March 19, 2025 • 15 mins
Your pain does not get the final say. Keep walking, keep believing, keep fighting."
Too often, we let pain define us, but what if we let purposeshape our story instead? This episode will challenge you to move from victimhood to victory using the P.A.I.N. framework:
🔹 P – Process the Pain – Face it, don’t bury it.
🔹 A – Ask What the Pain is Teaching You – Strength comes from struggle.
🔹 I – Identify Who Needs Your Story – Your survival is someone’s roadmap.
🔹 N – Nurture the Purpose – Turn trials into testimonies.
Stay Connected:
- Website: https://www.tonyashellnutt.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonyashellnutt/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyashellnut
- Twitter: https://x.com/tonyashellnutt
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:10):
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers.
Stories of Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, Tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the reallyhard stuff trauma, fear and pain
but we don't stop there.
Let's be honest.
So many of us hide from ourpain because it's just too hard
to face.
But here is the truth we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:34):
face.
Last week we talked about hope,the bridge that carries us from
pain to purpose.
I hope you enjoyed last week.
Hope is not the absence of pain.
Hope is choosing to believethat pain does not get the final
say.
And if you missed last week, Iencourage you to go back and
(00:55):
listen to it, because hope isnot a feeling, it's a weapon.
It tears down walls of fear,trauma and doubt.
And this week we're gonna godeeper.
This week's episode is aboutletting purpose shape our story,
not pain.
(01:15):
So your pain does not get tohave the final say.
You've got to keep walking,keep believing and keep fighting
.
Here's another thing that is soimportant that I want everyone
to hear you are not whathappened to you.
Your pain is part of your story, but it's not your identity.
Oh, that is a lot right there.
(01:37):
When we allow our purpose toshape our story.
Instead of pain, we turn ourtrials into testimony, our
wounds into wisdom and sufferinginto strength, and so I really
want to share a story thatemulates that for you this week,
about someone who let theirpain initially define them but
(02:01):
later put purpose to it.
And I won't use this person'sname because they actually don't
even know that I'm going to betelling this story about them,
but it was one of my daughter'sfriends in high school and he
was a star athlete.
He played football, he wasincredible, and he ended up
having a very serious injury.
(02:23):
That happened in a footballgame and he ended up losing his
leg and instead of allowing thatto define him, instead of
letting that ruin his footballcareer, this young man went on
to use that and his prostheticleg on the football field and
(02:48):
played actually in a couplecollegiate games.
He was getting ready to go tocollege and they thought it was
going to end his college career,but he ended up going to
college and he actually got tosuit up for a couple college
games and today he goes aroundsharing with audiences, you know
, schools and different folksabout what happened to him, and
(03:10):
I'm one of those people that Ilove a good story.
That's why I started thispodcast, courageous Overcomers
because I think there's so muchhope in highlighting people that
have gone through adversity andhave overcome.
It's inspiring, it'sencouraging.
My family will tell you I don'tlove to watch movies, but when
(03:32):
we do watch movies, I want towatch the ones about the
overcomers, which is more oftenthan not sports-related,
faith-based, because, to me, Iwant to be inspired.
I don't want to have to sit inmy pain, I want to be inspired
to move on, and I just wanted toshare that story of this young
man because, again, his was moreof a physical impairment, but
(03:55):
there's so much that goes onwith that.
I mean emotionally as well.
And so today we're going tobreak down how to transform our
pain to purpose using aframework.
You guys know I love frameworks, you know I love teaching tools
and I love acronyms.
So we're going to use the painframework today because, again,
your past doesn't define you,but it's what you do with it
(04:18):
that does.
We're not going to dive into ittoday, but I wrote a whole book
about being wounded and defined, because so many people and I
was this person for a long timeallow their wounds to define
them, and that's their story andthey wallow in their pain and
(04:39):
their pity, and that is not atall what God wants for you.
And I'm so passionate aboutthis issue because so many
people can be imprisoned bytheir pain or propelled by their
pain and, honest to goodness,it's a choice, it's a choice
that you make, and choosingpurpose over pain shifts our
perspective from victimhood tovictory, and that is the tagline
(05:01):
of my book that I wrote, and soif you haven't read it, I
encourage you to go get it.
But let's dive in today theframework of pain and what each
letter represents and how can weuse it to help us to move from
pain to purpose.
