April 23, 2025 • 22 mins
What happens when the very thing that seems to bring us comfort is slowly destroying our lives? Today we're pulling back the curtain on a rarely discussed aspect of addiction—not the chaos it creates, but the counterfeit comfort it provides before taking everything else.
Most addictive behaviors aren't primarily about chasing highs; they're about silencing the deafening noise in our heads. That overthinking mind that never stops racing. The perfectionistic pressure to always perform flawlessly. The people-pleaser exhaustion from constantly overgiving. The suppressed anger never allowed expression. The discomfort of stillness when busyness stops. The fear of not knowing who you truly are. The relentless inner critic whispering "you're not enough." The unprocessed grief. The body shame. The paralyzing fear of failure.
When we slow down and the distractions fade, these voices grow louder. Flashbacks of moments we've worked hard to forget resurface. Guilt, loneliness, and grief for everything we never received—love, safety, security—become unbearable. Addiction temporarily hijacks our brain's pain center, telling our nervous system we're safe when we're not. It numbs emotional edges, drowns out shame spirals, and provides counterfeit peace.
But there's a profound truth we must embrace: healing starts where numbing stops. Not when we have everything figured out or feel strong enough—but in that brave moment when we stop reaching for what silences our pain and start listening to what the pain has been trying to tell us all along. The bottle, the binge, the busyness—whatever has comforted you—will never heal you. Only bringing your pain into the light through naming it, sitting with it, journaling about it, and allowing truth to speak to it will bring lasting freedom.
Remember, you're not broken beyond redemption, and you're never walking this road alone. Take courage today to stop numbing, even just for five minutes, long enough to say, "I want real healing; I'm done just surviving."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:12):
Welcome to the Courageous Overcomers podcast,
where we rise above fear, traumaand the past, bound together by
faith, courage and bold truth.
I'm your host, tonya, and thismonth, the month of April, we've
been talking about addiction.
Today we're going to get realabout something that we actually
do not talk enough about and,honestly, I'm a little nervous
(00:36):
about talking about it, but itis the idea of comfort that is
found in addiction, not thechaos or the crisis of the
addiction, but the quiet, thecalm, the illusion of peace it
gives before it takes everythingelse.
So my question for you today iswhat is your addiction
(00:59):
comforting?
Obviously, most of you know,for for me, I don't drink
anymore, but I do have otheraddictions, and I want to just
say this that not all and Idon't want it to sound like I'm
justifying, because I'm not butnot all addictions are bad per
se.
So, for example, I definitelyam a workaholic, I am addicted
(01:25):
to food, I love food, I findcomfort in food.
I'm busy, I'm addicted tobusyness.
I guess I am just always doingsomething, whether it's cleaning
, organizing, working, and Ithink it's not that I'm addicted
to all of that, but it's that Idon't quiet.
(01:45):
Well, if that's a thing, whichI don't know if it is or not,
but it sounds good.
I don't quiet well.
I'm sure there are people outthere that don't quiet well and
totally get what I'm saying.
So this week I want to diveinto this because I think a lot
of people struggle with this.
Now I would love to hear fromyou if you do as well, and let's
(02:09):
just talk about it.
Let's talk about addiction,having a counterfeit comfort,
because addiction, we know,comforts temporarily, but it
controls eventually.
And the number one reasonpeople reach for a drink or a
pill or a binge or a behavior,whatever it is, isn't because
they necessarily want to feelhigh all the time, but it's
(02:32):
because they want to feel calmand quiet.
And addiction calms the noise.
It's that internal noise, thechaos that's in the mind and the
body, and it is.
It can be relentless, it's notalways, but it can be.
And so I want to talk aboutsome of the areas in which and
(02:54):
why and what it's trying toquiet.
So the first one would be theoverthinking mind.
I am definitely that person,you know.
You've got that, those racingthoughts, mental chaos.
I don't think I have obsess,obsessive thinking, but my brain
does not stop and so it's justalways going and it it can be,
(03:16):
you know, constant worry orsecond guessing everything,
decision fatigue, and again, Idon't necessarily struggle with
with decision fatigue or worry,but I definitely my brain is
just always going and I, youknow, I don't know that that's
always bad, but it's one ofthose things back to not quite
(03:38):
being quite not, I don't doquiet well.
So the other one would be theperfectionistic pressure.
