June 18, 2025 • 23 mins
In this week’s episode of Courageous Overcomers, we’re talking about the weight of secrets—and one of the heaviest is abortion. Not because it didn’t hurt, but because shame said, “Don’t tell.”
I didn’t walk that road myself, but I’ve sat with many who have. And what I’ve seen over and over again is this: silence isolates, but truth sets us free.
This episode is for the woman who made a decision out of fear—fear of rejection, fear of being a disappointment, fear of not being enough. The one who buried her story to protect others and ended up carrying the shame alone.
It’s time to bring the pain into the light—because grace can do what shame never will.
🎧 Listen now: “The Secret She Carried”
#CourageousOvercomers #TheSecretSheCarried #HealingFromShame #FaithAndHealing
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Link to 5 day workbook https://www.tonyashellnutt.com/2025-healing-cleanse
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tonya Shellnutt (00:09):
Welcome to Courageous Overcomer Stories of
Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain but
we don't stop there.
We also talk about courage andresilience and the hope of a
brighter tomorrow.
Every episode is filled withreal stories, practical tools
(00:32):
and faith-filled encouragementto help you rise above your
challenges and step into thelife God designed for you.
Because, let's be honest,everyone, so many of us hide
from our pain because it's justtoo hard to face.
I know what it feels like andthat's why this podcast exists.
I want this to be a place whereyou feel inspired to be real,
(00:54):
authentic about your struggles,because we cannot heal what
we're not willing to face.
So this week's episode istitled the Hidden Pain.
Some wounds never get talkedabout, and abortion is one of
them, and not because it didn'thurt, but because shame told
people to stay silent.
In this episode of CourageousOvercomers, I want to walk us
(01:17):
through the unspoken grief somany women carry after abortion.
This episode is for the womanwho made a decision in fear,
carried it alone and is finallyready to begin the journey
towards freedom, because I wanteveryone to know that healing is
possible and forgiveness isreal.
You're not alone.
Last week we have the privilegeof having a special guest,
(01:40):
catherine, who courageouslyshared with us about her
abortion experience, and if youhaven't listened to that, I want
to encourage you to go listento it.
And as I was preparing for theseupcoming episodes, I was asking
chat GBT questions aboutabortion.
Like you know, why do womenfeel pressured to have one,
(02:01):
among other things?
And I got mad at ChatGBTsurprising because I said this
to it.
I said I don't want to bringpolitics into this.
Why do you keep bringing or whydo you keep trying to do that?
And ChatGBT responded back tome and said you're absolutely
right.
I'm quote, this is in quotes.
(02:21):
You're absolutely right andthank you for calling it out
clearly.
You're not talking aboutpolitics.
You're talking about people,real women, real wounds, real
shame and real healing.
Your heart is to break throughsilence and cultural pressure
with compassion and truth to notargue sides.
I hear that now fully.
(02:42):
Well, that totally encapsulatesthe heart of this episode and
the episode from last week, andI'm so glad chat GBT finally
listened.
But it was irritating me becauseit kept bringing politics into
it and I just this is my heartand those of you that know this
about me my heart is for woundedwomen to be healed, and I know
(03:09):
so many post-abortive womenwho've struggled, and it makes
me sad that the culture lies towomen and makes them feel like
having a child is a burden andthey don't tell the whole story
about what it does.
And I know I've never had anabortion, and that's true, so I
can't completely relate to thepain that's associated with.
(03:29):
But what I can relate to iswounds that cause shame and I
would say you know much likeabortion, sexual abuse,
addictions those things causeshame, and so that's why I chose
to bring Catherine on last week.
That's why I want to talk aboutit this week.
I'll have another special guestnext week because my heart is
(03:54):
to bring reality to these hardconversations that people don't
want to talk about and they lieabout, and I think it's such an
injustice, and so that's whywe're talking about it, and I
want to kind of go through someof the decision making that
happens, the stages, if you will, in the abortion process, from
(04:19):
having it to where it all starts, and the first one is the
actual decision to have it.
And again, I I understand I'mcoming at this from someone who
hasn't had an abortion.
But I also have worked with alot of women who've had
abortions and so I do know theirheart and I also know wounds.
It doesn't matter what thewound is, it's all very similar.
(04:43):
And so you know most women don'tchoose abortion because they
don't care.
They choose it because fear.