So the first letter is P,obviously in pain, and it means
(05:23):
what I am using in my acronym isto process the pain, recognize
it, don't bury it, because whenwe suppress pain it leads to
more suffering.
Because you just have thisdialogue going on in your head
about how horrible your life is.
And don't get me wrong, yourlife might be horrible and it
(05:44):
might be extremely painful.
I'm not saying deny it, justsaying recognize it and don't
bury it.
You know I've shared with you alot about my story,
(06:15):
no-transcript.
Lean into that pain and thatrejection and realize that so
many of the things that happenedin my younger years, they were
not my fault and I couldn't seethat at the time, but I could,
with some therapy and helpdecide how I was going to go
(06:35):
forward.
And so, as you're processingthe pain and this is something
that is so hard for people to do, it is so hard.
So I know I'm asking you to dosomething that I struggled with,
but I'm telling you it's got tobe done.
You've got to sit with yourpain.
You've got to name it, don'tnumb it and we'll talk about
(06:58):
that later because you all knowI'm 30 years, sober on that but
sit with it, name it, identifyit, don't numb it.
So then let's move on to the Aand ask yourself that's the A
ask what is the pain teaching me?
What strengths or lessonsemerge?
(07:19):
How many of you really believethat pain can be a teacher?
Okay, well, it can be.
And what can we learn from it?
So, using the example of therejection and abandonment that I
got, that I had or experiencedfrom my father, my adoptive
father, I can remember when Ihad to make a conscious decision
(07:40):
to let go and forgive them,because I was just sitting in it
and mulling it over and gettingangrier by the minute.
And I remember and I might haveshared this with you guys, but
it's worth repeating again Iwrote my adoptive dad a letter
asking forgiveness for all thethings that I had done wrong
growing up, so that in hopesthat we could mend the
(08:00):
relationship.
And you know, he never, everresponded to that letter and I
easily could have let that eatme up and wear that label of
more rejection.
You know why didn't he respond?
What is wrong with me?
And I called him up and I askedhim.
I said hey, did you receive myletter?
And he said yes, and there wasa really long pause and he
(08:26):
didn't say anything more and Iwas like, okay, you know what do
you say?
At that point he never said Iforgive you or he didn't say
anything about the substance ofthe letter.
And so God just gave me theability to take pity and forgive
my adoptive dad.
You know he was an alcoholicand my expectation of
restoration wasn't possible andI had to forgive.
(08:48):
Please don't hear me tell youthat that happened overnight.
It's a process and it took alot of looking at myself and
what my part was and asking Godto soften my heart towards my
adoptive dad, because my fleshdidn't want to do that.
My flesh wanted to be bitterand angry, but God had other
(09:09):
plans for me.
So this week, as you're lookingat this pain acronym, why don't
you journal what your pain hastaught you?
What are some of the strengthsperspective that you've gotten
from it?
Have you developed resilience?
We did a whole, I think twoweeks on resilience.
I think resilience is such anunderrated characteristic.
(09:33):
So go back and listen to theresilience.
I think it was like in thefirst 10 that we did Okay.
So, moving on to the I Identifyand this one is one of my
favorites Well, actually they'reall good, but this one's really
good.
Who needs your story?
Because your survival issomeone else's roadmap.
Your struggles are not just foryou.
(09:57):
Somebody needs to hear yourstory and that is why I did this
podcast is because of that.
Right there, when one in threewomen have been sexually abused,
one in four men have beenabused, and people aren't
talking about it.
People don't talk aboutdomestic violence, people don't
talk about addiction.
They don't talk about thesethings, and so I just felt like
(10:19):
the Lord was saying you need totell your story.
It is not comfortable, it isharder than anything I've ever
done, but I also know that thereare people out there that are
struggling that needs to hear mystory and that's why I
highlight people that have gonethrough things so that you know,
we a couple weeks ago we didJanita and we were talking about
(10:42):
, you know, suicide attempts anddepression.
I mean people need to hear thatthey're not alone, because that
gives them hope and there'spower in our testimony, there's
power in mentorship.
So this week, why don't youwrite down a person or a group
who could benefit from yourjourney and identify that and
begin to pray and ask God whatdoes he want you to do with that
(11:05):
?
Because, again, remember,somebody out there needs to hear
your story and then N nurturethe purpose, step into your
mission, whether that's throughmentoring, speaking or writing,
and how do you take what you'vebeen through and turn it into
impact?