So this person always needs toperform and get it right, 100%
me, I think I'm probably goingto check all of these off.
Actually, you know what nextweek we'll like do the whole,
you know, are you an addict ornot?
(03:59):
That test that they give youwhen you go into the counselor's
office, and I'll probably havethem all checked off.
So just go with me on this one.
So the second one, theperfectionist pressure.
That looks like workaholism,control issues, burnout.
I definitely want to performwell, I want to get things right
(04:20):
.
It's very important to me andagain, I don't think that's bad,
but it's when it consumes youso much, so like in the line of
work that I do, I just get sofrustrated with the people not
the people I work with, butpeople at the state houses that
just don't want to protectfuture generations.
(04:44):
That's just stuff drives mecrazy and I try to figure out
all the time what angle can Icome at?
How can I get to move the youknow needle to get them to vote
or act the way that we need themto?
And that can be veryfrustrating.
So it's, I do have thatperfectionistic mindset because
I think I look at it like I onlyhave so much time here to make
(05:08):
a difference and so there's asense of urgency there.
Now again, there's got to bebalance in that and I definitely
have an area to work on thatone.
The third one would be thepeople pleaser exhaustion.
You know this person resentsfrom overgiving their lack of
(05:29):
boundaries.
It's codependent.
Saying yes to everything,internal rage.
I definitely don't strugglewith this one, but that doesn't
mean that there's not someoneout there that might.
The next one is the suppressedanger, buried anger or
frustration that was neverallowed to be expressed.
(05:51):
Passive aggression, emotionalshutdown, internal explosions.
This one I for sure struggledwith early on.
I've gotten a lot better.
I think the Lord has reallyhelped me with my anger.
But I know there are times whenI do get angry or I feel
anxious and I, you know, reachfor the sugar.
(06:12):
Or those of you that know me,popcorn is totally my fix.
So if I'm eating popcorn it'sbecause something's going on in
my mind and it just soothes mymind.
So I'm a popcorn person, andwhen I'm feeling angry or
frustrated, it's hard sometimesto calm my spirit, and so that's
(06:35):
what I go to, again, not sayingthat that's right, that's
healthy, but that is more oftenthan not my go to.
The fifth one is boredom andemptiness, the discomfort of
stillness or not feelinganything.
So for me those of you alsoknow that I'm moving into my
(06:55):
empty nester stage my mother inlaw lives with us, but when
there's no one around, afterhaving five kids and just you
know, having that mindset of go,go, go, go go, when you have
quiet and there's no one around,I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I
do?
Like I don't even know what todo with myself.
(07:16):
So you'll often find mecleaning, organizing.
My kids came home for Easterand they're like Mom, every time
we come home you've organizedsomething else and it's like,
yeah, because I spent the last20 years not being able to
organize.
No, I'm just joking, but.
But really that that's a hardone.
To boredom it again is astruggle for me because there's
(07:39):
so much going on in my mind andin my brain and so having to sit
in that versus taking the focusoff of it and we're going to
dive into why we do these thingslater, but right now I wanted
to identify the, the noisethat's going on in our heads.
So the next one is the identitycrisis the fear of not knowing
(08:01):
who you are.
You know, shape shifting,wearing masks, attaching your
identity to your role.
Again, this is definitely notme.
There's a lot of people outthere that are like I'm the CEO
of this company and I'm soamazing.
Or, and again, I'm, that'sgreat, you've earned that.
(08:22):
But they put their identity andwho they are versus the purpose
that they've been called to.
So the next one is the innercritic, this person that says
you know to themselves inside,you're not enough.
There's a lot of innerself-hatred there.
(08:42):
Um, there's a lot of innerself-hatred there, and I think a
lot of us I think womenespecially struggle with this of
you're not enough.
Moms, uh, I think you know,especially it's hard when you're
trying to balance work and afamily, and I mean you know just
like, uh, we have five kids, mymother in law lives with us.
(09:06):
I feel bad sometimes when theyall come home and there's not
enough space for everybody.
And so, you know, we've gotpeople on couches and air
mattresses, but we make it workand I'm and I'm thinking, well,
I should do this or I should dothat, and and so we just we have
this constant you're not enough, you're not doing enough, I'm
(09:26):
not being a good enough wife,I'm not being a good enough
employee, and I, I have thatbattle a lot.
