When Your Partner Stops Caring: Reading the Red Flags in Relationships

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Boundaries are the foundation of any healthy relationship, yet so many of us struggle to establish and maintain them. This raw, unfiltered episode tackles a heartbreaking question from a listener whose boyfriend has completely stopped showing interest in her wellbeing - he no longer asks how she's doing, doesn't send thoughtful messages, and seems to reserve all his kindness for other women while only approaching his girlfriend when he wants something.

What do you do when someone who once treated you wonderfully suddenly stops caring? The answer lies in direct communication followed by unwavering boundaries. After expressing your needs clearly and giving your partner time to adjust, you must be prepared to walk away if nothing changes. As we discuss in this deeply personal episode, you cannot change another person, no matter how much you wish you could.

"When somebody shows you who they are, you need to accept who they are." This powerful truth forms the cornerstone of our approach to dating and relationships. Using examples from personal experience - including the host's boundary around not dating men with young children despite having young children herself - we explore how boundaries aren't about controlling others but about controlling what you accept in your life. The episode culminates with the empowering philosophy: "I am the table, so what are you bringing to my table?" This perspective shift challenges listeners to stop constantly proving their worth and instead evaluate what others bring to their lives.

Ready to stop compromising your happiness? Listen now, and learn how to establish boundaries that protect your heart while opening it to the right person. Follow us on social media, share your own boundary stories, and join our community of daters who refuse to settle for less than they deserve.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to Dating Daycare, where we but I today
help you navigate through thejungle of jerks.
Ladies and gents, Welcome back.
We're excited to have you andtoday we are doing a fishbowl
while we are live on TikTok.
That's our new thing.
We go live when we're inproduction, so it's exciting.
Follow us, follow me, HealthyChef One, join our podcast.

(00:31):
We are going to help youthrough your summer and dating
in the wild dating websites,everything.
But today we're going to do ourfishbowl.
If you're not familiar withwhat that is, it is where we
have a fishbowl full ofquestions, real life questions
from you that I print out and weare going to take them out.

(00:51):
We are going to read them.
I'm going to answer them.
Normally, my co-host is here,but she is not today, so it is
only me.
So they're all anonymous, butwe are here to help.
Okay, question Anonymous.
Okay, my boyfriend doesn't evenask me how I am anymore.

(01:13):
It's always about him and hisneeds.
He literally does not careabout me at all.
I am just to fill space.
He no longer treats me like hewants me.
He no longer sends me nicemessages out of the blue.
He no longer sends me thingsthat let me know he is thinking
of me.
It is like I don't even exist.

(01:34):
But I know without a doubt heis being nice to others, he is
engaging in nice ways withothers.
He saves all of his kindnessand sweetness for the other
women he encounters the problem.
He used to be kind and sweet tome.
He used to show me he cared andhe thought of me.
Now it's always about what canbe done for him.

(01:56):
He is always angry orfrustrated at me, except at the
moments he wants sexers tryingto set up time for sex.
I don't feel loved at all.
Okay so, anonymous person, thissounds like a big problem.
It sounds like your needs arenot being met and it's funny.
We are going to have a guest onnext month that I was just

(02:18):
interviewing and we were talkingabout this last night.
We're going to have a datingcoach.
On.
Last night we're going to havea dating coach on and we were
just discussing boundaries.
You know what Boundaries aremeant to be kept for you to be

(02:40):
happy, right and forrelationships to work.
Now we've also had differentepisodes on attachment styles,
so you can always look back andgo into all those different
attachment styles.
They were explained by apsychologist.
She was fabulous and she cameon.
This could have to do withattachment style, but let's push
that to the side.
If your needs are no longerbeing met, the first thing you

(03:02):
need to do is you need toexpress them to your partner.
You need to say I feel like I'mjust a space holder here.
You no longer send me nicetexts out of the blue, you no
longer let me know you'rethinking of me, You're not
engaging with me in the niceways, and maybe you could give

(03:23):
some examples of what they usedto do that they are no longer
doing now.
After you do that, take a pause, Give the person time to
regroup, digest how you'refeeling and then wait and see
what they do.
If they do not change, becauseobviously you're expressing your

(03:44):
feelings that you're not happyand you're feeling sad if
they're not changing for youbecause these aren't hard things
to change, Of course.
If you're like only call meonce a week, come outside and
paint my house, I mean, ifyou're asking for things that
are outrageous, that's different.
These are very simple things toshow people in your daily life,

(04:07):
especially in committedrelationships, that you are
loved, wanted, needed and justthat they're happy to be around
you.
If they're not capable of doingthat, after you tell them you
need to walk away.
You need to set your boundaries.
You need to say these are thethings that I need to make me
happy.
And if you're not capable ofgiving them, this isn't going to

(04:29):
work out and you need to walkaway.
You are not, ladies and gentsand this goes for the men too
you are not going to change aperson.
You are not going to change whothey are.
You're not going to changetheir attachment style because
it is from childhood.
You are not going to make themlove you.

