The Power of the Pause - Responding Instead of Reacting

Have you ever snapped at your kids, gotten defensive with your partner, or reacted to work stress in ways you later regretted? The difference between those reactive moments and true leadership lies in something surprisingly simple yet profoundly powerful: the pause.

Most men don't realize how reactive they've become. We think we're making decisions when we're actually just responding to pressure on autopilot. That sharp tone from your partner triggers a shutdown. The unexpected change of plans with your kids unleashes frustration that isn't really about them. These aren't just emotional reactions—they're identity-shaping moments that, over time, determine whether you're actually leading your life or just being carried along by it.

The power isn't in having a perfect plan; it's in creating that crucial space between stimulus and response. When you learn to pause—even for just a second—you interrupt unconscious patterns and access real choice. This isn't about doing nothing; it's about checking in with yourself and asking, "What would the man I'm becoming choose right now?" Through simple practices like naming what's happening internally, asking grounding questions, and physically slowing down, you build the muscle of responding rather than reacting.

Every time you choose response over reaction, you prove something to yourself: that you can be trusted with intensity, with emotion, with responsibility. That self-trust compounds, transforming how you show up as a father, partner, and leader. You navigate conflict with more presence. You stop avoiding difficult conversations. You lead from values rather than being driven by your past conditioning. The practice isn't about perfection—it's about awareness and choice, one pause at a time.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections and live boldly?
I'm Cory Baum and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership and real-worldexperience.
Together, we'll forgeunshakable confidence, master
social dynamics and create alife rooted in purpose,

(00:27):
brotherhood and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the toolsand insights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
What's up, men.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that most guys don't
even realize that they'remissing, and that's the pause,

(00:49):
that moment between the triggerand the reaction.
Because the truth is that mostof us don't pause, we react, and
that reaction, whether it'swith our kids, our partner or
even ourselves, can end upcosting us the exact kind of
life that we're trying to build.

(01:10):
So I saw this pretty clearlyfor myself on a recent trip with
my kids.
Lately, you know, it'ssummertime here and we've been
taking a bunch of, like littlemini vacations, and every single
one of them, although it's beenamazing, they've been
exhausting, right, becausehere's, here's, the thing about

(01:31):
being a dad on the trip.
There's, there's so much.
Well, you know dad or momregardless, but there's so much
to do before we even leave,right.
Even as something as simple asa day at the pool, becomes this
full operation, right, like dowe have sunscreen?
Do we have snacks?
Do we have towels?

(01:51):
Did they eat something you knowbeforehand?
What's the plan for lunch?
Did you know?
Did we grab dry clothes?
How long are we going to bestaying?
And so it's.
It's like this checklist that'srunning in my head before we
even pull out of the driveway.
And somewhere in all of thatplanning, somewhere between

(02:14):
trying to do it right and geteveryone where they need to go,
I realized something right, andit was that I wasn't just
organizing, right, that I wasactually bracing.
I was bracing for things not togo according to plan and I was
bracing for my kids to be offschedule.

(02:35):
I was bracing for things to gosideways and for me to react,
because I had this quiet storyin the back of my mind that this
should go smoothly, right, thatthis should be easy, right.
All of these rules, like youknow, this has to be memorable
and fun, like that.

(02:56):
All of this stuff has to happen.
And when reality doesn'tactually match the story, that's
where the tension hits right.
And if I'm not paying attention.
That's where the snap happens,too right, that sort of like
sharp tone, right, thefrustrated sigh, the cold

(03:19):
silence.
And not because somethingterrible happened, but because I
didn't pause, right, I didn't,I didn't check in with myself, I
just let the moment carry meinto reaction.
And that's what this episode isreally about that split second
between the stimulus and theresponse, and that tiny space

(03:45):
where your identity gets shapedis where leadership is either
chosen or forgotten, becausewhen you're in the thick of life
, on a trip or in a meeting withyour partner or your kids, the
power isn't in the plan partneror your kids, the power isn't in

(04:11):
the plan, it's in the pause.
So today's episode is aboutsomething simple but wildly
underestimated, and that's justthat the power of the pause.
Right, because most men don'trealize just how reactive that
they've become.
Right, we think that we'remaking decisions, but most of
the time we're just respondingto pressure, to a sharp tone
from your partner.

(04:31):
Right, and then you shut downor you snap back, you get
unexpected stress at work andyou power through without even
checking in.
Maybe you have like plans thatfall apart with your kids and
you lose your patience, eventhough it's not really about
them.
This isn't just about anger orstress.

(04:53):
It's about identity.
Every reaction, every momentthat you don't pause is actually
a micro pause is actually amicro decision, right, and over
time, those micro decisionsshape your relationships, your

(05:13):
leadership and your own sense ofself-trust.
But here's the shift.
What if the pause is actuallythe most powerful part?
What if the space between thestimulus and the response is
where you actually lead yourself?
Because real power isn't aboutbeing calm all the time.

