From Ashes to Purpose with Rob Wheeler

What if the strongest thing you could do today is choose your hard—and keep choosing it tomorrow? We sit down with Navy veteran and former federal police officer Rob Wheeler to map the path from rock bottom to rebuilt identity. Rob shares how PTSD, divorce, and the loss of mission pushed him into darkness, and how fitness, therapy, and a relentless commitment to discipline pulled him back. The result isn’t a highlight reel; it’s a grounded playbook any man can use to reclaim purpose.

We dig into the core levers that move a life forward: fitness as mental hygiene, non-negotiables that anchor your day, and mindset reframes that turn “I have to” into “I get to.” Rob explains why motivation is fickle, how consistency becomes identity, and how small, stacked wins compound into real confidence. We also talk emotional regulation, delayed gratification, and the quiet pride that comes from doing the work when no one’s watching. If you’ve ever felt trapped by a job, crushed by expectations, or isolated inside your own head, this conversation offers a way out.

Brotherhood is the missing multiplier. Rob’s journey back included joining jiu-jitsu and a men’s council to rebuild community and accountability. We explore what healthy masculinity looks like now—strength with honesty, protection with presence, leadership without bravado—and how to bring that energy home through clear communication and example. You’ll leave with practical steps: set two daily non-negotiables, reframe your language, move your body, and find a tribe that raises your standards.

Ready to trade motivation for mastery? Hit follow, share this with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a review with the one non-negotiable you’ll commit to this week. Your next win starts today.

Connect with Rob: battlefitted.com

-------------------------------------------------------

Join the Evolved Men Circle (Free Community)

If the podcast hits home and you’re tired of trying to grow alone, step into the Evolved Men Circle — our free online community where men come together to lead themselves with more clarity, courage, and integrity. Inside, you’ll find resources like A Man’s Guide to Self-Leadership, guided journaling prompts, and real conversations with men who are committed to becoming stronger, more grounded leaders. 👉 Join the Evolved Men Circle

Ready to go deeper? The Evolved Men Brotherhood

For men who want more structure, support, and accountability, there’s the Evolved Men Brotherhood — a paid, committed community designed for real growth. This isn’t a small-group program; it’s a space built for men who want consistent coaching, clear direction, and a Brotherhood that grows with them. If you’re ready to be surrounded by men who rise together week after week, you can learn more or join here. 👉  Explore the Evolved Men Brotherhood

Enjoying the podcast?

Follow and review the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify — it helps more men find this work.

For More, visit us at EvolvedMenProject.com | Facebook | Instagram | Youtube

-------------------------------------------------------

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt, and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections, and live boldly?
I'm Corey Baum, and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership, and real-worldexperience.
Together we'll forge unshakableconfidence, master social

(00:24):
dynamics, and create a liferooted in purpose, brotherhood,
and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the tools andinsights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Alright, welcome back to theEvolve Men podcast, where we
break down what it truly meansto lead yourself, face your
demons, and evolve into the manthat you're meant to be.

(00:45):
Today's episode is for every manwho's ever lost his mission, his
identity, or his fire, andwondered how to find his way
back.
My guest, Coach Rob Wheeler,knows that road better than
most.
He's a Navy veteran, a formerfederal police officer who hit
rock bottom after losing hissense of purpose and direction.

(01:06):
But instead, instead of stayingstaying stuck, he fought his way
back, rebuilding himself throughfitness, discipline, and
mindset.
He's now the founder of BattleFitted, a movement dedicated to
helping men turn pain intoprogress, and the host of the
Battle Harder podcast, where hechallenges men to rise, rebuild,

(01:30):
and lead themselves withstrength.
So in this conversation, we'regoing to talk about what it
really means to rebuild yourlife from the ashes, how to use
adversity as fuel, and whydiscipline always beats
motivation.
And also how brotherhood becomesthe foundation for lasting
change.

(01:51):
So if you've ever felt lost,directionless, or like the man
in the mirror isn't the man thatyou're meant meant to be, then
this episode's for you.
Let's dive in.
Hey, Robert, how's it going,man?

SPEAKER_00 (02:04):
Awesome.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate uh giving me thetime to speak.

SPEAKER_01 (02:09):
Absolutely.
Well, hey, man, let's just diveright into it.
Can you uh can you take us backto the the moment that
everything really started tounravel for you?
Or what did that what did thatlook like?

SPEAKER_00 (02:21):
I mean, do we have time?
Because that's a period, that'sa period of of years.
And no, after I got out of themilitary, I lost my sense of
purpose.
And due to things that happenedto me in the military, some
physical abuse, injuries, themental turmoil that comes with
being in the military, I wasjust constantly in a very, very

(02:45):
dark place, very negative, veryangry, didn't love myself,
didn't really know what wasgoing to happen next in my life,
kind of lost that fire, thatpurpose, so to speak.
And, you know, as a man, when welose purpose, that's a very
scary thing because we need amission, we need to be driven,

(03:07):
we need a goal or something toobtain.
And a lot of times, you know,you lose a job, you lose a
marriage, somebody in your lifedies or passes away, and you
just don't feel like you cankeep going on.
And a lot of times we just kindof operate in that, you know,
robotic kind of, I'm just here.

(03:27):
I'm just living, but I'm notreally living, right?
I like to say uh thrive, don'tjust survive, right?
And a lot of times as men, weget to that place where it's
just automatic robotic, justsurvive, survive, survive,
survive, survive.
And then something happens whereyou just have some sort of
break.

SPEAKER_01 (03:47):
Yeah.
Was there a particular turningpoint for you when you just when
you just said like, hey man,like that you weren't gonna go
down this way?

SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
Yeah, I mean, you know, the first thing I'll tell
the audience, if you guys don'tknow, I have PTSD, I have major
depressive disorder, and I haveanxiety.
Uh, this is from the military,this is from being a police
officer, and this is fromchildhood trauma and other
issues that have arose in mylife.
And after the loss of amarriage, after 18 years, and

(04:20):
meeting somebody else andgetting in a relationship with
them and ended up marrying themand realizing that not only do I
not want to get divorced asecond time and try to have a
third, fourth, fifth life likemost police officers and
military members have, I reallycared for this woman and adored
her and cherished her, and Iwanted to be the man she

(04:41):
deserved.
She came from relationships thatwere broken, like how I kind of
treated my wife and my behaviortowards her uh with anger
issues, and and thank God, nophysical abuse or no anything
crazy, but I mean there wasemotional abuse, there was me
breaking things, throwingthings, throwing what I call

(05:02):
adult temper tantrums.
And so I meet another womanthat's come from trauma and
being triggered and things thathappened to her in her life from
the way men treated her.
And I love her so much, and Iwas like, man, she needs that
knight in shining armor, sheneeds that prince charming, she
needs that man to stand up forher and give her everything that
she deserves.