The fear was louder than thetruth and you know they're
afraid of rejection or shame ordisappointing their family.
You've heard from Catherinelast week that was her issue and
you know there's so manyemotional pressures that women
(05:05):
face around image and being.
You know they talk about beinga career woman and if you have a
child you can't be a careerwoman, which, again I that's a
whole nother topic for anotherday.
But I guess my question wouldbe you know what were you most
afraid of in that moment?
And this is for whether you arepost-abortive or whether you
(05:32):
have some kind of trauma thatyou haven't worked through.
You know whose disappointmentfelt heavier than your pain, and
I want you to think about thatand then we move into.
You know, after the abortionhappens, the silence, what no
one talks about Again.
The silence, what no one talksabout Again.
The same is true if you'veheard any of my story, you know
we didn't talk about whathappened to me and there comes
(05:55):
emotional numbness and isolationthat follows.
And when we're talking aboutabortion, women don't want to
talk about it because theybelieve that if they don't talk
about it that it'll go away.
And so we've got to be able tospeak to the ache and the pain
beneath the silence.
You know what no one sees, noone talks about, and then the
(06:19):
guilt that eats away inside.
And you know what part of yourstory have you ever said out
loud and who would you be if youdidn't have to carry that
silence anymore?
I think this is so importantbreaking the silence and talking
about it.
You know so much of what wetalk about on this podcast is
(06:41):
the hard stuff, and you hear metime and time again say you
can't heal what you're notwilling to face and you can
ignore all day long yourtroubles, your problems,
whatever it is, but it nevergoes away.
And I want you to tell, proveme wrong, tell me right now of
(07:01):
an instance where you justignored it and it went away.
It's not there, it's not real.
And so we've got to be able tobreak that silence and you know,
the next part of all of this iswhat happens when the dam
breaks, because you can onlycarry what you were never meant
to hold for so long.
(07:22):
You were never meant to holdfor so long.
Back to my point.
There isn't anybody that I knowwho genuinely wants to be
better and heal, who can justignore the problem and pretend
like it's not there.
That trauma surfaces in so manydifferent ways, whether it's in
(07:44):
relationships, triggers,spiritual distance.
You know it comes up sidewaysanger, guilt, shame, so many
different areas.
And so you know, when you breakthe silence and you begin to
acknowledge the pain, silenceand you begin to acknowledge the
(08:09):
pain, you know breaking isn'tthe failure, it's the beginning
of healing and instead ofholding all of that inside, it's
important to be able to releaseit.
And my question is have you hitthat point yet where the
silence is louder than your ownvoice?
And that's that's reallyimportant.
So I just want to reiteratethat it's not weakness, but it's
(08:31):
the beginning of healing.
The next stage, and these arejust there's no, nobody put
these stages together but me.
I don't have any kind ofclinical background on this.
This is just me, you know,having lived through my own
trauma and what I see being partof the different various stages
(08:54):
.
And so the next one is the riskof telling the truth.
So, again, nobody wants toacknowledge what happened and or
talk about it.
Telling the truth doesn't breakyou.
It begins to rebuild you.
And acknowledging the fear ofbeing exposed, you know truth is
(09:16):
where freedom begins.
John 8, no, I don't rememberthe address, but it says the
truth will set you free.
And you know what would it feellike to tell God the truth.
I mean, he already knows and hestill loves you, and so
understand that holding it in orminimizing it doesn't help you
(09:41):
in any way, shape or form.
It actually just magnifies thesituation.
So being afraid or beingcourageous enough to tell the
truth is very important.
And then the next stage ismeeting grace in the mess.
You know, so many women expectjudgment because of what they
(10:02):
did, and so they don't want totalk about it, and so, you know,
let's make room for God's graceto show up.
You know, psalms 34, 18 talksabout God being near to the
brokenhearted.
Romans 8, 1 talks about therebeing no condemnation in Christ.
And you know, those of you thatare just tuning in, this is
(10:23):
very much a podcast based onfaith.
I have tried the world's way inevery way, shape or form, and
the only thing that has saved mybutt is Jesus Christ.
And so this podcast is veryfaith-based and because I
believe in it, I lived the world.
I wasn't brought up, churched.
(10:44):
I didn't go to church exceptfor on special occasions with my
aunt.
