November 10, 2025 • 25 mins
One honest question on a dusty tailgate revealed a truth many men live with but rarely name: we can share trails, tables, and years without ever being truly known. From there, the story turns—through divorce, fear, and the ache of not knowing who to call—into a hard-earned map for building real brotherhood.
I walk through the shift from doing to being, from curated toughness to grounded presence. We explore why male loneliness is surging, how it impacts health and leadership, and what changes when you start telling the whole truth. You’ll hear how an online men’s group became a mirror instead of a mask, why presence beats performance, and how the broaden-and-build effect makes your world wider when you feel safe and supported. Instead of abstract advice, you’ll get a practical blueprint: send the text with no agenda, invite a friend to coffee, ask the question that goes one layer deeper, and repeat these small acts until trust takes root.
We also reframe the biggest barrier: stop waiting for better friends—become one. Brotherhood does not arrive by accident; it grows from intentionality, vulnerability, consistency, and gratitude. When you lead with honesty, you make it safe for others to do the same. Strength isn’t silence; it’s being known and still standing. By the end, you’ll have a simple challenge to act on this week and a clear invitation to join a community that sharpens men through real accountability and connection.
If this message hits home, subscribe, share it with a man who matters to you, and leave a review so more men can find their way back to belonging. Then take a breath, choose one friend, and start the conversation today.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Men, before we dive in, I've got something big to
share with you.
The wait list for the Evolve MenBrotherhood is now open.
This is the space where men stopdoing the work alone.
Inside the Brotherhood, you'llconnect weekly with other men
committed to growth, leadership,and living with purpose.
You'll get access to live calls,courses, and the community that
(00:24):
keeps you accountable when lifegets hard.
Registration opens soon.
Join the wait list now atEvolvemen Project.com/slash
brotherhood and be a part of themovement.
So today today I want to kind oftell a story, right?
(00:49):
And this takes me back to anumber of years ago.
I still and I still rememberthis moment that it hit me a few
years ago, back before mydivorce.
And it was one of those nightsthat that didn't seem like it
was really important at thetime, or a conversation that
didn't really seem important atthe time.
(01:09):
But my best friend and I werewere sitting together after a
long day, right?
We'd been out climbing.
I think actually we'd been outmountain biking that day.
We kind of were just likesitting on the tailgate of the
truck, you know, recoveringafter a long ride.
And so this friend of mine atthe time that, you know, we'd
we'd climb mountains, we'd sharedinners together with our
(01:33):
families, like years offriendship that we had between
us, right?
Like there was a to any normalperson, this would have been
what you would have considered areally strong friendship, right?
I mean, we knew each other'sroutines, we knew our favorite
beers, right?
We the gear that we trusted onthe trail, like we had there was
(01:56):
so much about each other that weknew, right?
But but that was about theextent of it.
And so that afternoon, as wefinished up, I asked him
something that that stopped bothof us in the moment.
Right.
And and what I asked him withwas this I asked him, what is
what is passion, intimacy, andromance look like for you in
(02:20):
your relationship?
And I'll I'll never forget hisface, right?
Because he just kind of froze.
And it wasn't out of judgment,but surprise, really, because in
all of the years that we hadbeen friends, we had never once
talked about that kind of thing,right?
I mean, we'd shared timetogether, we'd shared tents and
(02:43):
food and and all kinds of otherthings, but we'd never really
shared truth before.
Like we'd never really sharedlife to that extent.
And so, so at first, right, hekind of like stumbled us over
his words and and laughedawkwardly, right?
And said something about like,oh you know, I don't I don't
(03:04):
know, man.
Like, we don't really talk aboutthat kind of stuff.
And and at the time, like I justkind of I was like, ah, yeah,
you know, you're right.
And but deep down, I knew thatsomething had shifted.
And it was the first for me, itwas really the first crack in
the armor that I'd been wearingall of these years, right?
(03:25):
The moment that I realized forfor all the time that I'd spent
surrounded by people that thatnobody really knew me, that
nobody knew what it was that Iwas struggling with, that what
was going on in my life.
And so later on, as my mymarriage fell apart, right, I I
(03:48):
realized I had that realization,right?
And that realization got louderand louder because when I needed
someone the most, right, whenwhen everything inside me was
unraveling and coming apart, andI didn't know who to call,
right?
(04:08):
I I sure I had guy friends,right?
I had buddies and I had pals,right?
That I could I could text themabout climbing or workouts or
any of that sort of stuff, but Ididn't have anyone that I could
say, like, shit, man, like I'mI'm scared, I'm ashamed, right?
(04:30):
I don't I don't know who I amright now.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Like, I don't know if I'm makingthe right decision.
I don't know if these are theright things.
