April 30, 2025 • 23 mins
What does addiction promise you, and what does it actually steal? This powerful question forms the foundation of our exploration into the deceptive facade of addiction. Numbing feels like safety, but silently robs us of the very things we desperately seek: peace, purpose, and authentic connection.
Throughout this raw and honest conversation, we unpack the dangerous paradox of addiction. While it offers temporary relief from pain, it simultaneously prevents true healing. Though it promises escape from stress, it steals our ability to be present. When it offers control over chaos, it erodes trust. Most destructively, addiction creates a counterfeit comfort that destroys our capacity for deep, meaningful connections.
We dive particularly deep into how addiction impacts emotional resilience—a critical skill many in our society lack. When we continuously avoid difficult emotions through substances or behaviors, we never develop the internal strength to process those feelings in healthy ways. As a result, we remain emotionally stunted, often operating with the same coping mechanisms we developed in our youth.
Whether your struggle is with alcohol, food, social media, or other numbing behaviors, this episode offers a practical pathway forward. The "reclaim challenge" provides specific steps to take back what addiction has stolen: peace, time, connection, clarity, control, self-respect, purpose, and hope. By identifying your specific losses and intentionally working to restore them through prayer, service, and community, you can break free from addiction's empty promises.
Ready to unmask addiction's lies and reclaim what's been stolen from you? This conversation will equip you with the understanding and tools to begin your journey toward authentic healing and freedom.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:12):
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
It's April and we are focusingon addiction this month.
Last week we talked aboutcounterfeit comfort and I know a
lot of you really resonatedwith that and related to that.
We did some fun takes with someof the shell nut kids on what
(00:33):
they're addicted to.
I shared a lot about what Istill struggle with and the
comfort the counterfeit comfortthat comes with addiction.
And this week I want to talkabout the facade of addiction,
what it promises and what itsteals.
You know, numbing feels likesafety, but silently.
(00:55):
It robs us of the very thingswe long for, which is peace and
purpose and connection.
And it steals quietly.
It's not just about stopping abehavior, but it's about waking
up to what we've been missingwhile we've been numbing the
pain.
So I want to talk about what itpromises and but what it steals
(01:19):
is the ability to truly heal.
Why does it do that?
Let's dive into that.
So when you're using ordrinking or whatever it is, you
(01:40):
are getting a temporary relieffrom the pain, but what you're
doing also is hiding from whatthe pain really is, and so that
stops you from being able toheal.
You know, you hear the peoplein the addiction world talk
about.
Well, you know, they're as oldas they are when they started
(02:03):
drinking.
So for me, I started drinkingwhen I was 13.
If I was to continue drinkingon into the years that I'm into
now, my 50s, I would be still ifI hadn't worked through all of
it, having the mindset of ateenager.
And so addiction again promisesyou relief from the pain, but
(02:24):
it stops you from the ability totruly heal.
It also helps you escape fromstress.
That's what it promises, butwhat it really steals is peace
and presence in the moment.
It promises control over chaosand it steals trust from others
(02:46):
and self.
It promises comfort inloneliness.
I don't know about you, butwhen you were struggling, or
whoever whatever it is that youwere struggling with, you would
find yourself drinking or eatingor continuing to scroll or
whatever it was, because it gaveyou comfort in the loneliness.
(03:08):
But what it really steals isdeep, meaningful connection,
being able to connect withothers.
It promises energy ormotivation, but it steals rest
and renewal.
It promises a break fromoverwhelming emotions, but what
it steals is emotionalresilience, and I want to camp
(03:30):
here for a few.
I'm going to camp on some ofthese.
I'm not going to camp on all ofthese, but this one I want to
really camp in on for a second.
So more often than not, we talkabout on this show about
escaping pain and you can't healwhat you're not willing to face
.
And so when we're talking aboutaddiction, promising you a
(03:52):
break from the emotions andpreventing emotional resilience,
well, what is it that's sooverwhelming that you've got
going on that you're just hidingfrom right?
So, whether it's abandonment,whether it's insecurity, whether
it's trauma, whatever it is,that you are using alcohol or
(04:16):
whatever addiction food to hidefrom the pain, it prevents you
from that emotional resilience.
Because if you're not leaninginto the pain sober and facing
what's really happening, how doyou build that emotional
resilience?
Because you're just going tokeep going back to the alcohol.