I had no idea what it evenmeant, and I can tell you, you
know now, being 30 years sober,having endured a lot of trauma,
that Jesus is the way, andthere's no condemnation in the
(11:04):
way that we live the decisionsthat we made once we're in
Christ.
And so can you imagine aversion of your story where
grace is greater than the shame,and what would that look like?
And then, finally, the laststage in all of this is
redeeming the story.
What you once hid in shame youcan now offer in freedom.
(11:26):
And I think it's important totalk about the shift from secret
to putting pain to the purpose.
This is a really big deal forme.
You know I started this podcastnot because I really wanted to,
by God, to do it, because,again, nobody talks about these
(11:53):
hard things.
People don't talk freely aboutsexual abuse.
You know, one in three womenhave been sexually abused.
One in four men have beensexually abused.
You know the human sextrafficking, the pornography,
the abortion, all of the things,the addictions that nobody
talks about.
I just felt like God was tellingme that, that I have to have
(12:15):
those hard conversations andbegin to talk about it, to give
people permission to live infreedom.
And so, you know, let God usewhat the enemy meant to silence
you for good.
You know what part of yourstory is ready to be reclaimed
and who might be waiting on yourvoice to find their own.
(12:35):
You know, catherine talked lastweek about how important it was
for her to share her story.
She didn't want to share herstory, but she just knew that
the Lord was calling her to doso.
And so God gives us our storiesfor a reason, and they're not
meant for us.
They're to help other people,and so I just want to encourage
(13:00):
you.
If you've gone through this andyou're struggling with the shame
and the guilt of an abortion, Ijust I want you to remember
that God redeems us and he usesus, and there isn't anything
about our story that he doesn'twant to use.
He wants to use all of it, andso I've created a five day heal
(13:26):
and cleanse workbook that youcan get on my website or send me
an email and I'll email it toyou.
And when looking at the topicof trauma, abortion, whatever it
is, this workbook can help you.
And so I just kind of in theaspect of abortion this week.
(13:46):
I just want to go through thefive days and give you a glimpse
of what it would look like andwhat are some of the prompts.
And so you know, day one isfacing what hurts because you
can't clean what you're notwilling to uncover or face.
And day one is all aboutrecognizing the wound, naming it
honestly, even when it's messy.
Recognizing the wound, namingit honestly, even when it's
(14:07):
messy.
I've talked about how you knowwhen we have a wound, we have a
scrape, a gouge in our knee,let's say, and you know we don't
tend to it and it just festersand festers and gets infected.
It ultimately ends up going tothe bloodstream and killing us.
And so the same is true for aphysical wound as an emotional
(14:28):
wound, you've got to recognizeit and begin to clean it.
And so you know, many womenweren't given permission to
grieve.
They were just told to move on.
Just, you just move on.
That's just a fetus, that's nota life, you just move on.
And they listened to the liesof that.
And abortion always comes withemotional conflict because it's
(14:51):
you know, relief if you will,but tangled with regret, and you
know it's it's not aboutcondemnation, it's about truth.
And so the thing I want you toreflect on is you know, what
part of your story have youavoided because it hurt too much
to face?
And again, this isn't just forabortion, post abortive women,
(15:12):
this is for, you know, anybody,because you can't heal what
you're still pretending didn'thappen.
And I, I literally cannotemphasize this point enough
Because, having grown up in ahome where you just shoved
everything on the under the rugand pretended like it didn't
happen, there's something sowrong about that because you
(15:34):
know, you know, you know, youknow that is something is wrong.
And so I just want to encourageyou to reflect on what part of
your story you've been avoidingand then move into day two,
which is cleaning the wound.
The five-day heal and cleansejournal or workbook uses some
different language, but I wantto use this language for this
(15:58):
particular podcast.
And once we name the wound,we've got to clean it.
So dealing with what'sunderneath, the shame, the
secrecy, the guilt.
You know, we know, that whenyou're cleaning that wound and
you're cleaning it out, you'reusing the you know, hydrogen
peroxide, whatever it is.
It stings but it's necessary.
So we've got to stop coveringthe pain with busyness or
(16:23):
perfectionism or silence oraddiction, religion, whatever it
is.
God already knows, and he's notasking you to be clean before
you come to him, he's asking youto come to him so he can clean
you.
You know another scriptureverse, and forgive me for not
knowing the address it talksabout.
(16:44):
You know, god doesn't call thehealthy, he calls the sick.