Like I didn't, I had never hadthose kind of conversations with
anybody.
unknown (04:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (04:42):
And that kind of silence really, really starts to
eat at you.
Right?
You begin, or at least for me, Ireally begin to wonder if maybe
like that that's just who I was,that I was built that way.
I was this like independent,private, you know, strong sort
of guy.
But the truth is that that Iwasn't strong, right?
(05:05):
I was alone and I was terrifiedto admit it.
And so it wasn't until monthslater, really, until after the
divorce, that something reallychanged for me.
I, and at the time I had joineda remote men's group, right?
An online men's group.
And for the first time in mylife, I I started to tell the
(05:29):
truth, right?
The and not just like kind ofthe truth, but like the whole
ugly truth, right?
About mistakes that I had made,about the shame that I carried,
about the fear that had ruled mylife for years.
And instead of judgment, right,I was met with understanding,
(05:53):
right, with with acceptance,right?
And I remember looking around,right, in that in that circle
and online and just kind ofbeing there.
And and these are men that Ibarely even knew to an extent,
right?
And feeling something that Ihadn't felt in in years, or
(06:17):
really just maybe ever, right?
A sense of like relief andbelonging, like a sense of of
brotherhood, truly.
Right.
And so at that time, like Ireally realized what I'd been
missing all along.
And it wasn't it wasn't morefriends, it was connection, it
(06:39):
was the courage to actually beknown, right?
To know others and to let themsee who it is that I am and to
be known for myself.
And so that that experience forme really opened up the eyes, my
eyes, to something bigger.
And it wasn't just about me ormy friend, right?
(07:00):
It was about how so many menlive, right?
We we walk through life side byside without ever really seeing
each other, right?
We've been we've been trained toconnect through doing, through
climbing mountains or buildingthings, right?
Trading stories about work orsports or whatever it might be,
(07:25):
but rarely through being,through being honest, through
being known, through beinghuman.
And the the cost of thatdisconnection is brutal, right?
Men are lonelier now than everbefore.
Studies shown that we have fewerclose friends than at any point
in recorded history, right?
(07:47):
And the the result isn't just asense of like emotional
isolation, isolation, it'sphysical.
Loneliness carries the the samehealth risks as smoking like 15
cigarettes a day.
So, but the but here's the thingis that it's not just about what
we've lost, it's about what'spossible when we start to
(08:09):
actually rebuild and put thosethings together.
Because brotherhood isn't aboutjust friendship, it's medicine,
it's accountability, it's a amirror that shows you when
you're when you're becoming,right?
When you start to drift.
It's the the space where menremind each other what strength
(08:33):
actually looks like.
And that's not in like not inperfection, but in in presence
and the way that people areshowing up.
And that's what thisconversation is really about,
about how we as men can startbuilding friendships that go
deeper than just sharedinterest, right?
(08:54):
And and instead of and insteadbecoming like become foundations
for growth and truth andbelonging.
So here's what I've learnedsince the those experiences, you
know, before my my divorce andwhatnot, is that deep
friendships, like realbrotherhood, they don't just
(09:17):
make life better.
They they actually make lifepossible.
Because when you have men inyour life who truly see you, it
changes everything.
Right?
You think differently, you leaddifferently.
I mean, shit, you even likebreathe differently.
The whole nervous system gets areset.
Right.
(09:38):
Positive psychology calls itthe, what is it?
I think it's the the broaden andbuild effect, right?
When we when we feel connectedand safe and supported, our
minds literally open up, right?
We become more creative, moreoptimistic, more resilient,
right?
And we start to believe inwhat's actually possible for us
(09:59):
again.
And that's the quiet power ofbrotherhood.
It broadens your world, itbuilds your strength, and it
reminds you that you don't haveto carry everything alone.
Because here's the catch thatmost of us, that most of us
never learned how to actuallyget there, right?
(10:20):
We've been told to be to beindependent, to be stoic, to be
capable, right?
To keep things under control, tofigure it out on our own.
And while like while thatmindset might get us through
crisis, right, it it's it alsokeeps us at a distance or at
arm's length from the very thingthat we crave the most.
(10:43):
And that's connection.
Right.
And we we we tell ourselves thatwe don't have time, the life is
too busy, right, with kids andwork and family and projects,
but but busy often is justanother word for afraid, right?
Afraid of slowing down, slowingdown long enough to notice
(11:06):
what's actually missing.
Right.
We excuse me, we fear rejection,right?
That if that if we show toomuch, that someone might
actually step back.
We we fear being judged, we fearbeing known.
And sometimes we we even fearthat the closeness will cost us
(11:28):
the image that we've built,right?
The one that says that I'm doinggood, that I've got this, that I
I don't need help.
