August 4, 2025 • 25 mins
What quiet belief have you been living by that you never consciously chose?
Every man carries an unconscious narrative that dictates how he moves through the world—when to speak up, when to hold back, what he's worthy of, and who he's allowed to become. These stories weren't deliberately selected; they were formed in moments of vulnerability, rejection, or shame, often years ago. Without realizing it, these emotional agreements become the operating system for your entire life.
In this deeply personal episode, I share my own journey with the persistent belief that I wasn't "enough"—not interesting enough, not attractive enough, not charismatic enough. This feeling shaped how I showed up in dating, friendships, professional settings, and even as a coach. Looking back, I realize the problem wasn't actually a lack of confidence or charisma; it was that I was living from a limiting belief I'd never questioned.
Breaking free from these invisible constraints requires more than positive thinking. We explore three transformative shifts that can help you reclaim your identity: recognizing that beliefs live not just in your mind but in your nervous system and physical patterns; taking aligned action that contradicts old stories even before you feel ready; and consciously choosing a new belief to live by—not once, but repeatedly, until it becomes your new normal.
When you finally see the belief that's been quietly driving your life, you gain the power to change everything. You realize you're not locked into the identity that was handed to you—you can choose who you become. This isn't about adding more to your life through hacks or quick fixes; it's about removing what no longer serves the man you're becoming.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the Evolve Men Podcast, episode
number 10.
Most men don't realize thatthey're being led not by vision,
not by purpose, but by a beliefthat they never chose, a belief
formed years ago quietly,emotionally and unconsciously,
and even now it's still shapinghow they show up, speak up and
(00:23):
shrink back.
Today we're pulling that beliefinto light and showing you how
to break free from the identitythat it's been creating.
I'm Corey Baum, founder of theEvolve Men Project and this
podcast.
I help men lead themselvesboldly, build real confidence
and live with purpose.
This podcast isn't aboutsurface-level fixes or quick
(00:44):
hacks.
It's about the deeper work,challenging the quiet stories
that have been running your lifeand stepping into the man that
you're actually meant to be,because when you shift your
beliefs, you shift everything.
Hey, welcome back.
So for most of my life I didn'tthink I was enough.
(01:04):
I wasn't interesting enough, Iwasn't attractive enough, I
wasn't confident enough, andespecially when it came to women
, social situations and latereven coaching, I wasn't the
loudest guy in the room and Idefinitely wasn't the most
(01:26):
charismatic one.
I didn't walk in and just ownthe space.
I was the guy standing on theedge of the room right, kind of
like the guys at the dance,standing around the edges,
analyzing and overthinking,waiting for the right moment to
say something, and half the timethat moment never came.
(01:47):
I remember watching other guys,in different situations just
like, walk up to women and cracka joke and connect in some sort
of way to flirt, and I'd think,man like dude, how in the hell
are they doing that Right?
It felt like they were playinga game that I didn't know the
rules to, and meanwhile I wasstuck in my head wondering if I
(02:12):
sounded weird, if she could tellthat I was nervous, if I even
belonged there.
But beneath all thatsurface-level noise, there was
one deeper belief, and that'sthat I'm not good enough, not
desirable, not valuable, notsomeone that people are
naturally drawn to.
(02:33):
And that belief it didn't justaffect dating.
It bled into every facet of mylife, into friendships, job
interviews, speaking up inmeetings right, speaking up in
relationships, standing in frontof a group to lead or to coach,
whatever it might be right.
(02:54):
Even when I knew that I hadsomething important to say,
something worthwhile, right andsome way to help people, I could
feel myself shrinking to plainsmall, trying to earn my place
instead of actually owning it,and for years I thought that my
problem was just confidence.
(03:15):
I thought that I needed to bemore charismatic, more alpha,
more extroverted.
But what I really realized wasthis that I wasn't just lacking
confidence, but I was livingfrom a limiting belief that I
had never actually questioned.
I was leading from an old storyabout who I was and my worth.
(03:43):
Right, like it was, like it wasa fact, like it was written in
stone.
And because I because I neverchallenged that story I just
kept reinforcing it over andover and over again.
And that's what limiting beliefsdo.
They don't just scream at you,they they whisper like you're
not good enough, right?
(04:04):
They disguise themselves astruth and slowly, over time,
they take control of everything.
They take the wheel, right,they're the ones driving.
And so, looking back now, it'sso obvious to me that the issue
wasn't that I didn't have whatit takes, right.
