January 8, 2025 • 20 mins
Can emotional resilience be the key to transcending trauma and fostering healing? Join me, Tonya Shellnutt, as we explore this profound question by examining the courageous journey of facing fear, pain, and past tragedies. In this episode of Courageous Overcomer, we take a hard look at the underestimated power of resilience as a catalyst for personal growth. We'll dissect how a positive mindset, even when learned, can serve as a powerful tool for overcoming life's adversities. I share my personal struggles with pessimistic environments, highlighting how choosing optimism can transform setbacks into opportunities for growth.
We delve into the shadow side of pessimism and its detrimental impact on relationships and personal development. Unresolved emotions like guilt and failure often keep us trapped in a cycle of negativity, and it's crucial to confront these head-on for true healing. This episode is a call to action to recognize and challenge pessimistic thinking patterns that might be holding you back. As we gear up for a deeper dive into optimism next week, I'm urging you to reflect on your mindset and embrace the transformative power of resilience. Let's embark on this journey towards a more hopeful and empowered new year together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:14):
Welcome to Courageous Overcomer stories of
hope and healing.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain but
we don't stop there.
Let's be honest.
So many of us hide from ourpain because it's just too hard
to face.
But here's the reality we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:35):
face.
Last week, we talked aboutcourage and the need for courage
to help us face the pain.
Courage is the willingness toface pain, danger and
uncertainty in spite of fear.
Courage I heard this somewhere,I don't know.
I can't tell you who the authoris of this quote, but this is
what they said Courage isn't theabsence of fear, but how you
(00:57):
handle the fear.
And I think that's so importantbecause you can still be very
afraid but walk through the paincourageously.
So don't miss it.
It's courage is the willingnessto face pain and uncertainty in
spite of fear.
And we know, and we've learnedover the past couple weeks, that
(01:18):
breaking through emotionalwalls requires courage, because
it demands facing thoseuncertainties and those fears
and the vulnerabilities head on.
So today I want to talk aboutresiliency.
This is going to be part of atwo-part series and this one, to
me, is one of the mostunderrated emotional
(01:39):
intelligence qualities out there.
The meaning of emotionalresilience is the ability to
adapt to and recover fromstressful or unexpected
situations.
It's about being able to copewith life's ups and downs and
bounce back from adversity, andyou can't break down the
emotional wall if you don't havecourage and resiliency.
(02:00):
So, as I said earlier, Ibelieve that resiliency is
something that we lacktremendously.
As a nation, we used to beresilient people, but we've
really veered from this quality.
Everybody has become sosensitive and I'm not saying
that sensitivity is bad, butit's what we do with it and so
(02:22):
people who are emotionallyresilient tend to have a
positive attitude and theycreatively problem solve and
they address challenges head on,and they're less likely to
direct anger and frustration attheir family, their children or
their spouse.
Resilient people also have amore optimistic outlook on life.
(02:45):
I believe some people are bornwith a more sunshiny personality
, but I also believe that apositive attitude and optimism
is a choice and a learnedbehavior.
So I have a question have youever taken a personality test?
Well, because there's a testfor everything.
I find personality tests veryinteresting.
(03:08):
I don't use them for everything, but I think there's some good
that can, that can come out ofthem.
And there actually is, atpsychologytodaycom, a test that
helps you determine whichdirection you lean.
So, are you more of an optimist?
Are you more of a pessimist?
So the definition of anoptimist and I did take the test
(03:32):
.
I'll tell you later how Iscored.
I'm curious what you think itwas.
But an optimist is somebodywho's positive, someone who
tends to feel hopeful andpositive about future outcomes.
A pessimist is a very negativeperson, someone who tends to
feel hopeful and positive aboutfuture outcomes.
A pessimist is a very negativeperson, someone who always
expects the worst to happen.
And I truly believe thatpessimism counteracts resilience
(03:55):
.
So today we're going to divedeep into pessimism and how it
correlates to resiliency.
So when we look at someone whohas a pessimistic bent, they
usually do some of the followingthings and as I'm sharing these
with you, just think mentallythrough your head okay, is this
me?
Am I more bent?
(04:16):
This way, you can obviously gotake the test, but you'll be
able to pick up on a patternhere.
So they usually look at theworst of a situation.
They say what I'm not ratherthan what I could be.
They lack belief that they canchange.
