt, fear.
(01:13):
You know these walls don't justkeep danger out, but they also
keep you from healing as aresult of these barriers of
faith, and so I want to talk alittle bit about that today.
So early on, one of the thingsthat I really really struggled
with in my faith journey was Icouldn't get my head around how
(01:36):
a loving God would allow suchpain and such adversity in my
life.
And I came across Romans 8.28,and I would say it took a long
time for me to even understandRomans 8.28,.
But it talks about how God usesall things for good, and I
(01:56):
would question it.
I was like, well, really, doeshe really?
Because how could he use myfather's abandonment for good,
or my abuse for good, or thetrauma that followed after that
with the boyfriend, or thesuicide?
And I couldn't figure out howGod would use that for good.
And so I just carried thisbelief that I was actually the
(02:22):
one to blame, that something waswrong with me, that if I was
better or stronger or moreworthy, these things wouldn't
have happened to me.
And so I guess at the time Ihad already adopted a
performance-based mindset aboutlove.
If I was good enough, my birthfather wouldn't have left.
(02:44):
If I was stronger, I could haveescaped the sexual assault.
If I was worthy, my adoptivedad would have shown up for my
events and praised me and chosenme.
So naturally, of course, I tookall of that into my
relationship with God andapplied the same thinking.
I thought well, if I read myBible daily, I avoid sin.
(03:06):
I prayed more, then I would beenough for God, but God kept
throwing punches.
I wouldn't say God keptthrowing punches, life kept
throwing punches.
That's a better way to say it.
And you know, mackenzie, Inever use my kids' names, but I
just did.
Mackenzie lost her hearing.
Izzy's seizures wouldn't stop.
(03:29):
We were struggling financiallyas my husband was the only one
working at that time, and againall I could think of was I must
not be doing enough.
God must be punishing me, bedoing enough, god must be
(03:50):
punishing me.
And so that was a true barrierfor me, and I want to talk about
today.
I want to go through some ofthese barriers that people
encounter.
Everybody has a different story.
Everybody has a barrier that'sprevented them from either going
to church, leaning deeper intotheir faith, growing, whatever
it is, but there's been abarrier, and so I want to talk
about some of them, and again,you might only relate with one,
(04:11):
but I want to talk about that.
If you guys have learnedanything from me by now, it is I
want to talk about the hardstuff, the things that people
tend to just sweep under the rug, and so the very number one
barrier that I think is actuallya huge barrier for a lot of
people is church hurt andhypocrisy.
And I can remember when we werereally struggling there was
(04:37):
this like it was a joke but itwas a hurtful joke going around
church at the time that theshell nuts were always
struggling and that was hardbecause it was embarrassing,
because it was like, well, wemust be doing something wrong
and there's something happening.
And I can remember someone inchurch leadership told me that
(04:57):
my kids' illness and ourfinancial hardships all of it
was because of the sin in mylife.
Think about that.
I was already struggling withmy faith, wondering if God
really loved me, alreadydoubting his goodness, and then
someone in spiritual authoritytold me that my suffering was my
(05:18):
own fault.
Now I was devastated.
It was just like I had beenkicked in the head.
And I'm not saying that there'snot a time and a place for
self-examination, but there's away to guide someone towards
that reflection without crushingthem.
And I would say that so manypeople have church hurt and
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that's a major reason why theywalk away from faith.
Judgmental attitudes, hypocrisy,spiritual abuse these are the
things that don't reflect God,but they really deeply wound
people and the enemy uses that.
And so it's not just, you know,the big scandals of leadership
or leadership failures.
(06:00):
It's oftentimes the everydayattitudes failures.
It's oftentimes the everydayattitudes, you know Christians
judging instead of loving,gossiping instead of supporting,
condemning instead of guiding.
And it's so unfortunate butit's real and it took me a long
(06:21):
time to work through that andwork through the judgment of
that.
I had a really great mentor atthe time who told me and took me
to scripture and said listen,it's not your fault for your
children's sickness, and shehelped me with that.
But had I not had that verywise woman in that stage in my
life, I don't know what wouldhave happened.
(06:42):
And so that is definitely abarrier that people come across,
which is church hurt andhypocrisy, and it's easy just to
say and be jaded and say well,the church isn't a safe place
for me.
People were mean to me, I don'tever want to go back and I want
to encourage you to not letthat be the case for you.
(07:05):
The other barrier is doubt andunanswered questions.
So another reason why peoplestruggle to come to faith is
those unanswered questions.
Is God real?
If he's real, you know, whydoes it feel like he's so far
away?
Why does he allow suffering?
I have a loved one in my familywho, specifically, has not come
(07:29):
to faith because they don'tthink that a loving God would
allow for suffering.
And again you know the otherone, which is how could a loving
God let innocent people be hurt?
And, as I've already shared, Ispent years wrestling with that,
and I know I'm not alone.
People get stuck here and nevermove forward in their faith
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because they feel like they haveto have the answers.
But one of my favorite, favoriteverses in all of scripture is
Isaiah 55, 8 through 9.
And it tells us that God's waysare beyond our understanding
and that his ways are not ourways.
His ways are higher than ours.
That doesn't mean we stopasking questions.
It just means that we have tochoose to trust when we don't
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have all the answers.
And that leads us to the nextbarrier of coming to faith, and
that's loss of control and thefear of surrender of faith.
And that's loss of control andthe fear of surrender.
It goes back to the unansweredquestions and trusting when we
don't see the way and it comesback to thinking well, I can
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control this, and then we can'tcontrol it.