You're going to keep going backto the food because it prevents
(04:38):
you from having to feel.
That's why most people use isthey don't want to feel the
emotions of what they're goingthrough.
And so I really want toencourage you, because this is
something that we lacktremendously as a society, and
that is emotional resilience.
(04:59):
You know, have outbursts or wefall into that victim role, or
we can't cope, or I mean, youjust see it everywhere.
We just don't have people thatcan withstand their emotions and
what to do with it, and so it'sreally important to make sure
(05:21):
that you're aware of that.
The other thing that addictionpromises and steals is it
promises a way to feel something, but what it really steals is
true joy, and emotional rangekind of ties back into the other
one.
Again, you know, trying to hidethe pain and not, you know,
(05:43):
feeling the emotions that you'regoing with going through.
It steals true joy.
You know we can put on a happyface and act like we're all good
, but the reality is is thatwe're not, and addiction stunts
your growth.
It stunts your emotional growthbecause you're always trying to
(06:04):
cover up for everything.
So you can't grow, you can't.
Your emotional range is limitedbecause when you're always
trying to cover it up, how doyou grow it?
How do you flex that muscle?
The other thing that addictionpromises is a sense of safety,
and what it steals is thecourage to grow and face the
(06:27):
truth.
Again, when you drink or whenyou use, whatever it is, you
don't have to face reality.
You just live in your littlehappy world where you think
everything's great and peachyand you don't have to face
what's really going on until thenext day, until you've sobered
up, and it is not a sense ofsafety.
(06:50):
There is no safety in alcohol.
If anybody and I'm justfocusing on alcohol because
that's what I know, if anybodyhas ever grown up or been around
alcoholics it is sounpredictable there is
absolutely nothing safe about it.
They can't control theiremotions, they can't control
(07:12):
their mouth, they very rarelycan control their actions, and
so there is absolutely no safetyin addiction and alcohol.
And so the when you sober upand you lean into healing, that
gives you courage.
When you, when you grow, thatgives you courage.
When you, when you grow, itgives you courage, it gives you
(07:35):
resilience, it gives youconfidence and it allows you to
face the truth.
And when you're using, you'renot allowed to do that because
you're just again back tostunting your growth.
The other thing that alcoholismor addiction promises is
productivity, but what it reallysteals is clarity and
(07:56):
creativity.
You know, when you're alwaysunder an influence of whether
it's alcohol or drugs, whateverit is you're not.
You may think you're productive, but the reality is that you're
not.
Your productivity might be invery destructive ways, and so it
doesn't provide for clarity andcreativity, because it's not
(08:18):
really you so like.
For me, when I would drink, Iwould drink to literally in such
large quantities to blackout.
So I wasn't even a functionalalcoholic, I was just just
straight on.
You know, zero to 100.
(08:39):
I mean, I've lived my wholelife like that, I'm still like
that, and so it doesn't.
The addiction doesn't allow foryou to have a lot of clarity,
because you're you're not inyour right mind, and so that
then also hinders the creativity.
Addiction also promises Ideserve this or a reward.
(09:01):
And on this one I want to justfocus a little bit on the food
issue, because I've shared withy'all last week, I've shared
with you before.
I know that I have an addictivepersonality, I know that about
myself and so I have to be verycareful.
And on this one, this one, Iwant to talk a bit about food.
All right, because a lot ofpeople are addicted to food and
(09:25):
they don't know that they'readdicted to food.
And I would definitely say I'maddicted to food, and so you
know if I've had a bad day oryou know my stress level is
really high, I'll just go rightfor the sugar, and what that
steals from me is self-respectand confidence.
Because what happens in mybrain when I do that is I go
(09:48):
Tanya, you're so stupid, whycan't you control yourself?
Why do you have to eat thesugar?
Why would you do that?
That's going to make you fat.
You know what this is.
The dialogue and I'm just beingreal with you guys here this is
a dialogue that goes on my on inmy brain.
I'm not saying that it'shealthy, I'm not saying it's
right, but I guarantee youthere's a lot of people out
there that can relate to this.
(10:09):
And that's what goes through myhead is.
You know, I'm thinking oh, I dodeserve this.
Oh, I do, you know, can havethis sugar because I've been so
good or I've had such astressful day.
