Cunning Buffoons S1 Bonus Episode- Meet the asylum's patients

www.cunningbuffoons.com

Bonus Episode featuring a guest hostess. Introducing another buffoon

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I forgot sorry. Hi, welcome to a special bonus episode of cutting

(00:08):
buffoons podcast. I'm Tess. I'm Andrew. I'm Mike. Today we
brought Tessie and to talk about women's rights and why they
don't need them. They do need them. Yeah, like I was trying to
explain the come on like, is that the rights that they need?
How does they have the right to stay? I would not I would not
watch a podcast with women. Neither would I boo. Good

(00:33):
gracious. I'm really channeling Dylan energy right now. Yeah.
Okay. You're talking you become you are the test Cunningham. I
am the test Cunningham. If you ask two people have four hits.
Well, no, and about about 500 probably fifth or sixth

(00:54):
figures. Yeah, because you've told them that I'm the test
Cunningham. Yeah. Other than that, no one else. Well, other
than annoying men who really don't need rights. There are
some men that probably don't need any rights. I also a minute
for age. They needed some rights taken away. Did they need their

(01:18):
rights taken away or did you need to like not be called
alone with them? No, they're just like annoying. Like you
just need to have the right to freedom of speech. Like, that's
just a right you don't need because like everything coming
out is just not there. Put your mic close. I feel like this is
close enough. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. What do you want to

(01:38):
talk to the mic? You want to talk to it but like a
microphone? Yes. No, not do not.
I'm talking about my in my heart. You're too close. You're
too close. That's too close.
What is your deal? Did you get it in my gummies? Yeah. No, I'm
on like a ton of steroids, dude. Yes. You make that go away.

(02:04):
The side angle, he needs the side. I know I'm trying to get
her, you know, I'm trying to get him some ladies. Gotta get that
ladies love a good face card. Oh, he looks like Kermit the Frog. Oh, that is not attractive.
Kermit the Frog is so much better looking than you are. And I'm sure there are some
girls with a Kermit fetish. Wow. That's gotta be a thing. That is one heck of a big sis

(02:26):
right there. Kermit the Frog is so much better looking than you are. Yeah, that's gonna turn
into a YouTube short. Kermit the Frog. It's me. I know. Why are you so mean though? I'm just
kidding. I think my little brother is great. I think all my siblings are great. I disagree.
I would jump in front of a moving truck. Shut up. Don't talk about my brother like that. How fast

(02:47):
is the truck moving? I'm so ugly. I was gonna say train, but I think the max I could take from a car
would be, I think I could withstand like 40 miles per hour. I mean, you're about the size of that
girl that we got hit while I was going to middle school. And she got clocked at like 65. Yeah. You

(03:10):
know that one question that they ask men what kind of wild animal they think they could take on
in a fight? Why in the heck would you, who asked that question? It's like to see how tough they
think they are. Or if you look it up, there are some men who are like, yeah, I could take a gorilla

(03:31):
in a fight. And it's like, no, that's what I feel like I was handling with the high-content 40 miles
per hour. Like what wild animal could you take? I could tie up with any wild animal, but I could
get my ass handed to me by a bunch of them also. But it's like, no, no, no fight, no weapons,
nothing. No, you're going in it. You're a monomymon. Nothing. Do I get like a log or something? No. It's

(03:55):
like there was a Marine that beat a bear to death with a firewood. You could probably use like the stuff
that was in your surroundings, but it's like, what wild animal do you think pound for pound,
strength for strength? Like you're going band for band. What wild animal could you take on? A panda.
Had lazy back. We just lay there and take it. He'd be all like, I don't know what to do.
And then I'd eat that son of a gun. I can take a newborn kitten. You know, the ones who haven't

(04:19):
like opened their eyes. I could, I could tie one of those. Yeah. Yeah. You could sacrifice.
Give me a shovel. I got them. That makes sense. Yeah. But like, why? Like I've known some bad dudes,
but like what's the biggest animal someone said I could take on? I feel like there's gotta be some

(04:39):
record, like an elephant on. I feel like there was some men who were actually like genuinely serious.
They were like, I think I could take a gorilla. Now there was a dude in Kazakhstan that woke up
with a bear in his apartment and like it startled him. So he choked the bastard. Well like, yeah,
but those are like, those are like animals. It's like, oh, you're more, they're more scared of you
than you are of them. If you're loud, like a coyote that thinks they could take a gorilla without some

(05:02):
sort of weaponry. Wow. That's really the ASMR. Yeah. That's the, that's the, that's for Mike. Not you.
You're green. Just cut yourself all the way down.
So much more quiet. No, we're not mean to her.
Let her do her ASMR. She's trying to launch a career. Do you know how much ASMR creators make?

(05:28):
I could make some heck out of some ASMR. Especially if you're making some of the weird people ASMR.
No, I'm going to make like your day as a mechanic is going bad and all you hear is a bunch of banging
and cussing. Like ASMR bloopers. There are people who will like make ASMR videos and in the middle
they'll just like hit some pants or something. Yeah. Like I'm not mean to her. She stayed with

(05:49):
me. Like we will be married for 22 years come Valentine's day. Yeah. That doesn't mean you're
not mean to her. That just means she's, she's, yeah, she's just taking it. It's like me. Like
my ex-boyfriends, they, they never said I wasn't mean to them. They just put up with it. Like I
was mean. No, no, but your mama's a sweetheart. Yeah. So why are you mean to my poor precious mother?

(06:15):
Okay. Listen, don't make me so rude. Why is she over giggling? She's hilarious.
We're going to have a roast mama session. We don't have those. That's not allowed. There's only roast
daddy. Only roast dad session. Yeah. And for anybody listening, like if you're a father,
what you should always keep in mind is no, no, you should not keep in mind that you suck.

(06:40):
Yeah. But what you should do at least once a month is sit in the living room and let all your wife,
or not all your wives. I mean, if you got all your wives, yeah. If you have more than one channel,
that Mormon energy, bring them all, but like all your children sit down and then like legitimately
let them just sit there and tell you everything you've been screwing up their entire lives.
Yeah. And then take none of the advice and keep doing the same thing. Yeah. What the goal is to

(07:06):
get really butthurt to you have to be like, so I guess I'm just the problem now. When your whole
family looks at you and they're like, you got to change something or you got to go. It's like, oh,
we never said you have to go. We just said, Hey, you got to change something, man. Well, we didn't
say, man, have I changed? Yeah, I'd say so a little bit. I think I think you've changed a lot.