(04:25):
The issue was that I didn'tbelieve that I had had a say in
who I became.
And that's what we're talkingabout today.
Right, because until youidentify the belief that's been
quietly driving your life, youcan't actually take the wheel
back, you can't shift intoalignment while obeying a rule
(04:50):
that you maybe never actuallychose, and it doesn't matter
what the belief is, whether it'sI'm not good enough, or I
always mess things up, or peopledon't want to hear what I have
to say, or even people leave meif I don't show who I really am
the first move is always thesame, and that's to notice the
(05:14):
story and to question the storyand start becoming the man who
no longer lives by it.
So that's what today is reallyabout.
It's not just about confidence.
It's not about being morecharismatic or extroverted or
alpha.
This is about something muchdeeper.
It's about the beliefs thatshape who you think you are and
(05:38):
who you think you're allowed tobecome, because every man is
living by a story.
Right, and most of thosestories were written years ago,
in middle school, in your family.
Maybe you know where you wentand asked that girl out and you
got rejected and got embarrassedor shamed or shut down and,
(06:00):
without realizing it, thatmoment became a rule.
Right, not a conscious rule,but one that you follow every
day.
Right, and it can sound likeyou know I should be further
along.
Right, I have to keep everyonehappy.
I need to prove that I'm worthloving.
(06:22):
I can't let anyone see me weak,right, as you can hear in there
there's a lot of shoulds andhaves and needs and can'ts, but
underneath those are the realrules that shape your identity.
Right?
I'm not good enough, I'm not aleader, I'm too much, I'm not
(06:44):
meant to be seen, I'll always bethe guy in the background,
right?
And here's the hard part.
Those beliefs don't just show upas thoughts that you challenge.
They show up as truth.
They show up in your posture,in the way that you introduce
yourself to people, right, andhow you speak or even stay
(07:07):
silent, in what you pursue orwhat you avoid, in the way that
you subtly betray yourself againand again just to avoid the
discomfort.
And the longer that you live bythose beliefs, the more real
that they feel, because your,your, your actions start
reinforcing them.
(07:28):
But but here's the truth, right?
Those beliefs aren't facts,they're they're agreements that
you've made over time, and andagreements can be modified and
changed or even broken, right?
That's the shift that we'retalking about today Noticing
these limiting beliefs thatyou've been living from,
challenging the stories thathave been quietly running your
(07:51):
life and starting to take backyour right to decide who it is
that you are, because confidenceand connection, leadership,
clarity none of that's built ontips and hacks.
It's built on the belief thatyou choose to live by.
Right, it's by doing it day inand day out, with repetition and
(08:18):
action.
So once you've seen this belieflike, once you've started to
notice it right, once you'vecaught yourself living by a rule
that you never chose, thequestion becomes well, now what?
And that's what I want to walkyou through today Three key
(08:39):
shifts that help break this gripof limiting belief and actually
rebuild your sense of identity.
And these aren't abstract ideas.
These are real world moves thatI've had to make myself and
ones that I help men make everysingle week.
The first core shift is one ofthe biggest misunderstandings
(09:02):
around limiting beliefs, whichis thinking that they only live
in your mind and they don't.
Right, they live in yournervous system, they live in
your posture, they live in yourpatterns and in how you act when
no one's watching.
Right, a belief is like aninvisible code that's running
(09:27):
the show underneath the surface.
Right, it tells you what's safe, what's possible, what's off
limits.
So if you're trying to changeyour life by just thinking
differently, but you're stillacting from the same belief,
nothing actually changes.
So here's an example right,let's say that your belief is
(09:49):
I'm not someone that people wantto be around, and you might try
to reframe it.
You might tell yourself well,that's not true.
I'm likable, everybody likes me.
Connection, and your systemdoesn't actually believe the new
thought because it doesn'tactually see the proof.
(10:12):
Right, and this is the firstshift.
Don't just listen to yourthoughts, right, look at your
patterns, and it's your patternsthat'll tell you what you
really believe.
Thoughts are slippery, right,they change with your mood, your
environment or even how muchsleep you get.
Right, but patterns don't lie.
(10:36):
Patterns are the behaviors thatyou repeat when no one's
watching the reactions, that youdon't have to think about the
choices that you make onautopilot.
Right.
Your patterns are likefingerprints, right, evidence of
the beliefs that you'veinternalized, even if you've
(10:58):
never said them out loud.