So, again, are you getting infront of groups and sharing your
(11:28):
story?
And again I'm saying, do thiswith caution, like you're not
going to.
Just, you know, go sign up togo speak to a group.
If you haven't worked throughsome of these issues, you'll
know when the time is right, butis there someone you need to be
mentoring?
You know, rich and I did a lotof mentoring early on.
I worked with women in crisissituations.
(11:48):
We worked with marriages thatwere in addictions and
struggling in their marriages,and so you know what is it that
you need to start doing?
And I want you to choose onesmall step to nurture your
purpose, to share, to serve orto speak, because when we focus
on our pain and using it forgood, there's power in that.
(12:13):
And Romans 8, 28 says this allthings work together for good.
And remember, you're not broken, you're being built for
something greater.
And that verse for me, waslife-changing because, again
we've talked about this.
You know I'm like why would aloving God allow these things to
(12:33):
happen?
And all throughout scripturethere's stories of people who
have shared their struggles andtheir adversities to help us.
You know, last week we talkedabout Joseph.
I mean, look at Job.
He lost all of his children andhis wife and he lost all of his
money.
I mean, like, all of thesestories in the Bible, help us to
learn that our pain is meantfor something more than just us
(12:58):
wallowing and using it to bevictims, right?
So remember that this is yourmoment and you can stay in your
suffering or you can step intostrength, because you are
stronger than you think.
And I also want you to rememberthat your story is still being
(13:19):
written and the best chaptersare ahead, and I want you to
believe that.
I want you to believe thatthere's a reason why you came to
this podcast today.
It was to be encouraged to knowthat your pain doesn't define
you, that your pain has purposeand that someone else needs to
hear it, and I want to encourageyou to share this episode with
(13:41):
someone who needs to be remindedthat we're not victims, we're
courageous overcomers.
I want to thank you so much forjoining us today, and don't
forget to leave a five-starreview.
If you want to connect, visittonyashellnutt.
com for more details.
So many of you have reached outand give recommendations on
people to interview, and we'vegot some exciting interviews
(14:03):
coming up.
I can't wait to share them withyou on folks that have
courageously overcome, to sharethem with you on folks that have
courageously overcome this week.
I again want you to go back tothat pain acronym and focus on
leaning into your pain andlessons that you've learned from
it.
Who do you need to share itwith, and I would also love for
you to reach out to me and sharethose experiences that you've
(14:25):
had with me.
So stay tuned till next week.
I hope everyone has a greatweek and we appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
(14:54):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers.
Stories of Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, Tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the reallyhard stuff trauma, fear and pain
but we don't stop there.
Let's be honest.
So many of us hide from ourpain because it's just too hard
to face.
But here is the truth we can'theal what we're not willing to
(00:34):
face.
Last week we talked about hope,the bridge that carries us from
pain to purpose.
I hope you enjoyed last week.
Hope is not the absence of pain.
Hope is choosing to believethat pain does not get the final
say.
And if you missed last week, Iencourage you to go back and
(00:55):
listen to it, because hope isnot a feeling, it's a weapon.
It tears down walls of fear,trauma and doubt.
And this week we're gonna godeeper.
This week's episode is aboutletting purpose shape our story,
not pain.
(01:15):
So your pain does not get tohave the final say.
You've got to keep walking,keep believing and keep fighting
.
Here's another thing that is soimportant that I want everyone
to hear you are not whathappened to you.
Your pain is part of your story, but it's not your identity.
Oh, that is a lot right there.
(01:37):
When we allow our purpose toshape our story.
Instead of pain, we turn ourtrials into testimony, our
wounds into wisdom and sufferinginto strength, and so I really
want to share a story thatemulates that for you this week,
about someone who let theirpain initially define them but
(02:01):
later put purpose to it.
And I won't use this person'sname because they actually don't
even know that I'm going to betelling this story about them,
but it was one of my daughter'sfriends in high school and he
was a star athlete.
He played football, he wasincredible, and he ended up
having a very serious injury.
(02:23):
That happened in a footballgame and he ended up losing his
leg and instead of allowing thatto define him, instead of
letting that ruin his footballcareer, this young man went on
to use that and his prostheticleg on the football field and
(02:48):
played actually in a couplecollegiate games.