And so what have you used tocover the pain instead of
confronting it?
Because healing starts wherenumbing stops.
And then day three this is onethat is really hard for women.
Well, for everybody.
I'll be honest with you.
I think it's very hard foreverybody and it's forgive,
(17:07):
forgiveness and this is theforgiveness is and Catherine and
I talked about this last weekForgiveness is often the hardest
step for post abortive women,and you know, I was in a
physically abusive relationshipand I was.
It was hard for me too, becauseI'm like Tanya, what is wrong
(17:27):
with you?
Like why can't you leave thisguy.
You know what he's doing iswrong Like you're so insecure
that you think that you deservethis.
So forgiveness isn't justdifficult for both post abortive
women.
It's difficult for all people,and sometimes forgiving yourself
can feel impossible, and youknow, forgiving others can feel
unjust.
As I shared, many of you knowmy story, having been sexually
(17:52):
abused.
It's very hard to forgiveothers that have harmed you, and
sometimes the other part ofthis is we need to forgive God,
not because he did anythingwrong, but because we didn't
feel like he intervened, and Ican say I struggled with that
for a long time.
And so remember forgivenessdoesn't excuse the pain.
(18:16):
It releases its hold on you,and I've got some prompts in
that five-day cleanse that willhelp you with this.
But you might think stayingangry protects you and we've
talked about this at length,about building that wall.
But anger is what poisons you,and Jesus already carried the
weight of this decision on thecross and you don't have to
(18:39):
carry it anymore.
Catherine talks about thatagain today.
Last week she made some reallygreat points about that.
So who do you need to forgive?
Yourself, someone who pressuredyou, or God Again, romans 8, 1
says there is now nocondemnation.
For those who are in ChristJesus, forgiveness isn't a
(18:59):
moment, it's a practice.
It's a decision you keep makingand it's worth it, and that is
why you know this five-daycleanse workbook.
It gives you an opportunity toidentify various different
wounds you keep making and it'sworth it, and that is why you
know this five day cleanseworkbook.
It gives you an opportunity toidentify various different
wounds and to keep going back tothe forgiveness part of it.
So day four is about rebuildingwhat was lost.
You know, after the fate, afterthe pain is faced and the heart
(19:20):
is cleaned, you begin torebuild your.
An abortion can shatter one'sidentity and it can damage how
you see yourself.
So many women that I've workedwith talk about the pain from
the abortion and how they feelso flawed because of what they
(19:41):
did.
But this is about reclaimingthe truth.
You are still God's daughterand you are worthy of love.
And you say Well, tanya, whyare you getting choked up about
this?
It's because I've seen so manywomen be in bondage and never
(20:03):
experience freedom because theydon't think they deserve it.
And I'm here to tell you God isnot done with your story.
He wants to work through youand with you to heal you, so
that you can experience thefreedom, and it just it saddens
(20:23):
me and and because I've beenthere right and I know what's on
the other side, the freedomthat's there, and so I just, I
really want to encourage you toyou know, identify the parts of
yourself that you need toreclaim and really work on that.
And then the final step is dayfive, stepping into freedom, and
(20:44):
it's about walking in thehealing that you've already
begun.
Freedom doesn't mean forgetting.
It means you no longer livechained to the past, and your
story that was once marked byshame and guilt and secrecy can
now speak hope to somebody else.
You're no longer the woman whohides, you're the woman who
(21:07):
overcomes, and so I want you tothink about what does freedom
look like for you today?
What step can you take to livelike you're already forgiven?
What was once a secret can nowbecome your testimony, and that
is the purpose for CourageousOvercomers.
I want this to be a communitywhere people come together, feel
(21:30):
inspired and empowered to knowthat you're loved, you're seen
and you're being held, and so Ijust want you to dive deeper
into the Five-Day Heal andCleanse Workbook.
Take the time, face the pain.
Let God tend to what's beenburied.
So go to my website againwwwtonyashellnutt.
com.
(21:51):
You can give me your emailaddress or download it there on
the website.
You can follow me on Facebookor Instagram, and then I want
you to share this episode with afriend who needs to hear it.
This abortion doesn't justimpact women, it impacts men as
well, and so please share itwith somebody.
And also, if you feel led, Iwould just ask that you go and
(22:14):
give us a five star review,because when you do give us a
review, it helps us get hope outfaster and remember.