And you might think that you'vemoved past these limiting
beliefs and you might say, likeall the right affirmations, but
if your pattern is still likesaying yes when you mean no, or
playing small when you want tospeak up, withdrawing you know,
instead of setting a boundary,then your system hasn't actually
(11:19):
updated Because, deep down, itstill believes the old rule.
So, if you want to know whatyou really believe.
Don't look at what you'retelling yourself in the mirror.
Look at what you're doing whenit counts, and your patterns
will always show you the truth.
(11:40):
So, once you've spotted thebelief, the next core shift is
action, but not just any action.
Aligned action, but not justany action.
Aligned action, right, the kindof action that interrupts the
old story and starts reinforcinga new one.
And here's how to think of it,right?
Every time that you choose tomove differently, you're casting
(12:03):
a vote, a vote for a newidentity, a new standard, a new
belief.
A new identity, a new standard,a new belief, a new way of life
.
And it doesn't have to bemassive.
It could be making eye contactwhen you would normally look
(12:25):
down right, or saying no whenyou'd usually say sure, right,
sharing the truth of what youactually think when normally you
would just stay silent andreserved.
It's not about the size of theaction.
It's about what it proves tothe man inside of you, to who
you are.
You don't need to feel like thatman first.
(12:46):
You need to act like him and tolet the belief catch up.
And this is where a lot of guysget stuck.
They wait, they want to feelmore confident.
They want to feel more worthy,to wait for permission from the
world to finally step into whothey say it is that they want to
be.
(13:06):
But that's not how identityworks.
Confidence doesn't come beforeaction.
Belief doesn't just show upfirst.
You don't suddenly feel likethe man and just start showing
up boldly, right, settingboundaries, leading powerfully.
It's the other way around youshow up, you take the action,
(13:29):
you make the call, you speakyour truth, right, you don't
just walk into the room evenwith your heart pounding.
You don't fake it, you face itright, and in doing so, you
start teaching your nervoussystem something new, you start
building evidence.
You're proving to yourself thatyou can actually handle this,
(13:52):
that I am this man and that Idon't need to wait to become him
.
I can actually be him nowstarts to shift, not because you
thought harder, but because youactually acted differently.
So if you're waiting to feelready, I want you to stop.
(14:19):
Right, readiness is a sideeffect of self-leadership, right
?
You have to first move and thenyour belief follows.
First move and then your belieffollows.
So here's the third and finalshift, and the one that most men
skipped.
(14:41):
You can't just spot the oldbelief, right, you have to
consciously choose the new one,and not just once Every day, in
every room that you walk into,in every conversation, every
conflict, every moment that youfeel the pull to shrink back,
and it starts with a declaration, a line in the sand I'm not
(15:03):
that man anymore.
I don't have to live by thatrule and then, just like working
out or training a muscle, youreinforce that new emotional
baseline, you create a newnormal, and here's what happens
Eventually, you don't have toremember the new belief, you
(15:26):
don't have to fight to believeit, you just live from it
because it's become who you are.
So let me land this for youBeliefs aren't just in your head
, they're stored in how you move.
You can't think your way out ofan old belief.
You have to actually repatternyour way out of it.
(15:49):
Belief, you have to actuallyrepattern your way out of it.
And that new belief, it's notgoing to become real until you
live like it's true, and this isthe work of identity.
And once you start choosing toact from the man that you're
becoming not the one that you'vebeen trying to outgrow, the man
(16:10):
that you're becoming, not theone that you've been trying to
outgrow right, that's wheneverything begins to shift.
So, now that you know what tolook for, let's explore what it
feels like to finally loosen upthat belief's grip.
Let's take a second here.
Wherever you are walking,driving, sitting on the couch,
whatever it is and I just wantyou to breathe, I want you to
(16:36):
drop into your body for a momentand just imagine with me that
you're walking through life,same job, same routines, same
relationships.
But instead of looking straightahead, today you start thinking
, noticing the lines, the scriptand the quiet rules that you've
(16:58):
been following, not because youchose them, but because
somewhere along the way youinherited them.
And maybe it started with yourfamily.
You know, we talked about it inhigh school or whatever.
It might be right, butsomewhere back there, you made a
silent deal, right, a deal thatyou you won't speak up because
(17:21):
it keeps you safe.
Right, you'll stay small sothat you stay light, right.
And and that you know you won'tneed anything, so that no one
can take it away from you.
And you and you kept up yourend of the deal, right.
You were for years, maybe evendecades, you became the easy one
, the capable one, the one whohas it all together, and it
(17:44):
worked until it didn't.