But then, immediately after Ieat it and it's usually not just
one, right, like you want, oh,I'm just gonna have this one
piece of chocolate, well, oneusually turns into two or three,
(10:30):
and that's again where thatcycle of negative talk goes.
You know, you begin to loseconfidence in yourself, you, you
beat up yourself.
And again, I'm not saying thatthat's right, because it's not.
And we're going to talk alittle bit later on how to take
some of those thoughts captive.
But just remember.
(10:50):
That's what addiction, thefacade of addiction is that
right there.
The other part of what addictionpromises is a distraction from
trauma, and then it steals thepower to process and move
forward Again.
Most as I've already said, mostpeople avoid pain and they use
(11:13):
the addiction to do so.
So for me, I used alcoholbecause of my birth father
leaving me the abandonment.
I used alcohol because of thetrauma that I suffered as a
child.
I used alcohol because I sawthat's what people in my sphere
(11:34):
did when things got hard, and soI just assumed that's what you
did and it was easy to justcontinue to drink instead of
facing the pain and facing whatwas going on with me.
I had a horrible sense of selfworth.
I still battle with that andand I I just didn't want to face
(11:55):
the pain because it was, it washard, it was, it was really
hard to face the pain and so, asa result, I couldn't move
forward because genuinely I saythis to you guys all the time
you can't heal what you're notwilling to face and I just can't
over as over emphasize thatpoint you're never going to work
(12:17):
through those insecurities orwhatever it is that causes you
to drink, if you or use orwhatever your addiction is, if
you don't face what is ailingyou.
And the other thing thataddiction promises but that it
steals is bonding with others.
So social drinking, for example, and it it steals authentic
(12:42):
relationships and vulnerability.
Again, from the alcoholicstandpoint, if you've spent any
time around a drunk, you knowthat they're actually really
truthful when they're drinking,but they have no idea what
they're saying, and so you knowthey could be angry, they could
(13:04):
be vulgar, they could bepromiscuous, they could be so
many things, so many things, andyou really lose authentic
relationship, because drinkingis not like I shared earlier.
It steals the real you, itsteals real authenticity, and so
(13:26):
it's hard to buildrelationships with people that
are always drinking, because youdon't ever know what's going to
happen, what are they going todo, what are they going to say,
and so the facade of addictionis is real, and I wanted to hit
on some of that today because Ithink it's important.
(13:46):
And so you know what, what dowe do with this, with the facade
, what it promises and what itsteals?
And so I want to ask you to do acouple things, and the first
one is take an inventory of whatyou've lost while you've been
numbing the pain.
What are some things that maybeyou've lost?
(14:08):
So what is addiction stolenfrom you?
And name small things likeemotional presence with your
kids, sleep, confidence,whatever it is I shared with you
.
For me it goes for the on thefood front, it goes back to, you
know, self image and confidenceand the negative talk that I
(14:32):
run through my head.
I have to work really hard atthat because it is a trap that I
fall into, and so I have to askmyself what am I no longer
willing to lose?
And it's again, it's acontinual thing where I have to
take those negative thoughtscaptive and plant the seeds for
(14:53):
change rooted in my value, notjust in the guilt of, oh, I
shouldn't have eaten that or oh,I shouldn't have done that.
And you know, you, we haven'teven dove into the fact that you
just can change addictions,right, like you still can change
addictions if you're notworking on.
You know the pain and thetrauma or whatever it is you're
(15:14):
going through, and so you justit's really learning to be self
aware.
So so take some time and writedown.
And again, you guys have heardme talk to you about journaling.
I'm very big on this.
What has addiction stolen fromme?
And write down some things andjust begin to look at it, and
then, over the next seven days,I want you to choose one thing
(15:38):
that you've lost and reclaim.
So we're going to call it thereclaim challenge, with real
faith on this issue.
So if one of the things thatyou've lost is peace, then I
want you to start your morningin silence, with no phone, no
noise, just you and God, and askGod to quiet the storm inside
(16:02):
of you before you face the world.
I'm usually pretty good in themorning.
I struggle with it at night iswhen my brain gets going really
crazy on the peace front.
So I have to just frequentlyask the Lord to calm the storm
inside and find scripture andmeditate on that, and so that's
(16:24):
one thing that I want you tofocus on.
If you've lost time, I want youto spend 30 minutes on something
internal like scripture, orserving or building what matters
.