(07:27):
So you haven't changed like that, but you've changed a lot. Like, especially from when like
Oh, well, I mean, yeah. Yeah. Especially when I was like a little, little kid, like I've been
mentally unstable most of my life. No offense to you, but you were kind of an absent father.
And I was like, really? I worked. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. 16 hours a day, seven days a

(07:51):
week. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I don't remember you much. The first year of your life,
I was off two days. Yeah. You were being, I remember one time I woke up and it was my birthday.
And I was like, you know, just talking alone. I was, it was probably like six or seventh birthday.
Like, I just barely remember it, but I remember being like, kind of just feeling like it was a

(08:15):
normal day. And then I went and I like looked outside and I was like, mom, why is dad's truck
still here? And she was like, Oh, Tess, he took the day off. And like, he's going to spend your
birthday with you. And you were in your room sleeping and I got to like go in there and like
wake you up and you were like, Hey, happy birthday. And I remember like that being like a crazy,
like good birthday memory for me. So, so like that should tell you how little you were there.

(08:38):
She's going to be crying. Okay. Like I could never think of a time dad taking off for my birthday.
Like dad, well, the, uh, dad used to take off and we would go to check each cheese for your birthday.
And you've got to keep it not take off. I'm sorry. I need my cough drops or else it'll just be

(09:00):
four minutes. We just went on a Saturday. I don't care if we, I'm going to spend the money
and just order another good micro two next week too.
Cause that's going to make me go crazy. Well, if test could sit still Dylan does fine. He doesn't
move. Last time a child sits still, she come out moving. She beat that. I probably should have
taken my adderall before we did this. That's probably what it is. And Tess would be going

(09:22):
like in her belly. I've been moving since I was one of my favorite stories of Tessie. Okay. Are
you ready? Yeah. Is when you were a little squirt and right after you watched Allie be born.
Oh, and we would be running around in like Walmart or whatever. And anytime she's seen
somebody that would compliment on her little sister and Tessie would be like, yeah, she come

(09:44):
out mama's booty. And it's like, you know, to a, to a three year old or a four year old channeling
that energy ever since she was born. Oh, now see, she won't come on the pot. She's like,
my two youngest daughters are like, we're not going to come on the pocket. And I'm like,
my two youngest daughters are like, we're not going to come on the podcast unless you get famous.

(10:06):
And it was like, well, daddy's not going to get famous cause no one wants to listen. So
guess you're not going to be podcast. I'm going to be on the podcast. Yeah. And then Malik has
over like, watch this. I want to text Dylan telling him he's got to get here. He actually
did say that I did say that in the house earlier. And so what your podcast with a woman. Yeah. I
mean, anybody, anybody watching this podcast with a woman in it? Like if you look like Eddie Monson,

(10:29):
have a heart of gold and like skin thick as tank. You don't have to have a heart of gold,
but you do have to have skin thick as tank. You do have to look like Eddie Monson. Yeah. If you've
got like all those vibes going like drop me a like, you don't exist, but you just like,
you are Eddie Monson. You don't need this. If you're Eddie Monson, hit me up. So you want to

(10:50):
like cross the mansion. You're going to fall on Deadpool. Yeah. If you are that dead 18,
I think he's like 20 or something. 20 year old man. What? Why is there a giant hole in the wall?
I was seeing if that wire was in conduit or not. I thought you were going to say you kicked it. So

(11:11):
yes, I cut a hole in the wall. That's the only way to get into it with his own. What was your goal?
Like to get down there and find out where the wire was coming through. What? No, I did not try to
make a cat with the whole. OK, what they're fussing about it. I cut a hole in my shop wall so that I

(11:32):
could feel the wire that is for my Internet. So then I'm trying to get faster Internet in the shop.
If it's in conduit or if it was run underground and it's run underground. So I'm going to have
to do it with a wireless bridge. So now we just have a hole in the wall. I will cover it up with
something that got me with some foam like we did over there. What is it? Show the back now. You got

(11:53):
you got queued up right now. All right, for people watching when you have a shop and you have kids
and you're a very my name is up there absent on the shop wall, I guess. But no, I'm not an absent
father. I'm not saying you are. I'm saying you were. But I just feel like like see all the graffiti

(12:15):
on my shop door. That's because they were spray painting things for me and I left for five minutes
and I come back and we spray painted it like for a long time. We had to cover up quite a bit of it
because I don't like one of you tried to draw something and it just looked like a big penis.
It was Malachi. I tried to draw myself. I like to do a self-portrait. It looked like a big dick.
It's like, oh, good job. So I'm the only one. And there's a little smiley face that knows

(12:37):
that's nose also kind of looks like a dick. But you didn't cover that one up. I covered those up.
Oh, my name is up there. Well, T.E.S. is. Yeah, I need to get the sprayer out like respray at all.
No, it's personality. When I become famous one day, you can sell that. That's what I'm saying.

(12:59):
That's why I like every time I finish a drink, I hand it to like one of my friends. I had someone
do that to me at a look. Keep that when I'm famous, you can sell it. I do that with my old underwear.
And he handed me like crushed up water bottle and I was like, I'm going to throw this at you.
And he said, no, keep it forever. And I said, I won't do that. I'm going to throw it away

(13:21):
immediately. And he said, no, remember me by it. And I said, no. And I threw it away.
You know, I remember everybody. I'm driving down the road one time with my buddy, Steve.
I. Yeah, by that water bottle. But anyways, driving down the road with my buddy, Steve,
I don't remember him because of the water bottle, though. I remember him because of a different
interaction we had that we had before the water bottle. And he's he looks over and he sees a

(13:45):
woman in a T-shirt of the company we worked for. And he was like, oh, she must work with us.
But I don't I don't recognize her face. Like, I don't know who she is. And I'm like, that's
because you forget ugly real quick. That's so mean. I actually think you remember ugly,
like blobfish that is permanently implanted in my brain. There's the mediocre ugly.