Because at some point you lookaround and you realize that this
life doesn't feel like yours,that this voice doesn't sound
like you, that you've beenrehearsing someone else's story
and it's wearing you out.
(18:05):
And maybe now, for the firsttime, you're starting to see it
clearly.
That belief that you've beenliving from, that it's not truth
, it's a role, a mask, a shield,and it's costing you something.
It's costing you your peace,your energy, your presence, your
(18:30):
ability to choose fully who youare and how you move through
life.
Who you are and how you movethrough life.
It's costing you theopportunity to live your fullest
life.
But here's the thing that youcan write a new script.
You can show up differently,you can walk differently, you
(18:53):
can move from a different place.
You can be the captain of yourown ship.
So just imagine, quietly,honestly, right, like what would
it feel like to drop that oldbelief, right, to stop
performing the version of youthat the world trained you to be
(19:15):
, to move through your day asthe man that you've been
becoming this whole time Notperfect, not invincible, but
grounded, clear and aligned andlet that version of you show up
right now, just in your mind,and see how he carries himself,
(19:38):
what he says no to, how hespeaks to the people in his life
, how he shows up when no one'swatching.
You don't need to figure it allout today, but you do need to
remember that you're not lockedinto the beliefs that you were
handed.
You can choose a new one, oneof your own, that you're not
(20:01):
locked into the beliefs that youwere handed.
You can choose a new one, oneof your own, and it starts here.
Okay, so, let's take a breath,because that's probably all a
lot to take in, and let's slowthings down yet a little bit
more.
And let's slow things down yeta little bit more, because this
episode isn't just aboutrecognizing that you've been
(20:23):
drifting.
I mean, that's an importantpart of the process.
It's about realizing what it isthat's been driving that drift.
So I want you to imagine thiswith me, right, kind of going
back a little bit deeper on thislast part, right, that you're
moving through your day sameresponsibilities, same
(20:45):
relationships, same routines.
But now imagine zooming outright and stepping back and
imagine being able to see thesepatterns the way that you shrink
a little bit in certain rooms,the way that you hold your
tongue in certain conversations,the way that you say yes even
(21:07):
when your body says no.
And I want you to go a littlebit deeper.
What belief is hiding beneaththat pattern?
Not just the behavior, but therule that you've been following
underneath it all?
And maybe it's, I don't matter,unless I'm useful, or if I
(21:29):
speak up, I'll get judged.
Or a common one is that I'mjust too much.
I'll lose connection if I tellthe truth, that if I have needs,
that I'm weak, right.
Where did those come from?
Whose voice do you hear?
Right, when you hear that, whodoes that sound like?
(21:52):
And when did you start livinglike that was true?
Because you weren't bornbelieving that.
Right, we didn't come out ofthe room having this feeling.
Like you know I shouldn't dothis.
It was handed to you,conditioned into you, over and
over and over again.
It was layered into youridentity, not one like one
(22:13):
subtle sort of thing, but overand over again.
And you kept it, not becauseit's true, but over and over
again.
And you kept it not becauseit's true, but because it felt
familiar.
But now you see it and youstart to feel the cost of it and
maybe, just maybe, you're readyto put it down.
So pause here and I want you topicture the man that you're
(22:36):
becoming, not the one who hides,not the one who performs, but
the one who lives from adifferent belief.
Maybe it's something like youknow it's okay for me to be who
it is, that I am, that my truthbelongs in the room, that I'm a
(22:57):
grounded man who stands in hisvalue without needing to prove
it right, because you don't needto convince yourself of it
right now.
Just feel what it would feellike to move through your life
from that belief instead.
And that's the shift.
Not a better habit, not a newroutine, but a new foundation.
(23:21):
All right, guys, if thisstirred something in you, don't
let it end here.
Go to the evolvemenprojectcomand grab a copy of A Man's Guide
to Self-Leadership.
It's not a piece of fluff, it'sgrounded, tactical guide to
help you take back the wheel ofyour life.
You'll learn how to recognizethe beliefs that have been
(23:43):
shaping you and replace themwith the identity of the man
that you're becoming.
And if you want to go deeper,if you're ready to have a real
conversation about what's nextfor you, then there's a place on
the site to book a freediscovery call.
No pitch, no pressure, just anhonest conversation about what
(24:04):
you've been carrying and what itwould look like to finally let
it go.
So, whether you start with aguide or you start with a
conversation, just start.