Together we are courageousovercomers.
Together we are courageousovercomers.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
(22:55):
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Tonya Shellnutt (23:04):
Thank you.
Welcome to Courageous Overcomer Stories of
Hope and Healing.
I'm your host, tonya Shellnutt.
Here we talk about the hardstuff trauma, fear and pain but
we don't stop there.
We also talk about courage andresilience and the hope of a
brighter tomorrow.
Every episode is filled withreal stories, practical tools
(00:32):
and faith-filled encouragementto help you rise above your
challenges and step into thelife God designed for you.
Because, let's be honest,everyone, so many of us hide
from our pain because it's justtoo hard to face.
I know what it feels like andthat's why this podcast exists.
I want this to be a place whereyou feel inspired to be real,
(00:54):
authentic about your struggles,because we cannot heal what
we're not willing to face.
So this week's episode istitled the Hidden Pain.
Some wounds never get talkedabout, and abortion is one of
them, and not because it didn'thurt, but because shame told
people to stay silent.
In this episode of CourageousOvercomers, I want to walk us
(01:17):
through the unspoken grief somany women carry after abortion.
This episode is for the womanwho made a decision in fear,
carried it alone and is finallyready to begin the journey
towards freedom, because I wanteveryone to know that healing is
possible and forgiveness isreal.
You're not alone.
Last week we have the privilegeof having a special guest,
(01:40):
catherine, who courageouslyshared with us about her
abortion experience, and if youhaven't listened to that, I want
to encourage you to go listento it.
And as I was preparing for theseupcoming episodes, I was asking
chat GBT questions aboutabortion.
Like you know, why do womenfeel pressured to have one,
(02:01):
among other things?
And I got mad at ChatGBTsurprising because I said this
to it.
I said I don't want to bringpolitics into this.
Why do you keep bringing or whydo you keep trying to do that?
And ChatGBT responded back tome and said you're absolutely
right.
I'm quote, this is in quotes.
(02:21):
You're absolutely right andthank you for calling it out
clearly.
You're not talking aboutpolitics.
You're talking about people,real women, real wounds, real
shame and real healing.
Your heart is to break throughsilence and cultural pressure
with compassion and truth to notargue sides.
I hear that now fully.
(02:42):
Well, that totally encapsulatesthe heart of this episode and
the episode from last week, andI'm so glad chat GBT finally
listened.
But it was irritating me becauseit kept bringing politics into
it and I just this is my heartand those of you that know this
about me my heart is for woundedwomen to be healed, and I know
(03:09):
so many post-abortive womenwho've struggled, and it makes
me sad that the culture lies towomen and makes them feel like
having a child is a burden andthey don't tell the whole story
about what it does.
And I know I've never had anabortion, and that's true, so I
can't completely relate to thepain that's associated with.
(03:29):
But what I can relate to iswounds that cause shame and I
would say you know much likeabortion, sexual abuse,
addictions those things causeshame, and so that's why I chose
to bring Catherine on last week.
That's why I want to talk aboutit this week.
I'll have another special guestnext week because my heart is
(03:54):
to bring reality to these hardconversations that people don't
want to talk about and they lieabout, and I think it's such an
injustice, and so that's whywe're talking about it, and I
want to kind of go through someof the decision making that
happens, the stages, if you will, in the abortion process, from
(04:19):
having it to where it all starts, and the first one is the
actual decision to have it.
And again, I I understand I'mcoming at this from someone who
hasn't had an abortion.
But I also have worked with alot of women who've had
abortions and so I do know theirheart and I also know wounds.
It doesn't matter what thewound is, it's all very similar.
(04:43):
And so you know most women don'tchoose abortion because they
don't care.
They choose it because fear.
The fear was louder than thetruth and you know they're
afraid of rejection or shame ordisappointing their family.
You've heard from Catherinelast week that was her issue and
you know there's so manyemotional pressures that women
(05:05):
face around image and being.
You know they talk about beinga career woman and if you have a
child you can't be a careerwoman, which, again I that's a
whole nother topic for anotherday.
But I guess my question wouldbe you know what were you most
afraid of in that moment?
And this is for whether you arepost-abortive or whether you
(05:32):
have some kind of trauma thatyou haven't worked through.
You know whose disappointmentfelt heavier than your pain, and
I want you to think about thatand then we move into.