(14:08):
And then there's me and then yeah, then there's us and there's this is over here. I said to me,
well, I want to be included. No. Like if you see a car that's not appealing to you and it's kind of
ugly, you don't say nothing. But if you see a car that's not appealing to you and it's kind of ugly,
you don't say nothing. But if you see the ugliest him after you've ever seen in your life.

(14:29):
I don't say much about cars, actually. I say a lot when I see a yellow car. No, when you see a guy
who like in this car and it's like the only time I have a small penis because he's because that
truck is huge rock is like lifted, well, bench lift kit. And then he's got rose five, six, max.

(14:51):
He has to pull out a step stool to get into the truck. Five, six, max. Yes. That's so tall.
Five, six is so tall. I'm five, five. And you call me short regularly. You're a midget. I did not
say six, six. Yeah, that's what I heard. So what's the average height for a woman? Five, four. Five,
four. Oh yeah. But you're still the midget of our family. No, Kier is younger than you. It doesn't

(15:16):
matter. So is he. So is Ali. They're both like six, two. I'm six foot. He's six foot even, dad.
Oh, he's six foot. No, he's six foot. I'm six, three. I mean, mama's like that guy who's like
Amazonian goddess over there. So dad's like that guy who's like, well, you can't technically be

(15:38):
five, 11. So you might as well be six foot. Yeah. But if you think about it, you can't be six foot.
So you might as well be six, seven. You might as well be six, three. I mean, like. What the heck?
And if technically if I'm wearing shoes, then I'm already six, five. So like go ahead and just
round that puppy up to six, five. So yeah, but like guys, which is me, I wear short pale women.

(15:59):
Why do all women want to be tall? I want to be tall because all my family is tall. Yeah, but like
most men are short. Yeah. And if I'm taller than you, I can make you feel inferior to me. No. Yeah,
but that's not the purpose. All the guys, the purpose of having a man to us is this is why I
said, you know, scan thickest tank armor. The purpose of having a man is not to make him feel

(16:19):
inferior and belittle him, is to make him your king and make him like, no, build him up. No,
no, I think it's like, no, I've noticed I go to places and I'm like.
Why are you so sure? I'm not eating your phone. It's because people are so short because you're
six. People are short and that's what you have a tight for a man. Five, nine was the last time we

(16:43):
checked. Five, nine. Yeah. Angel. Whenever men are like, I'm tall. I'm like five, nine. I'll be like,
bro, my sister is five, nine. Yeah. Well, ain't angels. Another Amazonian goddess. I just literally
make fun of everybody who's shorter than me. See, like your mama Malachi sends me reels and he'll
be like, imagine, you know, you realize I sent that to all my siblings and I also sent the one

(17:07):
that's like, send this to people who have no chance of getting taller to you. I can send that to like
all my friends because they're all like five, two and a half. Yeah, but that's the average.
Like most people are short. That sounds like a skill. Yeah. When I was younger, like the only
family that ever guessed my age correctly by my height and size was a immigrant family from Germany

(17:32):
that I was hanging out with. And you know, I think it was, yeah, I was over at my mom's
because my mom was like, yes, how old he is. Cause you know, my mom always. Yeah. And they're like,
eh, 13. And she's like, what? I'm like, yeah, that's the average size. Like insult him, insult him,
call him an orphan, but they're all in orbit. Oh my goodness. You want to tell the little orphan
how ugly he is. I think we've told that story. It's like, just, just be mean to him. I hate him.

(18:01):
Good Lord. You're not the only one, mama. No, she's not mean to me, most of them. She's pretty
chill. But yeah. I think the reason dad doesn't like mama is because he's so much like her.
He is a lot like her. Not like mama. He just doesn't like how much she talks.

(18:21):
Yeah. She does talk a lot. If you put two yappers in a room together, they're not going to like each
other because they can't get a word in edgewise. Like me, if I'm comfortable with you, I'm a yapper.
If I'm not comfortable with you, I'm going to be quiet. So like a lot of people think I'm here.
Yeah. But see when we yap back and forth, me and you were having conversations that are together.

(18:45):
Yeah. But when you're with someone who just yaps and you're in the middle of answering the question
they have asked you and they just start talking about something else. That's what we're saying.
Mama is that to you. She's like your kryptonite, like her form of conversation. Having you can't
keep up with it. No, it's because it's not a form of conversation. It is. It is. I've met people

(19:05):
that are like mama. They like have conversations like that. It's called severe ADHD. Your mama has
ADHD. No, like mama has ADHD. Mama has ADD. Yeah, true. She's not a hyper. She doesn't have that
that H. She's got some laser focus though. It's hilarious. I don't even know what ADD, HAB,

(19:27):
whatever. It's all retarded. If you get told you have it, you're going to act like you have it
and you're going to start shifting to what the doctors say. But here's the thing. Most people act
like they have it before they get it. They have to act like they have it to get it. It's retarded.
Okay, when I talk to the social psychologist and the psychoanalyst for the military people,

(19:50):
when I was hanging out with that person in Florida, like her explaining some of my psychosis
and stuff and like telling me like, Hey, look this up and look up ways to teach yourself to combat
that nature. Like knowing that there's reasons and logic behind my actions allowed me to like

(20:11):
start changing them. Yeah. So like if you don't know, like your mama's changed so much and
improved so much, but like that's because she finally got to the point where she was ready to
say, Hey, I do have a problem that does not make me terrible. There's nothing wrong with me, but
it's okay to admit that I have things I need to work on. Well, like, yeah, but that's hard.