(05:22):
So that was the essentialturning point where I was like,
man, I gotta do something elsebecause what I'm currently doing
is not working.

SPEAKER_01 (05:30):
It kind of sounds like you and I felt the same way
myself at times, but it kind ofsounds like you found a new
sense of purpose.

SPEAKER_00 (05:39):
Yeah, so you know, definitely it's hard when you
know, I'm 47 and you get out ofthe military, you have a
long-standing career as a policeofficer, you leave that, and
after all this time spent, youknow, serving your country,
serving your community, tryingto do, I guess, in your mind

(06:02):
what you think is being a goodperson, being a good man, and
nothing came out of it.
Like, I don't have a retirement,I don't, you know, all I have is
mental health issues, all I haveis, and I'm not saying that like
my career choice didn't makeeverything bad and it wasn't the
most horrible experience ever,but it did cause a lot of

(06:24):
problems and issues in my lifewhere something had to change.
And as I started to bring myselfout of the darkness, primarily
through using fitness as a formof therapy, uh, going to
therapy, getting on uh meds forthe PTSD, and practicing

(06:45):
gratitude, journaling, trying toincrease my knowledge and my
faith, a combination ofeverything to be a total man or
a complete man, you have to do alittle bit of everything.
There's not just one thing thatworks.
And what works for me may notwork from somebody for somebody
listening to this.

SPEAKER_01 (07:04):
Yeah.
So you mentioned a couple ofthings there, gratitude,
fitness.
What were there some other stepsin addition to those that were
kind of what were some of thefirst sort of things that got
you started in rebuildingyourself?

SPEAKER_00 (07:20):
So the first thing that I would say is probably the
most most important thing, andthis is something that my wife
actually taught me.
She used to say to me all thetime, I love you, but I love
myself more.
And that used to make me like itused to make me angry.
Like, I'm like, how could yousay this?
I'm your husband, like I loveyou.

(07:40):
And I didn't realize that duringthat time, I didn't love myself.
I didn't like who I was, Ididn't like how I felt, I didn't
like how I was behaving, Ididn't like that I was getting
angry every second of everyminute of every day.
So that essentially learning tolove yourself.
So any man that's struggling,you have to figure out how to

(08:03):
love yourself first.
If you can't do that, it doesn'tmatter what you're going to do.
It's not going to work.
You have to find that thinginside whatever it is that,
like, if you you're strong andyou're like, man, I'm strong and
I like that, or I'm a goodperson.
Like, you have to find thosetraits, those habits, those
things that internally you'relike, I like what I'm doing.

(08:25):
And if you don't like whatyou're doing, obviously you have
to change that.
So you can learn to loveyourself before you can fix the
issues that you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_01 (08:33):
Yeah, I think it's so true.
You know, it kind of makes methink of the whole idea on
airplanes, right?
Putting your mask on firstbefore you Yeah, help yourself
before you help others.
Yeah, yeah.
Or, you know, that there's asaying, I think it's like you
don't have to save somebody bylighting yourself on fire, sort
of thing, in order to keep themwarm.

(08:54):
That's what it is.
But there's really kind of, youknow, it's more than just like,
oh yeah, that that makes perfectsense.
But if you're not whole inyourself, I I feel at least in
my experience as well, thatyou're not able to that that
support and that love and allthat is not coming, it's coming
from a place of like need,right?
Or people pleasing or somethinglike that, not from a genuine

(09:16):
place of of security.

SPEAKER_00 (09:20):
Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 (09:22):
Yeah.
So what do you think is a man,you know, we've talked a little
bit about like purpose, andthat's something as well that I
think that men need a purpose intheir life, right?
Whether it's family, you know,career, some of these other sort
of things, but I think it candefinitely leave a man

(09:42):
searching, right?
If maybe they've never never hadthat previously, you know,
leading up to it, or they'vekind of lost it.
So what do you think?
Um, I mean, obviously we knowyour example, but are there
other the others that you'veseen in your coaching as as far
as what what happens to men whenthey no longer have that that

(10:04):
clear mission or structure intheir life?

SPEAKER_00 (10:07):
Yeah, I mean, you know, life happens, and a lot of
times, let's say a man he takesa job for whatever reason, it
could be good pay, or he thinkshe's gonna like it, and then you
know, he realizes five years inor eight years in or ten years
in, I hate this.
I hate my job, but he knows heneeds a paycheck.
And a lot of times what a manwill do because he knows he

(10:28):
needs a paycheck and he needs toprovide for his family, he'll
just suck it up and bemiserable.
But that misery will justcompound and compound and
compound, and then you go homeand you're miserable and you
don't know how to you knowregulate your emotions, and
instead of calming down orbreathing or thinking of
something else before you go inthe house, you go in the house

(10:49):
and the wife's like, hey, babe,and you're like, leave me alone.
And then it's like, Well, I'mmaking dinner, and you're like,
Why didn't you do the dishes?
Or and it's not that that man isevil or or has hate in his heart
towards his wife, he's justmiserable.
He's miserable because that'snot what he wants to do with his
life, you know.
Maybe he wanted to be an actorand he just he never did

(11:10):
anything to go on that route, ormaybe his dreams of being a
professional athlete gotsquashed, or maybe he had
parents or family that said, Youcan't do this, you can't do
that.
So he took you know that easyroute.
And I think a lot of times that,or you know, you get married,
you have kids, and you startputting things aside for
yourself because you have totake care of your family.

(11:33):
And then before you know it,like once again, time passes and
you never did that thing foryourself that you said you were
gonna do.
So, once again, that's whyself-love can give you that
purpose, that mission.
If if you want to do something,go do it.
Like, you can have a job, likeif you want to be an actor, per
se, you can have a normal nineto five job and you can go take

(11:56):
acting classes and you can applyfor acting gigs and you can do
improv.
Like, there's a way you can getto your dream without having to
just say, okay, well, I'm gonnaquit my job and tomorrow I'm
gonna go try to be an actor.
Like, you can do both.
You just have to have thatdiscipline, that time management
to get to where it is you needto be.
So you can say, okay, I'mquitting this job, I'm done, and

(12:16):
now I'm happy because I'm atthis place in my life doing this
thing that I wanted to, thisthing that I love.

SPEAKER_01 (12:23):
Yeah.
That's that's so important.
You know, one of the things Iheard you saying in that is that
I I think it's easy for us to II think of a situation like
showing up to a job that youhate every day, right?
Where showing up, I I can seewhere somebody, and and this has

(12:43):
actually has been the casemyself at times in my life,
where it's it's almost one ofthose like every day is just a
confirmation of your ownself-worth or lack thereof,
right?
Every time you show back up thenext day or whatever it is,
you're just revalidating foryourself that like, no, what I
how I feel doesn't matter, whatI think doesn't matter, that I

(13:04):
keep doing what it is that Idon't want to do because I don't
matter.