He was getting ready to go tocollege and they thought it was
going to end his college career,but he ended up going to
college and he actually got tosuit up for a couple college
games and today he goes aroundsharing with audiences, you know
, schools and different folksabout what happened to him, and
(03:10):
I'm one of those people that Ilove a good story.
That's why I started thispodcast, courageous Overcomers
because I think there's so muchhope in highlighting people that
have gone through adversity andhave overcome.
It's inspiring, it'sencouraging.
My family will tell you I don'tlove to watch movies, but when
(03:32):
we do watch movies, I want towatch the ones about the
overcomers, which is more oftenthan not sports-related,
faith-based, because, to me, Iwant to be inspired.
I don't want to have to sit inmy pain, I want to be inspired
to move on, and I just wanted toshare that story of this young
man because, again, his was moreof a physical impairment, but
(03:55):
there's so much that goes onwith that.
I mean emotionally as well.
And so today we're going tobreak down how to transform our
pain to purpose using aframework.
You guys know I love frameworks, you know I love teaching tools
and I love acronyms.
So we're going to use the painframework today because, again,
your past doesn't define you,but it's what you do with it
(04:18):
that does.
We're not going to dive into ittoday, but I wrote a whole book
about being wounded and defined, because so many people and I
was this person for a long timeallow their wounds to define
them, and that's their story andthey wallow in their pain and
(04:39):
their pity, and that is not atall what God wants for you.
And I'm so passionate aboutthis issue because so many
people can be imprisoned bytheir pain or propelled by their
pain and, honest to goodness,it's a choice, it's a choice
that you make, and choosingpurpose over pain shifts our
perspective from victimhood tovictory, and that is the tagline
(05:01):
of my book that I wrote, and soif you haven't read it, I
encourage you to go get it.
But let's dive in today theframework of pain and what each
letter represents and how can weuse it to help us to move from
pain to purpose.
So the first letter is P,obviously in pain, and it means
(05:23):
what I am using in my acronym isto process the pain, recognize
it, don't bury it, because whenwe suppress pain it leads to
more suffering.
Because you just have thisdialogue going on in your head
about how horrible your life is.
And don't get me wrong, yourlife might be horrible and it
(05:44):
might be extremely painful.
I'm not saying deny it, justsaying recognize it and don't
bury it.
You know I've shared with you alot about my story,
(06:15):
no-transcript.
Lean into that pain and thatrejection and realize that so
many of the things that happenedin my younger years, they were
not my fault and I couldn't seethat at the time, but I could,
with some therapy and helpdecide how I was going to go
(06:35):
forward.
And so, as you're processingthe pain and this is something
that is so hard for people to do, it is so hard.
So I know I'm asking you to dosomething that I struggled with,
but I'm telling you it's got tobe done.
You've got to sit with yourpain.
You've got to name it, don'tnumb it and we'll talk about
(06:58):
that later because you all knowI'm 30 years, sober on that but
sit with it, name it, identifyit, don't numb it.
So then let's move on to the Aand ask yourself that's the A
ask what is the pain teaching me?
What strengths or lessonsemerge?
(07:19):
How many of you really believethat pain can be a teacher?
Okay, well, it can be.
And what can we learn from it?
So, using the example of therejection and abandonment that I
got, that I had or experiencedfrom my father, my adoptive
father, I can remember when Ihad to make a conscious decision
(07:40):
to let go and forgive them,because I was just sitting in it
and mulling it over and gettingangrier by the minute.
And I remember and I might haveshared this with you guys, but
it's worth repeating again Iwrote my adoptive dad a letter
asking forgiveness for all thethings that I had done wrong
growing up, so that in hopesthat we could mend the
(08:00):
relationship.
And you know, he never, everresponded to that letter and I
easily could have let that eatme up and wear that label of
more rejection.
You know why didn't he respond?
What is wrong with me?
And I called him up and I askedhim.
I said hey, did you receive myletter?
And he said yes, and there wasa really long pause and he
(08:26):
didn't say anything more and Iwas like, okay, you know what do
you say?
At that point he never said Iforgive you or he didn't say
anything about the substance ofthe letter.
And so God just gave me theability to take pity and forgive
my adoptive dad.
You know he was an alcoholicand my expectation of
restoration wasn't possible andI had to forgive.
(08:48):
Please don't hear me tell youthat that happened overnight.
It's a process and it took alot of looking at myself and
what my part was and asking Godto soften my heart towards my
adoptive dad, because my fleshdidn't want to do that.