(20:35):
Like I was like 12, 13 years old at like 14, 15. Well, how old was I when I started taking my
anxiety medication? 15, 16. Yeah, probably 15, 16. Well, what? Oh, thank you, Malachi. You're a
lifesaver. My nose piercing was about the one super bad. I don't think anybody can see your nose

(20:55):
piercing. Probably not. I have a really cool nose piercing. Anyways, like before that, I lived in
like a constant state of anxiety. Like I still live in a constant state of anxiety, but it's like,
but it's more controllable. But like, for real, like anything and everything, like I was anxious
about it. It didn't like, it could be, I could feel that like my right toe was itchy and like,

(21:18):
I'd be like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to die. Like, you know,
I'm about to get canceled. Anxiety is fake. Get over it. You're a wimp. Stop being a baby. It's
being a baby. It's retarded. Stop being anxious. It's literally, you can be, there's things to be
anxious about, but when you're so anxious, it controls you. Just shut your brain off. Your

(21:40):
anxiety comes mostly from your hyperactive brain though. The thing is like, it's not necessarily
like, it's a physiological response to your brain overrunning. Like I know it's stupid. I know that
what I'm worrying about probably shouldn't be worried about, but I'm going to worry. Like,
I can't stop it. Yeah. You focus on it. I recognize that it's stupid. See, I did it with,

(22:01):
it's just like, it's happened. I did that with anger for years. Yeah. Like that's how, like I
used anger to fuel everything. Like I would use anger to dump adrenaline, which pushed myself
through my pain, but also allowed me to shut off all my emotions. I used fear to dump adrenaline.
I'll be like, man, this looks really scary. And then I'll just do it anyway. I do. None of that.
Yeah. Cause you're a wimp. You're a baby. You know what? Be happy. You got blessed with not

(22:28):
being a sociopath. I don't even know. We don't know that I'm a sociopath. Let's not throw those
allegations. Okay. See, but it's weird. I have called you plot murders your entire life. I have
not been plotting. I used to come in there and you'd be hanging your Barbie dolls. Okay. We all did
that. Yeah. But my children didn't play Barbie dolls. You didn't go in there and they're like
playing store and doing this. You'd go in there and they'd be setting up a gallows and they're

(22:50):
having one of them on trial. If throwing them off the age, what we would do is we would tie them to
the ceiling and turn the ceiling fan on and just watch whoever lost. No, I come in there one time
and you guys literally had a little news tide and you had one of them standing on the edge and a
bunch of them standing around as y'all are going, okay. And it's like, what if we, sometimes we

(23:15):
wouldn't even get string. We would just put our stuffed animals on top of the fan and we would
turn the fan on and whoever lasts the longest. That was the winter. Needless to say all the
silly bands in my house are like the walk home selling fans. And also it was probably our fault
too. Cause when they were little, like we got, when the fifth kid was born, we took like we got,

(23:36):
what is our master bedroom? Like 20 by 20, like our master bedroom is frigging huge. And so like
we took and set up bunk beds. And so you got five kids and we put them in the big 20 by 20 room,
which gave them plenty of room to sleep and play. But it also gave them a lot of time together. And
they were all homeschooled. So like they're there a lot. We spent all the time together.

(23:57):
Yeah. They spent a lot of time together. And like when you have that cohe it's kind of like the
tower of Babel, you know, God looked down and he's like, if these people all speak one language and
are together, there's nothing they can't accomplish. So like if you got a bunch of kids that are really
close and they spent a lot of time together and you leave them unsupervised for 30 seconds,
they're going to jump out the window and try to run away. Well, yeah, well, no, because when we

(24:21):
were in the big room, I only snuck out of the window whenever our aunts locked us and that was
it man. So no, that was at our house. When we were in the big room, I still slept in like up
working like I was still in like a toddler bed. It was a toddler bed. I do like one thing I remember
is I throw up all over my bed and you work night shift and you came and got me and then you just

(24:45):
put me on the couch and you said, look at the couch because you can't watch the show I'm watching and
go back to sleep. Why? He was watching Cucarama. But I cleaned him up. I changed him. I cleaned his
bed up. I don't know if you clean my bed. I don't remember all that. But but like we only snuck out

(25:05):
whenever because Tess and Angel could watch shows we couldn't. So they just made us nap all day.
No, mom was there. Mom was an at home parent whenever that was happening. And what she would
do is she would here's Angel was really the mastermind behind this. I'm pretty sure she
would have we're discovering that Angel is actually an evil genius. I love her so much. She was
totally plotting some stuff. She would mom would have the three little take naps because they were

(25:30):
still like little kids. So they would have to take a nap. And then me and Angel would get to stay up
because I've never slept. Mom knew that was not happening. She was like this kid is not taking a
nap. She just doesn't do that. So I would get to watch an episode of like my show that the little
kids couldn't watch. And then I would have to go clean while Angel watched her show that I could

(25:53):
watch the show. They would just have me clean. Angel would be like go do the dishes test. And
then I just have to do it because everybody was saying I do not even literally Angel. That's why
I always called her my warden is because the child has always been a natural like yeah but like
organizer and leader. Me and Angel didn't have that type of relationship like we don't have that

(26:15):
type of relationship. Like I was the only one that could challenge her but also still be scared of
her. Tess was the only one that didn't get waking up at eight to clean because Tess got to sleep
because Angel didn't want to deal with it. The only difference between you and Angel is Angel
like if I said you know like when you guys would come up and say anyone listen to me I'm like well

(26:35):
have you hit them? You know Angel would be like yes and I'd be like okay let me go hit them again.
If I would hit Kiri she would whine to mom and then I would get in trouble. That's also like I
think that the relationship is different like me and Allie versus me and Malachi. Me and Angel
versus Angel. Okay but it doesn't matter because Kiri is the only one under them. Yes exactly so

(26:56):
like that directly younger sibling it's just different. But she still has to listen to me
because I'm the only one home. You don't understand what's coming because you're the only guy.
But I'm the only one home. Yeah you're going to wind up being the patriarch of the whole family.
You'll have to take care of all your sisters, your mama, everybody. You won't have to take care of us.
Yes you will. They have no clue how much they will require your services, your mental and emotional

(27:18):
support, your help. Get married? Here's the thing though. It doesn't matter. My brother is amazing
yes and I will like if I ever need his help will I ask for it. However I think there's a lot of
stuff that I can do without his help. One because you think Malachi is actually going to help us?
No I'll tell you right now. I've said it a hundred times before you girls have no clue like he's

(27:42):
mean to you and he acts nonchalant but you have no clue the love a brother has for his sisters.
Like he will make sure you don't know. I can actually read something right now. But like also.
I'm talking now. To you too. Nope I'm talking now. Rude.