SPEAKER_00 (13:08):
And, you know, look what happens.
You you go into a job miserable.
So now you're getting passed upfor promotions because you don't
have, you know, the grit or thegrind to try to put out
exceptional work and and youknow, compete with those top
employees.
You don't want to talk toanybody, you don't make friends
at work.
Everybody, you know, everybody'smiserable.

(13:29):
Uh it's just a very bad thing,and it ends to this downward
spiral where you either continueto do that till you die or you
have a health, you know, issue,or something happens where you
blow up and you're like, I'mdone, like, and you make things
worse.
It's just we have one life andtime is very short.
I wish time went on forever, butit doesn't.

(13:49):
So why are you gonna continue todo things that don't make you
happy?

SPEAKER_01 (13:54):
Yeah.
You know, so you you mentionedkind of an example, right, where
if somebody wanted to be anactor, right?
They would, they would maybetake improv classes or do
something like that.
But I'm I I I kind of feel likefor some guys that that might
not always, at least in the verybeginning, that that's not
always very apparent, right?
They feel kind of whether it'sgolden handcuffs or locked into

(14:17):
the situation, right?
That like, hey, this is I don'thave the legal, you know, maybe
it's debt, the relationshiplife, kids, whatever it is,
like, hey man, I gotta do this.
I don't really have anotheroption.
I don't get an opportunity tolike stop and go back to school
and do whatever it is.
Where so how would you suggestfor a man that is starting to

(14:38):
recognize that he's unhappy inhis life, he's got a lack of
purpose or a mission or thingslike that.
What are some sort of thingsthat he could do, you know, that
maybe aren't like a total rebootand an overhaul, but can start
to create that sense of likediscipline and self-worth?

SPEAKER_00 (14:56):
I mean, I would think support, first of all, is
huge if they have a partner or abest friend or that person they
can lean on, even if they canlean on their parents, have
those honest conversations.
Like, you know, we we talk aboutbeing a complete man and what it
means to be manly.
And, you know, men need to learnthat we can be vulnerable,

(15:17):
right?
That we can have emotions, wecan feel sad, we can feel angry,
like it's okay.
And so having those honestconversations, you know, like I
told you backstage, when Ineeded to leave the police
department after four monthsbecause of mental health, I had
two choices.
I could have sucked it up andjust been miserable.
And and who knows what wouldhave happened at work if I

(15:38):
wasn't paying attention while Iwas on patrol or I didn't search
somebody properly, like it couldhave been a hazard to my health,
to the people I work withbecause I was miserable.
I hated it, I didn't want to bethere.
So having that honestconversation with my wife, like
and not worrying about how she'sgonna think about it and not
worrying about, well, where'sthe income gonna come from, or

(16:01):
where are we gonna get ourhealth care?
No, we have to deal with thatsituation at hand.
And then after we talk about it,then we can sit down at the
dinner table and say, okay,what's the next steps?
What are we gonna do now?
And work as a team.
So I think support is step one,but sometimes you just have to
like and not grind your faceoff, but sometimes you just you

(16:23):
have to do what you have to doto be successful.
And so in 2018, when I decidedto leave law enforcement to
build my gym, and it sucked, butI would literally work a night
shift at the police department,12 hour shift.
I would go home, shower, open mygym at 6 a.m., run classes all
the way till about 11 a.m.
Go home, sleep till the eveningtime, go back to the gym, open

(16:46):
up the gym for night classes,then drive back to work and do a
night, another night shift.
And I did that for two yearsstraight.
And it wasn't fun and it wasn'teasy, and it was like very
difficult.
And it even showed in my workwhen my chief of police sat me
down, and he's like, Look, youcan either be a gym owner or a
police officer, but you can't doboth.
So pick one.

(17:07):
And at that point, I was like,okay, I had enough time, skin in
the game to know, okay, I canrun this business by myself.
I don't need that income as apolice officer.
And I did that, and I opened thegym.
So that sacrifice, sometimes youyou have to make that sacrifice.
Sometimes that is the onlyoption.
But the journey and thatsacrifice, that's what's going

(17:27):
to make you tougher.
That's what's going to make youa better man, a better husband,
a better father, because you'reputting that time into yourself
to do something for the greatergood.

SPEAKER_01 (17:38):
Yeah.
It it sounds like taking thatthat discipline in order to keep
showing up and keep doing it, todo the do the hard work and go
through it.
It's it's not, and I've foundthis for myself as well that
it's it's really easy to to readabout being a gym, a gym owner,
right?
To do all of these other sort ofthings, but nothing compares to
actually showing up and openingthe gym and working a double

(17:59):
shift, you know, and doing thosethings that you have to end up
doing.
It's it's in the uncomfortablethings that the growth really
happens.
And that's, I feel like, onlyactualized through through
discipline.

SPEAKER_00 (18:14):
Yeah, I mean, the whole mantra behind Battlefitted
is turning pain into progress.
That's our tagline.
And when I say pain intoprogress, I don't mean pain all
the time, like physical pain,but that uncomfortable pain,
right?
There's a a military saying, andI don't know if you've ever
heard it, but it's called chooseyour heart, right?
So choose your hard, you canhave, I'll take for instance,

(18:37):
let's say you're severelyoverweight, you're morbidly
obese.
You can choose the heart ofcontinuing to stuff your face
full of crap and not being ableto move and getting sick and
dying early, or you can choosethe hard of being uncomfortable
and going for a walk andstarting to eat healthy and
starting to do those things thatare going to propel you into a
different direction.
So you have to look at the hard.
Life is hard, but choose thehard that's going to help you

(19:00):
get to where you want to go nomatter how hard it is.

SPEAKER_01 (19:05):
So with that in mind, you know, and I think it
kind of touches on my my nextquestion, but how do you what
what do you feel the differencesare between like discipline and
motivation?
I hear a lot of people arealways, I feel like discipline
is is is kind of the the thingwhere the attention is given now
versus the the motivation to goand do it.

(19:28):
What is that like what is it thedifferences between the the two
mean for you?