You know, after the abortionhappens, the silence, what no
one talks about Again.
The silence, what no one talksabout Again.
The same is true if you'veheard any of my story, you know
we didn't talk about whathappened to me and there comes
(05:55):
emotional numbness and isolationthat follows.
And when we're talking aboutabortion, women don't want to
talk about it because theybelieve that if they don't talk
about it that it'll go away.
And so we've got to be able tospeak to the ache and the pain
beneath the silence.
You know what no one sees, noone talks about, and then the
(06:19):
guilt that eats away inside.
And you know what part of yourstory have you ever said out
loud and who would you be if youdidn't have to carry that
silence anymore?
I think this is so importantbreaking the silence and talking
about it.
You know so much of what wetalk about on this podcast is
(06:41):
the hard stuff, and you hear metime and time again say you
can't heal what you're notwilling to face and you can
ignore all day long yourtroubles, your problems,
whatever it is, but it nevergoes away.
And I want you to tell, proveme wrong, tell me right now of
(07:01):
an instance where you justignored it and it went away.
It's not there, it's not real.
And so we've got to be able tobreak that silence and you know,
the next part of all of this iswhat happens when the dam
breaks, because you can onlycarry what you were never meant
to hold for so long.
(07:22):
You were never meant to holdfor so long.
Back to my point.
There isn't anybody that I knowwho genuinely wants to be
better and heal, who can justignore the problem and pretend
like it's not there.
That trauma surfaces in so manydifferent ways, whether it's in
(07:44):
relationships, triggers,spiritual distance.
You know it comes up sidewaysanger, guilt, shame, so many
different areas.
And so you know, when you breakthe silence and you begin to
acknowledge the pain, silenceand you begin to acknowledge the
(08:09):
pain, you know breaking isn'tthe failure, it's the beginning
of healing and instead ofholding all of that inside, it's
important to be able to releaseit.
And my question is have you hitthat point yet where the
silence is louder than your ownvoice?
And that's that's reallyimportant.
So I just want to reiteratethat it's not weakness, but it's
(08:31):
the beginning of healing.
The next stage, and these arejust there's no, nobody put
these stages together but me.
I don't have any kind ofclinical background on this.
This is just me, you know,having lived through my own
trauma and what I see being partof the different various stages
(08:54):
.
And so the next one is the riskof telling the truth.
So, again, nobody wants toacknowledge what happened and or
talk about it.
Telling the truth doesn't breakyou.
It begins to rebuild you.
And acknowledging the fear ofbeing exposed, you know truth is
(09:16):
where freedom begins.
John 8, no, I don't rememberthe address, but it says the
truth will set you free.
And you know what would it feellike to tell God the truth.
I mean, he already knows and hestill loves you, and so
understand that holding it in orminimizing it doesn't help you
(09:41):
in any way, shape or form.
It actually just magnifies thesituation.
So being afraid or beingcourageous enough to tell the
truth is very important.
And then the next stage ismeeting grace in the mess.
You know, so many women expectjudgment because of what they
(10:02):
did, and so they don't want totalk about it, and so, you know,
let's make room for God's graceto show up.
You know, psalms 34, 18 talksabout God being near to the
brokenhearted.
Romans 8, 1 talks about therebeing no condemnation in Christ.
And you know, those of you thatare just tuning in, this is
(10:23):
very much a podcast based onfaith.
I have tried the world's way inevery way, shape or form, and
the only thing that has saved mybutt is Jesus Christ.
And so this podcast is veryfaith-based and because I
believe in it, I lived the world.
I wasn't brought up, churched.
(10:44):
I didn't go to church exceptfor on special occasions with my
aunt.
I had no idea what it evenmeant, and I can tell you, you
know now, being 30 years sober,having endured a lot of trauma,
that Jesus is the way, andthere's no condemnation in the
(11:04):
way that we live the decisionsthat we made once we're in
Christ.
And so can you imagine aversion of your story where
grace is greater than the shame,and what would that look like?
And then, finally, the laststage in all of this is
redeeming the story.
What you once hid in shame youcan now offer in freedom.
(11:26):
And I think it's important totalk about the shift from secret
to putting pain to the purpose.
This is a really big deal forme.
You know I started this podcastnot because I really wanted to,
by God, to do it, because,again, nobody talks about these
(11:53):
hard things.