You weren't meant to do thisalone and you don't have to.
So remember this you're notbroken, right?
(24:25):
You're not behind.
You're not missing something,right?
You've just been living abelief that's too small for the
man that you're becoming, livinga belief that's too small for
the man that you're becoming,and today you started
questioning it, and that matters.
That's how everything begins toshift, not by adding more to
your life, but by removing thethings that no longer fit.
(24:48):
So this week, walk differently,even if it's subtle, even if no
one sees it, because when youstop drifting and you start
choosing, you begin to move likethe man that you were always
meant to be.
You got this and I'll see younext time on the Evolved Men
Podcast.
We'll be you next time.
You're listening to the Evolve Men Podcast, episode
number 10.
Most men don't realize thatthey're being led not by vision,
not by purpose, but by a beliefthat they never chose, a belief
formed years ago quietly,emotionally and unconsciously,
and even now it's still shapinghow they show up, speak up and
(00:23):
shrink back.
Today we're pulling that beliefinto light and showing you how
to break free from the identitythat it's been creating.
I'm Corey Baum, founder of theEvolve Men Project and this
podcast.
I help men lead themselvesboldly, build real confidence
and live with purpose.
This podcast isn't aboutsurface-level fixes or quick
(00:44):
hacks.
It's about the deeper work,challenging the quiet stories
that have been running your lifeand stepping into the man that
you're actually meant to be,because when you shift your
beliefs, you shift everything.
Hey, welcome back.
So for most of my life I didn'tthink I was enough.
(01:04):
I wasn't interesting enough, Iwasn't attractive enough, I
wasn't confident enough, andespecially when it came to women
, social situations and latereven coaching, I wasn't the
loudest guy in the room and Idefinitely wasn't the most
(01:26):
charismatic one.
I didn't walk in and just ownthe space.
I was the guy standing on theedge of the room right, kind of
like the guys at the dance,standing around the edges,
analyzing and overthinking,waiting for the right moment to
say something, and half the timethat moment never came.
(01:47):
I remember watching other guys,in different situations just
like, walk up to women and cracka joke and connect in some sort
of way to flirt, and I'd think,man like dude, how in the hell
are they doing that Right?
It felt like they were playinga game that I didn't know the
rules to, and meanwhile I wasstuck in my head wondering if I
(02:12):
sounded weird, if she could tellthat I was nervous, if I even
belonged there.
But beneath all thatsurface-level noise, there was
one deeper belief, and that'sthat I'm not good enough, not
desirable, not valuable, notsomeone that people are
naturally drawn to.
(02:33):
And that belief it didn't justaffect dating.
It bled into every facet of mylife, into friendships, job
interviews, speaking up inmeetings right, speaking up in
relationships, standing in frontof a group to lead or to coach,
whatever it might be right.
(02:54):
Even when I knew that I hadsomething important to say,
something worthwhile, right andsome way to help people, I could
feel myself shrinking to plainsmall, trying to earn my place
instead of actually owning it,and for years I thought that my
problem was just confidence.
(03:15):
I thought that I needed to bemore charismatic, more alpha,
more extroverted.
But what I really realized wasthis that I wasn't just lacking
confidence, but I was livingfrom a limiting belief that I
had never actually questioned.
I was leading from an old storyabout who I was and my worth.
(03:43):
Right, like it was, like it wasa fact, like it was written in
stone.
And because I because I neverchallenged that story I just
kept reinforcing it over andover and over again.
And that's what limiting beliefsdo.
They don't just scream at you,they they whisper like you're
not good enough, right?
(04:04):
They disguise themselves astruth and slowly, over time,
they take control of everything.
They take the wheel, right,they're the ones driving.
And so, looking back now, it'sso obvious to me that the issue
wasn't that I didn't have whatit takes, right.
(04:25):
The issue was that I didn'tbelieve that I had had a say in
who I became.
And that's what we're talkingabout today.
Right, because until youidentify the belief that's been
quietly driving your life, youcan't actually take the wheel
back, you can't shift intoalignment while obeying a rule
(04:50):
that you maybe never actuallychose, and it doesn't matter
what the belief is, whether it'sI'm not good enough, or I
always mess things up, or peopledon't want to hear what I have
to say, or even people leave meif I don't show who I really am
the first move is always thesame, and that's to notice the
(05:14):
story and to question the storyand start becoming the man who
no longer lives by it.
So that's what today is reallyabout.
It's not just about confidence.
