Kid-Free Love: When Dating a Parent Challenges Your Boundaries

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Ever drawn a firm line in your dating life only to erase it for someone "special"? This episode dives deep into the heart-wrenching dilemma of a woman who always knew she didn't want children in her life – until she fell head over heels for a devoted father of two.

We explore the raw reality of what happens when we compromise on our core dating boundaries. Our listener shared how despite rejecting this man multiple times and clearly communicating her child-free preference, his persistence eventually won her over. Six months in, she's caught between weeks of peaceful adult time and chaotic weeks filled with school runs, sports practices, and all the responsibilities that come with children. Though she loves both the man and his kids, she's confronting the uncomfortable truth that this isn't the life she envisioned for herself.

Drawing from our personal experiences, we discuss why certain boundaries exist for good reason. I share my own seemingly hypocritical but necessary rule as a single mom – not dating men with children my kids' age or younger – while my co-host reveals her non-negotiable regarding separated-but-not-divorced men. We examine why these boundaries protect us from relationship dynamics we know we can't sustainably manage, regardless of how wonderful the person might be.

Should you sacrifice your vision of an ideal life for love? Can relationship compatibility overcome lifestyle incompatibility? Listen as we tackle these questions and remind you that honoring your authentic needs isn't selfish – it's essential for both your happiness and the well-being of any potential relationship. Subscribe now and join our community of daters navigating the complex world of modern relationships together!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to Dating Daycare where we help you
navigate through the jungle ofjerks.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Another fishbowl episode.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Another fishbowl we love our fishbowls and something
a little different for the year.
We are up live every time we'rein production.
Now we are going live on tiktok.
So um, friend me at healthychef one.
I always have to look and everytime we are taping we like to

(00:45):
bring you along.
It'll notify you and you couldcome on and we could banter
together so you could ask usquestions.
We have it up on our big screenover here.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's a lot of fun.
We love it.
So you could see what it's liketo tape a podcast in a
professional studio, right, Okay, so today we are doing Fishbowl
Allison.
Explain what the fishbowl isbefore you pick a question.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
So yeah, we kind of scour the interwebs, we look on
socials and find real scenarios,real questions from real women
and try to help you work throughthese issues.
Right All real questions fromreal women and we're going to
answer it for you, ladies.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Okay, we're going to help you work through these
issues.
Right, all real questions fromreal women.
And we're going to answer itfor you, ladies.
Okay, we're going to help youout please, no judgment.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
Don't have children and don't plan on having any.
I made this decision long ago.
I met this wonderful man.
I don't have enough words toexplain how amazing he is.
I rejected him several timesand let him don't plan on
raising.
Let him know I don't plan onraising kids and prefer to date

(01:56):
men with no kids.
Okay, sound familiar, but she'smaking an exception, yeah he
kept coming back and not surehow, but he won me over.
This is something I've beenreally strict on.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay, wait, I just want to make a comment.
You know how I like to like goas we read Pursuing.
This is what we talked about inour last fishbowl.
If a guy is interested, hekeeps pursuing this guy put in
effort, okay, yes, we like thatand we've been dating now for

(02:28):
six months.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
He has 50-50 with his ex.
We have the kids every otherweek.
This is a lot.
We have one week off from thekids and I can say it's
wonderful.
We sleep late, it's easier,there's peace, kids come back
and it's 24-7 school pick up,sports.
Trying to plan a vacation isimpossible, etc.
Expensive.
Well, what did you think it was?

(02:50):
Just looking at them being cute.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Well, wait a minute.
No, she knew this, and that'swhy she didn't date men with
kids.
But you made the exception.
Now you're lying in your grave,so to say.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Go on.
I have a full time job and I'mvery proud of my career and look
forward to my time off.
I love the kids.
They are really wonderful and Ifeel terrible saying this.
But even though I love this man, I can't picture my life doing
this for years.
This is not what I wanted.
At the same time, right, Ican't imagine myself without him

(03:26):
.
Now, do I walk away or dothings get easier?
Ask him to put them up foradoption, ask him to put them in
an orphanage, because you know,if he loved you, he would.
If he wanted to, he would.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Oh my God, Allison's being sarcastic here.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, what do you think is?