They lose hope in the future.
They take opposing views in anypositive conversation.
(04:40):
They're unable to make upbeator uplifting comments about
others or themselves.
They turn all conversationsinto griping and complaining
sessions.
They usually don't haveanything good to say about
themselves or others.
They complain about theinequities of life.
They try nothing new orchallenging because they feel
(05:02):
that they will fail.
They get bitter over how peopletreat them now, currently and
in the past.
They put down new, creative andinventive ideas as impossible.
You'll never do that.
They limit horizons, whichresults in limiting personal
growth.
They often take no risks.
(05:22):
They challenge those who arelooking for the upside of a
tragedy, failure or disaster.
They resist altering their wayof thinking because they feel
like nothing will help or make adifference.
Is there anything in there thatyou could relate to?
Obviously, I think we can allrelate to some things in there,
but if you're check, check,check, checking through that,
(05:45):
you might find yourself leaningto be a more pessimistic person.
So let's continue on with this.
What are some irrationalthinking that exists among
pessimistic or negative people?
Here's one, and this is kind ofrepetitive, but just worded
differently I will never besuccessful.
(06:06):
I can't do anything right.
People will never change.
No matter how much I change, itdoesn't make a difference.
Others don't recognize thechanges.
There's no reason to have hopefor the future.
My negative past experiencestell it all.
If people can critique mychanged behavior, then how can I
ever be good enough?
(06:27):
No matter how much I change,it's never enough.
Life should be simpler, lifeshould be fair, life should be
easy.
I think we all would love those.
There's so much wrong in life.
How can I ever expect anythinggood to come my way?
There's too much to do tochange my life for the better.
It's too hard.
(06:47):
I think this one is a reallybig stumbling block for people.
It's too hard, there's too muchto face.
How can I ever overcome it?
And it goes back to buildingthat emotional wall.
There's that brick right therethat saying not letting anybody
in, not letting anything good in, because it's too hard.
(07:09):
Another thing that pessimisticpeople often think is that
life's a sham and there's nosuch thing as happiness, love or
success, which is so sad to me.
Why fight it?
It's always the same.
The rich get richer, the poorget poorer.
Nothing in life is certainexcept why can't others change?
(07:30):
Why does it have to be me thatchanges first, why can't life be
easier on me?
My parents are the reason I amthe way I am.
Nothing will ever change that.
I think that one was one that Ispent a lot of time on earlier,
in my early years of living andworking through my healing.
(07:51):
I spent a lot of time focusingon that.
I'm not looking at my part inall of it.
Here's another one.
I'll only lose if I take on thechallenge to change my life.
People are only nice to me tosee what they can get from me.
And then here's the final onethat again really builds the
emotional walls, and that'strust.
(08:13):
No one open up to no one.
Play it safe and keep to myself.
Again, we're talking aboutpessimism and how it hinders
resilience and how it continuesto keep the walls closed, and
that is one of them.
These are just some of thethinking that comes along with
pessimistic people.
(08:33):
And again, even if you are moreof an optimist, there are going
to be times when you take onsome of these thoughts, but you
don't stay there, and I thinkthat's the difference between a
pessimist and an optimist is apessimist makes every excuse in
the book why they can't grow andthey stay in the unhealthy
(08:56):
cycles of life versus anoptimist looks for the challenge
in the adversity.
So what are some feelings thatpeople that have pessimism or
that are pessimist experience?
They're often lonely pessimistexperience.
They're often lonely, abandonedand isolated.
They feel worthless, empty andfeel like they have no value.
(09:24):
They feel incompetent, ignorantand useless.
They feel defeated, beat downand lost.
They feel betrayed, cheated andunwanted.
They're overwhelmed,overpowered and defenseless.
They feel ignored, invisibleand avoided.
They feel like an outcast.
Sometimes they're defiant andrebellious and attack you have
that one person.
You say something, all they dois attack you and they often
(09:46):
live in self-pity, self-loathingand a real victim mentality.
And again I want to reiterateI'm not saying that there aren't
real victims, because there are, but it's what you do with it
that keeps you in that victimmentality and we're going to
address that at a later time.
But those are some of thefeelings that people with
(10:08):
pessimism experience and so youknow you're like well, tanya,
why we're talking aboutresiliency, why are we going
through all of these pessimistictraits?