It's not about being morecharismatic or extroverted or
alpha.
This is about something muchdeeper.
It's about the beliefs thatshape who you think you are and
(05:38):
who you think you're allowed tobecome, because every man is
living by a story.
Right, and most of thosestories were written years ago,
in middle school, in your family.
Maybe you know where you wentand asked that girl out and you
got rejected and got embarrassedor shamed or shut down and,
(06:00):
without realizing it, thatmoment became a rule.
Right, not a conscious rule,but one that you follow every
day.
Right, and it can sound likeyou know I should be further
along.
Right, I have to keep everyonehappy.
I need to prove that I'm worthloving.
(06:22):
I can't let anyone see me weak,right, as you can hear in there
there's a lot of shoulds andhaves and needs and can'ts, but
underneath those are the realrules that shape your identity.
Right?
I'm not good enough, I'm not aleader, I'm too much, I'm not
(06:44):
meant to be seen, I'll always bethe guy in the background,
right?
And here's the hard part.
Those beliefs don't just show upas thoughts that you challenge.
They show up as truth.
They show up in your posture,in the way that you introduce
yourself to people, right, andhow you speak or even stay
(07:07):
silent, in what you pursue orwhat you avoid, in the way that
you subtly betray yourself againand again just to avoid the
discomfort.
And the longer that you live bythose beliefs, the more real
that they feel, because your,your, your actions start
reinforcing them.
(07:28):
But but here's the truth, right?
Those beliefs aren't facts,they're they're agreements that
you've made over time, and andagreements can be modified and
changed or even broken, right?
That's the shift that we'retalking about today Noticing
these limiting beliefs thatyou've been living from,
challenging the stories thathave been quietly running your
(07:51):
life and starting to take backyour right to decide who it is
that you are, because confidenceand connection, leadership,
clarity none of that's built ontips and hacks.
It's built on the belief thatyou choose to live by.
Right, it's by doing it day inand day out, with repetition and
(08:18):
action.
So once you've seen this belieflike, once you've started to
notice it right, once you'vecaught yourself living by a rule
that you never chose, thequestion becomes well, now what?
And that's what I want to walkyou through today Three key
(08:39):
shifts that help break this gripof limiting belief and actually
rebuild your sense of identity.
And these aren't abstract ideas.
These are real world moves thatI've had to make myself and
ones that I help men make everysingle week.
The first core shift is one ofthe biggest misunderstandings
(09:02):
around limiting beliefs, whichis thinking that they only live
in your mind and they don't.
Right, they live in yournervous system, they live in
your posture, they live in yourpatterns and in how you act when
no one's watching.
Right, a belief is like aninvisible code that's running
(09:27):
the show underneath the surface.
Right, it tells you what's safe, what's possible, what's off
limits.
So if you're trying to changeyour life by just thinking
differently, but you're stillacting from the same belief,
nothing actually changes.
So here's an example right,let's say that your belief is
(09:49):
I'm not someone that people wantto be around, and you might try
to reframe it.
You might tell yourself well,that's not true.
I'm likable, everybody likes me.
Connection, and your systemdoesn't actually believe the new
thought because it doesn'tactually see the proof.
(10:12):
Right, and this is the firstshift.
Don't just listen to yourthoughts, right, look at your
patterns, and it's your patternsthat'll tell you what you
really believe.
Thoughts are slippery, right,they change with your mood, your
environment or even how muchsleep you get.
Right, but patterns don't lie.
(10:36):
Patterns are the behaviors thatyou repeat when no one's
watching the reactions, that youdon't have to think about the
choices that you make onautopilot.
Right.
Your patterns are likefingerprints, right, evidence of
the beliefs that you'veinternalized, even if you've
(10:58):
never said them out loud.
And you might think that you'vemoved past these limiting
beliefs and you might say, likeall the right affirmations, but
if your pattern is still likesaying yes when you mean no, or
playing small when you want tospeak up, withdrawing you know,
instead of setting a boundary,then your system hasn't actually
(11:19):
updated Because, deep down, itstill believes the old rule.
So, if you want to know whatyou really believe.
Don't look at what you'retelling yourself in the mirror.
Look at what you're doing whenit counts, and your patterns
will always show you the truth.
(11:40):
So, once you've spotted thebelief, the next core shift is
action, but not just any action.
Aligned action, but not justany action.
Aligned action, right, the kindof action that interrupts the
old story and starts reinforcinga new one.
And here's how to think of it,right?