SPEAKER_00 (19:32):
Well, if I lived my life on motivation, we wouldn't
be having this conversation.
I wouldn't be here, especiallyas a man with mental health
issues.
And you know, I'll tell youryour audience that while I'm in
a much better place, my mentalhealth issues didn't go away,
and they're not going to goaway.
And the things I do, they're nota cure all, but they help me

(19:55):
stack those wins, and I just tryto be 1% better every day, and
those wins compound over time,giving me more bad days than
good.
And the thing with motivation,it's it's a false sense of hope,
right?
Like sometimes I don't get goodsleep, sometimes I may have a
fight with the wife, sometimes Imay have some bad news or

(20:17):
something bad that's gonnaautomatically demotivate me.
And I'll give you a I guess anexample.
So I signed up for jujitsu.
I've been saying for years thatI want to do jujitsu, but I'm
also very shy when it comes tolike meeting new people and
going out and getting out.

(20:37):
I hate getting out of my comfortzone.
I'm a homebody.
I'd rather just be in home,either playing video games,
spending time with the wife, youknow, watching a movie.
I don't like to get out much.
And so I signed up for jujitsu,and I didn't go for like the
first month.
And I have a uh I'm signed upthrough like a military veteran

(20:59):
program, and I have a mentor.
My mentor calls me and he'slike, dude, where have you been?
And before I could even makelike any excuse, he's like, Get
your ass to the to the gym.
I want to see you.
Like, we need to meet.
And today, I told him, I waslike, he's like, Will you be
there?
I was like, Yes, I will bethere.
And I'm I am a man of my word.
So he texted me yesterday nightand he's like, Are you coming?

(21:22):
I'm like, Yep.
Sure enough, I made sure I gotup at 6 a.m.
I put on my my uh jujitsuuniform.
I went there, I did my first dayof jujitsu, and guess what?
It was fine.
The the people in the gym werenice, they were happy I was
there.
Nobody beat the crap out of meon my first day.
Like, it was a beautiful thing.
So that discipline is what'sgoing to beat motivation every

(21:46):
time.
Consistency, making thosehealthy habits, doing that thing
that you're gonna do over andover and over again, it becomes
automatic.
Like, I went from being almost300 pounds when I got out of the
Navy to being in pretty goodshape and stronger than most
20-year-olds now in society.
I love the gym.
If I miss a workout, I'm angry,I'm frustrated because of

(22:09):
discipline.
Discipline made me enjoy thisthing, discipline makes me enjoy
doing my podcast, disciplinemakes me enjoy, it's just so
much easier and so much betterto try to err on discipline, and
it's just doing that thing overand over and over and over and

(22:29):
over again until it becomesnormal.
And one thing that as men weneed to have, it's
non-negotiables.
If you can have non-negotiablesin your life, like for me with
jujitsu, I do jujitsu threetimes a week now, and then I
strength strength train threetimes a week, and that's a
non-negotiable for me.
I make sure that first thing inthe morning I'm getting up, I'm

(22:52):
either going to the gym or I'mgoing to jujitsu.
And when it's done, it's done,and then I can move on to other
things.
But those are non-negotiablethat my wife knows that it
doesn't matter unless we'regoing on vacation.
If Saturday morning Rob has togo to the gym, Saturday morning
Rob has to go to the gym.
And then we can go to the beach,or then we can go see a movie,
or then, but that's got to takeplace first because that's

(23:14):
what's going to help me staycalm.
That's what's going to help mefeel good.
That's what's going to help melike de-stress before I have to
go out into the world and dowhatever it is I have to do.

SPEAKER_01 (23:24):
Yeah, I think that there's such a sense of, for me
at least, grati likegratification having completed
something that I knew that Iwanted to do.
Right.
So you talk about like thesethings that are challenging or
whatever it might be.
One of the things I get up anddo every day, I laugh about is I
get up and I get in the coalplunge.
And it's the one thing that Ifound that no matter what, I've

(23:47):
yet to be excited about gettingin the cold plunge.
It sucks, yes.
And so, but that's the one thingthat no matter what happens,
that I can get up and I can getin the cold plunge, that I have
an opportunity to face somethingthat I don't want to do.
But on the other side of that,like I'm stoked about it, right?
Because yes, once again, I'veshown myself that like I can do

(24:08):
hard things and that I'm worthdoing it.

SPEAKER_00 (24:12):
So what go ahead, you know, the funny thing is,
like even still, I shy away fromdoing some hard things, but you
realize once you do the hardthing, you're like, man, this
wasn't that bad.
And it's the same thing withdealing with trauma or adversity
or whatever you're goingthrough, that darkness.
If you can go into that dark,like if I knew what I know now

(24:35):
as far as what was going to helpme get out of this darkness, I
would have faced that fear along time ago.
And that's the thing.
We get so scared and so lockedup on the thing that's hurting
us that we don't realize if wewould just attack that stuff
head on and slay that dragon, soto speak, that we're gonna be
better for it and we're gonnacome out on the other end
because we're very I think wedon't give ourselves, especially

(24:58):
as men, I don't think we giveourselves enough credit where
credit's due sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 (25:04):
What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 (25:06):
Just about you know, being resilient and being tough
and being strong, like all thetraits that I guess a man should
have.
Most of us, we have all thosetraits and we can be all those
things.
We just get locked up in thefear of whether whether it's
society or someone that tellsyou you can't behave this way or

(25:27):
act this way, or what we see onTV or news, we let everybody
else dictate how we're gonnaact.
And you shouldn't let anybodyelse dictate how you're gonna
act.
You should act how you want toact.

SPEAKER_01 (25:41):
Yeah.
Definitely.
Well, and that's a tough one, Ifeel like, when especially when
everybody's got such a sense ofwhat masculinity or manhood is
supposed to look like.
And I think it can be reallytough when you know the story
that you're telling yourself isthat you're not one of those,
right?
Whatever society it is that'skind of telling you, then you're

(26:02):
not manly enough or you're notshowing up, that you're not that
sort of person.
So yeah.
How does that how does that workout for you in your
relationship?
Having those sort ofnon-negotiables.
I know that's something thatI've heard from the men that
I've talked to in the past thatthat's challenging, right?

(26:23):
Because it's I could see howit's it would be easy to be seen
as an inconvenience.
You know, you mentioned likegoing on vacation, whatever,
like, hey, he's gotta get up andhe's gonna he's gotta do his
workout.
Like, how does that go?

SPEAKER_00 (26:36):
I I mean, if it's fine.
My wife knows that fitness is mypassion.
You know, being on like evennow, I could be downstairs
watching TV with her right now,but we're talking, we're doing
this podcast because she knowsthat this is the sacrifice of
time that I have to make withher in order to speak my

(26:56):
message, in order to besuccessful, in order to I'm on
this goal.
I want men to be strong, I wantmen to be tough, I want men to
have those non-negotiables.
And I think it's all how youcommunicate.
You know, obviously,communication is is huge.
You have to explain.
I have to sit there and youknow, I have to tell my wife
before she got used to it, thisis why I go to the gym.