So you know, ask God, what haveI been wasting time on?
That's stealing my purpose.
This is, I think, somethingthat we could all fall into the
(16:46):
trap into right.
It's so easy to just get on ourphones and scroll, scroll,
scroll and just numb our brain,not think about anything.
And you know, look at the cutepuppy dogs and the babies and
not think of anything.
I'm guilty of this, right Like.
I know that.
I know that God has called meto do this podcast, and so,
(17:10):
instead of, you know, spendingwhatever half an hour on
scrolling, why am I not spendinga half an hour on working on
more podcasts?
And it's something that I haveto work on?
So I want you to focus onspending 30 minutes and doing
something, like I said scripture, serving and building what
matters.
(17:30):
The next thing is have you lostconnection?
You know, call or meet withsomeone you trust and ask them
to pray for you, because youweren't meant to do this alone.
Iron sharpens iron.
I've had a lot of you reach outto me.
I'm so thankful that you trustme to share with me some of the
things that you're going through, but please, you know, let's
(17:52):
just say it's a family member.
You've lost connection with afamily member.
Take the time to connect withthem.
You all know my story.
I lost my mom very early in mylife, young, when I was 23.
And I have learned theimportance of relationships and
time, and so make sure that youare restoring connections that
(18:15):
need to be restored and do thatwork, because it is very hard If
you've lost clarity.
I want you to write out yourprayers, your fears, your
questions and then ask the Lordto help you with them.
James 1.5 says if any of youlacks wisdom, ask God and listen
(18:36):
to them.
My kids, when they read myjournals I've told them there
might be some they might notwant to read, but I ask why?
A lot, and I've shared this inother episodes.
But ask God, why?
Ask him?
I'm not going to say he alwaysanswers because he doesn't, but
if you're struggling with that,ask him, write down your fears.
What are you afraid of withthat?
(18:59):
Ask him, write down your fears.
What are you afraid of?
And then listen and see what hehas to say about that.
If you've lost control, fastfrom the thing that controls you
whether that's alcohol, sugar,social media for 24 hours and
pray and ask the Lord.
Lord, I surrender thisstronghold to you.
You know fasting is reallyimportant and it helps you.
Listen to the Lord.
I've definitely had my share ofsugar fasts.
(19:24):
I have not had the Lord tell meI have to do a coffee fast yet
If that happens, we might be introuble, but I would do it if he
did, and I'm not trying to makelight of it, but I'm just
saying look, try to go for 24hours and ask the Lord to take
the stronghold from you Ifyou've lost self-respect.
(19:45):
Do one thing today that alignswith who God says you are, not
who the addiction made you.
No, you are a child of God, nota slave to shame, and so that
is very important to lean intothat and do what God's called
you to do and who he says youare.
If you've lost purpose, servesomeone with no strings attached
(20:07):
.
You know there's a saying in AAwhen you start focusing on
yourself, you need to get out ofyourself and help others, and
that is extremely important.
Your calling in life getsclearer when your hands are open
.
That's Galatians 6.2.
And when you serve other people, you will see that you're not
(20:29):
as bad off as you think you are,that other people have it worse
off than you do, and it getsyour mind off of you and it
helps you give clarity.
You might find that, oh my gosh, I love serving you know women
in this ministry, or I loveserving the homeless, or
whatever it is.
It helps you get out ofyourself.
And then, if you've lost hope, Iwant you to read one story in
(20:51):
the Bible of someone who blew itand got restored.
Blew it and got restored andthose of you know that one of my
favorite characters is David.
David really blew it and hewrote a lot of Psalms about how
he blew it.
And so I want you to connectwith read a story, connect with
it and see that you're not alone.
(21:12):
I also and this isn't somebodywho blew it in the Bible, but it
is definitely somebody who Ican relate to and that's Job.
Job lost so much in his lifeand he was a man of faith.
But it helps when you readstories and you're like, oh wait
, he experienced these samethings too.
Proverbs, psalms those arereally good places to go to
(21:35):
realize that you're not alone.
And as we wrap up this month ofApril and addiction, I just want
to encourage you that you donot have to be bound by your
addiction, that you can be free.
It's not easy.
It is a one day at a time thingthat you can do, but don't let
(21:57):
the facade of addiction stealwhat God has in store for you,
and you know the lies that thataddiction tells you versus what
God tells you you are, and youhave to ask yourself okay, am I
better off when I'm drinking, oram I better off when I'm sober
and leaning into what God'scalled me to?