And so a lot of people resistfaith because for them, it means
letting go.
It means trusting somethingbigger than yourself, especially
when life has taught you thatcontrol equals safety that false
sense of security and that ifyou've been hurt, abandoned or
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let down, the idea ofsurrendering to God's plan feels
very, very risky.
And again, that was another oneI struggled with because I
couldn't make sense of it, Icouldn't control it, I didn't
know what the outcomes were.
And the truth is that faithisn't about losing control.
It's about realizing we werenever in control to begin with.
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That's a really, really hardone, and so maybe that's you.
I see myself in all of these,which is why I probably brought
all of them to you is becausethese are the things that I've
struggled with.
The next one is shame andunworthiness.
Some people don't come to faithbecause they think they're too
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broken.
I've seen this time and timeagain working with families,
couples, individuals, and theythink that they have to clean
themselves up before they cancome to God.
They got to get their lifetogether, that they're too
sinful, too messy, too damagedand, honestly, that's just a
flat out lie.
(10:00):
Jesus didn't come for theperfect, he came for the broken.
I can't remember the scripturereference where it says that
Jesus came for the sick.
They need a doctor, and hemeets us where we are, not where
we think we should be.
And I want to encourage you tonot wait till you think you have
it all together before you cometo Jesus, because he's the one
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that cleans it up, he's the onethat helps us, and that shame
and unworthiness will just keepyou going down that track of
being a victim and staying inthat cycle of stinking thinking.
So the next barrier is culturaland societal pressures.
(10:46):
So the world around us faithpeople often see it as outdated,
irrelevant, oppressive.
Especially the younger peoplesee that as oppressive.
You know, people think youdon't need God, you can handle
it on your own.
Again, I know a lot of familymembers who are living in that
they think that they can handleit on your own.
Again, I know a lot of familymembers who are living in that
(11:07):
they think that they can handleit on their own.
You know, we're taught to chasesuccess, self-sufficiency and
independence, and while none ofthose are bad on their own, but
what can happen is they can makeus believe that relying on God
is being weak.
What can happen is they canmake us believe that relying on
God is being weak.
But honestly, the real strengthis found in the surrender, is
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when you surrender and admitthat you can't do it.
You've done everything that youcan on your own and you're not
getting anywhere.
You're failing, and so that'sreally where the strength is not
getting anywhere.
You're failing, and so that'sreally where the strength is.
The next one, a barrier, is theidentity confusion and the fear
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of rejection.
You know, for some people,faith doesn't fit into their
identity.
They have built their livesaround an entirely different
belief system.
They're afraid of what peoplewill think if you're a Christian
, because, lord knows, we'vegotten such a bad rap about
being a Christian and what thatmeans.
And I think that this isespecially true for people that
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grew up in families that didn'tembrace faith, didn't adopt it,
and so there is a fear ofrejection.
But Jesus says in Matthew 10,39, whoever loses their life for
my sake will find it.
So faith isn't just aboutfinding God, it's about finding
out who you were created to be.
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So then we move on to the nextone, the next barrier, and that
is a big one, and it's spiritualwarfare.
And I used to think well, firstoff, I used to not even have a
clue what that meant.
What is spiritual warfare?
But the enemy is real and hisattempt to distract us, to take
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us out, is real.
And the enemy thrives onkeeping people in fear and in
doubt and complacency.
I can remember early on tryingto grow in my faith and just
feeling like everything wascoming against us and I wasn't
doing good enough.
And there's a reason for thatand it's a coincidence.
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I remember one time a dearfriend of mine—I hope she's
listening to this—but her andher husband were going through
some really hard times and theystarted coming to our Sunday
school class and they werecoming to church and one day she
decided that she was going tocome forward and give her life
to Jesus.
And she comes forward and she's, you know, in the middle of
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giving her life to Jesus and thefire alarm goes off.
And we just laughed at thatbecause we're like oh man, the
enemy knows you know that you'retrying to do something good and
here he is trying to distractyou and he will throw every
distraction and temptation andlie in your path to keep you
from drawing closer to God.
And again, like I said, thesebarriers distract us from
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growing in our faith.
And so how do we break throughthose barriers?
As you heard me share aboutthose seven barriers, maybe you
find yourself in one or seven ofthem, but I want to encourage
you to start by shifting yourperspective, and this goes back
to what we talked about a fewweeks ago about that stinking
(14:29):
thinking the optimist versus thepessimist.
If you haven't heard that one,you need to go back and listen
to it, because it's aboutshifting perspective.
Instead of focusing on thechurch hurt, focus on Jesus.
Rich used to always say peoplewill always disappoint you, but
God never will.
I didn't understand what thatmeant, but it's grown to be a
real truth for me.
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Instead of demanding all theanswers, accept that faith is
about trust, not certainty, andthat is very hard, especially if
you are someone who thinks thatyou can control outcomes.
Instead of fearing surrender,realize that trusting God is
where peace is found, because,at the end of the day, it's
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going to be what it's going tobe, and whatever's going to
happen is going to happen, andso let it go.
Instead of believing you haveto be better, understand that
God meets you where you are.
That's still a very difficultone for me, I always feel like I
have to do better for one.
(15:34):
For me, I always feel like Ihave to do better, be better, in
order to be accepted by theLord, and I know that's not true
In my head.
I know that's not true, workingon that in my heart.
Instead of seeing faith asrules, see it as a relationship,
which is truly what it is.
It is a relationship.