(27:19):
It's good for my mental.
If I look good, I feel good.
You know, we know that the olderyou get, the more muscle mass
you have, the survivability rategoes up.
So I need to do this for myfuture.
Like you can't just say to yourpartner, I'm gonna go do this
and that's it.
No, you have to be able tocommunicate that and explain
that to them.

(27:40):
And as a man, if you have apartner or a family or or
whatever, you have to lead andyou have to lead by example.
And there was a long time, forinstance, where my wife didn't
want to work out.
And I'm not gonna be, I'm notgonna chastise her, I'm not
going to berate her, I'm notgonna force her to do anything

(28:02):
she doesn't want to do.
But by leading by example andher seeing me have muscles and
her seeing me be strong and herseeing me do all the things, she
went started doing kickboxing along time ago, and then she
stuck with it, and then shestarted losing weight, and then
she's like, man, I like this.
And so we have to have thosenon-negotiables, not only for

(28:23):
ourselves, because we deservethat time to ourselves, whatever
that may look like, whetherit's, hey, I need uh an hour
video game break, or I need togo to the gym for you know 30
minutes, or I'm gonna go for awalk, or I'm gonna go hang with
the fellas, you know, providingyou're not doing anything crazy
that's going to ruin arelationship.
I think that's very fair, evenlike if my wife like I want to

(28:48):
go have dinner with my friend orgo see a movie with her, go for
it, have that time, like becausethat's important to have that
complete relationship and to behappy and be healthy.
And we have that because, yeah,it takes two of us, but I lead
and I lead by example.
And I tell my sons like, haveintegrity and you know, live an

(29:10):
honorable life and help peoplewhen they need help, and and
trying to build this societyagain of I don't think it's like
an old school way of thinking.
I think a man can be a verypowerful thing in today's
society, and I think the barrierto be a complete man is very low
at this point that it doesn't itdoesn't take much.

(29:32):
But at the same time, with allthis stuff I talk about about
being tough and strong and aprotector and a provider and a
presider, I still have emotions.
I still have bad days.
I have times where, you know, ifsomething reminds me of my mom
who passed in 2018, I may cry.
You know, if if somethinghappens or my mental health

(29:53):
issues, if I'm having a bad day,I'm not afraid to be vulnerable
to my wife because she's notgonna say, I'm a was.
Or why are you acting like agirl?
And I think that's another partof the equation, is that partner
has to realize that for all thetough stuff that men do go
through, we carry a lot ofweight and burden and things on
our shoulders.

(30:13):
And if we have that breakdown,we need that support system to
say, my wife was crazy.
And some days, like when I havethose bad mental health days,
she'll say, How can I help you?
How can I help you?
Like that's the most beautifulthing in a world where my
ex-wife would say, I don't knowhow to help you, or I can't help

(30:33):
you.
And there's nothing she can dofor me because I have to go
through this stuff.
I have to process this stuff.
But just hearing that, I knowthat she has my back and she's
not chastising me and she's notberating me for showing some
emotion.

SPEAKER_01 (30:51):
Yeah, you know, I I feel like masculinity is gone
from such it's like a pendulumswing, right?
It's gone from what maybe somepeople call like a toxic
masculinity to the other side ofthings, right?
Where I I feel like to a to acertain extent there's no
masculinity.
Right.
And so trying to find as thatpendulum swings back in the
other direction, finding sort ofa homeostasis, right, or a

(31:16):
middle ground in between there,that there is strength and
leadership, right?
And a lot of the things that youtalked about, but we're also
able to share authentically,right?
I mean, because it's not thatthese emotions go go away, like
they're they're still there andthey're being pent up in anger
and frustration and alcohol andporn and all of these different

(31:37):
things that that we we need tobe able to share them as well.
And and I think I would say thatsome of the greatest leaders of
all time that you you have to beable to embody all of these
traits and sort of qualities toreally lead your family or your
team or whatever it is to thethe best of their capability.

SPEAKER_00 (32:01):
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, becoming a complete manor a complete human, once again,
you you can't just do one thing.
Like once I I put a lot ofthings into the fitness arena,
but if you're overweight, justlifting weights, you're not
gonna lose the weight.
You still have to eat healthy.
Like you have to figure out theamount of steps you have to take

(32:22):
to get to where you want to go,and you have to take that
totality of everything and do alittle bit of everything to get
where you want to be.
So a man, like that middleground, like you said, I think a
man or feel a man can be tough,can be strong when he needs to,
can be protective when he needsto, but can also shed a tear
when he needs to, can also behappy and shed those tears when
he sees his daughter graduate orget married or whatever.

(32:46):
And that, in my definition,makes you more of a man to be
able to know it's aboutemotional regulation.
And a lot of times, men andespecially young men in today's
society, they don't know how toemotionally regulate because
nobody teaches this.
You know, I yeah, when I grewup, my father grew up in an era
where what he says went, hedidn't show emotion, he didn't

(33:08):
say I love you.
If he was mad, he'd yell,scream, throw his hand through
walls, do everything out of therealm of who I am and what I've
become because nobody taughthim.
His parents didn't teach him.
And so at some point, you haveto decide that I'm gonna break
this generational curse and I'mnot gonna go down that same
rabbit hole because it's notgonna benefit me.

(33:31):
It's not gonna, I don't want totake these same traits into my
children, and they take thosesame traits into their children.
I just had a conversation withmy son today, a matter of fact.
I get him every other weekend,holidays, most summers, have him
as much as I can.
I'm having him this weekend, andI'm talking to him about his
grades and stuff, and he hasissues with his mom all the

(33:53):
time.
When he's with me, I have noproblems.
My wife has no problems withhim.
But when he's with his mom, it'sjust back talk.
He doesn't do what she says.
And I told him today, I'm like,look, son, like when your mom
asks you to do something, it'syes ma'am or yes mom, and you
just do it because if you keepyelling at your mom and arguing
with her, if someday you decideto get married, you're gonna do

(34:16):
the same things to your wife,and that is not proper, and
that's not the way things aregonna work, and you're not gonna
be happy.
So this behavior that you'redoing needs to stop, and that's
the thing.
Like we grow up with this traumaor this turmoil, or you know,
mommy and daddy didn't love us,and we don't change, we just
take that into the next part ofour life, and that's what's

(34:40):
happening in society with a lotof men and a lot of of young
men.

SPEAKER_01 (34:45):
Yeah, definitely.
Well, bringing this back to thethe physical side of things, how
do you feel like you know, thatsense of that training and the
the the strength training, howdo you feel like that that
shapes a man's mindset andidentity?
I I think that there's somethingto the the act the of physical

(35:09):
training to to really I don'tknow to to embody you know for
for men to be able to embodythat sort of thing.