Speaker 1 (03:42):
going to happen.
Well, listen, ladies, we talkabout this all the time.
Also, I always say this and Ialways bring the same example up
.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
I'll bring it up again with me with.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
I am the pot calling the kettle black.
I have a 10, soon to be 10 and11 year old.
I will not date a man with kidsmy age younger 13, 14, 15, 16,
17, until they are in college orolder.
And that is the pot calling thekettle black.
But that is my line in the sand.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
You just know what you're capable of doing.
I don't care what people haveto say about it.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
And that's where I stand.
And why do I stand there,allison?
Because I don't want to be on asoccer field with your children
.
I don't want to be a stepmotherto your children.
I don't want to deal with yourex-wife, because you know what
your ex-wife does not want mearound your children.
The same way, I don't want anywoman that my ex really is
dating raising and around mychildren.

(04:44):
That is a maternal.
Normally, 95% of women, ifwe're asked, would feel this way
, so I don't even want to dip mytoe in that pond.
She had a line in the sand.
She followed it for years.
She met a man that made herback away from her convictions

(05:08):
and her beliefs and she thoughtthat this man that she loved and
couldn't get you know, maybe itwas the perfect man for her
would make her feelings change.
Love would conquer all, andthat's not the case.
So now they're in a realrelationship.
She's dealing and raising hiskids every other weekend, only

(05:30):
one weekend off.
Yes, kids are a lot of work.
As a single mother, I canattest to it.
They are a lot of work All weeklong.
I'm like an Uber driving to iceskating and this and ninja and
that and yes, it's a lot of workand parents good parents are
not going to give that up sothat you have sleep, rest,

(05:52):
relaxation and could go on atrip to Paris.
Like good parents aren't goingto do that.
They're going to truck alongwith their kids because it's a
commitment and that's what goodparents do.
So she needs to break up withhim because that is not the
lifestyle that she wanted andthat's the lifestyle that he
leads and once again, she has tostick to her convictions and go
find a man whose kids are incollege.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
It's just.
It reminds me of my.
My hard no is dating a guy whois quote separated, who is not
actually divorced on paper.
I mean, I've met guys who arejust, you know, lovely, and if I
said you know what, I'm justgoing to forget about that.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
I'm going to forget about him.
He'll never get divorced, Ever.
It would be I'd be in a reallyyou know what.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
I'm just going to forget about that.
I'm going to forget about him.
He'll never get divorced.
Yeah, ever.
It would be I'd be in a reallybad situation.
So you just have to hold strongto your boundaries.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
Right, yeah, you have to hold strong Ladies.
I always say this, if you like,this was, this was a hard line
in the sand.
She didn't want kids, whichmeans she didn't want to be
around children daily.
I mean, listen, I'm a mother soI can say this.
She didn't want the hustle andbustle of it all, but she met a

(07:06):
man and she changed her mindbecause the man was so.
You can't be doing that whenyour line in the sand is
something, you have to stick tothat.
And as great as a man, I meetlots of great men.
I'm sure I mean, I wouldn'tknow, because I don't give them
my number when they say theyhave young kids, but half of
them had to be great men.

(07:26):
You know if you're beingpositive, but I'll never know
Because once again, I'm notchanging my mind about being on
a soccer field and dealing withyour ex-wife oh, they had
homework.
Let me, you know.
Let me call Jennifer and dealwith I'm not, I don't want to
and I'm not, so I'll die alone.
So you need to be okay withbeing alone and you need to find

(07:49):
exactly what's right for you,and there's nothing wrong with
that.
There's nothing wrong with notwanting to have kids and not
wanting to deal with the hustleand bustle and wanting to be
free.
I mean, I have friends thatdon't have children or their
kids are grown and married.
And what a life they have.
They're going to Europe.
They're, you know, going toPilates every day.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
This wasn't for me either, you know yeah, they're
going.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
I mean, their lives are wonderful, all their money.
They have great cars and housesand summer houses and things
that would have been spent oncollege and cars and sweet 16s
and possibly private school andcamp, like my money spent on.
So you just got to stick withyour convictions, no matter what
they are, and don't let themwean because you found somebody,

(08:37):
that's great, unless you'rewilling to give them up.
She wasn't willing to give itup.
She tried.
Most of the time when you try,it doesn't work, right, yeah,
all right, and that is my twocents.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Nothing else to say Nothingelse to say.
There's our fishbowl for you.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
We hope you enjoyed it and we will be back again
soon.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Dating daycare.
Bye, bye.