People don't talk freely aboutsexual abuse.
You know, one in three womenhave been sexually abused.
One in four men have beensexually abused.
You know the human sextrafficking, the pornography,
the abortion, all of the things,the addictions that nobody
talks about.
I just felt like God was tellingme that, that I have to have
(12:15):
those hard conversations andbegin to talk about it, to give
people permission to live infreedom.
And so, you know, let God usewhat the enemy meant to silence
you for good.
You know what part of yourstory is ready to be reclaimed
and who might be waiting on yourvoice to find their own.
(12:35):
You know, catherine talked lastweek about how important it was
for her to share her story.
She didn't want to share herstory, but she just knew that
the Lord was calling her to doso.
And so God gives us our storiesfor a reason, and they're not
meant for us.
They're to help other people,and so I just want to encourage
(13:00):
you.
If you've gone through this andyou're struggling with the shame
and the guilt of an abortion, Ijust I want you to remember
that God redeems us and he usesus, and there isn't anything
about our story that he doesn'twant to use.
He wants to use all of it, andso I've created a five day heal
(13:26):
and cleanse workbook that youcan get on my website or send me
an email and I'll email it toyou.
And when looking at the topicof trauma, abortion, whatever it
is, this workbook can help you.
And so I just kind of in theaspect of abortion this week.
(13:46):
I just want to go through thefive days and give you a glimpse
of what it would look like andwhat are some of the prompts.
And so you know, day one isfacing what hurts because you
can't clean what you're notwilling to uncover or face.
And day one is all aboutrecognizing the wound, naming it
honestly, even when it's messy.
Recognizing the wound, namingit honestly, even when it's
(14:07):
messy.
I've talked about how you knowwhen we have a wound, we have a
scrape, a gouge in our knee,let's say, and you know we don't
tend to it and it just festersand festers and gets infected.
It ultimately ends up going tothe bloodstream and killing us.
And so the same is true for aphysical wound as an emotional
(14:28):
wound, you've got to recognizeit and begin to clean it.
And so you know, many womenweren't given permission to
grieve.
They were just told to move on.
Just, you just move on.
That's just a fetus, that's nota life, you just move on.
And they listened to the liesof that.
And abortion always comes withemotional conflict because it's
(14:51):
you know, relief if you will,but tangled with regret, and you
know it's it's not aboutcondemnation, it's about truth.
And so the thing I want you toreflect on is you know, what
part of your story have youavoided because it hurt too much
to face?
And again, this isn't just forabortion, post abortive women,
(15:12):
this is for, you know, anybody,because you can't heal what
you're still pretending didn'thappen.
And I, I literally cannotemphasize this point enough
Because, having grown up in ahome where you just shoved
everything on the under the rugand pretended like it didn't
happen, there's something sowrong about that because you
(15:34):
know, you know, you know, youknow that is something is wrong.
And so I just want to encourageyou to reflect on what part of
your story you've been avoidingand then move into day two,
which is cleaning the wound.
The five-day heal and cleansejournal or workbook uses some
different language, but I wantto use this language for this
(15:58):
particular podcast.
And once we name the wound,we've got to clean it.
So dealing with what'sunderneath, the shame, the
secrecy, the guilt.
You know, we know, that whenyou're cleaning that wound and
you're cleaning it out, you'reusing the you know, hydrogen
peroxide, whatever it is.
It stings but it's necessary.
So we've got to stop coveringthe pain with busyness or
(16:23):
perfectionism or silence oraddiction, religion, whatever it
is.
God already knows, and he's notasking you to be clean before
you come to him, he's asking youto come to him so he can clean
you.
You know another scriptureverse, and forgive me for not
knowing the address it talksabout.
(16:44):
You know, god doesn't call thehealthy, he calls the sick.
And so what have you used tocover the pain instead of
confronting it?
Because healing starts wherenumbing stops.
And then day three this is onethat is really hard for women.
Well, for everybody.
I'll be honest with you.
I think it's very hard foreverybody and it's forgive,
(17:07):
forgiveness and this is theforgiveness is and Catherine and
I talked about this last weekForgiveness is often the hardest
step for post abortive women,and you know, I was in a
physically abusive relationshipand I was.
It was hard for me too, becauseI'm like Tanya, what is wrong
(17:27):
with you?
Like why can't you leave thisguy.