I don't know about all y'all,but I do have that battle and I
think it's really important totalk about it, because it's it's
a real struggle that everybodyhas, and you know, the theme of
of courageous overcomers is youcan't heal what you don't face.
(09:48):
And I don't know why I struggleso much with that.
Well, that's actually not true.
I do know.
Why I do is because growing up,I felt like I had to be perfect
in order to get the attentionof my birth father, and I felt
like I wasn't perfect enough andthat's why my, my birth father,
left.
And so there's just all thesemessages that go on in our head,
(10:12):
but again tying it back toaddiction, calming the noise and
the things that go on in ourheads.
So that is one that wedefinitely all need to work on.
The other one is the grievingheart unprocessed grief and loss
, detachment, emotional numbness, inability to cry.
(10:33):
You know probably struggledwith that early on after I lost
my mom, which I've shared withyou guys before.
She was like the most amazingbest friend that I had, and so
losing her and not being able tohave her see her grandkids or
grow up with them, you know thatwas hard, but I have learned to
(10:55):
work through that and it hasactually propelled me to again
be very intentional on mypurpose, which is another reason
why I'm here doing this podcastwith you guys.
So make sure that you processyour grief and loss.
The next one is the body shame,disgust, disgust or discomfort
(11:16):
in your own skin, disorderedeating, sexual avoidance or
overcompensation.
I think again back to theladies.
This is definitely one that weall struggle with.
You know, most, most womendon't look in the mirror and go
wow, I look great.
That is not always the firstresponse that we say to
(11:38):
ourselves and that's sad thatthat happens, but it's
unfortunately true and so that'sa another part of the calm, as
I say, the counterfeit comfortthat comes with addiction and
it's, you know, calming andquieting all of these messages
that are going on.
The next one is the fear offailure.
(11:59):
You know, the fear of beingexposed or being disappointing
to someone.
You know you self sabotage, youprocrastinate, you say you're
going to start today and younever, you never do.
You know, that's definitelysomething that I think probably
a lot of men struggle with, andI think probably women too, on
(12:22):
this issue, we don't.
We don't want to fail, we wantto be successful, and so that's
one of those messages that we'vegot to work through and really
know that God has a plan.
And if you think about all ofthe times that people have
failed, failure is veryimportant to success, because if
(12:42):
you don't fail you don't learn,and more people than not are
afraid of failure, so they nevertake the chance and they never
know what could be.
So that's another, you know,reason why people try to calm
the noise in the head is becausethey're afraid of the failure.
So why do we have that noise?
Why?
(13:03):
Why do we have?
You know, I listed just 10,there's so many more that we
could talk about, but just the10 that I listed listed.
Why do we even have that?
When you slow down, when thedistraction stops, when the
noise of the world fades, whenthe body finally rest, that's
when the other noises show upthat we went through, the one
(13:24):
that says you're not enough.
You know the flashbacks ofmoments we've worked very hard
to try and forget, and those ofyou that have been through
trauma know that you you try sohard to put those flashbacks
away, and it can be verydifficult.
You know you have the guilt ofthings you've done or things
(13:47):
that have been done to you, theache of loneliness that you've
kept buried for years, the griefof everything you never got
love, safety, security.
And I mean, let's be honest,like I could say honestly, the
first 30 years of my life I wasvery disappointed that my, my
birth father didn't feel like Iwas worthy of love to stick
(14:10):
around, and I wasn't always keptsafe in safe situations.
And so the stillness becomesunbearable because it exposes
what I've been trying to outrun.
And so the question is why doesaddiction calm us?
And remember, I'm not sayingthat this is a good thing, okay,
we're just being real aboutwhat addiction does here.
(14:33):
And addiction calms us becauseit hijacks our brain's pain
center.
It'll tell our nervous systemyou're okay, you're safe now.
And remember, it's thecounterfeit comfort, okay.
So it numbs the emotional edges, like I was talking about when
I get bored or my mind is racingand I reach for the food, or I
(14:56):
just keep busy and I keepworking and ignoring whatever it
is that's going on.
It's one of those things too.
Like you can go through yearsof therapy and working through
all of these issues and thesethings still come up.
Sometimes they come up sideways, and so I don't ever want
anyone to think that justbecause you, you know I have 30
(15:19):
years of sobriety, doesn't meanthat I don't still struggle with
this stuff, because I do.