(28:05):
We're waiting. Oh my gosh this is like.
This is like a note from a doctor. Today I operated on a little girl. She needed o blood.
We didn't have any but her twin brother has o blood. I explained to him that I was.
There's a stupid sign in the way. I was a.

(28:27):
Do you need me to read it? No there's too much screen. What's under that little Instagram thing?
What does that say?
That it was a matter of life and death. Oh. I could not see that. Of life and death.
It's covered up by a little Instagram sign. He sat quietly for a moment and then said goodbye to his parents.

(28:50):
I didn't think anything of it until after we took his blood and he asked so when will I die.
He thought he was giving his life. He thought he was giving his life for her.
Thankfully they both will be fine. There's a man can sacrifice himself when it comes to family.
Is the but I would totally do that for a little little 10 year old boy.

(29:12):
Plane wreck or something recently I was reading about. I can't remember where is that. I'll try to find the article.
But. He blocked his sister from plane debris like a plane crash debris.
Was he an older sibling? Yes.
Okay I don't think that is a specifically male trait. I think that is a sibling bond.
As a person who has siblings like you only know the male perspective because you're only looking at it as a oh I have a sister.

(29:38):
Like because your brothers were stepbrothers like you weren't raised together raised together.
I'm not saying that step siblings are not family please don't cancel me.
But I'm saying like that relationship. Talk to your microphone.
I am talking to my microphone. It's up here. Okay.
But anyways like I think that bond is just a sibling bond like I would genuinely do unspeakable things.

(30:01):
No I think I agree with that Instagram. I realized that the person was talking about how an older sibling has less like gentleness than a younger sibling does for their older sibling.
What do you mean?
I sent the video to you didn't I? I sent it to you.
Like I mean today. You said all bubba or bubby or whatever.

(30:23):
I did because it was like because younger siblings are basically better.
So that makes me the best. I am a younger sibling. You know that right.
Yeah but you don't understand sibling. But so here he doesn't really count because he's not a boy.
I'm talking now. I that's the problem. You're not a main podcaster. So it doesn't matter.
Okay and you're a woman. So yeah but but let me let me put in a perspective for you.

(30:46):
I'm the youngest male and then like I had an older sister.
My father is the oldest of or was the oldest of five right. No four.
He was the oldest of four. He had three little sisters.
Even though like they didn't always get along and everything like if any one of them even the ones like they didn't talk to him for years.

(31:11):
Like if they would have called him and needed something up and he would have went exactly.
But I'm the same way with my siblings. My sister literally will sometimes text me or call me and be like hey do you want to come pick me up from Asa's just so that I can drive your car back home.
And I will be like sure or she'll say hey can I take your car to go on a valentine's day with your car.

(31:37):
Of course. Whatever because even if she doesn't love you or touching my car.
Anyways if you're touching like you can tell me you know oh come home and braid my hair for jujitsu and I literally would because.
If I wasn't working which I wasn't because pneumonia I'm not saying I'm saying that yes they both like it is a sibling thing.

(32:06):
But there is something about a brother like it's a natural perspective not as protective.
What are you calling us okay as the oldest sibling of five children I would absolutely die for any of my siblings.
My little brother is the only one I think might reciprocate so I think that's that's just personally because Caleb's built different like I don't think.

(32:31):
Can you die for a random bug on the sidewalk. Caleb's awesome. Caleb's great we love Caleb.
But like what I'm saying is I think it's also the way that siblings are raised together because like us it was us against the world.
Like we were all we had sometimes so like it was really like we were all we had all the we're trauma bonded.

(32:57):
What do you mean? Trouble bonded because they were raised by us.
Yeah no it's like because I know you don't want to hear this mom but you can overreact 100 percent of the time.
No not your mama. And then when mom overreacts and then dad gets off and dad comes home and doesn't even want to talk.

(33:19):
You guys just going in your room and locking yourselves in your room is a regular occurrence for us so like it was sometimes literally just us.
Like you for real all our life have been like oh mom is mine. Yeah so like oh your mom is mine.
You can't see your mom. So like if I come home over the weekends it's always Tasia come spend time with me.

(33:41):
I'm like I literally want to be my mom. I have made a concerted effort you can even ask her.
I have spent a lot of time telling her and encouraging her recently recently to spend more time with you guys and to allow her to spend more time with you guys.
Okay but what you don't understand is my goal our entire marriage has been to when my kids are grown still have a relationship with my wife.

(34:03):
Yeah but I think most people put it backwards.
But mom was like where was I where was I sometimes y'all literally just locked yourself in your room and you would be in there.
You'd be like talking or whatever and it would just be like us and we'd be outside playing like.
Angel was never like a second mom to me because like our relationship just wasn't like that.
But like she really was for like the younger kids. Yeah like especially Kiri like and she is perfect.

(34:30):
She's an angel. We love her so much. I would like do anything for her.
But like it's just it's different especially with because I met some siblings who hate each other.
And like we we hate each other but we hate each other and we love each other.
No look the one thing about Angel she's the only one I get mad when she asks me to do stuff because she's the only one I know can actually do it.

(34:59):
Like can you air up my tires?
No I know you can cut on a compressor. I know you can do all of it because you worked just as hard as I did growing up.
I know you can do it. Why in the world would I do it? And then they say crap like oh because you're the brother.
But yeah we're sexist piece of crap and we don't care about men. We're not sexist. What?

(35:21):
You're not sexist. You are probably my only actual sexist job. Not sexist. Feminist.
Don't don't power. Don't stick your fist up you little pale skinned morgan you. Listen.
If you can't fight the man what can you fight? Equal rights equal fight. Your own stupidity in the mirror.

(35:42):
Like who agrees? Why are you fighting? The man. There's this car. There's always a man.
Okay now the whole system's corrupt. I have met a guy that probably knew the guy like when I was coming home from your aunt's bachelorette party.
Went to the gas station. You went to face bachelorette party? Yeah it was a bachelor bachelorette party. They had a like dual party.