(05:36):
It's about being aware enoughto choose your next move instead
of letting your pastconditioning choose it for you.
So in this episode, we're goingto break this open, right, we're
going to talk about why mostmen react without realizing it.
We're going to talk about howyour nervous system plays into

(05:58):
this, what pausing actuallygives you access to and how to
build that muscle, startingtoday, because that one second
pause, that's where realleadership begins.
So reaction is survival, right.

(06:19):
Response is leadership.
So if we start with that,reacting is normal, right.
That's how your nervous systemactually protects you.
The fight, flight, freeze, fawn, sort of stuff it's all
designed to keep you safe.
And in actual survivalsituations, that wiring is
genius, right.

(06:40):
But in everyday life, inconversations and relationships
and parenting and leadership.
It can backfire right.
Reacting is fast, it'sunconscious, it's emotional.
Responding is slow, it'sintentional and grounded.
So the reason this matters isbecause, when you react, your

(07:05):
past is driving you right.
When you respond, your valuesare driving, and the pause is in
the moment where you shift fromreactivity to responsibility.
And that pause isn't weakness,it's power, right, it's.

(07:25):
It's the space where you choosethe man that you want to be,
instead of just defaulting towho you've always been.
So I tell this story every oncein a while.
When I was going through therapymyself, my therapist shared
with me kind of this concept,this idea or this metaphor of

(07:48):
creating space in between thattrigger and the response, and
the idea was kind of this.
He said you know, anytimesomething like that happens, we
have an opportunity to kind oflike freeze the moment, to pause
there, and really what the ideais is we have an inventory of

(08:08):
ways in which we can respond toany moment that comes up, and
it's about acknowledging thatthere was that trigger and then
deciding for ourselves.
It's like going back to thefiling cabinet and being like,

(08:38):
okay, let me walk to the back tothe filing cabinet, where quick
, you know, and while I'm backthere, I'm like digging through
and I might pull one out and belike, oh, yeah, okay, this, now
you know what.
That that's not super fitting.
Let's put that one back.
And you dig a little bitfurther and you're like, yeah,
no, this is, this is the rightone.
And then bringing that sort ofmentality back to the moment,

(09:01):
right, but it's really thatimportant to be able to pause
and think about you know what itis that that triggered you?
How does the respond?
Yeah, and so, moving on fromthat, we have a tendency to

(09:22):
glorify fast decision making,but most men confuse speed with
strength.
We're taught that decisiveequals powerful, right, but
often quick equals unconscious.
You don't even necessarilythink about it.
You know what you actually wantin that moment, how it made you

(09:44):
feel, right.
You just do it unconsciouslyand that tends to lead to saying
things that you regret, toavoiding things that actually
matter, to just living onautopilot, to just living on
autopilot, and this shows up inall kinds of different ways.

(10:05):
Right, when you get anunexpected text and your chest
tightens up, right, you shootoff a reply right away that you
don't actually mean.
Right, or maybe your partnerbrings up something and, instead
of listening, you go intodefense mode.
Your kid makes a mistake.

(10:25):
Before you breathe, you'vealready raised your voice.
And these aren't bad moments.
These were just missed moments.
These were opportunities tolead that got hijacked by speed
and by reaction.
So if you're moving so fastthat you can't pause, then

(10:51):
you're not leading, you'reescaping.
So here's the practical shift.
The pause isn't about doingnothing, it's not about just
stopping.
It's about doing the rightshift.
The pause isn't about doingnothing right, it's not about
just stopping, it's about doingthe right thing.
It's the moment where you say,hold on, okay, like let me check

(11:11):
in with myself here for amoment.
What's what's happening insideof me right now?
And that internal check-inmight only take a split second,
but that second buys you clarity, it buys you intention.
So here's some tools to helpcreate that pause.

(11:32):
And the first one is to namewhat's happening right, right
there, in that moment, sayinglike man, I feel super tight in
my chest, I feel like I'mgetting defensive.
Or maybe asking a groundingquestion what would the man that

(11:53):
I'm becoming choose to do rightnow?
And the third thing is tophysically slow down, to really
take a moment to breathe, tomove slower, to drop your
shoulders right, to go, becausea lot of times what will happen

(12:16):
in those sort of moments is thatwe start to get really tense
everywhere throughout our bodyand our shoulders raise up, so
to actually like take thatbreath and just drop your
shoulders right.
These aren't these aren'tflashy sort of tools, but the
thing is that they give you justlong enough to interrupt that

(12:36):
unconscious loop, and that thatinterruption is everything.
So every time that you respondinstead of react, you prove
something to yourself, right,that you prove that you can be
trusted with intensity, withemotion, with pressure, with

(12:59):
responsibility and over time,that trust compounds.
You show up better for yourkids, you navigate conflict with
more presence, you leadconversations instead of
avoiding them, you stop beingafraid of your own inner world.
Self-leadership doesn't meanthat you never feel reactive.