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Instead of fearing rejection,recognize that your identity is
in Christ and, instead ofletting the enemy keep you stuck
, armor up, and what that meansis in Ephesians 6, it talks
about putting on the full armorof God, and at some point in
this journey we'll dive intothat.
But you need to be prayed up,you need to have people
(16:17):
surrounded by you, you need toknow the word, and that's going
to actually lead us into aframework that I developed for
us, for those of us that arestruggling with faith.
It's called the faith frameworkand it's not just about belief,
but it's about action andgrowth, and it's designed to
help people move past thesebarriers that we talked about
(16:39):
and develop a real personalrelationship with God that
actually leads to transformation.
So I'm big on acronyms, youknow.
Whatever, everybody has theirthing, but I love acronyms.
So I'm looking at the faith andwe're going to look at F, and F
is to focus on God's character,who he is, not what you feel.
(17:01):
1 John 4, 16 says we know howmuch God loves us and we have
put our trust in his love.
God is love and all who live inlove live in God and God lives
in them.
Many people struggle in faithbecause they don't truly know
who God is, and pain anddisappointment will distort our
(17:25):
view of him.
It goes back to that wholething where you know, if God is
such a loving God, why would heallow these things to happen?
And I stayed there for a longtime and I don't remember I told
you guys the story, but youknow, I think I'm going to have
Rich on next week to kind oftalk about his faith journey,
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because it's really, reallyawesome.
But one of the things that hesaid was you know, are you going
to live hell here on earth,always questioning God, or are
you going to just, you know,accept where you're at and lean
into the pain and do somethingabout it?
He didn't say it quite likethat, but that was how I heard
it, and so, instead of focusingon my circumstances, I needed to
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focus on God's unchangingnature, that he's loving, that
he's just, that he's mercifuland that he's present.
And so how do we grow in that?
Well, we need to study God'sattributes Psalm 103.
I'm huge on journaling.
I love to journal.
I think it's so therapeutic.
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You know everyone has to decidewhat works for them, but I'm
telling you you won't bedisappointed.
You got to take your journaland look at the ways that God
has been faithful in your life.
What has he done and what is hecontinuing to do?
Because, again, perspectiveright, focusing on the good
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things, all right.
So A is for anchor yourself inscripture.
Truth over feelings.
John 17, 17 says make them holyby your truth, teach them your
word, which is truth.
And our faith grows when it'srooted in God's word.
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The Bible isn't just some book,it's God's voice, speaking
truth into our lives.
We know that feelings come andgo, but scripture doesn't change
and it's sharper than adouble-edged sword.
It's very powerful.
And it's sharper than adouble-edged sword.
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It's very powerful.
And so how do we grow in thisarea?
Well, I would encourage you toread a chapter of Day for
Proverbs for wisdom.
That's in the Old Testament,the front of the Bible, and then
John, about how Jesus lived.
His life is in the NewTestament, in the second half of
the Bible.
And then one of the things thatI used to do is I would go to
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the back of the book, in theconcordance, and if I was
struggling with, let's say,anger, I would look up anger and
look at where the scriptureswould take me to.
There's like a list of them youcan look up and find out, and I
would go and read them and Iwould write them out and I would
say, okay, I'm struggling withanger and this is what this
verse means to me and that wasvery helpful to me.
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And I would listen to sermonson anger.
Whatever it was I wasstruggling with for that day or
that week, I would just go andfind verses about it or sermons
about it and read about it andlearn about it, and that is how
I grew in my faith.
The other thing that Icurrently do is I am on the
YouVersion the app, the Bibleapp, and I'm on a group with a
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group of prayer warriors and wedo a daily devotion together and
we just read the devotion andthen we all comment on it, and
honestly, I don't comment a tonon it.
I actually just listen to thesewomen.
A lot of them are much olderthan I am, but very, very wise,
and so that's another thing thatyou can do.
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There's all sorts of things, butI hope you're seeing that this
is that faith isn't beingpassive, faith is leaning into
it and owning it and doingsomething about it.
So moving into the I of faithis to invest in a faith
community and walk with others,not alone.
Hebrews 10.25 says Let us notneglect our meeting together, as
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some people do, but encourageone another, especially now that
the day of his return isdrawing near.
And, of course, ecclesiastes4.9 says Two are better off than
one, for they can help eachother succeed.
And faith is never meant to bea solo journey.
We need encouragement, we needaccountability and we need
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teaching from fellow believers.
I cannot emphasize this oneenough.
There's a lot of people thatthink, you know, that they can
do this solo.
They don't want to share withothers, they don't want to open
up to others because they'reembarrassed or they're afraid of
what people will think.
But God calls us to communityand it's you know.
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Again, I just can't emphasizethis enough.
And in this particular area youknow you grow by finding a small
group, a Bible study, a mentor.
I was very blessed to have amentor for many years, even just
coming fresh out of recovery.
I had a AA sponsor and then amentor at both of my churches
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and it's extremely importantbecause they can talk truth into
your life.
And finding a mentor is aconversation for another day
because it matters who you pick.
You can't find someone who'sjust going to tell you what you
need to hear, but you also haveto have someone who is merciful
and compassionate and just tellsyou things in a loving way.
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So I would say that if pastchurch experiences have hurt,
you ask God to guide you to ahealthy, loving community and
truly lower your expectations.
I know that's hard, I know forme, having come from Hickory
(23:18):
Grove Baptist and you guys canlisten to this from last week if
you want to hear the story buthaving gone there to Emanuel, I
just didn't feel like I fit inand I had an expectation of what
I thought I was going to seeand it didn't work out that way.