Every time that you choose tomove differently, you're casting
(12:03):
a vote, a vote for a newidentity, a new standard, a new
belief.
A new identity, a new standard,a new belief, a new way of life
.
And it doesn't have to bemassive.
It could be making eye contactwhen you would normally look
(12:25):
down right, or saying no whenyou'd usually say sure, right,
sharing the truth of what youactually think when normally you
would just stay silent andreserved.
It's not about the size of theaction.
It's about what it proves tothe man inside of you, to who
you are.
You don't need to feel like thatman first.
(12:46):
You need to act like him and tolet the belief catch up.
And this is where a lot of guysget stuck.
They wait, they want to feelmore confident.
They want to feel more worthy,to wait for permission from the
world to finally step into whothey say it is that they want to
be.
(13:06):
But that's not how identityworks.
Confidence doesn't come beforeaction.
Belief doesn't just show upfirst.
You don't suddenly feel likethe man and just start showing
up boldly, right, settingboundaries, leading powerfully.
It's the other way around youshow up, you take the action,
(13:29):
you make the call, you speakyour truth, right, you don't
just walk into the room evenwith your heart pounding.
You don't fake it, you face itright, and in doing so, you
start teaching your nervoussystem something new, you start
building evidence.
You're proving to yourself thatyou can actually handle this,
(13:52):
that I am this man and that Idon't need to wait to become him
.
I can actually be him nowstarts to shift, not because you
thought harder, but because youactually acted differently.
So if you're waiting to feelready, I want you to stop.
(14:19):
Right, readiness is a sideeffect of self-leadership, right
?
You have to first move and thenyour belief follows.
First move and then your belieffollows.
So here's the third and finalshift, and the one that most men
skipped.
(14:41):
You can't just spot the oldbelief, right, you have to
consciously choose the new one,and not just once Every day, in
every room that you walk into,in every conversation, every
conflict, every moment that youfeel the pull to shrink back,
and it starts with a declaration, a line in the sand I'm not
(15:03):
that man anymore.
I don't have to live by thatrule and then, just like working
out or training a muscle, youreinforce that new emotional
baseline, you create a newnormal, and here's what happens
Eventually, you don't have toremember the new belief, you
(15:26):
don't have to fight to believeit, you just live from it
because it's become who you are.
So let me land this for youBeliefs aren't just in your head
, they're stored in how you move.
You can't think your way out ofan old belief.
You have to actually repatternyour way out of it.
(15:49):
Belief, you have to actuallyrepattern your way out of it.
And that new belief, it's notgoing to become real until you
live like it's true, and this isthe work of identity.
And once you start choosing toact from the man that you're
becoming not the one that you'vebeen trying to outgrow, the man
(16:10):
that you're becoming, not theone that you've been trying to
outgrow right, that's wheneverything begins to shift.
So, now that you know what tolook for, let's explore what it
feels like to finally loosen upthat belief's grip.
Let's take a second here.
Wherever you are walking,driving, sitting on the couch,
whatever it is and I just wantyou to breathe, I want you to
(16:36):
drop into your body for a momentand just imagine with me that
you're walking through life,same job, same routines, same
relationships.
But instead of looking straightahead, today you start thinking
, noticing the lines, the scriptand the quiet rules that you've
(16:58):
been following, not because youchose them, but because
somewhere along the way youinherited them.
And maybe it started with yourfamily.
You know, we talked about it inhigh school or whatever.
It might be right, butsomewhere back there, you made a
silent deal, right, a deal thatyou you won't speak up because
(17:21):
it keeps you safe.
Right, you'll stay small sothat you stay light, right.
And and that you know you won'tneed anything, so that no one
can take it away from you.
And you and you kept up yourend of the deal, right.
You were for years, maybe evendecades, you became the easy one
, the capable one, the one whohas it all together, and it
(17:44):
worked until it didn't.
Because at some point you lookaround and you realize that this
life doesn't feel like yours,that this voice doesn't sound
like you, that you've beenrehearsing someone else's story
and it's wearing you out.
(18:05):
And maybe now, for the firsttime, you're starting to see it
clearly.
That belief that you've beenliving from, that it's not truth
, it's a role, a mask, a shield,and it's costing you something.
It's costing you your peace,your energy, your presence, your
(18:30):
ability to choose fully who youare and how you move through
life.
Who you are and how you movethrough life.
It's costing you theopportunity to live your fullest
life.
But here's the thing that youcan write a new script.
