November 20, 2025 • 38 mins
The night gets loud when the house goes quiet. Andy remembers pacing his apartment after a year that shattered his marriage, injured his body, and knocked him down at work. A beer took the edge off—until it started stealing presence, purpose, and the man he wanted his kids to see. What followed wasn’t a highlight reel. It was a string of small, stubborn choices: 30-day experiments, 75 Hard, long runs before sunrise, and a decision on Christmas Eve to go all of 2022 without alcohol—and to tell people, so it counted.
We walk through how that pledge unlocked momentum. Andy found a men’s group where vulnerability wasn’t a buzzword but a requirement. He learned to live the be-do-have model: define the man first, do the actions that match, watch the results follow. Removing alcohol cleared the fog—sleep got better, workouts cleaner, decisions sharper—and the compounding effect showed up everywhere. He went from demotion to three promotions by focusing on consistent routines, clear goals, and the right circle. He became fully present with his kids, more grounded with his ex as a co-parent, and more confident walking into any room.
We dig into practical tools: non-negotiable mornings at 4 a.m., gratitude journaling, pre-planning “off days,” and using accountability like oxygen. We talk about choosing hard things on purpose—the cold plunge, the awkward call in a second language, the honest conversation—because each rep is a vote for who you are. And we name the lie that keeps men stuck: that you’re alone. You’re not. The right brotherhood makes honesty normal, progress measurable, and setbacks recoverable.
If this story sparks something, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway. Want tools to start today? Grab free resources at evolvemenproject.com and take your next step—small, forward, and on purpose.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt, and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections, and live boldly?
I'm Corey Baum, and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership, and real worldexperience.
Together we'll forge unshakableconfidence, master social
(00:24):
dynamics, and create a liferooted in purpose, brotherhood,
and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the tools andinsights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Okay.
Hey, welcome to the show today.
(00:44):
I've got a really good friend ofmine joining.
Somebody that I'm that I'mreally grateful that he's here
to share his powerful story.
Today we're going to be talkingabout his journey into sobriety,
what that path looked like, andhow community and connection
played a part along the way.
He's someone that I that Ireally respect a lot for his
(01:06):
choices and his journey and andand all of it.
(01:34):
So Andy man, thanks for beinghere.
And I'd love to just kind ofstart with what did life look
like for you before sobriety?
SPEAKER_01 (01:44):
Well, great opportunity to be here.
Really love to talk to you andshare this because you were part
of my journey, Corey, a reallybig part of it.
I guess, you know, myrelationship with alcohol was
never great, you know, as ateenager growing up, you know, I
fell into, you know, 16, 17,partying every weekend, you
know, and not really looking forfor a fun time, but a fun time
(02:06):
with alcohol was always alwaysmandatory to me.
And as I went through my adultlife, it was the same thing.
It was always not uh what am Idoing this week?
It was what am I gonna do thisweekend and what am I gonna
drink?
And to be completely honest, in2019, family and and kids, my
ex-wife came to me one night andsaid, I don't love you anymore.
(02:28):
Brought my world down.
A few months after that, I felldown and tore my rotator cuff.
And then about a month afterthat, I lost, didn't I lose my
job, but I was I was broughtdown a level at work.
And 2019 was just a terribleyear for me.
And I saw the demons creep in.
(02:49):
It got to a dark area that I wasdrinking to get through the day.
It didn't affect me at work, soto speak, and it didn't affect
me so much that I couldn't doanything without alcohol, but it
was just something that soothedme.
I got home from work and I had abeer.
I had a couple of beers, andthat put me to sleep, and that
made me feel comfortable.
(03:09):
And that was how I hid from fromyou know, being the shame of the
relationship failing and thesadness and you know, spending
every day with your kids asthey're growing up, and then one
day you're sitting in anapartment by yourself.
It's a real, and I'm not theonly one that goes through the
that went through something likethis.
However, it just brought medown.
(03:30):
And I remember looking at myselfin the mirror, you know, nights
before going to bed and notliking the man that I saw in the
mirror.
And what started the journeywas, you know, starting to look
at podcasts and listen topodcasts about health.
And I started a little journeyon, you know, I tried uh a
(03:50):
couple of different things withwith working out, with some
challenges, you know, the 30days, no alcohol, and things
like that.
But I'd do them and then I'dfail, right?
And then I'd be bad, feelterrible that I failed that one
time, and then it would send meright down into that spiral
again.
But I started listening more andmore to podcasts, and I tried
(04:14):
something crazy, which was 75hard.
And some of you might know whatthat is.
It's a it's a 70-day program,75-day program without alcohol,
a lot of physical stuff, a lotof things that you have to check
off the boxes.
And throughout that journey, Icame across a podcast about
being a father, you know, andabout a group of men together
(04:37):
that were trying to betterthemselves, trying to better
their relationships and bettertheir finances and better,
better their physical stuff.
And I started listening to thispodcast and I started realizing,
geez, I'm I'm not alone in thebattles that I'm going through.
I'm not alone with therelationship issues that I'm
having.
I'm not alone with uh being asingle dad, and I'm not alone in
(04:59):
this alcohol journey.
So that was the turning point.
I mean, the physical stuffreally helped.
I really noticed the differencewhen I worked out and when I was
doing some running, that itreally helped, and I really
noticed what uh life withoutalcohol felt like, but there was
always one of those things thatwould just click and it would
send me back down.
I just the car just turned intothe beer store.
(05:21):
The car just, you know, it didit magically after a difficult
day at work.
And I got I joined a men'sgroup, online men's group, and
got into it and you know,realized just that there are men
out there with exactly the samestory, worse stories with me.
I'm I'm seeing my kids, uh, youknow, some of the men that I'd
(05:42):
I'd uh that I'd haveconversations with, they weren't
able to see their kids or maybeonce a month.
And I I had some positive thingsgoing for me.
And I fell upon a call groupthat that you were in.
And in I guess it was rightbefore Christmas, it was
Christmas Eve 2022.
I made a pledge to myself, and Imade a pledge to everybody
(06:07):
around me that I was gonna go2022 with no alcohol.
And I didn't know what I wasgetting into, but I wanted
everybody to know.
And through the help ofobviously my family being around
me and understanding, but themen around me was what made it
easy.
(06:27):
Yeah, I wouldn't call it easy byany means, but the men around me
that I could just open up to.
And there was a few men in thatgroup that had gone alcohol-free
for years, and they just let meopen up, talk about my feelings,
talk about the issues that I washaving, and that was the step.
(06:51):
You know, when I had an issue,when I had something come up,
this men's group helped me withdealing with my emotions in a
positive way.
Yeah, figuring out, hey, this isa normal thing, you know, if you
just relax, you go for a run,you go to the gym, you call
somebody up, this feeling willpass.
And that's how I started gainingsome momentum with, you know,
(07:13):
going alcohol-free.
So it's one of the first thingsin my life that I ever
accomplished, Corey, to tell youthe the tell you the truth, is
that I made a promise to myselfthat I was not going to drink in
2022, and I didn't, you know,and I'm amazed.
It just amazed me that that Iwas able to do it.
(07:34):
And that was just from thatpoint on, it was just the
momentum.
So that's a little bit of mybackstory.
I don't know if you want to diginto any of any of that, Corey.
SPEAKER_00 (07:44):
Yeah, no, man, there's so many good things
there.
I'm you know, I'm really kind ofcurious.
What what do you feel like?
Because to your point, that thisis something that a lot of men
struggle with every day, thatyou know, either different
struggles or darker struggles,whatever it might be.
But what what do you feel likeit was for you to to have the
(08:05):
courage to take that first stepand be vulnerable and and to
show up and to say those sort ofthings?
Was it yeah?
SPEAKER_01 (08:19):
I figured out how important my my children were
for me and the people around mewere to me.
I I figured out through thecommunity that you have to know
what your why is, you have toknow what your values are, you
have to know have a reason toput your feet on the floor in
the morning and attack life.
(08:40):
Yeah.
And I realized that I wasletting this time with my kids,
you know, all three of them, Iwas letting that kind of slip
through my fingers and not beingpresent and not being a good, a
good example.