But it was because of myexpectation.
So I want to encourage you onthat one.
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The T in faith is to trust Godthrough the trials.
Faith isn't just for the goodtimes.
James 1, 2 through 4 says thisDear brothers and sisters, when
troubles of any kind come yourway, consider it an opportunity
for great joy, said no one ever,except for the Bible.
For you know that when yourfaith is tested, your endurance
has a chance to grow.
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So let it grow, for whenendurance is fully developed,
you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
Who just finds joy intribulations?
I can definitely say that isnot me.
But trials test our faith andthey also grow it.
This is 100% true for me.
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You know, as I was telling youabout the joke that you know the
shell nuts were always goingthrough something.
It's true, we were, but I'mtelling you, those trials taught
me so much about life and Ihave learned through so much of
that.
And God is working, even whenwe can't see it.
And instead of me alwaysquestioning why is this
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happening?
I should have, but I didn'tknow because I was very immature
I should have said what do youwant to teach me from this?
But again, it's very hard tosee that sometimes, as you know,
why are we going through thesetribulations, lord, what do you
want to teach me?
And sometimes we go throughtribulations, like with our
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children, that are beyond ourcontrol.
I have adult children and theymake decisions that hurt me so
bad.
And I want to internalize itand be like, well, if I would
have done this better or thatbetter, they wouldn't be doing
this.
And I can't do that becausesome things are just beyond our
control.
I can look at the situation andgo, what can I learn from it?
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And then there's just thingsagain that are beyond my control
.
So how do we grow in this area?
You bring your doubts and youranger and your pain to God Again
.
Go back to the concordance,look those up.
You keep a journal and reflecton how God has moved in your
life and read about the biblicalovercomers.
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Job is hands down my favoritebook in the whole Bible.
It is so sad, but I think ifJob can go through all of that,
surely I can handle that.
There's a scripture verse inJob 13, 15.
It says though he slay me, Iwill hope in him.
And there have been times whereI felt like, though he slay me,
I will hope in him.
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But that leads us to the H infaith, and that is to hold on to
hope.
Hope as the anchor of our soul,and Hebrews 6.19 says this.
This hope is a strong andtrustworthy anchor for our souls
.
It leads us through the curtaininto God's inner sanctuary, and
Romans 15.13 says this I praythat God, the source of hope,
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will fill you completely withjoy and peace because you trust
in him.
Then you will overflow withconfident hope through the power
of the Holy Spirit.
Hope is the fuel that keeps usalive.
Without hope, people feel lost,discouraged and stuck.
People feel lost, discouragedand stuck.
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And biblical hope isn't justwishful thinking, it's
confidence in God's promises,and you can't know his promises
if you don't read what they are.
And no matter how dark thingsmight seem, hope reminds us that
God's plan is not finished.
And so how do we grow in hope?
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Well, we seek God's promises.
We read about them in the Bible, we surround ourselves with
people who speak life into usand that they remind us of God's
goodness.
We focus on the internalperspective.
This is one I was just readinga study last week that said
people that have an eternalperspective are more successful
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and healthier, because werealize that the world is
temporary and that God's kingdomis forever.
Lose someone, a loved one, earlyon in life.
There's many reasons wherepeople can take an eternal
perspective, but losing a lovedone, for me specifically, has
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helped me really understand thesignificance of God's kingdom
forever versus this temporaryworld, and I feel like I live
differently because of that.
And so, as a wrap up, faith,focus on God's character, not
your circumstances or feelings.
A anchor yourself in scripture.
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The truth doesn't change, evenwhen life does.
I invest in a faith community.
Do not try to walk alone inthis.
T.
Trust God through his trials,because faith is built in the
hard times, not just the good.
And H, my favorite is to holdon to hope, because hope is the
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anchor for your soul.
So what of any of those areholding you back from faith that
we talked about in thebeginning, the barriers and what
is one step that you can takethis week to break through it?
Because faith is not, rememberthis, about how hard you try.
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This isn't the works version,folks.
This is about trusting God, andso I want to encourage you, as
hard as it is, to lean into thepain, find the purpose and take
the step forward, because,remember, you can't heal what
you're not willing to face, andso today, as we wrap up, I want
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to encourage you to take some ofthose steps in how to grow.
Work on that.
I want you to subscribe toCourageous Overcomers and join
our community.
Please leave a five-star reviewto help us get hope out faster.
Please share this episode withsomeone who might need
encouragement and email me ifyou know someone who would be a
(29:50):
great guest for the show.
I love to interview overcomersand if you have any questions,
please visit my website at www.
TonyaShellnuttcom.
Two L's, two T's and we willsee you.
Next Wednesday, same time, sameplace.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast To find
out more about Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnuttcom.
(30:28):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers stories of
hope and healing.
I'm your host, Tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about hard stufftrauma, fear and pain.
Let's be honest so many of ushide from our pain because in
reality, it's just too hard toface.
But here's the truth we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:28):
face.
Last week, we talked about myfaith journey and I shared a
little bit about the churchesthat I went to, the important
role that they played in it, andhow faith plays a crucial role
in breaking down emotional wallsand healing, and so I
encouraged you to lean into yourfaith, even when it's hard,
(00:50):
because we know that faith isn'teasy, and especially when you
operate in self-protect mode andyou build walls for protection.
So this episode of CourageousOvercomers we're going to dive
into the barriers that keeppeople from faith and we're
going to talk about whether it'spain, doubt, church hurt, fear.