And it's it goes back to what Italked about and have been
talking about this whole timeyou can't heal what you don't
face and a lot of people justignore what's happening, so they
(10:33):
don't even realize that they'rea pessimistic person.
And you have these people inyour life, you know these people
, you know when you're going tospend time with them it.
It takes a lot of energy onyour part because you know
they're going to be extremelynegative.
And it's hard it's because youhave to try and just love them
right where they're at and itcan be very difficult.
(10:54):
And so this week we're, as Isaid, going to be talking about
pessimism and then next weekwe're going to talk about
optimistic people.
And so what are some of thecauses of pessimism and
negativity?
So someone who experiencespessimism and negativity has had
(11:15):
major tragedy or loss in theirpast and they haven't fully
grieved and accepted the loss orworked through that.
They may have a permanentdisability that prevents them
from experiencing life to thefullest.
They've experienced a series offailures at school, work,
family life, relationships andthat has convinced them that
(11:36):
they're a failure.
They were ignored and stillfind themselves being ignored by
their family, convinced thatthey have to fight everyone to
get to be heard.
They feel guilt over a past sinor mistake and that guilt
prevents them from seeing hope,redemption or forgiveness.
They would rather attend theself pity party than eat at
(12:00):
life's banquet, again talkingabout playing the victim role
versus embracing the challenge.
They don't want to change theirthinking, their feelings and
their actions, and I think wecan all relate to that, because,
you know, we go to what we knowand if we are bent towards
(12:24):
having that negative outlook onlife, it's easier to just stay
there and to not grow and tojust be negative.
And so someone who is inconstant negativity is because
they're not wanting to changetheir thinking, their feelings
and their actions.
They're stubborn.
They don't want to accept helpwhen others point it out or when
others try to steer them in amore positive direction.
(12:47):
I think this is an area that Isometimes struggle with, because
I want to be positive andthere's a balance that you have
to do with this.
You have to be positive, butyou also have to show that
you're listening to the personthat's expressing their concerns
, and that just takes time.
So another feature of thatcauses pessimism and negativity
(13:11):
is that a person is lazy andthat they actually just don't
want to change because it takestoo much work, energy and effort
.
I struggle immensely with thatone and I'll tell you why I
struggle with that.
And when I say I struggle, Idon't struggle with actually
being lazy and wanting to change.
(13:33):
I struggle with the people thatdon't want to change, because
the reality is is that we onlyhave one life to live.
We have only one legacy thatwe're going to leave behind and
I don't ever, if I died today, Idon't want to be remembered as
a negative Nelly, as the personwho you know was always down,
(13:54):
who was always negative.
I don't want that.
I don't want my kids to thinkof me that way.
I don't want anybody to everremember me that way, and it's.
I think it takes more effort tobe negative than it does to to
try and change it around.
And again, it takes time.
And I'm not saying that thisstuff doesn't take time, it's
(14:15):
just a choice and we'll get tothat in a minute.
Another cause of negativity isthat, you know, people like to
be the center of attention andtheir negative behavior draws
attention to themselves, even ifit's negative.
They refuse to consider thatthey might be wrong by taking on
(14:36):
their causes.
They consider those who theycome in contact with as
irrational or ignorant andbelieve that their way is the
only way to believe.
So I actually have found thatpessimism and optimism is all
about a choice.
There's definitely going to beseasons in life where you're
(14:56):
bent one direction or the other,but choosing to lean into the
adversity is a good thing, andthat is where the resiliency and
the courage come into play,because it goes back to you
can't heal what you don't face.
And I cannot emphasize thatenough, because if you continue
(15:18):
to live in the pessimistic worldand think you can never grow,
you think you can never getbetter, you think your
circumstances can, can never getbetter, you begin to live that
life of negativity and, honestly, people don't want to be around
negative people.
So I'm telling you get rid ofthe stinking thinking and make a
(15:38):
choice to face the pain, becourageous and walk through it.
Resilience lives and thrives inoptimists actually.
So as we work to break down theemotional walls that we've
built up, we realize we need thecourage, we need the resiliency
to work towards healing.
(16:00):
So what I want to ask you to dothis week is to keep a log of
your thoughts.
You all before, but I journal,I love to journal, I love to
just, you know, put my thoughtsdown on paper.
Not everybody likes to do it,but it's a really good healing
(16:20):
tool because I can go back andlook at it.