(36:05):
Okay. We went to a hockey game in Nashville and I'm like yeah that sounds very Chad. Three cases in and I forgot that I had already taken my muscle relaxers so like I'm.
Done yeah and so I'm trying to give your mama directions at a national and it's not working too well so anyways we pull over to gas station. It's what 12 o'clock you know and I go in there and I'm like hey.

(36:27):
The guy's like hey and I'm like could you tell me where I'm at?
And this is the soon as he answered I'm like oh crap I'm in trouble he goes. You're right there man and I was like oh god.
I was like no like where are we at and he was like earth man. No he was like we're right here man.

(36:53):
And I'm like no say I was to look at a map and I was to point on that map where we are at.
Just just like I said I said what would be the name by it goes you're in no lens ball bro.
But he knows that I'm like okay I'm like I'm trying to get back to Shebaville and he goes.

(37:19):
Yeah I'm like can you get me to 41 and he was like 41 yeah man and so he gives me directions and I'm going to only tell us the direction story once because I get back in the car and your mama goes.
Did you find out where to go and I'm like.

(37:41):
Yeah and then I told her the directions exactly like he told me just to see your reaction and I'm like all right we're going to get out of here.
I said we're going to go down the road here this way and I said that we're going to get to a red light and when we get to the red light we're not going to do anything but go straight.
We're not going to turn this is not where we're turning you're going to keep going.

(38:03):
Then you're going to get the next red light and this red light you're going to turn and like he just lays it all out and your mama's just looking at me like I'm crazy but I tell you what we followed that crazy dude's directions and we got back and then I got called into work.
And like the only time I ever went into work like probably way more messed up and I should have been but you know they made me come in.

(38:25):
Rude it was rude vacation don't do drugs I put in vacation six months in advance and they call me.
My work sends me home I'm like if you go if you come in like wasted they send you home that's good because you are a daycare worker come in wasted I don't go in wasted no earlier this week whenever I was running a fever.

(38:47):
I would go up to the front and tell them I'd be like hey I'd have a fever expecting them to just be like oh hey here's some medicine or like oh hey which I work around children so technically it's like smart or just being like oh well we'll see when we can get you out but every time that I've gone up there they've pretty much.
Or like that's the first time I've ever been up there to be like hey something's something's wrong because I also felt terrible I was like hey I'm running a hundred and one fever like you also have a bad hand will do it like me.

(39:16):
Which is just like you just shut the switch off you just keep going and also in your body's like I'm not functioning well like yeah because I did that the week before and I went in Monday and I started running a fever by lunch and then I got.
Like to where I was going into my other classroom around two and I went to Heather and I was like hey I'm running like a hundred one temperature and I could barely talk I was like.

(39:39):
Okay we'll figure it out go home and then the second day she was like hey I have you off today but I had woke up feeling fine I felt great I had a tiny little cough and I was like I'm no dude I'm good like I'll come in I'm fine.
I came in around lunch again started running a fever.
You gotta take time off felt terrible was went up and I was like hey so Jody because Heather wasn't even up front was like hey Jody.

(40:11):
You should probably bleep out these names they probably don't want their names on the Internet but hey boss lady I'm running a fever again and I was like can I have a mask.
She was like sure you can have a mask but let me see what I can she's like let me see what I can do to get you to go home and I was like okay that's fine I'll just take the mask for now and then I went back into my classroom and I was still like running a fever.

(40:37):
I was like I'm gonna go to the top of every sippy cup in that room no all my kids were asleep I was I started like sweeping because we had to like sweep and mop during that time I was like running a fever still sweeping and mopping and she came back in and she was like.
She's like I don't have anyone to put in this room she was like can you please just stay till two and I was like yeah that's fine like whatever but like they're pretty nice about it why don't you get to nap during nap time.

(41:04):
Because no don't don't give me excuses it's nap time yeah but like somebody's got to still watch them okay take shifts two teachers one maps one watches and then you swap well some rooms there has to be two teachers because like we have to stay within state ratios.
I just don't understand all the regulations just put a bunch of kids in a fenced in yard they'll be fine understand daycares watch your own kids most parents well like they got to work two jobs to stay afloat in this most time you got to have to work two jobs to get anywhere.

(41:33):
I just be rich in this economy like me me and your mother are like not rich by any means we're broke but we've had a lot of help and a lot of very wise people that have like helped to guide us and like what's like because we've always lived on one income.
And like we've had to sacrifice a lot like you guys can attest to like we haven't always had the best you know we're for peanut butter and jelly in a bowl's been so you know but like we wanted to make sure that.

(42:01):
Even though I guess we did up a lot because that's what y'all tell us all the time but like we wanted a parent at home with you guys we wanted to show you all that you were important.
I will say though y'all did do a good job of one time my coworker was talking to me I was like in the middle of changing a diaper and she looks at me and she goes so like you know when CPS would just like come to your house and I think she was starting to tell me like a relatable story and I had to look at her and be like.

(42:26):
Bro what and she's like you know when CPS would just randomly like come to your house and launch an investigation and I was like CPS you're saying that wrong child protective services it's CPS yes child protective services anyways I had to look at her and be like.
That is not a regular occurrence not CPS is not randomly coming into people's houses because like they call the parents and tell them they're coming sometimes sometimes like.

(42:58):
But like she was she was telling that story and I had to like look at her and be like dude that is not something that just.
Happens and her sister works there too people yeah I mean went to her sister and she told her that I said that and she's like oh for real.
Yeah yeah I mean some of the guys I grew up with like.

(43:21):
To sit at a dinner table or the father didn't fire up a crack pipe.
Well yeah but because we live in Tennessee and try to pass around the room.
And like you know and then again I've grown up I've known some of you children.
When they find out in their you know adulthood they realize they look back realize that they were abused.

(43:42):
Because I got into the mic you know the whole family was messed up but yeah there's a whole lot of like when you start really interacting with me.
It's like I'm going to try to get this guy to actually come on the podcast at one point did like a bonus episode with me but like I'm talking to a buddy mine the other day and he's like.
Somebody made a reference to Mr Gorman talk tear down this wall he was like oh I was there.