But beneath all of that, right,what's really happening is
disconnection.
And that's that's not just fromothers, but from ourselves,
(11:50):
right?
Be we become disassociated,excuse me, living above like our
emotions, instead of just insideof them, right?
We stop feeling and we startperforming.
We replace our authenticity withthis like armor that we carry
around.
(12:10):
And every time that we we hide atruth, we just build another
wall between us and the peoplewho could actually love us for
who we are.
But here's what starts to changethings, right?
When a man begins to slow down,to start to get curious about
what's really happening in life,he opens a door, right?
(12:33):
And brotherhood begins withintentionality.
It's about choosing connectionon purpose.
It's about sending that text toa friend, right?
Just to check in, not becauseyou need something, but just
inviting someone to coffee,right?
Not for networking or for apurpose like or an agenda or
(12:56):
anything like that, but justlike, but just for honesty, just
to hang out, just to catch up,just to connect, just to care.
Right.
And then it deepens.
Like once that connection hasstarted, it deepens through
vulnerability.
That moment that you drop themask and you say, like, man, you
(13:18):
know what, I've been struggling,right?
Or I don't, I don't know how tohandle this right now.
And every time that you do that,you send a signal, and that's
not just to others, but to yourown nervous system that it's
it's safe and it's okay toactually be human, right?
And safety is what builds trust,and that's what every man is
(13:41):
craving beneath the surface, aplace to exhale.
Brotherhood also requiresconsistency, right?
It's not it's not built throughbig dramatic moments, it's built
through the the small regularcheck-ins, right?
Uh a message here, a workout, ora shared meal, right?
(14:02):
Every one of those momentsbecomes a thread.
And over time, those threadsweave a bond that becomes
unbreakable, right?
It's kind of an example.
I I had a buddy of mine theother day that sent me a message
and he was like, hey man, can weget together and like have
coffee?
You know, it was like a Mondayor something like that.
(14:23):
And like, yeah, dude,absolutely, let's get together.
And we, you know, he came over,we had coffee, and come to find
out, like, there was a wholeother story behind the story of
what was kind of going on forhim and his life and and
whatnot.
But the the point in saying thatis that it starts with a text,
it starts with a conversation,right?
(14:43):
And it's more and more of thatconsistency that eventually the
the trust builds, right?
And the bronze, the bondstrengthens.
But it starts with just somebodytaking that initiative to to
make an attempt at thatconnection.
So then after that, right, let'sstart, we start adding in
(15:05):
gratitude and presence, and thenall of those sort of things
together, we've got the fullrecipe for what it takes, right?
To to let your friends know thatyou appreciate them, to pay
attention when they talk, to putyour phone down, to look them in
the eye, making that makingspace for them to feel seen.
(15:28):
And those those simple humansort of things, right?
The ones that that sound almosttoo basic are the things that
that keep a man from driftinginto isolation.
So when you when you build thatkind of friendship, you're
you're not just helping someoneelse, right?
(15:49):
You're you're retraining yourown nervous system to feel to
feel safe in that space, right?
You're you're proving toyourself that you can be both
strong and supported, right?
And and from that place you youlead differently, right?
You father differently, you youshow up in your your
(16:11):
relationships with morepatience, more empathy, more
grounded and confident.
Right.
And that's what brotherhooddoes.
It doesn't take away yourstrength, it multiplies it.
So let me ask you something,man.
Like, who actually, like, if wewere to look around and we were
(16:32):
to take an inventory of thepeople in your life that you
have, who would you say actuallyknows you?
Right?
Knows you inside and out, knowsyour strengths and your
weaknesses and your flaws, likewhat scares you, what you're
proud of, any of those sort ofthings.
And that's so that's that's notjust who it is that you hang out
(16:54):
with, right?
Not not who you text about, youknow, about work or the game,
like, but who truly knows you,right?
What's going on in your heartright now?
When was the last time that youthat you told someone the truth?
Right?
Not the not the filtered person,not the the I'm fine, but the
(17:17):
actual the truth, like how youfeel it in your core.
Because most of us spend yearssurrounded by people, right?
They're everywhere.
They're they're they're all ofthat, that entire crowd, that
community.
But in the end of that, right,like we're still starving for
connection.
(17:38):
That so it's like it's like wehave it there, but we're not,
it's it's like not being able toabsorb the or embody the the
actual feeling of theconnection, right?
Because it's it's like there'sit's like having sunscreen on,
right?
So yeah, sure, we're going outthere, but we've got this layer,
(17:59):
a thin layer of armor that youalmost can't even see that's
making it so that the sun can'tget absorbed.
So I want you to take a secondand I want you to think about
it, really, right?