(01:13):
You know these walls don't justkeep danger out, but they also
keep you from healing as aresult of these barriers of
faith, and so I want to talk alittle bit about that today.
So early on, one of the thingsthat I really really struggled
with in my faith journey was Icouldn't get my head around how
(01:36):
a loving God would allow suchpain and such adversity in my
life.
And I came across Romans 8.28,and I would say it took a long
time for me to even understandRomans 8.28,.
But it talks about how God usesall things for good, and I
(01:56):
would question it.
I was like, well, really, doeshe really?
Because how could he use myfather's abandonment for good,
or my abuse for good, or thetrauma that followed after that
with the boyfriend, or thesuicide?
And I couldn't figure out howGod would use that for good.
And so I just carried thisbelief that I was actually the
(02:22):
one to blame, that something waswrong with me, that if I was
better or stronger or moreworthy, these things wouldn't
have happened to me.
And so I guess at the time Ihad already adopted a
performance-based mindset aboutlove.
If I was good enough, my birthfather wouldn't have left.
(02:44):
If I was stronger, I could haveescaped the sexual assault.
If I was worthy, my adoptivedad would have shown up for my
events and praised me and chosenme.
So naturally, of course, I tookall of that into my
relationship with God andapplied the same thinking.
I thought well, if I read myBible daily, I avoid sin.
(03:06):
I prayed more, then I would beenough for God, but God kept
throwing punches.
I wouldn't say God keptthrowing punches, life kept
throwing punches.
That's a better way to say it.
And you know, mackenzie, Inever use my kids' names, but I
just did.
Mackenzie lost her hearing.
Izzy's seizures wouldn't stop.
(03:29):
We were struggling financiallyas my husband was the only one
working at that time, and againall I could think of was I must
not be doing enough.
God must be punishing me, bedoing enough, god must be
(03:50):
punishing me.
And so that was a true barrierfor me, and I want to talk about
today.
I want to go through some ofthese barriers that people
encounter.
Everybody has a different story.
Everybody has a barrier that'sprevented them from either going
to church, leaning deeper intotheir faith, growing, whatever
it is, but there's been abarrier, and so I want to talk
about some of them, and again,you might only relate with one,
(04:11):
but I want to talk about that.
If you guys have learnedanything from me by now, it is I
want to talk about the hardstuff, the things that people
tend to just sweep under the rug, and so the very number one
barrier that I think is actuallya huge barrier for a lot of
people is church hurt andhypocrisy.
And I can remember when we werereally struggling there was
(04:37):
this like it was a joke but itwas a hurtful joke going around
church at the time that theshell nuts were always
struggling and that was hardbecause it was embarrassing,
because it was like, well, wemust be doing something wrong
and there's something happening.
And I can remember someone inchurch leadership told me that
(04:57):
my kids' illness and ourfinancial hardships all of it
was because of the sin in mylife.
Think about that.
I was already struggling withmy faith, wondering if God
really loved me, alreadydoubting his goodness, and then
someone in spiritual authoritytold me that my suffering was my
(05:18):
own fault.
Now I was devastated.
It was just like I had beenkicked in the head.
And I'm not saying that there'snot a time and a place for
self-examination, but there's away to guide someone towards
that reflection without crushingthem.
And I would say that so manypeople have church hurt and
(05:40):
that's a major reason why theywalk away from faith.
Judgmental attitudes, hypocrisy,spiritual abuse these are the
things that don't reflect God,but they really deeply wound
people and the enemy uses that.
And so it's not just, you know,the big scandals of leadership
or leadership failures.
(06:00):
It's oftentimes the everydayattitudes failures.
It's oftentimes the everydayattitudes, you know Christians
judging instead of loving,gossiping instead of supporting,
condemning instead of guiding.
And it's so unfortunate butit's real and it took me a long
(06:21):
time to work through that andwork through the judgment of
that.
I had a really great mentor atthe time who told me and took me
to scripture and said listen,it's not your fault for your
children's sickness, and shehelped me with that.
But had I not had that verywise woman in that stage in my
life, I don't know what wouldhave happened.
(06:42):
And so that is definitely abarrier that people come across,
which is church hurt andhypocrisy, and it's easy just to
say and be jaded and say well,the church isn't a safe place
for me.
People were mean to me, I don'tever want to go back and I want
to encourage you to not letthat be the case for you.
(07:05):
The other barrier is doubt andunanswered questions.
So another reason why peoplestruggle to come to faith is
those unanswered questions.
Is God real?
If he's real, you know, whydoes it feel like he's so far
away?
Why does he allow suffering?
I have a loved one in my familywho, specifically, has not come
(07:29):
to faith because they don'tthink that a loving God would
allow for suffering.
And again you know the otherone, which is how could a loving
God let innocent people be hurt?
And, as I've already shared, Ispent years wrestling with that,
and I know I'm not alone.
People get stuck here and nevermove forward in their faith
(07:49):
because they feel like they haveto have the answers.
But one of my favorite, favoriteverses in all of scripture is
Isaiah 55, 8 through 9.
And it tells us that God's waysare beyond our understanding
and that his ways are not ourways.
His ways are higher than ours.
That doesn't mean we stopasking questions.
It just means that we have tochoose to trust when we don't
(08:13):
have all the answers.
And that leads us to the nextbarrier of coming to faith, and
that's loss of control and thefear of surrender of faith.
And that's loss of control andthe fear of surrender.
