The Power of Vulnerability - Does it Help or Hinder You?

What does real strength look like for men today? Not the kind that’s performed or projected—but the kind that transforms lives and builds genuine connection.

Most of us were taught that staying guarded equals strength. We master the art of living at a “five”—never too high, never too low, always steady. We wear emotional neutrality like armor, believing it makes us grounded or safe. But the hidden cost? Profound disconnection.

When you never let anyone see your highs or lows, you become invisible. People don’t connect with performance—they connect with truth. Vulnerability isn’t weakness or emotional leakage. It’s the courage to be seen, with intention and boundaries.

This episode explores how to practice vulnerability in a way that makes you stronger. You’ll learn how to acknowledge fear, choose safe spaces, and lead with truth. Because intentional vulnerability builds trust and connection—while unfiltered vulnerability creates distance.

Real leadership doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from ownership.

So if you’re tired of feeling like you’re just “fine,” this episode invites you to go one layer deeper. Your relationships, leadership, and identity depend on it. Start with one moment this week—and let yourself be seen.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the Evolved Men Podcast, episode
number 12.
A lot of men avoidvulnerability like the plague,
as if being open means beingweak, emotional or out of
control.
But what if vulnerability isn'tthe thing that breaks you?
What if it's the very thingthat makes you unbreakable?

(00:22):
I'm Cory Baum, founder of theEvolve Men Project and this
podcast.
I help men lead themselvesboldly, build real confidence
and live with purpose.
This show is about growth thatactually means something, the
kind that starts from the insideout.
Every episode gives you thetools, stories and strategies to

(00:43):
evolve into the man that youwere born to be, not by
performing strength, but byliving it.
What's up, men?
So today we're going to betalking about something most of
us never got clear guidance onright, and that's vulnerability.
Is it a strength or a liability?
Can opening up actually makeyou more powerful, or does it

(01:07):
just leave you exposed?
So that's what we're going tobe getting into this episode,
and I want to start with a story, because this one hit hard.
For most of my life, it was likethis running joke about me it's
that Corey's always a five.
Corey's never too high, he'snever.
I said Corey's always a five,right?
Corey's never too high, he'snever too low, he's not a one,

(01:29):
he's not a 10.
He's just steady, right, evenfine right.
And for the longest time I worethat like a badge of honor,
right.
I thought it made me groundedand relatable and reliable, even
keel.
You know.
I was safe.
But what I didn't realize wasthat was that living at a five

(01:55):
all the time meant that I Iwasn't really living at all.
I wasn't letting myself feelthe highs or be seen in the lows
.
I wasn't sharing my truth, Iwas just.
I was just managing my imageand eventually that caught up
with me Towards the end of mymarriage.

(02:17):
I looked around and I realizedthat I didn't really know anyone
and no one really knew me.
I realized that I didn't reallyknow anyone and no one really
knew me, not deeply, at leastright, and not honestly right.
I'd been so committed tokeeping the peace, to being the
nice guy, the steady one, rightTo the one who doesn't rock the

(02:39):
boat right, that I never saidthe hard things, I never asked
for help, I never let people in.
I thought avoidingvulnerability made me strong,
but all it really did was makeme alone.
And that's what this episode isreally about what happens when

(03:00):
we start to see vulnerabilitynot as a liability, when we
start to see vulnerability notas a liability but as a doorway
to connection and leadership andtruth.
So today we're diving intovulnerability and asking a
simple but confronting questionDoes it help or does it hinder
you?
Because most men live in atension with vulnerability.

(03:28):
We crave connection, but wefear exposure.
We want to be seen, but we'reterrified of being judged if we
actually are right.
And somewhere along the way, alot of us learned that the best
strategy was just stay neutral,right, don't get too high, don't
get too low, just stay.
Just stay neutral, right, don'tget too high, don't get too low
, just stay in the middle.