It's a constant battle.
It's a constant having to go tothe Lord and work through these
things.
And so you know back to whyaddiction calms us.
It slows our racing thoughts,it drowns out the shame spiral.
(15:39):
You know, when I drank, thevoices that told me that I
wasn't enough and to shut up,the flashbacks got blurry.
When I drank, the pressure toperform disappeared, I felt
peace.
But it all came with a priceand again, as I said, addiction
(15:59):
becomes our counterfeit comfortand it mimics, safety, intimacy,
control and even peace, becauseit's an imposter.
And I want everyone tounderstand that.
It calms you but it doesn'theal you.
(16:20):
It controls you more than itcomforts you over time.
And so what do you do with allof that noise?
What do we do with it?
I think that's important totalk through.
So I think we have to and I'mstill working through this, like
what you know, when I go for,I'm feeling a little anxious or
(16:42):
angry or whatever.
Well, what is it?
You know why?
Why am I feeling that way?
Instead of, you know, going forthe sugar or the popcorn or
whatever it is, and I have toname it, I have to say, okay,
you know, I feel alone, or I'mafraid, or I'm feeling, you know
, bad about my performance orwhatever it might be.
(17:04):
You know, I in fact, today,today, I got in an argument with
my daughter and it was so dumband instead of just pausing and
just stopping, I just reactedand I'm like, what am I doing
right now?
And there was no, there was noreason for it.
So we know that you've got toname it Now.
(17:27):
We're going to sit with itwithout numbing it.
We've got to bring it into thelight.
We've got to talk about it,we've got to pray about it,
we've got to journal about it.
I've talked to you folks beforeabout this, about journaling.
I'm such a huge proponent ofjournaling, it's so important.
I suppose there's many otherways.
You know, you can take notes,voice recorder, notes on your
(17:48):
phone, whatever it is, but it'sreally great to be able to, you
know, write down.
Okay, why did I get mad at mydaughter, like I was saying
earlier, what was it that causedme to get mad?
How could I have respondeddifferently and pray through it,
journal through it?
You know, before they wereleaving, I told her I was sorry
for responding that way, itwasn't right, and I asked her to
(18:10):
forgive me, but I don't want tohave to have those and they're
very rare, and in between, butstill, it's like, well, you know
why did I do that?
And so, just again, asking Godto forgive me, journal about it.
What was it that irritated me?
And then let God speak to youabout it.
You know what does he say aboutyour worth, your pain and your
(18:31):
past.
You know, and marinate in that.
So today, before we close, Iwant to leave you with this
truth, and it's one that'schanged my life and still checks
with me when I'm tempted to gonumb all over again.
And that's this, right here.
(18:51):
Healing starts where numbingstops, not when you get it all
figured out, not when you feelstrong enough, not when
everything looks better on theoutside.
Healing starts where numbingstops.
It begins the moment you stopreaching for the thing that
silences the pain and startlistening to what the pain has
(19:13):
been trying to say all along.
The bottle, the binge, thebusyness, whatever it is that
may have comforted you, it willnever heal you.
And the truth is is that onlyJesus, the Prince of Peace, can
calm a storm that's raginginside of you.
(19:33):
And so, if you're listeningright now and you know, again,
I've been very real andauthentic with you because I
think it's very important to beable to have transparent
conversations.
And you've been numbing,avoiding or escaping.
Don't shame yourself, justrecognize it for what it is and
it's a survival strategy that'soutlived its purpose.
(19:57):
And maybe today you get braveenough to stop numbing, even
just for five minutes, even justlong enough to say God, I want
real healing, I'm done justsurviving, because, again,
healing starts where numbingstops.
And listen, I want everyone toremember this you're not broken,
you're not beyond redemption,and you're never walking this
(20:18):
road alone.
Together we are together ascourageous overcomers, and I
hope that today you felt likeyou know it's okay.
It's okay when we try to quietthe pain, and it's okay that
that's happening and that you'regoing through that.
But know that this that's notthe end solution.
(20:42):
It is a temporary fix thatleads to bigger problems on the
back end, and so sit with it,journal about it, pray about it,
figure out what it is that'scausing all the noise and how do
you respond to it.
And then I want you to sharethis podcast with someone who
(21:02):
might need to hear it.