I was always a good dad, but Iwas never a good ex or I wasn't
a good example at this point.
And I mean, everybody has tofind their why in life, their
(09:05):
reason for getting up in themorning.
And what's what's also somethingthat I I realized throughout the
process.
Jeez, I lost my train ofthought, Corey.
SPEAKER_00 (09:17):
Well, no, also on on that point, I mean, one of the
things that I I talk a lot aboutwith the men that I work with is
this concept of like abe-do-have model, right?
Of really, really identifyingwho it is that you want to be.
Right, uh to your point, tofiguring out what that why is
and then going out and doingthose things that line up with
(09:38):
who it is that you want to be,right?
And as a result of that, you endup having the thing, you know,
because a lot of times peoplethink that, like, hey, you know,
if I if I buy these things,right, then I'll end up being
that sort of person that I wantto be.
If if I if I have these things,right, or if I do these things,
if I work really hard, and wekind of go about it backwards.
(09:58):
And so really starting that,flipping that on its head and
really starting from identifyingwho it is that you want to be,
right?
Who is the man that you want tobe, and then doing the actions
that align with that person,right?
And it sounds like for you thatwas sobriety and such, and
getting your health in line andwhatnot.
SPEAKER_01 (10:19):
Yeah, I think the first step was health for me,
and that is what triggered me towant to get better.
And I noticed these little smallincrements as I went, and I was
getting healthier and I wasfeeling better, I was sleeping
better.
But I mean, quitting alcohol wasjust was the life hack.
Quitting alcohol and and how itaffected me in my daily life was
(10:41):
a health, was was a reallyimportant step for me.
But that brought on a lot ofother changes, you know, that
brought on a clarity in my lifewith the decisions that I was
making.
I mean, to go into it a littlebit further, Corey, is that
since I quit alcohol, I mean, mylife has done nothing but get,
you know, slowly better, youknow, on a on a yearly basis, on
(11:04):
a monthly basis, it's getting uhit's getting better, right?
And it's one of those thingslike go to the gym one time and
it you don't notice thedifference.
But if you go to the gym for ayear, you notice the difference.
And and what I mean by that isthat I've just simply in work,
I've gone from being demoted tobeing promoted three times since
the day I quit alcohol.
(11:25):
I mean, and and that is for noother reason is that I am
focused in my life.
I know exactly what I want todo, I know exactly what I want
to achieve, and I know exactlywhat community I want around me.
And I make the steps, just likeyou said, every single day.
You know, I get up at a certainpoint of the day, I have a
routine of the person that Iwant to be, you know, you know,
(11:49):
dressed for success or dressedfor the position that you want,
all those things.
That's what I'm trying to doevery single day, you know, and
that the the self-confidencethat I that I got from the men
behind me, and the fact that Ijust started stacking these days
of alcohol free over and overand over again and did it living
(12:11):
live.
You know, I was tellingeverybody about my journey, and
that built so muchself-confidence.
And if if I can do this, whatelse can I do?
And not just looking at, youknow, what could stand in the
way, but looking at a big goal,you know, a goal in the in the
future that uh, you know, isachievable.
And and and that was the firstthing.
(12:33):
The the physical part was wasreally good, but the actual fact
that I could do this and I canstand and and be proud of this,
you know, that self-confidencewas so helpful to me in other
aspects of my life.
SPEAKER_00 (12:48):
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
I think that for so many mentoday, they've lost that aspect
of doing hard things, right?
And and the benefits that kindof come with that.
Even for myself, you know,there's different practices and
processes that I go throughevery day.
And one of them is getting in acold plunge every morning.
I'm up at 5 a.m., I'm in thecold plunge, and and generally
(13:09):
for the most part, I try to getout of it by 5 15 so that I have
to get out of bed, right?
There's no like wallowing to thecold plunge, but walking,
pushing myself through thosetimes where I don't want to do
it.
Right.
And whatever that might be,right?
You've talked about 75 hard,right?
This sobriety, but the theamount there's a certain level
(13:31):
of confidence that comes fromtaking that action.
And to your point, being able tostack those wins, right?
It's starting off small andlittle by little it gains
momentum, right?
It's like a giant rock comingdown the mountain that before
you know it, you're just plowingthrough trees.
What do you so what do you feellike are some some tools and
(13:51):
practices that that keep you ontrack?
SPEAKER_01 (13:59):
Discipline is number one to me.
I need a set routine, and Istick to my set routine.
Uh I get up at 4 a.m., my feetfeet hit the floor, I have a dog
that helps me have to get outfor a walk, but I run almost
every morning and I I set thosethings in stone.
And like you said, I I start thevery first thing in the morning.
(14:21):
I start with, you know,gratitude for my day.
And and we we we we've discussedthis topic.
But if you told me in 2019 thatI'd be getting up in the morning
and and writing in a journal andtalking to you about how
grateful I am for the thingsthat I have, I'd call you crazy,
you know.
But that is something that I doevery single morning as I get up
and I think about what I'mgrateful for and often write it
(14:44):
down and and be of, you know,and then get on the road with my
routine.
And I think that that issomething that is a
non-negotiable.
If you want to improve inanything in your life, if you
want to reach anything in yourlife, you have to have
non-negotiables and you need thediscipline, you know, because we
all know that it's really easy,you know, January 1st, maybe not
(15:07):
easy, but it's easy January 1stand January 2nd to stick to
something.
But when January 30th comesaround, you know, do you have
the discipline to do it?
You know, and I think that youalways have to look back on it.
I mean, I'm not the youngest guyin the world.
I get up in the morning and I'maching every single morning, but
I now have the mindset is eventhough I'm achy, after I get
(15:31):
this done, I I'm gonna reap thebenefits for from it, you know,
whether it's a physicalchallenge, whether it's for me,
I I live in Germany and as a asa native English speaker and
having to call people in Germanyand and talk to people in
German, that's always a strugglefor me.
There's always that voice in theback of my head, oh yeah, do it
tomorrow.
But you know, going through thischallenge and and like you
(15:54):
mentioned, doing hard things,that simply calling customer
service in Germany is a hardthing for me, right?
When it comes to my, you know,when it comes to anything, it's
it's a different, it's achallenge.
I mean, my German has improvedfor the in the years that I've
lived here, but it's always ahard thing.
And whenever I find a hardthing, I really try to, okay,
let's get it done.
(16:14):
And sometimes it's nothing,sometimes it's no problem.
I check the box off, and it'slike, you know, that's a win,
you know, it's a stackinganother win.
And no matter how small theyare, you know, the wins are so
important to, like you said,keep the momentum, whether it's
the momentum of the day thatyou're in or the momentum of the
the goal that you're workingtowards, it it takes just doing
(16:38):
those little things right everysingle day.
And and you know, from what I'velearned.
SPEAKER_00 (16:42):
Yeah.
So I imagine I'm I'm curious howyou, you know, although you
know, you you enjoy it, soundslike really stacking those wins
and having the discipline andgoing out and crushing it.
What does it look like for youin the days where you get out of
bed a little bit more slowly oryou you don't make that phone
call or whatever it might be?
Like, how do you how do younavigate that for yourself?
SPEAKER_01 (17:05):
Yeah, and I have um 60-40 custody with my ex-wife.
And the the Wednesdays that mykids go off to school and I know
that they're not gonna be thereon Wednesday night when I get
back to my place, those are somereal difficult days.
And they are days that Iidentify right from the
beginning of the day that thisis gonna be a difficult day.
(17:26):
And I notice it's a lot easieron those days for me to skip the
call, to say, hey, you know,today's, you know, it's a
difficult day, you know, and andthose are the days that are
really dangerous to me from mypoint of view, is that and I
really have to make an effort.
And the things that I accomplishon those days, those Thursday
(17:47):
and Fridays in my case, thoseare like, you know, extra wins.
But I have to be kind to myself.
Yeah.
There are gonna be days that I'mI'm not gonna get that 1% better
that I preach a lot of the time.
Every day, 1% better.
There's gonna be days that I'mnot gonna hit it.
And what the whole thing is isthat when I put my head on the
(18:10):
pillow, and whether I failedthat day or if I lost that day,
tomorrow's a new day.