You know what he's doing iswrong Like you're so insecure
that you think that you deservethis.
So forgiveness isn't justdifficult for both post abortive
women.
It's difficult for all people,and sometimes forgiving yourself
can feel impossible, and youknow, forgiving others can feel
unjust.
As I shared, many of you knowmy story, having been sexually
(17:52):
abused.
It's very hard to forgiveothers that have harmed you, and
sometimes the other part ofthis is we need to forgive God,
not because he did anythingwrong, but because we didn't
feel like he intervened, and Ican say I struggled with that
for a long time.
And so remember forgivenessdoesn't excuse the pain.
(18:16):
It releases its hold on you,and I've got some prompts in
that five-day cleanse that willhelp you with this.
But you might think stayingangry protects you and we've
talked about this at length,about building that wall.
But anger is what poisons you,and Jesus already carried the
weight of this decision on thecross and you don't have to
(18:39):
carry it anymore.
Catherine talks about thatagain today.
Last week she made some reallygreat points about that.
So who do you need to forgive?
Yourself, someone who pressuredyou, or God Again, romans 8, 1
says there is now nocondemnation.
For those who are in ChristJesus, forgiveness isn't a
(18:59):
moment, it's a practice.
It's a decision you keep makingand it's worth it, and that is
why you know this five-daycleanse workbook.
It gives you an opportunity toidentify various different
wounds you keep making and it'sworth it, and that is why you
know this five day cleanseworkbook.
It gives you an opportunity toidentify various different
wounds and to keep going back tothe forgiveness part of it.
So day four is about rebuildingwhat was lost.
You know, after the fate, afterthe pain is faced and the heart
(19:20):
is cleaned, you begin torebuild your.
An abortion can shatter one'sidentity and it can damage how
you see yourself.
So many women that I've workedwith talk about the pain from
the abortion and how they feelso flawed because of what they
(19:41):
did.
But this is about reclaimingthe truth.
You are still God's daughterand you are worthy of love.
And you say Well, tanya, whyare you getting choked up about
this?
It's because I've seen so manywomen be in bondage and never
(20:03):
experience freedom because theydon't think they deserve it.
And I'm here to tell you God isnot done with your story.
He wants to work through youand with you to heal you, so
that you can experience thefreedom, and it just it saddens
(20:23):
me and and because I've beenthere right and I know what's on
the other side, the freedomthat's there, and so I just, I
really want to encourage you toyou know, identify the parts of
yourself that you need toreclaim and really work on that.
And then the final step is dayfive, stepping into freedom, and
(20:44):
it's about walking in thehealing that you've already
begun.
Freedom doesn't mean forgetting.
It means you no longer livechained to the past, and your
story that was once marked byshame and guilt and secrecy can
now speak hope to somebody else.
You're no longer the woman whohides, you're the woman who
(21:07):
overcomes, and so I want you tothink about what does freedom
look like for you today?
What step can you take to livelike you're already forgiven?
What was once a secret can nowbecome your testimony, and that
is the purpose for CourageousOvercomers.
I want this to be a communitywhere people come together, feel
(21:30):
inspired and empowered to knowthat you're loved, you're seen
and you're being held, and so Ijust want you to dive deeper
into the Five-Day Heal andCleanse Workbook.
Take the time, face the pain.
Let God tend to what's beenburied.
So go to my website againwwwtonyashellnutt.
com.
(21:51):
You can give me your emailaddress or download it there on
the website.
You can follow me on Facebookor Instagram, and then I want
you to share this episode with afriend who needs to hear it.
This abortion doesn't justimpact women, it impacts men as
well, and so please share itwith somebody.
And also, if you feel led, Iwould just ask that you go and
(22:14):
give us a five star review,because when you do give us a
review, it helps us get hope outfaster and remember.
Together we are courageousovercomers.
Together we are courageousovercomers.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Thank you for joining us here on Courageous
Overcomers with Tonya Shellnutt.
Please remember to follow, likeand share this podcast.
To find out more about Tonya,go to her website at
tonyashellnutt.
com or to ask a question aboutanything you've heard on today's
show.
Leave us a five-star review andyour message or email at tonya
(22:55):
at tonyashellnutt.
com.
Remember that'sS-H-E-L-L-N-U-T-T.
This podcast is produced by BobSlone Audio Productions.
Tonya Shellnutt (23:04):
Thank you.
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