Go to tanyashellnutcom andleave me a message on.
You know what is it, the noisethat you struggle with?
And I just really hope and praythat everyone would just be
vulnerable and transparent andreal.
Take some time to go to theLord and reflect about what it
is that is causing you to numb,whether it's food, you know,
(21:26):
pornography, sex, drugs, alcohol, whatever it is.
Go to the Lord and ask him tobegin to show you why you're
doing it.
So I want you to share thispodcast.
Visit tonyashellnutt.
com, leave me a message.
Let me know what kind of noiseyou've got going on on your head
.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
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week thank you for joining ushere on courageous overcomers
with tonya shell nutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about tanya,go to her website at tonya shell
nutt dot com or to ask aquestion about anything you've
heard on today's show.
(22:06):
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at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Welcome to the Courageous Overcomers podcast,
where we rise above fear, traumaand the past, bound together by
faith, courage and bold truth.
I'm your host, tonya, and thismonth, the month of April, we've
been talking about addiction.
Today we're going to get realabout something that we actually
do not talk enough about and,honestly, I'm a little nervous
(00:36):
about talking about it, but itis the idea of comfort that is
found in addiction, not thechaos or the crisis of the
addiction, but the quiet, thecalm, the illusion of peace it
gives before it takes everythingelse.
So my question for you today iswhat is your addiction
(00:59):
comforting?
Obviously, most of you know,for for me, I don't drink
anymore, but I do have otheraddictions, and I want to just
say this that not all and Idon't want it to sound like I'm
justifying, because I'm not butnot all addictions are bad per
se.
So, for example, I definitelyam a workaholic, I am addicted
(01:25):
to food, I love food, I findcomfort in food.
I'm busy, I'm addicted tobusyness.
I guess I am just always doingsomething, whether it's cleaning
, organizing, working, and Ithink it's not that I'm addicted
to all of that, but it's that Idon't quiet.
(01:45):
Well, if that's a thing, whichI don't know if it is or not,
but it sounds good.
I don't quiet well.
I'm sure there are people outthere that don't quiet well and
totally get what I'm saying.
So this week I want to diveinto this because I think a lot
of people struggle with this.
Now I would love to hear fromyou if you do as well, and let's
(02:09):
just talk about it.
Let's talk about addiction,having a counterfeit comfort,
because addiction, we know,comforts temporarily, but it
controls eventually.
And the number one reasonpeople reach for a drink or a
pill or a binge or a behavior,whatever it is, isn't because
they necessarily want to feelhigh all the time, but it's
(02:32):
because they want to feel calmand quiet.
And addiction calms the noise.
It's that internal noise, thechaos that's in the mind and the
body, and it is.
It can be relentless, it's notalways, but it can be.
And so I want to talk aboutsome of the areas in which and
(02:54):
why and what it's trying toquiet.
So the first one would be theoverthinking mind.
I am definitely that person,you know.
You've got that, those racingthoughts, mental chaos.
I don't think I have obsess,obsessive thinking, but my brain
does not stop and so it's justalways going and it it can be,
(03:16):
you know, constant worry orsecond guessing everything,
decision fatigue, and again, Idon't necessarily struggle with
with decision fatigue or worry,but I definitely my brain is
just always going and I, youknow, I don't know that that's
always bad, but it's one ofthose things back to not quite
(03:38):
being quite not, I don't doquiet well.
So the other one would be theperfectionistic pressure.
So this person always needs toperform and get it right, 100%
me, I think I'm probably goingto check all of these off.
Actually, you know what nextweek we'll like do the whole,
you know, are you an addict ornot?
(03:59):
That test that they give youwhen you go into the counselor's
office, and I'll probably havethem all checked off.
So just go with me on this one.
So the second one, theperfectionist pressure.
That looks like workaholism,control issues, burnout.
I definitely want to performwell, I want to get things right
(04:20):
.
It's very important to me andagain, I don't think that's bad,
but it's when it consumes youso much, so like in the line of
work that I do, I just get sofrustrated with the people not
the people I work with, butpeople at the state houses that
just don't want to protectfuture generations.
(04:44):
That's just stuff drives mecrazy and I try to figure out
all the time what angle can Icome at?
How can I get to move the youknow needle to get them to vote
or act the way that we need themto?