And so I want to encourage youto log your thoughts and just
you know, see, is there apattern?
Are you in a pessimisticmindset?
And I guess you know it's thenew year.
There's nothing like startingoff the new year trying to
change those way, those way ofthinking.
And so take a log, look at itand then are you leaning into
(16:45):
the idea that setbacks aretemporary and that the problems
of life are opportunities togrow?
So which mindset are you in?
Are you in the pessimistic,doomsday mindset, or are you
like, okay, we've had somesetbacks and there's
opportunities to grow?
And I was asking Rich beforethis podcast and I was working
(17:10):
on this over the week, and Iasked him.
I said, hey, Rich, what do youthink makes people resilient?
And I thought his answer wasreally really good.
And he said your past.
And I was like, wow, that's sosimple but so profound, because
here's the reality.
What do you do with your past?
(17:33):
Do you again nurture all thosewounds and continue to live the
negativity, or do you lean intoit with courage and resiliency
and overcome it?
And so that's my hope for youthis week and I know this week
was kind of negative, obviously,but we're going to next week.
(17:54):
It's all about optimism, sostay tuned to learn how to be an
optimist.
But I want you to just startrecognizing.
You know, the purpose of thispodcast is to help people
recognize their behaviors, theirmindsets, and lean into it.
Because, as I said in the verybeginning, when I was sharing my
story, one of the things thatwe did growing up was we just
(18:16):
swept everything under the rug,we didn't talk about it, we
ignored it, and the reality isis that when you ignore it, it
actually becomes bigger andworse than it was, and so that's
the purpose for this.
So, as uncomfortable as itmight be to go oh, actually I am
a negative Nelly, I want toencourage you to lean into that
(18:40):
and work on changing thosethought patterns and so.
So really, that's what whatyour homework assignment is is
do some journaling, check outthe mindset patterns this week
and then join us next week as wedive into the optimistic
characteristics and provide youwith some more hope.
So, if our story resonates withyou, know that you are not alone
(19:03):
, and I want to encourage you tosubscribe to Courageous
Overcomers and join ourcommunity.
Leave a five-star review.
It helps us get hope out fasterand share this episode with
someone who might needencouragement today.
If you have any questions,please email me at tonya at
tonyashellnuttcom.
I would love to know whatyou're struggling with and maybe
(19:25):
we can highlight the issue on afuture podcast.
Thank you so much to those ofyou that have reached out and
continue to reach out andencourage me.
I appreciate you so much.
So tune in next Wednesday, sametime, same place, and I hope
you all have a great week.
(19:45):
Thank you for joining us here onCourageous Overcomers with
Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tanya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
(20:05):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Welcome to Courageous Overcomer stories of
hope and healing.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain but
we don't stop there.
Let's be honest.
So many of us hide from ourpain because it's just too hard
to face.
But here's the reality we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:35):
face.
Last week, we talked aboutcourage and the need for courage
to help us face the pain.
Courage is the willingness toface pain, danger and
uncertainty in spite of fear.
Courage I heard this somewhere,I don't know.
I can't tell you who the authoris of this quote, but this is
what they said Courage isn't theabsence of fear, but how you
(00:57):
handle the fear.
And I think that's so importantbecause you can still be very
afraid but walk through the paincourageously.
So don't miss it.
It's courage is the willingnessto face pain and uncertainty in
spite of fear.
And we know, and we've learnedover the past couple weeks, that
(01:18):
breaking through emotionalwalls requires courage, because
it demands facing thoseuncertainties and those fears
and the vulnerabilities head on.
So today I want to talk aboutresiliency.
This is going to be part of atwo-part series and this one, to
me, is one of the mostunderrated emotional
(01:39):
intelligence qualities out there.
The meaning of emotionalresilience is the ability to
adapt to and recover fromstressful or unexpected
situations.
It's about being able to copewith life's ups and downs and
bounce back from adversity, andyou can't break down the
emotional wall if you don't havecourage and resiliency.
(02:00):
So, as I said earlier, Ibelieve that resiliency is
something that we lacktremendously.
As a nation, we used to beresilient people, but we've
really veered from this quality.
Everybody has become sosensitive and I'm not saying
that sensitivity is bad, butit's what we do with it and so
(02:22):
people who are emotionallyresilient tend to have a
positive attitude and theycreatively problem solve and
they address challenges head on,and they're less likely to
direct anger and frustration attheir family, their children or
their spouse.