Who are the men in your liferight now that you could call if
everything fell apart tomorrow?
unknown (18:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (18:17):
And if that list feels shorter than you want it
to be, that's not failure,that's awareness, and that's
where it starts.
I want you to ask yourself,what's one friendship in your
life that feels surface level?
And what might happen if you letit go a little bit deeper?
Right?
What would it look like to sendthat message, to check in, to
(18:41):
say, like, hey man, I miss you.
How are you really doing?
Right?
And here's another one to sitwith.
When when did you stop lettingpeople in?
Right?
Do you think you could actuallytrace that moment back, right?
The first time that you youdecided to keep things to
yourself because it felt safer.
(19:04):
When was that?
Like what sort of situation,what circumstances?
When was that?
I had to I had to recognize thatconnection isn't something that
that you get from others, right?
It's something that you youbuild by how you show up to
(19:24):
other people.
Right.
So so maybe the question isn'twho's showing up for me?
Maybe it's who am I showing upfor?
And that's where the brotherhoodbegins, right?
In these small acts of courage,not in these grand gestures,
right?
Not in like deep heart to heartsevery week, but in in being the
(19:50):
kind of man who leads withhonesty, right?
Who makes people feel safe forothers to do the same.
So here's the reframe that thatreally changed everything for
me.
For for years, I had told myselfthat I that I just wasn't great
(20:14):
at staying in touch, right?
That that friendships weresupposed to fade and that people
came and go and as life gotbusy, right?
They got married, had kids,whatever it was.
And that that other men probablyhad their own circles, their own
support, like everybody's doingtheir own thing.
Nobody needs it.
All right, but that was a lie,right?
A quiet, comfortable lie thatkept me safe and alone.
(20:39):
All right.
And I used to think that Ineeded, I needed better friends.
But what I actually needed wasto become a better friend
myself.
Right.
Brotherhood doesn't start whensomeone else reaches out.
It starts when you do.
When you when you send thatmessage or you make that call,
you extend that invitation,right?
(21:01):
Even when it feels awkward orone-sided.
Because men who lead themselvesdon't wait for connection.
They create it.
So if you've been walkingthrough life feeling like you
don't belong, right, if you'vebeen waiting for someone to
really see you, start by beingthe man who sees others, right?
(21:24):
Reach out first, ask the deeperquestion, be the one who creates
safety through honesty, right?
And every time that you do,you're you're starting to
rewrite your story.
You're proving to yourself thatyou're not a man who hides
behind the mask anymore, thatyou're a man who leads with
truth, right?
(21:45):
And the more that you live thatway, the more that you'll
attract who it is that you'redoing that's doing the same sort
of things, right?
And that's the paradox ofbrotherhood, that you don't find
it by searching for it.
You you find it by becoming itand by embodying it.
The man that you're you'rebecoming doesn't just avoid
(22:07):
connection, he builds it, right?
He doesn't wait to be chosen, hechooses it.
And that's leadership, that'sbrotherhood.
That's what it means to mean orto live evolved.
All right, guys, if thisconversation hits home, if if
something in you is saying,like, yeah, man, dude, I've been
(22:29):
I've been missing thatconnection, then I want to
invite you into something real.
It's called the Evolved MenBrotherhood.
It's a space that I've built formen who are ready to stop doing
life alone, men who want to growalongside other men who tell the
truth, who call each otherhigher, and actually walk the
path together.
(22:50):
And this isn't this isn'tanother like group chat or
surface level hangout.
This is where you can take offthe armor, share what's real,
and remember who you are whenyou're surrounded by brothers
that are doing the same thing.
So if that sounds like somethingthat you've been looking for, go
to Evolvemen Project.comslashbrotherhood and join the wait
(23:12):
list.
You'll be the first to know whenthe door doors open.
And whether whether you everjoin us or not, right, I I want
you to know this that you don'thave to walk this road alone
anymore.
That brotherhood is built onehonest conversation at a time.
And that right there is thestart.
(23:33):
So as we wrap up today, guys, Ijust want to say thank you for
being here, for listening, forbeing willing to do the kind of
inner work that most men avoid.
Every strong man that youadmire, every grounded,
confident, purpose-driven manthat you look up to, he didn't
get there alone.
He had brothers.
(23:54):
Men who stood beside him, right,when life got heavy, men who
challenged him when he drifted,men who reminded him who it is
that he was.
And that's what I want for you.
Not perfection, not endlessself-improvement, just
connection.
The kind that brings you backhome to yourself.
(24:14):
So take a breath, all right?
Think about one man in your lifethat you can reach out to this
week.
It doesn't have to be big orheavy, just start the
conversation, and that's howbrotherhood begins.
You're not alone in this work,and you were never meant to be.
I'm Corey Baum, and this is theEvolve Men Podcast.