And that can be veryfrustrating.
So it's, I do have thatperfectionistic mindset because
I think I look at it like I onlyhave so much time here to make
(05:08):
a difference and so there's asense of urgency there.
Now again, there's got to bebalance in that and I definitely
have an area to work on thatone.
The third one would be thepeople pleaser exhaustion.
You know this person resentsfrom overgiving their lack of
(05:29):
boundaries.
It's codependent.
Saying yes to everything,internal rage.
I definitely don't strugglewith this one, but that doesn't
mean that there's not someoneout there that might.
The next one is the suppressedanger, buried anger or
frustration that was neverallowed to be expressed.
(05:51):
Passive aggression, emotionalshutdown, internal explosions.
This one I for sure struggledwith early on.
I've gotten a lot better.
I think the Lord has reallyhelped me with my anger.
But I know there are times whenI do get angry or I feel
anxious and I, you know, reachfor the sugar.
(06:12):
Or those of you that know me,popcorn is totally my fix.
So if I'm eating popcorn it'sbecause something's going on in
my mind and it just soothes mymind.
So I'm a popcorn person, andwhen I'm feeling angry or
frustrated, it's hard sometimesto calm my spirit, and so that's
(06:35):
what I go to, again, not sayingthat that's right, that's
healthy, but that is more oftenthan not my go to.
The fifth one is boredom andemptiness, the discomfort of
stillness or not feelinganything.
So for me those of you alsoknow that I'm moving into my
(06:55):
empty nester stage my mother inlaw lives with us, but when
there's no one around, afterhaving five kids and just you
know, having that mindset of go,go, go, go go, when you have
quiet and there's no one around,I'm like, oh my gosh, what do I
do?
Like I don't even know what todo with myself.
(07:16):
So you'll often find mecleaning, organizing.
My kids came home for Easterand they're like Mom, every time
we come home you've organizedsomething else and it's like,
yeah, because I spent the last20 years not being able to
organize.
No, I'm just joking, but.
But really that that's a hardone.
To boredom it again is astruggle for me because there's
(07:39):
so much going on in my mind andin my brain and so having to sit
in that versus taking the focusoff of it and we're going to
dive into why we do these thingslater, but right now I wanted
to identify the, the noisethat's going on in our heads.
So the next one is the identitycrisis the fear of not knowing
(08:01):
who you are.
You know, shape shifting,wearing masks, attaching your
identity to your role.
Again, this is definitely notme.
There's a lot of people outthere that are like I'm the CEO
of this company and I'm soamazing.
Or, and again, I'm, that'sgreat, you've earned that.
(08:22):
But they put their identity andwho they are versus the purpose
that they've been called to.
So the next one is the innercritic, this person that says
you know to themselves inside,you're not enough.
There's a lot of innerself-hatred there.
(08:42):
Um, there's a lot of innerself-hatred there, and I think a
lot of us I think womenespecially struggle with this of
you're not enough.
Moms, uh, I think you know,especially it's hard when you're
trying to balance work and afamily, and I mean you know just
like, uh, we have five kids, mymother in law lives with us.
(09:06):
I feel bad sometimes when theyall come home and there's not
enough space for everybody.
And so, you know, we've gotpeople on couches and air
mattresses, but we make it workand I'm and I'm thinking, well,
I should do this or I should dothat, and and so we just we have
this constant you're not enough, you're not doing enough, I'm
(09:26):
not being a good enough wife,I'm not being a good enough
employee, and I, I have thatbattle a lot.
I don't know about all y'all,but I do have that battle and I
think it's really important totalk about it, because it's it's
a real struggle that everybodyhas, and you know, the theme of
of courageous overcomers is youcan't heal what you don't face.
(09:48):
And I don't know why I struggleso much with that.
Well, that's actually not true.
I do know.
Why I do is because growing up,I felt like I had to be perfect
in order to get the attentionof my birth father, and I felt
like I wasn't perfect enough andthat's why my, my birth father,
left.
And so there's just all thesemessages that go on in our head,
(10:12):
but again tying it back toaddiction, calming the noise and
the things that go on in ourheads.
So that is one that wedefinitely all need to work on.
The other one is the grievingheart unprocessed grief and loss
, detachment, emotional numbness, inability to cry.