And I have a start, you know,when that alarm goes off, my
feet hit the floor, I have a newopportunity.
Now, that's easy to say, butthat's the way I have to frame
it in my mind.
Yeah, because we all knowwhatever your habit, whatever
(18:31):
your little failure is, youknow, one little failure
repeated twice could really, youknow, send you down uh in a
spiral area.
I also have a lot of peoplearound me that I can reach out
to.
I can simply leave a voicemessage to one of the guys, one
of the guys in my wolf pack,right?
(18:51):
One of the guys that I know, andsay, you know what, I really
screwed up last night.
I yelled at my child, or youknow, I I didn't get my workout
in, or whatever the case may be.
Oh, I've lost uh my signal.
SPEAKER_00 (19:06):
Hold on, I'm coming back.
It's me.
Yeah, it's me.
Anyway, so speaking of that, howdo you I mean, it sounds like
community has really played apart in your journey, right?
Whether it's navigating the baddays or or whatnot.
But can you tell me a little bitmore about that, like where that
is now and your sense ofcommunity as in regards to where
(19:28):
it was before?
SPEAKER_01 (19:31):
Well, I was lone wolfing it for a long time, you
know, yeah, living in adifferent country and a you
know, starting a new life in anew country.
I didn't have a lot of closefriends here.
And then with the divorce frommy from my ex, I was kind of on
a lone island here.
So it was it was almost anaddiction when I when I got into
a community of men and startedpicking men that that really had
(19:55):
the same goals as me, or or wecould really relate to each
other, whether it had to do withhealth or our kids or you know,
healthy lifestyle oralcohol-free lifestyles.
And that was really a buildingblock.
And as I went through, Iunderstood and uh something that
I learned throughout thisprocess as well is you are the
(20:15):
you are the man that yousurround the that you are sorry,
you you are the person that you,you know, you are the oh geez,
you are the sum of your fourbest friends, right?
Or the people that you surroundyourself, you know, the people
that you I I searched out forfor men that had the same
mindset as me, the same thoughtsin in life as me.
And I stayed with them, youknow.
(20:37):
I I and those are the peoplethat I turn to in difficult
times and in in celebrating.
You know, I all also, you know,say, hey, this is what I I well,
this is what happened today.
It was a big win for me today,and and I also share the the
difficult parts.
I really think that men don'tunderstand well enough how
important it is to talk topeople about it, you know, to
(21:01):
talk to to other men about allsorts of different issues, but
that not just to talk to themabout it, but to understand
you're not alone.
And I think that's the way Ifelt looking back, you know,
just two or three years ago.
I felt alone.
I felt like I was battling allthese problems and all these
(21:21):
things all by myself.
And I thought that I was theonly one going through this
stuff.
And the more men that I met andthe more men that I spoke to,
the more I realized, geez, thisisn't so bad, you know.
And the more I shared and andthe more they shared with me
what they've learned from theprocess, and and being able to
(21:42):
bounce ideas and wins and lossesoff of other men is just it's
such a gift.
And and I never realized howimportant it is.
And they don't, a lot of theguys are in their 20s, you know,
a lot of guys are in their 50stoo, but it doesn't matter what
age, you know, you can learnfrom each other in all aspects
(22:04):
of your life, you know, and andI've really, I really cherish
the men that I'm around, and I'mlooking forward to to developing
more and more friendships withmen as it goes as life goes on,
right?
I I didn't put a real bigemphasis on having men as my
friends after I got married.
I just kind of let everythinggo.
(22:25):
And I I went into the uh thewhole the whole happy wife,
happy life, and and uh kind oflet my relationships with men go
and saw them once in a while.
And uh now it's a daily basis.
Now, on a daily basis, I'mreaching out to someone in my
friend circle just to say hi orto see how they're doing or to
check in with them.
(22:46):
So it it it's an I couldn'timagine, you know, getting up
tomorrow and not having someoneto call if I mean, worst case
scenario, my dog died forsomething.
I I hate to say something likethat, but you know, not to have
a man to reach out to and talkto about that.
And and it I'm it it's such a Ifeel like I'm I'm lifted up
(23:07):
every morning by the men thatI'm accountable to, if you
understand what I mean.
Oh, absolutely.
Right?
I've made a promise, yeah.
I've made a promise to theseguys in in many cases and
different goals and things thatI'm shooting for.
And it's not just I'm I'mresponsible to me and to my
family, but I'm also responsibleto these strong men around me to
(23:28):
keep moving us forward.
SPEAKER_00 (23:30):
So I hope that Yeah, yeah, definitely.
No, one one of the things thatbrings up to me is that I got
goosebumps just thinking aboutit, is that by doing this, by
doing these things and byshowing up, right?
It's not just about I guess whatI'm trying to say is that it's
it's also by you doing it,you're giving somebody else the
(23:52):
permission to be vulnerable andto share and ask for help and
such as well.
Right.
I I remember at a time years agonow, it's probably like 23, 22,
when I went to the the summit,right?
And Larry had asked me to go upthere and speak about kind of my
journey, divorce, right,infidelity, all of that sort of
(24:14):
bit.
And I I had so many men come upto me afterwards and say, Hey, I
thank you so much, man.
Because I just like you said, Ithought I thought that I was the
only one that struggled withthese sort of things.
Right.
I thought that the that I wasall by myself.
And to see somebody get up onstage or to get on a call or
(24:35):
whatever that is and speak soopenly and freely about it,
allows them the you know, thesecurity in knowing that hey, I
can do this as well, right?
If I could see this guy do it, Ican do it as well.
Right.
So it's not just about I uh theway that I see it at times, that
it's almost like in service ofsort of thing.
(24:56):
So at times it's you know, yeah,I want to accomplish my goals
and I want to do these things,and uh, but I also want to show
up to these calls and be heldaccountable and hold other
people accountable in service ofwhat that can provide for them,
right?
By by me allowing them theopportunity to hold me
(25:18):
accountable and such, right?
It it's it's this like, okay,well, now they know that they
can bring those sort ofchallenges to the group and be
accountable as well.
SPEAKER_01 (25:29):
Our Thursday night call, Corey.
I'll never forget it was rightin the start of my you know
alcohol-free journey.
And I remember the the place Iwas on the call and hearing one
of the members share somestories about alcohol.
And I realized, you know, thatjust gave me that it took the
(25:51):
pressure off me to hear anotherman talk this way about his
battles with alcohol and and thejourney that he's been through.
It just that community of andand being able to, I mean, when
we have conversations, it's not,hey, how's it going?
Oh, yeah, you see that game lastweek.
We get right into it, you know.
We get right into the, I call itthe meat, right?
(26:13):
You get right into the meat, andthat's okay.
And it's okay to to we we callthat, you know, lie in your
shit, you know, lie in there andfeel terrible and share that
terrible feeling.
And it's you need to let thatout, you know.
You need to let it out and tohave men around you that
understand it, that accept it,and not just accept it, say, hey
(26:37):
man, that's awesome.
That's awesome that you sharedthat.
That's a that's a that's a goodpoint, that's a bad point, but
just that's awesome that youshared it and encourage it going
forward.
I mean, it I can't believe Idon't know where I'd be without
that Thursday call that youknow, with with you fellas in
that.
That was just and just such aninspirational and life-changing
(26:59):
call, you know, the hours thatwe spent together.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
So I think I think more and more lately that men
are really searching forcommunity and connection, right?
It's just uh it's it's ever morepressing now than I feel like it
ever has been, right?
With technology and all of thesethings that are kind of have
(27:22):
been pulling us apart that weneeded now more than ever.
What what would you say as aresult?
Like, how has this affected yourother relationships, your
relationships with your kids andand obviously like your
community and things that you'regetting out and doing?
But how has this changed foryou?
The relation, the theconversations, the
relationships, all of it.
SPEAKER_01 (27:47):
I am 100% uh present with my kids now.
When my kids are with me, I'mwith them at all times.
We have a lot more openconversations about really deep
topics.
That has changed drastically.
Not that I didn't talk to thembefore, but as they've gotten
(28:07):
older and conversations about mypast and my struggles with with
alcohol and my struggles in inthe past, I've been completely
open with them.