(04:51):
You are not going to make themtreat you better.
Never going to make them loveyou.
You are not going to make themtreat you better Never going to
happen.
So, when somebody shows you whothey are, you need to accept
who they are.
And then you have choices.
If you're already in acommitted relationship like it
sounds like this person is youneed to get up and go.

(05:11):
You need to say my needs aren'tbeing met.
I'm really sorry, but this justisn't going to work for me.
And if you're not capable ofmeeting my needs which I
expressed to you, that I need tobe happy then you know what we
need to go our separate ways.
We're just not meant for eachother.
If you're in the beginningstages and not in a committed
relationship yet, you have twochoices.
You could either A walk awaybecause it pisses you off.

(05:35):
Right, let's say you're in thebeginning stages of a
relationship.
Guy's hot and heavy calling youevery day.
You know doing the things heshould be doing, making you feel
loved and wanted and excited,and you know that he's
interested in you, and then oneday falls off the earth,

(05:55):
disappears for a weekend orstops calling you every night.
Or you know, isn't giving youwords of affirmation anymore, is
short with you.
I'm tired, I'm going to go tobed.
You don't talk to him.
You have one of two choices youcan leave, or you could just
back up and accept that is theperson, who they are, that is

(06:18):
the way they work, and you couldjust go out when they're
available, hang out.
But I wouldn't get into afull-fledged relationship with
them if they're not giving youthe things that make you happy.
So that is my advice Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
And do not be scared, you know.

(06:38):
Here's another thing.
Last thought I always speakabout this on the podcast.
I have a boundary.
Whether you know it, whetheryou're new or you're old here,
my boundary is I won't date aman with young children.
That is my boundary.
I have my reasons for it, I'vediscussed it, I'm not going to
get into it in this episode, butI have young children.

(06:59):
My children are turning 10 and11, but I will not date a man
with a 10 and 11 year old.
That is my boundary.
People will say, oh my God,that's crazy.
How can you have a boundarylike that?
You have young kids.
What about the guy that has todeal with your young kids?
I know all this.
If the guy doesn't want to dealwith my young kids, you're free

(07:20):
to go.
You don't have to date me, youdon't have to entertain me, but
I'm not dating you with youngkids.
It's not what I want my kidsaround.
It's not what I want to getinto.
I've discussed my reasons forit.
Discussed my reasons for it,but that's my boundary.
I don't care if anybody callsme crazy.
People could call me crazy,just like your boundary.

(07:44):
If you need somebody to call youevery day and have constant
communication and you needsomebody to compliment you or
whatever it is you need, youneed to state that and keep your
boundary.
And if the person isn't capableof doing that, you need to walk
away.
Don't let them make you feellike, oh, you're being mean, or
I was really busy and you'rebeing too much, or you're too

(08:04):
needy, or don't let them shape,shift your boundaries, because
you're not going to be happy inthe end.
You're going to get sad, You'regoing to get resentful, You're
going to try and change it andnone of it's going to work and
it's going to blow up in flames.
So, boundaries, that is ourfishbowl for today.

(08:27):
If you have any questions, anycomments, let me take a look.
What a kid Jim K.
I love this.
What do you have to offer in arelationship?
I have plenty to offer in arelationship.
I have good morals, I have goodvalues, I think I have a great

(08:47):
family I have, I'm successful, Ifun to be with, I have a great
vibe, I have lots of greatfriends to offer.
I just I have everythingaccording to me Now.
But here's the thing I don'tlike when men say what do you

(09:10):
have to offer in a relationship?
When you meet somebody, youshould see what they have to
offer and, if you like, whatthey have to offer, and their
boundaries and their morals andtheir standards and their family
life, then you should moveforward with them.
But I'm completelyself-sufficient.
I am the table.
What do you bring to the table?

(09:31):
I am the table, so what are youbringing to my table?
I am the table, so what are youbringing to my table?
My table's steady.
Ah, thank you so much, BrianKelly.
He says I'm beautiful also, butyou know what, Brian, If you say
that to an answer, they'regoing to be like oh you're just.
You know all about looks andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

(09:53):
So I never like to add that in.
But I am an attractive woman.
I look good on your arm, it's aplus.
Yeah, you can't win with thatquestion, Brian.
Brian's saying but you'rebeautiful also, but you know
what.
You say that, and then peopleare like anywho, All right.

(10:15):
Well, thank you for joining usand thank you for our TikTok
fans joining us, and I will seeyou again soon.
Goodbye.