SPEAKER_00 (35:21):
So, you know, there's a lot of studies or a
lot of guys that I follow that Ilook up to, and they talk about
the so the power of of fitnessor being in some sort of shape,
you don't have to be big andbulky and and super muscular,
but just not being obese, notlooking sloppy, looking like you
take care of yourself, thathelps is gonna help you in an

(35:43):
interview.
If two guys go in, if I go inand I have a nice pressed suit
and my gut's not hanging over mypants, and I look very
professional and I'm standingupright and I'm carrying myself
with a nice strong demeanorversus some guy that is, you
know, maybe severely overweight,didn't take time to iron his
pants.

(36:04):
I'm gonna get that job if ourqualifications are the same,
because they're gonna say, ohman, he puts time into himself,
so he's gonna put time here inthis job.
He actually cares.
So being a man, like one forthat, two, you know, from a
protective standpoint, nowthere's always a chance that

(36:26):
something crazy can happen insociety, uh and you you don't
know, but I can tell you thatI've never been in a fight
because of how I carry myself,and not because I'm out in town
looking crazy, but I have somemuscle.
I freaking carry myself in acertain way.
I'm very alert and observant ofmy surroundings, and so fitness,

(36:51):
besides helping with mentalhealth.
Now, obviously, it's not acure-all, but there's just
something beautiful for me whenI go in the gym.
It's like everything kind ofjust goes closed into just me.
And I'm not worried about theperson next to me, I'm not
worried about the rest of thepeople in the gym.
I'm just focused on my lifting,focused on my breathing, focused

(37:13):
on controlling the weight, doingthe reps.
And it's kind of almost euphoricbecause you just I let my mind
wander when I'm in the gym.
I don't think about work, likethat's my time, right?
So even if you don't want tolike work out, or I would say at
least like find some time,either when you get up or before
you go to bed, sit in silence.

(37:34):
Let your mind wander.
Like it's a very calming thingwhen you don't have to think
about, you know, what am Ihaving for dinner?
Do I have to turn this report inwhile I'm at work?
Do the kids have you knowactivities that I have to take
them to?
That time spent in the gym, youcan just be free, so to speak.

(37:55):
So I think fitness, besidesobviously longevity, being
healthy, preventing mentalhealth issues, preventing all
kinds of disease, being able torun around with your kids when
you're older, play with yourgrandkids when you're older,
like the health is wealth.
Like it doesn't matter.
And when I say fitness, I don'tmean just lifting heavy weights.

(38:18):
I mean whether you go for awalk, you like swimming, you
like being outdoors, biking,running, crossfit, boxing, and
whatever you love.
If you can find an activity youlove, and that's like the key to
start in your fitness journey,find something that you can
stick with, and then just dothat over and over and over
again.
As long as it works, keep doingthat.

(38:40):
And man, the improvements ofyour life, it it's it's insane.
I think the problem is, youknow, most people today we're in
this area, era of I wanteverything now.
You know, you I can getdelivered, I can get dang near
anything that I want delivered,you know, within an hour,
whether it's from Best Buy orWalmart or the grocery store or

(39:04):
the drugstore.
We just want everythingimmediately.
And that's the problem, youknow, fitness, being healthy,
being a complete man.
I'm still learning, you know,myself to this day, it's a
marathon, not a sprint.
And we have to get out of thatthought pattern of I need this
now, I need this house now, thisjob now, this thing now, because

(39:26):
that's where we start to mess upas we're trying to do that goal
setting and get to where we wantto ultimately be.

SPEAKER_01 (39:33):
Yeah, you know, I think it I think that have
taking out so many of those sortof things of having to work hard
for things, having to wait forthem, having to earn them, that
it's definitely taking away fromthat sense of like ownership and
pride, right?
You talked about like ironingyour clothes before going to the

(39:57):
interview and and things likethat, that they seem like
ridiculous things, but it's uhyou know, having a pride in
yourself, having pride in yourrelationship and who you are and
how you're how you carryyourself through the world.
If somebody can just give youthat feeling, you know, or

(40:18):
automatically without having towork for it, then you lose it, I
feel like, in so many other sortof areas.
You know, and it's almost like aa cascading sort of effect.
And I've I've found the samething.
It's it's something for myselfthat I've really been trying to
dig into more lately to to waitlonger, right?

(40:38):
To I mean everything, right?
And as I say this, like I I havemy groceries delivered, right?
I order on Amazon, all of thesesort of things, but really
starting to reconsider how oftenI respond to text messages,
whether or not I listen to apodcaster music during my

(41:00):
workout in the morning, right?
But really trying to bethoughtful about my presence and
and because it's so easy, yeah,is kind of what I'm trying to
bring this back around to isit's so easy to buy that next
thing or because it can show upimmediately, right?
And and I can instead of havingto not do something, you know,

(41:26):
instead of having to plan yourmeals or whatever it might be,
like that's the hard shit.
But it's those sort of things inthe end that make it worthwhile,
that create that sense of worthin yourself, right?
I feel like it's like thisnever-ending loop of you know,
false gratification if you'renot actually stopping to do

(41:50):
those things.
And and at this point, I feellike it's it's getting almost to
the point that it's it's a likea tragedy out there that people
don't know how to work hard forthings.
Yeah, and as we talked about alittle bit earlier about the
cold plunge, like just doinghard things in general, doing
things that are uncomfortable,and that might mean anything.

(42:13):
It could be fitness, it could behaving the conversation, it
could be going out for a run,right?
But there is there's certainchemicals that are released when
you have to work for it.

SPEAKER_00 (42:24):
And that's you know, that's another key part of being
a complete man.
You it doesn't matter what ageyou are, you should always be
able to challenge yourself.
You should find something, somesort of goal, and you should try
accomplish that.
So, for instance, at 47, I stilllift pretty heavy, and I'm

(42:46):
currently trying to get back upto over a 400-pound deadlift.
And it hasn't been easy, but II'm working at it and I'm trying
to get there.
I used to do a lot of Spartanraces and mud runs.
I'm trying to get picked for aveteran event to actually go
trek to base camp at MountEverest right now, like doing

(43:09):
hard things to challenge myselfbecause one, it helps you have
that mental edge, but whetheryou win, lose, or draw, like you
said, that there's that value inthat journey of trying to
complete something that younormally wouldn't just you know
do every day.

SPEAKER_01 (43:28):
Yeah.
How so what are some sort ofthings that you would suggest?
You know, we've talked about afew different things, but for
somebody that's getting startedon this sort of journey to break
through, you know, for the guythat's maybe, again, just kind
of recognizing where he's at inhis life.