I'll see you next week.
(24:38):
Hey, before you go, this podcastis just the surface.
The real work happens inside theEvolved Men Brotherhood.
This is our private community ofmen committed to leading
themselves boldly, buildingconfidence, and sharpening one
another in the fire.
Registration officially opensDecember 1st, and we kick off
our Brotherhood calls togetherbeginning in January 2026.
(24:59):
But you can get on the listtoday and be the first to claim
your spot.
If you're tired of going to lifealone and you're ready for true
accountability, support, andconnection with men who get it,
head to EvolvemenProject.comslash Brotherhood.
Don't just listen, step into theBrotherhood.
I'll see you inside.
Men, before we dive in, I've got something big to
share with you.
The wait list for the Evolve MenBrotherhood is now open.
This is the space where men stopdoing the work alone.
Inside the Brotherhood, you'llconnect weekly with other men
committed to growth, leadership,and living with purpose.
You'll get access to live calls,courses, and the community that
(00:24):
keeps you accountable when lifegets hard.
Registration opens soon.
Join the wait list now atEvolvemen Project.com/slash
brotherhood and be a part of themovement.
So today today I want to kind oftell a story, right?
(00:49):
And this takes me back to anumber of years ago.
I still and I still rememberthis moment that it hit me a few
years ago, back before mydivorce.
And it was one of those nightsthat that didn't seem like it
was really important at thetime, or a conversation that
didn't really seem important atthe time.
(01:09):
But my best friend and I werewere sitting together after a
long day, right?
We'd been out climbing.
I think actually we'd been outmountain biking that day.
We kind of were just likesitting on the tailgate of the
truck, you know, recoveringafter a long ride.
And so this friend of mine atthe time that, you know, we'd
we'd climb mountains, we'd sharedinners together with our
(01:33):
families, like years offriendship that we had between
us, right?
Like there was a to any normalperson, this would have been
what you would have considered areally strong friendship, right?
I mean, we knew each other'sroutines, we knew our favorite
beers, right?
We the gear that we trusted onthe trail, like we had there was
(01:56):
so much about each other that weknew, right?
But but that was about theextent of it.
And so that afternoon, as wefinished up, I asked him
something that that stopped bothof us in the moment.
Right.
And and what I asked him withwas this I asked him, what is
what is passion, intimacy, andromance look like for you in
(02:20):
your relationship?
And I'll I'll never forget hisface, right?
Because he just kind of froze.
And it wasn't out of judgment,but surprise, really, because in
all of the years that we hadbeen friends, we had never once
talked about that kind of thing,right?
I mean, we'd shared timetogether, we'd shared tents and
(02:43):
food and and all kinds of otherthings, but we'd never really
shared truth before.
Like we'd never really sharedlife to that extent.
And so, so at first, right, hekind of like stumbled us over
his words and and laughedawkwardly, right?
And said something about like,oh you know, I don't I don't
(03:04):
know, man.
Like, we don't really talk aboutthat kind of stuff.
And and at the time, like I justkind of I was like, ah, yeah,
you know, you're right.
And but deep down, I knew thatsomething had shifted.
And it was the first for me, itwas really the first crack in
the armor that I'd been wearingall of these years, right?
(03:25):
The moment that I realized forfor all the time that I'd spent
surrounded by people that thatnobody really knew me, that
nobody knew what it was that Iwas struggling with, that what
was going on in my life.
And so later on, as my mymarriage fell apart, right, I I
(03:48):
realized I had that realization,right?
And that realization got louderand louder because when I needed
someone the most, right, whenwhen everything inside me was
unraveling and coming apart, andI didn't know who to call,
right?
(04:08):
I I sure I had guy friends,right?
I had buddies and I had pals,right?
That I could I could text themabout climbing or workouts or
any of that sort of stuff, but Ididn't have anyone that I could
say, like, shit, man, like I'mI'm scared, I'm ashamed, right?
(04:30):
I don't I don't know who I amright now.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Like, I don't know if I'm makingthe right decision.
I don't know if these are theright things.
Like I didn't, I had never hadthose kind of conversations with
anybody.
unknown (04:42):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (04:42):
And that kind of silence really, really starts to
eat at you.
Right?
You begin, or at least for me, Ireally begin to wonder if maybe
like that that's just who I was,that I was built that way.
I was this like independent,private, you know, strong sort
of guy.
But the truth is that that Iwasn't strong, right?
(05:05):
I was alone and I was terrifiedto admit it.
And so it wasn't until monthslater, really, until after the
divorce, that something reallychanged for me.
I, and at the time I had joineda remote men's group, right?
An online men's group.
And for the first time in mylife, I I started to tell the
(05:29):
truth, right?