And I'm imagining that you'reprobably better off when you're
(22:20):
sober, or whatever it is thatthat you can abstain from that
has a has a strong hold on you.
So I just want you all to knowhow much I appreciate you.
I'd love for you to share withme anything that you got out of
this month of April on addictionand as we go into May, into the
spring, into the new year, Ithink you're going to be excited
(22:41):
about the episodes that we haveahead.
So go to our like and listen onour podcasts that are on all
platforms.
Go to tonyashellnutt.
com, leave us a message and Ihope you all have a great week.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
(23:15):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Welcome to Courageous Overcomers.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
It's April and we are focusingon addiction this month.
Last week we talked aboutcounterfeit comfort and I know a
lot of you really resonatedwith that and related to that.
We did some fun takes with someof the shell nut kids on what
(00:33):
they're addicted to.
I shared a lot about what Istill struggle with and the
comfort the counterfeit comfortthat comes with addiction.
And this week I want to talkabout the facade of addiction,
what it promises and what itsteals.
You know, numbing feels likesafety, but silently.
(00:55):
It robs us of the very thingswe long for, which is peace and
purpose and connection.
And it steals quietly.
It's not just about stopping abehavior, but it's about waking
up to what we've been missingwhile we've been numbing the
pain.
So I want to talk about what itpromises and but what it steals
(01:19):
is the ability to truly heal.
Why does it do that?
Let's dive into that.
So when you're using ordrinking or whatever it is, you
(01:40):
are getting a temporary relieffrom the pain, but what you're
doing also is hiding from whatthe pain really is, and so that
stops you from being able toheal.
You know, you hear the peoplein the addiction world talk
about.
Well, you know, they're as oldas they are when they started
(02:03):
drinking.
So for me, I started drinkingwhen I was 13.
If I was to continue drinkingon into the years that I'm into
now, my 50s, I would be still ifI hadn't worked through all of
it, having the mindset of ateenager.
And so addiction again promisesyou relief from the pain, but
(02:24):
it stops you from the ability totruly heal.
It also helps you escape fromstress.
That's what it promises, butwhat it really steals is peace
and presence in the moment.
It promises control over chaosand it steals trust from others
(02:46):
and self.
It promises comfort inloneliness.
I don't know about you, butwhen you were struggling, or
whoever whatever it is that youwere struggling with, you would
find yourself drinking or eatingor continuing to scroll or
whatever it was, because it gaveyou comfort in the loneliness.
(03:08):
But what it really steals isdeep, meaningful connection,
being able to connect withothers.
It promises energy ormotivation, but it steals rest
and renewal.
It promises a break fromoverwhelming emotions, but what
it steals is emotionalresilience, and I want to camp
(03:30):
here for a few.
I'm going to camp on some ofthese.
I'm not going to camp on all ofthese, but this one I want to
really camp in on for a second.
So more often than not, we talkabout on this show about
escaping pain and you can't healwhat you're not willing to face
.
And so when we're talking aboutaddiction, promising you a
(03:52):
break from the emotions andpreventing emotional resilience,
well, what is it that's sooverwhelming that you've got
going on that you're just hidingfrom right?
So, whether it's abandonment,whether it's insecurity, whether
it's trauma, whatever it is,that you are using alcohol or
(04:16):
whatever addiction food to hidefrom the pain, it prevents you
from that emotional resilience.
Because if you're not leaninginto the pain sober and facing
what's really happening, how doyou build that emotional
resilience?
Because you're just going tokeep going back to the alcohol.
You're going to keep going backto the food because it prevents
(04:38):
you from having to feel.
That's why most people use isthey don't want to feel the
emotions of what they're goingthrough.
And so I really want toencourage you, because this is
something that we lacktremendously as a society, and
that is emotional resilience.
(04:59):
You know, have outbursts or wefall into that victim role, or
we can't cope, or I mean, youjust see it everywhere.
We just don't have people thatcan withstand their emotions and
what to do with it, and so it'sreally important to make sure
(05:21):
that you're aware of that.
The other thing that addictionpromises and steals is it
promises a way to feel something, but what it really steals is
true joy, and emotional rangekind of ties back into the other
one.