And they are now seeing a manthat is trying to grab onto
life, yeah, instead of you know,kind of letting life happen to
him.
And that's really strengthenedmy relationship to my with my
(28:29):
kids, to the people around methat know me well.
And I, yeah, like again, thesame topic.
If you know you told one of them10 years ago that I would not be
drinking alcohol, they wouldhave laughed in your face.
You know, I was always the onewith the alcohol.
I was always the one, the lastone up at night, getting the
last beer out of the fridge.
(28:50):
And that has changed theconversations that I have with
people.
When I sit down with someone fordinner in a clear mind, and and
you know, I can have clearconversations with people.
It has really affected myconfidence level.
When I walk into a room now, Ifeel a lot more confident.
Not because I don't drinkalcohol.
(29:11):
That has very little to do withit, but because of the man that
I'm I'm starting to become orthe journey that I'm on, I have
a lot more confidence.
So speak people speak to me alittle bit different from what I
remember.
Yeah.
As being someone that doesn'tspeak German, living in Germany,
right?
Sometimes it's a little bitdifficult to understand me, but
people speak to me with respectbecause my shoulders are back,
(29:34):
you know, my chest is out alittle bit more.
And that affects the way whenyou walk into a room, how the
how people react to you, right?
It's it's all been uh a veryslow, but when I look back on
it, you know, you know, we'recoming up to a thousand days
alcohol free.
When I look back on the journey,I mean it it the way I get up in
(29:55):
the morning and the way Iinteract with people throughout
my day is completely different.
I'm not hiding.
From anything anymore.
Most of the time I'm goingdirectly to maybe not the
problem, but I'm I'm lured rightto trying to solve something or
trying to engage with someone.
So, I mean, my colleagues atwork, I have good relationships
(30:15):
with all of them.
And I I think that we're I'mdeveloping and we're going in
the right way with my ex-wife aswell.
That was a very difficultsituation, and going from
partners to going to parents ofthese kids.
And that is something that'sbecome really important to me as
well, is the fact that we arealways going to be parents to
(30:36):
these kids, and I'm always goingto have a relationship with her.
And with alcohol in the picture,without any guidance from other
men that have gone through this,geez, this could be a disaster,
right?
It could be a situation that wedon't talk to each other.
But again, just like manythings, that's slowly improving.
You know, it's slowly getting tothe fact that we can are to the
(30:58):
point that we can have aconversation comfortably as
parents and no longer as, youknow, two exes, I guess, or or
two people that that broke up.
So it it's helped in in so manyways, in in mostly in emotions,
you know, when someone sayssomething that I don't like or
challenges me or makes me sad.
(31:20):
I understand how the emotionsaffect me and and you know, in
communicating with others,whether it comes to my kids and
it comes to everybody else in mylife, I really seem to deal with
it a lot better.
I very rarely lose my temper.
It it's yeah, it's been slow,but it has been a steady
improvement.
SPEAKER_00 (31:40):
Yeah.
So what do you feel like?
I mean, it sounds likeeverything's amazing, right?
Between the the community andthe the sobriety.
What do you feel like yourfuture holds from you now versus
where it was before?
SPEAKER_01 (31:56):
That's a that's a good question, Corey.
That's a really good question.
As what I didn't do before isset goals for myself.
I didn't, I just tried to getthrough the day.
I was trying to get through theday, maybe not always just to
have a beer at the end of theday, but I was just trying to
get by.
And I think a lot of guys that Iknow are just trying to get by.
They're just trying to getthrough the workday, punch the
(32:20):
clock, you know, get home, getthe kids, you know, just going
through that daily routine andtrying to get by.
And since the change withalcohol and in the health, I'm
trying to enjoy every day.
So that's my goal is to enjoythe present moment, like talking
to you right now.
I mean, what a what a greatopportunity this is for me to
have a chat with you.
(32:40):
But try, and then from thispoint, what am I going to do
next on a daily basis?
But I also have goals that Iwant to achieve.
You know, I have my two dos forthe day, I have my two-dos for
the week, and then looking intothe future, you know, running
goals.
I have, you know, financialgoals.
And I think setting those goals,I mean, you hear it all the
(33:03):
time, but writing them down andhaving them in front of you when
I open up that book everymorning, those reminders are
there for me, you know, and thisis what I'm going for.
So I think not to share reallythe goals with you, but I think
it's really important that thatthat I have these goals set out
for me on a daily, weekly, youknow, yearly basis.
(33:24):
Where am I looking in five yearsis so important.
And, you know, that that mindsetof how is today going to be your
best day, you know, to use thecliche, how are you gonna get a
little bit better today?
Is so important.
And I think uh very often wewish days away, you know, we
just want this day to be over.
We just want to get into ourbed, you know, and then the next
(33:46):
day comes and it's like, oh God,here comes the next day.
And if you don't have somethingto wake up for and to bring this
back around, if you don't have awhy, if you don't have a reason
for those feet to hit the floorand go, you know, what is there
in life then, right?
If you don't have a reason toget up, you know, why why get
up?
Why not hit the snooze again?
(34:08):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (34:09):
Yeah.
Definitely.
Well, as we start to wrap uphere, Andy, what what do you
hope that other men hear fromyour journey?
SPEAKER_01 (34:20):
You're not alone.
You're not the only one goingthrough these problems.
Dark Dark nights I shared.
You know, dark nights I sharedby myself in this apartment.
Luckily, I had a dog, but justkind of pacing around and and
not knowing what to do.
(34:41):
And you just gotta take a stepforward.
You just gotta take a stepforward and reach out, you know,
in whatever direction that is,you know.
I think it's a great thought isthat it doesn't matter how big
the step is, as long as it'sforward, that's what you gotta
do.
And there are others around youthat have been in play the place
(35:05):
that you're in right now.
I guarantee you.
And you know, it's so importantto reach out to men around you
and have these conversations anddiscuss that and and build a
community, you know, aroundyourselves.
So um I'm getting emotionalthinking about this.
(35:26):
I'm getting I'm I'm really it'sbeen it's been a big, such a big
change in my life and and to beable to talk about these things
and and I've I had a couple offlashbacks in this conversation
thinking about the mindset thatI had, you know, uh of what my
day-to-day routine was, youknow, and and what I was looking
forward to in the day, it's beensuch a big change.
(35:48):
I think to men out there, it'snot gonna happen overnight.
You're gonna go through somereally difficult times.
But again, if you just take thatone step forward, make that one
phone call, reach out to thatone guy, uh, find a community,
and you know, it I'm speechlessin what what it means to me.
(36:09):
It's it's such a great thingthat's that's changed my life
drastically.
SPEAKER_00 (36:14):
Yeah.
Well, Andy man, hey, I just wantto say again, I appreciate you
coming on.
Got some feedback in it.
Either way, I I appreciate youcoming on and sharing your story
with us.
It's an honor to have beenalongside you during those those
times and to have seen that.
When I was looking at, you know,the people that I, as you
(36:37):
mentioned, the people that Iwanted next to me, the people I
wanted alongside me, and to haveon the show, uh your name was
one of the first that I thoughtof, right?
Just knowing the the differencethat you made, right?
I remember looking back, youknow, and we talked about this
earlier of I remember you inyour apartment.
I I feel like I remember yousitting on the floor with your
laptop, right?
(36:57):
And I just remember it sovividly of kind of where you're
at then and to see you thrivingnow, it's it's just amazing.
And it's just a testament to umgetting up every morning and
putting your feet on the floorand finding community.
SPEAKER_01 (37:15):
Well, yeah, I'm so happy to have experienced those
things and to gone through thatreally terrible time.
We talk about avoiding hardthings, and and for me to just
do that hard thing and to hearyou and and the other men go
through the hard thingstogether, that just made it
stronger.
It made it did make it easier.
It was not easy, but it made iteasier to have some men around
(37:38):
me at that point and to see thework that you're doing, Corey,
really, and and really making aneffort, building men's
community.
It's such an important thingthat uh, like you said, men
need, you know, and I think menare looking to get involved in
these things.
And for you to to be doing thepodcast and be doing the men's
group, it you know, uh, youknow, big respect to you and and
(38:02):
just keep going, keep pushingforward.
