When He Says You're the Love of His Life But Dates Someone Else

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Ever been told you're "the love of someone's life" while watching them build a future with someone else? Our latest Fishbowl episode unpacks this painful contradiction alongside another heartbreaking scenario: a husband of 13 years abandoning his wife and children without financial support.

The first question comes from a woman who spent seven years in an on-again, off-again relationship only to watch her partner start dating someone else—while still telling her she remains "the love of his life." We dissect this classic manipulation tactic and explain why, if someone truly values you, there's rarely confusion about where you stand. When actions and words don't align, believe the actions. As grandma wisely advised: "Make sure he likes you more than you like him."

We also tackle a devastating story from a mother whose husband suddenly left her and their children for someone states away, providing no financial support. This scenario highlights why financial independence is non-negotiable for women, especially those with children. Having a separate bank account that only you control isn't paranoia—it's protection. When you have children, staying at a friend's house or living temporarily in your car isn't an option; kids need stability, proper facilities, and consistent schooling.

The conversation expands into a critique of 50/50 financial arrangements in relationships. If you're contributing half to all expenses with someone who's supposed to protect and provide, what benefit are you gaining? Your money should work for you—building security and enhancing your quality of life. Female financial empowerment isn't just about earning money but strategically preserving it for your security.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Dating.
Daycare where we help younavigate through the jungle of
jerks and we are back.
We are back With a fishbowlepisode, with a fishbowl, and
we're live on TikTok too, soalways look for our lives.
Whenever we're in production,we go live.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
It is fun.
Yeah, I'm loving it All right.
Today we're in production.
We go live.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
It is fun.
Yeah, I'm loving it all right.

(00:27):
Today we're doing a fishbowl.
Allison is gonna read you guys,if you're just joining in and
you don't know what our fishbowlis, we have a bowl full of
questions from real women andmen that we help you answer,
because we are here to be yourdating guides.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Okay, let's see what we have here, oh.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
Allison picked a long one, all right.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Okay, so the guy I have been seeing for around
seven years, on and off, hasrecently started in a new
relationship.
We did fight a lot.
We had a lot of issues withcommunication and understanding,
so he's chosen to move forwardwith another woman.
This has completely broken myheart.

(01:10):
Even with all of our ups anddowns, I'd hoped he'd do what he
could do to be better for meand vice versa.
Even though he is with thiswoman, he has told me I am the
love of his life.
No one will ever replace me.
What is this Bunch of bullshit?
I can't sleep.
My thoughts are if you can loveme, then how can you be with

(01:31):
someone other than me?
Am I being closed-minded tothink this way?
What am I missing?
You're missing standards.
I'm feeling overwhelmed,confused and heartbroken
thoughts.
So the first sentence so I havebeen seeing this guy for around
seven years, on and off.
That's your first mistake.

(01:56):
What is that?
Seven years, that's more thanhalf a decade.
What are you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:57):
What's the point?
I don't.
I really don't understand, buta lot of women get stuck in this
.
I hear this all the time,ladies, I always go back to this
.
I always go back to if hewanted to believe me he would.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
You're not his dream girl.
He wouldn't do this to hisdream girl.
He's stringing you along.
He's using you 100%.
And she knows this.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
That's why she's asking the question.
She knows this.
That's why she's asking thequestion.
Listen, if you have to question, if a guy likes you or a girl,
for that matter, ladies and theydon't like you.
Then they don't like you enough.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Enough, and they may like you to sleep with you or to
be your therapist.
You know when they're goingthrough something.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Right, they may like you.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
You're on call for that 100% yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
But if you have to say you know what, I'm not sure
if this guy really likes me.
You know what?
He's only calling me.
It's been three months.
He's only calling me once aweek, or it's been on and off,
or we fight all the time.
And here's another thing.
Well, you know, we fought a lot.
Ladies have some standards.

(03:04):
You're not supposed to fight atall.
I mean yes you're married youget into arguments here and
there, but this is supposed tobe easier most of the time and
hard maybe 25% of the time.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, the split should be in your favor, with
the good.
Absolutely yeah, this soundslike she's, maybe, I don't know,
75% bad, would you say.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
And here's another thing You're not changing a
leopard's spot, You're not.
You know, we'll go back to.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
May.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's use May.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
You're not changing my mind that I'm not dating a
guy with young kids.
I don't care if you're JasonMomoa, I don't care if you're-.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Oh, not even him, no.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
No, I won't do it, even if, like Zoe Kravitz, I'll
sleep with them.
Okay, I'll sleep with them, butI'm not dating them.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
I mean, who wouldn't really?

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Right, well, some people don't like that look.
I mean Anyway.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
If he was in front of you, I think he would change
your mind, because he has thatcharm.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
But yeah, you know what I'm trying to say.
You shouldn't have to change aleopard's spot.
She's saying I thought he wouldchange for me if he really
loved me.
But we fight all the time,you're not changing people's
moral compass, or how they are,or what they like, how they're
hardwired, or whatever RightYou're not changing it.
So this was just a foobar.

(04:24):
From the beginning you likedhim more than he liked you.
That's why you stood there forseven years.
That happens a lot.
I always say ladies, and I knowmen are going to hate this.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
No, grandmas always say this to their like
granddaughters.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Make sure he likes you more than you like him.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
That's true, and it's true.
I hate to say it, but it's true, it's true, yep, yep, that's
our fishbowl.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Should we do another one?