It goes back to the unansweredquestions and trusting when we
don't see the way and it comesback to thinking well, I can
(08:34):
control this, and then we can'tcontrol it.
And so a lot of people resistfaith because for them, it means
letting go.
It means trusting somethingbigger than yourself, especially
when life has taught you thatcontrol equals safety that false
sense of security and that ifyou've been hurt, abandoned or
(08:57):
let down, the idea ofsurrendering to God's plan feels
very, very risky.
And again, that was another oneI struggled with because I
couldn't make sense of it, Icouldn't control it, I didn't
know what the outcomes were.
And the truth is that faithisn't about losing control.
It's about realizing we werenever in control to begin with.
(09:19):
That's a really, really hardone, and so maybe that's you.
I see myself in all of these,which is why I probably brought
all of them to you is becausethese are the things that I've
struggled with.
The next one is shame andunworthiness.
Some people don't come to faithbecause they think they're too
(09:39):
broken.
I've seen this time and timeagain working with families,
couples, individuals, and theythink that they have to clean
themselves up before they cancome to God.
They got to get their lifetogether, that they're too
sinful, too messy, too damagedand, honestly, that's just a
flat out lie.
(10:00):
Jesus didn't come for theperfect, he came for the broken.
I can't remember the scripturereference where it says that
Jesus came for the sick.
They need a doctor, and hemeets us where we are, not where
we think we should be.
And I want to encourage you tonot wait till you think you have
it all together before you cometo Jesus, because he's the one
(10:25):
that cleans it up, he's the onethat helps us, and that shame
and unworthiness will just keepyou going down that track of
being a victim and staying inthat cycle of stinking thinking.
So the next barrier is culturaland societal pressures.
(10:46):
So the world around us faithpeople often see it as outdated,
irrelevant, oppressive.
Especially the younger peoplesee that as oppressive.
You know, people think youdon't need God, you can handle
it on your own.
Again, I know a lot of familymembers who are living in that
they think that they can handleit on your own.
Again, I know a lot of familymembers who are living in that
(11:07):
they think that they can handleit on their own.
You know, we're taught to chasesuccess, self-sufficiency and
independence, and while none ofthose are bad on their own, but
what can happen is they can makeus believe that relying on God
is being weak.
What can happen is they canmake us believe that relying on
God is being weak.
But honestly, the real strengthis found in the surrender, is
(11:31):
when you surrender and admitthat you can't do it.
You've done everything that youcan on your own and you're not
getting anywhere.
You're failing, and so that'sreally where the strength is not
getting anywhere.
You're failing, and so that'sreally where the strength is.
The next one, a barrier, is theidentity confusion and the fear
(11:52):
of rejection.
You know, for some people,faith doesn't fit into their
identity.
They have built their livesaround an entirely different
belief system.
They're afraid of what peoplewill think if you're a Christian
, because, lord knows, we'vegotten such a bad rap about
being a Christian and what thatmeans.
And I think that this isespecially true for people that
(12:17):
grew up in families that didn'tembrace faith, didn't adopt it,
and so there is a fear ofrejection.
But Jesus says in Matthew 10,39, whoever loses their life for
my sake will find it.
So faith isn't just aboutfinding God, it's about finding
out who you were created to be.
(12:37):
So then we move on to the nextone, the next barrier, and that
is a big one, and it's spiritualwarfare.
And I used to think well, firstoff, I used to not even have a
clue what that meant.
What is spiritual warfare?
But the enemy is real and hisattempt to distract us, to take
(12:59):
us out, is real.
And the enemy thrives onkeeping people in fear and in
doubt and complacency.
I can remember early on tryingto grow in my faith and just
feeling like everything wascoming against us and I wasn't
doing good enough.
And there's a reason for thatand it's a coincidence.
(13:20):
I remember one time a dearfriend of mine—I hope she's
listening to this—but her andher husband were going through
some really hard times and theystarted coming to our Sunday
school class and they werecoming to church and one day she
decided that she was going tocome forward and give her life
to Jesus.
And she comes forward and she's, you know, in the middle of
(13:42):
giving her life to Jesus and thefire alarm goes off.
And we just laughed at thatbecause we're like oh man, the
enemy knows you know that you'retrying to do something good and
here he is trying to distractyou and he will throw every
distraction and temptation andlie in your path to keep you
from drawing closer to God.
And again, like I said, thesebarriers distract us from
(14:09):
growing in our faith.
And so how do we break throughthose barriers?
As you heard me share aboutthose seven barriers, maybe you
find yourself in one or seven ofthem, but I want to encourage
you to start by shifting yourperspective, and this goes back
to what we talked about a fewweeks ago about that stinking
(14:29):
thinking the optimist versus thepessimist.
If you haven't heard that one,you need to go back and listen
to it, because it's aboutshifting perspective.
Instead of focusing on thechurch hurt, focus on Jesus.
Rich used to always say peoplewill always disappoint you, but
God never will.
I didn't understand what thatmeant, but it's grown to be a
real truth for me.
(14:51):
Instead of demanding all theanswers, accept that faith is
about trust, not certainty, andthat is very hard, especially if
you are someone who thinks thatyou can control outcomes.
Instead of fearing surrender,realize that trusting God is
where peace is found, because,at the end of the day, it's
(15:11):
going to be what it's going tobe, and whatever's going to
happen is going to happen, andso let it go.
Instead of believing you haveto be better, understand that
God meets you where you are.
That's still a very difficultone for me, I always feel like I
have to do better for one.