Resilient people also have amore optimistic outlook on life.
(02:45):
I believe some people are bornwith a more sunshiny personality
, but I also believe that apositive attitude and optimism
is a choice and a learnedbehavior.
So I have a question have youever taken a personality test?
Well, because there's a testfor everything.
I find personality tests veryinteresting.
(03:08):
I don't use them for everything, but I think there's some good
that can, that can come out ofthem.
And there actually is, atpsychologytodaycom, a test that
helps you determine whichdirection you lean.
So, are you more of an optimist?
Are you more of a pessimist?
So the definition of anoptimist and I did take the test
(03:32):
.
I'll tell you later how Iscored.
I'm curious what you think itwas.
But an optimist is somebodywho's positive, someone who
tends to feel hopeful andpositive about future outcomes.
A pessimist is a very negativeperson, someone who tends to
feel hopeful and positive aboutfuture outcomes.
A pessimist is a very negativeperson, someone who always
expects the worst to happen.
And I truly believe thatpessimism counteracts resilience
(03:55):
.
So today we're going to divedeep into pessimism and how it
correlates to resiliency.
So when we look at someone whohas a pessimistic bent, they
usually do some of the followingthings and as I'm sharing these
with you, just think mentallythrough your head okay, is this
me?
Am I more bent?
(04:16):
This way, you can obviously gotake the test, but you'll be
able to pick up on a patternhere.
So they usually look at theworst of a situation.
They say what I'm not ratherthan what I could be.
They lack belief that they canchange.
They lose hope in the future.
They take opposing views in anypositive conversation.
(04:40):
They're unable to make upbeator uplifting comments about
others or themselves.
They turn all conversationsinto griping and complaining
sessions.
They usually don't haveanything good to say about
themselves or others.
They complain about theinequities of life.
They try nothing new orchallenging because they feel
(05:02):
that they will fail.
They get bitter over how peopletreat them now, currently and
in the past.
They put down new, creative andinventive ideas as impossible.
You'll never do that.
They limit horizons, whichresults in limiting personal
growth.
They often take no risks.
(05:22):
They challenge those who arelooking for the upside of a
tragedy, failure or disaster.
They resist altering their wayof thinking because they feel
like nothing will help or make adifference.
Is there anything in there thatyou could relate to?
Obviously, I think we can allrelate to some things in there,
but if you're check, check,check, checking through that,
(05:45):
you might find yourself leaningto be a more pessimistic person.
So let's continue on with this.
What are some irrationalthinking that exists among
pessimistic or negative people?
Here's one, and this is kind ofrepetitive, but just worded
differently I will never besuccessful.
(06:06):
I can't do anything right.
People will never change.
No matter how much I change, itdoesn't make a difference.
Others don't recognize thechanges.
There's no reason to have hopefor the future.
My negative past experiencestell it all.
If people can critique mychanged behavior, then how can I
ever be good enough?
(06:27):
No matter how much I change,it's never enough.
Life should be simpler, lifeshould be fair, life should be
easy.
I think we all would love those.
There's so much wrong in life.
How can I ever expect anythinggood to come my way?
There's too much to do tochange my life for the better.
It's too hard.
(06:47):
I think this one is a reallybig stumbling block for people.
It's too hard, there's too muchto face.
How can I ever overcome it?
And it goes back to buildingthat emotional wall.
There's that brick right therethat saying not letting anybody
in, not letting anything good in, because it's too hard.
(07:09):
Another thing that pessimisticpeople often think is that
life's a sham and there's nosuch thing as happiness, love or
success, which is so sad to me.
Why fight it?
It's always the same.
The rich get richer, the poorget poorer.
Nothing in life is certainexcept why can't others change?
(07:30):
Why does it have to be me thatchanges first, why can't life be
easier on me?
My parents are the reason I amthe way I am.
Nothing will ever change that.
I think that one was one that Ispent a lot of time on earlier,
in my early years of living andworking through my healing.
(07:51):
I spent a lot of time focusingon that.
I'm not looking at my part inall of it.
Here's another one.
I'll only lose if I take on thechallenge to change my life.
People are only nice to me tosee what they can get from me.