You know, as I say, one percenta little bit better every single
day, my man.
So I appreciate your time.
SPEAKER_00 (38:10):
Absolutely.
All right, Andy.
Well, hey, that's we'll we'llwrap it up and we'll talk soon.
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of the Evolve Men
Podcast.
If today's episode challengedyou, inspired you, or gave you
something to think about, don'tstop here.
Keep building, keep evolving.
Head over towww.evolvemenproject.com, where
(38:30):
you'll find free resources onconfidence, leadership,
relationships, communication,and personal power.
Everything you need to startapplying what you've learned
here and take your growth to thenext level.
The tools are there, the nextmove is yours.
Until the next time, men, staystrong, lead powerfully, and
live boldly.
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt, and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections, and live boldly?
I'm Corey Baum, and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership, and real worldexperience.
Together we'll forge unshakableconfidence, master social
(00:24):
dynamics, and create a liferooted in purpose, brotherhood,
and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the tools andinsights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Okay.
Hey, welcome to the show today.
(00:44):
I've got a really good friend ofmine joining.
Somebody that I'm that I'mreally grateful that he's here
to share his powerful story.
Today we're going to be talkingabout his journey into sobriety,
what that path looked like, andhow community and connection
played a part along the way.
He's someone that I that Ireally respect a lot for his
(01:06):
choices and his journey and andand all of it.
(01:34):
So Andy man, thanks for beinghere.
And I'd love to just kind ofstart with what did life look
like for you before sobriety?
SPEAKER_01 (01:44):
Well, great opportunity to be here.
Really love to talk to you andshare this because you were part
of my journey, Corey, a reallybig part of it.
I guess, you know, myrelationship with alcohol was
never great, you know, as ateenager growing up, you know, I
fell into, you know, 16, 17,partying every weekend, you
know, and not really looking forfor a fun time, but a fun time
(02:06):
with alcohol was always alwaysmandatory to me.
And as I went through my adultlife, it was the same thing.
It was always not uh what am Idoing this week?
It was what am I gonna do thisweekend and what am I gonna
drink?
And to be completely honest, in2019, family and and kids, my
ex-wife came to me one night andsaid, I don't love you anymore.
(02:28):
Brought my world down.
A few months after that, I felldown and tore my rotator cuff.
And then about a month afterthat, I lost, didn't I lose my
job, but I was I was broughtdown a level at work.
And 2019 was just a terribleyear for me.
And I saw the demons creep in.
(02:49):
It got to a dark area that I wasdrinking to get through the day.
It didn't affect me at work, soto speak, and it didn't affect
me so much that I couldn't doanything without alcohol, but it
was just something that soothedme.
I got home from work and I had abeer.
I had a couple of beers, andthat put me to sleep, and that
made me feel comfortable.
(03:09):
And that was how I hid from fromyou know, being the shame of the
relationship failing and thesadness and you know, spending
every day with your kids asthey're growing up, and then one
day you're sitting in anapartment by yourself.
It's a real, and I'm not theonly one that goes through the
that went through something likethis.
However, it just brought medown.
(03:30):
And I remember looking at myselfin the mirror, you know, nights
before going to bed and notliking the man that I saw in the
mirror.
And what started the journeywas, you know, starting to look
at podcasts and listen topodcasts about health.
And I started a little journeyon, you know, I tried uh a
(03:50):
couple of different things withwith working out, with some
challenges, you know, the 30days, no alcohol, and things
like that.
But I'd do them and then I'dfail, right?
And then I'd be bad, feelterrible that I failed that one
time, and then it would send meright down into that spiral
again.
But I started listening more andmore to podcasts, and I tried
(04:14):
something crazy, which was 75hard.
And some of you might know whatthat is.
It's a it's a 70-day program,75-day program without alcohol,
a lot of physical stuff, a lotof things that you have to check
off the boxes.
And throughout that journey, Icame across a podcast about
being a father, you know, andabout a group of men together
(04:37):
that were trying to betterthemselves, trying to better
their relationships and bettertheir finances and better,
better their physical stuff.
And I started listening to thispodcast and I started realizing,
geez, I'm I'm not alone in thebattles that I'm going through.
I'm not alone with therelationship issues that I'm
having.
I'm not alone with uh being asingle dad, and I'm not alone in
(04:59):
this alcohol journey.
So that was the turning point.
I mean, the physical stuffreally helped.
I really noticed the differencewhen I worked out and when I was
doing some running, that itreally helped, and I really
noticed what uh life withoutalcohol felt like, but there was
always one of those things thatwould just click and it would
send me back down.
I just the car just turned intothe beer store.
(05:21):
The car just, you know, it didit magically after a difficult
day at work.
And I got I joined a men'sgroup, online men's group, and
got into it and you know,realized just that there are men
out there with exactly the samestory, worse stories with me.
I'm I'm seeing my kids, uh, youknow, some of the men that I'd
(05:42):
I'd uh that I'd haveconversations with, they weren't
able to see their kids or maybeonce a month.
And I I had some positive thingsgoing for me.
And I fell upon a call groupthat that you were in.
And in I guess it was rightbefore Christmas, it was
Christmas Eve 2022.
I made a pledge to myself, and Imade a pledge to everybody
(06:07):
around me that I was gonna go2022 with no alcohol.
And I didn't know what I wasgetting into, but I wanted
everybody to know.
And through the help ofobviously my family being around
me and understanding, but themen around me was what made it
easy.
(06:27):
Yeah, I wouldn't call it easy byany means, but the men around me
that I could just open up to.
And there was a few men in thatgroup that had gone alcohol-free
for years, and they just let meopen up, talk about my feelings,
talk about the issues that I washaving, and that was the step.
(06:51):
You know, when I had an issue,when I had something come up,
this men's group helped me withdealing with my emotions in a
positive way.
Yeah, figuring out, hey, this isa normal thing, you know, if you
just relax, you go for a run,you go to the gym, you call
somebody up, this feeling willpass.
And that's how I started gainingsome momentum with, you know,
(07:13):
going alcohol-free.
So it's one of the first thingsin my life that I ever
accomplished, Corey, to tell youthe the tell you the truth, is
that I made a promise to myselfthat I was not going to drink in
2022, and I didn't, you know,and I'm amazed.
It just amazed me that that Iwas able to do it.
(07:34):
And that was just from thatpoint on, it was just the
momentum.
So that's a little bit of mybackstory.
I don't know if you want to diginto any of any of that, Corey.
SPEAKER_00 (07:44):
Yeah, no, man, there's so many good things
there.
I'm you know, I'm really kind ofcurious.
What what do you feel like?
Because to your point, that thisis something that a lot of men
struggle with every day, thatyou know, either different
struggles or darker struggles,whatever it might be.
But what what do you feel likeit was for you to to have the
(08:05):
courage to take that first stepand be vulnerable and and to
show up and to say those sort ofthings?
Was it yeah?
SPEAKER_01 (08:19):
I figured out how important my my children were
for me and the people around mewere to me.
I I figured out through thecommunity that you have to know
what your why is, you have toknow what your values are, you
have to know have a reason toput your feet on the floor in
the morning and attack life.
(08:40):
Yeah.
And I realized that I wasletting this time with my kids,
you know, all three of them, Iwas letting that kind of slip
through my fingers and not beingpresent and not being a good, a
good example.
I was always a good dad, but Iwas never a good ex or I wasn't
a good example at this point.
And I mean, everybody has tofind their why in life, their
(09:05):
reason for getting up in themorning.
And what's what's also somethingthat I I realized throughout the
process.
Jeez, I lost my train ofthought, Corey.
SPEAKER_00 (09:17):
Well, no, also on on that point, I mean, one of the
things that I I talk a lot aboutwith the men that I work with is
this concept of like abe-do-have model, right?
Of really, really identifyingwho it is that you want to be.
Right, uh to your point, tofiguring out what that why is
and then going out and doingthose things that line up with
(09:38):
who it is that you want to be,right?
And as a result of that, you endup having the thing, you know,
because a lot of times peoplethink that, like, hey, you know,
if I if I buy these things,right, then I'll end up being
that sort of person that I wantto be.