(10:33):
You know probably struggledwith that early on after I lost
my mom, which I've shared withyou guys before.
She was like the most amazingbest friend that I had, and so
losing her and not being able tohave her see her grandkids or
grow up with them, you know thatwas hard, but I have learned to
(10:55):
work through that and it hasactually propelled me to again
be very intentional on mypurpose, which is another reason
why I'm here doing this podcastwith you guys.
So make sure that you processyour grief and loss.
The next one is the body shame,disgust, disgust or discomfort
(11:16):
in your own skin, disorderedeating, sexual avoidance or
overcompensation.
I think again back to theladies.
This is definitely one that weall struggle with.
You know, most, most womendon't look in the mirror and go
wow, I look great.
That is not always the firstresponse that we say to
(11:38):
ourselves and that's sad thatthat happens, but it's
unfortunately true and so that'sa another part of the calm, as
I say, the counterfeit comfortthat comes with addiction and
it's, you know, calming andquieting all of these messages
that are going on.
The next one is the fear offailure.
(11:59):
You know, the fear of beingexposed or being disappointing
to someone.
You know you self sabotage, youprocrastinate, you say you're
going to start today and younever, you never do.
You know, that's definitelysomething that I think probably
a lot of men struggle with, andI think probably women too, on
(12:22):
this issue, we don't.
We don't want to fail, we wantto be successful, and so that's
one of those messages that we'vegot to work through and really
know that God has a plan.
And if you think about all ofthe times that people have
failed, failure is veryimportant to success, because if
(12:42):
you don't fail you don't learn,and more people than not are
afraid of failure, so they nevertake the chance and they never
know what could be.
So that's another, you know,reason why people try to calm
the noise in the head is becausethey're afraid of the failure.
So why do we have that noise?
Why?
(13:03):
Why do we have?
You know, I listed just 10,there's so many more that we
could talk about, but just the10 that I listed listed.
Why do we even have that?
When you slow down, when thedistraction stops, when the
noise of the world fades, whenthe body finally rest, that's
when the other noises show upthat we went through, the one
(13:24):
that says you're not enough.
You know the flashbacks ofmoments we've worked very hard
to try and forget, and those ofyou that have been through
trauma know that you you try sohard to put those flashbacks
away, and it can be verydifficult.
You know you have the guilt ofthings you've done or things
(13:47):
that have been done to you, theache of loneliness that you've
kept buried for years, the griefof everything you never got
love, safety, security.
And I mean, let's be honest,like I could say honestly, the
first 30 years of my life I wasvery disappointed that my, my
birth father didn't feel like Iwas worthy of love to stick
(14:10):
around, and I wasn't always keptsafe in safe situations.
And so the stillness becomesunbearable because it exposes
what I've been trying to outrun.
And so the question is why doesaddiction calm us?
And remember, I'm not sayingthat this is a good thing, okay,
we're just being real aboutwhat addiction does here.
(14:33):
And addiction calms us becauseit hijacks our brain's pain
center.
It'll tell our nervous systemyou're okay, you're safe now.
And remember, it's thecounterfeit comfort, okay.
So it numbs the emotional edges, like I was talking about when
I get bored or my mind is racingand I reach for the food, or I
(14:56):
just keep busy and I keepworking and ignoring whatever it
is that's going on.
It's one of those things too.
Like you can go through yearsof therapy and working through
all of these issues and thesethings still come up.
Sometimes they come up sideways, and so I don't ever want
anyone to think that justbecause you, you know I have 30
(15:19):
years of sobriety, doesn't meanthat I don't still struggle with
this stuff, because I do.
It's a constant battle.
It's a constant having to go tothe Lord and work through these
things.
And so you know back to whyaddiction calms us.
It slows our racing thoughts,it drowns out the shame spiral.
(15:39):
You know, when I drank, thevoices that told me that I
wasn't enough and to shut up,the flashbacks got blurry.
When I drank, the pressure toperform disappeared, I felt
peace.
But it all came with a priceand again, as I said, addiction
(15:59):
becomes our counterfeit comfortand it mimics, safety, intimacy,
control and even peace, becauseit's an imposter.
And I want everyone tounderstand that.
It calms you but it doesn'theal you.
(16:20):
It controls you more than itcomforts you over time.
And so what do you do with allof that noise?
What do we do with it?
I think that's important totalk through.