(03:48):
Right, be chill, be fine, man,just take it easy.
But here's the cost when youlive your life at a five all the
time, you miss the real moments.
Right, you lose the opportunityto be known and over time, you
begin to feel like a stranger inyour own skin.
Right, vulnerability has thepower to connect, to heal and to

(04:11):
lead, but only when it's usedwith wisdom, right.
So in this episode, we're goingto unpack what vulnerability is
not necessarily what you thinkit is right, why so many men
avoid it, and how to tell thedifference between helpful and

(04:32):
harmful vulnerability, and howto use it as a tool for
leadership, intimacy andself-respect.
Because the truth is that yourstrength doesn't come from never
being shaken.
It comes from the courage to beseen.
So let's start by getting clearon what vulnerability actually

(04:55):
is.
Vulnerability is thewillingness to let yourself be
seen emotionally, honestly,imperfectly, right as saying
here I am even when there's asmall risk of rejection or
judgment or failure.
But most men associatevulnerability with weakness

(05:19):
because we're taught to not tocry, right.
We're taught that we don't needanyone to keep it together and
to always have the answer.
So, along the way right, webuild these walls instead of
bridges, we present this curatedversion of ourself, we put on

(05:40):
the armor right and we wonderwhy we feel connected or
disconnected from everyone.
Because vulnerability isn't aweakness, it's an emotional risk
, right, and risk requirescourage.
So the truth is that it's easyto look strong right, but it's

(06:01):
an entirely different game toactually be honest and to be
authentic and to be genuineabout who it is and what you
truly are.
Think and believe it right.
For a long time, I thought thatbeing even was a virtue being a
five.
Right, there was no drama, nobig reactions, I was just steady

(06:27):
, right, but what I eventuallyrealized was that I wasn't being
grounded right, that I was justbeing invisible, because when
you never let anyone see thehighs or the lows, they can't
actually connect with you, right, they can only connect with

(06:48):
your performance.
And over time, that five out oflike 10 life, it just chipped
away at my soul, right, and atyour friendships, at your
marriage, right, your sense ofidentity, and so it shows up in

(07:09):
a bunch of different ways.
Right, and you know, you'resaying like, at times, saying
that you're fine.
Right, that's the typical thing.
Like hey, man, how you doing,oh, you're fine.
Right, that's the typical thing.
Like hey, man, how you doing,oh, I'm fine.
Right, even when, deep down,you're drowning.
Right, when you avoid conflictjust to keep the peace but as a

(07:29):
result you end up resentful.
Right, you try to stay composedbut underneath you feel numb or
disconnected.
Right, people don't connectwith your composure.
They connect with your truth.
Right, it's in your ones andyour tens that your real
emotions, your honest stories,that people get to see you, and

(07:54):
that's where the real intimacyand connection begins.
All right, so let's talk aboutthe nuances of vulnerability,
because vulnerability ispowerful, right, but it's not
always helpful, right.
So vulnerability is helpfulwhen it builds trust, when it
deepens relationships.
It builds trust when it deepensrelationships, when it creates

(08:19):
authentic leadership right.
It gives people permission tobe real as well, right.
Some of the times when it canhinder is when it's underground,
right.
Or it's impulsive, when it'sbehind the scenes, when there's
no trust or container for it,when it becomes like a passive

(08:45):
cry for validation right.
When it's used to overshare oravoid responsibility and not you
know, let's be honest, noteveryone deserves access to your
innermost thoughts and yourworld.
Right, vulnerability withoutboundaries is just leakage,

(09:05):
right.
It's not actually leadership.
Vulnerability is most powerfulwhen it's chosen and not just
spilled out right, when it'sowned, not like puking it out,
right.
Intentional vulnerability saysI know that this is real for me

(09:25):
and I'm willing to share it.
Right, because it servesconnection or truth.
Unfiltered vulnerability says Ineed someone to fix me, right,
or I need someone to do this forme in order for me to be okay,
right.
So how do you actually practicevulnerability in a way that

(09:49):
strengthens and not weakened you, right?
So let's start.
Let's start here and justacknowledging your fear, and so
even just practice.
You know, practicing it withoutvulnerability is key to
actually, is just naming itright, actually being able to
say, like you know, I'm afraidthat if I say this, that you'll

(10:12):
think less of me, right, and thekey here is to start small,
right, don't open with yourdeepest, darkest traumas.
Share something that's justreal and present in the moment,
something that's true for you,right, something like you know,
honestly, I've been feelingreally overwhelmed this week,

(10:33):
right?
Something else is to actuallyown your experience, without
dumping it onto somebody else.
So, speak from a place ofownership, right, not actually
blaming the other person.
So speak about, like, what'sactually coming up for you,
right?
So, saying something as simpleas like, hey, I'm really feeling