If if I if I have these things,right, or if I do these things,
if I work really hard, and wekind of go about it backwards.
(09:58):
And so really starting that,flipping that on its head and
really starting from identifyingwho it is that you want to be,
right?
Who is the man that you want tobe, and then doing the actions
that align with that person,right?
And it sounds like for you thatwas sobriety and such, and
getting your health in line andwhatnot.
SPEAKER_01 (10:19):
Yeah, I think the first step was health for me,
and that is what triggered me towant to get better.
And I noticed these little smallincrements as I went, and I was
getting healthier and I wasfeeling better, I was sleeping
better.
But I mean, quitting alcohol wasjust was the life hack.
Quitting alcohol and and how itaffected me in my daily life was
(10:41):
a health, was was a reallyimportant step for me.
But that brought on a lot ofother changes, you know, that
brought on a clarity in my lifewith the decisions that I was
making.
I mean, to go into it a littlebit further, Corey, is that
since I quit alcohol, I mean, mylife has done nothing but get,
you know, slowly better, youknow, on a on a yearly basis, on
(11:04):
a monthly basis, it's getting uhit's getting better, right?
And it's one of those thingslike go to the gym one time and
it you don't notice thedifference.
But if you go to the gym for ayear, you notice the difference.
And and what I mean by that isthat I've just simply in work,
I've gone from being demoted tobeing promoted three times since
the day I quit alcohol.
(11:25):
I mean, and and that is for noother reason is that I am
focused in my life.
I know exactly what I want todo, I know exactly what I want
to achieve, and I know exactlywhat community I want around me.
And I make the steps, just likeyou said, every single day.
You know, I get up at a certainpoint of the day, I have a
routine of the person that Iwant to be, you know, you know,
(11:49):
dressed for success or dressedfor the position that you want,
all those things.
That's what I'm trying to doevery single day, you know, and
that the the self-confidencethat I that I got from the men
behind me, and the fact that Ijust started stacking these days
of alcohol free over and overand over again and did it living
(12:11):
live.
You know, I was tellingeverybody about my journey, and
that built so muchself-confidence.
And if if I can do this, whatelse can I do?
And not just looking at, youknow, what could stand in the
way, but looking at a big goal,you know, a goal in the in the
future that uh, you know, isachievable.
And and and that was the firstthing.
(12:33):
The the physical part was wasreally good, but the actual fact
that I could do this and I canstand and and be proud of this,
you know, that self-confidencewas so helpful to me in other
aspects of my life.
SPEAKER_00 (12:48):
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
I think that for so many mentoday, they've lost that aspect
of doing hard things, right?
And and the benefits that kindof come with that.
Even for myself, you know,there's different practices and
processes that I go throughevery day.
And one of them is getting in acold plunge every morning.
I'm up at 5 a.m., I'm in thecold plunge, and and generally
(13:09):
for the most part, I try to getout of it by 5 15 so that I have
to get out of bed, right?
There's no like wallowing to thecold plunge, but walking,
pushing myself through thosetimes where I don't want to do
it.
Right.
And whatever that might be,right?
You've talked about 75 hard,right?
This sobriety, but the theamount there's a certain level
(13:31):
of confidence that comes fromtaking that action.
And to your point, being able tostack those wins, right?
It's starting off small andlittle by little it gains
momentum, right?
It's like a giant rock comingdown the mountain that before
you know it, you're just plowingthrough trees.
What do you so what do you feellike are some some tools and
(13:51):
practices that that keep you ontrack?
SPEAKER_01 (13:59):
Discipline is number one to me.
I need a set routine, and Istick to my set routine.
Uh I get up at 4 a.m., my feetfeet hit the floor, I have a dog
that helps me have to get outfor a walk, but I run almost
every morning and I I set thosethings in stone.
And like you said, I I start thevery first thing in the morning.
(14:21):
I start with, you know,gratitude for my day.
And and we we we we've discussedthis topic.
But if you told me in 2019 thatI'd be getting up in the morning
and and writing in a journal andtalking to you about how
grateful I am for the thingsthat I have, I'd call you crazy,
you know.
But that is something that I doevery single morning as I get up
and I think about what I'mgrateful for and often write it
(14:44):
down and and be of, you know,and then get on the road with my
routine.
And I think that that issomething that is a
non-negotiable.
If you want to improve inanything in your life, if you
want to reach anything in yourlife, you have to have
non-negotiables and you need thediscipline, you know, because we
all know that it's really easy,you know, January 1st, maybe not
(15:07):
easy, but it's easy January 1stand January 2nd to stick to
something.
But when January 30th comesaround, you know, do you have
the discipline to do it?
You know, and I think that youalways have to look back on it.
I mean, I'm not the youngest guyin the world.
I get up in the morning and I'maching every single morning, but
I now have the mindset is eventhough I'm achy, after I get
(15:31):
this done, I I'm gonna reap thebenefits for from it, you know,
whether it's a physicalchallenge, whether it's for me,
I I live in Germany and as a asa native English speaker and
having to call people in Germanyand and talk to people in
German, that's always a strugglefor me.
There's always that voice in theback of my head, oh yeah, do it
tomorrow.
But you know, going through thischallenge and and like you
(15:54):
mentioned, doing hard things,that simply calling customer
service in Germany is a hardthing for me, right?
When it comes to my, you know,when it comes to anything, it's
it's a different, it's achallenge.
I mean, my German has improvedfor the in the years that I've
lived here, but it's always ahard thing.
And whenever I find a hardthing, I really try to, okay,
let's get it done.
(16:14):
And sometimes it's nothing,sometimes it's no problem.
I check the box off, and it'slike, you know, that's a win,
you know, it's a stackinganother win.
And no matter how small theyare, you know, the wins are so
important to, like you said,keep the momentum, whether it's
the momentum of the day thatyou're in or the momentum of the
the goal that you're workingtowards, it it takes just doing
(16:38):
those little things right everysingle day.
And and you know, from what I'velearned.
SPEAKER_00 (16:42):
Yeah.
So I imagine I'm I'm curious howyou, you know, although you
know, you you enjoy it, soundslike really stacking those wins
and having the discipline andgoing out and crushing it.
What does it look like for youin the days where you get out of
bed a little bit more slowly oryou you don't make that phone
call or whatever it might be?
Like, how do you how do younavigate that for yourself?
SPEAKER_01 (17:05):
Yeah, and I have um 60-40 custody with my ex-wife.
And the the Wednesdays that mykids go off to school and I know
that they're not gonna be thereon Wednesday night when I get
back to my place, those are somereal difficult days.
And they are days that Iidentify right from the
beginning of the day that thisis gonna be a difficult day.
(17:26):
And I notice it's a lot easieron those days for me to skip the
call, to say, hey, you know,today's, you know, it's a
difficult day, you know, and andthose are the days that are
really dangerous to me from mypoint of view, is that and I
really have to make an effort.
And the things that I accomplishon those days, those Thursday
(17:47):
and Fridays in my case, thoseare like, you know, extra wins.
But I have to be kind to myself.
Yeah.
There are gonna be days that I'mI'm not gonna get that 1% better
that I preach a lot of the time.
Every day, 1% better.
There's gonna be days that I'mnot gonna hit it.
And what the whole thing is isthat when I put my head on the
(18:10):
pillow, and whether I failedthat day or if I lost that day,
tomorrow's a new day.
And I have a start, you know,when that alarm goes off, my
feet hit the floor, I have a newopportunity.
Now, that's easy to say, butthat's the way I have to frame
it in my mind.
Yeah, because we all knowwhatever your habit, whatever
(18:31):
your little failure is, youknow, one little failure
repeated twice could really, youknow, send you down uh in a
spiral area.
I also have a lot of peoplearound me that I can reach out
to.
I can simply leave a voicemessage to one of the guys, one
of the guys in my wolf pack,right?
(18:51):
One of the guys that I know, andsay, you know what, I really
screwed up last night.
I yelled at my child, or youknow, I I didn't get my workout
in, or whatever the case may be.
Oh, I've lost uh my signal.
SPEAKER_00 (19:06):
Hold on, I'm coming back.