Again, you know, trying to hidethe pain and not, you know,
(05:43):
feeling the emotions that you'regoing with going through.
It steals true joy.
You know we can put on a happyface and act like we're all good
, but the reality is is thatwe're not, and addiction stunts
your growth.
It stunts your emotional growthbecause you're always trying to
(06:04):
cover up for everything.
So you can't grow, you can't.
Your emotional range is limitedbecause when you're always
trying to cover it up, how doyou grow it?
How do you flex that muscle?
The other thing that addictionpromises is a sense of safety,
and what it steals is thecourage to grow and face the
(06:27):
truth.
Again, when you drink or whenyou use, whatever it is, you
don't have to face reality.
You just live in your littlehappy world where you think
everything's great and peachyand you don't have to face
what's really going on until thenext day, until you've sobered
up, and it is not a sense ofsafety.
(06:50):
There is no safety in alcohol.
If anybody and I'm justfocusing on alcohol because
that's what I know, if anybodyhas ever grown up or been around
alcoholics it is sounpredictable there is
absolutely nothing safe about it.
They can't control theiremotions, they can't control
(07:12):
their mouth, they very rarelycan control their actions, and
so there is absolutely no safetyin addiction and alcohol.
And so the when you sober upand you lean into healing, that
gives you courage.
When you, when you grow, thatgives you courage.
When you, when you grow, itgives you courage, it gives you
(07:35):
resilience, it gives youconfidence and it allows you to
face the truth.
And when you're using, you'renot allowed to do that because
you're just again back tostunting your growth.
The other thing that alcoholismor addiction promises is
productivity, but what it reallysteals is clarity and
(07:56):
creativity.
You know, when you're alwaysunder an influence of whether
it's alcohol or drugs, whateverit is you're not.
You may think you're productive, but the reality is that you're
not.
Your productivity might be invery destructive ways, and so it
doesn't provide for clarity andcreativity, because it's not
(08:18):
really you so like.
For me, when I would drink, Iwould drink to literally in such
large quantities to blackout.
So I wasn't even a functionalalcoholic, I was just just
straight on.
You know, zero to 100.
(08:39):
I mean, I've lived my wholelife like that, I'm still like
that, and so it doesn't.
The addiction doesn't allow foryou to have a lot of clarity,
because you're you're not inyour right mind, and so that
then also hinders the creativity.
Addiction also promises Ideserve this or a reward.
(09:01):
And on this one I want to justfocus a little bit on the food
issue, because I've shared withy'all last week, I've shared
with you before.
I know that I have an addictivepersonality, I know that about
myself and so I have to be verycareful.
And on this one, this one, Iwant to talk a bit about food.
All right, because a lot ofpeople are addicted to food and
(09:25):
they don't know that they'readdicted to food.
And I would definitely say I'maddicted to food, and so you
know if I've had a bad day oryou know my stress level is
really high, I'll just go rightfor the sugar, and what that
steals from me is self-respectand confidence.
Because what happens in mybrain when I do that is I go
(09:48):
Tanya, you're so stupid, whycan't you control yourself?
Why do you have to eat thesugar?
Why would you do that?
That's going to make you fat.
You know what this is.
The dialogue and I'm just beingreal with you guys here this is
a dialogue that goes on my on inmy brain.
I'm not saying that it'shealthy, I'm not saying it's
right, but I guarantee youthere's a lot of people out
there that can relate to this.
(10:09):
And that's what goes through myhead is.
You know, I'm thinking oh, I dodeserve this.
Oh, I do, you know, can havethis sugar because I've been so
good or I've had such astressful day.
But then, immediately after Ieat it and it's usually not just
one, right, like you want, oh,I'm just gonna have this one
piece of chocolate, well, oneusually turns into two or three,
(10:30):
and that's again where thatcycle of negative talk goes.
You know, you begin to loseconfidence in yourself, you, you
beat up yourself.
And again, I'm not saying thatthat's right, because it's not.
And we're going to talk alittle bit later on how to take
some of those thoughts captive.
But just remember.
(10:50):
That's what addiction, thefacade of addiction is that
right there.
The other part of what addictionpromises is a distraction from
trauma, and then it steals thepower to process and move
forward Again.
Most as I've already said, mostpeople avoid pain and they use
(11:13):
the addiction to do so.
So for me, I used alcoholbecause of my birth father
leaving me the abandonment.