You can show up differently,you can walk differently, you
(18:53):
can move from a different place.
You can be the captain of yourown ship.
So just imagine, quietly,honestly, right, like what would
it feel like to drop that oldbelief, right, to stop
performing the version of youthat the world trained you to be
(19:15):
, to move through your day asthe man that you've been
becoming this whole time Notperfect, not invincible, but
grounded, clear and aligned andlet that version of you show up
right now, just in your mind,and see how he carries himself,
(19:38):
what he says no to, how hespeaks to the people in his life
, how he shows up when no one'swatching.
You don't need to figure it allout today, but you do need to
remember that you're not lockedinto the beliefs that you were
handed.
You can choose a new one, oneof your own, that you're not
(20:01):
locked into the beliefs that youwere handed.
You can choose a new one, oneof your own, and it starts here.
Okay, so, let's take a breath,because that's probably all a
lot to take in, and let's slowthings down yet a little bit
more.
And let's slow things down yeta little bit more, because this
episode isn't just aboutrecognizing that you've been
(20:23):
drifting.
I mean, that's an importantpart of the process.
It's about realizing what it isthat's been driving that drift.
So I want you to imagine thiswith me, right, kind of going
back a little bit deeper on thislast part, right, that you're
moving through your day sameresponsibilities, same
(20:45):
relationships, same routines.
But now imagine zooming outright and stepping back and
imagine being able to see thesepatterns the way that you shrink
a little bit in certain rooms,the way that you hold your
tongue in certain conversations,the way that you say yes even
(21:07):
when your body says no.
And I want you to go a littlebit deeper.
What belief is hiding beneaththat pattern?
Not just the behavior, but therule that you've been following
underneath it all?
And maybe it's, I don't matter,unless I'm useful, or if I
(21:29):
speak up, I'll get judged.
Or a common one is that I'mjust too much.
I'll lose connection if I tellthe truth, that if I have needs,
that I'm weak, right.
Where did those come from?
Whose voice do you hear?
Right, when you hear that, whodoes that sound like?
(21:52):
And when did you start livinglike that was true?
Because you weren't bornbelieving that.
Right, we didn't come out ofthe room having this feeling.
Like you know I shouldn't dothis.
It was handed to you,conditioned into you, over and
over and over again.
It was layered into youridentity, not one like one
(22:13):
subtle sort of thing, but overand over again.
And you kept it, not becauseit's true, but over and over
again.
And you kept it not becauseit's true, but because it felt
familiar.
But now you see it and youstart to feel the cost of it and
maybe, just maybe, you're readyto put it down.
So pause here and I want you topicture the man that you're
(22:36):
becoming, not the one who hides,not the one who performs, but
the one who lives from adifferent belief.
Maybe it's something like youknow it's okay for me to be who
it is, that I am, that my truthbelongs in the room, that I'm a
(22:57):
grounded man who stands in hisvalue without needing to prove
it right, because you don't needto convince yourself of it
right now.
Just feel what it would feellike to move through your life
from that belief instead.
And that's the shift.
Not a better habit, not a newroutine, but a new foundation.
(23:21):
All right, guys, if thisstirred something in you, don't
let it end here.
Go to the evolvemenprojectcomand grab a copy of A Man's Guide
to Self-Leadership.
It's not a piece of fluff, it'sgrounded, tactical guide to
help you take back the wheel ofyour life.
You'll learn how to recognizethe beliefs that have been
(23:43):
shaping you and replace themwith the identity of the man
that you're becoming.
And if you want to go deeper,if you're ready to have a real
conversation about what's nextfor you, then there's a place on
the site to book a freediscovery call.
No pitch, no pressure, just anhonest conversation about what
(24:04):
you've been carrying and what itwould look like to finally let
it go.
So, whether you start with aguide or you start with a
conversation, just start.
You weren't meant to do thisalone and you don't have to.
So remember this you're notbroken, right?
(24:25):
You're not behind.
You're not missing something,right?
You've just been living abelief that's too small for the
man that you're becoming, livinga belief that's too small for
the man that you're becoming,and today you started
questioning it, and that matters.
That's how everything begins toshift, not by adding more to
your life, but by removing thethings that no longer fit.
(24:48):
So this week, walk differently,even if it's subtle, even if no
one sees it, because when youstop drifting and you start
choosing, you begin to move likethe man that you were always
meant to be.
You got this and I'll see younext time on the Evolved Men
Podcast.
We'll be you next time.
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