SPEAKER_00 (43:46):
So typically what I see with men that I try to help
get unstuck, that's why I teachon fitness mindset or
discipline.
They're usually 99% missingeither one or all three of those
key metrics, right?
So I always look at the person'sfitness first.
I think fitness is thecornerstone for for everything.

(44:10):
And most guys, not all, but mostguys that are in pretty good
shape or some kind of shape orhave some sort of fitness
nutrition routine dialed in,they're not stuck.
So usually it's the dad that,you know, he didn't want to make
dinner, so he drove throughMcDonald's or he ordered the
pizza, or you know, put the kidon the tablet instead of

(44:33):
spending time with them, likejust that kind of drone, like I
said, mentality, just that kindof I'm just going through life.
Just I'm just living, like notreally doing anything to get out
of that.
So I would say, you know,obviously look at your health
and nutrition and your overallfitness first.
Then we have to check ourmindset.

(44:54):
Words are powerful, right?
I remember when I was in thedarkness, so to speak, I would
always say, F my life, I'dalways say, I hate my life, it's
a bad day, everything sucks,everything's horrible.
Well, guess what?
Every day, everything sucked,everything was horrible.
But when I started waking up andI said, as silly as it was,

(45:16):
today's gonna be a good day.
Even if I had a bad day, itstill wasn't as bad as those
days that I said, My life sucks.
So the mindset part to startgetting out of that change and
have that mindset shift, we haveto do what we call reframe.
And reframe is just takingstatements like I can't to I
can, I won't to I will.

(45:37):
Like I used to say, and eventhough I love the gym, I used to
say, Oh, I have to go to thegym.
Now I say, man, I get to go tothe gym.
I have that opportunity.
Some people can't go to a gym,some people can't walk, some
people can't move.
So you have to look at thosesmall things, and that's where
that gratitude comes in andgoes, like, man, I I get to, I

(45:57):
can lift weights, I'm strong, Ihave a decent car to drive
wherever I want to go, I havemoney in my bank account, I have
food in my refrigerator, thosesimple things.
I think we get too stuck, andI'm very guilty of this, of just
wanting all this stuff, right?
We want the nice house, we wantthe nice cars, we want the
awesome vacations, we want that,you know, supermodel or that

(46:21):
actress, or we have this likevery jacked up reality of what
we think we want and what weneed.
And if we can go back down to abase level of, well, as long as
I have food in my stomach, Ihave a person who loves me, I
have a roof over my head,electricity, water, man, I'm
doing good.
And that's that reframing andjust changing that mindset.

(46:42):
So looking at your fitnessfirst, the mindset, and then the
discipline to just set up thosehealthy habits and be able to do
that over and over and over andover again.
And once again, it's not easy.
I still have bad days.
I still have depression, I stillhave anxiety, I still have PTSD,
but I have more good days thanbad.
And once again, that's what it'sall about is having those small

(47:04):
wins.
If people can try to be justone, it's crazy.
1%.
1% is nothing.
1% better every day.
Do something to be 1% betterevery day.
That compounds like interest,right?
Like in your bank account.
And over time, you're gonnastack those small wins to big
wins, and you're gonna look backand be like, man, what an
amazing life I have.

SPEAKER_01 (47:26):
You know, one thing that I really appreciate about
you and our our conversationtoday is is how supportive you
are of where you're at on anygiven day, right?
You said a couple of timesthroughout this that, you know,
I still have bad days, I stillhave trauma that I'm dealing
with and healing that I'm doing.
It's not this like killmentality, right?

(47:49):
Where you're you're like, oh,it's gotta die like super hard,
you know, that like, hey man,this is a real thing that both
of these parts of me exist,right?
The part that, you know, ishaving really awesome days, and
there's still a part of methat's that's still growing and
learning.
And and it's not that that otherfrom what it sounds like, it's
not that you expect that thatother part of you to die.

SPEAKER_00 (48:10):
You have to take extreme ownership of your life,
right?
Two very, very name, two veryfamous Navy SEALs wrote a book
called Extreme Ownership, and itit typically applies to you know
boardrooms and executives, butyou you have to take
accountability for your actions.
You you can't run away from yourproblems because they're just

(48:31):
not gonna go away.
So, yeah, I mean, I would loveto say I'm not gonna have mental
health issues, but you have todo you have to always continue
evolving, right?
So for me, I take medication forPTSD, and I know that if I'm off
that medication and thatmedication gets out of my

(48:53):
system, that's gonna bring backsome of those darker days.
So I have to make sure I stay onthat medication.
I have to make sure I'mrefilling my prescription.
I was having a hard time.
I decided to go back tocounseling again.
And that's fine.
I can leave counseling for ayear or two years if I'm okay.
But if I need it, I have to goback and do it.

(49:13):
And I think that's a problemwith men.
If we think we have somethingwrong with us, we feel broken,
we feel disgraceful, we feeldishonored, we feel we're not
loved, we feel like we're justthese we carry all this pride
and all this duty and all thisstuff inside of us.
And if something's jacked up,that's where we push it down and
we don't get help.

(49:34):
But no, you have to do those,you have to find what works, and
then you have to do it.
And then if you're good andsomething comes back, then you
go do it again.
It just I think I got to a pointin my life where I realized that
life isn't as hard as we think.
We make it a lot harder harderthan it is.

SPEAKER_01 (49:55):
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that can that canhappen.
And and and I I think especiallyas men, that it's again kind of
that narrative that we tellourselves, right?
That this is gonna be harder orthat it has to be harder, that
it can't be just as easy asgoing to therapy or you know,
being vulnerable or sharingthose things, that it's gotta be

(50:17):
hard, it's gotta be painful,it's gotta be, I'm gonna lose a
limb in doing this.

SPEAKER_00 (50:22):
Yeah, we're our own worst enemy, right?

SPEAKER_01 (50:25):
Yeah, what is your yeah, you know, I'm curious as
we've talked about all of this,what has your relationship
looked like along the way withother men and support and
community and and this growthjourney for you?

SPEAKER_00 (50:39):
So that's something I'm currently working on because
I realized as I'm getting older,we need friends though.
We need men in our corner, weneed men to hang with and talk
to and be with.
We're not meant to be solitarycreatures.
And having the right men on yourside can help you scale your

(51:01):
business, can help you get inbetter shape, can help you.
So for me, like I said, that wasjoining jujitsu.
It was another veteran who askedme to come to the gym, and he
was telling me, hey, you know, alot of people at the gym were
they're all you know, formercops or they are cops or first
response, like it's mycommunity, and that they hang
out a lot outside of the gym.