(10:56):
a lot of shame right now, right, not because of you, right, but
because of how it is that I seemyself.
And and the next thing is tochoose your, your audience,
wisely, right, share with peoplewho have, who have earned the
right to witness your truth,right.
And so the last one is to useyour vulnerability to lead, not

(11:19):
to collapse, right, not to pullyourself into the shadows when a
man says that, hey, I'm, I'mstruggling.
You know I'm still showing up.
That's leadership, right?
So the next time that you'retempted to say like you know
what, I'm good, yeah, doing finewhen you're not, I want you to

(11:41):
pause.
Right, what would leadershipsound like right now in truth?
Right, and then say that sohere are a few questions to sit
with, right, and you don't needto rush through them.
Just pick one that really hitshome for you and give it some

(12:03):
real space, journal on it, do avoice note if that's your thing,
just reflect in silence.
Whatever it is that works foryou.
All right.
So this is about honesty, notperformance.
So the first question is thiswhere in my life am I still

(12:26):
trying to stay at a five, andwhat am I afraid will happen if
I, if I let people see the realhigh or the real low?
Question number two is when wasthe last time that I felt truly

(12:48):
vulnerable?
What did I do in that moment?
What did it cost me or give me?
So the third question is whatam I not saying Because I don't
want to rock the boat, andwhat's the cost of holding that

(13:08):
in?
What kind of an impact is thathaving on me as a result?
Number four is who in my lifehas earned the right to witness
my truth, because not everybodydoes, and am I showing up
honestly with them?
And the last question, numberfive, is what's one small way

(13:30):
that I could practice groundedvulnerability without leaking,
without oversharing, justtelling the truth?
So remember, you don't have tocrack yourself open to practice
vulnerability.
Sometimes it's just as simpleas saying you know what actually
I'm not doing great today.
Sometimes it's simply notpretending.

(13:53):
Let one of these questions pullyou into something deeper.
So let's reframe the story thatwe've been told.
Right, vulnerability is notweakness, it's just.
It's the purest form ofstrength.
Honestly, because it takes zerocourage to stay guarded.

(14:14):
Form of strength, honestly,because it takes zero courage to
stay guarded, but it takeseverything you've got to show up
real.
And here's the truth.
Right, you can't build deep,meaningful relationships with
people who only know your mask.
Right, you can't leadpowerfully when you're afraid to
be seen and you can't lovefully if you're still hiding

(14:34):
half of your heart.
So here's your identity shift.
You're not here to pretend thatyou're untouchable.
You're here to embody courage,the kind of courage that says
you know what.
I can hold space for pain andstill lead.
I can tell the truth and staygrounded.

(14:55):
I can be seen and still standtall.
So your challenge for this weekis simple Choose one moment
where you would normally play itsafe and instead speak one
layer deeper, right Not to getsomething right, not to spill

(15:16):
your guts, but to show up.
Because every time that youtell the truth with grounded
presence, you're not just beingvulnerable, you're being
powerful.
So if this episode landed foryou, if you're realizing just
how much energy that you've beenspending trying to hold it all
together alone, then I want toinvite you to have a deeper

(15:40):
conversation.
This is the work that I do withmen every day helping them drop
the mask to lead with truth andto build relationships that
actually feel real.
If you want support practicinggrounded vulnerability, building
emotional resilience andleading from who you are, not
who you think you're supposed tobe book a free discovery call

(16:03):
with me at evolvemanprojectcom,and there's no pitch, no
pressure, just a real, honestconversation about where you are
and what's been getting in theway.
And if this episode stirredsomething in you, send it to a
man that you care about, asalways, leave a five-star review
, follow the show.

(16:24):
That's how this message spreads, one man at a time.
So here's what I want you toremember from this episode, guys
Vulnerability doesn't make youfragile, it makes you human, and
when it's grounded in truth, itbecomes a superpower, not a
liability.
The men who evolve, who lead,who love and live with real

(16:48):
impact aren't the ones who hidetheir struggles.
They're the ones who own them,who bring their whole selves to
the table and who keep showingup, even when it's uncomfortable
.
So, whatever you're carryingright now, you don't have to
carry it alone and you don'thave to pretend that you've got
it all figured out.

(17:08):
Start small right.
Speak one deeper truth thisweek.
Let someone see you, and that'swhere the real strength lives.
Thanks for listening to theEvolve Men podcast.
Keep leading with your heartand I'll see you next time.
We'll be you next time.