I used alcohol because of thetrauma that I suffered as a
child.
I used alcohol because I sawthat's what people in my sphere
(11:34):
did when things got hard, and soI just assumed that's what you
did and it was easy to justcontinue to drink instead of
facing the pain and facing whatwas going on with me.
I had a horrible sense of selfworth.
I still battle with that andand I I just didn't want to face
(11:55):
the pain because it was, it washard, it was, it was really
hard to face the pain and so, asa result, I couldn't move
forward because genuinely I saythis to you guys all the time
you can't heal what you're notwilling to face and I just can't
over as over emphasize thatpoint you're never going to work
(12:17):
through those insecurities orwhatever it is that causes you
to drink, if you or use orwhatever your addiction is, if
you don't face what is ailingyou.
And the other thing thataddiction promises but that it
steals is bonding with others.
So social drinking, for example, and it it steals authentic
(12:42):
relationships and vulnerability.
Again, from the alcoholicstandpoint, if you've spent any
time around a drunk, you knowthat they're actually really
truthful when they're drinking,but they have no idea what
they're saying, and so you knowthey could be angry, they could
(13:04):
be vulgar, they could bepromiscuous, they could be so
many things, so many things, andyou really lose authentic
relationship, because drinkingis not like I shared earlier.
It steals the real you, itsteals real authenticity, and so
(13:26):
it's hard to buildrelationships with people that
are always drinking, because youdon't ever know what's going to
happen, what are they going todo, what are they going to say,
and so the facade of addictionis is real, and I wanted to hit
on some of that today because Ithink it's important.
(13:46):
And so you know what, what dowe do with this, with the facade
, what it promises and what itsteals?
And so I want to ask you to do acouple things, and the first
one is take an inventory of whatyou've lost while you've been
numbing the pain.
What are some things that maybeyou've lost?
(14:08):
So what is addiction stolenfrom you?
And name small things likeemotional presence with your
kids, sleep, confidence,whatever it is I shared with you
.
For me it goes for the on thefood front, it goes back to, you
know, self image and confidenceand the negative talk that I
(14:32):
run through my head.
I have to work really hard atthat because it is a trap that I
fall into, and so I have to askmyself what am I no longer
willing to lose?
And it's again, it's acontinual thing where I have to
take those negative thoughtscaptive and plant the seeds for
(14:53):
change rooted in my value, notjust in the guilt of, oh, I
shouldn't have eaten that or oh,I shouldn't have done that.
And you know, you, we haven'teven dove into the fact that you
just can change addictions,right, like you still can change
addictions if you're notworking on.
You know the pain and thetrauma or whatever it is you're
(15:14):
going through, and so you justit's really learning to be self
aware.
So so take some time and writedown.
And again, you guys have heardme talk to you about journaling.
I'm very big on this.
What has addiction stolen fromme?
And write down some things andjust begin to look at it, and
then, over the next seven days,I want you to choose one thing
(15:38):
that you've lost and reclaim.
So we're going to call it thereclaim challenge, with real
faith on this issue.
So if one of the things thatyou've lost is peace, then I
want you to start your morningin silence, with no phone, no
noise, just you and God, and askGod to quiet the storm inside
(16:02):
of you before you face the world.
I'm usually pretty good in themorning.
I struggle with it at night iswhen my brain gets going really
crazy on the peace front.
So I have to just frequentlyask the Lord to calm the storm
inside and find scripture andmeditate on that, and so that's
(16:24):
one thing that I want you tofocus on.
If you've lost time, I want youto spend 30 minutes on something
internal like scripture, orserving or building what matters
.
So you know, ask God, what haveI been wasting time on?
That's stealing my purpose.
This is, I think, somethingthat we could all fall into the
(16:46):
trap into right.
It's so easy to just get on ourphones and scroll, scroll,
scroll and just numb our brain,not think about anything.
And you know, look at the cutepuppy dogs and the babies and
not think of anything.
I'm guilty of this, right Like.
I know that.
I know that God has called meto do this podcast, and so,
(17:10):
instead of, you know, spendingwhatever half an hour on
scrolling, why am I not spendinga half an hour on working on
more podcasts?
And it's something that I haveto work on?
So I want you to focus onspending 30 minutes and doing
something, like I said scripture, serving and building what
matters.