And then here's the final onethat again really builds the
emotional walls, and that'strust.
(08:13):
No one open up to no one.
Play it safe and keep to myself.
Again, we're talking aboutpessimism and how it hinders
resilience and how it continuesto keep the walls closed, and
that is one of them.
These are just some of thethinking that comes along with
pessimistic people.
(08:33):
And again, even if you are moreof an optimist, there are going
to be times when you take onsome of these thoughts, but you
don't stay there, and I thinkthat's the difference between a
pessimist and an optimist is apessimist makes every excuse in
the book why they can't grow andthey stay in the unhealthy
(08:56):
cycles of life versus anoptimist looks for the challenge
in the adversity.
So what are some feelings thatpeople that have pessimism or
that are pessimist experience?
They're often lonely pessimistexperience.
They're often lonely, abandonedand isolated.
They feel worthless, empty andfeel like they have no value.
(09:24):
They feel incompetent, ignorantand useless.
They feel defeated, beat downand lost.
They feel betrayed, cheated andunwanted.
They're overwhelmed,overpowered and defenseless.
They feel ignored, invisibleand avoided.
They feel like an outcast.
Sometimes they're defiant andrebellious and attack you have
that one person.
You say something, all they dois attack you and they often
(09:46):
live in self-pity, self-loathingand a real victim mentality.
And again I want to reiterateI'm not saying that there aren't
real victims, because there are, but it's what you do with it
that keeps you in that victimmentality and we're going to
address that at a later time.
But those are some of thefeelings that people with
(10:08):
pessimism experience and so youknow you're like well, tanya,
why we're talking aboutresiliency, why are we going
through all of these pessimistictraits?
And it's it goes back to what Italked about and have been
talking about this whole timeyou can't heal what you don't
face and a lot of people justignore what's happening, so they
(10:33):
don't even realize that they'rea pessimistic person.
And you have these people inyour life, you know these people
, you know when you're going tospend time with them it.
It takes a lot of energy onyour part because you know
they're going to be extremelynegative.
And it's hard it's because youhave to try and just love them
right where they're at and itcan be very difficult.
(10:54):
And so this week we're, as Isaid, going to be talking about
pessimism and then next weekwe're going to talk about
optimistic people.
And so what are some of thecauses of pessimism and
negativity?
So someone who experiencespessimism and negativity has had
(11:15):
major tragedy or loss in theirpast and they haven't fully
grieved and accepted the loss orworked through that.
They may have a permanentdisability that prevents them
from experiencing life to thefullest.
They've experienced a series offailures at school, work,
family life, relationships andthat has convinced them that
(11:36):
they're a failure.
They were ignored and stillfind themselves being ignored by
their family, convinced thatthey have to fight everyone to
get to be heard.
They feel guilt over a past sinor mistake and that guilt
prevents them from seeing hope,redemption or forgiveness.
They would rather attend theself pity party than eat at
(12:00):
life's banquet, again talkingabout playing the victim role
versus embracing the challenge.
They don't want to change theirthinking, their feelings and
their actions, and I think wecan all relate to that, because,
you know, we go to what we knowand if we are bent towards
(12:24):
having that negative outlook onlife, it's easier to just stay
there and to not grow and tojust be negative.
And so someone who is inconstant negativity is because
they're not wanting to changetheir thinking, their feelings
and their actions.
They're stubborn.
They don't want to accept helpwhen others point it out or when
others try to steer them in amore positive direction.
(12:47):
I think this is an area that Isometimes struggle with, because
I want to be positive andthere's a balance that you have
to do with this.
You have to be positive, butyou also have to show that
you're listening to the personthat's expressing their concerns
, and that just takes time.
So another feature of thatcauses pessimism and negativity
(13:11):
is that a person is lazy andthat they actually just don't
want to change because it takestoo much work, energy and effort
.
I struggle immensely with thatone and I'll tell you why I
struggle with that.
And when I say I struggle, Idon't struggle with actually
being lazy and wanting to change.
(13:33):
I struggle with the people thatdon't want to change, because
the reality is is that we onlyhave one life to live.
We have only one legacy thatwe're going to leave behind and
I don't ever, if I died today, Idon't want to be remembered as
a negative Nelly, as the personwho you know was always down,
(13:54):
who was always negative.
I don't want that.
I don't want my kids to thinkof me that way.