(51:23):
So I was like, man, I I needfriends.
So, you know, and once again,when I was in the gym today,
everybody was nice, everybodyshook my hand, everybody, it was
like the right place to be, youknow.
Not every gym is gonna be likethat, but for me, I was like,
man, this is cool.
I I like this, I feel like theywant me to be here.
And then the other thing I didis there's a guy named Ryan

(51:45):
Milkelson.
He's another men's coach, he'sbeen around for a long time.
He has a podcast called Order ofMan.
Well, he has his own groupcalled the Iron Council.
So I joined the Iron Council acouple weeks ago, and it's on,
you know, it's all online, butyou get into a what they call a
battle team with morelike-minded men, they find, you

(52:07):
know, the kind of people, yourpeople, your tribe, and then
they're there to support you andhelp you and help you grow.
And we do Zoom meetings and wedo check-ins, and I have a
coach.
Even as a coach, I need a coach,and I'm aware of that.
And so I have two groups nowcurrently in my corner that I'm
trying to use to build backthose relationships and have

(52:29):
those relationships with men inour lives because going it alone
is just not an option.

SPEAKER_01 (52:36):
Yeah, I think it's all too important to have that
community to lean on when timesget tough.
And and I feel like, you know,the thing is as men that I feel
like we often feel that we'rethe only ones that are going
through this, right?
That we're the only onesstruggling with it, that I'm the
only one that has thesethoughts.
But in reality, right, there'sprobably a lot of the guys at

(52:56):
your jujitsu gym, right, thatare all showing up for that same
sense of community andcamaraderie, right?
Maybe past military members orwhatever it might be, that the
the world is too big for us tobe the only ones that are
struggling with these sort ofissues.
So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (53:15):
Yeah, there's no point in suffering alone if you
can suffer with a community andfind like-minded people that
understand what you're goingthrough.
And and that's the vulnerabilitypart.
You know, as men, a lot of timeswe don't want to share those
things with other men because weare afraid we're gonna be seen
as weak or we're gonna bejudged, or how dare you be
broken, or whatever.

(53:37):
And a lot of us are.
I mean, look at the way theworld's going and society's
going.
Whether, you know, whatever sideof the fence you lean on is
scary times, and you need thatsupport system.
You need people that you cantalk to, that you can trust,
that you can be vulnerable withafter you, you know, you get to
know them, and they can give youthose.

(53:57):
It's always better to have anoutside perspective, right?
Like I know what's good for me,but if I have another man that's
been through something similar,he's like, Well, I did this and
this and this, and I try it, itmight work.
So, you know, having thatdifferent perspective is
important.

SPEAKER_01 (54:12):
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, hey, tell us a little bitabout Battlefitted, your your
brand, and what is it thatinspired you to create it and
and whatnot?

SPEAKER_00 (54:22):
So Battlefitted, battlefitted.com is my website.
You can find me anywhere onsocial media at Battlefitted.
And originally I just kind ofthought when I was creating this
thing about like a knight andhow a knight dons armor, and
like how a soldier or a cop, allthe warriors through history,

(54:43):
they had a piece of gear, apiece of armor that they would
wear to protect them.
And me having this servicemindset and being a former being
in the military and being apolice officer and wanting to
protect people and and build menstronger, that's kind of what
Battlefitted was born.
It's me creating this armor,whether it's through my

(55:05):
coaching, whether it's throughthe clothing, through the
podcast, or if I'm doing keynotespeaking to show men that we can
be strong, we can be tough, andwe can, you know, pretty much
fight almost every battle thatcomes our way and have that
warrior mentality, meaning thatno matter how hard it gets, or

(55:25):
how many times we get knockedback down, we're gonna, even if
we have to crawl for a while,we're gonna find a way to get
back up and get back in thatfight.

SPEAKER_01 (55:35):
Yeah, I love that, man.
So looking back on your on yourjourney, right?
From service to you know, mayberock bottom to to leading men
and what it is that you'redoing, what what would you say
that the biggest lesson thatyou've learned about yourself in
that journey?

SPEAKER_00 (55:55):
As stupid and silly as it sounds, just don't give
up.
Like, no matter like I I've hadtimes where I've had a gun in my
hand and I thought it was gonnabe my last day.
I've had times where I'vecontemplated drinking tons of
pills and ending my life, andevery time something, whether

(56:17):
God, the universe, my own innervoice said don't do it.
One more day.
So all I can say is just onemore day.
No matter what you're goingthrough, just give it one more
day.
And if that day doesn't go good,just give it one more day.
And sometimes if you have tolive day by day instead of you

(56:39):
know trying to live weeks ormonths or years, live that day
and leave live that day tillyou're full fullest until you
can figure out that step orwhatever it is you need to take
to get out of that dark area.
So, you know, we're veryresilient, and I don't think we
give ourselves enough.
I don't give myself enoughcredit sometimes.
So as silly and and cliche, youjust you can't give up.

(57:03):
You just have to keep going nomatter what.

SPEAKER_01 (57:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
But hey man, I loved our ourchat and the conversation.
I think it's I think it's gonnaserve a lot of men very well.
What you know, you you mentioneda little bit about your website
or whatnot.
Do you want to what what what isthe the website?
Where can people find you?

SPEAKER_00 (57:22):
So battlefitted.com.
That has my coaching, it has theclothing, it has the podcast.
You can actually listen to mypodcast from the website or
literally anywhere in the socialmedia universe at Battlefitted.
Uh, I am more active onInstagram.
So I am not when someone DMs me,as long as it's not anything

(57:44):
crazy or psycho cuckoo bananas,I will answer you.
So I answer all my DMs.
I will talk to you.
You don't have to hire me asyour coach, but if you're going
through something and you'rejust like, man, I need to talk
to somebody, reach out and Iwill do my best to serve you or
get you in the right directionbecause I literally want to see

(58:05):
everybody and anybody win thatwants to win.

SPEAKER_01 (58:10):
I love that, man.
I love that it's you that'sresponding, that it's you that
no matter you know, whether itsounds like guys are coaching
with you or whatever it is thatyou're willing to to step in and
be, you know, maybe that's thatnext stepping stone for them on
their journey.
So all right, man.
Well, hey, we'll wrap it upthere and chat soon.

SPEAKER_00 (58:35):
Thanks for having me.
I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 (58:37):
Hey, before you go, this podcast is just the
surface.
The real work happens inside theEvolve Men Brotherhood.
This is our private community ofmen committed to leading
themselves boldly, buildingconfidence, and sharpening one
another in the fire.
Registration officially opensDecember 1st, and we kick off
our Brotherhood calls togetherbeginning in January 2026.

(58:58):
But you can get on the listtoday and be the first to claim
your spot.
If you're tired of going to lifealone and you're ready for true
accountability, support, andconnection with men who get it,
head to EvolvemenProject.comslash Brotherhood.
Don't just listen.
Step into the Brotherhood.
I'll see you inside.