The and not just like kind ofthe truth, but like the whole
ugly truth, right?
About mistakes that I had made,about the shame that I carried,
about the fear that had ruled mylife for years.
And instead of judgment, right,I was met with understanding,
(05:53):
right, with with acceptance,right?
And I remember looking around,right, in that in that circle
and online and just kind ofbeing there.
And and these are men that Ibarely even knew to an extent,
right?
And feeling something that Ihadn't felt in in years, or
(06:17):
really just maybe ever, right?
A sense of like relief andbelonging, like a sense of of
brotherhood, truly.
Right.
And so at that time, like Ireally realized what I'd been
missing all along.
And it wasn't it wasn't morefriends, it was connection, it
(06:39):
was the courage to actually beknown, right?
To know others and to let themsee who it is that I am and to
be known for myself.
And so that that experience forme really opened up the eyes, my
eyes, to something bigger.
And it wasn't just about me ormy friend, right?
(07:00):
It was about how so many menlive, right?
We we walk through life side byside without ever really seeing
each other, right?
We've been we've been trained toconnect through doing, through
climbing mountains or buildingthings, right?
Trading stories about work orsports or whatever it might be,
(07:25):
but rarely through being,through being honest, through
being known, through beinghuman.
And the the cost of thatdisconnection is brutal, right?
Men are lonelier now than everbefore.
Studies shown that we have fewerclose friends than at any point
in recorded history, right?
(07:47):
And the the result isn't just asense of like emotional
isolation, isolation, it'sphysical.
Loneliness carries the the samehealth risks as smoking like 15
cigarettes a day.
So, but the but here's the thingis that it's not just about what
we've lost, it's about what'spossible when we start to
(08:09):
actually rebuild and put thosethings together.
Because brotherhood isn't aboutjust friendship, it's medicine,
it's accountability, it's a amirror that shows you when
you're when you're becoming,right?
When you start to drift.
It's the the space where menremind each other what strength
(08:33):
actually looks like.
And that's not in like not inperfection, but in in presence
and the way that people areshowing up.
And that's what thisconversation is really about,
about how we as men can startbuilding friendships that go
deeper than just sharedinterest, right?
(08:54):
And and instead of and insteadbecoming like become foundations
for growth and truth andbelonging.
So here's what I've learnedsince the those experiences, you
know, before my my divorce andwhatnot, is that deep
friendships, like realbrotherhood, they don't just
(09:17):
make life better.
They they actually make lifepossible.
Because when you have men inyour life who truly see you, it
changes everything.
Right?
You think differently, you leaddifferently.
I mean, shit, you even likebreathe differently.
The whole nervous system gets areset.
Right.
(09:38):
Positive psychology calls itthe, what is it?
I think it's the the broaden andbuild effect, right?
When we when we feel connectedand safe and supported, our
minds literally open up, right?
We become more creative, moreoptimistic, more resilient,
right?
And we start to believe inwhat's actually possible for us
(09:59):
again.
And that's the quiet power ofbrotherhood.
It broadens your world, itbuilds your strength, and it
reminds you that you don't haveto carry everything alone.
Because here's the catch thatmost of us, that most of us
never learned how to actuallyget there, right?
(10:20):
We've been told to be to beindependent, to be stoic, to be
capable, right?
To keep things under control, tofigure it out on our own.
And while like while thatmindset might get us through
crisis, right, it it's it alsokeeps us at a distance or at
arm's length from the very thingthat we crave the most.
(10:43):
And that's connection.
Right.
And we we we tell ourselves thatwe don't have time, the life is
too busy, right, with kids andwork and family and projects,
but but busy often is justanother word for afraid, right?
Afraid of slowing down, slowingdown long enough to notice
(11:06):
what's actually missing.
Right.
We excuse me, we fear rejection,right?
That if that if we show toomuch, that someone might
actually step back.
We we fear being judged, we fearbeing known.
And sometimes we we even fearthat the closeness will cost us
(11:28):
the image that we've built,right?
The one that says that I'm doinggood, that I've got this, that I
I don't need help.
But beneath all of that, right,what's really happening is
disconnection.
And that's that's not just fromothers, but from ourselves,
(11:50):
right?
Be we become disassociated,excuse me, living above like our
emotions, instead of just insideof them, right?
We stop feeling and we startperforming.
We replace our authenticity withthis like armor that we carry
around.
(12:10):
And every time that we we hide atruth, we just build another
wall between us and the peoplewho could actually love us for
who we are.
But here's what starts to changethings, right?
When a man begins to slow down,to start to get curious about
what's really happening in life,he opens a door, right?
(12:33):
And brotherhood begins withintentionality.
It's about choosing connectionon purpose.
It's about sending that text toa friend, right?