My flesh wanted to be bitterand angry, but God had other
(09:09):
plans for me.
So this week, as you're lookingat this pain acronym, why don't
you journal what your pain hastaught you?
What are some of the strengthsperspective that you've gotten
from it?
Have you developed resilience?
We did a whole, I think twoweeks on resilience.
I think resilience is such anunderrated characteristic.
(09:33):
So go back and listen to theresilience.
I think it was like in thefirst 10 that we did Okay.
So, moving on to the I Identifyand this one is one of my
favorites Well, actually they'reall good, but this one's really
good.
Who needs your story?
Because your survival issomeone else's roadmap.
Your struggles are not just foryou.
(09:57):
Somebody needs to hear yourstory and that is why I did this
podcast is because of that.
Right there, when one in threewomen have been sexually abused,
one in four men have beenabused, and people aren't
talking about it.
People don't talk aboutdomestic violence, people don't
talk about addiction.
They don't talk about thesethings, and so I just felt like
(10:19):
the Lord was saying you need totell your story.
It is not comfortable, it isharder than anything I've ever
done, but I also know that thereare people out there that are
struggling that needs to hear mystory and that's why I
highlight people that have gonethrough things so that you know,
we a couple weeks ago we didJanita and we were talking about
(10:42):
, you know, suicide attempts anddepression.
I mean people need to hear thatthey're not alone, because that
gives them hope and there'spower in our testimony, there's
power in mentorship.
So this week, why don't youwrite down a person or a group
who could benefit from yourjourney and identify that and
begin to pray and ask God whatdoes he want you to do with that
(11:05):
?
Because, again, remember,somebody out there needs to hear
your story and then N nurturethe purpose, step into your
mission, whether that's throughmentoring, speaking or writing,
and how do you take what you'vebeen through and turn it into
impact?
So, again, are you getting infront of groups and sharing your
(11:28):
story?
And again I'm saying, do thiswith caution, like you're not
going to.
Just, you know, go sign up togo speak to a group.
If you haven't worked throughsome of these issues, you'll
know when the time is right, butis there someone you need to be
mentoring?
You know, rich and I did a lotof mentoring early on.
I worked with women in crisissituations.
(11:48):
We worked with marriages thatwere in addictions and
struggling in their marriages,and so you know what is it that
you need to start doing?
And I want you to choose onesmall step to nurture your
purpose, to share, to serve orto speak, because when we focus
on our pain and using it forgood, there's power in that.
(12:13):
And Romans 8, 28 says this allthings work together for good.
And remember, you're not broken, you're being built for
something greater.
And that verse for me, waslife-changing because, again
we've talked about this.
You know I'm like why would aloving God allow these things to
(12:33):
happen?
And all throughout scripturethere's stories of people who
have shared their struggles andtheir adversities to help us.
You know, last week we talkedabout Joseph.
I mean, look at Job.
He lost all of his children andhis wife and he lost all of his
money.
I mean, like, all of thesestories in the Bible, help us to
learn that our pain is meantfor something more than just us
(12:58):
wallowing and using it to bevictims, right?
So remember that this is yourmoment and you can stay in your
suffering or you can step intostrength, because you are
stronger than you think.
And I also want you to rememberthat your story is still being
(13:19):
written and the best chaptersare ahead, and I want you to
believe that.
I want you to believe thatthere's a reason why you came to
this podcast today.
It was to be encouraged to knowthat your pain doesn't define
you, that your pain has purposeand that someone else needs to
hear it, and I want to encourageyou to share this episode with
(13:41):
someone who needs to be remindedthat we're not victims, we're
courageous overcomers.
I want to thank you so much forjoining us today, and don't
forget to leave a five-starreview.
If you want to connect, visittonyashellnutt.
com for more details.
So many of you have reached outand give recommendations on
people to interview, and we'vegot some exciting interviews
(14:03):
coming up.
I can't wait to share them withyou on folks that have
courageously overcome, to sharethem with you on folks that have
courageously overcome this week.
I again want you to go back tothat pain acronym and focus on
leaning into your pain andlessons that you've learned from
it.
Who do you need to share itwith, and I would also love for
you to reach out to me and sharethose experiences that you've
(14:25):
had with me.
So stay tuned till next week.
I hope everyone has a greatweek and we appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
(14:54):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
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