(17:30):
The next thing is have you lostconnection?
You know, call or meet withsomeone you trust and ask them
to pray for you, because youweren't meant to do this alone.
Iron sharpens iron.
I've had a lot of you reach outto me.
I'm so thankful that you trustme to share with me some of the
things that you're going through, but please, you know, let's
(17:52):
just say it's a family member.
You've lost connection with afamily member.
Take the time to connect withthem.
You all know my story.
I lost my mom very early in mylife, young, when I was 23.
And I have learned theimportance of relationships and
time, and so make sure that youare restoring connections that
(18:15):
need to be restored and do thatwork, because it is very hard If
you've lost clarity.
I want you to write out yourprayers, your fears, your
questions and then ask the Lordto help you with them.
James 1.5 says if any of youlacks wisdom, ask God and listen
(18:36):
to them.
My kids, when they read myjournals I've told them there
might be some they might notwant to read, but I ask why?
A lot, and I've shared this inother episodes.
But ask God, why?
Ask him?
I'm not going to say he alwaysanswers because he doesn't, but
if you're struggling with that,ask him, write down your fears.
What are you afraid of withthat?
(18:59):
Ask him, write down your fears.
What are you afraid of?
And then listen and see what hehas to say about that.
If you've lost control, fastfrom the thing that controls you
whether that's alcohol, sugar,social media for 24 hours and
pray and ask the Lord.
Lord, I surrender thisstronghold to you.
You know fasting is reallyimportant and it helps you.
Listen to the Lord.
I've definitely had my share ofsugar fasts.
(19:24):
I have not had the Lord tell meI have to do a coffee fast yet
If that happens, we might be introuble, but I would do it if he
did, and I'm not trying to makelight of it, but I'm just
saying look, try to go for 24hours and ask the Lord to take
the stronghold from you Ifyou've lost self-respect.
(19:45):
Do one thing today that alignswith who God says you are, not
who the addiction made you.
No, you are a child of God, nota slave to shame, and so that
is very important to lean intothat and do what God's called
you to do and who he says youare.
If you've lost purpose, servesomeone with no strings attached
(20:07):
.
You know there's a saying in AAwhen you start focusing on
yourself, you need to get out ofyourself and help others, and
that is extremely important.
Your calling in life getsclearer when your hands are open
.
That's Galatians 6.2.
And when you serve other people, you will see that you're not
(20:29):
as bad off as you think you are,that other people have it worse
off than you do, and it getsyour mind off of you and it
helps you give clarity.
You might find that, oh my gosh, I love serving you know women
in this ministry, or I loveserving the homeless, or
whatever it is.
It helps you get out ofyourself.
And then, if you've lost hope, Iwant you to read one story in
(20:51):
the Bible of someone who blew itand got restored.
Blew it and got restored andthose of you know that one of my
favorite characters is David.
David really blew it and hewrote a lot of Psalms about how
he blew it.
And so I want you to connectwith read a story, connect with
it and see that you're not alone.
(21:12):
I also and this isn't somebodywho blew it in the Bible, but it
is definitely somebody who Ican relate to and that's Job.
Job lost so much in his lifeand he was a man of faith.
But it helps when you readstories and you're like, oh wait
, he experienced these samethings too.
Proverbs, psalms those arereally good places to go to
(21:35):
realize that you're not alone.
And as we wrap up this month ofApril and addiction, I just want
to encourage you that you donot have to be bound by your
addiction, that you can be free.
It's not easy.
It is a one day at a time thingthat you can do, but don't let
(21:57):
the facade of addiction stealwhat God has in store for you,
and you know the lies that thataddiction tells you versus what
God tells you you are, and youhave to ask yourself okay, am I
better off when I'm drinking, oram I better off when I'm sober
and leaning into what God'scalled me to?
And I'm imagining that you'reprobably better off when you're
(22:20):
sober, or whatever it is thatthat you can abstain from that
has a has a strong hold on you.
So I just want you all to knowhow much I appreciate you.
I'd love for you to share withme anything that you got out of
this month of April on addictionand as we go into May, into the
spring, into the new year, Ithink you're going to be excited
(22:41):
about the episodes that we haveahead.
So go to our like and listen onour podcasts that are on all
platforms.
Go to tonyashellnutt.
com, leave us a message and Ihope you all have a great week.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com, or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
(23:15):
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
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