Just to check in, not becauseyou need something, but just
inviting someone to coffee,right?
Not for networking or for apurpose like or an agenda or
(12:56):
anything like that, but justlike, but just for honesty, just
to hang out, just to catch up,just to connect, just to care.
Right.
And then it deepens.
Like once that connection hasstarted, it deepens through
vulnerability.
That moment that you drop themask and you say, like, man, you
(13:18):
know what, I've been struggling,right?
Or I don't, I don't know how tohandle this right now.
And every time that you do that,you send a signal, and that's
not just to others, but to yourown nervous system that it's
it's safe and it's okay toactually be human, right?
And safety is what builds trust,and that's what every man is
(13:41):
craving beneath the surface, aplace to exhale.
Brotherhood also requiresconsistency, right?
It's not it's not built throughbig dramatic moments, it's built
through the the small regularcheck-ins, right?
Uh a message here, a workout, ora shared meal, right?
(14:02):
Every one of those momentsbecomes a thread.
And over time, those threadsweave a bond that becomes
unbreakable, right?
It's kind of an example.
I I had a buddy of mine theother day that sent me a message
and he was like, hey man, can weget together and like have
coffee?
You know, it was like a Mondayor something like that.
(14:23):
And like, yeah, dude,absolutely, let's get together.
And we, you know, he came over,we had coffee, and come to find
out, like, there was a wholeother story behind the story of
what was kind of going on forhim and his life and and
whatnot.
But the the point in saying thatis that it starts with a text,
it starts with a conversation,right?
(14:43):
And it's more and more of thatconsistency that eventually the
the trust builds, right?
And the bronze, the bondstrengthens.
But it starts with just somebodytaking that initiative to to
make an attempt at thatconnection.
So then after that, right, let'sstart, we start adding in
(15:05):
gratitude and presence, and thenall of those sort of things
together, we've got the fullrecipe for what it takes, right?
To to let your friends know thatyou appreciate them, to pay
attention when they talk, to putyour phone down, to look them in
the eye, making that makingspace for them to feel seen.
(15:28):
And those those simple humansort of things, right?
The ones that that sound almosttoo basic are the things that
that keep a man from driftinginto isolation.
So when you when you build thatkind of friendship, you're
you're not just helping someoneelse, right?
(15:49):
You're you're retraining yourown nervous system to feel to
feel safe in that space, right?
You're you're proving toyourself that you can be both
strong and supported, right?
And and from that place you youlead differently, right?
You father differently, you youshow up in your your
(16:11):
relationships with morepatience, more empathy, more
grounded and confident.
Right.
And that's what brotherhooddoes.
It doesn't take away yourstrength, it multiplies it.
So let me ask you something,man.
Like, who actually, like, if wewere to look around and we were
(16:32):
to take an inventory of thepeople in your life that you
have, who would you say actuallyknows you?
Right?
Knows you inside and out, knowsyour strengths and your
weaknesses and your flaws, likewhat scares you, what you're
proud of, any of those sort ofthings.
And that's so that's that's notjust who it is that you hang out
(16:54):
with, right?
Not not who you text about, youknow, about work or the game,
like, but who truly knows you,right?
What's going on in your heartright now?
When was the last time that youthat you told someone the truth?
Right?
Not the not the filtered person,not the the I'm fine, but the
(17:17):
actual the truth, like how youfeel it in your core.
Because most of us spend yearssurrounded by people, right?
They're everywhere.
They're they're they're all ofthat, that entire crowd, that
community.
But in the end of that, right,like we're still starving for
connection.
(17:38):
That so it's like it's like wehave it there, but we're not,
it's it's like not being able toabsorb the or embody the the
actual feeling of theconnection, right?
Because it's it's like there'sit's like having sunscreen on,
right?
So yeah, sure, we're going outthere, but we've got this layer,
(17:59):
a thin layer of armor that youalmost can't even see that's
making it so that the sun can'tget absorbed.
So I want you to take a secondand I want you to think about
it, really, right?
Who are the men in your liferight now that you could call if
everything fell apart tomorrow?
unknown (18:17):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (18:17):
And if that list feels shorter than you want it
to be, that's not failure,that's awareness, and that's
where it starts.
I want you to ask yourself,what's one friendship in your
life that feels surface level?
And what might happen if you letit go a little bit deeper?
Right?
What would it look like to sendthat message, to check in, to
(18:41):
say, like, hey man, I miss you.
How are you really doing?
Right?
And here's another one to sitwith.
When when did you stop lettingpeople in?
Right?
Do you think you could actuallytrace that moment back, right?
The first time that you youdecided to keep things to
yourself because it felt safer.
(19:04):
When was that?
Like what sort of situation,what circumstances?
When was that?