(44:06):
What yeah I was like half a block away when the Berlin Wall fell down father was in the military.
He's a kid but he was telling me about like not really understanding what's going on but watching it on TV and seeing you know like and then looking out the window and seeing the crowds and it's like that's just.
That's a really cool point in history to just nonchalantly be like oh I was there.

(44:27):
Well like yeah that's probably how people feel like recounting stories from like 9-eleven and stuff it's like yeah.
Oh two towers fell how do you not recall that well what about well the problem is you don't.
I guess when you live certain things it's just normal life to you like one of my old fire cheese was talking about.

(44:49):
Being at 9-eleven a lot of times during a lot of our training sessions like when he was doing the fire Academy with us and stuff and.
We just assumed he was there like because this dude been like CIA he'd worked for Homeland Security EPA like he'd done a lot of stuff.
But like I just assumed and all of us just assumed that like he was there helping with like rescue efforts clean up efforts now this was part of his you know when he was working for the DHS.

(45:14):
He was in the tunnels in between the two transporting a prisoner when they got hit like he wasn't at 9-eleven like at the scene he was like.
And he just you know nonchalantly yeah I was there blah blah blah yeah because some people just.
Like I was saying earlier when you're calling me not a psychopath there's a difference because like.

(45:39):
Sometimes I just think man I really want to rip your throat out right now that's psychopathic no that's just normal human no apology because.
It doesn't like well like I think I think I think I think every human thinks about that they definitely think oh I would definitely shoot you if I had a gun right now.

(46:06):
But like I love because I probably shouldn't do you know that's that's logic like there are some children I could definitely shoot you that I could do around.
But children I've known in my life that I like I'd person if I could like I would punt them across the football field will I know but what I want to yeah.
Yeah it's when you lose the ability to not act on a bill pulses.

(46:30):
That's when you become so psychopaths that's when you start having a lot of trouble too well no it's also just.
How you look at things because it's like like I was saying I could stab you right now but could you could you mentally yeah.
After you put the knife in me could you mentally take that's why most of the time that's why I like serial killers and sociopaths and psychopaths and like all that stuff.

(46:57):
That's why all the true horror and crime and stuff has a lot of them type people.
Because most of your crimes of passion most of your murders and stuff like you had a lot of times it's like it's the emotional state.
That cuts that logic off and allows you to do those actions but then you got people that literally can they just don't they don't have that.

(47:17):
That's like the difference between like murderers and like serial killers yeah or like homicide or like great.
Even when you get to murders were like the guy's guy murders his family because he thinks it's going to work out and he's going to be with this new woman.
Or like woman murders her husband like those are still crimes of passion even though they're like thought out methodical those are an emotional I've got to get out of this state.

(47:40):
And a lot of like the serial killers and stuff it's not a crimes of passion a lot of times it's a crime of drive it's a it's a drive it's something that I have to do.
And then it becomes a more methodical thing well just being able to it's they experience being able to handle it is just it's just what people don't understand like.

(48:02):
What it actually does to you you gotta have that front load kill somebody and watch them bleed out and stuff like it's.
It's like even like people talk about seeing bodies and stuff it just yeah I mean that's just like the well like there's also signs in early childhood and one of them is like cruelty towards animals like.
Okay well I'm going to talk about it because I find the homicidal triad actually pretty interesting the homicidal triad triad it's a dark triad it's a dark triad of personalities that normally turn into.

(48:36):
Personality other CEOs or killers it's traits that like if children are experiencing all three of these traits they it they've like the West of that one you always talk about that yeah wedding the bed fire starting and cruelty towards animals like they're more likely they've linked those behaviors.
I'm going to start killing people like.

(48:59):
But hang on the cruelty towards animals that would that one count because like I love to eat things no like not hunting like they would genuinely get them and like tear them like you know I see I like doing that you know the fourth season of of stranger things whenever they're talking about.
Whenever Henry krill is like practicing his magic on the little animals and he's doing it on purpose because it hurts them and he likes that it hurts them that's what it is that it's like you know but see like getting a bunny rabbit and like that makes no taking a cricket.

(49:33):
It was he I did that with people like that's why like me and my but like we maced each other we used to get the crap out of each other like you love watching them suffer. Well that's that's concerning but how old were you.
That's most of my life. No because there's a there's a different have step brothers until you were or no I'm talking about my buddies there was twenty thirty people in my house every week.

(49:58):
Well you said brothers so no my brothers and us were rough but like all my but like we maced each other for fun if you fell asleep like we duct tape you up throw you in a pool.
I think that's no mom please don't ever say that in my presence because I like that was like me and the friends at church we used to get like the long grass and we just whack the crap out of each other.

(50:21):
Yeah we used to know but I genuinely I genuinely know okay stop boys are rough we are mean we are cruel we establish a packing yeah hang on but there's girls are vicious because like I can go I the other day you guys go for.
I lost my voice at work and I was talking to this one little kid he was showing me this puzzle he did it I was like that's such a great puzzle but I couldn't talk and he was going yeah I can't hear you and I was like I can't talk right now like I it's a very good puzzle and he was like you need to talk louder I can't hear you and I was like.

(50:58):
See I love how kids are honest though like or I had one tell me I was like I was having a really stressful day and it was just like all adding up and so I was crying and I had one little girl look at me and she said you need to put those back in your eyes you need to wipe those off.
Sorry let me work on that she's like stop it's like one of was it one of the ants that asked Ali or said you know doesn't she look like she's sleeping at a funeral like by the casket and my daughter goes no she looks like she's dead.

(51:35):
But kids are awesome like that I mean I thought that was a compliment so that's yeah my Malik over there thought when he thought you know saying you're fat was a compliment yeah because we call him fat and like the amount of women my wife had to explain no no no no no no that's a good thing it's a compliment that means you're awesome.

(51:59):
Well my dad was 300 pounds yeah like I think and you were a tiny little scrawny thing back then yeah I need more what happened your head's been the same size since you come out but like what happened why did I become fat one day you'll one day you'll hook one of those they like to be warm like no here's the problem like what where did they they're like bean poles.