(15:34):
For me, I always feel like Ihave to do better, be better, in
order to be accepted by theLord, and I know that's not true
In my head.
I know that's not true, workingon that in my heart.
Instead of seeing faith asrules, see it as a relationship,
which is truly what it is.
It is a relationship.
(15:55):
Instead of fearing rejection,recognize that your identity is
in Christ and, instead ofletting the enemy keep you stuck
, armor up, and what that meansis in Ephesians 6, it talks
about putting on the full armorof God, and at some point in
this journey we'll dive intothat.
But you need to be prayed up,you need to have people
(16:17):
surrounded by you, you need toknow the word, and that's going
to actually lead us into aframework that I developed for
us, for those of us that arestruggling with faith.
It's called the faith frameworkand it's not just about belief,
but it's about action andgrowth, and it's designed to
help people move past thesebarriers that we talked about
(16:39):
and develop a real personalrelationship with God that
actually leads to transformation.
So I'm big on acronyms, youknow.
Whatever, everybody has theirthing, but I love acronyms.
So I'm looking at the faith andwe're going to look at F, and F
is to focus on God's character,who he is, not what you feel.
(17:01):
1 John 4, 16 says we know howmuch God loves us and we have
put our trust in his love.
God is love and all who live inlove live in God and God lives
in them.
Many people struggle in faithbecause they don't truly know
who God is, and pain anddisappointment will distort our
(17:25):
view of him.
It goes back to that wholething where you know, if God is
such a loving God, why would heallow these things to happen?
And I stayed there for a longtime and I don't remember I told
you guys the story, but youknow, I think I'm going to have
Rich on next week to kind oftalk about his faith journey,
(17:46):
because it's really, reallyawesome.
But one of the things that hesaid was you know, are you going
to live hell here on earth,always questioning God, or are
you going to just, you know,accept where you're at and lean
into the pain and do somethingabout it?
He didn't say it quite likethat, but that was how I heard
it, and so, instead of focusingon my circumstances, I needed to
(18:09):
focus on God's unchangingnature, that he's loving, that
he's just, that he's mercifuland that he's present.
And so how do we grow in that?
Well, we need to study God'sattributes Psalm 103.
I'm huge on journaling.
I love to journal.
I think it's so therapeutic.
(18:30):
You know everyone has to decidewhat works for them, but I'm
telling you you won't bedisappointed.
You got to take your journaland look at the ways that God
has been faithful in your life.
What has he done and what is hecontinuing to do?
Because, again, perspectiveright, focusing on the good
(18:52):
things, all right.
So A is for anchor yourself inscripture.
Truth over feelings.
John 17, 17 says make them holyby your truth, teach them your
word, which is truth.
And our faith grows when it'srooted in God's word.
(19:13):
The Bible isn't just some book,it's God's voice, speaking
truth into our lives.
We know that feelings come andgo, but scripture doesn't change
and it's sharper than adouble-edged sword.
It's very powerful.
And it's sharper than adouble-edged sword.
(19:33):
It's very powerful.
And so how do we grow in thisarea?
Well, I would encourage you toread a chapter of Day for
Proverbs for wisdom.
That's in the Old Testament,the front of the Bible, and then
John, about how Jesus lived.
His life is in the NewTestament, in the second half of
the Bible.
And then one of the things thatI used to do is I would go to
(19:54):
the back of the book, in theconcordance, and if I was
struggling with, let's say,anger, I would look up anger and
look at where the scriptureswould take me to.
There's like a list of them youcan look up and find out, and I
would go and read them and Iwould write them out and I would
say, okay, I'm struggling withanger and this is what this
verse means to me and that wasvery helpful to me.
(20:17):
And I would listen to sermonson anger.
Whatever it was I wasstruggling with for that day or
that week, I would just go andfind verses about it or sermons
about it and read about it andlearn about it, and that is how
I grew in my faith.
The other thing that Icurrently do is I am on the
YouVersion the app, the Bibleapp, and I'm on a group with a
(20:40):
group of prayer warriors and wedo a daily devotion together and
we just read the devotion andthen we all comment on it, and
honestly, I don't comment a tonon it.
I actually just listen to thesewomen.
A lot of them are much olderthan I am, but very, very wise,
and so that's another thing thatyou can do.
(21:01):
There's all sorts of things, butI hope you're seeing that this
is that faith isn't beingpassive, faith is leaning into
it and owning it and doingsomething about it.
So moving into the I of faithis to invest in a faith
community and walk with others,not alone.
Hebrews 10.25 says Let us notneglect our meeting together, as
(21:26):
some people do, but encourageone another, especially now that
the day of his return isdrawing near.
And, of course, ecclesiastes4.9 says Two are better off than
one, for they can help eachother succeed.
And faith is never meant to bea solo journey.
We need encouragement, we needaccountability and we need
(21:48):
teaching from fellow believers.
I cannot emphasize this oneenough.
There's a lot of people thatthink, you know, that they can
do this solo.
They don't want to share withothers, they don't want to open
up to others because they'reembarrassed or they're afraid of
what people will think.
But God calls us to communityand it's you know.
(22:11):
Again, I just can't emphasizethis enough.
And in this particular area youknow you grow by finding a small
group, a Bible study, a mentor.
I was very blessed to have amentor for many years, even just
coming fresh out of recovery.
I had a AA sponsor and then amentor at both of my churches
(22:36):
and it's extremely importantbecause they can talk truth into
your life.
And finding a mentor is aconversation for another day
because it matters who you pick.