So I think we have to and I'mstill working through this, like
what you know, when I go for,I'm feeling a little anxious or
(16:42):
angry or whatever.
Well, what is it?
You know why?
Why am I feeling that way?
Instead of, you know, going forthe sugar or the popcorn or
whatever it is, and I have toname it, I have to say, okay,
you know, I feel alone, or I'mafraid, or I'm feeling, you know
, bad about my performance orwhatever it might be.
(17:04):
You know, I in fact, today,today, I got in an argument with
my daughter and it was so dumband instead of just pausing and
just stopping, I just reactedand I'm like, what am I doing
right now?
And there was no, there was noreason for it.
So we know that you've got toname it Now.
(17:27):
We're going to sit with itwithout numbing it.
We've got to bring it into thelight.
We've got to talk about it,we've got to pray about it,
we've got to journal about it.
I've talked to you folks beforeabout this, about journaling.
I'm such a huge proponent ofjournaling, it's so important.
I suppose there's many otherways.
You know, you can take notes,voice recorder, notes on your
(17:48):
phone, whatever it is, but it'sreally great to be able to, you
know, write down.
Okay, why did I get mad at mydaughter, like I was saying
earlier, what was it that causedme to get mad?
How could I have respondeddifferently and pray through it,
journal through it?
You know, before they wereleaving, I told her I was sorry
for responding that way, itwasn't right, and I asked her to
(18:10):
forgive me, but I don't want tohave to have those and they're
very rare, and in between, butstill, it's like, well, you know
why did I do that?
And so, just again, asking Godto forgive me, journal about it.
What was it that irritated me?
And then let God speak to youabout it.
You know what does he say aboutyour worth, your pain and your
(18:31):
past.
You know, and marinate in that.
So today, before we close, Iwant to leave you with this
truth, and it's one that'schanged my life and still checks
with me when I'm tempted to gonumb all over again.
And that's this, right here.
(18:51):
Healing starts where numbingstops, not when you get it all
figured out, not when you feelstrong enough, not when
everything looks better on theoutside.
Healing starts where numbingstops.
It begins the moment you stopreaching for the thing that
silences the pain and startlistening to what the pain has
(19:13):
been trying to say all along.
The bottle, the binge, thebusyness, whatever it is that
may have comforted you, it willnever heal you.
And the truth is is that onlyJesus, the Prince of Peace, can
calm a storm that's raginginside of you.
(19:33):
And so, if you're listeningright now and you know, again,
I've been very real andauthentic with you because I
think it's very important to beable to have transparent
conversations.
And you've been numbing,avoiding or escaping.
Don't shame yourself, justrecognize it for what it is and
it's a survival strategy that'soutlived its purpose.
(19:57):
And maybe today you get braveenough to stop numbing, even
just for five minutes, even justlong enough to say God, I want
real healing, I'm done justsurviving, because, again,
healing starts where numbingstops.
And listen, I want everyone toremember this you're not broken,
you're not beyond redemption,and you're never walking this
(20:18):
road alone.
Together we are together ascourageous overcomers, and I
hope that today you felt likeyou know it's okay.
It's okay when we try to quietthe pain, and it's okay that
that's happening and that you'regoing through that.
But know that this that's notthe end solution.
(20:42):
It is a temporary fix thatleads to bigger problems on the
back end, and so sit with it,journal about it, pray about it,
figure out what it is that'scausing all the noise and how do
you respond to it.
And then I want you to sharethis podcast with someone who
(21:02):
might need to hear it.
Go to tanyashellnutcom andleave me a message on.
You know what is it, the noisethat you struggle with?
And I just really hope and praythat everyone would just be
vulnerable and transparent andreal.
Take some time to go to theLord and reflect about what it
is that is causing you to numb,whether it's food, you know,
(21:26):
pornography, sex, drugs, alcohol, whatever it is.
Go to the Lord and ask him tobegin to show you why you're
doing it.
So I want you to share thispodcast.
Visit tonyashellnutt.
com, leave me a message.
Let me know what kind of noiseyou've got going on on your head
.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Leave us a five-star review and we will see you next
week thank you for joining ushere on courageous overcomers
with tonya shell nutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about tanya,go to her website at tonya shell
nutt dot com or to ask aquestion about anything you've
heard on today's show.
(22:06):
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
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