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, let's do another one.
Let's do it, pick it Me, meagain.
Thank you, pick it, pick it.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Dig deep, he'll come back to her.
You're right, chung.
That's what I'm reading, whatthe live says First five to drop
.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Okay, okay, okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Honestly, I honestly, I'm just literally in shock.
She's literally in shock.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Okay, 13 years of marriage we'll help you get out
of your shock.
13 years of marriage, two kidslater, and he walks out on us
days ago for someone states away, doesn't leave us a dime.
I'm already short hours at workand I'm scrambling to figure
out what to do.
I just need some advice.
I'm so extremely lost and now Ihave to go to apply for all

(05:36):
kinds of shit because he didn'tgive me a heads up.
So now I will be without.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
Fuck this, okay okay, what do I always say, ladies?
I always say now it sounds likeshe works you always have
especially if you have children.
Listen before children, it's adifferent game.
It's a different game.
I could go sleep at 20 friends'houses by myself, or you know

(06:03):
what I mean or in a tent on thestreet, if I had to.
No, if I had to, my kids aren't.
My kids aren't.
They need a bathroom and theyneed to go to school, because
it's law.
Once you have kids, it is atotal different animal.
You need to protect yourself.
I don't care if the man has $2,$5, $1,000,000, $50.

(06:25):
And how do you protect yourself?
You have your own bank account,maybe in your mother's name or
your cousin's name or yoursister's name okay, that's not
in your name and you depositmoney in it that he can't take
from you when he walks out thedoor.
That's what you do, ladies.
I've discussed this before whenyou get married and don't get

(06:45):
me wrong, I'm the one that'salways like I don't want to work
a day in my life.
I would love to meet a mantomorrow.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Says the woman with five jobs.
Right Says one.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
No choice though I man up Because of the kids.
Because of the kids.
Even without the kids, I man up, but I there is nothing more in
this life that I want to dothan to have a Sit on a beach.
Man who is nice to me, whotreats me like a princess, who
has a great job and a great workethic.

(07:16):
Take care of me and my biggeststruggle during the day is what
time I'm going to go to the gym.
I mean, I'm praying still forthat lifestyle.
It will happen, it's coming, youknow, but you still you can't
just always taking care of me.
Oh, 50-50.
Let me give all my money awayto the bills.

(07:37):
And another thing if you weren't50-50, honey and he manned up
and took care of you and yourchildren.
All that money that you're it'sokay to work all that money
that you'd be bringing in fromwork would have been in a bank
account to save your ass.
Right now, I keep telling you,ladies, bring up those values.
There is no 50-50.
If you have to do 50-50, stayon your own and do it.

(08:00):
Stay single and do it yourself.
Why do you need to be with aman who's supposed to protect
and provide to have to do 50-50and take half of your money?
Your money should be everythingthat you want it for the house,
the kids, extracurricularactivities, a new car, your
Botox, whatever it is you wantright.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
Otherwise just stay single.
Don't get married, have kids.
I didn't get married, I havetwo kids and I do it on my own.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
You can't depend on the fairy tale, because it's not
always going to work out thatway.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Right and, like I said, doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Be prepared.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Rich, poor, black, white, spanish, tall short.
Like Cardi B says in her newsong, they're all low down dirty
dogs and this guy doing that toyou had no moral compass.
I'm sure you are panic strickenbecause that's walk out on you
and you have kids states away,get them for child support and

(09:00):
alimony, get to court quick andat least you'll get supplemented
.
Yikes, okay, yeah, all right,that is our fishbowl of the week
Real questions from real women.
We try to help you out.
Keep them coming.
And, ladies, we're getting alot of married women let's get.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
We need some single ladies writing in.
But yeah, just be smart yeahyou have to be.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Don't get lost in all the yeah, don't feel good
hormones yeah you know it'scrazy.
It can't just be.
Look at this guy.
All you need is an Albanian man.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Oh, I heard about you Albanian men.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
I've had experience you have Ooh and tell us Ladies
maybe we need Albanian men.
I know they have beautiful blueeyes.
I worked with an Albanianpastry chef.
Those eyes were piercing.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
So, as one Albanian woman once told me what they're
all, cheaters Run Run as fastand as hard as you possibly can
Like.
You're the gingerbread man.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, don't do it honey.
Run, run as fast as you can Runlike you're the gingerbread man
, that's all.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
I have to say All right, Albanian man, you're not
it doesn.
You're not.
We are rich and big.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, we don't care about the freaking big.
You know what?
Here's another topic.
These men think telling us howbig they are is like a flex, you
know.
There is a point where itdoesn't feel good anymore.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
It's too much If you have to tell us.
But if you have to tell us this, to me like your mind is not in
the right place.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Not only that, but I feel like it's a Napoleon thing,
if you're telling me.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
You're big, you're not.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Of course, but I hope these men like remember you're
not on TikTok.
There's this girl on TikTok andshe's like she has a ruler.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Oh God.
No, but it's funny.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
And she's like, if you're here, and it's like if
you're here and it's like threeinches, and she's like you don't
get to speak to me, and shegoes.
If you're here, and it goes tofive inches, she's like all
right, we're getting somewhere.
She goes six, we're perfect.
She goes I'm not in pain andyou're all good.
She goes seven.

(11:09):
She goes, she shows seveninches.
She goes almost too much.
And then she goes any biggerthan seven, eight to 12.
She goes where am I puttingthis?
Where is it going?
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
So listen, how do you pronounce his name, Koja?

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Koja, koja.
Now, the rich we can work with,we can work with that, but the
big we you know.
All right, all right.
Well, that was a fun episode.
Yeah, all right, ladies andgents, we hope we helped you on
many different areas and we willbe back soon on another dating

(11:50):
day bye.