It's me.
Yeah, it's me.
Anyway, so speaking of that, howdo you I mean, it sounds like
community has really played apart in your journey, right?
Whether it's navigating the baddays or or whatnot.
But can you tell me a little bitmore about that, like where that
is now and your sense ofcommunity as in regards to where
(19:28):
it was before?
SPEAKER_01 (19:31):
Well, I was lone wolfing it for a long time, you
know, yeah, living in adifferent country and a you
know, starting a new life in anew country.
I didn't have a lot of closefriends here.
And then with the divorce frommy from my ex, I was kind of on
a lone island here.
So it was it was almost anaddiction when I when I got into
a community of men and startedpicking men that that really had
(19:55):
the same goals as me, or or wecould really relate to each
other, whether it had to do withhealth or our kids or you know,
healthy lifestyle oralcohol-free lifestyles.
And that was really a buildingblock.
And as I went through, Iunderstood and uh something that
I learned throughout thisprocess as well is you are the
(20:15):
you are the man that yousurround the that you are sorry,
you you are the person that you,you know, you are the oh geez,
you are the sum of your fourbest friends, right?
Or the people that you surroundyourself, you know, the people
that you I I searched out forfor men that had the same
mindset as me, the same thoughtsin in life as me.
And I stayed with them, youknow.
(20:37):
I I and those are the peoplethat I turn to in difficult
times and in in celebrating.
You know, I all also, you know,say, hey, this is what I I well,
this is what happened today.
It was a big win for me today,and and I also share the the
difficult parts.
I really think that men don'tunderstand well enough how
important it is to talk topeople about it, you know, to
(21:01):
talk to to other men about allsorts of different issues, but
that not just to talk to themabout it, but to understand
you're not alone.
And I think that's the way Ifelt looking back, you know,
just two or three years ago.
I felt alone.
I felt like I was battling allthese problems and all these
(21:21):
things all by myself.
And I thought that I was theonly one going through this
stuff.
And the more men that I met andthe more men that I spoke to,
the more I realized, geez, thisisn't so bad, you know.
And the more I shared and andthe more they shared with me
what they've learned from theprocess, and and being able to
(21:42):
bounce ideas and wins and lossesoff of other men is just it's
such a gift.
And and I never realized howimportant it is.
And they don't, a lot of theguys are in their 20s, you know,
a lot of guys are in their 50stoo, but it doesn't matter what
age, you know, you can learnfrom each other in all aspects
(22:04):
of your life, you know, and andI've really, I really cherish
the men that I'm around, and I'mlooking forward to to developing
more and more friendships withmen as it goes as life goes on,
right?
I I didn't put a real bigemphasis on having men as my
friends after I got married.
I just kind of let everythinggo.
(22:25):
And I I went into the uh thewhole the whole happy wife,
happy life, and and uh kind oflet my relationships with men go
and saw them once in a while.
And uh now it's a daily basis.
Now, on a daily basis, I'mreaching out to someone in my
friend circle just to say hi orto see how they're doing or to
check in with them.
(22:46):
So it it it's an I couldn'timagine, you know, getting up
tomorrow and not having someoneto call if I mean, worst case
scenario, my dog died forsomething.
I I hate to say something likethat, but you know, not to have
a man to reach out to and talkto about that.
And and it I'm it it's such a Ifeel like I'm I'm lifted up
(23:07):
every morning by the men thatI'm accountable to, if you
understand what I mean.
Oh, absolutely.
Right?
I've made a promise, yeah.
I've made a promise to theseguys in in many cases and
different goals and things thatI'm shooting for.
And it's not just I'm I'mresponsible to me and to my
family, but I'm also responsibleto these strong men around me to
(23:28):
keep moving us forward.
SPEAKER_00 (23:30):
So I hope that Yeah, yeah, definitely.
No, one one of the things thatbrings up to me is that I got
goosebumps just thinking aboutit, is that by doing this, by
doing these things and byshowing up, right?
It's not just about I guess whatI'm trying to say is that it's
it's also by you doing it,you're giving somebody else the
(23:52):
permission to be vulnerable andto share and ask for help and
such as well.
Right.
I I remember at a time years agonow, it's probably like 23, 22,
when I went to the the summit,right?
And Larry had asked me to go upthere and speak about kind of my
journey, divorce, right,infidelity, all of that sort of
(24:14):
bit.
And I I had so many men come upto me afterwards and say, Hey, I
thank you so much, man.
Because I just like you said, Ithought I thought that I was the
only one that struggled withthese sort of things.
Right.
I thought that the that I wasall by myself.
And to see somebody get up onstage or to get on a call or
(24:35):
whatever that is and speak soopenly and freely about it,
allows them the you know, thesecurity in knowing that hey, I
can do this as well, right?
If I could see this guy do it, Ican do it as well.
Right.
So it's not just about I uh theway that I see it at times, that
it's almost like in service ofsort of thing.
(24:56):
So at times it's you know, yeah,I want to accomplish my goals
and I want to do these things,and uh, but I also want to show
up to these calls and be heldaccountable and hold other
people accountable in service ofwhat that can provide for them,
right?
By by me allowing them theopportunity to hold me
(25:18):
accountable and such, right?
It it's it's this like, okay,well, now they know that they
can bring those sort ofchallenges to the group and be
accountable as well.
SPEAKER_01 (25:29):
Our Thursday night call, Corey.
I'll never forget it was rightin the start of my you know
alcohol-free journey.
And I remember the the place Iwas on the call and hearing one
of the members share somestories about alcohol.
And I realized, you know, thatjust gave me that it took the
(25:51):
pressure off me to hear anotherman talk this way about his
battles with alcohol and and thejourney that he's been through.
It just that community of andand being able to, I mean, when
we have conversations, it's not,hey, how's it going?
Oh, yeah, you see that game lastweek.
We get right into it, you know.
We get right into the, I call itthe meat, right?
(26:13):
You get right into the meat, andthat's okay.
And it's okay to to we we callthat, you know, lie in your
shit, you know, lie in there andfeel terrible and share that
terrible feeling.
And it's you need to let thatout, you know.
You need to let it out and tohave men around you that
understand it, that accept it,and not just accept it, say, hey
(26:37):
man, that's awesome.
That's awesome that you sharedthat.
That's a that's a that's a goodpoint, that's a bad point, but
just that's awesome that youshared it and encourage it going
forward.
I mean, it I can't believe Idon't know where I'd be without
that Thursday call that youknow, with with you fellas in
that.
That was just and just such aninspirational and life-changing
(26:59):
call, you know, the hours thatwe spent together.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
So I think I think more and more lately that men
are really searching forcommunity and connection, right?
It's just uh it's it's ever morepressing now than I feel like it
ever has been, right?
With technology and all of thesethings that are kind of have
(27:22):
been pulling us apart that weneeded now more than ever.
What what would you say as aresult?
Like, how has this affected yourother relationships, your
relationships with your kids andand obviously like your
community and things that you'regetting out and doing?
But how has this changed foryou?
The relation, the theconversations, the
relationships, all of it.
SPEAKER_01 (27:47):
I am 100% uh present with my kids now.
When my kids are with me, I'mwith them at all times.
We have a lot more openconversations about really deep
topics.
That has changed drastically.
Not that I didn't talk to thembefore, but as they've gotten
(28:07):
older and conversations about mypast and my struggles with with
alcohol and my struggles in inthe past, I've been completely
open with them.
And they are now seeing a manthat is trying to grab onto
life, yeah, instead of you know,kind of letting life happen to
him.
And that's really strengthenedmy relationship to my with my
(28:29):
kids, to the people around methat know me well.
And I, yeah, like again, thesame topic.
If you know you told one of them10 years ago that I would not be
drinking alcohol, they wouldhave laughed in your face.
You know, I was always the onewith the alcohol.
I was always the one, the lastone up at night, getting the
last beer out of the fridge.
(28:50):
And that has changed theconversations that I have with
people.
When I sit down with someone fordinner in a clear mind, and and
you know, I can have clearconversations with people.
It has really affected myconfidence level.
When I walk into a room now, Ifeel a lot more confident.
Not because I don't drinkalcohol.