I don't want anybody to everremember me that way, and it's.
I think it takes more effort tobe negative than it does to to
try and change it around.
And again, it takes time.
And I'm not saying that thisstuff doesn't take time, it's
(14:15):
just a choice and we'll get tothat in a minute.
Another cause of negativity isthat, you know, people like to
be the center of attention andtheir negative behavior draws
attention to themselves, even ifit's negative.
They refuse to consider thatthey might be wrong by taking on
(14:36):
their causes.
They consider those who theycome in contact with as
irrational or ignorant andbelieve that their way is the
only way to believe.
So I actually have found thatpessimism and optimism is all
about a choice.
There's definitely going to beseasons in life where you're
(14:56):
bent one direction or the other,but choosing to lean into the
adversity is a good thing, andthat is where the resiliency and
the courage come into play,because it goes back to you
can't heal what you don't face.
And I cannot emphasize thatenough, because if you continue
(15:18):
to live in the pessimistic worldand think you can never grow,
you think you can never getbetter, you think your
circumstances can, can never getbetter, you begin to live that
life of negativity and, honestly, people don't want to be around
negative people.
So I'm telling you get rid ofthe stinking thinking and make a
(15:38):
choice to face the pain, becourageous and walk through it.
Resilience lives and thrives inoptimists actually.
So as we work to break down theemotional walls that we've
built up, we realize we need thecourage, we need the resiliency
to work towards healing.
(16:00):
So what I want to ask you to dothis week is to keep a log of
your thoughts.
You all before, but I journal,I love to journal, I love to
just, you know, put my thoughtsdown on paper.
Not everybody likes to do it,but it's a really good healing
(16:20):
tool because I can go back andlook at it.
And so I want to encourage youto log your thoughts and just
you know, see, is there apattern?
Are you in a pessimisticmindset?
And I guess you know it's thenew year.
There's nothing like startingoff the new year trying to
change those way, those way ofthinking.
And so take a log, look at itand then are you leaning into
(16:45):
the idea that setbacks aretemporary and that the problems
of life are opportunities togrow?
So which mindset are you in?
Are you in the pessimistic,doomsday mindset, or are you
like, okay, we've had somesetbacks and there's
opportunities to grow?
And I was asking Rich beforethis podcast and I was working
(17:10):
on this over the week, and Iasked him.
I said, hey, Rich, what do youthink makes people resilient?
And I thought his answer wasreally really good.
And he said your past.
And I was like, wow, that's sosimple but so profound, because
here's the reality.
What do you do with your past?
(17:33):
Do you again nurture all thosewounds and continue to live the
negativity, or do you lean intoit with courage and resiliency
and overcome it?
And so that's my hope for youthis week and I know this week
was kind of negative, obviously,but we're going to next week.
(17:54):
It's all about optimism, sostay tuned to learn how to be an
optimist.
But I want you to just startrecognizing.
You know, the purpose of thispodcast is to help people
recognize their behaviors, theirmindsets, and lean into it.
Because, as I said in the verybeginning, when I was sharing my
story, one of the things thatwe did growing up was we just
(18:16):
swept everything under the rug,we didn't talk about it, we
ignored it, and the reality isis that when you ignore it, it
actually becomes bigger andworse than it was, and so that's
the purpose for this.
So, as uncomfortable as itmight be to go oh, actually I am
a negative Nelly, I want toencourage you to lean into that
(18:40):
and work on changing thosethought patterns and so.
So really, that's what whatyour homework assignment is is
do some journaling, check outthe mindset patterns this week
and then join us next week as wedive into the optimistic
characteristics and provide youwith some more hope.
So, if our story resonates withyou, know that you are not alone
(19:03):
, and I want to encourage you tosubscribe to Courageous
Overcomers and join ourcommunity.
Leave a five-star review.
It helps us get hope out fasterand share this episode with
someone who might needencouragement today.
If you have any questions,please email me at tonya at
tonyashellnuttcom.
I would love to know whatyou're struggling with and maybe
(19:25):
we can highlight the issue on afuture podcast.
Thank you so much to those ofyou that have reached out and
continue to reach out andencourage me.
I appreciate you so much.
So tune in next Wednesday, sametime, same place, and I hope
you all have a great week.
(19:45):
Thank you for joining us here onCourageous Overcomers with
Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tanya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
(20:05):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
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