I had to I had to recognize thatconnection isn't something that
that you get from others, right?
It's something that you youbuild by how you show up to
(19:24):
other people.
Right.
So so maybe the question isn'twho's showing up for me?
Maybe it's who am I showing upfor?
And that's where the brotherhoodbegins, right?
In these small acts of courage,not in these grand gestures,
right?
Not in like deep heart to heartsevery week, but in in being the
(19:50):
kind of man who leads withhonesty, right?
Who makes people feel safe forothers to do the same.
So here's the reframe that thatreally changed everything for
me.
For for years, I had told myselfthat I that I just wasn't great
(20:14):
at staying in touch, right?
That that friendships weresupposed to fade and that people
came and go and as life gotbusy, right?
They got married, had kids,whatever it was.
And that that other men probablyhad their own circles, their own
support, like everybody's doingtheir own thing.
Nobody needs it.
All right, but that was a lie,right?
A quiet, comfortable lie thatkept me safe and alone.
(20:39):
All right.
And I used to think that Ineeded, I needed better friends.
But what I actually needed wasto become a better friend
myself.
Right.
Brotherhood doesn't start whensomeone else reaches out.
It starts when you do.
When you when you send thatmessage or you make that call,
you extend that invitation,right?
(21:01):
Even when it feels awkward orone-sided.
Because men who lead themselvesdon't wait for connection.
They create it.
So if you've been walkingthrough life feeling like you
don't belong, right, if you'vebeen waiting for someone to
really see you, start by beingthe man who sees others, right?
(21:24):
Reach out first, ask the deeperquestion, be the one who creates
safety through honesty, right?
And every time that you do,you're you're starting to
rewrite your story.
You're proving to yourself thatyou're not a man who hides
behind the mask anymore, thatyou're a man who leads with
truth, right?
(21:45):
And the more that you live thatway, the more that you'll
attract who it is that you'redoing that's doing the same sort
of things, right?
And that's the paradox ofbrotherhood, that you don't find
it by searching for it.
You you find it by becoming itand by embodying it.
The man that you're you'rebecoming doesn't just avoid
(22:07):
connection, he builds it, right?
He doesn't wait to be chosen, hechooses it.
And that's leadership, that'sbrotherhood.
That's what it means to mean orto live evolved.
All right, guys, if thisconversation hits home, if if
something in you is saying,like, yeah, man, dude, I've been
(22:29):
I've been missing thatconnection, then I want to
invite you into something real.
It's called the Evolved MenBrotherhood.
It's a space that I've built formen who are ready to stop doing
life alone, men who want to growalongside other men who tell the
truth, who call each otherhigher, and actually walk the
path together.
(22:50):
And this isn't this isn'tanother like group chat or
surface level hangout.
This is where you can take offthe armor, share what's real,
and remember who you are whenyou're surrounded by brothers
that are doing the same thing.
So if that sounds like somethingthat you've been looking for, go
to Evolvemen Project.comslashbrotherhood and join the wait
(23:12):
list.
You'll be the first to know whenthe door doors open.
And whether whether you everjoin us or not, right, I I want
you to know this that you don'thave to walk this road alone
anymore.
That brotherhood is built onehonest conversation at a time.
And that right there is thestart.
(23:33):
So as we wrap up today, guys, Ijust want to say thank you for
being here, for listening, forbeing willing to do the kind of
inner work that most men avoid.
Every strong man that youadmire, every grounded,
confident, purpose-driven manthat you look up to, he didn't
get there alone.
He had brothers.
(23:54):
Men who stood beside him, right,when life got heavy, men who
challenged him when he drifted,men who reminded him who it is
that he was.
And that's what I want for you.
Not perfection, not endlessself-improvement, just
connection.
The kind that brings you backhome to yourself.
(24:14):
So take a breath, all right?
Think about one man in your lifethat you can reach out to this
week.
It doesn't have to be big orheavy, just start the
conversation, and that's howbrotherhood begins.
You're not alone in this work,and you were never meant to be.
I'm Corey Baum, and this is theEvolve Men Podcast.
I'll see you next week.
(24:38):
Hey, before you go, this podcastis just the surface.
The real work happens inside theEvolved Men Brotherhood.
This is our private community ofmen committed to leading
themselves boldly, buildingconfidence, and sharpening one
another in the fire.
Registration officially opensDecember 1st, and we kick off
our Brotherhood calls togetherbeginning in January 2026.
(24:59):
But you can get on the listtoday and be the first to claim
your spot.
If you're tired of going to lifealone and you're ready for true
accountability, support, andconnection with men who get it,
head to EvolvemenProject.comslash Brotherhood.
Don't just listen, step into theBrotherhood.
I'll see you inside.
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