(29:11):
That has very little to do withit, but because of the man that
I'm I'm starting to become orthe journey that I'm on, I have
a lot more confidence.
So speak people speak to me alittle bit different from what I
remember.
Yeah.
As being someone that doesn'tspeak German, living in Germany,
right?
Sometimes it's a little bitdifficult to understand me, but
people speak to me with respectbecause my shoulders are back,
(29:34):
you know, my chest is out alittle bit more.
And that affects the way whenyou walk into a room, how the
how people react to you, right?
It's it's all been uh a veryslow, but when I look back on
it, you know, you know, we'recoming up to a thousand days
alcohol free.
When I look back on the journey,I mean it it the way I get up in
(29:55):
the morning and the way Iinteract with people throughout
my day is completely different.
I'm not hiding.
From anything anymore.
Most of the time I'm goingdirectly to maybe not the
problem, but I'm I'm lured rightto trying to solve something or
trying to engage with someone.
So, I mean, my colleagues atwork, I have good relationships
(30:15):
with all of them.
And I I think that we're I'mdeveloping and we're going in
the right way with my ex-wife aswell.
That was a very difficultsituation, and going from
partners to going to parents ofthese kids.
And that is something that'sbecome really important to me as
well, is the fact that we arealways going to be parents to
(30:36):
these kids, and I'm always goingto have a relationship with her.
And with alcohol in the picture,without any guidance from other
men that have gone through this,geez, this could be a disaster,
right?
It could be a situation that wedon't talk to each other.
But again, just like manythings, that's slowly improving.
You know, it's slowly getting tothe fact that we can are to the
(30:58):
point that we can have aconversation comfortably as
parents and no longer as, youknow, two exes, I guess, or or
two people that that broke up.
So it it's helped in in so manyways, in in mostly in emotions,
you know, when someone sayssomething that I don't like or
challenges me or makes me sad.
(31:20):
I understand how the emotionsaffect me and and you know, in
communicating with others,whether it comes to my kids and
it comes to everybody else in mylife, I really seem to deal with
it a lot better.
I very rarely lose my temper.
It it's yeah, it's been slow,but it has been a steady
improvement.
SPEAKER_00 (31:40):
Yeah.
So what do you feel like?
I mean, it sounds likeeverything's amazing, right?
Between the the community andthe the sobriety.
What do you feel like yourfuture holds from you now versus
where it was before?
SPEAKER_01 (31:56):
That's a that's a good question, Corey.
That's a really good question.
As what I didn't do before isset goals for myself.
I didn't, I just tried to getthrough the day.
I was trying to get through theday, maybe not always just to
have a beer at the end of theday, but I was just trying to
get by.
And I think a lot of guys that Iknow are just trying to get by.
They're just trying to getthrough the workday, punch the
(32:20):
clock, you know, get home, getthe kids, you know, just going
through that daily routine andtrying to get by.
And since the change withalcohol and in the health, I'm
trying to enjoy every day.
So that's my goal is to enjoythe present moment, like talking
to you right now.
I mean, what a what a greatopportunity this is for me to
have a chat with you.
(32:40):
But try, and then from thispoint, what am I going to do
next on a daily basis?
But I also have goals that Iwant to achieve.
You know, I have my two dos forthe day, I have my two-dos for
the week, and then looking intothe future, you know, running
goals.
I have, you know, financialgoals.
And I think setting those goals,I mean, you hear it all the
(33:03):
time, but writing them down andhaving them in front of you when
I open up that book everymorning, those reminders are
there for me, you know, and thisis what I'm going for.
So I think not to share reallythe goals with you, but I think
it's really important that thatthat I have these goals set out
for me on a daily, weekly, youknow, yearly basis.
(33:24):
Where am I looking in five yearsis so important.
And, you know, that that mindsetof how is today going to be your
best day, you know, to use thecliche, how are you gonna get a
little bit better today?
Is so important.
And I think uh very often wewish days away, you know, we
just want this day to be over.
We just want to get into ourbed, you know, and then the next
(33:46):
day comes and it's like, oh God,here comes the next day.
And if you don't have somethingto wake up for and to bring this
back around, if you don't have awhy, if you don't have a reason
for those feet to hit the floorand go, you know, what is there
in life then, right?
If you don't have a reason toget up, you know, why why get
up?
Why not hit the snooze again?
(34:08):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (34:09):
Yeah.
Definitely.
Well, as we start to wrap uphere, Andy, what what do you
hope that other men hear fromyour journey?
SPEAKER_01 (34:20):
You're not alone.
You're not the only one goingthrough these problems.
Dark Dark nights I shared.
You know, dark nights I sharedby myself in this apartment.
Luckily, I had a dog, but justkind of pacing around and and
not knowing what to do.
(34:41):
And you just gotta take a stepforward.
You just gotta take a stepforward and reach out, you know,
in whatever direction that is,you know.
I think it's a great thought isthat it doesn't matter how big
the step is, as long as it'sforward, that's what you gotta
do.
And there are others around youthat have been in play the place
(35:05):
that you're in right now.
I guarantee you.
And you know, it's so importantto reach out to men around you
and have these conversations anddiscuss that and and build a
community, you know, aroundyourselves.
So um I'm getting emotionalthinking about this.
(35:26):
I'm getting I'm I'm really it'sbeen it's been a big, such a big
change in my life and and to beable to talk about these things
and and I've I had a couple offlashbacks in this conversation
thinking about the mindset thatI had, you know, uh of what my
day-to-day routine was, youknow, and and what I was looking
forward to in the day, it's beensuch a big change.
(35:48):
I think to men out there, it'snot gonna happen overnight.
You're gonna go through somereally difficult times.
But again, if you just take thatone step forward, make that one
phone call, reach out to thatone guy, uh, find a community,
and you know, it I'm speechlessin what what it means to me.
(36:09):
It's it's such a great thingthat's that's changed my life
drastically.
SPEAKER_00 (36:14):
Yeah.
Well, Andy man, hey, I just wantto say again, I appreciate you
coming on.
Got some feedback in it.
Either way, I I appreciate youcoming on and sharing your story
with us.
It's an honor to have beenalongside you during those those
times and to have seen that.
When I was looking at, you know,the people that I, as you
(36:37):
mentioned, the people that Iwanted next to me, the people I
wanted alongside me, and to haveon the show, uh your name was
one of the first that I thoughtof, right?
Just knowing the the differencethat you made, right?
I remember looking back, youknow, and we talked about this
earlier of I remember you inyour apartment.
I I feel like I remember yousitting on the floor with your
laptop, right?
(36:57):
And I just remember it sovividly of kind of where you're
at then and to see you thrivingnow, it's it's just amazing.
And it's just a testament to umgetting up every morning and
putting your feet on the floorand finding community.
SPEAKER_01 (37:15):
Well, yeah, I'm so happy to have experienced those
things and to gone through thatreally terrible time.
We talk about avoiding hardthings, and and for me to just
do that hard thing and to hearyou and and the other men go
through the hard thingstogether, that just made it
stronger.
It made it did make it easier.
It was not easy, but it made iteasier to have some men around
(37:38):
me at that point and to see thework that you're doing, Corey,
really, and and really making aneffort, building men's
community.
It's such an important thingthat uh, like you said, men
need, you know, and I think menare looking to get involved in
these things.
And for you to to be doing thepodcast and be doing the men's
group, it you know, uh, youknow, big respect to you and and
(38:02):
just keep going, keep pushingforward.
You know, as I say, one percenta little bit better every single
day, my man.
So I appreciate your time.
SPEAKER_00 (38:10):
Absolutely.
All right, Andy.
Well, hey, that's we'll we'llwrap it up and we'll talk soon.
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of the Evolve Men
Podcast.
If today's episode challengedyou, inspired you, or gave you
something to think about, don'tstop here.
Keep building, keep evolving.
Head over towww.evolvemenproject.com, where
(38:30):
you'll find free resources onconfidence, leadership,
relationships, communication,and personal power.
Everything you need to startapplying what you've learned
here and take your growth to thenext level.
The tools are there, the nextmove is yours.
Until the next time, men, staystrong, lead powerfully, and
live boldly.
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