(52:28):
Bean poles like all that I got all that from your it is out of all bro I was like 20 pounds heavier before I started taking out of all straight bean pole it's I didn't take it to lose weight it's not ozific I took it to keep to keep my mental health in check it just made me lose weight.
The consequences were unintentional people are just now like oh Tess you're so skinny you were ginormous before it's like I was like 140 pounds before and now I'm like 120 and I'm like.

(53:03):
I don't know if there's a teenager that's used that that that excuse before because you were like I didn't want to lose weight I didn't know that I would I didn't want to get pregnant it's just a consequence I didn't want to have sex I just wanted to get pregnant well that's X by accident that's a consequence that's different.
That's different because they she just told me she was like you might possibly experience some weight fluctuation because it might mess with your appetite a little bit it did bro like I don't eat I eat when I feel like eating but like otherwise I don't really eat I've been taking steroids this week I've been non stop hungry.

(53:41):
Oh steroids I've been.
Yeah no but not so eating until you want to eat is a good thing yeah but like because people eat because they're bored and I'll get that's how you get that when you only were I'm feeling weird like I'm do you remember bringing me food in the shop making me eat because I wouldn't eat for two or three days.
Yeah but I'll get to where I'm like feeling weird and I'm like okay I need to eat like I'll get start getting irritated at work and I'll I keep snacks in my bag and I'll have to like eat a snack because I'll be like okay now so they haven't been eating.

(54:11):
That was your mama I don't normally get hangry but your mama she would get if she had an hour and a half window between snacks that if she went past the two hour mark now she does not realize that she's hungry she's just mad well like all and she'll just be mad for the next four days until you finally feed her something.

(54:32):
I've got to force myself to eat like breakfast or else I won't like I force myself to get up and eat breakfast so that like I have some.
I don't eat breakfast well I when people are like hey have you eaten breakfast today no yeah but see for most I made you breakfast for most of my life no you didn't I haven't required I didn't know that you weren't home and I made you some it's in the fridge if you want it.

(54:54):
Oh I saw it it looks kind of soggy now probably soggy milk bread it's okay dad you can have it.
I mean I made him some like toast with some cheese and eggs on it and I made homemade hash browns.
You know what she might her father.
Well you were also gone.

(55:15):
I was like okay I'm gonna go to bed early I was actually going to tell you you could eat it but I didn't see you until I had forgotten about it I just remembered that I made it.
No yesterday I was like okay I'm gonna go to bed early tomorrow.
I started to sewing till like 12 o'clock well yeah that's what you do unless you just take crazy amounts of melatonin.

(55:40):
I don't take crazy amounts.
It really depends on the day because sometimes I just don't I'm just not tired but then sometimes I hit the bed and I'm instantly asleep.
It's one it's well that it's there's no in between most of the time it's just straight up like even with melatonin I'm not.
I'm not unless I'm working full time and taking melatonin I have to take a ton of gummies to just pass out.

(56:05):
Yeah but the problem is I can even when I fall asleep very easily in almost any situation my back starts spasming and wakes me up.
I just like I wake up I wake up at least 15 times during the night like I don't is that that's not normal.
I've heard that it's not normal people have told me you got sleep apnea.

(56:28):
I don't know bro like I don't sometimes it'll be like I'll just wake up and I'll just need to change positions or like whatever.
But sometimes it'll be like I'm up for like 15 minutes in the night just randomly just because if I wake up if I tell myself I wake up I need to get up.
I wake up 30 minutes before my alarm I wake up at 3 30 oh yeah in between that because I have a alarm at 4 5 6.

(56:53):
I'm terrified of being late because I wake up I have not given you that paranoia.
Yes you have we have to be two hours early to everything or else we are no I understand it now I don't.
I'm 30 minutes early max because I also have a fear of being too early.
But he's he's it depends on the stuff because like I get to work 30 minutes early because if we don't go to yes that's reasonable.

(57:22):
Yeah but at my work people don't do that and if you if you don't get to work at my work and have time to like go to the bathroom.
You're not going to get to go because you have to be in state ratios like sometimes there's not always people to like go in and relieve you of bathroom breaks or like you got to wait 10 15 minutes by the time you call.
So like you got to go in with enough time to first of all you're going to get wire cancer to go and see I also don't mind the other person in the room go to the bathroom just sitting in the parking lot.

(57:51):
I don't either I love granddaddy used to go to work at 3 a.m.
I'll have a parking lot dinner now see I had to be a work at seven parking lot dinner I used to go to work I'd be there at 530.
I would read my Bible for 30 minutes and have my granddaddy would literally get up at 3 in the morning I will get there.
30 minutes early to my 30 minutes early but that's my car time that's my me time I like having my if I did that I would I actually thought that I would.

(58:19):
Like I hated my hour drive to Manchester when I worked in Manchester every day but then when I moved to a closer facility.
I like started like I didn't have my time because I got listen to the Bible on the way to work you know have some prayer time in the mornings and the afternoons I've listened to an audio book like I had like that on one time.
And then like you know it was so annoying while I was in it but then as soon as I left I'm like dang.

(58:44):
Yeah I kind of miss my own wine time I like being closer to work because I feel like I have more useful mornings but the thing oh it sucks driving an hour to work but the thing is like I get up at 7.
To go to work at 10 I'm ready by 730 and then I'm just like sitting there killing time no that's terrible don't do that if you've got to be somewhere at 10 and you're ready at 7 and you got nothing to do.

(59:12):
That is the worst state of mental existence like I also like that because.
Anxiety is comfortable for me okay it's just all I've ever known so I just hate I just hate like that's why I leave so early.
Like if I have nothing to do for the three hours before I go pick up your mama like I'll go sit and like listen to an audio book and take a nap in her parking lot because once I'm at her part I've achieved that I can't do that at home.

(59:40):
Like it just I can but I feel anxious about time but also like I don't mind feeling a little anxious because I always feel that way.
Yeah that's not right where we at mama.
45 hours 59 55 so we're right at an hour all right.

(01:00:02):
Well this is the bonus episode of the cutting.
What a way to leave it what a way to leave it yeah we're going to cut it off right there I just wanted to give a little extra content and some insight into the insanity that is our family.
If you like us like I've been like this whole episode yeah it'll be okay.

(01:00:24):
All right guys that's it.