You can't find someone who'sjust going to tell you what you
need to hear, but you also haveto have someone who is merciful
and compassionate and just tellsyou things in a loving way.
(22:57):
So I would say that if pastchurch experiences have hurt,
you ask God to guide you to ahealthy, loving community and
truly lower your expectations.
I know that's hard, I know forme, having come from Hickory
(23:18):
Grove Baptist and you guys canlisten to this from last week if
you want to hear the story buthaving gone there to Emanuel, I
just didn't feel like I fit inand I had an expectation of what
I thought I was going to seeand it didn't work out that way.
But it was because of myexpectation.
So I want to encourage you onthat one.
(23:39):
The T in faith is to trust Godthrough the trials.
Faith isn't just for the goodtimes.
James 1, 2 through 4 says thisDear brothers and sisters, when
troubles of any kind come yourway, consider it an opportunity
for great joy, said no one ever,except for the Bible.
For you know that when yourfaith is tested, your endurance
has a chance to grow.
(24:00):
So let it grow, for whenendurance is fully developed,
you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
Who just finds joy intribulations?
I can definitely say that isnot me.
But trials test our faith andthey also grow it.
This is 100% true for me.
(24:23):
You know, as I was telling youabout the joke that you know the
shell nuts were always goingthrough something.
It's true, we were, but I'mtelling you, those trials taught
me so much about life and Ihave learned through so much of
that.
And God is working, even whenwe can't see it.
And instead of me alwaysquestioning why is this
(24:45):
happening?
I should have, but I didn'tknow because I was very immature
I should have said what do youwant to teach me from this?
But again, it's very hard tosee that sometimes, as you know,
why are we going through thesetribulations, lord, what do you
want to teach me?
And sometimes we go throughtribulations, like with our
(25:06):
children, that are beyond ourcontrol.
I have adult children and theymake decisions that hurt me so
bad.
And I want to internalize itand be like, well, if I would
have done this better or thatbetter, they wouldn't be doing
this.
And I can't do that becausesome things are just beyond our
control.
I can look at the situation andgo, what can I learn from it?
(25:28):
And then there's just thingsagain that are beyond my control
.
So how do we grow in this area?
You bring your doubts and youranger and your pain to God Again
.
Go back to the concordance,look those up.
You keep a journal and reflecton how God has moved in your
life and read about the biblicalovercomers.
(25:49):
Job is hands down my favoritebook in the whole Bible.
It is so sad, but I think ifJob can go through all of that,
surely I can handle that.
There's a scripture verse inJob 13, 15.
It says though he slay me, Iwill hope in him.
And there have been times whereI felt like, though he slay me,
I will hope in him.
(26:10):
But that leads us to the H infaith, and that is to hold on to
hope.
Hope as the anchor of our soul,and Hebrews 6.19 says this.
This hope is a strong andtrustworthy anchor for our souls
.
It leads us through the curtaininto God's inner sanctuary, and
Romans 15.13 says this I praythat God, the source of hope,
(26:33):
will fill you completely withjoy and peace because you trust
in him.
Then you will overflow withconfident hope through the power
of the Holy Spirit.
Hope is the fuel that keeps usalive.
Without hope, people feel lost,discouraged and stuck.
People feel lost, discouragedand stuck.
(26:54):
And biblical hope isn't justwishful thinking, it's
confidence in God's promises,and you can't know his promises
if you don't read what they are.
And no matter how dark thingsmight seem, hope reminds us that
God's plan is not finished.
And so how do we grow in hope?
(27:15):
Well, we seek God's promises.
We read about them in the Bible, we surround ourselves with
people who speak life into usand that they remind us of God's
goodness.
We focus on the internalperspective.
This is one I was just readinga study last week that said
people that have an eternalperspective are more successful
(27:41):
and healthier, because werealize that the world is
temporary and that God's kingdomis forever.
Lose someone, a loved one, earlyon in life.
There's many reasons wherepeople can take an eternal
perspective, but losing a lovedone, for me specifically, has
(28:02):
helped me really understand thesignificance of God's kingdom
forever versus this temporaryworld, and I feel like I live
differently because of that.
And so, as a wrap up, faith,focus on God's character, not
your circumstances or feelings.
A anchor yourself in scripture.
(28:23):
The truth doesn't change, evenwhen life does.
I invest in a faith community.
Do not try to walk alone inthis.
T.
Trust God through his trials,because faith is built in the
hard times, not just the good.
And H, my favorite is to holdon to hope, because hope is the
(28:44):
anchor for your soul.
So what of any of those areholding you back from faith that
we talked about in thebeginning, the barriers and what
is one step that you can takethis week to break through it?
Because faith is not, rememberthis, about how hard you try.
(29:04):
This isn't the works version,folks.
This is about trusting God, andso I want to encourage you, as
hard as it is, to lean into thepain, find the purpose and take
the step forward, because,remember, you can't heal what
you're not willing to face, andso today, as we wrap up, I want
(29:28):
to encourage you to take some ofthose steps in how to grow.
Work on that.
I want you to subscribe toCourageous Overcomers and join
our community.
Please leave a five-star reviewto help us get hope out faster.
Please share this episode withsomeone who might need
encouragement and email me ifyou know someone who would be a
(29:50):
great guest for the show.
I love to interview overcomersand if you have any questions,
please visit my website at www.
TonyaShellnuttcom.
Two L's, two T's and we willsee you.
Next Wednesday, same time, sameplace.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast To find
out more about Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnuttcom.
(30:28):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!