(13:23):
It means that you notice what'shappening and that you choose
to respond anyway.
And that's not perfection.
That's something that takespractice, and practice is what
makes you powerful.
That's something that takespractice, and practice is what
makes you powerful.
So here's a few questions foryou to sit with, and you don't

(13:46):
need to rush them.
I want you to just pick onethat really lands for you and
give us some space to breathe.
Whether you journal on it, youspeak into it like you record a
voice note or something, justlet it work on you quietly.
And and so the first one isthis where in your life are you

(14:09):
most reactive right now?
Is it with your kids?
Is it with your partner, rightat work?
You know, you know what is it?
Where in your life are you mostreactive right now?
The second question is what arethe signs that I've left

(14:31):
presence?
Right?
How does it feel in your body?
What is my usual reaction whenI'm triggered?
So how do you know, when you'vechecked out, right, when you're
just on autopilot, when thewall has gone up and you're not
there anymore, right, you're notdriving the steering wheel that
somebody has taken over?
What does that feel like foryou?

(14:53):
So the third question is whatstory do you tell yourself when
things don't go as planned, andhow does that story shape the
way that you show up?
The fourth question is whatwould it look like to pause just

(15:16):
for a second Before you speakor act?
What becomes possible if youwere to create that space?
And for a lot of people, thismight be something that they've
never even considered before.
Right, they've never considered.
You know, a lot of people arejust wired to somebody says
something, they listen and whilethat person is listening,

(15:39):
they're actually formulatingtheir response right?
They've never stopped toactually think about how they
feel about it and how it is thatthey want to respond.
So the fifth question is who isthe man that you become when you
respond instead of react?
What's different about how youlead, how you love and move

(16:03):
through the world when yourespond?
Right, and you don't have toget this perfect, but one pause,
one moment of awareness canchange the entire trajectory of
a conversation, even arelationship or a whole day.
So let's reframe somethingright now, right, reacting

(16:26):
doesn't make you powerful, itmakes you predictable, and it
means that the moment is incharge of you and your stress,
your anger.
In your stress, your anger,your fear, and anyone can do
that, and that's autopilot,right?
But a man who can pause, a manwho can feel the heat rise and

(16:49):
still choose his response,that's someone who's actually
leading his life.
So here's your challenge.
I want you to pick one momentthis week that normally pulls
you into reacting quickly, andit might be your partner's tone
your kid not listening.
You know a sudden change ofplans, a tight deadline,

(17:12):
whatever it is, and I want youto catch it just once, to catch
the moment and feel what'shappening.
And I want you to ask yourselfwhat would the man that you're
becoming choose to do?
Right then, what would the manthat you're becoming choose to
do?
And then make that choice, thatone pause, that's leadership in

(17:38):
real time, and that's how youstart becoming the man that
you've written about, you'vedreamed about or you've glimpsed
about, right, in your bestmoments.
You don't need more willpower,right.
You need space, and that spaceis built one pause at a time,
right?
All right, guys.

(17:59):
So if this episode landed, ifyou're starting to notice the
ways that reactivity shows up inyour life and you're ready to
start responding like the manthat you know you can be, then
let's talk.
Right, this is the work that Ido every day with men who are
ready to stop playing defenseand start leading their lives
with clarity, with more calmnessand confidence.

(18:21):
And if that's, you book a freediscovery call at
wwwevolvedmanprojectcom.
There's no pressure, just areal conversation about where
you are and where you want to go, and what is it that's getting
in the way for you, and if thisepisode spoke to you, send it to
someone.
Leave a five-star review,follow the show.

(18:44):
It helps this message reach themen who really, truly need to
hear it.
So here's what I want you totake with you today, if nothing
else that you don't have to beperfect, you don't have to have
it all figured out, but you dohave to be perfect.
You don't have to have it allfigured out, but you do have to
pause, because in that pausebetween the impulse and the

(19:06):
action, between the pressure andthe pattern, that's where your
power lives.
Every time that you slow down,you check in and you choose from
the man that you're becoming,you lead yourself, and every
time that you lead yourself, youbuild a life that actually
feels like yours.
All right, thanks for listeningto the Evolve Men podcast.

(19:29):
Choose presence this week, Leadwith invitation and I'll see
you next time.
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of the Evolve Men
podcast.
If today's episode challengedyou, inspired you or gave you
something to think about, don'tstop here.
Keep building, keep evolving.
Head over towwwevolvemenprojectcom, where

(19:52):
you'll find free resources onconfidence, leadership,
relationships, communication andpersonal power Everything you
need to start applying whatyou've learned here and take
your growth to the next level.
The tools are there.
The next move is yours.
Until the next time, men, staystrong, lead powerfully and live
boldly.